The truth about it & clear understanding that is really happen in every little detail no matter if it was in past or neither still happening now in today life., I wish health to everyone and the courage to accept this kind of truths move on and try to forgive yourself as much as *Do *Not stay in such a relationships and learn to *Never *Ever accept this kind of people to treat you like this & staying in your life *Never - *Talk **The TRUTH always and forever; Be True & Real to *Yourself. Take Care Everyone❤🙏🌈
The problem I see is we are conditioned by our upbringing. I didn’t realize I had one parent that scapegoated me. My siblings picked up on how the one negative parent was treating me and they started treating me the same way. I realize I kept dating people who have similar traits to my negative parent. I am used to being bread crumbsed by everyone I dated as well allowing my family to continue the treatment. I am finally saying no.
That's awesome. I hope you're doing well and being the best you, you can be❤. I heard a phrase that helps with boundaries especially for family. If they want a favor and start with do you love me enough to? or I'm family so you have to. The phrase was I do love you, but I'm not going to prove it today. 😀 A healthy boundary was placed.
I am absolutely a fan of Nedra Glover Tawwab!!! I was so excited to watch her. She shines her Light for sure! Everything was a takeaway for me because I had to watch this knowing that I am being gaslighted and manipulated by a man I love. I'm thinking that I should write him a letter and read it out loud to him. Wonderful interview...you are both wonderful and I am so happy about how far you've come Lewis! ❤️❤️❤️
He likely won't listen to you. Manipulative people will continue to manipulate on every level. I used to want the manipulator to hear me as well but then I wore myself out. They don't and cannot accept their part in the madness and have no accountability. They will blame, gaslight, and drive you to insanity. The best way that I've dealt with that is to just cut that off and walk away from it.
Just finished a 4 month relationship with a 45 year old who gets angry very easily. Projects all of her traits onto me. The things she said about others I noticed she was guilty of herself. She called all of her ex’s jealous yet was jealous herself. She was very argumentative and would contest every sentence I said regarding things she knew nothing about. I couldn’t get a word in them she’d say I never listen to her. She’d often say one thing then claim she’d never said it. She still holds on to past family deaths and plans on getting emotional long before the anniversary and criticises others for not doing so. She is addicted to the news and other stressful dramas on TV. Talk about an energy vampire. Goodness knows how I lasted so long.
It sounds like she has very poor self esteem. I wonder why. Something must’ve caused it. She needs help. Hopefully she’ll realize it and help herself one day. She’s human. She can’t be all bad.
Yes, projection, circular conversations, gaslighting, triangulation, drama. Sounds like traits potentially Covert Narricisim, BPD, Histrionic and or YES trauma, CPSTD. If you haven't researched, HGTUDOR*, DrRamani, DrPhil (Phil In the Blank Podcasts) DrCloud, Patrick Teahan, DrFox, Lee Hammock*, RawMotivations* *Great channels decoding the manupulations above which may help you move toward healing & identify other potential toxic people. My partner had similar traits, he has worked on himself but it has really taken a toll in me.. I am a shell of what I used to be. I also have had to work on myself as well.
Most people that act this way are trying to battle demons by themselves or ignoring an old trauma they're scared to resolve. They treat the people they love like that because it's allowed and it's a half ass way of trying to feel in control
For me im seeing its a generational pattern. My parent and sibling does this..they gaslight and use manipulation using biblical principles to keep people condemned...i noticed i made and idol out of their opinions and ive broken free from it over 5 months.. But i will be in their company at my little sibling graduation, im anxious bcz i dont want to go, but i want to support him on his acheivement, im.going to go, speak take a pic with him and not attend the celebration dinner to avoid drama that i know will come bcz i took a step back...
My first time enjoying Lewis Homes! What a wonderful interview, he picked her brain in a way that you could feel their connection. She was so free and giving in every answer. Amazing interview!
@@lewishowes She is super helpful because she is not telling people the exact things that they should be doing but instead she is teaching how to communicate, set & uphold boundaries, and about why there may be misunderstandings in a relationship. Plus, she is married so she has actually lived what she is talking about. A lot of relationship gurus are telling people what exactly they should be doing but are not in relationships.
Wow! Great topic! Thank you so much for continuing to bring topics as this one. Awareness, education, support, and resources are key factors in relation to this topic.
