One of the hardest things that i been through is that my rocd would make my bf look ugly... That was due to the fear i felt, it made things look horrible and made me fear even more... Once i started feeling better i noticed like, damn my bf is fine as hell how am i seeing this just now? Trust me people, there were times i would cry so much, there were times i wanted to break up it was just too much, i just wanted to run away and stop the pain... If you have a good relationship that you enjoy even for 5 minutes a day when your brain is on mute, fight for it. I have been through all the stages. Do not give up the hard work (and lots and lots of praying to Jesus but not like.. Jesus please this and that but like Jesus thank you for this and that), you will get so damn tired and mad at times but it DOES GET BETTER, and things are so good and beautiful on the other side 😊
Sooo what are techniques with this particular rumination? I struggle with wondering if my boyfriend is attractive without his hat- It’s a new one and I’m not really sure what would be a good tool to work through it without reassurance (like taking his hat off and checking to make sure I’m attracted or remembering times when I was attracted)
Hey Marija, thank you so much for your comment. I have the same thoughts right now since about 2-3 weeks. What did you do to feel better? What has helped you with that specific thought? I feel so horrible right now.. I just don't know what to do..
Break up videos on UA-cam trigger me I start getting worried and anxious also when I see online about celebrity couples splitting up after 10 years or something, I start thinking what if this is me and this happens to me
This pain is killing me. It feels like i’m suffocating in all of my thoughts. I haven’t been diagnosed with OCD but i know this is what’s wrong with me. I’m in so much pain. My chest aches and i feel lost in my mind 24/7 and i can’t take a good breath anymore and my heart sinks to my stomach. I’m so mentally drained i can’t eat or talk or move. Thinking i’m a lesbian, or that i do not love my boyfriend is making me fall apart because i know it’s not true. I love my man so much. I’m so scared i’m going to eventually get so tired and break up with him and ruin what we have. I’m okay when i’m with him, most of the thoughts go away. but when i’m alone everything is different. i’m scared to be alone because i don’t want to convince myself this is just me not loving my boyfriend and being a lesbian. I see women everywhere and i test myself to see if i’m attracted to them and i imagine myself kissing them and then i feel as if all of my feelings for my boyfriend have disappeared. It’s so hard. It’s making me miserable. It’s even in my dreams. I just want a break. I want peace. I want to be happy with him. I want him forever but this is killing me. I’m scared when i don’t think he’s attractive 24/7 and i convince myself it’s because i don’t love him. But if i didn’t love him, why would this be hurting me so bad. If i didn’t care about him, why would i be in SO MUCH PAIN? This has to be what’s wrong with me. I just want it to go away so i can live my life. Please help.
I am having HOCD rn, BUT I don't imagine myself with that woman or anything but I did experience ROCD for a month or so and sometimes it comes in waves but not as bad anymore. If you get thoughts in your head or " What IF I'm lesbian, what IF i have to leave him, what IF I break up with him and get with a girl", that's a voice in your head, the same as the one that brings you down and makes you feel bad about yourself and it's only there to BRING yourself down. The anxiety and worry and thoughts overpower the feeling of love, which does not mean you don't love him especially if you know you do and you know you're not gay. Name this voice in your head something obnoxious like, Karen, Karen will only go away if you busy yourself, BUT once she starts to don't get excited keep telling her that " Okay Karen, I hear you, but I know what I want in my life and you're just a thought not REALITY." Thoughts are NOT reality, meaning they are NOT real, UNLESS you make them real by acting upon them. If you know you will not, they aren't real, they are there because as any human, our minds are our best and worst enemy. It feels like you're losing yourself, trust me I know, you feel uncomfortable and anxiety toward everything and especially your partner but you have to accept that thoughts are NOT reality and if you can tell yourself, " I know I want to be with him. I know I'm not gay" and laugh at those thoughts, it will give temporary relief and keep coping with these methods. Accept you hear the thoughts, tell them you hear them and realize that it is not reality and tell yourself what your reality is; in this case, same as me, you want to be with your boyfriend and you know you're not gay. You will be okay, feel free to email me at kylieeworrell@yahoo.com and we can talk more and share more because I can tell we're both rather young and experiencing similar things. You'll be okay hon.
You are not alone, I’m going through the same situation. I have a boyfriend that I love so much and I’m always with this stupid thoughts that I’m a lesbian or that I don’t love him anymore. It’s very painful but we are going to get better day by day ✨. Do not give up.
Yay! Thank you so much for appreciating Kiyomi's work. And we're so glad that Kiyomi's videos have been helpful for you. By the way, we're always looking to improve our content and help you as much as possible through awakening into love. Would you be able to let us know what you like about it? Thank you. -Crystal, Operations Manager, Awaken into Love
This is so true... this is what I just went through! a few days ago the OCD came back and the emotions were "more true", I thought it was telling me the truth. But then he went away on his own after a couple of days. I wish I knew it a couple of days ago😂 but it's ok! I'm prepared for the next time!!!!! Thank you Kiyomi♥️
I went through this doubting thing for a month thinking do I tho , and I never knew about rocd until I came across it on the internet and found Kiyomi and I related to everything , all my butterfly’s and the happiness left me one night at my friends house , and I wanted to turn my life upside down cuz I thought I didn’t like her , lol just a thought 🤣, i coukdnt eat or anything properly and I thought I’d get butterfly’s when I saw her again and I didn’t and I was like wtf , realised u don’t need butterfly’s , still with her getting through it , currently in the back door spike but lol I know what it is , not ruining something good over thinking stupid things.
Lately I’ve been having difficulties feeling love for anyone due to my depression. But somethings happened that caused my ROCD to act up. I remember before all this I knew I loved my partner to death. But then when we talked about moving I would have those thoughts and feelings of not wanting to move with him which killed me badly and it made me feel like I didn’t love him enough. I eventually got those thoughts to go away bc I felt a lot of love for my partner. I’ve never had the proper treatment for this. So randomly I had obsessed if I truly loved him. If he was the right person for me. My friend mentioned something about the fright and flight saying how my brain is trying to defend itself. I get scared easily so I’ve always had anxiety about everything. I am just scared when I don’t feeling anything I start to panic more... 😞 I am very thankful I found your channel. So far my anxiety has been at its worse for a month in a half.
Sometimes i want to run away from my partner because of my obssesive thoughts. When I see message from him or when I see our photos its stressful for me. I compare other relationship too, I think ,,What if they don’t really in love and they have to break up?”. Its really difficult, I don’t see normal life.... Im exhausted. Im scared about my good memories too. Im scared of everything but its interesting that when i meet with my boyfriend I feel better and I say to me ,,You are so stupid, look how good you feel with him” but two months ago I was checking my feelings and thoughts when I met with him.
yeah i had that too!! it’s horrible to feel this way. Try to find methods to reduce the checking part. Please go to a therapist. This is really hard to fix alone, you don’t need to be embarrassed or ashamed, it’s totally normal to seek help when u need it! I hope that you feel better hehe :)
@@joycevanderplas5950 yes im better. Now I live like I have never lived before. I think this neurosis was necessary to change my life for better. My self-awarness is better. Im different person, I spot more, I appreciate every time of life. Now I can say that Im mature. Im stronger and I love my partner with all my heart!! I believe that It was important period. I feel free. It was blessing for me :)
@@ashiq9995 I think that ROCD is the hardest type of neurosis and it will be difficult but its ideal time to know yourself. You have to understand why you are fearing. I suffer from neurosis all the time, it simply touches other parts of everydayness. I struggled with ROCD by 1,5 year and it was hard. Please, you have to see that all of relationships are different and there is no ideal person in the whole World who will be perfect for you. You are whole, love yourself and take care. Let you see weaknesses of Your partner, let you see that he or she is not ideal. Face up to love is not perfect, love is for creating it, not for waiting for it.
i suffer from ROCD since my first relationship when I was 14. I didn't know what was going on or why I was feeling like that so I left and when I got older i understood what was happening. i have a incredible boyfriend now and I adore him but I still suffer from ROCD but at least I know what's happening know and I'm dealing with it in every way I can, at the moment I think I'm suffering a bit of a relapse and I'm scared but knowing I'm not the only one and knowing it's going to get bette gives me so much hope ❤️
Thank you and we're so glad that this new video of Kiyomi has been helpful for you. By the way, we're always looking to improve our content and help you as much as possible through awakening into love. Would you be able to let us know what you like about it? Thank you. -Crystal, Operations Manager, Awaken into Love
I would love to hear from others on a matter that I've been struggling with. Whenever my partner has problems, bad days etc. it flares up my ROCD the next day 90% of the time. We had a talk where she said that her problems always turn around and become OCD problems for me, which in turn makes her less eager to support me and tell about her problems. If anyone has the same problem I would love to hear from you! Also a good idea for a video Kyomi!
