How Reassurance Seeking Is Keeping You Stuck In ROCD (& How To Break Free)
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- Опубліковано 19 лют 2020
- First, I want to say that the reason I’m posting about this is because I know there’s a fine line between education and engaging in compulsions. With Awaken into Love, our highest mission is to help you in a way where we are not feeding into your ROCD, which is why we feel it is our duty to focus on education. If you feel like you’re using Awaken into Love or other educational sites to feed the reassurance compulsion, then this video and blog is for you. Even if you don’t feel this exact way, it is a reminder of how compulsions may be hard to spot. Our approach to ROCD is different from most other approaches. It is holistic, encompassing the mental, physical and spiritual. We see ROCD as a way to help us awaken into our wholeness - to find ways to heal and become more connected, not only with ourselves but with our partner. This is why we share insight relating to healing, psychology, and awakening throughout our course. Reassurance and compulsions are at the intersection of those three aspects, and understanding this ROCD behavior can lead to greater awakening.
FULL BLOG POST: www.awakenintolove.com/blog/2...
1:58 - Why Does Reassurance Seeking Happen?
2:18 - Childhood and Attachment Styles w/ Reassurance Seeking
4:13 - Other Factors That Can Contribute to Reassurance Seeking
4:43 - What Reassurance As a Compulsion Is Teaching You
5:23 - What Does Reassurance Seeking Look Like?
8:02 - How You Know It's A Compulsion
9:34 - Getting Support & Help
10:45 - How To Break Free From Reassurance Compulsions
RESOURCES:
» WEBSITE: AWAKENINTOLOVE.COM
» INSTAGRAM: / withawakeni. .
» ROCD FREE CHECKLIST: rocdcourse.com/the-checklist
» ROCD 2.0 COURSE & COMMUNITY: rocdcourse.com/
» PARTNERS OF ROCD MASTERCLASS: rocdcourse.com/partnersofrocd...
» WORK WITH ALEXIS: www.awakenintolove.com/coachi...
Disclaimer: All of the information listed in this channel is for informative, motivational, educational purposes only. If you are specifically looking for a licensed and professional therapist then you are welcome to work with our therapist, if not, we will refer you to someone else. Please note that this channel is not meant to diagnose you or treat a mental health disorder but serves only as education and motivation.
Guys , it does get better. I’ve been struggling for about 6 months now and the past 2-3 months was when i started to notice change. Reassurance seeking is the devil because you will never be content with anything you read. You want more and anything you read is not good enough for you. I’ve had very bad days and very good days. Weeks turn it to a couple of days and the days turn in to a couple of hours. I still have my moments , but the anxiety gets less as you go on. We can do this.
Thank you so much for this!!
I'm so anxious I keep ring up help line for reassurance or crying down the phone to people I don't no for reassurance . is this the wrong things to do
Did you joined the course? Or any therapy
How did it get better
Girl you called me out on the googling. I took over 100 screenshots of reddit discussions about ROCD and then went on youtube for help😭
OHHH MY GOODNESS... Other people with ROCD do the celebrity thing?! 😂😂 Before I knew I had ROCD, I literally used to spend hours researching celebrity couples and how long their relationships lasted and why they ended and then I would move onto the new partner that they ended up with and do the same thing and keep spiraling and spiraling... I would read their early childhood stories and I would look at age differences... it was like “humanities math calculations” to soothe my obsessions. I don’t do it as often anymore, but from time to time catch myself. That is such a specific google compulsion that I had no idea it was recognized as “a thing”... I just thought I was a weirdo 😅. Thanks as always Kiyomi... I am so grateful for your work and messages.
me toooo!
Thank you and we're so glad that you enjoyed this video. We're always looking to improve our content and help you as much as possible through awakening into love. Would you be able to let us know what you like about it. Thank you. -Crystal, Operations Manager, Awaken into Love
I did the same thing!
