Growing up as a black girl in the hood who listened to Ashlee Simpson and good Charlotte back in the 00s definitely helped me feeling alone, isolated and sad. All the kids, even my adult family would mock my voice, my clothes. I once asked my mom if I could go to an evanescence concert. Her response? "Why not just paint your face white?" So, today I turn 33. I have no friends. throughout my 20s I would attempt to enter Friend groups, but those were full of toxicity so...today I'm alone. And lonely. But I guess I feel safer alone. No one to make fun of me, call my interests stupid, talk badly about me behind my back. Too much
as a black girl who constantly got told that I “act white” I can totally relate. I want more black female friends but it’s so hard to find ones who aren’t judgemental.
You are a wonderful person. Don't let those who were ignorant pull you down, even if that person was your mother. These people here on the comment section have your back.
With the way the world is now, perhaps we're better off not being involved with it as much as we can help it..🤷🤷 "be in the world but not of the world" has been becoming more of my mantra these days lol Fill your emptiness with prayer because there's something much bigger, brighter , better and more loving and powerful than we can possibly imagine and I'd much rather be a part of that instead ☺️☺️🙏🙏🙏💜💚💜💚💜you are never truly alone ✨
okay this really resonated with me. With what you said in the “ “ and I apologize I cannot remember what you said exactly about being in this world but out of it or something again it resonated with me but I just cannot remember the exact words. I am 39 years old and I have felt lost all of life. I am def going to do what she is talking about shadow work, self esteem and so on. I definitely agree I do feel that this is a bloodline issue. My father was badly abused and his dad and his dad and my mom is schizophrenic as well as my daughter. I def found truth in this video. Makes a lot of sense…A LOT!! I am so grateful I am finally finding answers even though I am almost 40. I had a really upbringing and it’s carried throughout my entire life so far which has been extremely hard! I definitely am working on shadow work now and build from there. I’m going to check out more of her content!
definition of parental idea of normal- conformity to social norm. My opinion, this is the worse thing you can say to your kids. You want them to be individuals. The greatest people are the ones that stepped outside the box and had a different point of view.
I am ostracized because I am honest and I am my authentic self. The rest of the world seems to be in favor of a superficial existence that I don't subscribe to. Can you explain that
I feel you! Same here. I’m honest, authentic curious and that is leading me to a lonely life. I feel I can only relate to children or seniors. It’s exhausting!
I think that I just don't know how to belong, whilst other people do. I meet people, who seem to be so similar to me, but something just doesn't work. We may have very bright start of friendship, but it always fades
I get this a lot. I will meet just about anybody, and we’ll talk about anything. I’m good at talking, but at some point I run out of things to say, and conversations turn stale and trivial. Once that happens, anytime we would hang out afterward would be like torture just because there’s nothing new, except maybe showing one another memes on your phones, and it’s tiresome. I’ve managed to maintain two friendships with people that are so goddamn weird that they’re not really stale yet (one almost became stale but then we found out we both like Markiplier and I’m getting better at keeping interactions not-so-stale) It’s still hard as fuck though to hang out and assimilate into a group, especially when you’re an aromantic asexual in college who doesn’t drink or do drugs.
What I have noticed about those who feel like they do not belong anywhere is that they are the most intelligent and see through societies bullshit instantaneously. They also have an impossible time trying to force themselves to be as hopelessly stupid as everyone else.
@@ExistBetter so just to make sure I understood what u said in this video. What’s making us feel like outcasts is this supposed shame that we’ve developed in our early years due to a certain event that made us feel like an outcast. This shame, out of survival, prevents us from being who we truly are and this is exactly why we can’t connect with others as much as we’d want to. And to get rid of this shame, we have to be in touch with our feelings and attempt to understand them, right? And accepting and understanding our emotions and feelings for what they are will help us be in touch with our authentic self that’s been hidden in side of us for decades? Is that all there is to it?
So relatable. I’m 28, and have kept trying and trying to literally going to social events socializing with others, dm-ing people I thought were relatable as I’m social media, but still no reciprocation of wanting to be my friend. Always getting my messages ignored (literally I kid you not) when I try to ask people to hang out with a plan, people never replying back to my messages saying “I suck at texting I’m so busy” but they can make time for all their other friends, or to travel…. It sucks so bad, I will keep trying to somehow find my people.
I just discovered I have Asperger's syndrome, yet am so high functioning that I appear to be like everyone else. This explains why I don't feel I belong.
I am so grateful for this information. This is literally the story of my life...a spiral of non belonging energy that is spinning and gaining momentum....creating more and more experiences that just compound the core 'outcast' belief. At 45, I am able to peak past the shame and see the non belonging spiral and how it rules/governs my life in basically every way. When I peaked in on this spiral, my ego literally roared back at me to let me know this is a no-go zone because looking at it equals death. That's how I know it's time to get to work on this. I don't want to live like this anymore and I'm happy to take two years to move through this huge pattern/belief system that was definitely formed when I was young and just kept gaining momentum. Thank you for this realistic discussion on this topic and for pointing me in the right direction❤️
I have always felt like an outsider wherever I go. Some of it could be due to external situations. But mostly I feel it's my own doing and how I react and deal with situations or how I isolate myself mostly.
53 years old and chronically deeply outside. Autiste people experience this too. I feel like people don't know me. So many things I'm hiding. A life in clandestinity, or in a underground movement during a war. When times are dangerous, not to belong can save one's life. ..or not.
As an adoptee, this is a prevailing theme in my life. I struggle with not feeling like I belong anywhere, no matter how much I tell myself that I belong. Thanks for sharing this insight.
I don't want to be like everyone else. They all seem fake and things they are concerned about are dumb. In 6th grade I was bullied by my entire class, the entire year. I had a lot of "frirnds" in highschool, but found out recently that I was not liked by others and my "friends ' were invited to parties and I wasn't. Others didn't want me there. And I never knew until my 50s. I have nobody that cares about me. I'm disabled now, but want to disappear. I was physically assaulted by my sister and her son 1.5 yrs ago and physically hurt badly and psychologically. And ended up in the hospital for 2 months and lost 60 lbs in less than 2 months because I couldn't believe they did that to me, for no good reason. I was so sick, I could hardly walk, sit or stand for over a year. I already had pre-existing conditions for the in my back from scoliosis. Rods were broken. I'm in so much pain I can't take care of myself properly.
Glad i found this video. I've been asking myself this question all my life. I think part of it came from changing schools so many times. Went from a middle class school, to a school in the hood, then became a scholarship kid at an expensive private school, and then did highschool at another k-12 private school where everyone else had known each other since they were 5. A benefit is that I've learned to get along with a lot of different types of people. But the flip-side is definitely experiencing non-belonging.
Such an informative and beautiful video. Intuitively I have somehow known for the past three years that ”just getting out there” will not help me. The amount of panic and fear associated with groups and new social situations has kept me isolated, and so I have struggled with shaming and blaming myself on the one hand (”I have to start getting out more I am so stupid for isolating”), and then on the other hand realised that when I do try to face that fear, it really doesn’t help much. It usually ends up with me being hurt again, ostracized or just too overwhelmed to function. Interestingly enough, since beginning to truly and fully dedicating my time to healing (therapy, yoga, exercise, eating healthy, relaxation techniques, educating myself), it is almost like the universe decided to close all doors and opportunities to meet others. Like, it was hard before (and hard during covid of course), but recently everyone seems to have began getting out more except for me. And everytime I try the slightest, I try booking a yoga class, download a meet friends app, go to cafes by myself, whatever it is, its like everyone just happened to walk out of the room as I walked in. Or something was cancelled. Or my phone died. And so on. Like. You are SUPPOSED to be alone now. And the thing is, somehow I have also felt that never in my life have I really been ”myself”, or known who that person was because all these years I have lived in a survival mode trauma response, trying to adjust to everyone else but me. So as you say, this sort or work takes time and true effort. Its been three years for me now of almost non stop work. And some days I cry and beg for this to end and other days I thank God for giving me all this time alone, for the first time, no dramatic disturbance around me, no one to hurt me, no one to interrupt, just me. All alone. It is painful but so has all my life been. This time is for healing. I don’t know when I will feel safe within myself but I do feel more whole than ever before. Not fully, but not broken like I once felt.
