Is she really lucky, though? She already wasted 6 years of dating + 2 years of engagement on this guy... Yes, I totally agree that she should move on and break it off because he is showing signs of infidelity. That being said, let's be real, as a woman, I have seen patterns like that repeatedly: she also did this to herself by deciding to stay 8 years with someone without EVER becoming a wife. Lots of us have been there and the wake up call was a rude awakening. This guy, however lame he might be, is giving her an obvious out of this relationship. I agree with Dr. John, what is taking SO LONG, 8 years!?!? She decided to stay with him after he (emotionally) cheated on her a year ago & SHE went to therapy to deal with it. Girl, no therapy needed, you just needed to call it off. Unless you're already married to someone, there's no reason to try to work things out to a cheater with whom you are not married to! I think she has low self-esteem, that's the real reason she is staying in limbo. To me, they both share responsibility in this: he violated her trust and she is choosing to be miserable, sad and not move-on or move-out of this situation.
She’s disapointed in herself that she’s wasted this much time with him already. But the good news is: she doesn’t have to waste 1 more minute with him. Phew! 👋 bye Felicia! ✌️ 😘
She doesn’t have to waste decades. I knew decades ago not to marry, but due to pressure and fear I did. Decades later I wish I would had been stronger and had realized then I deserved much more.
@@moaraa2575 I’d been in similar, and after like 5 or 6 years when he kept saying he might want to marry or have a family with me 1 day, and was cheating on me, I literally said, “Look, if you don’t know by now, then that’s a clear answer. I’ve wasted 5 plus years with somebody who just doesn’t really want the life I dream of and now feel eager to build, so I’m not wasting one more minute - not 1 more second on you.” And that was that. He moved out of the place I’d financed for us and became his own problem. I hear his life got much worse after that. Few years later he was living in an efficiency and had become a hoarder. After that he met this gal who literally was his mother’s or grandmother’s age and she got him into cults and hard core drugs I hear from mutual friends. I almost feel bad but those are his choices. I pray for him. He wasn’t a bad guy or awful to me or anything. He was young and who isn’t kind of dumb or hormonal in their 20’s? He was so funny. He could always make me laugh (his saving grace) and he’d become my best friend over the time we were together. I deeply loved him, and it hurt to let go but not as much as I would have hurt myself staying another 5 years of being strung along as if “maybe” were an engagement ring. By being honest with me he saved me 5 more years of pining for a family… that now I share with a husband that wanted the same family life goal as I did. And I never would have gotten it from that first serious boyfriend because he clearly wasn’t that serious - just too funny, smart, and cute to break up with. I feel so lucky I didn’t fall for that drug life like he did. And I’m scared for him but I live in a different state and haven’t seen him in over a decade. Probably for the best. Jon E. If you’re out there, I wish you well. High fives hope you living your dream. I’m so grateful you set me free to discover mine. I couldn’t handle the life you have now and wouldn’t want to. Letting me go was the best thing you could have done for me, man, because I’d have waited forever for you. And I almost did. Thank you! On my children’s and husband’s behalf - thank you!
This! 1 million percent. I've learnt that you can love someone from a distance - you don't need to be in physical proximity to love someone. Enjoying someones company is completely seperate to loving someone. And also, you can be married to someone, without loving them.
Amen. We fall into a fallacy that because we love someone, we need to be together forever. No, no, no!! Being in love with someone doesn't make them the right one!!! That is broken thinking. There has to be a whole other set of conditions along with that love. Are their core values similar to yours, are they honorable, steadfast, faithful and your best friend? Do they met the core values of respect, admiration and are they able to meet your deep needs? So many things come into play for a healthy, happy, lifelong commitment besides "loving" someone.
I think no one should marry before 25 or close to it. Also. When you’re married you have to basically say no new opposite sex friends for the most part.
My ex-husband emotionally cheated repeatedly over the course of 19 years. Marrying him only made it worse. Don't marry someone that doesn't care enough about you to not hurt you. If he can do it to you once, he can definitely do it again.
@@LOADING...o.o.osometimes it’s not about finding a new partner it’s about the fear of being alone it’s the thought of the person you loved being with someone else I totally agree it’s a complete waste of time and it’s maddening seeing people let themselves sit though that time because of fear of being alone ect but it’s so easy for us to say oh I’d just leave but when you’ve got history when you have love for a person and thinking what will life be like on my own what will they do after will they move on and be happy and do things for that new person that they wouldn’t do for me will I find a person who will treat me better of will they treat me worse ect it’s a hard place to be in so I see it from both sides
No trust = No Relationship. This guy is a waste of time, and not worth being away from loved ones for him. Move back across the country and be close to your friends and family if they are still back home.
Dr. John, you just answered my questions 😢 as well. My partner of 4 years has repeatedly been inappropriately flirtatious with multiple women on social media. He didn't realize I could see it because we're not friends on social media. I confronted him, and he kept saying it was harmless. Said I was overreacting. He's also been pressuring me to move across the country for him. I didn't. I'm glad I didn't. Too many things don't feel right. But I've been struggling with this for a while now. I think this was the final confirmation that I needed. I wish the young caller, Katy, the best of luck, and I hope she finds the happiness she deserves.
I hate to project, but my experience is that if he’s doing it on social media, he’s doing it in person as well and there’s no way for you to know how far he has taken it. Especially if he has lied or concealed or downplayed or framed something in the past.
He's not going to be there for you in the long term, and he clearly doesn't respect you or care about your feelings, otherwise he would stop doing what he's doing. Bottom line, his ability to be flirtatious to whoever he wants is more important to him than you are. Do not move for him.
My mother used to say these years should be the happiest days before you get married. Marriage does not mean that everything is going to be beautiful, it's hard work on both of your parts. If you have doubts now then you will always wonder. It's so easy to get married but expensive in time and money to get divorced. I know, because I always wondered and it was hard, we had a beautiful 2 year old little girl and everything went sour. It didn't bother him until after I left and then 2 months later he wanted to get back together. He let me leave and encouraged me to leave. I was doing fine by then and didn't want a replay of what I had been through. Best of luck to you, aim for the stars 🌟 you deserve it.
That's why they say "get a man who loves you more than you love him" otherwise you're screwed, because women naturally get into the role and become a man's mommy, maid, s*x worker, therapist, and a man is like "I got her around my finger".
Yep, and it’s not worth it. Especially if you change the last name and you carry the babies and your body changes and your life and career are affected and he is carrying what responsibility?
Because it's the women that want to be in a relationship. Not men. Men want a pretty woman to take care of them while still acting like free single guys. At the end women gave up on many things and the guy still act the same. Same pattern I see over and over.
If this caller is still so angry and unable to get past what happened (and I can’t say I blame her), then she should do the honorable thing for both of them and end the relationship.
I agree but I don’t really understand why cheaters never end relationship themselves? It would be so easy, but naaaaaah they wanna stay with their “oh yeah I fucked my ex but I love you”😅
Always remember this The 2 foundational building blocks of any type of relationship will always be trust and respect. if either of those things are completely shattered, the entire relationship is destroyed. It’s always better to build something new with someone else than with someone you can’t trust or respect.
