@@newman0311 Still though, if you add up a week's time of dishes and changing oil for lets say 2 vehicles. Dishes take longer. Also you're not changing the oil weekly, but you are doing dishes daily.
To everyone saying that this is how first dates should go: This level of honesty first requires a certain level of self-awareness, and that level of self-awareness requires you to be this honest with yourself.
My ex "honestly" told me he's super loyal and wants marriage before our relationship began. By the end of our relationship, I found out he wanted many partners sooo so much, but he was in denial due to society judging him..😅 Dude made another girl cry after me too..
@@ivrine96 This wouldn't work. An abusive person would say years because they kept their victim trapped. Someone who dated a cheater might have a short relationship because their partner was both bad at commitment and hiding it.
I don't have a car, or a drive way... Do you really need to pressure wash a drive way and change the oil once a week? Sound more like twice a year chores or something...But idk.
@@Asa...S we don't have a car either, my man knows nothing about cars, can't even drive (I can). But my family had when I was young, but never ever saw my brother orb father fixing it. Since we have flat no need to mow or clean outside. And when I comment thoose things, men offended and say, "there are things also have to be fixed inside the house". And I'm like "what??? How recently?" 🤣
@@Asa...Sthey're called "performative chores," in that they don't really need doing, but they mean you can avoid doing actual chores if you do them when other chores need doing.
nicely said! yeah there's a big difference between pretending and covering up what you're supposed to be doing and trying your hardest to do that thing and being honest about your failures and struggles. :)
The purpose of moving slowly with emotional vulnerability is to be able to build up trust and connection with another person. It doesn't have to take months, but knowing that it's safe to be that level of honest with another person is an important hurdle to clear before engaging that degree of honesty. That said, I've found that the older I get, the better I am at determining whether it's safe to be that honest with someone much more quickly. 😂
@kilo3989 Same here!! With age comes a whole lot of wisdom. ❤️ You can build up what you think is trust but truly wasn't. They were in the "job interview" mentality long enough before they showed their true colors. I prefer to know who I'm dealing with early into the relationship. At my age and wisdom, it won't take long at all. I will have a pretty good idea on the first date. That's what working on the inner self will do. It heightens your gut instinct. 😊❤️❤️
Why the hell would I want a potential partner to not know these things about me, and live a life in constant fear they might find out or secretly hate it… tell them the problems up front, and what you’ve tried to do about them, and what you’re open to trying
I think red flags, are different than having human faults. But, his only being committed to things that only take effort weekly/monthly/quarterly is a red flag.
@@anomalousoddity Wise choice. I would have done the same. 😂This is absolutely unacceptable for anyone to not clean up after themselves in equal and shared proportions. My current partner made fun of me for the way I have folded washing since I was a child. He told me, "you are not doing it correctly." (It was my first time doing our washing in a shared capacity years ago) And I said, "Oh, is that so?" And he said, "Yes, it is so." And I said, "Alright then, show me how it's done then." And so he did. He said, "See, now that is how it should be done." And I was like, "Well since you're so unsatisfied with the way I fold washing, you have just proven how capable you are, you are doing it for the both of us from this point onwards. Congratulations 👏🏼"🤣🤣🤣🤣 and he paused and you could see the, "Damnit! I just walked into that!" Look on his face. 5 years on, I only chuck all the washing in the washing machine and dryer and dump it on the counter in the laundry for him to fold unapologetically 😂 and so he does. 50/50 in equal and shared proportions. 😂
My husband and I did this. Date was so great, we knew we would get married in the future. Still madly in love almost 9 years later. Neither of our toxic traits were a dealer breaker either.
@blossomuk I guess I should start off from the beginning? I met my husband in college. First day, first class. The first person I met. Lol. Neither of us were actually supposed to take the course. It was an intro class, pointless. We became friends. I had a bf and didn't see him in a romantic way. He was the coolest guy there and known for 2 things, his incredible kindness and his incredible afro lol. Now I'm a weirdo and had a locker in college, and he saw that as an opportunity to hold my books for me and walk me to my locker after this class every MWF. I enjoyed our friendship, but it was short-lived. I didn't attend the spring semester and never had his number. In the meantime, I met my 2nd bf. I went back to school for a 2nd fall semester, and we were friends again. It would turn out that my 2nd bf would dump me right before winter break, and that's when my husband and I hung out for the first time. He would have parties at his house and take me places, but we weren't "dating." I had a crush on him, and he liked me, but I wasn't ready for a 3rd bf yet. By the end of winter break, we had hung out every day and only kissed maybe twice. One day, he would drop me off at my job, and I wouldn't see him again for years. He told me the reason we lost touch is because I didn't answer his 1 phone call and never called him back(I was at work when he called), so he got it in his head that I didn't like him anymore. I thought he didn't like me anymore either because of the lack of contact. Fast forward a few months, and I met my 1st husband. My future would be a baby and marriage at 21, a few months of separation at 23, and a full separation at 25. Fast forward another year or 2, and he would message me out of nowhere. We hung out that night until 5am. Closed the bar and went to a 24-hour dinner. It's the one in Silver Lining Playbook for a fun fact. Anyways, we knew instantly that we would be married one day and that this was it. Both of us had thought about each other as our "What ifs" and held a candle for one another. I told him I wasn't going to cook or clean for him because I had been little miss suszy homemaker for my last husband, and well, let's just say, I had PTSD from that marriage. He said that was perfect for him because he loves doing those chores. I told him I can get clingy. He replied with he liked clingy. He told me that he can get angry but only for about 5 minutes, and then he calms down. I told him that I was used to anger for days, so I could definitely handle 5 minutes. After this date, we hung out every day, which would lead to moving in with me. We waited months to be intimate and for him to meet my son. And we've been together since. I will say, we had a year of problems where we separated in the same house (3 or 4 years ago), but ended up getting back together and are stronger than ever. We had a daughter and named her Hendrix in 17 and got married in 18. Life is a dream being married to my best friend. He's the best dad and husband a woman could ask for!
