We've noticed that the video cuts off before the last 15minutes, not sure why that glitch happened, sorry guys! We will post the remaining 15minutes as a separate YT video clip this week! If you want to catch the end of the ep before then, it's available on Spotify/Apple pods immediately. Sorry for the glitch and thanks for calling it out!
Some weird youtube recommended podcast started playing abruptly and it really scared me! I thought it was Caroline's haunt cause I believe in ghosts now, thanks to you guys.
Oh man, as a man listening to this (yes, I know - I'm weird - but I'm a single dad with teenage daughters, and the few things I listen to like this podcast are helpful for me to understand their experiences and, maybe, their futures, so I can be a better, more understanding dad), I've been on the other side of the "internal journey" type question far too many times. To reference the "know things about yourself to do better" part at the start of this podcast episode, I do think it's so important for men to realize that the way most of us were raised is antithetical to the kind of connection and emotional vulnerability that is *necessary* in an intimate relationship - to the point that our brains will straight-up reject the possibility of internal reflection, emotional expression, and being truly open and vulnerable with another person. I'm certain it stems from the fact that boys, more often than not, are asked why they're crying or upset, told to "figure it out" when things go wrong and we're disappointed, ordered to "toughen-up," and are praised only for our problem-solving and strength. We're programed to want to find solutions over connection! It's insane to me that anybody thinks boys who are raised that way will suddenly be able to flip an emotional connection and vulnerability switch when we're adults and entering into these kinds of committed relationships. It's the same reason too many of my romantic partners have been frustrated that I try to solve a problem with a coworker, friend, or family member - they're telling me about their feelings to show vulnerability, to build connection, and to find comfort; not to find a solution, but my brain *literally* struggles to process that, and it takes a huge amount of willpower to overcome the (many) years of conditioning to meet them in that space, and I still don't always realize that's what's happening. But... I've learned that about myself, and it helps me to recognize those situations a bit better. And if you're a partner to somebody who has layers and layers and years and years of that kind of conditioning, knowing that about them can help you identify when the non-emotional, analytical brain is overpowering the heart in these kinds of situations, and to help pull them into the kind of conversation *you* want to have without blame and frustration that will only escalate to hurt feelings on both sides.
I like the phrase "it's an explanation, not an excuse" since it encompasses being empathetic to someone's struggles, but not letting that streamroll the relationship and absolving them of any responsibilities
I think that part of showing up for people with mental health struggles is being intentional with interacting with them in a way that accommodates their natural functioning, while also being honest with how their behavior impacts you. I think when we stop bringing our needs to the picture, it’s no longer a 50-50 relationship and you are robbing your loved one of the opportunity to gain insight, and grow as a as an equal party in the relationship. It’s OK to disappoint people. It’s OK to be disappointed. Holding space for truth while also showing up with compassion is how you get your needs met and, also, give people the chance to grow.
yes!! impact can't be overlooked. my therapist has a great way of highlighting how there is "INTENTION, and then there is IMPACT." both of these matter. it's one thing to empathize with someone's intention, context, limitations. and in addition to that, it is important to not write off how it impacts you. caring about BOTH intention AND impact, is actually how you hold and respect both people as whole humans with needs.
Two 3rds into the video, is what makes Jungian Psych/MBTI (i.e. ENFP, ISTP, etc.) so helpful for me, so I can understand the intentions behind my mate's behavior. And other's as well. But I think you guys are doing well with your boos naturally and that's so beautiful.
Someone mentioned to me once that one of the purposes of the handicapped stall is that with some disabilities require being able to access a bathroom in a hurry, so keeping it as free as possible is the right thing to do. Which makes the whole lets put the baby changing station in that stall particularly unhelpful.
I celebrate every time you talk about your relationships with the goal of making it better or being on the same page. I never had that and it’s lovely to know that there are guys (and everyone else) that are committed to creating the best relationship and solving problems as they come up.
I know omg. I've dated really broadly personality wise and it's a rare encounter to find someone who knows that being together is an active choice and being happy and heard together takes work.
I have adhd and the way I see it is that while I do experience this limitation, I am still responsible to my friends/family/kids/clients/job/society and responsible for managing my symptoms/behaviors if and when possible. It’s not my fault that I have it but it’s my responsibility to deal with it. (This is just how I think about it for myself!)