Nedra and Lewis I enjoyed listening to both of you share your analysis of relationships and boundaries. Many people lack the tools to develop and maintain healthy friendships. We have to communicate well. Thanks so much for this interview.
At 1h 39- the love language discussion- people seem to get stuck on labels and strategies- when really all human beings have the same needs- I’m referring to the NVC definition of needs- naming a ‘love language’ can be tricky- bc one puts themselves in a certain bucket- and then have only a few strategies that define said language- and poof all conflicts stem from highly held strategies. With that said Lewis you’re amazing and so is Nedra!! Keep talking and thank you
Shouting and yelling is not acceptable. However, some people will deliberately keep saying very offensive, upsetting and triggering things until you finally snap and raise your voice…then call you the abuser. You are then the one that comes away feeling shame, guilt and apologetic. The other person then has the upper hand and will use it against you for the rest of time. Be careful people. Reverse gaslighting is real
I sincerely enjoyed this talk, don't get me wrong. But I'm a man and I don't cry, like ever. I get teary-eyed fairly easy but never a full cry. I'm well-adjusted and open with my feelings; there's nothing wrong with people that cry a lot, or those that never cry!
Thank you so much for sharing this great video! This conversation is so eye-opening and I'm so grateful to have come across it, you both have such great insight and knowledge to incorporate on the journey of healing 💚
How do we truly forgive our own self? How do we stop hating ourselves for things way way in the past? I remember when I wasn't even attempting to be a good man and I was completely ok with myself but now that I am trying to be good I seem to only get hurt by those around me especially in relationships and I can't seem to stop hating everything about me!
Accept it with grace. Did you learn from your mistakes? Did they make you a better person? Accept them knowing that at the time you you didn’t know better. Now that you have Knowledge and Wisdom, use them to make you a better person. And going forward, if you make a mistake, be gracious with yourself as you are still evolving, especially if you know you did your best or you did it with love. I hope this was helpful❤️
If your not doing it anymore forgive yourself. You saw what you were doing and changed. You know the behavior is bad. So that's a lesson learned. If you learned it forgive it. Like a child stealing candy of they stop that you forgive them. But if they keep doing it they get worse consequences.
Thank you for your question about ‘what if you had no women friends who you could be open & feel safe with’ First time I’ve heard anyone address this and it’s been my life (62 yrs) my mother, her mother & my sisters abused, criticized & bullied me my entire life and my only escape was finding men who found me to be useful as long as I “earned my keep” & followed their rules. Decades of my life given over to appeasing traumatized men but never recognizing my own trauma, it was only escaping the longest (22yr) abusive situation to then have to endure 2 more progressively worse abusive situations with the last involving rape. My so called current female acquaintances have turned against me because I can’t ‘just get over it’ They don’t believe me or don’t want to because this guy is their party buddy & so much fun. I’ve given up on the majority of my species at this point, very glad to be old.
I do, if the absusive part has financial control and threatens to take away you phone or other monetary items as punishment. For me it happens we he feels bad and needs me to appreciate his contribution and asking for kindness and respect and talking to much a cause consequences He has all the power because of money. I have 3 kids. I can’t just go. I do love him; he can be very nice. But very cruel. He is also the hardest on me. I am a kind person with an open heart 😢
That we expect people to meet expectations of ours, just because they are in a particular family role. Actually they don’t know what they’re doing! (46 min)
Why is it that only the “radical platforms” like the late Kevin Samuels identified women as equally problematic in relationships at times? But in all honesty I think the explanations described by this guest shows the exact experience I am having in my relationship but I took a stand but our situation still isn’t healthy..
My behavior is because of his behavior. When I ask him over and over to do something and he doesn’t do it that is disrespectful. How much disrespect can someone handle before they get angry? It’s been years and years of it, and the lying! Yes, I yell, and name call, but it’s out of frustration.
Respectfully, you control your own behavior. If you react negatively because of his behavior then you are in an unhealthy relationship. After years of this then it seems like it is your pattern. It's working for one of you. Hoping you end your frustration and choose peace.