Four years divorced, four years single - have never dated. I know who I'm looking for, and marriage-minded and emotional maturity is at the top of the list! This guy she has been seeing is a wasted sack!
As someone who was with a cheater for 5 years, this is absolutely true. I found out after my divorce he cheated on everyone he was with… he cheated on me to be with a married woman, they are now engaged. He will always cheat.
My husband had an EA 25 years ago. I concur with Dr. JD that after a betrayal like this, what you had before is dead and you have to rebuild something totally new. What he didn’t say is that before something new can built, you will be stripped to the bones and it hurts like hell. And it takes a long time. It took 2 entire years before I even began to start feeling like a whole person again. It took several more years to rebuild trust. If someone had given me a crystal ball and shown me how painful the rebuilding process would be, I probably wouldn’t have gone through with it. And if it weren’t for my three children, I wouldn’t have entertained the idea of reconciliation at all. I want to give the caller that crystal ball. I hope she chooses herself and leaves that man in the rearview mirror. Because I doubt he’s worth it. He’s been stringing her along for years, only to reward her commitment with betrayal. She shouldn’t fall for the sunk cost fallacy. This man has proven to be a poor ROI. Time to cut her losses.
How many women find themselves in the same situation? I am so sorry it happened to her. Please my lovelies, never move for someone, never accept a “shut up ring”, never accept to be treated less than the queen that you are. You deserve better!!!!!!
Really?. "For Kings, have fun with her, never spend a dime on her, never put a ring on her, never solve her problems and never listen to her. That's what a king does. " If that male equivalent sounds wrong to you, then you are welcome. You've just acknowledged your delusion.
As a woman, we tend to value (sometimes in an unhealthy way) the number of years we have invested with a partner that we love. The fact that it took him 6 years to propose says a lot. As an ex Marriage Family Therapist I have an opinion on Why he is trying to make this wedding happen in November.... He sees Katy as loving, committed, loyal and valuable to his life. A rock in his harbor which then gives him a feeling of "She won't leave me so I can cheat with other women emotionally and live another fantasy life." It is out of Selfishness. Please Katy, value yourself and what you have to offer. Forget about the number of years and look towards the future. You are worth it. 💗
Take it from me. The same thing happened. I married him. I deeply regret it. We have only had sex once in 3 yrs. He doesn’t want me. He keeps his phone deeply hidden. Do not marry a guy who emotionally cheats before marriage. You deserve better!!!!!
Genuine burning desire towards each other is the foundation of any relationship. Absence of it from one partner, the relationship doomed to fail soon or later.
My ex husband was emotionally cheating before I married him, I forgave him, tried to rebuild trust, he ended up physically cheating next and I found out he was physically cheating for 5 years we were together. It was hard for me to accept my partner was like this until I finally accepted it and left. There is no recovery from cheating… she sounds like she doesn’t believe she deserves better. This is not love… she deserves so much better…
Oh, my goodness, where were you 30 years ago when I needed you to say these things to me, sir? You're a blessing, and I hope that people take your advice to heart...whether it is hard to hear & accept or not.
Number 1. He will not change. Next time he’ll work harder not to get caught. Number 2. Go back home. See if he’s willing to travel cross country to get you back.
Be in or out. I would be out. This isn't an issue of negotiation. It is a matter of respect. Cut bait. Don't chase a loss that is how people lose everything in Vegas.
@@kathyalex778 true but even at that, 16+6 = 22 and plus another 2 years of engagement, that's 24... I'm not a parent, but, this is exactly why I wouldn't allow dating as a minor. Be done with school between 18-21, so that you don't waste time dating around, wasting your youth on people you don't see a future with and letting repeated heartbreaks harden you. Our parents were right, tbh... I don't know her situation and there's always 2 sides to the story but, one thing I've always heard from men is that when they know, they KNOW. This dude is simply not that into her and will marry the next one in a heartbeat! 8 years together with no marital status is crazy to me, for a man, I can see that there is no longer anything special to this relationship worth pursuing into marriage. They're already settled in...smh
He will do it again when he gets bored with life. You CANNOT change a person. She wants something that she deserves, but is not there. She still wants it. I get it. Go find a guy that will adore you without needing stipulations and a guide how to be a good husband...
*I’m surprised that it’s 2024* and people still question whether or not to dump a significant other who cheats on them. *Cheaters never deserve a 2nd chance,* it should always be one and done regardless of the length of the relationship.
Unfortunately most people who are cheated on already have other issues. Maybe they grew up in a toxic home where this was normal. She sounds like she has low self esteem and doesn't think she deserves better.
@@oc2538 I disagree, she sounds like someone who thinks leaving a relationship after 6 years is failure instead of realizing that it’s a failure to stay in a relationship where your partner doesn’t respect you and betrays you.
The problem with a lot of women is they move in with some guy whom owns his house, chips in by paying 1/2 of everything but she has no equity & spent all her money making a home for him & then he cheats. She doesn’t want to throw away all those years of financial contribution, so she doesn’t want to jump the gun, etc. she ends up leaving under even worse conditions cuz now he knows she wants to leave & he’ll become petty & cheap & pay claim to her efforts that improved his investment & let her take decorations. He’ll stop paying half of anything in her name, he’ll eat out & not buy groceries, but will eat yours. It’s all downhill. And don’t tell anybody back home that he treated. Just say he turned into a jerk - took you for granted, & NOW he wants to rush a wedding.
Call it off before you sign. There is no repairing this, he just knows you are an easy person if you forgive him. He will saddle you with kids and then you are truly trapped.
I wish I had Dr. John and Tony Gaskins when i was in the thick of my shitass relationship, I wish these guys were there to talk some sense in to me. Dont love him more than you love you. Listen to your gut.
This was me. Too afraid to leave, miserable staying. Four years of trying to repair the unrepairable. It was broken. Life began when I left him. It wasn't easy, but it was worth it.
There is a reason you have not married them yet. I was in the same place with an ex. I was never into setting a date or doing a wedding and even found excuses to avoid it. Follow your gut and run away. She caught them before he could cheat. Imagine what would have happened if she didn't find out sooner.
I think you girl are too much for that guy. Maybe we can see it because we haven't invested so much time and love that you may not want to cut your losses. You deserve someone emotionally mature and kind. I think he's neither.
To live a life of the feeling of not being good enough is the wrongest base of anything. Especially of a marriage. When respect leaves the building what is left?! I couldn't imagine this for my marriage but I know from the past how it feels of being cheated on 😢
Dr John you are spot on on this issue. Please don't marry him, don't be me, I'm in my mid 60s and I regret not following my gut, he was great at manipulation, it messes with self worth, I don't think I can ever recoup from this, I am stuck in my head.
It’s really so sad to see so many people believing that broken trust can never be regained. Why do people seem to only say this about romantic partners? Have none of you ever had your trust broken by your friend, your parent, your child, your own self? What hope do any of us have for redemption when people constantly tout “broken trust can never be gotten back!” YES IT CAN!! It would take tremendous work and effort and commitment - I’m NOT saying it would be easy. But it CAN be done! Please, let’s stop condemning people to forever live in the shadow of their worst actions - none of us is perfect. I’m not saying give someone endless opportunities to make mistakes, but some relationships truly can be saved if both partners put in the work.