@@maddyfarraj-realtor Thank you very much for your wondeful love story, sister! I am so glad for your guardian angels and higher selves keeping those candles lit for each other in your hearts and listening to your hearts. : )
This sentiment almost never lasts. 😂 It's normal for single women (especially in their 20s and early 30s) to not want children. The change can either occur with age, or in most cases you change your mind when you meet a man special enough to want to have HIS children. That's the way it's supposed to be. 😂 Almost no young woman wants kids FIRST and is just looking for seed. 😂😂
Once a week is being generous af. Oil is about 4 times a year, he's pressure washing once a year at best, and mowing the lawn is maybe every other week. Cooking and dishes alone are a daily task 😒
@jm5627 I don't know where you live but that's vastly different from where I live. I'm saying this as someone whose dad owns a landscaping business. He maintains hundreds of customers' yards and would never do it every 4 days unless it was a commercial job and he wanted to run up a fat invoice. It's completely unnecessary in our region
Ditto 😆 I love being brutally honest with everyone.. it is natural selection so I only get the men that I actually want...and now my soulmate is exactly as I am 🔥🦄💖
@@Ivana-k5l Personnaly I am too honest too. By honest I mean that I show my whole personnality with my flaws (especially if I want to create a connection with someone) to the next person without hiding It. I hate the flirting phase where everyone is trying to show the best version of themselves so I prefer being honest from the start. And yeah, some guys dont like It🤣🤣🤣
We need more dates like these and more talks about everyone's toxic traits and shadow sides, instead of so much late blaming each other and victimisation. 12/10
I think it would be more realistic for him to say something like “OK so now I know why you’re picking a fight with me, and now I know why you lose interest. Those are good to know.” And then she could’ve said something more realistic like “OK well we can talk about chores and cutting grass and the cars, when we get to that point, but I think things should be shared equally.” It would’ve been good to learn how to respond to these two personalities.
I’m super comfortable talking about the things I’ve learned and what I’m working on within myself, but this would be a total turn off. And she did start off with “let’s ruin things “she’s asking for an awkward conversation. And she just started dating this guy. It doesn’t make sense.
As someone that's been both the 'internal' chores and the 'external' chores person including everything listed. I can confirm the internal housework takes much more cumulative time and is way less satisfying
And also mow the grass and fix things in the house. I like fix things in the house, I like to build Ikea furnitures, my husband has no clue how to do it. I painted the rooms, built the table, changed the toilet seat. It is fun for me actually, but we don't buy a furniture/wc seat every day, nor want to paint the rooms or so... And I also like mowing the grass I find relaxing (we don't have a garden, so no need to do it).
My exs jeep hit 125k miles and I worked on that damn thing every other week for 2 months. Legit spark plugs, breaks and calipers, passanger side knuckle, fule pump, rear sub frame, crank shaft sensor, ball joints all the way round. transmission and power stearing flush.
Hilarious because it’s true. I think what is so great is how the characters just casually drop these bombs and then the convo goes on like they are just discussing the latest Marvel film.
@d0v3Tai1you just described my bf in detail, as if you knew him... The worst part is that he thinks he's the greatest and wants to do a podcast/open a school (basically influence other people) to teach them "the right way" (basically to be like him).
Yes men love to do the occasional chores and leave women with the everyday soul crushing chores. My husband has turned around we both clean two rooms per week next week we switch. Took me 20 years. Of course I do the rest of the house and cook but he does the dishes. I have it so much better I fear than the average wife. Do your share or deal with a resentful wife. A smart man knows the right choice.
Sometimes it is choosing acceptance over resentment and finding other solutions. We pay someone else to clean the house every 2 weeks. I cook, clean up, and load the dishwasher. (He knows how to feed himself if I don't feel like cooking and is appreciative when I cook.) Kitchen is mine. Laundry is also mine. Taking care of 2 cats is also mine. I take care of paying the bills...mostly auto pay. (All joint accounts). He takes care of landscaping, washing cars and misc. I take the cars in for the oil changes and arrange for home maintenance. I am retired. He is still working full time. This works for us.
After 22 yrs, mine decided to finally help out with dishes, but in his own way! I run the kitchen like a machine, dishes are done every evening so I wake up to a clean and tidy kitchen. Now that he's "helping" dishes are done every 3rd evening, so there's always dirty dishes in the sink!! It's driving me insane, how is this helping? I oftentimes need one or two of the dirty pots to cook the next meal, it's infuriating!
@@blueberriesrfine5538 My husband and I have nowhere near the same length of relationship as you and yours, but one thing that works for us is when there are dirty pots/pans I initially wanted to use I use it as an opportunity to get creative. Or sometimes I ask him to wash the one or two things I need to cook in exchange for cooking for him. I typically do chores while he's at work, so when we have off days sometimes we have things in the sink that I need for cooking so this way it takes a little bit of the mental burden off of me and makes it easier for me to cook. It's honestly such a small thing but I really appreciate him for it.
If only two people could be that honest early in dating. Would save each other from wasting each others time. It will be up to each other to accept or let it go.😅❤❤
@evakurl No, they wouldn't. But they will show you which is even better. Sadly, a lot of us ignore the red flags in the beginning phase of dating. I'm speaking from experience.
I literally put in my dating profile that the world would be a better place if we were all just open and honest with our intentions from day 1. It would save a lot of time and feelings.
My narcissistic ex and I always argued about the chores. He did 0, and his reasoning was that he’s ‘the man’ and he does all the driving whenever we needed to go places, looool. And when I was off of work because I was having our kids, of course he had another excuse which is he’s at work all day. When I say he did nothing, I mean not even lift his plate up from the table to bring it to the kitchen. Not even go to get himself a glass of water; he would blame me if he ever felt dehydrated. I’m there thinking, I’m doing everything to take care of our kids and home, I even don’t have time to take care of myself. And according to you, I have to remember that a healthy, grown man with 2 legs and 2 arms hasn’t drunk water today?
