But... but.. but... in my culture. Excuses for dummies... The culture card after all his pity party. Why waste everybody's time then? There's no man in this story, and I hope the son grows to not be like him, but that's doubtful.
I agree. I can understand her feeling unhappy with her job and feeling that she needs a change, and it's possible that OP should have been more receptive to the idea of her doing something different. But she really did take a manipulative tack to not getting her way. That's where the real problem lies, I think.
@@uncle0ericI get the feeling he would have been fine with her getting a different job, but to drop everything and throw the financial load entirely on him? Yeah, I can't blame him for getting mad.
Because it is. She's trying to basically teach him like how you teach an animal, through a recompense and punishment system(plus the whole emotional baggage that she's creating to make him feel guilty and end up accepting what she wants out of guilt towards their children). She also is showing how she's a horrible mother because no good parent would EVER weaponize their kids to manipulate the other parent into what they want.
Yeah, that comment would have been cause for separation. I'm pretty sure traditional wives aren't supposed to disrespect their husbands including by name calling.
Of course he should spend time with the children, he can't have it both ways if he wants his wife to work, he has to step up and help with childcare and household chores.
@@hiwall4883 Did you.. not even listen to the story? OP *repeatedly* expressed that he WANTED to spend time their children, that doing so was basically the only thing he enjoyed about his life. She wanted him to work more to the point that he wouldn't have time to spend time with their children.
Story 1: She's still manipulating OP. The seduction didn't work. She use the crocodile tears. The fact that her response wasn't to acknowledge her mistakes, and say "Yes I will find another job because I love you and didn't mean to hurt you." shows she's not going to change. She's already gotten OP back from the couch when she switched tactics to crying. I know these tactics, she thinks OP will just stop fighting and give up eventually.
since there isn't any mention of trying to become a "influencer" my brain thinks she just wants the time to cheat or worse is banking on the extra stress to pull the plug on OP's genetic condition
The way OP was writing too he believes there is change when there isn’t she just switched manipulation tactics now she is weaponizing her mental health to manipulate him and he is falling for it he not committing to finding another job is her avoiding it to continue living the life she wants with no regard for how he feels
No sex for her until she gets a job! Personally I find it incredibly sexy quality in a man that he would rather spend time with his kids than work more hours than absolutely necessary and would never ask this of my husband even though my kids are very little, we both work part time so everyone gets time with the kiddos
No, she isn't. This might be my jaded side speaking, but I'm pretty sure when and if her husband dies, she would try to bully and guilt trip her son into picking up what daddy dearest left off.
Well obviously her plan wouldn't have work any better if she said that she wants to live the life of an entitled modern woman. Because that's what it is.
The problem is women are people - not idiots, not property. Whole people with thoughts, feelings and desires. And unfortunately we've all received social programming that says that women should behave in ways that make us dependent and second place. Whoops!
That's not actually how traditional Muslim work. If the wife wants to stay home there's nothing the husband can say about it. He had no right to her wages in the first place.
@@ScurvyRascal "He had no right to her wages in the first place." Who said he was using her wages. She was trying to mooch off and on top it was clear she was to lazy around as well. Funny how if a men will do this he will be trashed but when a woman does this, she has a pass?
#1: 100% NTA. "You quit your job? Now I'm the only one who makes money for our family? What about our retirement? Our kid's education? This will set us back several years. Instead of retiring at 60, now I'll have to work until 70. We're divorcing, and I'm closing all joint accounts." "MIL, shut up. No one asked you. Your daughter just up and quit her job."
I agree that OP is NTA and his wife is incredibly selfish. But besides of the current income what you said probably doesn’t apply to OP. He lives in Europe. In European countries there’s a legal age for retirement and from that point on you will get a pension. With health issues (note OP‘s heart problems) this age might even be lower. In many countries you might work while being retired but you may earn only so much. Earning more means you lose money from your pension. As long as you you don’t choose private schools you won’t have to pay tuition fees in most European countries.
*NTA.* You don't just make a decision like this that affects the entire household out of nowhere. Withholding intimacy as a means to control the other partner is automatically an unacceptable move. OP's wife clearly just wants to sit at home all day, doing nothing productive.
And they make money off the gullible fools to listen to them. True 'trad' wives should not touch tech not available before 1950 and should not make any social media money.
That supposedly how things actually work normally with the 50 trad wife’s ,they had smaller incomes coming in ,selling hand made accessories for example ,so a trad wife in tik tok still making money is how trad wife use to be ,it was always a two income house hold but now people think is the easy mode not having to work being taken care of by your partner sometimes not even taking care of the children because of the idea that they need a break too and hire a baby sitter and before you know it the babysitter is there every day while the stay at home partner does nothing
@@andresibarra3473 No, that wasn't how things actually worked back during the 50's, the wives weren't making and selling handmade items either. Most homes were single income, with the father working. But things were incredibly cheap back then so families of 4-5 were easily able to have a decent happy life on a single income. Those days are long gone, corporate greed has long ruined that dream 😂
@jaymevosburgh3660 Nor for everybody, most wives were contributing in some way to the household. The rich ones didn't have her work at all amd just throw parties. But women would sew, cook, clean, babysit, etc Women were working in 50's.
@@jaymevosburgh3660 Avon sales was a thing, selling eggs from their chickens, produce from their gardens, that's how trad wives made pin money, been a thing for a long time. They also didn't have the time saving house keeping gadgets, had to wait for husband to shop because they didn't drive, couldn't have their own bank accounts or real estate without husbands permission, gave it up in the bedroom on demand... She really doesn't want to be a trad wife, there was a reason most of them were on valium, hard to get upset when your doped to the gills.
I think culture plays a part here, they do not actually sound european, muslim culture tends to look down on the wife working and I'm sure they have told her often that she has "worked long enough" and it's time to retire. Obviously in the modern day that money is needed and you can't do that but such a culture is hard wired to ignore reality. If he dies, she will not care, I doubt she would go back to work, oldest kid will be responsibler for the poor old widow.
Which wife are you referring to, the 'lazy manipulative trad wife' or OP? Tons of words being wasted by this OP, just to stay into the manipulation and disrespect.
Mood booster: Boss "You taking a day off that has very little impact is unfair to people who want a three day weekend" So OP takes Mondays off which fully impacts students. *Boss has shocked Pikachu face*
Story 1. OP states he lives for his childten. His wife wants to be a "traditional wife". I realize they are in Europe. I am in the US. I would suggest he goes retro. She took away 1/3 of the family income. Remove her from any joint accounts, close her credit cards. Put her on a household allowance which is tied into a budget. Establish a trust for the children where, when he dies, all life insurance and inheritance is controlled by the trust. Minimum given to her. If she wants something for kids, ask the trust. Inform the trustees, who are not relatives (that throws out the grandparents) about her behavior so they would be aware of any tricks. Sex would be when he wants it, not her. All cleaning and housework would be done by her. If she wants to stay at home, remove anything possible to make it enjoyable for her. Explain to the grandparents that since they support her in being a tradwife, the wife, and them, don't have a choice in how he defines it and cannot pick what they want. If he suddenly dies, the trust will lock in everything for the children, and give her minimum. She would not have control of the money.
