*Think you may have had a relationship with a narcissist?* Download the FREE checklist to see how your experience stacks up to the phases of narcissistic abuse: www.commonego.com/checklist
@purplejaguar11 Sometimes it's worth it if you can still win. Even if they go crazy and scream, they have just embarrassed themselves because it's the only way that they can cope with losing an argument. But they've still lost at the end of the day
Why do Narcs always need to have the upper hand? 1. They know you very well and push your emotional buttons. 2. They are not built like you and me. There are 6 tricks to outsmart a Narc: 1. Start saying "no" 2. Call out the bad behavior for what it is 3. Become unpredictable 4. Take emotions out of the conversation 5. Show up as your best self = start shining 6. Get out of the conversation and walk away
Totally agreee! I started to say no to my ex narc bf, I also refused to be controlled and manipulate by him, I literally show him that I saw through his game...by doing all this, you see their reaction, I am certain that I had cause a serious nacissistic injury, because they are unable to take all these things that I just mentioned.
I agree. It's not abuse. It's defense, and most victims of abuse are also reacting according to their fight/flight/freeze/fawn survival response, which is a response that's triggered automatically through the autonomic nervous system, which also manages functions like breathing, sweat, and heartbeat. Things that happen without thinking about it. It's a survival instinct which is triggered in highly threatening situations, and it's triggered without consciously thinking about it. It happens faster than you can logically reason, which is necessary for survival when your brain believes it's a life or death situation. You don't always have the same reaction, like sometimes it's fight, other times, flight, and other occasion you may freeze. It depends on the situation, and how threatened you may feel. Most of the time, abuse victims don't want to fight. They want to be safe and not terrorized by their partner. In the early stages of abuse, they may try to get away when they see the abuser begin to rage, or they may fawn, just to appease them and keep the peace. It's usually only after the victim has tried everything to stop the abuse, and often the abuse has been escalating, and the victim feels backed into a corner, that the autonomic fight response may be triggered, and suddenly they don't feel fear in that moment, and they lash out aggressively at the abuser, sometimes verbally or both verbally and physically. They've usually exhausted every other option. That's usually the situation when reactive responses to abuse manifest, and it doesn't fit the true definition for abuse at all, but abusers try to leverage that against the victim. People who aren't educated on the signs and patterns of abuse may not understand, and they may believe that the victim is an abuser, which is incredibly harmful. To debunk dangerous myths about abuse and get the correct information out there, keep pointing out incorrect or harmful terms, and provide the correct terminology to overcome widespread tendency to victim blame, debunk the myth of mutual abuse, and hold the actual abuser accountable. Reactive abuse is Not Real!!
My best winning battle is bringing him to court. My arguments wiped the floor. The judge even praised me for my strategy of presentation. The narc did not counter argue once. I crushed his lies with the truth.
👏👏👏👏👏 well done!!! I'm having problems with a narcissistic relative and the best strategy is having all the evidence about the facts, having a clear chronology of the facts, text messages, audios, paperwork, bills, even google maps history tracks. Truth, facts, legal consequences and the total supply retrieve are the nacissist wooden stick in the heart.
They're actually weak and predictable once you figure them out. my discarded Narcissistic ex is texting me throughout the day using an indifferent tone and I don't even answer 😂 but she's still texting melol. I live rent free in her mind that's what she's communicating. She wants me to overreact like she's used to.
Stay calm, cool and collected to maintain your composure Stay logical and rational and step back from emotional triggers Gracefully humour them while sticking to your boundaries
The hardest thing ever is dealing with a narcissistic couple in a church. My husband pastors a church and every business meeting they start an argument. My husband has become great at keeping his cool but being firm with them. There is no walking away from the situation though. They target him and have even come to our home.
I started putting God first, so the Saturday sabbath is my day to say ...no to buying or selling, not running errands, it's a day to remember Jesus YESHUA 🙏 ❤️ and it was a blessing, because saying no. Was essential. It worked, first it was criticism , then it was respected, because I would not bend. My God is not negotiable. PraiseYah.
Had to listen to this several times after just flipping out after weeks and weeks of being disengaged and having healthy responses. 😡 Someone needs to do a course for those of us who are unable to remove ourselves from a narc - in my case marriage, finances, and age (77) I'm planning on rearranging the house to have separate bedrooms since just about everything else is separate. Maybe that will help...
I'm doing same. He can stay in separate bedroom. 45 years marriage caregiver to 96 yr old mother...so stuck for now. Removed myself from his life.. won't go anywhere with him or acknowledge his flirting online..told him it's his life not my concern ...and yes he's the victim always.. disqualifies everything I say gaslights promises he never keeps..had destroyed all relationships with others.. I'm just cruising till I can run
Your voice and home decor are extremely soothing! I left my Narcissistic husband for good after 4 years of hell on Feb 6, 2023 and going NO CONTACT. I'm trying to move on day by day.
I've been doing these "tricks" for years because it's all I could do. I recently only came to accept that my dad and siblings are narcissists/sociopaths and realizing now that my husband is a narcissist. Counseling for the past 3 months has been an eye opener for me.
