I once heard a story of a wife who denied intimacy for THREE YEARS and the husband was getting frustrated. The wife was gaslighting him hard saying all he cares about is bedroom action, he's a predator, he's disgusting, he's sexist, etc. It was only when he was walking out the door after trying to repeat a full digest of the gaslighting tactics that I mentioned above that she FINALLY gave in and told him the real reason she's been like this. She cheated on him and got a disease from it. Something that would spread and isn't curable. So in her twisted way, she was protecting him. He left INSTANTLY after hearing this and proceeded with the divorce. I've heard so many variations of this tragic story and it all starts with a dead bedroom.
I also heard a story like that. Idk if it was 3 years though so it might have been different people. Anyway, it’s such weird logic to have. On the one hand, it’s better that she didn’t have sex with him and spread the disease to him but on the other wtf did she think was going to happen? He was just going to be cool with never having sex again and her thinking he was disgusting for wanting to?
@@Catsclaw-ru6zw What's worse is that she tried to paint it in a sort of altruistic light. I dunno the exact wording, but she was like "At least I cared enough about you to not infect you!" or some s*** like that.
He says he believes she isn't cheating but i highly doubt that. She might already be pregnant, which is why she is so furiously now trying to sleep with him
Or maybe she secretly lesbian and trying to use him as a cover. In which case she wouldn't be pregnant, but the sex is just a last ditch effort to keep him from leaving
OP said there was nothing suspicious. Right. /s Dead bedroom ... check Not doing anything (therapy) for OP ... check Wanting kids ... check After divorce papers, initiating sex ... check Dude is seriously oblivious! If she could switch her s3x drive on/off that quickly, she had to be getting it elsewhere! Plus, wanting to have kids all of a sudden? Yes, she's early 30s, but going from a dead bedroom to wanting kids right now just makes it more likely she's pregnant from an AP! As well as the refusal to go to therapy. Sure, there's a slight possibility that she realized she's asexual, but she hasn't told OP that!
I'll repeat it again. Freedom of choice doesn't mean freedom from consequences. She doesn't owe him sex, but he doesn't owe her a marriage/relationship. He has every right to leave, just as she has every right not to put out.
When he breaks said contract regardless if his reason or reasons are good, he is going to face potentially nasty consequences during divorce for her refusal to "put out" as you call it.
@@wendigos_eat_people7177 which just goes to show that the system isn't always fair. And yes, I do phrase it as her refusing to put out. I get not wanting sex, and as I said she has every right not to, but everyone has needs, and while you can marry someone purely for love of their character, the physical side of intimacy is something most couples look forward to. They just are not sexually compatible. He's got every right to feel the way he does.
@@robinkholmes7127 I don't think you will get through his thick skull.(if it is a him) You and I know that relationships and marriages both have their unique responsibilities and thus obligations . Marriage being the most serious one. His line "She doesn't owe him sex" sounds like something a skanky ,man-hating radical feminist would say. I've heard them use that line many times.If what he says is true.....than no man should get married since their is no expectations of sex on the regular thus no reward for the sacrifices and other hardships he might face. That includes women since women also enjoy having sex with their husbands
Story 1: she really tried to have a baby with OP to “save” their failing marriage like that has ever been a good idea 🙄. The fact she was shocked he filed for divorce after things were clearly not working is wild.
Then the sudden "love bombing" and promising s3x when she clearly wasn't into it before? It's either a trap to placate OP briefly or she's shagging someone else on the side.
"The fact she was shocked he filed for divorce after things were clearly not working is wild." Not surprising at all when it comes from a specific demographic: as far as they are concerned, guys aren't actually people who can be hurt, be frustrated, etc. This is also evident by the fact that she did a 180 ONLY AFTER learning that OP was serious about following through, after MONTHS of him trying to resolve the situation by requesting counseling. My proof? It will be the certain demographic who will blame OP, by intentionally misrepresenting the situation as OP being controlling/abusive to his SO.
@@Bucketus.Lord.of.Buckets Those were my thoughts! Things were going good for her so she chose to ignore her partners needs! Girl is delusional if she still couldn't see OP's misery after he spelt it out for her that this was going to happen if things don't change...
There's a reason why she was shocked. All OP did for 2 years was flap his jaw. Talk is cheap. She figured OP was powerless to take action, and got shocked he proved her wrong!
@Vasilia4 she is still the AH. She wouldn't work on the marriage and had no problem taking advantage of him while ignoring his needs. That is a neglectful partner.
Story 1: She considers her happiness worth the effort, but not OP. The hardest part of someone changing is knowing they could have been doing it the whole time but they chose not to. They didn’t care when it was hurting you, only when it hurts them.
i can tell your a man , as a fellow guy myself, you guys always think because your men, people owe you guys sex, that's why many of you are single. I don't disagree with him wanting to leave but she don't owe him sex so he can leave yeah but she can don't want it either so I am sick of ppl bashing her.
I have to wonder how sincere her efforts were, though. Given her previous unwillingness to address their mismatched desires, you've got to wonder if this was just a temporary effort born of desperation.
So she wasn't sexual with her husband until he filed for divorce. No no, that's that's not an attempt at manipulation at all. 🤦♂️ Glad OP chose himself here. It sounds like she had them on some kind of schedule but failed to tell OP what it was or his role in her grand scheme.
The fact the suddenly starts to become very sexual after all OP's attempts to resolve the intimacy issue and rejection he got from her to the point divorce is the only option, it's very insulting.
Story 2: I had to go back to check the ages this “friend” is 30? Then she pushes her 20 year old roommate to date a 19 year old only to sleep with him behind her back just disgusting behavior all around.
@@Sparky0627honestly it makes a lot of sense when she and max were friends long before op. They use op for a cover up to avoid judgmental looks. Makes me think it's a lot worst then what op is telling us.
Sounds like my moms friend growing up. She and her daughter (who was only a few years older then me) often times flirted (and later slept) with eachithers boyfriends. To be fair my mother also had a kid with and then married for a time that same friends husband (one of my three abusive step dads). Who then was later (after my mom divorced him) accused by the daughter of rape (which was a common tactic of hers to use against guys that rejected her either as punishment or as blackmail to force them to have sex with or date her). he and they then all skipped town together. Years later we made contact with eachother again and it turns out he ended up dying in prison over drugs (kind of expected. Well the death in prison part not the drugs part).
Story 1: I think what makes it the most disgusting is that she's basically going full nympho after she gets the papers. As long as he wasn't actually leaving he was not worth any effort at all. If there was any doubt before, that should really put the final nail in the relationship. If you can only be heard if you threaten to leave (or tbh: actually pack your bags), it's really over.
That is THE MOST annoying. She never even gave a reason, she pushed him to this decision and when divorce knocks her door, suddenly the usual biggest personality change in just under 24 hours. Why didn't she do that before and let the relationship die? What a POS
I still think she was cheating on him and OP just didn't want to admit it or was just dense. Granted she was early 30s and said she wanted kids, but why wouldn't she have initiated the 180 sooner? I think she got pregnant from an AP and thought she could get OP to raise it! Thus the rush to have a kid!
Story 2: *She started crying and told me she never meant to hurt me and that it just happened and how they both fell in "love"* Oh it's bullshit reason,they got off from the sneaking behind OP back.
Yeah, most of the time, that's the real reason for serial cheaters. They Need the illicit excitement. Sex they're "allowed" to have is Not enough. You're better off Nowhere near these kind of people, they'll just drag you into their drama even when you're *not* (currently) their victim.
The 2nd story i don't buy it, the first thing that came to my mind is that they used OP as a cover from the start. A 30 YO with a 19 YO is not well perceived by common opinion, most will jump to grooming (which is a possibility).
