4 Tips for Overcoming Loneliness as an Older Woman
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- Опубліковано 5 вер 2024
- Loneliness can be a silent killer. A survey we took with Sixty and Me sisters revealed that over 75% have felt loneliness in their lives. The last two years have added to the isolation, uncertainty, and fear. At Sixty and Me we are always trying to help.
It is easy to make suggestions and offer encouragement but in this video, we offer 4 very specific things you can do to deal with loneliness. It is good to feel positive and good about the future, but in the fog of loneliness, we can't see the road ahead. Hopefully, these 4 ideas will help.
What do you find helps to combat loneliness and isolation in your life? How often do you make an effort to reach out to others? Would you say that there is a difference in the kind of loneliness felt by retirees and the younger generation?
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#4TipsforOvercomingLoneliness #SixtyAndMe
During my childhood my best friend was my dog. Now at 69, my best friend is my dog. I have come full circle. I enjoy my own company. Less stressful than most superficial relationships most people have. I have no interest in small talk. I like one on one relationships. I really dislike group activities. I have learned to love myself and do not need acknowledgement from others. Connection with people is important, however I connect deeply with nature which feeds my soul.
Could not have said better 👏 myself..At 7, my bestie was my dog who we rescued from abandonment
on roadside...Wish I could have a dog 🐕 today, but my plants are my new best friends...at age 70, but really don't miss people...
I’m with you 100% on everything except - you have learned to love yourself. I’m not ready to say that yet, unfortunately.
I think we forget that for a majority being social is important throughout life because the hive and its social buzz distracts people from deeper existential issues that cause anxiety. But this is not the case for all. Cerebral people with an intellectual penchant love their own company and to hear themselves think about...those existential issues. During younger years that's a luxury.
I just turned 51 and I'm still busy raising teens but I don't have a large social network and I see those days coming...
Yes, it's funny how we come full circle in our lives. I just shake my head in amazement at myself. After an ambitious life of wanting to do better I am back to where I started. I'm 72 years young.
I'm 71 and I'm so lonely on my own. Some days are so hard. The worst thing is the Anxiety.
I live alone with my horses, dogs,cat,chickens. Living alone is not being lonely. It’s the best time of my life. Never been happier. Did a beautiful garden which helps feed my animals. No more daily focus on what I look like. How I act, who I need to impress in the business world. Life is now a happy, peaceful, fulfilling daily party. Thank God I woke up to what’s real and happy and full of life’s true fulfillment.
Good keep on
Some of the loneliest people I know are married
Agreed. I'm far less lonely alone.
@@dianaevans6725 After 37 years! Was it all that bad?
@@shamalama29 I'm at 44 years, and yest it can be that bad!
@@PB-dq9gi I always wonder how bad did it get for you too leave after 44yrs. Any regrets? Any desire to do it again? Marriage?
@@shamalama29 I haven't left due to financial inability. But my daughters believe I should have left many decades ago. My religious beliefs at the time, being home with four children, two adopted with extreme special needs, a lack of marketable skills, depression and low self-esteem kept me in my marriage all these years. There is no physical abuse, just financial neglect and abuse, and emotional and spiritual abuse, I realize now. I wish I knew and believed about myself and life 44 years ago, what I know and believe now, but we can't change the past. As a young woman, I thought I was making the best decision for my life at the time. We have no way of predicting the future.
Yes I agree 👍 The worst thing is to be with someone and yet are so lonely.
I feel the same and don't really understand why 😢
It’s partly your outlook, if you are up to speed on what others are doing and share yourself and your feelings or reminisce about the old days or have someone with a similar mindset it helps.
Thank you Margaret! Wonderful tips. When I’m feeling sorry for myself, I prepare soup or something to leave at someone’s door that isn’t feeling well. I took a walk yesterday and I wore a bright pink jacket. A group of teenage girls slowed down their car and complimented my outfit! It made me feel so good! Small things like this can really lift your spirits.
That is such a simple and fun change s you tried out something .You go and try out new ideas and see how much it means to others .Po
Hello how are you doing?
Hi friend, how're you doing?
When I was young, maybe 20’s, from a bus I saw an elderly lady walking down the street with her gorgeous long gray hair swept up with a giant green bow. I thought I want to be that awesome lady some day. I’ll never forget her. I’m not her now, in fact, but I still want to be. All the ❤️ for your pink jacket, you totally rock 😃
Indeed. We, women of the same generation can use Margaret's advice.
Sometime last year, while shopping at Walmart, standing in line, waiting to check out my grocery, in front of me was a woman, about the same age too, neatly dressed, was in the process to have her items checked out. After her grocery was all checked out, she then carefully wrote a check and turned her head to me and said, she was sorry it took long. I was surprised and responded, not at all, and asked her where she got her sturdy and nice looking pair of sneakers and this woman mentioned a town about 75 miles north from this Walmart. After a brief chat, she then moved on out of the store.
Well...if she was like me at all, she was alone, did not seem too lonely, was kind of independent, and did not mind to talk to strangers.
I am in my 60’s, live alone, divorced 15 yrs. Haven’t dated in 3 yrs. An introvert by nature, liked being alone, but now have to admit for several years now have felt lonely. My good friends all live hours away, I have family and grandchildren close enough to be part of their lives from time to time, but sooooo much time alone, esp during Covid feeling isolated and frequently feelings of being abandoned. Everyone has their own lives. Also am about 75lbs over weight, the last 25, thanks to Covid. Way too much time spent inside these last few years feeling sorry for myself.
After a meltdown the other night realizing ALL of my friends, have someone. All of my social circle have someone, and it looks like it’s time to face the reality, I probably going to spend the rest of my life alone 😞.
Point of the story….I know one of the reasons I stay home a lot is because I am not happy about the way I look. So I spent some money and bought some new, more stylish, pretty, spring cloths! So even though I am overweight, I am getting dressed in my pretty new cloths and going out! To the library, walk thru the mall and the stores, and I’m even going to have coffee or lunch myself out somewhere. I made a list of places to go in all of the small towns around the town I live in! Might be alone, but…as you wisely said, Margaret….”this is my new reality” and I have to figure out how to be as happy as I can in it!!!! I have also started volunteering at local animal shelter and food bank.
