1. Allow emotions to be a topic of conversation. 2. Learn more emotion words (vocabulary) 3. Name and coorelate bodily sensations to emotions. 4. Acknowledge to my self and others that I have an emotionally life. Don’t be detached. 5. Show vulnerability. 6. Get Psychotherapy. 7. Learn empathic responding and active listening. 8. Avoid problem solving. 9. Address addictions that cut you off from your own emotional experience. Don’t be numb to your emotionally experience. 10. Be heathy. Sleep nutrition and exercise. Sound mind and body so you are present and ready to engage. Thank you this was so good!!!
Read Seneca or Aurelius. The stoics did not deny their own emotions. They were intensely aware of them. The key to stoicism was not to be ruled by your emotions, but it also involved deep contemplation of one’s situation to determine what was in one’s control and what was not. The modern equation of stoicism with a total lack of emotions is just a misconception. Either way, if being emotionally unavailable works in your relationships, then more power to you.
I'm a 30 year old woman. I always wondered why I ended up with emotionally unavailable men, but now I'm realising that I am emotionally unavailable myself... I am quite closed off without realising it. I have so much to learn. I honestly thought I was good at sharing my emotions! Now I'm thinking otherwise.
Wow... you described me to a T. I have always considered myself to be emotionally open and vulnerable until I met a man who is extremely self aware and is slowly making me realise how closed off I am 😂. I knew I had a problem when he'd insist to know how I'm TRULY feeling when I come home in the evening and his questioning would really irritate me because most of the time I'm totally clueless lol. I'm however slowly beginning to dive in and see what's there every now and then.
I can relate so much I used to think that my guy Is an abusive manipulator Then I realized that he's much more aware of me and my behavior than I ever thought of He flipped the script on me and Its me who was never available for us
Just don't get comfortable in the being emotionally unavailable because there are many others; learn to hate being emotionally unavailable. We don't break bad habits until we hate them. Learn to become empathetic to be able to express words of sympathy toward others. Break free by forcing yourself to say terrifying phrases such as: I love you.
@@Max_G43 I think I figured out to allow myself to feel and hurt and be happy basically in my case concentrating on my needs helped, not on the expectations of others- hope that will help
Sounds like alexithymia, not knowing what you feel. IMO it is a trauma response -> a disconnect from self that once kept you safe and now is dysfunctional in adult relating.
I'm female, 27 years old. I wasn't capable of expressing genuine emotions and was forced to be "independent" due to long-run emotional abuse. I'm so glad I'm not the only woman experiencing this.
@@celeste4098it's not a lie, just a different perspective. His lens is his own lived experience on being male, which is extremely isolating, cold and punishable. He doesn't understand that we (men) aren't the only ones shaped by society. Women are thrust into a world of confusing, unwanted, dangerous predatory attention as soon as they hit puberty; suddenly the world around them and the men in it make endless sexual advances and aggressions towards girls - consciously and unconsciously, in this endless game of 'let me in or I'll blow your house down', from youths to the adults that are supposed to keep watch over young impressionable, vulnerable girls. This unchecked, normalised, unwanted predatory behavior conditions young girls and women to "switch off" emotionally to avoid a bad situation with much bigger, stronger, more emotionally governed and volatile males. In order to fit into the mould of that environment, for a vulnerable girl, it's vital to shut all those doors to empathy and kindness towards males and even themselves, for their own good, as they either will or have been exploited emotionally to the point of scarring. Men don't realise the danger women live, but they also mostly don't care. It's a lifetime of conditioning you're dealing with, which most men don't understand, or the necessity to push men away for their own good
I was raised in an alcoholic home. I wasn’t allowed to have emotions. Yes. It’s hard to uncover and name my emotions. I will look at the list. I feel sad. I want to connect with people but I just don’t know how to . I really like these videos. I’m going to make this a priority in my life. I want psychotherapy. I know I would benefit from it .
You saved me. I am just a teen but I really need to open up to other people. My problem is that people aren’t open with me, so then I feel rejected and down and then I just don’t trust them because they don’t trust me. I really needed this and open up. Thanks.
Jst be careful to who u open up to I'm jst now learning to control that. Late but not as late as it coulda been jst be sure they will treat u with care n respect n reciprocate ur love n availability
I'm a 21 year old female, and I'm just a very serious person. I've had a crush on a guy for a year by now, and he finally confessed his feelings for me. But I have trouble expressing my feelings for him, after a whole year of pushing them away ( yes, I did ask him out but it took him a while to respond). And now I come off as monotone, sarcastic, and a bit fake. Anyway, thank you!
It's never too late to become more emotionally available, Bee. if you think it might help and you can afford it, therapy can sometimes work wonders. If we are emotionally unavailable, it often has to do with experiences we had as children and the role models we observed when we were young. Many of these things are fixable as adults.
Bee thank you for sharing. I struggled with the same issue I was super sarcastic when he mentioned feelings or brushed them off. & To the point where he thought I didnt care at all about him... Its a real struggle but Im willing to heal now that Ik its a huge problem🥺
I'm 57 and married for 25 years, fairly successfully. I put this success down to communication. My previous relationships failed because I came across as cold, sarcastic and indifferent. The turnaround was having the courage to express my deeply buried emotions. They can be ugly or uncomfortable at first. If you express your relationship to your feelings to your guy, if he is right for you it should start a journey of mutual support. Hope this helps.
I feel that the so called "relationship gurus" say no to any vulnerability, and I like what you said in the beginning of the video of the "things in society" are harmful. And I appreciate that you equate vulnerability as communication rather than to an extreme negative emotional state that "gurus" misconstrude.
Im 34 and my wife says i am emotionally unavailable and its killing me inside to try and find emotions, i grew up in Cleveland… you had to be hard and show no emotion. I hate this cuz i do not want to lose my wife due to my lack their of emotions. I try my hardest to show em .. i need help. I aint a bad person i am wiling to change this flaw about my self so she can be happy. This shit sucks cuz i love this woman from the bottom of my soul and heart. Thanks for the video. I am taking notes
You might want to check out a thin little book called “Focusing.” Or even just search around for information about focusing and emotions. It can help you get back in touch with your feelings
The problem is the easiest way to be manipulated is through being emotionally available to the wrong person. You're literally giving them the blueprint of what makes you tick, which is why a lot of people tend to not be. But on the flipside its needed for successful relationships. This is great advise nonetheless.