This video was so well thought out and intricate, I feel seen for once. I think the worst part in all of this is thinking that you will eventually “grow out out of those feelings/grow up” when the truth is not much changes. I think everyone needs reform. Seems like the only time people have some compassion or understanding is when something unfortunate happens.
This video came directly from heaven to me. 😢 Moments ago I yelled to the universe, please, I've done so much work in this area, I simply don't understand what in the world is happening. The algorithm must have heard me, and your message from 2 years ago found me because, as we know, time is not linear
Your video appeared hours after experiencing a devastatingly low moment directly related to this topic. But I seem to be experiencing the opposite of what you said would occur. I literally said the same thing. It seems the only way to avoid being abused, taken advantage of, and betrayed is by betraying myself and I can’t nor want to live life that way. Im a very straightforward, honest, trusting, loyal, empathic, authentic person and it has always attracted toxic people that end up hurting me. I’ve never had a sense of belonging with friends or family, so I’ve settled for less. My life feels like it’s been nothing but survival. Now I’m left with severe trust issues, ptsd, and a deep sense of hopelessness unable to see a point. I’ve lost the little faith I had in humanity and feel as I’m not meant for this place. The very thing that makes me who I am, painfully honest and real, is why the only people who come around are toxic. Most people don’t appreciate or are comfortable with the level of honesty I spew. They’re superficial and rather sweep things under the rug, so my raw in your face self is unwanted. Its like instead of looking at themselves and fixing the bad, they just hate me for paying attention. I don’t get it. If I’m doing something wrong or causing suffering, I’d want to know 🤷🏼♀️ Society values reputation over character, wants undeserved praise but not constructive criticism, and only considers others when it benefits themselves. The human race is losing what makes us human and evolving into something ugly.
How do we find a therapist who understands this issue and how to work through it? I’m 52 and have never fit in a day of my life! I have maybe 2 friends but never a group of friends. I, fortunately, am married with 4 kids and 2 dogs so I’m not alone-alone buy I am and have always been very lonely. I just want to be accepted and fit in and have people who want to spend time with me. I was adopted and spent the 1st year in a foster home. Not adopted by foster family but by a different family. So trauma and 2nd trauma within first year of life with many more to come.
Honestly, I haven’t even been able to find a therapist who can attune to me/mirror me. When not even the “professionals” can understand me….it’s a pretty hopeless place to be. This video has been the only one I’ve found so far that seems to accurately capture the experience
Thank you for making this video. I was the scapegoat in an extremely violent family. I was marked from day one as I was born not looking remotely like the racial group I was born into.
It's weird. I can walk into a room smiling and matter what I do. Don't even have to say anything. The mood shifts. I get glared at, scoffed at or talked about. Many times people even move away. So disheartening. I'm actually nice, open and funny. I'm black woman adopted at 4 yo by a really nice and well meaning Caucasian family. They were very loving, but had no interest in helping me deal with being different. Sometimes I was the elephant in the room.Thanks for the video it explains a lot, and it helps to know this is a thing. It's hard to describe so people just call me paranoid.
Your gift is that you say things bluntly and simplistically so even a silly simpleton can understand. You don't ramble in esoteric fluffy jargon, neither do you explain things in a brainy over intellectualized way. One fault of both new age philosophy and psychology is they often explain the cause but don't give simple answers and steps to change the current effect. I've been studying both psychology and new age philosophy for a very, very long time and this video and the "doing shadow work wrong?" video has given me more clarity and new insight about what's happening in my life than most of the previous years of study combined. Thank you, I foresee you helping many people in the years to come.
Your channel is absolutely brilliant. I’m so glad that you’re talking about these issues because it’s just refreshing I guess to hear someone talk who’s not bullshitting me
Just finished therapy after a year working on understanding myself, letting the real me talk, accept it and try to find a solution to whatever it was that I had to deal with and now I can tell that I relate to everything you have said. Your video spoke volumes and I'm just so thankful I found it when I most needed to hear those words.
I have never belonged anywhere even in the outcast groups. Even with my hobbies and my beliefs. I gave up because it’s too draining to keep masking the fact that I’m just not like everyone else. And I don’t mean this in an arrogant way, it’s painful to live like this. My parents failed me since day one. I have chronic CPtSD and anxiety. I’ve tried just about everything and everytime I put myself out there I get rammed down no matter what. So at 32, no family, no friends, no partner, I give up and I’m just waiting to die. I hate this world and I hate how many people can have so many others there for them that they don’t appreciate kindness as much as someone who has no one. Today at work I watched one of my colleague who’s leaving get all this loved doted on her. And for the first time ever, I felt myself being envious and it was hard to hide. No one cares about me and I’m it hurts to love life where you see everyone else being loved, supported, and cared for and people jay simply dislike you for existing.
I am experiencing a ton of grief right now because of this belonging issue. The complete isolation has become unbearable. All I can say to describe it is pure nausea and painful fear through every day. I have extremely strong shame and self-hatred towards myself. Has been quite crippling my whole life, but especially in my 20s and elementary school. I must become free. This is a horrible way to live that rips my soul from my body. I feel like a child as a 28 year old man. My career is nonexistent, my family is a wreck, not married, my finances don’t really exist, and I have no meaningful relationships outside of my mother. I don’t know if I can get through the grief and healing process because I am so exhausted and hopeless. At least I am starting to understand what has been happening to me.
Serendipity landed me here. Immaculate explanation, thank you! Healing from four plus decades in a narcissistic family system and just now connecting dots in rapid-fire succession. Tis a deep and layered dive inward as you accurately stated, but the growth is unparalled. I am anxiously exploring more of your content!
first video of yours ive seen. you got my sub. I really appreciate this information. i had this feeling in school of non belonging but i could never express it. i used to hide in the hallway during lunch because the anxiety of, "where do i sit in the lunch room, who do i sit next to?" i had this sense of non belonging. the other day as an adult. i went to an event. i sat in the car for about 15 minutes and waited until the event was just about to start. i had anxiety of who do i talk to. feeling out of place or as i called it. imposter syndrome. im going to watch more of your videos now, you have more to teach me. thank you
I had a metaphor for myself of being burned at the stake, but an angry mob chasing me is also good :D Thank you for this insightful wisdom moment! I have been lucky to have a few peaceful years to start uncovering and integrating this trauma, and I think it is still some ways to go...
"...no one like you on the outside. no mirror"...... omg. i almost cried when i heard you say those words. you articulated that SO well, sista. thankyou SO much. this gives me some hope. i find it incredibly difficult socialising with the other parents when i'm at school or soccer. so i stay away, literally hiding in the bushes, w/ my headph's on!
My natural nature is truth & love. Im also empathic. I can FEEL what ppl feel towards me. So I strongly avoid such ppl. That's my authentic self. As a result, I've been made to feel like there's no group for me. But my situation is a rare one. Because it seems like most ppl don't act as they should. I've basically have been ostracized. I've tried to join a church. I've even put myself out there, tried joining same interest groups. I've already done all my shadow work. So, I gave up at putting myself out there. I let ppl come to me now.