Hey so what will you do if your child got stuck with abusive father..I got out but my child is being abuse on ever way verbally is really bad and she is been Stuck on it and her safety is I big problem for me and I know she need help while I’m working on getting her out….I run away from him but she got stuck …definitely gaslighting is a big problem…
What would happen when you don't have one friend to open up to. I know. You become stronger. You become your best friend and become as chosy with who gets to be my friend as you are with boyfriends
And being told that when your talking to them and to have them tell you that " THAT'S THE PROBLEM YOU TALK TO MUCH WHEN YOU USED TO BE ABLE TO TALK TO THEM ABOUT ANYTHING WHEN CONVERSATING WITH THEM AND IF YOU WANTED TO GET LOVING OR Wanted to get a hug and to be told "GET OFF OF ME" OR TOLD IN SUCH A WAY THAT THEY NEVER USED TO TALK TO YOU THAT WAY EVER IT ISNT WORTH BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH THEM OR WHEN THEY START TO GET INTO SUSTANCE ADDICTION OR DRINKING MORE AND MORE THEN THEY DID BEFORE WHEN I DONT DO ANY OF THIS AT ALL THESE ARE THINGS THIS PERSON NEVER DID BEFORE WE HAD BEEN TOGETHER FOR 11 YRS AND NOW DIFFERENT FRIENDS DRINK AND SMOKE ACCESSIVELY SO NOW HE IS INVOLVING HIMSELF INTO THAT MESS AND HE HAS NOT CONSIDERED MY FEELINGS SO IM I WRONG TO FEEL THIS WAY AND IT IS CAUSING A PROBLEMS WITH OUR RELATIONSHIP I JUST CANT DO THIS ANYMORE. IT IS VERY SAD FOR ME BUT I THINK IT TIME FOR ME TO MOVE ON.😢😢😢😢😢😢
When they say I’m insecure because I don’t accept that he has a lot of women friends that he spends his time with but I can’t meet them, he has 2 old girlfriends he still hangs with & says they r still real good friends & im just jealous but I can’t meet them he says I’m the only one he is having sex with,
I came to say that while I love Lewis and his guests and I’ve learned a lot over the last few years, a 2+ hour podcast is too long for the average person to consume nowadays. Just way too long.
Justin is a bad decision. I don't know if I'm Tupac but if I am others should make that clear. Because I keep trying to accept myself and my family is telling me that's not possible. I'm not down for this Tupac energy in me or with me.
lewishowes.com/gmyo - Get my NEW book The Greatness Mindset today! What were your biggest takeaways from this interview?
No
The truth about it & clear understanding that is really happen in every little detail no matter if it was in past or neither still happening now in today life.,
I wish health to everyone and the courage to accept this kind of truths move on and try to forgive yourself as much as *Do *Not stay in such a relationships and learn to *Never *Ever accept this kind of people to treat you like this & staying in your life *Never - *Talk **The TRUTH always and forever; Be True & Real to *Yourself.
Take Care Everyone❤🙏🌈
When you can’t sleep well or are constantly anxious, you should consider the situation not safe.
...
When your Teddy Bear starts resembling Ruxpin
learn to be present ;osten take note on the three ...
The problem I see is we are conditioned by our upbringing. I didn’t realize I had one parent that scapegoated me. My siblings picked up on how the one negative parent was treating me and they started treating me the same way. I realize I kept dating people who have similar traits to my negative parent. I am used to being bread crumbsed by everyone I dated as well allowing my family to continue the treatment. I am finally saying no.
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽❤️
That's awesome. I hope you're doing well and being the best you, you can be❤. I heard a phrase that helps with boundaries especially for family. If they want a favor and start with do you love me enough to? or I'm family so you have to. The phrase was I do love you, but I'm not going to prove it today. 😀 A healthy boundary was placed.
Narcissists gets worse. They are not trying to change.
I'm pretty sure they dont care...ha
I am absolutely a fan of Nedra Glover Tawwab!!! I was so excited to watch her. She shines her Light for sure! Everything was a takeaway for me because I had to watch this knowing that I am being gaslighted and manipulated by a man I love. I'm thinking that I should write him a letter and read it out loud to him. Wonderful interview...you are both wonderful and I am so happy about how far you've come Lewis! ❤️❤️❤️
He likely won't listen to you. Manipulative people will continue to manipulate on every level. I used to want the manipulator to hear me as well but then I wore myself out. They don't and cannot accept their part in the madness and have no accountability. They will blame, gaslight, and drive you to insanity. The best way that I've dealt with that is to just cut that off and walk away from it.
