I over think EVERYTIME I am intimate with my spouse. The main thoughts are : “ you are forcing this. “You don’t want to do this.” “Just stop, your partner deserves better.” Sex or intimacy y of any kind Definately turned to a. Ompulsion...kissing...hugging... wow! began to believe this was just my true feeling. And prepared to end my relationship. I haven’t, and hope I can get through! Thank you for this video!
I just want to say thank you so much, watching this literally felt like the biggest sigh of relief. For the longest time I thought there was something wrong with me and that the way that I've been feeling isn't normal. I suffered through some pretty rough things in my last relationship, and it's clear there is a lot of healing that needs to be done on my end for my current relationship which has been so amazing. I cried at how perfectly you described my situation, and I can't thank you enough for posting this video. Hearing it from someone else made me feel so seen and that this is something I can overcome.
*My rocd went away when I was pregnant with mine and my husband's baby girl. I felt so in love again and was so positive I wouldnt get those horrible doubts from rocd again but now I've got postnatal depression again. It's all come back and feels like I'll never get those feelings back again. I think my hormones may be playing a big part in me feeling like this* 😥 💚
Same here. Would you be willing to talk about this with me? I feel kind of confused and alone and it'd be really great to talk to someone who's in the same boat. My instagram is jjessicahorton if you wanna DM me
This is probably my favourite video about ROCD! ❤️ It has given me insight on where my intrusive thoughts really began! I've had this false expectation of sex in my mind and I unfortunately projected that onto my partner (I should always be attracted to him, I should always want to have sex, I should always be 100% interested in sex with my partner) And when those high expectations weren't met, my mind started running wild! Thank you so much for this Q&A
Something that has helped me a lot is setting a boundaries that I want to wait till marriage. It really helps me calm down my anxiety knowing my partner only wants to be with me without the sex.
I was reading a Buzzfeed article about sex tips, and there was one tip that suggested to break things off with a significant other because the sex is bad. Now I’m kinda in a downward spiral because I love being with my partner, but since he has a paralyzed right ankle, we have to navigate our sex differently. Then I looked up “should I break things off based on bad sex,” and some search results say yes. I felt very triggered because I don’t want to do that. My boyfriend and I connect in different ways besides sex
Most people will not understand your point of view. For example : a person with BPD might ask people "I feel like my partner is hiding something from me. Should I investigate?" Many people would advise this person to go and investigate their partner, sending that person into an obsessive cycle. (I really hope it makes sense) OCD still has a ton of stigma upon it, asking neurotypical people for advice will only further trigger you
my rocd always tells me he's raping me even though i wanted intimacy. i always cry after but at the same time i want it, i'm so confused and he always wants to make sure i'm okay, but first i am and the next second i cry
....please I’ve been obsessing about this for months... I can’t even kiss my partner without feeling off and I know I wanna kiss him and I still do.... I had sex recently and it was amazing I loved it but I still felt off. I am scared to be sexually active with my partner... 😞 I get scared of going into public bc I am nervous about finding other men more attractive than my partner.... 😞 my head focuses on my partners flaws... I know I love him a lot. Before all this I loved kissing and making love to him... my ROCD I realized got worse this year....
I had sex with my partner for the first time ever! I felt off. The whole day! I haven’t seen them in months! I was finally excited to see him but I felt off. My intrusive thoughts kept coming up. I kept thinking “what if you break up with him today? What if you don’t love him? What if you don’t feel the love anymore?” I was so sad. When I finally saw him that day I was happy but quickly was pulled back into the sadness. I tried and tired to let my happiness through but I couldn’t and when we finally had sex for the first time I was happy and ready and excited but i couldn’t feel it exactly. I kept feeling off from those thoughts earlier. You’re not alone.