She want's no sex fine. He's miserable and wants to leave after couples counselling fails also fine. She wants to get pregnant the minute he mentions divorce, run screaming.
Wanting a baby all of a sudden right after he mentions divorce is scary manipulative. It's weird to me to how many people missed the marching bands worth of red flags there.
I think no one pointed it out because it was so obvious. Odds are she was already pregnant with an AP's baby and was looking for a way to pawn it off as OP's
S2- Why are you moving out? Op- You know why Ex bff- no I don’t OP- I caught y’all Ex bff- 😭 I’m sorry , it just happened once. Next day they update relationship status. They were in a secret relationship and loved the thrill of doing it behind OPs back.
Story 1: A marriage requires work from both people involved. If your partner has needs, is communicating their needs and being ignored, the marriage will not work.
Story 2: Bella and Max should have just got together upfront. Why would Max even date OP when he's screwing Bella? OP should be happy that she's done with his clown show.
Age Gap makes it obvious why. Happy they got the treatment they deserve! Had they done what you said with involving OP, the age gap would have been the only issue. Now it and their scummy behavior is why they'll never be accepted (and fuck the commenters OP2 mentioned victim blaming her! Hope they get cheated on cause THEY just didn't feel like kissing or something. Would shut that behavior right up)
Story 1: Ngl I came in expecting OP to be entitled but it’s so refreshing to see someone acknowledge it’s a lack of compatibility (ie isn’t going ‘boo hoo I deserve sex’ but instead ‘right now our views and priorities don’t align and our relationship is/will end up becoming toxic’ yknow? Especially given they’ve tried therapy etc and were unable to resolve it- be it op deciding he’s ok with no sex or the wife perhaps being asexual/having insecurities or other things going on that plays into her not having a libido that matches OP) Tbh sounds like there may be something going on with the wife (not necessarily anything wrong there though going 0-100 isn’t healthy and def seems there’s something else going on she isn’t ready/willing to share with op, be it an affair/body changes etc) Story 2: I’m a petty gal and I’d say to her “sorry, I’ve just been having trouble doing std testing after Max explained the ones he has/he’s worried about a recent flare up of herpes etc” Match lit and watch her go pale n set the whole thing ablaze. ETA: even better, say “Max told me *one of his side pieces gave him **___* “ for extra mind fuckery
I think some woman dont understand physical intinacy is important in a relationship its classed as one the higher foens of needs in paychology as most studies find lack of sex life is the fiest sign of a failed marriage
Story 2: Bella and Max probably didn’t start dating immediately because they knew the age difference would look bad. Being outed by OP forced them to either break up or make it official. Which is honestly fine imo, the relationships where you get with your affair partner usually crash and burn when you’re stuck dealing with more boring things than sex with your affair partner 😂
1st story: Not sure what is going on with her, but the fact is that she didn't want to put in any effort, dismissed OP's needs and feelings, and outright refused to change it. She only put in any effort as a last ditch manipulation tactic to try and get him to stay.
I am worried story 2 that the poor op was a cover for a long term inappropriate thing. It seems off they knew each other for so long and knew each other for work together at a college I think?
I know such couple but their age gap is worse. She is older than his mother by 2-3years, a divorcee with a child. And they met when he was 17? They had a child when he was 20. He is from poor rural area. She is not that rich. Sells cosmetics and stuff through her fb. Now she is paying for his college ,seems like his family also mooches off of her. She made a weird choice i think. It is like she adopted another child and now raising 2kids alone? I would think that she is a predator but also she is the one being used.
@@effingcool1780 Dang. That’s definitely worse! If she’s older than his own mother, the day will come when she is using him, assuming they stay together. I guess that could be considered a transactional relationship? I understand the appeal of someone younger, and I do think each relationship is unique, but as a general rule of thumb: people should be wary of large age gaps, as they do come with their own downsides, if not pitfalls. And if you’re gonna date younger, at least try to make sure your brains are both in the same stage of development, ya know? 17 is criminal. Heck, I’m 35, and I can’t imagine dating even 10 years my junior. Like, I literally can’t imagine an individual I could even have enough in common with, let alone enough confidence to justify navigating the future with. The idea of dating someone who still has a curfew makes my skin crawl. My own parents were 17 years apart. They were both wildly unique, super intelligent people, who loved each other very much. I doubt my mother would have fallen for anyone else with that many years on her. They just met and hit it off. Probably didn’t hurt that my father had the energy and physique of a man half his age. With that being said, there was definitely at least one downside; my dad died almost a decade ago, leaving my mom single at an age that isn’t easy on a woman. Although my mom would argue that, even if you are the same age, you can lose your partner any time, and she has a point.
@@dinkyd1533 No true...my partner and I haven't had sex in the past few years. Neither of us are cheating...he's suffering from ED and won't see a doctor....and because my libido has always been very low, I genuinely don't mind... But I probably would grow frustrated if I had a "normal" sex drive....but I don't. Everyone is different and as long as both parties are content, not having sex if fine however long you're okay with it.
@@frozezone2947Legal doesn’t make it right. A 19 year old and a 30 year old are at completely different stages in life and mentally. 19 is still a child even if they are a legal adult.
@@aimeea5528 If a 19 is still a child then they could take a 16 then right? No, so shut up. a 19 year old has all the responsibilities and powers of an adult therefore they can date whoever they want.
For story 1, I have a theory while she isn’t cheating, she has someone else on the mind. Maybe she wants a baby to trap OP so he has no escape in that environment while she actually bangs the person she wants. Another theory and it’s simple, is that she just wants control.
@@nohaybando9586ok dumb dumb we live in a world where cheating and baby trapping happens or we have trash people that hurt their partners take off the rose tinted glasses instead of just making comments like that
Ever heard of Occam's razor? The most obvious explanation is that she has a low libido. She doesn't care that they're sexually incompatible because she got everything she wanted out of the marriage while OP didn't.
Story 1: (NTA) Yeah, you can't demand sex but you also shouldn't put up with a life when you're unsatisfied and a marriage where you live with roommates. She's probably trying to baby-trap the OP, she sees that he's planning to leave. They did couple's counselling and s** therapy and still, nothing. I'd also suspect an affair at this point, time to snoop. Update: I'm glad that the OP turned down her last-ditch offers. I have to wonder what his wife got out of the relationship when they were so incompatible. In a case like this only talk through a lawyer, she's a manipulative person. Story 2: Confront them, Bella is a frenemy. Don't accept excuses from either of them. "It just happened", "I was bored", "You're no fun" "I have needs". Drop both of them and start over. Max is a lying d**che for saying he's okay with not having s** and sleeping with your best friend. This isn't your fault, I have to wonder if Bella isolated the OP from other potential friends. Update: So the OP got her stuff and got out. Classic, "It just happened" "I didn't mean to hurt you" classic narc lines. Those two can be in love, don't trust "We only had sex the one time" BS. Bella is a narc and entitled b**ch. I'm glad that the friend group are done with them two, karma! To anyone who said, "You deserved it because you didn't give Max sex." you try having sex when you don't want to.
S1. Wife failed to perform maintenance on her marriage even after hearing and seeing the check engine light but now shocked it broke down. Maybe she was cheating or maybe she had a pron addiction. Doesnt matter, she is now a 30 something year old childless divorced woman.
@@RisetoStrength forcing your spouse into sex is still rape/assault. Sex is about sharing love, and if that isn’t happening, then they separate. Forcing sex (aka r*pe) does no one any favors to say the least.
@@Nora-dp6mk Do you seriously think you can get married and still be free? Hell nah. Both sexes give up a lot of freedoms to enter into a marriage. This idea that you always need to be free to run off and screw up your family is BS.