This was a great video! Lots of ideas! Good luck to all of you other ladies going thru the same struggles!!! It’s hard, I know! ❤️😀
@ Miss Kitty your post really resonated with me. Thank you.
@miss kitty if u have family and grandkids u aren’t alone. Alone is when you family members have died & u have no children.
Sounds like u have good health to get out & do stuff. Some people don’t & cant.
Good for u buying new clothes. Instead of beating yourself up for your weight. You are gonna be fine!!
@@Elodie830
Unfortunately there are families who aren’t close and I know of adult children who take advantage of elderly parents, including my own. That just adds to your insecurity and sense of loneliness.
Good for you taking positive actions for yourself! Thanks for the ideas!
Stay strong💕
I just love your channel. You are beautiful inside and out. I will be 80 soon and lost my husband nearly 2 years ago after 58 years. No family interested. All dear friends died. I can’t walk on my own and my garden was my joy. I’m a solitary person who loved reading and writing but also enjoyed company of a really good friend. Will see if there is a channel to make a friend. I live in the country and love nature. Thank you 🥰
I live in Yokohama, Japan. Have been here for 36 years, originally from the Detroit area I also love nature & country side. E-mail me at any time! 💖💙💜💛💚🐧
@@michelekobayashi890 Hi Michele, I just saw your reply to Carol King 5 months ago. It was very kind of you to respond to her. I currently live in the Boston area, but I had worked at Dow in Midland during one summer at college. I came to Boston last year, and I’ll be moving to a house about 20 minutes outside the city in October; it has been one change after another. The reason for the house is to have a little yard, but it’s not a typical thing for a 64-year old to do. I thought we might have some commonality in loving nature. ~Dorothy
@Dorothy T.
U r so lucky to have secured a place of ur own!
I would love to have my own lil garden.
No need nowadays most of the people are central gossips.
@@michelekobayashi890ic
Your comentary is valuable to us older men also. I am 83 and live with my dog. My wife of over 40 years is in a dementia care facility. Thanks for your thinking.
Love yourself and then you will never ever be lonely. I promise.
Summary
Take control:
1) Acknowledge your feelings and that you have a problem
2) Shift your focus. Look ahead rather than back.
3) Do things you love.
4) Give back. Volunteer.
Thank you 😊
I am 82 years old...just moved to my country after 40 years in US. My nuclear family is abroad...of course I feel lonely...I had been here with a woman help...in a big house, big yard...I focus myself in gardening, my first love... my daily gardening keeps me fit...I am eating my own fresh vegetables, my orchids are blooming. Old friends and new ones bring me seedlings...grown ornamental plants; give them back with my okra, beans, tomatoes...I miss my family! But weekly video calls, updates, satisfy me. I am not lonely anymore.
I read a lot; 😄 scared of large bodies of water-travel by car and air which is so expensive now. I am an arm chair traveler . I listen to my favorite music...have doctor visits for check up...I am not lonely anymore...thank you for your article...❤🌹❤😄
Absolutely.
You tube videos…..ha!
Great advice !! :)
If I knew someone who would be a truly good partner in life that I could trust and would bring something positive into a committed relationship I would be with him. But, I also knew once single to learn to enjoy the plus side of that. I like my independence and freedom and am good with my own company. I like my time being social, but really enjoy my times alone afterwards when I need a break from socializing to recharge my batteries and do self care or what I want with my free time.
Margaret, I've felt that way for a long time. My son lives in the apartment downstairs with his gf and three year-old son. But, I still feel that they have each other; they are the "family unit". Very often, I feel like I have no real purpose in life anymore. When I lost my husband, I was in my early forties, so I had plenty of opportunity to start over. But, I made mistakes, and now, I'm too old to start over. I wouldn't be alone if I'd made better choices earlier on. There's no easy answer, really. I'm an introvert, but, I need love and affection..there is none. My grandson brings me joy; however, it's also tiring. I'm grateful for the blessings. I just feel that void most all the time. Thanks for sharing such a relevant topic and all your understanding and advice. Stay safe and well. Rosemarie 💖
Rosey C, I always enjoy your input. You add much to this group. Keep it coming. You are special. Judy South Carolina
I feel your pain. I'm in the same boat as you I'm battling two cancers and hopefully I'll be better soon but I have lost my confidence and don't go out now, my lovely son takes me out once a week on his day off, but he do live near it's an hour away I just turned 84 xx
I read your reply. Why do you think you are too old? I'm 70 and don't think we should give up. We can only go forward, and it's best to do it with friends. You seem like a very nice person.. ❤️
God is with you always. I've learned this especially through Covid when I felt alone, I took time to get to know God better. Now I love knowing He is with me always and I rarely feel alone. I talk to Him. He never lets me down. I hope you might find Him too!
I know how you feel. I'm 63 and have never been married or had a family or anything and I don't live anywhere near by relatives. It's not too late. You could start over any day you want.
Hello Margaret, I retired and moved to a new, very tiny town just as covid hit in early 2020. I am a super social person, so it had all the opportunities for being lonely, but I remembered something I heard from a 4-H leader as a young teenager when I lived in a very rural desolate area... "To have friends, you have to be a friend." She encouraged us to initiate conversations and to suggest get-togethers... and she got me into having penpals. I ended up with so many penpals that everyday, I'd get an 8" rubberbanded stack on mail in our rural mailbox. I'd sit at the end of our long driveway, waiting for our mailman to arrive to take away the letters I wrote the night before and giving me a new stack of letters each day! That has converted into regular text conversations with friends. We share recipes, craft and gardening ideas and intimate conversations trying to help each other with family or medical issues. Thank goodness covid seems to be subsiding and I plan to get out and volunteer in my beautiful new tiny community. I love your videos and have learned SO much from you! You are a beautiful lady... inside and out!!!
@@franklinstephen3268 I'm great. I hope all is good with you, too!
How did you get into having Pen Pals?
@@rhondajones6219
That’s what I was wondering. It wasn’t explained!