I actually changed chores for a month with my partner as a fun experiment she suggested. We got to week 2 and gave up lol 😅 Both of us sucked at doing the new tasks, and she hated a couple of things so she gave up. I sucked it up but deep down I freakin hated doing the cleaning around the house. The only thing that remained from those times was that now I’m always the one cleaning the bathrooms because I’m a clean bathroom freak, so I insist in doing it. I go scorched earth on each bathroom once a week, bleach the entire thing, flood the bathroom, deep clean everything. That bathroom isn’t usable for a day due to the bleach smell, but hey, it sure is disinfected 😅
I loved a comment here that said "they have toxic traits but they are not toxic people, because true toxic people lack self-awareness and can't really say their toxic traits"
Tbf yeah It's good to know what you're getting into But also first dates aren't really the time to dump about your innermost flaws since there's no emotional connection formed yet
I love this. You freaking ROCK!!! The guys chores are once a week 🗑 and ladies (house slaves) chores are all the fucking time. Men play around all they want,,,,,, and then then when they want a grown-up home life, They hunt’ for the right lady that would make the BEST HOUSE SLAVE. WOMEN WAKE UP, view your life like you’re watching a tv show. Is your show funny, or boring, or all drama? Does your character do the majority of the work load? Does your character get the love and attention they need to thrive? How does the other main character interact with your character? Would you watch your TV show? Is it time to change the channel, maybe? Too many men in America think a grown-up home life is the relationship between them and their television. And you, my fair lady, get to do everything else. And the ladies lie to their friends and family about how happy she is, and what a wonderful guys she’s got. When the guys do one nice thing, or something they said they would do,,,,,,,, (but it took them 2 or more years to start on it), we ladies will share this story of the one nice thing he did or how he helped out (you know, raising his own kids, helping in the house he lives in),,, the ladies share these stories so their friends and family don’t think they’re STOOOOOPID stupid for being with than man. Girls, find your worth, set amazing boundaries and don’t settle. We’re worth it! ❤❤❤
Mr. Jimmy, why do ppl do that though? The whole super into you and when you return the interest, they get turned off? That seems so backwards, how does that habit and thoughts start?
People who are subconsciously matching a childhood relationship where they were not loved and accepted. To them it's a turn off if you are loving and accepting. The old daddy-issues stereotype who likes bad boys.
A number of reasons. Maybe it's simply an ego thing where they feel validated that they could "get" someone they feel attracted to to like them back but were never actually interested in the person. Maybe they are attracted to emotionally distant people because that's how the dynamic was with their parents so they are primed to get overly affectionate and "earn" love because they feel that is normal but when the other person genuinely reciprocates those feeling sit feels unfamiliar and scary. Maybe they are genuinely self loathing and feel a compulsion to show the other person they are worthy of love but get suspicious when the other person believes them (ties into that second one). They also mentioned that sometimes they are just "in a fighting mood" so it's possible they have had relationships in the past where they mistook the emotional roller coasters of instability as passion, so they find a relationship where things aren't emotionally intense as "boring" or "not real love". They are more interested in the adrenaline of toxicity or emotional insecurity than in genuine intimacy. Lots of reasons
people who get 'super into' others have a habit of craving affection because they never got said affection early in life. Deep down, they feel the reason for this lack of return of interest is because they are unlikeable. So when interest is returned, they think 'what, you actually like me??? but there's nothing to like about me except how badly I _want_ you to like me' and then get turned off, because they think you're stupid to be interested. It's kinda messed up and really sad
Oh no, I literally just did it the other day 😂 I just get overwhelmed when I’m being clearly overly put on a pedestal and then I start to give all the reasons why I don’t belong there. It’s too much pressure when people assume you to be better than you really are… it feels like lying to let them believe that
Can you do a video on some toxic traits and how to overcome them? Honestly. The seeking approval trait is a big one for many people with all the insecure attachment styles.
there's no easy fix for 'seeking approval'. It requires genuinely investing time and patience into yourself, finding hobbies and loving yourself- which can be pretty hard to do all alone. someone suitably detached from you but who will also push you towards healthy pursuits like a therapist will help for severe cases if people can't take the first step themselves.
It takes a real deep sense of self to know all your toxic traits so well and then have the language to express it. Wish it was that easy. I’m all over up front honesty.
At least you know all the red flags now. Positive development, I think. Also not normal but at least now you know. No need spend time and get to the point when she finally shows you she loses interest. Now you know from the beginning.
That would actually be a great idea! Instead of: amping up our expectations and impressions of each other to a point where disappointment is absolutely guaranteed we'd find out, if our weaknesses are bearable for our counterpart: maybe they'd find it quite easy to deal with them. This idea is absolutely genius for today's dating world!
"I love chores that only need to get done once a week!" Wife and I had that convo. She mowed the lawn ONCE, in our 30 years. She raked leaves...ONCE. She shoveled snow...ONCE. She weeded the landscape beds...ONCE. She said..."I got dishes and all the inside work covered".
My husband and I are kind of like that, he takes the dogs out and scoops litter boxes, I do dog washing and haircuts nail grinding med management etc. I do daily dishes/vacuum and most of the laundry, he does the yard and cars.
“I love chores that only get done once a week.” I wish I had had that statement handy when my brother got to do the outside stuff and I got stuck with the laundry for a family of 6…
“Pressuring wash the driveway” sent me. That never needs to be done, nevermind every week, but it is literally what you’ll find some of these men doing when they’re supposed to be cleaning to prepare for guests. It’s very much giving “emotionally and domestically absent father”
What’s crazy about all this is people end up living alone and doing everything on their own anyway😂😂🤦♀️🤦♀️. Just a thought, along with so many other problems in relationships nowadays.
At this point in my life, even with a decent partner, that still sounds way better. Things get done on my own time, my way with no b*llsh*t way for someone else to insist on.
Pink shirt is the narcissist all the toxic traits she called out and hit the nail in the coffin when joking about loving to do chores once a week putting all the chores on the partner after swindling them to fall in love 😅
I do all those chores. Gotta say, I fucking hate doing the yard. I really really hate it. I do dishes more than daily, and I'd rather do that. I think it depends on your yard size, and your quality of mower. So maybe one day I can afford a lazy boy...sit on my butt ride around mower.
