20 QUESTIONS ABOUT BEING CHILDFREE BY CHOICE: Jealousy, Growing Old Alone & Egg Donation?
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- Опубліковано 5 чер 2024
- ♥ In today's video, I answer 20 of your questions about being childfree by choice. I cover topics such as egg donation, growing old alone, leaving behind a "legacy, and jealousy on social media. I'm glad so many of you enjoy these videos because I enjoy making them and it's an important topic to talk about. :) If my videos can give another childfree person the awakening I needed before I realized then it's worth it!
#childfree #childfreebychoice
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20 QUESTIONS ABOUT BEING CHILDFREE BY CHOICE: Jealousy, Growing Old Alone & Egg Donation?
Want to hear the storytime of my first time babysitting... ever? Watch this video: ua-cam.com/video/rwmq09OdrWE/v-deo.html
Katrin Berndt idk why pple say stupid shit ..I’ve had kids young I’m now 43 but everyone makes the choices for themselves.You are beautiful and you have a glow or a light about you .
@@EvilTink1_ She's an elf 😘
U want the attention? TRAVELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL... lolol post those photos.
my 1st time babysitting was when i was almost 9 & my days of being an only child ended. this is why i'm happily child free!
@@thechubbypuertorican917 well, at least she's self aware, unlike many narcissists that do have 'em.
"I would rather regret not having children than regret having children" Yas ! Now I know what to answer if I get this question asked, thanks Katrin !
I know right? I have a beautiful niece and nephew. I watched him grow up into a fine man graduating college now and my niece is almost 15. My sisters been married now for about 28 years because they enjoyed their marriage before having children. In my humble opinion anyway they waited 4 years. Same with a friend of mine they waited three years to enjoy themselves and their marriage and they’re going on 19 years married. Just makes me wonder. They were both child free when meeting in college.
EXACTLY!
@Duke of Istria As a Norwegian, Scandinavia will always belong to the Nords not matter how many middle easterners reproduce they will live in our countries by our rules if they didn’t like it they can go back where they came from.
@@patricksaxon3983 no.. It's not
This is what I say:, I rather regret not to have children when I'm old then regret having them my whole life......
The morning after my wedding my husbands grandmother said “so when are you getting pregnant?” I said “maybe never” and all the family members around practically gasped. Rude questions get rude answers, I don’t care who it is. Later on people were like why did you say that to grandma?! My worst fear is pregnancy and I can’t even imagine that happening.
Good, that's what you get for poking your nose where it shouldn't be!
@@dinamarieart lol too real and funny lol
It's non of their business anyway
Yeah, but respect the culture too. It takes nothing to swallow your pride for the old lady who grew up in a different time, and answer "maybe later.." my husband loves his grandma, I would never answer so rudely. I know everyone in the comments is saying you were right, but know your audience, and measure the impact of your words.
@@annabelle2760 She hasn't asked again so the impact was exactly what I wanted
I told my mom that I'm childfree by choice, but she kept telling me that she wanted a baby. Then I JOKINGLY said "If you love baby so much, why don't you just get a baby by adoption?" A year later, my mom adopted a baby. The baby and I have age gap like 25+ years old xD
she sounded bored
Hahaha your mom is lovely!
I'm 60. I decided in my early 20s not to have children. Great life, great choice. I have no regrets.
I feel exactly the same. I am often a subject of envy and even hate because of this.
I always had this feeling like I wanted to throw up when I imagined myself raising a baby, just a nasty feeling in my stomach. I still do and I am 53. Lol
@Cody Co Same here. Never wanted kid's. Now almost 60, and lovin life! A lot of people our age are financially bailing out their grown kid's and/or raising grandkid's!
Reminds me of my aunt. She’s currently living it up in Las Vegas, eating great food, hanging out with cool people, traveling wherever and whenever she wants, has freedom like no one else. She also has the money to be generous like no one else, recently gave me her old car since I was having trouble getting my own. Just because you don’t have your own children doesn’t mean you can’t help another life.
I like you
I worked in an old peoples home. Several residents had shrines to children and grandchildren in their rooms but none of their families names were ever in the visitors book. So just because you have kids doesn't mean you won't end up alone and no one visiting. We had a few people with no children, they got a ton of visitors, so many friends! I asked them why and they told me because they didn't have to put their energy into children, they put it into their friendships. So ended up with a lot of strong friendships from all different times in their lives. The people who raised kids had less friends it seemed. Kids tend become the center of your world and everything else gets neglected as you try to keep them alive. They also had more friends because of a stronger social life they had before they got to the home. E.g they had the time to join several clubs thus meeting more people.
My mom worked in a nursing home too! She mentioned similar stuff where some elderly people never had family visit and it was just a way to get rid of them. Pretty sad. Childfree elderly tended to be happier because they never had to wait and hope for family to visit, they're already pretty independent and were never disappointed about their predicament because they're usually the ones who put themselves in a nursing home in the first place lol.
Yes! Culture and society needs to catch up quick! This is a non married adult population (US) and we have a declining birth rate? During your life you will have many different relationships with so many people, related or not. Don't just put all your energy into your spouse and kids, they may not have your back, if they do great. Balance things out so if you have kids or not married or not you've got a network of people who've got your back, namaste.
Wow. That is incredibly sad yet enlightening.
It's common...... They wait for them to die.... Then once they find out they won't inherit anything they have this Pikachu face
This is so true. I worked in a nursing home for 8yrs and i could not believe how people with large families had absolutely nobody visit them. We would only see these supposed families when the person would die. They knew money was coming along through inheritance. On the other hand, there was this 95yr man who never had kids. He used to have a lady visit him every week and she swould buy him every thing he needed for his care. The week he passed away, that woman stayed with us day and night. We even got her an extra bed in hisroom and he died in her presence. She held his hand and comforted him. Come to find out later, she was not even his daughter. She was his bestfriend's daughter!!!!