Nice to read your text..but ., being alone is a gift just enjoy.
I remember,after my divorce, the first time I went to the show by myself. I was sixty eight. It did feel weird. Now, I'm used to it. If there is a movie I want to see, I go. Then I go to dinner, so I don't have to come home and cook. I go to the gym twice a week. I take sewing classes, which I love. I go thrifting. I joined a knitting group, through church. I volunteer occasionally at a Christian re-sale shop. I do go to these places by myself, but I've met some nice people along the way. I just kept making myself go out. I 'm more used to it now. These people don't have to be my best friend. I'm still not crazy about going out to eat by myself, but if that's my biggest problem, then I am blessed.
Here in Canada, the covid lockdowns have caused so much trauma for seniors. Everything was shut down for months and months; we couldn't even visit with one another in the seniors building I live in. Everyone was confined to their apartment unless we needed to go out for shopping, mail, laundry or take out the garbage. I enjoy my own company and doing a variety of crafts, but, isolation has taken its toil on me too. Looking forward to Spring so I can be outside again. Hugs to all of you. Miriam
Hello. This is the first time I’ve seen this video. I am 90+years of age and have scoliosis ,which has left me unable to do so many of the things I have always done,like dancing,skating, skiing ,biking This is very depressing. I spend most of my time doing exercises to relieve the damage of scoliosis. However I am getting an apartment size piano which I can play at my own time which will help with my degree of loneliness. Plus going for lessons once a month will give me contact with another human. This is my treatment to my level of loneliness. Thank you. LK from Canada 😊
Sending love and hugs to you, Lucille! ❤️
The good thing about loneliness is that it comes and goes...like happiness...getting out into nature or joining a meetup may help...going to the sea always makes me happy...
So agree!! To me there is something primal, healing and deeply fulfilling about wave action on sand! Especially when lit by sunshine- its like a life oven for me. One of my most cherished blessings is living near Ca coast and being able to visit the sea. I’ve spent many many hours alone on beaches and never felt lonely- regretful sometimes that I was not sharing, but joyous in the moment!! Only problem is peeling myself away to go home all sun-drunk since I’m so utterly at peace!!
I’m an empty nester and my husband travels for business. I work from home, so spend a lot of time on my own with my pets. I walk our dog every morning to start my day. My kids live in another city and I’m an introvert as well. I definitely feel lonely, but try my best to put one foot in front of the other everyday. Thank you for this. I appreciate your encouragement ❤
You are doing well, keep it up, read about Lorraine, she has filled her life with going to the gym, sewing lessons, etc... all the information is up here.
I'm just trying to find my "new" purpose in life. My entire family has passed away. My sons don't really bother with me, they don't live nearby, they have their own families and are doing that. My best friends that I grew up with since a small child have passed. Ouch. If I weren't me I wouldn't believe it. I am good alone most of the time. It is the holidays that get to me. Everyone is doing something with family and such. But I have none. I still work, so at least I am getting out of the house. I also picked up my crochet and knitting again which gives me peace and satisfaction. It was very difficult to come out under the depression and grief I was in after all the deaths and the estrangement of my kids. So I am just trying to meet the new "me" and figure out what she is about. That you for the video. They are very good tips.
Hi Jill, I hope you don't think this is a stupid idea, but as I was reading your message I thought about other women (and men) who must be in the same situation at holiday times. What about starting a supper club sort of thing where singletons meet at a restaurant for dinner? I know that used to be a fashionable thing to do. Naturally COVID would have put an end to that, but things maybe getting brighter now. If you live in an apartment type situation perhaps you could ask around to gauge if anyone else is on their own and would like to go out for lunch or dinner on Christmas Eve/ Day, New Year's or similar. Something I have had to come to terms with is that maybe I won't be able to celebrate with family/friends if they have other arrangements on the main holiday, but I can still get the Christmas feeling on Dec 24th or 26th. Many times we may be unaware that others are suffering in silence and would just love to have the opportunity to get dressed up and go out, but they are too "shy" to make the first move. And remember it is just a meal, not an invitation to a lifetime commitment.
Hi, Jill, I am in the same boat. I find it difficult to make friends because of depression and being an introvert with low self confidence. A couple of nice ladies tried to chat me up at a Walmart and I was so happy they did, but fear takes over and I get scared and fail to make a connection. I’ve had a great deal of scarring experiences throughout life and I feel like I’ve closed shop and shuttered the windows. But please do know there are others who feel the way you do. Compassion is at a low ebb in our world today. I wish I could be the kind of friend who walks in when the rest of the world walks out. If more people could have this goal the world would be a kinder place to be. I’m sending a hug 🤗
@@user-pw2dq4lf2p That’s a great idea.
I live alone with my cat. I am 72, my adult children are busy bringing their children up. I have learnt to say " no" when grandchildren children sitting gets overwhelming.
My pet, keeps me company. As I can drive, I go out when or if I want to.
I am grateful for my independence , but I do reach out if I need help. No lack of people to have a short chat as I like gardening and enjoy it. People walking their dog/ dogs, stop and chat.
If I feel lonely, I acknowledge it and complete unfinished projects around the home.
Thank you for your UA-cam videos. I still have a number of close friends my age, and we share whenever we speak. That puts things into perspective for me.
I enjoy reading what others write and empathise with them, whatever is written. ❤❤❤
Oh nice. Go for penpals. ,please.
But many of the text were reflecting my thoughts
❤
The knots prayer- dear God please untie the knots that are in my mind my heart and my life... remove the Have nots, the can nots and the do nots that I have in my mind... erase the will nots, may nots, might nots that may find a home in my heart... Release me from the could nots, would nots, and the should nots, that obstruct my life and most of all dear God I ask that you remove from my mind, my heart, and my life, all of the am knots that I have allowed to hold me back, especially the thought that I am not good enough... amen
This is genius...would you mind if I share your prayer?
@@brendarichardson8562 I hope that you would ,thank you
Love this!