Omg I feel u but I was on prescription opiates for surgeries and when I got clean the puzzle pieces came together wow what a wake up call good luck it's a very confusing disorder that destroyed me and millions of others I pray everyday
Been seeing the signs in our dad but never was able to accept it. When he finally threw us to the dogs in his I'll health, a family friend sent a video of Narcissism and we just had to accept that all along we have had a malignant narc for a dad
@@Napturalbeauty412 thank you. Update; last summer I had developed polyps on my vocal chords, prior to that, my dentist sent me to an oral surgeon for a biopsy in my mouth. I've been a smoker most of my life, that's how I coped with my nerves. It finally caught up to me. My oral surgeon was not concerned about the mild dysplasia but was concerned about the polyps and keeping a close eye on those. At the age of 56, my health was beginning to take a turn, absolutely no doubt because of unhealed traumas and accommodating stress. I have been in therapy, will be 2 years coming up December. I quite smoking almost 7 months ago. I had my follow up doctor appointment to look at the polyps yesterday, they shrunk significantly. I see him again in March. He said, maybe, at that time, he would let me loose, meaning, there is a chance that they may shrink completely. Last year, I was at my all time low weight of 111 at 5'6". My normal weight was 118, give or take, depending on my nervous system and what I was dealing with. I lived in fight, flight freeze mode my entire life. I have gained 40 lbs, I weigh a healthy 150 and I feel great! I am still working through my traumas. My life had been complex and full of unimaginable abuse by the people who are supposed to love you. One and a half years ago, I cut all the toxic family members out of my life, from both mine and my husbands family. I am finally living my life. Thank you for your kind words. Healing is possible.
I ended the relationship with my ex because I no longer felt safe, physically and emotionally. We have a child. She told her dad she doesn't want any contact with me. I'm still stuck in the trauma bond and want her to love me. I know I need to just move on from the fantasy
My husband has turned both of my children against me. He is a covert narcissist. I will be leaving soon and I hope that they see the light some day so I can have my grandchildren back in my life. Just send positive energy her way. Maybe she will wake up some day. The happier you are and the higher your frequency, the better chance of her wanting to see you again.
I’m currently suffering HORRIBLY from my daughters mistreatment of me. She’s behaved so very bizarrely> irrational rants, oh my GAWD😭such slanderous lies about me… She KNEW exactly how to get me to react too because I’ve had a terrible time of menopuase and Lyme disease causing my own mood disorder from whack hormones, lack of sleep and non stop pain. Anyway, my daughters had a baby last Oct. she ended up ALLOWING me to babysit between Jan-end of March, but only because she had no one else, and ONLY because she works from home, and she can control whoever is babysitting. BTW> over these past ten years she’s been cruel to me whenever her narc father would cause my massive crying fits, and also when I went through Lyme disease treatment, menopuase, And had trips to ER for chest pain….she’d show ZERO empathy. I was dumbfounded. She got married ten years ago and the Only time we ‘get to see her’ is about once every other month at some Holiday or family event….she’s distanced herself from us. Anyway,.,after babysitting in her home and bomd8mg with my grandson for FIVE months, she’s now completely cut me out of her life….she’s written a a false narrative, a smear campaign to justify it and my family is like WTH???? I’m grieving so horribly emotionally. I’d rather die
Is being annoyed by the manipulation one of the emotional states they try to get you in? If you walk away, how do you not look like the bad guy, when you're merely sparing yourself?
they will always consider you the bad guy if. you reject them no matter what the reasoning... your pain is very... umm theoretical to them. they know they are anxious and angry and ripped off in life and in their own self so they press other peoples buttons to create anxiety so the they can feel stable knowing they puppeteer you into a state that mirrors their own. it gives them a sense of power and therefore stability to know that they were the boss of that, that you are confused about how you slid down further into the abyss... if they cared about ou why. would they let your mood get further depressed/ anxious? if you analyze it and you are less confused and have a framework for analysis of the power dynamic ... which helps you realize whats going on.. it helps you be less annoyed to understand their motivations and that is it not about you or your weaknesses really its about how miserable they feel inside and how they use the crutch of being the puppetmaster to soothe themselves. just call it manipulation to their faces, explain that their puppeteering is a natural response for a narcissist defensive inferiority complex sufferer in the face of feeling powerless and that you forgive them but can't allow them to affect you anymore... tell them that you're not the bad guy for rejecting manipulations whose goal is to share the narcs misery... they will shit twice
My experiences on the points discussed in this video: 1- No has been a difficult one for me with CPTSD and having a fawning response. 2- Calling out behaviors has resulted in being accused of throwing them under the bus or making them look bad. 3- Being unpredictable or calm in my responses has resulted in them becoming confused and frustrated and even overly emotional and accusatory or just plain shutting down. 4- Grey Rock has been difficult. I have been accused of being evasive or untruthful or acting suspicious. 5- Self care and working on improving my self esteem through things like exercise has resulted in accusations of infidelity or doing things that I'm not capable of doing at my age. 6- Bowing out has sometimes resulted in being accused of walking away from them instead of working things out.
In my experience with a narcissist, I did everything I could to meet them halfway, even tried using the techniques in the video. Sadly, they will always find a way to blame you, they’ll tell you that you haven’t done enough or actually being the issue. It’s ALL noise. If you are dating someone, it may be time to reconsider the relationship. You will find someone who is worth your time and love.
