It is refreshing to hear this spoke out loud, because I promise, when this INTP decides to go within, I have no warning, or understanding how I can just back out of something that I with intentioned wished to be a part of. I fee sad for anyone who loses me, but not this retreating part of me. It feels entirely subconscious.
2:30 templars = weakest to gaslight by labels 3:10 crusaders set you up for failure the most / unaware of own quadra abuse 4:15 justification dyad only feels powerful when they are justified 5:00 apathy (INTP) : "willfull ignoring", "willfull negligence" 5:35 "crusaders oftentime feel like they deserve to be abusive" 6:10 James chapter 4 when you judge someone you judge the law instead of keeping it 11:00 "they have to feel like they deserve it before they go out of their way to satisfy themselves or discover new things on their own" 13:30 covert contract with life. If I give more then I deserve more. 18:00 crusaders don't set boundaries 21:00 crusaders go from less to more transactional, templars is vice versa 29:00 crusaders expect others to know what to give them
Chase is 100% correct here. I have realized that so much of my suffering has been from fearing and not being humble enough to ask for help or my needs to be met. Most often I do not even realize what those needs are but when I reach the point of crisis I become aware of how others aren’t supporting me like I want them to. I used to be so resentful towards my own parents for this and am currently overcoming resentment towards a past partner. I am ashamed of how I have behaved and angry at myself for allowing myself to fulfill this victimization self-fulfilling prophecy. Edit:fixed typo
> being humble enough to ask for my help In your case it might be being humble. It's not the consistent reason. Dependency can be a reason, also fear of breakdown. > I am ashamed of how I have behaved and angry at myself for allowing myself to fulfill this victimization self-fulfilling prophecy. You could just not be ashamed and notice the need.
@@tomwright9904 sorry the first part was a typo, in the past I have not been humble enough to ask for help from others. Fear of dependency and feelings of inadequacy are probably the reason. The shame comes from hurting, neglecting and lashing out at people I loved when they didn’t deserve it(or deserved it but I was making the situation worse by bot setting boundaries). These are some of my biggest regret because I have seriously strained my closest relationships this way.
Mate, I've been there and probably still am in some areas too. We are all learning and trying to grow in life hey 👍🏼 it's true that it is a struggle to be aware of our needs and then being humble enough to communicate them to the people in our life. I know it too, and I'm trying to grow in that area too. Good stuff mate! Keep it up 👍🏼💪🏼
This was hard to swallow. I realized I do it myself when I let things slide. Little annoying things that people do but that I don't speak about because I want to avoid conflict. I tell myself that I don't care, that I forgive them. But in reality it's just a debt. "I forgive you that time so you have to forgive me now." "Why are you criticizing me for this? When you did it I let it slide! You should do it too!" I use their mistakes to justify my owns. What should I do? If I speak up every time someone annoys me I fear I'll get hated. But I also can't just forgive them and then never bring that up again because I'll become a doormat.
I'm an ESTP so I think I can give you my advice for your question so that you can see the problem from a non-Crusader's perspective. Just be sympathetic with people. Everyone has flaws and a large portion of the "flaws" you see in them are actually unconscious and unintentional, which mean they are not actually aware that they are making you uncomfortable or offending you in any way. Thus, just voice up any time anyone crosses your boundaries so that people can know to do better, but try to be sympathetic more so that you don't perceive every small act of people as offense. When I was young, I was really judgmental, but with life experience, I've become more sympathetic and easy on people, as well as looking at everything in a more objective way.
If people hate you for speaking up in order to not allow yourself to get hurt, well, you don't want them in your life if they are not willing to learn how NOT to hurt you. As an old INTP, I promise, it is better to speak up, instead of allowing harm that you resent. I think you also end up hating yourself, if you are too weak to speak up in your own defense. Vicious cycle. Better to keep your own self-respect, than to allow people in your life who end up shitting on you.
The quickest way to make a Crusader go full on neglect mode on you is to do less for them than they do for you, and then criticise their effort and tell them how much you do for them.
Omg thank you so much for this video, I’ve had so many abusive crusaders in my life who have always invalidated my feelings when I have given so much to them
It's more than that, as C.S. said, we got to make sure we are fed as well, and I think in my life, there have not been too many people who have been able to "feed" me, or keep me full.
I'm an INTP and i can neglect people, I've lost friends from not wanting to spend time with them, I hate stupid people with a nasty streak and love a chance to abuse them by exposing their manipulative behaviours or petty coping mechanisms to themselves, or ignoring them which really pisses off Narcissistic types, because they love a reaction and I never give them one.
Yeah that is probably one of the biggest ways I show neglect as an INTP which is simply not showing up. I don't really have a nasty streak of exposing narcissistic personality types (I do expose stupid people since I get extremely annoyed with misinformation). I have indeed lost friends that way. Anyways absence has been my main form of neglect. How can people be friends with you if you rarely show up? I see it as exhausting maintaining long-term friendships and networks but it is a requirement for life. After awhile you neglect others and you ultimately end up neglecting yourself. It's self destructive behavior. This is definitely a major way that I see INTPs displaying abuse and it's willful because we don't want to be bothered. INTPs often give it their all and can be amongst the most caring when we show up for others we truly show concern for, but then by the same token we take it away over time through not showing up and being absent. Then we wonder why we are alienated from society. Of course exposing lies and uncomfortable truths is another way we alienate ourselves but the combination of both can be absolutely abusive as why would people care about us exposing the truth if they feel neglected by us through our absence and apathy? People are emotionally driven creatures and they often need that side of them satiated before we can even discuss uncomfortable truths and exposing lies through discovery and exploration. Over the years I have been trying to improve this negative side of me but it has been a long road.
INTP, lived it , agree. Here is something not specified ( spiced with shame and guilt) : "I did all these things for you and you gave me all of those things but those are not the things I wanted, because I didn't tell you what I wanted and that is because I don't know what it is, but I will still punish you because you didn't give it to me..." Horrible... I am soooo sorry, and I did that to my most beloved, and the only people that actually cared... So I feel you Chase, damn I wish I could take at least half of that back...
it is horrible, it's unfair, and it might just be okay. It shows them what they're missing. But you must give them a chance to make it up with what ever they have, and you must appreciate whatever they cobbled up for what it is. Then you set your expectations better from that level. I dunno... that's my current course of action for my own life, but typing and thinking about it makes me feel like I'm still doing it wrong so I'm open to suggestions or opinions
Seems very true. Thank you. Hard to be put on ignore mode but it definitely forces you to work on your communication skills with INTPs. Interesting how that works. You always wonder how long the apathy will last...
I too am an INTP. I have a habit of giving a lot of attention in beginnings of relationships, then neglecting entirely just because that experience haven't been what I had expected. I would show up and put up with people to show my compassion and care but once I feel like I'm not appreciated enough, I'd cut them off and ghost them, expecting them to learn shame and guilt from the end of the relationship. Work this out for couple months with all the people I encounter, I feel bitterness and loathsome anger toward people and myself. I've learned this simply isn't good for anyone. I shouldn't expect to receive back from others nor should I put other people at judgement for my own selfish expectations. I am sorry to those who I've willingly neglected and will change from these experiences.
I am aware that I also suffer from neglectfulness in relationships, after giving all I can. But, is this behavior from not getting as much as we give, or is it from boredom, having given, and helped others, is itlike out "job is done"? I mean, I certainly never have entered into ANY relationship thinking that I am going to end up neglecting them, and pulling away. I am glad and grateful to hear this IS an INTP trait, ONLY because, I do not wish to intentionally hurt anyone. But if this is part of our personality type, how can we avoid bein a dick?
I'm 22 years old and I can already see how I've done this for all my life. I chronically say that I don't "deserve" to do certain things. Thank you for opening my eyes.
INTP I have clearly told what my needs were thrice and still when I got the fourth disappointment from an intj I bailed out. Because- Fool me once your fault fool me twice your fault fool me thrice it's my fault so I'm out and I believe that to be Fair.
I probably am not a crusader type but I find this video valuable. I now have to keep in mind how covert contract can end up the starting point of abusive behavior i.e self victimization and demanding for more when they never established boundaries/expectations in the first place. It serves as warning for myself and also something I have to watch out in other people. Thank you for posting this.
Thanks for this video, Chase. You helped me understand the abusive crusaders I know personally even better. I'll add that their obsession with fairness is also warped by the short-sighted version of it they see. The problem of Si, crusaders, is that you only see your own struggles. You've "earned" the right to punish people for not enabling you after you enabled them. The thing is, they're already swamped with their struggles and you ignore all of that because you've "earned" your right to be served. This person is not only not ready to do that, they shouldn't, you should have told them you need to rest or to get some pleasure for your Si to recharge. That's what's actually fair. Because, here's the secret, it's ok. You don't have to always serve others to earn the right to be served. You have to be honest and learn to communicate your needs, and if you fail, don't punish others for something you struggle with. And please, don't treat people like stamp restaurant cards. You shouldn't be trying to earn enough points to get a prize. Especially crusader men. That's what you do all the time, and then complain women don't like "nice guys". You're not nice guys. You're abusive for wilfully leaving your intentions under the table and later getting in girl's faces for taking you for granted.
Like... about tell them you need some rest or pleasure for recharge. Introvert is the word I usually use as INTP, since everyone knows it, that solitude is needed to recharge. The intraverts relax. The extraverts? Not sure, but some seem okay with differences.
to this day, i do this, only stemming from the notion that i am teaching them a lesson, giving them a chance to change their behaviour,.i see how one sided it is, i see that im always being the better person which results in these misguided expectations. im learning to ask for what i need, it isnt fear or pussyness but rather that same institution of the entp always being too much for this world and these people. were always having to slow down for others just to watch them belligerently choose to be less than we perceive them to be.
@@KatherineLWince your perception ultimately is your lived experience which is why limiting beliefs are dangerous. ENTPS operate on multiple timelines and perceptions. We know you are better than the mask you show to the world.
Of course, I see the greatness in others as well. But as an INTP, I inernalized what others said to me when I was young, and took on that personna, with no way out, in my youth . . . but, the pulling the support system out from others, and the judging DOES make US less.@@nethercords
This was a really good video, because i've seen plenty of sfj's do this. The part i liked the most was in the end of the vid , because it seemed the most sincere. C.S.J recognizing hi's own mistakes, and sincerely apologizing to the people he actually cared about, takes something to say that. Great content as always.