S1-Its called hysterical bonding. She would be sexual forna few weeks/months but as soon as the danger or divorce is over she would be right back to abstinence.
She felt she went overboard on the insults. I don't think so, as I'm certain that others would agree as well, since Bella was scum. But OP2 seems like a genuinely great person, so to her, it was appropriate to apologize. I hope and pray she finds someone worthy of her! ❤❤
No one called it out because in this case the older of the 2 was female. I guarantee if it was the other way round everyone would have been calling it out.
The wife in Story 1 is the personification of the Surprised Pikachu Face meme. I'm sure someone else has meme'd on her accordingly but it bears reiteration.
Story 1: If she isn't getting it at home, she is getting it elsewhere. With her trying to love bomb him right after papers were served, clearly shows she has the desire, but not with him. He is doing the right thing as he is simply an ATM machine for her, nothing more. The relationship has been done for years so he is correct in his decisions, but he really needs therapy to understand the red flags were there for a long time and why he chose to ignore them and make excuses for them time after time. He will never grow as a man until he figures out why he was so comfortable allowing his STBXW to manipulate and gasslight him for years, and to set boundaries for future relationships and for him.
Nope, That's a myth concocted by bitter lonely feminist who view younger adult women as competition for the men they want. Often the men are the ones ignored and passed over by those same women when he was younger, and now he is finally at the point in his life that younger women are interested in him and he can finally get lucky more often. Younger women not only are more lovely looking with nicer stronger bodies, they tend to be more FEMININE, no boss b*tch attitudes,if raised in an intact home with a decent father who doesn't put up with BS. she is more likely to have better emotional control and be kinder, more agreeable, not argumentative, more likely to have lower body counts so less likely to loose all pair-bonding ability ,and less baggage and bad habits from being with a lot of guys. lesser chance of having kids with birth defects physical and mentle, no expensive high risk pregnancies. less likely to be stuck in her ways and be more flexible. The glimmer of youth in her eyes. more easily impressed (think vacations) more likely to look up to her partner than down at like an older woman. Older women tend to be reckless and will jump into marriage to beat their biological needs to be a mother when that clock starts ticking, may even trick a man she isn't sexually aroused by into marriage using sex like the first woman in this story. If that is the case the marriage will be over within 3 to 8 years depending on when she has her kid and if the husband really is the father, either way she will get a good payday through the friendly court system. Older women usually tend to be more bossy and controlling , argumentative, competitive,disrespectful, bad habits she developed from the men she has been with and will bring into the next relationship. less or no pair-bonding ability causing the chance of a breakup or divorce to go through the roof at 80% , 90% if she's collage educated. There is a reason Mother Nature designed men and women to marry young and stay married.
That's a narrow view of the world. Outside of high school it's common to have friends of vastly different ages. When I was in college one of my best friends was 36 while I was 19-20 and I had a few friends in that age range. It's just how things go unless you specifically aim to only be friends with people your age.
Ok lets get this out of the way it is true that she dosnt owe him sex but he also dosnt owe it to her to stay in a marriage where he isnt happy and you aslo dont become suddenly sexual the moment he hit with divorce when she was so against it before this whole post screamed cheater vibes on her side
@@baseupp12 It screamed cheater vibe. She is cheating but knows its the OP which is keeping her in a lifestyle she likes. Suddenly he wants to leave, let's have a kid, trying to trap OP into staying while she continues in her ways.
She's in her early thirties so her chance to have a family is quickly drying up so she's trying to start a family with this guy that way when he does leave she can get extra money in child support in addition to getting the house and alimony.
You're allowed to leave if you are/become sexually incompatible. Some people have higher drives than others, it doesn't make them assholes who only care about sex.
@@RisetoStrength Huh? Sure there is! There are people that find out they are asexual while their spouse isn't. It's not wrong to be that way, but neither is leaving it. However, if you refuse therapy to work on your relationship, and don't say anything that you are asexual, that relationship is incompatible and over! But I really think she was cheating!
@@RisetoStrengththat's a straight lie, Asexual people aren't one size fits all, they can be on a spectrum, some can even tolerate sex for awhile if they really love a person
Story 1: So if OP's wife wasn't desiring sex, where did all the toys and clothing come from? As in, why did she have them? Who was she using them with because it sounds as if it wasn't OP. Anyway, happy that OP decided to leave. SP was using sex as a way of keeping him around
Toys and clothes are not really hard get fast. Lots of online shops with fast delivery and cities have (several) sex shops. Or maybe those existed from times they still had sex regularly?
If he is to believe they had a healthy sex life in the beginning of their relationship and it got worse with time, maybe the toys and clothing is simply things they got and hadn’t used for some time.
This is the most cut and dry version of this kind of story I've seen out of reddit. No drama, no twists, no nothing. Normally reddit has to beg the OP to end the relationship, regardless of whether or not they're in the right.
I remember over a decade ago, the internet tried to destroy a Christian woman who made a blogpost about something similar She said that it was their "wifely duty" to have intimacy with her husband. Not all the time, mind you, but that in marriage, your spouse will often do many things they don't want to do but will do anyway to make you happy. She also said that the intimacy will be something you will enjoy too (well, for obvious reasons) and the hormones will help destress and have you both grow closer together. The older I get, the more I realize how correct she is. ETA: from what I remember, she was against the whole "if you love me you'll do..." kind of manipulation ETA2: the fact that she tried to bed OP repeatedly after OP decided to leave was pure manipulation. Disgusting. She didn't care at all about OP until he was already gone.
Duty's to one another in marriage doesn't exist anymore. People see marriage is two friends living together. That any obligation (From the women's side.) is abuse.
Yeah. I remember this. You added the “not all the time part”. The post basically advocated for sex on demand. Marriage is about partnership across all things including, sex. That post was not about partnership. If you agree with her position, fine. But, taking this one instance to prove her point is disingenuous. Particularly, when men also have issues in that area as they age and women are left frustrated.
S1: if that is what you want, I see no reason why you shouldn't find a person of your own age who feels the same way. But not a younger person to groom into thinking that's how marriage should be. Enjoy your duty sex! Sounds delightful.
Story 1: "Happy Spouse, Happy House" not the "Happy Wife, Happy Life" BS !!! OP figured out he needs to be happy as well. And divorce was the only way left after she refused any counseling or therapy. Granted, as others have said here, you aren't "owed" s3x, but you do have to try to make each other happy! Both husband & wife deserve to give the other their best effort so each have some (or more equal) happiness. Could she be asexual? Sure, but unlikely, given her actions after being served the divorce papers! Plus she didn't say that to OP! Could she be getting "Baby Fever" (she is early 30s now) ?? Again, unlikely because she didn't reactivate the dead bedroom until AFTER the papers!! Contrary to OP's belief that she wasn't cheating, I think he was ignoring things. Dead bedroom, refusing counseling and/or therapy, wanting a baby without reactivating the dead bedroom, and her complete 180 after getting the divorce papers. All lead me to believe she was cheating and got pregnant. AP was either married or didn't have money or a good job, and she wanted OP to raise another man's child! Glad OP showed her his shiny spine!
How is it unlikely to be Asexual. Asexual people exist on a spectrum some absolutely despise sex and others can just prefer not to have it but desperation to not be divorced can have a person to do things they don't want to do
Story 2: Bella was grooming Max. A divorced 30 yr old woman who introduced a 19 yr old coworker to her 20 yr old “sister”. I bet you grooming Max was the reason why she was divorced
Story one; Show of hands of who thinks the wife was cheating, and only wanted to 'try' to start having kids, just to pass off any potential affair babies as her husband's kids?