I know what you mean about feeling what others people feel towards me…it sucks😢 If I didn’t have that quality I’d be so much braver…with strangers, it stops me from speaking. And I know why I have this quality too: abuse. It was protection in those formative years…but your mouth is stitched shut with strangers & won’t allow for any disrespect with loved ones…sigh
Thank you. This is the most succinct and to the point insight into my reality I've ever come across. It makes so much sense. It's one of those, you know the truth when you hear it things. It's such an important insight to have and I'm sure a lot of people who watch it, will feel the same. There's so much bullshit advice and tips out there, people taking it upon themselves to tell you what's wrong with you and how to fix it. It becomes impossible to find the right answers for yourself, or a new point of reference to work from, amongst all the bullshit out there. Thanks for getting to the point.
really great video and I definitely resonated with the advice that others give to just do more things etc. I have always put myself out there, gone to dance classes, groups, music, different work environments, and different courses, and lived in many different houses and locations and the narrative has always been the same and found myself feeling angry and blamed when people just respond with try harder. I feel like "I would rather die than not be myself" and have always had this stance, truth and authenticity are leading values for me but that also perpetuates the "chronic non-belonging" I have not found being my authentic/truthful self to change this narrative or experience at all, if anything being truthful seems to get me pitchforked haha I would love to know what I am missing?
So the point of video is know your authentic self like who you are really and try to live with that truth instead of betraying your true self. And with thid path comes do or die situations. You have to make choices... With years of work you will loose this not belong outcast energy from your body and fully acceptance of yourself makes belong somewhere in future. 🎉
Wow...I just searched on YT for 'why don't I belong' for a friend of mine who lives on the other side of the country and feels alone and isolated after her marriage ended. Personally, although I have no trouble making friends and am quite social, I have found a real distaste for the modern-day world. Specifically; the utter divisiveness of our elitist two-party political system, the mass shootings and widespread violence & unrest and theft...still in 2023 having wars in the world...I think you get the point. So, I have learned to 'exist' in this world without being 'of' this world if that makes any sense. This video was very helpful, thank you!
thank you for making this video. i found what you said about the central nervous system being "ancient" as pretty fascinating and i want to look more into that....
Wow, you explained this so well. and describes my experience to a T especially with the South Park reference. It is refreshing to know that this was brought on circumstance (in my case abusive/addictive household, peers, school) rather than reality of who we are. Without the words, or logic to understand this it is really easy to stay stuck in these patterns. I can't remember the last time that I was able to truly connect with others in a fulfilling way because of my shame. I recently been saying to myself that I really don't know what value I bring in a friendship. I don't know the truth of who I am. This is something I would really like to overcome because I know just like everyone else experiencing this, it is the complete opposite of what we deserve. We already suffered enough and deserve connection.
thanks for this video, this advice is comforting in way to gone showing there is nothing inherently wrong with me, and encourages me to be myself and reassurance that its okay to do so. unlike other videos who tells me to "put myself out there." and in a way me not feeling connected to the society is kind of my fault. Thanks for this insightful video shows you have worked around this topic and understand the pain of it very well.
This is amazing video. The girl is not only beautiful but also intelligent and I like her aura/vibe. Will definitely check more videos. Thank you so much for education and help on this matter. :)
I don’t fit in, but I also don’t feel rejected. I just don’t want to blend in, or perform for those people to be another brick on the wall. I feel I know better than them. I’m authentic and I speak my truth. All the people I know can’t do that so my spirit involuntarily deny that type of people. No one can see my vision. It’s tiring, because what can I do? I don’t want to be like them. The only way out is to find happiness within myself and get busy with creative things. It must have a purpose, people like us go though a lot of trauma for a reason. We came different to make the difference. I don’t see nothing happening for now, so I get frustrated and overwhelmed over time. But I’m also rebuking the enemy with toxic people that insist to try to change me. It’s a lot of spiritual warfare most of the of the time and I’m only left with the hope that one day I’ll manifest the life I dreamt for myself.
So so so glad I found your channel. You are speaking so directly to my experiences with a level of pragmatism and empathy that feels unprecedented to me
You calling out the egoic temptation to assign meaning to the early and chronic lack of belonging brought tears to my eyes. You're right, it was just by chance, there's no reason. Admitting this to myself is such a massive (albeit somewhat grief-filled) relief
This was extremely well explained. Thank you. This describes some of the experiences I have had. This may be connected to Avoidant Personality Disorder
Thanks for this video, I relate to it strongly. I've been exploring my identity again now around age 28-30. I found your channel through your video about the Conservative and Liberal shadows. In my teens and 20's, I identified strongly as a liberal, and I was fixated on the shortcomings of conservatives. Now I'm better able to see the shortcomings and shadow of both sides, and it makes me feel like I don't belong in either camp. In the past year I went from having no driver's license and relying on public transit in a big city, to driving a pickup truck and living in an RV trailer somewhat off-grid in the country. I'm trying new things I never would have tried because my old identity would have forbidden them. To me it can feel like the conservative/liberal divide is so entrenched that almost everyone has a strong identification with one or the other, and it feels like almost everything is politicized these days, which strengthens that sense of not-belonging-ness within me. It raises the question for me, How can I find people to belong with if I'm not willing to accept the extremes of either side? I've been expressing my opinion more often little by little, and it seems to just get me pushed away from people who don't like it. There's also a lot areas in which I don't have a solid identity and it's always changing. I might have a more "conservative" opinion on something one day and then a more "liberal" one the same exact topic a few days later. As soon as I express an opinion, I realize that it's not the full truth of what I believe because there are other variables I'm not thinking about in that moment.
Yes! Makes so much sense, and I agree it does seem that almost everyone is polarized and not open to new ideas, which can be really frustrating and tiring. You are definitely not alone though - I'm seeing more people speak up from this perspective.
You just spoke of my entire past 5 years with the exception that I'm in a public and left "liberal" (here the left says that liberal is far right lol, i go to a mostly left university) and just struggling because here individual thinking is completely frowned upon and this shows everywhere on the campus, my solution was just to hole myself up in my house and I've never been more content.
The pitchfork mob will always be there in some way or form to make you doubt yourself. The mob teams up on you to make you feel small, and it makes them feel big. Just like cowards, it is too scared of negative consequences to do anything serious to hurt you. These people will make your life harder but not impossible. As long as you are outside of the mob, you are free to move around as you please. You don't have to stay stuck with these people.
Yup. In K-1, I never felt like I fit in. I was not well liked, and did not have many friends. I was not mean or a bully, but polite, somewhat nerdy, and not incredibly athletic.
I was adopted as an infant to a conservative family. I am the opposite of that. When my parents told me I was adopted, around 8- nothing else followed. No real "unpacking". Never, did I feel like I belonged to my family. They tried to stuff me into an acceptable mold. It just didn't work. My mother has visited me once in my life. My "sister", once also. My father seeked me out the most. He tried. They love me as an object - a thing, not because I am me. Not long ago I attempted 23 and Me to find nothing. My birth parents never looked for me. There are also many people who share DNA with me who were placed for adoption. This is one of the reasons i never wanted kids. I deal with overwhelming feelings of rejection daily. I hide behind work. Moving fast is how I coped for most of my life. I avoid developing relationships with people. I feel safest alone. I just transitioned to remote work and am truly facing myself. It is BEYOND hard. You have well articulated my experience. For a long time I attached to "the wrong people". Unlocking these crevices is a must. I have been on the run my entire life. Thanks for listening.
I'm progressive/liberal and everyone in my family is deeply religious and conservative. They supposedly share my DNA, ha! What a joke I've felt alone my entire life. I might as well not exist
This just validated everything I’ve been trying to communicate to some friends of mine. It’s very difficult for me to find a partner because I only fit in with a very very very very specific type of person. I finally found that person and it was like I finally found home after a long and exhausting trek but it turned into an unhealthy/toxic relationship so we broke up and people don’t understand why I am so beyond profoundly heartbroken and why I believe I won’t find someone again. It’s so distressing knowing how alone you are when you’re your own kind of different. I wish so hard I wasn’t this way. I don’t want to be alone anymore.