My ex husband gaslit me so hard he convinced me that emotional cheating did not exist. He was emotionally cheating on me the whole time and made me out to be psychotic and crazy for saying that it was emotional cheating
How did you find out , and what was she doing ? I only ask because I caught my wife messaging someone on Facebook, she claims it was only messages but it was for over a month. I guess I would consider that “emotionally “ cheating . We have 2 young kids, and this situation is fucked up . I wanna hold my dignity but I can’t imagine losing my girls . Idk , it’s tough .
I'm so sorry that happened to you, I wish you a clear path forward in whatever decision you make with your relationship. Luckily I didn't have kids with my ex so it made divorce less tricky. She was messaging someone online, started in a reddit group then became texting personally, leading to sexual texts and emotional ones, she said it lasted about a month but who knows how long it actually went on. She said she was in love with this person, and refused to stop speaking to them. It was over fast for me once she came clean about it, was with her for ten years. She demanded a divorce, then came back later asking if I was really serious about going through with the divorce. I said yes, I can't ever trust you again, it was over for me. Once the trust is broken like that, I'm just not the type to give it again to someone. I knew I'd be wasting her and my time trying to make something work that could never be whole again.
Calls like this always make me think of the perks of being a wallflower quote. We accept the love we think we deserve You're staying with somebody who's willing to text other women that he wants to be with them (And he's probably done more), and hasn't progressed to marriage after like 7 or 8 years. Just, insane that you wouldn't have moved on
If you have to go to therapy over the man you love who is planning on cheating on you then that’s on you. Get out of the relationship. He is not the man for you. He has no morals and he lacks. Character. Get out and save yourself some grief
I found out my ex had an emotional relationship with someone he worked with. This was after 18 years of marriage. Now, I question everything. Girl, walk away, You are better. You deserve better. I was unable to fully be with him because he hurt me. Doesn't matter if it's 18 months or 18 years. Walk away. No shame. Love yourself!
You can love someone with every fibre of your being but that doesn’t make a relationship or marriage work. You MUST have trust and respect for it to last. Get off the fence and leave him.
If you have a knot in your stomach and you’re not over the hurt, let it go!! Do not marry him please! I love you as a person who needs to know you are needed in this world as a happy and content human ❤
This is tough, I completely understand her and wish her strength. I was in her place 2 years ago. Same scenario. It hurt like hell to let go but I’m doing so much better now. Took these last two years to heal, live on my own and fall in love with me again. I now thank the experience for what it taught me. Nothing was lost! You can do this!
I can hear the words of this man hitting home w her. He’s so spot on. Love how objective & quickly he can simplifying what we complicate in our minds; then see remain stagnant!❤
Lucky this woman asked John before she decided. She’s dodging a bullet. My predator’s wife stayed and is having his child to cover up the horrible things (sexual harrassment and defamation) he did to me. You’re a good woman who’s gonna teach this predator a good lesson.
Reading the comments proves to me that every situation and relationship is nuanced. It doesnt just matter if someone cheats... it matters how, it matters how its found out, it matters how long, it matters what they change, it matters if there are kids..
I view the concept of ‘emotional cheating' as a harmful idea, arising from unfair expectations and a failure to properly communicate on both sides. Suppose you are in a committed monogamous relationship, and you make a new friend. You enjoy their company, and gradually get closer, as friends do. Then one day, you find yourself thinking about them and their smile and you feel warm and fuzzy - and then you realise: you have developed romantic feelings for them. Now, suppose you have been taught to believe that feeling attracted to someone else is bad. You believe - and you know your partner does too - that if someone ‘really' loves their partner this won't happen. Oh no! This is terrible. You are so full of guilt and shame. Worst of all, you can't talk to your partner about your feelings - what if they leave you? You are confused. You're in the grip of hormones and you never learned how to deal with it. You know you're still in love with your partner, so this can't be what you fear it is. Right? So that means you can just be friends. As long as you're not having sex, you're not breaking the rules. Except that you never really discussed the rules; you just assumed you would know, and this would never come up. And in the meanwhile, you still can't talk to your partner. This is when things really fall apart. Now, somehow, you're hiding things. You've got this big thing going on that you can't mention. You get distant. Your partner knows something is wrong. Your relationship suffers. Then they find out that you've been talking to someone behind their back and saying things they know indicate romantic interest. They know something is wrong, and they know it's to do with this. But wait! You've not slept with them, so what actually have you done? You had feelings, so maybe it's the feelings that are bad? But that doesn't count as cheating. They need a new word. Let's call it emotional cheating. Now consider a different scenario. You realise you have developed romamtic feelings on a friend. That's surprising, but you know it's always ok to think and feel things; what matters is what you do about it. You and your partner have a relationship based on trust and honesty. So you talk to them about it. Your partner doesn't mind; it's nice that you can talk about it together. They know it's not a threat to what you have. Perhaps they ask you for reassurance that you definitely do still love them and won't leave them. You're happy to provide. You already have a clear idea on the limits you have agreed to in your relationship. Maybe you know that in addition to sexual contact, you must not present socially as a couple with someone else, or make life decisions with them. You know that you and your partner have agreed to always inform each other about where you're going and who with. You talk it over and confirm your rules. You take the opportunity to check in about your relationship. Maybe you use your current cool brain chemistry to add some spice and go on more dates. Now it's up to you to stick to those rules. You need to manage your own emotions. Do whatever you need to do to deal with those limits. Maybe you decide that you would rather back off and spend less time with your friend for a while until it stops hurting so much. Or maybe you prefer to hang out, appreciate this awesome person and enjoy the friendship you are able to offer to them. Additionally, If you're considering hiring a private investigator for proof of infidelity in a divorce case, Barry Investigations could be the right choice. By contacting them at MetaspyHub@gmail. com, you can work with experienced professionals to uncover the truth. Make sure to discuss your legal rights and responsibilities, establish clear boundaries, and follow the investigator's guidelines to ensure a successful and discreet investigation.
Emotional cheating is almost worse than a physical hook up because hes sharing his love with someone else. He actually went out of his way to sneak behind your back and try to advance an actual relationship with another woman. So this isn’t just about getting laid. He literally wants to love someone else. As far as I’m concerned this relationship is over. There is no mistake or moment of weakness. This guy is actively seeking another relationship. It’s even worse because it reveals the sheer disrespect he has for his gf. She literally sacrificed everything and moved country to be with him. And he still feels comfortable doing this to her. The fact he’s still pushing for marriage is a major red flag. Either the gf makes more money than him and he’s lying about his finances. So he’s trying to trap her in a marriage. Or he wants to lock a wife into marriage so he can force her to cook or raise a child while he runs off having side relationships. There is literally zero reason why a man who’s cheating to this degree still wants to get married. Most immature men are very scared of marriage and commitment. This guy clearly doesn’t want to be in a monogamous relationship with his gf. So why is he rushing to get married? Something isn’t right here. She needs to run
Ooffff! Tough one! But I think he doesn't respect you and, along with grieving all the things you're gonna lose when you break up, start thinking of how your life has been a glorious adventure: you got to see new things, experience new things, and you took a risk! Many people don't, and wish they had. This step could take you in a direction that can carries you beyond your wildest dreams, if you allow it to.