You’re such an amazing person. So much passion and fire in you to help us! And you are!! This video came at the perfect time, of course. I’m sure it is one I will revisit when in need of some of your nurturing comfort ~ a wonderful energY you bring that is hard to find amongst friends and family and even therapists when in comes to ROCD. That’s one of things I really like about this channel is just the softness that you bring. I wish you all the best and may you and your family be safe & well during lockdown xoxo
Hi! Thank you so much for your beautiful words and for being grateful to Kiyomi's work. We really appreciate it. And we're so glad that Kiyomi's channel has been helpful for you. We wish you all the best, stay safe and healthy as well! -Regards, Crystal, Operations Manager, Awaken into Love
you are such a blessing! i have been struggling on and off since January and i only found out about ROCD a couple of weeks ago. i stumbled on your website and decided to check out your youtube channel and it has really helped me because i feel understood. thank you so much! please keep doing your work.
Thank you Rebecca and we're so glad that this video has been helpful for you. We're always looking to improve our content and help you as much as possible through awakening into love. Would you be able to let us know what you like about it? Thank you. -Crystal, Operations Manager, Awaken into Love
@@awakenintolovesupport4402 yes! I love your content because it's real and you touch on so many parts of OCD that isn't always talked about. I think some videos online while helpful can just keep restating what OCD is without giving targeted solutions as to what you need to continue to do to get better. You guys do a great job of giving helpful reminders of what we need to do and also normalizing our feelings and being so compassionate to us in the videos! I also appreciate that everything is therapeutic. I feel comfortable watching the videos as its helpful advice to move forward and doesn't give reassurance ❤
You're so welcome Savannah! We're glad that you liked this video. By the way, we're always looking to improve our content and help you as much as possible through awakening into love. Would you be able to let us know what you like about it? Thank you. -Crystal, Operations Manager, Awaken into Love
Does anyone else feel like they have to break up with their partner cause they aren’t so sure if it’s the rocd or it just them? Cause A couple of days ago I was going through the internet about rocd to see if I really do have it or I’m in denial. Then somehow i can’t remember why one of the articles said something about “it’s not an excuse to avoid your partner from the truth” and then I started thinking am I avoiding this?! I’m worried that I am 😖 I don’t want to leave my boyfriend I honestly think he is a wonderful person and I love him.I don’t want to leave him. I don’t want to hurt him but now I feel like I’m lying. I keep coming around to that but I don’t want to believe that. Have I convinced myself into believing that I am? Does anyone feel like this? Have I found my truth? Just a couple of months ago I was struggling with the anxiety and the obsessive thoughts and now it’s not their as much I get anxious and then I’m not. I get obsessive thoughts and then I don’t. I can’t see a therapist cause I can’t afford one. So I’m reaching out to you guys. Am I alone here? I don’t want to give up on something great I have.
I know for me, i was absolutely sure that i loved my partner but i didnt FEEL it. But i 100% knew in my heart that i loved him and wanted to be with him. I would find myself crying with happiness when i thought of marrying him so i knew i wanted it. Love isnt a feeling its a choice which if you think about it is even more gratifying because you’re not with your partner because you have to be and you need to be its because you are choosing specifically them because you want them. Questioning things is completely normal if you didn’t question things its not a real connection. Why would you question it if its not something you wanted? I also have the thoughts of what if this isnt anxiety and intrusive thoughts what if this is actually how i feel but if i actually felt like that why would it put me into a panic and anxious state and make me have a response based in fear. Im scared because i want my relationship with my partner. My response to the thought “this isnt mental health this is actually how you feel” is fearful. I feel my stomach drop and i get panicky. Why would i feel scared of it being how i feel if its not something i truly want.
@@aliciakolstad8724 Thank you so much! It feels so liberating to know I’m not alone here. I can’t exactly talk to friends about this because they’d make it worse and they won’t quite understand it either. *little update about me* Just the other day I just imagined just sitting on the couch together and seeing his smile and I was filled with joy. I thought to myself “why would I ever want to go? I’m happy right here.” Even with those days where I can’t exactly feel the happiness I know I am where I want to be. Sometimes I even stop myself when i start to not feel it or just even get happy about it but I push right through it. I’d like to think I’m slowly coming over this fear. Anyways hope you’re doing well!!
Hi I deal with rocd and I’ve been in a relationship for 2 going on 3 years and it really hit me when corona started, I had bad headaches and never ate, last week was the FIRST time I was genuinely happy and feeling the REAL love I have for my boyfriend. That all went away and now my main thoughts are what if I felt like this the whole time. It’s also confusing because the actions show I love ny boyfriend but my head things otherwise SOMEONE ANSWER PLEASE I BEG
Yea that sounds like OCD. Same exact thing happened to me with my bf it was the most intense, wonderful, REAL, pure, deep love I’d ever felt before I never loved anyone the way I loved him but when OCD struck it all went away. I was left questioning everything how I felt about him, if I still loved him, if I ever loved him, do I love someone else, do I really still love my ex, am I gay, do I actually just want to move on etc. But that’s what OCD does lol makes you question everything and the more you confused and the deeper into it you get starts to control just more than thoughts. It controls memories feelings emotions urges bodily sensations. It’s a monster but it’s all not true and you have to remember that. It isn’t you it’s something separate from you. OCD is like a fog that needs to be lifted from your mind because until OCD came a knocking we never question any of those things. You can do it remember it’s not you and it has nothing to do with you or who you are. And try not to com-pulse that makes it stronger
Ashley Alexis how do you deal with yours...I haven’t been able to feel for my boyfriend in 7 days which bring more thoughts on if I ever moved him and is this the end....because I just want proof that I love him through feelings :/
Wow this is one of the best videos so far! Is there trauma/inner child work in your course? Or is that more a 1 on 1 therapy thing? (im not in a relationship but I'd like to start working on those things!)
Hi Gabrielle! We have some inner child work in the course and community, but Alexis does the 1 on 1 therapy with a strong focus on inner child/trauma work as she is the ROCD specialist and therapist. You can find more info here: www.awakenintolove.com/coaching. Any technical questions, please don’t hesitate to reach out to us at support@awakenintolove.com. Hope this helps. Thank you! ❤️🙏 -Crystal, Awaken into Love
You're so welcome Ana and we're so glad that this new video of Kiyomi has been helpful for you. By the way, we're always looking to improve our content and help you as much as possible through awakening into love. Would you be able to let us know what you like about it? Thank you. -Crystal, Operations Manager, Awaken into Love
I've been getting better since months, I think my rocd started at the end 2018, so 2019 wasn't nice. Now im in quarentine and I haven't seen my bf for 3 months...sometimes I feel anxious already, but you now what? reading here makes me realize's not like before, i read your comments and that's the way I used to feel , but not anymore. Now my thoughts doesn't rule me I can manage them, my stomach doesn't feel horrible and my brain doesnt run like miles per minute with no time to rest. I still need going to therapy(which I didn't all this time for $ and also fear) and I will do it after quarentine I promise, but for all of you who still feel like that, know you're not alone, we feel you..it feels horrible but please please know I will pass, you will feel better slowly and get to be calm and peaceful ♡ YANA and thanks to Kiyomi for everything she does
Do a video about TikTok and relationship advice please, I often see videos saying “This is a sign” or “ I’m not a big creator and if you’re seeing this, it is a sign” and it does make me think and I’m sure other would like to have some guidance or advice on this type of thing.
