8 Signs of Childhood Emotional Neglect
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- Опубліковано 24 лип 2021
- Childhood is commonly a period of our lives associated with blissfulness, fun, and most importantly, development. Unfortunately, not all of us are fortunate to grow up in great households. We can pick up on unhealthy behaviors that follow us throughout adulthood and impact the way we feel about ourselves and others. To better understand our emotional health and development, in this video, we’ll be looking at eight signs of emotional childhood neglect.
Are you dealing with childhood trauma? Here are a few signs to look out for: • 9 Signs You're Dealing...
CHILDHELP NATIONAL HOTLINE: www.childhelp.org/hotline/
Disclaimer: Hey there Psych2Goers, this is a disclaimer that this video is for informative purposes only. It is not intended to diagnose, treat, or prevent any conditions. If you feel that you’re struggling, please reach out to a qualified healthcare provider or mental health professional. If you suspect you or someone you know is a victim of abuse, please contact the child abuse hotline.
Writer: Sidney Thompson
Script Editor: Isadora Ho
Script Manager: Kelly Soong
VO: Lily Hu
Animator: Zuzia
UA-cam Manager: Cindy Cheong
References:
Brandt, A. (2020, January 3). 9 Signs of Childhood Emotional Neglect, and 3 Ways to Heal. PsychologyToday. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindful-anger/202001/9-signs-childhood-emotional-neglect-and-3-ways-heal
Summers, D. MA, LMFT, GoodTherapy.org Topic Expert. (2016, February 18). How to Recognize and Overcome Childhood Emotional Neglect. GoodTherapy.Org Therapy Blog. www.goodtherapy.org/blog/how-to-recognize-overcome-childhood-emotional-neglect-0218165
Fergen, J. (2020, January 28). 5 Signs of Childhood Emotional Neglect. Jadi Fergen. altitudecounseling.com/5-signs-of-childhood-emotional-neglect/
Holland, K. (2019, November 25). Childhood Emotional Neglect: How It Can Impact You Now and Later. Healthline. www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/childhood-emotional-neglect
Webb, J. (2018, July 15). 7 Signs You Grew Up With Childhood Emotional Neglect. PsychCentral. blogs.psychcentral.com/childhood-neglect/2017/07/7-signs-you-grew-up-with-childhood-emotional-neglect/
"Being a parent means loving your children more than you've ever loved yourself" - Fred Flintstone
Precisely, once you have children, their needs come first, and you know that you want to protect them, but also have to teach them how to guide themselves to make their own ways in life.
Ironic isn’t it that that statement comes from a fictional character…
@@trinaq then there's my [indirect relative]. Who prioritizes his phone over his children. Borderline neglectful, and irresponsible. Sadly this is his way to deal with his problems by avoiding them. And I wish [closer family relative] had known this before they married. *(But then I wouldn't have the two sweet little girls to enjoy at family reunion.)
while for my mother it means hating them as much as she hates herself.
@FredFlintstone.. if what you say is true, this planet would be a much better place than the real mess and nightmare that it is today. I believe biologically many women get a biochemical "urge" to become a mother to create their own baby in the image of themselves with that all the fuzzy-imaged fantasies of perfection and happy-ever after moments. However, reality bursts every woman's fantasy when a real live, breathing, infant demanding constant attention, bursts out of their uterus. Reality IS not every woman is prepared nor can handle and truly care for children, or should be mothers. Parenthood requires a SIGNIFICANT dedication and commitment as you aspouse, and I believe millions, no tens of millions of women and men have no business nor desire to commit their lives to their children, as you suggest. There is something to be said for a "parent test", a series of pre requisites for all potential parents to "pass" before they can have children. Best wishes to all.
TO PARENTS/ FUTURE PARENTS:
Children are...
1. Not your safety blankets
2. *Not your retirement plan or investment*
3. Not your punching bag and anger absorber
4. Not made to save a broken relationship
5. *Not made to save you from your own hell*
I think more people should see your comment!
Well, it's not like they'll listen, the vicious cycle goes on
Wish someone would have told my parents this before they had me and my brothers. Our family was destroyed because of these issues and to this day my parents think they did nothing wrong.
@@Jords250 but somebody has to end it. Hoping that most ,if not all, those who experience neglect will choose to end the cycle. Wishing them healing 🙏
@@Zzues we can't take back time but I'm rooting for you to not repeat their mistake and to make better choices. Sending you virtual hug.
I'm nearly 50 and just recently learned that emotional neglect is considered abuse as well as contributing to trauma. Better late than never!
I just laughed really hard cause I have been traumatized for 4 years (4-10) and two times with 4 in my childhood AND have been neglected… imagine how I feel. Funny that my humor is so dark… But I like that I now know the reason for my problems. It’s so refreshing and i don’t have to be so hard to me anymore.
💀
I'm 26 and today discovered my years of issues with food has come from food insecurity.
My mum would not feed me when she was angry with me... which was often. I never really thought of it and about neglect but other issues like physical abuse and mental/emotional abuse I definitely was aware of it & it's more talked about.
Here's to finding out more about ourselves and how to keep supporting ourselves (and others if we can) to improve our lives :)
there's a lot there that I can relate to. wow.
I feel you 💯 %
When you realize your loving parents have been neglected your emotions to the point you’re emotionally fucked up. I have mom that deny my feelings. I have a dad that doesn’t give a shit (he really doesn’t know how to even talk to me) and blame my mom for me and my brother being the way we are. And what sucks is that I love them and they’ve given me everything except a place to express my emotions. I feel bad for even saying they’ve neglected my emotionally cuz they did give me a lot. But scars I have on my heart is too big to not blame them. But I love them.
You sound like me and my siblings. We had every thing we could ever want with regard to physical needs and material items, but we never had a safe place to express ourselves emotionally or otherwise. I'm 30 and just now realizing that something is definitely wrong even though I've felt it my whole life (i just thought it was "normal"). It's not a coincidence that we all have struggled with addiction and/or depressions/anxiety at some point in our lives, and our relationship with our dad is stagnant at best. It feels wrong to say we were neglected or experienced "trauma" because we were well taken care of and knew that our parents loved us.
Stay safe
@@citychicken9949 take care
Wow, it’s the same thing for me!😢
I feel you.
Remember, just because emotional abuse isn't as noticeable as physical abuse, doesn't mean that it's not as damaging or upsetting.
thank you I needed that
Exactly
With me I can take physical pain, but words actually hurt me more.
i had a panic attack 5 minutes ago because i have țø go țø my mums house. if that isn't proof enough țhąț it's just as damaging, i ďøñ'ť kñøw whăț îș.
Yup, just ask any kid that has a drug addict mom or dad
Me: my childhood wasn't that bad! I'm overreacti-
Also me: *gets all 8 signs*
Don't worry girl, I also thought that. They are the reason for our short temper not listening to us when we are trying to explain
Same, my friend.
Honestly same🥲
Many parents WANT to cover every base. The realities of the world and secular things consuming time just… mess with everyone.
@@danielmiller3596 that's not an excuse for being awful parents though
1:21 - You bottle up your emotions
1:51 - You put others first
2:15 - You struggle to identify emotions
2:41 - You feel broken
3:13 - You're hard on yourself
3:35 - You fear dependency
4:03 - You lack self esteem
4:31 - You're empty on the inside
Dang, thats a list of all my problems ._. thanks parents... for a while I believed my own lie, that my childhood was normal and great... Pfff, my therapist woke me up and now I feel so lost
Edit: Feeling of lostness has subsided and I have become hopefull again. Because I realized, I'm in charge of my own happyness and if my parents won't help me with that, than there will be no contact.
Unless they decide to change :)
Good luck, to all kids and teens out there. It feels pretty hopeless now, so maybe make a list of what makes you happy and see if you can tick it off, when the time comes
Yay... I count for 6 of these.....
@@Sagu_Un1_ Highfive? :D
So, how do we fix this?
@@frog6054 "That's the fun part, you don't!"
28 and still in the healing state.
Parents and soon to be parents, validate your children and their feelings.
About to be 28 and for some reason this comment helped me, I feel like I should have figured it all out by now but I'm only barely touching the tip of the iceberg when it comes to healing.
27 here and I feel u
You'd be surprised how often bad parents themselves are the product of generational cycles of abuse / neglect. At some point you have to forgive your parents and move on
26 here and I feel you
@@ThatGuy-bh9qhyeah, my grandfather never even hugged my father
A person who neglects themselves and is neglected by other people. What you experience in childhood created a pattern throughout your life.
Sending plenty of virtual hugs your way! We mostly like to think the best of our parents, which is why it can come as a shock to realise that we feel the way we do because they were emotionally abusing us, and perhaps didn't even realise it.
To those who have the same experience, please break the chain. Wishing you healing and a fresh start.