As a man not wanting kids, I get written off as immature and a man-child. It's degrading and pisses me off, sure, but it's not even close to the BS woman in the same position as I am face. I'm happily married and I have a cat (see picture), so, happy life 🙂
I don't have children and never said I didn't want them, I've just never really so far felt a yearning, want or a void. Marriage on the other hand, yes that has always scared the sh#% out of me and has always been a HELL NO! You can't IMAGINE the pure look of disgust I get especially for women and especially conservative Christian women!
My partner always drops hints about wanting kids and I don't. He is a massive man child. Part of the reason I won't have kids with him is because he is immature and needs help from his parents to look after his child with his ex. If anything I'd say you are mature as you find it's the people who have kids unplanned usually put the responsibility of their own child onto other people. Not all the time this happens but in some cases. I wish my partner didn't want any more kids because he is not mature enough to admit that he is not financially and independently ready too. I know for a fact because me and my partner still live at home, there is no way on earth I would have kids. I may add as well how I have been treated like a child because I don't have kids, so people do get the wrong assumption. A relative once said to me 'you mature more when you have kids'. That pissed me off because I've seen so many immature parents around, it just depends on the individual.
it dawned on me when i was 11 i was never marrying or having children. the night my older brother brought home his girlfriend. i stared at them in the VW van and i recall clearly to this day (54) i whispered more to myself than anyone "i'm never getting married... i'm never gonna marry, i'm never gonna marry and i'm never gonna have kids..." clear as a bell to this day (they did).
in my 20's and early thirties people ragged on me for being single and child-free as something shameful. everyone who ever mentioned it asked me to explain myself and I recall telling a boss to fuck off. HR had some sense and told him any more invasive questions and I'd be able to sue.
co-workers tell me "Gotta bun in the oven!" - nauseating euphemism. Beaming at me, standing there expectantly. i stare blankly as if to ask "...and...?" they get pissed off i'm not congratulating them. You want kids, marriage? G'head. Just don't bring it to me and get bent when I don't care.
I wish your cat a merry Christmas
I’m childfree by choice, I became aware of it when I was 20, today I’m 31 and I can tell this has been the best I did for myself, I’m an oncologist and researcher, that is my best legacy.
As a Latina I always face rude comments when people ask when I will have children and explain that I’m childfree by choice, but I stopped caring about such things long ago.
We got enough moms we need more female Latina oncologist researchers!
If I’m correct, don’t Hispanic cultures put a lot of emphasis on family and children?
Gabrielle Nikki (Kind of a long story) yes they are, my parents are very closed minded with a child free life, and when The topic of the so called ‘future’ comes around I’m always told about family related stuff (y known) and I’m always pointing out that my career is my main focus and kids can just go away. My dad says he was just like me; not wanting kids and living a free life, but ended up with me and my siblings. While I’m over here telling myself ‘okay so what? I’m not you in anyway, I’m myself and I decide what I think and plan’ . But because of hiding this hurtful words to my dad who has done a lot for us, I just drop the the topic.
I’m 27 and I don’t want children, and don’t ever want to become pregnant. It’s a legit fear of mine! What sucks is that when I tell people this they just say aww you’ll change your mind or they low key wish pregnancy on me to like teach me some kind of fucked up lesson. It’s so screwed up that people would want to force a child to be born when their mother didn’t even want them in the first place, it’s just horrible.
I have constant nightmares about being pregnant and almost wake up in a panic attack😅😅
I've gotten the "well that shows you need to have kids to learn a lesson" response, too! It's so weird that in the same breath they'll call you irresponsible AND say the solution is to be charged with the care of a helpless human being
f*ck society
I just found out today that a fear of pregnancy and childbirth (yes it’s real) is called tokophobia.
EXACTLY.
This is slightly tangential, but the expectations to take care of your parents when they're old absolutely pisses me off. My parents treated me like shit my entire life and they have the nerve to bring up me taking care of them a few years down the line.
Derek even if your parents treated you amazingly throughout your life, that does not mean you have to take care of the, when they are older. My parents always said it is be their biggest fear that I give up my life just to look after them. They are responsible for themselves. They would never want me to sacrifice anything.
Lol if people took care of their elderly parents the retirement homes and nursing homes wouldn’t be a thing. Most people in those homes actually have children.
I'm 56 and happily childfree. I've always known I didn't want kids, despite 40 years of hearing, "it'll be different when you have kids...". I've never had a twinge of regret. I'm so glad you and others are speaking out. Maybe your generation will be the one in which people finally realize that living childfree is a healthy, positive choice for those of us who don't want kids.
“ I will not have a baby just for attention. I will probably go to therapy instead “ why do u make me die of laughter
Heheh 🤓
Cracked me up too XD
i can't imagine having a baby for attention. It's wayyy too much work and I see too much attention as negative anyway. I have 2 kids but never posted any pics of them.
My dad is very quick to anger and when I was growing up, during angry episodes he would frequently tell me that he wished he never had kids. We never had a real discussion about it beyond that, but it was extremely hurtful and has always stuck with me. I don't want children and I never want anyone's children to have to feel the way I felt and still feel.
I'm sorry you had to go through that. I've gone through similar things. My parents always said that they would have had way better careers if they didn't have kids (they had 3). I know that they still cared for me but I understand that their lives definitely would have been better if they didn't have so many kids (or any kids at all). I don't take it personally in any way, but I have learned from them and I'm choosing to not have kids ever.
@@emmabunch-benson7922
AGREED! Any parent who makes you feel guilty for simply existing probably shouldnt have had kids. You hold your child accountable for their mistakes and disrespect. What you DON'T do is make them feel guilty because you feel your life is over.
I can't understand how some people don't respect the choice. Having children is life chaning, in the way that your life will never be the same again. I am 100% sure I want children and can't wait to be a mother, but I think that if people do not want children they should not put a child through having a parent who doesn't want them. I have some friends, that are like you were, making goals to be as old as possible before they have children.