Hi Nuve, thanks for your suggestion. We will relay your message to Kiyomi and we will definitely have it into consideration that she should start doing Tiktok videos too. :) -Crystal, Awaken into Love.
My OCD never got better lol been this way since I was little. When I was little I'd wash my hands way too often. Often enough for my skin to crack and constantly bleed 😫 my mom told me that the doc gave me a thick cream, but that never helped haha
I'm not going to therapy currently and this makes me believe that since I'm not doing the work then it means that I don't really care about, that I'm a bad person and a liar cause if I really care I would put much effort in this journey but after almost 2 years of rocd I feel so hopeless, tired, disconnected and just so numb... And I don't know what's wrong with me why I'm holding back from going into therapy again and why I'm scared to healing and be happy this makes no sense I know but that's how I feel.
I'm in a similar boat. It actually makes complete sense, and kiyomi has talked about this before in other videos. I've had OCD since i was 5 and ROCD since i was 19 (i'm now 25). the reason why we get scared to heal is because we are scared of change and scared of the unknown. In my case, I'm afraid that once I begin to do the work and heal I will realize that I'm not able to heal or that I will realize I need to leave my partner. This is also a common response that kiyomi talks about. It's not that we're bad or that we don't want to heal, it's that the brain think it's being endangered when its coping mechanisms are taken away from it. Once the brain begins to rewire itself (which takes time) it begins to feel less frightening to heal. Having compassion for ourselves is really really important. We need to treat ourselves gently, the same way we would a child.
It's just your anxiety, don't worry.. you're probably scared that if you do the work you might find the truth.. but no.. you're going to be yourself.. yes rocd lies.. it tells you Ill about yourself.. just do the work.. JUST DO IT.. trust me you'll feel better.. do inner child meditation, do love and protection meditation from the free ail package.. it so good and helpful..
Thank you Kiyomi! Please can you do a video about how much you speak to your husband about ROCD and things that he did/ your significant other could do to help?
Hey guys I have been having intense anxiety about my thoughts to do with why my girlfriend is not right for me. But now suddenly I still have the thoughts she is not but I feel not anxiety and my mind seems to have just devalued everything good about her. The thoughts feel so true and just just normal now and I don’t know what to make of this
Please help me! I was doing really good without obsessions and having a really beautiful time in my relationship But suddenly the ROCD returned, feeling more real than ever. There's not a lot of thoughts but that constant feeling that my relationship is bad and breaking apart and feeling really depressed because of it. I cry every time. Also, I am suffering sex anxiety and I have those thoughts like we don't have sex like we used to, that we don't connect enough, like before it was better and things like that. And I am so sad and I just wanna feel the love again, I wanna feel okay again. I love him and this is making me crazy. We fight a lot because I am a bad person with hin when I am like this. Have you ever experienced it? Like the thoughts aren't there but the feeling that everything is wrong and that the love isn't there. I am going crazy
Thank you for all of the videos Kiyomi! I’m feeling very terrible because I think I don’t have ROCD. I’ve watch your videos on ‘why rocd feels so real’ and so on but I can’t even tell if I’m accepting that I don’t love my boyfriend or if I’m anxious. I don’t feel anything. But I want to so badly.. it began like a year ago and I was thinking that I don’t have any feeling towards him and I’ve cried so much. And then we broke up 3 times and I felt more terrible than with the thoughts in my head. We don’t have any red flags and everything is fine. We have the same kind of humor and we talk a lot about everything and so on. In an objective perspective it’s very good but I don’t feel anything.. and then I started googling and testing and analyzing. I’m also suffering from Hypochondria, so really everything fits with ROCD. But it feels so real that I don’t think it’s ROCD.. but and I know how bad it sounds, I wish I have because then I know that somehow it is love and I can overcome this.. I want to feel love for him so badly.. and I don’t want to lose him or something else.. it’s just I don’t feel anything or I’m feeling as I’m really lying to myself. I can’t even think about something else. And when I don’t feel anxious I think ‘oh okay you accept it and have to leave’ backdoor spike.. Is love really just a choice? Do I have ROCD?
Have you ever.. felt like.. you don't even need to know if it's rocd anymore, reassurance, or anything else related to illness.. and have just wanted to leave?.. because you're not alone.. if you haven't felt this.. it's okay.. because I've been in that stage.. you are doing so good.. do the work kiyomi asks you to do.. you'll really feel better.. it's just your body tired of all the anxiety and it's feeling numb.. just wear it like an uncomfortable coat and keep going.. show love to yourself.. do inner child healing.. !!
i don't want to comfort you in any way, but this feeling u have right now, I think that THIS is the whole point of ROCD. we alle would not been suffering, if we would not have this feeling
bhooja vr thanks for your answer! But I’m really terrified that it’s not ROCD.. everything fits with ROCD but then there is ‘you just don’t feel anything, this is your truth’ do you think ROCD wants me to feel as if I don’t have ROCD and that I’m not believing I’m ‘ill’?
@@isabsc1219 yes of course.. you're not alone.. mostly everyone who has had rocd has gone through this.. rocd will tell you that you don't have it.. but that's exactly what you're going through.. it will think of every possible way to put your relationship down.. but keep going.. don't develop hatred towards it.. it's a coping mechanism.. and your brain just trying to protect you.. so treat it with compassion.. keep your hands to your chest and say it's alright.. even if it's overwhelming.. it's just okay to feel anything.. and don't seek reassurance.. kiyomi's course will be a great help for you..
I’ve had rocd for over a year now and I need help but I can’t afford any therapists so I don’t know what to do at this point I really hope someone who can help me sees this 😔
I have ocd does this one make you not feel like you even know the person you have been with? I just experienced this type after 15yrs of my relationship. It’s like I didn’t even know him it was scary
Hey Kiyomi great Video :)! I love your Videos and your help. But i have one Problem.. since this thoughts i get very scared and nervous when it comes to meeting my boyfriend.. I think over and over again „What if im meeting him but feel nothing“ im getting before the meeting very nervous because i dont know what will happens what im gonna feel like etc..
I'm not Kiyomi but maybe I can help... All of us feel like you so it's normal, it is fear of fear itself. If you say "omg what if..." you increase your ocd. Just try to accept the possibility of it happening and tell yourself that if it happens it doesn't mean it's your fault, if you don't feel emotions it's not your fault and it doesn't mean you don't love your boyfriend. Accept the possibility of it happening and calm down. Try to tell yourself that even if it happens you will still have the power to CHOOSE to be with your boyfriend (and love him). I'm sorry if I was inappropriate or if I didn't help you.
laura magro Before I knew about ROCD I went to a crisis psychologist. and there I described my thoughts and I asked him almost 1-3 times "Doesn't that mean that the feelings towards my partner are not gone ?!" Do you think that was looking for reassurance?