OMG THANK YOU. Iv had other spirals merge into that main lonely spiral. It took me many years to build up the energy to desire, figure out , and execute the necessary work to get me to a state where im able to get through the day. Life's lemons have backed me in a corner and it would be very beneficial to finish healing. Now I have a better understanding and some direction on how to achieve my mission RHANK YOU AGAIN ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐♾️
I have a weird form of not belonging. I don't feel like following society's structure of belief systems and world views because of my authentic values. That doesn't mean that I can escape the clutches of deep existential suffering on our Planet and all Planets of the Cosmos. This is not depressing because we live in a Beautiful Universe. #liveandletlive
Thank you! You have just turned my world upside-down 🙃 But actually the hardest thing at this point is to understand what is exactly the life you want to live, what do you want to do, who is exactly you. I am absolutely sure that inner me is much more introvert, but the society needs extrovert me! Nobody needs Wednesday Adams, you know. This is exactly what I feel about my life, from my youngest years till now. I call myself chameleon, but miming made me forget myself bcz this software is definitely incompatible hahah😁😁😁 being me is 200% vulnerability sign for this jungle place I live, but I am not sure if there is any other place where exists acceptance. May be this special place is me.. hahaha... but this will make me forever alone .. Hungry and homeless😁😁😁
A blessing? Not if you need to keep a job and your coworkers first try making you quit and if that doesn't work they try to get you fired even if they have to lie.
@@BlueSky11.11 Well, that's what I do. I'm a consultant and my job is to turn IT departments around. Most often they have experienced a few attempts before me and are consequently quite defeatist. I usually get no flowers when I get in. Often, lots of people rather see me go. Management is often reluctant to make the changes required. So it's quite a balancing act. Sometimes I win the game - and everyone is happier than before. 20% less work and better and more reliable data is a good sales point for both the work floor and management. Sometimes I lose and I'm forced to quit - but then there is always a new job waiting since I'm an expert in my field. And yes, when the game is played, it's often played dirty. You get stabbed in the back. That's life. You may not like it, but that's how people are - and they're not gonna change. If you're not up to that, corporate life may not be for you. Go sell ice cream in the park. Just keep an eye on the moneybox.
@@BlueSky11.11 alternative ways to make income. Seasonal jobs where you know they will end anyways. Self employment thru doordash, Uber. I have to do what I have to for my mental health and I don’t have to be anywhere I don’t want to be. I live frugally I don’t need much to be a slave to a paycheck.
I didn’t even fit in with the druggie kids.. I do try to talk to people I always try to talk to people but everyone just has a general dislike for my very presence. Most conversations become awkward really fast and I feel so anxious being out and around groups of people. I stand in the middle of many groups not knowing how to enter any of them because every time I do the conversation gets dull and awkward. I have only had 2 girlfriends in my life, I’m still early 20’s but I’ve been single for 5 years. Im a repellent for women.. I desperately seek real love as well as friendships and I can’t land either of them.
This is the best and most relatable video I've ever seen on UA-cam! Do you offer one-on-one coaching/counselling to help people navigate this shadow work? Please let us know if you do! Also, like some other people have shared here, it's so incredibly comforting to realize that everything that happened at a young age was just circumstantial, and not because of some deep innate flaws of ours.
Hi First of all thank you a lot and wishing you the best I'm trying to heal myself with shadow work And i searched why i feel I don't belong anywhere Everybody said it's about your family but i have a great family and they always love me the way i am And when you told maybe in school I feel like somebody slapped on my face Yeah my first grade teacher treated me like i am so different and that was the start of everything..
It's interesting, I think for some autistic folks, extreme honesty comes naturally to them, and they also fall into the category of outcasts. So they almost automatically, in some cases, do this shadow work, and come to the realization that they would rather die than be dishonest about who they are.
I've been trying more and more to be myself the last few months and, surprise surprise, I'm more alone than ever. Maybe I just have one of those shitty personalities lmao. I feel like at this point I just can't be helped haha.
100% agree with what you are saying, i think also the outlier group you speak of is just destined for self inquiry and inner peace more so then family life, title seeking, power and conformity, f.ex which lets face it speaks strongly to the majority, not saying one way is better or worse but in the end each one finds their path no matter the suffering and agony, its either my way or the high way.
I feel completely alienated by my family. I tried being with them, but was only with them for 3 months and I just couldn’t stand their conditional love, totally mentally chaotic, and I get deemed as “just wasn’t raised properly”. It’s such a shame to me because after all my life of not being with them and not growing up with my brother they raised, I genuinely felt that it was where I would belong and had always belonged. But instead I had quite a bit of a crappy upbringing, being homeless with my toxic abusive father… and yet my brother got to have what they called a ‘privileged life’. I don’t mean to spill out victim mentality but it’s a past experience where I feel like was totally unfair… but I do feel like in the end this past experience isn’t going to matter in the long run
This seems like it might be very important but I don't know what to do with what you have said. I am a little encouraged to hear that chronic unbelonging is a real thing. I have been this all of my life and I am now 62 years old now sitting in a dark room on the verge of tears and not able to cry. I have just retired from what some might call a successful career but I think I got lucky in that it was the right job for someone that has looked at the world from the outside in. What do I do from here? I think the spiral is becoming a straight line headed for an abyss.
You are right. Many loners like me tried to sell ourselves as more virtuous or misunderstood... Truth is that we are just losers on denial. It may or may not be our fault, but indeed we are losers and that is very hard to change. Better accept it, take the bitter pill the best we can, and focus on something else like making money, work or working out.
I interact with plenty of people. I don't ever connect with them.
Whenever I put myself out there I feel worse. It's too exhausting. I'm retracting the older I get.
Too many mindless idiots that are not worth knowing these days.
Yup. I am tired of trying and being rejected.
Growing up as a black girl in the hood who listened to Ashlee Simpson and good Charlotte back in the 00s definitely helped me feeling alone, isolated and sad.
All the kids, even my adult family would mock my voice, my clothes. I once asked my mom if I could go to an evanescence concert. Her response? "Why not just paint your face white?"
So, today I turn 33. I have no friends. throughout my 20s I would attempt to enter Friend groups, but those were full of toxicity so...today I'm alone.
And lonely.
But I guess I feel safer alone. No one to make fun of me, call my interests stupid, talk badly about me behind my back. Too much
May you find people who respect you 🙏 🙏
@@ExistBetter thank you, very much. Really. That's all I could really hope for. ❤️
as a black girl who constantly got told that I “act white” I can totally relate. I want more black female friends but it’s so hard to find ones who aren’t judgemental.
I'll be a friend. 👋
You are a wonderful person. Don't let those who were ignorant pull you down, even if that person was your mother. These people here on the comment section have your back.
The more I grow/age I don’t feel like I belong anywhere in this world, I just feel out of it and alone. There is an emptiness within me.
With the way the world is now, perhaps we're better off not being involved with it as much as we can help it..🤷🤷
"be in the world but not of the world" has been becoming more of my mantra these days lol
Fill your emptiness with prayer because there's something much bigger, brighter , better and more loving and powerful than we can possibly imagine and I'd much rather be a part of that instead ☺️☺️🙏🙏🙏💜💚💜💚💜you are never truly alone ✨
okay this really resonated with me. With what you said in the “ “ and I apologize I cannot remember what you said exactly about being in this world but out of it or something again it resonated with me but I just cannot remember the exact words.
I am 39 years old and I have felt lost all of life. I am def going to do what she is talking about shadow work, self esteem and so on. I definitely agree I do feel that this is a bloodline issue. My father was badly abused and his dad and his dad and my mom is schizophrenic as well as my daughter. I def found truth in this video. Makes a lot of sense…A LOT!!
I am so grateful I am finally finding answers even though I am almost 40. I had a really upbringing and it’s carried throughout my entire life so far which has been extremely hard! I definitely am working on shadow work now and build from there. I’m going to check out more of her content!