I do this all the time. You’d be surprised how many people run, but all the ones who stayed have been there for me for the long run, through thick and thin. So I’d recommend this personally. Not trying to waster anyone’s time
Well, there aren’t many of us left, Infamous; but the few of us still around absolutely love this!! Why waste 2-8years to find out who someone really is, when it’s so much easier to be honest and avoid all the miserable, resentment filled years? I’ve always been brutally honest about myself and my traits, in the very beginning and I ask people to do the same. I only have one life and I have no idea when it’s over. I’m trying to enjoy it, save time and skip over wasted years! I also completely see how it weeds out the fair weather friend types and you end up with quality people. Not to mention, it’s gotta be so fkn entertaining for you!! 😂 You’re a real gem, Infamous!! ❤
@@emilyjoeblow9755 Glad there are still like minded people😂 I’ve had too many people leave when they find out stuff about me when I open up later on in the relationship and I don’t think it’s fair to either of us. Also I’m at the point where I’m no longer ashamed about my trauma and issues and like to be open about it. I had a friend message me that she’s been able to start talking about her mental health because I’m always so honest about what I’m feeling and thinking. It’s refreshing to know people really know who you are and love you for that person and not a facade. Thanks for your kind comment. Having a hard day and this made me smile!^_^
I do my best to help with everything. Sometimes things fall behind. I try to keep up with the dishes and laundry to help out my wife and daughters but no one comes outside to help me 🤔
If this was a real thing I might actually consider dating again! I’m turning 29, single since 23 for medical reasons. I’m severely allergic to bullshit.
I've never started for this reason. I'm nearly 25 Every time I started to consider a relationship...I see red flags and think to myself "wait a sec...maybe don't jump in here" and it usually fell apart pretty soon after. What're your toxic traits?
"i love chores that only need to get done once a week"
In some cases even once a month…
@@annab9994 and when there is no car... 🤣🤣🤣
@@xdxdxdxd4575
Brilliant observation!!!
That takes longer to do than doing dishes.
@@newman0311 Still though, if you add up a week's time of dishes and changing oil for lets say 2 vehicles. Dishes take longer. Also you're not changing the oil weekly, but you are doing dishes daily.
To everyone saying that this is how first dates should go: This level of honesty first requires a certain level of self-awareness, and that level of self-awareness requires you to be this honest with yourself.
Which most people don't have
That's why it's "should" and not "could" :/
My ex "honestly" told me he's super loyal and wants marriage before our relationship began. By the end of our relationship, I found out he wanted many partners sooo so much, but he was in denial due to society judging him..😅 Dude made another girl cry after me too..
Another way around this would be to ask how their last relationship ends.
@@ivrine96 This wouldn't work. An abusive person would say years because they kept their victim trapped. Someone who dated a cheater might have a short relationship because their partner was both bad at commitment and hiding it.
"I love chores that only need to get done once a week!" 😂😂😂
😂😂😂😂😂
Oh my goodness that’s so hilarious because it’s true.
I don't have a car, or a drive way...
Do you really need to pressure wash a drive way and change the oil once a week? Sound more like twice a year chores or something...But idk.
@@Asa...S we don't have a car either, my man knows nothing about cars, can't even drive (I can). But my family had when I was young, but never ever saw my brother orb father fixing it.
Since we have flat no need to mow or clean outside.
And when I comment thoose things, men offended and say, "there are things also have to be fixed inside the house". And I'm like "what??? How recently?" 🤣
@@Asa...Sthey're called "performative chores," in that they don't really need doing, but they mean you can avoid doing actual chores if you do them when other chores need doing.
Tbh, I don't think it was a toxic date at all
They were waving their red flags in each other's faces. Props for the honesty😂
True. But people probably need to be friends first before dating. Romantic expectations tend to get in the way of telling the truth.
Seems like more of who they are than red flags.
@@positivevibe7684 Both can be true at the same time.
😂😂😂
Lay all them cards on the table. Know what you're getting urself into 👏
Me and my gf did this. 7 years later and its the healthiest relationship I've been in
Why is she still not your wife after 7 years tho?
@@alonalohman2947 Married for 2 yrs now
@@alonalohman2947 I tend to joke with how at the 9 year mark you either wanna get married or literally never see each other again
@@alonalohman2947 because they got together in First Grade...
@@alonalohman2947maybe they don't believe in marriage? I do agree with your sentiment but ya never know what other peoples' prerogatives are
Big difference between pretending to be the best version and trying to be your best version.
nicely said! yeah there's a big difference between pretending and covering up what you're supposed to be doing and trying your hardest to do that thing and being honest about your failures and struggles. :)
Why is the title "Toxic first date" being this honest saves a lot of time!!! 😅😅😅
I agree 💯.
That's what I thought. Would have saved me years of failed relationships.
The purpose of moving slowly with emotional vulnerability is to be able to build up trust and connection with another person. It doesn't have to take months, but knowing that it's safe to be that level of honest with another person is an important hurdle to clear before engaging that degree of honesty.
That said, I've found that the older I get, the better I am at determining whether it's safe to be that honest with someone much more quickly. 😂
@kilo3989 Same here!! With age comes a whole lot of wisdom. ❤️ You can build up what you think is trust but truly wasn't. They were in the "job interview" mentality long enough before they showed their true colors. I prefer to know who I'm dealing with early into the relationship. At my age and wisdom, it won't take long at all. I will have a pretty good idea on the first date. That's what working on the inner self will do. It heightens your gut instinct. 😊❤️❤️
loving to argue is a toxic trait, and so is expecting your partner to do all of the housework.
Neurodivergent people on the first date.
I had that date last week XD
The more and more I see comments about neurodivergent the more I relate... I think I need to go get test lol
100% what I was thinking. Always up front. Spill the beans!!!
What is that?
Why the hell would I want a potential partner to not know these things about me, and live a life in constant fear they might find out or secretly hate it… tell them the problems up front, and what you’ve tried to do about them, and what you’re open to trying
I was half expecting him to say "I have no red flags" which is a red flag in itself lmao
Ahaha!!!! I like when they want to prove, how nice they are. Huuuuge red flag!!!
I think red flags, are different than having human faults. But, his only being committed to things that only take effort weekly/monthly/quarterly is a red flag.