He needs to atleast file separation paperwork. If it hits a certian time limit, depending on state, they will force him to support her completely. If he files now, they will consider her income what she had with said job
All OP has to do is tell his wife ok. She doesn't have to work. Then move houses, cut back on expenses, and be militant about the budget and if she complains he can tell her 'YOU wanted to be a SAHM, and I don't want tonlose time with our kids. This is the best compromise'
For story 1, if she wants physically and emotionally manipulate you, then cut off all access to money, since you earned it and can withdraw access like she does with sex and consent on decisions that affect the family. Only give her what's necessary for essentials. Then if she wants access to money, tell her she needs to earn it herself
I am a stay at home wife.. but I never would bulldose my husband like that. Even though one of our kids is school age, I am home schooling till highschool. Its not just cleaning cooking and..... well adult stuff. Its still a job. I think the wife just wants to sit around and do mostly nothing.
He needs to tell her she has two weeks to find a job. If she doesn't, he needs to file the divorce. He has a health condition and she doesn't care about piling more stress on him? Yeah, huge no. She should have thought about it, because with a divorce she'd now have to work anyway.
Right? If she wanted to live a lavish life where she didn't have to work and could do whatever she wants, then she should've married rich. She'd no doubt be branded as a gold digger, but at least she would've gotten what she wanted.
Its not progress. She's hoping OP will just drop it. Every time he asks she'll lie and say she's looking or "thinking about it". I bet she's hoping OP knocks her up again so she has another excuse. Honestly i hope he divorces her but then he might get stuck paying alimony as she's jobless.
If she *just* quit, now is the time to divorce. I don't know how divorce works where they live, but if she voluntarily quit her job, she can go right back into the workforce, so I doubt OP would have to pay alimony long term. For me, ANY price would be worth ditching this woman. It galls me that she is using his love for his children to force her will.
@@poetryqn Me too. The fact that she would use the children as a weapon to get OP to be her doormat and her slave absolutely infuriates me! 😡 Doormat or not, OP doesn't deserve to have his children used against him and the children don't deserve to be weaponized. I absolutely despise moms who use their children to get what they want. 😡
Poor op is going to work himself to an early grave. She got him, she hasnt changed, and she just giving him a carrot on a stick. Hopelss hope. He needs to divorce move back with his parents, also find a legal way to sell the house and leave her nothing in a divorce because most courts will give "house wives" the house, half a pay check, and plus child support.
This isn't "Tradwife" because if she was a "tradwife" she'd not be making Unilateral decisions. A Traditional wife TALKS to her husband and comes to an _agreement,_ not someone who just goes and makes decisions for for personal gain. What she actually wants is to not work at all, she sees Tradwife as a lifestyle of leisure. They went from roughly $135K a year to $90K a year, using the middle of the income he described for himself.
It will be a couple of years before the husband realizes that saying "I need to think about it" when talking about work is just the wife's way of avoiding fighting and getting her way. It's a little sad that he fell for manipulation in the end, even worse is that he knows it.
Wife simply wants to be lazy and expects him to do the extra work. It would somewhat make sense if kids were toddlers but they are pre teens.. what would she do all day?
I might've read too many Reddit stories, but I honestly wouldn't be surprised if she started having affairs with wealthy men, probably to see what her next options are. 🙄 Why? Because I don't see this marriage surviving, even if OP becomes her doormat(and judging by the writing, it's unfortunately becoming the case). And I don't see it surviving because this leech cares for no one but herself. She's simply too selfish and lazy to think about anything other than having a lavish life where she doesn't have to work and can do anything she wants while her husband slaves away for her. 😒
Who's going to tell her that tradwives were supposed to obey their husbands? Say goodbye, OP, and let her find one of those incels who say a tradwife is what they want (except they don't, really, when money gets short and they have to give up their Xbox Game Pass.)
Not if they are Muslim like their parents. In Islam women have the fundamental right to be a SAHW/SAHM and husbands cannot touch his wife's wages whatsoever.
@@franciebelcher4594 Yes? What does "love, honor, and OBEY" mean in the traditional Christian marriage service? Ask a conservative priest or minister. Hint: the man does not promise to obey.
Oh, she’s going to get another job. She’ll have to after he divorces her. Seriously, how does she not see that her choices are to resume working part-time and keep her family together, or work full-time because she needs to pay her own way as a divorced woman and pay her fair share to support the kids?
Story 1 Ohhh she isn't going to get better and I'd tell my family and HER unless and until either they or she can come up with the money we are losing by her being a TRAD-wife then they need to drop this and she needs to get a job because her being a TRAD-wife will literally KILL me. I won't be picking up more hours so she can stay at home and I won't be supporting this idea at all.
To anyone who thinks the person they loved will come back, they won't. Ever. I lived, worked and slept with someone for 13 years, 24/7 and didn't recognise the person she became overnight. It took me 18 months before there was nothing left for me to give and I had just enough left to throw myself clear. People can't change back, you're with who they are _now._
I got a little annoyed when OP said he can't divorce like other people because he has "a real family at stake." Divorced people have real families, too. Just because other people have the courage to end a toxic relationship doesn't mean they are less than OP. Maybe he shouldn't ask for advice he doesn't want to hear.
On the main story she is not making any sort of attempt to shift things back after the "I need to think about it." line, she is trying to manipulate the OP again this so to be honest OP needs to have a talk with his kids, when the time is right as to why he needs to get away from this gaslighting EX-Wife as she is not trying to show him any sort of respect after the stunt she pulled.
It's sad when divorce is taboo and frowned upon. When the partners genuinely can't respect each other and live a fulfilling life, they get stuck in eternal dysfuntion and resentment.
The wife OP once knew was a mask. She doesn't care about her kids, either, seeing she's willing to throw away their safety net if finances get bad, or worse, OP having a heart attack. She's the worst
She wants to be a tradwife? I wonder what she would think think of this lifestyle when she has to deal with never having enough money for food or bills or more importantly, herself. OP needs to cut her off, move all of his share of household funds into different accounts and cancel any joint credit cards and she can live off her savings for a while.
A frustrating story to read but I do think OP is doing the right thing by giving his wife a chance to stop her nonsense. Sure, the wife is being completely selfish and manipulative, but going with the nuclear option isn’t easy and it’ll just cause a whole new set of problems. Maybe things will improve and OP and his wife will become stable again.
I very seldom join the Reddit chorus of divorce, but without some serious changes in the wife's attitude, I don't see this ever working out well. Regardless of her cultural expectations, she completely dismissed OP's concerns AND feelings AND used the grossest manipulative tactics to force her will. She is also using his love for his children as her 'ace' card, and that is lower than low. In his place, I wouldn't throw good time in after bad. His children are watching their parents, and this is NOT the marriage dynamic you want to teach them. She sounds irredeemable.
How "Traditional" are we talking? Does that mean you have no access to your own accounts and get an allowance only from your spouse?(American women could not open/access their own bank accounts until the 1960s) Does that mean your family will never have to clean or cook, and you are the main child carer? (misogynistic advertisements about women's servitude to their husbands and home duties) If the couple is on the same page with everything, that's not our business. _But_ making unilateral, life-altering decisions to cherry pick a new lifestyle is manipulative and selfish. OP needs to push for therapy whether they divorce or not.
I had a Muslim coworker who pulled this same stunt with her American born husband. He left her daily lists, took away her car, and took away her credit/debit cards. She had to ask him for money for any - everything. He made her get up to cook him breakfast, pack his lunch, do everything. She eventually asked to go back to work. He said yes.