Please please please read this!! 😭😭😭 Hey there!! Someone please tell me why I feel like if I try coping up or healing it would make my relationship worse because I won’t be anxious these thoughts won't bother and meanwhile my I would completely forget my boyfriend or i'll be sure on leaving him cz it would give me a clear answer that I don't love him😭😭it scares me a lot...all I know is I want him I want to love him I want to choose him but why it feels like coping would make me better but I won't be able to experience love or fall deep with him again 😭😭😭 its been 4years (can't express how beautiful everything was😭😭😭and how worse its getting) and it all started suddenly a month ago 😭😭
I'm sooo sorry to ask that but I have to because it's a trigger for me. I've seen that there is a team behind awaken into love, and you make money with ROCD, so are you really honest in your words and do you really want to help us ? I mean somtimes with all the coaches and stuff who try to take our money, and with the fact that I'm diagnosed with OCD but not ROCD and my OCD was not alway about my relationship, I ask myself if ROCD is real, or maybe in some month I'll be out of that, with or without my boyfriend (and it's also a trigger to write that but future seems so incertain today for me...), and saying "whaat was I doing and beliving because it was so painfull omg" I mean I want to be with my boyfriend and have a stable relationship but I also feel like I'm being caught in some coach stuff, ready to pay for anything to help me stop thinking about it, and even the idea of being in a relationship... It feel hard sometimes and not knowing if ROCD really exists and if it's not a money maker, it's drives me crazy.
I’ve reached the lowest point with my rOCD, I’m so numb I can’t feel anything... I used to feel relief if I found stories similar to mine and I’d have hope of getting better...now my thoughts spiral out of control and leave me wondering do I even want to get better to be with the person happily again or what did I ever see in the relationship in the first place it’s boring. I won’t leave him I won’t give up, has anybody else been in this place, does it get better do I keep going or do I have to let go
Just a small text from the book: Thoughts are just thoughts, and feelings are just feelings, and neither are facts. We can see that we are scaring or shaming or frightening ourselves with our “what ifs. what you are struggling against is not the content of the worries or thoughts or imaginings-rather, you are struggling against not knowing for sure. Hope it helps! All the best
You're so welcome Andy! We're so glad that this new video of Kiyomi has been helpful for you. By the way, we're always looking to improve our content and help you as much as possible through awakening into love. Would you be able to let us know what you like about it? Thank you. -Crystal, Operations Manager, Awaken into Love
So I'm thinking I have ROCD and I'm not sure how to handle it. I've been getting into relationships that were serious since I was 15. At about 16 ROCD started or what I assume. I am 19 now and every relationship I've gotten into its happened. Past relationships I've left because of thoughts. I'm In a 4.5 month relationship now and I understand that it's not overly long. But when I first met my partner, I knew of him but I wasn't looking for a partner because of a situation I had just gotten out of, he Came to me, when we hung out my numbers went away for a bit. I felt overwhelmed with happiness. Once we officially became a couple, that's when the happiness faded back into numbness, that is when the thoughts started. Thoughts like "what if I don't like him?" I don't like him" "I have to like him", sometimes in the first few months it would go away and come back the thoughts were always in the back of my mind. I think I still love him, we aren't living together but I always want to sleep next to him and be with him. When we don't hang out now I don't feel upset, when we first met I would. But I've been constantly looking for reassurance from my friend about my partner. From UA-cam, quizes, redidtt etc. But I've had thoughts like "what if you are wrong, what if we aren't meant to be, what if we aren't soulmates" he asked me if I knew I was in love with my partner and the little voice in my head said "I'm not sure" and I felt a weird feeling on my chest for a second. I'm tired of leaving relationships because of this, I want my relationship to work and last. I don't think I want to leave him I don't think I want to hurt him. But it's so hard the urges are so hard and feel so real. How can I feel better? We have sex and within the last month I haven't felt overly wet and that will make me obsess more during sex. Sometimes I get jealous sometime I don't. I want to heal I want to fix myself. I'm done with rocd. Can someone confirm if this sounds like rocd or if I just lost feelings for my partner. It's so hard to trust what the voice in my Brain is saying because I'm so emotionally numb. Please help.
Emily Marie - If the breakup was amicable and he understands that your ROCD is not how you feel, it’s possible to get back together. But as someone who was broken up with due to ROCD, I would only be willing to try again if I knew my ex was getting effective treatment for ROCD, like ERP, and taking it seriously.
Hi Mel, feel free to book a free 10-minute consult with Kiyomi for you to know if the AIL course 2.0 is a good fit for you or not. You can find her time slots here www.awakenintolove.com/free-consult/ . Any technical questions, let us know. -Crystal, Awaken into Love Team
Hi there! I can understand how this could feel frustrating, but you are welcome to join with parent's consent or a therapist. Unfortunately, in the past, the team got backlash from a parent and so we had to create rules for people under 18. Hope that helps! Also, because you wrote that you feel as though you want to die, if you are feeling suicidal, please know there is hope and there are therapists out there who will be able to help you! If you are feeling suicidal please contact the suicide hotline, 1-800-273-8255. You will get through this! -Crystal, Awaken into Love Team
i have been feeling this for the past few days and I've been searching about this a lot...i even came to some conclusion that i may have borderline personality disorder..started looking for information about it and came across a post that says can BDP people really love?and there was this answer that said absolutely not and analysed why.I felt heartbroken..and i know it's wrong that I'm searching about all of ths stuff and almost self diagnosing but i did,and I don't know what to do now
I know i adore my boyfriend,he is attractive to me not matter what he does, I've been just so confused.Maybe the butterflies stage just died and that's what's confusing me but i don't know what's wrong
One of the hardest things that i been through is that my rocd would make my bf look ugly... That was due to the fear i felt, it made things look horrible and made me fear even more... Once i started feeling better i noticed like, damn my bf is fine as hell how am i seeing this just now?
Trust me people, there were times i would cry so much, there were times i wanted to break up it was just too much, i just wanted to run away and stop the pain... If you have a good relationship that you enjoy even for 5 minutes a day when your brain is on mute, fight for it. I have been through all the stages. Do not give up the hard work (and lots and lots of praying to Jesus but not like.. Jesus please this and that but like Jesus thank you for this and that), you will get so damn tired and mad at times but it DOES GET BETTER, and things are so good and beautiful on the other side 😊
I really needed this. Thank you. 💛
Sooo what are techniques with this particular rumination? I struggle with wondering if my boyfriend is attractive without his hat- It’s a new one and I’m not really sure what would be a good tool to work through it without reassurance (like taking his hat off and checking to make sure I’m attracted or remembering times when I was attracted)
Hey Marija, thank you so much for your comment. I have the same thoughts right now since about 2-3 weeks. What did you do to feel better? What has helped you with that specific thought?
I feel so horrible right now.. I just don't know what to do..
THANK YOU needed this
When u realize your partner is so good because they are willing to go through this for you and to help you through this mental struggle
Break up videos on UA-cam trigger me I start getting worried and anxious also when I see online about celebrity couples splitting up after 10 years or something, I start thinking what if this is me and this happens to me
Me tooo
Same I saw a break up post on Instagram today and I was like well I guess me and my gf are doomed to be like them
@@rageofthebiscuit3668 I feel that way sometimes, you're not alone
You might be part of my compulsions, but I love listening to you. I have so much hope.
This pain is killing me. It feels like i’m suffocating in all of my thoughts. I haven’t been diagnosed with OCD but i know this is what’s wrong with me. I’m in so much pain. My chest aches and i feel lost in my mind 24/7 and i can’t take a good breath anymore and my heart sinks to my stomach. I’m so mentally drained i can’t eat or talk or move. Thinking i’m a lesbian, or that i do not love my boyfriend is making me fall apart because i know it’s not true. I love my man so much. I’m so scared i’m going to eventually get so tired and break up with him and ruin what we have. I’m okay when i’m with him, most of the thoughts go away. but when i’m alone everything is different. i’m scared to be alone because i don’t want to convince myself this is just me not loving my boyfriend and being a lesbian. I see women everywhere and i test myself to see if i’m attracted to them and i imagine myself kissing them and then i feel as if all of my feelings for my boyfriend have disappeared. It’s so hard. It’s making me miserable. It’s even in my dreams. I just want a break. I want peace. I want to be happy with him. I want him forever but this is killing me. I’m scared when i don’t think he’s attractive 24/7 and i convince myself it’s because i don’t love him. But if i didn’t love him, why would this be hurting me so bad. If i didn’t care about him, why would i be in SO MUCH PAIN? This has to be what’s wrong with me. I just want it to go away so i can live my life. Please help.