I actually dated someone who said this once and I laughed in his face, first date and last date hahaha
@@anomalousoddity Wise choice. I would have done the same. 😂This is absolutely unacceptable for anyone to not clean up after themselves in equal and shared proportions. My current partner made fun of me for the way I have folded washing since I was a child. He told me, "you are not doing it correctly." (It was my first time doing our washing in a shared capacity years ago) And I said, "Oh, is that so?" And he said, "Yes, it is so." And I said, "Alright then, show me how it's done then." And so he did. He said, "See, now that is how it should be done." And I was like, "Well since you're so unsatisfied with the way I fold washing, you have just proven how capable you are, you are doing it for the both of us from this point onwards. Congratulations 👏🏼"🤣🤣🤣🤣 and he paused and you could see the, "Damnit! I just walked into that!" Look on his face. 5 years on, I only chuck all the washing in the washing machine and dryer and dump it on the counter in the laundry for him to fold unapologetically 😂 and so he does. 50/50 in equal and shared proportions. 😂
@@strawberrykatnz brilliantly played sister I take my hat off to you
My husband and I did this. Date was so great, we knew we would get married in the future. Still madly in love almost 9 years later. Neither of our toxic traits were a dealer breaker either.
AMEN ❤We BOTH Know WHAT is Expected of US 👍🏼♥️We’re Having Our 41st Anniversary in June😊
Wow thats amazing! how did you make it work? I genuinely want to know.
@blossomuk I guess I should start off from the beginning? I met my husband in college. First day, first class. The first person I met. Lol. Neither of us were actually supposed to take the course. It was an intro class, pointless. We became friends. I had a bf and didn't see him in a romantic way. He was the coolest guy there and known for 2 things, his incredible kindness and his incredible afro lol. Now I'm a weirdo and had a locker in college, and he saw that as an opportunity to hold my books for me and walk me to my locker after this class every MWF. I enjoyed our friendship, but it was short-lived. I didn't attend the spring semester and never had his number. In the meantime, I met my 2nd bf. I went back to school for a 2nd fall semester, and we were friends again. It would turn out that my 2nd bf would dump me right before winter break, and that's when my husband and I hung out for the first time. He would have parties at his house and take me places, but we weren't "dating." I had a crush on him, and he liked me, but I wasn't ready for a 3rd bf yet. By the end of winter break, we had hung out every day and only kissed maybe twice. One day, he would drop me off at my job, and I wouldn't see him again for years. He told me the reason we lost touch is because I didn't answer his 1 phone call and never called him back(I was at work when he called), so he got it in his head that I didn't like him anymore. I thought he didn't like me anymore either because of the lack of contact. Fast forward a few months, and I met my 1st husband. My future would be a baby and marriage at 21, a few months of separation at 23, and a full separation at 25. Fast forward another year or 2, and he would message me out of nowhere. We hung out that night until 5am. Closed the bar and went to a 24-hour dinner. It's the one in Silver Lining Playbook for a fun fact. Anyways, we knew instantly that we would be married one day and that this was it. Both of us had thought about each other as our "What ifs" and held a candle for one another. I told him I wasn't going to cook or clean for him because I had been little miss suszy homemaker for my last husband, and well, let's just say, I had PTSD from that marriage. He said that was perfect for him because he loves doing those chores. I told him I can get clingy. He replied with he liked clingy. He told me that he can get angry but only for about 5 minutes, and then he calms down. I told him that I was used to anger for days, so I could definitely handle 5 minutes. After this date, we hung out every day, which would lead to moving in with me. We waited months to be intimate and for him to meet my son. And we've been together since. I will say, we had a year of problems where we separated in the same house (3 or 4 years ago), but ended up getting back together and are stronger than ever. We had a daughter and named her Hendrix in 17 and got married in 18. Life is a dream being married to my best friend. He's the best dad and husband a woman could ask for!
@@maddyfarraj-realtor Thank you very much for your wondeful love story, sister! I am so glad for your guardian angels and higher selves keeping those candles lit for each other in your hearts and listening to your hearts. : )
That only works if they both are being honest! Later you could find out he didn’t tell you everything.
This is why I tell guys straight up front that I don't want kids. I don't want to waste their time, or have my time wasted.
What _do_ you want?
This sentiment almost never lasts. 😂 It's normal for single women (especially in their 20s and early 30s) to not want children. The change can either occur with age, or in most cases you change your mind when you meet a man special enough to want to have HIS children. That's the way it's supposed to be. 😂 Almost no young woman wants kids FIRST and is just looking for seed. 😂😂
@@existentialhangover1124ngl that comment has incel vibes
@@existentialhangover1124 what are you talking about, heaps of women and men want children their entire lives.
Their healthy trait here was their self-awareness and honesty
And yet they still ignore it.
But then again, you shall not be that straightforward and tell everything about yourself to a complete STRANGER.
Any chore is once a week if youre lazy enough
People eat every day…
Truuue lmaoo
@@annab9994you’d be surprised at the level of squalor people can tolerate lol. Just have a sink full of dishes
@@annab9994 paper plates and freezer meals bby. Don't ever underestimate the level someone can drop to when they're depressed 😊
@@annab9994 reheating a frozen meal is barely a chore
I can not stop laughing!! "Any chance we could switch?! I love chores that only need to get done once a week!"
Once a week is being generous af. Oil is about 4 times a year, he's pressure washing once a year at best, and mowing the lawn is maybe every other week. Cooking and dishes alone are a daily task 😒
@AuntyNick. Whoa.
Pressure washing is fun. Dishes are not fun.
I'm cutting my grass 3-4 days a week from now to labor day, or else I get fines from the city
I spend more time cutting the grass than all my other chores combined
@jm5627 I don't know where you live but that's vastly different from where I live. I'm saying this as someone whose dad owns a landscaping business. He maintains hundreds of customers' yards and would never do it every 4 days unless it was a commercial job and he wanted to run up a fat invoice. It's completely unnecessary in our region
Wish people were this honest😂🤣
I am. It doesn’t go far. 😂
@@laurameloy275 Hahaha
@@laurameloy275 Me to honey... Me too...😂
Ditto 😆 I love being brutally honest with everyone.. it is natural selection so I only get the men that I actually want...and now my soulmate is exactly as I am 🔥🦄💖
@@Ivana-k5l Personnaly I am too honest too. By honest I mean that I show my whole personnality with my flaws (especially if I want to create a connection with someone) to the next person without hiding It. I hate the flirting phase where everyone is trying to show the best version of themselves so I prefer being honest from the start. And yeah, some guys dont like It🤣🤣🤣
We need more dates like these and more talks about everyone's toxic traits and shadow sides, instead of so much late blaming each other and victimisation.