The whole traditional wife thing isn't stupid in the right circumstances. just like with most things in all of reality. if things are done in the correct way, it isn't a problem. if they're done in the incorrect way, it is a huge problem
You can tell the story is fake just to rip on Trad wives. The reason you know is because like you this story is the incorrect definition of a Trad Wife. It's the fascist progressive woke left version lol.
Story 1 - op is overthinking this. Initiate the divorce and tell the ex-wife "you'll get over it". She literally doesn't care about the fact op could potentially work himself into a heart attack and an early grave if he's forced to work harder to pick up the slack from her quitting her job. She's a monster crying crocodile tears. "I need to think about it". She's going to tell op whatever he thinks he wants to hear to keep delaying the inevitable.
OP1 is being played, pure and simple. she 'broke down' to get OP back in the bed, that's step 1 in her favour. she's not looking for a job, and she won't. she wants the status quo to settle as 'this is how we live now' and OP to just agree. Divorce is in the future. count on it
Neither of them just get to make the decision. If his concern was what she was going to do all day knowing she didn’t need that much time to cook and clean she could have come up with some sort of plan. He could have also dug more into her why. Maybe a job with less hours would have been a better alternative. OP is not the AH for being very upset that she went behind his back though. Neither of them handled the situation well and the children are now the ones suffering, mostly because of the Mom though. She should not have mentioned divorce to them at all at that point. OPs wife took it too far and the manipulation was pathetic, using s*x and the kids, gross!
NTA: my problem with this "Trad Wife" movement is it dismisses the idea that men might actually WANT to be active parents (as they should in this day in age) and that can only be done if both partners are sharing the burdens that come with being a family unit (ie house work, raising kids, earning an income). I have a sneaking suspicion that OP's wife doesn't actually want to be a stay at home mom and "trad wife" in this case is more code for "I want to not work and do the bare minimum at home under the guise of being a stay at home mom". After the update: oh it gets worse, OP has a heart condition and probably shouldn't be working as much as he already does and probably would like to be the stay at home parent because of his circumstances. Im now suspicious that she's trying to work op into an early grave (op has already had one heart attack! ) and then IDK live off her inheritance?
I've been hearing this so much lately.. What is going on? How has communication dropped so bad over the last 20yrs or so? You do not just stop working without an indepth conversation about why, what reason etc... Then she's sitting there telling the kids and bringing them into adult situation? That would make me angry as well.. People on the outside do NOT get to dictate your marriage!! I would be FURIOUS her telling the son.!! The extreme manipulation is disgusting
She'll just wait him out. They'll argue about it again, she'll apologize and "do better". Then she'll just draw out more time. That is going to be his new cycle of marriage.
Reduce expenses, reduce hours. Find a cheaper home Live frugally. Lean into it. $7k USD is plenty to raise a family on. Heck, $5k is easily doable. She wants the "traditional wife" lifestyle, give her it, including having to budget every meal and how far the fuel will last.
Want to be traditional wife? Sure, sure, sure. Means OP controls finances and makes alone all big decisions, gives just enough allowance to buy groceries and clothing when need it. Wife wakes up to make breau, packs lunch.and makes dinner. Does ALL the chores while op sits on sofa watching tv after work
"Our house doesn't need to be cleaned 6 hours a day" Right? How is it that the only people that seem to be constantly in need to clean the house are stay at home spouses?
How does a woman want to be a "traditional" wife, but not want to do what her husband want to do? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣That's the entirety and very heart of what a "traditional wife" is supposed to be! I'm a woman and I would never want to be under a man's thumb so I can be "traditional". We need to be partners so he can have an equal and I can have an equal. We need to work through things together and talk through things when we need to resolve issues. I would never railroad my husband into something like this. I think he did the right thing by immediately moving toward divorce. This is no different than trying to manipulate your partner into an open marriage. These are things you just don't do.
Story 1 , NTA op needs to lock down the bank accounts , his wife is going to push this for as long as he will put up with it , and seen as he doesn't seem to have any kind of spine , because as soon as he see's a tear he is back in her bed , and the longer she is out of work , the more he will have to pay , if the divorce does actually happen . HE needs to talk to his kids, and he needs to be asking her every day what job she is looking for , and only supply her with the money needed for food and the kids .
Story 1: The only thing I think I really think OP is the AH for is that when he talked in the first part, he brought up WHAT she might do has a "tradwife" but he hadn't asked WHY she wanted to do it. He may have covered that in the update, but the "being ignored when requesting this" was I think the only aspect of the wife's feelings that were understandable and fair. The rest was pure selfishness on her part and she was clearly showing that by getting upset and calling him a "baby" for actually wanting to be an active and involved parent which her desire would stop him from being able to do. Couple's counseling should be a requirement.
This why I went into old house renovation/renting. I work like a dog renovating an old fixer upper on a budget but turn a dump into a dollhouse and then rent it out. It quickly pays for itself. Then I get to sit back and stay home. I tradwife the hell out of homemaking because it’s what I love. I renovate our own space myself as I want to if I want a change and people tell us our garden looks like a cozy park but with more cottage style flower gardens. I dug and installed a little pond and waterfalls mostly alone, although husband helped me put up the zen archway over/above it and we used copper pipe with holes drilled into it to run a rain curtain water feature that rains down from above into the pond. We have fish in the pond, it’s so peaceful. Multiple seating areas, a covered patio, a garden archway to grow vining plants/vegetables over goes down the whole walkway to the front door. It’s really beautiful. We did everything ourselves. I cook, clean, prepare all meals from scratch, sew, garden/preserve our foods, make beautiful desserts, make our soaps/lotions/salves/homemade laundry detergent in bulk etc etc. And yes-we absolutely DO have more intimacy this way when I’m not working out of the house. I’m not stressed or too tired. My husband never hears the word “no” now that I’m home 😂. I’m always on the lookout for a cheap fixer upper though, so I’m never sure when my next job will come up. And boy am I tired then while working on those. Exhausted, it’s hard work.
Story 1: Op is delusional if he thinks his wife will go back on her word. Screw what his culture thinks. He needs to set an example for his kids and put less stress on himself by divorcing this woman. She doesn't even care about his condition or what he thinks. Only what SHE wants. Not wife material. Just a moocher trying to use her tactics to get what she wants. Hope he wakes up and does the right thing before this whole situation puts him in a early grave. I'm also ashamed that his parents are not siding and seeing his point of view. Smh.
Unfortunately OP has crippled himself, with his own attitude of "I only live for my wife and kids". She has all the power in this marriage, because he has given it to her. This isn't going to end well for him.
You can either think what is important for you in this earth or what is important after this life. One day we die. We must not get the mentality that we live here forever. One road leads to a hot place….one road leads to a comfortable place. You choose. Personally, divorcing your wife over this islamically or not sounds ridiculous to me esp. if he can afford it. Not sure how separating the family makes it better for him to see his child only 50% of the time or less.
@@mindyl5990 Yes it is true we do not live forever but what does live forever is our legacy. His children. And how he raises his kids and what how he lives his life. Does he want his kids to know it is ok to disrespect their partners to get their way? Does he want them to know that it is ok to not care about what the other wants? Is it ok for them to disregard their partners health and condition for their own desires instead of acting like a team. Yes, we do have two roads ahead of us in the end, and if he stays with his wife after she opened pandora's box on this incident, it will only make things worse and give him a fate worse than death. Personally, I think the divorce laws in this world are crap but he has to do it for his own peace of mind and health, then he has to do it. Life is too short to life with a selfish individual and to be disrespected. Treat others how you wish to be treated and live by that principle.