Exactly the ability to recognize the emotions of yourself and others and to soothe and comfort difficult emotions...that is totally missing in emotional unaivalable people. Best example for this is my father. Today I understand how important emotionsl availability is. It causes a lot of damages in adult life if you hadn't had an emotional availsble father. But more sad is that my mother is still with him though she never really got emotional connection with him. It is like she is still waiting for that :(
Yeah, mine totally failed me when I was sick and hospitalized. He just couldn't give me any real comfort and pretty much ignored me until I was better.
I've been struggling with this for over 12years now after bad relationships, I literally feel nothing... Even when trying to find someone, and I've been trying for the last 2 years to be more available. I've found that music helps me a lot. This vid helps too.
Each of you points is so true. My wife says that I always am trying to “fix” things and that she wants the emotional understanding before I attempt to fix. I said that I thought that fixing would make her happy and in my mind it resolves why she is upset. To me, if I was upset and someone fixed it, I would be happy. This is where our issue lies. Thanks!!
Mirror your persons emotions..."so what you're feeling is...and you need me to..." Then share your experiences. "I feel...and I need..." Its ok to say say your new at this or confused, but that you're committed to learning and trying...its a start. Good luck. Where attention goes energy flows!
Thats so good! Nuggets of wisdom like that are why dudes need female friends 😂 i'm almost 30 and am just now realizing how emotionally cut off I am from everyone. So thank you! I will be trying that out with my family.
Oh my god...THANK YOU!🙏 We are struggling like crazy because he is unavailable and I am the anxiety type who's emotionally needy. Haven't been able to find much help, so this video is greatly appreciated. We're in love and learning how to not be toxic to eachother and sometimes it feels insane that we're even trying. You gave me some hope♡
It’s hard to make relationships work. Check out The School of Life on UA-cam. Especially their videos on “attachment style.” Thank you for your kind words.
@@HowCommunicationWorks Wow spot on! I have gotten some amazing help from that channel! Thanks! The problem now is that, while I am learning what I'm responsible for emotionally, it has been very difficult for him to find advice on emotional availability. It's so difficult because like you said, he's used to being numbed to recognizing his emotions. So this video feels like the perfect start. Any more tips for him would be wonderful if you'd be up for another video with more detailed exercises? If not this was still super helpful😊(I am also researching how to be supportive to his needs because I know it stems from childhood trauma).
Willow White If it’s childhood trauma, then you should both read the book The Body Keeps the Score. It’s all about the causes and treatments for childhood trauma. Good luck.
Can totally relate, I tend to be emotionally unavailable and my wife was the anxious one who always needed me and a lot of times I couldn’t pick up on her cues for help, it’s so hard :( we are struggling but I want us to work so bad I really love her and want to grow in this 🙏🏾🙏🏾❤️
This is something that I thought I would never get lessons on, I know that this is the most important thing I need to work on in my life so I can hopefully keep my family together and make a better connection with my wife. Thanks in advance for making these video
I am struggling with it as well so thank u for that- for girls a lot of Us has stigma of difficult or needy when we trying to talk about our emotions or those of others.
Mine were blocked in childhood. My mother was a covert narcissist. My father a Alcoholic. Both were emotionally unavailable. There was also the macho television character who were the Lone Ranger and John Wayne.
I wasnt there emotionally when ex my wife needed me. I wish that i found your video sooner before she became my ex. All that you mentioned in this video about men are exactly what i am.
Being or, better said, becoming a mother help me overcome my issues in emotional unavailability. I learn how to understand or feel my baby's cries and different nuances and interpret, what the deal was on in each case. To me, it is like hearing a tune and identifying what the mood behind is.
I have very hard time with being vulnerable and emotional with my spouse, now trying to feel my emotions and seeing how it is in her shoes on how I have and had treated her.
As an older individual I see the pendulum of acceptability of male emotions slowly swinging back towards actual unacceptability by most women of men's actual expression of emotions. But, it seems to me that so long as a partner is without any one of the big 3(emotional availability, vulnerability and/or trust/discretion) the greater likelihood is that any relationship is likely to fail over time. No one has the right to expect that a partner (be they a he or she) will continuously be a tower of strength and courage or act the role of perpetual "welcome mat" or "emotional scapegoat/sponge".
i’m the exact opposite of the gender generalizations i see online. my male partners have always been very emotionally expressive, vulnerable, and romantic and they often walk away from me because i’m not emotionally unavailable enough. i really want to heal so i can have a loving relationship one day and that i don’t push away an amazing person because i don’t know how to be intimate
I'm a 38 year old man, I have become from being lifted up to feelings of wanting to be positive all the time, to now I very rarely understand my spouses emotions ( even though I know why she has alot of her emotions) I don't know how to be emotionally there for her and that's what she yearns for. I've ultimately grown into stone one day to letting out rage the next.
Regarding step number one: how do I stop shutting down? I used to be really good at this, surprisingly good with my partner, but I’ve fallen back into a really horrible depression since the pandemic started and whenever my partner talks to me about her emotions (which is almost always to do with me not being myself and doing things badly and forgetting things all the time) I just shut down and can’t speak, I can’t think of anything to say, and I don’t think anything I could say would help or comfort or show I’m listening. I love the idea of therapy but I’ve had such horrible experiences with therapists and psychiatrists and I’m scared of going to another. It’s becoming a really big problem and I’m terrified to lose my partner. Any tips?
It sounds like your situation is pretty serious. It goes beyond just communication skills. It sounds like it’s going to be hard, but I think the best bet is to try and seek out therapy. You might try something called acceptance and commitment therapy. There’s good evidence that it works. I wish You strength and luck in what sounds like a very painful time in your life.
@@Rupture28 Perhaps you can be more helpful than I was. I did my best, but strangers on the internet don’t have magical powers to cure serious mental illness or solve complex relationship problems. This is reality. There are no unicorns farting rainbows.
Here is my suggestion, find a support group ! I went to a 12 step group called, “ Celebrate Recovery “ for two years and worked the steps with a mentor. It is FREE, there are other people who can relate to whatever you are going through, and you have a safe space to talk about what you need to. God Bless, you will find Hope and healing, and gain confidence and courage! ❤️
I watched this video thinking that maybe I am emotionally unavailable. But I am able to do all the topics listed. Had been single for almost 3 years, hypertensive to all sorts of cues, triggers, to not relive past. Sends me rightfully so in the other direction. Recently been seing someone that I feel its overly committed to me.. long story, short. I am learning if this is actually a healthy relationship or if my intuition on things I am picking up is actually so and maybe another relationship I should be avoiding.
