Very easy answer: When they are with you, they are themselves. When they are with others, they are who they need to be to get what they want from people.
Me & My Ex Narc was Married for 12years with Children. I did all my possible best to be faithful to him and I always made my mind that I want to be the best house wife as that what I dream since college days. Nothing work out when you’re with a narcissist, My narc Ex still went ahead by threatening to file a divorce and take custody of our children because I caught him severally cheating with different lady and even my friend I also knew a lot of illegal stuffs he does and how addicted he’s to alcohol. I had no choice , friend told me about this Private Investigator which is also American Spy Guy he’s expert in tapping phone and web without leaving a trace, he got into my Husband phone and drives. I found Dirty proofs, real dirty things. All deleted Messages, chats, Videos, Call history from 16years back where unveiled to me. This proofs where helpful cos he worked my papers for me and now I can stay with my child and have a good job. Don’t let your narcissistic partner abuse you no more get in touch via instagram @fahad__hack👈👈 👉👉@fahad__hack👈👈
How exhausting. To keep up that image. I am exhausted from his abuse but it must be for him as well to pretend to be a good person everywhere but home. Not his home anymore finally after 6 years. I'm so relieved but also so destroyed and defeated.
@@whirlhoof5117 It will take time for you to recover. Months, for full getting well, maybe even few years. After him turning your inner world into a chaos, it will take time for you to rearrange all the puzzle pieces of yourself (clear mind, emotions, stability, self-esteem) into the right order again. Don't do two things; never ever try to prove him or explain to him anything (completely pointless and very dangerous for you to go back into the sick cycle of his mental games), don't turn back..just keep going into the new direction of your life. Your power is full ignoring him, not showing any emotion to him, not responding to his provocations,not talking about him with people who know both of you (trust me, avoid that completely), you can talk only with somebody very close to you, one or max two people. Starve him with giving him zero material. I wish you lots of strenght and good luck! You can succeed and you will, just have huge self control and act with your brain, not with emotions.
@@whirlhoof5117u did great. Some women in Asian subcontinent's spend their lives with abusive men because they aren't independent and housewives and because of cultural norms. The people in abusive families have a thinking "we have to deal with this persons flaws and keep living our lives".
Very True... and make u feel guilty. And u will avoid further interaction with them bcoz of d unpleasant ending of d prior encounter. In any case they have successfully made u feel guilty also by this time. Then after a long gap say 10 days, u run into them, they will talk to you as if nothing transpired. Then when u have let down your guard and warm up to them, then will come the strike/attack .... leaving u miserable for no fault of yours, u will be hurt all over again. I have a sibling who is narcissistic ....
My covert vulnerable sister convinced our narcissist mom I was the crazy one when I’d blow up at the repugnant crap she’d do to me. I was 19yrs old dating an 18yr old college football player. My 26yr old sister started dating him & I found out through a girl that was dating another player. I never said anything to my sister but I went off on the guy & he was on the phone with her so she heard me. The next day I was supposed to help with chores but I went to the beach instead. She had the audacity to go off on me for not helping her clean! So I went off on her & called her a bitch. My mom slapped me & my sis told my mom that I was crazy because I “always go flying off the handle for nothing.” Decades later I told my mom this story & a few other choice ones. She told me I was making everything up & that my sis only protected & looked out for me. WTF?! I never shared anything with my mom before that & never again afterwards.
He told shit abt my mom...his mom said shit abt my parents...n when I spoke back...he said how dare u make my mom cry??? I am like what??? She was telling worse things....what did he want ..I will just listen n not react...god how stressful was that
Yeah man. Like our son and his whole side of the family. And get this I try to fix that and they say it's all in my head, and then resume with the isolation and ignore and times my son can humiliate me.
I felt this comment. It’s made me question my reality because people around me would compliment this person and think so highly of them. But to me, I felt the target on my back from this person through triggers and the way they sought control. People would tell me I’m over sensitive. But if this person continually has done negative actions towards me repeatedly, I know I can’t be making it up. It’s just the feeling very alone when no one believes you that hurts very hard, perhaps just as hard as the abuse.
Yeah, the smear campaign worked beautifully against me. "Friends " ,I knew for 25+ years. It was very painful. After a good therapist ,I picked myself up and kicked all those so-called friends to the curb. I believe too this day, he slept with two of them. Good riddance to all of that jealous, backstabbing trash! I now have lots of friends! Really genuine people. Divorced since 2017 after eleven years of anguish!. Thank you, God! Amen!
They do it to those who are “easy targets, prey, co-dependent, not financially secure, not emotionally independent”. As my husband put it, you find someone damaged enough you can get them to do anything. Me- Ick. 😢 They know they’re evil which is why exposure makes them irate and their revenge game is unimaginably wicked and strong.
@@tugan486Sometimes they target people who are empaths, for example, or who seem special in some sort of way. It satisfies them to be able to break down people like that.
@@pareeshaslaughter6798or threaten you at party, or afterwards. And if people ask what's wrong with you all of a sudden, the narc makes you look like the party pooper some way by insulting you to the other person. They bond with others easily being fake and getting attention, flirting, and sometimes cheating. It is so sick. They love if you're jealous but they have to make up or imagine things to be jealous of you doing, because you actually do nothing. 🤮
@magicalindigoadult3838 who said being nice means you are happy? 😂 no usually it's the opposite. Nice people are the ones with a lot of problem but they know how to hide their problem...really well.
So flipping True. God is with us. Please know u r loved. And u r not alone. Our guides and protecting Angels and God is with us. They make us stronger n our weakest times. ❤ all my husband does is twist and gaslight me. I have a daughter with him
@ireneowusu8612 you are so right. I spent 2 yrs only allowed to talk to him. Everything that happens now, I still have the need to text & tell him. I have to stop myself every time, because he was all I had even though I didn't really have him.
Not true 😅 They don't abuse the people that are happy being their little slaves! I have a narcissistic brother who was my first bully he treats his Girlfriend like a princess while he treats his family like crap!!
Exactly the truth. Plus, if they are getting everything they want from that person and if that person believes everything they say then they are happy. I used to hear, "I want to live with grandma because shell believe my lies." or "If you weren't here I'd be able to manipulate dad." The person who sees through their BS is the one who gets it the worst.
@@monejohn9973if he’s a narc, behind closed doors he probably treats her like crap too unfortunately, or until she no longer agrees to everything he asks
Remember it’s a choice they make to abuse you. It’s no accident, and you did not “cause them to abuse you”. They do not abuse their priest/pastor; they do not abuse their boss; they do not abuse their friend’s wife; they do not abuse their accountant. It’s a choice they make daily to abuse you. Leave them.
3 years with the most depressed miserable evil woman I ever meet I loved her with all my heart treated her like a queen she sneaks and lies about everything I finally figured her out because she can't lie straight and she not street smart she told me how perfect I was for her but still abused me ,now I am so over her and feel so sorry for her because I know she will always suffer because she in a cycle and can't change.
Satan appears as an angel of light sometimes. They are led by him, whether they know it or not. 2 Corinthians 11:13-15 13 For such are false apostles, deceitful workers, transforming themselves into the apostles of Christ. 14 And no marvel; for Satan himself is transformed into an angel of light. 15 Therefore it is no great thing if his ministers also be transformed as the ministers of righteousness; whose end shall be according to their works.
@@dakoderii4221I was a target of this. Thry try to wreak havoc in my life and torment me with neglect and never celebrating my life or caring how I feel. Disorientating me
We are their chosen ones because of how “nice” we are. There is no way they could get away with a lot of their behaviour with others. Our niceness becomes our vulnerability.
One ‘give away’ of a narcissist is that they are always telling you how everyone’loves’ them or ‘likes’ them. They rarely comment on how they like someone else.
Yes one person had the nerve to say oh me and my nephews are close I said oh yeah me and my children are close. I do not know why he said that. He was bragging about a podcast he was doing I said so what I am not into things like that. I have no desire to be a UA-camr. Lol
My husband once sat in a car for hours with a woman and her child who had a minor fender bender, I can’t get him to sit with me for 5 second when I was in the emergency room. I feel unloved and lonely. He goes out of his way to help others, but I can’t get him to do anything for me.
And so when this happened to me, I pulled up my big girl pants and became very self reliant, and when this happens and you start to display that you are very self reliant, the narcissist gets very upset because they really desire feel needed, by YOU and if they don’t feel needed by YOU they get upset. The key is to suck the wind out of their sale. Every chance you get has not to handover your power.
My wife will put hands on me and then look at me later on in the evening and tell me 'I hope you know I love you, but I am just tired of repeating myself.' and if I say anything about how she acts, I am the monster.😢
The crowd can take sides with the narc because they don't know that person really well. How they are behind closed doors and in personal life. They are all about creating a good image in society.
Empaths are being attacked as if it is a weakness.. Narcissists see empathy as a weakness, and being nice is the enemy. They find it easy to manipulate and dominate nice people. Empaths feed their narcissism. It is time we all wake up to this..