First story prior to updates I would say ‘everyone sucks here.’ It sounds like she seriously wanted to make a lifestyle change but they’re not communicating clearly/healthily what each of their needs are. They should have considered counseling the moment they realized they were at an impasse with such a major life decision but instead just kept assuming the other would change their mind. Also, “I thought it was a phase, it would pass,” is so patronizing.
In her quest to be a "true wife," it seems she will more than likely be a widow or possibly an ex-wife. If he is smart, he will leave before the stress of working more and taking care of a family puts him in an urn or 6 feet deep.
So her first step to being a traditional wife is massively disrespecting her husband. Woof. She should just admit she doesn't want to work and skip the BS.
Serious question right now... Is ANYBODY actually living the social media tradwife life?? Because that's not really attainable for most people with regular jobs and I would assume that richer people just hire help.
I loved the mood booster. Years ago, I was denied a week long training which would have made me an employment arbitrator for workplace. The reason given was "we can't have you be off that long," but they could not deny vacation under our contract, so out of spite, I took a week of vacation and just flaked out and did whatever that week.
As someone who can no longer work, trad wife stuff hits extra different for me now. I can’t tell you how insecure a feeling it is to not work and provide for oneself. I can’t imagine CHOOSING to be dependent on someone else, save being with someone who has so much money that neither of us would have to work. SAHM taking care of small children is a whole different thing, because that is hard work you would have to pay someone else for. But children as old as OP’s? Nope. NTA for me, for sure.
I know that people will probably jump on me for my opinion, but here goes... They both are jerks. She comes to him and says she'd like to be a SAHM. He says absolutely not, and then proceeds to explain how it could work, but he doesn't want it to. He also complains that she wouldn't need 6 hours per day to clean the house. He doesn't mention how much he helps with childcare or house cleaning though. He also mentions all the things that he would be willing to do as a compromise, but why is he telling us and not her, especially when she first suggested the idea. He just shot her down. Now, her turn.... Total manipulator. She made household decisions without communicating and having both of them on board. No communication, no attempt to compromise... yeah this is bad. Both adults are jerks here. Their marriage is crap.
Him thinking "I'll think about it" is progress is.... sad. It's a delay tactic. She'll be thinking about it for years if she can get away with it, it's just the newest attempt at manipulation. The thing about him being a baby about wanting to spend time with the kids was the very end for me and it should have been for him too. It def shows her staying home has ZERO to do w/the kids if she can't empathize with his own desires to spend time with them.
These are real life which don't alway have nice endings. Maybe there will be updates. Maybe not. If you like things tied up with a bow, I suggest Mr Reddito Animated and rGirl. A vast majority of the stories are obviously fiction, but they do have an ending where the just win, and the jerks lose.
@@mbyerly9680 I am an adult and I know that already, I just commented, and I didnt expect everything in a neat vow. There is no harm in sharing one's feelings on things.
ESH. You’re BOTH making unilateral decisions without the other. You: she wants to be a trad wife, but I say no because I don’t think it’s necessary. End of discussion. Her: I’m going to be a trad wife whether you want me to be or not. End of discussion.
She can be a tradwife and still work part time. So many wives do. My mom did and we were from a very conservative area. My friend and his wife have the most traditional nuclear family ever and his wife still works about 15 hours a week. Shes just making excuses. Period
Story 1: I seldom feel rage hearing these posts, but OP's wife is a piece of work. I'm so sorry for the choices he's facing. This isn't about being a SAHM, this is about her selfishness, manipulation and betrayal...and she's STILL doing it, offering him only words or sex to mollify him instead of addressing her HUGE betrayal. My trust would be shattered.
OP messed up by just leaving the house to run home to mommy and daddy. He needed to kick her out to go stay with her parents. "If you aren't going to help pay for the house, utilities, and food, then you don't get to have access to the house, utilities, and food. Go home until you decide to be an adult and work."
I think the first story guy is the asshole only toward his son. Don’t disappear and then leave your kid on read. I haven’t listened to the whole story, but that’s not cool.
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She immediately poisoned the kids against him, the parents and took away sex as a punishment. That sounds like abuse and manipulation
But... but.. but... in my culture. Excuses for dummies... The culture card after all his pity party. Why waste everybody's time then? There's no man in this story, and I hope the son grows to not be like him, but that's doubtful.
Absolutely, 100% it’s manipulative.
I agree. I can understand her feeling unhappy with her job and feeling that she needs a change, and it's possible that OP should have been more receptive to the idea of her doing something different. But she really did take a manipulative tack to not getting her way. That's where the real problem lies, I think.
@@uncle0ericI get the feeling he would have been fine with her getting a different job, but to drop everything and throw the financial load entirely on him? Yeah, I can't blame him for getting mad.
Because it is.
She's trying to basically teach him like how you teach an animal, through a recompense and punishment system(plus the whole emotional baggage that she's creating to make him feel guilty and end up accepting what she wants out of guilt towards their children).
She also is showing how she's a horrible mother because no good parent would EVER weaponize their kids to manipulate the other parent into what they want.
Story 1: OP never had a perfect marriage.
Exactly. It really seems like his wife is just biding her time until she felt comfortable revealing her real personality. She's entitled and lazy.
Once again, another story proves relationships are not a zero-sum concepts.
"She also said that I was being a baby about spending extra time with the kids." I almost threw my phone across the room for a sec.
Yeah, that comment would have been cause for separation. I'm pretty sure traditional wives aren't supposed to disrespect their husbands including by name calling.
Same, omg
Of course he should spend time with the children, he can't have it both ways if he wants his wife to work, he has to step up and help with childcare and household chores.
@@hiwall4883 Did you.. not even listen to the story? OP *repeatedly* expressed that he WANTED to spend time their children, that doing so was basically the only thing he enjoyed about his life. She wanted him to work more to the point that he wouldn't have time to spend time with their children.
Story 1: She's still manipulating OP. The seduction didn't work. She use the crocodile tears. The fact that her response wasn't to acknowledge her mistakes, and say "Yes I will find another job because I love you and didn't mean to hurt you." shows she's not going to change. She's already gotten OP back from the couch when she switched tactics to crying. I know these tactics, she thinks OP will just stop fighting and give up eventually.
since there isn't any mention of trying to become a "influencer" my brain thinks she just wants the time to cheat or worse is banking on the extra stress to pull the plug on OP's genetic condition
And how OP wrote and acts, its working. He kinda knows it is Manipulation, but he still goes along.
She is slowly breaking him down until he is her working servant.
The way OP was writing too he believes there is change when there isn’t she just switched manipulation tactics now she is weaponizing her mental health to manipulate him and he is falling for it he not committing to finding another job is her avoiding it to continue living the life she wants with no regard for how he feels
No sex for her until she gets a job! Personally I find it incredibly sexy quality in a man that he would rather spend time with his kids than work more hours than absolutely necessary and would never ask this of my husband even though my kids are very little, we both work part time so everyone gets time with the kiddos
With his heart condition, she should WANT to keep a job. If he were to suddenly pass, she would desperately need a job. She’s not terribly bright.
Yes I agree.
No, she isn't. This might be my jaded side speaking, but I'm pretty sure when and if her husband dies, she would try to bully and guilt trip her son into picking up what daddy dearest left off.
@@PrincessQ-fj9lyher son is 11
She wants his insurance money.