Christina S. I always see which celebrity couple has the same zodiac sign as my boyfriend and me. and then i see how long their relationship lasted .. tell me i'm not crazy😂😂😂😂😂
Meli Idinger don’t even get me started on astrology lmaaao 😂
does anyone else get anxious when u heae about other relationships ending o their problems?
Hi Jason, we understand that rocd and obsessive thoughts can be difficult in a relationship. please know that you're not alone. We'd be happy to help. Feel free to download the rocd checklist here rocdcourse.com/the-checklist . Thank you.
I do
Yes
I do, too!
Yes
Im spiralling and I realised I'm using this video to reassure myself, as I've convinced myself for the 100th time that I don't have ocd, even though I know I do. I'm clicking off! Wish me luck
5:44 Googling 🤔🙄 I landed here because I Googled how to stop needing reassurance 😂😂. I guess it works 😂
I think OCD WAS the major trauma of my childhood. My mother was always there for me emotionally but even at 5 years old I was constantly seeking reassurance and terrified that bad things would happen. It was hard having my own brain cause such fear and doubt at such a young age. I was in 2 fairly minor car accidents as a child but other than that my only trauma was my OCD symptoms themselves and I never really learned to cope with those symptoms and trust myself.
I can still remember when these thoughts started that I had no feelings for my partner anymore .. I was at work and went crying nonstop to the toilet .. and suddenly the thought came "Call him and then you will see if you still have feelings “In retrospect I realize that it was my first compulsion. These thoughts became so bad that I went to a crisis psychologist where I talked about my thoughts and I kept asking "That means my feelings about my partner are not gone ??" and I asked that about 3-4 times. At some point I started asking my best friend and mother all the time "Is it love if ... x, y, z" I think that is looking for reassurance ..
That definitely is
I don't have this but I suspect my partner has this, can I ask do you get off put if your BF/SO isn't "hand and foot" always available for you at a moments notice? also are there "triggers" for you things your SO could say that would cause you to "lose feelings" do they come and go? did you ever ignore him? or keep busy to distract? any help would be of great use
You always know how to help! I’m glad I’ll be able to determine if I am going into seeking reassurance as a compulsion or not from now on.
Thank you so much for this video. I really need to hear this and to do the work on myself.
Thank you again, your message hit me pretty hard. I see that I do these things, and I want to grow out of them.
Ur right reassurance on checking obsessively to get feel safe after 4 years .. Learning to trust ur knowledge and tools that I know I have to apply and it feels like taking a chance
I honestly didn’t know this was a thing. I am so amazed. However, on the flip side, I have the knowledge I need now to work on myself and my relationships. Thanks❤️
What you said at the end, I feel, is a really helpful statement with those who struggle with religious Scrupulosity as well. Those who deal with this form of OCD fear they are sinning by the thoughts and exposures. Yet when you described that when we are already self educated enough we are obligated to do the work to heal. That statement follows most religious teachings. You can't just know something, you must put it into practice once you have learned it. This is the principle of change, repentance, or whatever name an individual's belief system labels it. This was one of your best videos.
so blessed to have found your channel & blog! it changed my life💛
Thank you and we're so glad that you enjoyed this video. We're always looking to improve our content and help you as much as possible through awakening into love. Would you be able to let us know what you like about it? Thank you. -Crystal, Operations Manager, Awaken into Love
It’s been a crazy ass journey. November started getting crazy dizziness and migraines, then that lead to health anxiety. Then after getting reassurance from the doctor I was still experiencing anxiety about my health and then a lot of ocd symptoms came up. I started freaking out, because I have dealt with this but it hadn’t came up in a long time. before this I was strong minded. But this shit came like a fucking tank. After ocd it then went to rocd compulsions but I told myself if ocd ever effected my relationship I know I’m in some funk. A lot of your videos have been helping and I know I’m on my way out from rocd. Health anxiety migraines and headaches and even ocd compulsions are lessening. I guess rocd scares tf out of me still and that’s what I’m currently going through. Idk how or why this came up but I know God gives his toughest battles to his toughest soldiers so the only way is through with the right knowledge and execution 🙏🏻 let’s goooooo
I wish I had seen this yesterday when I was in panic mode after my engagement and just said IM NOT READY 🤦♀️ i seemed validation from those around me and everyone was anti-marriage and it fed into my anxiety and left me even darker. Now I’m scared I may have lost the relationship of five years 😭 I’ll try to sit with my anxiousness, stop reaching out, this is my choice, and I know him best, I know us best.
