I’m 31, Married, And Never Want Kids. Leave Me Alone.
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- Опубліковано 18 вер 2019
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In this week's video, one woman explains why you should never second guess anyone's decision to live child-free. Click here to see how another woman makes her finances work with her older husband: • I Married A Much Older...
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I never understood how not having children was considered "selfish" when in my perspective continuing to pop out children while having no mean to support them is the selfish one.
Sooo agree with you
It's called projection. Also, misery loves company.
Karen Aguilar yes!!!
Apparently "selfish" as negative connotations when honestly when I think about it I dont think it should. To be selfless is that you don't care about yourself like you do for others. That you'll put others before yourself. And yet, there's thought patterns of "self-care" that continue to circulate which many people find self-care feeling selfish. We should realize as a society that being selfish isn't always a negative thing to be. To address your comment, I totally agree that it's absolutely negatively selfish to just want a kid but not have the means to support them. I have these thoughts/standards on how I would want my child to be raised and I physically and emotionally cannot give that to them.
The only explanation for people who call this decision as "selfish" is jealousy, because some part of them which they were strong/mature/ authentic enough to make that decision.
Please stop pressuring women to have kids. There are so many children negatively impacted by being born to parents who don’t want them.
yep!
Yep my mom I recently found out that my mother didn’t really want us but kept us because our father did. some things you just don’t tell your kids whether they are actual kids or adults. ! I’m 31 and I am unable to have them yet no one takes the time to understand they just wanna judge but they don’t know all the facts about.
Yeah exactly and there's a ton of orphans and children in foster care because their parents either didn't want them or couldn't take care of them
Yeah this comment really hit me depply because i am that one of those children.
@@cookiesncream8490 poor u I really hope you live trough every human was born here for a purpose so don't worry
I'm 60 years old and never had children. I'm never regretted my decision. Don't let your family or society tell you different.
Lies, you tell me why so many seniors lives with 50 cats in their apartments? because they're lonely
@@ericktwelve11Yep, they're lonely for CATS because they love CATS! 😻
Lazar I’m 26 as well and damn set on NOT having children either. I want to live life for me.
Same here
@@ericktwelve11 parents are never lonely, amirite?
Neither marriage nor having children are the epitome of life.
@愛HiImAmii well how high is it? Do you have a statistic?
@UCro0MFHxkhJlRTLIk5Ad14g links, studies anything in that regard?
It frees up the person to do worthwhile things help others if they wish.
I'm 32. Single, and never want kids. Leave me alone.
update: 3 years later still happy with no kids :)
I'm 38 and same.
I'm 43 and anyone who has a problem with me not having kids can go a have a few more to make up for the ones I won't be having!
@@Kelly-oe8kr Exactly! Preach girl.
@@Kelly-oe8kr now that's a good one
Leave you alone ? Why do you feel so defensive ? Are people bugging you to have a child? People who ask do you have children is because it is so natural to them, that's their ideal world and cannot comprehend why someone who doesn't want something that is so precious a gift as a child, Gods miracle ? It's what is considered ''The norm'' Man for woman, they marry have children . I think there is a lost generation if there were a majority of people who chose not to have them, thank goodness that it is statically a minority !, your unborn child could be the next genius , find a cure for cancer !! .
Honestly I’m way too lazy to have kids. I don’t get why people want a big family. Way too much work.
Paws Not Claws me too 😂😂😂😂
Natalie NZ some people have that urge in their psyche and some don’t 🤷🏻♀️ I know women who are depressed they don’t have kids yet and I have never felt that same urge in my life
Also very hard to provide for large family. People with many kids are either very rich or masochistic
My tag line is "I can barely take care of myself," and there's a lot of truth in that...
@@KateeAngel I have 6. Definitely masochistic. 🤣 I love every minute of it though. To each their own. Just as I don't give people a hard time for not having any I wish people would not give me a hard time for having so many.
As someone born to a woman who didn't want me, I can say people who don't want kids shouldn't have them.
I feel sorry that you had to go through this. I wish that you live in a more loving environment now.
True !
Simple as that.
Same. It's the worst thing to go through and I will never put that on anyone else.
Same!
Same.
we need to stop asking people about their damn reproductive system like now. smh
THANK YOU
Having kids is overrated and fucking dumb especially in the world we are destroying they have no future
ProLife evangelical christians will tell you that using birth control is a sin and you are ruining God's plans to procreate.
@Patrick Saxon you are such an idiot
@@patricksaxon3983
And the rest of the world doesn’t give a shit. 😘
Knew as a teenager I didn’t want kids. Ended a five year relationship because he did. I’m now 63, had my tubes tied at 40. My husband of 30 years and I have no regrets. You can be happy, fulfilled and childless.
Jack Obrein Children are not obligated to care for their parents in their old age. Do not procreate in order to insure you have a personal caretaker.
@Jack Obrein "fact of life *dear*" - what?? How extremely patronising. Don't "dear" anyone, especially not your elder and superior. This is a woman of 63, it's a bit bloody late anyway for you to be lecturing her. Get back in your box.
This is more or less my story. I am happy happy happy never to have had kids! I was always open and up front about it. I love my life.
Jack Obrein having children does not ensure you’ll have someone to advocate you.
@Jack Obrein Mmm, you've heard from others, but do you need a real life example? In China it's illegal to neglect your parents and leave them to fend for themselves in old age because of traditional beliefs. However, people break that law. An elderly woman had to sue her son 4 times, and he still won't take take of her. His public statement is that he doesn't gave the means to. He could go to jail either because he really is so poor he can barely provide for himself or he doesn't want to take care of her. I just hope people who have kids for their own better future raise them so that their kids aren't financially unable to care or simply uncaring.
Would you want someone who doesn't like animals to own a pet? Probably not, so why would people want someone who doesn't like kids to have them?
Exactly what I was thinking.
I think people who pressure others to have kids actually have a lack of understanding of human nature, and also somehow feel threatened by the existence of others who do not wish to have kids (which is just stupid).
As human beings, we have the right to make choices that is best for ourselves, and that includes the right to not reproduce if one does not want to. And I think society would actually be better if people were not pressured to have kids if they have no desire to do so.
So right. I want people to stop judging women who don’t want children.
There are also people who love kids, and like being around kids, but don't want any kids of their own.
"So when are you getting a pet tarantula? What you do not want? But they are so cute? Why don't you want one?"
THANKS!
I told my parents at 9yrs old i was never having babies...now im 37 and i havnt changed my mind
Us non kidders should be awarded for being so awesome
@@krazeemetalchickstewart9961 thanks
Same! Only I'm 33. Parents are pleased my sister has kids though so they're the lightning rod when it comes to them even trying to ask me for something they already know the answer to. More love to the grandkids they DO have, right? :D
Good for you, even children know their own minds.
I just turned 39 a couple of days ago and still haven't changed my mind. Never found the right man which was the main reason why but I also have NEVER been thrilled with the idea of having kids.
Not everyone wants to be a mother. And society has TO GET OVER THAT!!!!
It also bothers me immensely when people say that women are only meant to be mothers as if they are some sort of animal or robot. What happened to individuality????
This should be a poster in bus stations, subway stations and schools
I was told that if I don't want children, then I am no a christian.
@@patricksaxon3983 that was wrong. Ask them how is having children christ like? Since that was it means to be a Christian. As far as we know he didn't have kids.
@@tamarrartis2918 Wanting children is a Christian obligation to the lord. Not wanting children is denying gifts from God, God has commanded: Be fruitful and multiply
I never ask people when are they having children. It’s intrusive and frankly it’s none of my business
When people ask me that question I made them feel guilty by saying (quite loudly) "WHY ARE YOU INTERESTED IN MY BODY IS SO GROSS AND YOU'RE A WEIRDO STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME". It scares them and they leave me alone :)
I couldn't have kids due to a birth defect in my reproductive system, so when the questions from strangers or inlaws started about a year into my marriage started my go-to answer was ''that is absolutely none of your business''. This was in the 1970s and I upset more than a few old busybodies.