I love the quote that emotions are “data not directives” (Dr. Susan David). I think this applies to much of what you were saying about mood swings, ADHD, etc…. It’s all just information that contributes to the bigger picture.
The only thing that bothered me was “this is my disease,” when referring to disorders. I just think it’s important to distinguish diseases from disorders 😢 VERY good points about taking diagnoses as an opportunity for personal growth!! ❤ Love these gals and the content overall 🎉
Thank you for the “What if everything’s okay?” saying. Adjusting to post divorce life and setting up a new life according to what works for me has had me second guessing things. Everything is okay.
Thank you both for discussing this bc I can relate to EVERYTHING you both are saying ab hormones, cycles, and the validity of what we feel no matter where we are hormonally !! It really encouraged me to track my emotions energy level etc. to understand myself better!!! This was soooooo beyond helpful!!!❤️❤️❤️
JESS! To Caroline's exploding in a silent room next to a stranger: "But then you're connected, you know what their internal journey has been." You contained your laugh so well to listen to Caroline's next comment, but you knew that was the funniest fucking callback ever.👏
@33:44 OMG story time about men taking things too literally. For some context: I'm 38, I've been with my partner for 17 years, married for 9. Early on in our relationship, we were staying at his mom's house for several days, and I got to a point where I was feeling cabin fever because we'd just been hanging out there at her house for days on end. So on like day 4, starting in the early morning, I kept saying things (privately to him) like, "I really want to go out." Later that afternoon after I'd said that to him a few times, he beckoned me to his mom's backyard where he just looked at me expectantly, and I was looking at HIM expectantly. I was like, "Were you going to show me something out here?" and he NOT JOKING AT ALL said, "I thought you wanted to go out." LOOOOL, I almost died!!!!!! That whole morning, he thought I was saying that I literally wanted to GO OUTSIDE. He so earnestly thought that's what I wanted all along. I will never forget that me saying "I want to go out" resulted in him walking me out to the backyard. 🤣 -sareynotsarey
haha this is adorable and relatable. it's so funny to have those moments where you're like, i SWEAR i was speaking plain english and i didnt even think of the weird edge case interpretations of this
😅😅 my guy is like this too! He is very literal, blunt, and direct and I talk in metaphors and try to soften blows, so we confuse each other sometimes lol.
Caroline, I be doing the same, wondering why I didn’t notice my life is so terrible 😅 a few days before I menstruate. Except, the last couple of months (thanks to a change in diet) my cycle is ten days longer, and the existential dread lasted TEN days 🫠 Love how you both put into words how the hormones & the energy go hand in hand without being the single factor. I too avoided tracking cycles for years because of the cultural implications that it meant I was a “bitch on the rag”, but it’s been so helpful to now realize all that affects how I experience life. Where I previously thought I simply suffered from depression, it’s also a pattern correlated with the hormones-and it passes! No need to be asking myself what’s wrong with me every month 🙃
Online diagnostics are stupid but i will say i'm autistic (never thought i was but now I've learned about it im like duh lol) and i relate to caroline in a lot of ways so that's probably why people say you are that or something else they relate to. Of course you can relate to people about something without them being the same as you. 😊
ok so this just made so much sense to me... I'm a dentist and know that hormonal fluctuations can make your gums have an exaggerated response to plaque. if you have nice and healthy gums the hormonal fluctuations would not rock the boat at all but if you have a little bit of a gum issue going on and you are not taking care of it on a DAILY basis when the hormonal fluctuations come like pms, puberty, pregnancy, menopause... guess what? your gums will just go out of wack like no tomorrow. maybe the same goes for our mood and mental health? like if you are not taking care of your mental well being daily it shows itself tenfold when you pms?
Several years ago, because my husband would sometimes say, "I thought you just had your period!", I put up a hook and hung a number (refrigerator magnet from our son's alphabet set of refrigerator magnets) on it. The number was what week I was on. He could see it every day. One day, the three of us were playing a game, and I started crying. My son got up, got the #3, and hung it on the hook. I was on week 1, so the crying didn't make sense. After he hung the 3, he sat back down, he exhaled as his shoulders dropped, and he said, "There!" It was like, "Everything makes sense now." It was so funny, I was only allowed to cry on "cry week".
I'm SOOOOOOOO glad I'm not the only one with a significant other (my hubs) who is much like Ryan and Justin in their communication (or noncommunication)....... It's soooooooooo insane!