Just finished a 4 month relationship with a 45 year old who gets angry very easily.
Projects all of her traits onto me. The things she said about others I noticed she was guilty of herself.
She called all of her ex’s jealous yet was jealous herself.
She was very argumentative and would contest every sentence I said regarding things she knew nothing about.
I couldn’t get a word in them she’d say I never listen to her.
She’d often say one thing then claim she’d never said it.
She still holds on to past family deaths and plans on getting emotional long before the anniversary and criticises others for not doing so.
She is addicted to the news and other stressful dramas on TV.
Talk about an energy vampire.
Goodness knows how I lasted so long.
It sounds like she has very poor self esteem. I wonder why. Something must’ve caused it. She needs help. Hopefully she’ll realize it and help herself one day. She’s human. She can’t be all bad.
Glad you got out of that early on. Some lasts for years.
Wowwww
Yes, projection, circular conversations, gaslighting, triangulation, drama. Sounds like traits potentially Covert Narricisim, BPD, Histrionic and or YES trauma, CPSTD. If you haven't researched, HGTUDOR*, DrRamani, DrPhil (Phil In the Blank Podcasts) DrCloud, Patrick Teahan, DrFox, Lee Hammock*, RawMotivations* *Great channels decoding the manupulations above which may help you move toward healing & identify other potential toxic people.
My partner had similar traits, he has worked on himself but it has really taken a toll in me.. I am a shell of what I used to be. I also have had to work on myself as well.
@@dragonwithagirltattoo598 what about spouses who kill their significant other? Toxic positivity is killed more than a few people!
When you start journaling every minute and/or recording conversations because they are making you think you are crazy- you are being gaslit
Thank you for this episode! I think I needed to hear this... Reality bites, we have to remember to protect our energy.
She is fantastic I love listening to her.
Most people that act this way are trying to battle demons by themselves or ignoring an old trauma they're scared to resolve. They treat the people they love like that because it's allowed and it's a half ass way of trying to feel in control
Power of love in everything
True love in anything
Fortune love in everything
Fortune love in anything
Any in- one- thing
For me im seeing its a generational pattern. My parent and sibling does this..they gaslight and use manipulation using biblical principles to keep people condemned...i noticed i made and idol out of their opinions and ive broken free from it over 5 months..
But i will be in their company at my little sibling graduation, im anxious bcz i dont want to go, but i want to support him on his acheivement, im.going to go, speak take a pic with him and not attend the celebration dinner to avoid drama that i know will come bcz i took a step back...
My first time enjoying Lewis Homes! What a wonderful interview, he picked her brain in a way that you could feel their connection. She was so free and giving in every answer. Amazing interview!
@18:30 onwards... Powerful reminder by @lewishowes we can heal the broken child within us. Thank you so much for sharing this incident with us.
You're welcome, thank you for watching🧡
Love these discussions as im getting my life reconfigured as well. After a entire life of childhood trauma and abuse.
I look forward to watching this. I love her.
This is an episode I need to listen to several times
Thank you so much for watching!
@@lewishowes She is super helpful because she is not telling people the exact things that they should be doing but instead she is teaching how to communicate, set & uphold boundaries, and about why there may be misunderstandings in a relationship. Plus, she is married so she has actually lived what she is talking about. A lot of relationship gurus are telling people what exactly they should be doing but are not in relationships.
@@lewishowes Please make a compilation of everyone's 3 truths.
Wow! Great topic! Thank you so much for continuing to bring topics as this one. Awareness, education, support, and resources are key factors in relation to this topic.
Lewis asks thee best questions
Nedra and Lewis I enjoyed listening to both of you share your analysis of relationships and boundaries. Many people lack the tools to develop and maintain healthy friendships. We have to
communicate well. Thanks so much for this interview.