I am a 9 year old kid
@Tiberiu Farcas "There's nothing wrong"? Breaking news: even if "there's nothing wrong" it's not your fucking business. There's a difference between being curious and being a creepy asshole who thinks it's their business to know what do people do with their bodies and their personal decisions
@@agostinacoronel2901 I think its more creepy when people ask if your still a virgin. Why go around asking people if they're having sex yet or not ? Nobody's business creeps!
I'd love to have kids but anytime someone tells me that they don't, I say great - *please don't have kids you don't want.* Children aren't accessories. They are people who you will be responsible for (whether financially, emotionally, etc) for the remainder of your life.
I completely agree with you!👍 People should not be pressured into have kinds of they don't want them. Just as much as people shouldn't judge other for wanting a big family (As long as they are able to handle the responsibility that come with it of course!) EVERYONE mind your own damn business!
@@crystalrodriguez6602 that's an excellent point. I admit that I have been guilty of judging someone because they wanted a big family, and I see now that was wrong. (I don't want children) As long as your life choices don't impede others from pursuing theirs, let them be.
This.
You are so right. My mother had me without TRULY wanting to be a mother - she loves me, she made sure I had everything, and my dad doted on me... I can't complain. But the fact that I have never been able to truly bond with or obtain understanding and approval from my mother, as a young woman, has left a serious mark. She was miserable raising me, absolutely miserable. I would never have done that to her had I had the choice. Having me broke her.
Fawn Whisperer just came here to say yes i suppose it’s important but on the other hand having a mother who LIVES for you and sees you as her greatest purpose is just as bad. Your child is not there for you. She does not exist just for you. She is not even yours. Have something, many things, to give a child. Have your own life a purpose besides parenthood.
I once told my Grandma, who has raised 3 children, that I don't want any children. She responded: "that's a good decision."
wow
I love your grandma tbh
Grandma has seen things
Grandma said THAT?? Wow! She's smart! Glad she didn't try to pressure you or guilt trip you! Having children ISN'T for everyone!
I told my Mum how I really feel about kids and how much I hate them and don’t want them. Now she tells me not to breed lol. She’s right. People who don’t want kids should never have them. The kids would realise they’re unwelcome and be miserable, and that’s cruel.
I'm 67, & the childfree life totally ROCKS!
63 here and loving it ! Not all of us boomers followed our parents footsteps.
Rock on! Wish I knew more people like you.
@@ariesa9751 That's easy...don't retire! I have no plans to retire whatsoever! I love working
@@ariesa9751 I know many retired, childfree people from my field (airlines) and many of those people use the time to travel, pick up a new hobby, start a new hobby, etc. There are bounds of activities for those in retirement.
My own parents are slipping into retirement and if anything, they want less responsibilities with my sister’s children and family. They want to “finally be able to do what they want to do” as my mother puts it.
As for living situations, yes, there are some situations where parents live with the their children when they get older, but that’s selective and cultural. My mother took in her parents, but let me tell you- it was the hardest things she’s ever done. Her 3 other siblings wanted no part in it. Both her parents have since passed away but she promised my sister and I that she would never do that to us. For one, you can’t have kids as a retirement plan. It assumes too many things (for one that your child would be healthy enough to take care of you, that they would even live near you, that they would have the time to, or that they would be willing to). Kids grow up and have their own lives. I plan on staying healthy and able as long as I can, but if I need assistance eventually, I think I would love enter myself into a retirement community like my father’s mom. I’ll have the money to do it because I haven’t had kids. Father’s mom didn’t have to check into a retirement home until she was 95. She’s 101 now, so it was a good decision. Depending on where you go I’m sure, they look like a lot of fun- at least hers does. Home nurses are also very popular these days, though I’m not sure I’d personally like the seclusion of being bound to a house by myself if I couldn’t leave (some people do prefer that).
So of course, it’s all about preference and living for other things aside from children. The world is an amazing place and there’s still so much I haven’t done or seen. There’s so problem with wanting children, either, but again, I can’t see how it’s a dependable retirement plan or has anything to do with your own retirement. Your life will still continue following retirement, so why not continue your life and not make someone else’s life (your kids) your own? I know you said you want to do the same as the original poster and I think that’s great. Just follow what YOU want to do! The above is simply an argument for people who ask you how you would be supported in old age.
The strangest thing is that the same women that make you feel a weirdo for not wanting children and be part of the wonderful mom team, are the ones who Constantly complain about having children and dealing with everyday life as a mom
This! I know people who whinge about being parents too but it doesn't stop them from asking us when we're having them.
Misery loves company, I guess.
Yup, I always think to myself, 'If you don't want problems, DON'T CREATE PROBLEMS'
YES and then some like to live vicariously through their same-aged friends without kids...sometimes creepily...and even more so if you're also single and trying to date and they're married with kids. I've also had some come up to me after having the "no kids" conversation and be like "omg you were so right not to have kids..."
They resent the existence of childfree (by choice) people as an attack on them because if children are a choice and they're not happy with theirs, it makes them wonder whether they made the wrong one. Even people who find parenthood generally rewarding are going to have these moments of doubt (because parenting is very hard work), and they don't want to think about it, so it's easier for them to treat parenthood as mandatory and pretend they didn't make a choice at all. So our very existence upsets them and they get personally invested in changing our minds to prove us wrong.
I hate when people are like “it’s selfish to not have kids” like my sperm don’t even know they exist.
@LoveofVelvet wtf, I didn't read your whole thing but in case you haven't noticed. Saying it's selfish to have kids is just as bad as people saying not having kids is selfish. Why do people not have kids? For their own desire is the answer. Why do people want to take careers? For their own desire. Why do people want to get married? Hmmmm that's right!! For their own desire.
It seems like every choice we make is for our own desire not just having kids.
@@kakkiekaars it's not narcissistic at all.
@@kakkiekaars I don't even have kids. I'm just telling you the facts. It's not selfish to have kids because it takes a lot of sacrifice. In order to raise a child you have to be quite opposite of selfish. You put the children's needs before yours so it's stupid to say selfish
@@kakkiekaars when have i ever said it's selfish not to have kids? It's not a sacrifice to not have them if you don't want them.
@@kakkiekaars you have to be smart to raise a child correctly. Doctors can have kids to
_we don't need more humans, there are thousands of abandoned ones in orphanadge_
♥💕❤ yes, also those made by baby-"enthusiasts" are a tragic sight too, I see them everywhere orphans with parents - those parents are too busy playing with themselves they have no time to play with own children, to show them games and at least throw the ball
There actually aren't that many children in orphanages, and of those that are in orphanages the vast majority have one or both parents still living. The statistics for orphans include children who have lost one parent, not just children who have lost both parents.
Of children who have lost both parents, many will still have family living who are more than happy to care for that child given the right support.
Exactly!!!!!!
Shae Tallent
By not having children, we are doing you a favor. More importantly, it’s doing the planet a favor. If you want to have children, you’re going to have to hope that global warming is resolved, because that means bad things for your children. ;)
I recently read that for everyone in the world to have a “good, prosperous” life there would need to be about 2-3 billion people and we’re about to hit eight... From an environmental perspective, not having kids is a great thing: fewer people that will inevitably contribute to pollution, climate change, etc.
Nothing wrong in not wanting kids. It’s emotionally extremely draining.
And to the ladies out there who need to hear it... my mother didn't really want to be a mother. I lacked nothing as a child. She took care of all my basic needs, she taught me what I needed to learn - mostly, my dad doted on me, I had a good childhood objectively. But I knew how unhappy she was being a mother from the day I could pick up on it, which was very early. I knew I made her sad and miserable. Her postpartum triggered all kinds of horrible emotional and mental chains of events for her. I watched her be miserable, wanting not to live, I watched her lock herself into the house dreaming of the life she could have had. I would have NEVER done that to her had I been given the choice. Do NOT feel bad about not having kids. You can tick all the boxes; if your child makes you unhappy, they WILL pick up on it, and they WILL carry it with them for the rest of their lives.
Thank you for sharing this.