I wish I could get my avoidant partner to watch this. Not to generalize, but its pretty rare for men want to work on concepts like this. It's easier for them for their partner to be "less needy" or "less clingy"
Okay im just gonna vent here Im in the process of losing the person i love coz of my ignorance I wasn't ever present in her life in the way she needed me to be But she was to me I've been the villain her life and ive Been so indifferent to her needs but what's so scaryis that i didn't even realise it I hate myself but i know staying in this mindset of self pity isn't going to help Im going to try to love the hell out my girl It might be too late but she was there for me when she saw no reciprocating in me And for that i owe her the world
I appreciate your honesty and I hope she has the will and patience to move forward with you knowing now your are trying . I think that’s why we’re here is to learn to love one another by being more open and understanding. Hence relationships.
as a man, I have had to learn to process my own emotions without reference from others, not because I don't feel free to express them but because no one actually cares.
I've learnt from bitter experience that being emotionally open is simply a luxury I cannot afford. I have never opened up to anyone in 58 years of life and I never will. To do so I'd have to trust someone 100% and I trust absolutely no one 100%. I know my wife finds this hard but she has just come to accept that's how I am and it's never going to change.
Be warned, an emotionally open woman will not stay forever. Your attitude is stubborn and selfish. Me? I am leaving someone exactly like you. Don’t say you weren’t warned. Help is everywhere. One day you will wake up and be shocked your wife tells you she is leaving.
I’m a very extroverted excitable person, but I tend to be drawn to men who aren’t available (emotionally or in a relationship). The ones who are interested I slowly phase out my interest in them, I like to chase but have learned I don’t have the ability to stay. I hate this about myself and am desperate to train my brain into slowing down when I meet someone new and letting something authentic bloom not just a heightened sense of excitement and newness.
Introversion normally means being exhausted and depleted by social interaction. So you have only a brief period each day to be emotionally available. Concentrate on that.
Your capacity for emotional availability is largely dependent on your ability to focus your available attention on the topic at hand and not personalizing it by focusing on the speaker or their specific traits or idiosyncrasies.
Me and my ex were probably having these kind of problem. I'm trying to engage but he won't. Now I got an emotionally available man yet I'm the one who's pulling back. I have a lot of doubt and I feel so awkward responding to him. He even talked about it one time and I simply dismissing it with jokes, but I admit I do avoid anything that involves emotions. I need to learn more 😣
Dear Ms Dee please check out yt videos on attachment theory by john bowlby. Hope they help explain a few more things. Check out nu mindframe videos that deal specifically with dismissive avoidant attachment style.
Sometimes my partner gets upset. I always try to be supportive, but she gets annoyed by it. I don't know what to do. every single time she gets angry. She believes that I am not emotionally available. I really want to help. I want to understand her. but I fail every time. Help me, please.
We need to evolve. Not having insight about our inner experience is sad. Emotions are there for a reason. But being able to endure pain is profitable. Pain is mental. I did karate and I react less or not at all when I hit my toe something hard. How much should the pain paralyze me. Noticing the seriousness of the injury is enough and get a cure is enough.
I broke up with my boyfriend due to his lack of emotional availability. He was my everything but it couldn’t go on. He’s willing to learn and I even sent him this video for him to check out. He’s 18 years old and he’s expressed to me that he likes me a lot but that he couldn’t understand love - followed by, "I want to love you, believe me I do, but I don’t know how". Please I would greatly appreciate it if you give me some advice.
You know I can’t possibly have enough information about such an important situation to advise you in any specific way. I can say in general that you’re very young. And it’s not unusual to be confused about what love is or how to love someone. He’s probably being honest. He may have had poor parenting or childhood trauma that harmed him or stunted his emotional growth. It’s very sad when relationships end. But I think if you are an emotionally present and mature person, you’re only going to be satisfied with someone who’s emotionally available.
@@HowCommunicationWorks I’ve told hike numerous of times that I wholeheartedly appreciate his honesty and efforts, and that I’d be there to support him regardless the issues. He has quite an amazing and close relationship with his mother - his father, not so much. They get along and have meaningful conversations, but when it comes to his academics, his father seems to be quite harsh with him, which led him to feel very insecure and closed off about topics regarding school. His father is quite serious about making money, and he’s great at it. Meaning, he’s not around very often for his children. Which also led to a divorce with his wife. From what he told me, he’s never not once seen them show any affection or love for each other. I’m not sure if his parent’s relationship can factor to one of the many reasons he may have a hard time understanding love. He’s very affectionate. Affectionate to the point where he didn’t quite understand boundaries when we dated. He’s sweet and I know how much he wants to improve. I want to be there to support him, but there are times where it’s just confusing to me. He tells me he loves me, then goes on to say he doesn’t and only has sexual feelings for me, followed by going on and on about how much he cares for me and likes me, how much he fears losing me. He’s very hot and cold. Edit: I forgot to mention how grateful I am of you replying so soon. Any help or word from you is an honour. Your videos are amazing.
He’s sounds like a decent but slightly immature person. The decision to stay or leave is such a hard and personal one. I can’t really advise you. But I suggest you talk to close friends and family about your decision and to make a decision Ml based on an assessment of reality not on tour hopes and dreams. Good luck.
@@HowCommunicationWorks thank you for giving me new insight, I truly admire what you do. And thank you for your wishes. I wish you the best of luck too, as this pandemic can be quite stressful at times.
My girlfriend has bpd and desires strong communication and and emotional support, which I lack very much of. I feel lost and numb in my own body, but that’s normal to me so I struggle to see the issue. And when I do I get too overwhelmed on where to start and how to go about fixing it, that I end up dropping it
i have autism and i misunderstand questions as requests for an answer. I can get if people say 'i feel x' but if they say 'i have problem y' i address the problem....
My girlfriends mom just told me that my gf feels that I'm not emotionally available and my relationship is gonna end because of this. I am full willing to admit that I am fs not emotionally available as I reflect on myself so I may as well start here.
I don't agree with the masculine part in my case. I used to be the weird kid until I started taking care of myself and working out. But I had girls ask me out as a joke, lead me on and make fun of me, people invite me to parties under the impression that we're friends and pull a prank on me. Now that I am not the weird kid, it feels like I'm in an entirely different reality where people all of the sudden aren't trying to mess with me. This is subconsciously causing serious confusion.