I arrived at your channel by chance but was curious what 60+ women had to say about loneliness and it’s not so different for me as a 60 year old widowed man. Thank you for your gentle way of saying that there are no easy universal answers, but always possibilities
Well if you're looking for a woman this would probably be the place to find one❤
I enjoy living alone, being independent and in control of my own space. I am not lonely because I live alone. I feel lonely when I need help and nobody cares. Not even the people who I have helped often at my own expense. I avoid asking for help as much as possible, because I know how irritated people get when they have to do something that doesn't benefit them in some way.
Iam with you. Hugs and kisses. Take care and love yourself. TUTTI
I can relate to you. Keep your courage & strength & faith because you are strong person. More importantly, continue to do what you love. God bless you.🙏🏽
I feel you. 💕👍🏻
@@rosiejuarez7547 🤗❤️
@@chriskozak4966 🤗❤️
I love that you address the real world problems women of this age struggle with.Most channels on you tube do beauty and fitness. Some issues I would like to see are menopause, late stage divorce, grands, adult children, urinary incontinance, planter fasciitis, osteoporosis, supplements,fitness,eating right,and other topics mature women deal with at this stage in life.PS- and sagging skin,loss of collagen, natural remedies ❤️
@@Lara-dq7yb thanks Lara! I will check it out.
Life is lived one day at a time! We all deal with things, man or woman. We aren’t what we used to be. Turn-it loose and live!
Hi Nan we have written about many of those subjects on 60 and me. If you go to the website or here on you tube and look at the search bar on the top right hand side typing any search, term and I think you’ll find quite a bit. But you’ve given us a lot of good ideas. Thank you very much.
@@sixtyandme I've been going through your videos on estrangement and the links to others speaking out on this subject. I'm shocked to learn how prevalent this is in our world today. I've learned a lot, especially from the comments of others. Thank you for pointing me in the right direction.
You can be lonely living in a relationship with the wrong person x
Yes Loreaine. True. The trick is to steer clear of the wrong types.
Yes,my neighbour is treated like a dog by her controlling,dominating husband.I would rather be on my own than live with that.I notice at School for Seniors ,a lot of the husbands are like this.They never have a good thing to say about anything,know everything,and treat their wives as their personal slave.
@@fionaforward3358 That is just so appalling! Where DID those ladies find those types!
Agree the solution is to have a best friend, I had one who passed away unfortunately could never replace. She had the joy of life, was a dear friend, loved to cook, shop, travel, a good listener.... was a huge spender, I tried to help her manage her finances, a huge loss.
Idk about others but when I’m feeling lonely, ironically I don’t even want to be around people. I guess it’s depression. Depression is very hard to overcome. You know what U ‘should’ do but u are feeling bummed out. That’s why zoom classes are my way to go. Good tips here, thanks!
I have never been on a live such as this. I feel warm listening and reading all at once about people who are just like me.❤️
Just getting out of the house helps! Sit in the garden, neighbors will.stop and visit! I call nieces and nepbews whose parents have passed, they love to chat me up and I love keeping in touch. It's so easy to isolate when you enjoy time to yourself, I have to force myself to go out sometimes, I want to keep my mind current!
I would rather be alone than in a bad relationship. I have pets and adult children that live close by and I have a great relationship with them. The pandemic took its toll in friends but that is life. I have a home and yard that keep me busy, too. I am content!!!
Did I just write that? LOL Time spent in nature and/or with pets is always delightful. It is always a special treat when the local does, visit my front garden and peer in the front window with their babies! Dealing with people can often be a challenge for one reason or another, small doses work better for me.
Ana and Rhea I too have a very similar life . Have a doodle dog , home , love to read, gardening passion, teaching myself to knit. 30 years divorced with children and grandchildren living close by with good relationships. If loneliness rears its head I walk my needy doodle and connect with my neighbors. Overall, I count my blessings and find contentment in my life. Reflection on the past to be better in the present is helpful too. I am also a survivor of domestic abuse so I am thankful to be content.
Its great to hear, you sound like you have a beautiful balanced life...
I’ve been very lonely at times in my life. I discovered that getting outside of my comfort zone, including the way I thought about who I was and “the way things are” helped to shift life for me. I went to a concert and stood in the middle of crowded lobby looking around as if I was waiting for someone so so that I wouldn’t feel strange. Just for the exercise. I tried doing what my funny mother did - She would wave across a crowded room at “nobody” as if she had a friend there and always seemed to be having the time of her life. I sat on my couch and cried. Emotions come and go in 90 seconds and sometimes it is good to let them come up and out so you don’t “stuff” them. I stopped telling myself that “I can’t”, or “I don’t like to” and just accepted invitations, tried new restaurants (yes, alone), listened to different music, watched movies outside of the norm, read different books, walked different neighborhoods, drove home a different way, just got out of my rut. Those things helped me. I am not currently lonely, but lonely can come and go in life so I hope I am prepared if it come for a visit again. Love and all the best to everyone out there enduring loneliness right now.
Thank you for your post Barbie. It gave me some good ideas how to fight back my loneliness. I felt good after reading it. I have no reason to be lonely…it just happens. Sending love and appreciation.
Thank you barbie, I love your ideas!
Barbie c ...I love your post and your great ideas ..💓
I ask, what was your expectation about life? Sometime in my life, I have chased the wrong rainbow!😮
Thank you Barbie! Such an inspiration!! Wonderful! Hope you’re well!! Thank you for sharing!! All the best to you! 😊🙏
I am a solitairy person and choose to live and to be alone and on my own, I love my freedom and my solitude.There is a big difference between solitude and loneliness. I love myself and own company❤❤
I've never made a new friend at the gym and my coworkers never wanted to do activities outside of the office. When I retire in two years, I plan to spend time at the community center. Also, I love hiking and photography. I was thinking of creating a Meet-up group to combine both and meet once a month at a local park to take photos and chat.
I hope you start that meetup it sound wonderful!
I never really did make a friend at the gym, only aquaintances. One person there in her 70's commented to me that "most people have too many problems in her point of view" I havent been back there in 2 yrs and I know Im not missing much!
Wow, out of all the people here on this earth, it's funny to read a comment that sounds just like me.