Personally I wouldn’t even bother putting in anymore of my energy towards anyone who does not respect me. Why invest into people whose intentions are to destroy you. If I was giving advice to anyone, I would say, cut all contact!!there is no other option. For the sake of your mental health and sanity, yes….please quit accepting being poisoned slowly, by these people. If you can’t go, no contact, find a way to do it.
Your videos are very helpful. I did not know my husband of 37 years was a narcissist and emotional abuser until i saw these. He was actually watching these videos trying to make me out to be the bad person because he's having an online affair and sending her thousands of dollars and I caught him now he's trying to make it my fault. I can see now the abuse I've taken all of these years which is becoming worse with him ignoring me completely for days at a time being cruel to me and doing all of these things that you talk about narcissists doing to other people.
Never saw that my dad was a narc until I learned this after his death. I suffered. I can’t do anything about it now. And my mother was narcissist in ways. But I handled her better. Regrets about not confronting my dad.
Often narcissists think we are going to react badly because they would if someone is triggering them. I don't react to them but they keep trying to upset me anyway. They really hate that I don't take their nonsense seriously, but will never stop trying to hurt me. I am in my 70's now and the family still treats me like I am a child, a weird child. I have attempted to avoid them as much as possible but because they like my husband I am trapped in occasional visit. I am hospitable and engaging but am so glad when they leave.
Another video with a lovely perspective and advice to lovingly deny and disable the narcissist. If we can't help someone at the very least we should not hurt them. And I like to always leave someone feeling better than when I found them. We don't have to be horrible to the narcissist to save ourselves. And that's the real test of who we are isn't it, that we can rise above and be true to our own character and values without being dragged down by others or narcissists. LOL it's a test that's for sure!! It's important that we don't change who we are because of others. But it's also important to have a strong sense of self and to reflect for our soul growth.
@randallglatt9115 don't be sorry, it was a simple answer directly to the person and as such ill back you. the narcissist only pretends to care on the surface, will provably hug you or comfort you but they will get REALLY BORED of you and your crying and sadness almost immediately and use your sad sack ness to justify an affair, buying a bunch of shit to spoil themselves because its hard having a partner who is busy focusing on something else
not that we are therapists... but if they know you are onto them and therefore their jabs aren't landing because the person they are talking to is listening but using their higher self to analyze whats being said AND the motivation behind it, and judging that more dispassionately than usual... they get scared and start to analyze themselves a little bit too. if youve outright called them a narcissist and have a good definition of that that is, and don't allow yourself to have an angry reaction to that... then you can communicate with them in a parental way, reparent them, ask them to reparent themselves... but you CANT BE IN A LOVE RELATIONSHIP with that. seriously. because you don't have the same support from them emotionally or spiritually
Listening to this, I am reminded when I had a narcissist boyfriend almost 30 years ago. It took me time to wise up and eventually we broke up but not before I found myself needing to read self-help books on verbal abuse. This was way before the internet and UA-cam. I did find peace in my life and did not have such a relationship again (and did not have one before, it was just a weird 4 year interval in my life). This causes me to have to ask, and I ask in sincerity: under what circumstances would someone WANT to continue a relationship with a narcissist? I see so much advice that recommends detaching from a narcissist and ultimately going no contact. That worked for me, finally, and I have been in a healthy partnership for 25 years now. So I ask in sincerity what are reasons why someone could wish to stay in the narcissist's life, having to continually gird oneself against mistreatment?
The one issue regarding narc abuse, rage, toxicity that no one addresses… is how do we get rid of the after effects? The triggers, flashbacks, memories… even our own emotional & mental rage at what happened to us.
Hi, l have few jobs and a toxic work environment, and l have been abuse and they hurt me with words and violence and l ended getting fired from work this has happened to me 10 times and l can't take no more of this .
My advice would be don't even try. If you are looking for a tit for tat get your own back relationship then you are inviting confrontation and unhappiness and may even be a narc yourself. Free yourself, the narc will NEVER actually understand or change or treat you better. Best case scenario you might get love bombed to convince you they have seen the light and then when you soften it will be right back to the game. Just leave and go full no contact if at all possible, no chances, don't try and get your point across before you go or try to understand theirs and don't look for closure because you won't get any. Anything that appears to be these things is just a game because they can not and will not behave any other way and trying on your part will just give them an opportunity to "hoover" you back in to the cycle. You may feel desperate and broken, in fact you probably already do at this point but seriously, you are in a cage with a hungry grizzly and you need to save yourself from becoming meat. You might be a man with a very dainty sweet looking narc but believe me, they are a grizzly and they see only meat when they look at you.
Several studies from across the world have demonstrated that narcissism is, at least partly, genetic-in fact, according to a couple of studies, the risk of inheriting narcissism is over 50% in some cases. Narcissism, like other conditions under the behavioral genetics umbrella, is often studied using twins.Sep 11, 2023
I recently kicked over a rock and discovered a person I've known most of my life is a covert narc. 1) I mention him things that I'm opposed to, he does it anyway. 2) He says, "Your the talent. I film rehearsals so I can get ideas from you. 3) Another handmade cracked a joke, I giggled and he exploded. "You changed, man. You've changed !!" 4)I say, " We'll talk about this later, I'm tired." He says "NO, you won't...(10 paragraph rant).