I hope you see this comment as I really would appreciate a response. I’m 21 in a relationship with a man and we even have a child together she is currently 5 months. Her father and I have been together for almost 2 years (yes a baby and a somewhat fresh relationship) I have told her father that I was raised by an abusive father and my father always made sure to always tell us not to get excited about things or to not let our emotions get in the way when they did well we were punished. Anyway, so my man knows all of this but I am trying to fix this so I can be emotionally available to him and have that emotional connection that we are missing. To me, it always feels like we are on the verge of breaking up and I really don’t want that. He has been with me this long hoping and waiting for a change that is taking me a while to satisfy. I’m not only doing this for him but myself as well for my mental health. I just don’t know what to do and if I’m doing anything right?
By what you are saying sounds like you were taught to surpress your emotions when you were little and your emotions and feelings were never validated or respected cause if you did you would be punished. So you could have a underlining subconscious fear of showing your emotions on a deeper level to others. Therapy . Meditation or hypnotherapy or a combination of these may help
What you experienced is Childhood Emotional Neglect on top of abuse. There are lots of great videos here. Dr Jonice Webb has two books, Running on Empty and Running on Empty No More. They are phenomenal. There is healing you need to do. It’s not easy.
@@BexnRN Thank you! Yes, I have been attending therapy for a few years and It has been the most difficult. The issues I've experienced have really taken a toll on me and my relationship and I fear the worst which is why I am desperately seeking help in as many places as I can. I just hate that I can only see my therapist once a week for 1 hour.
I don’t know what to do. I thought having a career, cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, tending to the children was enough and allowed my wife freedom to focus on her, her business and etc, but I was wrong. Just found out I haven’t been there for my wife emotionally. That’s what she wants, but how do I? I work in a profession (LE) that kinda ruin my feelings and etc…
I think a career in law-enforcement does have or at least can have a negative affect on your ability to be emotionally available. Would you ever consider psychotherapy?
This is a condition called alexithymia. Google it and learn what you can. Also look up a technique called “focusing” to help you learn to get in touch with your feelings. Meditation also might help. If it’s really bad, professional help is probably needed. Good luck.
I think this can get on too far with emotions. I had to deal with a toxic woman who is a narcist who used emotions as a reason to abuse me and accused me of unavailability when she herself ignored my issues. When i did talk about them they were used against me and as tools to damage me. I think emotions are not logical and we have to be able to process our own emotions first and then share them not just let the sludge out and drown those around us.
@@HowCommunicationWorks :) That was a general comment by the way, not pointed at anything missing from this great video! I see it as two tiers: being emotionally available (supportive of others's emotions and needs, being able to sit with them, empathy and taking an interest in another's interior) and being available relationally (which overlaps with EA, but has to do with being available to relate on multiple levels, also mental, social etc). So many people who are EA also struggle to be relationally available in any deep way.
It’s impossible to be emotionally available to an arrogant know it all, to someone who gets impatient, irritated and angry over innocent human mistakes, is controlling, has serious double standards and can dish it out but can’t take it. Emotionally available isn’t possible when you have your guard up all of the time.
Need advice my girlfriend is sad alot and i never have the right words to cheer her up and im listening but she tells me in not actually there and caring, im not very empathetic but i want to get better at caring what she because i always think her problems aren’t big deals
Shoutout to everyone trying to heal and be better rounded people for our partners, children, family etc
1. Allow emotions to be a topic of conversation.
2. Learn more emotion words (vocabulary)
3. Name and coorelate bodily sensations to emotions.
4. Acknowledge to my self and others that I have an emotionally life. Don’t be detached.
5. Show vulnerability.
6. Get Psychotherapy.
7. Learn empathic responding and active listening.
8. Avoid problem solving.
9. Address addictions that cut you off from your own emotional experience. Don’t be numb to your emotionally experience.
10. Be heathy. Sleep nutrition and exercise. Sound mind and body so you are present and ready to engage.
Thank you this was so good!!!
Thank you💖
You’re welcome.
Not very stoic
Read Seneca or Aurelius. The stoics did not deny their own emotions. They were intensely aware of them. The key to stoicism was not to be ruled by your emotions, but it also involved deep contemplation of one’s situation to determine what was in one’s control and what was not. The modern equation of stoicism with a total lack of emotions is just a misconception. Either way, if being emotionally unavailable works in your relationships, then more power to you.
@@HowCommunicationWorks I said not very stoic, that's all.
I'm a 30 year old woman. I always wondered why I ended up with emotionally unavailable men, but now I'm realising that I am emotionally unavailable myself... I am quite closed off without realising it. I have so much to learn. I honestly thought I was good at sharing my emotions! Now I'm thinking otherwise.
Wow... you described me to a T. I have always considered myself to be emotionally open and vulnerable until I met a man who is extremely self aware and is slowly making me realise how closed off I am 😂. I knew I had a problem when he'd insist to know how I'm TRULY feeling when I come home in the evening and his questioning would really irritate me because most of the time I'm totally clueless lol. I'm however slowly beginning to dive in and see what's there every now and then.
Yeah, I’m totally starting to see the same thing about myself. I’m 35 just got dumped again. I push people away a lot!
I can relate so much
I used to think that my guy Is an abusive manipulator
Then I realized that he's much more aware of me and my behavior than I ever thought of
He flipped the script on me and Its me who was never available for us
Im glad im not the only emotionally unavailable woman
Same here ❤
Christ you all are these days. I've seen less flakes in an ice cream parlour around here.
Just don't get comfortable in the being emotionally unavailable because there are many others; learn to hate being emotionally unavailable. We don't break bad habits until we hate them.
Learn to become empathetic to be able to express words of sympathy toward others.
Break free by forcing yourself to say terrifying phrases such as:
I love you.
@@mikyl-fo8rh I’m doing what I’m capable of
@@jaimedavies5931 I don’t know who you are
I'm a 21 year old female struggling to find my words to describe my emotions, making me seem so shallow and basic
Well you're not the only one..
Same here it feels as though you lack human emotion like you’re a robot yeah? Not a good feeling
@@Max_G43 I think I figured out to allow myself to feel and hurt and be happy basically in my case concentrating on my needs helped, not on the expectations of others- hope that will help
@@Max_G43 it doesn't have to stay that way. Your emotions want you to feel them too. "What you seek is also seeking you"
Sounds like alexithymia, not knowing what you feel. IMO it is a trauma response -> a disconnect from self that once kept you safe and now is dysfunctional in adult relating.
