As a woman who's ex-husband cheated on her, I felt he was dirty and didn't want him touching me. I felt he was gross after having intimacy with another woman. I didn't want him anymore. It was like, yuck.
I told my husband there were two reason the marriage would end immediately before he married me. You cheat, I’m gone. You hit me, I’m gone. We can work our way through anything else, but those two would be an immediate call to a lawyer. We’ve been married almost 18 years. I have no use for this dude. He’s a fucking child. He’s so worried about him and all he can do is blame her for his actions. She didn’t do anything WRONG. YOU DID. Man up, grow up, and let this lady go. She deserves to be unshackled to you.
@@lanapugh Yes, he should have just asked for a divorce. I suspect he doesn't want to be the one that divorces and is trying to make her file for a divorce. If everytime you have a conversation, the Divorce word in on the table, it becomes problematic.
He didn't just cheat, he LEFT HIS WIFE amd tried to replace her and came crawling back when it didn't work. Now he wonders why his wife is traumatised? I bet he's been a piece of work for years and that's why she emotionally shut down
So this guy brings up a sob story from 10 years ago because that is relevant to his relationship today, but it's unfair for her to bring things up in the past? He cheated, he left, he dangles divorce over her head and then complains that she's withdrawn and not committed? This guy is morally weak and incredibly selfish. This isn't accountability, this is whining.
Agree with most of your points, but the part about "she's withdrawn and not committed". Wife is far more committed to this marriage than caller. She has not left, not filed for divorce, not cleared bank accounts, not had a retaliatory affair, etc. Wife is committed to this marriage, but she is not committed to caller, there is a difference. Glad to hear caller is going to therapy, but didn't hear what steps caller has taken to rebuild wife's trust in him. Sounds like caller feels ENTITLED to wife's trust; no one is entitled to trust, it is always earned over time.
I am always amazed at how quick to judge and define moral perimeters are thrown on people of which you know so little. This is difficult for both of them. I wish them the best, hope they find peace and a resolve to their situation.
This guy cheated and instead of calling and asking what can I do to help her to trust me again, he calls and says, “I said I’m sorry. Why won’t you forgive me already? Maybe we should divorce? Why are you so distant from me and give me what I need?” This dude is a piece of work….
@@allisonhernandez3829so you just skipped over where dr John said “ you blew this up and you’re keeping divorce there, how is your wife suppose to anchor into that” and ‘have you ever thought she could be right when you’re repeating old pattern” and he called him other times too. Y’all just have selected hearing or something?
@dillardsshopper24863 years isn’t hurry up. He owned his horrible action and is trying to work through it. That’s all anybody can do. They should stop wasting each others time if they can’t work through it. What’s a narcissist to you? That word is used frequently and inappropriately many times so I have to ask. What does that mean to you?
But if you decide to forgive and take them back, quit telling everyone what's happened to you. Move past the victim stage. And no, Id never take him back. Once you cross that line, there's no going back, is my rule. @MarcellaFlorez-np5wc
I can tell you that forgiving the person responsible is the hardest thing I’ve ever tried to accept and unfortunately, I’ve not been able to. I lash out at her when I hear how she’s not receiving what she expects. I can honestly say that I have tried and tried to move past it but for some reason, I, have not have not forgiven her. I think we will not be able to remain married and provide each other with the respect our relationship deserves.
Scott, dude, trust is lost in buckets and gained in drops. You destroyed your wife. You entered the body of another human being with NO regard for the risk you put your wife in. If it was bad, you could have left, but you chose to violate her body and the marriage bed. You are asking her to re-engage with the same person that violated her and you're frustrated because it's not easy. In no other crime do we as a society ask the victim to re-engage with their attacker. Imagine if your wife stepped out every time YOU didn't meet one of her needs. You need a dose of perspective. It will come up in arguments because YOU changed the lens she sees the world through. Own what you did and accept the consequences.
You are right. What's scary is that the middle aged population is getting STD's in droves now. It's because they are too trusting because back in the 80's people weren't concerned about diseases it was free love. Now if these older spouses cheat it is a VIOLATION of the spouse because you just brought their risk up for a permanent STD. Selfishness is the worst.
Because she chose to stay… if she wasn’t willing to do the work she should have divorced him 3 years is more than enough time to work through it. At this point she is acting entitled and punishing him
@@missycostner4893 it takes time to recover from that sense of loss (as if one's life were a complete lie). She may leave him still. But such trauma can't be healed in a heartbeat. And despite her 'forgiveness' he still needs to do a lot of work to prove himself and show he's worthy. It's human nature.
@@JENKEN425 for me, cheating is always a deal-breaker with leaving being the only option. Many find it harder to leave someone they've loved, even though they've been let down in such a significant way.
This made my blood boil. My son in law cheated on my daughter and she immediately divided their money and told him they would get divorced. He has said many stupid things since then like this guy has. He feels sorry for himself and seems oblivious to the shock and utter devastation. I am proud my daughter is smart enough to project into the future and know she will never trust him again. None of us could so that's it. They are divorced and she has blocked his texts.
It’s disturbing, but then it’s paired with such a profound lack of insight, self-pity, and whinging that I end up feeling completely horrified for these men’s partners!
I'm thirty three and this attitude is why I would never get married l o l Women quit the second things get tough and think they can do better and then whine when men only want to use single moms for sex
7:26 OF COURSE he’s forgiven himself. He is not calling because he is overwhelmed with guilt and regret. He’s annoyed that she hasn’t bounced back to who she was before he cheated. Imagine having to lay in the bed you made for yourself.
It's been 21 years since my ex-husband cheated on me with the teacher next door. We got divorced. It ruined my dating life for 15 years. I couldn't trust anyone. There is always collateral damage with selfish people.
Found out my husband’s cheating the week of our 22nd anniversary… it’s definitely thrown my life in the meat grinder. Selfishness and self centeredness seem to be two things that every man possesses.
@@sarahalderman3126 hey dude girl ,one day the ex husband will be so alone because of his evil doings and hurting innocent people old and shriveled in an old folks home with several marriages under his belt, karma is out to get you!
This is exactly why I've told my husband if he ever cheated on me I'm out. I'm not going to try to work on it because I know myself, I will most likely never 100% be able to move past it and it will make us both miserable. The burden of, "Hurry up and heal so we can be happy again" is not for me. Nope, it's over.
This. I’m the same way. Not all women are the same, so… they need to know her personality. He violated her trust so he lost the key to her heart. That’s just wisdom. When you know a thief, you don’t ask them to hold ya wallet.
Same here. I told my husband that if he REALLY feels the need to cheat that I can't stop him, but he needs to fully understand what will happen if he does and if he would think it's still worth it to cheat.
I wouldn’t stay either. I’ve let that man love me in many different ways. I’ve opened my body and soul to him. We’ve had babies together. There’s no way I’d be able to look at him. I’d be destroyed from that damage.
He put divorce on the table because she is not moving on as fast as he wants. He wants her to be all giddy and singing Kumbaya after rubbishing their marriage. What a man!
She should have some self respect and absolutely agree to the divorce and run this pos through the wringer in court. This asshole blames her for his CHOICE to cheat.
He’s upset about her response to his feelings for 8 years. But he expects her to get over him cheating in less than 3 years. While in the meantime, he’s talking about divorce. Amazing that he’s the victim. OMG, I would be mad and out the door.
My parents divorced about 8 years ago. And my dad died this year. In hospice he was talking about good times with my mom. He never wanted a divorce. All my mom could do while I’m crying on the phone with her while he’s got days to live is tell me his mistakes
@@agricolaregs something so few people seem to understand is that truly forgiving someone isn't saying what they did to you was OK but rather it's to free you from anger, bitterness, and resentment. Your mom could benefit from that message. Remember, hate corrodes the vessel in which it is carried...
Oh my goodness. If I cheated every time my husband looked at me blankly when I told him something that was a big emotional issue, I’d have slept with entire town.
Him: “years before the affair I didn’t protect my family like I should have. I confessed this to her.” Wife: gives a *blank stare* Him: I will never forgive you for this and know you will never be here for me. Oh cut me a break with this narcissist.
He kinda glossed over that "didn't protect his family like he was supposed to" part. I bet there's A LOT more to that story that he didn't want to share. He will find a way to make himself the victim of every story he tells
Yeah, this perspective feels closer to the truth. Their marriage was over before he cheated when you take BS like that into account. He just didn't have the balls to end it then and decided to go and have an affair.
What a gutless wonder. He cheated on her and now she won't be vulnerable with him. Poor him. No sympathy here. He's untrustworthy. I wouldn't even trust him for having cheated on his last wife.
Did I hear this right? HE stepped out on her, left her, and then came back, says he wants the marriage to work, but brings up divorce because he doesn't feel things are moving forward fast enough? Well whatever his wife did or didn't do, i can understand if she has put up emotional walls the size of the Empire State Building.
It takes 10 seconds to lose someone's trust and 10 years to regain it. Men think that a woman is supposed to forgive them right away and take them back into their bosom and bed after they have cheated. It does not work that way. This guy has to go along with her timeline for forgiveness. If the shoe was on the other foot, he would have dumped his wife immediately.
Telling someone to get over being cheated on is like telling someone to stop grieving the death of a loved one. There’s no going back to the same love after infidelity has made its way into a relationship.
100%. He was being so vague about the situation, how did he simultaneously cross the line but also it wasn’t a personal failure? I bet he did something wrong and his wife found out and he was trying to throw a pity party and point fingers and make excuses and she didn’t believe him, hence the blank stare. And he has victimized himself so much that somehow he has twisted the situation, so her blank stare is more hurtful than the actual actions he took to cause the situation in the first place
For real. When he said he “needed his words to matter and be heard”… yeah I’m sure he was really saying meaningful things that really needed to be shared with his affair partner. This dude is a loser lol
Wow worst advice ever. If your husband cheats on you, then complains that you aren't healing fast enough, then takes you out to breakfast and lays out what he needs from you to stay in this marriage, RUN!!!!