I feel this so hard and I understand your pain. You are not alone. It's tough as fuck but hang in there! Hope is all we've got
I am having HOCD rn, BUT I don't imagine myself with that woman or anything but I did experience ROCD for a month or so and sometimes it comes in waves but not as bad anymore. If you get thoughts in your head or " What IF I'm lesbian, what IF i have to leave him, what IF I break up with him and get with a girl", that's a voice in your head, the same as the one that brings you down and makes you feel bad about yourself and it's only there to BRING yourself down. The anxiety and worry and thoughts overpower the feeling of love, which does not mean you don't love him especially if you know you do and you know you're not gay. Name this voice in your head something obnoxious like, Karen, Karen will only go away if you busy yourself, BUT once she starts to don't get excited keep telling her that " Okay Karen, I hear you, but I know what I want in my life and you're just a thought not REALITY." Thoughts are NOT reality, meaning they are NOT real, UNLESS you make them real by acting upon them. If you know you will not, they aren't real, they are there because as any human, our minds are our best and worst enemy. It feels like you're losing yourself, trust me I know, you feel uncomfortable and anxiety toward everything and especially your partner but you have to accept that thoughts are NOT reality and if you can tell yourself, " I know I want to be with him. I know I'm not gay" and laugh at those thoughts, it will give temporary relief and keep coping with these methods. Accept you hear the thoughts, tell them you hear them and realize that it is not reality and tell yourself what your reality is; in this case, same as me, you want to be with your boyfriend and you know you're not gay. You will be okay, feel free to email me at kylieeworrell@yahoo.com and we can talk more and share more because I can tell we're both rather young and experiencing similar things. You'll be okay hon.
i just bawled my eyes out reading this i cant believe someone was able to put my feelings into words or be in my shoes
You are not alone, I’m going through the same situation. I have a boyfriend that I love so much and I’m always with this stupid thoughts that I’m a lesbian or that I don’t love him anymore. It’s very painful but we are going to get better day by day ✨. Do not give up.
I relate to everyword you wrote -110000%, almost like we live the same life. You are not alone and you are so strong!! Hope you are doing well
Everything you say is so helpful. There needs to be more therapists out there that are like you
Yay! Thank you so much for appreciating Kiyomi's work. And we're so glad that Kiyomi's videos have been helpful for you. By the way, we're always looking to improve our content and help you as much as possible through awakening into love. Would you be able to let us know what you like about it? Thank you. -Crystal, Operations Manager, Awaken into Love
This is so true... this is what I just went through! a few days ago the OCD came back and the emotions were "more true", I thought it was telling me the truth. But then he went away on his own after a couple of days.
I wish I knew it a couple of days ago😂 but it's ok! I'm prepared for the next time!!!!!
Thank you Kiyomi♥️
Hi Laura, we're glad that you can relate to this topic and we hope it has been helpful for you! -Crystal, Awaken into Love
We love and appreciate you Kiyomi ❤️❤️
Hi Victoria! We love and appreciate you too! YANA.
I went through this doubting thing for a month thinking do I tho , and I never knew about rocd until I came across it on the internet and found Kiyomi and I related to everything , all my butterfly’s and the happiness left me one night at my friends house , and I wanted to turn my life upside down cuz I thought I didn’t like her , lol just a thought 🤣, i coukdnt eat or anything properly and I thought I’d get butterfly’s when I saw her again and I didn’t and I was like wtf , realised u don’t need butterfly’s , still with her getting through it , currently in the back door spike but lol I know what it is , not ruining something good over thinking stupid things.
Hey can we talk I'm going through same
Lately I’ve been having difficulties feeling love for anyone due to my depression. But somethings happened that caused my ROCD to act up. I remember before all this I knew I loved my partner to death. But then when we talked about moving I would have those thoughts and feelings of not wanting to move with him which killed me badly and it made me feel like I didn’t love him enough. I eventually got those thoughts to go away bc I felt a lot of love for my partner. I’ve never had the proper treatment for this. So randomly I had obsessed if I truly loved him. If he was the right person for me. My friend mentioned something about the fright and flight saying how my brain is trying to defend itself. I get scared easily so I’ve always had anxiety about everything. I am just scared when I don’t feeling anything I start to panic more... 😞 I am very thankful I found your channel. So far my anxiety has been at its worse for a month in a half.
Sometimes i want to run away from my partner because of my obssesive thoughts. When I see message from him or when I see our photos its stressful for me. I compare other relationship too, I think ,,What if they don’t really in love and they have to break up?”. Its really difficult, I don’t see normal life.... Im exhausted. Im scared about my good memories too. Im scared of everything but its interesting that when i meet with my boyfriend I feel better and I say to me ,,You are so stupid, look how good you feel with him” but two months ago I was checking my feelings and thoughts when I met with him.
yeah i had that too!! it’s horrible to feel this way. Try to find methods to reduce the checking part. Please go to a therapist. This is really hard to fix alone, you don’t need to be embarrassed or ashamed, it’s totally normal to seek help when u need it! I hope that you feel better hehe :)
@@joycevanderplas5950 yes im better. Now I live like I have never lived before. I think this neurosis was necessary to change my life for better. My self-awarness is better. Im different person, I spot more, I appreciate every time of life. Now I can say that Im mature. Im stronger and I love my partner with all my heart!! I believe that It was important period. I feel free. It was blessing for me :)
@@alis8509 how you got better please help me🥺
@@ashiq9995 I think that ROCD is the hardest type of neurosis and it will be difficult but its ideal time to know yourself. You have to understand why you are fearing. I suffer from neurosis all the time, it simply touches other parts of everydayness. I struggled with ROCD by 1,5 year and it was hard. Please, you have to see that all of relationships are different and there is no ideal person in the whole World who will be perfect for you. You are whole, love yourself and take care. Let you see weaknesses of Your partner, let you see that he or she is not ideal. Face up to love is not perfect, love is for creating it, not for waiting for it.
i suffer from ROCD since my first relationship when I was 14. I didn't know what was going on or why I was feeling like that so I left and when I got older i understood what was happening. i have a incredible boyfriend now and I adore him but I still suffer from ROCD but at least I know what's happening know and I'm dealing with it in every way I can, at the moment I think I'm suffering a bit of a relapse and I'm scared but knowing I'm not the only one and knowing it's going to get bette gives me so much hope ❤️
Life is better with you in it Kiyomi. You are truly a friend to all of us.
I love this woman so much, you have the most calming voice and so much wisdom thank you for everything...❤❤
i feel like i’ve had every theme and they’ve all found their way of sticking /: my relapse get harder and harder. i’m scared ):
ur not alone hun
Could you do a video on comparing your relationship to others? I.e friends and their partners? I find this to be a huge trigger for me
I can feel from videos that you are really beautiful person.. And your voice and the way you talk is so soothing .❤️❤️
Thank you and we're so glad that this new video of Kiyomi has been helpful for you. By the way, we're always looking to improve our content and help you as much as possible through awakening into love. Would you be able to let us know what you like about it? Thank you. -Crystal, Operations Manager, Awaken into Love
I would love to hear from others on a matter that I've been struggling with. Whenever my partner has problems, bad days etc. it flares up my ROCD the next day 90% of the time. We had a talk where she said that her problems always turn around and become OCD problems for me, which in turn makes her less eager to support me and tell about her problems. If anyone has the same problem I would love to hear from you! Also a good idea for a video Kyomi!