I'm female, 27 years old. I wasn't capable of expressing genuine emotions and was forced to be "independent" due to long-run emotional abuse. I'm so glad I'm not the only woman experiencing this.
OK GIVE YOUR LIFE TO THE LORD JESUS CHRIST TODAY
Yes you are not alone
This man generalized a lot at the beginning, is a lie that women are let to be more expressive. You are not alone.
@@celeste4098it's not a lie, just a different perspective. His lens is his own lived experience on being male, which is extremely isolating, cold and punishable. He doesn't understand that we (men) aren't the only ones shaped by society. Women are thrust into a world of confusing, unwanted, dangerous predatory attention as soon as they hit puberty; suddenly the world around them and the men in it make endless sexual advances and aggressions towards girls - consciously and unconsciously, in this endless game of 'let me in or I'll blow your house down', from youths to the adults that are supposed to keep watch over young impressionable, vulnerable girls. This unchecked, normalised, unwanted predatory behavior conditions young girls and women to "switch off" emotionally to avoid a bad situation with much bigger, stronger, more emotionally governed and volatile males. In order to fit into the mould of that environment, for a vulnerable girl, it's vital to shut all those doors to empathy and kindness towards males and even themselves, for their own good, as they either will or have been exploited emotionally to the point of scarring. Men don't realise the danger women live, but they also mostly don't care. It's a lifetime of conditioning you're dealing with, which most men don't understand, or the necessity to push men away for their own good
I was raised in an alcoholic home. I wasn’t allowed to have emotions. Yes. It’s hard to uncover and name my emotions. I will look at the list. I feel sad. I want to connect with people but I just don’t know how to . I really like these videos. I’m going to make this a priority in my life. I want psychotherapy. I know I would benefit from it .
Exactly my thoughts too bro
I’m a 39 yr old woman trying to learn how to be emotionally available. Glad I found this video.
You saved me. I am just a teen but I really need to open up to other people. My problem is that people aren’t open with me, so then I feel rejected and down and then I just don’t trust them because they don’t trust me. I really needed this and open up. Thanks.
Jst be careful to who u open up to I'm jst now learning to control that. Late but not as late as it coulda been jst be sure they will treat u with care n respect n reciprocate ur love n availability
I needed this. It all hit me in the middle of the night that I may be emotionally unavailable as a 26 year old woman. Wow, thank you for this video ❤️
YEAH GIVE YOUR LIFE TO THE LORD JESUS CHRIST TODAY
I'm a 21 year old female, and I'm just a very serious person. I've had a crush on a guy for a year by now, and he finally confessed his feelings for me. But I have trouble expressing my feelings for him, after a whole year of pushing them away ( yes, I did ask him out but it took him a while to respond). And now I come off as monotone, sarcastic, and a bit fake. Anyway, thank you!
It's never too late to become more emotionally available, Bee. if you think it might help and you can afford it, therapy can sometimes work wonders. If we are emotionally unavailable, it often has to do with experiences we had as children and the role models we observed when we were young. Many of these things are fixable as adults.
Bee, realizing that there is something that is not smooth with you is already a big step for awarness
Bee thank you for sharing. I struggled with the same issue I was super sarcastic when he mentioned feelings or brushed them off. & To the point where he thought I didnt care at all about him... Its a real struggle but Im willing to heal now that Ik its a huge problem🥺
I'm 57 and married for 25 years, fairly successfully. I put this success down to communication. My previous relationships failed because I came across as cold, sarcastic and indifferent. The turnaround was having the courage to express my deeply buried emotions. They can be ugly or uncomfortable at first. If you express your relationship to your feelings to your guy, if he is right for you it should start a journey of mutual support. Hope this helps.
Fear, leading to doubt, leading to insecurity, leads to negative expression...
I feel that the so called "relationship gurus" say no to any vulnerability, and I like what you said in the beginning of the video of the "things in society" are harmful. And I appreciate that you equate vulnerability as communication rather than to an extreme negative emotional state that "gurus" misconstrude.
There’s no intimacy without vulnerability, and there’s no fulfillment in life without intimacy.
@@HowCommunicationWorksThat seems a rather codependent outlook
Im 34 and my wife says i am emotionally unavailable and its killing me inside to try and find emotions, i grew up in Cleveland… you had to be hard and show no emotion. I hate this cuz i do not want to lose my wife due to my lack their of emotions. I try my hardest to show em .. i need help. I aint a bad person i am wiling to change this flaw about my self so she can be happy. This shit sucks cuz i love this woman from the bottom of my soul and heart. Thanks for the video. I am taking notes
You might want to check out a thin little book called “Focusing.” Or even just search around for information about focusing and emotions. It can help you get back in touch with your feelings
Acknowledging the issue is a big part of improving yourself.
I’m sure you will get there with effort and experience.
Good luck
The problem is the easiest way to be manipulated is through being emotionally available to the wrong person. You're literally giving them the blueprint of what makes you tick, which is why a lot of people tend to not be. But on the flipside its needed for successful relationships. This is great advise nonetheless.
Yes indeed. Openness like this makes us vulnerable. But vulnerability also facilitates intimacy. It’s not easy to balance.
I don't think so. Emotional availability was how I was able to recognize a manipulator because I was in touch with my emotional needs.
I hope you become viral. This is liquid gold! So many men need this.
Exactly the ability to recognize the emotions of yourself and others and to soothe and comfort difficult emotions...that is totally missing in emotional unaivalable people. Best example for this is my father. Today I understand how important emotionsl availability is. It causes a lot of damages in adult life if you hadn't had an emotional availsble father. But more sad is that my mother is still with him though she never really got emotional connection with him. It is like she is still waiting for that :(
Yeah, mine totally failed me when I was sick and hospitalized. He just couldn't give me any real comfort and pretty much ignored me until I was better.
I've been struggling with this for over 12years now after bad relationships, I literally feel nothing... Even when trying to find someone, and I've been trying for the last 2 years to be more available. I've found that music helps me a lot. This vid helps too.
You might want to look at the book Focusing. And look up the term alexithymia.
Each of you points is so true. My wife says that I always am trying to “fix” things and that she wants the emotional understanding before I attempt to fix. I said that I thought that fixing would make her happy and in my mind it resolves why she is upset. To me, if I was upset and someone fixed it, I would be happy. This is where our issue lies. Thanks!!