I am realizing this comment is going nowhere.
Let's end it with, I respect your choice and hope that your "openness" will make people who think they have no choice realize they do.
It's ok to want children, it's ok to not want them. As you said, better to not have any if you are just going to resent them later.
Yeah, I have a baby who I very much wanted and makes me very happy and when friends tell me they're on the fence about having kids I always say "if you're not 100% sure you want a baby DO NOT have one. This is the most serious decision you will ever make."
Seriously, if someone is pressuring you to have a kid tell them to have a baby if they want one so bad.
Loved the intro, haha. I love finding other women who don't want kids. I don't want to deal with pregnancy, I don't want to give up my life to care for a child, and I have no motherly instincts. I have to remind myself that an appropriate reaction to someone telling me they're pregnant is not OH MY GOD, I'M SO SORRY.
But, give me all the puppies.
Edit. Lost it at, "will not be purchasing a child." 😂
As I said in the video, it’s always nice to connect with other people who go against the norm in one way or another. ☺️ You feel less alone!
Yeees, all the puppies and kittys and so on! How come all animal babies are cute except the ones of my own species? 😂 It's always awkward when someone proudly presents me with a photo of their newborn and I just think "euh, that's ugly..."
"motherly instincts" don't exist. nurturing children has nothing to do with instinct anything like that, it is about being intentional and patient and respectful to another human being. anyone can do that if they are willing to be decent to other people who are at a different developmental stage.
that said I don't want to have kids, because I'm poor and can barely keep my shit together. i want to take care of myself and that's ok, there's nothing wrong with not wanting to change your lifestyle.
And I like only birbs. I don't remember since then, but I stopped liking mammals very much and do not consider dogs or puppies or kittens cute at all. Maybe koalas, though...
But birbs and other theropod dinosaurs are super cute and lovely for me. I am especially a fan of parrots, all ~300 species of them are wonderful and if I could, I would open a facility to care for mistreated or abandoned parrots
I have an insane fear of birds since my cousin locked me for 6h on a hen house; but I find your comment cute and it made me want to make an effort to like them.
I love seeing more childfree people in the media! I don't want kids for a large variety of reasons that I could talk about for hours. It's so frustrating to hear people tell me that i'll "regret it later". I can bet money that I've done 10x the research when it comes to childbirth, child rearing, congenital diseases that may occur in early childhood and the environmental damage that having kids does. But I'M the one that's going to regret my decision for not wanting them. I call bullshit.
I'm a 23 year old women with a bachelors in science who plans to get my Masters Degree and I get called childish, immature, and foolish or selfish for not wanting a kid and that "I don't know any better". However, an 18 year old drop out popping out a kid is somehow "amazing" and "heroic" and "brave" and overall celebrated and never really questioned.
How does that make any sense to anyone? Am I the weird one here??
@@emmabunch-benson7922 I think so too! Theres no way a person would still want kids if they knew everything involved when it comes to child rearing lmao. Ignorance is "bliss" I guess?
👌🏾
I think you are the smart one, I’m 28 and I keep hearing a friend on “how hard is to take care of her kid” and that she never have money and ask me for some, and that She is jealous that I’m always traveling and having fun and she has to take care of her kid. Soooo I’m guessing not having kids it’s a good idea, apart that I don’t imagine having to sacrifice my live to take care of another person :S
I get you man it’s rough for people not wanting to be a mom or dad your just selfish in there eyes which you should be with your own life yet there trying to be selfish at your own expense
@Liz He AMEN sista! I cannot agree with you more on EVERYTHING you said! 👌👌👌 I feel the same 1 million percent 💕👍
This is SUCH an interesting topic to me. My whole life I have loved kids and thought I wanted children. Everyone talks about how great it is. Then I had a child and regretted it the first 3 months. I love my child, but I realized loving other people’s children and having your own child is SO different. I was one who didn’t ever realize being child free was a choice. Thanks for sharing your perspective on the topic!
Wow, what a brave soul you are! This is actually an epidemic in the (US) but moms are too afraid to speak up. On a childfree blog it was mentioned to Google "I hate being a mom" you get something ridiculous like 300 million results! A lot of moms expressed being hoodwinked and bamboozled by motherhood and regretted it. They also expressed dark feelings of depression and suicide but were afraid to speak up out of fear of being crucified for it. Suicides have exploded for women especially WW, 60% increase in less than 20yrs! This is being ignored because it's a women's issue and women still don't have enough support.
@@emmabunch-benson7922 That is very profound!
bhmoore182 This is exactly why I work in childcare. I adore kids, but by the end of the day I'm absolutely exhausted and so happy to send them back home to their parents. 😂
I hear you! I have 2 kids, love them with all my heart, but if i could turn back time, i wouldn’t be a mom. I don’t like it, it changed my life, it changed me as a person and i don’t really like who i became and every time i dare to say anything like this out laud it’s like sacrilege!
@@emmabunch-benson7922 Yes! I hate that people assume that if I say I don't want kids I must dislike kids, or that if people realize I like kids they double down on the assumptions that I want kids!
I've never pictured myself as a mother. I don't think i can take full responsibility of raising another human being and i don't want to.
I hate it when parents think their child is somehow a gift to the world and they are somehow changing the world for the better by procreating. Your child is not that special.
THIS.
Not to mention, it actually hurts the planet and is selfish.
Every child is special. Or otherwise that would mean there was nothing special about each and everyone of us.
YEEEESSS. So true. I am a teacher and I see sooo many parents who think like this! Sure I love a bunch of those kids, but still, their point of view on their own kid tho... (sorry for my english, I am french)
See, it's important that parents think this way. It's hard to raise kids if parents weren't passionate about it the kid would suffer. Have a little understanding for that and I hope your parents see you as a gift and special as well!