I'm an ESFJ and work in career consulting so am essentially finding (or substituting) my own purpose through making sure everyone around me finds theirs - and doing this as a paid career removed the "covert" from the contract at least in this part of my life hahah - I rarely comment, but wanted to thank you for all the invaluable wisdom over the years Chase, from me and all the people who benefitted from me trying to enhance my virtues and keep my vices in check ❤
ENTP here. I have daily fantasies of verbally, psychologically, physically, and covertly abusing an intimate partner. I know my capacity for sadism all too well. It's a part of the reason I avoid intimacy. The closer I get, the more I want to rip out someone's heart. I know that my predatory malice trickles through even my more consciously innocuous gestures. I'm legit terrified of facing that being reflected back at me. Maybe I am a monster? Maybe I am okay with it? While I feel that I know the answer, I can scarcely put it into words, at least in any spoken language. Perhaps it is best that my actions speak for themselves? Ba'al knows I've gotten piss drunk wasted off of torturing my detractors with my barbed tongue. It's truly intoxicating, truly horrific, truly painful for both of us. Also, this transactional giving attitude is known as "self-sacrificing/self-enhancing" in narcissistic pathology.
I have nothing but love and forgiveness in my heart for you, Chase. We all have our downsides. And I don't think any less of you. I migth even be a worse person for all I know. I have only seen your beautiful side, and know that you can get out of this. Love yourself, just like you taught me to. Never forget what a beautiful soul you are. So treat yourself well. You deserve, and owe yourself that much. I wish I could hold, and give you a good tight hug. So that you'd feel, how much forgiveness I want to give to you. For it is boundless.
Something also popped in to my head, something I learned ( addition , probably learned from this channel) that is related to this topic:" You would be really surprised to what you can get or what you can get away with if you just ask ".
And yes, sometimes those people when they haven’t paid you back are just good people waiting to repay the favor at a moments notice if they only knew how, what and when. You are correct you are a very intelligent man.. I have faith in you that you will take that box of darkness and realize it was a gift, one you didn’t ask for but one you really needed. The one(s) who have created us want for us to learn. We are given many hurdles. I see an Olympian in you. I know you will finish the race, tired but the new winner will emerge from your soul and you will finally be able to use your pain instead of it using you. You got this Chase. 🦋
I used to have this belief that care shouldn't be asked for. Cuz if someone genuinely cared for you, they will do it without you having to directly ask for it, otherwise if i asked it will be because they are obligated to, not because they wanted to, and it won't be genuine that way. I think this belief was the root of that abuse But i don't regret neglecting the ones i did that for, because they didn't even try or put an effort even after i told them what i needed
This is belief is deeply embedded within me as well. I’m struggling to defrag and overwrite the personal “value” because I’m unsure how to not feel weak or needy for directly asking. I’m currently trying to write a few boundaries for myself, because I’ll never uphold them if they’re not stapled to my sleeve 24/7. But I can’t even figure out what boundaries are good for me. Sometimes I feel super strong with mature Fe, but within 1-2 days I cave because of discomfort, and then let everyone down in the end anyways.
I just sit here, watching this, unable to move on ... I hope more people will watch your content. Realize. Learn. I'm too have my own weaknesses. I know it. We all have. So much pain could have been avoided. Instead we fight with each other and guard ourselves to survive. It's sad to see. Sad to hear. Understanding is the key.
For me as an INTP, MatPat's Game Theory Finale Episode is quite a useful system, especially for Crusader types.. 1. Lead with Trust.. 2. Be honest.. 3. Hold people accountable for their wrongdoings. 4. Forgive them when you see actual change in them..
This one hit home pretty hard. I really didn't understand the psychology of codependency and unhealthy behavior until it later in life. I think I first started to grasp the idea of mindfulness after going to rehab for drug addiction which probably stemmed from self sabotage and extreme apathy. MBTI helped open the door to understanding myself more but the unhealthy behavior problems are something else I need to learn how to deal with. I'm the quin accentual INTP that had a big failure to launch syndrome. I struggle with relating to people so I'm trying to use Fe and become better. I have also been trying to grow by facing my fear and going outside my comfort zone and exploring the world more. I have had so many problems but have been doing the work.
Wow, the end of the video was inspiring, you sounded like an Fi user. I've always questioned why my esfj mother just keeps buying things for everyone constantly and that it's not needed, just your company is enough, keep the money for yourself. Now that I can see the real reason why, it all makes sense.
Merciful Heavens, Chase, that conclusion wrung to the max my own very intense heart. It put me into grandmother mode, and I don't even have kids. You knocked it out of the park; you fully experienced where you're at. That huge burst of light, true and fearless, from the depths... surely you know that God, Jesus, the angels, whoever, whatever, some name label, or all, rushed to your side to lead you forward, after that blast cleared the way. Merciful Heavens. That was surrender. 24:54, my favorite, "create a support system for yourself." The paradox of being alone in the cosmos, in order to be not alone but together. Ripped apart for renewal. Mercy! Part of a prayer I use is... Gratitude to beautiful Christed Ones, then... I am healed and forgiven. I am lifted and enlightened. I am filled and surrounded with Christ love and Christ light. Take me to my perfect place. Thank you.
You know I am still immature because I hate what you said, especially about arbitrarily expecting other people to know what I need and to give in return for what I give them without telling them. This is also the area of our life we need to work most on to be exponentially better for ourselves and others. This is video hit viscerally.
I actually relate to this. I did this myself back when I fell for another INTJ. I knew it was wrong but I did it anyway. Ended up being one of my most painful experiences, and I became more bitter and misanthropic afterward, but it was my fault to begin with. Pathetic.
Plz make a dark psychology video exposing the philosophers. I want to make sure I am not harming people in my life. And if I am then I can at least figure out how to cut it out.
I totally agree on this. My ISFJ ex husband did this and even though he treated me like a queen for years in the end I felt emotionally abused by him, he broke up via text and ghosted me, never being able to talk about what he actually wanted in the relationship. He had unspoken expectations I couldn’t fulfill because I didn’t know about them.
This is definitely something I need to remember. My dad is an isfj and my sister is an esfj. I thought my dad and sister were bad. I'm just as bad. I get bitter, build up walls, and then leave because I don't tell people what I need/want. I wish my family would get into this stuff too.
i’ve been trying to get family and friends to watch chases content for years but it’s a meaningless effort, they don’t want to understand themselves, it would mean taking criticism
It's funny. My mom had me take the Meyers Briggs test like 4 or 5 years ago. I've always tested as an intp (I recently learned that I'm an entp), and she tested as an intj. Though she's actually an istp, but she won't hear a word against her being an intj because she read the generic profile pages of intjs and that they are the most intelligent types. She thinks Chase and the cognitive functions are bullshit. She'll listen to me when I talk about other people, but I have no idea what I'm talking about with her or myself apparently because she thinks there's no way I could be an extrovert (extravert?). My dad got typed by a psychologist when his work sent him because he was severely depressed, and I typed him as the same thing (isfj), but he's not interested in really learning about it. My brother and sister will listen, but they don't really care.
As an isfj woman I am afraid of setting boundaries because I seem selfish and people aren't happy to see me serving myself first. I don't want my husband and kids to view me as selfish. Even though I don't get much appreciation so I guess damned if I do damned if I don't. There is an expectation from me to do certain things and there is passive aggressive behaviour I feel from others when I don't meet those expectations. I really don't think I can ever change it seems so impossible When I do withdraw help it doesn't last long I cannot stop serving the people I love it's something that is a default for me I don't know how to stop. If I indirectly tell my husband my needs it's in one ear out the other and the most he'll say is "that's life" to suck it up And lol u know an isfjs biggest insecurity is being unwanted, I get afraid that if I tell people what I need they will be forced to meet my needs and it will end up making me feel unwanted because I want people to make me feel wanted without me having to tell them what I want or need I don't want to have to tell people that hey please hang out with me please do this for me or hey I would love this. It's so hard because I want people to be as thoughtful to me as I am of them I don't think it's too much to ask.
I don't think there's a catch-22 in this. Setting boundaries is a win/win process. It's just protocol for ideal human behavior as it leads to both goodness and trueness, even if some are inclined to feel as though it's a bad thing. If you are an agreeable person, it's extra important to deal with conflict and disagreements extra early so you don't have to deal with even more of it in the future with built up resentment.
I know exactly what you're talking about. It's a double edged sword like people see something in us and immediately think they are deserving of our undivided attention. But best believe when we ask of even the smallest thing...crickets...blowback...learnt my lesson.
22:30 "crusader abuses by ripping out the support structure from under the one they served" isn't the recipient of those services still the winner in the end? They received all these great services and they can be like "oh well, I'm not receiving it anymore, so now I can extend it by finding another crusader to pick up where the last one left off" 🤔
@@honor9lite1337 how is that abusive by the crusader tho? Crusader gives 100 dollars every month to recipient for 5 months and then decides to stop doing that. So the recipient is now 500 dollars richer. Where's the negative? I don't see any abuse here
I think what's abusive is that the support wasn't framed to the other person as transactional even though the Crusader is experiencing it that way for themselves and then getting upset when they aren't getting their needs met in return and pulling out the rug from under the other person as punishment. ENTPs especially need to guard against giving other people whiplash with their withdrawals. ENTPs can literally do this overnight. Give of themselves for months, not realize they aren't meeting their own needs and not realizing it until suddenly they feel it all at once, then feel scared or wronged, and then decide the next day that they want out totally leaving the other person to cope with the loss and confusion alone.
And the beautiful thing is that asking for what you want, is that a lot of people will compromise. I learned this early as an INTP. Just ask, just ask again, just give another reason, it's so easy.
The thing is that I barely want anything from anyone. There’s nothing anyone can give me that I can’t get for myself. So really, most interactions I’ve ever had has negative transaction for me as I give and take nothing. - another INTP
@@entropy8634 Well I enjoy my friends massaging me with a massagegun or cooking for me With business it's mostly some very important knowledge I want in return for me to help with some big struggle
@@entropy8634 Yeah it's a big problem. I don't want much from people at all and what's worse is what I do want I can provide for myself so why ask? However this can absolutely lead towards apathy towards others because in spite of all that no man is an island and even the most introverted of us in humanity need social connections if anything. The irony is people also actually want to feel needed and if I provide all my needs for myself, what do I need people for? People can feel that with guys like myself (and other INTPs) which can lead to further alienation from others. I think for some INTPs out there they actually need to learn to need people which will improve interactions with others in the outside world where we aren't so alienated.