This girl is an icon tbh lol. She's making him feel worthless without uttering a word. "she gave me a look and i feel bad waeeeeeee😭😭😭😭. All I did was ruin her life???"
@@Obsidian_9 he actually didn’t explain the situation at all. He was extremely vague. Something about him crossing a boundary, not protecting his family, but he also says that it wasn’t his fault. Why won’t he just say what actually happened? It sounds like he did do something wrong and it was his fault and whatever he did was way worse than his wife giving him a blank stare. It is absolutely insane that he says he cannot get over her making a certain facial expression 10 years ago, but he expects her to get over him cheating on her three years ago. He acts like her making a certain facial expression is worse than him committing adultery
I don't think he feels worthless at all. I think he just wants all of us to think he's hurt. It justifies his past behavior and whatever he decides to do next.
@unknowncomment85, you turned this into a gendered thing instead of demonizing deplorable acts these people commit. What about the man who was giggling when talking about abusing his ex-wife. These people know their actions are bad, so they using laughter to cope for their moral failings. Let those red pill video rest. Men aren't any more innocent than women.
Is anyone else *extremely* creeped out by the way he said "She's not going to be there when I need her... and I carry that with me"? 🤮This guy is sick.
It's almost like he is taking the words of the wife and turning it back on her. This guy scares me a bit because there is something VERY manipulative about him.
He is keeping her for utility reasons, if she will get seriously ill or for other reasons become no use to him or if he finds better "deal" then he will dump her in light of speed because he does not love her at all. It's all about him, his needs and wants.
My husband confessed he kissed someone, for me that is infidelity, and he complains that I made a bigger deal, that isn't something so bad. I asked him what will happen if I did exactly the same thing he said: I would have to kill you.
@@__-fl3yt I would've replied that HE killed our marriage by getting physically intimate with someone else. I would be making an exit strategy and seeking therapy. He is gaslighting you after the betrayal. He broke his vows. Start writing down everything and record the confessions and interactions with you. You deserve so much better.
He should walk away. He's putting in so much effort to repair it and it's just not worth the time. It's trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. Just throw the towel and be happy elsewhere. There was a reason he cheated in the first place. It's OK if it's not working out.
The BS people still tolerate in their marriages nowadays is absolutely astounding to me! No wonder there are so many unhappy people and screwed up families (messed up kids) everywhere. 🤦🏼♀️ sometimes it really is most healthy/best to cut your losses and just move on!
He cheated because he was telling himself he was an "unheard victim," even before the cheating! Entitled people like this are so gross. And, he's had therapy enough to use it as a weapon - Dr Delony started to call him on it when he told hin to stop using broad-stroke language, then get swept up in how bad the man "has had it."
@@abarkA man cheats on his wife and tries to act like she’s the villain and you somehow turn this into a sexist thing against women saying it’s women that make themselves out to falsely be victims. God you people are unbelievable smfh
When you are the one who cheated, you do not get to dictate terms of your partners healing. Guy wants out. Just wants to make it all her fault. Like okay, I betrayed you, but your inability to forget is what ruined our marriage
Her heart isn’t safe with this idiot. She probably regrets taking him back. He’s probably a bully and when his girlfriend dumped him he had nowhere else to go so begged his wife to come home and she took him back out of sympathy.
@@probablynot1368if we're assuming he's being honest, sure. Plenty of reasons to lie in this situation, including the glaringly obvious if you tell your wife your side chick ended it and you wanted to keep it going, she would be the most naive person ever born to invite you back.
@@probablynot1368cheaters often lie and say this - he was dumped by his new chick, and went crying back to his wife and he lies about it… bc he’s selfish and needy with little self control.
Forgiving him (real forgiveness) would release her from some of her pain. But also - dump him immediately. Not just for the affair but for the insane level of selfishness, manipulation, and deceitfulness he's exhibiting in this call alone.
No one should be surprised when they use divorce as a threat in arguments and then their spouse becomes indifferent. She's protecting herself by shutting down. She thinks that you're going to run off with someone else every time life gets hard. That's the behavior pattern you have set. That's the behavior pattern you need to break. If you don't want a divorce, then stop threatening her.
Yes. My “husband” did this same thing. Cheated for months and then kept threatening divorce for 3 years. Now we are getting divorced. I never cheated and I gave my all. The root of it- selfishness.
@@brennanleyenclassic man… I’m sorry. My cheated for years with my best friend and sister. I found out the week before our 22nd anniversary, a year after he “ended it”. I just don’t believe men are truly capable of the love or commitment needed for marriage. They just haven’t evolved enough apparently.
@@romans52345-cy3tq”takes two to tango” are slow? She’s not the affair partner she’s the betrayed spouse, that not what that metaphor implies, tbh I’m surprised you even have access to a cell phone lmao.
So something bad happen ten years ago where he failed to protect her and their family. He cried to her about how he needed her to comfort him over this. She was blankly staring at him because he wasn't worried about her and wanted her to comfort him about it. So he cheats on her. Now he needs her to comfort him again about how he did a bad thing. And she is refusing to do so, so she is the bad one and he is the victim. Narcissist behavior!
He hurt her in the deepest way possible and now he's made her needing sufficient time for forgiveness all about him and his feelings. I wonder why she's so "indifferent"?
@@agricolaregscommunication is the most important thing in any relationship. He should have talk to her, go to therapy, try to work it out. Then divorce if they refuse to change.. not cheat and hurt your SO and give them trust issues. Never an excuse to do that..
@@agricolaregs The dude even stated that he makes everything about him. Even when she needs to talk about something worrying her, it becomes about him. I'm not surprised she is indifferent; she's not allowed to have emotions around him, unless when they center and celebrate him.
Wow... and my husband says I hold on to stuff!! He's still carrying around a blank look she gave him 10 years ago 😂😂 but expects her to get over HIM CHEATING 😂 I can't with this guy.
I was kind of surprised how easy John let him off. 😅 He should've been asking more questions as to why this guy wanted to get back with his wife at all since he seems to be complaining about the same things that he says lead to the affair in the first place. The guy acts like by his wife agreeing to try to repair the marriage after he cheated, that she would also repair the things he didn't like that lead to him cheating .... because he blames her. As if emotionally getting over the affair wasn't enough, he wants her to do more.
Also, he was so vague about the situation that led to his wife giving him a blank look. Somehow he “crossed a line“ but it “wasn’t a personal failing“ like huh? What did he do? This guy is so full of self-pity that if he was actually innocent in that situation, he would tell the whole story because it would get him more pity points, the fact he’s being so vague about it means he definitely did something wrong. He was probably throwing a pity party and blaming other people for his mess and the wife didn’t believe him hence the blank look.
Classic disordered behavior. My ex went back twenty-five years to justify his affair. Context completely lost on him. Even the instance he complained about my reaction was something unacceptable that he did initially. I hope this lady realizes he’s out gathering support to divorce her and leaves him for good. He’s not worth one more day of her emotional safety and mental health.
I have no sympathy for someone who betrayed and broke the heart of someone who they were supposed to love and protect. He sounds like a whinny baby. This woman deserves better. I hope she leaves him.
That's why he needs to make the decision to leave. He's waiting for her to pull the trigger because he doesn't want to be seen as the bad guy yet again.
My husband did this to me in 2020 after 15 yrs of marriage and 3 kids. The kids and I were living with his dying mother during the affair. My baby sister died and two days later his mother. The whole time he was having an affair with a woman who needed money to support her kids cause her fella got locked up. He came clean a few days before Christmas, which use to be my favorite season, not anymore. I devoted my entire self and life to this man. It's been 3.5 years and I'm still struggling with it.
I am so surprised by this response. Usually John pays better attendion and catches the inconsistencies but he is just taking this guys side and not challenging him on why the wife doesn't feel safe. The guy even said when she does share he reacts and makes it all about himself. He keeps putting divorce on the table not her. I wonder how much he has changed. Who says they are so impressed by their own changes??? Narcissists
The guy keeps putting it on the wife.. yeah, if you did something you knowingly put your family in jeopardy, she’s gonna b upset for awhile. He seems like a narcissist that has to have his ego constantly stroked and the attention all on himself. That’s an exhausting position for any spouse to be in. Constantly having everything revolve around the other person. No one can fill that gap… except Jesus.
( seems most marriages are entered into by 2 broken people that try to make one whole. Gotta look deep inside ourselves first and figure out where those broken places need to be me see before we can both come together, or separate to b healthy for the rest of life..
Imagine admitting you hold a grudge over her giving you "a look", but you are upset she can't move on from his affair. I could never be so self absorbed.
If he wanted such a close, intimate, connect marriage then he shouldn’t have cheated. Then when it didn’t work out with the other person he came back to her and now is over the crappy environment he created? What a catch!
He tried to communicate with her and she disregarded his feelings. And pretty much said, that’s just my personality to not care about you. Deal with it.
@@agricolaregswell he’s also hypocritical. This is a guy that claims she talks about him cheating which is close to todays date but then brings something up from 10 years ago against her. And he claims he wants constructive criticism but then claims he takes things personally. You can’t have it both ways. And we are only hearing his side of the story. There’s no excuse by the way for him cheating. Unless she approved it it’s no bueno. He does seem to want a lot of attention and reads like a narcissist
This one hurts me to my core. I was cheated on & for me there was no going back. I divorced him. This one makes me cry because I know how she feels as the wife. She can't forgive you because she can't forget what you did. You touch another woman & that's absolutely disgusting to her. You broke your vow, you broke her in two. This one's opening up old wounds. Yes I forgave him but I've never forgotten!