@@enigmaticallis3110Wow, that was riveting.
@@Wisdomchaser thank you 💜💛💚💜☺️☺️
I am so with you right there
Yep, I have chronic non belonging, and it sucks.
Did not help by having my family keep saying why cant you be normal. Over and over again, without explaining normal.😢
I know this feeling. Know that others have walked this same experience of non acceptance from parents… know your not alone in what your feeling
definition of parental idea of normal- conformity to social norm. My opinion, this is the worse thing you can say to your kids. You want them to be individuals. The greatest people are the ones that stepped outside the box and had a different point of view.
I am ostracized because I am honest and I am my authentic self. The rest of the world seems to be in favor of a superficial existence that I don't subscribe to. Can you explain that
Sounds like being ahead of the curve to me :) ... which yes, can be very painful.
I feel you! Same here. I’m honest, authentic curious and that is leading me to a lonely life. I feel I can only relate to children or seniors. It’s exhausting!
Me too. I think there are many of us so that make us not be alone.
@@sheylac802same here
A lot of people pretend to live, imagine that
I think that I just don't know how to belong, whilst other people do. I meet people, who seem to be so similar to me, but something just doesn't work. We may have very bright start of friendship, but it always fades
I get this a lot. I will meet just about anybody, and we’ll talk about anything. I’m good at talking, but at some point I run out of things to say, and conversations turn stale and trivial. Once that happens, anytime we would hang out afterward would be like torture just because there’s nothing new, except maybe showing one another memes on your phones, and it’s tiresome.
I’ve managed to maintain two friendships with people that are so goddamn weird that they’re not really stale yet (one almost became stale but then we found out we both like Markiplier and I’m getting better at keeping interactions not-so-stale)
It’s still hard as fuck though to hang out and assimilate into a group, especially when you’re an aromantic asexual in college who doesn’t drink or do drugs.
What I have noticed about those who feel like they do not belong anywhere is that they are the most intelligent and see through societies bullshit instantaneously. They also have an impossible time trying to force themselves to be as hopelessly stupid as everyone else.
Ironically, you are alone in the fight with loneliness
8:45 my favorite one is “lol just go talk to people”. Mind u a literal therapist told me this and I never went to see him again.
Lol ughhhhh
@@ExistBetter so just to make sure I understood what u said in this video. What’s making us feel like outcasts is this supposed shame that we’ve developed in our early years due to a certain event that made us feel like an outcast. This shame, out of survival, prevents us from being who we truly are and this is exactly why we can’t connect with others as much as we’d want to. And to get rid of this shame, we have to be in touch with our feelings and attempt to understand them, right? And accepting and understanding our emotions and feelings for what they are will help us be in touch with our authentic self that’s been hidden in side of us for decades? Is that all there is to it?
That’s what I want to confirm too…unfortunately I think it’s just the start…
So relatable. I’m 28, and have kept trying and trying to literally going to social events socializing with others, dm-ing people I thought were relatable as I’m social media, but still no reciprocation of wanting to be my friend. Always getting my messages ignored (literally I kid you not) when I try to ask people to hang out with a plan, people never replying back to my messages saying “I suck at texting I’m so busy” but they can make time for all their other friends, or to travel…. It sucks so bad, I will keep trying to somehow find my people.
I just discovered I have Asperger's syndrome, yet am so high functioning that I appear to be like everyone else. This explains why I don't feel I belong.
I am so grateful for this information. This is literally the story of my life...a spiral of non belonging energy that is spinning and gaining momentum....creating more and more experiences that just compound the core 'outcast' belief. At 45, I am able to peak past the shame and see the non belonging spiral and how it rules/governs my life in basically every way. When I peaked in on this spiral, my ego literally roared back at me to let me know this is a no-go zone because looking at it equals death. That's how I know it's time to get to work on this. I don't want to live like this anymore and I'm happy to take two years to move through this huge pattern/belief system that was definitely formed when I was young and just kept gaining momentum. Thank you for this realistic discussion on this topic and for pointing me in the right direction❤️
I have always felt like an outsider wherever I go. Some of it could be due to external situations. But mostly I feel it's my own doing and how I react and deal with situations or how I isolate myself mostly.
First thing I've ever heard that resonates with me so deeply. I'm so lost and alone.
you´re not alone. .-)
Me too
@@melodyal3357 thank you
@@juliehelms9608 you're not alone. I care
Same!!!!!!!!
53 years old and chronically deeply outside. Autiste people experience this too. I feel like people don't know me. So many things I'm hiding. A life in clandestinity, or in a underground movement during a war. When times are dangerous, not to belong can save one's life. ..or not.
As an adoptee, this is a prevailing theme in my life. I struggle with not feeling like I belong anywhere, no matter how much I tell myself that I belong. Thanks for sharing this insight.
I don't want to be like everyone else.
They all seem fake and things they are concerned about are dumb.
In 6th grade I was bullied by my entire class, the entire year.
I had a lot of "frirnds" in highschool, but found out recently that I was not liked by others and my "friends ' were invited to parties and I wasn't. Others didn't want me there. And I never knew until my 50s.
I have nobody that cares about me.
I'm disabled now, but want to disappear.
I was physically assaulted by my sister and her son 1.5 yrs ago and physically hurt badly and psychologically. And ended up in the hospital for 2 months and lost 60 lbs in less than 2 months because I couldn't believe they did that to me, for no good reason. I was so sick, I could hardly walk, sit or stand for over a year. I already had pre-existing conditions for the in my back from scoliosis. Rods were broken.
I'm in so much pain I can't take care of myself properly.
❤❤❤
“Circumstantial,” but it still sticks you with the problem…
Glad i found this video. I've been asking myself this question all my life. I think part of it came from changing schools so many times. Went from a middle class school, to a school in the hood, then became a scholarship kid at an expensive private school, and then did highschool at another k-12 private school where everyone else had known each other since they were 5.
A benefit is that I've learned to get along with a lot of different types of people. But the flip-side is definitely experiencing non-belonging.
Such an informative and beautiful video. Intuitively I have somehow known for the past three years that ”just getting out there” will not help me. The amount of panic and fear associated with groups and new social situations has kept me isolated, and so I have struggled with shaming and blaming myself on the one hand (”I have to start getting out more I am so stupid for isolating”), and then on the other hand realised that when I do try to face that fear, it really doesn’t help much. It usually ends up with me being hurt again, ostracized or just too overwhelmed to function. Interestingly enough, since beginning to truly and fully dedicating my time to healing (therapy, yoga, exercise, eating healthy, relaxation techniques, educating myself), it is almost like the universe decided to close all doors and opportunities to meet others. Like, it was hard before (and hard during covid of course), but recently everyone seems to have began getting out more except for me. And everytime I try the slightest, I try booking a yoga class, download a meet friends app, go to cafes by myself, whatever it is, its like everyone just happened to walk out of the room as I walked in. Or something was cancelled. Or my phone died. And so on. Like. You are SUPPOSED to be alone now. And the thing is, somehow I have also felt that never in my life have I really been ”myself”, or known who that person was because all these years I have lived in a survival mode trauma response, trying to adjust to everyone else but me. So as you say, this sort or work takes time and true effort. Its been three years for me now of almost non stop work. And some days I cry and beg for this to end and other days I thank God for giving me all this time alone, for the first time, no dramatic disturbance around me, no one to hurt me, no one to interrupt, just me. All alone. It is painful but so has all my life been. This time is for healing. I don’t know when I will feel safe within myself but I do feel more whole than ever before. Not fully, but not broken like I once felt.
This video was so well thought out and intricate, I feel seen for once.
I think the worst part in all of this is thinking that you will eventually “grow out out of those feelings/grow up” when the truth is not much changes. I think everyone needs reform. Seems like the only time people have some compassion or understanding is when something unfortunate happens.