You’re such an amazing person. So much passion and fire in you to help us! And you are!! This video came at the perfect time, of course. I’m sure it is one I will revisit when in need of some of your nurturing comfort ~ a wonderful energY you bring that is hard to find amongst friends and family and even therapists when in comes to ROCD. That’s one of things I really like about this channel is just the softness that you bring. I wish you all the best and may you and your family be safe & well during lockdown xoxo
Hi! Thank you so much for your beautiful words and for being grateful to Kiyomi's work. We really appreciate it. And we're so glad that Kiyomi's channel has been helpful for you. We wish you all the best, stay safe and healthy as well! -Regards, Crystal, Operations Manager, Awaken into Love
you are such a blessing! i have been struggling on and off since January and i only found out about ROCD a couple of weeks ago. i stumbled on your website and decided to check out your youtube channel and it has really helped me because i feel understood. thank you so much! please keep doing your work.
Thank you so much, I so needed this video! I'm noticing improvements, but it's still hard! Really needed this message today
Thank you Rebecca and we're so glad that this video has been helpful for you. We're always looking to improve our content and help you as much as possible through awakening into love. Would you be able to let us know what you like about it? Thank you. -Crystal, Operations Manager, Awaken into Love
@@awakenintolovesupport4402 yes! I love your content because it's real and you touch on so many parts of OCD that isn't always talked about. I think some videos online while helpful can just keep restating what OCD is without giving targeted solutions as to what you need to continue to do to get better. You guys do a great job of giving helpful reminders of what we need to do and also normalizing our feelings and being so compassionate to us in the videos! I also appreciate that everything is therapeutic. I feel comfortable watching the videos as its helpful advice to move forward and doesn't give reassurance ❤
Thank you so much. I really needed this today!
You're so welcome Savannah! We're glad that you liked this video. By the way, we're always looking to improve our content and help you as much as possible through awakening into love. Would you be able to let us know what you like about it? Thank you. -Crystal, Operations Manager, Awaken into Love
Does anyone else feel like they have to break up with their partner cause they aren’t so sure if it’s the rocd or it just them? Cause A couple of days ago I was going through the internet about rocd to see if I really do have it or I’m in denial. Then somehow i can’t remember why one of the articles said something about “it’s not an excuse to avoid your partner from the truth” and then I started thinking am I avoiding this?! I’m worried that I am 😖 I don’t want to leave my boyfriend I honestly think he is a wonderful person and I love him.I don’t want to leave him. I don’t want to hurt him but now I feel like I’m lying. I keep coming around to that but I don’t want to believe that. Have I convinced myself into believing that I am? Does anyone feel like this? Have I found my truth? Just a couple of months ago I was struggling with the anxiety and the obsessive thoughts and now it’s not their as much I get anxious and then I’m not. I get obsessive thoughts and then I don’t. I can’t see a therapist cause I can’t afford one. So I’m reaching out to you guys. Am I alone here? I don’t want to give up on something great I have.
I know for me, i was absolutely sure that i loved my partner but i didnt FEEL it. But i 100% knew in my heart that i loved him and wanted to be with him. I would find myself crying with happiness when i thought of marrying him so i knew i wanted it. Love isnt a feeling its a choice which if you think about it is even more gratifying because you’re not with your partner because you have to be and you need to be its because you are choosing specifically them because you want them. Questioning things is completely normal if you didn’t question things its not a real connection. Why would you question it if its not something you wanted? I also have the thoughts of what if this isnt anxiety and intrusive thoughts what if this is actually how i feel but if i actually felt like that why would it put me into a panic and anxious state and make me have a response based in fear. Im scared because i want my relationship with my partner. My response to the thought “this isnt mental health this is actually how you feel” is fearful. I feel my stomach drop and i get panicky. Why would i feel scared of it being how i feel if its not something i truly want.
@@aliciakolstad8724
Thank you so much! It feels so liberating to know I’m not alone here. I can’t exactly talk to friends about this because they’d make it worse and they won’t quite understand it either. *little update about me* Just the other day I just imagined just sitting on the couch together and seeing his smile and I was filled with joy. I thought to myself “why would I ever want to go? I’m happy right here.” Even with those days where I can’t exactly feel the happiness I know I am where I want to be. Sometimes I even stop myself when i start to not feel it or just even get happy about it but I push right through it. I’d like to think I’m slowly coming over this fear. Anyways hope you’re doing well!!
Hi I deal with rocd and I’ve been in a relationship for 2 going on 3 years and it really hit me when corona started, I had bad headaches and never ate, last week was the FIRST time I was genuinely happy and feeling the REAL love I have for my boyfriend. That all went away and now my main thoughts are what if I felt like this the whole time. It’s also confusing because the actions show I love ny boyfriend but my head things otherwise SOMEONE ANSWER PLEASE I BEG
Yea that sounds like OCD. Same exact thing happened to me with my bf it was the most intense, wonderful, REAL, pure, deep love I’d ever felt before I never loved anyone the way I loved him but when OCD struck it all went away. I was left questioning everything how I felt about him, if I still loved him, if I ever loved him, do I love someone else, do I really still love my ex, am I gay, do I actually just want to move on etc. But that’s what OCD does lol makes you question everything and the more you confused and the deeper into it you get starts to control just more than thoughts. It controls memories feelings emotions urges bodily sensations. It’s a monster but it’s all not true and you have to remember that. It isn’t you it’s something separate from you. OCD is like a fog that needs to be lifted from your mind because until OCD came a knocking we never question any of those things. You can do it remember it’s not you and it has nothing to do with you or who you are. And try not to com-pulse that makes it stronger
Hi we understand how obsessive thoughts and ROCD can be difficult in a relationship, but please know that you are not alone and there is hope.
Ashley Alexis how do you deal with yours...I haven’t been able to feel for my boyfriend in 7 days which bring more thoughts on if I ever moved him and is this the end....because I just want proof that I love him through feelings :/
Wow this is one of the best videos so far! Is there trauma/inner child work in your course? Or is that more a 1 on 1 therapy thing? (im not in a relationship but I'd like to start working on those things!)
Hi Gabrielle! We have some inner child work in the course and community, but Alexis does the 1 on 1 therapy with a strong focus on inner child/trauma work as she is the ROCD specialist and therapist. You can find more info here: www.awakenintolove.com/coaching. Any technical questions, please don’t hesitate to reach out to us at support@awakenintolove.com. Hope this helps. Thank you! ❤️🙏 -Crystal, Awaken into Love
I have had rocd for so long now, that I start believing the thoughts that I do not love him anymore. Has anybody had this too?
Yes
how are you doing now?
Yes 100%
yes, it’s ruining me but i am gonna fight for this boy :)
Thankyou so much❤️ felt like I’ve had a couple few tough days in a row but this helped me change the way I see setbacks:)!
Thanks Kiyomi for your videos, sharing your experience and all your support. Your channel means a lot to me.
Love it! You can never go back to base one
This is everything I needed to hear ✨
Thank you so much for all there videos
You're so welcome Ana and we're so glad that this new video of Kiyomi has been helpful for you. By the way, we're always looking to improve our content and help you as much as possible through awakening into love. Would you be able to let us know what you like about it? Thank you. -Crystal, Operations Manager, Awaken into Love
Thank you for another brilliant helpful video Kiyomi. You are wonderful 💙
I've been getting better since months, I think my rocd started at the end 2018, so 2019 wasn't nice. Now im in quarentine and I haven't seen my bf for 3 months...sometimes I feel anxious already, but you now what? reading here makes me realize's not like before, i read your comments and that's the way I used to feel , but not anymore. Now my thoughts doesn't rule me I can manage them, my stomach doesn't feel horrible and my brain doesnt run like miles per minute with no time to rest.