This is all so tiring. He needs his mother not his wife. He’s draining & self-absorbed. He holds on to grudges for years, a mere look or a non-response but expects forgiveness and understanding for the ultimate betrayal in a marriage and then is audacious enough to dangle divorce🙄. Sir please go! Pack your entire bags and leave! Let this woman be free to leave in peace that I’m sure you’ve robbed her of for years!!
Exactly. He’s acting like his wife making a certain facial expression one time a decade ago is worse than him cheating on her. He says he can never get over her giving him a blank stare that one time 10 years ago and he even did the crocodile tears when he said it, yet he expects her to hurry up and get over his affair?
I once had a friend who did something like this… cheated on her husband, then got her girls on a group call to cry about how she was really the victim… ummm, no, girl. You are in no way the injured party here 🙄
Upset than she’s still reacting to him cheating.. not only cheating but LEAVING and trying to replace her. Not only cheating and trying to replace her but sneaking around and gaslighting her. I hope she realizes her worth and leaves you in the dust buddy! You’ve got some growing up to do.
Wait a minute. This guy had an affair, but we’re supposed to feel sorry for him because his wife gave him a “blank look” once when he was going through something? Nope.
I’m sure I give a blank look frequently. It’s not because I don’t care, it’s because I’m going through my own stuff and my mind might be occupied. If it’s serious say some like “hey can we sit and talk about something serious for a minute?”
10 YEARS and that's the worst he can come up with? Meanwhile he violated their marriage in one of the absolute worst ways possible and expects forgiveness when he can't forgive a blank look? Not even a mean look or a disapproving look, just one that didn't have a lot of emotion behind it. I hope she heard this episode and realized he's a professional victim and she's already out of there.
So let me get this straight. HE'S hurting because of a look she gave him 10 years ago and her seeming indifferent, when HE was in a bad place at that time, but now she's supposed to be over HIM crushing her soul after three years. And not just one soul crush but by the sounds of it over and over.. If he can't get over a small infraction why does he expect her to? Whatever therapist he's seeing he probably needs a new one, one that will hold his feet to the fire and give him a wake up call that he's being totally selfish. What he did is 100000x worse than "indifference"
Yeah I undertake him taking an empathetic approach, but the fact that he didn’t point that out was shocking to me! All of this because of a blank look? Ridiculous
@@arra6361i think its because Dr John just wants to help the caller. If he was helping the Woman, he wouldve been much harsher on the guys actions I think
That’s my biggest issue. It was never asked. And it should have been. Because that would have been a big tell and it’s a huge thing that was majorly overlooked.
@@sameerajafri747 if you think that, you dont listen often, and not calling the host, john by his name insinuates you dont listen often enough to make that conclusion.
As someone who is the betrayed wife...my advice to her would be to leave this man. He isnt providing her a safe place to heal, and seems to be caring more about himself than the absolute TRAUMA he has caused to his wife. He also doesnt understand that trauma like that takes TIME to recover from...and it takes so much longer if the spouse that betrayed you isnt providing safety and keeps making it about themselves and keep blame shifting. Infidelity is a CHOICE, and no matter what marital problems there are, or what needs arent being met, it is NEVER the spouses fault for you to make that choice. Hes acting like a petulant child instead of OWNING his terrible choice. Forgiveness does NOT mean forgetting what happened and sweeping it under the rug like he wants to happen.
How the hell is she gonna feel safe if he puts divorce on the table? She knows he is one foot out from the marriage. Why the hell did he come back if divorce is on the table?
Glad that he's acknowledging where he messed up... but his audacity is showing. He caused a lot of pain and damage here. He deeply hurt someone he claimed to love. She heals on *her* timetable, not yours.
Why is the host on his side justifying his sorrys. She needs to heal this man can't rush it he screwed up if it takes forever to prove his love for her so be it! He is a jerk!
@SpeedfreakUK sorry , to me, it's giving victim vibes. He seems to be entitled as far as wanting her to just get over all the things he has put her through. It's selfish to think she should be over it after 2 years. I'm all for forgiveness, but I'm sure it's hard to forget. It's just very odd to me.
But at the time time, she committed to trying again, then has not held up her side of that. She's just put him in a position where he can't do anything right. Committ or don't. It's up to her.
I am starting to really dislike how dr John handles these cheaters. It’s almost like he justifies/ condones their behavior. Sometimes these people need to be told the brutal truth. I understand he’s with them on the call but still.
And what then? They get defensive, put thier guard up, shut down, stop sharing, stop being willing whatsoever. Good idea, he should call em out so you feel better. This comment section is littered with those who lust for revenge. Jon is where he should be....and your exactly where you should be, not counseling people.
@scottwall8419 I don't know man. Maybe it's the jaded, walled-up pessimist in me, but do these kinds of people ever ACTUALLY get better? Is there any point in assauging their feelings and guilt when that shame is justified? Even if you hold their hand and rub their belly, does that lead to them learning and growing past their toxic patterns? Because I haven't seen that at all.
@@dmsviola1 it's not the pessimist in you that you should be paying attention to inside you. It's the holy spirit you should be leaning on. As Christians we are not to judge, judgement is the final action of God I'm these people's lives. #1, we're not qualified to judge becuase we still sin and thank the Lord he doesn't have a pessimistic side when viewing us. No is beyond saving and to judge is to say they are not saveable. We are not more or less worthy than any of these people. We are saved through Christ l, not because we don't make the mistakes these people make. Yours and mine sin are in the shadows, these people are reaching out for help. #2 one of God's name is the counselor, christ first called the holy spirit that and said he'd come and convict the world of sin, conviction is to correct us to the path of righteousness in Christ. John is on that path and we should be learning or encouraging that mission of his. Christ did not kneel next to the woman caught in adultery and tell her she was lost and never redeemable, the God of the universe said to her he did not judge her and to sin no more. We should strive to be like him and be an example of humility, showcasing the world that we are humbled by the gift christ has given us and wish for it to be given them as well. Do not appeal to the pessimist fallen nature inside you, appeal to the spirit, if you can't do that pray for the ability to remain silent. We should not be a stumbling block to our fellow Christians and we can be just that by beating the lost down, making it harder for those evangelizing to show people the love of christ. This Comment section in this Christian program is one of he most dossapppinting "christian" things I've seen in a while.
If my husband cheated on and left me and then came back to me later, my first thought would be “So you realized the grass wasn’t greener on the other side, and now you want me to let you back into my life and my heart?!??” Infidelity is one of my two deal breakers. If you cheat on me, I will NEVER be able to trust you again.
This makes my blood curdle. I feel horrible for this women. She doesn’t feel safe because she’s not. He holds his wife’s feet to the fire for a LOOK she made TEN years ago. Yet calls a public radio show sobbing that his wife is still hurt about the affair he had TWO years ago. If she didn’t feel disposable enough, he threw divorce in the mix. A subtle reminder of his superiority and her disposability, and that he has the upper hand. He hit the nail on the head- EGO. An ego so fragile that he’ll continue to identify as the victim, while demanding more. Just so long as no blame is directed his way. Meanwhile, his wife’s feelings are silenced while she’s busy trying to jump through hoops to validate this child of a man. Sir, your therapist mostly listens because he or she knows you’re a full blown covert narcissist. It’s more obvious than a giant neon sign. Your wife has nothing to hold on to, because you’ve never held on to her, only yourself. If you have any humanity, the best thing you can do for her is let her go and find a new source of prey to feed your insatiable ego. She has a long rode ahead of healing from the damage you’ve caused. It’s so painful for a person broken down to admit they’re as disposable as they’ve been made to feel. It’ll take her a while to gain the strength to walk away. Do her a favor. Better now than later.
Well said. She’s exhausted from having to deal with his fragile ego all of these years and now she’s dealing with his unfaithfulness. He sees himself as a victim. He’s not a victim. I hope he’s reading these comments and understand he’s a huge part of the problem before it’s too late.
Totally agree with you I said the same. Covert narcissist ...its disgusting how he treats her. Though he doesn't perhaps know. He really can't cope with an adult relationship. There us no room for anyone but him in his life. He's wsi awful. John gave him way too easy a time and was drawn into colluding and enabling
Being cheated on and then deciding to stay with that person is like getting all your guts ripped out and then trying to put them all back in with limited knowledge of where they anatomically belong and thats more often then not done all by yourself without the help of the person who ripped you apart in the first place. It sometimes takes some people longer then others to reorganize themselves and you’re never really going to be put back together the same ever again. All I hear when people complain about their spouses not “getting over it” is like hearing a serial killer who has no remorse for their actions or victims at all.
"I told my wife that I was committed to us." She heard that before and it wasn't true, was it? It's going to be a lot harder (if not impossible) sell this time, Bud.
Take this as a lesson people. Once you cheat, you're always a cheater. Whether or not you work it out. Whether or not the other person forgives you. Your relationship will NEVER be the same
This guy is selfish and gross! He cheated then instead of leaving her alone, he went back after her! If you were not sold out and committed to her, you should have left her alone! YOU'RE TIRED? How might she feel about a weak man who's a hot mess and she knows is likely to divorce her! CREEP!
My husband cheated. I desperately wanted to forgive him. I still loved him and still do and always will. But he wasn't the same person to me any more. I couldn't enjoy sex anymore. I couldn't stop picturing him on top of another woman. He will ALWAYS be one of the most important people in my life. I will always be there for him. But our marriage was over once he was intimate with someone else. Period.