No one is owed sex but at the same time, there are people in which LOVE MAKING is an important love language for them. Not getting that form of love could be seen as the love fading or not being loved at all. I'm married, but my husband and I don't make love. My love language is spending quality time with him, kissing, and so on. I can't fully relate to straight couples, but OP feeling like he's just there for breeding when sex only came up for pregnancy, makes sense to me. He feels used and I don't blame him. Something hinky was going on with the wife.
Story 1: NTA Is she seeing someone else on the side, but wanting you to be the baby daddy so that DNA testing will not prove that she is having an @ffair? Get the to a clinic and get tested for every single communicable infection, NOW.
Story one - The comments are so right she is trying to trap him! She knows what OP wants but ignores him till SHE wants something from sex like a baby! Having a kid would have only made it worse because he would get what he wants for as long as it took to get her pregnant but then he would be handing her a "reason" to not have sex! I bet if he had stayed to conceive a baby with her he would have gotten all the sex he wanted but only long enough to do the job then she would shut him out again because she is pregnant and doesn't want to "hurt the baby"... He told her multiple times that this was a problem for him and she ignored his feelings till it was too late! She could have saved the marriage but got complacent and didn't believe he would actually leave...
Story one: She didn't put any effort into their marriage...untill OP pulled the plug. Then she "Saw The Light". Yeah,nope. I wonder if OP is getting a call in a couple of weeks from her telling him he is going to be a dad......which isn't his kid ofc If you have a box full of tous,cross play costumes,lingery and the like i have an incredible hard time believing OPs stbx wife didn't got her kicks from someone else. He did the only right thing. Without intimacy,there is no relationship. Only room mates at best
story 2: oh that poor girl i can relate. its almost exactly what happened to me in my first relationship. it really messes you up when its your first relationship
STORY 2 TELL MAX THAT AS FAR AS U R CONCERNED HE CAN GO +GET CASTRATED, U CAN TELL BELLA THAT U CAN'T CARE LESS IF SHE HAS A STILL BORN IF SHE GETS PREGNANT. SO THAT THEY KNOW YOUR OPINION ON THEM.
Story 2: No one is bringing up the fact a 30-year-old woman is having sex with a guy eleven years younger than her? That's not the least bit sketchy to anyone else? (Don't at me with the fact he's a legal adult. That doesn't change the fact he's still a teenager, very much still a kid, and is in a completely different place in life than someone in their 30s).
I definitely understand what you mean, I seen a few mention it, but I say it's more or the less the double standard, if this was a 30-year-old dude with a 19 years girl....whew... 30 years old, Divorced and having a secret fling with someone barely out of high school, nah this aint it ma'am. like you said, legal, yes, but still looks sketchy as all hell, and I'm 5 years older than her, anyone 25 and under from my pov is practically a kid when it comes to that aspect smh.
Your spouse does owe each other sexual intimacy because it’s marriage . In my religion u can divorce ur spouse if they not wanting to be intimate while being healthy with no medical issues that hinder intimacy .. divorce is very much permitted . Infertility and no sex are two legitimate reasons to issue divorce ..
We know why and probably we see that update at some point. She was pushing for a kid hard as a bandaid. She was getting sexual again as soon as he file for divorce. That is clearly manipulation 101, but if you ask why she was insistent with having a kid, and how they had this situation is clearly what is the problem. All points to her having an affair too, since the mood swing, the pushing hard for a kid, using sex as a bargain tool an she is desperate for keep him. That is indications that she is pregnant from an affair and probably can't use the "I'm pregnant" card on him out of the blue because if she does, she will get caught since they didn't had intimacy for a long time. If she show signs of pregnancy during the divorce she can't spin it around.
Let's not assume he pays the bills ( if it says it in the story, I'm sorry that I missed it) Wouldn't saying something like he doesn't owe her a relationship or being treated badly, be a bit better? Why are you bringing money into this? (Genuine question, not attacking)
@@Ecofriendlyant youre saying not to assume things but youre assuming that he doesnt pay the bills based off a small story from reddit about two strangers
I'm telling people not to assume who pays bills in general, nothing in my statement said he didn't pay. You know what I responded to and, you know the context, you're not stupid and know why I said that, do not try to turn this on me. Purposeful incompetence, isn't a good look 😊😊@@reaperofsouls1306
@@Ecofriendlyant The assumption is that he is helping pay the bills. If he isn't then her intimacy perspective is the least of their concerns and she'd be better off breaking up with him.
@@needmoney666I'm asking why you're assuming that in general the story has nothing to do with bills or money, so bringing it up and just feels odd imo. Does that make sense? ( I agree with everything else you said just a bit confused)
Sex isnt everything in a relationship but I think it's part of the glue in a relationship. You're supposed to be able to be intimate, loving, fun, silly and just all around yourself in a relationship and sex. I have to wonder if with the uptick on posts of women not wanting sex in marriages is some kind of strike or test. Either isnt goo because communicate is the best way to figure things out. Not screaming, not threats, not accusations... communication
I’m thinking it’s the usual wave of a few real posts but mostly fake posts being focused on one topic. This time the topic seems to be wives not wanting to sleep with their partners
@@Sparky0627 I agree. I am of the mind the "intimacy" is that as well. Simple kisses, hand holding, "I love yous", even doing something nice like a note or getting flowers or making something the other likes.
Story 1 - Im wondering what her side of the story is. But fair dues to op for a) refusing to have a kid and b) knowing what he wants (divorce) and going for it. The world would be a bit better if everyone moved with such purpose.
She's cheating. If she's not getting it from him she's getting it somewhere else, which explains the complete end of all other intimacy. She wants to go bareback on the other guy so she suggested trying to have a baby so she can hide the fact she's intending on getting knocked up or has already been knocked up by someone else.
Story 2: Is nobody seeing how OPs ex-bestfriend probably groomed Max? He's 19 and they used ti be coworkers. OPs ex-bestfriend just used OP and their relationship as a cover-up for her grooming a minor!
Story 1: she could also simply be asexual. Lots of asexuals try deny it and pretend be sexual. And being asexual doesn't mean no babies Her coming to op when he was packing wouldn't also be out of question for asexual. OP did the right thing by leaving, it would go back to old after few weeks and he'd be miserable. Story 2: ex-friend is a creep. 30 yr old going after teen. Disgusting
I could never stay in a sexless relationship. It’s especially messed up that this issue popped up after the marriage. It’s not like he signed up for this. Sure, she doesn’t owe him sex but he shouldn’t stay. I wouldn’t want to even have sex with someone anymore if they didn’t want to have sex with me. Relationship ending situation.
He has every right to walk away from the marriage. He made efforts and tried to figure out what the issue was. There's nothing wrong with wanting a healthy sexual relationship with your spouse. He was smart not to take the bait and try for a kid. That doesn't make sense to me, and I'm a woman. Why would you stop having sex with your husband and then ask for kids out of the blue? Why go buy lingerie and toys AFTER you were served divorced papers? That was a last desperate attempt to manipulate OP in my opinion.
Story 2: I agree with exactly the way you handled this. You are far more mature than Max and Bella. I also agree with your final comment to those who used the excuse that Max cheated because he was not getting it from you. You were not ready, plain and simple. If s3x meant so much to Max, he should have left you first, not che@ted on you. Good Luck, OP.
Here we go. You're either attracted to your partner, or you aren't. She clearly isn't, but still wants all the fringe benefits OP provides. She doesn't owe him intimacy, but he doesn't owe her a marriage or children either. Update is so predictable! Soon as OP showed he meant business, suddenly she was throwing herself at him feet first! LOL glad he rebuffed her. Hope he learns in the future to not let his SO make all the rules, and to take action when talk fails.
The fact that she only started getting sexual when OP decided to leave is the biggest slap to the face for him. I'm glad he stayed strong despite the temptation.