🙏🏽
Fawn Whisperer ♥️
I'm so sorry to hear about that :( do know you're not the only one. And thank you for sharing this - people who "force" others (with their words) to have babies need to read this.
April Showers my mom told me she’d have had a better life if she didn’t have kids
Bravo sweetheart! I'm a 57 yr old woman with 2 children and one who doesn't want children and I am okay with that. I've always told my children have children only if you want them. Do you and to hell with everyone else.
Alecia Hutton you look great for your age!
Amazing mom 🖤
Wish my mom was like that! She says it's my "obligation" to give her grandchildren 😒 that woman is crazy I'm telling you hahaha
You’re an awesome mom!
Actually, having children is selfish and not the other way around. And that’s coming from someone with a child. I had my son because I wanted it for myself. Now I have to sacrifice a lot, but that’s the choice I made. Having children is very hard and you should only do it if you really want it.
Wow, you're very reflected. I hope you don't feel guilty. I just wished more people would think thoroughly about their reasons for having/wanting children. And consider that it's not an obligation.
Respect the honesty
I have a child and grandchild and love them both, but I agree. I got knocked up and so did my sister. We had an honest conversation when our kids were teenagers and said, honestly, if we had known what this involved before we got pregnant we probably would have opted out. Our difficult teens now are in their 30s and have their own kids (not due to any pressure from us) and we love them very much but I still don’t maintain that my life necessarily would have been meaningless without them.
@@chikaka2012 you're not the only one, I've had at least several different parents tell me that they secretly resent their decision to have a child, whilst they do still love their child unconditionally. You're not alone, don't worry.
Wtf does that even mean? You were selfish about having children and then became unselfish when you realized you had to take care of it?
I enjoy sleeping and having disposable income too much to have kids
You're speaking my language lol
Amen
😅 damn true
Amen to that
Love
This is me and my husband. We are 30. He was booked into a vasectomy after one urologist visit. I was told to wait 5 more years in case I “change my mind.” His procedure is covered by insurance, mine is not. Double standard much??
My dad is an OB/GYN. Tubal ligations are completely irreversible and believe it or not women change their minds a lot. Most often they met somebody they’d like to have kids with and so they come into his office long after they got the procedure done asking if there’s anything he can do to reverse it (there’s not). He has them sign forms of consent and understanding when they’re booked into the procedure, just before the procedure, and immediately after yet they still like to act brand new when they eventually regret it. It’s to the point where he no longer performs them on women who’ve never had kids unless there are extenuating circumstances. Women have tons of other long term birth control options that are covered by insurance (IUD, Nexplanon, etc.) and a vasectomy in terms of simplicity, invasiveness, and permanence is not parallel to tubal ligation at all so I’m not really seeing a double standard here.
I have not changed my mind in 12 years ever since I was a legal adult (honestly since I was a teen).. I think that's enough time to be sure. I don't like the idea of something in my body long term like an IUD nor do I like the idea of taking pills long term (also had side effects from them when I did take them). That's just my preference. I have metal sensitivities and would just rather do a one and done. The double standard comes down to insurance. Why cover men sterilization but not women? It should be my choice. Permanence has nothing to do with it. Also.. when was the last time a man was asked "do you have kids already? ok then you can get a vasectomy. no kids? oh no I can't do that for you" that's the double standard. It shouldn't even be a consideration.
@@chemistryflavored I have not changed my mind in 19 years since I became a legal adult and have never made a yes or no decision. My switch just never flipped. I had 0 dolls as a kid. The urge to bear offspring just has never been there. Now I'll support another child, but bearing my own never hit me.
I'm 37.
Yaaasssssss this exactly.
"Everyone around who wanted a baby from me." That´s so wrong. People need to start minding their own business.
ProLife evangelical christians will not like that, and they want to make birth control illegal again. But thank God for Margaret Sanger who lead the birth control movement in the 1920s.
@@patricksaxon3983
Oral and anal sex are nature’s birth control. Neither of those will ever be illegal. Neither will contraceptives either. 😘
@@patricksaxon3983
Only if done irresponsibly. 😘😘
I'm 43 and never wanted children. I heard it all. Now when someone brings it up I say, "That's a personal question I dont feel obligated to answer". They shut up pretty quickly. Works like a charm.
I always ask them "why are you asking about my reproductive system?"
Good for you! 👍
@@FC-hj9ub good one! I will use that reply.🙂
I don't want kids because mental illness runs in my family and I don't want to imagine my own child having to experience anything close to what I did mentally growing up.
Excatly ❤️
I feel you. 🌻
I began telling people I wouldn't have kids at 10 years old. Now at 43, they finally believe me and have backed off. No regrets.
Also 43, no one believed me when I said I never wanted children. I had such a horrendous childhood to a teenage mother who didn't want to be a mother and blamed all of her lifestyle choices on me. Honestly, why would I ever want to risk inflicting that kind of damage on a child when I already know I'm not interested in having kids?
Same lol. I was about 5 when I first said I don’t want kids. They told me I’d change my mind. I’m now 35 and still don’t want them and they’ve stopped asking lol. I simply explained that I hate the idea of being a mom so much that I’d drown my newborn baby in the bath or throw it out of a high window. Because I would. I despise kids. Suddenly they agree that I shouldn’t breed. Thank god for that.
@@Kelly-oe8kr im wondering what your relationship with your mother is like now
@@romystumpy1197 My mother died as a result of one of her poor life choices, our relationship was strained and nonexistent despite physically seeing each other daily. Our relationship has always been difficult, distant and unloving.
I told my Mom when I was 12 that I wasn't going to have any children, that I didn't want them, didn't like them, and wouldn't change my mind, EVER. After years and years of family pressure to marry, I did at 31 to a man who had 3 children, 2 were boys ages 9 and 11. Helping him raise them was a CHORE and NOT FUN. I had my tubes tied two months after the wedding and NEVER REGRETTED IT. We were married for 23 years and the strain, both financial and emotional of dealing with all the Child Support Issues and Bad Behavioral Issues of these boys were a main contributing factor to our eventual divorce. Both of them had learning disabilities and behavioral health issues and were more than difficult to raise, never mind their ignorant lowlife birth mother who caused endless problems. I am now 58, divorced but not alone, in a relationship and happy with my choice to remain childless. I HAVE NO REGRETS. If you know your mind about the Child Issue, STICK TO YOUR GUNS and be careful who you marry. There is nothing wrong with being a Cat Mom!!
*Even though my cat has decided my Christmas tree is a climbing perch, and the other 2 jump up on the table and eat off my plate the moment I get distracted, there is no way they could possibly be badder then kids. I love them very much, and am quite happy with not having kids for years, if ever. Most of the pressure to have kids stopped once I got out of my teens, but it's still there. For my future kids, biological or foster, I refuse to cave unless I'm ready*
*P.S. I'm around a lot of Latinos, so that's why I started getting hounded so early*
@Jafrin Khan She had to leave. She was miserable. She did the man and his boys a favor by leaving. I’m also pretty sure she didn’t even truly love them in the first place either. She just couldn’t keep up with the intensive care that the boys needed. Staying around, keeping yourself in their lives at home and staying miserable is the worst possible solution in a situation like this. It hurts everyone involved; including the kids. Even though she did just leave, she did the best thing for everybody in this situation.
@@JafrinKhan-gu5fm She took care of them for years, that was an selfless act, they were not her responsibility!
@@JafrinKhan-gu5fm She was there for 23 years, those kids are over 30 now, they don't need her.
Single moms and single dads are not for people who desire to be childfree. Only a small percentage of those will ever work out. I stopped dating women with kids years ago as there were always issues relating to them not to mention never any privacy (even with grown kids) and of course being second fiddle. Life long cat dad here and loving it.
What actually surprises me about all of this is like... it's not her *husband* pressuring her. Her husband doesn't want them either. It's *society* pressuring her.
Why would that surprise? It's not society that will have to bear the costs (financial, labour, or time) - IF the male contributes time and labour at all. Society benefits from you having kids while it costs them nothing.