Jess!!! YES!!! LOLLL........ The WAY I phrase my question or a sentence should not be confusing to my hubs. LOL. I make myself very, very clear. We just don't understand each other. For real!!!
Yes! I am seeing neurodivergence awareness everywhere and have been contemplating exploring some kind of diagnosis. But in my case, I question whether there’s a benefit to having the label. I think maybe we’re all a little bit of everything? I just started therapy for the first time, though, so what do I know?
15:18 I JUST said to someone recently. But also, I do not think I generally feel that deep about the pain I am expressing at that time (chemical high). I saw a pattern. The week before my period...whatever my ex used to do or say would just piss me off or make me way more emotional than usual. Like 50% uptick! Then those same things wouldn't bother me at NEARLY as much at other times. I'm glad you two are realizing this at younger ages than I. I just figured this out a couple years ago at like 40 lol.
The couple’s communication part I thought that I was the only one and it’s not just in couple’s it happens with family and friends also hope you guys talk more about this☺️😫
The secret is you walk into a printer shop and you ask for the MOST basic printer. Black and white only, no bluetooth. No scanning. Just a plug in printer. I love my basic dumb reliable printer, i have no problems printing sheet music and return labels on a moment's notice.
According to AI, "It's impossible to say for sure which stall was last used in a bathroom. However, statistically, the furthest stall from the entrance is less likely to be used. People tend to choose middle stalls due to a preference for centrality, or the first stall because they feel it offers a quicker exit [1]. If cleanliness is your concern, studies suggest the middle stalls are used more frequently [2]. The first stall, though less used, might not be inherently cleaner."
I never found a doctor who could help me with the monthly cycle I'd get debilitating migraines, heavy bleeding, serious cramps, and feeling like I had the flu for 3 days prior to the cycle starting. I tried cutting out pasta, which helped a bit with bloating and headaches; I tried upping magnesium, which who knows how it helped, if at all, but noticed nothing, and only now since an hysterectomy have I had relief. Magnesium makes a difference for sleep and 'charley horse cramping' at night, which no longer happens since upping magnesium. But the monthly cycle? It's a nightmare until it's over. I tried as hard as I could to adopt stoicism because nothing mechanical was working. If men had to deal with this every 3 weeks, there's be alot more violence in society. But we women bear it quietly or loudly, and with or without grace, but we don't kill anyone.
Even if your mood fluctuates on a monthly basis, it might not be related to your period. Lots of things cycle on a monthly basis. It could be tied to monthly work demands, just looking forward to a new month the way people treat a new year, etc.
absolutely. that's what we mean when we say "the reason doesnt necessarily matter". the point is that noticing your patterns - whatever they're attributed to - helps everyone at every age, gender, etc.
Printers never work when you need to print something important or immediately and wifi decides it’s time for a KitKat. Mine has been printing in stripes since it was 3.5 yrs old. No amount of cleaning in the settings has worked.
It would be interesting to see if your thoughts of anything from childhood like the Berenstain Bears is related to a time of anxiety. I find I watch or listen to TV shows from the 80s more when I’m anxious and watching certain movies will tell me when my stress levels are rising.
For me the thing with "it´s mitigating, not exculpatory" (or as another commenter put it "it´s an explanation, not an excuse") feels kind of tricky. Because on one hand, of course having adhd for example doesn´t excuse you for everything. But what are we imagining that it´s "unfairly" trying to excuse? I feel like societies´ expectations and ways of working very come from a neurotypical basis and everyone is expected to be able to do deliver/perform/do things the way neurotypicals can. And the whole point of whatever neurodivergency you have, is that you likely can´t do it the way everyone else does. Best believe that if I could do it the way everyone else does, I would, and best believe I´m not trying to inconvenience anyone with my neurodivergence. Unfortunately my just likely doesn´t work the way you nor I might want it to, and yes, that´ll require empathy and collaborative thinking and actions in making it work for the both of us, and no that´s not me using my neurodivergence as an excuse rather just facing the fact of how my brain works.
Caroline!!! Yes..... It's ALWAYS a debate with my husband. Cross-examining and arguing about stupid definitions of words that don't ultimately matter... This must be an "intelligent" guy's mode of communication. My husband is a retired high school math teacher and has a master's degree in ?? accounting, I think?? Not even sure, but WOW.