We were only appreciated when we were useful. The greatest challenge after a time is showing masculine traits to attract and keep the object of your interest but feeling unappreciated by your own self makes it hard. You tend to avoid. As much as your try you keep avoding and dodging cause the ptsd from past experiences keep coming up. I hate this. Wish I were a little bit more dumn. BPD ASD and a little bit bipolar at times. Knowing and understanding the dignosis gives you a little bit of an edge but the challenge remains. There,s the persistant feeling that somehow you,re being played despite your efforts to succeed and be given in life. It all might be a bit of rant and outside the topic but i havent even bagan to write hate on the females and in the end it all boils down to not being raised properly in the formative years of development. After that it,s hard. IDK. Dissociation is a default mode for me.
@kcberrettam9ner ..its okay you are going to be ok just hold on....
omg thats me bc i extremely hate myself
"You can't be depressed! I bought you a hoodie 6 years ago and I feed you sometimes!" Yeah it sucks even more when your basic needs AND your emotional needs are neglected
"i feed you, buy you computers and phones, pay for your education, and tHiS Is HoW yOu ThAnK uS?!"
I hope that you're in a better place now
"Depression doesn't exist! You are just an ungrateful little brat that need to pray more so that way stop thinking all nonsense"
Words of my religious mother even today
@@Aimka She's horrible at worshiping her God, religious people are told to be understanding and kind, instead of judgy and invalidating. I'm not religious myself, but I live in a Christian family:). There's no perfect follower, but your mother should do her absolute best when it comes to this topic. She should be a better parent.
@@0nikolaigogol0 yeah, she should but I don't think that she will even change at her 70s.
The sad part? My grandmother was like her but not so religious
When I was a child I slept in my parent's room. One night heavy rain and nonstop thunder occured all throughout the night. The lightning scared me so much but my mom wasn't next to me. I noticed the light - visible under the door- in the living room was on so she must be there working. I wanted to go to her and tell her I was scared but the fear that she would get angry at me overpowered the fear of deafening thunder and rain. So, I spent the rest of the night under a thin blanket hoping it will help block out the thunder.
When I remembered this I realized that I fear my mom more than I love her, and that sounds messed up.
I don't know if this will make you feel any better but I've also experienced something similar to this and I relate to the fear sentement.
No kid should have to feel like that. Scared and alone, even with help nearby. It messes with your sense of trust, love, and care. I’m sorry you went through that.
MOOD
Damn that's fucking shit
I relate to that feeling. And my god did it make me feel so lonely growing up
My mother dealt with emotional neglect from her mom, even straight up abandonment when she was a baby. My mom once told me the reason why shes often criticized by my grandmother and her older relatives is because she allows me to express myself and talks with me during difficult moments instead if doing what they did which would just be to “get over it”. I’m glad my mom was the one to break the cycle but the neglect shes dealt with as a child up to adulthood has really messed with her, she went through a long phase where she would put others needs before her own needs and even health, it took myself, her aunt and her sister to get her to stop, shes even gotten better at opening up emotionally and I’m glad she has not just myself but other family and friends who have helped her grow into a new more independent and free person. I know she still has a long way to go and we’ve talked about having her and her sister (how had also dealt with mental manipulation from my grandmother) seeking professional help just to have a place to open up freely since I know theres more issues than what i already know now.
She must be an amazing mom 🥲🥰
@@abrilcorominajavier9150 she seriously is! I didnt have as many struggles as she did but whenever im feeling off or overworking shes always there for me and continues to be (im also happy to say shes started therapy for her trauma! Shes been even happier than before and im proud of her for taking that step)
I feel you. I'm trying to break the cycle with my children.
It's not easy when the last three generations are broken and you have no familial examples to ape. Other than what you see from your in-laws and learn from trying to educate yourself it's a case of learning to heal yourself and learn what's right for your children.
I once heard a quote, saying "all parents accidentally mess up their children, it's just a case of by how much and whether they forgive you in adulthood, determines how well you did at raising them.
I am really sorry for people who were sad and still are...... I am giving everyone a free birtuall hug
Aww you are so sweet 🥺😭
💕
I meant virtual
Thank you ❤️ here have on too
Hugs :3
Psych2go: makes a video of childhood neglect.
Toxic parents: *I'm gonna pretend I never saw this*
*send video to parents*
It's heartbreaking that some parents don't seem to realise that they were, or in some cases, still are, verbally abusive. It's highly likely that this was normal to them growing up, so simply never knew any difference.
@@trinaq that's so true.
@@Psych2go cant I just send you my parents instead 🤭
@@Psych2go I would get BEATEN
Somehow I knew this video was going to hit close to home, but I think it's better that I confront this. Always felt like I had a horrible childhood, but was too afraid to admit it, as I was well fed, went to a good school, and live in a good house with both parents. After this video I can say with confidence, my Childhood sucked. I would always bottle up my emotions. I would talk about problems I had but nobody cared, so I had to handle it on my own. Definitely put others first, this is all anyone ever wanted me to be so I just kept doing it. I've gotten better as I want to have me time but it's still there. When it came to identifying emotions, I always said "Good" when asked, it was my go to response as that's all anyone ever hears. The only other big one is a fear of dependency. Showing weakness of any kind was just an invitation to be invalidated, or bullied. I highly doubt anyone is going to read this, but this video, and this comment felt like really good therapy for me.
I relate to everything you said. It really sucks because now as an young adult I struggle with self esteem and alot of other personal problems because of emotional neglect.
I can relate to this
Although it's been years since I've had to undergo a worse emotional abuse/and gaslighting
And only one woman had cared, helped, healed and protected me several years
My beloved
She's the most amazing therapist in argentina
When the one who caused a much worst situation is a director of a public health institution it's much harder to cope with
*And she protected me regardless, despite having been just a psychology student*
*The whole requited feelings issue doesn't matter, she did the best possible, given the circumstances*
*We followed the rules, the director of the center on mental health pichón riviere in San Martín, province of Buenos Aires, argentina,did not even follow the laws*
Instead of asking, “am I broken” look at how you are healing. Look at how you have progressed, even in the small victories. Be proud of every step. Each step takes work and you’ve put in the work. Progress isn’t perfection.
1:21 - You bottle up your emotions
1:50 - You put others first
2:15 - You struggle to identify your emotions
2:41 - You feel broken
3:12 - You're hard on yourself
3:35 - You fear dependency
4:03 - You lack self-esteem
4:32 - You're empty on the inside
Hope this was helpful! Much love from a small UA-camr ❤️🚀🌙
thanks !! it's helpful :)🤍
Thank you!!!
❤️
thanks it was helpful :)
❤️❤️❤️
The best lesson my parents taught me is treating my future children opposite of what my parents used to treat me... because I know how harsh it feels...
same
Absolutely!!! I don’t have any yet, but if blessed, I would be the exact opposite also, for the same reason.
@@nikam2298 your children gonna have an amazing dad/mom/idk
@@Cation_bibliophile but they need to be healed first, before have children.
That's how I'm trying to live as well, in general. Even with non-family members, 'cause I'm a hardass like that 🤣.
Everyday feels like crawling in a desert with broken bits of my past coming for me. Childhood photos make me cry for hours. I don't care if there is a rainbow after the rain, I want to feel nothing anymore
The hardest part about this type of childhood is how incredibly lonely it felt.
It's strange feeling so lonely, but feeling more comfortable isolating than socializing . It's almost like tension between being enticed to drink the cold glass of water when you're thirsty, but choosing not to because it's salty. You recognize you have a need you want to fulfil, but it can't be met even though on the surface it seems like an obvious solution.
My parents would gaslight me to the point where I didn’t trust my own emotions and I would second guess myself. I’m glad I can use this video to identify the issues of my past and hopefully grow from it.
I got this a lot as well. Working with a "feelings wheel" when I feel overwhelmed in recent times has helped me with identifying and navigating the often overwhelming feelings
Growing is amazing! I'm happy you'll use this as a way to hopefully start to recover : D
We're glad we can help and support you. Don't give up.
Now I don't trust my own family for failing to recognize the problem. I'm done putting up with their bs.
I picked up on my parents gaslighting Me and I can't tell if it was intentional or not but I know that what they were saying was incorrect
I remember feeling so alone and frustrated as a child. I didn’t expect to relate to all these points
are you ok now?
@@userm180 getting by one day at a time, working through it. Very sweet of you to ask thank you 😊
@@PetiteDeRae okk, well, if u need to talk ab it, im here
Too
Same
Was never taken care of emotionally. Realised i didnt know how to deal with being hugged or comforted cause no one had ever done that for me before. I hate asking for help cause as a child that got me called stupid. My family invalidated my feelings, to the point where i dont feel like im allowed to be angry, unhappy or frustrated with anyone even when they intentionally hurt me. I was a doormat and attracted nothing but narcs who treated me exactly as my family did. A useful tool to be played with and discarded at a whim when it's no longer useful. Now i have to make sure every decision i make is first and foremost, completely selfish, otherwise ill waste my 30s the way i wasted my 20s: Tearing myself apart trying to appease a bottomless pit of narcissism and judgemental degredation aka my family.