Mirror your persons emotions..."so what you're feeling is...and you need me to..." Then share your experiences. "I feel...and I need..." Its ok to say say your new at this or confused, but that you're committed to learning and trying...its a start. Good luck. Where attention goes energy flows!
Thats so good! Nuggets of wisdom like that are why dudes need female friends 😂 i'm almost 30 and am just now realizing how emotionally cut off I am from everyone. So thank you! I will be trying that out with my family.
Oh my god...THANK YOU!🙏 We are struggling like crazy because he is unavailable and I am the anxiety type who's emotionally needy. Haven't been able to find much help, so this video is greatly appreciated. We're in love and learning how to not be toxic to eachother and sometimes it feels insane that we're even trying. You gave me some hope♡
It’s hard to make relationships work. Check out The School of Life on UA-cam. Especially their videos on “attachment style.” Thank you for your kind words.
@@HowCommunicationWorks Wow spot on! I have gotten some amazing help from that channel! Thanks! The problem now is that, while I am learning what I'm responsible for emotionally, it has been very difficult for him to find advice on emotional availability. It's so difficult because like you said, he's used to being numbed to recognizing his emotions. So this video feels like the perfect start. Any more tips for him would be wonderful if you'd be up for another video with more detailed exercises? If not this was still super helpful😊(I am also researching how to be supportive to his needs because I know it stems from childhood trauma).
Willow White If it’s childhood trauma, then you should both read the book The Body Keeps the Score. It’s all about the causes and treatments for childhood trauma. Good luck.
@@HowCommunicationWorks Awesome! Will do😊 Best wishes to you
Can totally relate, I tend to be emotionally unavailable and my wife was the anxious one who always needed me and a lot of times I couldn’t pick up on her cues for help, it’s so hard :( we are struggling but I want us to work so bad I really love her and want to grow in this 🙏🏾🙏🏾❤️
This is something that I thought I would never get lessons on, I know that this is the most important thing I need to work on in my life so I can hopefully keep my family together and make a better connection with my wife. Thanks in advance for making these video
Thank you for the video. It's a tough topic worth holding someone's hand through the whole journey. 🙏💐🌞🌎
you're a sage. thank you so much.
So glad you found this want to be useful. Please share the channel with your friends and subscribe. Thank you.
I am struggling with it as well so thank u for that- for girls a lot of Us has stigma of difficult or needy when we trying to talk about our emotions or those of others.
your videos are exactly the best length! and sources of books etc is great!
Thanks for sharing these tips ! very helpful!
Mine were blocked in childhood. My mother was a covert narcissist. My father a Alcoholic. Both were emotionally unavailable. There was also the macho television character who were the Lone Ranger and John Wayne.
I'm also a 21 year old female. Just thought I'd share that because it seems like a lot of us in the comments are! 😂
I wasnt there emotionally when ex my wife needed me. I wish that i found your video sooner before she became my ex. All that you mentioned in this video about men are exactly what i am.
Sorry my friend.
@@HowCommunicationWorks Glad to find it though. Keep up the good work.
Being or, better said, becoming a mother help me overcome my issues in emotional unavailability. I learn how to understand or feel my baby's cries and different nuances and interpret, what the deal was on in each case. To me, it is like hearing a tune and identifying what the mood behind is.
Really love this guy’s material.
I have very hard time with being vulnerable and emotional with my spouse, now trying to feel my emotions and seeing how it is in her shoes on how I have and had treated her.
wow you are a blessing! I think this is a great video! compassionate and practical
Highly Enlightening
Me, a married woman, seeking advice on this issue. I cant connect to my community a lot of times....thank you for posting
I need this, it's so hard after a hard terrible toxic relationship.
Excellent video, thank you 🙏🏾
My pleasure!
As an older individual I see the pendulum of acceptability of male emotions slowly swinging back towards actual unacceptability by most women of men's actual expression of emotions.
But, it seems to me that so long as a partner is without any one of the big 3(emotional availability, vulnerability and/or trust/discretion) the greater likelihood is that any relationship is likely to fail over time.
No one has the right to expect that a partner (be they a he or she) will continuously be a tower of strength and courage or act the role of perpetual "welcome mat" or "emotional scapegoat/sponge".
This video is perfect! Thank you so much!
i’m the exact opposite of the gender generalizations i see online. my male partners have always been very emotionally expressive, vulnerable, and romantic and they often walk away from me because i’m not emotionally unavailable enough. i really want to heal so i can have a loving relationship one day and that i don’t push away an amazing person because i don’t know how to be intimate
What do you think of therapy?
I wish I had known I needed this video back in 2019. Well, at least I'm getting to it now!
Wow man…. So gooood thank u!!
I want to change and become kind
Lol I am kind but when ppl messin well whatever
@@josefinacalvo7008 yes
Omg this was so informative! Thank you
Great explanation. Simple and understandable.
Could you publish some deep dive videos into some of these points with exercises to improve them?
I would love to. Let me think about how to do that. Thank you for the suggestion.
I'm a 38 year old man, I have become from being lifted up to feelings of wanting to be positive all the time, to now I very rarely understand my spouses emotions ( even though I know why she has alot of her emotions) I don't know how to be emotionally there for her and that's what she yearns for. I've ultimately grown into stone one day to letting out rage the next.
Regarding step number one: how do I stop shutting down?
I used to be really good at this, surprisingly good with my partner, but I’ve fallen back into a really horrible depression since the pandemic started and whenever my partner talks to me about her emotions (which is almost always to do with me not being myself and doing things badly and forgetting things all the time) I just shut down and can’t speak, I can’t think of anything to say, and I don’t think anything I could say would help or comfort or show I’m listening.
I love the idea of therapy but I’ve had such horrible experiences with therapists and psychiatrists and I’m scared of going to another.
It’s becoming a really big problem and I’m terrified to lose my partner.
Any tips?
It sounds like your situation is pretty serious. It goes beyond just communication skills. It sounds like it’s going to be hard, but I think the best bet is to try and seek out therapy. You might try something called acceptance and commitment therapy. There’s good evidence that it works. I wish You strength and luck in what sounds like a very painful time in your life.
@@HowCommunicationWorks having a similar situation, you didn't help this commenter at all!
@@Rupture28 Perhaps you can be more helpful than I was. I did my best, but strangers on the internet don’t have magical powers to cure serious mental illness or solve complex relationship problems. This is reality. There are no unicorns farting rainbows.
Here is my suggestion, find a support group !
I went to a 12 step group called,
“ Celebrate Recovery “ for two years and worked the steps with a mentor.