I could really use the help from the boot camp and also from all the other help that you have to offer the unfortunate thing is I cannot pay that price is way too much
All these tactics and energy spent dealing with narcs. Yes, remove the emotion. But just leave him/her. Or greatly minimize all interactions on the way out. Stop giving them your energy. Don't give a flip about what they want or do. Call the police if necessary. Just get out.
Strange as it sounds, but a narcissist is pretty understanding towards me? I don't know, where to put her?She almos - almost convinces me, that she feels forme?Now, just exactly, how should I oppose her? I don't want to be cruel / rude, but something I got to do against her, but what / and how?
Christine 💗 your hair length and everything today in this video is perfect for your facial features 💝💗💕💓 Well Done. . . I am not pleasing anyone who is not poor 🙂
Before being abusive to a partner, the narcissist will be abusive to other people around that they are not love-bombing. A person who is abusive to vulnerable people will one day act the same with you.
Lmao I attend AA meetings many are men. Anyways I’ve had guys from there block me for not talking to them, I’ve had guys try to sympathize or feel bad for me on my Facebook when I shared vunerablity. Many look down on you 🤦🏽♀️ it’s only with the one group I go too I asked what the reactions were for and the guy said let me take care of that for you and blocked me smh
While I appreciate your videos I feel like a lot of people are labeling everything as narcissist these days. I have personal experience with a narcissistic father (+ selfproclaimed spirit healer and conspiracy theorist, so the full package you see) and I know how it can be. But people seriously need to stop to judge anyone who displays some selfish tendencies. I've read comments under your videos from people claiming their entire family, colleagues and whatnot are narcissists. Some folks here should just take a very good look in the mirror and wonder why others are reacting to them the way they do. Saying goes: If every person in your life seems to be an a-hole, maybe not they are the problem but you are. Maybe you take some responsibility in this matter and adress this issue.
hey conspiracy theorists can be all types of people just as church ministers can be monsters, I am one but I am interested because I care about humanity, want to stop the rot and drain that swamp and stop ritual child abuse ... I cam from a family that were masons who practiced systematic mind control of their own children and other peoples... but I don't consider myself a nutmeg, and after the last few years I'm sure. glad more people are interested in the actual conspiring against humanity that has been going on unchecked for decades, centuries... ... I appreciate that when a narcissist had a viewpoint, and rants, and thinks whatever they believe is a fact. and lives in a self deluding world anyway like Narcissists do, then listening to them holding forth of that topic I'm sure is super annoying and distracting.... but that s the point, narcs are so empty inside they like to argue about outside things and not analyze themselves at all
The worst narcissists i ever met claimed "Jesus is Lord"... yet they loved Satans ways and were faithful to evil... (Jesus is just a coverstory for them...) Jesus delivered me everytime and kept Satan's helpers at bay.❤
Please know that Jesus The Maker of all Life 🤍Loves you ❣ and invites you to speak with Him in your heart as you would to a good Friends, He never denies anyone who trusts Him.
*Think you may have had a relationship with a narcissist?* Download the FREE checklist to see how your experience stacks up to the phases of narcissistic abuse: www.commonego.com/checklist
Thanks ma'am good predictions 🎉 congratulations 🎉
They need an empathetic state for us lol 😂
When your at peace with yourself nothing anyone does can effect you.
People will always try to disturb your Peace but not if you don't let them
Always protect your Peace 👑
It does affect you when it's a co-worker or a boss. It can result in losing a job, your reputation being smeared and having auto-immune health issues.
@@georgiacoletti2629So sorry 😢
Anytime we look outside of ourselves for validation, love, and peace it becomes impossible to attain.
When you are with a narcissist it is their goal to steal your peace. At all costs.
Calling them out, makes them worse
💯
Agreed. It’s not a game worth playing
Exactly. I never know what to do anymore. Calling the behavior out takes the situation from 1 to 100 within seconds.
@purplejaguar11
Sometimes it's worth it if you can still win. Even if they go crazy and scream, they have just embarrassed themselves because it's the only way that they can cope with losing an argument. But they've still lost at the end of the day
Why do Narcs always need to have the upper hand?
1. They know you very well and push your
emotional buttons.
2. They are not built like you and me.
There are 6 tricks to outsmart a Narc:
1. Start saying "no"
2. Call out the bad behavior for what it is
3. Become unpredictable
4. Take emotions out of the conversation
5. Show up as your best self = start shining
6. Get out of the conversation and
walk away
Thanks, Roxy. This saves me a lot of time 😃
@@aflack1000 you are very welcome, Adrienne! Hope the notes will be helpful.
thanks. you're a real time-saver
@@slchance8839 You are very welcome! 😊
Well done Roxy. Thanks
Never freely give or handover your power to them
how somebody reacts to the word No is one of the biggest red flags in my opinion.
Exactly
Totally agreee! I started to say no to my ex narc bf, I also refused to be controlled and manipulate by him, I literally show him that I saw through his game...by doing all this, you see their reaction, I am certain that I had cause a serious nacissistic injury, because they are unable to take all these things that I just mentioned.
I really hate the term "reactive abuse." It's a defensive reaction.
It's soo true though! I react to that term too..cause it's brutal triggering.😢
That's a better term, thanks for sharing.