Thank you! I divorced a narcissist 25 years ago, but I’m still dealing with the emotional damage. They have the power to hurt a person’s self-esteem and worth for years. Truly treacherous people, Your words are healing. Thank you ❤
Their abuse is the worst backhanded compliment ever, actually. They only pick the best of the best to use and abuse, someone that they both seriously admire and are jealous of.
One time, he was screaming at me in the car. When he parked, I got out immediately, and there were people all around. Omg it was like night and day. The way he changed gave me whiplash
Narcs select certain individuals for abusive psychological purposes. Envy is usually the beginning fueled by their uncontrollable anger. Or passive aggression
Exactly, they are usually jealous of something about you in the beginning, that's why they choose you for abuse. It could even be over something so petty/Insignificant, like say, you accidentally show up to work your first day wearing the same shirt as them or wearing an expensive piece of jewelry (that they've always wanted, but you don't know that). Whatever it is makes them have angry/jealous/contempt for you. And so, instead of acting like normal person and spilling coffee on your shirt that first day, they say to themselves "I'm gonna be friends with this person so I can win against them, because I'm better than them and I deserve it, and they don't. 😈" Meanwhile, you don't even know this is happening but see they are super nice and wanna be your friend. My ex was like this, after our breakup I realize she chose me, became friends with me, dated me, because she was jealous of me somehow that first day/week.
@@specialtwice4975it happened to me too!! So accurate! A girl from college became my friend and convinced me to date a friend of her, which she described as an extraordinary person, who has helped many people doing charity. This guy instead revealed as a mentally instable person who insulted and attacked me. She said to me that she was sooo shocked about the episode. But she wasn't, days after she posted a photo on social media at a dinner with that guy, with big smiles. After months I discovered she was envious about a boy who had a crush on me, she liked him but he rejected her. That was the truth. Monster. 😢
@@specialtwice4975This has happened with me too but the only difference is I called this narcissist my best friend and im glad and peaceful that she means nothing to me anymore.
Yes, passive aggression is the ugliest thing, JUST SAY IT to me instead of these annoying games. Passive aggression is used on me often and guilt tripping.
The one red flag when with a narcissist is when you always feel confused and uneasy when with them or sleeping with them. Always trust your instincts girls. ❤
They Have deficient reciprocity which leads to exhaustion. They never put in as much effort as you Do. You contact them and they only reply. But they never reach out to you. This means that they let you Do The Work.
" Why are you nice and sweet to others, not to me ? " When I asked this question, the answer I got was terrific, " well, others are not questioning me like you; what, when, why, why not, etc.etc." How Crazy !!!!
We were at a gathering, Cook out...Have a good time. I was a little tipsy I said to my Toxic, Dr.Jeckle & Mr. Hyde Narcissist with a fist to his face "watch your face beat up my hand". The guys laughing teased him. He glared at me. I knew I hard spoken my sober thoughts...I Walked Out 2 days later. Bye B#@h !!!
This a such a great question!! "Why are you nice and sweet to others, not to me ❓ But that answer would not satisfy me......They ARE NOT NICE to others, but PRETEND that they are nice! They are FAKE NICE to others! They ARE simply not nice people 🚩🚩🚩
That's what happened to me. They sabotaged me beyond repair, and I'm still a prisoner, I'm still not a free man. If only God could set me free from this forced captivity by Satan and his demon-possessed narcs.
@@miketesla8550mike, Ohmygoodness! You Are Me!!! I didn’t even know these people existed! I PRAY GOD to VINDICATEUS ALL who have been abused by a narcissist! GOD BLESS YOU…I’m screwed up now too…
Set yourself free. You deserve a happy peaceful life. Distance or go no contact, whatever works to bring you peace in your life. Don’t let them ruin the rest of your life! Stay strong!
Yes it is gaslighting. I have survived a covert narcissistic mother. I always forget what she had done to me. Because she appears so kindly in generell. And of course as a child I had to think that she means it good for me. But she was hostile towards me. The whole family scapegoated me. She was the poor mother having such a never do well child (me). You are describing it so clearly. It is helpful.
@littleninnie I heard from another youtuber that these persons are not the persons that we think they are. The spirit inside them are agents of the evil. They jump into their body and use this body as vessels. The spirit of these people is dead a long time ago. These are agents of the evil. Tools from satanic forces. Since I heard this, I can better deal with the fact that this is "my mother".
@littleninnie Videos from TerriAnnBelle are helpful to me as well. Also, a therapist from california Jay Ried. He explains it and a plan to recover from it. It explains what happened. (that can be triggering. To hear it so directly. It's good because it's said. But it can activate you. Because it is to much what we endured) But he has 3 Pillars for recovery. Pillar Nr. 1 "Making sense of what happened" So that you know it was not your fault. Knowing that is helpful... Pillar Nr 2 "Gaining distance from the abuser." Because if you are around a narcissist, you can not recover. Pillar Nr.3 "Living in defiance from the narcissist rules" Another recommendation is. To have a group of people who can get it and support you on your path. I wish you all the best 👍
Yes! We get support & understanding from these kinds of comments from these counselors and eachother. I have learned so much. I didn’t even know in the beginning that my ex was a narcissist, or what that was. Now, I am free from the abuse. It still takes time to heal from it, but living in peace and being with GOOD, Sincere people is the key to health.
They pick on those they see as weaker than themselves. This way they can ensure they win. This is actually very cowardly! The quietest child, the 'nicest' spouse, the shy co-worker etc
Exactly, it happened to me. They chose you because you fit their criteria. You are not the retaliating type of person. You might not have a strong support to help you. They know your life better than you, so they pick on you. And nobody will believe you if you told them about the narcissist because they're charming to everyone but you.
@PsulOrtiz When you don't know any better, how do you differentiate? My ex and I got together when I was 17, and he was 25. As a mother I thought having two parents for my girls was better. Threats from my mother to not leave him and the thought of being homeless with three young girls. Have you been in this position before? Just wondering....
I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN. ONCE WE SEPARATED AND I FELT SOO FUCKIN' FREE!!!!!!!! I EVENTUALLY WENT BACK BECAUSE OF MY KIDS BUT HE GOT HIS LESSON. I LEARNED HOW TO SAY NO. I LEARNED NOT TO CARE ABOUT HIS OPINION. I LEARNED TO SAY MINE . THEY KNOW EXACTLY WHAT KIND OF PERSON TO CHOOSE AS A TARGET.
The same...in a family of 4, 3 of them narcissistic and I, as a scape goat, ran away far far away crossing Pacific ocean without bringing money from my family...started living alone in a country with different culture and language but soooo peaceful...crawling from 0...and God is so good provenly...🛐✝️🛐
My God Brother, you are describing my life married to a Narcissist for 35 years. I had no idea for many years and can almost not forgive myself for being such a fool.
This happened to me for years! I was so alone.. Now I'm free, see my value, know I'm loved and lovable and am healing more and more everyday. God never gave up on me when I wanted to. Thank you for your videos bc you are literally saving lives with your help. Prayers to you and everyone suffering with the evil narcissist. 💛
You are so right! It frustrates me so much because no one believes me. And when I say something, they end up defending him instead of me. He acts like a saint to others but to me he’s evil. Now I avoid such people. Problem is that I have no friends left. Why are people so mean?
All of my neighbours just adore him, they see me as the crazy, miserable one...they never see demon man that lives behind closed doors causing me to be this way....
I learned to be a loner because of him. It changed me in ways that, unfortunately, I'll have to deal with for the rest of my life. He separated me from my family and I can't name one friend in the last 29 years. Because my time was his time.
Only thing you can do is to learn how to set boundaries and speak what you think is right. Keep in mind - narcs put bad light on you of fear of being exposed. Keep being your decent self, don't try to prove anything - you only lose energy and hope. Keep speaking your truth. Those who know will understand. Those who doesn't even try to listen to you is not worth your time. Isn't the same thing that happen in such relationship - when you keep being pushed around, never heard or seen and have to prove everything? Don't. Work on your weaknesses, live your life. Learn how to love yourself because you can.
Danish you are so right. We can’t justify to society that he is abusing inside the four walls of your house. They are kind , charming, loving, giving their help to any extent. The social circle thinks that something is wrong with us
I scare them off. Toxic people always start to tremble and stutter and run off as quickly as possible when I address them, especially women. I’ve trained myself to control the kind and amount of ‘energy’ I radiate in contact with others. Communication training and specializing in interacting with sociopaths, psychopaths and people with NPD comorbidity also helps. Train yourselves people. It’s vital.
Ppl know they are being played by the narc but they enjoy the game,except when they come face to face with their target.That makes them nervous and they should be after how they act
@@mia_1969you attract them because of your exact fear. There are articles about victim mentality and why they attract abusers. Read and you will understand. It will get better even you don't believe it will. You only see things from your perspective. And if you believe people will push you around they will. Because your believe is rooted in your own behaviour. Even if you're quiet you still will be able to stand your ground. Confidence comes from knowledge that you have right to be here and speak your mind. And this will scare insecure people that want feel good about themselves at your expence. Keep trying - you simply need to build a pattern in your behaviour. Remember: decent people don't need to scream or bellitle you to make themselves feel good.