Good luck at the Community Center, ' not my cup of tea,' so many better things to spend one's time on than that. Gave up the Senior Center AKA The Take Off Lounge, and don't miss it a bit. Plenty of Days Out, picnics, playing the piano, books to read, places to explore, new skills to learn and nature to enjoy.
Have you started the meet-up group yet?
The issue for me while living alone is what to do if I become incapacitated or demented. I am in the process of getting a plan should anything happen to me and i can't function. I have two cousins in different senior facilities, both nice, places, good food, etc. but the Covid lockdown isolated them such that they both lost a lot of their sharpness and precipitated a recognizable decline. I don't want that. I'd like to stay in my home for as long as possible and am working on that now. With God's grace, I can face a solid future. He is already there.
Timely video as tears well up. I’m a youthful 69 year old living alone in rural Canada,although I love “living” alone I am lonely. I will take your advice for sure. Thank you !
Hi
Hi alexandra where in rural Canada do you live? I lived in Montreal for 28 years and frankly I loved it in my youth, when my son was young, we had another foster son that a friend of mine asked me to take care of since she was dying. I found life hard but very pleasant, we lived in the suburbs,the big mistake I did was move to a fancy town which was high end, the biggest mistake I made....
My son and grandson live 2 1/2 hrs away. I visit them monthly. Thankfully I’m still working so that fills my time and I have great coworkers. I also attend a Bible study weekly via zoom and In person church. On weekends when I’m not visiting my son, there are tons of house chores plus I try to meet a friend or other relatives for lunch/dinner.
As a new widow I really appreciated your comments. You seem so kind which made me feel better about my situation.
I am in the same boat😢
Thank you for your kind manner, understai and down to earth suggestions.
Serving others in even small ways really helps.
Yes. I'm in my 60s and still work full-time. May ease up a little next year. I work in retail and no one wants those jobs any more because the pay won't cover young peoples' huge student loan payments. So there are a lot of job opportunities out there and you can interact with both coworkers and customers. And yes, many are jerks but that makes it all the better when you get home to your empty house!!
Thank you for this video. The most difficult thing for me is not only the loneliness but the abandonment that I feel. I don’t understand how I am in this situation. I know that I can’t keep going this way and that I must change things for myself. I don’t have the energy sometimes. I used to volunteer for Hospice but with the pandemic everything has changed making things even worse. Thanks for this relevant conversation. 🙏🏻
I can relate to what you wrote. I don't understand the coldness from (some) family and friends.
@@AnnMitt yes I too understand. I gave what I thought was my all to my work and my family and it’s like I don’t exist. I don’t ordinarily speak up but this topic just hit home for me today. Thanks for your thoughtfulness. 🙏🏻
I feel abandoned at times. It's a hard feeling to deal with, not much you can do about it. I just say to myself that I have the right to be happy too, and if nobody cares about me, well I certainly care about myself. When I was going through the deepest of my grief and depression, a counselor told me to treat myself as if I was in intensive care and I was also the head nurse of myself. She said make sure I eat, take my meds, get my rest, and get fresh air and exercise because I am my own charge. I kind of ran with that. But I know it isn't easy.
@@jillsmith633 Thank you Jill for your kind comments. Yes I try to take care of myself-if not I no one. I think the pandemic has also played a part in my loneliness. Now that things seem to be getting better I hope to get out more. What I love about UA-cam is the lovely hearts of most of the women here. Take care 🙏🏻😊
@Jill Smith what great advice 💕
I get through my loneliness by watching you, Margaret! Thanks for sharing! 😍🙏🤩
Great topic, tips & advice. I believe that we can’t escape loneliness in this life, it is part of it. We can just like what Margaret said, shift our mind focus to something better & greater that we love to do. Accepting loneliness & not getting stuck with it is a pathway to a happy life. Thanks for sharing, well appreciated. Blessings to all!🙏🏽
Very insightful perspective. Love your viewpoint!!!
@@sandrauptonhouston7248 thank you so much for your positive comment, all is well, be healthy & safe. Enjoy life to the fullest 🌺
I have been divorced for 34 years. I have been in a few relationships since then but have not dated in 10 years. I am a loner, need alone time, but I have definitely been isolated as a senior caregiver in private homes for the past 16 years. Very isolated. Facebook and UA-cam are my social outlet. Over the next several months, I am having both of my hips replaced so I will have downtime to reassess, redirect, and repurpose my life. I do so look forward to your lovely and informative videos Margaret.
I wish you well and send you thoughts of strength. I need knee replacements but putting it off as long as I can. Keep positive thoughts and that will help you heal.
Hi Susan, how're you doing?
Hello Susan 👋
Susan, have you had your hip replacement surgery? All the best for your recovery.
Being busy and being lonely are two completely different things. You can be busy all the time and still be lonely as hell. The problem is that no one has time for us. They have families, jobs, friends, blahblahblah, and no time for us. They don't realize that time is ticking for us, and someday when they wish we were here to see, we'll be gone.......
You are so right. Time is ticking.
@@markrichard1528 I'm doing well. And you?
@@markrichard1528 Have a nice day.
I agree amen 😢
Yes yes and yes.
I do get lonely and then don't think about it too much! We all get lonely at times whether you're in a relationship or not.
I get out and about such as going for a swim, chatting to strangers when walking which is most days, and cycling to refresh my brain😊
I'm about to buy a new, lighter bike for my adventures.
I made a friend in a language class many years ago, we meet regularly.
I keep in touch with family and friends, inviting them out , whether it's walking or tea and cake in a nice setting in a different area.
Happy to dog sit for my daughter.
Lovely to re-live my day when back indoors!
When I was 70 I moved to a New town Where I knew noone.
I love outdoor swimming, so I went down to the nearby beach one morning. Two ladies were swimming and then having breakfast. I avsked if I Could join then and since then we swim and. Have breakfast together most mosnings. It is a wonderful way to start the day. More women have joined out group and sometimes we are 7 or 8. And since it is an outdoor aktivitet we have been meeting all the time during the pandemic. So goodbye loneliness!
Yes. That is a motivation for my staying single. When we were 20, a former classmate became engaged and said "I'll never be lonely again," and I felt very sorry for her.