@@lesliemorris120 👍
@@CatharineCummings 👍
I agree. It's not abuse. It's defense, and most victims of abuse are also reacting according to their fight/flight/freeze/fawn survival response, which is a response that's triggered automatically through the autonomic nervous system, which also manages functions like breathing, sweat, and heartbeat. Things that happen without thinking about it.
It's a survival instinct which is triggered in highly threatening situations, and it's triggered without consciously thinking about it. It happens faster than you can logically reason, which is necessary for survival when your brain believes it's a life or death situation.
You don't always have the same reaction, like sometimes it's fight, other times, flight, and other occasion you may freeze. It depends on the situation, and how threatened you may feel. Most of the time, abuse victims don't want to fight. They want to be safe and not terrorized by their partner. In the early stages of abuse, they may try to get away when they see the abuser begin to rage, or they may fawn, just to appease them and keep the peace. It's usually only after the victim has tried everything to stop the abuse, and often the abuse has been escalating, and the victim feels backed into a corner, that the autonomic fight response may be triggered, and suddenly they don't feel fear in that moment, and they lash out aggressively at the abuser, sometimes verbally or both verbally and physically. They've usually exhausted every other option.
That's usually the situation when reactive responses to abuse manifest, and it doesn't fit the true definition for abuse at all, but abusers try to leverage that against the victim. People who aren't educated on the signs and patterns of abuse may not understand, and they may believe that the victim is an abuser, which is incredibly harmful.
To debunk dangerous myths about abuse and get the correct information out there, keep pointing out incorrect or harmful terms, and provide the correct terminology to overcome widespread tendency to victim blame, debunk the myth of mutual abuse, and hold the actual abuser accountable. Reactive abuse is Not Real!!
My best winning battle is bringing him to court. My arguments wiped the floor. The judge even praised me for my strategy of presentation. The narc did not counter argue once. I crushed his lies with the truth.
👌Good for you!💪👍👊👏
👏👏👏👏👏 well done!!! I'm having problems with a narcissistic relative and the best strategy is having all the evidence about the facts, having a clear chronology of the facts, text messages, audios, paperwork, bills, even google maps history tracks. Truth, facts, legal consequences and the total supply retrieve are the nacissist wooden stick in the heart.
{3} They play on your Emotion . That's their biggest tool against you.
{4} Out shine them. Know your Worth.
Thank you Rebecca
They're actually weak and predictable once you figure them out.
my discarded Narcissistic ex is texting me throughout the day using an indifferent tone and I don't even answer 😂 but she's still texting melol.
I live rent free in her mind that's what she's communicating.
She wants me to overreact like she's used to.
Yes,keep it up and get her really mad 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
One way to out smart a narcissist is 1 once you know you go you get out and you stay out 👍 thanks for the video Christina 🦋
👋Hi Gary, about to listen to video and spotted you here I hope things have been going well for you.👍🌝
Stay calm, cool and collected to maintain your composure
Stay logical and rational and step back from emotional triggers
Gracefully humour them while sticking to your boundaries
Narcissistic rage is an excellent spectator sport.
1 point id like to make about what was said in this video, if youre doing well in your life, do it for you, its not about them, or it shouldnt be.
The hardest thing ever is dealing with a narcissistic couple in a church. My husband pastors a church and every business meeting they start an argument. My husband has become great at keeping his cool but being firm with them. There is no walking away from the situation though. They target him and have even come to our home.
I refuse to walk on eggshells so the narcissists in this world can just cram it.
I started putting God first, so the Saturday sabbath is my day to say ...no to buying or selling, not running errands, it's a day to remember Jesus YESHUA 🙏 ❤️ and it was a blessing, because saying no. Was essential. It worked, first it was criticism , then it was respected, because I would not bend. My God is not negotiable. PraiseYah.
Had to listen to this several times after just flipping out after weeks and weeks of being disengaged and having healthy responses. 😡 Someone needs to do a course for those of us who are unable to remove ourselves from a narc - in my case marriage, finances, and age (77) I'm planning on rearranging the house to have separate bedrooms since just about everything else is separate. Maybe that will help...
I should have bowed out...
it won't help.... the narc paints you with their own misery and anger... if you want peace you have to go the whole hog Grandma
I'm doing same. He can stay in separate bedroom. 45 years marriage caregiver to 96 yr old mother...so stuck for now. Removed myself from his life.. won't go anywhere with him or acknowledge his flirting online..told him it's his life not my concern
...and yes he's the victim always.. disqualifies everything I say gaslights promises he never keeps..had destroyed all relationships with others.. I'm just cruising till I can run
Your voice and home decor are extremely soothing! I left my Narcissistic husband for good after 4 years of hell on Feb 6, 2023 and going NO CONTACT. I'm trying to move on day by day.
good job Dina
I've been doing these "tricks" for years because it's all I could do. I recently only came to accept that my dad and siblings are narcissists/sociopaths and realizing now that my husband is a narcissist. Counseling for the past 3 months has been an eye opener for me.