Does anyone else think it is funny/ironic that a "trad wife" didn't listen to her husband?
Well obviously her plan wouldn't have work any better if she said that she wants to live the life of an entitled modern woman. Because that's what it is.
Equality is nice if you cherry pick certain cool stuff and ignore the rest.
@@SnowyWolborg yeah because *trad wife* have responsibility and not just sitting around doing nothing.
Yeah she doesn't actually understand what a tradwife is. She just wants to enjoy a free ride on ops dime.
The problem is women are people - not idiots, not property. Whole people with thoughts, feelings and desires. And unfortunately we've all received social programming that says that women should behave in ways that make us dependent and second place. Whoops!
I would think his traditional Muslim parents would condemn the way his wife disrespected his wishes and the wellbeing of the family unit.
THIS PART!!!
I'm guessing they're more concerned with social shame for divorce. Still stupid tho.
That's not actually how traditional Muslim work.
If the wife wants to stay home there's nothing the husband can say about it.
He had no right to her wages in the first place.
@@ScurvyRascal "He had no right to her wages in the first place."
Who said he was using her wages. She was trying to mooch off and on top it was clear she was to lazy around as well.
Funny how if a men will do this he will be trashed but when a woman does this, she has a pass?
I don't understand it, either...@@SenseiRaisen
#1: 100% NTA.
"You quit your job? Now I'm the only one who makes money for our family? What about our retirement? Our kid's education? This will set us back several years. Instead of retiring at 60, now I'll have to work until 70. We're divorcing, and I'm closing all joint accounts."
"MIL, shut up. No one asked you. Your daughter just up and quit her job."
I agree that OP is NTA and his wife is incredibly selfish.
But besides of the current income what you said probably doesn’t apply to OP.
He lives in Europe.
In European countries there’s a legal age for retirement and from that point on you will get a pension. With health issues (note OP‘s heart problems) this age might even be lower. In many countries you might work while being retired but you may earn only so much. Earning more means you lose money from your pension.
As long as you you don’t choose private schools you won’t have to pay tuition fees in most European countries.
*NTA.*
You don't just make a decision like this that affects the entire household out of nowhere. Withholding intimacy as a means to control the other partner is automatically an unacceptable move. OP's wife clearly just wants to sit at home all day, doing nothing productive.
To be honest, the fact she’d ignore him for 2 days after a disagreement speaks volumes about her maturity
She was always like this. The wife thinks OP exists to support her.
@@SnowyWolborg If she wanted to live a lavish life where she didn't have to work and could do what she pleases, she should've married a wealthy man.
People need to realize those Trad Wife channels feature working women who makes safe for work fantasy content.
And they make money off the gullible fools to listen to them. True 'trad' wives should not touch tech not available before 1950 and should not make any social media money.
That supposedly how things actually work normally with the 50 trad wife’s ,they had smaller incomes coming in ,selling hand made accessories for example ,so a trad wife in tik tok still making money is how trad wife use to be ,it was always a two income house hold but now people think is the easy mode not having to work being taken care of by your partner sometimes not even taking care of the children because of the idea that they need a break too and hire a baby sitter and before you know it the babysitter is there every day while the stay at home partner does nothing
@@andresibarra3473 No, that wasn't how things actually worked back during the 50's, the wives weren't making and selling handmade items either.
Most homes were single income, with the father working.
But things were incredibly cheap back then so families of 4-5 were easily able to have a decent happy life on a single income.
Those days are long gone, corporate greed has long ruined that dream 😂
@jaymevosburgh3660 Nor for everybody, most wives were contributing in some way to the household. The rich ones didn't have her work at all amd just throw parties. But women would sew, cook, clean, babysit, etc Women were working in 50's.
@@jaymevosburgh3660 Avon sales was a thing, selling eggs from their chickens, produce from their gardens, that's how trad wives made pin money, been a thing for a long time. They also didn't have the time saving house keeping gadgets, had to wait for husband to shop because they didn't drive, couldn't have their own bank accounts or real estate without husbands permission, gave it up in the bedroom on demand... She really doesn't want to be a trad wife, there was a reason most of them were on valium, hard to get upset when your doped to the gills.
So she wanted to be a “true wife” and failed at being wife
Edit: I’m referring to op’s wife
Yup,tradwife has responsibility and not just sitting around doing nothing.
I think culture plays a part here, they do not actually sound european, muslim culture tends to look down on the wife working and I'm sure they have told her often that she has "worked long enough" and it's time to retire. Obviously in the modern day that money is needed and you can't do that but such a culture is hard wired to ignore reality. If he dies, she will not care, I doubt she would go back to work, oldest kid will be responsibler for the poor old widow.
Which wife are you referring to, the 'lazy manipulative trad wife' or OP? Tons of words being wasted by this OP, just to stay into the manipulation and disrespect.
Huh? Op's a man. It says 34M in the first paragraph.
@@akl2k7 was talking about OP’s wife
Story 1-NTA. The wife knows he has health issues and wants to overwork him? What a horrible person
Mood booster:
Boss "You taking a day off that has very little impact is unfair to people who want a three day weekend"
So OP takes Mondays off which fully impacts students.
*Boss has shocked Pikachu face*
Story 1. OP states he lives for his childten. His wife wants to be a "traditional wife". I realize they are in Europe. I am in the US. I would suggest he goes retro. She took away 1/3 of the family income. Remove her from any joint accounts, close her credit cards. Put her on a household allowance which is tied into a budget. Establish a trust for the children where, when he dies, all life insurance and inheritance is controlled by the trust. Minimum given to her. If she wants something for kids, ask the trust. Inform the trustees, who are not relatives (that throws out the grandparents) about her behavior so they would be aware of any tricks. Sex would be when he wants it, not her. All cleaning and housework would be done by her. If she wants to stay at home, remove anything possible to make it enjoyable for her. Explain to the grandparents that since they support her in being a tradwife, the wife, and them, don't have a choice in how he defines it and cannot pick what they want. If he suddenly dies, the trust will lock in everything for the children, and give her minimum. She would not have control of the money.
💯💯💯
So much for her plan to force him into a fatal heart attack.
He needs to atleast file separation paperwork.
If it hits a certian time limit, depending on state, they will force him to support her completely.
If he files now, they will consider her income what she had with said job
All OP has to do is tell his wife ok. She doesn't have to work.
Then move houses, cut back on expenses, and be militant about the budget and if she complains he can tell her 'YOU wanted to be a SAHM, and I don't want tonlose time with our kids. This is the best compromise'
Dude, she does NOT care about you. Good luck to you, at this rate your condition is gonna get worse.
Story 1: i would have texted her "i quit my job today to start my own business. You'll get over it."
She'd probably say, "You can't do that!" And he'd respond, "neither can you."
Unfortunately, it would likely go over her head.
For story 1, if she wants physically and emotionally manipulate you, then cut off all access to money, since you earned it and can withdraw access like she does with sex and consent on decisions that affect the family. Only give her what's necessary for essentials. Then if she wants access to money, tell her she needs to earn it herself
Story 1: She made a huge unilateral decision and told him, "You'll get over it.". I would have been out the door as well.
I am a stay at home wife.. but I never would bulldose my husband like that. Even though one of our kids is school age, I am home schooling till highschool. Its not just cleaning cooking and..... well adult stuff. Its still a job. I think the wife just wants to sit around and do mostly nothing.