sex is so complicated especially with mental health issues- i have ptsd and severe ocd, my ptsd comes mainly from various forms of abuse and also sexual trauma. so i basically cant have sex.. then the ocd latches onto the ptsd and i cant tell which disorder is more impairing/is driving me the most in terms of my inability to have sex
my ROCD started again with my new boyfriend...7 months into the relationship i finally feel a lot better but it took a toll on my sex drive. before rocd i had no problems with sex whats so ever. i would want to have sex all the time. now i just cant get turned on. i find my boyfriend the most beautiful and sexy man i have ever been with. i could stare at him all day long. but when it comes to sex... nothing. can you do a video on that or give me some advice? thank you
Hi, i have a question. Kiyomi mentions that instead of focusing the outer appearance of my partner, I should be focusing on the inner appearance (things that I like about him generally). So my question is that, is there any chance that this could turn into a compulsion?
Yes, definitely. If you experience an intrusive thought about your partner’s physical appearance, there is no need to respond with a positive thought about how beautiful they are on the inside (the thought and anxiety will subside by itself, allow it to exist). I think that Kiyomi is encouraging us to refocus our attention generally, in an every day kind of way, rather than in response to an intrusive thought. That’s how I took it anyway :)
I was on Lexapro for about 13 years. It definitely reduces the anxiety but the ocd doesn't go away. I'm currently off medication while I do ERP so I can really gauge the effectiveness and see how I feel in a few months. I think medication really depends on the individual and your psychiatrist can help you figure out what's best.
Fluoxetine is usually a first line treatment. Mirtazipine has the side effect of increasing appetite (and is used in sick animals to encourage them to eat)
@@DtheEvil I'm going to try and make it a year off medication and just do ERP. Then I'll talk to a psychiatrist again and see how I feel. Thanks for the information
@@azz111full I feel a million times better. i won't lie, it was an excruciating process filled with a lot of doubt and hopelessness. But I kept going and I am a lot better. I got to a point where I felt like how I did on medication by doing ERP. I decided to go back on medication as well after the treatment and I feel like I've reduced my symptoms by about 80% from when I first started. i was hoping to not need medication, but the combination with ERP and mindfulness has been life changing. It's still a struggle man, but I am really really happy with my progress. I wish you the best of luck if it's something you're dealing with
Hi Kiyomi I feel like I don't understand everything I mean... You're saying avoidance towards sex can be a compulsion, wich I agree, but in the meantime you're also saying having sex can be a compulsion. But in my personal case, I have been sexually abused since my 7 years old, and I feel sometimes disgusted by the fact of having sex with my partner. Yet I do it although because I don't wanna him to leave me... But it's like I am waiting "more pleasure" during those times, while I don't feel it and it finish to make me feel sad and telling myself "well I don't feel Pleasure this means I don't love him?" and I feel bad obviously because I know at least I have ROCD but I really wanna get over it... Do you have something to answer me??... I hope I am not doing a compulsion in asking you,and if so, thanks to telling me it, but I don't think so because I just didn't get it... Thanks...❤️
I can really understand that sex is more complicated for you.. I don’t have any experience with this situation but just wanted to say that I hope you are okay❤️
Kiyomi, can you please try to partner with a guy that has ROCD to bring a male perspective in? Not your husband, but see if you can find a guy who had ROCD bad, but got through it. You could double your audience ***
@@Skybreaker98943everything gets better with time and honestly what helped me was praying to god because i was at such a low point and he saved me praise jesus
I relate to this. Always scared that i won’t feel the connection.. it goes in ups en downs en since it’s back now, I’m watching this video again.. how do you feel now?