I can’t even express how grateful I am for having found your channel! Your videos are helping me so much and I definitely feel less alone now. Thank you soo much for your work!
Thank you and we're so glad that you enjoyed this video. We're always looking to improve our content and help you as much as possible through awakening into love. Would you be able to let us know what you like about it? Thank you. -Crystal, Operations Manager, Awaken into Love
Hello Crystal, yes of course! It‘s great to finally find some informative content on this topic. I appreciate Kiyomi talking about different aspects of ROCD, giving explanations and advice on how to handle the given situation.
can you please do a video about thoughts of “i feel like my gf loves me more than i love her” / “i think my partner has stronger feelings than what i have”
I think this falls into her explanation of why do you want this. Is it because you're obsessing over a thought. Are you acting out of compulsion or curiosity? If compulsion then you haven't built that inner self she's talking about. Also I noticed you've said, "loves me more", so I am not going to assume that you don't love her. Like in the video just go up to your partner and ask them to cuddle or just be with you when you get anxious. Build trust and faith within yourself, not other people on the internet, because if you don't trust yourself, that outside validation is never going to help things get better.
I have this happen with my boyfriend! I constantly obsess on if he treats me better, if he loves me more..I tend to notice that it’s an anxious thought not a true feeling or fact. Trust your own judgment instead of seeking reassurance for your thoughts, because at the end of the day, thoughts are just thoughts, they can be intrusive, they can lie, and they can bring you down, but they aren’t factual.
Can I ask, since I am trying to understand ROCD, how would you feel if your GF "got busy" and maybe didn't talk to you for a while? maybe like a trip or something? would you lose feelings? would it spike your ROCD, or would you feel relief not having to overthink the relationship?
So blessed to have found your channel ! just so beautiful ! A question I had: how does a person with ROCD really start trusting themselves when like you said they are always changing their mind saying this thing then that. How can they become a person of trust when they’re so unreliable in their thoughts
Thank you so much xx
Thank you 🙏🏻 i will get better
I cried watching this
I do not personally have ROCD myself but my partner suspects they might so I'm here to learn about how it affects them and how I can try to help them feel better, however that may be
SAME! I am educating myself on ROCD, I've been with the girl I love for 1.5 years now and I've learned a great deal about her behaviors mainly to calm my own OCD (I have anxious attachment style) as painful as this relationship is understanding ROCD helps calm me
Same, except he dumped me a month ago. Before that he had several urges to breakup and the following hours he apologised. How is it for you? I also have an anxious style so it's been very painful and confusing, because the rest of the time he seemed in love and attached. I'd love to know your experience as partners.
@@MissSarahGM she actually realized that what she had been feeling wasn't ROCD she was actually just aromantic but hadn't realized so she was getting really anxious and not understanding why she wasn't feeling right in the romantic relationship. Once she realized we mutually agreed to go back to being friends and it's a lot more natural for her now. That happened about 2 months ago and we're still super close
Odd one out here, with BPD and suffering from being a reassurance vacuum and barely coping with it.
Hello, thank you for this video ❤️. I just have one question what type of therapy/therapist would I be looking for as I am studying to become a psychologist and this is the area I want to go into but I’m not sure what this area is called if that makes sense. X
also- would love if you can make a video about feeling embarrassed of your boyfriend in front of your girl friends or friends in general.
I stopped going on double dates or hanging with my bf along with other people because of that 😅 it's like every word that he speaks I"m like "oh they probably think he is this or that" and it is so annoying!