My friend is currently pregnant and I'm so excited to be able to help her with the baby and for her to have a child but I'm still sure I never want kids of my own. Super ready to be the cool aunt for the rest of my life
Oh yes, I have it on my bucket list to be the cool aunt to my friends' kids but also remain childfree 😄
You can buy her kid all those nice clothes and toys few times a year.
The way people constantly ask ”so when are you having kids?” etc really bothers me. It’s so stupid. What if having kids is my biggest dream but I can’t have kids? What if I’m trying and have been for years but it’s just really difficult? What if I just don’t want kids and here you are assuming, putting pressure on me and disrespecting my choice by saying I will change my mind. The obsession about other people having kids or not needs to stop.
It's a baby crazy world out there. Super scary
This I had this too. And 5 years ago i had a miscarriage. And never been pregnant again. But also when my sister in law was pregnant i got comments like "when will you start"😠
@@MagicalSam89 ugh, im so sorry :(
@@magdasofie5065 thanks I have peace with it now. I dont have to have children to life a complete life.
Being childfree IS heaven ☁️✨😂
True 😂
Having a child would be a hell for me. Constant shackles
It depends on your standpoint if you are infertile and desperately want children it would be hell
Hannah Bellxoxo Of course, I only speak from my own perspective. Me being happy about being childfree and expressing that doesn’t take away from anyone else’s experiences, we are all valid.
You making that reply on my comment is honestly so unnecessary in my opinion.
“Being child free is heaven to me” is a 100% valid comment we have to realise that everyone comes from different places and have different life experiences it is important to be mindful of that. That statement could be very hurtful to the infertile
I’m 46, married for 19 years and no children. Mission accomplished.
I’m a 45 yr old Mother of 2, saying that, I don’t judge anyone’s decision in life. I respect your decision and I’ll never judge you. I am pro choice. I would respect the decision of my children if either of them decide not to have children of their own. You do you
Being childfree is like hitting the Lottery twice .😁🤑🙌🏾🏠🌏
I relate so much to your feeling that life ends when you have kids (for you). I've always known I don't want children, but I used to think I HAVE to have them, so there I was at 12 stressing about doing everything I want with my life by 25. Realizing I can be childfree was amazing for me.
I've been hearing "you're too young to know what yu want, you will change your mind" since I'm 20. I'm 32 now and when I talked to my doctor about replacing my coil when it's time, she tried to discourage me because I would start to "run out of time" and pregnancy could be harder/less safe and I'm like o_0 I don't careeeee replace my coil!
Uurrggghhggghghh “run out of time”. Jesus........ 😒😒😒
Yep, a woman's worth is apparently only dependent on whether or not they want to be an incubator. It's pretty gross. Like, people still support it when a 16 year old girl gets pregnant but if a well educated girl in their 20s/30s doesn't ever want to have children, it means that they're just "too immature" to understand. like wtf.
Nancy Pifer Change doctors!
"You're running out of time"
Yes, that is the idea. We keep hoofing this in the baby maker till it stops making babies. That is entirely the point of the device.
I had a similar experience to this. I went to have a coil and the doctor who recognised me from previous visits said 'oh, still not ready for kids yet? '.... Umm yet? I don't want them at all 😂 so rude.
I'm also childfree and personally I hate kids (a few exceptions exists but at all, I don't like them) and about the "are you afraid to grow old alone" I have little story to tell : my broher, mother and I used to take care of our old neighbor, a wonderful old lady who've lost her husband , she was kind of a part of our family, she used to go to the hairdresser that my grandmother had, she took care of my mother, me and my brother. She had kids and grandchildren but overall we were the one visiting her the most, we used to brig cakes and cookies everytime we made some (quite often hehe) and during my graduation I came everytime to tell her how it has been, even before my own mother ! every time I was travelling I brought back a beautiful postal card etc... if you're a nice old person, no matter if you have kids or not, you can be friends with youngers, with families and they will be kind to you. You can grow old and be surrounded by wonderful people, no need to have kids
“Child free” is for people who have no kids by choice, “childless” for people who have no kids because of reasons other than their own will. So CF is always by choice, it goes along with the meaning of the therm.
What’s your point? Did I say anything to the contrary? ‘Cause I agree. 😄
👍🏼
@@Katrinberndt just a clarification because the title of the video says "CF by choice" which is redundant ;-). My academic self here, hehe. Thanks for making this kind of videos ❤️
@Denise Blair Why the assumptions? I do not think they help a constructive conversation. If you had asked why exactly I wanted to clarify terms, this is what I'd have said: Look, for many people in the CF cmmunity terms are very important, just as they are -for example- in the LGBTQ+ community or in any community struggling to be recognized by society. I was pointg out this difference in terms because it actually matters to a lot of people in this communty I care about.
@Denise Blair That's cool. I've also been in the CF community for a long time (38 years), and I get if you do not care, we are all different. I do, and in the forums I frequent it is a regular topic. She can say what she wants in her channel and, as long as the comments are open and you are kind and respectful, everyone is invited to share their experiences. Everyone deserves the space to comment, not only the creator of the channel ;).
Being childfree has effected my friendships greatly. I don’t have any peers my age 31 or older and I can’t deny that them being majority moms with families is a big factor. I don’t fit into the group. This was a HUGE issue in my workspace. Still not changing my mind. No matter what I do I’m gonna be judged. I go from being a “lonely cat lady” to “single mom with a baby daddy” no matter what.
With the state the world is in right now I feel like it is actually kinder to not bring a child into this mess (plus there's the fact that we are over-populated).
I'm always confused about the "Do you fear growing old alone?" question cause my only answer is: nope. There's a difference between being alone against your will and making the active decision to be alone. I mean yeah, company is nice and all but I prefer being alone. I can get company elsewhere than with a child or a partner, I rather fear not being alone.
Yeah I agree with that. I guess I just assume it gets depressive when you’re 80 and everyone you know and love has died haha. Might be lonely. But it’s NOT a reason to have kids.