As one who has also worked professionally in this area for over 30 years, I make two observations. First of all, his “emotional affair” was not just emotional. It was physical and she knows it. She just doesn’t want to admit it. Secondly, I believe John is absolutely wrong when he says infatuations and “crushes” are no big deal. He’s flat out wrong. That is not normal in a good relationship. If either you or your partner are developing infatuations outside your relationship, this is a HUGE red flag that there is something terribly wrong in your relationship, and you would best get about fixing the problem before the worst happens.
I’ve been her, I stayed too long afterwards and then I was the one that was left when he finally found “the grass is greener on the other side” women. Don’t waste more time! Leave and begin a new and better life. 2 years out of that relationship and I have my spark back, I also just met an amazing guy. Life goes on.
Yet another reason to not sleep with your fiancé before marriage. She’s irrationally attached to him to the point she’s willing to overlook cheating she had to discover. Who’s to say he hasn’t cheated on her other times?
@@lilithowlExactly! It's amazing how many men on here are pointing fingers at her, while ignoring the fact that if men weren't paying for it, the porn industry wouldn't exist! They have just as much of a hand in it, if not more! The hypocrisy is astounding!
Pride goeth before a fall. I hope she doesn’t let her decision to follow him be the reason she stays with him because she doesn’t want to look stupid for following him in the first place. She has every right to make decisions that may not work out. We all do.
I was accused of having an emotional affair during my last marriage, so it is a loaded word for me, but I think that if they thought that they have a "thing" and even wondered where it will lead, then it is confirmed as an affair. She should run. The dude is feeling bad he got caught out and is pressing for her to accept his behaviour and invalidate her hurt.
His actions showed he doesn;t love her, she always was a placeholder until he gets his hands on a hottie. SHe's a doormat, he always saw that and took advantage. He was definitely cheating with others, that's just the only time she found out about.
Too many temptations out there. Social media, cell phones, etc. You don't have to sneak around like the old days. It's right at your fingertips. That said, I can't believe he is truly in it. He was willing to explore a relationship with someone else. The net result - the caller no longer feels safe. A partner's number one job is to make their partner feel safe. He blew it. Whether she should give him another chance, I am not sure. But she does need to make a decision. Purgatory is not a nice place to be. That said, once upon a time I allowed a man to diminish my worth by accepting his bad behavior. I had to seek therapy, which helped me say no the next (and last) time he thought he could drag me back into his orbit. I never looked back and managed to salvage some of my dignity.
Agreed with Dr Delony's approach. At this point, she needs to figure out what she wants. If she wants to leave or continue, she needs to figure that out now. For her and for him.
He showed his true self early. Lucky you. Now the ball is in your court. If you have boundaries, own them, live by them and be true to you. If you continue with this relationship, you are telling him your boundaries are made to be broken. He just has to wait for you to come around. If you think back he has broken multiple boundaries before this one. You have done something in the past to let him know your boundaries are flexible.
She should just end things. If he's already in the territory of infidelity, then there will always be that back of the mind anxiety of bracing for the possibility of him cheating again. Cheating completely messes with a person's sense of worth and impares their ability to trust others in the future, so when someone cheats not only are they breaking trust, but they are also throwing a nuke at a person's state of being.
I was in a long term relationship where he had an emotional affair. I tried to move past it and forgive him, but I struggled and decided to dump him. He got diagnosed with Parkinson’s and cancer, so I felt guilty and stayed. I am a nurse so I became his caregiver. And guess what? While on his death bed, he was still having emotional affairs with 2 women. Listen to your gut, and do what it tells you, not guilt. I wasted 5 more years of my life on someone who didn’t deserve my love. Move on, you are worth more than living with betrayal
She is lucky he is showing his true colors before marriage. Girl, run.
You are so right!! When people show you who they are, you better believe them
Yes!!! Run!!! And be thankful you are out, before it's too late. This guy is not your "Best"
Exactly! 💯
Run!!! This call is horrible!
Is she really lucky, though? She already wasted 6 years of dating + 2 years of engagement on this guy... Yes, I totally agree that she should move on and break it off because he is showing signs of infidelity. That being said, let's be real, as a woman, I have seen patterns like that repeatedly: she also did this to herself by deciding to stay 8 years with someone without EVER becoming a wife. Lots of us have been there and the wake up call was a rude awakening. This guy, however lame he might be, is giving her an obvious out of this relationship. I agree with Dr. John, what is taking SO LONG, 8 years!?!? She decided to stay with him after he (emotionally) cheated on her a year ago & SHE went to therapy to deal with it. Girl, no therapy needed, you just needed to call it off. Unless you're already married to someone, there's no reason to try to work things out to a cheater with whom you are not married to! I think she has low self-esteem, that's the real reason she is staying in limbo. To me, they both share responsibility in this: he violated her trust and she is choosing to be miserable, sad and not move-on or move-out of this situation.
She’s disapointed in herself that she’s wasted this much time with him already.
But the good news is: she doesn’t have to waste 1 more minute with him. Phew! 👋 bye Felicia! ✌️ 😘
"Boy Byyye!"
Agreed. We think of the time. Try wasting a life. She needs to move on.
She doesn’t have to waste decades. I knew decades ago not to marry, but due to pressure and fear I did. Decades later I wish I would had been stronger and had realized then I deserved much more.
@@moaraa2575 I’d been in similar, and after like 5 or 6 years when he kept saying he might want to marry or have a family with me 1 day, and was cheating on me, I literally said, “Look, if you don’t know by now, then that’s a clear answer. I’ve wasted 5 plus years with somebody who just doesn’t really want the life I dream of and now feel eager to build, so I’m not wasting one more minute - not 1 more second on you.”
And that was that. He moved out of the place I’d financed for us and became his own problem.
I hear his life got much worse after that. Few years later he was living in an efficiency and had become a hoarder. After that he met this gal who literally was his mother’s or grandmother’s age and she got him into cults and hard core drugs I hear from mutual friends.
I almost feel bad but those are his choices. I pray for him.
He wasn’t a bad guy or awful to me or anything. He was young and who isn’t kind of dumb or hormonal in their 20’s?
He was so funny. He could always make me laugh (his saving grace) and he’d become my best friend over the time we were together. I deeply loved him, and it hurt to let go but not as much as I would have hurt myself staying another 5 years of being strung along as if “maybe” were an engagement ring.
By being honest with me he saved me 5 more years of pining for a family… that now I share with a husband that wanted the same family life goal as I did.
And I never would have gotten it from that first serious boyfriend because he clearly wasn’t that serious - just too funny, smart, and cute to break up with.
I feel so lucky I didn’t fall for that drug life like he did. And I’m scared for him but I live in a different state and haven’t seen him in over a decade. Probably for the best.