@@mrod8578 ah yes. Even INTPs are humans with human needs. I sometimes fantasize of being more than human, where no such limitations hinder me from being satisfied with life. Or perhaps, does that make one less than human? Who knows 😅 The uncomfortable feeling is that needing anything from anyone is an exploitable vulnerability. It’s how I observed people falling for scams, being seduced into cults, being puppets incapable of thinking for themselves. If the cost of living a good life is my thoughts, then I’d rather die
i think it's not even that stupid to be a doormat in the BEGINNING bc that is a good way to test ppl (the Narc is an exception). It def shows if ppl are taking advantage of your patience, kindness and empathy. Now what's important though is to step away from ppl who do NOT value that. Unfortunately that's the step where plenty of "doormats" fail. But then it's their own fault to allow those ppl staying in their lifes (at least when it comes to friendships and relationships, at work its a bit more complicated ofc, but even that can be changed if its getting too bad).
Agreed... though it's the "nice + withdrawal" pattern versus the "self-centered + assertiveness" pattern. Theh downside is that eventually you'll hit onto a situation that needs assertiveness.
Justified. When you give your entire adult life to give your parents anything they could ever want and need and you get shunned for defending the “not-blood” grandkids bc they are now fostering their own more important blood grandkids- I’m done. Support ripped. You don’t care about the kids you made me care about? Then I’ll give my support to them. That means you get nothing else from me. No remorse. Not disgusted with myself. All I see is “now I see your true colors and it’s nothing I see the point in being loyal to”.
I have seen worse. I have seen crusader types using that support structure to abuse more when it was their duty to provide that support structure in the first place. Abuse can be anything, control, humiliation, but it's gonna be super covert. I can survive without anyone, INTJS are super independent. But to have someone stick to you like a leech so they can abuse you is different.
Crusaders have done that to me as well. I know I'm extremely selfish but I didn't ask you for your help, nor did you have to give it to me. Like what?!
I don't want to be transactional, I just want fairness. It's not my fault that everybody else is so fucking selfish that I have to keep score in order to not be fucked over. I wish I didn't, and I resent everything about it. At this point I am 100% convinced everybody would take from me until I was dead in the gutter, and then they would steal my clothes and grind me up for dog food. Everybody is like this towards everybody, tears are cheap, people only care when it doesn't cost anything. They wait until you're dead and then cry, it doesn't cost them anything to cry.
> It's not my fault that everybody else is so fucking selfish Complicated. Potentially you have some power over: * The commuities you partake in - perhaps you should leave rubbish communities so you don't become bitter *... or you could change the norms - set up niceness > Everybody is like this towards everybody, Not quite so. I think certan communities encourage group positive activity.
The sheer amount of complacency with a "dog eat dog world" mentality is bothersome to me. Glad to hear that there's someone else who seems to be fed up with this crap as well.
Maybe you took them for granted too? Like please, you have Fi demon, by default you don’t value anything including people around you. Don’t be so conceited… It’s like me saying that people don’t listen to me because they’re stupid when please, I have Te demon, I’m stupid by default….. -ENFJ
@@JR-ow8xg 🤔 after some reflection, no. If determining the level of “taken for granted” by metric of entitlement of your presence and services, then no. I felt lonelier in their presence than their absence while they felt more comfortable in my presence than in my absence. At some point, I have nothing left to give and so I leave. I’m no longer young nor naive enough that I can’t say “no”
@@entropy8634 That makes a lot more sense. However, I don’t know you but something there doesn’t fit the whole idea of Crusaders giving genuinely without feeling entitle to reciprocation. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not judging just trying to understand Crusaders. I have an INTP boyfriend, he’s amazing! but it’s so hard for me to reciprocate back everything he does for me because he never voices out his expectations, or needs. I don’t want him to think that I’m taking him for granted but I can see why Crusaders can become such doormats. If I were a Wayfarer, it would be very easy for me to take everything in his life without giving anything back.
@@JR-ow8xg as the dude in the video said, it doesn’t start out that way. I simply arrived at a conclusion that all interactions are transactional via hindsights. I can’t speak for your boyfriend, our opinions and thoughts might differ. But be explicit about your needs and being vocal about valuing his thoughts and opinions. This of course includes when he thinks he needs nothing at the moment. We tend to not need much from anyone, you can rest assured that your steady presence will suffice most of the times. Just check that you’re not taking all of everything in his life
I have resentment towards people for they not giving back, I can remember all those situations, all that pain. I may forget what school I went to, but never forget how people treated me. Ofcourse I want people to give me back, but if I see that they themselves are not willing, I am done. Why would I value someone who is selfish. Yeah, I abuse if selfish people step my boundries.
"if i do something for you i expect back the same" i am fine with it chase, the problem is when you do something without me asking (so is not something i needed/cared for) and then asking me to do the same for you.
@@entropy8634 my flatmate cooking also for me even if i did not ask anything and expecting something back (being It attention, time, the same thing etc). I Just invented this on the Moment, but in general yeah something i don't Need or i did not ask
This is very healthy and insightful advice. I can see how much you are growing, and now able to pass that on to others. Takes guts Ive definitely noticed this behaviour frommsome crusaders in romantic relationships. They can covert contract, not ask for what they need. Then, blindside their partner by leaving them because they havent done xyz, , and removing the support structure without ever giving the partner the chance to fix the issue. They will justify this and not take responsibility. Its sad then really for both parties. However like you say 'they know not what they do' and your lecture is providing awareness which is fantastic Other types may be less giving/supportive but they are also less likely to do things in these extremes (extreme support to no support) You guys are amazing at being supportive though and the world needs it (this advice means its done in a way that is beneficial for the crusader and the people they are supporting)
Kinda wished the intp that taught me dnd would talk to me again. Intps always disappear or maybe tire out. I did my best to give back and learned what I was taught. And show appreciation by using what I was taught, it was very hard in the beginning with the way they talk but I was excited to learn. ☺️ Wishing them happy birthday, buying games on steam or drawing a picture for them. But I don't think it was enough. Thanks for the video Chase! I love to be able to learn and look through your own lense of experiences. ( Also very painful to hear.) Edit: also my mom would say " if you give make sure it's from the heart."
Once earned by the offender, my INTP apathy lasts forever, abeit offset by my guilt about the sin of being neglectful, especially to close family members. I need to know how to turn things around even while I don't really want to. It is easier and safer to stay in the apathy.
The truth we speak cuts us first , before it cuts you. That's why we cut ourselves up in silence , until its too painful to keep our mouths shut and sealed up.
@@jhinthevirtuoso4886 ofcourse you need to recognize them in yourself first ,you can´t change if you don´t recognize it ,accept it ,self love and forgiveness. Me ,myself struggles with selfdestructive ways ,and I constantly need to remind myself to love more ,not less. Nothing goes easy in selfimprovement,but verry needed.
Question: does giving back to a Crusader enable this attitude or satisfy it? And does giving back to a Crusader amount to signing the “covert contract”? How should one respond empathetically and make the relationship better without “enabling” this attitude?
My take... you have "potluck" relationships where both parties give others stuff and it's good. You also have more transactional relationships where it's like "this is your job". The covert contract is lack of clarity about the two. I don't know if giving back amounts to enabling exactly. I think giving back. I think giving in to "transactional hinting" post favour is a problem. The way to not enable that is to... say no but maybe set up a real contract. I dislike contracts with friends as a rule... and also contracts. But I guess a contract of "let's do this and this and this tomorrow" is a contract I'm happy with. > How should one respond empathetically and make the relationship better without “enabling” this attitude? i. Turning down covert contracts ii. Creating real contracts iii. Encourage people to think about what they want.