At 43, I will never have kids. I had my tubes removed. I never wanted them. I don't think kids are cute and I think they are annoying. My entire life people said, "You'll change your mind" and all of the other things people say to people who don't have kids. PLEASE. My friends with kids can't do what I have done in my life, i.e., traveling and seeing the world the way I have. Call me selfish. I don't care. What I will say at this point in my life that when someone meets me now and I explain I don't have kids or have never been married, people look at me like I'm crazy.
I think they’re just jealous they don’t have that freedom.
Peter Kazavis sounds like a parent. the freedom to do whatever you want, travel, and do simple things like not having to worry about kids, and sleeping in
Coleen - I soo agree with you❣️
“Mom can I have a apple?”
“No it’s a onion”
Peter Kazavis 💀💀
Peter Kazavis Some of us do not like children. Get over it.
Suffering from infertility here, so not in the same boat but please please
Please discuss kids before getting married. You don’t want to ever assume, the storytellers story turned out great but it could have gone a different way if someone wanted them and the other did not...
AimeeRose22 So true!
Yeah that seemed very risky to me
This comment needs to be up higher.
I agree. Our wish not to have kids was discussed within our first few months of dating. It's something you know, something you're sure of, and something the other person deserves to know _right away_ so they have a fair chance at the future they want. I'm sorry to hear you're struggling with infertility. I wish I could help you. Life is unfair.
Honestly it doesn’t matter. If you marry in your 20s 90% one or the other will change their mind
I grew up in the 60s, where getting married and having babies was what a woman did. every woman. it was how you "fulfilled" your purpose as a woman. any woman who didn't want kids was somehow letting the side down.
I never wanted kids and never had any. The "subtle" hate I got just reinforced my decision. There was something wrong with me if I didn't want kids, maybe I was "one of them", I should go and get some therapy to make me more "normal".
One therapist even told me that my depression was because I was "grieving for the children I'd never had".
now, I think a lot of that was resentment that they hadn't made the same decision!
I would strongly resent someone saying that it isn't normal to not have kids. Anyone ever heard of something called individuality?
The mid 60s actually started a slow movement of not having kids. In 1964, the last year of the boomers, there were 4.1 million births. By 1973 that had dropped to 3 million and didn't spike a whole lot after that (population ratio is what made it increase some) It was people being bombarded by their silent generation parents wanting grandchildren that caused many to fall by the wayside and have kids. I'm 63 and glad I never had kids. No regrets.
I feel you, being Asexual Sex repulsed, people like us are treated like something is wrong with us too
Think you hit the nail on the head.ive heard many women saying 'my life being with a man i hate working and 5 kids for what' people are a wee bit jealous😆
Yeah, I totally agree with that one!
Please, I hope you reported that 'therapist'. People like that make me think therapy is the new snake oil these days. Why should anyone be paid $100+ per hour, no insurance, to 'talk' to someone? It's stupid. That's what tea time is for. I'm glad you didn't cave to the bullies. Good for you! I'm 30 yo woman, child free, and I just bought my first home. It's my dream home. I already know the 'child' comments will start flooding in.
I’m 28 and have never in my life felt a desire to have kids. I’m a scientist and truly fulfilled by the love of my field. I’m also highly satisfied with my lifestyle. I’ve never understood how a woman can put their life’s entire meaning and fulfillment into another person (a child).
Same here, I can't understand it but I accept it because everyone's brain is different 😂
❤️❤️❤️❤️
I case you visit Senegal let me know. I am a childfree guy.
I have 2 daughters, 28 and 27, who have told me they don't think they want to have kids. They have their reasons and my answer to them is "ok, do you want to go to dinner?" It's not my place/job to tell them they must have kids or "I need grandbabies.'' To be honest, I'm not ready to be anyone's grandmother right now. If they decide to do it later GREAT, if not at all GREAT.
blaqueathena I wish my mother was as sane as you
Thank you for being awesome
People who treat raising their own kids as the price they pay for the privilege of eventually become grandparents and act like their kids are cheating them of their reward by not reproducing creep me the hell out.
Can you talk to my mom?!?!? 😂 My brother has two kids living but my mom STILL keeps asking when I’m having kids. 😤
Good on you tho for just letting your daughters live their life as they see fit. That’s an amazing quality as a parent.
Ali Maldonado Concerns about overpopulation and environmental/societal impacts very much *are* important deciding factors in whether or not we should have children. I couldn’t live with myself if I had kids knowing how damaging it is.
I’m 31 and do not want children.
Thanks for standing up for me.
31, childfree and I'm not giving it up for anything or anyone.
My mom will wait for her grandkids forever and that's her problem for not taking me seriously.
Some ppl don't have patience with kids
When people say that I'm throwing away my life's meaning because I'm not having kids,I respond, no I'm actually keeping my life's meaning!
I wish I could like this comment one million times!
Damn right! So much more time for meaningful things like contributing to society and helping other people who are already alive.
♥💕❤ support fully
@@arikarichardson3212 ♥💕❤ support fully
@@Alexandra-nw3xv ♥💕❤ support fully
Having kids isn’t the answer for everyone!! I think it’s irresponsible to have kids when you don’t truly want them and only because society tells you it’s the next step!
Exactly, well said. And besides, we human beings have what is called free will. We are not biologically programmed to want kids, despite the popular (yet inaccurate) assumption. And I think a lot of society's problems today is because of the pressure to have kids which makes people who never truly desired to be parents unhappy! Kids are human beings too, not tools to make you a "better" or "fulfilled" person and whatnot.
Then be one of those people on the news who completely disregard a kid.
@Diana S I couldn't agree more!
Animals are better than people anyways
@@stratkids Period
I am 63, and my husband and I decided early in our relationship that we didn't want children. My generation said everything possible in judgement of our decision. Great video...thank you.
I love the ones who tell me "you still have time." Yeah, I'm 53...it's NOT happening. I never wanted kids and have no regrets for not having any.
Lool they tell you you have Time at 53? Would you like a 33 y.o son when you're 83?
😂
I got that too. Lord, these people are such half-wits!
My brother-in-law's family kept bringing up "when we're having kids" every other month at birthdays. I kept being polite and saying "we're not" and they kept laughing it off. After a few years I'd had enough and told them "well I'm barren so probably still never" - I know it was a horrible lie to tell... but boy did it shut them up. People are SO inconsiderate. I told you "no" 50 times. What if I WAS struggling with infertility and you kept bringing up my uterus at birthday parties? How rude would you feel? It's none of your business that happens with my ovaries and now you feel an appropriate amount of uncomfortable, congratulations.
I have actually considered using the same "barren" response to my husband's brother, just so he can shut the 🐬 up. It's annoying he always ask when me and my husband are having kids, or ask if i am scared to have children.
My mother recommends that I should tell people this.
She says use the phrase "it's not in the cards for us" and let people.draw their own conclusions.
Although she did recommend straight up saying we can't to my mother in law 😆
As a woman who actually is barren, it's my favorite go-to response to get people off my back about having kids. The only problem is then they start telling me how sorry they are and how my life must have no meaning now that I'll never be a mother (as if that's the only real way a woman can be fulfilled in life and since I can't be a mother I should basically just kill myself because I have nothing to life for). And if I tell them I'm fine with adopting they recoil in horror as if I told them I murdered their grandmother. "Oh, but it's not the SAME! You can't do that!" Like, do these people not understand how horrible they sound? So you're saying that adopted kids aren't worthy of love as much as any child born into my family? Seriously, fuck these people.
@@Sajirah It's sad that they are unable to love a child unless the kid shares half of their genome. Adoptive parents are REAL parents, full stop. I've seen a lot of bio-parents that aren't terribly interested in the job...
@@denneyandthejets7833 I wholeheartedly agree. The fact that so many people treat adoption like it's some horrible last resort because they don't think they can love another human being if they don't share their genetics is so awful. Like, you seem to be able to love your significant other or your friends just fine, why not an adopted child??? And you're right. I was born into a family with some pretty fucked up people who either didn't want kids but were pressured into having them or who had kids and then regretted it. I'd rather children be born to families who actually legitimately want them and are ready to care for them instead of people just having them because they think they 'have to'. Otherwise their children are going to pay the price and that's not fair.