Jon E. If you’re out there, I wish you well. High fives hope you living your dream. I’m so grateful you set me free to discover mine. I couldn’t handle the life you have now and wouldn’t want to. Letting me go was the best thing you could have done for me, man, because I’d have waited forever for you. And I almost did. Thank you! On my children’s and husband’s behalf - thank you!
Just because you love someone doesn’t mean you have to marry them! Thankfully, I learned that 40 years ago!
Amen 🙌🙌
This! 1 million percent.
I've learnt that you can love someone from a distance - you don't need to be in physical proximity to love someone. Enjoying someones company is completely seperate to loving someone.
And also, you can be married to someone, without loving them.
Amen. We fall into a fallacy that because we love someone, we need to be together forever. No, no, no!! Being in love with someone doesn't make them the right one!!! That is broken thinking. There has to be a whole other set of conditions along with that love. Are their core values similar to yours, are they honorable, steadfast, faithful and your best friend? Do they met the core values of respect, admiration and are they able to meet your deep needs?
So many things come into play for a healthy, happy, lifelong commitment besides "loving" someone.
I think no one should marry before 25 or close to it. Also. When you’re married you have to basically say no new opposite sex friends for the most part.
Moving across the country for a love relationship. To me means the woman in this case. She had nothing major going on in place of origin.
My ex-husband emotionally cheated repeatedly over the course of 19 years. Marrying him only made it worse. Don't marry someone that doesn't care enough about you to not hurt you. If he can do it to you once, he can definitely do it again.
Preach!!
I just wanted to say I'm so sorry that that happened! You deserve so much better! I do hope you've found true happiness now.
@crow_feather I hope I have too. The guy I am dating now seems to be the jackpot.
@@Alisha-nl9qh That's awesome! You deserve it! I wish you both the absolute best! ❤️
If you have any doubts about getting married, don't get married. It really is that easy, but divorce is never easy.
Yassss!
Needed to hear this. :(
This poor girl is done. You can hear it in her voice so evidently.
Yep. I'm so happy that Dr. John points this out to her.
If you’re calling to ask someone on the radio if you should get married, you already know in your heart that you shouldn’t get married.
😂 for real!
Yes if your partner does not have respect for you, and is sneaking around DO NOT continue the relationship.
She already knows what to do. She wants someone to tell her what to do
She knows that she wants to leave, but she wants someone to confirm it.
Needing validation is normal.
She literally wasted one year. If she left a year ago, she would have move on and find another bf by now.
@@LOADING...o.o.osometimes it’s not about finding a new partner it’s about the fear of being alone it’s the thought of the person you loved being with someone else I totally agree it’s a complete waste of time and it’s maddening seeing people let themselves sit though that time because of fear of being alone ect but it’s so easy for us to say oh I’d just leave but when you’ve got history when you have love for a person and thinking what will life be like on my own what will they do after will they move on and be happy and do things for that new person that they wouldn’t do for me will I find a person who will treat me better of will they treat me worse ect it’s a hard place to be in so I see it from both sides
No trust = No Relationship.
This guy is a waste of time, and not worth being away from loved ones for him.
Move back across the country and be close to your friends and family if they are still back home.
Absolutely 💯!! I regret regret marrying my military husband, moving away from family .. 20 years later, he leaves me for someone who was 1/2 his age😢
@@lmb4876 I am so sorry. I hope you find a man worthy of your love and devotion.
He’s your boyfriend not even your husband. You’re afraid of losing him but you’ve already lost him.
If he really wants to fix it, he’ll do what you ask. Sounds like he’s not sorry about what he did.
Six years, two engaged? Ditch him. 🙄
Exactly. 8 years in and not married. He doesn't want to marry her
@@natalieelliott19846 years not 8
She should be thankful she found this out now. She is being given her life back! Leave him babe!
Dr. John, you just answered my questions 😢 as well. My partner of 4 years has repeatedly been inappropriately flirtatious with multiple women on social media. He didn't realize I could see it because we're not friends on social media. I confronted him, and he kept saying it was harmless. Said I was overreacting. He's also been pressuring me to move across the country for him. I didn't. I'm glad I didn't. Too many things don't feel right. But I've been struggling with this for a while now. I think this was the final confirmation that I needed. I wish the young caller, Katy, the best of luck, and I hope she finds the happiness she deserves.
I hate to project, but my experience is that if he’s doing it on social media, he’s doing it in person as well and there’s no way for you to know how far he has taken it. Especially if he has lied or concealed or downplayed or framed something in the past.
He's not going to be there for you in the long term, and he clearly doesn't respect you or care about your feelings, otherwise he would stop doing what he's doing. Bottom line, his ability to be flirtatious to whoever he wants is more important to him than you are. Do not move for him.
My mother used to say these years should be the happiest days before you get married. Marriage does not mean that everything is going to be beautiful, it's hard work on both of your parts. If you have doubts now then you will always wonder. It's so easy to get married but expensive in time and money to get divorced. I know, because I always wondered and it was hard, we had a beautiful 2 year old little girl and everything went sour. It didn't bother him until after I left and then 2 months later he wanted to get back together. He let me leave and encouraged me to leave. I was doing fine by then and didn't want a replay of what I had been through. Best of luck to you, aim for the stars 🌟 you deserve it.
Don't do it!!!
You are worth so much more than that- you're being whole heartedly pursued and exclusively loved ❤
Too many times I have known women who give up everything for a man, while he gives up nothing.
That's why they say "get a man who loves you more than you love him" otherwise you're screwed, because women naturally get into the role and become a man's mommy, maid, s*x worker, therapist, and a man is like "I got her around my finger".
Yep, and it’s not worth it. Especially if you change the last name and you carry the babies and your body changes and your life and career are affected and he is carrying what responsibility?
Because it's the women that want to be in a relationship. Not men. Men want a pretty woman to take care of them while still acting like free single guys. At the end women gave up on many things and the guy still act the same. Same pattern I see over and over.
Usually it's the other way around lol
No, don’t marry him. You deserve someone who is faithful to you in ALL areas
If this caller is still so angry and unable to get past what happened (and I can’t say I blame her), then she should do the honorable thing for both of them and end the relationship.
I agree but I don’t really understand why cheaters never end relationship themselves? It would be so easy, but naaaaaah they wanna stay with their “oh yeah I fucked my ex but I love you”😅
Ladies cheating is cheating whether it's emotionally or physically or mentally. Don't put up with that or make excuses for it.
Say it again. Especially all these women keeping close male friends.
^hes right you know^ 👀
Always remember this
The 2 foundational building blocks of any type of relationship will always be trust and respect. if either of those things are completely shattered, the entire relationship is destroyed.
It’s always better to build something new with someone else than with someone you can’t trust or respect.
The sooner she leaves the sooner she can heal and find someone who loves her.
Or maybe just be single for a while and heal and enjoy her life
Please a little self-esteem ladies!!!! Kick him to the curve and don't be afraid to be alone.....
This…👏👏
Get a dog or a cat..they are much more loyal & won't make you cry😂
Four years divorced, four years single - have never dated. I know who I'm looking for, and marriage-minded and emotional maturity is at the top of the list! This guy she has been seeing is a wasted sack!