@@tomwright9904 I agree, indeed. The issue stems from COMMUNICATING this in a way that isn’t, umm… distancing or accusatory? Does that make sense? I’m a very straightforward person usually. But I also HATE conniving… even if it’s supposedly benign or even “right”. I’m more like the person to say, “So, you’re abusing me with your covert contracts and selfish attitude about things. I get where you’re coming from and I happen to like you otherwise. Can you stop your crap and realize that you need to stop wanting so much so that when you give, you don’t give as people do, expecting something in return? Can you just give when you want to give and never think about it again - or don’t give at all, and be honest? That’d be great. That way I know who and what you really are - because I can see through our collective sin to see the tiny infant that just needs love in everyone… if you’ll stop terrorizing me. IN RETURN, I’ll make sure to tell you straight up if I can find a way to provide what you might deserve, but no guarantees. Good?” See what I mean?…
The humility, sincerity, and honesty, in this one, it makes my heart to tickle. Of course, Chase that you are forgiven now that you recognized it. :) My intent was not to just criticize you. It hurts, and it pains me to do so. However, seeing that nothing attracts your attention and that you don't recognize your mistakes and that there's no improvement made me to do it. I'm sorry that I did it. Forgive me too. 😅. I love some of your other content and you as a person, but disagree and despise other aspects, such as the arbitrary assignation of labels without further explanations and without checking in the actual motivations of other types behind their actions and your kind of superior and resentful attitude towards them. However, I have a small ray of hope that things will be better now that you are aware of them. Remember, the point of criticism is not to accept imperfection and be stuck with it, but to reject it so that one can strive towards perfection. Criticism is a double-edged sword, it can either make someone to see its flaws or it can demoralize him even more. It is used as a last resort weapon since you can either change the trajectory of someone or you make them to double down and go deeper into their hatred and resentment. The point is not to stay in negativity, but to acknowledge it so that one can grow. It is about negating the negation. It is not about multiplying the negation and creating a literal hell because of it. Most stop at the negation aspect of their identity when they acknowledge the criticism, but they don't start to strive for more as a result of this and to be able to negate the initial negation by becoming better. The only way to negate the negation is through the life and rebirth process of improvement. A negation applies only at a certain moment in time and if we would be static creatures, then it would be entirely definitive of who we are. However, since we have the ability to change, that shows a dynamic process and that if we are within such a process then the negation can too be negated through the changes that we make in time. I see 3 aspects of a human being. There is the person with its character. There is the individual with its personality. And there is the role or identity and position that we have and take within this life. As such, this shows that we are multi dimensional creatures embodying multiple parts or aspects or sides of ourselves, and we see that then one side doesn't define us entirely but when taken in relation to one another as a whole. This is why is unfair to judge a person only based on one part without looking at them in entirety. It brings a definite claim of who they are, and it discounts the other aspects that can redeem them and that can neutralize the initial criticism once they become activated. The 3 parts start divivided and in opposition to one another. Each one going in different directions. But they must be put in harmony. The person. It represents our highest self and our character. The individual. This represents our individual dispositions, wants and desires. The identity. This represents the sum out of those 2, and it represents what we are at a given moment in time. By taking our character+our dispositions, it creates an identity. However, since our character and dispositions as parts of it can change in time, then our identity as the sum of those would also change! So, it is not hopeless. However, one must first recognize that our character and our dispositions have deficiencies so that we can tweak them and change our identity. When we change those our identity as the totality of those which represents the place that we take in this world and worldview also changes. We expand. Instead of seeing ourselves limited by our biological conditioning such as with the individual, stuck with only our character as with the person, we see that we have the ability to change them, which ultimately changes our identity. It is by accepting and recognizing this ability of transformation that confirms our freewill. Without freewill, we wouldn't be able to transform, but we would be stuck in our deterministic process and the fate that was set for us. However, since we can change those, this shows that we indeed have freewill. This is the most empowering feeling that people lack. The knowledge that our actions, dispositions, abilities, do not remain static but that they can evolve or regress in time and that it is up to us to decide the direction of our vector of development. So with this being said. Once more. Forgive me Chase and I hope that next time we will be able to bring improvements and help each other rather than be rivals. I sincerely don't want to be a rival with someone that I admire. I want to be able to improve and to bring feedback that would allow for a continuous growth rather than to destroy all of that. I prefer to submit myself and cooperate for the greater structure and goal. But for that, I need to trust in that structure and those that are within. For this, I have to trust that my efforts in it will hit their mark and that it won't be just a waste of time. I have to trust that those within it want the same continuous and dynamic vertical vector of achieving higher and higher dimensional states, rather than be stuck at the mundane. I have to know that we both try to achieve the highest of the highest. This is where I disagree with the alpha crusader quadra or the delta philosopher quadra. No, criticism is not the outcome. It is only the process. And no, trying to validate and accept someone in a less than ideal state for the latter doesn't do them good either. One must have both criticism and the possibility of redemption. The outcome is restauration and to reinstate to the primal state, neither taking the old one as definitive as for the former and neither validating and normalizing it as for the latter.
I used to know an entp , big crippling sunken eyes , long arms long legs , she can make anyone shade tears , fellow xntp but I am way too naive and less monsterous.
The ‘bullshit victim mindset’ you speak of, in giving but abandoning when they don’t give back, is why I was not comfortable with your previous advice when you said that if they gain more from a reciprocal relationship than you do then they are using you and you should cut ties. This appears contradictory. I would say it is okay to give as long as you are content to do so and are aware of your own tendency towards feeling like you are now over committed. It’s the over commitment that really makes you bitter. You can justify over commitment if you are also receiving, but that is all it is - rationalised justification. It is your choice to give. Self-induced reciprocation is good and appeals to a sense of fairness but it should not be expected unless it is stated up front. If stated up front but does not happen then absolutely you should tackle the issue or break things off. The level of breaking off should not be determined by indignity because feels of indignation are your problem, not there’s, and this needs to be understood so that you can act appropriately with better judgement, and again avoid bitterness and victim mentality.
Yeah you guys (crusaders) really don't say what you need from other people. It's always expectations expectations. Cognitive projecting yourselves on other people, somehow expecting that everyone else works the same as you and so will magically do what you want. It's logical you say, how could anyone ever not think so 😅 I find it pretty scary tbh. Because for one thing my head does work quite differently than yours, so I may be completely oblivious unless you straight out tell me what you need. And second I'm afraid I will never meet your standard if that standard is how much effort you put in, because again we are not the same. Still love you tho crusaders in my life ❤
I don't understand how this is abusive. Crusader gives 100 dollars every month to recipient for 5 months and then decides to stop because they're not getting the covert contract matched. So now the recipient is 500 dollars richer. Where is the negative? How is that abuse by the crusader?
Getting a bit annoyed with the "you made the choice" stuff. It's like.. that's how potluck / commons based systems work. Each party gives stuff and it's mutually beneficial and then when it stops paying off... well the rules need to change or you go somewhere else. Like... what are you meant to do in a situation that is abusive - you go somewhere else, change the rules or go elsewhere. There are advantages and disadvantages to "potluck" versus "transactional" modes or operations. I'm aware that the "mixing" is an issue. It depends what you mean "due" the rules change.
Chase. I'm worried about your cells overtime with keto and smoking. They are going to get so dehydrated and dysfunctional. Try ozone therapy or browns gas/hydrogen therapy. Or putting hydrogen in your water. It can help you! 😢💙
Entp me) yes, i told them first, please i didnt want nothing in return but if u do any sins to me in future.... (3or 5 of them in my life--- lol...what are u talking about? i would never... Did the sin(betrayal, envy, manipulation) Me in defence or attack---Entp justice.....😢 Literally theated a guy to put on jail by my revese mma (holding his hand and punching me) after he threatened me(thought i would threat back but my ti told him to put him out of existance) (i was giving that victim narcissist a lot before though) (many guys literally fear me now, before a while they just seen me as an nerd popular giving guy may be) What should i do! Dont help anyone while ability to help or not defence me while an individual try to attack 2/3 times after my warning....??? I guess some people dont think entp can be toxic or justice that much, (oh he is a just a giving nerd, popular guy,.... He cant be harmful) Isfp guy!. My fe ( friends) just expoesd him
Chase I'd prefer you don't use the name "alpha quadra" anymore from Socionics because in Socionics mbti ISFPs (called SEI who actually use SeFe or F + E) are part of the Alpha quadra and ISFJs (who correspond to ESI "Guardians" who use Fi + Se or R + F) are part of the Delta quadra. And trust me as someone with an mbti ISFP brother and mbti ISFJ mother, mbti ISFPs are much more agreeable and share Alpha values that combative, independent mbti ISFJs do.
Bro, this app was absolutely terrible. A whole lot of bizarre self snitching gaslighting. Broad generalization crap without any examples of say what an abusive, whatever this quadrant is even supposed to be, would look like. Sounds like you’re burning affect. What are you just name shit in particular that most people do so they’ll self identify and think you had a point somewhere.
Is intrigued relationship different for each personalty...like intrigued for infp is esfp... INFP-ESFP for ESFP is ISTP For ISTP isENTP For ENTP is INFP....THEN FOR INFJ INTRIGUE INFJ-ENTJ For ENTJ-ISTJ For ISTJ-ESFJ For ESFJ-INFJ....THEN FOR INTJ INTRIGUE INTJ-ENFJ For ENFJ-ISFJ For ISFJ-ESTJ For ESTJ-INTJ...THEN FOR ISFP INTRIGUE ISFP-ENFP For ENFP-INTP For INTP-ESTP For ESTP-ISFP... AM I RIGHT ?
Chase Have you noticed you smoke or other coping mechanism. It's not good long term for your health You should find another way to be relaxed or coping mechanism that won't destroy your body
@@AsaiahBenjamin yeah, I do think he coping with it. You can lie, deceive other things to yourself or others. Because you know he knows it's bad for his health and he not stupid but he doing stupid thing. Even though he intelligent.
I love how u admit “that’s me… That’s me” cause I’m sitting here saying the same shi
It is refreshing to hear this spoke out loud, because I promise, when this INTP decides to go within, I have no warning, or understanding how I can just back out of something that I with intentioned wished to be a part of. I fee sad for anyone who loses me, but not this retreating part of me. It feels entirely subconscious.
2:30 templars = weakest to gaslight by labels
3:10 crusaders set you up for failure the most / unaware of own quadra abuse
4:15 justification dyad only feels powerful when they are justified
5:00 apathy (INTP) : "willfull ignoring", "willfull negligence"
5:35 "crusaders oftentime feel like they deserve to be abusive"
6:10 James chapter 4 when you judge someone you judge the law instead of keeping it
11:00 "they have to feel like they deserve it before they go out of their way to satisfy themselves or discover new things on their own"
13:30 covert contract with life. If I give more then I deserve more.
18:00 crusaders don't set boundaries
21:00 crusaders go from less to more transactional, templars is vice versa
29:00 crusaders expect others to know what to give them
Chase is 100% correct here. I have realized that so much of my suffering has been from fearing and not being humble enough to ask for help or my needs to be met. Most often I do not even realize what those needs are but when I reach the point of crisis I become aware of how others aren’t supporting me like I want them to. I used to be so resentful towards my own parents for this and am currently overcoming resentment towards a past partner. I am ashamed of how I have behaved and angry at myself for allowing myself to fulfill this victimization self-fulfilling prophecy.
Edit:fixed typo
> being humble enough to ask for my help
In your case it might be being humble. It's not the consistent reason. Dependency can be a reason, also fear of breakdown.
> I am ashamed of how I have behaved and angry at myself for allowing myself to fulfill this victimization self-fulfilling prophecy.
You could just not be ashamed and notice the need.
@@tomwright9904 sorry the first part was a typo, in the past I have not been humble enough to ask for help from others. Fear of dependency and feelings of inadequacy are probably the reason. The shame comes from hurting, neglecting and lashing out at people I loved when they didn’t deserve it(or deserved it but I was making the situation worse by bot setting boundaries). These are some of my biggest regret because I have seriously strained my closest relationships this way.
Mate, I've been there and probably still am in some areas too. We are all learning and trying to grow in life hey 👍🏼 it's true that it is a struggle to be aware of our needs and then being humble enough to communicate them to the people in our life. I know it too, and I'm trying to grow in that area too. Good stuff mate! Keep it up 👍🏼💪🏼
This was hard to swallow. I realized I do it myself when I let things slide. Little annoying things that people do but that I don't speak about because I want to avoid conflict. I tell myself that I don't care, that I forgive them. But in reality it's just a debt. "I forgive you that time so you have to forgive me now." "Why are you criticizing me for this? When you did it I let it slide! You should do it too!"
I use their mistakes to justify my owns.