Totally agree, sadly.
If even that
The point: Do grief work and shadow work long enough.
This video came directly from heaven to me. 😢 Moments ago I yelled to the universe, please, I've done so much work in this area, I simply don't understand what in the world is happening. The algorithm must have heard me, and your message from 2 years ago found me because, as we know, time is not linear
Your video appeared hours after experiencing a devastatingly low moment directly related to this topic. But I seem to be experiencing the opposite of what you said would occur.
I literally said the same thing. It seems the only way to avoid being abused, taken advantage of, and betrayed is by betraying myself and I can’t nor want to live life that way.
Im a very straightforward, honest, trusting, loyal, empathic, authentic person and it has always attracted toxic people that end up hurting me. I’ve never had a sense of belonging with friends or family, so I’ve settled for less. My life feels like it’s been nothing but survival.
Now I’m left with severe trust issues, ptsd, and a deep sense of hopelessness unable to see a point. I’ve lost the little faith I had in humanity and feel as I’m not meant for this place. The very thing that makes me who I am, painfully honest and real, is why the only people who come around are toxic. Most people don’t appreciate or are comfortable with the level of honesty I spew. They’re superficial and rather sweep things under the rug, so my raw in your face self is unwanted. Its like instead of looking at themselves and fixing the bad, they just hate me for paying attention. I don’t get it. If I’m doing something wrong or causing suffering, I’d want to know 🤷🏼♀️
Society values reputation over character, wants undeserved praise but not constructive criticism, and only considers others when it benefits themselves. The human race is losing what makes us human and evolving into something ugly.
How do we find a therapist who understands this issue and how to work through it? I’m 52 and have never fit in a day of my life! I have maybe 2 friends but never a group of friends. I, fortunately, am married with 4 kids and 2 dogs so I’m not alone-alone buy I am and have always been very lonely. I just want to be accepted and fit in and have people who want to spend time with me. I was adopted and spent the 1st year in a foster home. Not adopted by foster family but by a different family. So trauma and 2nd trauma within first year of life with many more to come.
Honestly, I haven’t even been able to find a therapist who can attune to me/mirror me. When not even the “professionals” can understand me….it’s a pretty hopeless place to be.
This video has been the only one I’ve found so far that seems to accurately capture the experience
Thank you for making this video. I was the scapegoat in an extremely violent family. I was marked from day one as I was born not looking remotely like the racial group I was born into.
It's weird. I can walk into a room smiling and matter what I do. Don't even have to say anything. The mood shifts. I get glared at, scoffed at or talked about. Many times people even move away. So disheartening. I'm actually nice, open and funny. I'm black woman adopted at 4 yo by a really nice and well meaning Caucasian family. They were very loving, but had no interest in helping me deal with being different. Sometimes I was the elephant in the room.Thanks for the video it explains a lot, and it helps to know this is a thing. It's hard to describe so people just call me paranoid.
Your gift is that you say things bluntly and simplistically so even a silly simpleton can understand. You don't ramble in esoteric fluffy jargon, neither do you explain things in a brainy over intellectualized way. One fault of both new age philosophy and psychology is they often explain the cause but don't give simple answers and steps to change the current effect.
I've been studying both psychology and new age philosophy for a very, very long time and this video and the "doing shadow work wrong?" video has given me more clarity and new insight about what's happening in my life than most of the previous years of study combined. Thank you, I foresee you helping many people in the years to come.
Thank you so much! Happy this resonated with you :)
Your channel is absolutely brilliant. I’m so glad that you’re talking about these issues because it’s just refreshing I guess to hear someone talk who’s not bullshitting me
This was a wonderful video. Truly helpful. I felt so so awful today (more than other days) and it was exactly what I needed to hear.
Just finished therapy after a year working on understanding myself, letting the real me talk, accept it and try to find a solution to whatever it was that I had to deal with and now I can tell that I relate to everything you have said. Your video spoke volumes and I'm just so thankful I found it when I most needed to hear those words.
I have never belonged anywhere even in the outcast groups. Even with my hobbies and my beliefs. I gave up because it’s too draining to keep masking the fact that I’m just not like everyone else. And I don’t mean this in an arrogant way, it’s painful to live like this. My parents failed me since day one. I have chronic CPtSD and anxiety. I’ve tried just about everything and everytime I put myself out there I get rammed down no matter what.
So at 32, no family, no friends, no partner, I give up and I’m just waiting to die. I hate this world and I hate how many people can have so many others there for them that they don’t appreciate kindness as much as someone who has no one.
Today at work I watched one of my colleague who’s leaving get all this loved doted on her. And for the first time ever, I felt myself being envious and it was hard to hide. No one cares about me and I’m it hurts to love life where you see everyone else being loved, supported, and cared for and people jay simply dislike you for existing.
I am experiencing a ton of grief right now because of this belonging issue. The complete isolation has become unbearable. All I can say to describe it is pure nausea and painful fear through every day.
I have extremely strong shame and self-hatred towards myself. Has been quite crippling my whole life, but especially in my 20s and elementary school. I must become free. This is a horrible way to live that rips my soul from my body. I feel like a child as a 28 year old man. My career is nonexistent, my family is a wreck, not married, my finances don’t really exist, and I have no meaningful relationships outside of my mother. I don’t know if I can get through the grief and healing process because I am so exhausted and hopeless.
At least I am starting to understand what has been happening to me.
Serendipity landed me here. Immaculate explanation, thank you! Healing from four plus decades in a narcissistic family system and just now connecting dots in rapid-fire succession. Tis a deep and layered dive inward as you accurately stated, but the growth is unparalled. I am anxiously exploring more of your content!
Good for you! Not an easy path I'm sure 🙏🙏
first video of yours ive seen. you got my sub. I really appreciate this information. i had this feeling in school of non belonging but i could never express it. i used to hide in the hallway during lunch because the anxiety of, "where do i sit in the lunch room, who do i sit next to?" i had this sense of non belonging. the other day as an adult. i went to an event. i sat in the car for about 15 minutes and waited until the event was just about to start. i had anxiety of who do i talk to. feeling out of place or as i called it. imposter syndrome. im going to watch more of your videos now, you have more to teach me. thank you
I felt this so much. You did such a brilliant job in explaining it
I had a metaphor for myself of being burned at the stake, but an angry mob chasing me is also good :D Thank you for this insightful wisdom moment! I have been lucky to have a few peaceful years to start uncovering and integrating this trauma, and I think it is still some ways to go...
"...no one like you on the outside. no mirror"...... omg. i almost cried when i heard you say those words. you articulated that SO well, sista. thankyou SO much. this gives me some hope. i find it incredibly difficult socialising with the other parents when i'm at school or soccer. so i stay away, literally hiding in the bushes, w/ my headph's on!
That part really resonates with me too…so so very much!
I’m grateful to have heard it
This is an extremely insightful talk on a somewhat rare topic. I deeply relate to it. Thank you! ( I subscribed).
My natural nature is truth & love. Im also empathic. I can FEEL what ppl feel towards me. So I strongly avoid such ppl. That's my authentic self. As a result, I've been made to feel like there's no group for me. But my situation is a rare one. Because it seems like most ppl don't act as they should. I've basically have been ostracized. I've tried to join a church. I've even put myself out there, tried joining same interest groups. I've already done all my shadow work. So, I gave up at putting myself out there. I let ppl come to me now.
I know what you mean about feeling what others people feel towards me…it sucks😢 If I didn’t have that quality I’d be so much braver…with strangers, it stops me from speaking.