Keep working on it! I’m 62 and still attract narcs and have a library of self help books.
idk... does anyone else feel guilty thinking wether or not/ considering if you were neglected or abused?
a big problem for me was that once you've been in that mindset long enough, eventually any emotion that was there either dies out or is severely weakened, making it feel like you're hollow or just cold, so whenever you're around other people, you know there should be something there, but it feels like it's gone now
I relate to that so much. I’ve stopped trying to fit in. Now I go home as soon as possible. I’m just too tired.
same. I think that since my parents have no patience, when i was little instead of keeping trying to talk to solve my tantrums with talking when they started their patience run out and they ended up hitting me if talking didn't worked. I think that's why i used to asociate negqtive emotions with hitting and started bottling them up, to the point that i don't show emotions infront of anyone (they just don't come out) and i have to be alone in a closed space to feel excitment, anger and sadness properly becuase of my fear of jugdment and my fear of my parents. Another thing is that when i got a bad grade they grounded me and yelled and me but didn't even think of helping me to study better or anything (my mom stopped studiyng with me when i was 8) and when i got good ones they were like "ok" so now i have a fear of failure and break when i don't know what to do in a exam to the point i have cheated even though i've studied because i don't trust myself (my parents used to be like "do you think this is ok!?" When i didn't answer something correctly in my homework or exam) and had low self steem since i remember. Edit: oh yeah anx they also made me feel like i couldn't be sad because i had a lot of good things in my life
Thanks for reading this far anyways
I guess I can kinda relate…
I got… (cough)… four F’s in English class, I’m still online so I just skipped the homework without caring…
My mother got SO SO angry when she saw my overall English grade, and she screamed and threw stuff and made me redo all the homework.
The thing is, it was a few days before Christmas when my mother checked the grades, and I spent all of Christmas sending apology emails to teachers…
The weird part is that even though she was shouting and extremely angry about my homework grade, I didn’t even feel regretful or angry? I didn’t really feel anything even though she was shouting at the top of her lungs???
I don’t really think that’s normal…right?
I’m not concerned with feeling nothing despite her being angry though, it may even help me ignore bad people in life!
What I’m concerned with is that a week later, she bought me a cake and apologized for not celebrating my birthday (yes, i did homework on my birthday…)
And even when I saw the cake, I wasn’t even happy… just didn’t feel anything, exactly like when she was screaming at me about the homework. Still, I pretended I was overjoyed… and that got me wondering if I have a mental illness?
Anyway, maybe that’s what feeling ‘hollow’ and ‘cold’ means… or is that a different feeling? I’m not that sure…
I'm 30 and I've been feeling this way for YEARS and I just don't know what to do about it.
@@artscraftsgaming7169 omg. I do exactly that. Have been doing so for years now. It sucks because I've always been an extrovert, so wanting to get home immediately and not responding to anyone/staying in touch just makes me feel like I'm being...idk...unnecessary.
Not all emotional neglect is caused by toxic parents. My mother loved me and my sister very much and tried to be there as much as possible. Unfortunately, the stress of being a single mom meant that she couldn't always be there emotionally for us. Yes, it sucks that I have to learn how to process emotions in a healthy way, but Mom raised us as best as she could in a bad situation.
Uhhmmm… I think you’re misusing the word ‘toxic’ then
When calling a parent toxic, it means that they negatively affect you (?), but since your mother loves and tries her best to care for you, she’s not a toxic parent!
@@Crystal_Clearly that’s why they said that not all emotional neglect is caused by toxic parents, they didn’t call their mother toxic
Bless you for not blaming her.
Definitely agree.
In my case my dad was ways working to provide for us and my mom was left home taking care of us, the house, her freelance job, all while battling with her own trauma (and very likely undiagnosed mental health issues). They loved us and tried their absolute best, I can't really fault them if their best wasn't enough.
I hate it when people say "if you've got family trauma that means your parents are toxic, whether they meant it or not". It's not such a black and white issue at all
@@GothTear13 My situation is also very same but unfortunately mental health is a stigma in my country so my parents won't bring me to a psychologist which makes me really hate them but I hope that I can go to therapy by asking my grandmother
and the worst part is that my parents didn't mean to neglect me emotionally, we just weren't a very "emotional" household
Saaaaaaame😔 my parents were just honestly very stressed😭
this hit every point to me. I’m sorry to everyone who has to go through this. I’m almost 20 years old and my mom still can’t accept me for who I am as a person. she claims that I’m not the same person as I was as a kid but who would! learn to love every aspect of your kid no matter how they act, what they look like, or their beliefs. be loving and supportive and communicate! is that so hard to ask for? no one deserves to feel neglect and question parts of who they are because of how they feel about u.
I’m still a child and I’m not in an abusive household, but I still relate to every single point…
Me too lol
Same
Same here-
I am sorry you need to go through that child... Also, sometimes being abused isn't the only way your parents neglect you...sometimes they do it without realizing and you are the one who suffers, I had grown in a abusive household and I ran away from it but, the trauma is still there...I hope that you get better someday...May sound strange but, I love with all the piece of my heart and if no one then I support you like a big sister
Yeah I just made a comment about this actually! From my own experiences and research, you don’t have to be in an abusive household to still be neglected. My mom is a super hardworking woman but bc of it she exhausts herself and is already emotionally drained, so going to her with my feelings is something she just doesn’t have time for and there’s even times where she’s emotionally confided in me bc she had no one else (her bf at the time was a piece of shit)
But it’s okay hun I promise things will eventually pass by and you can always seek professional help or talk to friends you trust about it ❣️
this list was deadass eight punches to the gut 😭
shoutout to my family for making this relatable to me
same ugh 😐
Samee 😭😭
(PS: I made that like to a 69 ✨)
This hurt
Shout out to my family too
Word my nikka
You know, it's kinda funny how I always thought my childhood was actually pretty great, since I got to pursue my hobbies with parents who (mostly) gave me opportunities to chase my various wild dreams, and there was never an instance where I was yelled at or insulted by my parents. But having looked more and more into psychology over the past decade or so, I'm starting to really realize just how catastrophically-abusive it actually was. I don't think it was on purpose, and I sincerely believe that both my parents wanted me to be happy and successful, but they also just didn't have the time or energy to give me a lot of meaningful support. My older sister has semi-severe bipolar disorder that was much worse when she was younger, and that meant their free time was largely taken up by her concerns and emergencies (that and she's VERY loud and extroverted, while I'm decidedly-introverted and kinda socially anxious. If I have a problem, you might never hear about it. If she has a problem, the whole neighborhood knows within seconds). When they did make time for me, it was always because I asked for help, and it usually came with some grumbling of "you can't do this, so I'll do it for you". Whenever big questions about my future were discussed, it was always with some level of criticism, and I often had to prove the financial viability of my chosen career to get them off my back. The fact that I had a lot of love and passion for writing/game design was often brushed aside, with dad especially pointing out that I'd be "Betting on Double-Zero", and I should instead focus on something safer. That and an utter lack of privacy, as dad especially would frequently just barge into my room while I was working to complain about the "staleness of the air" (whatever that means), sit there and stare over my shoulder at what I was doing, or tell me to help him with gardening. Hell, as a kid I remember lamenting the fact that they rarely said "I love you" without adding a ", but..." to it, and agonizing over how I wished they would just yell at me or hit me so I could have something to point to and call "bad". And while I've never asked my sister if she had any similar complaints leveled at her, I know there were plenty of arguments between her and my parents, because my hearing is VERY good and the walls of my parent's house are VERY thin.
Things have gotten much better over the years, and I still love everyone in my family to bits (which does actually include my father. He may be a narcissistic brat, but he IS improving a lot), but GOOD LORD was moving out into my own apartment like getting a breath of fresh air.
I don't really know why I'm commenting all this, and I'm probably just rambling or venting a little. But this video did help me better figure out the shape of the Gordian Knot in my psyche, so uh...thank you. I appreciate it.
❤️
❤️❤️😘 love u! I always felt the same way. My brother was often sick when I was younger so my parents weren’t there for me and I was traumatized a lot in my childhood (I dont wanna talk about that) without anyone talking or even being with me. I always felt so alone. They also never took my feeling seriously. My grandparents always kind of preferd my brother which also hurt a lot. I was heavily socially anxious as kid and introverted. Even after one year in lockdown alone I never understand what Im feeling, I always feel so empty and worthless. I even punished myself for stupid small things by throwing up. I have hated myself writing this probably 9 times by now 🙁.
I am in such a similar situation as you, but then with a brother who has autism. My parents were the same about me asking for help or showing emotions. The whole house was catered around my brother, and the one day where I was feeling shitty, my parents would just lose it and take it out on me. So I learned to be quiet and cry silently. I don't remember either of them ever telling me that they loved me. I'm right in the middle of figuring this all out, but at this point, I'm just so angry at them. It helps to hear other people's stories, like yours, so that I know I'm not "faking it" or "being ungrateful" like my thoughts keep telling me. So thank you for your comment, I'm sending internet hugs.
ik this comment is kind of old haha but holy shit you described like 70% of my life to a T i don't think i've ever felt so seen; thank you so much for putting it into words.
i was raised with an endlessly rotating cast of foster siblings (the roster of which only changed for the absolute final time a year ago) and my dad never forgot to remind me how "lucky" and privileged i was to grow up in a stable family that loved me when my siblings didn't have that chance. it didn't make me feel grateful for what i had; all it did was make me keep my problems to myself because my siblings always, always had it worse and were inherently more deserving of attention.
kind of forgot where i was going with this lol but seriously, thank you for sharing your story. i've been really struggling to reconcile with all this and figure out what exactly went "wrong" in my life myself, so it just really helps to know there are other people who feel similarly and that i haven't just been blowing things out of proportion for attention or something haha. sending love ❤
What do you plan to do when your kid tells you what they want to do, and as an adult you know that the chances are slim to none that they will be able to survive while attempting it? You aren’t going to help them troubleshoot their ideas , so they don’t go out thinking that starting an online streaming platform is going to be easy and they are gonna make a ton of money right away? That’s worse than pestering them about it to make sure they know it’s going to be hard. If you don’t prepare your kids for the struggles, they won’t know how to deal with them when they are on their own.