Agree
He needs to tell her she has two weeks to find a job. If she doesn't, he needs to file the divorce. He has a health condition and she doesn't care about piling more stress on him? Yeah, huge no. She should have thought about it, because with a divorce she'd now have to work anyway.
S1: She forgets that alot of those "trad wife" people have partners that have very high paying jobs.
Right? If she wanted to live a lavish life where she didn't have to work and could do whatever she wants, then she should've married rich. She'd no doubt be branded as a gold digger, but at least she would've gotten what she wanted.
@PrincessQ-fj9ly For real for real.
Keep sleeping in the guests' room, and if it doesn't change, do a trial separation, and if she keeps this up, divorce her.
It may be childish, but I would tell the wife that “if you can make life changing decisions then so can I, which is why I’m divorcing you.”
Its not progress. She's hoping OP will just drop it. Every time he asks she'll lie and say she's looking or "thinking about it". I bet she's hoping OP knocks her up again so she has another excuse. Honestly i hope he divorces her but then he might get stuck paying alimony as she's jobless.
If she *just* quit, now is the time to divorce. I don't know how divorce works where they live, but if she voluntarily quit her job, she can go right back into the workforce, so I doubt OP would have to pay alimony long term. For me, ANY price would be worth ditching this woman. It galls me that she is using his love for his children to force her will.
@@poetryqn Me too. The fact that she would use the children as a weapon to get OP to be her doormat and her slave absolutely infuriates me! 😡 Doormat or not, OP doesn't deserve to have his children used against him and the children don't deserve to be weaponized. I absolutely despise moms who use their children to get what they want. 😡
Poor op is going to work himself to an early grave. She got him, she hasnt changed, and she just giving him a carrot on a stick. Hopelss hope. He needs to divorce move back with his parents, also find a legal way to sell the house and leave her nothing in a divorce because most courts will give "house wives" the house, half a pay check, and plus child support.
This isn't "Tradwife" because if she was a "tradwife" she'd not be making Unilateral decisions. A Traditional wife TALKS to her husband and comes to an _agreement,_ not someone who just goes and makes decisions for for personal gain. What she actually wants is to not work at all, she sees Tradwife as a lifestyle of leisure. They went from roughly $135K a year to $90K a year, using the middle of the income he described for himself.
The reason people go straigh to call in for divorce, is that once the respect is gone, there is no going back.
It will be a couple of years before the husband realizes that saying "I need to think about it" when talking about work is just the wife's way of avoiding fighting and getting her way. It's a little sad that he fell for manipulation in the end, even worse is that he knows it.
Wife simply wants to be lazy and expects him to do the extra work. It would somewhat make sense if kids were toddlers but they are pre teens.. what would she do all day?
Probably cheat on him given how most Reddit stories go
Q: "What would she do all day?"
A: Sleep around.
@@TH-hy9kryup, she wants to sit around and drink mimosas... with her affair partners.
I might've read too many Reddit stories, but I honestly wouldn't be surprised if she started having affairs with wealthy men, probably to see what her next options are. 🙄 Why? Because I don't see this marriage surviving, even if OP becomes her doormat(and judging by the writing, it's unfortunately becoming the case). And I don't see it surviving because this leech cares for no one but herself. She's simply too selfish and lazy to think about anything other than having a lavish life where she doesn't have to work and can do anything she wants while her husband slaves away for her. 😒
Who's going to tell her that tradwives were supposed to obey their husbands? Say goodbye, OP, and let her find one of those incels who say a tradwife is what they want (except they don't, really, when money gets short and they have to give up their Xbox Game Pass.)
Not if they are Muslim like their parents. In Islam women have the fundamental right to be a SAHW/SAHM and husbands cannot touch his wife's wages whatsoever.
@@felix0-014Well she doesn't have any wages anyway and he she probably can't touch his wither
Trad wives DO NOT have to obey their husbands. Traditional does not mean "submissive to others' opinions".
@@Ashbrash1998 not in Islamic law/the religion.
@@franciebelcher4594 Yes? What does "love, honor, and OBEY" mean in the traditional Christian marriage service? Ask a conservative priest or minister. Hint: the man does not promise to obey.
Oh, she’s going to get another job. She’ll have to after he divorces her.
Seriously, how does she not see that her choices are to resume working part-time and keep her family together, or work full-time because she needs to pay her own way as a divorced woman and pay her fair share to support the kids?
Story 1 Ohhh she isn't going to get better and I'd tell my family and HER unless and until either they or she can come up with the money we are losing by her being a TRAD-wife then they need to drop this and she needs to get a job because her being a TRAD-wife will literally KILL me. I won't be picking up more hours so she can stay at home and I won't be supporting this idea at all.
"Trad wife" that doesn't listen to her husband! Nice!
To anyone who thinks the person they loved will come back, they won't. Ever. I lived, worked and slept with someone for 13 years, 24/7 and didn't recognise the person she became overnight. It took me 18 months before there was nothing left for me to give and I had just enough left to throw myself clear. People can't change back, you're with who they are _now._
I got a little annoyed when OP said he can't divorce like other people because he has "a real family at stake." Divorced people have real families, too. Just because other people have the courage to end a toxic relationship doesn't mean they are less than OP. Maybe he shouldn't ask for advice he doesn't want to hear.
Facts
Story 1:
Op's wife doesn't seem to understand that he wants a partner not another dependent.
No mention of counseling and therapy in this story untill the end (that too with a "might") boiled my blood.
On the main story she is not making any sort of attempt to shift things back after the "I need to think about it." line, she is trying to manipulate the OP again this so to be honest OP needs to have a talk with his kids, when the time is right as to why he needs to get away from this gaslighting EX-Wife as she is not trying to show him any sort of respect after the stunt she pulled.
It's sad when divorce is taboo and frowned upon. When the partners genuinely can't respect each other and live a fulfilling life, they get stuck in eternal dysfuntion and resentment.
She'll have to think about it. 😂😂😂 she stalling you. 😂😂😂
I am SO glad you have Mood-Booster posts especially after a really wrenching first post! Thank you!
ROFLOL LG BUSTED OUT THE TOMMY FLANAGALAN!! 😂😂😂THANKS LG! 🤣🤣🤣
So the wife only finally came to her senses when OP rejected her desperate booty call? 🤨
Nah, she only switching manipulation tactics. Nothing about what she does is genuine.
@@MisterNightfish oh, without a doubt. This woman is so narcissistic and selfish, OP needs to gtfo asap
The wife OP once knew was a mask. She doesn't care about her kids, either, seeing she's willing to throw away their safety net if finances get bad, or worse, OP having a heart attack. She's the worst
She wants to be a tradwife? I wonder what she would think think of this lifestyle when she has to deal with never having enough money for food or bills or more importantly, herself. OP needs to cut her off, move all of his share of household funds into different accounts and cancel any joint credit cards and she can live off her savings for a while.
A frustrating story to read but I do think OP is doing the right thing by giving his wife a chance to stop her nonsense. Sure, the wife is being completely selfish and manipulative, but going with the nuclear option isn’t easy and it’ll just cause a whole new set of problems. Maybe things will improve and OP and his wife will become stable again.
I very seldom join the Reddit chorus of divorce, but without some serious changes in the wife's attitude, I don't see this ever working out well. Regardless of her cultural expectations, she completely dismissed OP's concerns AND feelings AND used the grossest manipulative tactics to force her will. She is also using his love for his children as her 'ace' card, and that is lower than low.