Deliberate calculative behaviour. Only way to deal with it is using strategy, tact, and a calm veneer. Dont Defend, Don't Explain, Don't Engage, Don't Personalise - Dr. Ramani Durvasula 's advise
I have spent a lifetime dealing with my narcissist sister and mother. It has been an exhausting journey. Only a couple people truly understand why I have had to completely cut their toxicity out of my life forever.
True, as long as you're giving them what they want, the mask will not slip, but those who refuse will see a different side of them..My ex turned into the tasmanian devil
My whole family n friends believe me about my narc and are very supportive.. HA good on him... i ignore ignore him n his gas lighting.. getting much easier now ghat i know what im dealing with 😅
No matter what you do or say They never let go of the facade even when exposed with facts And when on the verge of full exposure They go into a screaming or crying attack
Yes, always the water works with my mother, and I called her out and said I am over the tears for yourself, you don't cry for anyone but you. Never cried at any funeral, even her own husband and sons.
I remember being a teenager. My mother was a verbally abusive monster. I told myself that I knew the truth but was convinced no one would believe me. Also, I didn't notice this until the last ten years of my mother's life. She would be so delightful and charming to strangers and totally shun me. It felt like she was giving mr the finger behind her back.
I always thought I was the problem, but the narcissist was nice to everyone else. I was made to feel beneath her. I thought I was nuts. You described the narcissistic to a T.
Just from my observations: They are kind: To people who are useful/important To weak-minded people who are no threat to them, people they know they can easily sway to their side when they need to. They need providers, and they need supporters. Publicly, to people in need, so they can look like decent human beings in front of others. They are abusive: To people who do not have a strong support structure. People without social protection. People who see them for what they are. People who can see and feel that they are monsters, or at least that they are phony. They begin attacking you almost immediately, whether you know it or not. People they are threatened by. People who are happy and content, talented, popular. This is why they work so hard to discredit you. They have to disable your social support structure before they can really start abusing you the way they want to. Unfortunately... People who are emotionally vulnerable. They have low self-esteem and are a quick and easy ego boost. They sniff out vulnerable people because they know they can do a tremendous amount of damage in a short amount of time. I've seen this dynamic play out over and over again for years.
Your analysis is very helpful. Thank you for putting it out there. It is amazing. One can see that you have been through it to know it so well and to describe it so well.
The narc had to be kind to me thus kindly bow out. There is a tremendous amount of unworthy highlights in their messy skill of survival tactics based on childhood trauma and disparities. The plots, ploys, and plays are unrealistic. This is just from my experiences only. It only boils down or up to being a good or bad person. Nothing about what they do is kind. The kindness to anyone is all an act, like when we got lovebombed.
You're absolutely Right. It's one of my adult daughters, and I'm living alone and have MS, amongst other things, and don't drive. I'm in my 60's, so up until I Stopped being able to Tolerate all the Horrible things she did to me, she Tortured me to being just a shell of who I used to be. Now she's Discarded me, and after the initial shock and pain, I'm beginning to enjoy the Peace. I just wonder, Does the Narcissist then move onto another Supply ? Or will she be able to "Act Nice" To the World from now on ?
the only way you will recover is if you get away. it's years later and I am still seeing things that, in retrospect, make sense now. you have to get away and stay away from narcs. forever.
Thank you so much for pointing this out! As a child I always wondered why my father was like a different person amongst relatives, strangers and in parties aso., but at home like a monster that sucked all the energy out of me and especially my mother.
Having been surrounded by narcissists/sociopaths/psychopaths my whole life, I can spot the type of people who narcissists would choose as their victims. They're usually people who are just too nice, in need of praise & guidance they probably never received. To me taking advantage of that is wrong is the same way as abusing an animal or a child. Sometimes people say things that give away their insecurities & I think "Ohhh, if you said that to a member of my family, they would take you for a ride!!". I dismiss the negative belief outright, & the follow it up with a compliment to reinforce the opposite. No one ever thinks of preventing these things before they happen..
EXCATELY!! That's why I had to realize that they were no longer the problem. I was the problem by being in their face to allow them to do that to me!! I went on about my business blocked numbers. My life is so much better & I'm thankful that my common sense kicked in to stop the strife that was going on in my life!!
Your right, I've felt alone in this journey. What i see now is that the older the narcissists gets they expose themselves. My narcissist has been exposed and now i don't feel like the crazy one.
This is why it is so difficult to figure out that someone is a narcissist. They are nice to many people around you. So you think that they are a nice person despite the abuse that they heap upon you. You begin to wonder what you are doing wrong and how you can stop the crazy making.
Not that hard to identity them actually. Lack of empathy, no accountability, impulsivity, ego and selfishness are their main traits. All you have to do is investigate their motives and catch the red flags when they inevitably slip up
That’s the red flag, when everyone says “oh, so and so is such a great catch/wonderful person/ you’re so lucky”- look, we all have skeletons. No one is perfect. Yet, their “image” will be perfect and that’s the sign to run. I didn’t listen to my gut and here I am. If it feels to good to be true, it is truly. They won’t share their true skeletons and they’ll happily hear yours to weaponize against and control you with later. It’ll take a literal act from God to change these people some call demons.
@@miketesla8550 We are not God so we can not distinguish the difference and please show me in the new testament where it talks about humans today being demons?
I have also seen the narcissist lash out at others and on the verge of flipping out into an out of control rage at waiters, convience and grocery store employees, and at customer service representatives on their cell phone. Also, toward their spouses parents. Their ego, sense of grandosity and entitlement is astounding.
You just described the last 3 decades of my life. My narcissistic husband puts on a show of kindness for almost everyone outside our home. All the while, treating me and our kids like garbage. It's maddening, but I now realize it's him, not us.
I've read that a starting point for Borderline disorder can be watching care givers be magnanimous to others while blatantly neglecting or abusing you. 😢
I suppose it is the cognitive dissonance. Everyone praises them and you do not know why you are so bad to deserve their nastiness.This f** up any normal mind , even more of a child.
I wish I had have known all this when I was younger ,it would have saved me a lot of pain, as they say better late than never, Thankyou for your words of wisdom.
I protected & made excuses for mine for ever. If people knew about him, they would wonder what was wrong with me. I decided to leave and have been able to tell a few close friends that we are separating. The first friend I told said “Good, it’s about time”….
@@lauriediandrea715lol..my friend were high 5 each other in April 2011..saying he a jerk and no one likes him...they did not have a problem with me, they had a problem with him...
This feels like you’re in a psychological thriller. The “nice person” everyone loves is actually the opposite. And when you tell people it’s unbelievable to them. However, God knows the truth and they will reap what they sow. ❤
True! The contrast between narcs public face and their true pathologic face in private is at first, hard to believe, if they displayed their true face every day to everyone, folk would shrink from them, like the Grinch !
MY SPOUSE IS A NARCISSIST AND I'M PRAYING TO GOD TO DELIVER ME AND MY SON IMMEDIATELY...WE'VE LEFT HIM MANY TIMES....JUST WANT TO LEAVE HIM ONCE AND FOR ALL....
My husband is too ,but I'm praying to Jesus to heal him...and I see results already ..and I got stronger and God protects me until he is healed ... Jesus is The Only one who can heal them ...I will for Jesus His Holy name stand by my man and win our marriage ❤
Just saw part of the title and had to tell you ..that's what kept me going back...hopes for them staying who they portrayed themselves to be...I pray they heal but from afar!
I went through this with a covert beauty school teacher recently… she’d target me and treated me like I was incompetent (as I was treated all my life).. as if I was dumb due to struggles with ADHD. Including my narc parents they set you up to be disrespected by the world everywhere you go smh 🤦🏻♀️
I so agree what is the worst thing is that they set you up by breaking your wings so that it continues through out your life as a target..I completely relate to that.when I was growing up my family first gave me pain but then controlled my education as restricted from everything even took me out school as that would be a form of escape from the prison.then when did a youth training course would be dredding going home to the hell.was beaten for going but all my money was taken..then they forced me abroad force marriage to another drug using violent womaniser.. I wanted to take driving lessons was not allowed.yet my other sister was allowed all this college etc..I tried to end my life as a child.. but just ended up sick instead..when I got back from abroad I left home with the help of my friends mum.but all the lack of grades experience in career etc lack of driving ..no money all effect s me.leaves me vunrble still...I'm a single mum now after meeting more abusers..I'm just grateful to be free . peace.i have a daughter..xx
My ex ,the narcissist, told the chief of police, " Only I get to be mean to my wife", they both laughed and laughed.... My heart sank because I knew that he WASN'T kidding, but the police chief didn't know that he was deadly serious.
I know exactly how you feel, the ex spent hours and hours on the phone to his sisters, his friends wife and other random people listening to their problems and being sweet and calm and understanding. Yet I never got two seconds of his time and anything I had to say was never important. They are so mean and cruel to people who live with them.