Curb* 😉
👏👏
He wants out and he is gaslighting her every time he asks to move up the wedding
6 years and still just together, caught cheating... run while you can
Once a cheater always a cheater. You can't go back across that line once you cross it.
As someone who was with a cheater for 5 years, this is absolutely true. I found out after my divorce he cheated on everyone he was with… he cheated on me to be with a married woman, they are now engaged. He will always cheat.
Agreed once and you take them back is is greenlite in their head to keep doing it again and again
My husband had an EA 25 years ago.
I concur with Dr. JD that after a betrayal like this, what you had before is dead and you have to rebuild something totally new. What he didn’t say is that before something new can built, you will be stripped to the bones and it hurts like hell.
And it takes a long time. It took 2 entire years before I even began to start feeling like a whole person again. It took several more years to rebuild trust.
If someone had given me a crystal ball and shown me how painful the rebuilding process would be, I probably wouldn’t have gone through with it. And if it weren’t for my three children, I wouldn’t have entertained the idea of reconciliation at all.
I want to give the caller that crystal ball. I hope she chooses herself and leaves that man in the rearview mirror. Because I doubt he’s worth it. He’s been stringing her along for years, only to reward her commitment with betrayal. She shouldn’t fall for the sunk cost fallacy. This man has proven to be a poor ROI. Time to cut her losses.
How many women find themselves in the same situation? I am so sorry it happened to her. Please my lovelies, never move for someone, never accept a “shut up ring”, never accept to be treated less than the queen that you are. You deserve better!!!!!!
I don’t know if I’d include the “never move for someone”. I moved to be near my husband..no regrets.
Really?. "For Kings, have fun with her, never spend a dime on her, never put a ring on her, never solve her problems and never listen to her. That's what a king does. " If that male equivalent sounds wrong to you, then you are welcome. You've just acknowledged your delusion.
As a woman, we tend to value (sometimes in an unhealthy way) the number of years we have invested with a partner that we love. The fact that it took him 6 years to propose says a lot. As an ex Marriage Family Therapist I have an opinion on Why he is trying to make this wedding happen in November.... He sees Katy as loving, committed, loyal and valuable to his life. A rock in his harbor which then gives him a feeling of "She won't leave me so I can cheat with other women emotionally and live another fantasy life." It is out of Selfishness. Please Katy, value yourself and what you have to offer. Forget about the number of years and look towards the future. You are worth it. 💗
Take it from me. The same thing happened. I married him. I deeply regret it. We have only had sex once in 3 yrs. He doesn’t want me. He keeps his phone deeply hidden. Do not marry a guy who emotionally cheats before marriage. You deserve better!!!!!
Genuine burning desire towards each other is the foundation of any relationship. Absence of it from one partner, the relationship doomed to fail soon or later.
He was planning to go sleep with another woman. Stop being a placeholder and get your life back.
If he's not loyal emotionally he ain't gonna me loyal in other ways. Run.
My ex husband was emotionally cheating before I married him, I forgave him, tried to rebuild trust, he ended up physically cheating next and I found out he was physically cheating for 5 years we were together. It was hard for me to accept my partner was like this until I finally accepted it and left. There is no recovery from cheating… she sounds like she doesn’t believe she deserves better. This is not love… she deserves so much better…
If he disrespected you this badly, you can never unsee this.
“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” - Maya Angelou
Oh, my goodness, where were you 30 years ago when I needed you to say these things to me, sir?
You're a blessing, and I hope that people take your advice to heart...whether it is hard to hear & accept or not.
Number 1. He will not change. Next time he’ll work harder not to get caught.
Number 2. Go back home. See if he’s willing to travel cross country to get you back.
Be in or out. I would be out. This isn't an issue of negotiation. It is a matter of respect. Cut bait. Don't chase a loss that is how people lose everything in Vegas.
Engaged 2 years while being together 6 years, hummm...!
Unless they met at like age 16 it doesnt make sense
@@kathyalex778 true but even at that, 16+6 = 22 and plus another 2 years of engagement, that's 24... I'm not a parent, but, this is exactly why I wouldn't allow dating as a minor. Be done with school between 18-21, so that you don't waste time dating around, wasting your youth on people you don't see a future with and letting repeated heartbreaks harden you. Our parents were right, tbh... I don't know her situation and there's always 2 sides to the story but, one thing I've always heard from men is that when they know, they KNOW. This dude is simply not that into her and will marry the next one in a heartbeat! 8 years together with no marital status is crazy to me, for a man, I can see that there is no longer anything special to this relationship worth pursuing into marriage. They're already settled in...smh
He will do it again when he gets bored with life. You CANNOT change a person. She wants something that she deserves, but is not there. She still wants it. I get it.
Go find a guy that will adore you without needing stipulations and a guide how to be a good husband...
Leave while you can, it won't get any better. He blew it! You deserve so much better 🙌
*I’m surprised that it’s 2024* and people still question whether or not to dump a significant other who cheats on them. *Cheaters never deserve a 2nd chance,* it should always be one and done regardless of the length of the relationship.
Unfortunately most people who are cheated on already have other issues. Maybe they grew up in a toxic home where this was normal. She sounds like she has low self esteem and doesn't think she deserves better.
Thank u
@@oc2538 I disagree, she sounds like someone who thinks leaving a relationship after 6 years is failure instead of realizing that it’s a failure to stay in a relationship where your partner doesn’t respect you and betrays you.
The problem with a lot of women is they move in with some guy whom owns his house, chips in by paying 1/2 of everything but she has no equity & spent all her money making a home for him & then he cheats. She doesn’t want to throw away all those years of financial contribution, so she doesn’t want to jump the gun, etc. she ends up leaving under even worse conditions cuz now he knows she wants to leave & he’ll become petty & cheap & pay claim to her efforts that improved his investment & let her take decorations. He’ll stop paying half of anything in her name, he’ll eat out & not buy groceries, but will eat yours. It’s all downhill. And don’t tell anybody back home that he treated. Just say he turned into a jerk - took you for granted, & NOW he wants to rush a wedding.
Right !?!?
Call it off before you sign. There is no repairing this, he just knows you are an easy person if you forgive him. He will saddle you with kids and then you are truly trapped.
He was asking an old girlfriend to get back together. Wow! Please respect yourself and kick him to the curb! You are worth more!
Run girl he was talking to her planning to sleep together. Can you imagine if he did this while you were married? Get out now and call off the wedding
I wish I had Dr. John and Tony Gaskins when i was in the thick of my shitass relationship, I wish these guys were there to talk some sense in to me.
Dont love him more than you love you.
Listen to your gut.
We must be the same person because those two are my top go to relationship advisers! Love
Both of them!
@@Desertvibes234 AWWW YISSSSS love to hear that!
This was me. Too afraid to leave, miserable staying. Four years of trying to repair the unrepairable. It was broken. Life began when I left him. It wasn't easy, but it was worth it.
There is a reason you have not married them yet. I was in the same place with an ex. I was never into setting a date or doing a wedding and even found excuses to avoid it. Follow your gut and run away. She caught them before he could cheat. Imagine what would have happened if she didn't find out sooner.