Something pretty strange just happened to me. I started to sit in with my uneasiness, and the anxiety kept shrinking. Once I was there, with my partner, with no anxiety, just with acceptance, I felt good. I felt different. I felt mature, welcoming and compassionate towards me and her. However, my sex drive was absent. I had it, but was totally checking out from her on that point of view. I felt loving, caring, but I didn’t want to have sex with her! Probably because my mind was like “alright, you lessened your anxiety, she is someone who might be right for you, everything is ok, so just go for it”, and that thought was a tremendous trigger. I want to know her, I want to experience her, and I can’t feel stuck right now. I had many doubts on her, and now that I curbed them, I feel like I have lost some of my spontaneity. Plus, I have a past of erectile dis function due to psychological reasons. Sex, to me, was a form of validation. That’s why I don’t want to have sex, because I don’t want to perform anything for anyone. Furthermore, when you have doubts about your relationship, you should respect the doubting part of yourself, and listen to it, in order to find out whether you are doubting legitimately, or out of fear and traumas. And if you feel like that, you can’t just dive into sex as a form of distraction, or therapy for these issues. You should be honest to yourself first. My advice is, if you are having sex putting yourself on the side, if you are having sex knowing that, after it, you will probably feel like you want to live your partner, just stop it! I am tired to live in a way that sets my soul apart of who I really am. And, if anything happens with my partner, or date, it must be with the full me! Stop behaving partially and let’s be human, for god’s sake.
I over think EVERYTIME I am intimate with my spouse. The main thoughts are : “ you are forcing this. “You don’t want to do this.” “Just stop, your partner deserves better.” Sex or intimacy y of any kind Definately turned to a. Ompulsion...kissing...hugging... wow! began to believe this was just my true feeling. And prepared to end my relationship. I haven’t, and hope I can get through! Thank you for this video!
Britany Phillips Sending a bunch of good thoughts your way! Sounds so familiar. Things will get better for us 💐
How is everything going now?
Please tell me it got better
I have attraction, but as soon as we start sex, I have obsessions "I don't want this" "it's boring" "I force myself" and the desire disappears
hi love, we so understand. please know you are not alone. -AIL Team
Thank you so much for this. I was crying at one point. I can relate so much and it feels so good knowing I’m not alone.
Anne-Marie Boismenu you’re absolutely not alone. I cried too.
I just want to say thank you so much, watching this literally felt like the biggest sigh of relief. For the longest time I thought there was something wrong with me and that the way that I've been feeling isn't normal. I suffered through some pretty rough things in my last relationship, and it's clear there is a lot of healing that needs to be done on my end for my current relationship which has been so amazing. I cried at how perfectly you described my situation, and I can't thank you enough for posting this video. Hearing it from someone else made me feel so seen and that this is something I can overcome.
*My rocd went away when I was pregnant with mine and my husband's baby girl. I felt so in love again and was so positive I wouldnt get those horrible doubts from rocd again but now I've got postnatal depression again. It's all come back and feels like I'll never get those feelings back again. I think my hormones may be playing a big part in me feeling like this* 😥 💚
It is fine ❤ wish the best for you and your family.It will all be ok again.
Exact same apart from the fact I’m a man and not pregnant
❤
Hey! How is your relationship going right now? Did the feelings come back?..
Thank you for the video! My boyfriend struggles with ROCD and I try to learn and understand for him.
Haylor High That’s amazing! Good for you
Same here. Would you be willing to talk about this with me? I feel kind of confused and alone and it'd be really great to talk to someone who's in the same boat. My instagram is jjessicahorton if you wanna DM me
This is probably my favourite video about ROCD! ❤️ It has given me insight on where my intrusive thoughts really began! I've had this false expectation of sex in my mind and I unfortunately projected that onto my partner (I should always be attracted to him, I should always want to have sex, I should always be 100% interested in sex with my partner) And when those high expectations weren't met, my mind started running wild! Thank you so much for this Q&A
Hannah V I can totally relate to this, thank you for sharing
Something that has helped me a lot is setting a boundaries that I want to wait till marriage. It really helps me calm down my anxiety knowing my partner only wants to be with me without the sex.
I was reading a Buzzfeed article about sex tips, and there was one tip that suggested to break things off with a significant other because the sex is bad. Now I’m kinda in a downward spiral because I love being with my partner, but since he has a paralyzed right ankle, we have to navigate our sex differently.