In his place, I wouldn't throw good time in after bad. His children are watching their parents, and this is NOT the marriage dynamic you want to teach them. She sounds irredeemable.
He needs to divorce her. There’s clear manipulation and abuse going on and that ‘I’ll think about it.’ Is going to last for years.
How "Traditional" are we talking? Does that mean you have no access to your own accounts and get an allowance only from your spouse?(American women could not open/access their own bank accounts until the 1960s) Does that mean your family will never have to clean or cook, and you are the main child carer? (misogynistic advertisements about women's servitude to their husbands and home duties)
If the couple is on the same page with everything, that's not our business. _But_ making unilateral, life-altering decisions to cherry pick a new lifestyle is manipulative and selfish. OP needs to push for therapy whether they divorce or not.
I had a Muslim coworker who pulled this same stunt with her American born husband. He left her daily lists, took away her car, and took away her credit/debit cards. She had to ask him for money for any - everything. He made her get up to cook him breakfast, pack his lunch, do everything. She eventually asked to go back to work. He said yes.
@@jeannineharamoto6658 People hear the good sides of a lifestyle, but ignore or miss the very down sides, lol!
The red pill trad wife stuff doesn’t just affect men
It is the stupidest thing ever.
The whole traditional wife thing isn't stupid in the right circumstances. just like with most things in all of reality. if things are done in the correct way, it isn't a problem. if they're done in the incorrect way, it is a huge problem
You can tell the story is fake just to rip on Trad wives. The reason you know is because like you this story is the incorrect definition of a Trad Wife. It's the fascist progressive woke left version lol.
That clip was so 😂😂😂Yougonna end up paying a lot alimony dealing with you “SAHW”
Story 1 - op is overthinking this. Initiate the divorce and tell the ex-wife "you'll get over it". She literally doesn't care about the fact op could potentially work himself into a heart attack and an early grave if he's forced to work harder to pick up the slack from her quitting her job. She's a monster crying crocodile tears. "I need to think about it". She's going to tell op whatever he thinks he wants to hear to keep delaying the inevitable.
Thanks for that Tommy Flanagan clip, I totally forgot about him 😂😂
OP1 is being played, pure and simple. she 'broke down' to get OP back in the bed, that's step 1 in her favour. she's not looking for a job, and she won't. she wants the status quo to settle as 'this is how we live now' and OP to just agree.
Divorce is in the future. count on it
Neither of them just get to make the decision. If his concern was what she was going to do all day knowing she didn’t need that much time to cook and clean she could have come up with some sort of plan. He could have also dug more into her why. Maybe a job with less hours would have been a better alternative. OP is not the AH for being very upset that she went behind his back though. Neither of them handled the situation well and the children are now the ones suffering, mostly because of the Mom though. She should not have mentioned divorce to them at all at that point. OPs wife took it too far and the manipulation was pathetic, using s*x and the kids, gross!
NTA: my problem with this "Trad Wife" movement is it dismisses the idea that men might actually WANT to be active parents (as they should in this day in age) and that can only be done if both partners are sharing the burdens that come with being a family unit (ie house work, raising kids, earning an income). I have a sneaking suspicion that OP's wife doesn't actually want to be a stay at home mom and "trad wife" in this case is more code for "I want to not work and do the bare minimum at home under the guise of being a stay at home mom". After the update: oh it gets worse, OP has a heart condition and probably shouldn't be working as much as he already does and probably would like to be the stay at home parent because of his circumstances. Im now suspicious that she's trying to work op into an early grave (op has already had one heart attack! ) and then IDK live off her inheritance?
I've been hearing this so much lately.. What is going on? How has communication dropped so bad over the last 20yrs or so? You do not just stop working without an indepth conversation about why, what reason etc... Then she's sitting there telling the kids and bringing them into adult situation? That would make me angry as well.. People on the outside do NOT get to dictate your marriage!! I would be FURIOUS her telling the son.!! The extreme manipulation is disgusting
Selfishness seems to be the new normal courtesy of social media and its distorted view of reality.
She'll just wait him out. They'll argue about it again, she'll apologize and "do better". Then she'll just draw out more time. That is going to be his new cycle of marriage.
Reduce expenses, reduce hours. Find a cheaper home Live frugally. Lean into it. $7k USD is plenty to raise a family on. Heck, $5k is easily doable. She wants the "traditional wife" lifestyle, give her it, including having to budget every meal and how far the fuel will last.
The line " you'll get over it" was just absolute disrespect
Lmao, some women AREN'T as "Slick" as they Think.
Want to be traditional wife? Sure, sure, sure. Means OP controls finances and makes alone all big decisions, gives just enough allowance to buy groceries and clothing when need it.
Wife wakes up to make breau, packs lunch.and makes dinner. Does ALL the chores while op sits on sofa watching tv after work
"Our house doesn't need to be cleaned 6 hours a day"
Right? How is it that the only people that seem to be constantly in need to clean the house are stay at home spouses?
We need the wife’s version of the story. I only believe 50% of what a man says
How does a woman want to be a "traditional" wife, but not want to do what her husband want to do? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣That's the entirety and very heart of what a "traditional wife" is supposed to be! I'm a woman and I would never want to be under a man's thumb so I can be "traditional". We need to be partners so he can have an equal and I can have an equal. We need to work through things together and talk through things when we need to resolve issues. I would never railroad my husband into something like this. I think he did the right thing by immediately moving toward divorce. This is no different than trying to manipulate your partner into an open marriage. These are things you just don't do.
Story: If she wants to be a tradwife, she better find a traditional husband for the FULL experience.
The mood booster was epic though.
Story 1 , NTA op needs to lock down the bank accounts , his wife is going to push this for as long as he will put up with it , and seen as he doesn't seem to have any kind of spine , because as soon as he see's a tear he is back in her bed , and the longer she is out of work , the more he will have to pay , if the divorce does actually happen .
HE needs to talk to his kids, and he needs to be asking her every day what job she is looking for , and only supply her with the money needed for food and the kids .
Story 1: The only thing I think I really think OP is the AH for is that when he talked in the first part, he brought up WHAT she might do has a "tradwife" but he hadn't asked WHY she wanted to do it. He may have covered that in the update, but the "being ignored when requesting this" was I think the only aspect of the wife's feelings that were understandable and fair. The rest was pure selfishness on her part and she was clearly showing that by getting upset and calling him a "baby" for actually wanting to be an active and involved parent which her desire would stop him from being able to do.
Couple's counseling should be a requirement.
Exactly
This why I went into old house renovation/renting. I work like a dog renovating an old fixer upper on a budget but turn a dump into a dollhouse and then rent it out. It quickly pays for itself. Then I get to sit back and stay home. I tradwife the hell out of homemaking because it’s what I love. I renovate our own space myself as I want to if I want a change and people tell us our garden looks like a cozy park but with more cottage style flower gardens. I dug and installed a little pond and waterfalls mostly alone, although husband helped me put up the zen archway over/above it and we used copper pipe with holes drilled into it to run a rain curtain water feature that rains down from above into the pond. We have fish in the pond, it’s so peaceful. Multiple seating areas, a covered patio, a garden archway to grow vining plants/vegetables over goes down the whole walkway to the front door. It’s really beautiful. We did everything ourselves. I cook, clean, prepare all meals from scratch, sew, garden/preserve our foods, make beautiful desserts, make our soaps/lotions/salves/homemade laundry detergent in bulk etc etc. And yes-we absolutely DO have more intimacy this way when I’m not working out of the house. I’m not stressed or too tired. My husband never hears the word “no” now that I’m home 😂. I’m always on the lookout for a cheap fixer upper though, so I’m never sure when my next job will come up. And boy am I tired then while working on those. Exhausted, it’s hard work.