It is FREE, there are other people who can relate to whatever you are going through, and you have a safe space to talk about what you need to.
God Bless, you will find Hope and healing, and gain confidence and courage!
❤️
Wish you the best🍀❤
Thank you so much for sharing this content !!!
Thank u for the video. So helpful!
Nobody talks about how many females struggle with emotional unavailability!!
I watched this video thinking that maybe I am emotionally unavailable. But I am able to do all the topics listed. Had been single for almost 3 years, hypertensive to all sorts of cues, triggers, to not relive past. Sends me rightfully so in the other direction. Recently been seing someone that I feel its overly committed to me.. long story, short. I am learning if this is actually a healthy relationship or if my intuition on things I am picking up is actually so and maybe another relationship I should be avoiding.
I'm a lesbian and this has honestly helped me understand some of the problems I may have had in relationships
So glad it helped.
I wish I could get my avoidant partner to watch this. Not to generalize, but its pretty rare for men want to work on concepts like this. It's easier for them for their partner to be "less needy" or "less clingy"
Men have lots of work to do, it's true.
Okay im just gonna vent here
Im in the process of losing the person i love coz of my ignorance
I wasn't ever present in her life in the way she needed me to be
But she was to me
I've been the villain her life and ive Been so indifferent to her needs but what's so scaryis that i didn't even realise it
I hate myself but i know staying in this mindset of self pity isn't going to help
Im going to try to love the hell out my girl
It might be too late but she was there for me when she saw no reciprocating in me
And for that i owe her the world
I appreciate your honesty and I hope she has the will and patience to move forward with you knowing now your are trying . I think that’s why we’re here is to learn to love one another by being more open and understanding. Hence relationships.
THANK YOU
as a man, I have had to learn to process my own emotions without reference from others, not because I don't feel free to express them but because no one actually cares.
I know men face some difficulties in this area, but this is an exaggeration
I've learnt from bitter experience that being emotionally open is simply a luxury I cannot afford. I have never opened up to anyone in 58 years of life and I never will. To do so I'd have to trust someone 100% and I trust absolutely no one 100%. I know my wife finds this hard but she has just come to accept that's how I am and it's never going to change.
So, you don't trust your wife, either?
Be warned, an emotionally open woman will not stay forever.
Your attitude is stubborn and selfish.
Me? I am leaving someone exactly like you.
Don’t say you weren’t warned.
Help is everywhere. One day you will wake up and be shocked your wife tells you she is leaving.
@@manfocusedAs I said I trust no one 100%.
@@saggie5261I bet they will be glad to see the back of you.
@@peterreed9566 quite the opposite actually. you have a lot to learn
I’m a very extroverted excitable person, but I tend to be drawn to men who aren’t available (emotionally or in a relationship). The ones who are interested I slowly phase out my interest in them, I like to chase but have learned I don’t have the ability to stay. I hate this about myself and am desperate to train my brain into slowing down when I meet someone new and letting something authentic bloom not just a heightened sense of excitement and newness.
Many women grew up without being able to express emotions
Awesome channel ❤❤❤
Thank you.
As an introvert, how do I deal with this and being emotionally available, but as an introvert?
Introversion normally means being exhausted and depleted by social interaction. So you have only a brief period each day to be emotionally available. Concentrate on that.
Your capacity for emotional availability is largely dependent on your ability to focus your available attention on the topic at hand and not personalizing it by focusing on the speaker or their specific traits or idiosyncrasies.
Me and my ex were probably having these kind of problem. I'm trying to engage but he won't. Now I got an emotionally available man yet I'm the one who's pulling back. I have a lot of doubt and I feel so awkward responding to him. He even talked about it one time and I simply dismissing it with jokes, but I admit I do avoid anything that involves emotions. I need to learn more 😣
Dear Ms Dee please check out yt videos on attachment theory by john bowlby. Hope they help explain a few more things. Check out nu mindframe videos that deal specifically with dismissive avoidant attachment style.
Thank you
Yes you can shut down and away from someone wanting to discuss emotions...I do it every time and it's kept me safe all these years.
I've tried therapy to overcome me reluctance to open up but as I didn't trust the therapist that never happened.
I am a woman… and I really need help here.. thank you
I dated a guy once that was so emotionally disabled I thought he was autistic for years after we broke up.
Sometimes my partner gets upset. I always try to be supportive, but she gets annoyed by it. I don't know what to do. every single time she gets angry. She believes that I am not emotionally available. I really want to help. I want to understand her. but I fail every time. Help me, please.
I struggle to be emotionally available since being cheated on multiple times. I miss being able to connect.
People are jot living and loyal all the time. There is always risk of pain and loss in every relationship.
We need to evolve. Not having insight about our inner experience is sad. Emotions are there for a reason. But being able to endure pain is profitable. Pain is mental. I did karate and I react less or not at all when I hit my toe something hard. How much should the pain paralyze me. Noticing the seriousness of the injury is enough and get a cure is enough.
I broke up with my boyfriend due to his lack of emotional availability. He was my everything but it couldn’t go on. He’s willing to learn and I even sent him this video for him to check out. He’s 18 years old and he’s expressed to me that he likes me a lot but that he couldn’t understand love - followed by, "I want to love you, believe me I do, but I don’t know how".
Please I would greatly appreciate it if you give me some advice.
You know I can’t possibly have enough information about such an important situation to advise you in any specific way. I can say in general that you’re very young. And it’s not unusual to be confused about what love is or how to love someone. He’s probably being honest. He may have had poor parenting or childhood trauma that harmed him or stunted his emotional growth. It’s very sad when relationships end. But I think if you are an emotionally present and mature person, you’re only going to be satisfied with someone who’s emotionally available.
@@HowCommunicationWorks I’ve told hike numerous of times that I wholeheartedly appreciate his honesty and efforts, and that I’d be there to support him regardless the issues. He has quite an amazing and close relationship with his mother - his father, not so much. They get along and have meaningful conversations, but when it comes to his academics, his father seems to be quite harsh with him, which led him to feel very insecure and closed off about topics regarding school. His father is quite serious about making money, and he’s great at it. Meaning, he’s not around very often for his children. Which also led to a divorce with his wife. From what he told me, he’s never not once seen them show any affection or love for each other.