Omg I feel u but I was on prescription opiates for surgeries and when I got clean the puzzle pieces came together wow what a wake up call good luck it's a very confusing disorder that destroyed me and millions of others I pray everyday
Been seeing the signs in our dad but never was able to accept it. When he finally threw us to the dogs in his I'll health, a family friend sent a video of Narcissism and we just had to accept that all along we have had a malignant narc for a dad
I hope you're doing well and healing
@@Napturalbeauty412 thank you. Update; last summer I had developed polyps on my vocal chords, prior to that, my dentist sent me to an oral surgeon for a biopsy in my mouth. I've been a smoker most of my life, that's how I coped with my nerves. It finally caught up to me. My oral surgeon was not concerned about the mild dysplasia but was concerned about the polyps and keeping a close eye on those. At the age of 56, my health was beginning to take a turn, absolutely no doubt because of unhealed traumas and accommodating stress.
I have been in therapy, will be 2 years coming up December. I quite smoking almost 7 months ago. I had my follow up doctor appointment to look at the polyps yesterday, they shrunk significantly. I see him again in March. He said, maybe, at that time, he would let me loose, meaning, there is a chance that they may shrink completely.
Last year, I was at my all time low weight of 111 at 5'6". My normal weight was 118, give or take, depending on my nervous system and what I was dealing with. I lived in fight, flight freeze mode my entire life. I have gained 40 lbs, I weigh a healthy 150 and I feel great! I am still working through my traumas. My life had been complex and full of unimaginable abuse by the people who are supposed to love you. One and a half years ago, I cut all the toxic family members out of my life, from both mine and my husbands family. I am finally living my life. Thank you for your kind words. Healing is possible.
This decease is cruel it took away my basic rights except breathing
I ended the relationship with my ex because I no longer felt safe, physically and emotionally.
We have a child. She told her dad she doesn't want any contact with me. I'm still stuck in the trauma bond and want her to love me. I know I need to just move on from the fantasy
My husband has turned both of my children against me. He is a covert narcissist.
I will be leaving soon and I hope that they see the light some day so I can have my grandchildren back in my life.
Just send positive energy her way. Maybe she will wake up some day.
The happier you are and the higher your frequency, the better chance of her wanting to see you again.
I’m currently suffering HORRIBLY from my daughters mistreatment of me. She’s behaved so very bizarrely> irrational rants, oh my GAWD😭such slanderous lies about me… She KNEW exactly how to get me to react too because I’ve had a terrible time of menopuase and Lyme disease causing my own mood disorder from whack hormones, lack of sleep and non stop pain. Anyway, my daughters had a baby last Oct. she ended up ALLOWING me to babysit between Jan-end of March, but only because she had no one else, and ONLY because she works from home, and she can control whoever is babysitting. BTW> over these past ten years she’s been cruel to me whenever her narc father would cause my massive crying fits, and also when I went through Lyme disease treatment, menopuase, And had trips to ER for chest pain….she’d show ZERO empathy. I was dumbfounded. She got married ten years ago and the Only time we ‘get to see her’ is about once every other month at some Holiday or family event….she’s distanced herself from us. Anyway,.,after babysitting in her home and bomd8mg with my grandson for FIVE months, she’s now completely cut me out of her life….she’s written a a false narrative, a smear campaign to justify it and my family is like WTH???? I’m grieving so horribly emotionally. I’d rather die
It'll all be ok. Keep your head up@1timeslime971
Is being annoyed by the manipulation one of the emotional states they try to get you in? If you walk away, how do you not look like the bad guy, when you're merely sparing yourself?
they will always consider you the bad guy if. you reject them no matter what the reasoning... your pain is very... umm theoretical to them. they know they are anxious and angry and ripped off in life and in their own self so they press other peoples buttons to create anxiety so the they can feel stable knowing they puppeteer you into a state that mirrors their own. it gives them a sense of power and therefore stability to know that they were the boss of that, that you are confused about how you slid down further into the abyss... if they cared about ou why. would they let your mood get further depressed/ anxious? if you analyze it and you are less confused and have a framework for analysis of the power dynamic ... which helps you realize whats going on.. it helps you be less annoyed to understand their motivations and that is it not about you or your weaknesses really its about how miserable they feel inside and how they use the crutch of being the puppetmaster to soothe themselves. just call it manipulation to their faces, explain that their puppeteering is a natural response for a narcissist defensive inferiority complex sufferer in the face of feeling powerless and that you forgive them but can't allow them to affect you anymore... tell them that you're not the bad guy for rejecting manipulations whose goal is to share the narcs misery... they will shit twice
My experiences on the points discussed in this video:
1- No has been a difficult one for me with CPTSD and having a fawning response.
2- Calling out behaviors has resulted in being accused of throwing them under the bus or making them look bad.
3- Being unpredictable or calm in my responses has resulted in them becoming confused and frustrated and even overly emotional and accusatory or just plain shutting down.
4- Grey Rock has been difficult. I have been accused of being evasive or untruthful or acting suspicious.
5- Self care and working on improving my self esteem through things like exercise has resulted in accusations of infidelity or doing things that I'm not capable of doing at my age.
6- Bowing out has sometimes resulted in being accused of walking away from them instead of working things out.
In my experience with a narcissist, I did everything I could to meet them halfway, even tried using the techniques in the video. Sadly, they will always find a way to blame you, they’ll tell you that you haven’t done enough or actually being the issue. It’s ALL noise. If you are dating someone, it may be time to reconsider the relationship. You will find someone who is worth your time and love.