@JoyofRVing no it's beyond that, she is telling me people what he did over and over again. They need to divorce, she was hurt they decided to work it out. It's not working
If she actually believed he wouldn’t do it again, she would have forgiven him already. Her nervous system and subconscious are rebelling against her decision to stay with him. She probably feels extremely uncomfortable in the relationship and he didn’t do enough right after the affair to reconnect with her in new territory. That was his job if he wanted to repair it. It’s too little, too late. She’ll always be 1 foot out the door until she actually leaves.
@msnawrecka9786 I know, his voice totally lit up when talking about what the affair provided him. The fact that he is still holding on to her reaction when it didn't fit his expectation says a lot. He has sulked and resented her for it for years while asking her to do something he himself is incapable of doing (letting the past go).
We can forgive , but never forget. It will never be same. Dude sounds like a gaslighter and playing the victim here. His wife, feels it to her core. She is probably disgusted by him.
They both need to move on honestly. It’s just going to continue to perpetuate an extremely unhealthy dynamic for the entire family. Seen it before. It’s best to remove yourself from toxicity and move on!
@@GhostruckerX Jesus *literally* said in the Bible that you CAN divorce for adultery. You can forgive and forget what someone did, but that’s not a guarantee that your relationship with them is going to stay the same or even continue at all. I should also add, it’s incredibly unsafe to take your spouse back after he/she had sex with someone who might have had an STD. I know I wouldn’t.
"Well, well, well, if it isn't the consequences of my own actions."
Exactly He's Wants His Soon To Be Ex-Wife To Hurry Up And Heal So He Can Be Back On The Bullshit!!! Divorce Her Already Since You're So Miserable!!!
That’s what I’m thinking
If I could hit the thumbs up multiple times I so would
Exactly
Good counseling forgiveness.. if not move on..
As a woman who's ex-husband cheated on her, I felt he was dirty and didn't want him touching me. I felt he was gross after having intimacy with another woman. I didn't want him anymore. It was like, yuck.
Good for you sister!
That's what i would feel.
Absolutely. Cheaters are disgusting physically. Like wow nice u couldve caught a disease and gave it to me?!?! Rot
This is exactly how I would feel too.
Yup that’s how it feels
I told my husband there were two reason the marriage would end immediately before he married me.
You cheat, I’m gone.
You hit me, I’m gone.
We can work our way through anything else, but those two would be an immediate call to a lawyer. We’ve been married almost 18 years.
I have no use for this dude. He’s a fucking child. He’s so worried about him and all he can do is blame her for his actions. She didn’t do anything WRONG. YOU DID. Man up, grow up, and let this lady go. She deserves to be unshackled to you.
Same here and it’s 30 years for us
@@lanapugh Yes, he should have just asked for a divorce. I suspect he doesn't want to be the one that divorces and is trying to make her file for a divorce. If everytime you have a conversation, the Divorce word in on the table, it becomes problematic.
🎉🎉🎉
Agreed!🎉
Yeah most people don’t want to blow up their lives and families that easily.
He didn't just cheat, he LEFT HIS WIFE amd tried to replace her and came crawling back when it didn't work. Now he wonders why his wife is traumatised? I bet he's been a piece of work for years and that's why she emotionally shut down
He only talks about her feeding his ego and emotional needs. So, so selfish.
She didn’t want to be intimate with him because she was fed up with him not meeting her needs even before the affair.
The fact that so many women tolerate behavior like this and stay when they are treated this poorly is just absolutely beyond me!! 🤦🏼♀️
He didn’t come crawling back. She initiated the reconciliation.
So , question,why is she still there?
So this guy brings up a sob story from 10 years ago because that is relevant to his relationship today, but it's unfair for her to bring things up in the past? He cheated, he left, he dangles divorce over her head and then complains that she's withdrawn and not committed?
This guy is morally weak and incredibly selfish. This isn't accountability, this is whining.
Agree with most of your points, but the part about "she's withdrawn and not committed". Wife is far more committed to this marriage than caller. She has not left, not filed for divorce, not cleared bank accounts, not had a retaliatory affair, etc. Wife is committed to this marriage, but she is not committed to caller, there is a difference. Glad to hear caller is going to therapy, but didn't hear what steps caller has taken to rebuild wife's trust in him. Sounds like caller feels ENTITLED to wife's trust; no one is entitled to trust, it is always earned over time.
I am always amazed at how quick to judge and define moral perimeters are thrown on people of which you know so little. This is difficult for both of them. I wish them the best, hope they find peace and a resolve to their situation.
You said it best!! I 💯 agree with you ! You have some tweedle dums who think otherwise.
@@BP-xe7dw I'm am very comfortable calling a cheater "morally weak." That is pretty much all the info you need.
He doesn't deserve her. 💩
Stuck in a dark room? I'm telling you that is EXACTLY how she has felt.... welcome to her world
She probably shared that analogy with him and he adopted it as his own.
@@christiestarr6941. damn cursed NPDthat HE is. I’m AGREED!
@@christiestarr6941 yup, the master manipulator that this cheating "Chad" is. And he plays Dr. Delony like a fiddle during the call.
@@christiestarr6941THIS
She doesnt even have space to heal comfortably, you keep holding divorce over her head. How selfish can you be??
Sounds like there will never be enough space, she will make life with her a living hell.
You can’t rush healing.
@@jzwalz51robin45cheating made life a living hell for them. That's why you don't cheat
@@jzwalz51robin45 um no, HE made life with her a living hell. Prior to this, their biggest issue was that he didn't like a face she made 🙄
@@jzwalz51robin45any man that cheats will be in hell. A hell he created for himself.
This guy cheated and instead of calling and asking what can I do to help her to trust me again, he calls and says, “I said I’m sorry. Why won’t you forgive me already? Maybe we should divorce? Why are you so distant from me and give me what I need?” This dude is a piece of work….
And Dr.John seems to encourage this nonsense. He didn’t call him out once for the crap he did and is currently doing.
@@allisonhernandez3829so you just skipped over where dr John said “ you blew this up and you’re keeping divorce there, how is your wife suppose to anchor into that” and ‘have you ever thought she could be right when you’re repeating old pattern” and he called him other times too. Y’all just have selected hearing or something?
@@allisonhernandez3829 and he FAILS to call out the insane level of covert narcissism going on because he can't see it. very very disappointing!
3 years… If you can’t work through it move on🤷🏾♂️
@dillardsshopper24863 years isn’t hurry up. He owned his horrible action and is trying to work through it. That’s all anybody can do. They should stop wasting each others time if they can’t work through it. What’s a narcissist to you? That word is used frequently and inappropriately many times so I have to ask. What does that mean to you?
If you don't want your wife mentioning your affair DON'T HAVE ONE.
Omg
But if you decide to forgive and take them back, quit telling everyone what's happened to you. Move past the victim stage. And no, Id never take him back. Once you cross that line, there's no going back, is my rule. @MarcellaFlorez-np5wc
Amen. But she did take him back, so she kinda forfeits the right to be putting the business all out there. 🤷🏾♀️
yes EXACTLY
I can tell you that forgiving the person responsible is the hardest thing I’ve ever tried to accept and unfortunately, I’ve not been able to. I lash out at her when I hear how she’s not receiving what she expects. I can honestly say that I have tried and tried to move past it but for some reason, I, have not have not forgiven her. I think we will not be able to remain married and provide each other with the respect our relationship deserves.
You can't be vulnerable with someone who betrayed you.
Right?! Why would you trust them to be that open again.
Some people are very forgiving. I have seen it many times through the years.
Co-dependent and weak people forgive! Period!
So true!
@@midnightblue117Yes!!!
Scott, dude, trust is lost in buckets and gained in drops. You destroyed your wife. You entered the body of another human being with NO regard for the risk you put your wife in. If it was bad, you could have left, but you chose to violate her body and the marriage bed. You are asking her to re-engage with the same person that violated her and you're frustrated because it's not easy. In no other crime do we as a society ask the victim to re-engage with their attacker. Imagine if your wife stepped out every time YOU didn't meet one of her needs. You need a dose of perspective. It will come up in arguments because YOU changed the lens she sees the world through. Own what you did and accept the consequences.
You are right. What's scary is that the middle aged population is getting STD's in droves now. It's because they are too trusting because back in the 80's people weren't concerned about diseases it was free love. Now if these older spouses cheat it is a VIOLATION of the spouse because you just brought their risk up for a permanent STD. Selfishness is the worst.
This response seems considerate as it is realistic. I appreciate your sense of respect for him while carrying concern for her.
100% agree!
That’s a great way to put it!
He doesn’t want the consequences. LOSER
Why would she show vulnerability around an untrustworthy man?
❤Bingo❤
Because she chose to stay… if she wasn’t willing to do the work she should have divorced him 3 years is more than enough time to work through it. At this point she is acting entitled and punishing him
@@missycostner4893 it takes time to recover from that sense of loss (as if one's life were a complete lie). She may leave him still. But such trauma can't be healed in a heartbeat. And despite her 'forgiveness' he still needs to do a lot of work to prove himself and show he's worthy. It's human nature.
YES THAT IS THE PROBLEM. SHE NEEDS TO MOVE ON TO A NEW MAN. LIFE IS TOO SHORT. SHEHAS BIBLICAL REASON TO LEAVE.
@@JENKEN425 for me, cheating is always a deal-breaker with leaving being the only option. Many find it harder to leave someone they've loved, even though they've been let down in such a significant way.
This made my blood boil. My son in law cheated on my daughter and she immediately divided their money and told him they would get divorced. He has said many stupid things since then like this guy has. He feels sorry for himself and seems oblivious to the shock and utter devastation. I am proud my daughter is smart enough to project into the future and know she will never trust him again. None of us could so that's it. They are divorced and she has blocked his texts.
How is she doing now? Is she feeling more hopeful? ❤
You're a good mother for being there for your daughter.
Good for her. Sounds like she will be ok. Glad you are supporting her through it.