7:17
I'm so alone now at age 68 grown kids moved away not interested in the old woman that is alone with a few cats and that is all very sad especially when you don't see it coming
I live alone and love it ❤️ I call it solitude 🥰❤️💜
Me too, I answer to nobody, do as I please. I love it.
Mind you, I've never been the needy type
Jennifer. Solitude is good. It is chosen. Loneliness is something else entirely.
I love it as well Jennifer.....the freedom of not having to have dinner ready at a certain time, I eat when I want, go to bed when I want, read as late as I want😄
I am 76 and love living alone children visit often but I refuse to move in with them❤
Margaret 🧡
I hope you had a wonderful trip.
I think this is such an important subject. I actually reach out to women that live alone and we walk and I read to older women and I also suggest different ways they can volunteer. My point, it takes one interaction with love and kindness to make someone not feel lonely. You can reach out and it fills your spirit as well.
Loved this Margaret. To anyone alone I am giving you a huge hug!! I see you and I encourage you, life is not over! Get out there and find your joy!!Blessings 🙌🏻🍑🧡Lisa
Hi , how're you doing?
When I divorced my abusive husband, I never realized I was divorcing his entire family (which was huge) including his grown daughters and their children (my grandchildren). He turned them all against me. At the same time the last of my family died. So in just over 5 years I lost both sides of my family. To say it's an adjustment is an understatement. If you have always been alone, you are used to it. A dramatic shift like this has been very difficult. And don't even get me started on thinking about when my health fails...
I hear you and believe me you dont get use to it . If you happen to get a small window of time where you realize what you are missing then it is ripped away again. It just sits in your soul and hurts like hell. Not even talking about a mate. It could be just having some friends . My family well.. forget it.. much like your situation and my health has started to fail and I have not got the life force to fight . Scared to death of what lies ahead if I cant turn. This around .
Take up a hobby or talk and make new friends, even over the internet.
I understand you. I lost many of our friends and much of his family after I got divorced. He was an excellent manipulator. He has remarried and lives in Europe and I hope he stays there.
I’m at a crossroads now at 63, will go back to work after my knee replacement. I can’t walk and I’m putting on weight. And I’ve stopped looking for a partner, due to private reasons. It can only get better from here. I wish you well❤
Happened to me. I still have 2 sons. The youngest one helps me a lot but the other lives away. We help each other.
I feel communication with your family other than an abusive husband, which I feel
is really sad, to be stuck with, but could you not discuss things with the rest of the family? It sounds like he was more convincing about how bad you were to actually have the family disown you.. I cannot imagine anyone siding with the part of the family that is abusive...
For me… I’ve done all of the groups & meet ups & crafts & just abt everything one can do. What I’ve found is… I need male attention & so I’m dating now after over a decade alone. It’s helped a lot. I believe many peeps are afraid to admit the truth of that. God forbid we are needy but… yes… I was crumbling without it. And yes I love myself dearly‼️✅
I am 73 and have just adopted a large dog from Italy. She is probably around 6 or 7 so perfect. There are many older dogs that need a home. She makes me go out everyday and walk her and everyone loves her so I meet so many more people because it breaks the ice. A senior dog is the most beautiful creature in the world to alleviate loneliness. They just love you.
You have a beautiful heart
I was with 2 close friends over the weekend and we talked at length about this… I had said that acknowledging the pain of our loneliness is the start .. thank you for all your wonderful talks 🙏
Add variety to your life as much as you can.
This is so timely. I retired just as covid hit. Personal circumstances caused a financial problem as well. Usually I am fine but sometimes can be overwhelmed with loneliness. I cannot always join in as I cannot afford to.
Know what you mean.......
Exactly. Everyone talks of meeting people by taking courses and cruises, and travel, and clubs etc. That all costs money!
MeetUp groups have a nominal fee
Churches are free
@@MichelleKennedy-sd5yl There are those of us that have to work every Sunday. I used to belong to a womens church group that met mid week but since lockdown, they disbanded. A lot of businesses run 7 days a week now and many of us are shift workers. We do not have the ability to say I want Sundays off without being downgraded to 'restricted' which effects our employment status.
Once again, excellent advice given in a heartfelt way. ❤️🙏
Thank you for giving ideas regarding loneliness. Sometimes I don't even realize that's how I am feeling
I like being alone, but I’d like to meet up with a friend every now and then, or take some classes with othe4 people.
I have to be honest, my first marriage lasted 10 years, my second 20 years. Only then, I realised, it was the first time I was alone…but also, for the first time, I didn’t feel lonely + 26 years on I’m still alone, by choice, after turning down a few opportunities.😉
Now retired from a fulfilling career, I love every breathing moment of my life. People often pass comment that I look glamorous…+ yes I do…but it’s not to please a husband,partner or any admirer…it’s entirely for me alone because I’m worth it! 😉
Never let anyone ever make you feel…less than you are.💕🥰
Thank you so much! Today has been a day of awakening on many fronts. This is the first day I have ever watched you. I know that loneliness. Recently, the feeling has been crushing. You have shown that it doesn't have to be. God Bless.
Margaret..you are a blessing bringing up this subject..which NO one really wants to talk about.
I have been married for over 30 years, I don’t even know my husband anymore.
I am going throughCancer treatment…radiation right now, feeling fatigued..difficult swallowing..he is NO help..
When I talk with my family, I am a different person..I feel loved with my family..unconditionally..
I believe what you are saying..you are a blessing..♥️♥️🤗🤗🌞🌞
Annie, I feel you pain with NOT knowing your husband … you are so brave … I love you!
@@Navl92264 thank you for your beautiful comment..we women need to stay STRONG always.. Love you Nancy..🤗💕
Annie, I know how frustrating can be with your situation. You have your family. Take care of yourself!
To the first comment I read, some loneliest people are married. Yes, we certainly are. And yes divorce is answer. Unfortunately not answer for every one. Thank you Margaret for this wonderful community.
Love your talking about acceptance of the fact. Shift your focus, look to the future, not the past. Accept the things you cannot change and change the things you might.