I'm still so confused about this. I relate to every point on this list, and I already know something went wrong growing up, but I can't seem to understand what happened. I'm now six months into therapy, and I still can't remember single episodes of real emotional neglect in my childhood, I just have a general idea of the dynamics that occurred in my family.
I can absolutely relate to this. Although i get to understand a lot of psychological mechanisms both in myself and in others since i am in therapy, i can barely get a glimpse of memory on problematic or difficult situations in my childhood. I dont even know this for sure, but it might be a repression of memories, maybe.
@@davewagner5206 It takes time I guess...
@michela4415 you are right i guess...
One thing that helped me realize how weird my family dynamics are is being around other "healthy" families. That really felt like a gut punch but I kinda recommend?
It’s a tough one because you would need to remember the *absence* of something that should have been there (being emotionally validated), which is why it’s so hard to realise there was a problem
I was regularly taken care of physically, I always had everything I needed like clothes, food, etc. But I've always had my emotions and feelings neglected for as long as I can remember. During high school and middle school I was dealing with a lot of things that went by unnoticed by my parents, and even when I'd try to explain I'd get gaslighted and shut down. They tell me they listen to me, but they don't. They tell me there are things wrong with me but won't help me get it checked out or taken care of. I'm 19 and technically an adult, but I've never been HELPED properly, so I have no idea where to start, or if I should do everything by myself. It sucks bc im so clueless on everything that I wasn't taught like everyone else. I dont even know how to schedule a doctor appointment....
Edit 4/11: I've gotten a bit of help, falling down another depression pit but im taking it upon myself to quit my shitty job, and save up to move out. I'm still broke af for therapy, still on my parents insurance but THANK YOU SO MUCH for making me feel like im not alone. Parents can be an absolute blessing, but they forget you never asked to be born. I really really appreciate all of you. And I've made my own doctor appts and even went to physical therapy for my wrist !!!!!!!!
I can SO relate to this! It took me forever to start taking care of things, and it is definitely okay to ask for help. You can ask your friends, social workers, maybe there is a hotline or something similar in your area, or a program like call a CAB (kind of like a buddy system). This does NOT make you a burden to any of them. Google or the phone book might be a good start if you want to try on your own. I can tell you, my friends convinced my to try therapy, and alone the decision to do that has helped me develop in my view of dependency and "dealing with it by myself". It is totally okay to ask for help
Journaling can actually help you to access suppressed emotions. If you’re still covered under your parents medical plan, therapy should be covered. When/if you leave home, always make sure you get a job w/ insurance plan that covers some therapy or a student health plan. You will have to become the parents you deserved by learning to treat yourself w/ loving kindness, support and compassion.
I'm in the exact same boat. My parents were excellent in making sure I was fed and warm, but completely failed to cater to my emotional needs. Any problems I did have could simply be fixed by "praying more" and my depression was because I was "not close enough to god" to name a few.
Not only that but they constantly kept me sheltered and did all my tasks for me such as making doctors appointments and the like. Now, as a 24 year old, I even struggle to do my own shopping, and basically I'm horrendous at taking care of myself.
My parents simply failed at their most important job: to parent. And they refuse to even ponder the idea that they made a grave mistake. "Why do you keep focusing on all the bad things. Why not look at all the positive things we did for you? Stop being ungrateful."
@@7860hassan7860 I'm sorry for that. Being an adult is very hard and it sucks when you don't have the support system you need. Good friends have really helped me lately ((: sometimes you need friends more than family and that also hurts. But they do love you, even if you can't see it sometimes. I just wish parents understood and remembered for real what it's like to be a child again
Don't worry title work out
"It's really strange since some people can relate to some of these signs tho they don't remember being emotionally neglected as a child"
It’s because emotional neglect is so subtle and not obvious, that’s what makes it so brutal. If you were emotionally neglected, when you grow up and have mental health issues, often your parents or people around you will invalidate your emotions saying you had a great childhood and that you shouldn’t feel the way you feel, when in reality you have a perfectly good reason to feel how you feel because your emotions were constantly rejected or shamed.
Stuff like physical or verbal abuse is a lot more obvious and its much easier for people to empathize with that. Most people just don’t seem to care if you were emotionally neglected, because it doesn’t seem like a big deal, and so you’re left alone in your suffering. That’s why so many people kill themselves
What’s love? ua-cam.com/video/YoCl_I3WdVs/v-deo.html 🔥❗🔥🤘🏽🙇🏽♂🖤
@@goodmusic7920 I really want to now what's love to
When i was younger, my feelings were treated as a problem to be solved or fixed, so it's only natural for me to repress them or hide them in order to be less of a burden.
Sometimes while watching these videos about personal dysfunctions (depression, emotional neglect, etc), it feels like I am going through a checklist and crossing off pretty much every single one. Scored 8 out of 8 on this one 😔
The narrator's voice is so soothing, and make these videos all the more relaxing, even during tough subjects.
Thank you so much! Amanda has the best voice for these topics! - Cindy
@@Psych2go Haii and I agree :D
@@Psych2go yeah but...
didn't Lily voice this video?
@@maxim_ssc yeah but I think she means she is the best voice
@@alliara289 Lily just got roasted by psych2go XD
I’m telling my therapist about this because I relate to everything in this video
Same, even though I never was emotionally neglected
I relate to half of this but i was never neglected
@@Your_local_eldritch i was lmao
@@miranazzal1918 i was lmao
Agreed 👍
I’ve been struggling to figure out what I have been dealing with and why it affects me so much and learning about this has sort of guided me in the right direction. I’m hoping to start therapy soon.
I know I was emotionally neglected and it is why I ended up invalidating myself near constantly though thankfully I found someone who knows what happened during my childhood and is helping me slowly heal those wounds left behind by my parents. I know it's difficult to move forward from it all and it's hard to reprogram your mind after years and years of being in that environment but the power is in you to take the steps needed to move forward it'll hurt it'll be painful I won't sugarcoat it but I know whoever is reading this has the capacity to do anything they put their mind to. You've got this remember tha
I remember when I was younger, and I would tell my mom how I felt she would say "What do you want me to do about it," and I would feel so embarrassed for saying something
Can anyone else relate?
my mom says the same thing too... all the time. i can't even tell my feelings or troubles because she will say that exact same phrase to me
I'm sorry. Maybe u should try telling her to stop?
Just a suggestion tho.
Hugs. :)
yeah, I can relate to this
My mom tells me to deal with it. Suffice to say, I never talked about my problems to them ever again
(2) it's so hard to explain when they don't really care :'(
It's like listening to an emotion autobiography of myself. Who else can relate?
i hope you're okay now
@@userm180 Thank you. You too.
I FELT SO ATTACKED AND AM HAVING THIS MIX OF WMOTIONS AND I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT IM FEELING AT THIS POINT AHHHHGHG🏃♀😿😟
@@fleshlvr8741 I'm sorry you feel that way. I been there.
@@thecatsbackyard4833 I LOVE CATS AND NOW I LOVE YOU TOO MWUAH:’D🧍💞
I hate it when your parents doesn't allow you to feel sad because they think that other people will think that they've been ignoring or neglecting their children.
I got every one of these signs so this video really spoke to me. I was a lonely kid, an only child, and autistic so I often felt looked down on by others and didn't have the best social skills. My parents were well-intentioned but they were not exactly great at understanding others feelings or making me feel validating. Even when it may not seem like those mean to neglect you, they can still have that effect on you. Make sure you make everyone around you feel validated, respected, and love. Even doing little actions of support everyday can help them a lot.
It's true that my parents took care of me physically, but I feel like they never understood me emotionally. I'm an introvert, and I don't make small talk with others or dance at parties because according to them I think I'm better than everyone else, or am over confident. But what they don't realize is that when they tell me these things, my already low confidence drops even lower. I don't enjoy sports, and am much more drawn to reading, singing, writing and other solitary hobbies, but they seem to think I'm arrogant for not being an extrovert and goofing around with others. (which I do, but only with my closest friends and with them if they don't bring up these things)
Do they not understand me because I keep my feelings to myself? Did I not try hard enough? I enjoy helping others and hearing them out, but sometimes I want to be heard too :(
i feel exactly the same way. i mean, i do realize their sacrifices and everything they do for me and yet i still always feel that there is something wrong. i hope you feel better soon (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)
ikrrrrr.... ;-; ur emotions r valid..... i rlly hate this world sometimes.... why cant people just... not do those things.... why cant they jus understand.....