Good
Your daughter strong 💪❤❤❤
Once you cheat and get caught your relationship changes forever. She/he will never view you the same. It’s just reality.
The amount of men calling in with zero respect for their partners is alarming
Typical
Given the culture we live in, it isn't unusual at all.
@@dhibba52 honestly yes, you’re right
It’s disturbing, but then it’s paired with such a profound lack of insight, self-pity, and whinging that I end up feeling completely horrified for these men’s partners!
Raised by toxic mothers
Trust is never gained on your time table. Face the reality that she was in it forever, you weren’t. Patience or Divorce.
Regaining trust is like taking Elmer's glue to a shattered window. Good luck with the repairs...........
@@IHateNicolasCagebut why do you hate Nic Cage? 😂
Bruh, hatred is not healthy. xD@@IHateNicolasCage
Sounds like divorce
I'm thirty three and this attitude is why I would never get married l o l
Women quit the second things get tough and think they can do better and then whine when men only want to use single moms for sex
Dude
If she cheated, you would have just left her
EXACTLY!!
Then leave. Why is she torturing herself and him by staying?
And he should leave her if she did cheat. The woman can end it whenever as well. This feels like they're just torturing themselves.
@@bloomingale7868I have a better idea. He shouldn't have cheated to begin with
You don’t know him and you don’t know that
7:26 OF COURSE he’s forgiven himself. He is not calling because he is overwhelmed with guilt and regret. He’s annoyed that she hasn’t bounced back to who she was before he cheated. Imagine having to lay in the bed you made for yourself.
7:40 “yeah yeah I have” forgiveness is a gift.
Bro cheated. Game over. GAME. OVER. Another weak dude who messed up and now feels victimized.
Don't feel sorry for you bro, should not have lusted!😮
@@frankcorrea8691shouldn’t have acted on it, now he’s gonna make sure the person he hurt is forever miserable
"Wait, you mean my actions have consequences?"
@@elladeon😂😂😂
Yep dude, gsme over, game over, game over, game over, game over, you lost, sksnk boy, you lost, you lost, you lost, you lost, you lost, you lost!
It's been 21 years since my ex-husband cheated on me with the teacher next door. We got divorced. It ruined my dating life for 15 years. I couldn't trust anyone. There is always collateral damage with selfish people.
Found out my husband’s cheating the week of our 22nd anniversary… it’s definitely thrown my life in the meat grinder. Selfishness and self centeredness seem to be two things that every man possesses.
The trust thing is REAL. 😭😭😭🙏🏽
@@sarahalderman3126 hey dude girl ,one day the ex husband will be so alone because of his evil doings and hurting innocent people old and shriveled in an old folks home with several marriages under his belt, karma is out to get you!
@@sarahalderman3126 not every man, just the weak ones.
@@sarahalderman3126 Women are not far behind.
The trust is gone. You are not the man she married and you disappointed her. Betrayal is a deal breaker.
This is exactly why I've told my husband if he ever cheated on me I'm out. I'm not going to try to work on it because I know myself, I will most likely never 100% be able to move past it and it will make us both miserable. The burden of, "Hurry up and heal so we can be happy again" is not for me. Nope, it's over.
This. I’m the same way. Not all women are the same, so… they need to know her personality. He violated her trust so he lost the key to her heart. That’s just wisdom. When you know a thief, you don’t ask them to hold ya wallet.
Same here. I told my husband that if he REALLY feels the need to cheat that I can't stop him, but he needs to fully understand what will happen if he does and if he would think it's still worth it to cheat.
You said a word! 🙌🏽
Yes. Absolutely. Cheat on me we are done.
I wouldn’t stay either. I’ve let that man love me in many different ways. I’ve opened my body and soul to him. We’ve had babies together. There’s no way I’d be able to look at him. I’d be destroyed from that damage.
He put divorce on the table because she is not moving on as fast as he wants. He wants her to be all giddy and singing Kumbaya after rubbishing their marriage. What a man!
She should have some self respect and absolutely agree to the divorce and run this pos through the wringer in court. This asshole blames her for his CHOICE to cheat.
He’s upset about her response to his feelings for 8 years. But he expects her to get over him cheating in less than 3 years. While in the meantime, he’s talking about divorce. Amazing that he’s the victim. OMG, I would be mad and out the door.
Women never forget pain. This relationship is tainted forever.
You are right. I'm still angry with my ex from 40 years ago.
My parents divorced about 8 years ago. And my dad died this year. In hospice he was talking about good times with my mom. He never wanted a divorce. All my mom could do while I’m crying on the phone with her while he’s got days to live is tell me his mistakes
@@agricolaregs something so few people seem to understand is that truly forgiving someone isn't saying what they did to you was OK but rather it's to free you from anger, bitterness, and resentment. Your mom could benefit from that message. Remember, hate corrodes the vessel in which it is carried...
Was your dad unfaithful to your mom? @@agricolaregs
@@agricolaregshurt lasts a lifetime. She just couldn't grow past whatever it was. ❤ Hugs.
Oh my goodness. If I cheated every time my husband looked at me blankly when I told him something that was a big emotional issue, I’d have slept with entire town.
😂
This guy must never have heard of the "nothing box." He needs to get a grip and stop being so touchy.
Amongst all these serious comments, this one was refreshing and made me laugh.
😅❤ 100%
😂😂😂😂😂
Loooollllllllllllllllll 😂😂😂
I despise such people.They are first to cheat,first to whine and first to play victim card.
Him: “years before the affair I didn’t protect my family like I should have. I confessed this to her.”
Wife: gives a *blank stare*
Him: I will never forgive you for this and know you will never be here for me.
Oh cut me a break with this narcissist.
Completely. The woman just listened and he hasn’t been able to move past that for 10 years. Ugh this guy is many women’s nightmare
He sounds like my mother. He reads too much into things, creates a story in his head and runs with it.
He kinda glossed over that "didn't protect his family like he was supposed to" part. I bet there's A LOT more to that story that he didn't want to share. He will find a way to make himself the victim of every story he tells
Yeah, this perspective feels closer to the truth. Their marriage was over before he cheated when you take BS like that into account. He just didn't have the balls to end it then and decided to go and have an affair.
“ What I need “ 🤢🤢🤢🤢
I need her to … blah blah .You don’t get to ask for anything. Typical narcissist.
"I need deep emotional connection". So he cheats on his wife. He says a lot of "I need". He sounds like a creeper.
It's all about him. ME ME ME ME. He's emotionally draining.
He’s a RAPIST
Very weird how "emotional connection" always turns in to sex.
It's also weird how same gendered friends is never an option for emotional connection, stress relief, or breaking up a routine.
Right. The selfishness, self absorbed "him" is the reason he cheated in the first place. Nasty SOB
What a gutless wonder. He cheated on her and now she won't be vulnerable with him. Poor him. No sympathy here. He's untrustworthy. I wouldn't even trust him for having cheated on his last wife.
Dude just wants her to file for divorce so he can perpetuate his good guy story
Bingo. That's exactly what it is
Exactly!!! That what I’m hearing too!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes, that's a good point. Then he can be another "my wife divorced me, blah, blah, blah..." Classic.
Yep!
Spot on. My first thought too.
Did I hear this right? HE stepped out on her, left her, and then came back, says he wants the marriage to work, but brings up divorce because he doesn't feel things are moving forward fast enough? Well whatever his wife did or didn't do, i can understand if she has put up emotional walls the size of the Empire State Building.
Yep, that's what I heard, too.
Not enough for her to leave.
He can’t forgive her for giving him a blank stare 10 years ago, but he’s mad that she can’t forgive him for cheating on her 3 years ago
@@hillarybillary21 she really should but maybe she is torturing him on purpose...punishing maybe?? can't blame her!
yes he is really saying this and how great he is.
It takes 10 seconds to lose someone's trust and 10 years to regain it. Men think that a woman is supposed to forgive them right away and take them back into their bosom and bed after they have cheated. It does not work that way. This guy has to go along with her timeline for forgiveness. If the shoe was on the other foot, he would have dumped his wife immediately.
Telling someone to get over being cheated on is like telling someone to stop grieving the death of a loved one. There’s no going back to the same love after infidelity has made its way into a relationship.
Well said
No, it’s absolutely never the same.
Exactly.
“It was not a personal failure on my part.” That just confirms it was most definitely a personal failure on his part. 😂
💯 💯 💯 💯 💯 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
He thinks he can do no wrong
100%. He was being so vague about the situation, how did he simultaneously cross the line but also it wasn’t a personal failure? I bet he did something wrong and his wife found out and he was trying to throw a pity party and point fingers and make excuses and she didn’t believe him, hence the blank stare. And he has victimized himself so much that somehow he has twisted the situation, so her blank stare is more hurtful than the actual actions he took to cause the situation in the first place
For real. When he said he “needed his words to matter and be heard”… yeah I’m sure he was really saying meaningful things that really needed to be shared with his affair partner. This dude is a loser lol
Bingo!
Wow worst advice ever. If your husband cheats on you, then complains that you aren't healing fast enough, then takes you out to breakfast and lays out what he needs from you to stay in this marriage, RUN!!!!
THIS!!!!! You should be taking these calls!!! lol!
Never eat breakfast with a cheater.
Perfect response! THIS!
@@christiestarr6941 Thank you!
💥🎤👋
This girl is an icon tbh lol. She's making him feel worthless without uttering a word.
"she gave me a look and i feel bad waeeeeeee😭😭😭😭. All I did was ruin her life???"
goofball that happened before he cheated, he literally explained that situation was one of the reason he even began to look outside his relationship.