I would of went over that Chiefs head and went to another State and turned in My ex and let them know he had the Cheif and everyone else fooled.I am so sorry that happened.
@@sanjmalik6282That’s my husband with his 6 siblings. Yep. They do anything and everything for hours a day to make us scapegoats while they fill themselves with superficial props about how helpful or great they are. Meanwhile they use and abuse intimate partner.
@@aubreystrong2780 he even did that with the children, he would play and entertain his nieces and nephews, friends children. Yet he wouldn't bother with his own children that was my job to entertain and play with them he would complain and say he was tired. Narcs live by double standards and hiprocacy.
He was very helpful. He had a big laugh and was generous and funny. He was also a local journalist who wrote about people who were suffering with compassion. He shoveled the elderly neighbors' walk. Everyone loved him. But most of the time I was terrified of him.
They believe the closest person to them that care is the reason for many of their issues. They say things like "when you are not here I am so happy" it's just you.. I get along with everyone except you.
I love your videos. My ex-husband is a covert narcissist and uses our son to get to me. It's like dealing with someone who has no soul. To others, he appears as an angel, kind and loving, but he is the complete opposite. He has ruined my life, and even with therapy, I can't seem to get over his abuse, physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially. I love your videos. Thank you.
Yes my father who died in 2017, after he died we only realised he helped the world and he was a hero to the world, I did know since always that he was good to others but after his death his co-workers and all mentioned how he helped them in different ways, and for some he even did their work so that they got promoted. I mean he even cheated for others. So he was a hero for others, those stories only reminded me that he was an angel for everyone and biggest monster in his own home. I wouldn't ask him for any normal favours that a daughter would ask or a dad could be offering their daughter those help without even asking. I was always left in worst situations to just help myself since childhood. It was always clear he dint give a shit even if I died. Everything for him was a joke when it came to me and he was desperately looking to give himself the credit of my achievements 🤦🤦i can't explain the level of helplessness I went through in my life, he might as well have thrown me in the garbage after I was born..same thing...no even worse, keeping a kid just to abuse them in worse ways possible to make them crippled in worse ways, to rape their soul...that was my narc dad
I understand and feel your pain. I’m glad you survived him because you have a life to live without his abuse and awful treatment. I wish you recovery , peace and happiness.
@@Roxy11515 thanku so much mate, my life is just an endless series of default actions, it's not that m not learning, m Learning every second, my dark humour and my philosophical character made me survive but it's just one layer after another for me to resolve, it's too much. I have adopted lot of dogs and i live alone haha, imagine my pain 😂😂 i realise that my mind doesn't understand what it is to put myself first lol. It's a long story, but everything is connected. My point is that the default programing is way too much to unwire and rewire for me to be surviving in this world.. when I face any hurdles which is everyday I remember the cause and its gut wrenching
@@calvarez519 thanku so much..I appreciate ur kind words..m never at ease, I have actually never felt any genuine happiness after the age of 10 n half, that's when my dad got transferred to other place and we moved, the people there brought the worst out of my parents who both were narcs.. let's see how long I will survive.
@@spdadventurer1754 A little dog I named Roxy, a rescue from a high kill shelter was and is a huge source of healing for me. So I get the dog thing! Ha! The hearts of many of Gods creatures have the ability, the power and pureness to love us unconditionally and loyally - often much more than a human can or will. You keep on keeping on because you already are doing it!
This is so true,all his friends saw the nice and kind and the makes no mistakes person, so i couldnt talk to any of our friends once we split up because they wouldnt believe me as they didnt know the monster side of him.
May God expose all narcissists to EVERYBODY. Amen! 🤲
Amen ❤
Ameen❤🎉
THATS A YES ✅✅✅👏👏👏
Amen,Thank God And they will have to stand before him. That is if They make it to heaven.
Amen
Very easy answer: When they are with you, they are themselves.
When they are with others, they are who they need to be to get what they want from people.
This 👆🏼
Me & My Ex Narc was Married for 12years with Children. I did all my possible best to be faithful to him and I always made my mind that I want to be the best house wife as that what I dream since college days. Nothing work out when you’re with a narcissist, My narc Ex still went ahead by threatening to file a divorce and take custody of our children because I caught him severally cheating with different lady and even my friend I also knew a lot of illegal stuffs he does and how addicted he’s to alcohol. I had no choice , friend told me about this Private Investigator which is also American Spy Guy he’s expert in tapping phone and web without leaving a trace, he got into my Husband phone and drives. I found Dirty proofs, real dirty things. All deleted Messages, chats, Videos, Call history from 16years back where unveiled to me. This proofs where helpful cos he worked my papers for me and now I can stay with my child and have a good job. Don’t let your narcissistic partner abuse you no more get in touch via instagram @fahad__hack👈👈
👉👉@fahad__hack👈👈
How exhausting. To keep up that image. I am exhausted from his abuse but it must be for him as well to pretend to be a good person everywhere but home. Not his home anymore finally after 6 years. I'm so relieved but also so destroyed and defeated.
@@whirlhoof5117 It will take time for you to recover. Months, for full getting well, maybe even few years. After him turning your inner world into a chaos, it will take time for you to rearrange all the puzzle pieces of yourself (clear mind, emotions, stability, self-esteem) into the right order again. Don't do two things; never ever try to prove him or explain to him anything (completely pointless and very dangerous for you to go back into the sick cycle of his mental games), don't turn back..just keep going into the new direction of your life. Your power is full ignoring him, not showing any emotion to him, not responding to his provocations,not talking about him with people who know both of you (trust me, avoid that completely), you can talk only with somebody very close to you, one or max two people. Starve him with giving him zero material. I wish you lots of strenght and good luck! You can succeed and you will, just have huge self control and act with your brain, not with emotions.
@@whirlhoof5117u did great. Some women in Asian subcontinent's spend their lives with abusive men because they aren't independent and housewives and because of cultural norms. The people in abusive families have a thinking "we have to deal with this persons flaws and keep living our lives".
They will attack first. And when you retaliate, they will play the victim. So stressful.
Very True... and make u feel guilty. And u will avoid further interaction with them bcoz of d unpleasant ending of d prior encounter. In any case they have successfully made u feel guilty also by this time. Then after a long gap say 10 days, u run into them, they will talk to you as if nothing transpired. Then when u have let down your guard and warm up to them, then will come the strike/attack .... leaving u miserable for no fault of yours, u will be hurt all over again. I have a sibling who is narcissistic ....
My covert vulnerable sister convinced our narcissist mom I was the crazy one when I’d blow up at the repugnant crap she’d do to me. I was 19yrs old dating an 18yr old college football player. My 26yr old sister started dating him & I found out through a girl that was dating another player. I never said anything to my sister but I went off on the guy & he was on the phone with her so she heard me. The next day I was supposed to help with chores but I went to the beach instead. She had the audacity to go off on me for not helping her clean! So I went off on her & called her a bitch. My mom slapped me & my sis told my mom that I was crazy because I “always go flying off the handle for nothing.” Decades later I told my mom this story & a few other choice ones. She told me I was making everything up & that my sis only protected & looked out for me. WTF?! I never shared anything with my mom before that & never again afterwards.
He told shit abt my mom...his mom said shit abt my parents...n when I spoke back...he said how dare u make my mom cry??? I am like what??? She was telling worse things....what did he want ..I will just listen n not react...god how stressful was that
No. The Rage and Insanity is so we will FEAR THEM! I AM NOT INTIMIDATED BY NARCS
Exactly it's like a vicious cycle that's like thinking of a brick wall
The narcassist can also add a whole group of people against you. It is a total lonely painful suffering that nobody understands😢😢
Well, I understand and so do all these others leaving similar comments. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! YOU ARE LOVED!! ❤❤❤
Yeah man. Like our son and his whole side of the family. And get this I try to fix that and they say it's all in my head, and then resume with the isolation and ignore and times my son can humiliate me.
I felt this comment. It’s made me question my reality because people around me would compliment this person and think so highly of them. But to me, I felt the target on my back from this person through triggers and the way they sought control. People would tell me I’m over sensitive. But if this person continually has done negative actions towards me repeatedly, I know I can’t be making it up. It’s just the feeling very alone when no one believes you that hurts very hard, perhaps just as hard as the abuse.
I definitely understand it and live it.
Yeah, the smear campaign worked beautifully against me. "Friends " ,I knew for 25+ years. It was very painful. After a good therapist ,I picked myself up and kicked all those so-called friends to the curb. I believe too this day, he slept with two of them. Good riddance to all of that jealous, backstabbing trash! I now have lots of friends! Really genuine people. Divorced since 2017 after eleven years of anguish!. Thank you, God! Amen!
You are so right. You feel totally isolated and lonely while being abused by a narcisists they are chameleons and snakes.
But why do they do that only to spicific people?
They do it to those who are “easy targets, prey, co-dependent, not financially secure, not emotionally independent”. As my husband put it, you find someone damaged enough you can get them to do anything. Me- Ick. 😢 They know they’re evil which is why exposure makes them irate and their revenge game is unimaginably wicked and strong.