@@Katrinberndt totally get that, it might be scary to a lot of people to "be alone for such a long time" (basically meaning forever) and to maybe not have the choice of company anymore at a certain age. But children aren't toys that solely exist to give you company when you need one just as your partner doesn't exist for that single purpose.
I also find that the choice of not having children is one of your standpoint on education and children's rights. I prefer not to have children because I don't want children to grow up under circumstances where they're not treated as the individuals they are amongst other reasons and that's nothing I can guarantee for them.
@@REGINLEIIF I think a problem is that age 80+ is obviously when your body is deteriorating and it's very hard to do things by yourself. I know a couple that had no children and the wife is also an only child. Her husband now has Alzheimer's and is in hospital and she can't get out very often. I can imagine it must be very lonely for her, and having a close family would mean she would have someone to help her as she grows older. Still doesn't convince me to have children though but I can also imagine growing old alone with no one is sad.
I know more people "alone" with kids. Having kids is NO guarantee of being cared for in old age. In fact, just about every person with adult children (20-40s) are alone with no hope of having the loving family member care. The kids only care about themselves. Sad but true.
I agree. And some people (like my ex) can make you feel so unhappy and unloved, and make your life so miserable, that I am more afraid of spending my life with someone like that then alone.
I'm 29. I've changed my mind about having children, at first I wanted to have only one kid, now I think I don't want to have any. I have 6 younger siblings, I babysat most of them, changed their diapers and dealt with their tantrums so I think I've had enough. Is not that I hate kids, I love them! But I'm not sure if I'll ever want to have one. My mom is already a grandma but my in-laws aren't, and sometimes my mother inlaw makes comments about wanting to have grandchildren, I hate that pressure.
Yeah I get that. My sister-in-law is also childfree by choice by also because of medical reasons so she has no pressure at all from her parents. So I’m their only hope for grandchildren hahah. Sorry to disappoint.
Don't let her pressure you tell her to back off
I'm 20 and NEVER wanted kids. Everytime I tell this to someone they disregard my opinion with the usual responses (you know them). Like did you even listen to my words?
I'm 23 and I get the same response. It's a lack of respect for women in general and treating us like children. So our choices and opinions dont mean anything because we're too "childish" to understand what we're doing. It's extremely disrespectful.
@@lizhe2914 I'm sorry it happens to you to
Im 24 and I get that too. Mostly from older people and people having kids. The worst were my ex (we were both around 20-21 at the time) who said "yeah lets see about that when the time comes" as if i do not have a choice. I do have a choice and that is one of the reasons that he is an ex
@@emmabunch-benson7922 Also it would just waste the time of both partners !
@@emmabunch-benson7922 Yep, I've seen this first hand and it always shocked me another reason why I would never marry it's too hard, I'll date until I die.
I didn’t want kids for so long, then there were a few short years that I did want kids. I’m 35 now and I’m happy I didn’t have kids. I was forced to babysit my siblings when I was younger and it really ruined my childhood. I’ve recently found out I have PCOS (poly cystic ovarian syndrome), basically abnormal mensural cycles that make it super hard to get pregnant, but I’m ok with that. So now I just feel that if I get pregnant then I get pregnant. And if I don’t then I’m fine with that too! My husband and I like to travel and sleep in, so we really love being able to do whatever we want, when we want. Maybe that’s selfish, but I’d rather be selfish and know it then have kids and have that affect the child’s life.
Not selfish at all! In fact, I would argue that having children is a selfish act. It's a way for people to deal with their existentialism. Some people have kids cause they're bored or use them as retirement plans. All pretty selfish.
I've discussed with people that having kids in this day and age is actually sort of unethical considering the amount of environmental damage that a human inflicts in their lifetime. So choosing to have kids now, when we're wildly over populated is pretty selfish in my opinion. However, I've gotten the response "if anyone deserves to have kids, I think it's me" from numerous amounts of people. Sounds pretty egotistical and selfish to me lol.
If that's selfish then eating is selfish and that word has no meaning
I was 16 when I've decided that I wanted to be childfree, I've made it a serious decision to the point that I got a vasectomy at 23 to prevent accidents. I'm 26 right now, and I have no regrets.
I've known that I wanted to be childfree since I was nine years old. I'm 24 today and had sterilization surgery three years ago. I feel more sure about my decision every single day.
You’re lucky to be able to get that surgery. In some countries women’s body doesn’t belong to them 😒 Fear of any unplanned pregnancy scares the hell out of me.
Video: Childfree by choice
UA-cam ad (for a fertility clinic): "Do you dream about having children?" ... uhm
😂😂
I cannot think of anything worse than having kids either 😂🍻🍻🍻
Chose to be childfree @ 17, made it permanent @ 22. Now almost 60, life is great!! A lot of people my age are financially helping their grown kid's and/or raising grandkid's.
Before a womans worth was validated by child rearing, we are beyond those days. I have 2 girls, one was in my marriage. One was a complete surprise due to paraguard failure, and yet I still get asked when I'm "trying for the boy" never? I'm ok how I am, I want to provide the best quality of life that I can. Do you ask a pet owner, how many more pets are you going to get? I'm not missing out on anything, people with no kids are not missing out on anything. We all live in our own timelines. My best friend said, I love your kids but I dont want any
And I support her. People chafe at the thought that someone can not want kids. Its fine smh
@@emmabunch-benson7922 Preach!
Ever since I was little I didn't like children, its always been there and its still there. I enjoy my freedom and that's that
Appreciate that you mentioned that adoption and surrogacy are very problematic and I hope those who are unaware will look into those industries beyond what the lobbyists and companies that profit on it say.
Amen. I didn’t feel comfortable going into too much detail in this video, but they are extremely problematic and it frustrates me when people say “well there’s always adoption or surrogacy if you end up changing your mind”... no
Katrin Berndt yeah I get it, it can be a sensitive subject for a lot of people. Just acknowledging it is plenty imo.