@@Obsidian_9 WAEMBULANCE🚑🚑🚑🚑
@@Obsidian_9 he actually didn’t explain the situation at all. He was extremely vague. Something about him crossing a boundary, not protecting his family, but he also says that it wasn’t his fault. Why won’t he just say what actually happened? It sounds like he did do something wrong and it was his fault and whatever he did was way worse than his wife giving him a blank stare. It is absolutely insane that he says he cannot get over her making a certain facial expression 10 years ago, but he expects her to get over him cheating on her three years ago. He acts like her making a certain facial expression is worse than him committing adultery
I don't think he feels worthless at all. I think he just wants all of us to think he's hurt. It justifies his past behavior and whatever he decides to do next.
I love this take.
This guy totally avoids accountability. Girl, run!
i think he is pretty accountable compared to most women.. i have heard woman who cheated on their husband giggle on this show.. so there is that..
@unknowncomment85, you turned this into a gendered thing instead of demonizing deplorable acts these people commit. What about the man who was giggling when talking about abusing his ex-wife. These people know their actions are bad, so they using laughter to cope for their moral failings. Let those red pill video rest. Men aren't any more innocent than women.
@@binnie2150They are much more honest and sincere
@@unknowncomment85this guy giggled when John asked him what the affair gave to him.
@@binnie2150 fyi, women cheat more than men.. go read the stats
I love it when toxic, selfish, fragile narcissists call in and expose themselves. Thank you for taking their calls 😂
Thank you! I should've read the comments first. I was like for real with this guy I can't even listen to this.
🤣🤣🤣🤣
1000%
Is anyone else *extremely* creeped out by the way he said "She's not going to be there when I need her... and I carry that with me"? 🤮This guy is sick.
So are you keep cheating on your husband. If you have one.
@@GhostruckerXwhy are you being offensive to someone else expressing a perfectly valid opinion?
@MammaBear-xp7ur
Because he’s also a cheater and his wife is divorcing him. Hits too close to home.
It's almost like he is taking the words of the wife and turning it back on her. This guy scares me a bit because there is something VERY manipulative about him.
He is keeping her for utility reasons, if she will get seriously ill or for other reasons become no use to him or if he finds better "deal" then he will dump her in light of speed because he does not love her at all. It's all about him, his needs and wants.
If she was the one who cheated, would we even be having this conversation? Let’s all ponder that together…🤔
He would have dropped her like an old rag.
@@lademoiselleketoret6958Absolutely
Sounds like a rotten tomatoes review
My husband confessed he kissed someone, for me that is infidelity, and he complains that I made a bigger deal, that isn't something so bad.
I asked him what will happen if I did exactly the same thing he said: I would have to kill you.
@@__-fl3yt I would've replied that HE killed our marriage by getting physically intimate with someone else. I would be making an exit strategy and seeking therapy. He is gaslighting you after the betrayal. He broke his vows. Start writing down everything and record the confessions and interactions with you. You deserve so much better.
The way he laughed when asked about his affair . This man has no regrets.
It took 5 minutes for Dr John to say that Scott is tired. It took me less time to be tired of Scott.
😂🤣😂 I completely agree! I’m not buying his sob story for 1 minute! But I loved your comment!
haahahha yesssss
Best comment 🏆
😂
Hehehe
This guy is a living, breathing red flag. I hope his wife gets the strength to leave him - he has no empathy for her.
"Have you forgiven you" "yea I have". He never felt bad.
"I'm pretty amazed at all the personal progress I've made in the last few years"... what a piece of work this dude is.
😂
so he isn't allowed to work on himself?
He really likes himself
Well he realizes he has the problem. Not her
@@blackbutterfly233ifynot what they said lol
This man is not the victim. He broke the marriage.
He is his own victim that’s for sure.
Boohoo he's so sad that he is facing the consequences of his actions.
Why would she trust a guy ever again who cheated, and now put divorce on the table? She should walk away.
They both should. Not just her
totally agree, he is an ASS
He should walk away. He's putting in so much effort to repair it and it's just not worth the time. It's trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. Just throw the towel and be happy elsewhere. There was a reason he cheated in the first place. It's OK if it's not working out.
The BS people still tolerate in their marriages nowadays is absolutely astounding to me! No wonder there are so many unhappy people and screwed up families (messed up kids) everywhere. 🤦🏼♀️ sometimes it really is most healthy/best to cut your losses and just move on!
Vise versa
❌🚩So he cheated, had a affair on the wife and he is also the one who brings up divorce yet he is here crying!! The nerve of this man. 😂😂❌
I think you missed major parts of the call.
He sounds like he’s always saying he’s a victim and his wife is probably emotionally protecting herself.
@@agricolaregs he sounds like a douche..... sorry.
@@Gxportlike the other comment above, you might not be taking all of the factors into account. These things are usually very complex…
He also very much blamed her for his cheating.
So he can’t forgive his wife for giving him a blank stare 10 years ago, but he’s mad that she won’t forgive him for cheating three years ago 😂
This!
LOL HE IS ALOSER
Hes a crybaby. Quite common with males.
yeah doc missed that 1
He's such an immature snowflake.
He cheats and suddenly he’s a victim.
Just like every woman.
He cheated because he was telling himself he was an "unheard victim," even before the cheating! Entitled people like this are so gross. And, he's had therapy enough to use it as a weapon - Dr Delony started to call him on it when he told hin to stop using broad-stroke language, then get swept up in how bad the man "has had it."
@@abarkA man cheats on his wife and tries to act like she’s the villain and you somehow turn this into a sexist thing against women saying it’s women that make themselves out to falsely be victims. God you people are unbelievable smfh
@@I-hate-youtube797 every woman who cheats justifies it and plays the victim.
If it were the other way around women would be telling him to such it up
You don’t get to choose how long it takes for her to get over the affair xx
Try telling my ex that
this. 👏
He does get to choose how long he has to deal with her after she claimed to forgive and truly does not
He does get to choose if he wants to stay in a marriage where he'll never be forgiven.
@@drewbear17 That wasn’t your person 💓💛💓 xx
When you are the one who cheated, you do not get to dictate terms of your partners healing. Guy wants out. Just wants to make it all her fault. Like okay, I betrayed you, but your inability to forget is what ruined our marriage
Her heart isn’t safe with this idiot. She probably regrets taking him back. He’s probably a bully and when his girlfriend dumped him he had nowhere else to go so begged his wife to come home and she took him back out of sympathy.
Sounds like his wasn’t safe either. They should just end it.
@@agricolaregs I agree. No sense going through life hurting each other.
He said that he chose to end the affair, so it doesn’t sound like his girlfriend dumped him.
@@probablynot1368if we're assuming he's being honest, sure. Plenty of reasons to lie in this situation, including the glaringly obvious if you tell your wife your side chick ended it and you wanted to keep it going, she would be the most naive person ever born to invite you back.
@@probablynot1368cheaters often lie and say this - he was dumped by his new chick, and went crying back to his wife and he lies about it… bc he’s selfish and needy with little self control.
“I need her to completely forget what I did and just give me her heart on a silver platter to eat again.” -the Caller
Well put. He deserves to be alone.
She’s dumb for staying too. When will woman have enough self respect to leave the first time?
The condensed version. Thank you!!
Best comment
Yea, its weird.......
She doesn't have to forgive him, ever. She should dump him immediately.
I agree 100%.
The pain never goes away.
Forgiving him (real forgiveness) would release her from some of her pain. But also - dump him immediately. Not just for the affair but for the insane level of selfishness, manipulation, and deceitfulness he's exhibiting in this call alone.
No one should be surprised when they use divorce as a threat in arguments and then their spouse becomes indifferent. She's protecting herself by shutting down. She thinks that you're going to run off with someone else every time life gets hard. That's the behavior pattern you have set. That's the behavior pattern you need to break. If you don't want a divorce, then stop threatening her.
Yes. My “husband” did this same thing. Cheated for months and then kept threatening divorce for 3 years. Now we are getting divorced. I never cheated and I gave my all. The root of it- selfishness.
He’s impulsive. He left her to get something he wanted in the moment. He threatens divorce in the moment too.
He’s not good to be married to.
@@brennanleyenclassic man… I’m sorry. My cheated for years with my best friend and sister. I found out the week before our 22nd anniversary, a year after he “ended it”. I just don’t believe men are truly capable of the love or commitment needed for marriage. They just haven’t evolved enough apparently.
@@sarahalderman3126 what a horror. I’m so sorry 😭😭😭🙏🏽
@@sarahalderman3126sorry for your situation, but it’s not helpful for anyone to blame all men because of anecdotal experiences.
What a narcissist! He cheated but it’s all her fault.
Not all her fault but it takes two to Tango
Yeah it makes me angry because he’s just like my father.
Typical
@@Veracityseeker7 Yeah but she's to blame too, it takes two to Tango
@@romans52345-cy3tq”takes two to tango” are slow? She’s not the affair partner she’s the betrayed spouse, that not what that metaphor implies, tbh I’m surprised you even have access to a cell phone lmao.
So something bad happen ten years ago where he failed to protect her and their family. He cried to her about how he needed her to comfort him over this. She was blankly staring at him because he wasn't worried about her and wanted her to comfort him about it. So he cheats on her. Now he needs her to comfort him again about how he did a bad thing. And she is refusing to do so, so she is the bad one and he is the victim. Narcissist behavior!
Good summation of the talk.
This!!!
He hurt her in the deepest way possible and now he's made her needing sufficient time for forgiveness all about him and his feelings. I wonder why she's so "indifferent"?
She was indifferent and dismissive before the affair…hence the affair.
@@agricolaregs that's what he told. Classic excuses from the cheater.
Ya but she shouldn’t be throwing it up in his face every argument that doesn’t help or telling random people.
@@agricolaregscommunication is the most important thing in any relationship. He should have talk to her, go to therapy, try to work it out. Then divorce if they refuse to change.. not cheat and hurt your SO and give them trust issues. Never an excuse to do that..