What should I do? If I speak up every time someone annoys me I fear I'll get hated. But I also can't just forgive them and then never bring that up again because I'll become a doormat.
I'm an ESTP so I think I can give you my advice for your question so that you can see the problem from a non-Crusader's perspective. Just be sympathetic with people. Everyone has flaws and a large portion of the "flaws" you see in them are actually unconscious and unintentional, which mean they are not actually aware that they are making you uncomfortable or offending you in any way. Thus, just voice up any time anyone crosses your boundaries so that people can know to do better, but try to be sympathetic more so that you don't perceive every small act of people as offense. When I was young, I was really judgmental, but with life experience, I've become more sympathetic and easy on people, as well as looking at everything in a more objective way.
If people hate you for speaking up in order to not allow yourself to get hurt, well, you don't want them in your life if they are not willing to learn how NOT to hurt you. As an old INTP, I promise, it is better to speak up, instead of allowing harm that you resent. I think you also end up hating yourself, if you are too weak to speak up in your own defense. Vicious cycle. Better to keep your own self-respect, than to allow people in your life who end up shitting on you.
Crusader shits on crusaders for 30 minutes
😂😂👌
He did it so he feels justified to shit on the other quadras XD.
Imagine not doing so? He literally spat on Gamma Quadra😂😂😂😂
The quickest way to make a Crusader go full on neglect mode on you is to do less for them than they do for you, and then criticise their effort and tell them how much you do for them.
Omg thank you so much for this video, I’ve had so many abusive crusaders in my life who have always invalidated my feelings when I have given so much to them
"Give, expecting nothing in return."
It's more than that, as C.S. said, we got to make sure we are fed as well, and I think in my life, there have not been too many people who have been able to "feed" me, or keep me full.
I'm an INTP and i can neglect people, I've lost friends from not wanting to spend time with them, I hate stupid people with a nasty streak and love a chance to abuse them by exposing their manipulative behaviours or petty coping mechanisms to themselves, or ignoring them which really pisses off Narcissistic types, because they love a reaction and I never give them one.
literally me
🎯
You sound like a terrible person
Yeah that is probably one of the biggest ways I show neglect as an INTP which is simply not showing up. I don't really have a nasty streak of exposing narcissistic personality types (I do expose stupid people since I get extremely annoyed with misinformation). I have indeed lost friends that way. Anyways absence has been my main form of neglect. How can people be friends with you if you rarely show up? I see it as exhausting maintaining long-term friendships and networks but it is a requirement for life. After awhile you neglect others and you ultimately end up neglecting yourself. It's self destructive behavior.
This is definitely a major way that I see INTPs displaying abuse and it's willful because we don't want to be bothered. INTPs often give it their all and can be amongst the most caring when we show up for others we truly show concern for, but then by the same token we take it away over time through not showing up and being absent. Then we wonder why we are alienated from society.
Of course exposing lies and uncomfortable truths is another way we alienate ourselves but the combination of both can be absolutely abusive as why would people care about us exposing the truth if they feel neglected by us through our absence and apathy? People are emotionally driven creatures and they often need that side of them satiated before we can even discuss uncomfortable truths and exposing lies through discovery and exploration. Over the years I have been trying to improve this negative side of me but it has been a long road.
damn are you me.
INTP, lived it , agree. Here is something not specified ( spiced with shame and guilt) : "I did all these things for you and you gave me all of those things but those are not the things I wanted, because I didn't tell you what I wanted and that is because I don't know what it is, but I will still punish you because you didn't give it to me..." Horrible... I am soooo sorry, and I did that to my most beloved, and the only people that actually cared... So I feel you Chase, damn I wish I could take at least half of that back...
it is horrible, it's unfair, and it might just be okay. It shows them what they're missing. But you must give them a chance to make it up with what ever they have, and you must appreciate whatever they cobbled up for what it is. Then you set your expectations better from that level.
I dunno... that's my current course of action for my own life, but typing and thinking about it makes me feel like I'm still doing it wrong so I'm open to suggestions or opinions
Oh my lord I did this same exact thing to someone the other day 😳
So this is why you have crusaders read No More Mr. Nice Guy
That is a really good book. It opened my eyes to things I was doing that I wasn't even aware of.
@@jeannayates2633
Haven't read the book yet, can you tell me some of the key things you learned from that?
Seems very true. Thank you. Hard to be put on ignore mode but it definitely forces you to work on your communication skills with INTPs. Interesting how that works. You always wonder how long the apathy will last...
I too am an INTP. I have a habit of giving a lot of attention in beginnings of relationships, then neglecting entirely just because that experience haven't been what I had expected. I would show up and put up with people to show my compassion and care but once I feel like I'm not appreciated enough, I'd cut them off and ghost them, expecting them to learn shame and guilt from the end of the relationship. Work this out for couple months with all the people I encounter, I feel bitterness and loathsome anger toward people and myself. I've learned this simply isn't good for anyone. I shouldn't expect to receive back from others nor should I put other people at judgement for my own selfish expectations. I am sorry to those who I've willingly neglected and will change from these experiences.
I am aware that I also suffer from neglectfulness in relationships, after giving all I can. But, is this behavior from not getting as much as we give, or is it from boredom, having given, and helped others, is itlike out "job is done"? I mean, I certainly never have entered into ANY relationship thinking that I am going to end up neglecting them, and pulling away. I am glad and grateful to hear this IS an INTP trait, ONLY because, I do not wish to intentionally hurt anyone. But if this is part of our personality type, how can we avoid bein a dick?
I'm 22 years old and I can already see how I've done this for all my life. I chronically say that I don't "deserve" to do certain things. Thank you for opening my eyes.
INTP I have clearly told what my needs were thrice and still when I got the fourth disappointment from an intj I bailed out. Because-
Fool me once your fault fool me twice your fault fool me thrice it's my fault so I'm out and I believe that to be Fair.
I probably am not a crusader type but I find this video valuable.
I now have to keep in mind how covert contract can end up the starting point of abusive behavior i.e self victimization and demanding for more when they never established boundaries/expectations in the first place.
It serves as warning for myself and also something I have to watch out in other people.
Thank you for posting this.
Thanks for this video, Chase. You helped me understand the abusive crusaders I know personally even better.
I'll add that their obsession with fairness is also warped by the short-sighted version of it they see. The problem of Si, crusaders, is that you only see your own struggles. You've "earned" the right to punish people for not enabling you after you enabled them. The thing is, they're already swamped with their struggles and you ignore all of that because you've "earned" your right to be served. This person is not only not ready to do that, they shouldn't, you should have told them you need to rest or to get some pleasure for your Si to recharge. That's what's actually fair.
Because, here's the secret, it's ok. You don't have to always serve others to earn the right to be served. You have to be honest and learn to communicate your needs, and if you fail, don't punish others for something you struggle with. And please, don't treat people like stamp restaurant cards. You shouldn't be trying to earn enough points to get a prize. Especially crusader men. That's what you do all the time, and then complain women don't like "nice guys". You're not nice guys. You're abusive for wilfully leaving your intentions under the table and later getting in girl's faces for taking you for granted.
Like... about tell them you need some rest or pleasure for recharge. Introvert is the word I usually use as INTP, since everyone knows it, that solitude is needed to recharge. The intraverts relax. The extraverts? Not sure, but some seem okay with differences.
to this day, i do this, only stemming from the notion that i am teaching them a lesson, giving them a chance to change their behaviour,.i see how one sided it is, i see that im always being the better person which results in these misguided expectations. im learning to ask for what i need, it isnt fear or pussyness but rather that same institution of the entp always being too much for this world and these people. were always having to slow down for others just to watch them belligerently choose to be less than we perceive them to be.
INTP, but maybe WE are less . . .
@@KatherineLWince your perception ultimately is your lived experience which is why limiting beliefs are dangerous. ENTPS operate on multiple timelines and perceptions. We know you are better than the mask you show to the world.
Of course, I see the greatness in others as well. But as an INTP, I inernalized what others said to me when I was young, and took on that personna, with no way out, in my youth . . . but, the pulling the support system out from others, and the judging DOES make US less.@@nethercords
This was a really good video, because i've seen plenty of sfj's do this.
The part i liked the most was in the end of the vid , because it seemed the most sincere.
C.S.J recognizing hi's own mistakes, and sincerely apologizing to the people he actually cared about, takes something to say that.
Great content as always.
I'm an ESFJ and work in career consulting so am essentially finding (or substituting) my own purpose through making sure everyone around me finds theirs - and doing this as a paid career removed the "covert" from the contract at least in this part of my life hahah - I rarely comment, but wanted to thank you for all the invaluable wisdom over the years Chase, from me and all the people who benefitted from me trying to enhance my virtues and keep my vices in check ❤
ENTP here. I have daily fantasies of verbally, psychologically, physically, and covertly abusing an intimate partner. I know my capacity for sadism all too well. It's a part of the reason I avoid intimacy. The closer I get, the more I want to rip out someone's heart. I know that my predatory malice trickles through even my more consciously innocuous gestures. I'm legit terrified of facing that being reflected back at me. Maybe I am a monster? Maybe I am okay with it? While I feel that I know the answer, I can scarcely put it into words, at least in any spoken language. Perhaps it is best that my actions speak for themselves? Ba'al knows I've gotten piss drunk wasted off of torturing my detractors with my barbed tongue. It's truly intoxicating, truly horrific, truly painful for both of us.
Also, this transactional giving attitude is known as "self-sacrificing/self-enhancing" in narcissistic pathology.
So, are you tearing down others, as a defense mechanism, because others have torn you down in the past?
@KatherineLWince Yes. Detractors only though - it's becoming quite rare.
Entps are emotionally sadistic .
I have nothing but love and forgiveness in my heart for you, Chase.
We all have our downsides. And I don't think any less of you.
I migth even be a worse person for all I know.
I have only seen your beautiful side, and know that you can get out of this.
Love yourself, just like you taught me to.
Never forget what a beautiful soul you are. So treat yourself well.
You deserve, and owe yourself that much.
I wish I could hold, and give you a good tight hug.
So that you'd feel, how much forgiveness I want to give to you.
For it is boundless.
Something also popped in to my head, something I learned ( addition , probably learned from this channel) that is related to this topic:" You would be really surprised to what you can get or what you can get away with if you just ask ".