It’s because everybody have their bunch of trauma… for exemple, if your parents were also neglected when they were kids, they probably think that there isn’t anything wrong so without even knowing it they will also neglected their children
Felt those last sentences.
you are literally me. But it reached to the point where I can’t talk to anyone I have no one. it’s got to the point where im scared to even let my emotions be heard. No one was really there for me not before, not now, and idk about the future.
I'm 8 out of 8 signs and yes, I'm seeing a professional to help me with this.
Oh my goodness! I am 69 years old and finally, finally, I know what happened to make me feel the way I felt for most of my life. Thank you so very much. It’s so settling to be able to put a name to it, check that box and explore it a little more before I put it away for good. My mom and dad worked hard to keep 5 children fed, clothed and in private school from K through 12. I’m sure it was difficult. But it was difficult for us, too. I just never understood exactly how I’d become “broken”. I knew I was but I didn’t understand how or why. Thank you. 💖
Some of the things on this video really hit home with me, and as an adult, I'm struggling with some trust issues. I grew up with a mother who probably still has unresolved trauma issues herself. As a child, all my physical needs were met, and I even had many of the toys and other items I wanted, but I also grew up with a verbally abusive mother who was not especially nurturing. I took a LOT of verbal abuse from my mom as a child (I believe that it was due to a combination of undiagnosed ADHD, which I also have, trauma from spending her early childhood during wartime Europe in WW2, and having parents who were not emotionally supportive and nurturing), and I felt like I was a verbal punching bag for her frustrations, and sadly, I STILL feel that way sometimes as an adult -- I'm currently living with her due to circumstances, and I can't afford to live my own right now. I have a complicated relationship with my mother -- sometimes we get along fine together and have fun, and I think that she TRIES to be a good mom, but when my mom gets angry, she has a very shrill, cutting voice, and can say things that really hurt. I was always easily overpowered or shut down when I tried to make my opinions known. I never had, and still don't have, one of those "my mother is my best friend, and I can tell her anything" kind of relationships, though. I have learned how to keep some of my interests a secret from her (like favorite celebrities or TV shows that I like), because I want to have something she can't get to. She seems to sometimes take delight in saying very negative things about people or TV shows that she knows I like, when she gets mad, making me feel guilty for liking those people or things. And sometimes she will suddenly start yelling at me about things that really have nothing to do about the subject at hand, or things that should have been forgiven or forgotten long ago, which makes me feel like my past mistakes will never really be forgotten about it. I keep a diary because it's about the only real outlet that I have for my feelings as an adult, and I know that a diary will not judge me. I feel like no one really cares about how I'm feeling as an adult, and during the pandemic, when I was unemployed for a couple of years and felt like all my old friends had completely forgotten about me, I went through one of the darkest periods of depression in my lifetime and got through it alone, because nobody really cared enough to help me get through it. I lived with my parents, who were sympathetic to a degree, but they didn't know how bad it REALLY was, and nobody suggested therapy for me because when my parents were growing up, paying attention to one's mental health wasn't really a thing. If you were depressed, you just simply got through it alone as best as you could, alone, which was simply what I did because I had to. Even now, as a grown woman, I feel like I'm completely on my own emotionally, and that no one is coming for me. In the US, therapy sessions as insanely expensive, so I'm just going to have to manage on my own as best as I can, as a single adult! My father, whom I had a good relationship with, passed on last year, and my siblings have their own families and lives, and there are things I simply just can't talk to my mom about. It's also surprisingly difficult to make and keep friends as an adult once you get past the college stage, since adults are all on different wavelengths, and everyone is juggling adult responsibilities to some degree. Being an adult, especially a single, middle-aged adult with ADHD, can really be the pits at times!
What a sad story. I hope your situation will be better asap. I'm sorry for the things you've been through.
Me: *feels like I'm being emotionally neglected but unsure what to think of it*
Also me: *clicks on this video*
yep, not only am I being emotionally neglected currently but have been nearly my whole life
@@nikam2298 yes it has and it really hurts to have such a negative, abusive and neglective relationship with my own mother. Thank you on for your support 😌
same
and i am still
Unfortunately, same here. It really sucks, and the stepdick (don't want to call him a stepdad because he was never my father and I was never his daughter) that treated me like trash can die in a fire for all I care.
@@mayravixx25 I feel the same way with all of my "step dad's" too in my opinion, I don't think mother's that do that realize how hurtfull and insensitive that can be to a child. Also in my situation my mom knows for a fact that I do not appreciate her calling any of these men my "dad" or step dad what so ever yet she still has the audacity to say things like "respect your "father" " that's on of the *many* reasons that we don't get along.
Also this is a fun fact (it's really not fun or funny in any way but yk) this is what went down with one of my step dad's we'll just call him tom, so him and my mom were dating for a while as far as I knew although I didn't like him all that much as far as I knew thier relationship was steady, and eventually they had my youngest sister, I don't want to share her real name either so we can call her tracy, just like all of my siblings she was adorable but still demonic the relationship kept going they had their little fights but as said before everything was going steady. Then on our big camping trip including my mom, tom me and my two sisters also toms family we all had a good time then, tom proposed to my mom and she said yes then I don't know how long it was but they were planning the wedding everything was good everybody was excited besides me, and one night tom took most of his things didn't say a word to anyone but did say bye to tracy and just up and left.
The fact i relate to all of this just makes me ask myself if im okay
me too
Me too. Sending you a hug💗
I already knew that Im not okay
But I really cant do anything about it except hide my emotions lmfao
How are you? owo ily ^.^
I always never knew how to respond to the question “how are you?” Or even worse, the dreaded “how do you feel?” Because then I would have to make up feelings and generate them, or lie.
I get frustrated when I try to be open with my feelings and others scoff or downplay it. Makes me really shut down. Even putting on a "church-face" at service and saying, "I'm OK" hasn't worked because I got teased for THAT too! "You're _JUST_ OK?!" I hate it, and yet I don't want to hide them because then I feel like I'm lying. So then I get stuck between a rock and a hard place.
Life's rough.
@@daffers2345 yes, I hate greeting people at church. the small talk and faking is the worst!!
If I remember correctly, I think in kindergarten, some of the people working there just weren't the right people to be working there. There was a specific time when one of the workers decided to yell at me for crying, while also helping my friend, who was also crying. And being told to "stop wailing" or that "the others don't want to hear my crying" by any adult other than my parents (they would never tell me that) was also common, especially around that time. Before I decided that therapy wasn't right for me, I remember telling my therapist about those times. I'm also autistic, and I had a lot of teaching assistants before I switched to online school. If I remember correctly, the one I had in fifth grade definitely neglected me emotionally, from telling me to stop crying while trying to comfort me, explicitly stated she didn't care when I was angry, and flat-out not doing anything about the bullying I went through. Even my parents hated her
I never want to have a child because I dont want to push my mental problems on them or make them have a hard life, I know in my opinion that having a kid wont fix my problem it will just make more and make the child's life horrible, I love kids so I never want one to have my problems.
now that is a responsible position
don't let anyone tell you otherwise
Same here
Same here, IDK I was messed up this bad but I never wanted kids I don't mean I didn't like them they just make me nervous, but my wife ragged on me until I gave in. Guess what my son is just like me but worse.I love him but I feel guilty for being at least part of his problems.
The two dislikes are our neglecting parents
*_o u r_*
@@luckynumber4501 no no, they have a point
@@cyanariesdw04 ik
36
The 19 parents who disagree
My dad was absent, and my mom was extremely controlling, I was never good enough, and the only way my mom showed love was to buy me things and money(in her words, nothing stays forever but money)
I can’t re-live my life, but the only thing I can do is to end this cycle!!! My daughter will never experience this, she will be loved and listened to. My daughter didn’t choose to come to this world, she doesn’t owe me anything. If you have been neglected as a child, PLEASE the least we can do is end this vicious cycle!!!!
the moment I realized you've been physically and emotionally neglected is something I never wanna experience again.
"You lack self esteem"
Jokes on you, it's not just lacking, I've never had it. Lol
Umm, if you've never had it then that means you lack it. i think you might be thinking of having low self esteem. I don't think that's what she said though.
What’s love? ua-cam.com/video/YoCl_I3WdVs/v-deo.html 🔥❗🔥🤘🏽🙇🏽♂🖤
you okay?
@@40bpaula you only lack it if having it is innate to ones life. It wasn't for mine.
@@40bpaula I think that was a joke
I didn't even know I could not identify my emotions until I was in therapy. "How are you" can be a really tough question when you're expected to answer honestly. And I often did not recognise when I was sad, I mistook sadness for fear most of the time. It's been a few years since then, therapy really helped and I'm certainly doing better. :)
In one of my sessions my counselor asked me about something that regarded how I'd feel in a certain situation. I _shouted_ almost as loud as I could, "I don't KNOW! I don't KNOW THE ANSWER! I DON'T KNOW!" I was terrified that he'd be angry because I wasn't allowed to say "I don't know" as a kid. He has helped me a great deal, too.