Story 1: Op is delusional if he thinks his wife will go back on her word. Screw what his culture thinks. He needs to set an example for his kids and put less stress on himself by divorcing this woman. She doesn't even care about his condition or what he thinks. Only what SHE wants. Not wife material. Just a moocher trying to use her tactics to get what she wants. Hope he wakes up and does the right thing before this whole situation puts him in a early grave. I'm also ashamed that his parents are not siding and seeing his point of view. Smh.
Unfortunately OP has crippled himself, with his own attitude of "I only live for my wife and kids". She has all the power in this marriage, because he has given it to her. This isn't going to end well for him.
@@DrownedInExile Yeah I agree. That and with his condition kinda puts him in the simp category IMO
You can either think what is important for you in this earth or what is important after this life. One day we die. We must not get the mentality that we live here forever. One road leads to a hot place….one road leads to a comfortable place. You choose.
Personally, divorcing your wife over this islamically or not sounds ridiculous to me esp. if he can afford it. Not sure how separating the family makes it better for him to see his child only 50% of the time or less.
@@mindyl5990 Yes it is true we do not live forever but what does live forever is our legacy. His children. And how he raises his kids and what how he lives his life. Does he want his kids to know it is ok to disrespect their partners to get their way? Does he want them to know that it is ok to not care about what the other wants? Is it ok for them to disregard their partners health and condition for their own desires instead of acting like a team.
Yes, we do have two roads ahead of us in the end, and if he stays with his wife after she opened pandora's box on this incident, it will only make things worse and give him a fate worse than death.
Personally, I think the divorce laws in this world are crap but he has to do it for his own peace of mind and health, then he has to do it.
Life is too short to life with a selfish individual and to be disrespected. Treat others how you wish to be treated and live by that principle.
She was preparing to divorce him and wanted a larger payout.
Story 1: Wife wants to be a "tradwife"? Fine. Accuse her of infidelity and have the "trad-community" handle it in a "trad" way.
OP's son gave OP a huge gift: evidence of parental alienation. He should make sure to use that.
First story prior to updates I would say ‘everyone sucks here.’ It sounds like she seriously wanted to make a lifestyle change but they’re not communicating clearly/healthily what each of their needs are. They should have considered counseling the moment they realized they were at an impasse with such a major life decision but instead just kept assuming the other would change their mind. Also, “I thought it was a phase, it would pass,” is so patronizing.
Exaaactly
In her quest to be a "true wife," it seems she will more than likely be a widow or possibly an ex-wife. If he is smart, he will leave before the stress of working more and taking care of a family puts him in an urn or 6 feet deep.
The women of reddit sure ripped into OP in story 1 with that "fix her crown" energy.
So her first step to being a traditional wife is massively disrespecting her husband. Woof.
She should just admit she doesn't want to work and skip the BS.
Serious question right now... Is ANYBODY actually living the social media tradwife life?? Because that's not really attainable for most people with regular jobs and I would assume that richer people just hire help.
I want to see a trad life lite channel. That is more my speed 😂
LOL, good on OP in the Mood Booster.
When are people going to stop stuffing good teachers around?
I loved the mood booster. Years ago, I was denied a week long training which would have made me an employment arbitrator for workplace. The reason given was "we can't have you be off that long," but they could not deny vacation under our contract, so out of spite, I took a week of vacation and just flaked out and did whatever that week.
As someone who can no longer work, trad wife stuff hits extra different for me now. I can’t tell you how insecure a feeling it is to not work and provide for oneself. I can’t imagine CHOOSING to be dependent on someone else, save being with someone who has so much money that neither of us would have to work. SAHM taking care of small children is a whole different thing, because that is hard work you would have to pay someone else for. But children as old as OP’s? Nope. NTA for me, for sure.
I know that people will probably jump on me for my opinion, but here goes...
They both are jerks. She comes to him and says she'd like to be a SAHM. He says absolutely not, and then proceeds to explain how it could work, but he doesn't want it to. He also complains that she wouldn't need 6 hours per day to clean the house. He doesn't mention how much he helps with childcare or house cleaning though. He also mentions all the things that he would be willing to do as a compromise, but why is he telling us and not her, especially when she first suggested the idea. He just shot her down.
Now, her turn....
Total manipulator. She made household decisions without communicating and having both of them on board. No communication, no attempt to compromise... yeah this is bad.
Both adults are jerks here. Their marriage is crap.
Agreed ESH
Total disrespect. Time for her to go.
A "TRADITIONAL" Wife WOULDN'T do this 🤦🏾♂️.
Him thinking "I'll think about it" is progress is.... sad. It's a delay tactic. She'll be thinking about it for years if she can get away with it, it's just the newest attempt at manipulation. The thing about him being a baby about wanting to spend time with the kids was the very end for me and it should have been for him too. It def shows her staying home has ZERO to do w/the kids if she can't empathize with his own desires to spend time with them.
It sounds like op wife wants to sit around and do nothing and op needs to think about divorce and leave this toxic situation story1
Oh the good old mental breakdown apology tactic huh? 😂
Take a few weeks vacation from work and tell her you quit your job too and see how that goes over.
The first story ended in a bitterly disappointing nothingburger ending. I really dont know what to say.
These are real life which don't alway have nice endings. Maybe there will be updates. Maybe not. If you like things tied up with a bow, I suggest Mr Reddito Animated and rGirl. A vast majority of the stories are obviously fiction, but they do have an ending where the just win, and the jerks lose.
@@mbyerly9680 I am an adult and I know that already, I just commented, and I didnt expect everything in a neat vow. There is no harm in sharing one's feelings on things.
ESH. You’re BOTH making unilateral decisions without the other.
You: she wants to be a trad wife, but I say no because I don’t think it’s necessary. End of discussion.
Her: I’m going to be a trad wife whether you want me to be or not. End of discussion.
If your wife up and quit, just to stay at home just because she wanted to, without having a husband-wife discussion and agreement, then YNTA
Guys like him need to learn. She’s manipulated him during their entire relationship.
"a real family is at stake here" better a broken home than a Toxic home. The relationship is sinking
OP...NTA...Get an attorney. She's on a tangent that you can't get her off. WOW!!
She can be a tradwife and still work part time. So many wives do. My mom did and we were from a very conservative area. My friend and his wife have the most traditional nuclear family ever and his wife still works about 15 hours a week.
Shes just making excuses. Period
Story 1: I seldom feel rage hearing these posts, but OP's wife is a piece of work. I'm so sorry for the choices he's facing. This isn't about being a SAHM, this is about her selfishness, manipulation and betrayal...and she's STILL doing it, offering him only words or sex to mollify him instead of addressing her HUGE betrayal. My trust would be shattered.
OP messed up by just leaving the house to run home to mommy and daddy.
He needed to kick her out to go stay with her parents.
"If you aren't going to help pay for the house, utilities, and food, then you don't get to have access to the house, utilities, and food. Go home until you decide to be an adult and work."
I think the first story guy is the asshole only toward his son. Don’t disappear and then leave your kid on read. I haven’t listened to the whole story, but that’s not cool.