And yes, sometimes those people when they haven’t paid you back are just good people waiting to repay the favor at a moments notice if they only knew how, what and when. You are correct you are a very intelligent man.. I have faith in you that you will take that box of darkness and realize it was a gift, one you didn’t ask for but one you really needed. The one(s) who have created us want for us to learn. We are given many hurdles. I see an Olympian in you. I know you will finish the race, tired but the new winner will emerge from your soul and you will finally be able to use your pain instead of it using you. You got this Chase. 🦋
Thanks Jen
I used to have this belief that care shouldn't be asked for. Cuz if someone genuinely cared for you, they will do it without you having to directly ask for it, otherwise if i asked it will be because they are obligated to, not because they wanted to, and it won't be genuine that way.
I think this belief was the root of that abuse
But i don't regret neglecting the ones i did that for, because they didn't even try or put an effort even after i told them what i needed
This is belief is deeply embedded within me as well. I’m struggling to defrag and overwrite the personal “value” because I’m unsure how to not feel weak or needy for directly asking.
I’m currently trying to write a few boundaries for myself, because I’ll never uphold them if they’re not stapled to my sleeve 24/7. But I can’t even figure out what boundaries are good for me.
Sometimes I feel super strong with mature Fe, but within 1-2 days I cave because of discomfort, and then let everyone down in the end anyways.
I just sit here, watching this, unable to move on ... I hope more people will watch your content. Realize. Learn. I'm too have my own weaknesses. I know it. We all have. So much pain could have been avoided. Instead we fight with each other and guard ourselves to survive. It's sad to see. Sad to hear. Understanding is the key.
For me as an INTP, MatPat's Game Theory Finale Episode is quite a useful system, especially for Crusader types..
1. Lead with Trust..
2. Be honest..
3. Hold people accountable for their wrongdoings.
4. Forgive them when you see actual change in them..
*2. Be honest, especially with them.
This one hit home pretty hard. I really didn't understand the psychology of codependency and unhealthy behavior until it later in life. I think I first started to grasp the idea of mindfulness after going to rehab for drug addiction which probably stemmed from self sabotage and extreme apathy. MBTI helped open the door to understanding myself more but the unhealthy behavior problems are something else I need to learn how to deal with. I'm the quin accentual INTP that had a big failure to launch syndrome. I struggle with relating to people so I'm trying to use Fe and become better. I have also been trying to grow by facing my fear and going outside my comfort zone and exploring the world more. I have had so many problems but have been doing the work.
Wow, the end of the video was inspiring, you sounded like an Fi user.
I've always questioned why my esfj mother just keeps buying things for everyone constantly and that it's not needed, just your company is enough, keep the money for yourself. Now that I can see the real reason why, it all makes sense.
for real tho, you hit the nail on the head. I didn't even think about waiting to feel like I deserve what I want.
Merciful Heavens, Chase, that conclusion wrung to the max my own very intense heart. It put me into grandmother mode, and I don't even have kids. You knocked it out of the park; you fully experienced where you're at. That huge burst of light, true and fearless, from the depths... surely you know that God, Jesus, the angels, whoever, whatever, some name label, or all, rushed to your side to lead you forward, after that blast cleared the way.
Merciful Heavens. That was surrender. 24:54, my favorite, "create a support system for yourself." The paradox of being alone in the cosmos, in order to be not alone but together. Ripped apart for renewal.
Mercy! Part of a prayer I use is... Gratitude to beautiful Christed Ones, then... I am healed and forgiven. I am lifted and enlightened. I am filled and surrounded with Christ love and Christ light. Take me to my perfect place. Thank you.
You know I am still immature because I hate what you said, especially about arbitrarily expecting other people to know what I need and to give in return for what I give them without telling them. This is also the area of our life we need to work most on to be exponentially better for ourselves and others. This is video hit viscerally.
Thanks man... Touched by this candid video... Certainly gives me a deeper understanding as to my past experiences with this quadra
Me INTP living with ESFJ father:
This video was all our life suffering...
Tears 💙
And cheers 👏🏻
I actually relate to this. I did this myself back when I fell for another INTJ. I knew it was wrong but I did it anyway. Ended up being one of my most painful experiences, and I became more bitter and misanthropic afterward, but it was my fault to begin with. Pathetic.
Plz make a dark psychology video exposing the philosophers. I want to make sure I am not harming people in my life. And if I am then I can at least figure out how to cut it out.
Philosophers are a**holes ❤
I totally agree on this. My ISFJ ex husband did this and even though he treated me like a queen for years in the end I felt emotionally abused by him, he broke up via text and ghosted me, never being able to talk about what he actually wanted in the relationship. He had unspoken expectations I couldn’t fulfill because I didn’t know about them.
This is definitely something I need to remember.
My dad is an isfj and my sister is an esfj. I thought my dad and sister were bad. I'm just as bad. I get bitter, build up walls, and then leave because I don't tell people what I need/want. I wish my family would get into this stuff too.
i’ve been trying to get family and friends to watch chases content for years but it’s a meaningless effort, they don’t want to understand themselves, it would mean taking criticism
It's funny. My mom had me take the Meyers Briggs test like 4 or 5 years ago. I've always tested as an intp (I recently learned that I'm an entp), and she tested as an intj. Though she's actually an istp, but she won't hear a word against her being an intj because she read the generic profile pages of intjs and that they are the most intelligent types. She thinks Chase and the cognitive functions are bullshit. She'll listen to me when I talk about other people, but I have no idea what I'm talking about with her or myself apparently because she thinks there's no way I could be an extrovert (extravert?). My dad got typed by a psychologist when his work sent him because he was severely depressed, and I typed him as the same thing (isfj), but he's not interested in really learning about it. My brother and sister will listen, but they don't really care.
If you hate things you cannot see them as they are. You cannot change them.
Incredible video, i admire you.
@@dasein9980 ❤️ You three.
so crusaders fail in life because we project a sense of fairness onto others (they have none)
se trickster makes it the worst
Hmm... I don't understand se trickster here. I would imagine Fi frickster ENTP might make it worse... because that you literally can't judge people.
As an isfj woman I am afraid of setting boundaries because I seem selfish and people aren't happy to see me serving myself first. I don't want my husband and kids to view me as selfish. Even though I don't get much appreciation so I guess damned if I do damned if I don't. There is an expectation from me to do certain things and there is passive aggressive behaviour I feel from others when I don't meet those expectations. I really don't think I can ever change it seems so impossible
When I do withdraw help it doesn't last long I cannot stop serving the people I love it's something that is a default for me I don't know how to stop. If I indirectly tell my husband my needs it's in one ear out the other and the most he'll say is "that's life" to suck it up
And lol u know an isfjs biggest insecurity is being unwanted, I get afraid that if I tell people what I need they will be forced to meet my needs and it will end up making me feel unwanted because I want people to make me feel wanted without me having to tell them what I want or need I don't want to have to tell people that hey please hang out with me please do this for me or hey I would love this. It's so hard because I want people to be as thoughtful to me as I am of them I don't think it's too much to ask.
You should find philosopher friends
I don't think there's a catch-22 in this.
Setting boundaries is a win/win process.
It's just protocol for ideal human behavior as it leads to both goodness and trueness, even if some are inclined to feel as though it's a bad thing.
If you are an agreeable person, it's extra important to deal with conflict and disagreements extra early so you don't have to deal with even more of it in the future with built up resentment.
@@SS-bu8ez lol my closest friend is an enfp lol but it doesn't help much because isfjs are more family people first then friends.
I know exactly what you're talking about. It's a double edged sword like people see something in us and immediately think they are deserving of our undivided attention. But best believe when we ask of even the smallest thing...crickets...blowback...learnt my lesson.
Thank you for sharing this information Joseph.
22:30 "crusader abuses by ripping out the support structure from under the one they served" isn't the recipient of those services still the winner in the end? They received all these great services and they can be like "oh well, I'm not receiving it anymore, so now I can extend it by finding another crusader to pick up where the last one left off" 🤔
Incorrect, you can't find or choose the support structure by yourself, they're "the support" who decide to become supportive toward you or not.
Is that abuse tho? I suspect the abusive part is almost the not allowing yourself to become dependent by obligating others.
@@honor9lite1337 how is that abusive by the crusader tho? Crusader gives 100 dollars every month to recipient for 5 months and then decides to stop doing that. So the recipient is now 500 dollars richer. Where's the negative? I don't see any abuse here
I think what's abusive is that the support wasn't framed to the other person as transactional even though the Crusader is experiencing it that way for themselves and then getting upset when they aren't getting their needs met in return and pulling out the rug from under the other person as punishment. ENTPs especially need to guard against giving other people whiplash with their withdrawals. ENTPs can literally do this overnight. Give of themselves for months, not realize they aren't meeting their own needs and not realizing it until suddenly they feel it all at once, then feel scared or wronged, and then decide the next day that they want out totally leaving the other person to cope with the loss and confusion alone.
Can't wait for you to talk about the Delta Quadra the Philosophers for Season 17. You covered us Wayfarers, Templars, and Crusaders.
And the beautiful thing is that asking for what you want, is that a lot of people will compromise. I learned this early as an INTP. Just ask, just ask again, just give another reason, it's so easy.
The thing is that I barely want anything from anyone. There’s nothing anyone can give me that I can’t get for myself. So really, most interactions I’ve ever had has negative transaction for me as I give and take nothing. - another INTP
@@entropy8634 Well I enjoy my friends massaging me with a massagegun or cooking for me
With business it's mostly some very important knowledge I want in return for me to help with some big struggle
@@entropy8634 But yes, pretty much everything is like I know how to do myself
@@entropy8634 Yeah it's a big problem. I don't want much from people at all and what's worse is what I do want I can provide for myself so why ask? However this can absolutely lead towards apathy towards others because in spite of all that no man is an island and even the most introverted of us in humanity need social connections if anything. The irony is people also actually want to feel needed and if I provide all my needs for myself, what do I need people for? People can feel that with guys like myself (and other INTPs) which can lead to further alienation from others. I think for some INTPs out there they actually need to learn to need people which will improve interactions with others in the outside world where we aren't so alienated.
@@mrod8578 ah yes. Even INTPs are humans with human needs. I sometimes fantasize of being more than human, where no such limitations hinder me from being satisfied with life. Or perhaps, does that make one less than human? Who knows 😅
The uncomfortable feeling is that needing anything from anyone is an exploitable vulnerability. It’s how I observed people falling for scams, being seduced into cults, being puppets incapable of thinking for themselves.