In my culture going childless is a taboo. Last weekend I went to a charity breakfast with my husband. There was a lady who happens to be the grandma to my friend's babygirl. Having children came up and we said "maybe later or maybe never". I said that I want to live and travel freely and I'm not ready for such responsibility for life yet. She ask how old I am, I'm 31, and then she tried to tear me apart infront of all those people. Age shamed me, tried to intimidate me from a childless future, blamed me for I'm being inconsiderate etc. I mean, we were there for a good cause, not to discuss my personal life. People are gonna talk, older people talk more but I come across to this every place I go. It's frustrating and it ruins my day everytime.
That old bag was being disrespectful! I’ve told people “you don’t pay bills in my house” and you know they actually got offended?! Imagine inserting your opinion into someone’s personal decision and getting upset because they tell you off.
Don’t sweat it! Some people are low key miserable and live by a certain stigma so in their mind they feel like having kids is the right thing to do. Just pure ignorance. I’m a 24 year old male and have no desire to have kids. I love my
Nephew and niece but I’ll stop there. To be honest I’d rather have a dog lol
Thanks!
People consider being selfish as a bad thing, that is why many people judge child free people, even though it is quite natural to be selfish as we all choose to be when it comes to making choices in life as it's all about us if it benefits our life style and our life style only, selfishness is not always a bad thing if it doesn't affect others, but more often than not , it does ! and that is why many of us are in denial about not being selfish when deep down, we all can be, it's natural and it's in our nature, but it's up to us to not be selfish and consider others, respect, a good person I read is a selfless one.
Change charity
I’m 47 and when people ask me if I have kids I always reply ‘no and it’s fantastic’ it takes the bluntness out of my no and let’s people know it’s our choice. People are mostly just making conversation I find
I love how my parents and many other parents spend all their time telling their teen daughters, "don't get pregnant! don't get pregnant! don't get pregnant!" But then when those same daughters come to them in their 20s and 30s and say, "I don't want to have kids." All the sudden it's, "Give me grandchildren! Give me grandchildren! Give me grandchildren!" Like make up your mind dammit.
They don't want them to have kids in their teen years because it's bad for their future.
@Ari I never said they had to
@Ari I'm glad I'm not an arrogant piece of trash to think that. this one guy on the comment section thought he was better than everyone because he didn't have kids. I told him otherwise he called me delusional and all of this. he acted like I said something terrible.
Then we have the religious creepos who think anyone who doesn't have kids is breaking God's rules.
Don't forget the ones who act like having a child determines your worth.
@Ari me to
I think they dont want them to have kids young because then they would feel like they need to help out, I think they want them when they are 30 or 40 because usually that is when a career is established and you are more financially stable
If someone says to me "you'll change your mind" or "you're still young" or "what about giving your parents grandchildren???" Or "What if your husband wants them"... that's usually a death sentence to my friendship with that person. No one has the right to preassure me in my life choices, no matter how SURE they are that I'll change my mind. If they go to disvalidate my personal choice, a choice to which i have the valid right to say "no" to, they ain't got a place in my life.
"what about giving your parents grandchildren?" lol as though we're giving them a plant right. Like : "Oh yeah mom, I'll give you a kid for your birthday" XD it's crazy!! lolll
ALICE GOLDENVALLEY 😂
I just spent an HOUR liking and writing encouriging comments to others who shared their life stories here. I am feeling so relieved that I am not alone. THANK YOU ladies and gents in their 40's 50's and over who wrote encouraging messages of NO REGRETS of their decision of not having kids. Thank you so so so so so much!!
63, lifelong childfree and no regrets and not lonely because I have no grandchildren. Better health is far more important than that and the lack of stress by having no children contribute to my good health and outlook. I would have made a lousy dad anyways since I'm not fit to be tied.
I'm 50 and happy childfree - just as I always wanted. Ladies... deep relief sigh...that I do not have to think of this topic anymore. I was absolutely sure I don't want children in my life... but still felt like ... ok... I can postpone it, maybe one day I will change my mind. I didn't and don't regret it, and finally I don't have to think of it. Please, don't push yourself, so that you and your unwanted children suffer...
41 living a happy childless stress free life.
The main reason I don't want kids is that I find them to be the most annoying things on earth. Seriously, every time my mother and I go out somewhere there's always a crying child. Also, I get driven crazy by immature teenagers in high school. As bad as it is with the teens, I can't imagine it'd be better with the little ones.
Let’s be real here, most people procreate just to have future caretakers when they get old, but keep in mind that just because you create kids, doesn’t mean they will be able to care for you when you become elderly, because first of all, what if they die before you? Or what if you have an illness that requires medical care instead of personal care?
Or what if they just move out and never speak to you again. That happens.
It is more selfish to bring kids in this world just so to order them take care of their old parents. Unbelievable
Jenny I beg to differ, because when young people know that I don’t have kids or baggage and I enjoy my freedom, the first thing they ask is “who’s gonna change your diapers then?” 🤣
Or what if they have health problems ?
Or, because you chose to have kids mainly so you'd have someone to take care of you when you're old, they grow up resenting you and refuse to do the very thing you had them for in the first place.
I also plan on never having kids and I can deal with all the pressure and the “when are you having kids” conversations no problem. But what I HATE more than anything else, is when someone thinks they are better than me, more holy than me, smarter, or wiser than me simply because they have a kid.
I'm always like "nah, I learned it's better to pull out than have a shit kid 😘"
I know, right? And they look down on you like they've been blessed with holy superiority over you since they started crapping out kids. And what I definitely hate is the "you don't understand, you're not a parent" speech. As if no one has a parental instinct or moral compass to transcend them in life until they have kids. And you can't convince them otherwise, they just give you a pitying look and smile. I've learned to not bother.
Or the sheer entitlement that some parents exhibit (don’t get me wrong, single/childless people can be like that too but there’s a special sort when they have kids).
Like when there was talks that an adult only flight MMMMAAAAAYYYY fly once a week or so from Europe to America and parents lost their damn minds
Or more happy than you. As if havin kids will make u somehow happier lol
They are determined that I haven’t had a certain experience to change me or was raised in a bad situation.
I’m so glad others feel the same way! I’m 42 and have been married to an incredible man since I was 19. We didn’t agree then to never have kids, saying we were so young, we wanted to enjoy time together. After five years we both said “maybe when we’re 30”. At 29, we were in the perfect situation to start a family. We owned a house on acreage and I didn’t have to work outside the home anymore. But we looked at each other and both said the same thing. I don’t want kids. We had put it off for 10 years cause we didn’t want them, not just because we wanted to enjoy our first decade of marriage. We loved our life as it was and were not the teeniest bit jealous of our siblings and friends who were having kids all around us, and as we saw it, losing their freedom.
I am simply too selfish to be a mom. I like my freedom, my sleep, and living our life for our joys, not our kids’ joy. I know for some that having kids and raising them IS their joy and that’s awesome but it’s not me.
We were looking into permanent birth control when I had a medical condition that had a permanent fix option with a partial hysterectomy and I jumped on it at 35. We love being auntie and uncle, who spoil our nieces and nephews with toys that annoy their parents, sleepovers, being a confidante for my nieces, days out with lots of sugar consumption (within reason) and sometimes an expensive gift that we can afford easier because we don’t have our own kids to raise. We have never felt a twinge of regret for not having our own, though. Our little boos are the cutest, awesomest kids 🥰 but we like that we don’t have that enormous responsibility of parenting. And it’s okay to feel that way. We feel complete and happy as just us.
Congratulations on a long successful marriage. I am going on 5 years in a week. I am a 39 year old male. I met my wife when I was 23 but we did not start dating till I was 26. The kid discussion did come up at times but at this point we are content with each other. We might get a dog when we buy our first house. The future is so uncertain with Covid 19 but fingers crossed.