Diagnosing extrangers on the internet is very rude, but I can understand the feelings and intention behind it because I was diagnosed with ADHD at 29 (but of course it doesn't excuse them). It wasn't an easy thing to do because being diagnosed as neurodivergent as an adult is hard and it gets harder when you're a woman/fem presenting (most womens get diagnosed with bipolar before getting the right diagnosis). Also, when you are neurodivergent the posibility of comorbidity (having diferent mental health issues) is high (In my case I've been dealing with anxiety and depression most of my life) which can affect the diagnosing process. So I can understand that some neurodivergent people say it because they think they're helping the other person and would hae loved other people telling them sooner.
Sometimes people breathe loudly because, you know, they have medical conditions that affect their airways. I've been told some of these people occasionally visit the internet, so perhaps wishing death on them, even jokingly, isn't cool. Maybe consider not punching down at people with disabilities? They already have to live in a world where an awful lot of people don't want them around.
she has great thoughts! it cut off accidentally but will be posted on YT this weekend. in the meantime if you want to hear the ruminations, it's available on Spotify / apple pods!
We've noticed that the video cuts off before the last 15minutes, not sure why that glitch happened, sorry guys! We will post the remaining 15minutes as a separate YT video clip this week! If you want to catch the end of the ep before then, it's available on Spotify/Apple pods immediately. Sorry for the glitch and thanks for calling it out!
Some weird youtube recommended podcast started playing abruptly and it really scared me! I thought it was Caroline's haunt cause I believe in ghosts now, thanks to you guys.
Oh man, as a man listening to this (yes, I know - I'm weird - but I'm a single dad with teenage daughters, and the few things I listen to like this podcast are helpful for me to understand their experiences and, maybe, their futures, so I can be a better, more understanding dad), I've been on the other side of the "internal journey" type question far too many times. To reference the "know things about yourself to do better" part at the start of this podcast episode, I do think it's so important for men to realize that the way most of us were raised is antithetical to the kind of connection and emotional vulnerability that is *necessary* in an intimate relationship - to the point that our brains will straight-up reject the possibility of internal reflection, emotional expression, and being truly open and vulnerable with another person. I'm certain it stems from the fact that boys, more often than not, are asked why they're crying or upset, told to "figure it out" when things go wrong and we're disappointed, ordered to "toughen-up," and are praised only for our problem-solving and strength. We're programed to want to find solutions over connection!
It's insane to me that anybody thinks boys who are raised that way will suddenly be able to flip an emotional connection and vulnerability switch when we're adults and entering into these kinds of committed relationships.
It's the same reason too many of my romantic partners have been frustrated that I try to solve a problem with a coworker, friend, or family member - they're telling me about their feelings to show vulnerability, to build connection, and to find comfort; not to find a solution, but my brain *literally* struggles to process that, and it takes a huge amount of willpower to overcome the (many) years of conditioning to meet them in that space, and I still don't always realize that's what's happening. But... I've learned that about myself, and it helps me to recognize those situations a bit better.
And if you're a partner to somebody who has layers and layers and years and years of that kind of conditioning, knowing that about them can help you identify when the non-emotional, analytical brain is overpowering the heart in these kinds of situations, and to help pull them into the kind of conversation *you* want to have without blame and frustration that will only escalate to hurt feelings on both sides.
I like the phrase "it's an explanation, not an excuse" since it encompasses being empathetic to someone's struggles, but not letting that streamroll the relationship and absolving them of any responsibilities
it really captured it well to me too. i've found it very helpful
Or if you are overly pretentious..."it's mitigating, not exculpatory"...ay dios.
I think that part of showing up for people with mental health struggles is being intentional with interacting with them in a way that accommodates their natural functioning, while also being honest with how their behavior impacts you. I think when we stop bringing our needs to the picture, it’s no longer a 50-50 relationship and you are robbing your loved one of the opportunity to gain insight, and grow as a as an equal party in the relationship. It’s OK to disappoint people. It’s OK to be disappointed. Holding space for truth while also showing up with compassion is how you get your needs met and, also, give people the chance to grow.
yes!! impact can't be overlooked. my therapist has a great way of highlighting how there is "INTENTION, and then there is IMPACT." both of these matter. it's one thing to empathize with someone's intention, context, limitations. and in addition to that, it is important to not write off how it impacts you. caring about BOTH intention AND impact, is actually how you hold and respect both people as whole humans with needs.
Beautifully said! Thank you for speaking on this.