@@agricolaregs The dude even stated that he makes everything about him. Even when she needs to talk about something worrying her, it becomes about him. I'm not surprised she is indifferent; she's not allowed to have emotions around him, unless when they center and celebrate him.
Wow... and my husband says I hold on to stuff!! He's still carrying around a blank look she gave him 10 years ago 😂😂 but expects her to get over HIM CHEATING 😂 I can't with this guy.
The audacity of this man makes my blood boil. His wife was probably walking on egg-shells around him 😢
It is Him Him Him Him
I was kind of surprised how easy John let him off. 😅 He should've been asking more questions as to why this guy wanted to get back with his wife at all since he seems to be complaining about the same things that he says lead to the affair in the first place. The guy acts like by his wife agreeing to try to repair the marriage after he cheated, that she would also repair the things he didn't like that lead to him cheating .... because he blames her. As if emotionally getting over the affair wasn't enough, he wants her to do more.
Also, he was so vague about the situation that led to his wife giving him a blank look. Somehow he “crossed a line“ but it “wasn’t a personal failing“ like huh? What did he do? This guy is so full of self-pity that if he was actually innocent in that situation, he would tell the whole story because it would get him more pity points, the fact he’s being so vague about it means he definitely did something wrong. He was probably throwing a pity party and blaming other people for his mess and the wife didn’t believe him hence the blank look.
Classic disordered behavior. My ex went back twenty-five years to justify his affair. Context completely lost on him. Even the instance he complained about my reaction was something unacceptable that he did initially.
I hope this lady realizes he’s out gathering support to divorce her and leaves him for good. He’s not worth one more day of her emotional safety and mental health.
I have no sympathy for someone who betrayed and broke the heart of someone who they were supposed to love and protect. He sounds like a whinny baby. This woman deserves better. I hope she leaves him.
I’ll tell you now, Scott… your wife hasn’t forgiven you. And she never will. She’s checked out! She’s done.
That's why he needs to make the decision to leave. He's waiting for her to pull the trigger because he doesn't want to be seen as the bad guy yet again.
Agreed, the marriage is over and was over before the affair. Reconciliation is no joke and most of the work is on the betrayed spouse.
@@mistermanman - That's exactly right. Then he can claim "my wife divorced me" and continue to play victim.
@@rtphotos4691 It's a tale as old as time. They neglect their wife's needs for years, she finally leaves, and he's "blindsided".
and when a woman is done...
Maybe she doesn’t feel like putting in the effort to fix what you broke
Yup, divorce time.
OMG THIS RIGHT HERE!
Exactly. What's in it for her?
Facts 💯
My husband did this to me in 2020 after 15 yrs of marriage and 3 kids. The kids and I were living with his dying mother during the affair. My baby sister died and two days later his mother. The whole time he was having an affair with a woman who needed money to support her kids cause her fella got locked up. He came clean a few days before Christmas, which use to be my favorite season, not anymore. I devoted my entire self and life to this man. It's been 3.5 years and I'm still struggling with it.
So sorry for what he did to you. You are worth so much more!
Why do men not realize the devastation they create when scratching that little itch? Why are they so important???
GO TO COUMSELIGN WITH HIM.
Ex husband right?
I hope you heal 🤍🙌🏻 I’m sorry this happened to you. Stay strong!!
He doesn't even sound like he's sorry for cheating. He is sad that he is not getting the affection he wants. All about him..
Exactly
YEP
I am so surprised by this response. Usually John pays better attendion and catches the inconsistencies but he is just taking this guys side and not challenging him on why the wife doesn't feel safe. The guy even said when she does share he reacts and makes it all about himself. He keeps putting divorce on the table not her. I wonder how much he has changed. Who says they are so impressed by their own changes??? Narcissists
I hear you; but he's trying to get him to open up. He won't, if he feels force
The guy keeps putting it on the wife.. yeah, if you did something you knowingly put your family in jeopardy, she’s gonna b upset for awhile. He seems like a narcissist that has to have his ego constantly stroked and the attention all on himself. That’s an exhausting position for any spouse to be in. Constantly having everything revolve around the other person. No one can fill that gap… except Jesus.
And I’m sure the wife would have a whole different story to tell.. you know it.
( seems most marriages are entered into by 2 broken people that try to make one whole. Gotta look deep inside ourselves first and figure out where those broken places need to be me see before we can both come together, or separate to b healthy for the rest of life..
Healed
Imagine admitting you hold a grudge over her giving you "a look", but you are upset she can't move on from his affair. I could never be so self absorbed.
You already threw in the towel when you had an affair 🤷♂️
Amen!!!
Dude, you’re smart. Seriously, summed up in one sentence what we are all trying to explain. 👍
and moved out! This guy has some nerve
If he wanted such a close, intimate, connect marriage then he shouldn’t have cheated. Then when it didn’t work out with the other person he came back to her and now is over the crappy environment he created? What a catch!
He tried to communicate with her and she disregarded his feelings. And pretty much said, that’s just my personality to not care about you. Deal with it.
@@SarahConnor562 emotional toddler is right. And drain.
@@agricolaregswell he’s also hypocritical. This is a guy that claims she talks about him cheating which is close to todays date but then brings something up from 10 years ago against her. And he claims he wants constructive criticism but then claims he takes things personally. You can’t have it both ways. And we are only hearing his side of the story. There’s no excuse by the way for him cheating. Unless she approved it it’s no bueno. He does seem to want a lot of attention and reads like a narcissist
This one hurts me to my core. I was cheated on & for me there was no going back. I divorced him. This one makes me cry because I know how she feels as the wife. She can't forgive you because she can't forget what you did. You touch another woman & that's absolutely disgusting to her. You broke your vow, you broke her in two. This one's opening up old wounds. Yes I forgave him but I've never forgotten!
This is all so tiring. He needs his mother not his wife. He’s draining & self-absorbed. He holds on to grudges for years, a mere look or a non-response but expects forgiveness and understanding for the ultimate betrayal in a marriage and then is audacious enough to dangle divorce🙄. Sir please go! Pack your entire bags and leave! Let this woman be free to leave in peace that I’m sure you’ve robbed her of for years!!
Yep!!!
He’s just having a pity party like oh no I cheated now I feel sorry for myself
Absolutely. Cheating is a symptom of our deep insecurities. We have to truly own up to it and get therapy in order to change
Exactly. He’s acting like his wife making a certain facial expression one time a decade ago is worse than him cheating on her. He says he can never get over her giving him a blank stare that one time 10 years ago and he even did the crocodile tears when he said it, yet he expects her to hurry up and get over his affair?
I once had a friend who did something like this… cheated on her husband, then got her girls on a group call to cry about how she was really the victim… ummm, no, girl. You are in no way the injured party here 🙄
@@bebop2523 He's a real piece of work!
Upset than she’s still reacting to him cheating.. not only cheating but LEAVING and trying to replace her. Not only cheating and trying to replace her but sneaking around and gaslighting her. I hope she realizes her worth and leaves you in the dust buddy! You’ve got some growing up to do.
Wait a minute. This guy had an affair, but we’re supposed to feel sorry for him because his wife gave him a “blank look” once when he was going through something? Nope.
Lmao Fr
I’m sure I give a blank look frequently. It’s not because I don’t care, it’s because I’m going through my own stuff and my mind might be occupied. If it’s serious say some like “hey can we sit and talk about something serious for a minute?”
Those of us with a one track mind need a second to adjust… or even realize someone is speaking. 😅
10 YEARS and that's the worst he can come up with? Meanwhile he violated their marriage in one of the absolute worst ways possible and expects forgiveness when he can't forgive a blank look? Not even a mean look or a disapproving look, just one that didn't have a lot of emotion behind it. I hope she heard this episode and realized he's a professional victim and she's already out of there.
So let me get this straight. HE'S hurting because of a look she gave him 10 years ago and her seeming indifferent, when HE was in a bad place at that time, but now she's supposed to be over HIM crushing her soul after three years. And not just one soul crush but by the sounds of it over and over.. If he can't get over a small infraction why does he expect her to? Whatever therapist he's seeing he probably needs a new one, one that will hold his feet to the fire and give him a wake up call that he's being totally selfish. What he did is 100000x worse than "indifference"
Yes!!!
I was taken a back by Dr Johns empathy for this guy he sounds like a terrible husband 😕
She gave him a blank look and he cheated. They’re even now 🤷♀️
Yeah I undertake him taking an empathetic approach, but the fact that he didn’t point that out was shocking to me! All of this because of a blank look? Ridiculous
@@arra6361i think its because Dr John just wants to help the caller. If he was helping the Woman, he wouldve been much harsher on the guys actions I think
This guy doesn’t understand what he did to his wife. He betrayed her and put her through trauma and hurt and pain. She will never trust him again.
At no point did the host say , "What have you done to earn her trust back?"
That’s my biggest issue. It was never asked. And it should have been. Because that would have been a big tell and it’s a huge thing that was majorly overlooked.
The host generally put a lot of blame on women
Noticed that,too. He has shark eyes.
he hates women and has so much sympathy for these creepy men.
@@sameerajafri747 if you think that, you dont listen often, and not calling the host, john by his name insinuates you dont listen often enough to make that conclusion.
Cheaters need to realize, the person they cheated on will never be able to forget, and will never fully trust them again
As someone who is the betrayed wife...my advice to her would be to leave this man. He isnt providing her a safe place to heal, and seems to be caring more about himself than the absolute TRAUMA he has caused to his wife. He also doesnt understand that trauma like that takes TIME to recover from...and it takes so much longer if the spouse that betrayed you isnt providing safety and keeps making it about themselves and keep blame shifting. Infidelity is a CHOICE, and no matter what marital problems there are, or what needs arent being met, it is NEVER the spouses fault for you to make that choice. Hes acting like a petulant child instead of OWNING his terrible choice. Forgiveness does NOT mean forgetting what happened and sweeping it under the rug like he wants to happen.