I would love a video on this!! I would get scared that other people wont like my partner and if i thought they didnt, i would feel less attracted to my partner and start spiraling down the do i love him enough path. I felt like everyone needed to love him and it would give me anxiety if anyone didnt
Hi! Thanks for your suggestion. we really appreciate it. We will note it for Kiyomi's future video topics.
@@gabriellevautour23 I totally get this
Break up songs make me nervous.. I hate hearing them at work. I feel like I don’t have thoughts and that I feel like I KNOW it’s me... but I cry and cry... my husband has his flaws which I constantly focus on during this... before I never was too concerned sometimes I was but never to the point where I wanted to end my relationship.. I go on ocd apps constantly asking questions.. I think about this everyday 😞😞 I always ask my friends questions constantly.. I never told my family... 😞 my partner feels like a stranger to me.. and I hate it.. I feel like I obsessed to the point to where I feel the damage I did too much 😖 looking back at this now I knew ROCD never left my life... as before I would obsess and compare my partner to other men..
im going through this very thing right now
same how are you now love?
@@lilynorris5230 I’m calmer but I’m still obsessing. It’s like I genuinely wanna break up… I don’t but even now I feel that way… I have moments of not obsessing and I don’t have obsessive feelings of believing I am not in love. I am worried I am genuinely in denial… I don’t know what’s real anymore
@@lilynorris5230 but I know I still love him. This just isn’t fair…
@@ReshiramMage1992 but you keep pushing, that’s love right there, and i am doing the same, i just hate this feeling so much
When I get ROCD , I get thoughts like “ I don’t love” “ what if you don’t” “ do you love ? ... no and sowmtimes yes “ I know is ROCD but is sad to have them. I know I love him and I can feel it and I know those are just thoughts but it makes me sad that I even have them ... and when I do I doubt is ROCD but deep down I am so fucking in love and plus I JUST STARTED RELATIONSHIP 😠
this is wild! I have a good friend whose GF has similar traits as my partner, I am never certain where we stand in the relationship. 1.5 years later, still the same lol and it's soooo wild what you said with your final sentence "so in love" this is exactly what my friends GF said about what my partner may be experiencing! I know she loves me but struggles with ROCD, its very hurtful and painful for the recipient. I live in constant fear to ask where we stand or if she loves me or not, I live in terror of ruining it, for not measuring up
What if you’ve been single your entire life? How do you understand having a connection with someone when you’ve never had it?
This also apples on OCD in general
Can old relationship traumas cause ROCD...I was in love with my first boyfriend 3 years ago and the relationship was toxic despite all that I never had any compulsions...now everytime I start a relationship I get those thoughts and I start comparing my feelings to my current boyfriend to my ex....!!
المغربية المغربية samee
Is it normal that when I stop thinking about I have to break up, I start to think about new thinks? And I could cry every time?
Absolutely
What if I have feeling that my partner is not giving me enough hugs as I would wish? He has tried but for me I feel like its not enough and I know I am obsessing about it always but what if its true... and I still cannot find proper answer...please help
Dear Anna Maria, unfortunately I can really understand what you mean, I guess. You’re in a situation into which you think to yourself “Okay, now my partner has given me more hugs but I feel nothing has changed. Why didn’t it change? Why don’t I feel better and sure he’s the right person to be with? Why do I still feel like it’s not enough, like there’s still something wrong?”.
Am I right? The reason why this happens or, at least, that was the reason why it used to happen to me, is that the hug thing, as you yourself mentioned, is an obsession; it is a tool you’re using to possibly find an answer that will lead you to absolute certainty about your feelings.
This obsession is a way of seeking reassurance, it’s something that your subconscious has set, not you. Otherwise, if you were able to consider the situation from a logical point of view (don’t worry, it’s totally normal not to be able to right now), you’d see that the fact that a boyfriend does or doesn’t something like that can’t be the sole basis onto which you’ll understand if you love your partner or not.