@@daffers2345 i didn't know that others couldn't say idk as a kid too. My dad didn't let me say that when he asked what i wanted or something like that. I got really happy when i was playing a game and when i answered idk the character said it was okay to not know something. It hit me that hard that i cried
What’s love? ua-cam.com/video/YoCl_I3WdVs/v-deo.html 🔥❗🔥🤘🏽🙇🏽♂🖤
im very proud of how far you've come :)
@@daffers2345 are you ok now?
when I was between the ages of 14 and 17 my mom had frequent emotional outbursts. everything was going wrong for her and every little thing I did or she thought I might be up to, resulted in many hours of scolding, threats and physical punishment. when I talk about her today she says she didn't do anything compared to what her mom did to her, and I should consider myself lucky. When she was admitted to a psychiatric facility for months, I was home alone. School was aware of my situations, uncles were too. All that was done was that they sent me some money regularly. No one called any child protective services, none of my uncles took me in while mom was in the psych ward. I took things into my own hands. Now I'm an english teacher and still struggle to find a job in my intended area, which is design and illustration. During all this time my dad was out of reach. He made contact a few years ago, we just talk through the phone sometimes. never payed any child support. I found a new family, my boyfriend's family. but people are really upset when I am unable to act like a functional adult sometimes. I'll try to get some help, but financial situation in brazil is beyond frustrating.
when your parents struggle from there own emotional scars from their own past it becomes that much harder for every generation that comes after and parents alone who have suffered also don't know how to help their own children who go through the same things and this I did understand about my mom but I also know children of parents with unresolved emotional issues those children often times suffer more at the hands of their own parents than their own parents did from their parents and since my mom left home when she was 15 and really never went back I don't know how she managed with her depression but I know that she made it a lot harder on me and and was more harder on me than she really needed to be so of course drama like that type of emotional abuse when your own feelings are invalidated not just by teachers but others in your immediate family as well are very scary and damaging.
Funny how I recently found out I've had depression since elementary school (I got diagnosed this year, because I hadn't thought I needed psychological help), and nobody in my family noticed back then. Relating to the 8 points of this video, I remember being unable to communicate my emotions ever since I was a little kid, mostly from fear of not being heard, or being judged
I know what you mean
I had depression for like 7 years straight and it took 4 years for anyone to even notice
@@thefrog4990 Awww, I get you. Hope things are doing better now :)
Ayo,for the people who were neglected as a kid,
Take this cookie and milk.
*You deserve it my friend :)*
thank you mate :)
Thank you amigo
I wanna like this comment but its at 69 likes
Oh look, the milk dad never got.
Make is lactose free milk and we got a deal
I’m genuinely curious if there are actually “perfect” childhoods/families. Sure there are issues and problems, but I wonder if there are children that grow up without signs of abuse/neglect, however small it may be. It’s interesting to me at this point.
No, because of how our grandparents raised our parents the parents will always act in certain ways, same goes for the next generation and onwards, and everyone before that.
@@aaronking2020 there are cycle breakers, like I strive to be. Through therapy and enough self work you can overcome these issues.
But perfection? Perfection isn’t what we strive for. Excellence is :)
My X best friend seemed to have a "perfect" childhood. Both parents where (and are still married to each other). Her mom was a housewife and doting mother. She was obviously loved by her siblings. Oh, and she was middle class. She grew up with some weird anxiety and self loathing issues that I cannot explain. Perfection is overrated.
Healthy confident, loving, rational, benevolent, happy and resilient children do exist. They may not be “perfect” but the likelihood of them suffering from depression, lack of motivation, anger, difficulty w/ communication /relationships /self control, etc is far lower than average. They might not be as smart as you but they don’t face the same obstacles. Probably less than 20% of the population falls in this category.
I know right
I would like to share a little piece of wisdom: one time someone brought up how others have it worse when I mentioned my neglect. I used this metaphor; someone who drowns in seven feet of water is just as dead as somebody who drowned in seventy feet of water. Some were taught to swim beforehand- some weren’t. Some were naturally better- some naturally sank like a rock. It’s all about the individuals needs and situation. It’s not about the depth of the water- it’s about the ability to swim.
You know its helpful to go back thru these things from time to time. It makes me appreciate how far I have grown .
Unfortunately, not everyone grows up in a great household. Let's shine some light on childhood emotional neglect. If you enjoy this video, don't forget to like, share and comment! Here's another video to watch signs of childhood trauma ua-cam.com/video/EHj9Apr49ME/v-deo.html
I agree
Love u guys!!
Thank you for making videos on this topics,they're really useful and well made:〕
I've always been told to put other people before me. Whenever I'm sad I get yelled at for misbehaving. I don't even know who I am as a person anymore.
I can't spend time around my family anymore because it can get so stressful, but then I get yelled at for not spending time with my family.
IKR I HATE THEM SO MUCH. THEY R JUS SO MANIPULATIVE, STUCK IN THEIR OWN THOUGHTS, COULDNT BE BOTHERED AND CANNOT UNDERSTAND US, WHAT WE FEEL AND EXPECT US TO BE ALL HAPPY HAPPY SMILEY SMILEY AND DO EVERHTHING "CORRECTLY OR NORMALLY" UGH WE R HUMANS. WE HV EMOTIONS.
AND OSO EVEN I UNDERSTAND THE LOGIC THAT U CANT FORCE PEOPLE TO LOVE U AND WHEN THEY HATE U U CAN FORCE THEM TO NOT SAY BUT IT WILL STILL REMAIN AS A FACT. I HATE THEM AND WE OSO R HUMANS AND CAN FEEL ANGRY, SAD, ANNOYED ETC NOT JUS A SMILEY ROBOT THAT MUST BE PERFECT.
ur emotions r valid.... ik its vry vry vryyy hard to be like this...... but.... i hope this can make u smile or feel better, there are people who understand and r here for u.... and... its their fault.... ik its tough... but i hope both of us can hang on... and pray it'll be over soon..... im here 4 uu :) and if u wanna vent jus do it but be careful to who tho- u can jus vent here :D its hard to keep all ur emotions inside and not allowed to express them... ;-; i rlly hope that this can brighten up ur dayyyy :D u can do ittt
Have you been able to find a place that will help you mentally?
If you are still in school or college, get an appointment with the counselor.
If you're on your own, do an internet search for mental health places in your area. Call them and ask if you can get some help or if they can direct you somewhere that can help you.
I hope you are able to get the mental health care that you need.
I think in some ways that my friend may be experiencing this but since she only tells me what she wants me to hear and keeps the rest of herself which is okay as an understanding friend I agree with it to a point but where I disagree is keeping it all to yourself where someone else has to tell me that her kid is just lying to get attention or just overreacting to get attention and that if she knows that her mom had said these things to me which she probably does I can't imagine her not being very pissed off about it I wouldn't be surprised if she's totally furious that her mom would say these things to me but since I haven't heard from her since Sunday this week I have no clue I can only hope that she has more good days than bad days and yes I could relate to the points on this video myself cuz I struggle in some of the same ways a different circumstances and I'm 41 now and my parents mostly my mom was the kind of parent that dismissed my own emotions and only wanted me to care about her own deep dark emotions and feel sorry and pity for her and just keep my own feelings to myself cuz if I would say anything about how I was feeling or even confront my own mom with things like behavior whether it was hers or my own I got punished for it she would yell at me for even bringing it up and that is unfortunate but I also understand that she never properly knew how to deal with their own darkness and unfortunately I hate to say it on one point that I agree with my mama she never should have had a child and I'm an only child and when she realized that I think she gained more insight into herself but still continue to want to be the only think about her own depression and how she was struggling with it and not acknowledge my own. so yes as an adult I have put others before me I just figure because I'm not in a immediate crisis such as someone who is using drugs or drinking alcohol or having suicidal thoughts that my emotional states is less important than those who are suffering from those three things and I know that those three things do require immediate attention so that is only why I see my therapist once every 3 weeks because I'm constantly thinking okay yeah I need the help but people like my friend from high school who are going through it other things such as suicidal thoughts and thoughts of harm to others needs more immediate attention than my own emotional instability
Still remembering when my mom took me to the doctor because I had “fever”, there the doctor told me that I was just sad, and that I didn’t know how to identifícate my feelings.
my comment is at the top please tell me how you feel after reading it stranger.
I would say there were definitely some problems in my childhood with neglect. I got basics like food and shelter, but there I wasn't really taught social or emotional skills. I've had a very hard time relating to people since I was 5, and it's made me very isolated. I also wasn't taught basic life skills, which effect me to this day. Thankfully there's the internet, so I can find answers, but if you don't know the questions it can still be difficult to navigate through adult life. I've also managed to open up a bit more, socially, but still find it very difficult to interact with others. I'm attempting online counseling to see if there's anything I can do to improve in that regard.
Anyone else feel like they weren't actually emotionally neglected but after watching these videos, your perspective has changed?