Then I looked up “should I break things off based on bad sex,” and some search results say yes. I felt very triggered because I don’t want to do that. My boyfriend and I connect in different ways besides sex
Most people will not understand your point of view. For example : a person with BPD might ask people "I feel like my partner is hiding something from me. Should I investigate?" Many people would advise this person to go and investigate their partner, sending that person into an obsessive cycle. (I really hope it makes sense) OCD still has a ton of stigma upon it, asking neurotypical people for advice will only further trigger you
Have you searched about being asexual?
my rocd always tells me he's raping me even though i wanted intimacy. i always cry after but at the same time i want it, i'm so confused and he always wants to make sure i'm okay, but first i am and the next second i cry
I wish there were more videos and content about this 🥲
i can relate to that can i please talk to you?
....please I’ve been obsessing about this for months... I can’t even kiss my partner without feeling off and I know I wanna kiss him and I still do.... I had sex recently and it was amazing I loved it but I still felt off. I am scared to be sexually active with my partner... 😞 I get scared of going into public bc I am nervous about finding other men more attractive than my partner.... 😞 my head focuses on my partners flaws... I know I love him a lot. Before all this I loved kissing and making love to him... my ROCD I realized got worse this year....
I had sex with my partner for the first time ever! I felt off. The whole day! I haven’t seen them in months! I was finally excited to see him but I felt off. My intrusive thoughts kept coming up. I kept thinking “what if you break up with him today? What if you don’t love him? What if you don’t feel the love anymore?” I was so sad. When I finally saw him that day I was happy but quickly was pulled back into the sadness. I tried and tired to let my happiness through but I couldn’t and when we finally had sex for the first time I was happy and ready and excited but i couldn’t feel it exactly. I kept feeling off from those thoughts earlier. You’re not alone.
how are you doing now?
Thank you so much for this video
sex is so complicated especially with mental health issues- i have ptsd and severe ocd, my ptsd comes mainly from various forms of abuse and also sexual trauma. so i basically cant have sex.. then the ocd latches onto the ptsd and i cant tell which disorder is more impairing/is driving me the most in terms of my inability to have sex
Yes, exactly. Thank you for sharing as it is a difficult subject. Which is why it's such a complicated subject to speak on. Sending you love
Your channel is so good thank you
❤❤❤
needed this video..
my ROCD started again with my new boyfriend...7 months into the relationship i finally feel a lot better but it took a toll on my sex drive. before rocd i had no problems with sex whats so ever. i would want to have sex all the time. now i just cant get turned on. i find my boyfriend the most beautiful and sexy man i have ever been with. i could stare at him all day long. but when it comes to sex... nothing. can you do a video on that or give me some advice? thank you
Hi, i have a question. Kiyomi mentions that instead of focusing the outer appearance of my partner, I should be focusing on the inner appearance (things that I like about him generally). So my question is that, is there any chance that this could turn into a compulsion?
Yes, definitely. If you experience an intrusive thought about your partner’s physical appearance, there is no need to respond with a positive thought about how beautiful they are on the inside (the thought and anxiety will subside by itself, allow it to exist). I think that Kiyomi is encouraging us to refocus our attention generally, in an every day kind of way, rather than in response to an intrusive thought. That’s how I took it anyway :)
Is amitriptyline, Lexapro, Paxil, Effexor, and mirtazapine the most effective drugs for OCD? How about Prozac and Zoloft?
I was on Lexapro for about 13 years. It definitely reduces the anxiety but the ocd doesn't go away. I'm currently off medication while I do ERP so I can really gauge the effectiveness and see how I feel in a few months. I think medication really depends on the individual and your psychiatrist can help you figure out what's best.
Fluoxetine is usually a first line treatment.
Mirtazipine has the side effect of increasing appetite (and is used in sick animals to encourage them to eat)
@@DtheEvil I'm going to try and make it a year off medication and just do ERP. Then I'll talk to a psychiatrist again and see how I feel. Thanks for the information
@@LoudPaintings How did the ERP go?