Story 3 - I know I shouldn't be, but I'm always surprised at the number of managers who aren't educated about relevant employment laws that apply to them.
I once heard a story of a wife who denied intimacy for THREE YEARS and the husband was getting frustrated. The wife was gaslighting him hard saying all he cares about is bedroom action, he's a predator, he's disgusting, he's sexist, etc.
It was only when he was walking out the door after trying to repeat a full digest of the gaslighting tactics that I mentioned above that she FINALLY gave in and told him the real reason she's been like this. She cheated on him and got a disease from it. Something that would spread and isn't curable. So in her twisted way, she was protecting him.
He left INSTANTLY after hearing this and proceeded with the divorce. I've heard so many variations of this tragic story and it all starts with a dead bedroom.
I also heard a story like that. Idk if it was 3 years though so it might have been different people. Anyway, it’s such weird logic to have. On the one hand, it’s better that she didn’t have sex with him and spread the disease to him but on the other wtf did she think was going to happen? He was just going to be cool with never having sex again and her thinking he was disgusting for wanting to?
There are men and women on reddit who've had a dead bedroom for 9 and 7 years respectively. Maybe the woman also had 9 years I don't remember
She waited 3 years to tell him all this?
@@Catsclaw-ru6zw What's worse is that she tried to paint it in a sort of altruistic light. I dunno the exact wording, but she was like "At least I cared enough about you to not infect you!" or some s*** like that.
My god some people are terrible
He says he believes she isn't cheating but i highly doubt that. She might already be pregnant, which is why she is so furiously now trying to sleep with him
yep
If she could be thay sexual after OP decided to leave, I wouldn't be surprised if she was that sexual with others when OP was suffering.
Or maybe she secretly lesbian and trying to use him as a cover. In which case she wouldn't be pregnant, but the sex is just a last ditch effort to keep him from leaving
Yep, she's pregnant alright.
OP said there was nothing suspicious. Right. /s
Dead bedroom ... check
Not doing anything (therapy) for OP ... check
Wanting kids ... check
After divorce papers, initiating sex ... check
Dude is seriously oblivious! If she could switch her s3x drive on/off that quickly, she had to be getting it elsewhere! Plus, wanting to have kids all of a sudden? Yes, she's early 30s, but going from a dead bedroom to wanting kids right now just makes it more likely she's pregnant from an AP! As well as the refusal to go to therapy.
Sure, there's a slight possibility that she realized she's asexual, but she hasn't told OP that!
I'll repeat it again. Freedom of choice doesn't mean freedom from consequences. She doesn't owe him sex, but he doesn't owe her a marriage/relationship. He has every right to leave, just as she has every right not to put out.
He wanted a marriage, she wanted a housemate.
When he breaks said contract regardless if his reason or reasons are good, he is going to face potentially nasty consequences during divorce for her refusal to "put out" as you call it.
@@wendigos_eat_people7177 which just goes to show that the system isn't always fair. And yes, I do phrase it as her refusing to put out. I get not wanting sex, and as I said she has every right not to, but everyone has needs, and while you can marry someone purely for love of their character, the physical side of intimacy is something most couples look forward to. They just are not sexually compatible. He's got every right to feel the way he does.
@@robinkholmes7127 I don't think you will get through his thick skull.(if it is a him) You and I know that relationships and marriages both have their unique responsibilities and thus obligations . Marriage being the most serious one. His line "She doesn't owe him sex" sounds like something a skanky ,man-hating radical feminist would say. I've heard them use that line many times.If what he says is true.....than no man should get married since their is no expectations of sex on the regular thus no reward for the sacrifices and other hardships he might face. That includes women since women also enjoy having sex with their husbands
@wendigos_eat_people7177 explain yourself
Story 1: she really tried to have a baby with OP to “save” their failing marriage like that has ever been a good idea 🙄. The fact she was shocked he filed for divorce after things were clearly not working is wild.
Nah, it was *working for her*
she didn't care about OP at all.
Then the sudden "love bombing" and promising s3x when she clearly wasn't into it before? It's either a trap to placate OP briefly or she's shagging someone else on the side.
"The fact she was shocked he filed for divorce after things were clearly not working is wild."
Not surprising at all when it comes from a specific demographic: as far as they are concerned, guys aren't actually people who can be hurt, be frustrated, etc. This is also evident by the fact that she did a 180 ONLY AFTER learning that OP was serious about following through, after MONTHS of him trying to resolve the situation by requesting counseling.
My proof? It will be the certain demographic who will blame OP, by intentionally misrepresenting the situation as OP being controlling/abusive to his SO.
@@Bucketus.Lord.of.Buckets Those were my thoughts! Things were going good for her so she chose to ignore her partners needs! Girl is delusional if she still couldn't see OP's misery after he spelt it out for her that this was going to happen if things don't change...
There's a reason why she was shocked. All OP did for 2 years was flap his jaw. Talk is cheap. She figured OP was powerless to take action, and got shocked he proved her wrong!
Story 1: She doesn't owe him sex but he doesn't owe her a marriage/relationship either.
Exactly. No aholes here. But they need to separate
@Vasilia4 She changed the contract that they agreed on.
@Vasilia4 she is still the AH. She wouldn't work on the marriage and had no problem taking advantage of him while ignoring his needs. That is a neglectful partner.
I'm wondering if she's cheating and knows she got pregnant from her AP. Or she doesn't want to admit she's Asexual.
@@Sparky0627 from what i've seen, the latter is sadly more common. An aesexual in denial who wants children is a nasty combo.
Story 1: She considers her happiness worth the effort, but not OP. The hardest part of someone changing is knowing they could have been doing it the whole time but they chose not to. They didn’t care when it was hurting you, only when it hurts them.
i can tell your a man , as a fellow guy myself, you guys always think because your men, people owe you guys sex, that's why many of you are single. I don't disagree with him wanting to leave but she don't owe him sex so he can leave yeah but she can don't want it either so I am sick of ppl bashing her.
Damn dude..... that last part of your post is profound. It got me in some kind of way.... thank you! I hope everybody takes it to heart
I have to wonder how sincere her efforts were, though. Given her previous unwillingness to address their mismatched desires, you've got to wonder if this was just a temporary effort born of desperation.
@@uncle0eric i agree
@@uncle0eric He was right to pass because after a month or two, it would be back to the same old same old.
So she wasn't sexual with her husband until he filed for divorce. No no, that's that's not an attempt at manipulation at all. 🤦♂️ Glad OP chose himself here. It sounds like she had them on some kind of schedule but failed to tell OP what it was or his role in her grand scheme.
If it's any consolation for the second OP, a relationship between a 19 year old and a 30 year old is almost guaranteed to end in utter disaster.
Yep. The bf is gonna know the harsh truth that she is only using this for thrills and not love.
Especially starting out with cheating.
The frenemy is a manipulative sneak who'll probably cheat on him.
If I understand correctly the boyfriend was seventeen. So there is that
OP is apologizing for vile words to bella. This woman needs counseling or she will get walked all over for the rest of her life.
The fact the suddenly starts to become very sexual after all OP's attempts to resolve the intimacy issue and rejection he got from her to the point divorce is the only option, it's very insulting.
Agree and it sounds like she was getting bedroom fun outside of her marriage
And has a bunch of sexual items all of a sudden,surely there are 0 hints that she was cheating at all
Story 2: I had to go back to check the ages this “friend” is 30? Then she pushes her 20 year old roommate to date a 19 year old only to sleep with him behind her back just disgusting behavior all around.
Yes, it made no sense, other than Bella liked being the "Puppet Master". And got off on the cheating.