The thing is, once I realised that communication is key to healthy relationships, I started becoming more and more open with my parents. And while that has helped a lot to improve my relationship with my father, it has deteriorated my relationship with my mother. She is not at all an open person and has no inclination to do so even when we have lengthy discussions on why this would be beneficial. I know I am trying to be like, her replacement-therapist in this way, I just don't know what else to do. We can't afford actual therapy and she'd honestly never go even if we could. Decades of domestic violence and trauma have really affected her, I have no idea how to navigate through this. I want to help her so much, I just don't know what to do.
whenever I have shared my feelings with my parents they have found a way to turn it against me, nagging me for my inadequacies. Now they are getting older, and even simple communication is forgotten by both of them, but then they have never really listened to me, so this isn't new.
For you, you are lucky to have found a way to communicate with your dad. Sounds like your mom wants to be left alone, or only have a superficial relationship.
Hate to break it to you but that's life? We can't get along with everyone even if we tried. You can't push her to change. Your mom has to want to change herself.
I have a difficult mother who won't go to therapy when me and my brother tried. It's getting harder to even have small talk before she turns it into a trap. She just has this refusal to change her outlook. She always blamed and attacked us, her children, for our feelings and interests. I don't necessarily blame her. My straight up physically, emotionally, and verbally abusive grandmother was the hardest on my mother (1 of 7 children). I don't blame my mother for being emotionally shut off. She really did her best knowing her past and what she went to help us all get by. But one day I hope she realizes we aren't children that she can control. *We are adults; we are people. And adult relationships are 2 ways streets that involve communication, boundaries, and trust.*
You are open to communication which is good. Now, you should establish boundaries with her. If she does care about you, she will respect them. I have hope that you can find that connection with her. But don't let that hope be an anchor for manipulation!
Your mom has to want change, it isn't your responsibility. My mom has this same problem. I'm very open with communication i like to lay all cards on the table to let my mom know how I'm feeling but everything just ends up reverting back to old ways. Like the other 2 commenters said, cherish the relationship you have with your father.
Also her going through her own stages of trauma isn't an excuse to traumatize her children. Its all about her being weak minded, and I don't necessarily mean that in a bad way. But she doesn't have mental strength to pull herself out, that's why you are of no assistance to her.
My mom projected her abuse onto me and my siblings plenty of times and my brother got tired of it first and told her to do something about it. Its the only way things will change. She doesn't wanna and now none of her kids are in her life. She has 9.
My father passed when I was 4 so again I put emphasis on holding on to your dad while he's still here. You are lucky it worked out with at least 1 of your parents. Imagine 1 being in their grave and the other one not even mentally stable enough to have a healthy relationship with you ... smh
I wish you the best of luck!
If you have kids or will have kids or thinking about it, just think about how you were treated and treat them differently (:
U sound very level headed and that is half the solution. Keep ur open mind and ur solution oriented attitude. Remember, none of us has a how to manual for this. And therapy encompasses a lot of what u r already doing, it can also be A good or bad experience because therapy is no guarantee that things will improve, unfortunately, we sometimes encounter poor therapists. But as someone with adult daughters, a family that has had our share of situations and therapists, It sounds like u are strong, smart and mature. Trust ur instincts and although therapy is not free, it's available online now and quite reasonable. I cannot tell u whether or not it's quality but I think u probably can judge based on ur feelings. Don't give up and stick to ur guns. As u said, u should not be a substitute therapist for mom but u obviously understand how valuable ur parents are to u and u want to nurture the relationship. Very wise, when they are no longer here we spend a lot of time thinking about how we were with them. When u are the best u know how to be u think about that time with gladness, not regret.
At this point u probably need some professional advice and some validation. Friends and family members that u trust and respect are a good resource. Even maybe ur father, if that won't make ur mother feel like u r hanging up on her. But spend some time researching this topic with a variety of resources to get different perspectives, especially those that may align with her and u urself. There are ways to avoid putting others on the defensive and ways to approach things sounding positive and these things work well, I have used them at work and in daily communication with everyone I deal with. Spend time getting comfortable with it. Things will start to feel, good luck.
I relate heavily to this. My open and honest communication with my father has helped us heal our relationship and become very close in my adulthood. My mother does not appreciate this and instead prefers to live in this fantasy world where we have a great relationship with no work or healing behind it. Her years of abuse and (I suspect) untreated BPD make honest communication a field of land mines of gaslighting and refusal to acknowledge personal truths.
I’ve stopped communicating with her and only reach out to check on her health now and again. When I do I play her little game and then leave her alone.
Its upsetting how a lot of abuse is able to be reported but when it comes to emotionally neglectful and emotionally abusive parents you cant report it because it doesnt count. This has impacted my mental health severely as I wasnt able to leave the household I live with
I've just realized it all because of this video. I grew up independently since I don't have a supportive environment, I thought that my feelings are not valid and of no significance. All of the said points here are sure in accuracy! And I thank you psych2go team for informing me of my struggle! 🙂
Your topics are all essential especially these times of pandemic!
I have emotional outbursts on any small thing.. Start feeling jealous when someone you call your best friend talks to others completely ignoring you, angry when things don't go according to you..
When 'you fear dependency' came, I was 100% sure that I was neglected as a kid (even though knew it already), I don't even ask them to buy clothes, or anything except books (only school books), I mustered courage for ordering a few fantasy novels (I usually download pdfs or get books as gift or prize)..
I prefer keeping emotions to myself and I don't talk much, my teachers always complain about this and my parents get angry (doesn't matter even if I got 1st position in class), they ask me why I get so scared and get so much anxiety before talking.. The thing is I can't say it's because they were neglecting me as a kid, never allowed to speak, got angry if I stayed little longer to play outside, were abusive and beat me up for their whole day anger (even my teachers neglected me but worse, most of them discouraged me, bullied and punished for nothing by classmates and popular girls)...
I was not smart, the best kid in my childhood cuz I was fighting with my disease but no one cared. After 9 years of neglect, they started caring about my health seriously..
Now, they might have improved a little as parents but the deep scars & fears of childhood because of them will never disappear..
I can't hate anyone cuz atleast I had food to eat, bed to sleep, school to study, so many children never get that luxury.. When I'll grow up, I want to help everyone suffering. I hope people understand others emotions instead of mocking them.
Hugs :3
Here's a virtual hug little crumb! ╰(⸝⸝⸝´꒳`⸝⸝⸝)╯
Sending you the biggest hug.💗💗
Well just know someone can be going through something worse than you but it doesn't invalidate your trauma abuse or neglect. It still falls in the category of uncaringness . I hope you find an outlet , maybe start finding out your spirituality!
@@septbaaby yeah.. I know that there are much much worse things happened with others.. That's why I want to help others when I grow up
And yes, after so many years, my parents talked to me & I had another outburst.. They finally talked to me.. I'm feel so much better now
This explains why i can’t answer the questions of my girlfriend when she asks how do you feel
It’s like an addiction to fulfill others emotional requirements and never see yourself
Almost like being a robot that trying to understand human feelings but they are all alien to you.
So THAT’S why I related to Data from Star Trek so much!
Same
As an adult I feel guilty for feeling like this happened. I was a child with medical issues raised by a single Mom who worked and provided and at the end of the day she was tired. Her own mother (my grandma) never showed her emotions and didn't say "I love you" so it was new for her.
how a child turns out is always the reflection of a parent's parenting
I (31F) am currently in therapy because of childhood emotional neglect by my mother. It was difficult for me to accept it as neglect, since I really do feel that she loved me (and still does) and always wanted what she thought was best for me. But whenever I was sad or angry, she would always brush it off as me having a tantrum or it was puberty or I was making a big deal out of nothing. Combined with always being ignored by my peers, I always felt like I wasn't important at all, that I could just disappear one day and no one would notice. It was covert abuse. My Mum wasn't even aware she was doing it.
sounds like my own mother
Bruh you're 31 and play Gacha??
@@feralheartselly0069 Umm no? Don't even know what that is tbh.
Unfortunately, both my parents were absent apart from my life apart from when they needed glorification for my result.
The physical, verbal, emotional abuse has been so severe, I have been asked multiple times to be removed from my house and press charges on my parents especially my mother.
Fearing the foster care system because I’ve already been sexually, physically and emotionally abused before, I don’t want it to happen all over again with new people.
There’s a void in me that can never be filled and the death of the only person I actually loved, my grandma tore me into pieces from which I might never get myself back again.
same, sometimes, i feel like if my corpse just end up lying somewhere on the street, no one would even bother to help, call the police, and cars would run over me as if i was just some pieces of garbage
My parents neglected me. I showered my son with lots of love 💗 My son is almost 30 & he tells me he loves me 💗😁👍
I'm a parent guilty of this, at the time I was a single mom left to fend for both me and my son so I busted my ass worked 60 hour weeks, saved 30 thousand dollars and bought a house for my son to grow up in but the stress and sadness I felt raising my son without a father screwed me up and caused me to turn to drinking which caused depression. I tried to provide him with best that I could, no help from family. I gave him what I could, now I realize all he ever wanted was just my attention and love, he had my love but not always my attention, What does one do? I tell him I'm sorry, He says "mom, you were the best, you spoiled me, I had a good childhood" I still feel I could have done better..