I felt very lonely recently. I noticed someone on line who had been a friend and who now had a new small business. I decided to reach out and patronize her business and that one move opened up so many more opportunities for me. Honoring my mental health in as many ways as possible is really paying off!❤ Thanks Margaret for talking about these subjects that so affect us!
I am never lonely. I LOVE being alone. More please.
I agree, we all need to learn how to become our own best friend.
Its really a wonderful quality never to be lonely.... not given to most of us.. I try to occupy myself by helping others mostly in business...
Dear Lady, Thank you for this podcast! I wrote down the tips and tip 3. has been told to me by another Counselor on the web and my son, in a text. Since I live out in the boonies I am going to move to a more community situation in the same state. Moving involves so much downsizing as I am retired and old, therefore accumulated so much stuff. I have a cleaning lady coming to help me later today. Because to go thru a big house and downsize really is not a one-person job. Actually I think I need a team, but that is too expensive. Anyway you helped, focus on this big project and forget the losses, Thank you for the tips!!! 😊
Be brave and stay involved in life around you. You do not have to put so much pressure on yourself. Having people to visit with randomly can be contentedly fulfilling.
I'm trying to combat loneliness right now. Your videos, and the comments from everyone, help alot. We can see that we aren't alone, and many people are feeling just like us. It does help me. Also, nature, walking, and pets ❤❤❤
Hi Debbie, I am sorry that you are going through a challenging time at the moment - hang in there! I am glad our content is helping you keep a perspective. Take care x
I feel the same Margaret your amazing efforts to tackle issues of life is really a
talent, and sharing it the way you do is great... We all have huge experiences especially when we reach 85. I laugh when I read all these women that feel old at
60, well that to me is still being a youngster. Age is only a number, I have gone on dating sites and found that all the men that respond are just over 60....So I write back saying"Did you not see my age"....
I dislike saying this, I know it sounds negative but it just seems older single women become invisible. They rarely get invited anywhere, nobody thinks about doing that, even for a simple cup of coffee or a walk. Not everyone enjoys talking to random strangers and if you don't have money it's difficult to travel. I see many retired people volunteering just to be among people so I think that's a great idea if you have a car (I don't.) Also walking outside in the warm seasons helps a lot. Other than that, I don't have any solutions to the problem. I deal with it myself. It's what happens when people get old. I've seen it so much all my life. It's sad. I worked in a store for many years and there were those who came in to shop just to see people. One lady came in 6 times a day. She passed away and I was mentioned in the obituary for being nice to her. Fortunately I am an introvert and enjoy reading and watching movies, walking as well when the weather is good. I do feel lonely at times, however. My autistic son lives with me so it's often not a 2-way conversation. I depend on facebook a lot to stay in contact with my 2 other adult kids, cousins, friends, and people I used to work with.
I found when I was married we'd get invited often because we were a COUPLE. When you are single people think it is awkward and either don't invite you or want you to have a partner escort. Older single women are treated like a nuisance or completely invisible. Their only purpose is as a 'grandmother'.
Then older single women should create their own communities and invite each other out.
@@youareenough4978 Yes if a person is able to.
@@l.5832 When you are young and single, you are treated the same way by your friends who are couples.
@@islandgirl3330 Yes. I got it both ways. I was in my mid 30s when I married. Then divorced 24 years later.
Loneliness is a physical and mental feeling of being invisible in a moment or an hour.
Your advice is always good . My 3 year relationship has ended ,and now i am lonely
I have been divorced for 18 years and now at age 63, have never felt more disconnected and lonely than before
Well read what Lorraine has done to fill her life...I think you can do similar things that you like, she wrote about what she did to fill her life...
Thank you for your wisdom & sharing… 🍀
My son lives about 45 minutes away from me and lives with his girlfriend. I miss him so much! But I've learned that instead of waiting for him to come home to visit, I need to buy or make dinner and go visit him! :-)
It's unbelievable how seldom we see our kids unless they need us. I've found freedom in accepting that. Take loving care of yourself!
@R Comyns so true !
Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge and caring about others. You’re a wonderful person!
I have lived in loneliness for some 5 years now.I'm a widow and a pastor and at times miss to be with someone when I'm less busy.
Loneliness is a bad virus that bites hardest when you are unwell with no one to console you or give you a glass of water.
One of our priests asked someone if she’d like to be his friend,and they catch up
Thank you, Margaret! Yes!! Looking ahead, from various life events and the trauma, the big changes that cause grief! ❤Yes! Finding just ONE THING that gives us a sense of purpose, that we can enjoy fully! Sometimes, it is simple! During my divorce and Covid that meshed together, I turned seventy! I remembered that I could crochet again, a craft that I enjoy doing for others and for myself! I learned to order yarn and supplies on line, and I learned techniques and patterns by ordering books and watching videos on line!! ❤I can teach this craft a bit when I can attend my Art Therapy at the local VA Medical Center! Yes!! To share things that I know, using my talents and gifts!! Thank you so much! ❤
I do gardening and feel happy to see my plants growing up producing flowers, and making food to donate to the food pantry of my town for the less fortunate to take.
The flowers, the vegetables, the trees are my best friends I love them and they love me back producing blossoms and food.
Hi such talent to grow things. I never did any of that, but decided tomatoes needed to be the next thing. Well though I bought everything I needed did not grow one tomato.....no talent, or is it the stifling heat in Florida 101 to 106 at times that killed the project...
I so appreciate your gentle, upbeat spirit. Thank you for all you do here. Since my beloved mate’s death two years ago, I’ve volunteered, got on dating websites and had coffee with a couple okay guys, been hiking with new friends and back on my bicycle. So far the Salsa class is my favorite. I’ve been congratulated for my attitude and gumption, which is nice; still, I have to face that there is no instant, complete relief. It’s just the little islands of joy and comfort get a little bigger, with effort. It’s just slow, that’s all.
Another great video. Thank you
I retired last year to care for my mother. I have no SO and no children. Covid inactivity (no excuse I know) gave me extra weight and dangerous numbers from physical. I decided to learn swimming and made to pool almost everyday. It was hard as an adult learner doing it alone but the reward over time is amazing. Now I can swim well and have better baseline fitness, I am going back to swing dancing this month. Swimming is a lone wolf sport even if you join a master swim team. Pair dancing is more social. I get to have human contact without small talk. Dancing is terrific for aging and cardio fitness. I also sing with a barbershop chorus weekly. I am alone but not lonely.