And I know why I have this quality too: abuse. It was protection in those formative years…but your mouth is stitched shut with strangers & won’t allow for any disrespect with loved ones…sigh
Probably the best and most useful video I've seem on this issue. Thankyou
Thank you. This is the most succinct and to the point insight into my reality I've ever come across. It makes so much sense. It's one of those, you know the truth when you hear it things. It's such an important insight to have and I'm sure a lot of people who watch it, will feel the same. There's so much bullshit advice and tips out there, people taking it upon themselves to tell you what's wrong with you and how to fix it. It becomes impossible to find the right answers for yourself, or a new point of reference to work from, amongst all the bullshit out there. Thanks for getting to the point.
really great video and I definitely resonated with the advice that others give to just do more things etc. I have always put myself out there, gone to dance classes, groups, music, different work environments, and different courses, and lived in many different houses and locations and the narrative has always been the same and found myself feeling angry and blamed when people just respond with try harder.
I feel like "I would rather die than not be myself" and have always had this stance, truth and authenticity are leading values for me but that also perpetuates the "chronic non-belonging" I have not found being my authentic/truthful self to change this narrative or experience at all, if anything being truthful seems to get me pitchforked haha
I would love to know what I am missing?
So the point of video is know your authentic self like who you are really and try to live with that truth instead of betraying your true self. And with thid path comes do or die situations. You have to make choices... With years of work you will loose this not belong outcast energy from your body and fully acceptance of yourself makes belong somewhere in future. 🎉
If you knew how deeply this video has effected me... Thank you, so much. This was life changing and eye openng for me. Thank you 🧡
This was extremely helpful. Thank you for sharing and in the way you did so.
Wow...I just searched on YT for 'why don't I belong' for a friend of mine who lives on the other side of the country and feels alone and isolated after her marriage ended. Personally, although I have no trouble making friends and am quite social, I have found a real distaste for the modern-day world. Specifically; the utter divisiveness of our elitist two-party political system, the mass shootings and widespread violence & unrest and theft...still in 2023 having wars in the world...I think you get the point. So, I have learned to 'exist' in this world without being 'of' this world if that makes any sense. This video was very helpful, thank you!
thank you for making this video. i found what you said about the central nervous system being "ancient" as pretty fascinating and i want to look more into that....
Wow, you have an incredible understanding of egoic structures and communicate this in a clear and logical way. Your voice needs to be heard!
Wow, you explained this so well. and describes my experience to a T especially with the South Park reference. It is refreshing to know that this was brought on circumstance (in my case abusive/addictive household, peers, school) rather than reality of who we are. Without the words, or logic to understand this it is really easy to stay stuck in these patterns. I can't remember the last time that I was able to truly connect with others in a fulfilling way because of my shame. I recently been saying to myself that I really don't know what value I bring in a friendship. I don't know the truth of who I am. This is something I would really like to overcome because I know just like everyone else experiencing this, it is the complete opposite of what we deserve. We already suffered enough and deserve connection.
thanks for this video, this advice is comforting in way to gone showing there is nothing inherently wrong with me, and encourages me to be myself and reassurance that its okay to do so. unlike other videos who tells me to "put myself out there." and in a way me not feeling connected to the society is kind of my fault. Thanks for this insightful video shows you have worked around this topic and understand the pain of it very well.
Thank you so much ! I will try my hardest to become “myself” 💔♥️ keep pushing , buddies 💪🏼
This is amazing video. The girl is not only beautiful but also intelligent and I like her aura/vibe. Will definitely check more videos. Thank you so much for education and help on this matter. :)
I've been looking for a video that recognizes the pain I've felt, this is the closing thing I've found,
Thanks.
This was so relevant and revealing. Thank you. 🌻
I appreciate this and your honesty. I don't totally get all your saying so I'll have to listen again but what I got makes sense. Thank you!
enjoying these videos, please continue your discussions like this!
Great video,your content is unique and insightful
Thank you!!
Thank you for making this!
great explanation.
this is your life calling. you explained it so well. thank you for this video.
I don’t fit in, but I also don’t feel rejected. I just don’t want to blend in, or perform for those people to be another brick on the wall. I feel I know better than them. I’m authentic and I speak my truth. All the people I know can’t do that so my spirit involuntarily deny that type of people. No one can see my vision. It’s tiring, because what can I do? I don’t want to be like them. The only way out is to find happiness within myself and get busy with creative things. It must have a purpose, people like us go though a lot of trauma for a reason. We came different to make the difference. I don’t see nothing happening for now, so I get frustrated and overwhelmed over time. But I’m also rebuking the enemy with toxic people that insist to try to change me. It’s a lot of spiritual warfare most of the of the time and I’m only left with the hope that one day I’ll manifest the life I dreamt for myself.
You are so loved everyone, please don’t forget that. You matter and have a purpose. ❤
A phenomenal video. I have never heard this perspective before. Damn I gotta a lot of work to do.
So so so glad I found your channel. You are speaking so directly to my experiences with a level of pragmatism and empathy that feels unprecedented to me
You calling out the egoic temptation to assign meaning to the early and chronic lack of belonging brought tears to my eyes. You're right, it was just by chance, there's no reason. Admitting this to myself is such a massive (albeit somewhat grief-filled) relief
And you quote Teal Swan too 🥺💖
@@pchypie8801 yes!!!
This was extremely well explained.
Thank you. This describes some of the experiences I have had.
This may be connected to Avoidant Personality Disorder
thank u so much for this. heart chakra activations here for sure, this message resonates. i also started laughing bc i realize i am on this journey
Thanks for this video, I relate to it strongly. I've been exploring my identity again now around age 28-30. I found your channel through your video about the Conservative and Liberal shadows.
In my teens and 20's, I identified strongly as a liberal, and I was fixated on the shortcomings of conservatives. Now I'm better able to see the shortcomings and shadow of both sides, and it makes me feel like I don't belong in either camp. In the past year I went from having no driver's license and relying on public transit in a big city, to driving a pickup truck and living in an RV trailer somewhat off-grid in the country. I'm trying new things I never would have tried because my old identity would have forbidden them.
To me it can feel like the conservative/liberal divide is so entrenched that almost everyone has a strong identification with one or the other, and it feels like almost everything is politicized these days, which strengthens that sense of not-belonging-ness within me. It raises the question for me, How can I find people to belong with if I'm not willing to accept the extremes of either side? I've been expressing my opinion more often little by little, and it seems to just get me pushed away from people who don't like it.
There's also a lot areas in which I don't have a solid identity and it's always changing. I might have a more "conservative" opinion on something one day and then a more "liberal" one the same exact topic a few days later. As soon as I express an opinion, I realize that it's not the full truth of what I believe because there are other variables I'm not thinking about in that moment.
Yes! Makes so much sense, and I agree it does seem that almost everyone is polarized and not open to new ideas, which can be really frustrating and tiring. You are definitely not alone though - I'm seeing more people speak up from this perspective.
You just spoke of my entire past 5 years with the exception that I'm in a public and left "liberal" (here the left says that liberal is far right lol, i go to a mostly left university) and just struggling because here individual thinking is completely frowned upon and this shows everywhere on the campus, my solution was just to hole myself up in my house and I've never been more content.
The pitchfork mob will always be there in some way or form to make you doubt yourself. The mob teams up on you to make you feel small, and it makes them feel big. Just like cowards, it is too scared of negative consequences to do anything serious to hurt you. These people will make your life harder but not impossible. As long as you are outside of the mob, you are free to move around as you please. You don't have to stay stuck with these people.
I’ve never fit in with other girls and I try so hard to be nice, polite and respectful :(
Yup. In K-1, I never felt like I fit in. I was not well liked, and did not have many friends. I was not mean or a bully, but polite, somewhat nerdy, and not incredibly athletic.