If the cost of living a good life is my thoughts, then I’d rather die
i think it's not even that stupid to be a doormat in the BEGINNING bc that is a good way to test ppl (the Narc is an exception). It def shows if ppl are taking advantage of your patience, kindness and empathy. Now what's important though is to step away from ppl who do NOT value that. Unfortunately that's the step where plenty of "doormats" fail. But then it's their own fault to allow those ppl staying in their lifes (at least when it comes to friendships and relationships, at work its a bit more complicated ofc, but even that can be changed if its getting too bad).
Agreed... though it's the "nice + withdrawal" pattern versus the "self-centered + assertiveness" pattern. Theh downside is that eventually you'll hit onto a situation that needs assertiveness.
Is it willful neglect when you just have no will to continue? The avoidance switch you just can’t get your mind to turn off?
Justified. When you give your entire adult life to give your parents anything they could ever want and need and you get shunned for defending the “not-blood” grandkids bc they are now fostering their own more important blood grandkids- I’m done. Support ripped. You don’t care about the kids you made me care about? Then I’ll give my support to them. That means you get nothing else from me. No remorse. Not disgusted with myself. All I see is “now I see your true colors and it’s nothing I see the point in being loyal to”.
As an INTP I feel this. I used to say I just expect people to be themselves but that is unfair to them
I have seen worse. I have seen crusader types using that support structure to abuse more when it was their duty to provide that support structure in the first place.
Abuse can be anything, control, humiliation, but it's gonna be super covert.
I can survive without anyone, INTJS are super independent. But to have someone stick to you like a leech so they can abuse you is different.
Bro thissss.
Crusaders have done that to me as well. I know I'm extremely selfish but I didn't ask you for your help, nor did you have to give it to me. Like what?!
please make videos on abusive sides of each quadra.
insightful and thought-provoking, thank you ---an intp
ooh another cs joseph video
Amen! I’m so happy I didn’t live into what the psychological field labelled me as.
I don't want to be transactional, I just want fairness. It's not my fault that everybody else is so fucking selfish that I have to keep score in order to not be fucked over. I wish I didn't, and I resent everything about it. At this point I am 100% convinced everybody would take from me until I was dead in the gutter, and then they would steal my clothes and grind me up for dog food. Everybody is like this towards everybody, tears are cheap, people only care when it doesn't cost anything. They wait until you're dead and then cry, it doesn't cost them anything to cry.
Man, you need new friends .
You're right but people are going to say you're overreacting.
> It's not my fault that everybody else is so fucking selfish
Complicated. Potentially you have some power over:
* The commuities you partake in - perhaps you should leave rubbish communities so you don't become bitter
*... or you could change the norms - set up niceness
> Everybody is like this towards everybody,
Not quite so. I think certan communities encourage group positive activity.
The sheer amount of complacency with a "dog eat dog world" mentality is bothersome to me.
Glad to hear that there's someone else who seems to be fed up with this crap as well.
@@friendlyanomaly6109 yeah that's exactly where i'm coming from 👍
I read the title and isfj as abusers sounds so weird! So I clicked it immediately, lolll
Fe parent enforcing expectations can be brutal.
my mum lol
They needed me? Really? I’m their support structure? Since when? I didn’t consent to that 😂. Not my fault that they taken my help for granted- INTP
Maybe you took them for granted too?
Like please, you have Fi demon, by default you don’t value anything including people around you. Don’t be so conceited…
It’s like me saying that people don’t listen to me because they’re stupid when please, I have Te demon, I’m stupid by default…..
-ENFJ
@@JR-ow8xg 🤔 after some reflection, no. If determining the level of “taken for granted” by metric of entitlement of your presence and services, then no. I felt lonelier in their presence than their absence while they felt more comfortable in my presence than in my absence. At some point, I have nothing left to give and so I leave. I’m no longer young nor naive enough that I can’t say “no”
@@entropy8634 That makes a lot more sense. However, I don’t know you but something there doesn’t fit the whole idea of Crusaders giving genuinely without feeling entitle to reciprocation. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not judging just trying to understand Crusaders.
I have an INTP boyfriend, he’s amazing! but it’s so hard for me to reciprocate back everything he does for me because he never voices out his expectations, or needs. I don’t want him to think that I’m taking him for granted but I can see why Crusaders can become such doormats. If I were a Wayfarer, it would be very easy for me to take everything in his life without giving anything back.
@@JR-ow8xg as the dude in the video said, it doesn’t start out that way. I simply arrived at a conclusion that all interactions are transactional via hindsights.
I can’t speak for your boyfriend, our opinions and thoughts might differ. But be explicit about your needs and being vocal about valuing his thoughts and opinions. This of course includes when he thinks he needs nothing at the moment. We tend to not need much from anyone, you can rest assured that your steady presence will suffice most of the times.
Just check that you’re not taking all of everything in his life
@@JR-ow8xgsweet Burn🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥that was personal ✋
*the sound of me an intp being flayed alive and loving every second of it*
I have resentment towards people for they not giving back, I can remember all those situations, all that pain. I may forget what school I went to, but never forget how people treated me. Ofcourse I want people to give me back, but if I see that they themselves are not willing, I am done. Why would I value someone who is selfish. Yeah, I abuse if selfish people step my boundries.
Thanks for your honesty here
Brilliant video as always my guy 🙌🏽🙌🏽
"if i do something for you i expect back the same" i am fine with it chase, the problem is when you do something without me asking (so is not something i needed/cared for) and then asking me to do the same for you.
Can you give an example?
@@entropy8634 my flatmate cooking also for me even if i did not ask anything and expecting something back (being It attention, time, the same thing etc). I Just invented this on the Moment, but in general yeah something i don't Need or i did not ask
@@giuseppelorisnuzzo2840 hmm 🤔, set up chore schedule for you both perhaps? Turn covert contract to actual contract
Keep up the great work, Chase!
the question is .. what types that will give u with passion and love .. not faking it
wayfarers
@@qasimimtiaz9668 why
I'm not sure wayfarers will do it easily though. You have to be really special to us, otherwise nope.
-A wayfarer
This is very healthy and insightful advice. I can see how much you are growing, and now able to pass that on to others. Takes guts
Ive definitely noticed this behaviour frommsome crusaders in romantic relationships. They can covert contract, not ask for what they need. Then, blindside their partner by leaving them because they havent done xyz, , and removing the support structure without ever giving the partner the chance to fix the issue. They will justify this and not take responsibility. Its sad then really for both parties. However like you say 'they know not what they do' and your lecture is providing awareness which is fantastic
Other types may be less giving/supportive but they are also less likely to do things in these extremes (extreme support to no support)
You guys are amazing at being supportive though and the world needs it (this advice means its done in a way that is beneficial for the crusader and the people they are supporting)
Kinda wished the intp that taught me dnd would talk to me again. Intps always disappear or maybe tire out. I did my best to give back and learned what I was taught. And show appreciation by using what I was taught, it was very hard in the beginning with the way they talk but I was excited to learn. ☺️ Wishing them happy birthday, buying games on steam or drawing a picture for them. But I don't think it was enough.
Thanks for the video Chase! I love to be able to learn and look through your own lense of experiences. ( Also very painful to hear.)
Edit: also my mom would say " if you give make sure it's from the heart."
Once earned by the offender, my INTP apathy lasts forever, abeit offset by my guilt about the sin of being neglectful, especially to close family members. I need to know how to turn things around even while I don't really want to. It is easier and safer to stay in the apathy.
It’s very hard to be ignored. Hits me in Fe Inferior. Thank you for the video. I can’t wait to listen to the rest.
Love the cigar, don't love the trafic noise.
This was a good one ❤
I defer gratification. I'm waiting to meet my goal before I celebrate with gratification.
I think this was verry brave to tell ,to be honest
The truth we speak cuts us first , before it cuts you. That's why we cut ourselves up in silence , until its too painful to keep our mouths shut and sealed up.
@@Damion00000 it sounds selfdestructive
@@isabelledinneweth how are you able to outgrow your shortcomings without recognizing themselve first?
@@jhinthevirtuoso4886 ofcourse you need to recognize them in yourself first ,you can´t change if you don´t recognize it ,accept it ,self love and forgiveness. Me ,myself struggles with selfdestructive ways ,and I constantly need to remind myself to love more ,not less. Nothing goes easy in selfimprovement,but verry needed.
Question: does giving back to a Crusader enable this attitude or satisfy it? And does giving back to a Crusader amount to signing the “covert contract”?
How should one respond empathetically and make the relationship better without “enabling” this attitude?
My take... you have "potluck" relationships where both parties give others stuff and it's good.
You also have more transactional relationships where it's like "this is your job".
The covert contract is lack of clarity about the two. I don't know if giving back amounts to enabling exactly.
I think giving back. I think giving in to "transactional hinting" post favour is a problem. The way to not enable that is to... say no but maybe set up a real contract. I dislike contracts with friends as a rule... and also contracts. But I guess a contract of "let's do this and this and this tomorrow" is a contract I'm happy with.
> How should one respond empathetically and make the relationship better without “enabling” this attitude?
i. Turning down covert contracts
ii. Creating real contracts
iii. Encourage people to think about what they want.
@@tomwright9904 I agree, indeed.
The issue stems from COMMUNICATING this in a way that isn’t, umm… distancing or accusatory?
Does that make sense?
I’m a very straightforward person usually. But I also HATE conniving… even if it’s supposedly benign or even “right”. I’m more like the person to say, “So, you’re abusing me with your covert contracts and selfish attitude about things. I get where you’re coming from and I happen to like you otherwise. Can you stop your crap and realize that you need to stop wanting so much so that when you give, you don’t give as people do, expecting something in return? Can you just give when you want to give and never think about it again - or don’t give at all, and be honest? That’d be great. That way I know who and what you really are - because I can see through our collective sin to see the tiny infant that just needs love in everyone… if you’ll stop terrorizing me. IN RETURN, I’ll make sure to tell you straight up if I can find a way to provide what you might deserve, but no guarantees. Good?”
See what I mean?…
Married to an ESFJ for 17 years. I can relate to this.