Thank you Margaret for the work that you do through your channel. So needed. As we say in Italian, "Mille Grazie, A Thousand Thanks!"
You are so welcome
Loneliness is such a big problem and what makes it worse is that people dont want to admit they are lonely.
They are often asked awkward questions about why they have no family around or no partner. People are lonely for such a wide variety of reasons. There are no easy answers.😢
I found your videos a year later, but still perfect for me. I'm going through a bad patch and started volunteering at a bonsai garden here in Marietta, Georgia. I'm learning the art hands-on and the group of volunteers is phenomenal.
Volunteering and being with other people is one of the best things I think you can do. I wish you well through this difficult time.
I know the feeling of not being alone but feeling lonely. One of my adult daughters lives with me as does my brother who rents a ADU on my property. I moved here a couple of years ago and have lost the connections of a couple of friends from my former home. And just sheer laziness is also another factor. I mean, i know no one is just going to show up on my doorstep so i need to get out and start being social. Im a work in progress.
Hi Jennifer the realization that we have to be proactive is the key to creating a life that allows others to enter and share our love. Thanks for sharing 🌺
Great topic, very well done.
Hi Becky, how're you doing?
Thank you for great chats.... i.m listening...🙂
I am never lonely and have lived alone 20 years ++. I have a very wonderful little cat who won’t shut up!! I enjoy my own company. Maybe because I have a family I really do not like! The only problem is when you get older you need help doing things. There is nothing you can’t do alone!
How do you find people to take you to the doctor's appointments....especially when you have to have "a procedure" and there is no family to help you? What do we do about this?
Great tips, thank you! For me, volunteering helps me combat loneliness. It helps me to quit feeling sorry for myself. In helping others, I help myself more!!
I have found that traveling and doing the things I really enjoy are enough to fulfill my life. Sometimes on my travels when people ask me if I’m traveling alone it makes me feel a little lonely but I just keep it moving. I can be home and lonely or travel solo and enjoy my life 🥰
Hello, suggestions or recommendations on traveling solo would be greatly appreciated!
I would be interested as well…☀️
Yes.
Thx Margaret, you’re the best💐💐💐💐
I'm not alone ever, I put my trust in God.. Jesus said I will never leave you nor forsake you . When you are so lonely inside, Jesus is enough!! God Bless the lonely or it can be very painful. 🙏🏻
I have worked hard to reach where I am today! My physical shape is the best since youth, due to consistent walking exercise, and healthy diet without much meat! I am proud of it, but I wish I had more of a social network! I have heard going to events where people are and like you said speak to others.. be open! I just went on Amtrak, met a man who turned out to be so much fun, and we hung out! I live to create and decorate, so rewarding!
The more involved I make myself, the happier I am!
I would say the best thing to do is self improvement and loving yourself enough to do everything you can to meet new situations with courage!
Try new things as much as you can! Margaret you are the best!
I’m having trouble walking so I spend time sitting on my front porch.
I love to grow flowers for cutting. Once in a while I make several bouquets up and give them to people passing by. They gladly come up my short driveway to accept these beautiful flowers. Wonderfully fulfilling for me and they like them too. I’ve also done this with small jars of refrigerator pickles. I don’t eat them myself as I only eat meat but I know they are super tasty. 💋 from 🇨🇦 🥩🧈🥓🥚
Covid has been very hard on those of us that live by ourselves..
Last year I had surgery, retired, survived Covid , and survived ( only barely a very cold -40 to -50 for several weeks winter( living in northern Alberta)😮. It took its toll on me . I’d taken care of my acreage for 15 years on my own ( after my husband died).. I knew I’d never survive another winter on my own .. sold my acreage. At a loss. Snd moved to an apt.. I love where I live, and I knew there would be a major adjustment for me .. snd there was! So now if I feel lonely, alone, sad I allow myself thst feeling.. I know it won’t last forever, and sometimes I just have to embrace the feeling and then move on .. finding people of like mind has been a blessing!😊
That is excellent advice. Acceptance is good AND moving on. Wishing you all the best. -40° is hard to imagine! Thank you. Keep warm. Be blessed ♥️♥️🐦😃🍀🌟💙
That's a great idea fren
I have to add , I think you area wonderful person. ❤️
Love your short hair with bangs. Looks much better. Great advice. Your blessed your in great shape and healthy. Yes we all experience loneliness as our family and friends pass away.
What I did during the lonely days, weeks, months of the pandemic was to tap back in to my art talent and learn dotting art on rocks. I also moved my art table and supplies out into my dining area so I could see it all the time and just sit down and do a little and forget all about everything crummy going on with the world, me etc. The more hours I spent doing my art the more I improved and began feeling so much better. I’m still going with my art but not as much these days since I’m out and about with friends and just having places to go again.
I think 3 things have helped me: 1/ I believe in the company of pets. They give you a reason to get out of bed. 2/ have a hobby. Me, it’s drawing, painting, gardening, cooking, knitting and crocheting. I have built up my supplies over time . 3/ be connected to the Internet and actively keep up with what’s outside your door. UA-cam is wonderful way to learn many things. 4/ people of faith cope better. Join a church. I’m alone, but I can’t say that I crave the company of other people. I think it’s why I managed the pandemic and lockdowns without mental health issues.
My outlook is similar, but I do crave relationship. But in smaller doses!
Dear Margaret, You are so dainty and gracious ... a Beautiful Soul indeed .. thank you for your warming comment... from central France ! ...
You are so welcome
Tres bien dit, des paroles tres agreable et sentimental...
Thank you for your wisdom on loneliness. Also for using this platform to make a difference. I needed this boost today. Keep up the good work.❤
Thanks for opening my mind again.
Subscribed!! ❤❤❤ I needed this channel because I will be living alone by this time next year...
Hello Margaret! Thanks for sharing your common sense wisdom!🌹