@@tugan486Sometimes they target people who are empaths, for example, or who seem special in some sort of way. It satisfies them to be able to break down people like that.
And they love to play your emotions until you lose concious and then they ghost you forever
💯
It is so horrible. People will even tell you "I wish my husband was like yours", and the man is one step away from satan himself at home.
Very, very true. Had it happen many times.
Yes your right, I literally felt like he was Satan in my life!! Your message resignation with me. I thought this every day before I left him
😂😂😂 and when they see you laughing having a good time in your own space they try to do something to get your spirits down
@@pareeshaslaughter6798or threaten you at party, or afterwards. And if people ask what's wrong with you all of a sudden, the narc makes you look like the party pooper some way by insulting you to the other person. They bond with others easily being fake and getting attention, flirting, and sometimes cheating. It is so sick. They love if you're jealous but they have to make up or imagine things to be jealous of you doing, because you actually do nothing. 🤮
So true.
They are such damaged cowards. They want you to feel the same pain they feel inside.
They are jealous u are nice so they cause pain because being nice means you are happy
Exactly! Misery loving company.
@magicalindigoadult3838 who said being nice means you are happy? 😂 no usually it's the opposite. Nice people are the ones with a lot of problem but they know how to hide their problem...really well.
The most painful part is you don’t have anybody to talk to apart from them 🥺🥺🥺
So flipping True. God is with us. Please know u r loved. And u r not alone. Our guides and protecting Angels and God is with us. They make us stronger n our weakest times. ❤ all my husband does is twist and gaslight me. I have a daughter with him
@@amandamercer9406 sorry...this seems to be an infliction with many men failing us
@@amandamercer9406hi Amanda. Thank you for your words of comfort! They ring so true in my soul…GOD BLESS YOU…your words helped me feel like I’m seen🙏
@ireneowusu8612 you are so right. I spent 2 yrs only allowed to talk to him. Everything that happens now, I still have the need to text & tell him. I have to stop myself every time, because he was all I had even though I didn't really have him.
That’s why many of us seek therapy. We are isolated in what we’re dealing with. Especially if we are in a “trapped” situation.
Plus they are cowards. If they treated others bad, they would get it right back.
They're the biggest cowards of all cowards,they need flying monkeys to do their dirty work
u don't kno if they were treated bad first. if u attacked them first u r the narc.
also this applies to u if u r a bully. so u don't bully everyone? u must b a narc then. this guy is full of logical fallacy.
@@DarkCelestialConsciousnessNobody cares, gaslighter.
ture
They don't abuse everyone because they don't need anything from that person. Those people are not their supply.
They are demonic.
Not true 😅 They don't abuse the people that are happy being their little slaves! I have a narcissistic brother who was my first bully he treats his Girlfriend like a princess while he treats his family like crap!!
Exactly the truth. Plus, if they are getting everything they want from that person and if that person believes everything they say then they are happy. I used to hear, "I want to live with grandma because shell believe my lies." or "If you weren't here I'd be able to manipulate dad." The person who sees through their BS is the one who gets it the worst.
@@monejohn9973if he’s a narc, behind closed doors he probably treats her like crap too unfortunately, or until she no longer agrees to everything he asks
true
Remember it’s a choice they make to abuse you. It’s no accident, and you did not “cause them to abuse you”. They do not abuse their priest/pastor; they do not abuse their boss; they do not abuse their friend’s wife; they do not abuse their accountant. It’s a choice they make daily to abuse you. Leave them.
Oh they do abuse others. It’s just not always as obvious as when it’s done to a full time partner.
From envy
So true!!!! Perfect comment.
FAST 🤣👏👌💯
Disagree. I think it is automatic. Leaving is good advice but very hard to do, like climbing out of a black hole.
Loving a narcissistic man stole so many years from my life. Its surreal how nice he was to everyone else😢
3 years with the most depressed miserable evil woman I ever meet I loved her with all my heart treated her like a queen she sneaks and lies about everything I finally figured her out because she can't lie straight and she not street smart she told me how perfect I was for her but still abused me ,now I am so over her and feel so sorry for her because I know she will always suffer because she in a cycle and can't change.
Same here.
They will be SATAN to you but nice to others
Satan appears as an angel of light sometimes. They are led by him, whether they know it or not.
2 Corinthians 11:13-15
13 For such are false apostles, deceitful workers, transforming themselves into the apostles of Christ.
14 And no marvel; for Satan himself is transformed into an angel of light.
15 Therefore it is no great thing if his ministers also be transformed as the ministers of righteousness; whose end shall be according to their works.
Even if they're rude Infront of others they believe them lmao
@@littleleah310 yeah. I have had the worst narcissistic abuse in my 34 years of life. Its not easy and I'm always angry and depressed
@@dakoderii4221I was a target of this. Thry try to wreak havoc in my life and torment me with neglect and never celebrating my life or caring how I feel. Disorientating me
Has this happened to you?
I am NOT joking, your channel has completely changed my view of blaming myself!!! I am FOREVER grateful!!! Thank you !!!❤❤❤
Me too!!!
You are not alone!
Amen,I could never put my finger on it,it is a deception!!! they can be so nice if they need some thing!
🎯👍💯 better than going to therapy ✌️
I finally get it.
They don’t like the Genuineness that yo possess and they see your honesty and integrity as a threat….
Those are the things they are jealous of.
We are their chosen ones because of how “nice” we are. There is no way they could get away with a lot of their behaviour with others. Our niceness becomes our vulnerability.
They get mad that u are nice it makes them jealous because it shows you are happy inside and they are not
One ‘give away’ of a narcissist is that they are always telling you how everyone’loves’ them or ‘likes’ them.
They rarely comment on how they like someone else.
Omg ges my soon to be ex. I had no idea
This is great observation, so true, especially the last bit; yeah, there NEVER is any mention of love flowing out FROM them!!
So true. And they find it so easy to say that someone 'adores' them. 👍
you are exactly right! Just me reading your post made me realize that was him through and through . 🤢
Yes one person had the nerve to say oh me and my nephews are close I said oh yeah me and my children are close. I do not know why he said that. He was bragging about a podcast he was doing I said so what I am not into things like that. I have no desire to be a UA-camr. Lol
My husband once sat in a car for hours with a woman and her child who had a minor fender bender, I can’t get him to sit with me for 5 second when I was in the emergency room. I feel unloved and lonely. He goes out of his way to help others, but I can’t get him to do anything for me.
You always can leave him
Your choice
I know. You are heard, and even though painful, you're helping someone today. ❤️
It's True, This is Wickedness this is a personal crime
And so when this happened to me, I pulled up my big girl pants and became very self reliant, and when this happens and you start to display that you are very self reliant, the narcissist gets very upset because they really desire feel needed, by YOU and if they don’t feel needed by YOU they get upset. The key is to suck the wind out of their sale. Every chance you get has not to handover your power.
They also go from tearing you down to telling you that you're the love of their life and are a wonderful human being all in one breath.
My wife will put hands on me and then look at me later on in the evening and tell me 'I hope you know I love you, but I am just tired of repeating myself.' and if I say anything about how she acts, I am the monster.😢
@@KnightlyRogue why are you not leaving her?
Correct
I went through every week for years and finally do not care to ever have anything serious with them and protecting my energy.
They’re extreme cowards, in and out
Oh my gosh yes. They love to be overly kind and complimentary to strangers but treat me like garbage. It's disgusting
The crowd can take sides with the narc because they don't know that person really well. How they are behind closed doors and in personal life. They are all about creating a good image in society.
And this confusion they're making..so, easily.. masters of manipulation.
👁️👁️💯💯💯💯💯💯
They will answer to God on Judgement Day. Rest assured… 🙏🏻
@@fifilafleur5555I pray they will answer to GOD loooong before JD!
Empaths are being attacked as if it is a weakness.. Narcissists see empathy as a weakness, and being nice is the enemy. They find it easy to manipulate and dominate nice people. Empaths feed their narcissism. It is time we all wake up to this..
Exactly
Truth
The narc don't care about empath or not it cares about suppliers
Most empaths are doormats..I'm hayoka I see it all over Internet..
Sooo true. 😮
@DionneGudgin-bf4ny what is hayoka?
Thank you! I divorced a narcissist 25 years ago, but I’m still dealing with the emotional damage. They have the power to hurt a person’s self-esteem and worth for years. Truly treacherous people, Your words are healing. Thank you ❤
Their abuse is the worst backhanded compliment ever, actually. They only pick the best of the best to use and abuse, someone that they both seriously admire and are jealous of.
One time, he was screaming at me in the car. When he parked, I got out immediately, and there were people all around. Omg it was like night and day. The way he changed gave me whiplash
same here!
that's how you know they're making a choice at each moment how to behave. nothing's forcing them to be awful.
Fr
They're the biggest cowards of all cowards
They're great actors.They switch off and on like a light switch
Narcs select certain individuals for abusive psychological purposes. Envy is usually the beginning fueled by their uncontrollable anger. Or passive aggression
Exactly, they are usually jealous of something about you in the beginning, that's why they choose you for abuse.