@@Sparky0627honestly it makes a lot of sense when she and max were friends long before op. They use op for a cover up to avoid judgmental looks. Makes me think it's a lot worst then what op is telling us.
A 30-year-old saying "It just happened" "We couldn't help it" You're a fricking adult, brain fully developed and you're making the excuses of a child.
Sounds like my moms friend growing up. She and her daughter (who was only a few years older then me) often times flirted (and later slept) with eachithers boyfriends. To be fair my mother also had a kid with and then married for a time that same friends husband (one of my three abusive step dads). Who then was later (after my mom divorced him) accused by the daughter of rape (which was a common tactic of hers to use against guys that rejected her either as punishment or as blackmail to force them to have sex with or date her). he and they then all skipped town together. Years later we made contact with eachother again and it turns out he ended up dying in prison over drugs (kind of expected. Well the death in prison part not the drugs part).
Story 1: I think what makes it the most disgusting is that she's basically going full nympho after she gets the papers. As long as he wasn't actually leaving he was not worth any effort at all. If there was any doubt before, that should really put the final nail in the relationship. If you can only be heard if you threaten to leave (or tbh: actually pack your bags), it's really over.
That is THE MOST annoying. She never even gave a reason, she pushed him to this decision and when divorce knocks her door, suddenly the usual biggest personality change in just under 24 hours. Why didn't she do that before and let the relationship die? What a POS
I still think she was cheating on him and OP just didn't want to admit it or was just dense. Granted she was early 30s and said she wanted kids, but why wouldn't she have initiated the 180 sooner?
I think she got pregnant from an AP and thought she could get OP to raise it! Thus the rush to have a kid!
@@επιθετικόακτινιδιο It's insulting, too
She was clearly having an affair and is likely pregnant.
@@Sparky0627 It's very likely, I agree. Wouldn't be the first guy who says "I trust her 100%" to get cheated on.
Story 2: *She started crying and told me she never meant to hurt me and that it just happened and how they both fell in "love"*
Oh it's bullshit reason,they got off from the sneaking behind OP back.
This
That's always the BS excuse from almost every post with friends/family sleeping with an OPs partner
Yeah, most of the time, that's the real reason for serial cheaters. They Need the illicit excitement. Sex they're "allowed" to have is Not enough. You're better off Nowhere near these kind of people, they'll just drag you into their drama even when you're *not* (currently) their victim.
@@liabowden8526 yup. That's also why Affair Partners rarely become good main partners, the thrill of sneaky sex is gone, and they're left with...
No kidding. Good thing they got what was coming for them when her parents got mad at them and most of their friends cut them off.
She'll probably cheat on Max too.
I hope 2nd OP finds happiness now that she's free of them. This was really needed.
The 2nd story i don't buy it, the first thing that came to my mind is that they used OP as a cover from the start. A 30 YO with a 19 YO is not well perceived by common opinion, most will jump to grooming (which is a possibility).
It most likely was grooming
Story 2: 1st: WHY DID OP APOLOGIZE? Also kinda sounds like her "friend" groomed OP's ex...
Ya I'm getting that as well. I think op didn't knew or stop and think this relationship starting way before op came in sounds a lot like grooming. 🤔
I have said it before and i will say it again....nothing more powerful than a man who walks away and never looks back.
She want's no sex fine. He's miserable and wants to leave after couples counselling fails also fine. She wants to get pregnant the minute he mentions divorce, run screaming.
I love Lost Genre’s take on stories, always. What a balanced, fair person
Without bad words!
I’m surprised no one pointed out that she was probably trying to baby trap OP.
I'm just glad he stayed strong enough to not give in to her sudden attempts for sex. It's real insulting on her part.
Or that she was already pregnant from an AP ... one who was married or didn't have a good job!
Wanting a baby all of a sudden right after he mentions divorce is scary manipulative. It's weird to me to how many people missed the marching bands worth of red flags there.
I think no one pointed it out because it was so obvious. Odds are she was already pregnant with an AP's baby and was looking for a way to pawn it off as OP's
S2- Why are you moving out?
Op- You know why
Ex bff- no I don’t
OP- I caught y’all
Ex bff- 😭 I’m sorry , it just happened once.
Next day they update relationship status. They were in a secret relationship and loved the thrill of doing it behind OPs back.
Those are the ones who crash the most spectacularly. 😅
Story 1: A marriage requires work from both people involved. If your partner has needs, is communicating their needs and being ignored, the marriage will not work.
exactly
Story 2: Bella and Max should have just got together upfront. Why would Max even date OP when he's screwing Bella? OP should be happy that she's done with his clown show.
Age Gap makes it obvious why. Happy they got the treatment they deserve! Had they done what you said with involving OP, the age gap would have been the only issue. Now it and their scummy behavior is why they'll never be accepted (and fuck the commenters OP2 mentioned victim blaming her! Hope they get cheated on cause THEY just didn't feel like kissing or something. Would shut that behavior right up)
Because they only attracted to each other if they are sneaking around, pretending to have a "forbidden love".
@@stephkais5613they probably also wanted to hide it from their parents due to the age gap on top of that.
Also the possibility of grooming there, as well as the suggestions the others have guessed.
Story 1: Ngl I came in expecting OP to be entitled but it’s so refreshing to see someone acknowledge it’s a lack of compatibility (ie isn’t going ‘boo hoo I deserve sex’ but instead ‘right now our views and priorities don’t align and our relationship is/will end up becoming toxic’ yknow? Especially given they’ve tried therapy etc and were unable to resolve it- be it op deciding he’s ok with no sex or the wife perhaps being asexual/having insecurities or other things going on that plays into her not having a libido that matches OP)
Tbh sounds like there may be something going on with the wife (not necessarily anything wrong there though going 0-100 isn’t healthy and def seems there’s something else going on she isn’t ready/willing to share with op, be it an affair/body changes etc)
Story 2: I’m a petty gal and I’d say to her “sorry, I’ve just been having trouble doing std testing after Max explained the ones he has/he’s worried about a recent flare up of herpes etc”
Match lit and watch her go pale n set the whole thing ablaze.
ETA: even better, say “Max told me *one of his side pieces gave him **___* “ for extra mind fuckery
I think some woman dont understand physical intinacy is important in a relationship its classed as one the higher foens of needs in paychology as most studies find lack of sex life is the fiest sign of a failed marriage
Story 2: Bella and Max probably didn’t start dating immediately because they knew the age difference would look bad. Being outed by OP forced them to either break up or make it official. Which is honestly fine imo, the relationships where you get with your affair partner usually crash and burn when you’re stuck dealing with more boring things than sex with your affair partner 😂
I am so glad first OP left, this is for the better.
1st story: Not sure what is going on with her, but the fact is that she didn't want to put in any effort, dismissed OP's needs and feelings, and outright refused to change it. She only put in any effort as a last ditch manipulation tactic to try and get him to stay.
I am worried story 2 that the poor op was a cover for a long term inappropriate thing. It seems off they knew each other for so long and knew each other for work together at a college I think?
S2: A 30 year old divorcée, “in love” and having an affair with a 19 year old boy? Way to be a cliché, Bella. 🤦♀️
I know such couple but their age gap is worse. She is older than his mother by 2-3years, a divorcee with a child. And they met when he was 17? They had a child when he was 20. He is from poor rural area. She is not that rich. Sells cosmetics and stuff through her fb.
Now she is paying for his college ,seems like his family also mooches off of her. She made a weird choice i think. It is like she adopted another child and now raising 2kids alone? I would think that she is a predator but also she is the one being used.