12/10
Radical honesty man. It’s best to let people know who you are up front (good and bad) so that no time is wasted
I think it would be more realistic for him to say something like “OK so now I know why you’re picking a fight with me, and now I know why you lose interest. Those are good to know.” And then she could’ve said something more realistic like “OK well we can talk about chores and cutting grass and the cars, when we get to that point, but I think things should be shared equally.”
It would’ve been good to learn how to respond to these two personalities.
This should be a thing. Save a lot of heartache and misery.
I do this on dates and my friends think it’s weird I don’t just ‘get to know’ the person first. But imo, deep dive first, vibe later 🤷♀️
Lololol 😅😅deep dive. I don't blame you.
same im so comftorable every where i go
I’m super comfortable talking about the things I’ve learned and what I’m working on within myself, but this would be a total turn off. And she did start off with “let’s ruin things “she’s asking for an awkward conversation. And she just started dating this guy. It doesn’t make sense.
"Hey, any chance we could switch? I love chores that only need to get done once a week." YES.
This only works out because they are equally self aware. Equally.
As someone that's been both the 'internal' chores and the 'external' chores person including everything listed. I can confirm the internal housework takes much more cumulative time and is way less satisfying
The "once a week chores" thing is going to be such a strong argument for those doing the dishes every day 😂
And also mow the grass and fix things in the house. I like fix things in the house, I like to build Ikea furnitures, my husband has no clue how to do it. I painted the rooms, built the table, changed the toilet seat. It is fun for me actually, but we don't buy a furniture/wc seat every day, nor want to paint the rooms or so... And I also like mowing the grass I find relaxing (we don't have a garden, so no need to do it).
It's not a strong argument when one person works and the other doesn't
though, oil change and pressure wash the driveway are like, only a few times a year really.
Yes, exactly 💯
My exs jeep hit 125k miles and I worked on that damn thing every other week for 2 months. Legit spark plugs, breaks and calipers, passanger side knuckle, fule pump, rear sub frame, crank shaft sensor, ball joints all the way round. transmission and power stearing flush.
Hilarious because it’s true. I think what is so great is how the characters just casually drop these bombs and then the convo goes on like they are just discussing the latest Marvel film.
TBH, Marvel movies have started some pretty hot debates in my household!😅
That end line! Winner. They wonder why we are exhausted!
How tf is this toxic??? This is amazing! Brutal honesty about your character defects is amazing.
I mean, you are proponent of honesty, mutual respect, and communication! Looks fine to me!
This exercise requires quite a lot of self-awareness, which most toxic people have very little of. Wishful thinking, though :-)
The point here is that they're not toxic people.
There's a difference between toxic people and toxic traits.
@@susanmercurio1060 rephrasing to ”people who display unhealthy communication and behaviours”, to cover all cases
@d0v3Tai1you just described my bf in detail, as if you knew him... The worst part is that he thinks he's the greatest and wants to do a podcast/open a school (basically influence other people) to teach them "the right way" (basically to be like him).
Sometimes toxic people know they are toxic and don't care
No worries, you better earn enough to pay for a maid then 🤷🏼♀️
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥
Im loving this idea. I would lay out on the table... I mean why not. Nobody likes to waste their time let alone dating.
Yes men love to do the occasional chores and leave women with the everyday soul crushing chores. My husband has turned around we both clean two rooms per week next week we switch. Took me 20 years. Of course I do the rest of the house and cook but he does the dishes. I have it so much better I fear than the average wife. Do your share or deal with a resentful wife. A smart man knows the right choice.
Sometimes it is choosing acceptance over resentment and finding other solutions. We pay someone else to clean the house every 2 weeks. I cook, clean up, and load the dishwasher. (He knows how to feed himself if I don't feel like cooking and is appreciative when I cook.) Kitchen is mine. Laundry is also mine. Taking care of 2 cats is also mine. I take care of paying the bills...mostly auto pay. (All joint accounts). He takes care of landscaping, washing cars and misc. I take the cars in for the oil changes and arrange for home maintenance. I am retired. He is still working full time. This works for us.
After 22 yrs, mine decided to finally help out with dishes, but in his own way! I run the kitchen like a machine, dishes are done every evening so I wake up to a clean and tidy kitchen. Now that he's "helping" dishes are done every 3rd evening, so there's always dirty dishes in the sink!! It's driving me insane, how is this helping? I oftentimes need one or two of the dirty pots to cook the next meal, it's infuriating!
@@blueberriesrfine5538 My husband and I have nowhere near the same length of relationship as you and yours, but one thing that works for us is when there are dirty pots/pans I initially wanted to use I use it as an opportunity to get creative. Or sometimes I ask him to wash the one or two things I need to cook in exchange for cooking for him. I typically do chores while he's at work, so when we have off days sometimes we have things in the sink that I need for cooking so this way it takes a little bit of the mental burden off of me and makes it easier for me to cook. It's honestly such a small thing but I really appreciate him for it.
@@blueberriesrfine5538 Possibly weaponized incompetence. Then you'll stop asking right?
@@puggirl415my first thought too
F*cking BRILLIANT. That last line ... I'm with you, sister!!
If only two people could be that honest early in dating. Would save each other from wasting each others time. It will be up to each other to accept or let it go.😅❤❤
No one would tell you they’re a narcissist or an abuser sadly 😐😊
@evakurl No, they wouldn't. But they will show you which is even better. Sadly, a lot of us ignore the red flags in the beginning phase of dating. I'm speaking from experience.
Exactly. Once a week chores vs daily chores isn't an equal burden.
Starting arguments for no reason at all just because wanting a fight.
Oh my gosh Yes this one.
why not. you learn each others triggers
@@rue_777wut
I especially love "I love chores that only need to get done once a week"! Well done!!! 👏🏼🙌🏼👏🏼
I literally put in my dating profile that the world would be a better place if we were all just open and honest with our intentions from day 1. It would save a lot of time and feelings.