It could even be over something so petty/Insignificant, like say, you accidentally show up to work your first day wearing the same shirt as them or wearing an expensive piece of jewelry (that they've always wanted, but you don't know that).
Whatever it is makes them have angry/jealous/contempt for you.
And so, instead of acting like normal person and spilling coffee on your shirt that first day, they say to themselves "I'm gonna be friends with this person so I can win against them, because I'm better than them and I deserve it, and they don't. 😈"
Meanwhile, you don't even know this is happening but see they are super nice and wanna be your friend.
My ex was like this, after our breakup I realize she chose me, became friends with me, dated me, because she was jealous of me somehow that first day/week.
@@specialtwice4975jealousy 💯, even when you are the child and they are the parent.
@@specialtwice4975it happened to me too!! So accurate! A girl from college became my friend and convinced me to date a friend of her, which she described as an extraordinary person, who has helped many people doing charity. This guy instead revealed as a mentally instable person who insulted and attacked me. She said to me that she was sooo shocked about the episode. But she wasn't, days after she posted a photo on social media at a dinner with that guy, with big smiles. After months I discovered she was envious about a boy who had a crush on me, she liked him but he rejected her. That was the truth. Monster. 😢
@@specialtwice4975This has happened with me too but the only difference is I called this narcissist my best friend and im glad and peaceful that she means nothing to me anymore.
Yes, passive aggression is the ugliest thing,
JUST SAY IT to me instead of these annoying games.
Passive aggression is used on me often and guilt tripping.
The one red flag when with a narcissist is when you always feel confused and uneasy when with them or sleeping with them. Always trust your instincts girls. ❤
They Have deficient reciprocity which leads to exhaustion. They never put in as much effort as you Do. You contact them and they only reply. But they never reach out to you. This means that they let you Do The Work.
Most times they abuse you once you love them. They’re kind to people that they want to impress
We tell ourselves we’re the broken ones, and we believe it.
Not me I never believed that.I always knew it was him but didn't know why.Now I do.
Don't speak for me..your a victim I am not..
@@DionneGudgin-bf4ny Then I clearly didn’t speak for you. Why bother commenting? 🤷♀️
@@gypsypath1 person is a narc?
" Why are you nice and sweet to others, not to me ? " When I asked this question, the answer I got was terrific, " well, others are not questioning me like you; what, when, why, why not, etc.etc." How Crazy !!!!
On point
We were at a gathering, Cook out...Have a good time. I was a little tipsy I said to my Toxic, Dr.Jeckle & Mr. Hyde Narcissist with a fist to his face "watch your face beat up my hand". The guys laughing teased him. He glared at me. I knew I hard spoken my sober thoughts...I Walked Out 2 days later.
Bye B#@h !!!
Same. Mine called the slut he was cheating with an innocent bystander.
Get Out !!!!!!
This a such a great question!! "Why are you nice and sweet to others, not to me ❓ But that answer would not satisfy me......They ARE NOT NICE to others, but PRETEND that they are nice! They are FAKE NICE to others! They ARE simply not nice people 🚩🚩🚩
This is so so true. I have more than one in my family. Only Jesus Christ has brought me thus far.
Amen
Yeah but JC also brought you the narcissists into your life and didn’t intervene
@@roberttruman8444 Jesus Christ will not intervene against human will. You ask Him in prayer, He will. Narcissists too have a choice to change.
They are scared that you are better and smarter then them...
Growing up among narcissists is the worst thing ever for a kid. Great explanation it makes it clear
That's what happened to me. They sabotaged me beyond repair, and I'm still a prisoner, I'm still not a free man. If only God could set me free from this forced captivity by Satan and his demon-possessed narcs.
@@miketesla8550mike, Ohmygoodness! You Are Me!!! I didn’t even know these people existed! I PRAY GOD to VINDICATEUS ALL who have been abused by a narcissist! GOD BLESS YOU…I’m screwed up now too…
Set yourself free. You deserve a happy peaceful life. Distance or go no contact, whatever works to bring you peace in your life. Don’t let them ruin the rest of your life! Stay strong!
Yes it is gaslighting.
I have survived a covert narcissistic mother.
I always forget what she had done to me.
Because she appears so kindly in generell.
And of course as a child I had to think that she means it good for me.
But she was hostile towards me.
The whole family scapegoated me.
She was the poor mother having such a never do well child (me).
You are describing it so clearly.
It is helpful.
Same here 😢
Same here 😢..it's like we have the same mother 😮
@littleninnie I heard from another youtuber that these persons are not the persons that we think they are.
The spirit inside them are agents of the evil.
They jump into their body and use this body as vessels.
The spirit of these people is dead a long time ago.
These are agents of the evil. Tools from satanic forces.
Since I heard this, I can better deal with the fact that this is "my mother".
@littleninnie Videos from TerriAnnBelle are helpful to me as well.
Also, a therapist from california Jay Ried.
He explains it and a plan to recover from it.
It explains what happened.
(that can be triggering.
To hear it so directly.
It's good because it's said.
But it can activate you. Because it is to much what we endured)
But he has 3 Pillars for recovery.
Pillar Nr. 1
"Making sense of what happened"
So that you know it was not your fault.
Knowing that is helpful...
Pillar Nr 2
"Gaining distance from the abuser."
Because if you are around a narcissist, you can not recover.
Pillar Nr.3
"Living in defiance from the narcissist rules"
Another recommendation is.
To have a group of people who can get it and support you on your path.
I wish you all the best 👍
Yes! We get support & understanding from these kinds of comments from these counselors and eachother. I have learned so much. I didn’t even know in the beginning that my ex was a narcissist, or what that was. Now, I am free from the abuse. It still takes time to heal from it, but living in peace and being with GOOD, Sincere people is the key to health.
They pick on those they see as weaker than themselves.
This way they can ensure they win.
This is actually very cowardly!
The quietest child, the 'nicest' spouse, the shy co-worker etc
Politically weaker. Similar to big nations they go to war with weaker countries.
Exactly, it happened to me. They chose you because you fit their criteria. You are not the retaliating type of person. You might not have a strong support to help you. They know your life better than you, so they pick on you. And nobody will believe you if you told them about the narcissist because they're charming to everyone but you.
That is so true. And she always always played the victim. She legitimately made people hate me because of the stuff that she said.
Having to walk on eggshells around them is the worst. Finding peace after the years of abuse is the most freeing feeling.
Sounds like those who walk on eggshells are not secure in their own being!
Or else they wouldn't tolerate rude behavior.
@PsulOrtiz When you don't know any better, how do you differentiate? My ex and I got together when I was 17, and he was 25. As a mother I thought having two parents for my girls was better. Threats from my mother to not leave him and the thought of being homeless with three young girls. Have you been in this position before? Just wondering....
There is a film on you tube called Eggshells. It might be triggering for some folk though but very good.
I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.
ONCE WE SEPARATED AND I FELT SOO FUCKIN' FREE!!!!!!!!
I EVENTUALLY WENT BACK BECAUSE OF MY KIDS BUT HE GOT HIS LESSON.
I LEARNED HOW TO SAY NO.
I LEARNED NOT TO CARE ABOUT HIS OPINION.
I LEARNED TO SAY MINE .
THEY KNOW EXACTLY WHAT KIND OF PERSON TO CHOOSE AS A TARGET.
@@CurriedMexicanyes love I’m there now…and it’s living hell on earth. Didn’t see it coming either! They are demons
They are so nice to other people, strangers, right in front of you!
I can relate. That is why they take your confidence and you end up in a loony bin.
That's what they want. So others think you were crazy all along and they were a victim and a saint
They are only nice to people they don't spend much time around. They can't maintain the facade for very long
Hmm they abuse you act sweet to everyone around them and claim that your abusing them.....
That's how they keep their following.They really have to work at keeping their little dumb monkeys when they get exposed🙈🙉🙊
yep, nuts
Had that exact situation even had my family conviced it was me abusing him and taking his side.
@@annbow4064 bless you it really is so difficult
yep, he said the church elders said that I might pinch myself and blame him.. REALLY, who does that? who would even think of such a thing..
Everyone of your videos describe either my mother or father! It’s uncanny. Thank you for your content!
The same...in a family of 4, 3 of them narcissistic and I, as a scape goat, ran away far far away crossing Pacific ocean without bringing money from my family...started living alone in a country with different culture and language but soooo peaceful...crawling from 0...and God is so good provenly...🛐✝️🛐
My mother and my wife unfortunately
@@davidtriplett8105 yes I know what you mean I married the wrong woman too
My God Brother, you are describing my life married to a Narcissist for 35 years. I had no idea for many years and can almost not forgive myself for being such a fool.
This happened to me for years! I was so alone.. Now I'm free, see my value, know I'm loved and lovable and am healing more and more everyday. God never gave up on me when I wanted to. Thank you for your videos bc you are literally saving lives with your help. Prayers to you and everyone suffering with the evil narcissist. 💛
Because they need to get their evil out … and you’re the one to do it to. They know EXACTLY what they’re doing.