Personally I wouldn’t even bother putting in anymore of my energy towards anyone who does not respect me. Why invest into people whose intentions are to destroy you. If I was giving advice to anyone, I would say, cut all contact!!there is no other option. For the sake of your mental health and sanity, yes….please quit accepting being poisoned slowly, by these people. If you can’t go, no contact, find a way to do it.
Your videos are very helpful. I did not know my husband of 37 years was a narcissist and emotional abuser until i saw these. He was actually watching these videos trying to make me out to be the bad person because he's having an online affair and sending her thousands of dollars and I caught him now he's trying to make it my fault. I can see now the abuse I've taken all of these years which is becoming worse with him ignoring me completely for days at a time being cruel to me and doing all of these things that you talk about narcissists doing to other people.
Great video and thank you. No contact is a great way....be free
Never saw that my dad was a narc until I learned this after his death. I suffered. I can’t do anything about it now. And my mother was narcissist in ways. But I handled her better. Regrets about not confronting my dad.
Yes whole family blows me away
Forgive yourself because you didn't know at that time. Or find a coach who does shadow work or energy healing.
We did not know the family full of them love you now 😘😘🙏🙏🙌🙌🙌I was oldest sibling a mom at 8 we survivers
Often narcissists think we are going to react badly because they would if someone is triggering them. I don't react to them but they keep trying to upset me anyway. They really hate that I don't take their nonsense seriously, but will never stop trying to hurt me. I am in my 70's now and the family still treats me like I am a child, a weird child. I have attempted to avoid them as much as possible but because they like my husband I am trapped in occasional visit. I am hospitable and engaging but am so glad when they leave.
Another video with a lovely perspective and advice to lovingly deny and disable the narcissist. If we can't help someone at the very least we should not hurt them. And I like to always leave someone feeling better than when I found them. We don't have to be horrible to the narcissist to save ourselves. And that's the real test of who we are isn't it, that we can rise above and be true to our own character and values without being dragged down by others or narcissists. LOL it's a test that's for sure!! It's important that we don't change who we are because of others. But it's also important to have a strong sense of self and to reflect for our soul growth.
Emotion over intellect.
The achilles heel of the empath.
You say true😂I study good and high score, high IQ in classroom but real life low EQ can't control my emotion.
Not good life survival😢
@@VivoVivo-un5zj
It certainly makes you more vulnerable to exploitation and manipulation.
Thank you for great advice ❤
This is good information
Good video ❤
I love the advise of starting out by saying no to little things!!!!!
Can you do a video on how a narcissist treats the supply when the supply loses a parent? Thank you
@Randall Glatt that wasn't my question...at all.
@randallglatt9115 don't be sorry, it was a simple answer directly to the person and as such ill back you. the narcissist only pretends to care on the surface, will provably hug you or comfort you but they will get REALLY BORED of you and your crying and sadness almost immediately and use your sad sack ness to justify an affair, buying a bunch of shit to spoil themselves because its hard having a partner who is busy focusing on something else
my narc ex told me to hold in the tears & not cry in public ,as someones might see & think he 's abusive..the freakin irony😂
Should you really tell them when they are gaslighting you? Can you elaborate on the advantage of telling them?
not that we are therapists... but if they know you are onto them and therefore their jabs aren't landing because the person they are talking to is listening but using their higher self to analyze whats being said AND the motivation behind it, and judging that more dispassionately than usual... they get scared and start to analyze themselves a little bit too. if youve outright called them a narcissist and have a good definition of that that is, and don't allow yourself to have an angry reaction to that... then you can communicate with them in a parental way, reparent them, ask them to reparent themselves... but you CANT BE IN A LOVE RELATIONSHIP with that. seriously. because you don't have the same support from them emotionally or spiritually
Sharpest tool in the shed is "Indifference".
Listening to this, I am reminded when I had a narcissist boyfriend almost 30 years ago. It took me time to wise up and eventually we broke up but not before I found myself needing to read self-help books on verbal abuse. This was way before the internet and UA-cam. I did find peace in my life and did not have such a relationship again (and did not have one before, it was just a weird 4 year interval in my life). This causes me to have to ask, and I ask in sincerity: under what circumstances would someone WANT to continue a relationship with a narcissist? I see so much advice that recommends detaching from a narcissist and ultimately going no contact. That worked for me, finally, and I have been in a healthy partnership for 25 years now. So I ask in sincerity what are reasons why someone could wish to stay in the narcissist's life, having to continually gird oneself against mistreatment?
The one issue regarding narc abuse, rage, toxicity that no one addresses… is how do we get rid of the after effects? The triggers, flashbacks, memories… even our own emotional & mental rage at what happened to us.
Thanks for this video! You nailed it!
I definitely have trouble controlling my emotions when dealing with a narcissistic older sister who always makes me feel bad about myself🤦🏽♂️
Hmm talking with a mediator gives the narc someone to blame, not being responsible for agreements.
There are a million channels on narcissism, so we know narcissism is a big issue.
When stalked and privacy boundaries are invaded, what to do?
Film them and send it to youtube😅
None of that helps l. Authorities don't take any of it seriously
Good stuff!!
I’m a huge NO person now
Hi, l have few jobs and a toxic work environment, and l have been abuse and they hurt me with words and violence and l ended getting fired from work this has happened to me 10 times and l can't take no more of this .
I ask their own questions to see if it matters.