@@effingcool1780 Dang. That’s definitely worse! If she’s older than his own mother, the day will come when she is using him, assuming they stay together. I guess that could be considered a transactional relationship? I understand the appeal of someone younger, and I do think each relationship is unique, but as a general rule of thumb: people should be wary of large age gaps, as they do come with their own downsides, if not pitfalls. And if you’re gonna date younger, at least try to make sure your brains are both in the same stage of development, ya know? 17 is criminal. Heck, I’m 35, and I can’t imagine dating even 10 years my junior. Like, I literally can’t imagine an individual I could even have enough in common with, let alone enough confidence to justify navigating the future with. The idea of dating someone who still has a curfew makes my skin crawl.
My own parents were 17 years apart. They were both wildly unique, super intelligent people, who loved each other very much. I doubt my mother would have fallen for anyone else with that many years on her. They just met and hit it off. Probably didn’t hurt that my father had the energy and physique of a man half his age. With that being said, there was definitely at least one downside; my dad died almost a decade ago, leaving my mom single at an age that isn’t easy on a woman. Although my mom would argue that, even if you are the same age, you can lose your partner any time, and she has a point.
I need to go to the casino with people who discover affair partners..... they have such a lucky streak of walking in the first time it happened!
Story 1 This sounds like a textbook example of someone cheating
Yep I go with the statement "if she ain't getting it from you she's getting it somewhere else".
@@dinkyd1533 No true...my partner and I haven't had sex in the past few years. Neither of us are cheating...he's suffering from ED and won't see a doctor....and because my libido has always been very low, I genuinely don't mind...
But I probably would grow frustrated if I had a "normal" sex drive....but I don't. Everyone is different and as long as both parties are content, not having sex if fine however long you're okay with it.
Story 1: If your partner uses sex to KEEP you instead of to please you, Get out of there.
A 30 year old dating a 19 year old 💀
Its legal
@@frozezone2947Legal doesn’t make it right. A 19 year old and a 30 year old are at completely different stages in life and mentally. 19 is still a child even if they are a legal adult.
@@aimeea5528 If a 19 is still a child then they could take a 16 then right? No, so shut up. a 19 year old has all the responsibilities and powers of an adult therefore they can date whoever they want.
@@celestialsoldier622 got some anger issues
@@aimeea5528 None argument because you know you're wrong.
For story 1, I have a theory while she isn’t cheating, she has someone else on the mind. Maybe she wants a baby to trap OP so he has no escape in that environment while she actually bangs the person she wants. Another theory and it’s simple, is that she just wants control.
She hurt you pretty bad eh?
Ever heard of Occam's razor? The most likely explanation is that she simply has a low libido
@@nohaybando9586ok dumb dumb we live in a world where cheating and baby trapping happens or we have trash people that hurt their partners take off the rose tinted glasses instead of just making comments like that
Ever heard of Occam's razor? The most obvious explanation is that she has a low libido. She doesn't care that they're sexually incompatible because she got everything she wanted out of the marriage while OP didn't.
@@nohaybando9586you do know terrible people exist right?
Story 1: (NTA) Yeah, you can't demand sex but you also shouldn't put up with a life when you're unsatisfied and a marriage where you live with roommates. She's probably trying to baby-trap the OP, she sees that he's planning to leave. They did couple's counselling and s** therapy and still, nothing. I'd also suspect an affair at this point, time to snoop.
Update: I'm glad that the OP turned down her last-ditch offers. I have to wonder what his wife got out of the relationship when they were so incompatible. In a case like this only talk through a lawyer, she's a manipulative person.
Story 2: Confront them, Bella is a frenemy. Don't accept excuses from either of them. "It just happened", "I was bored", "You're no fun" "I have needs". Drop both of them and start over. Max is a lying d**che for saying he's okay with not having s** and sleeping with your best friend. This isn't your fault, I have to wonder if Bella isolated the OP from other potential friends.
Update: So the OP got her stuff and got out. Classic, "It just happened" "I didn't mean to hurt you" classic narc lines. Those two can be in love, don't trust "We only had sex the one time" BS. Bella is a narc and entitled b**ch. I'm glad that the friend group are done with them two, karma! To anyone who said, "You deserved it because you didn't give Max sex." you try having sex when you don't want to.
1st story ~ She's cheating.
S1. Wife failed to perform maintenance on her marriage even after hearing and seeing the check engine light but now shocked it broke down. Maybe she was cheating or maybe she had a pron addiction. Doesnt matter, she is now a 30 something year old childless divorced woman.
Or maybe not childless ... I still think she was pregnant from her AP, thus the "need" to have a child with OP. And that the AP was married!
It’s true. She doesn’t owe him. And he doesn’t owe her. It’s best to cut it off before resentment brews even more.
She married him, so she does.
This attitude that you're still free after marriage is why marriage has ended.
@@RisetoStrengthwhat kind of bs did you just type
@@RisetoStrength forcing your spouse into sex is still rape/assault. Sex is about sharing love, and if that isn’t happening, then they separate. Forcing sex (aka r*pe) does no one any favors to say the least.
@@Nora-dp6mk Do you seriously think you can get married and still be free?
Hell nah.
Both sexes give up a lot of freedoms to enter into a marriage.
This idea that you always need to be free to run off and screw up your family is BS.
@@RisetoStrengthHuh? Tf are you talking about? Who said anything about being free and running off?
S1-Its called hysterical bonding. She would be sexual forna few weeks/months but as soon as the danger or divorce is over she would be right back to abstinence.
S2: Why did OP apologize? Im sure she didn't say anything that didn't need to be said.
She felt she went overboard on the insults. I don't think so, as I'm certain that others would agree as well, since Bella was scum.
But OP2 seems like a genuinely great person, so to her, it was appropriate to apologize. I hope and pray she finds someone worthy of her! ❤❤
Story 2: Im shocked that more people didnt call out the 10 year age gap between the boyfriend and OP's friend. Can you say grooming? Good Lord!
No one called it out because in this case the older of the 2 was female. I guarantee if it was the other way round everyone would have been calling it out.
I'm confused on how she expects them to have a child if she refuses to sleep with her husband. Is she going to kidnap a random child?
I think she was already pregnant from an AP! Thus the rush to have s3x with OP!
Also note the hypothetical kid was only mentioned after he said he was considering divorce
She just wants a virgin birth or for him to donate sperm. It's more likely she's pregnant from her affair partner and wants to hide it.
The wife in Story 1 is the personification of the Surprised Pikachu Face meme. I'm sure someone else has meme'd on her accordingly but it bears reiteration.
Story 1, the fact that she tries hard before leaving means for sure she's cheating. He just doesn't want to admit she stung him along for so long.
2nd story: This whole scenario just gives me the ick.
Story 1: If she isn't getting it at home, she is getting it elsewhere. With her trying to love bomb him right after papers were served, clearly shows she has the desire, but not with him. He is doing the right thing as he is simply an ATM machine for her, nothing more. The relationship has been done for years so he is correct in his decisions, but he really needs therapy to understand the red flags were there for a long time and why he chose to ignore them and make excuses for them time after time. He will never grow as a man until he figures out why he was so comfortable allowing his STBXW to manipulate and gasslight him for years, and to set boundaries for future relationships and for him.
Yep she settled for the safe beta provider. Notice how OP said she was happy in every other respect but having sex in the marriage.
She also could just not like sex and her love bombing him can also just be pure desperation to not be divorced not that she actually enjoys sex
A 10 years age gap is not a friendship. It's a control relationship.
Sorry that you have the inability to be friends with someone the exact age as you.