You are so right! It frustrates me so much because no one believes me. And when I say something, they end up defending him instead of me. He acts like a saint to others but to me he’s evil. Now I avoid such people. Problem is that I have no friends left. Why are people so mean?
All of my neighbours just adore him, they see me as the crazy, miserable one...they never see demon man that lives behind closed doors causing me
to be this way....
I learned to be a loner because of him. It changed me in ways that, unfortunately, I'll have to deal with for the rest of my life. He separated me from my family and I can't name one friend in the last 29 years. Because my time was his time.
You don't need so called friends that are gullible enough or evil enough to follow a narc
@chosen1153that's great advice
Only thing you can do is to learn how to set boundaries and speak what you think is right. Keep in mind - narcs put bad light on you of fear of being exposed. Keep being your decent self, don't try to prove anything - you only lose energy and hope. Keep speaking your truth. Those who know will understand. Those who doesn't even try to listen to you is not worth your time. Isn't the same thing that happen in such relationship - when you keep being pushed around, never heard or seen and have to prove everything? Don't. Work on your weaknesses, live your life. Learn how to love yourself because you can.
Solution is get yourself back and expose them. Nothing wrong. Nothing hard. Shift the mindset and win the game ❤
Danish you are so right. We can’t justify to society that he is abusing inside the four walls of your house.
They are kind , charming, loving, giving their help to any extent.
The social circle thinks that something is wrong with us
I scare them off. Toxic people always start to tremble and stutter and run off as quickly as possible when I address them, especially women. I’ve trained myself to control the kind and amount of ‘energy’ I radiate in contact with others. Communication training and specializing in interacting with sociopaths, psychopaths and people with NPD comorbidity also helps. Train yourselves people. It’s vital.
How did you train yourself?
Where do we get this training? How long does it take to learn? I'm seriously afraid to interact w/ppl cuz I seem to attract the sicko's. 😲
Please give some advice
Ppl know they are being played by the narc but they enjoy the game,except when they come face to face with their target.That makes them nervous and they should be after how they act
@@mia_1969you attract them because of your exact fear. There are articles about victim mentality and why they attract abusers. Read and you will understand. It will get better even you don't believe it will. You only see things from your perspective. And if you believe people will push you around they will. Because your believe is rooted in your own behaviour. Even if you're quiet you still will be able to stand your ground. Confidence comes from knowledge that you have right to be here and speak your mind. And this will scare insecure people that want feel good about themselves at your expence. Keep trying - you simply need to build a pattern in your behaviour. Remember: decent people don't need to scream or bellitle you to make themselves feel good.
Deliberate calculative behaviour.
Only way to deal with it is using strategy, tact, and a calm veneer. Dont Defend, Don't Explain, Don't Engage, Don't Personalise - Dr. Ramani Durvasula 's advise
I have spent a lifetime dealing with my narcissist sister and mother. It has been an exhausting journey. Only a couple people truly understand why I have had to completely cut their toxicity out of my life forever.
True, as long as you're giving them what they want, the mask will not slip, but those who refuse will see a different side of them..My ex turned into the tasmanian devil
Soooo true! Very demonic
They need their flying monkeys, but there are those who do see.
My whole family n friends believe me about my narc and are very supportive.. HA good on him... i ignore ignore him n his gas lighting.. getting much easier now ghat i know what im dealing with 😅
No matter what you do or say
They never let go of the facade even when exposed with facts
And when on the verge of full exposure
They go into a screaming or crying attack
Also when exposed they have to start doing more for their flying monkeys to keep them from seeing the truth🙊🙉🙈
Yes, always the water works with my mother, and I called her out and said I am over the tears for yourself, you don't cry for anyone but you. Never cried at any funeral, even her own husband and sons.
I remember being a teenager. My mother was a verbally abusive monster. I told myself that I knew the truth but was convinced no one would believe me.
Also, I didn't notice this until the last ten years of my mother's life. She would be so delightful and charming to strangers and totally shun me. It felt like she was giving mr the finger behind her back.
I always thought I was the problem, but the narcissist was nice to everyone else. I was made to feel beneath her. I thought I was nuts. You described the narcissistic to a T.
Just from my observations:
They are kind:
To people who are useful/important
To weak-minded people who are no threat to them, people they know they can easily sway to their side when they need to. They need providers, and they need supporters.
Publicly, to people in need, so they can look like decent human beings in front of others.
They are abusive:
To people who do not have a strong support structure. People without social protection.
People who see them for what they are. People who can see and feel that they are monsters, or at least that they are phony. They begin attacking you almost immediately, whether you know it or not.
People they are threatened by. People who are happy and content, talented, popular. This is why they work so hard to discredit you. They have to disable your social support structure before they can really start abusing you the way they want to.
Unfortunately... People who are emotionally vulnerable. They have low self-esteem and are a quick and easy ego boost. They sniff out vulnerable people because they know they can do a tremendous amount of damage in a short amount of time.
I've seen this dynamic play out over and over again for years.
Excellent analysis!
@@ghdodo thank you very much. Learning this was not fun...
Your analysis is very helpful. Thank you for putting it out there. It is amazing. One can see that you have been through it to know it so well and to describe it so well.
The narc had to be kind to me thus kindly bow out. There is a tremendous amount of unworthy highlights in their messy skill of survival tactics based on childhood trauma and disparities. The plots, ploys, and plays are unrealistic.
This is just from my experiences only. It only boils down or up to being a good or bad person. Nothing about what they do is kind. The kindness to anyone is all an act, like when we got lovebombed.
You're absolutely Right. It's one of my adult daughters, and I'm living alone and have MS, amongst other things, and don't drive. I'm in my 60's, so up until I Stopped being able to Tolerate all the Horrible things she did to me, she Tortured me to being just a shell of who I used to be.
Now she's Discarded me, and after the initial shock and pain, I'm beginning to enjoy the Peace.
I just wonder, Does the Narcissist then move onto another Supply ? Or will she be able to "Act Nice" To the World from now on ?
Very true their behaviour is so mysterious. God help everyone from narcissist people.
Sooooooo trueeeeeee!! I just walked away, and NEVER EVER answer his calls ever again. 😢
Went thru that and thought the same even when “no one” knew what a narcissist was.
the only way you will recover is if you get away. it's years later and I am still seeing things that, in retrospect, make sense now. you have to get away and stay away from narcs. forever.
Don't fear just relax and face them 👌
Thank you so much for pointing this out! As a child I always wondered why my father was like a different person amongst relatives, strangers and in parties aso., but at home like a monster that sucked all the energy out of me and especially my mother.
Your so right. Its so abusive how cruel that can be. Its so painful knowing they get away with it.
Yessss I triggered the hell out of them why because I’m the only one that holds them accountable???
Having been surrounded by narcissists/sociopaths/psychopaths my whole life, I can spot the type of people who narcissists would choose as their victims. They're usually people who are just too nice, in need of praise & guidance they probably never received. To me taking advantage of that is wrong is the same way as abusing an animal or a child. Sometimes people say things that give away their insecurities & I think "Ohhh, if you said that to a member of my family, they would take you for a ride!!". I dismiss the negative belief outright, & the follow it up with a compliment to reinforce the opposite. No one ever thinks of preventing these things before they happen..
Their true self is observed by the one who are in relationship
EXCATELY!! That's why I had to realize that they were no longer the problem. I was the problem by being in their face to allow them to do that to me!! I went on about my business blocked numbers. My life is so much better & I'm thankful that my common sense kicked in to stop the strife that was going on in my life!!
Your right, I've felt alone in this journey. What i see now is that the older the narcissists gets they expose themselves. My narcissist has been exposed and now i don't feel like the crazy one.
This is why it is so difficult to figure out that someone is a narcissist. They are nice to many people around you. So you think that they are a nice person despite the abuse that they heap upon you. You begin to wonder what you are doing wrong and how you can stop the crazy making.
Not that hard to identity them actually. Lack of empathy, no accountability, impulsivity, ego and selfishness are their main traits. All you have to do is investigate their motives and catch the red flags when they inevitably slip up
That’s the red flag, when everyone says “oh, so and so is such a great catch/wonderful person/ you’re so lucky”- look, we all have skeletons. No one is perfect. Yet, their “image” will be perfect and that’s the sign to run. I didn’t listen to my gut and here I am. If it feels to good to be true, it is truly. They won’t share their true skeletons and they’ll happily hear yours to weaponize against and control you with later. It’ll take a literal act from God to change these people some call demons.
@@aubreystrong2780 I agree 💯💯
@@aubreystrong2780 God doesn't "change" demons. Demons made their choice. Demons don't "change".
@@miketesla8550 We are not God so we can not distinguish the difference and please show me in the new testament where it talks about humans today being demons?
Give the narc time, they end up treating everyone badly....😑
Sadly, not true. Only their supply sees the monster.