My advice would be don't even try. If you are looking for a tit for tat get your own back relationship then you are inviting confrontation and unhappiness and may even be a narc yourself. Free yourself, the narc will NEVER actually understand or change or treat you better. Best case scenario you might get love bombed to convince you they have seen the light and then when you soften it will be right back to the game. Just leave and go full no contact if at all possible, no chances, don't try and get your point across before you go or try to understand theirs and don't look for closure because you won't get any. Anything that appears to be these things is just a game because they can not and will not behave any other way and trying on your part will just give them an opportunity to "hoover" you back in to the cycle. You may feel desperate and broken, in fact you probably already do at this point but seriously, you are in a cage with a hungry grizzly and you need to save yourself from becoming meat. You might be a man with a very dainty sweet looking narc but believe me, they are a grizzly and they see only meat when they look at you.
Love your video. Thank you!
Several studies from across the world have demonstrated that narcissism is, at least partly, genetic-in fact, according to a couple of studies, the risk of inheriting narcissism is over 50% in some cases. Narcissism, like other conditions under the behavioral genetics umbrella, is often studied using twins.Sep 11, 2023
I recently kicked over a rock and discovered a person I've known most of my life is a covert narc.
1) I mention him things that I'm opposed to, he does it anyway.
2) He says, "Your the talent. I film rehearsals so I can get ideas from you.
3) Another handmade cracked a joke, I giggled and he exploded. "You changed, man. You've changed !!"
4)I say, " We'll talk about this later, I'm tired." He says "NO, you won't...(10 paragraph rant).
I could really use the help from the boot camp and also from all the other help that you have to offer the unfortunate thing is I cannot pay that price is way too much
Thank you ❤️
All these tactics and energy spent dealing with narcs. Yes, remove the emotion. But just leave him/her. Or greatly minimize all interactions on the way out. Stop giving them your energy. Don't give a flip about what they want or do. Call the police if necessary. Just get out.
Thankyou!!❤
Strange as it sounds, but a narcissist is pretty understanding towards me? I don't know, where to put her?She almos - almost convinces me, that she feels forme?Now, just exactly, how should I oppose her? I don't want to be cruel / rude, but something I got to do against her, but what / and how?
Its a game... they really dont fall in love they love only themselves
They have tricks up in their sleeves all time
I want to share my experience.
I can tell her no!!!
That is not an opciones
Is narcisism DNA related? From one generation to the next? Parent to Child?
Disappear it’s the best 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉❤❤❤
Christine 💗 your hair length and everything today in this video is perfect for your facial features 💝💗💕💓 Well Done. . .
I am not pleasing anyone who is not poor 🙂
Before being abusive to a partner, the narcissist will be abusive to other people around that they are not love-bombing.
A person who is abusive to vulnerable people will one day act the same with you.
How about run away seeing the red flag
I cant get this just give then what they gave you …
but what if a narcissist meets another narcissist why don't they have regional conventions so they can meet like-minded people.
Look, calling out the bad behavior does not work, trust me, after all decade of trying that technique I can say it just makes them double down.
Does anyone know of a lawyer that could help me in this problem .
Outsmart the Narcissist: Leave.
Lmao I attend AA meetings many are men. Anyways I’ve had guys from there block me for not talking to them, I’ve had guys try to sympathize or feel bad for me on my Facebook when I shared vunerablity. Many look down on you 🤦🏽♀️ it’s only with the one group I go too
I asked what the reactions were for and the guy said let me take care of that for you and blocked me smh
While I appreciate your videos I feel like a lot of people are labeling everything as narcissist these days. I have personal experience with a narcissistic father (+ selfproclaimed spirit healer and conspiracy theorist, so the full package you see) and I know how it can be. But people seriously need to stop to judge anyone who displays some selfish tendencies. I've read comments under your videos from people claiming their entire family, colleagues and whatnot are narcissists. Some folks here should just take a very good look in the mirror and wonder why others are reacting to them the way they do. Saying goes: If every person in your life seems to be an a-hole, maybe not they are the problem but you are. Maybe you take some responsibility in this matter and adress this issue.
hey conspiracy theorists can be all types of people just as church ministers can be monsters, I am one but I am interested because I care about humanity, want to stop the rot and drain that swamp and stop ritual child abuse ... I cam from a family that were masons who practiced systematic mind control of their own children and other peoples... but I don't consider myself a nutmeg, and after the last few years I'm sure. glad more people are interested in the actual conspiring against humanity that has been going on unchecked for decades, centuries... ... I appreciate that when a narcissist had a viewpoint, and rants, and thinks whatever they believe is a fact. and lives in a self deluding world anyway like Narcissists do, then listening to them holding forth of that topic I'm sure is super annoying and distracting.... but that s the point, narcs are so empty inside they like to argue about outside things and not analyze themselves at all
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Putting God first with everything 🙏 is my savior Jesus YESHUA.
The worst narcissists i ever met claimed "Jesus is Lord"... yet they loved Satans ways and were faithful to evil... (Jesus is just a coverstory for them...) Jesus delivered me everytime and kept Satan's helpers at bay.❤
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Please know that Jesus The Maker of all Life 🤍Loves you ❣ and invites you to speak with Him in your heart as you would to a good Friends, He never denies anyone who trusts Him.