Congratulations im only a teen and i aspire to have a long successful marriage like both of you... i personally LOVE babies and children and I want 6 of my own however I do think that people are really rude when constantly asking others when they want to have kids... it is not you who will be having them so stop being rude 😐
Congratulations .👏👏👏 But for me this kind of life is depressing .
@@rayaris5173 nice backhanded compliment.
Someone in the comment section mentioned that her parents or parent told her she should have kids so they can take care of her when she’s older. BUT no parent has that guarantee that their child will take care of them at an older age.
Ask anyone who works in a nursing home and they will tell you many residents seldom get any visitors.
@@user_32566hdrtfsq So many are narcissists who don't deserve visitors. After all who would want to spend the time only to have to see & hear that? My dad was borderline narcissist and then got worse after the divorce and faulted everyone else for what he became---someone who did nothing to better himself and was always feeling sorry for himself. He didn't live long enough to be put in a nursing home as he was 65.
In case younger women are wondering, I'm almost 50 and don't have kids. I knew when I was a teenager I didn't want children. NO REGRETS! People finally stopped telling me I'd change my mind in my early 40s. Live a life filled with your own intentions! I love my nephews, I love other people's kids (shake them up, hand them back). (Also, the world's resources don't multiply with the population.) Much Love!
If you dont mind me asking, what are your plans if something happens? I want to be childfree but my father in law died recently and me and her 3 kids had to help a lot to help her get through the funeral. What is your take on this one? I dont have many friends and fear of being alone all of a sudden. And that exactly the reason why i dont want kids. That would be selfish AF.
Exactly, everyone was made different for a reason, the world can only support so many humans. People should stop having them for the sake of it. The world’s population would halve, but would that be such a bad thing. There would be more resources to provide for people and not endlessly long hospital and specialist waiting lists. We’re too snowed under as it is - with a lot of unwanted children
You only doing yourself a dishonest, others are gonna keep having babies, thats what makes our specie continue and there will never be any better alternatives unless god says so..
I mean, I'm glad it worked out and good for them, but holy crap people, make sure you're on the same page about whether or not you want kids BEFORE you get married. This is not an area you can compromise on.
I completely agree. I actually ask on a first date. If a man says he wants kids, there is NO second date and the first date ends right there. In fact I often ask over the phone even before a first date. It is just a deal breaker if two people want different thing. I cringed too hearing that they got married without facing the conversation waaaay before that point. But I suppose if someone is very young and unsure, then the matter is not so pressing or still up for debate (and divorce!)...
I thought the same! How on earth can anyone get married not talking about fundamental views or beliefs. The author seems so rational, but this doesn't fit the picture. Save yourself nightmares and just TALK.
I wasn't married, but I was in a 10 year long relationship, high school sweethearts. I was under the same mindset that someday I would want kids, and my partner and I talked about it all the time! We even planned in having our first child at 25, well 25 came and went and more and more I felt like this was something I did not want! The switch I had been counting on never flipped. So eventually we ended our relationship, other factors included, but wanting children being the biggest issue. I am now in a happy healthy relationship with a man that is totally ok without reproducing ❤
Rossana Motta Maybe not giving them a second chance is not ideal. Sometimes people say they want kids without having really thought about it, just because it’s what everybody else expects of them. They might think about it, realize how much it actually takes to be a parent and how much you need to want it in order to be a good one and change their minds ;)
Yep. My high school boyfriend said he wanted to start right out of high school and I was like, boy bye 👋
Anyone who tells a woman she “has to have kids” “ is missing out” or “she’s wrong for not wanting them” is someone who deep down just wants to control women via the shackles of motherhood (having a kid and a career is hard and most women sacrifice the career) and old fashioned notions or is a woman already shackled who feels like everyone else should be too. I’ve found, no one who is actually happy with their choice in having kids wants to force kids on others. Only those who are bitter in their own lives force choices similar to theirs on others. Period.
LilHersh Yes, yes you do. You may not realise it, you may justify your reasoning, but deep down, you do.
Your justification is extremely shallow btw, you think that what, you either have a family or work at the corporation? What about pursuing your dreams? I’m not a declared child-free person but I’ll definitely fulfil my own ambitions before even thinking about having any. You think being an artist is shallow? Or being a doctor? And that whole idea that the only way you can have a loving family is to have children is just absurd, like there’s still your parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, nieces and nephews, not to mention your loving partner and their own family. Friends can also be a family. You don’t need a miniature human, that requires so much love, attention, patience and time, to have a family. Not everyone can afford kids and I don’t just mean financially. I don’t know if I’ll ever have kids because I’m scared that I’ll not care for them properly and end up being an abuser to them. Is my existence suddenly shallow? Because I don’t want to scar some little humans that never had a say in how they would be brought up to this world?
@@literallygaston2489 Yeah it seems selfish to have kids with the expectation that from day one they will know that they're expected to be free caregivers, is what I hear. It's also a crapshoot
@LilHersh Your happiness is NOT the same happiness as others. We are ALL unique. You assuming that everyone is the same as you IS you wanting to control things. It is you thinking you're the only one who can decide what does or does not make others happy. And, honestly, it's sad that your whole life revolves around you needing to feel right about other people's life choices. The "Period" still remains, and you're just doing a great job of proving my points.
@LilHersh i was born to enjoy my life not to be someone else's caretaker. Both looking after a crouch goblin and working in corporate job sounds like hell. I think I'll continue pursuing my own creative, travel, educational and charitable goals and not stick my nose in anyone else's business. Or is that to 'shallow and meaningless'?
@LilHersh so you think women should have kids cause i can think of many positives of not having children just like i can think of many when it comes to having kids
I am now 40, and still never wanted kids.
At 40 you can't have one anywAy
@@gta4haterhq yes you can? research buddy
@@darkvioletskull send link, I'm to lazy.
@@gta4haterhq
lol my aunt had a child in her late forties. It's not impossible.
@@gta4haterhq You are dumb. My mother had me at 43 and my younger brother at 48. My great aunt got pregnant at 53. Many women give birth past 40. I wouldn't and never will, but many do.
Having kids are so overrated. Glad I never went that path. Why do people care so much.
Religion
Idk. That’s what people do I guess. Gossip. People are awful.
Because for the majority of people this is THE SENSE of life !
If you dont mind asking, how old are you, and did you ever regret not having children?
@@4SChris sad
The whole ‘your relationship isn’t real until you have kids’ phenomenon is so real yet doesn’t even make sense
I’m 40 and childless by choice. And no, I never regretted and I never changed my mind. People said that I should have kids so I’d have someone to take care of me when I’m old and feeble, but that’s a terrible, not to mention selfish, reason to have kids. Having kids should be a calling, not something done out of fear.
Regards Rei People have told me the same thing. Not only is it a selfish reason, but there’s no guarantee that the child would even be willing or able to take care of me in my old age. I agree having kids should be a calling.
That’s why there’s long term care insurance. That’s a better bet than expecting someone to be willing or able to do it.
All the money you spend on kids can look after you in your old age as well as a kid can. Also, elder abuse by uncaring children is extremely common, even when the kids are raised with all the love and care in the world. People should only have kids if they want them and are prepared to care for them; having them as a retirement plan is an awful strategy (and not fair to the kids).
It is a smart choice to not have kids if you don't want to. But also be responssible for financing your own care in your old age. I know people who have to take care of aunts and uncles because they decided to not have kids but neither did they decide to save for elderly care and are now being an economic burden to nieces and nephews.
Having kids so they can take care of you when you are old is just dumb. You don't know what they will be like when they grow up. They may not want to take care of you, or they may not be able to take care of you. They might be mentally challenged. You may have to take care of them for the rest of your life. There's no guarantees that they will take care of you just because they are your children.
Let's just put it this way. Even if a woman will change her mind and regret not having a child, it would be better than if she would give up and have a child and regret that. Period. In the first case, SHE would pay for her choice which was her responsibility. In the second case, the child would pay for her choice and the child can't be responsible.
To mention that I am 58 yo woman, a mother of 2 sons whom I love deeply and long time married to their father. So I didn't write this comment to defend my choices, but simply to share my opinion.
I completely agree with this, inaction is better than action when the consequences could harm others.