I still need going to therapy(which I didn't all this time for $ and also fear) and I will do it after quarentine I promise, but for all of you who still feel like that, know you're not alone, we feel you..it feels horrible but please please know I will pass, you will feel better slowly and get to be calm and peaceful ♡
YANA and thanks to Kiyomi for everything she does
Do a video about TikTok and relationship advice please, I often see videos saying “This is a sign” or “ I’m not a big creator and if you’re seeing this, it is a sign” and it does make me think and I’m sure other would like to have some guidance or advice on this type of thing.
Hi Nuve, thanks for your suggestion. We will relay your message to Kiyomi and we will definitely have it into consideration that she should start doing Tiktok videos too. :) -Crystal, Awaken into Love.
hi, i know this isn’t directed at me, but that sent me on a tailspin as well, i deleted tik tok, and it has helped tremendously.
Shea Johnson I did delete it TikTok bc of the way I would start feeling and it sucks too bc I liked the other content such as cook and diy videos
Awaken into Love Support I meant videos about TikTok that say those things my bad
@@Ponypie342 literally the same
My OCD never got better lol been this way since I was little. When I was little I'd wash my hands way too often. Often enough for my skin to crack and constantly bleed 😫 my mom told me that the doc gave me a thick cream, but that never helped haha
I'm pretty sure this is for rocd-
I'm not going to therapy currently and this makes me believe that since I'm not doing the work then it means that I don't really care about, that I'm a bad person and a liar cause if I really care I would put much effort in this journey but after almost 2 years of rocd I feel so hopeless, tired, disconnected and just so numb... And I don't know what's wrong with me why I'm holding back from going into therapy again and why I'm scared to healing and be happy this makes no sense I know but that's how I feel.
I'm in a similar boat. It actually makes complete sense, and kiyomi has talked about this before in other videos.
I've had OCD since i was 5 and ROCD since i was 19 (i'm now 25). the reason why we get scared to heal is because we are scared of change and scared of the unknown. In my case, I'm afraid that once I begin to do the work and heal I will realize that I'm not able to heal or that I will realize I need to leave my partner. This is also a common response that kiyomi talks about. It's not that we're bad or that we don't want to heal, it's that the brain think it's being endangered when its coping mechanisms are taken away from it. Once the brain begins to rewire itself (which takes time) it begins to feel less frightening to heal. Having compassion for ourselves is really really important. We need to treat ourselves gently, the same way we would a child.
It's just your anxiety, don't worry.. you're probably scared that if you do the work you might find the truth.. but no.. you're going to be yourself.. yes rocd lies.. it tells you Ill about yourself.. just do the work.. JUST DO IT.. trust me you'll feel better.. do inner child meditation, do love and protection meditation from the free ail package.. it so good and helpful..
How did you even manage to continue a functioning relationship with rocd for 5 months? It seems impossible to me.
Thank you Kiyomi! Please can you do a video about how much you speak to your husband about ROCD and things that he did/ your significant other could do to help?
Hey guys I have been having intense anxiety about my thoughts to do with why my girlfriend is not right for me. But now suddenly I still have the thoughts she is not but I feel not anxiety and my mind seems to have just devalued everything good about her. The thoughts feel so true and just just normal now and I don’t know what to make of this
Please help me!
I was doing really good without obsessions and having a really beautiful time in my relationship
But suddenly the ROCD returned, feeling more real than ever. There's not a lot of thoughts but that constant feeling that my relationship is bad and breaking apart and feeling really depressed because of it. I cry every time. Also, I am suffering sex anxiety and I have those thoughts like we don't have sex like we used to, that we don't connect enough, like before it was better and things like that. And I am so sad and I just wanna feel the love again, I wanna feel okay again. I love him and this is making me crazy. We fight a lot because I am a bad person with hin when I am like this. Have you ever experienced it? Like the thoughts aren't there but the feeling that everything is wrong and that the love isn't there. I am going crazy
Does anybody feel apathy with your boyfriend ? Its like if i dont feel love when i think about him
yes
has anyone experienced the thought “even if this is rocd, i don’t want him”
Thank you so much!
I hope I can heal soon
It's LDR and all this ROCD
Thank you for all of the videos Kiyomi! I’m feeling very terrible because I think I don’t have ROCD. I’ve watch your videos on ‘why rocd feels so real’ and so on but I can’t even tell if I’m accepting that I don’t love my boyfriend or if I’m anxious. I don’t feel anything. But I want to so badly.. it began like a year ago and I was thinking that I don’t have any feeling towards him and I’ve cried so much. And then we broke up 3 times and I felt more terrible than with the thoughts in my head. We don’t have any red flags and everything is fine. We have the same kind of humor and we talk a lot about everything and so on. In an objective perspective it’s very good but I don’t feel anything.. and then I started googling and testing and analyzing. I’m also suffering from Hypochondria, so really everything fits with ROCD. But it feels so real that I don’t think it’s ROCD.. but and I know how bad it sounds, I wish I have because then I know that somehow it is love and I can overcome this.. I want to feel love for him so badly.. and I don’t want to lose him or something else.. it’s just I don’t feel anything or I’m feeling as I’m really lying to myself. I can’t even think about something else. And when I don’t feel anxious I think ‘oh okay you accept it and have to leave’ backdoor spike.. Is love really just a choice? Do I have ROCD?
Have you ever.. felt like.. you don't even need to know if it's rocd anymore, reassurance, or anything else related to illness.. and have just wanted to leave?.. because you're not alone.. if you haven't felt this.. it's okay.. because I've been in that stage.. you are doing so good.. do the work kiyomi asks you to do.. you'll really feel better.. it's just your body tired of all the anxiety and it's feeling numb.. just wear it like an uncomfortable coat and keep going.. show love to yourself.. do inner child healing.. !!
i don't want to comfort you in any way, but this feeling u have right now, I think that THIS is the whole point of ROCD. we alle would not been suffering, if we would not have this feeling
bhooja vr thanks for your answer! But I’m really terrified that it’s not ROCD.. everything fits with ROCD but then there is ‘you just don’t feel anything, this is your truth’ do you think ROCD wants me to feel as if I don’t have ROCD and that I’m not believing I’m ‘ill’?
@@isabsc1219 yes of course.. you're not alone.. mostly everyone who has had rocd has gone through this.. rocd will tell you that you don't have it.. but that's exactly what you're going through.. it will think of every possible way to put your relationship down.. but keep going.. don't develop hatred towards it.. it's a coping mechanism.. and your brain just trying to protect you.. so treat it with compassion.. keep your hands to your chest and say it's alright.. even if it's overwhelming.. it's just okay to feel anything.. and don't seek reassurance.. kiyomi's course will be a great help for you..
But do you thing love is a choice? I mean because I really don’t feel anything. Like I’m alone and I don’t feel anything
I’ve had rocd for over a year now and I need help but I can’t afford any therapists so I don’t know what to do at this point I really hope someone who can help me sees this 😔
Me too:(
I have ocd does this one make you not feel like you even know the person you have been with? I just experienced this type after 15yrs of my relationship. It’s like I didn’t even know him it was scary
0:16 God, I understand so so much. Thank you for making me feel identified 🤍
Hey Kiyomi great Video :)! I love your Videos and your help. But i have one Problem.. since this thoughts i get very scared and nervous when it comes to meeting my boyfriend.. I think over and over again „What if im meeting him but feel nothing“ im getting before the meeting very nervous because i dont know what will happens what im gonna feel like etc..
