What is the meaning of perfectionism for you?
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- Опубліковано 15 жов 2024
- The full video premieres tomorrow at 8:30am Melbourne.
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When people try to reassure me that i don't have to stress so much about perfection, they often bring up how well i do at things. My internal is always "Yes, I'm doing well because I'm stressing about it so much. If i stopped worrying, would i still perform up to standard?" I don't know the answer, but that's why that isn't as reassuring as they think it'll be
Finally an explanation that makes sense! I completely relate and agree. I feel that perfectionism for ASD people doesn’t have so much to do with overcompensating or with not understanding that perfection is not necessary… I feel it has more to do with how we process information and how we experience the world. We see the details before we see the whole picture. For me the whole picture is formed by details. I just want to do what needs to be done, but my mental image of what needs to be done is complex and full of details. I struggle to simplify but often can’t. This is perceived by outside viewers as trying to outdo everyone, but it’s really not… For me it’s often all or nothing… and this is exhausting…
That's the best and most accurate description of perfectionism I've heard yet.
The first part, about wanting to avoid being criticised for an imperfect job, describes me so perfectly I am ashamed I didn't come up with it myself
It took me 75 years to finally let this go. It still creeps into my brain occasionally but I beat it into submission. I learned I cannot trust my brain…
I feel like I’m doing both at the same time, constantly.😵💫
Definitely, even though I have been criticised so much in my life for always being different, I love perfectionism in what I like to do. It just gives me pleasure somehow.
Wow! Spot on!❤
I love your work ❤
It's odd, to me it feels like "attention to detail" rather than perfectionism, at least nowadays.
I don't believe in perfect, but in doing the best I can with the tools I have. Making mistakes is part of being human. However, what I end up struggling with is that even my bare minimum effort is seen by others as "trying too hard", and it puts me in a situation where others feel intimidated, or like they have to assure me that "it's ok to make mistakes", when I'm actually having fun.
At some point it feels as if I must perform something that is not me to be left alone. My fun doesn't translate as fun.
Very relatable and understandable.
I think attention to detail is accounting for all the boxes and doing what you can to check those boxes.
I grew up with a father who by default somehow was elected project lead for every large home project we did. Interior Reno, exterior Reno, deck rebuild, roofing large garage. Never let anyone in on the plan, would constantly criticize the work done by those before us, and yet was a consummate half asser. “This is just *temporary*”, or “*I’ll* come back and do it again better later” etc. essentially pathologically unimpressed with anyone else’s effort, ungrateful, but a constant “I cut it twice and it’s still too short” type.
He is a perfectionist, constantly chasing the unattainable.
I have attention to detail. I can and do move forward even without absolutely every detail of every bit of minutiae being a work of art.
But I do have perfectionist tendencies very deeply seated because no matter how much more adequate a job is done, it’s never good enough.
The reality of being raised by someone with almost no self awareness. 😑
Totally relate
I need all details of a task or a topic to put together the big picture. I do not wish to receive a feedback for a perfect looking result, it is the only way my detail oriented brain works. Gathering details, structuring, categorizing and creating visual clarity. It might be misunderstood as perfectionistic need for recognition. But I don regard myself as being perfectionistic. It is the way to work with my own kind of central coherence.
I absolutely agree and I think I understand what you’re saying. For me, it’s not about what others think but rather my love of detail and of achieving a standard that pleases me!
Your post is THE BEST description of how I feel about gathering the information and ensuring the details are right and recording it in a coherent way that I feel happy with.
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼♥️♥️♥️♥️
So freaking accurate, word by word, I didn't't know I was a perfectionist, but makes sense 😅
Im not a perfectionist. Id be happy to stop halfway if someone (literally) asked me to do that from the start. But people are rarely clear or confident communicators about what they want, and I wind up doing everything 150% because i cannot tell what is good or not. It comes from not being able to intuit or mind read what the goal/task is, and then doing everything i can think of to compensate. Also helps my mental process to be able to check things off as "complete" whatever that means. People assume its overthinking because they DONT think deeply or want to. The truth is that everything is always 150% effort when you are starting from ground zero on every single day/task. I work hard because life is already that hard all the time...
I feel this loads because of bad experiences with being criticised for my mistakes in the past
I totally understand this
For me this is often very physical, like the organization of things in spaces. I cannot stop my attention from returning to the disorder (trash or not ideal furniture orientation, blocked paths, etc.) until it is resolved. Other people say, "You're very tidy." For me it is a distraction that is such an irritant it is something for which I am grateful if people let me clean the space we have to stay in. I don't understand how other people ignore this except, as Jung put it (not verbatim), "Most people are mostly unconscious." It's just in general, if there is a known superior situation, then why don't we realize it? For me it's an innate sense of responsibility to enhance/improve as much as possible. Is that perfectionism? It's just built into me. It's not really about anyone else's perception. It doesn't matter if anyone else is present. Just when there are people, I have to keep willfully directing my attention away from the disorder and back to the social level, which has its own running commentary constantly. I can't ever stop reviewing what's been said, facial expressions, the ambience, the inattention of others to all of this stuff, etc. etc. etc. But is it really a disability? How is being more attentive and more interested in improvement a bad thing? It's only bad because society and people in general are increasingly inattentive and unmotivated. The baseline just keeps dropping. It's disturbing to me how stupid the average person is now. Just barely aware even of their own thoughts or actions, let alone anything else in a broader view. I feel like most people are living in some super low def version of reality and they need an upgrade already.
Video suggestion: how to avoid "mental burnout" from constant overthinking
In my case, the criticisms come from inside of my own head. If I do a good job now, maybe I won't need to do it over again.later.
"perfect enough" - Steve Wallis.
we should learn to "chill" like Steve does.
This may be one of those times where it's worth experimenting. If you pull back your attention, say, 10-20%, would you still get a satisfactory result? If so, would you be relieved to have that time and energy back if you knew that 80% effort still gave you "good enough" results? And if not, you at least have empirical data that you NEED to be that vigilant or bad things will happen. (Not just imagined "bad things," but concrete examples of actual things that happened.)
Not autistic but I relate to this. Sometimes it's hard for me to accept that mistakes are a part of life, & there is such a thing as constructive criticism. So I overcompensate
Sounds familiar! Perfectionism ruined my university career.
My family is so toxic that even when I got literally 103% as a final grade in my college class I still got treated as ordinary and even less than 😢
I think the word completism is relevant here.
I agree 💯💯💯👍🏾
Yesterday I treated my friends out and she took me to the shop that had curtains in it as mine need a good wash and I need new ones. I did have cash in my purse but then got stressed that I’d lost my bank and other cards. I remembered trying to put the right lipstick and chapstick in my coat pocket but I took everything out. But somehow managed to put my cards in my winter jacket. And luckily I had enough cash. For the curtains and meal out. But the neighbour said I probably left it in my house and I said I bet I put it in my winter pocket. I was so annoyed as I wanted it to go perfectly well so we would all have a good time.. I tell myself off when I do these things so I don’t need anyone else to tell me off. They were nice when they realised I’d got stressed. Checking doesn’t always work 😊😂😂.
Perfect is relative Even if you are "perfect" you gonna get criticised anyway so just chiill😅
Perfection means to me , when I look at you; that you trie everything extremely hard but with out Yeshua/God.
Sad.
Nobody is perfect !
But we should try our best.
That is ok.
Because we humanbeen failour even people without Autism.
But we can learn and become better.
I am so happy to become moslim !
I believe that Allah is the perfect God and he is merciful God.
We also should show mercy to every one !
You have Intresting videos !
Thank you !