How the hell is she gonna feel safe if he puts divorce on the table? She knows he is one foot out from the marriage. Why the hell did he come back if divorce is on the table?
He needed a place to stay between affairs
@@brendamoon2660 - Yes, good point.
Glad that he's acknowledging where he messed up... but his audacity is showing. He caused a lot of pain and damage here. He deeply hurt someone he claimed to love. She heals on *her* timetable, not yours.
You notice how he never really dove into what she needs?
Why is the host on his side justifying his sorrys. She needs to heal this man can't rush it he screwed up if it takes forever to prove his love for her so be it! He is a jerk!
@@calibaby3442yeah he should take the side of someone whose story he hasn’t heard and who isn’t on the call 🙄
@SpeedfreakUK sorry , to me, it's giving victim vibes. He seems to be entitled as far as wanting her to just get over all the things he has put her through. It's selfish to think she should be over it after 2 years. I'm all for forgiveness, but I'm sure it's hard to forget. It's just very odd to me.
But at the time time, she committed to trying again, then has not held up her side of that. She's just put him in a position where he can't do anything right.
Committ or don't. It's up to her.
Another narcissist: 1. "I punish her" 2. I turned it around and made it about me." 3. "I need from her...." yet we see nothing from him.
I am starting to really dislike how dr John handles these cheaters. It’s almost like he justifies/ condones their behavior. Sometimes these people need to be told the brutal truth. I understand he’s with them on the call but still.
And what then? They get defensive, put thier guard up, shut down, stop sharing, stop being willing whatsoever. Good idea, he should call em out so you feel better. This comment section is littered with those who lust for revenge. Jon is where he should be....and your exactly where you should be, not counseling people.
@@scottwall8419Cheaters get Elon sympathy they sure didn’t have any sympathy when they were out cheating.
@@scottwall8419It’s called accountability.
@scottwall8419 I don't know man. Maybe it's the jaded, walled-up pessimist in me, but do these kinds of people ever ACTUALLY get better? Is there any point in assauging their feelings and guilt when that shame is justified? Even if you hold their hand and rub their belly, does that lead to them learning and growing past their toxic patterns? Because I haven't seen that at all.
@@dmsviola1 it's not the pessimist in you that you should be paying attention to inside you. It's the holy spirit you should be leaning on. As Christians we are not to judge, judgement is the final action of God I'm these people's lives. #1, we're not qualified to judge becuase we still sin and thank the Lord he doesn't have a pessimistic side when viewing us. No is beyond saving and to judge is to say they are not saveable. We are not more or less worthy than any of these people. We are saved through Christ l, not because we don't make the mistakes these people make. Yours and mine sin are in the shadows, these people are reaching out for help.
#2 one of God's name is the counselor, christ first called the holy spirit that and said he'd come and convict the world of sin, conviction is to correct us to the path of righteousness in Christ. John is on that path and we should be learning or encouraging that mission of his. Christ did not kneel next to the woman caught in adultery and tell her she was lost and never redeemable, the God of the universe said to her he did not judge her and to sin no more. We should strive to be like him and be an example of humility, showcasing the world that we are humbled by the gift christ has given us and wish for it to be given them as well.
Do not appeal to the pessimist fallen nature inside you, appeal to the spirit, if you can't do that pray for the ability to remain silent. We should not be a stumbling block to our fellow Christians and we can be just that by beating the lost down, making it harder for those evangelizing to show people the love of christ. This Comment section in this Christian program is one of he most dossapppinting "christian" things I've seen in a while.
She can feel anyway she wants. You broke it. She owes you nothing.
If my husband cheated on and left me and then came back to me later, my first thought would be “So you realized the grass wasn’t greener on the other side, and now you want me to let you back into my life and my heart?!??” Infidelity is one of my two deal breakers. If you cheat on me, I will NEVER be able to trust you again.
This makes my blood curdle. I feel horrible for this women. She doesn’t feel safe because she’s not. He holds his wife’s feet to the fire for a LOOK she made TEN years ago. Yet calls a public radio show sobbing that his wife is still hurt about the affair he had TWO years ago. If she didn’t feel disposable enough, he threw divorce in the mix. A subtle reminder of his superiority and her disposability, and that he has the upper hand. He hit the nail on the head- EGO. An ego so fragile that he’ll continue to identify as the victim, while demanding more. Just so long as no blame is directed his way. Meanwhile, his wife’s feelings are silenced while she’s busy trying to jump through hoops to validate this child of a man.
Sir, your therapist mostly listens because he or she knows you’re a full blown covert narcissist. It’s more obvious than a giant neon sign. Your wife has nothing to hold on to, because you’ve never held on to her, only yourself. If you have any humanity, the best thing you can do for her is let her go and find a new source of prey to feed your insatiable ego. She has a long rode ahead of healing from the damage you’ve caused. It’s so painful for a person broken down to admit they’re as disposable as they’ve been made to feel. It’ll take her a while to gain the strength to walk away. Do her a favor. Better now than later.
This call made me so mad. He isn't a victim.
Beautiful comment. This man is a weak baby.
Well said. She’s exhausted from having to deal with his fragile ego all of these years and now she’s dealing with his unfaithfulness. He sees himself as a victim. He’s not a victim. I hope he’s reading these comments and understand he’s a huge part of the problem before it’s too late.
Totally agree with you I said the same. Covert narcissist ...its disgusting how he treats her. Though he doesn't perhaps know. He really can't cope with an adult relationship. There us no room for anyone but him in his life. He's wsi awful. John gave him way too easy a time and was drawn into colluding and enabling
As a man, this guy disgusts me. How could you commit this type of treason against someone you love?
Being cheated on and then deciding to stay with that person is like getting all your guts ripped out and then trying to put them all back in with limited knowledge of where they anatomically belong and thats more often then not done all by yourself without the help of the person who ripped you apart in the first place. It sometimes takes some people longer then others to reorganize themselves and you’re never really going to be put back together the same ever again. All I hear when people complain about their spouses not “getting over it” is like hearing a serial killer who has no remorse for their actions or victims at all.
"I told my wife that I was committed to us." She heard that before and it wasn't true, was it? It's going to be a lot harder (if not impossible) sell this time, Bud.
But he never told her he loved her. One is committed to prison.
She's smart for being reserved and protecting her feelings from him. She needs to leave his self-centered ass.
Take this as a lesson people. Once you cheat, you're always a cheater. Whether or not you work it out. Whether or not the other person forgives you. Your relationship will NEVER be the same
This guy is selfish and gross! He cheated then instead of leaving her alone, he went back after her! If you were not sold out and committed to her, you should have left her alone! YOU'RE TIRED? How might she feel about a weak man who's a hot mess and she knows is likely to divorce her! CREEP!
She probably has told him what she needs, but he lives on the mountain of his own ego and feelings.
My husband cheated. I desperately wanted to forgive him. I still loved him and still do and always will. But he wasn't the same person to me any more. I couldn't enjoy sex anymore. I couldn't stop picturing him on top of another woman. He will ALWAYS be one of the most important people in my life. I will always be there for him. But our marriage was over once he was intimate with someone else. Period.
So he did the crime but doesn't want to do the time? And he still talks about what HE needs 😮😮!! If audacity was a person.
Sounds like he’s done the time. The question is how many more years does he have to be miserable.
@@agricolaregs until he realizes what he’s done to her even before the affair even started
@JoyofRVing no it's beyond that, she is telling me people what he did over and over again. They need to divorce, she was hurt they decided to work it out. It's not working
@@agricolaregs what is an appropriate amount of time for murder? Because he killed her. So… and the marriage so… how much for murder?
@@lademoiselleketoret6958 that is stupid
If she actually believed he wouldn’t do it again, she would have forgiven him already. Her nervous system and subconscious are rebelling against her decision to stay with him. She probably feels extremely uncomfortable in the relationship and he didn’t do enough right after the affair to reconnect with her in new territory. That was his job if he wanted to repair it. It’s too little, too late. She’ll always be 1 foot out the door until she actually leaves.
If he keeps letting her know how inadequate “her progress” is, she has no reason to think he won’t do it again.
Once a cheater always a cheater, P E R I O D !😢
@msnawrecka9786 I know, his voice totally lit up when talking about what the affair provided him. The fact that he is still holding on to her reaction when it didn't fit his expectation says a lot. He has sulked and resented her for it for years while asking her to do something he himself is incapable of doing (letting the past go).
He's the one talking about leaving. No wonder she can't trust him
@@erikak128right! He wants her to forgive an affair but he can't forgive her for looking at him the wrong way 10 years ago.
What a creep. He blames her after he cheated. Like leave and see what you end up with.
We can forgive , but never forget. It will never be same. Dude sounds like a gaslighter and playing the victim here. His wife, feels it to her core. She is probably disgusted by him.
In other words he needs to walk away.
They both need to move on honestly. It’s just going to continue to perpetuate an extremely unhealthy dynamic for the entire family. Seen it before. It’s best to remove yourself from toxicity and move on!
The Bible says to forgive and forget
@@GhostruckerXit is also the only reason Jesus justified divorce. Adultry excuses the innoccent party from the bond.
@@GhostruckerX Jesus *literally* said in the Bible that you CAN divorce for adultery. You can forgive and forget what someone did, but that’s not a guarantee that your relationship with them is going to stay the same or even continue at all. I should also add, it’s incredibly unsafe to take your spouse back after he/she had sex with someone who might have had an STD. I know I wouldn’t.