I agree, and I will add that in the first case she pays for her choice, in the second case, it not only affects the kid, BUT if she was influenced by others, she will resent and blame them forever. Many people choose to be a parent based on family, spouse, society, friend, influences. They won't take responsibility for ruining her life.
@@user-ht9oc7gw1f You are right
Someday in the future people will not understand why videos like this were necessary.
I was also told constantly in my 20s and 30s that I would ‘change my mind’. I didn’t. I’m 51. I’ve never regretted not having them. I’m married to a great guy who never wanted them either. My husband had a vasectomy as it was simpler that sterilising me. We have great lives. We are fulfilled. People hassled me about having kids until I was mid-late 40s. It’s so rude !! Great video. Thanks.
I'm 38 and never have wanted children. I still hear that I'll change my mind. Nope. It also helps that I'm asexual aromantic and never find anyone outstandingly esthetically pleasing or mentally very interesting to get to the point of anything further anyways. Lol.
That's so nice. I really hope I can find someone who doesn't want kids.
Oh great! Here I was thinking people would let up now that I’m in my 40s. 😆 Well, ill hang in there
As a man, I already get side-eyes and snarky comments when I honestly say that I don‘t want to get married nor have kids. I can‘t imagine how more annoying it is for women! Somebody I know got this question so frequently that she got fed up and answered everytime with: "ok fine i’ll have one but then you‘ll have to breastfeed it and send it to school since you want it so much, how about that?"
She said it shut all of them up.
Thats funny. After having kids of my own, I actively discourage people from having them if they ask me.
i NEVER want kids
taking care of 4 puppies is better
they are my fur babies
Honestly I think it’s way more selfish to have kids when you aren’t emotionally and financially by forcing a life into a chaotic world than to not have kids at all.
Like... how is not bringing kids on to a planet that is literally overheating and dying a selfish thing? Especially when there are thousands of kids in foster care and in need of stable homes. Can someone explain this to me?
Yup. I wanted kids my whole life but my view started changing as I opened my eyes to everything that's going on around us. When people call me selfish, I'm like this is a sacrifice I'm making so I don't have to bring someone else into this world. How am I selfish?
RachLM17 so true. I feel like it’s something that no one talks about. But if our world leaders continue to do nothing, we really should consider the ethical ramifications of continuing to create humans (and forcing our own children) on to a planet where the resources are quickly running out and the climate is becoming more and more erratic. I always saw myself being a mom growing up but stuff like this makes me seriously consider just being a dog mom the rest of my life.
Plus, more time to do whatever I want! Lol
I’m 38 and the subtle pressure and sometimes not subtle pressure is real and gets worse as you approach 40. People act like you are less womanly somehow if you don’t want kids or as if you are withholding them from your husband. It’s infuriating! Even a mattress saleswoman a few weeks ago asked us if we were having kids. We aren’t, and it doesn’t make us “less than” in any way.
I'm going to give the saleswoman an immense benefit of the doubt that she asked maybe for if you want to have a bed that would withstand little bodies coming to sleep in the bed too at times or something. Otherwise, sounds like a very personal question that doesn't need to be asked.
This said. I can deal with being asked if I have children as humans want to know more about others and it IS a commonplace thing to ask. We in America especially are very chatty with each other so I'm not upset by that part. It's if they then follow-up my reply to the negative with "Why not?! Why don't you want kids?!" that I feel a vein in my forehead give a pulse, lol.
People are stupid and often judgemental. Question: who does this more to you, men or women?
Women!! This particular situation the sales lady was very sweet and just trying to make conversation but people need to realize that this is such a personal question. I felt so uncomfortable responding. My husband’s mother and a few of my friends have put the pressure on. No men that I can think of.
I’m 41 and single so I figured I’d aged out of both street harassment and this constant pressure to have kids. LOL! No! It gets WORSE! It’s so annoying. Why can’t people just mind their business?!? Minding their own business is so much work if they’re actually doing it, they don’t have time to be worried about someone else’s business.
@@kts8900 Best comment in this thread.
I waited 8 years to have my son. I decided to travel the world and enjoy the relationship with my husband before having a kid. I was tired of people asking when I was going to get pregnant, and some of them feeling sorry because they thought I couldn't get pregnant. I'm very happy with my son, but I have to tell you that the questions didn't stop. Now they all ask me when I will have another one. The answer is never. We are a very happy family of three.
Exactly, it's always about pleasing the interlocutor, not yourself
Im 63 only had one child shes 36 she doesnt want children im very happy about that .she was born with an old head on young shoulders .she never caused me any grief, i always found the other mothers boring , they couldnt talk about anything beyond their struggles of their children and money , it became depressing and negative.
It’s not your main purpose in life to get educated and then give it all up to raise a kid
I meet more and more women telling me they REGRET having children. Food for thought.
Danica Christin wow that’s heartbreaking
coz they can't make babies that's it
I already know I'd regret having a baby. I also know that I would regret doing meth or heroin.
It's not for me or my husband. I'm glad I know these things before I decide to do them blindly.
Well. I bet most of them didn't realize that not having kids, not getting married, or whatever else people associate with "the right way to do life" wasn't the only life option(s).
@@deirdresversion Same to all of those things you said.
YESSSSSSS 🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣 I'm 37 and still.dont want kids. I never have never will. I'm perfectly happy being the cool auntie who drops in on family events here and there.
I’m exactly the same!
Same!!
Me too!
I plan on being the extra cool auntie that buys alcool for my niece and keep secrets with her from her parents.lool
Cosign 🙋🏾♀️ cool aunts FTW 👏🏾
I got told all throughout my 20s and most of my 30s that it was silly to not want kids. "You'll change your mind when you have them" (like birth control isn't a thing?) they'd say, totally unsolicited. My mom whined incessantly about me refusing to give her grandchildren. I'm now 47, child-free and have zero regrets about it. And I'm long past caring what others think about my choices.
Do they still whine?
@@LucareonVee No, my mom gave up when I turned 40. And she got her grandbaby a few years ago from my sister. So everyone is happy.
@@kaleidoscopeeyes1184
Good to hear. 🍻
The day I saw a child screaming in Walmart was the day I decided to not have a kid. 😂
I really appreciate the anger in the speaker's voice about this subject. I know I've had the same conversations with people.
AzulFyre yup, and often time it’s total f-ing strangers! 🤬
The worst part to me is that the effin DOCTORS!!! srsly? A woman come to you and says she is ready to be snipped and you are giving her that BS? As if she didnt think about it
Same!
@@ayanomar1408
"are you SURE?"
"Nah, I just thought it'd be fun"
Is that the answer they're expecting?
It's not a tattoo. You didn't drunkenly stammer "YA KNow... ya knOW WHA-waht would be gr-geat! A unicorn tattoo above my asscrack!"
No one gets blasted and stumbles into an OBGYN can goes "hey... hey, snip me. I'll be hilarious, c'mon, let's do it."
No one is driving around, going "hmm, I already got groceries, don't have to meet my friends until 7... ya know what? Let's get my tubes tied."
@@Yahriel Lol "I'm getting my tubes ties as a prank! lol April fools guys!"
I resent the thought that a woman's purpose in life and biggest achievement will be to have kids. That something is missing/incomplete without them.
Jessica Kristy well said
we've been doing it for thousands of years.
Me too. It's just like saying we are just machines that produced kids. It's not like we have our own desires like a human being or any interest.
@@mattuiop Doesn't mean they enjoy it!
@@mattuiop We've also been shitting for thousands of years. Both are necessary for human survival, neither give purpose to it.
The wife and I are in our forties and don’t have kids. I got a vasectomy at 27 I don’t regret it. Call us selfish whatever. We like working and doing what we want to do when we want to do it. We have nieces and nephews that are going to take care of us when we get that age. One niece already works with elderly people. We enjoy leaving when we want going to bed waking up when we want,going on vacations when we want going to eat and going on long weekend trips whenever we want. We’re both happy in our decisions to be “dinks”.