I have also seen the narcissist lash out at others and on the verge of flipping out into an out of control rage at waiters, convience and grocery store employees, and at customer service representatives on their cell phone. Also, toward their spouses parents. Their ego, sense of grandosity and entitlement is astounding.
Yep me too. I be so embarrassed I be apologizing behind his back.
You just described the last 3 decades of my life. My narcissistic husband puts on a show of kindness for almost everyone outside our home. All the while, treating me and our kids like garbage. It's maddening, but I now realize it's him, not us.
I've read that a starting point for Borderline disorder can be watching care givers be magnanimous to others while blatantly neglecting or abusing you. 😢
I suppose it is the cognitive dissonance. Everyone praises them and you do not know why you are so bad to deserve their nastiness.This f** up any normal mind , even more of a child.
So sad .. especially if it’s to a child
Narcs are soul murderers
I wish I had have known all this when I was younger ,it would have saved me a lot of pain, as they say better late than never, Thankyou for your words of wisdom.
Good experience in early life, so that you can plain it accordingly
You are so right!! You show that you really know narcissists in your videos. Thank you for explaining how they are... I am traumatized by one.
Yes and that's the reason why you should explain nothing and run away as quick as you can!!!
Yes. This is exactly why I will never tell anyone what has happened.
I protected & made excuses for mine for ever. If people knew about him, they would wonder what was wrong with me. I decided to leave and have been able to tell a few close friends that we are separating. The first friend I told said “Good, it’s about time”….
Just move quickly & quietly
@@lauriediandrea715lol..my friend were high 5 each other in April 2011..saying he a jerk and no one likes him...they did not have a problem with me, they had a problem with him...
You are a very smart person. I never told anyone because no one can understand. I walked alone in my journey but God Never Left me.
Wow. These videos speak directly to me. THANK YOU
This feels like you’re in a psychological thriller. The “nice person” everyone loves is actually the opposite. And when you tell people it’s unbelievable to them. However, God knows the truth and they will reap what they sow. ❤
True!
The contrast between narcs public face and their true pathologic face in private
is at first, hard to believe,
if they displayed their true face every day to everyone, folk would shrink from them, like the Grinch !
Exactly. He is helpful, courteous, chivalrous to others especially other women.
My Goodness... I've been targeted by multitude of narcissists my whole life... Now, I'm aware, I stay away, and I pray.... Prayers work 🙏🕊️🌹
Great point thanks! Yes makes sense they pick and choose who to they gaslight around you. So thought provoking!
Very alone. No one around me understands because I can't say the truth. You are so correct. Thanks
This is very true. You never get the justice but its ok, as long you figure it out for yourself and move on to a safer place.
MY SPOUSE IS A NARCISSIST AND I'M PRAYING TO GOD TO DELIVER ME AND MY SON IMMEDIATELY...WE'VE LEFT HIM MANY TIMES....JUST WANT TO LEAVE HIM ONCE AND FOR ALL....
YOU CAN DO IT!! I BELIEVE IN YOU!! ❤❤❤
YOU CAN DO IT!! I BELIEVE IN YOU!! ❤❤❤
My husband is too ,but I'm praying to Jesus to heal him...and I see results already ..and I got stronger and God protects me until he is healed ... Jesus is The Only one who can heal them ...I will for Jesus His Holy name stand by my man and win our marriage ❤
@@eurydicemennen pls tell me how you changed him ? Ma'am pls
Just saw part of the title and had to tell you ..that's what kept me going back...hopes for them staying who they portrayed themselves to be...I pray they heal but from afar!
I went through this with a covert beauty school teacher recently… she’d target me and treated me like I was incompetent (as I was treated all my life).. as if I was dumb due to struggles with ADHD. Including my narc parents they set you up to be disrespected by the world everywhere you go smh 🤦🏻♀️
I so agree what is the worst thing is that they set you up by breaking your wings so that it continues through out your life as a target..I completely relate to that.when I was growing up my family first gave me pain but then controlled my education as restricted from everything even took me out school as that would be a form of escape from the prison.then when did a youth training course would be dredding going home to the hell.was beaten for going but all my money was taken..then they forced me abroad force marriage to another drug using violent womaniser.. I wanted to take driving lessons was not allowed.yet my other sister was allowed all this college etc..I tried to end my life as a child.. but just ended up sick instead..when I got back from abroad I left home with the help of my friends mum.but all the lack of grades experience in career etc lack of driving ..no money all effect s me.leaves me vunrble still...I'm a single mum now after meeting more abusers..I'm just grateful to be free . peace.i have a daughter..xx
Very true. Thanks for your input.
@@yasmincaan5845peace is so valuable. Wishing you all the best for your future with your daughter. No more narcs!
My ex ,the narcissist, told the chief of police, " Only I get to be mean to my wife", they both laughed and laughed.... My heart sank because I knew that he WASN'T kidding, but the police chief didn't know that he was deadly serious.
I know exactly how you feel, the ex spent hours and hours on the phone to his sisters, his friends wife and other random people listening to their problems and being sweet and calm and understanding. Yet I never got two seconds of his time and anything I had to say was never important. They are so mean and cruel to people who live with them.
I would of went over that Chiefs head and went to another State and turned in My ex and let them know he had the Cheif and everyone else fooled.I am so sorry that happened.
Now that's really SCARY!!!
@@sanjmalik6282That’s my husband with his 6 siblings. Yep. They do anything and everything for hours a day to make us scapegoats while they fill themselves with superficial props about how helpful or great they are. Meanwhile they use and abuse intimate partner.
@@aubreystrong2780 he even did that with the children, he would play and entertain his nieces and nephews, friends children. Yet he wouldn't bother with his own children that was my job to entertain and play with them he would complain and say he was tired.
Narcs live by double standards and hiprocacy.
He was very helpful. He had a big laugh and was generous and funny. He was also a local journalist who wrote about people who were suffering with compassion. He shoveled the elderly neighbors' walk. Everyone loved him.
But most of the time I was terrified of him.
That's how my family was. Treated everyone great except for me and that is why I am the way I am
I think we are just good targets. They are selective. They USED to treat US well. Then they closed in.
Absolutely we have to set boundaries
They believe the closest person to them that care is the reason for many of their issues. They say things like "when you are not here I am so happy" it's just you.. I get along with everyone except you.
It's very important to understand narcissist so you can reject them ASAP
I love your videos. My ex-husband is a covert narcissist and uses our son to get to me. It's like dealing with someone who has no soul. To others, he appears as an angel, kind and loving, but he is the complete opposite. He has ruined my life, and even with therapy, I can't seem to get over his abuse, physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially. I love your videos. Thank you.
Whole time they’re fraudulent.
Yes my father who died in 2017, after he died we only realised he helped the world and he was a hero to the world, I did know since always that he was good to others but after his death his co-workers and all mentioned how he helped them in different ways, and for some he even did their work so that they got promoted. I mean he even cheated for others. So he was a hero for others, those stories only reminded me that he was an angel for everyone and biggest monster in his own home. I wouldn't ask him for any normal favours that a daughter would ask or a dad could be offering their daughter those help without even asking. I was always left in worst situations to just help myself since childhood. It was always clear he dint give a shit even if I died. Everything for him was a joke when it came to me and he was desperately looking to give himself the credit of my achievements 🤦🤦i can't explain the level of helplessness I went through in my life, he might as well have thrown me in the garbage after I was born..same thing...no even worse, keeping a kid just to abuse them in worse ways possible to make them crippled in worse ways, to rape their soul...that was my narc dad
I understand and feel your pain. I’m glad you survived him because you have a life to live without his abuse and awful treatment. I wish you recovery , peace and happiness.
So relateable. So sorry for what you were put through. Praying that God will remove your reproach and bless you richly.
@@Roxy11515 thanku so much mate, my life is just an endless series of default actions, it's not that m not learning, m Learning every second, my dark humour and my philosophical character made me survive but it's just one layer after another for me to resolve, it's too much. I have adopted lot of dogs and i live alone haha, imagine my pain 😂😂 i realise that my mind doesn't understand what it is to put myself first lol. It's a long story, but everything is connected. My point is that the default programing is way too much to unwire and rewire for me to be surviving in this world.. when I face any hurdles which is everyday I remember the cause and its gut wrenching
@@calvarez519 thanku so much..I appreciate ur kind words..m never at ease, I have actually never felt any genuine happiness after the age of 10 n half, that's when my dad got transferred to other place and we moved, the people there brought the worst out of my parents who both were narcs.. let's see how long I will survive.
@@spdadventurer1754 A little dog I named Roxy, a rescue from a high kill shelter was and is a huge source of healing for me. So I get the dog thing! Ha! The hearts of many of Gods creatures have the ability, the power and pureness to love us unconditionally and loyally - often much more than a human can or will. You keep on keeping on because you already are doing it!
Yes this is so true. Mine was mainly only abusive with me and very nice and kindhearted with others leaving me wondering why me all the time.
This is so true,all his friends saw the nice and kind and the makes no mistakes person, so i couldnt talk to any of our friends once we split up because they wouldnt believe me as they didnt know the monster side of him.