💡
Two 3rds into the video, is what makes Jungian Psych/MBTI (i.e. ENFP, ISTP, etc.) so helpful for me, so I can understand the intentions behind my mate's behavior. And other's as well. But I think you guys are doing well with your boos naturally and that's so beautiful.
Someone mentioned to me once that one of the purposes of the handicapped stall is that with some disabilities require being able to access a bathroom in a hurry, so keeping it as free as possible is the right thing to do. Which makes the whole lets put the baby changing station in that stall particularly unhelpful.
I celebrate every time you talk about your relationships with the goal of making it better or being on the same page. I never had that and it’s lovely to know that there are guys (and everyone else) that are committed to creating the best relationship and solving problems as they come up.
I know omg. I've dated really broadly personality wise and it's a rare encounter to find someone who knows that being together is an active choice and being happy and heard together takes work.
This video ends before Jess finishes talking about networking. I want to hear what she has to say
Thanks for the heads up - we're working on this now!!! What she has to say is pretty dang good
will get the clip up this weekend, and in the meantime the rest of the audio is on spotify / apple pods. sorry about that!
being angry on your period is THE ONLY THING you should listen to. its very REAL and deserves MORE attention than any other anger!
"There's nothing like violently exploding in a silent room next to a stranger" killed me
I have adhd and the way I see it is that while I do experience this limitation, I am still responsible to my friends/family/kids/clients/job/society and responsible for managing my symptoms/behaviors if and when possible. It’s not my fault that I have it but it’s my responsibility to deal with it. (This is just how I think about it for myself!)
I feel so seen i was crying on the floor of my office yesterday over a printer
I love the quote that emotions are “data not directives” (Dr. Susan David). I think this applies to much of what you were saying about mood swings, ADHD, etc…. It’s all just information that contributes to the bigger picture.
The only thing that bothered me was “this is my disease,” when referring to disorders. I just think it’s important to distinguish diseases from disorders 😢
VERY good points about taking diagnoses as an opportunity for personal growth!! ❤ Love these gals and the content overall 🎉
Treating people as people first and their health as just another part of them hit hard ❤ very tricky
Thank you for the “What if everything’s okay?” saying. Adjusting to post divorce life and setting up a new life according to what works for me has had me second guessing things. Everything is okay.
Thank you both for discussing this bc I can relate to EVERYTHING you both are saying ab hormones, cycles, and the validity of what we feel no matter where we are hormonally !! It really encouraged me to track my emotions energy level etc. to understand myself better!!! This was soooooo beyond helpful!!!❤️❤️❤️
Long time listener and Wheelchair user here YOU CAN USE THE HANDICAPPED STALL.
JESS! To Caroline's exploding in a silent room next to a stranger: "But then you're connected, you know what their internal journey has been." You contained your laugh so well to listen to Caroline's next comment, but you knew that was the funniest fucking callback ever.👏
@33:44 OMG story time about men taking things too literally. For some context: I'm 38, I've been with my partner for 17 years, married for 9. Early on in our relationship, we were staying at his mom's house for several days, and I got to a point where I was feeling cabin fever because we'd just been hanging out there at her house for days on end. So on like day 4, starting in the early morning, I kept saying things (privately to him) like, "I really want to go out." Later that afternoon after I'd said that to him a few times, he beckoned me to his mom's backyard where he just looked at me expectantly, and I was looking at HIM expectantly. I was like, "Were you going to show me something out here?" and he NOT JOKING AT ALL said, "I thought you wanted to go out." LOOOOL, I almost died!!!!!! That whole morning, he thought I was saying that I literally wanted to GO OUTSIDE. He so earnestly thought that's what I wanted all along. I will never forget that me saying "I want to go out" resulted in him walking me out to the backyard. 🤣 -sareynotsarey
haha this is adorable and relatable. it's so funny to have those moments where you're like, i SWEAR i was speaking plain english and i didnt even think of the weird edge case interpretations of this
😅😅 my guy is like this too! He is very literal, blunt, and direct and I talk in metaphors and try to soften blows, so we confuse each other sometimes lol.