People are worried when I say I want neither a wife or children at 30. I prefer to be alone. In fact I never even been in love or dated. As for old age I have a massive family from Colombia. We pretty much take care of our own.
I'm 36, had a vasectomy four years back and won't be regretting that decision. I can count that choice among the wisest I've made.
I was lucky enough to find a doctor willing to tie my tubes last year when I was 25 years old and “single” (not married). I’m also childfree.
That's great! I've been told it's impossible to do it.
@@Rosepetal1717 same question
Actually it is possible to do it if that person have psychology reason such as mental illness or something but thats also depends on decision want to cut the tubes or not.
R Alyse That’s if you remove your uterus! Tying your tubes has nothing to do with pre-menopause! :)
God daughter Jesus child That’s only if you remove your uterus! Tying your tubes has nothing to do with pre-menopause! :)
I see having kids as kind of a waste of money, time, their loud, annoying and I'd rather be free to do anything whenever.
Edit: Okay I feel like people aren't getting what I'm saying. I added "I see" to make it clear that's my view on having kids, that's not an attack on yours.
Exactly! You lose sleep, have more messes to clean up, more mouths to feed, more laundry to do, etc. Whether you're hungry or tired or not, the kid is awake and wants to eat right now and will cry loudly until you feed him or her.They might grow up to be troublesome and disrespectful brats that make your life hell. I see it for the nightmare it is just by observing other people.
They cause insanity, ruin the shape of a mother and the womb is never the same, again.
honestly, it’s all about how you raise them. yes, they’re going to be loud and sometimes annoying but you gotta remember they’re needy as hell as they’re younger. but, once they get to an age when you can start teaching them basic manners and etc, that can really have an outcome on things. it’s also about if you give them things right off the bat, or make them work for it/wait for it. I dont have any kids, this is just coming from my babysitting jobs 😂 I love kids though so I might be biased, but I respect anyone and everyone.
I know a parent and they say it's awesome. They gave a lot of their freedom away for this but as they said, "nature is giving you so much back". I think it is an amazing experience but would you want to have an amazing experience by means of another person?
My point is, even if it's not a nightmare, like you described, but a dream, you don't have to put a human into the world to be truly happy.
@shonnett barker Absolutely.
The last person who should have a child is someone who already knows they don't want one! This is both absolutely true and a way to stop a conversation! Not everyone wants to be parent, and those feelings may never change. Child-free by choice is perfectly fine!
I'm going to be 40 soon and the non stop asking about kids has turned into my husband getting in the other person's face with "WE CAN'T".
Society won't listen to me, but man do they run when HE says it.
chrestienne lmao
Thank God my wife and I don't have that but people have asked at times and we have said not until we get a house first to politely get them off our back.
I love children and for that reason, I won't have any. To bring them into this world seems selfish at this point and it pains me. Maybe I'll adopt or foster in the future.
a truly sane response to living in an insane world
Same!
Exactly.
Yep. Kids are my favorite. But I will not create life that didn’t ask to be created. This world is so effed up. We should not even be here.
Exactly. I love children, but I have never cared about whether those children were genetically made of me. That 'recquirement' seems extremely egotistical/selfish to me. People always treat fostering/adopting as a second rate form if parenting ...well how deep is your love if it requires your child being a reflection/replication of you? Can't you love them for themselves instead of their genetics?
I'm 44, happily married, love my life! Still have zero desire for kids
Ironically, many people have children out of selfishness. And most make children irresponsibly. How is that better?
Have children because of selfishness? How’s is that possible? You are here and talk and think, It's much better than if you weren't there at all, right? Right.
Anyone who asks you when you're having children is not entitled to an answer. Rude.
The unfortunate thing is is that people invasively question and give comments to women no matter what decision you make. I currently have 2 boys and want a third child. When my husband and I discussed children, that's how many we said we wanted. When some people see me with my 2 year old and 3 month old, they make comments about me having my hands full so then I say, "and if its works out maybe I'll have a third" and they look at me like I'm crazy. It feels right for us that our family has 4 and possibly 5 members, and it feels right to you for your family to have 2 members. All the power to you for knowing what's right for your family.
Also - I'm a teacher and I encounter so many children that aren't nurtured. Some parents don't seem all that bothered with helping them with their homework or playing with them - I'm not even talking about the ones that aren't fed well or truly loved. Maybe if more people truly knew themselves and only had children if they feel called to do so, then so many families would be better off.
Thanks for putting yourself out there.
*during argument*
mom : 'I GAVE BIRTH TO YOU!'
kid : 'who asked you to?'
,,so what if you gave birth to me? You wanted that, it wasn’t my choice”
I agree with you, we shouldn’t be pressured to have kids
"Condemned to existence"
If I heard my mother say she regretted having children, I'd be so proud of her honesty.
I’m 25, not married, And Never Want kids. Leave Me Alone.
Same.
And 25 is a pretty young age♥you shouldn't be even thinking about having kids at the moment i guess! You got a long way ahead girll!♥
@@lillymin8982 Yes plenty of time to find a man, marry him, then divorce him after building the house ! So she could get the whole package ! ;-)
4SChris
Ohh that's rude!lets just respect her decision♥
@@lillymin8982 Why rude ??? That's the way to do it for many women ! And men are ok with that !
My husband was in the room when I was watching this and he was like "Wow, babe it almost sounds like you wrote this." 100% agree on all points.
I've know since childhood that I didn't want to have kids. When I was in my 20's people told me that I was selfish and that I'd change my mind, but guess what, I never did. I'm 50 years old now and have absolutely no regrets. I'm also single and don't regret never marrying either. I think if some people who are married with children were to be truly honest with themselves, they would trade places with me in a heartbeat.
Like abusing /abandoning children isn't selfish. People need to leave the childfree people alone . Their way of life isn't the only one to lead a life full on happiness. Who are they to tell others what is best for them.
#Respect
Parenthood is hard enough for those of us who always wanted kids. Why in the world would I inflict that on someone who doesn’t?
So the conformists don't feel left out
Wanting kids is a CHOICE and not a REQUIREMENT. Proud of my decision!
Read the Bible as it mentioned your obligation to procreate for the lord. Using birth control is a sin!
Patrick Saxon please get your head into THIS century. judging from your name i’m assuming you’re a guy. it’s easy to say that when you’re a guy huh? you don’t ever have to be pregnant. well, neither does a woman. like they said, wanting kids is a choice and no one is forced to. why would you have kids if you don’t want them? unreasonable mindset you have.
Dezarae Grovenburg So you are saying that if you got pregnant, you would not accept a gift from God?
Patrick Saxon I’m saying that i wouldn’t even get pregnant in the first place
Patrick Saxon
The Bible has never mentioned your obligation to procreate ever. Birth control is not a sin and God loves you for whoever you are
and if you think about it if you are using birth control isn’t that God telling you that you might not want to have children with A man
Yes, thank you! As a kid, I thought it was a fact of life that everyone gets married and has kids. I didn't realize I had a choice. Now 25, I am engaged to a man who also doesn't want kids. We enjoy our freedom , and prefer to adopt cats. Kids are great, but only have them if you are sure you want them. Every child deserves to be loved.
Right after we got married, a friend, who loooves babies, had four, and wanted more, said to me, “oh, you’ll have beautiful babies”. I said, “we’re not going to make babies”. The look of utter shock on her face was priceless, she was totally speechless.
27 years later, we’re ever more glad he got that vasectomy and we didn’t reproduce. No regrets here!
This video sums it all up very nicely!👍👍
This just hits home...I’ll often get asked things like “when are you going to have kids?” and I feel weird having to tell them I can’t have children (I’m infertile) and also do not want children
none of their business. Wish I could think of a pithy thing you could tell them to back off!
Tell them you don’t need any more babies right now, because the freezer is already full. That will shut them up. 😂 Seriously tho, you’re so lucky to be infertile! I wish I was. Luckily I have a good doctor and he keeps my hormones thoroughly suppressed for me, so no chance of babies here. I’m hoping to get spayed soon.
You can say you're infertile which will shut them up and say how it is very rude of them to ask that. It's like asking person on wheelchair when they will walk