I think you girl are too much for that guy. Maybe we can see it because we haven't invested so much time and love that you may not want to cut your losses. You deserve someone emotionally mature and kind. I think he's neither.
To live a life of the feeling of not being good enough is the wrongest base of anything. Especially of a marriage. When respect leaves the building what is left?! I couldn't imagine this for my marriage but I know from the past how it feels of being cheated on 😢
She just doesn’t want to be alone and have to start over. That’s really why she’s hanging on.
Typical female
Run, just go!
While you still can
Dr John you are spot on on this issue.
Please don't marry him, don't be me, I'm in my mid 60s and I regret not following my gut, he was great at manipulation, it messes with self worth, I don't think I can ever recoup from this, I am stuck in my head.
It’s really so sad to see so many people believing that broken trust can never be regained. Why do people seem to only say this about romantic partners? Have none of you ever had your trust broken by your friend, your parent, your child, your own self? What hope do any of us have for redemption when people constantly tout “broken trust can never be gotten back!” YES IT CAN!! It would take tremendous work and effort and commitment - I’m NOT saying it would be easy. But it CAN be done! Please, let’s stop condemning people to forever live in the shadow of their worst actions - none of us is perfect. I’m not saying give someone endless opportunities to make mistakes, but some relationships truly can be saved if both partners put in the work.
Wouldn’t even bother with a break. In his mind that might mean he’s single and then wouldn’t be considered cheating.
My ex husband gaslit me so hard he convinced me that emotional cheating did not exist. He was emotionally cheating on me the whole time and made me out to be psychotic and crazy for saying that it was emotional cheating
Like the movie Gaslight, 1944. They know women are emotional creatures and they play them that way.
My ex emotionally cheated on me. Thats when I knew the relationship was over. I could never trust her again.
How did you find out , and what was she doing ? I only ask because I caught my wife messaging someone on Facebook, she claims it was only messages but it was for over a month. I guess I would consider that “emotionally “ cheating . We have 2 young kids, and this situation is fucked up . I wanna hold my dignity but I can’t imagine losing my girls . Idk , it’s tough .
I'm so sorry that happened to you, I wish you a clear path forward in whatever decision you make with your relationship. Luckily I didn't have kids with my ex so it made divorce less tricky. She was messaging someone online, started in a reddit group then became texting personally, leading to sexual texts and emotional ones, she said it lasted about a month but who knows how long it actually went on. She said she was in love with this person, and refused to stop speaking to them. It was over fast for me once she came clean about it, was with her for ten years. She demanded a divorce, then came back later asking if I was really serious about going through with the divorce. I said yes, I can't ever trust you again, it was over for me. Once the trust is broken like that, I'm just not the type to give it again to someone. I knew I'd be wasting her and my time trying to make something work that could never be whole again.
Moved across the country for him and 6 years together. Sunk cost fallacy.
Calls like this always make me think of the perks of being a wallflower quote. We accept the love we think we deserve
You're staying with somebody who's willing to text other women that he wants to be with them (And he's probably done more), and hasn't progressed to marriage after like 7 or 8 years. Just, insane that you wouldn't have moved on
If you have to go to therapy over the man you love who is planning on cheating on you then that’s on you. Get out of the relationship. He is not the man for you. He has no morals and he lacks. Character. Get out and save yourself some grief
Don’t get married until you have the relationship you want.
He did this while they were engaged, he will do it while they’re married. It doesn’t sound like she will leave, but I hope she does.
You're right she doesn't have a backbone and he will keep cheating on her hope she leaves him sooner than later.
I found out my ex had an emotional relationship with someone he worked with. This was after 18 years of marriage. Now, I question everything. Girl, walk away, You are better. You deserve better. I was unable to fully be with him because he hurt me. Doesn't matter if it's 18 months or 18 years. Walk away. No shame. Love yourself!
You can love someone with every fibre of your being but that doesn’t make a relationship or marriage work. You MUST have trust and respect for it to last. Get off the fence and leave him.
If you have a knot in your stomach and you’re not over the hurt, let it go!! Do not marry him please! I love you as a person who needs to know you are needed in this world as a happy and content human ❤
That is not the way to start a marriage.
This is tough, I completely understand her and wish her strength. I was in her place 2 years ago. Same scenario. It hurt like hell to let go but I’m doing so much better now. Took these last two years to heal, live on my own and fall in love with me again. I now thank the experience for what it taught me. Nothing was lost! You can do this!
I can hear the words of this man hitting home w her. He’s so spot on. Love how objective & quickly he can simplifying what we complicate in our minds; then see remain stagnant!❤
Lucky this woman asked John before she decided. She’s dodging a bullet. My predator’s wife stayed and is having his child to cover up the horrible things (sexual harrassment and defamation) he did to me. You’re a good woman who’s gonna teach this predator a good lesson.
Reading the comments proves to me that every situation and relationship is nuanced. It doesnt just matter if someone cheats... it matters how, it matters how its found out, it matters how long, it matters what they change, it matters if there are kids..
I view the concept of ‘emotional cheating' as a harmful idea, arising from unfair expectations and a failure to properly communicate on both sides. Suppose you are in a committed monogamous relationship, and you make a new friend. You enjoy their company, and gradually get closer, as friends do. Then one day, you find yourself thinking about them and their smile and you feel warm and fuzzy - and then you realise: you have developed romantic feelings for them. Now, suppose you have been taught to believe that feeling attracted to someone else is bad. You believe - and you know your partner does too - that if someone ‘really' loves their partner this won't happen. Oh no! This is terrible. You are so full of guilt and shame.
Worst of all, you can't talk to your partner about your feelings - what if they leave you? You are confused. You're in the grip of hormones and you never learned how to deal with it. You know you're still in love with your partner, so this can't be what you fear it is. Right? So that means you can just be friends. As long as you're not having sex, you're not breaking the rules. Except that you never really discussed the rules; you just assumed you would know, and this would never come up. And in the meanwhile, you still can't talk to your partner. This is when things really fall apart. Now, somehow, you're hiding things. You've got this big thing going on that you can't mention. You get distant. Your partner knows something is wrong.
Your relationship suffers. Then they find out that you've been talking to someone behind their back and saying things they know indicate romantic interest. They know something is wrong, and they know it's to do with this. But wait! You've not slept with them, so what actually have you done? You had feelings, so maybe it's the feelings that are bad? But that doesn't count as cheating. They need a new word. Let's call it emotional cheating. Now consider a different scenario. You realise you have developed romamtic feelings on a friend. That's surprising, but you know it's always ok to think and feel things; what matters is what you do about it. You and your partner have a relationship based on trust and honesty.
So you talk to them about it. Your partner doesn't mind; it's nice that you can talk about it together. They know it's not a threat to what you have. Perhaps they ask you for reassurance that you definitely do still love them and won't leave them. You're happy to provide. You already have a clear idea on the limits you have agreed to in your relationship. Maybe you know that in addition to sexual contact, you must not present socially as a couple with someone else, or make life decisions with them.