I'm sure lots of parents feel that way
It's possible to feel neglected emotionally from one parent and not the other I felt that my mom was there for me emotionally growing up. However, my dad didn't care much at all about my emotions he had narcassitic tendencies. I never felt and still don't feel he loved, encouraged or supported me in the right ways. Also, every time I've allowed him to give me advice for years, every time I end up regretting it, because it's never good life advice to actually apply to life.
I always felt like my childhood was okay. Some bumps in the road, but everyone has those.
Years later, I'm 18 and only then learning to recognise my own emotions and kinda handle them.
Seeing this video now, at age 27, reminds me of the long path I still have to walk, recognising all other seven symptoms.
if you wanna talk ab it, im here :)
Honestly fam, same. I’m currently 23 and until this year, I thought my parents were better than most and I was always wondering how I turned out so screwed up when I had such amazing parents. I’m just coming to grips with the fact that they may have treated me worse than I realize. You’re not alone
@@MaevieTheSongbird I'm experiencing the same rn, it's not like I'm depressed or anything but I do have some issues and I always try to remember and discover what caused them but it's so hard.
Sometimes I feel even neglectful parents are way better than abusive ones. Even though my childhood wasn't
the best but I'm still grateful for it. I feel really sad for people who had it so much worse.
Sorry to say IT'S THE SAME END FEELING💔
Being neglected is considered abuse.
Good for you. It sounds like, you have made the best, of what you got. It's up to us, to be better people.
I like this positive attitude but still we need to heal what's broken
To add to the fear of dependency: Sometimes people don't want to ask for help because 'help' always came with strings attached when they were growing up, so they fear that asking for help as an adult will result in the person they asked for help from later asking for some outlandish favour in return, and they feel they'll owe it no matter how outlandish.
I can relate to all the signs, and i still have trouble controlling my emotions and now i see why, thank you so much for shedding light on this matter, it means so much for someone like me who struggles with this ❤
haven't seen any of these in a while and first thing I see is that improved art style
Thank you! Glad you like this animation style :) - Cindy
@@Psych2go 😁
My family complains that I’m not educated when in fact, it’s their fault for not educating me. I raised myself. And I’m still doing it. They hold me back. I can’t do a single thing with them. I wish I could make a home someday and stay away from them. I wish everyone luck, too!
Good luck! I hope you get a better family in the future with friendship, and that you get that home away from your neglectful parents.
@@luna-moon-n Thx! :)
@Judy Imohi I actually think that I do have. :) My advice would be to try step by step to release yourself from toxic/fake people. 2 of my (ex) bff betrayed me in the worst ways I’ve seen. They left me for others in a second, though we were friends from when we were babies. And they left me for people that they don’t really know? They were fake friends. So here my advice would be, before giving the title to a person “bff,” see what their intentions with you are. Do they really want to be your bff/friend? Or are they using you, or other stuff? And about family. I lost my time trying to get closer to my sister. But she from the beginning didn’t want me. And she still doesn’t. She’s toxic with me. So I let go of her. It’s not worth your precious time with people who doesn’t want you. ❤️
two tricks to own a house. 1. get a fixer upper. As long as it doesn't have a bad smell, or mold, you can fix it. Ideally, fix things yourself. youtube can teach you how. 2. get a house with extra rooms, then rent out those rooms to roommates. this will help a lot with paying the mortgage. If the house is near a college or university, getting roommates should be easy.
@@brocksamson3282 Thx! :)
Just realized a few days ago my emotions have always been either ignored, invalidated, or been told they were fake my entire life. The thoughts behind my actions is never considered by my parents. I’ve been called manipulative, selfish, dramatic, and so many more names because I simply wasn’t given the chance to explain my thoughts. My good deeds are often overlooked, and I’m basically the family failure at this point. The best part is when you get told that your parents would trade you put for another child if given the chance 👍
I always thought that I was fine. Now that I'm older, I look back to my past and I'm thinking wow, well, that explains why I'm messed up now. Parents divorced during childhood was not that bad but how they deal with it though is another thing. I had to be strong for my mom when she wasn't mentally or emotionally well growing up. I grew up feeling lonely and almost empty.
I feel the same way. More often than not, children from divorced parents have to mature faster for their parents and be the strength for them.
Me, who just realized I was neglected as a child and have severe separation anxiety a few days ago throughout my 16 years of life: Ah this is perfect.
I was neglected as a child and what makes me sad is that there was many times where I could have told my parents how I feel and I know they wouldn't hurt me but I was still too scared. neglecting a child can have so many affects on a child I'm proof of that I hope people can take these massages well
Just saying right now my parents weren't bad in any way they were busy with divorcing and moving and I was also WAY to scared to tell them how neglected and alone I was so please don't hate my parents they're doing their best
Another oneshot player
@@mrsprince2706 I relate a lot to your comment and attitude about your situation, you put together your thoughts very well. I can tell you are a kind but hurt person. I hope you find a lot of people you can feel safe and comfortable expressing yourself with. Also nice Oneshot pfp
@@wiffywiffy7896 as much as I love the compliment I have to say that the way the comment was framed made it sound a lot more dramatic than it was still I'm very glad you took the time to say something positive still I feel bad because honestly this comment was poorly thought out
Oh I see, we’ll either way your comment resonated with me even if it may have been poorly thought out. Thank you for sharing this anyway, wish you luck 🙏
Growing up I had it drilled into me that it's not wise to make decision based on my emotions. But no one ever explained to me that emotions are a single tool meant to be used among a variety of healthy decision-making skills and coping mechanisms. Now that I'm out of my toxic home environment and starting to get to know myself, I'm starting to understand the importance of using my emotions to help myself make wise, valid, important decisions. (I just need to be careful not to rely on them too much.)
i saw that first point (bottling emotions) and immediately thought of my compulsive lying struggles. theyre the reason therapy is counterproductive for me most times since my family's abusive behaviors towards my needs and interests made me grow up thinking "if i tell my family or mental professionals that literally anything is wrong, i am in danger" and its still an issue today as an adult. :')
I am so sorry to hear that you can’t seem to find your safe place🙁. The virtual or online therapy options might be helpful? Because you can keep your identity a secret until and if you ever feel comfortable to reveal it 🤍. You can share without fear of danger or someone finding you.
Unreal how this video touched on everything I've felt since childhood! Thank you.
It makes u become someone u never wanted to be. It grows out monster out of yourself
They'll get angry at me, I'll cry, then they'll beat me up for it saying crying is just for the weak. It made me feel ashamed when I cried in school
this comment explains my whole childhood
I'm so sorry :( sending you a hug💗
Same here
Never cried in front of the but if I say nothing and give a blank stare I'm "glaring" and "not listening" like no I am listening just you've yelled at me so much it don't scare me anymore
I am definitely emotionally neglected. I had a feeling I was before I watched this video, but now I’m certain I am. My parents always made feel like I needed to be this perfect person, although they’re vision of who I needed to be was different from mine. I felt like I was not in control of my life because my parents would always try to make me something I didn’t want to be, if I made a slight mistake they would get extremely pissed at me and some of the things they said while yelling or screaming at me traumatized me. I started to get depressed and would always just want to be by myself. Even if I did interact with other people I barely talked to them. Also, I would almost never help myself and would always put other people before me because I felt like I didn’t matter. I would always come home from school and just start playing video games, not because I was addicted to them or anything, but because they were an escape. And my parents thought I was being careless and lazy when I wasn’t doing anything important (like playing video games) and would scold me, they acted like I never did anything important ever in my life. One thing I’m really good at doing is masking who I really am, a lot of people think I’m a happy and energetic person. When really, I’m a quiet and unhappy person. A lot people don’t believe me when I say I’m depressed and that just fuels the thought that I don’t matter.
so much of this resonates with me. first, the misjudgment from adults that I was "lazy" or "antisocial" because I enjoyed watching tv and spending time alone. now at 26, I tend to keep to myself because I find the thought of being negatively perceived by others exhausting. and second, the masking thing! my friends all think I’m this funny, extroverted person when that couldn't be further from the truth (I mean I am funny, but I try way harder than I need to around people. very chandler bing). wouldn't wish this feeling on anyone but glad others get it. wishing you & anyone reading the best.
That sounds a lot like my life. Sending you virtual hugs.
What’s love? ua-cam.com/video/YoCl_I3WdVs/v-deo.html 🔥❗🔥🤘🏽🙇🏽♂🖤
That’s called being a teenager. The fact you have two parents is a blessing. You’ll feel differently when you older TRUST me.
im really sorry :(( if you guys need to talk about this, im here
To lack in self esteem stems from my mother always telling me I have to behave.
Me everyday: “why am I like this?😩”
The answer: ✨🌟😇✨trauma✨😇🌟✨
realizing I went through this the past year has helped me so much to grow and gave much a lot of emotional stability and confidence in myself and my needs.
anyone who sees this: you are not overreacting. And you're not making these things up or going crazy looking for someone to blame. these things happen without you realizing it.
thank you.
You know, i have a professional therapist who tells me these things but these videos are always really validating