This is such a great conversation. I hope other people took away what I’d did from this . ❤
At 1h 39- the love language discussion- people seem to get stuck on labels and strategies- when really all human beings have the same needs- I’m referring to the NVC definition of needs- naming a ‘love language’ can be tricky- bc one puts themselves in a certain bucket- and then have only a few strategies that define said language- and poof all conflicts stem from highly held strategies. With that said Lewis you’re amazing and so is Nedra!! Keep talking and thank you
So eye opening, specially with family relationships. 🙏🏼
My favorite therapist. ❤ 👏🏽
“Who is the One who Disrespected You First?!”- Great Question💕
Shouting and yelling is not acceptable. However, some people will deliberately keep saying very offensive, upsetting and triggering things until you finally snap and raise your voice…then call you the abuser. You are then the one that comes away feeling shame, guilt and apologetic. The other person then has the upper hand and will use it against you for the rest of time. Be careful people. Reverse gaslighting is real
I sincerely enjoyed this talk, don't get me wrong. But I'm a man and I don't cry, like ever. I get teary-eyed fairly easy but never a full cry. I'm well-adjusted and open with my feelings; there's nothing wrong with people that cry a lot, or those that never cry!
Loved all this content. Thanks for your insight Nedra. And thanks for the great questions Lewis!
Everything bang on from my personal experience of people doing this to me. Thank you for posting.
When he says, “I wonder how it would be if you were dead.” That’s a definite reason to leave.
Wt!? 😳😬
Fortune love in anything
True love in anything
Power of love in anything Fortune love in everything
Any in one thing
I love her voice and the content.
🧡
Thank you so much for sharing this great video! This conversation is so eye-opening and I'm so grateful to have come across it, you both have such great insight and knowledge to incorporate on the journey of healing 💚
Thank you for taking the time out of your day to check out the interview! So glad you enjoyed it🧡
AWSOME & very informative thanks LH🙏❤️👍☮️
You're welcome, thank you for watching🧡
Life. So many layers...when did ❤ become so complex
Thanks for this video. It was a lot of great info
I love the information
Great video as usually Tracy. I love your videos on all the things.
Thanks for being here!
How do we truly forgive our own self? How do we stop hating ourselves for things way way in the past? I remember when I wasn't even attempting to be a good man and I was completely ok with myself but now that I am trying to be good I seem to only get hurt by those around me especially in relationships and I can't seem to stop hating everything about me!
Accept it with grace. Did you learn from your mistakes? Did they make you a better person? Accept them knowing that at the time you you didn’t know better. Now that you have Knowledge and Wisdom, use them to make you a better person. And going forward, if you make a mistake, be gracious with yourself as you are still evolving, especially if you know you did your best or you did it with love. I hope this was helpful❤️
If your not doing it anymore forgive yourself. You saw what you were doing and changed. You know the behavior is bad. So that's a lesson learned. If you learned it forgive it. Like a child stealing candy of they stop that you forgive them. But if they keep doing it they get worse consequences.
This was an amazing episode, tysm!!!!
Well needed 😌
Very helpful episode, thank you 🙏🏻🌹✨🙏🏻
You're welcome, thank you for watching🧡
DETROITTTT‼️🙋🏽♀️
Thank you for your question about ‘what if you had no women friends who you could be open & feel safe with’
First time I’ve heard anyone address this and it’s been my life (62 yrs) my mother, her mother & my sisters abused, criticized & bullied me my entire life and my only escape was finding men who found me to be useful as long as I “earned my keep” & followed their rules.
Decades of my life given over to appeasing traumatized men but never recognizing my own trauma, it was only escaping the longest (22yr) abusive situation to then have to endure 2 more progressively worse abusive situations with the last involving rape.
My so called current female acquaintances have turned against me because I can’t ‘just get over it’
They don’t believe me or don’t want to because this guy is their party buddy & so much fun.
I’ve given up on the majority of my species at this point, very glad to be old.
Thank you!
You're welcome,thank you for watching🧡
Love from India brother💛❤️
Different thumbnail design. I like it 👌
love her awesme interveiw
Thank you
Great questions, Thank you Lewis.
You're welcome,thank you for watching🧡
Financial abuse and social abuse
I don't know what either of these abuses are.
I do, if the absusive part has financial control and threatens to take away you phone or other monetary items as punishment.