But men want to manipulate women
Ohhhh how important is to talk about "everything" from the beginning. ❤
My narcissistic ex and I always argued about the chores. He did 0, and his reasoning was that he’s ‘the man’ and he does all the driving whenever we needed to go places, looool. And when I was off of work because I was having our kids, of course he had another excuse which is he’s at work all day. When I say he did nothing, I mean not even lift his plate up from the table to bring it to the kitchen. Not even go to get himself a glass of water; he would blame me if he ever felt dehydrated. I’m there thinking, I’m doing everything to take care of our kids and home, I even don’t have time to take care of myself. And according to you, I have to remember that a healthy, grown man with 2 legs and 2 arms hasn’t drunk water today?
you had kids with him 🤷🏽♀️
Hysterical. I love Jimmy. Comedy is often the best way to hear the truth. He does it so well.💕
I actually changed chores for a month with my partner as a fun experiment she suggested.
We got to week 2 and gave up lol 😅
Both of us sucked at doing the new tasks, and she hated a couple of things so she gave up.
I sucked it up but deep down I freakin hated doing the cleaning around the house.
The only thing that remained from those times was that now I’m always the one cleaning the bathrooms because I’m a clean bathroom freak, so I insist in doing it. I go scorched earth on each bathroom once a week, bleach the entire thing, flood the bathroom, deep clean everything. That bathroom isn’t usable for a day due to the bleach smell, but hey, it sure is disinfected 😅
That's a nice idea!
Come to my house🤩
I like how they’re exchanging the information in a neutral and open minded way
Most first dates should be like this. ❤ Thank you 😊
That line of conversation actually seems to be a real time saver.
I absolutely love you!!! All your videos and shorts!! You are SPOT ON and you give me things to REALLY think about. ❤❤❤
That "swapping chores that only get done once a week" thing sounds promising!
I also love chores that gets done once a week
Tbh dealing with chores is easier than a person who stops being interested as soon as its reciprocated 😅
“Chores that only need to be done once a week” EXACTLY!!! Who they playin?? 🤣
"Always starts arguments just because "
if only everyone was that self aware. Most people don’t know their toxic traits or choose to ignore them
But for real. We should all come with disclaimers. 😂
She went deeply introspective and he revealed what chores he wouldn’t do. That’s not a very balanced airing of flaws.
Chores that only need to be done once a week!! That’s a scream‼️Good writing Jimmy‼️
I loved a comment here that said "they have toxic traits but they are not toxic people, because true toxic people lack self-awareness and can't really say their toxic traits"
This is fabulous! I wish everyone did this! 🎉
Yes I’d also love to just do the chores that need done once a week or month 😅
Tbf yeah
It's good to know what you're getting into
But also first dates aren't really the time to dump about your innermost flaws since there's no emotional connection formed yet
Ha ha. Chores once a week versus the daily grind, thankless chores.
People need to heal before dating. I’ve actually had someone do this and I was mortified
I love those less frequent chores too! 😂
I love this. You freaking ROCK!!!
The guys chores are once a week 🗑 and ladies (house slaves) chores are all the fucking time.
Men play around all they want,,,,,, and then then when they want a grown-up home life,
They hunt’ for the right lady that would make the BEST HOUSE SLAVE.
WOMEN WAKE UP, view your life like you’re watching a tv show.
Is your show funny, or boring, or all drama?
Does your character do the majority of the work load?
Does your character get the love and attention they need to thrive?
How does the other main character interact with your character?
Would you watch your TV show?
Is it time to change the channel, maybe?
Too many men in America think a grown-up home life is the relationship between them and their television.
And you, my fair lady, get to do everything else.
And the ladies lie to their friends and family about how happy she is, and what a wonderful guys she’s got.
When the guys do one nice thing, or something they said they would do,,,,,,,, (but it took them 2 or more years to start on it),
we ladies will share this story of the one nice thing he did or how he helped out (you know, raising his own kids, helping in the house he lives in),,, the ladies share these stories so their friends and family don’t think they’re STOOOOOPID stupid for being with than man.
Girls, find your worth, set amazing boundaries and don’t settle.
We’re worth it! ❤❤❤
This is how first dates should go! Air out that dirty laundry
Exactly 💯. Most of the first dates are like a job interview. Putting on your "Poker Face". 😅😂
The key takeaway here is to know yourself well enough to accept and acknowledge your own toxic traits.
It would be great if I only had to do chores once a week.
If only people actually were their real self when dating, it would prevent a lot of heart break and stress later down the line.
Once a week, and once or twice a year. Finally somebody said it besides me!
i need this so bad... like i cannot be acting anymore i've got some serious problems and would be SO GLAD to find someone with similar problems
Mr. Jimmy, why do ppl do that though? The whole super into you and when you return the interest, they get turned off? That seems so backwards, how does that habit and thoughts start?
People who are subconsciously matching a childhood relationship where they were not loved and accepted. To them it's a turn off if you are loving and accepting. The old daddy-issues stereotype who likes bad boys.
A number of reasons. Maybe it's simply an ego thing where they feel validated that they could "get" someone they feel attracted to to like them back but were never actually interested in the person.
Maybe they are attracted to emotionally distant people because that's how the dynamic was with their parents so they are primed to get overly affectionate and "earn" love because they feel that is normal but when the other person genuinely reciprocates those feeling sit feels unfamiliar and scary.
Maybe they are genuinely self loathing and feel a compulsion to show the other person they are worthy of love but get suspicious when the other person believes them (ties into that second one).
They also mentioned that sometimes they are just "in a fighting mood" so it's possible they have had relationships in the past where they mistook the emotional roller coasters of instability as passion, so they find a relationship where things aren't emotionally intense as "boring" or "not real love". They are more interested in the adrenaline of toxicity or emotional insecurity than in genuine intimacy.