When it comes to ROCD, unfortunately, we seek for every single detail to be an indicator of what will happen, as something that could be telling us the truth; but in reality, it is not.
I know that your partner giving you more hugs seems nothing to you, it’s normal, because the reassurance you could get from that is temporary, it won’t make you sure that he’s the right person, but no such small detail could ever do that...
I can’t reassure you either, but I can promise that you’ll understand how to get out of that reassurance seeking and, although now you’re probably feeling miserable and you’re not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, I swear it is there
@@redtoothpaste848 thank you for your kindest answer, it helped me, seems like the answer is not to go into content of the obsession and accept it, then maybe it will start to loose its power, maybe..
i know i love my girlfriend but my rocd of sensations i get makes me feel im out of love! what do i do? is this true idk!
jason smith it is not true , I experience this also , I will give you one word of advice Jason , they are just thoughts , thoughts can control you , you think about them too long you will feel that is the way you actually feel , which is not true. Ur OCD has hijacked your thoughts and feelings and remember that , you are not alone , leaving your girlfriend will make this worse. Stop googling if you do as I did for reassurance and it helped for a small while but stopped and thoughts came back , they are horrible , your mind is a dangerous place but don’t let them take over you. I don’t know you personally but I know you can do this becuase you are better than your thoughts. YOU.
same man
Rueben White thank you. thank you. thank you.
Sometimes when i am having intimate moments with my loving partner i experience intrusive images and sometimes i also repeat a single persons name in my head... And then i think that its cheating.. I was chantinh that persons name becoz of the arouseness and thats really only one component of rocd... I am with someone that i love so much i cannot define.. But this thing.. Keeps pushinh me from him and i think i dont wanna live anymore
In the beginning of my relationship with my partner I had some intrusive images pop into my brain as well. It was SO hard especially since I didn't have any idea about ROCD. I knew deep down though that I had to stay and that it was really just a form of absolute terror from myself. I guess that is how I see it now. These thoughts don't mean that I am a bad person. They just mean that I am absolutely terrified to be in connection with my partner sometimes. Sit with the terror and hold it, bring it closer to yourself, love it.
@@lexinash2783 no it doesn't mean that u are in terror with getting in connection with your partner.. You are in terror to do a certain thing that you think will get u away from. Your partner.. And thats even more beautiful. I feel it this way
@@gursimrankaur4839 Hmmm well my terror to be in connection with my partner goes something like this: I am terrified to be with my partner and part of me wants to push him away because I love him so much and I hate the knowledge that I could lose him through something that I could do, something he could do, or some unknown force. So there is a piece of me that wants to close off before that can even happen. That is just my personal experience.
@@lexinash2783 yeah dont worry just ignore everythimg u will be fine
Kiyomi is a gangsta
5:30 what does it look like
1) 5:47 googling endlessly
Constant need to google
2) 6:40 asking family friends are they the one...
Are they okay? Am i okay?
3) 7:27 using celebrity facts haha i use it for success
4)
I have a question, is it part of ROCD when I keep asking my best friend "is it love if .." .. I keep asking her "what if .."
Yes, it is
Celia Candel a very often ask her „is it Love if.. x,y,z..“
isnt the self wisdom itself a mental compulsion though?
Is "we are not meant for each other" a ROCD symptom?
Yeah
i have been looking for this, my partner is literally traumatizing me and my kids because she didnt have a good chilhood...no ones fault. ..she has been with me 3 yrs and is desperately seeking reassurance to the point a serial killer will pick her up because she is just that gullible. like i watched her today take me and another person though some bullshit..about well i like him but i love you. i told her to take all of that and shove it up her you know what. like first of all dont pit anyone against each other and also dont think you are a fucking prize. like she literally pssed me off with that..if someone was extremely upset with her and violent they would have hurt her. so i told her, this reality show mindset, got you looking like 420 pounds of dumb. because i would literally leave her and he will as well..she thought..
Seeing this at 666 likes