@@Katrinberndt Katrin, could you maybe make a video on that? I get the surrogacy issue, but adoption? Would have never thought there might be a problem. I will definitely look into that, but your insight would be appreciated.
Katrin Berndt I was adopted but I wasn’t bought so for me adoption saved my life & I’m grateful.
L T. I didn’t intend for this to be a discussion thread (and I won’t make it one). I’m glad you had a good experience with the adoption industry, unfortunately that’s not the case for a lot of others.
Childfree by choice 33 yr old over here - been with my boyfriend 11 years. 💚💚💚 I want to thank the women that selflessly choose not to reproduce for the sake of the environment 🙌
I absolutely love and when you talk about this topic. At the age of 16 I was obsessed about having a child as soon as possible. Whenever I saw a pregnant woman, a baby or anything related my heart was aching. Now at 25 I know it was for the wrong reasons and when I finally realized that and opened my eyes it's completely the opposite. Whenever I see a child or whatever it increases the fact that I actually don't want a child and most importantly for the good reasons now. Thank you for making these kinds of videos !
my daughter never wants kids and i 100% support her decision, she has never really liked kids and finds it very awkward being around young family members, i had her quite young (22) which was mine and my husbands decision, as i was a late baby my parents were both 40 i said i would never be an older parent as both my parents had health issues later on and i lost them both by the time i was 26, i am now 40, kids are hard work, i only have the one but i used to be a nursery teacher, you either have the motherly instinct or not.
when i was 25, my best friend said i'd regret not having kids when i'm 40. at 41, i told him i still don't regret it & he got offended. 44 now & still no regrets.
Never even thought of being jealous of the 9 month attention while pregnant. Never was with a man that was interested in kinds. And finally this decision was totally taken away from me at 26 with hysterectomy. I was adopted and it did not work out well. Adoptive mother was furious when I HAD to have a hysterectomy so young. Never forgave me. Like I had a choice in the decision.
You've been through a lot, sending love to you
@@sinlobo84 Thank you. I do not really look at it that way it is just life . So many have it much worst. I never was sorry I never had kids though. Even at 70 and totally alone. I LOVE life. My house plants animals yard. Not in this order. Happy to wake up each morning to see what kind of hell I can raise. Today I hope to finally finish putting back together a love seat I bought in a hurry one time when company was coming and could not find what I wanted. Always hated it. The arms were big fat ugly. So I peeled back the fabric cut down the wood part of the arms. Rebuilt where needed with pieces I took off. Painted what I needed to. Later will mosaic maybe. And finally will get the love seat back into place and reclaim my living room dining room space. OMG I have made a mess in here even using drop cloths. So proud of myself I have finally done this and now love seat is 6 inches shorter all because of the fat arms are gone. Nice modernish looking ones now. Thanks so much for your comment. You are very kind.
@El Hoffman Oh I did just that the day after I graduated high school I left home never to return with out a protection person with me. See she was mostly covert narcissist so in front of another butter would not melt in her mouth. Thankfully later in my life my then hubby read her like a book. She did come to visit us once in our humble little log cabin in the mountains on the river we built just the two of us a one of hubbies friends. She died in 2002 and the rest of the adoptive family got all her money. But I came out so far ahead as I earned the money I have now. Even though I cried poor mouth to her I was building a nest egg that now is supporting me well. Live is good. Last man/woman standing wins.
I didn’t want kids while I was a child/teen, and then as soon as I hit 18 something switched inside of me and ever since then I really want children. I started to nanny children and my partner and I have now been trying for a while. I still remember all of the dozens of reasons I had for why it sucks to have children, but now I think about those things in a positive rather than negative way.
However, I completely respect that there are many people who don’t want children. They change your life completely and are the most difficult responsibility that you’ll ever have in your life. No one should ever have any say in your reproductive choices!
I’ve always wanted to be a mother and right now expecting my first kid. However when my girlfriends tell me that they have never felt the feeling that they want kids, I always remind them that it is completely fine to never have kids if they don’t want to or maybe decide on it later. I was always looking forward to becoming pregnant, but after finding out and now letting it sink in for a while, I still feel weird about being pregnant..I feel like an alien even though I look forward to have my baby.. but probably adopting next time
Good that you’re supportive towards your friends! But please look into the adoption industry and how shady and terrible it is. Adoption is not all it’s made out to be...
NomNomFairy when I was having my planned child people were asking me am I excited? The answer was no I was scared I had no idea how my life would change but I New it would. Turns out it never changed much. Xx
Hannah Bellxoxo I’m fine about the changes.. it’s just that I see everyone else looking like a natural born mom..and I look confused and not really maternal, even though I am very maternal. It’s a very strange feeling
I love your honesty. in two months I will be 37 years old and for the last 25 years of my life i know that I dont want to have kids. every time when I say that I dont want to marry and have children, people don't believe me. .. they look at me like i've fallen from Mars ... or laugh politely and say " OOoooo... but you don't really mean that.. hahahhaha..." but.. YES I DO!!! I have lots of nieces and nephews and all are dear to my heart... but I prefer cats. :D
Haha people can be so ridiculous!!
You are like me. Only I am 30 years old woman. 😎
i really agree with what you said. just wanted to point out since you mentioned having kids for 18 or more years. if you're a parent, you're a parent forever (unless some accident happens with your child). you may only be required to take care of a child for 18 years, but you will take care of them in one way or another for much much longer
My boyfriend (of 6 years) and I are also child free by choice. We have 3 pets going on 4 and that’s all we need. I just don’t have that motherly instinct towards humans and animals equally give me that satisfaction and I’m okay with that.
My mom and grandma always told me from a young age DON’T HAVE KIDS!! And so over the course of my life I always had that mentality and I’m not mad at them our family is super dysfunctional and broken so brining a child into that wouldn’t be fair
I can relate thats my #1 reason for not wanting them I cant guarantee Ill be alive til the child is 18 and the family is so broken and dysfunctional what would happen to my child. That would be selfish. If I cant guarantee the child a long term stable and loving environment then no.