I’m not sure if his parent’s relationship can factor to one of the many reasons he may have a hard time understanding love. He’s very affectionate. Affectionate to the point where he didn’t quite understand boundaries when we dated. He’s sweet and I know how much he wants to improve. I want to be there to support him, but there are times where it’s just confusing to me. He tells me he loves me, then goes on to say he doesn’t and only has sexual feelings for me, followed by going on and on about how much he cares for me and likes me, how much he fears losing me. He’s very hot and cold.
Edit: I forgot to mention how grateful I am of you replying so soon. Any help or word from you is an honour. Your videos are amazing.
He’s sounds like a decent but slightly immature person. The decision to stay or leave is such a hard and personal one. I can’t really advise you. But I suggest you talk to close friends and family about your decision and to make a decision Ml based on an assessment of reality not on tour hopes and dreams. Good luck.
@@HowCommunicationWorks thank you for giving me new insight, I truly admire what you do. And thank you for your wishes. I wish you the best of luck too, as this pandemic can be quite stressful at times.
This is amazing
Glad you like it.
#9 for me
Love it.
I’m a 25 yo girl & I have all these problems
yaay another video😁😁👏🏾👏🏾
Thanks Joel. It's very nice to know there are people who actually look forward to my vids!
Let’s get it boys
She sent me this 💀💀
My girlfriend has bpd and desires strong communication and and emotional support, which I lack very much of. I feel lost and numb in my own body, but that’s normal to me so I struggle to see the issue. And when I do I get too overwhelmed on where to start and how to go about fixing it, that I end up dropping it
My spouse and i mimic this relationship dynamic. At least u are interested in seeking improvement. Why do you say you feel lost and numb?
I feel the exact same way
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH ❤
You’re too kind.
i have autism and i misunderstand questions as requests for an answer. I can get if people say 'i feel x' but if they say 'i have problem y' i address the problem....
Loved this 💜 Thank you!
One of the worst things a man can do in a relationship is talk about his emotions.
No it’s not, you just have the wrong people in your life.
Please don’t generalise, we women have a hard time expressing emotions as well
My girlfriends mom just told me that my gf feels that I'm not emotionally available and my relationship is gonna end because of this. I am full willing to admit that I am fs not emotionally available as I reflect on myself so I may as well start here.
I don't agree with the masculine part in my case. I used to be the weird kid until I started taking care of myself and working out.
But I had girls ask me out as a joke, lead me on and make fun of me, people invite me to parties under the impression that we're friends and pull a prank on me.
Now that I am not the weird kid, it feels like I'm in an entirely different reality where people all of the sudden aren't trying to mess with me. This is subconsciously causing serious confusion.
I hope you see this comment as I really would appreciate a response.
I’m 21 in a relationship with a man and we even have a child together she is currently 5 months. Her father and I have been together for almost 2 years (yes a baby and a somewhat fresh relationship) I have told her father that I was raised by an abusive father and my father always made sure to always tell us not to get excited about things or to not let our emotions get in the way when they did well we were punished. Anyway, so my man knows all of this but I am trying to fix this so I can be emotionally available to him and have that emotional connection that we are missing. To me, it always feels like we are on the verge of breaking up and I really don’t want that. He has been with me this long hoping and waiting for a change that is taking me a while to satisfy. I’m not only doing this for him but myself as well for my mental health. I just don’t know what to do and if I’m doing anything right?
I’m not sure how to help exactly. You haven’t asked a specific question. Sounds like you could really benefit from therapy if you can afford it.
By what you are saying sounds like you were taught to surpress your emotions when you were little and your emotions and feelings were never validated or respected cause if you did you would be punished. So you could have a underlining subconscious fear of showing your emotions on a deeper level to others. Therapy . Meditation or hypnotherapy or a combination of these may help
A+ comment.
What you experienced is Childhood Emotional Neglect on top of abuse. There are lots of great videos here. Dr Jonice Webb has two books, Running on Empty and Running on Empty No More. They are phenomenal. There is healing you need to do. It’s not easy.
@@BexnRN Thank you! Yes, I have been attending therapy for a few years and It has been the most difficult. The issues I've experienced have really taken a toll on me and my relationship and I fear the worst which is why I am desperately seeking help in as many places as I can. I just hate that I can only see my therapist once a week for 1 hour.
Intj women here
i love how he said that emotional availability is very much relevant -- if not more -- to men
I don’t know what to do. I thought having a career, cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, tending to the children was enough and allowed my wife freedom to focus on her, her business and etc, but I was wrong. Just found out I haven’t been there for my wife emotionally. That’s what she wants, but how do I? I work in a profession (LE) that kinda ruin my feelings and etc…
I think a career in law-enforcement does have or at least can have a negative affect on your ability to be emotionally available. Would you ever consider psychotherapy?
My husband is 100%UNAVAILABLE ,its sooo painful
Sorry.
what if you are numb or have no connection to your emotions?
This is a condition called alexithymia. Google it and learn what you can. Also look up a technique called “focusing” to help you learn to get in touch with your feelings. Meditation also might help. If it’s really bad, professional help is probably needed. Good luck.
Some of your younger supporters may ask you, "Who's Gary Cooper? A neighbor?"
boys use this video as what not to do if u want girls to fall for u
I think this can get on too far with emotions. I had to deal with a toxic woman who is a narcist who used emotions as a reason to abuse me and accused me of unavailability when she herself ignored my issues. When i did talk about them they were used against me and as tools to damage me. I think emotions are not logical and we have to be able to process our own emotions first and then share them not just let the sludge out and drown those around us.
It’s also about RELATIONAL availability.
What does that mean?
@@HowCommunicationWorks :) That was a general comment by the way, not pointed at anything missing from this great video! I see it as two tiers: being emotionally available (supportive of others's emotions and needs, being able to sit with them, empathy and taking an interest in another's interior) and being available relationally (which overlaps with EA, but has to do with being available to relate on multiple levels, also mental, social etc). So many people who are EA also struggle to be relationally available in any deep way.
It’s impossible to be emotionally available to an arrogant know it all, to someone who gets impatient, irritated and angry over innocent human mistakes, is controlling, has serious double standards and can dish it out but can’t take it. Emotionally available isn’t possible when you have your guard up all of the time.
Some emotionally unavailable guys have the exact opposite of the things you listed
Need advice my girlfriend is sad alot and i never have the right words to cheer her up and im listening but she tells me in not actually there and caring, im not very empathetic but i want to get better at caring what she because i always think her problems aren’t big deals
I have a whole playlist on empathy.
Are there less steps in coping with the lack of emotional availabilitu, maybe?
This is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.