The humility, sincerity, and honesty, in this one, it makes my heart to tickle. Of course, Chase that you are forgiven now that you recognized it. :) My intent was not to just criticize you. It hurts, and it pains me to do so. However, seeing that nothing attracts your attention and that you don't recognize your mistakes and that there's no improvement made me to do it. I'm sorry that I did it. Forgive me too. 😅. I love some of your other content and you as a person, but disagree and despise other aspects, such as the arbitrary assignation of labels without further explanations and without checking in the actual motivations of other types behind their actions and your kind of superior and resentful attitude towards them. However, I have a small ray of hope that things will be better now that you are aware of them.
Remember, the point of criticism is not to accept imperfection and be stuck with it, but to reject it so that one can strive towards perfection.
Criticism is a double-edged sword, it can either make someone to see its flaws or it can demoralize him even more. It is used as a last resort weapon since you can either change the trajectory of someone or you make them to double down and go deeper into their hatred and resentment.
The point is not to stay in negativity, but to acknowledge it so that one can grow. It is about negating the negation. It is not about multiplying the negation and creating a literal hell because of it. Most stop at the negation aspect of their identity when they acknowledge the criticism, but they don't start to strive for more as a result of this and to be able to negate the initial negation by becoming better. The only way to negate the negation is through the life and rebirth process of improvement. A negation applies only at a certain moment in time and if we would be static creatures, then it would be entirely definitive of who we are. However, since we have the ability to change, that shows a dynamic process and that if we are within such a process then the negation can too be negated through the changes that we make in time.
I see 3 aspects of a human being. There is the person with its character. There is the individual with its personality. And there is the role or identity and position that we have and take within this life. As such, this shows that we are multi dimensional creatures embodying multiple parts or aspects or sides of ourselves, and we see that then one side doesn't define us entirely but when taken in relation to one another as a whole. This is why is unfair to judge a person only based on one part without looking at them in entirety. It brings a definite claim of who they are, and it discounts the other aspects that can redeem them and that can neutralize the initial criticism once they become activated.
The 3 parts start divivided and in opposition to one another. Each one going in different directions. But they must be put in harmony.
The person. It represents our highest self and our character.
The individual. This represents our individual dispositions, wants and desires.
The identity. This represents the sum out of those 2, and it represents what we are at a given moment in time. By taking our character+our dispositions, it creates an identity. However, since our character and dispositions as parts of it can change in time, then our identity as the sum of those would also change!
So, it is not hopeless. However, one must first recognize that our character and our dispositions have deficiencies so that we can tweak them and change our identity.
When we change those our identity as the totality of those which represents the place that we take in this world and worldview also changes. We expand. Instead of seeing ourselves limited by our biological conditioning such as with the individual, stuck with only our character as with the person, we see that we have the ability to change them, which ultimately changes our identity. It is by accepting and recognizing this ability of transformation that confirms our freewill. Without freewill, we wouldn't be able to transform, but we would be stuck in our deterministic process and the fate that was set for us. However, since we can change those, this shows that we indeed have freewill. This is the most empowering feeling that people lack. The knowledge that our actions, dispositions, abilities, do not remain static but that they can evolve or regress in time and that it is up to us to decide the direction of our vector of development.
So with this being said. Once more. Forgive me Chase and I hope that next time we will be able to bring improvements and help each other rather than be rivals. I sincerely don't want to be a rival with someone that I admire. I want to be able to improve and to bring feedback that would allow for a continuous growth rather than to destroy all of that. I prefer to submit myself and cooperate for the greater structure and goal. But for that, I need to trust in that structure and those that are within. For this, I have to trust that my efforts in it will hit their mark and that it won't be just a waste of time. I have to trust that those within it want the same continuous and dynamic vertical vector of achieving higher and higher dimensional states, rather than be stuck at the mundane. I have to know that we both try to achieve the highest of the highest.
This is where I disagree with the alpha crusader quadra or the delta philosopher quadra. No, criticism is not the outcome. It is only the process. And no, trying to validate and accept someone in a less than ideal state for the latter doesn't do them good either. One must have both criticism and the possibility of redemption. The outcome is restauration and to reinstate to the primal state, neither taking the old one as definitive as for the former and neither validating and normalizing it as for the latter.
I used to know an entp , big crippling sunken eyes , long arms long legs , she can make anyone shade tears , fellow xntp but I am way too naive and less monsterous.
Lol, I spent my entire marriage trying to teach my isfj wife to treat herself first.
U be kicking me square in the nuts man
The ‘bullshit victim mindset’ you speak of, in giving but abandoning when they don’t give back, is why I was not comfortable with your previous advice when you said that if they gain more from a reciprocal relationship than you do then they are using you and you should cut ties. This appears contradictory.
I would say it is okay to give as long as you are content to do so and are aware of your own tendency towards feeling like you are now over committed. It’s the over commitment that really makes you bitter. You can justify over commitment if you are also receiving, but that is all it is - rationalised justification. It is your choice to give. Self-induced reciprocation is good and appeals to a sense of fairness but it should not be expected unless it is stated up front. If stated up front but does not happen then absolutely you should tackle the issue or break things off. The level of breaking off should not be determined by indignity because feels of indignation are your problem, not there’s, and this needs to be understood so that you can act appropriately with better judgement, and again avoid bitterness and victim mentality.
Yeah you guys (crusaders) really don't say what you need from other people. It's always expectations expectations. Cognitive projecting yourselves on other people, somehow expecting that everyone else works the same as you and so will magically do what you want. It's logical you say, how could anyone ever not think so 😅
I find it pretty scary tbh. Because for one thing my head does work quite differently than yours, so I may be completely oblivious unless you straight out tell me what you need. And second I'm afraid I will never meet your standard if that standard is how much effort you put in, because again we are not the same.
Still love you tho crusaders in my life ❤
I don't understand how this is abusive. Crusader gives 100 dollars every month to recipient for 5 months and then decides to stop because they're not getting the covert contract matched. So now the recipient is 500 dollars richer. Where is the negative? How is that abuse by the crusader?
Because the crusader never told the recipient they wanted something in return in the first place
If a baby doesn't cry the mother won't feed it.
Joseph please just make a video on the types you hate the most. a top 5. or a full rank of it.
Nice vid that being said.
Which types are authoritative philosophers?
INFPs and ESTJs
Can someone be abusive without realizing it like subconsciously?
Getting a bit annoyed with the "you made the choice" stuff. It's like.. that's how potluck / commons based systems work. Each party gives stuff and it's mutually beneficial and then when it stops paying off... well the rules need to change or you go somewhere else. Like... what are you meant to do in a situation that is abusive - you go somewhere else, change the rules or go elsewhere.
There are advantages and disadvantages to "potluck" versus "transactional" modes or operations. I'm aware that the "mixing" is an issue.
It depends what you mean "due" the rules change.
Chase. I'm worried about your cells overtime with keto and smoking. They are going to get so dehydrated and dysfunctional. Try ozone therapy or browns gas/hydrogen therapy. Or putting hydrogen in your water. It can help you! 😢💙
Good for you.
they do seem like that sometime
Has Sam Wise gotten the memo, yet?
😂
Entp me) yes, i told them first, please i didnt want nothing in return but if u do any sins to me in future....
(3or 5 of them in my life--- lol...what are u talking about? i would never...
Did the sin(betrayal, envy, manipulation)
Me in defence or attack---Entp justice.....😢
Literally theated a guy to put on jail by my revese mma (holding his hand and punching me) after he threatened me(thought i would threat back but my ti told him to put him out of existance) (i was giving that victim narcissist a lot before though)
(many guys literally fear me now, before a while they just seen me as an nerd popular giving guy may be)
What should i do! Dont help anyone while ability to help or not defence me while an individual try to attack 2/3 times after my warning....???
I guess some people dont think entp can be toxic or justice that much, (oh he is a just a giving nerd, popular guy,.... He cant be harmful)
Isfp guy!. My fe ( friends) just expoesd him
ahahahahah yes i am an INFP and wanna be psychiatrist, on point
Can entps actually fall in "love"? I hate that word lol
This is my isfj mom
Chase I'd prefer you don't use the name "alpha quadra" anymore from Socionics because in Socionics mbti ISFPs (called SEI who actually use SeFe or F + E) are part of the Alpha quadra and ISFJs (who correspond to ESI "Guardians" who use Fi + Se or R + F) are part of the Delta quadra.
And trust me as someone with an mbti ISFP brother and mbti ISFJ mother, mbti ISFPs are much more agreeable and share Alpha values that combative, independent mbti ISFJs do.
Did you mean to say SiFe and not SeFe? Just trying to understand
@k1mcheenoodle In Socionics FiSe has the same effect as SiFe in mbti
Bro, this app was absolutely terrible. A whole lot of bizarre self snitching gaslighting. Broad generalization crap without any examples of say what an abusive, whatever this quadrant is even supposed to be, would look like. Sounds like you’re burning affect. What are you just name shit in particular that most people do so they’ll self identify and think you had a point somewhere.
Is intrigued relationship different for each personalty...like intrigued for infp is esfp...
INFP-ESFP
for ESFP is ISTP
For ISTP isENTP
For ENTP is INFP....THEN FOR INFJ INTRIGUE
INFJ-ENTJ
For ENTJ-ISTJ
For ISTJ-ESFJ
For ESFJ-INFJ....THEN FOR INTJ INTRIGUE
INTJ-ENFJ
For ENFJ-ISFJ
For ISFJ-ESTJ
For ESTJ-INTJ...THEN FOR ISFP INTRIGUE
ISFP-ENFP
For ENFP-INTP
For INTP-ESTP
For ESTP-ISFP...
AM I RIGHT ?
ENTP and ISTP = intrigue
this make sense 🤔
Chase
Have you noticed you smoke or other coping mechanism.
It's not good long term for your health
You should find another way to be relaxed or coping mechanism that won't destroy your body
I agree.
Masturbation isn't good either..
@@honor9lite1337 I am amazed how C.S. Joseph community tolerate comments like yours. How smart you have to be. Keep learning.
@@AsaiahBenjamin 👏Congratulations for caring about Mr. Joseph's health.
@@AsaiahBenjamin yeah, I do think he coping with it. You can lie, deceive other things to yourself or others. Because you know he knows it's bad for his health and he not stupid but he doing stupid thing. Even though he intelligent.
Beggars can't be choosers