For me it happens we he feels bad and needs me to appreciate his contribution and asking for kindness and respect and talking to much a cause consequences
He has all the power because of money. I have 3 kids. I can’t just go. I do love him; he can be very nice. But very cruel. He is also the hardest on me. I am a kind person with an open heart 😢
Nice video
The minute the other person invalidates you, or your feelings, your opinion or desition, first red flag to be considered…
That we expect people to meet expectations of ours, just because they are in a particular family role. Actually they don’t know what they’re doing! (46 min)
Aayyyye. She's on here too. Hey Doc. 🙏
When someone is anxious to know everything they better be just as interested in sharing otherwise it’s just “interrogation” and that’s never cool…🤗
im doing it.
please Sir put cc for non native speakers
I think you can go to the UA-cam settings and turn on cc.
Why is it that only the “radical platforms” like the late Kevin Samuels identified women as equally problematic in relationships at times? But in all honesty I think the explanations described by this guest shows the exact experience I am having in my relationship but I took a stand but our situation still isn’t healthy..
My behavior is because of his behavior. When I ask him over and over to do something and he doesn’t do it that is disrespectful. How much disrespect can someone handle before they get angry? It’s been years and years of it, and the lying! Yes, I yell, and name call, but it’s out of frustration.
Respectfully, you control your own behavior. If you react negatively because of his behavior then you are in an unhealthy relationship. After years of this then it seems like it is your pattern. It's working for one of you. Hoping you end your frustration and choose peace.
Hey so what will you do if your child got stuck with abusive father..I got out but my child is being abuse on ever way verbally is really bad and she is been Stuck on it and her safety is I big problem for me and I know she need help while I’m working on getting her out….I run away from him but she got stuck …definitely gaslighting is a big problem…
What would happen when you don't have one friend to open up to. I know. You become stronger. You become your best friend and become as chosy with who gets to be my friend as you are with boyfriends
I always like when someone writes a new book and suddenly they make 100 podcasts in 2 months.
You can read about it, in my book...;)
And being told that when your talking to them and to have them tell you that " THAT'S THE PROBLEM YOU TALK TO MUCH WHEN YOU USED TO BE ABLE TO TALK TO THEM ABOUT ANYTHING WHEN CONVERSATING WITH THEM AND IF YOU WANTED TO GET LOVING OR Wanted to get a hug and to be told "GET OFF OF ME" OR TOLD IN SUCH A WAY THAT THEY NEVER USED TO TALK TO YOU THAT WAY EVER IT ISNT WORTH BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH THEM OR WHEN THEY START TO GET INTO SUSTANCE ADDICTION OR DRINKING MORE AND MORE THEN THEY DID BEFORE WHEN I DONT DO ANY OF THIS AT ALL THESE ARE THINGS THIS PERSON NEVER DID BEFORE WE HAD BEEN TOGETHER FOR 11 YRS AND NOW DIFFERENT FRIENDS DRINK AND SMOKE ACCESSIVELY SO NOW HE IS INVOLVING HIMSELF INTO THAT MESS AND HE HAS NOT CONSIDERED MY FEELINGS SO IM I WRONG TO FEEL THIS WAY AND IT IS CAUSING A PROBLEMS WITH OUR RELATIONSHIP I JUST CANT DO THIS ANYMORE. IT IS VERY SAD FOR ME BUT I THINK IT TIME FOR ME TO MOVE ON.😢😢😢😢😢😢
I am so sorry. I feel that pain. I hope you got out.
When they say I’m insecure because I don’t accept that he has a lot of women friends that he spends his time with but I can’t meet them, he has 2 old girlfriends he still hangs with & says they r still real good friends & im just jealous but I can’t meet them he says I’m the only one he is having sex with,
Then you get up and leave!
Innit! Such disrespect.
People have become exceptionally sensitive to basically everything these days.
💗
I came to say that while I love Lewis and his guests and I’ve learned a lot over the last few years, a 2+ hour podcast is too long for the average person to consume nowadays. Just way too long.
You can turn it off and come back when it's convenient for you.
Problem with asking is they lie… some of these people lie like fish swim.
Justin is a bad decision. I don't know if I'm Tupac but if I am others should make that clear. Because I keep trying to accept myself and my family is telling me that's not possible. I'm not down for this Tupac energy in me or with me.
Does she take in clients that would like therapy?
❤🙏🌈
❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥🌏🌍🌎
Thank You 💐
@@sgm6603 Bless 🌟✨
And disrespect
There's some validity to what she saying, but it seems like she also emasculated men.
How so?