@@kellikakes81 I relate but my husband and I are opposite, which I find so interesting, being that it seems to be a masculine vs feminine energy thing
Caroline, I be doing the same, wondering why I didn’t notice my life is so terrible 😅 a few days before I menstruate. Except, the last couple of months (thanks to a change in diet) my cycle is ten days longer, and the existential dread lasted TEN days 🫠
Love how you both put into words how the hormones & the energy go hand in hand without being the single factor. I too avoided tracking cycles for years because of the cultural implications that it meant I was a “bitch on the rag”, but it’s been so helpful to now realize all that affects how I experience life. Where I previously thought I simply suffered from depression, it’s also a pattern correlated with the hormones-and it passes! No need to be asking myself what’s wrong with me every month 🙃
Mitigating vs exculpatory is such a DC thing to say
Online diagnostics are stupid but i will say i'm autistic (never thought i was but now I've learned about it im like duh lol) and i relate to caroline in a lot of ways so that's probably why people say you are that or something else they relate to. Of course you can relate to people about something without them being the same as you. 😊
ok so this just made so much sense to me... I'm a dentist and know that hormonal fluctuations can make your gums have an exaggerated response to plaque. if you have nice and healthy gums the hormonal fluctuations would not rock the boat at all but if you have a little bit of a gum issue going on and you are not taking care of it on a DAILY basis when the hormonal fluctuations come like pms, puberty, pregnancy, menopause... guess what? your gums will just go out of wack like no tomorrow. maybe the same goes for our mood and mental health? like if you are not taking care of your mental well being daily it shows itself tenfold when you pms?
Several years ago, because my husband would sometimes say, "I thought you just had your period!", I put up a hook and hung a number (refrigerator magnet from our son's alphabet set of refrigerator magnets) on it. The number was what week I was on. He could see it every day. One day, the three of us were playing a game, and I started crying. My son got up, got the #3, and hung it on the hook. I was on week 1, so the crying didn't make sense. After he hung the 3, he sat back down, he exhaled as his shoulders dropped, and he said, "There!" It was like, "Everything makes sense now." It was so funny, I was only allowed to cry on "cry week".
I'm SOOOOOOOO glad I'm not the only one with a significant other (my hubs) who is much like Ryan and Justin in their communication (or noncommunication)....... It's soooooooooo insane!
Jess!!! YES!!! LOLLL........ The WAY I phrase my question or a sentence should not be confusing to my hubs. LOL. I make myself very, very clear. We just don't understand each other. For real!!!
Yes! I am seeing neurodivergence awareness everywhere and have been contemplating exploring some kind of diagnosis. But in my case, I question whether there’s a benefit to having the label. I think maybe we’re all a little bit of everything? I just started therapy for the first time, though, so what do I know?
I wouldn't know what is my internal journey either. That reminds me of a scene between Kitty and Red Forman.
haha fine, i allow
15:18 I JUST said to someone recently. But also, I do not think I generally feel that deep about the pain I am expressing at that time (chemical high). I saw a pattern. The week before my period...whatever my ex used to do or say would just piss me off or make me way more emotional than usual. Like 50% uptick! Then those same things wouldn't bother me at NEARLY as much at other times. I'm glad you two are realizing this at younger ages than I. I just figured this out a couple years ago at like 40 lol.
The couple’s communication part I thought that I was the only one and it’s not just in couple’s it happens with family and friends also hope you guys talk more about this☺️😫
The secret is you walk into a printer shop and you ask for the MOST basic printer. Black and white only, no bluetooth. No scanning. Just a plug in printer. I love my basic dumb reliable printer, i have no problems printing sheet music and return labels on a moment's notice.
wow k thank u for this. i may
Wait, why does this end mid-sentence with jess saying circlejerking? Was some content cut or didn't make it to UA-cam?!
so sorry, that's a glitch! i'm going to aim to get the remaining clip up on YT tomorrow! so sorry about that!
According to AI, "It's impossible to say for sure which stall was last used in a bathroom. However, statistically, the furthest stall from the entrance is less likely to be used. People tend to choose middle stalls due to a preference for centrality, or the first stall because they feel it offers a quicker exit [1].
If cleanliness is your concern, studies suggest the middle stalls are used more frequently [2]. The first stall, though less used, might not be inherently cleaner."
I never found a doctor who could help me with the monthly cycle I'd get debilitating migraines, heavy bleeding, serious cramps, and feeling like I had the flu for 3 days prior to the cycle starting. I tried cutting out pasta, which helped a bit with bloating and headaches; I tried upping magnesium, which who knows how it helped, if at all, but noticed nothing, and only now since an hysterectomy have I had relief. Magnesium makes a difference for sleep and 'charley horse cramping' at night, which no longer happens since upping magnesium. But the monthly cycle? It's a nightmare until it's over. I tried as hard as I could to adopt stoicism because nothing mechanical was working. If men had to deal with this every 3 weeks, there's be alot more violence in society. But we women bear it quietly or loudly, and with or without grace, but we don't kill anyone.