@@azz111full I feel a million times better. i won't lie, it was an excruciating process filled with a lot of doubt and hopelessness. But I kept going and I am a lot better. I got to a point where I felt like how I did on medication by doing ERP. I decided to go back on medication as well after the treatment and I feel like I've reduced my symptoms by about 80% from when I first started. i was hoping to not need medication, but the combination with ERP and mindfulness has been life changing. It's still a struggle man, but I am really really happy with my progress. I wish you the best of luck if it's something you're dealing with
Hi Kiyomi
I feel like I don't understand everything
I mean... You're saying avoidance towards sex can be a compulsion, wich I agree, but in the meantime you're also saying having sex can be a compulsion. But in my personal case, I have been sexually abused since my 7 years old, and I feel sometimes disgusted by the fact of having sex with my partner. Yet I do it although because I don't wanna him to leave me... But it's like I am waiting "more pleasure" during those times, while I don't feel it and it finish to make me feel sad and telling myself "well I don't feel Pleasure this means I don't love him?" and I feel bad obviously because I know at least I have ROCD but I really wanna get over it... Do you have something to answer me??... I hope I am not doing a compulsion in asking you,and if so, thanks to telling me it, but I don't think so because I just didn't get it... Thanks...❤️
I can really understand that sex is more complicated for you.. I don’t have any experience with this situation but just wanted to say that I hope you are okay❤️
@@lotto.2618 Thank you so much I am okay... If life isn't always easy at least I am touched by your answer ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
Kiyomi, can you please try to partner with a guy that has ROCD to bring a male perspective in? Not your husband, but see if you can find a guy who had ROCD bad, but got through it. You could double your audience ***
I am a guy who has ROCD and for me , what scares me is my girlfriend would leave me and feel like I am not man enough ..
I’m a guy with rOCD and now i am facing erectile dysfunction and i’m scared. any tips anyone
@@1nate2 how did you beat this
@@1nate2 i'm in the same boat
@@Skybreaker98943everything gets better with time and honestly what helped me was praying to god because i was at such a low point and he saved me praise jesus
But what happens if my ROCD makes me feel like I don’t wanna have sex or do normal couple things... 😞
I relate to this. Always scared that i won’t feel the connection.. it goes in ups en downs en since it’s back now, I’m watching this video again.. how do you feel now?
@@lotto.2618 I still feel the same way....
And when we're suddenly not satisfied with some thing in sex what was ok for us in the first place?
I think that’s normal with rocd. I have that to sometimes but most of the time that comes from the anxiety I feel because of my rocd
Something pretty strange just happened to me. I started to sit in with my uneasiness, and the anxiety kept shrinking. Once I was there, with my partner, with no anxiety, just with acceptance, I felt good. I felt different. I felt mature, welcoming and compassionate towards me and her.
However, my sex drive was absent. I had it, but was totally checking out from her on that point of view.
I felt loving, caring, but I didn’t want to have sex with her! Probably because my mind was like “alright, you lessened your anxiety, she is someone who might be right for you, everything is ok, so just go for it”, and that thought was a tremendous trigger.
I want to know her, I want to experience her, and I can’t feel stuck right now. I had many doubts on her, and now that I curbed them, I feel like I have lost some of my spontaneity.
Plus, I have a past of erectile dis function due to psychological reasons. Sex, to me, was a form of validation. That’s why I don’t want to have sex, because I don’t want to perform anything for anyone. Furthermore, when you have doubts about your relationship, you should respect the doubting part of yourself, and listen to it, in order to find out whether you are doubting legitimately, or out of fear and traumas. And if you feel like that, you can’t just dive into sex as a form of distraction, or therapy for these issues. You should be honest to yourself first. My advice is, if you are having sex putting yourself on the side, if you are having sex knowing that, after it, you will probably feel like you want to live your partner, just stop it! I am tired to live in a way that sets my soul apart of who I really am. And, if anything happens with my partner, or date, it must be with the full me! Stop behaving partially and let’s be human, for god’s sake.