Lots of reasons
people who get 'super into' others have a habit of craving affection because they never got said affection early in life. Deep down, they feel the reason for this lack of return of interest is because they are unlikeable. So when interest is returned, they think 'what, you actually like me??? but there's nothing to like about me except how badly I _want_ you to like me' and then get turned off, because they think you're stupid to be interested. It's kinda messed up and really sad
Oh no, I literally just did it the other day 😂 I just get overwhelmed when I’m being clearly overly put on a pedestal and then I start to give all the reasons why I don’t belong there. It’s too much pressure when people assume you to be better than you really are… it feels like lying to let them believe that
Can you do a video on some toxic traits and how to overcome them? Honestly. The seeking approval trait is a big one for many people with all the insecure attachment styles.
there's no easy fix for 'seeking approval'. It requires genuinely investing time and patience into yourself, finding hobbies and loving yourself- which can be pretty hard to do all alone. someone suitably detached from you but who will also push you towards healthy pursuits like a therapist will help for severe cases if people can't take the first step themselves.
How about a tgeraly? Because all problems come from your childhood, and need to dig in.
It takes a real deep sense of self to know all your toxic traits so well and then have the language to express it. Wish it was that easy. I’m all over up front honesty.
whats hard about it lol
you just tell them
At least you know all the red flags now. Positive development, I think. Also not normal but at least now you know. No need spend time and get to the point when she finally shows you she loses interest. Now you know from the beginning.
Clearly she has no idea about doing an oil change if she thinks it’s easier than loading a dishwasher.
Jimmy, this is a great vid! Luv it!
That would actually be a great idea!
Instead of:
amping up our expectations and impressions of each other to a point where disappointment is absolutely guaranteed
we'd find out, if our weaknesses are bearable for our counterpart: maybe they'd find it quite easy to deal with them.
This idea is absolutely genius for today's dating world!
Thanks for making me laugh 😂😂😂 I had a rough day😢
Toxic is: gaslighting, belittling, nitpicking, passive-aggressive, dodging responsibility, not communicating and avoiding.
This is just how every date between two openly autistic people go
We love clear honesty and communication “way too soon”
"I love chores that only need to get done once a week!"
Wife and I had that convo. She mowed the lawn ONCE, in our 30 years. She raked leaves...ONCE. She shoveled snow...ONCE. She weeded the landscape beds...ONCE.
She said..."I got dishes and all the inside work covered".
My husband and I are kind of like that, he takes the dogs out and scoops litter boxes, I do dog washing and haircuts nail grinding med management etc. I do daily dishes/vacuum and most of the laundry, he does the yard and cars.
“I love chores that only get done once a week.”
I wish I had had that statement handy when my brother got to do the outside stuff and I got stuck with the laundry for a family of 6…
Omg! 😂 Right? This is a good one.
Lol I love that everyone is focused on the guy admitting he’s a little bit lazy versus Herbing mentally abusive
Once a week? More like once a month 😂
“Pressuring wash the driveway” sent me. That never needs to be done, nevermind every week, but it is literally what you’ll find some of these men doing when they’re supposed to be cleaning to prepare for guests. It’s very much giving “emotionally and domestically absent father”
most toxic trait: when a woman wants you to magically read your mind and then do the thing that's in her mind
Maybe u have adhd
@@Yaddayaddagolol how is this an idicator of having ADHD
@@Yaddayaddago no one has ADD because it's not a real diagnosis.
@@annabethsmith-kingsley2079
But someone has minus?
@@Yaddayaddago what does that mean?
I Love this Jimmy !
"Can we swap, I love doing chores that only need doing once a week" lol
Last line was on par 😂❤
This remind me. I got to read that book about radical honesty.
What’s crazy about all this is people end up living alone and doing everything on their own anyway😂😂🤦♀️🤦♀️. Just a thought, along with so many other problems in relationships nowadays.
Yes true but at least you wouldnt have double the work
At this point in my life, even with a decent partner, that still sounds way better. Things get done on my own time, my way with no b*llsh*t way for someone else to insist on.
A guy that wants to take care of his home like mowing the lawn and the car, etc. that’s terrific! ❤
Especially if you don't have a car and garden... 😁
I just discovered you, and you are my new " Loving it" bunge watch! Yay! THANK YOU! ❤
Same thing happened to me
Pink shirt is the narcissist all the toxic traits she called out and hit the nail in the coffin when joking about loving to do chores once a week putting all the chores on the partner after swindling them to fall in love 😅
I do all those chores. Gotta say, I fucking hate doing the yard. I really really hate it. I do dishes more than daily, and I'd rather do that. I think it depends on your yard size, and your quality of mower. So maybe one day I can afford a lazy boy...sit on my butt ride around mower.
I do this all the time. You’d be surprised how many people run, but all the ones who stayed have been there for me for the long run, through thick and thin. So I’d recommend this personally. Not trying to waster anyone’s time
Well, there aren’t many of us left, Infamous; but the few of us still around absolutely love this!! Why waste 2-8years to find out who someone really is, when it’s so much easier to be honest and avoid all the miserable, resentment filled years? I’ve always been brutally honest about myself and my traits, in the very beginning and I ask people to do the same. I only have one life and I have no idea when it’s over. I’m trying to enjoy it, save time and skip over wasted years! I also completely see how it weeds out the fair weather friend types and you end up with quality people. Not to mention, it’s gotta be so fkn entertaining for you!! 😂 You’re a real gem, Infamous!! ❤
@@emilyjoeblow9755 Glad there are still like minded people😂 I’ve had too many people leave when they find out stuff about me when I open up later on in the relationship and I don’t think it’s fair to either of us. Also I’m at the point where I’m no longer ashamed about my trauma and issues and like to be open about it. I had a friend message me that she’s been able to start talking about her mental health because I’m always so honest about what I’m feeling and thinking. It’s refreshing to know people really know who you are and love you for that person and not a facade. Thanks for your kind comment. Having a hard day and this made me smile!^_^
Chores that only need to be done once a week!!!😂😂😂❤
I do my best to help with everything. Sometimes things fall behind. I try to keep up with the dishes and laundry to help out my wife and daughters but no one comes outside to help me 🤔
If this was a real thing I might actually consider dating again! I’m turning 29, single since 23 for medical reasons. I’m severely allergic to bullshit.
Lol this is so funny but I feel it.
I've never started for this reason. I'm nearly 25
Every time I started to consider a relationship...I see red flags and think to myself "wait a sec...maybe don't jump in here"
and it usually fell apart pretty soon after.
What're your toxic traits?
I mean honestly they just saved each other a bunch of time 😂