23 and always felt that I didn’t want kids. Never wanted to be pregnant, couldn’t ever imagine it. when all the girls in school were making up baby names growing up, I couldn’t even do that. I didn’t understand how they knew they wanted kids at 8 years old.
I’m child free by choice. I knew as a teenager that I didn’t want children. I’m almost 55 years old. I had a uncle and aunt who chose to be child free so I had an example. People ask if I miss having kids, the answer is still no. Being child free isn’t about being selfish, my husband and I feel it is a blessing.
I've known for a long time that I didn't ever want to have kids (I'm 26), but I've never really met anyone in real life who felt the same way that I do. I've been listening to the Barnfrihet podcast since you mentioned being on one of the episodes and it's been so nice to hear about the experiences and perspectives from other childfree people (especially ones that are from a similar culture). I'm Danish though so I don't always understand 100 % of it, but still enough that I can follow along lol.
I just wanted to thank you for talking about this topic, I feel like it doesn't get talked about nearly enough.
Wow, I have never related so much to one of these child free videos. I’m 22, and I started off saying I wanted kids. Then within the last year or two, I started to say I only wanted one, but they have to be born after I’m 30. Then one day recently, I sat myself down and really thought about why I even wanted that one child. And it is absolutely for the attention you get. I didn’t even know that that’s what it was. 😭
I actually feel happy when I get my period. I wanted kids for so long, now I’m 36 and extremely happy I never had them. Children is such a chore and money wasting! Child free for life
I can't even tell you how amazing it is to hear someone say these things out loud that I've felt for so long. Sometimes it feels like I'm the only woman who sees pregnancy announcements on social media and literally thinks "thank GOD that's not me!" I honestly feel like something's wrong with me because I have no desire to be a mother, and it's incredible to know there's other women out there like me.
I'm 58 years old and knew from middle school that I never wanted kids. My middle school teacher did a talk on exponential population growth - this was waaaay back in the 70's - when most of you weren't even a twinkle in your parents' eyes! Anyway, he explained that even having "only" 2 children (assuming a very low death rate) contributes to exponential growth. I also was never a huge fan of kids (don't hate them - just don't dig them) - and definitely not a fan of babies. I'm shocked that so many didn't even realize you don't HAVE to have children! Yeesh. I guess I'm super lucky that both of my parents never put ANY pressure on me to have kids - and we were all of like minds that there are too many people on this earth. Thank you, Katrin for talking on this subject! 💞
I just have to say the new frequent uploads are giving me life! I always enjoy watching your videos and I love hearing your thoughts on being child-free as it's something I can relate to. I think you word things very well! :)
That’s great to hear! 😃😃 Thank you! 🙏🏻
You can't truly regret not having children because you have no idea how the child(ren) will turn out. Now you can certainly regret having children.
THANK YOU for making this video ♥️ my sister in law and her husband get all the attention for the past 2 years, as they got engaged, married and pregnant during these years. I am so happy for them, but I am also jealous of the attention, while I absolutely do not want kids. And I also cannot stand people telling me "you just wait, you will change your mind". So good to hear that there are more people living with these situations!
I'm currently 25 right now and currently struggling with moderate to severe depression and anxiety and I do know that parenting is not for me. The mental part of it though is just accepting it and that I was given a gift of Djing and producing music as my way to calm myself down and just being around other people. I'm truly thankful to be doing this in my life and to be honest I cannot complain. Its my way of staying happy, peaceful, and more spiritual.😊😊🙏🏻🙏🏻
Hey Katrin! I'm a long-time subscriber (and long-time lurker, haha) and always really enjoy your videos! Just wanted to say thank you for this video - and all discussion you generate around mental health and being child-free by choice. You articulate so incredibly well all the things I feel, and I'll definitely be sharing this video with people in my life in an attempt to build bridges of understanding.
This video really helped me, thank you 💕
I’m so grateful for your honesty about being child free by choice - I am pretty much 100% sure I don’t want kids and I know that’s a perfectly valid wish, yet I still find myself feeling guilty and somewhat ashamed of it. Your unapologetic discussions are so refreshing and reassuring, as well as being able to see so many comments I can relate to ❤️
Absolutely valid great Q's & A's! Loved this video.
Yess just stumbled upon this, been following you for awhile. We stan a childfree Queen 🤗♥️
I just subscribed to your channel, this is the very first video and I just finished watching it like 2 seconds ago! I absolutely love this! I’m 34 and child free and will keep it like that forever! I’m happy with my life!
I absolutely love your hair in this video, it lookes great. And the blue in your tattoo is popping really beautifully as well
This is so incredibly helpful to hear. Everything you’ve expressed is what I feel but can’t sort out in my head. I’m 31 and have never felt a maternal desire my whole life. Now that everyone is having kids, i feel like i keep getting asked when my turn is and it almost had me questioning it whether i should do it just to not get left behind. This was super helpful!
I enjoyed this video a lot. Also, your makeup is absolutely beautiful!
I love how you stand for your individuality and freedom
LOL I just had a difficult day and the whole "heaven" joke just made me laugh so hard I don't know why. Thanks though!!
Thank you for making positive videos about the childfree lifestyle!
I've been mostly sure about not having kids for my whole life, the last few years it's been a solid no to children. My family is religious and considers it God's commandment to have children (at least 2, if not more) so it's been hard for them. I understand that they believe that there are literally spirits in heaven that are waiting for me and eternally meant for me to have them as kids, but they honestly won't leave the topic alone sometimes. It's really frustrating! Thanks for approaching the topic in a positive and encouraging way! :)
Why would a spirit from heaven want to live in such a messy world?? Seems illogical to me. 🤔
@Linet Akinyi I'm not but yeah, they are.
You are so mature, I am impressed. What you are saying is just so right and it is so great to hear it. I’m 37 and child free by choice and it is not always easy to explain to friends and family... my husband and I laughed so much when watching the video of you and your niece. Amazing! Thanks for that! 😊 And you are gorgeous by the way, love your hair!