I like this saying about assuming (the "..makes an ass out of you & me") a lot actually. 😊❤
It's very true.
Even if your mood fluctuates on a monthly basis, it might not be related to your period. Lots of things cycle on a monthly basis. It could be tied to monthly work demands, just looking forward to a new month the way people treat a new year, etc.
absolutely. that's what we mean when we say "the reason doesnt necessarily matter". the point is that noticing your patterns - whatever they're attributed to - helps everyone at every age, gender, etc.
Why do they look so beautiful in this episode
Caroline link the top pls❤ such a clean cut neckline, love it!
Printers never work when you need to print something important or immediately and wifi decides it’s time for a KitKat. Mine has been printing in stripes since it was 3.5 yrs old. No amount of cleaning in the settings has worked.
It would be interesting to see if your thoughts of anything from childhood like the Berenstain Bears is related to a time of anxiety. I find I watch or listen to TV shows from the 80s more when I’m anxious and watching certain movies will tell me when my stress levels are rising.
For me the thing with "it´s mitigating, not exculpatory" (or as another commenter put it "it´s an explanation, not an excuse") feels kind of tricky. Because on one hand, of course having adhd for example doesn´t excuse you for everything. But what are we imagining that it´s "unfairly" trying to excuse? I feel like societies´ expectations and ways of working very come from a neurotypical basis and everyone is expected to be able to do deliver/perform/do things the way neurotypicals can. And the whole point of whatever neurodivergency you have, is that you likely can´t do it the way everyone else does. Best believe that if I could do it the way everyone else does, I would, and best believe I´m not trying to inconvenience anyone with my neurodivergence. Unfortunately my just likely doesn´t work the way you nor I might want it to, and yes, that´ll require empathy and collaborative thinking and actions in making it work for the both of us, and no that´s not me using my neurodivergence as an excuse rather just facing the fact of how my brain works.
Caroline!!! Yes..... It's ALWAYS a debate with my husband. Cross-examining and arguing about stupid definitions of words that don't ultimately matter... This must be an "intelligent" guy's mode of communication. My husband is a retired high school math teacher and has a master's degree in ?? accounting, I think?? Not even sure, but WOW.
Diagnosing extrangers on the internet is very rude, but I can understand the feelings and intention behind it because I was diagnosed with ADHD at 29 (but of course it doesn't excuse them). It wasn't an easy thing to do because being diagnosed as neurodivergent as an adult is hard and it gets harder when you're a woman/fem presenting (most womens get diagnosed with bipolar before getting the right diagnosis). Also, when you are neurodivergent the posibility of comorbidity (having diferent mental health issues) is high (In my case I've been dealing with anxiety and depression most of my life) which can affect the diagnosing process. So I can understand that some neurodivergent people say it because they think they're helping the other person and would hae loved other people telling them sooner.
There is also a system that applies to choosing a treadmill at the gym
wow genius, yes agree
I say the 2nd stall...
Edit: oh no, I'm not the only one thinking 2nd?!?!? Maybe the 1st of the best
That's why Japanese bathrooms are way better. They play music and the stall walls go all the way to the ground.
My bf once told me I have a nice odor. I though it was just him but I guess men and women have different definitions for smell-related words.
PLEASE TALK ABOUT PRINTERS
Hahahah
💓
Sometimes people breathe loudly because, you know, they have medical conditions that affect their airways. I've been told some of these people occasionally visit the internet, so perhaps wishing death on them, even jokingly, isn't cool. Maybe consider not punching down at people with disabilities? They already have to live in a world where an awful lot of people don't want them around.
I took a long break from podcasts.. what a happy surprise to see the episodes on UA-cam!
Great episode as always! I really wanted to hear Jess’ take on networking though I think it was cut off 🥲
she has great thoughts! it cut off accidentally but will be posted on YT this weekend. in the meantime if you want to hear the ruminations, it's available on Spotify / apple pods!
Long time listener and Wheelchair user here YOU CAN USE THE HANDICAPPED STALL.
God bless you for this!!!!