You know that you and your partner have agreed to always inform each other about where you're going and who with. You talk it over and confirm your rules. You take the opportunity to check in about your relationship. Maybe you use your current cool brain chemistry to add some spice and go on more dates. Now it's up to you to stick to those rules. You need to manage your own emotions. Do whatever you need to do to deal with those limits. Maybe you decide that you would rather back off and spend less time with your friend for a while until it stops hurting so much. Or maybe you prefer to hang out, appreciate this awesome person and enjoy the friendship you are able to offer to them.
Additionally, If you're considering hiring a private investigator for proof of infidelity in a divorce case, Barry Investigations could be the right choice. By contacting them at MetaspyHub@gmail. com, you can work with experienced professionals to uncover the truth. Make sure to discuss your legal rights and responsibilities, establish clear boundaries, and follow the investigator's guidelines to ensure a successful and discreet investigation.
2:18 MY MAN DELONY!!!! Well said!!!
Emotional cheating is almost worse than a physical hook up because hes sharing his love with someone else. He actually went out of his way to sneak behind your back and try to advance an actual relationship with another woman.
So this isn’t just about getting laid. He literally wants to love someone else. As far as I’m concerned this relationship is over. There is no mistake or moment of weakness. This guy is actively seeking another relationship.
It’s even worse because it reveals the sheer disrespect he has for his gf. She literally sacrificed everything and moved country to be with him. And he still feels comfortable doing this to her.
The fact he’s still pushing for marriage is a major red flag. Either the gf makes more money than him and he’s lying about his finances. So he’s trying to trap her in a marriage. Or he wants to lock a wife into marriage so he can force her to cook or raise a child while he runs off having side relationships.
There is literally zero reason why a man who’s cheating to this degree still wants to get married. Most immature men are very scared of marriage and commitment. This guy clearly doesn’t want to be in a monogamous relationship with his gf. So why is he rushing to get married? Something isn’t right here. She needs to run
My ex started with an emorional affair but it was still an affair,they are now married full flown adultery now
Leave him. He showed you who he is. You deserve better!
Ooffff! Tough one! But I think he doesn't respect you and, along with grieving all the things you're gonna lose when you break up, start thinking of how your life has been a glorious adventure: you got to see new things, experience new things, and you took a risk! Many people don't, and wish they had. This step could take you in a direction that can carries you beyond your wildest dreams, if you allow it to.
Omg all these comments are perfect!!! I love that he said "do you care if he falls off the edge" ...
As one who has also worked professionally in this area for over 30 years, I make two observations. First of all, his “emotional affair” was not just emotional. It was physical and she knows it. She just doesn’t want to admit it. Secondly, I believe John is absolutely wrong when he says infatuations and “crushes” are no big deal. He’s flat out wrong. That is not normal in a good relationship. If either you or your partner are developing infatuations outside your relationship, this is a HUGE red flag that there is something terribly wrong in your relationship, and you would best get about fixing the problem before the worst happens.
It is hard to let someone you once love -- go. But go he must... he is not committed to you.
2:18 You’re dignity and worth is more than that. Love his reply
I’ve been her, I stayed too long afterwards and then I was the one that was left when he finally found “the grass is greener on the other side” women. Don’t waste more time! Leave and begin a new and better life. 2 years out of that relationship and I have my spark back, I also just met an amazing guy. Life goes on.
I can really relate to this ladies ambivalence. It’s a painful place to be.
Yet another reason to not sleep with your fiancé before marriage. She’s irrationally attached to him to the point she’s willing to overlook cheating she had to discover. Who’s to say he hasn’t cheated on her other times?
Girl run as far away from him as you can!🏃🏼♀️🏃🏼♀️
If you cannot stand up for yourself, your children, your pets, you're not ready for a relationship.
Pets? Lol. That's the funniest s**t I've ever heard. 🤣
Wow. Victim blaming, much?
@@Chet_24pets are often targets of domestic violence, and used as tools to manipulate human victims, too
@@crow_featheryeah total victim blaming, gross
@@lilithowlExactly! It's amazing how many men on here are pointing fingers at her, while ignoring the fact that if men weren't paying for it, the porn industry wouldn't exist! They have just as much of a hand in it, if not more!
The hypocrisy is astounding!
Pride goeth before a fall. I hope she doesn’t let her decision to follow him be the reason she stays with him because she doesn’t want to look stupid for following him in the first place. She has every right to make decisions that may not work out. We all do.
He can do everything on your to do list, & you still won't feel good. I have been there. I know.
At least you learned this now instead of getting married and learning this. You deserve better. Move on.
This lady wasted one year of her youth. She should have moved back right after he cheated. Don’t compromise with a cheater. You will lose.
I was accused of having an emotional affair during my last marriage, so it is a loaded word for me, but I think that if they thought that they have a "thing" and even wondered where it will lead, then it is confirmed as an affair. She should run. The dude is feeling bad he got caught out and is pressing for her to accept his behaviour and invalidate her hurt.
Your love will never be deeper than your trust
a person who gets emotionally too attach to other people are a red flag. if they plan to do things together, you're better off with a new life.
yeah of course hes pushing to get married now. He was also pushing to sleep with someone else!
His actions showed he doesn;t love her, she always was a placeholder until he gets his hands on a hottie. SHe's a doormat, he always saw that and took advantage. He was definitely cheating with others, that's just the only time she found out about.
Too many temptations out there. Social media, cell phones, etc. You don't have to sneak around like the old days. It's right at your fingertips. That said, I can't believe he is truly in it. He was willing to explore a relationship with someone else. The net result - the caller no longer feels safe. A partner's number one job is to make their partner feel safe. He blew it. Whether she should give him another chance, I am not sure. But she does need to make a decision. Purgatory is not a nice place to be. That said, once upon a time I allowed a man to diminish my worth by accepting his bad behavior. I had to seek therapy, which helped me say no the next (and last) time he thought he could drag me back into his orbit. I never looked back and managed to salvage some of my dignity.
Agreed with Dr Delony's approach. At this point, she needs to figure out what she wants. If she wants to leave or continue, she needs to figure that out now. For her and for him.
He showed his true self early. Lucky you. Now the ball is in your court. If you have boundaries, own them, live by them and be true to you. If you continue with this relationship, you are telling him your boundaries are made to be broken. He just has to wait for you to come around. If you think back he has broken multiple boundaries before this one. You have done something in the past to let him know your boundaries are flexible.
She should just end things. If he's already in the territory of infidelity, then there will always be that back of the mind anxiety of bracing for the possibility of him cheating again. Cheating completely messes with a person's sense of worth and impares their ability to trust others in the future, so when someone cheats not only are they breaking trust, but they are also throwing a nuke at a person's state of being.
Get rid of him.
I was in a long term relationship where he had an emotional affair. I tried to move past it and forgive him, but I struggled and decided to dump him. He got diagnosed with Parkinson’s and cancer, so I felt guilty and stayed. I am a nurse so I became his caregiver. And guess what? While on his death bed, he was still having emotional affairs with 2 women. Listen to your gut, and do what it tells you, not guilt. I wasted 5 more years of my life on someone who didn’t deserve my love. Move on, you are worth more than living with betrayal