You have become so much more mature since i have started watching your videos! And, as a person who is also child free by choice, you are so so so right in every answer you give. I admire you even more, well done!
I guess it depends when you started watching but I think it’s a natural evolution when becoming an adult. 😁🙏🏻
Life is beautiful & fulfilling with AND without kids 💓
As long as you choose what’s right for you, yes!
Life is actually full of suffering. Too many people forget about that, because they are not going through it right now, they will probably feel it only when they become very old and very ill. But I had depression since I was 14, so I know it already...
That is also why it is people who decide to have kids should think twice, because how can you predict what their life will be like? What if they have mental illness and suffer a lot? People, who do not have kids do not put anyone else in danger, but when someone decides to have a child, they should consider risks for the child
Correction, life is beautiful and fulfilling without kids.
@@brettvukovich6220 to many it's ultimately fulfilled with kids
Your videos are always a pleasure to watch, this one particularly so as I am childfree by choice and have unapologetically declared it since I was in high school (now nearly 40). Thank you for such beautifully articulated responses to a potentially difficult subject! ☺️
Youve been a childfree influence in my life before i knew what childfree means or if it was even an option. Thank you for educating other people about the free of choosing to be or not to be a parent !
Have been looking for a lot of child free videos and this one's the best. I liked the part where you said it doesn't matter when you decided to go child free. And appreciate the points you put up here. Great video. Thank you.
I don't know why, but you are so sure of yourself, that it gives me kind of relief and inspiration to believe in myself. So thank you, you're really smart and wise.
Thank you! You are the only person I know in my life that I can relate to on this topic. You really helped me to organize my thoughts, because i have the same opinion about children as you but I couldn't express it to other people without getting really anxious and angry when they would say that I will change my mind and other staff
Im 55 and have known since I was young that I didn't want to be a mom. I like my freedom to much to have a child. There's not a day that goes by that I don't find a reason to be glad I'm child free. I enjoy being the cool aunt. And my nephew who is 17 has been talking with me for the past year because he doesn't want children.
But one thing I think is important is for couples to have the child discussion before you get to involved with someone. Dont wait until your already married then discover your spouse wants a whole house full of kids.
I have never met anyone who thinks and feels so similar to me. Your videos really help me feel not alone. Feeling this way is not the “norm” in our society. It can be overwhelming sometimes.
I worked @ a "rich ppl's" school for 2y (still have nightmares about the place, and my connection with them ended in 2016, just so you know), where parents talked openly about having their children to "save their marriages", which is completely empathy-free, mindblowing, selfish and disgusting to me. This is what cemented my undesire for having a child. A child isn't an object to save anything, it's a human being, and bringing it to this world with the sole purpose to "save" anything is not only wrong, but dumb and it will cause life-long problems to said child.
Another point I want to make is that even if some of us who are child-free today regret our decisions later, there is always adoption, and I think is a more humane decision than putting yet another person in this planet. So, probably not gonna get someone growing in my body (which is gross).
Edit: about parents' expectations, I'm currently in a relationship with someone who's parents are very conservative and didn't even let us sleep in the same room while visiting them; recently, we went on a family trip together and they reserved us a room to spend the nights together. I told bf that this is their way of saying "we want grandkids"; little do they know...
Edit #2: about governmet support of poor/miserable families, I'm brazilian and I have some close friends who needed (and got it, thanks to the "lefty" government we had a few years ago) support and help to eat and attend school properly, without worrying too much about their finances, and those are the ones who educated me to the need that people have; it turns out that living in a mostly catholic/evangelical society that preaches "multiplying" is needed that the gov. provides such help, bc marginalized groups get screwed over very easily. So, even though is not ideal that this kind of help be needed, it is the reality of those people.
I’m 36 female and child free and I stay awake at night so excited for the next day , the next weeks & the next years 🧘♀️☮️❤️ I have an innate sense that everything will be ok in my life . I’m just Genuinely happy . I feel so grateful for everything I have . I don’t want to change that inner peace . I feel happy & I just don’t care what anyone thinks . I’m loved & I will continue to be loved and love my inner circle .
Thanks for this video 🙏
All my life I wanted kids because I thought that’s what you were supposed to do. Now I know I don’t want kids and I think it’s weird that people like pushing the conversation
I'm 31 and I still get the "you'll change your mind". It specially pisses me off because I want the surgery to stop buying the vaginal ring (whatever it's called in English, sorry) is too expensive, but I still hesitate because of those comments. I've never in my life liked children, I didn't even like baby dolls.
Nuva ring, yes
Deciding to have a child is defenetly a big decision. I really love babies, but for some reason I can't shake the feeling that having a child would be the biggest mistake of my life so I don't think I will ever have a child.
oh my gosh, you're genuiely funny and entertaining! I laughed so much at the beginning, you share the same humour as me!
Regardless of what anyone thinks about reproduction, disrespect for someone's choice to do/not do something is beyond me. I think the most important thing is, where it is appropriate (with people you have a good relationship with), open communication and asking questions to understand instead of condemning. Not being defensive or rude on either side. Being okay having the conversation, and also being okay with someone saying "I prefer not to discuss this."
Thank you for the video ❤️
I love this videos!! Im child free by choice too and i feel the same way about so many things, im so glad im not the only one that doesn’t think it’s disrespectful to say im gonna change my mind and im an idiot
That first point really hit it for me. I thought about children because I felt like I had to, but I didnt want them and didnt know I had a choice. I just recently had the childfree talk with my mom, terrified she'd be upset, and she ended up saying "I dont blame you" 😂😂 I shared your video with my childfree by choice friends. You put my feelings into words where I didnt know how. ❤❤
Love this! I subbed
completely agree with you on your reasons for being childfree. Having kids is my nightmare as well! On another note: your hair looks amazing