I'm not Kiyomi but maybe I can help...
All of us feel like you so it's normal, it is fear of fear itself.
If you say "omg what if..." you increase your ocd. Just try to accept the possibility of it happening and tell yourself that if it happens it doesn't mean it's your fault, if you don't feel emotions it's not your fault and it doesn't mean you don't love your boyfriend. Accept the possibility of it happening and calm down. Try to tell yourself that even if it happens you will still have the power to CHOOSE to be with your boyfriend (and love him).
I'm sorry if I was inappropriate or if I didn't help you.
laura magro do you sometimes feel a feeling of discomfort in your stomach?
@@m.i8276 yes I do, sometimes it becomes pain too
laura magro Before I knew about ROCD I went to a crisis psychologist. and there I described my thoughts and I asked him almost 1-3 times "Doesn't that mean that the feelings towards my partner are not gone ?!" Do you think that was looking for reassurance?
@@m.i8276 I'm not an expert or a psychologist... But I think yes.
Please please please read this!! 😭😭😭
Hey there!! Someone please tell me why I feel like if I try coping up or healing it would make my relationship worse because I won’t be anxious these thoughts won't bother and meanwhile my I would completely forget my boyfriend or i'll be sure on leaving him cz it would give me a clear answer that I don't love him😭😭it scares me a lot...all I know is I want him I want to love him I want to choose him but why it feels like coping would make me better but I won't be able to experience love or fall deep with him again 😭😭😭 its been 4years (can't express how beautiful everything was😭😭😭and how worse its getting) and it all started suddenly a month ago 😭😭
Que pena que todos los videos no esten subtítulos al español
Can you make more hocd videos they’re really helpful
Hi Mel, thanks for your suggestion, yes, we will definitely note your suggestion as one of the video topics that Kiyomi will be doing in the future.
❣️
Can we heal without a therapist or a coach?
I'm sooo sorry to ask that but I have to because it's a trigger for me. I've seen that there is a team behind awaken into love, and you make money with ROCD, so are you really honest in your words and do you really want to help us ? I mean somtimes with all the coaches and stuff who try to take our money, and with the fact that I'm diagnosed with OCD but not ROCD and my OCD was not alway about my relationship, I ask myself if ROCD is real, or maybe in some month I'll be out of that, with or without my boyfriend (and it's also a trigger to write that but future seems so incertain today for me...), and saying "whaat was I doing and beliving because it was so painfull omg" I mean I want to be with my boyfriend and have a stable relationship but I also feel like I'm being caught in some coach stuff, ready to pay for anything to help me stop thinking about it, and even the idea of being in a relationship... It feel hard sometimes and not knowing if ROCD really exists and if it's not a money maker, it's drives me crazy.
Could you make a video on quarantine and effects of it on rocd people
I’ve reached the lowest point with my rOCD, I’m so numb I can’t feel anything... I used to feel relief if I found stories similar to mine and I’d have hope of getting better...now my thoughts spiral out of control and leave me wondering do I even want to get better to be with the person happily again or what did I ever see in the relationship in the first place it’s boring. I won’t leave him I won’t give up, has anybody else been in this place, does it get better do I keep going or do I have to let go
You just want a reassurance, read the book "needing to know for sure"! It is so good and helped me a lot.
Daniela M. Thankyou I will have a look at reading this book💞
Just a small text from the book: Thoughts are just thoughts, and feelings are just feelings, and neither are facts. We can see that we are scaring or shaming or frightening ourselves with our “what ifs.
what you are struggling against is not the content of the worries or thoughts or imaginings-rather, you are struggling against not knowing for sure.
Hope it helps! All the best
Daniela M. Thank you so much!!
I was wondering, did you read the book?
Thx❤️
You're so welcome Andy! We're so glad that this new video of Kiyomi has been helpful for you. By the way, we're always looking to improve our content and help you as much as possible through awakening into love. Would you be able to let us know what you like about it? Thank you. -Crystal, Operations Manager, Awaken into Love
So I'm thinking I have ROCD and I'm not sure how to handle it. I've been getting into relationships that were serious since I was 15. At about 16 ROCD started or what I assume. I am 19 now and every relationship I've gotten into its happened. Past relationships I've left because of thoughts. I'm In a 4.5 month relationship now and I understand that it's not overly long. But when I first met my partner, I knew of him but I wasn't looking for a partner because of a situation I had just gotten out of, he Came to me, when we hung out my numbers went away for a bit. I felt overwhelmed with happiness. Once we officially became a couple, that's when the happiness faded back into numbness, that is when the thoughts started. Thoughts like "what if I don't like him?" I don't like him" "I have to like him", sometimes in the first few months it would go away and come back the thoughts were always in the back of my mind. I think I still love him, we aren't living together but I always want to sleep next to him and be with him. When we don't hang out now I don't feel upset, when we first met I would. But I've been constantly looking for reassurance from my friend about my partner. From UA-cam, quizes, redidtt etc. But I've had thoughts like "what if you are wrong, what if we aren't meant to be, what if we aren't soulmates" he asked me if I knew I was in love with my partner and the little voice in my head said "I'm not sure" and I felt a weird feeling on my chest for a second. I'm tired of leaving relationships because of this, I want my relationship to work and last. I don't think I want to leave him I don't think I want to hurt him. But it's so hard the urges are so hard and feel so real. How can I feel better? We have sex and within the last month I haven't felt overly wet and that will make me obsess more during sex. Sometimes I get jealous sometime I don't. I want to heal I want to fix myself. I'm done with rocd. Can someone confirm if this sounds like rocd or if I just lost feelings for my partner. It's so hard to trust what the voice in my Brain is saying because I'm so emotionally numb. Please help.
Sometimes I'll feel bad and sad but lately I feel nothing but numbness.
Not happy, nor sad. Jusf annoyed.
Is it possible to fix it if you've already broken up with him? 😕
Emily Marie - If the breakup was amicable and he understands that your ROCD is not how you feel, it’s possible to get back together. But as someone who was broken up with due to ROCD, I would only be willing to try again if I knew my ex was getting effective treatment for ROCD, like ERP, and taking it seriously.
I can’t get therapy I’m young ☹️
How do I find help. I’m suffering
I have hocd how can I get help??
Hi Mel, feel free to book a free 10-minute consult with Kiyomi for you to know if the AIL course 2.0 is a good fit for you or not. You can find her time slots here www.awakenintolove.com/free-consult/ . Any technical questions, let us know. -Crystal, Awaken into Love Team
Awaken into Love Support thank you I’ll look into it!
Is it normal having itrussive thougts about loving your ex in rocd? Sorry for the english
Yes it is, I have the same thoughts
I would really like to start the internet course but there is a AGE LIMIT?? really? I feel like i should just die
Hi there! I can understand how this could feel frustrating, but you are welcome to join with parent's consent or a therapist. Unfortunately, in the past, the team got backlash from a parent and so we had to create rules for people under 18. Hope that helps!
Also, because you wrote that you feel as though you want to die, if you are feeling suicidal, please know there is hope and there are therapists out there who will be able to help you! If you are feeling suicidal please contact the suicide hotline, 1-800-273-8255. You will get through this!
-Crystal, Awaken into Love Team
i have been feeling this for the past few days and I've been searching about this a lot...i even came to some conclusion that i may have borderline personality disorder..started looking for information about it and came across a post that says can BDP people really love?and there was this answer that said absolutely not and analysed why.I felt heartbroken..and i know it's wrong that I'm searching about all of ths stuff and almost self diagnosing but i did,and I don't know what to do now
I know i adore my boyfriend,he is attractive to me not matter what he does, I've been just so confused.Maybe the butterflies stage just died and that's what's confusing me but i don't know what's wrong
Hello, do you have Instagram ?