You just made my day. Thanks :)
I was adopted as an infant to a conservative family. I am the opposite of that. When my parents told me I was adopted, around 8- nothing else followed. No real "unpacking". Never, did I feel like I belonged to my family. They tried to stuff me into an acceptable mold. It just didn't work. My mother has visited me once in my life. My "sister", once also. My father seeked me out the most. He tried. They love me as an object - a thing, not because I am me. Not long ago I attempted 23 and Me to find nothing. My birth parents never looked for me. There are also many people who share DNA with me who were placed for adoption. This is one of the reasons i never wanted kids. I deal with overwhelming feelings of rejection daily. I hide behind work. Moving fast is how I coped for most of my life. I avoid developing relationships with people. I feel safest alone. I just transitioned to remote work and am truly facing myself. It is BEYOND hard. You have well articulated my experience. For a long time I attached to "the wrong people". Unlocking these crevices is a must. I have been on the run my entire life. Thanks for listening.
🙏🙏
I'm progressive/liberal and everyone in my family is deeply religious and conservative. They supposedly share my DNA, ha! What a joke
I've felt alone my entire life. I might as well not exist
@@thunderpooch I love what you shared!
Hello,
Thank you for your content and your help. All the best! And I did hit the like button.
Amazing video, thank you ❤
This just validated everything I’ve been trying to communicate to some friends of mine. It’s very difficult for me to find a partner because I only fit in with a very very very very specific type of person. I finally found that person and it was like I finally found home after a long and exhausting trek but it turned into an unhealthy/toxic relationship so we broke up and people don’t understand why I am so beyond profoundly heartbroken and why I believe I won’t find someone again. It’s so distressing knowing how alone you are when you’re your own kind of different. I wish so hard I wasn’t this way. I don’t want to be alone anymore.
OMG THANK YOU.
Iv had other spirals merge into that main lonely spiral. It took me many years to build up the energy to desire, figure out , and execute the necessary work to get me to a state where im able to get through the day. Life's lemons have backed me in a corner and it would be very beneficial to finish healing. Now I have a better understanding and some direction on how to achieve my mission RHANK YOU AGAIN ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐♾️
I have a weird form of not belonging. I don't feel like following society's structure of belief systems and world views because of my authentic values. That doesn't mean that I can escape the clutches of deep existential suffering on our Planet and all Planets of the Cosmos. This is not depressing because we live in a Beautiful Universe. #liveandletlive
Thank you. I really needed to hear this.
Thank you! You have just turned my world upside-down 🙃
But actually the hardest thing at this point is to understand what is exactly the life you want to live, what do you want to do, who is exactly you. I am absolutely sure that inner me is much more introvert, but the society needs extrovert me! Nobody needs Wednesday Adams, you know. This is exactly what I feel about my life, from my youngest years till now. I call myself chameleon, but miming made me forget myself bcz this software is definitely incompatible hahah😁😁😁 being me is 200% vulnerability sign for this jungle place I live, but I am not sure if there is any other place where exists acceptance. May be this special place is me.. hahaha... but this will make me forever alone .. Hungry and homeless😁😁😁
❤
I feel like buying a house in the middle of nowhere and live alone until I die…
My goodness did I need this, thank you.
Thanks for the video, been through it all, happy on the outside now,
great video, thank you!
A curse? It's a blessing! You're essentially free from group think, peer pressure - everything that threatens your freedom to think, feel and behave.
A blessing? Not if you need to keep a job and your coworkers first try making you quit and if that doesn't work they try to get you fired even if they have to lie.
@@BlueSky11.11 Well, that's what I do. I'm a consultant and my job is to turn IT departments around. Most often they have experienced a few attempts before me and are consequently quite defeatist. I usually get no flowers when I get in.
Often, lots of people rather see me go. Management is often reluctant to make the changes required. So it's quite a balancing act.
Sometimes I win the game - and everyone is happier than before. 20% less work and better and more reliable data is a good sales point for both the work floor and management.
Sometimes I lose and I'm forced to quit - but then there is always a new job waiting since I'm an expert in my field. And yes, when the game is played, it's often played dirty. You get stabbed in the back. That's life. You may not like it, but that's how people are - and they're not gonna change.
If you're not up to that, corporate life may not be for you. Go sell ice cream in the park. Just keep an eye on the moneybox.
@@BlueSky11.11 alternative ways to make income. Seasonal jobs where you know they will end anyways. Self employment thru doordash, Uber. I have to do what I have to for my mental health and I don’t have to be anywhere I don’t want to be. I live frugally I don’t need much to be a slave to a paycheck.
I didn’t even fit in with the druggie kids.. I do try to talk to people I always try to talk to people but everyone just has a general dislike for my very presence. Most conversations become awkward really fast and I feel so anxious being out and around groups of people. I stand in the middle of many groups not knowing how to enter any of them because every time I do the conversation gets dull and awkward. I have only had 2 girlfriends in my life, I’m still early 20’s but I’ve been single for 5 years. Im a repellent for women.. I desperately seek real love as well as friendships and I can’t land either of them.
This is the best and most relatable video I've ever seen on UA-cam! Do you offer one-on-one coaching/counselling to help people navigate this shadow work? Please let us know if you do! Also, like some other people have shared here, it's so incredibly comforting to realize that everything that happened at a young age was just circumstantial, and not because of some deep innate flaws of ours.
Thank you, and yes :) You can email existbetter1@gmail.com
Wow, this video helped me so much!
thanks a lot for your video, I really need to do this❤
Hi
First of all thank you a lot and wishing you the best
I'm trying to heal myself with shadow work
And i searched why i feel I don't belong anywhere
Everybody said it's about your family but i have a great family and they always love me the way i am
And when you told maybe in school
I feel like somebody slapped on my face
Yeah my first grade teacher treated me like i am so different and that was the start of everything..
It's interesting, I think for some autistic folks, extreme honesty comes naturally to them, and they also fall into the category of outcasts. So they almost automatically, in some cases, do this shadow work, and come to the realization that they would rather die than be dishonest about who they are.
The best video ever real thanks❤️
I've been trying more and more to be myself the last few months and, surprise surprise, I'm more alone than ever. Maybe I just have one of those shitty personalities lmao. I feel like at this point I just can't be helped haha.
100% agree with what you are saying, i think also the outlier group you speak of is just destined for self inquiry and inner peace more so then family life, title seeking, power and conformity, f.ex which lets face it speaks strongly to the majority, not saying one way is better or worse but in the end each one finds their path no matter the suffering and agony, its either my way or the high way.
I feel completely alienated by my family. I tried being with them, but was only with them for 3 months and I just couldn’t stand their conditional love, totally mentally chaotic, and I get deemed as “just wasn’t raised properly”. It’s such a shame to me because after all my life of not being with them and not growing up with my brother they raised, I genuinely felt that it was where I would belong and had always belonged. But instead I had quite a bit of a crappy upbringing, being homeless with my toxic abusive father… and yet my brother got to have what they called a ‘privileged life’. I don’t mean to spill out victim mentality but it’s a past experience where I feel like was totally unfair… but I do feel like in the end this past experience isn’t going to matter in the long run
Hey am sorry about the trauma you have to deal with. I understand, your not aloneʕっ•ᴥ•ʔっ
13:00 this is real. I appreciate this approach.
This seems like it might be very important but I don't know what to do with what you have said. I am a little encouraged to hear that chronic unbelonging is a real thing. I have been this all of my life and I am now 62 years old now sitting in a dark room on the verge of tears and not able to cry. I have just retired from what some might call a successful career but I think I got lucky in that it was the right job for someone that has looked at the world from the outside in. What do I do from here? I think the spiral is becoming a straight line headed for an abyss.
Understandable. Let yourself process those feelings as best u can first.
You are not alone, many retired people feel the same. I feel invisible, everyone ignores me
You are right. Many loners like me tried to sell ourselves as more virtuous or misunderstood... Truth is that we are just losers on denial. It may or may not be our fault, but indeed we are losers and that is very hard to change. Better accept it, take the bitter pill the best we can, and focus on something else like making money, work or working out.