Nope, That's a myth concocted by bitter lonely feminist who view younger adult women as competition for the men they want. Often the men are the ones ignored and passed over by those same women when he was younger, and now he is finally at the point in his life that younger women are interested in him and he can finally get lucky more often. Younger women not only are more lovely looking with nicer stronger bodies, they tend to be more FEMININE, no boss b*tch attitudes,if raised in an intact home with a decent father who doesn't put up with BS. she is more likely to have better emotional control and be kinder, more agreeable, not argumentative, more likely to have lower body counts so less likely to loose all pair-bonding ability ,and less baggage and bad habits from being with a lot of guys. lesser chance of having kids with birth defects physical and mentle, no expensive high risk pregnancies. less likely to be stuck in her ways and be more flexible. The glimmer of youth in her eyes. more easily impressed (think vacations) more likely to look up to her partner than down at like an older woman.
Older women tend to be reckless and will jump into marriage to beat their biological needs to be a mother when that clock starts ticking, may even trick a man she isn't sexually aroused by into marriage using sex like the first woman in this story. If that is the case the marriage will be over within 3 to 8 years depending on when she has her kid and if the husband really is the father, either way she will get a good payday through the friendly court system.
Older women usually tend to be more bossy and controlling , argumentative, competitive,disrespectful, bad habits she developed from the men she has been with and will bring into the next relationship. less or no pair-bonding ability causing the chance of a breakup or divorce to go through the roof at 80% , 90% if she's collage educated. There is a reason Mother Nature designed men and women to marry young and stay married.
That's a narrow view of the world. Outside of high school it's common to have friends of vastly different ages. When I was in college one of my best friends was 36 while I was 19-20 and I had a few friends in that age range. It's just how things go unless you specifically aim to only be friends with people your age.
You must be so young to actually think that 😂
Ok lets get this out of the way it is true that she dosnt owe him sex but he also dosnt owe it to her to stay in a marriage where he isnt happy and you aslo dont become suddenly sexual the moment he hit with divorce when she was so against it before this whole post screamed cheater vibes on her side
That doesn't scream cheater vibes just desperation to keep the marriage
@@baseupp12 It screamed cheater vibe. She is cheating but knows its the OP which is keeping her in a lifestyle she likes. Suddenly he wants to leave, let's have a kid, trying to trap OP into staying while she continues in her ways.
She's in her early thirties so her chance to have a family is quickly drying up so she's trying to start a family with this guy that way when he does leave she can get extra money in child support in addition to getting the house and alimony.
You're allowed to leave if you are/become sexually incompatible. Some people have higher drives than others, it doesn't make them assholes who only care about sex.
There's no such thing as "sexually incompatible".
@@RisetoStrength Huh? Sure there is! There are people that find out they are asexual while their spouse isn't. It's not wrong to be that way, but neither is leaving it. However, if you refuse therapy to work on your relationship, and don't say anything that you are asexual, that relationship is incompatible and over!
But I really think she was cheating!
@@Sparky0627 If you're asexual, you don't make it that far in the first place.
Either you look after your relationship or you don't.
@@RisetoStrengththat's a straight lie, Asexual people aren't one size fits all, they can be on a spectrum, some can even tolerate sex for awhile if they really love a person
@@baseupp12 if you're actually asexual, familial love is enough.
You won't feel the need to mess with the opposite sex in the first place.
Story 1: So if OP's wife wasn't desiring sex, where did all the toys and clothing come from? As in, why did she have them? Who was she using them with because it sounds as if it wasn't OP. Anyway, happy that OP decided to leave. SP was using sex as a way of keeping him around
yea op was a bit dense
Maybe she liked it with herself... but she was most likely cheating.
Toys and clothes are not really hard get fast. Lots of online shops with fast delivery and cities have (several) sex shops. Or maybe those existed from times they still had sex regularly?
If he is to believe they had a healthy sex life in the beginning of their relationship and it got worse with time, maybe the toys and clothing is simply things they got and hadn’t used for some time.
story 2: sucks. Bella is NOT a friend. Also, she’s a decade older than Max. very gross
Story 2
I've found the people you're closest to will hurt you the most. Never feel guilty for cutting off toxic friends/family.
This Woman wants a Step Daddy, not a Husband. See how she SWITCHED UP after getting served....
This is the most cut and dry version of this kind of story I've seen out of reddit. No drama, no twists, no nothing. Normally reddit has to beg the OP to end the relationship, regardless of whether or not they're in the right.
My guess is she was trying to control OP - and eventually he'd had enough.
I remember over a decade ago, the internet tried to destroy a Christian woman who made a blogpost about something similar
She said that it was their "wifely duty" to have intimacy with her husband. Not all the time, mind you, but that in marriage, your spouse will often do many things they don't want to do but will do anyway to make you happy. She also said that the intimacy will be something you will enjoy too (well, for obvious reasons) and the hormones will help destress and have you both grow closer together.
The older I get, the more I realize how correct she is.
ETA: from what I remember, she was against the whole "if you love me you'll do..." kind of manipulation
ETA2: the fact that she tried to bed OP repeatedly after OP decided to leave was pure manipulation. Disgusting. She didn't care at all about OP until he was already gone.
I mean sex is 100% part of a marriage... if not, it's called friendship.
Duty's to one another in marriage doesn't exist anymore. People see marriage is two friends living together. That any obligation (From the women's side.) is abuse.
Yeah. I remember this. You added the “not all the time part”. The post basically advocated for sex on demand. Marriage is about partnership across all things including, sex. That post was not about partnership. If you agree with her position, fine. But, taking this one instance to prove her point is disingenuous. Particularly, when men also have issues in that area as they age and women are left frustrated.
S1: if that is what you want, I see no reason why you shouldn't find a person of your own age who feels the same way. But not a younger person to groom into thinking that's how marriage should be.
Enjoy your duty sex! Sounds delightful.
"It was best for the tearm, Right Boss?" AWESOME
Yeah. 😢 I'm the same with the first story. I just don't get it, why cheat? Just break up and move on. Ugh gross 🤢
You're assuming someone cheated
Story 1: "Happy Spouse, Happy House" not the "Happy Wife, Happy Life" BS !!!
OP figured out he needs to be happy as well. And divorce was the only way left after she refused any counseling or therapy. Granted, as others have said here, you aren't "owed" s3x, but you do have to try to make each other happy! Both husband & wife deserve to give the other their best effort so each have some (or more equal) happiness.
Could she be asexual? Sure, but unlikely, given her actions after being served the divorce papers! Plus she didn't say that to OP!
Could she be getting "Baby Fever" (she is early 30s now) ?? Again, unlikely because she didn't reactivate the dead bedroom until AFTER the papers!!
Contrary to OP's belief that she wasn't cheating, I think he was ignoring things. Dead bedroom, refusing counseling and/or therapy, wanting a baby without reactivating the dead bedroom, and her complete 180 after getting the divorce papers. All lead me to believe she was cheating and got pregnant. AP was either married or didn't have money or a good job, and she wanted OP to raise another man's child!
Glad OP showed her his shiny spine!
How is it unlikely to be Asexual. Asexual people exist on a spectrum some absolutely despise sex and others can just prefer not to have it but desperation to not be divorced can have a person to do things they don't want to do
Story 2: Bella was grooming Max. A divorced 30 yr old woman who introduced a 19 yr old coworker to her 20 yr old “sister”. I bet you grooming Max was the reason why she was divorced
Ugh, glad you’re not the only one who got those chilling vibes.
@@Lestaticate it may be from hearing too many of these stories, but once I heard the ages and the background my spidey-senses WENT AWFFFFF
Story one; Show of hands of who thinks the wife was cheating, and only wanted to 'try' to start having kids, just to pass off any potential affair babies as her husband's kids?
S1: NTA. Funny how *her* happiness must be treated as most paramount. He's not obligated to stay with someone he's not compatible with.
No one is owed sex but at the same time, there are people in which LOVE MAKING is an important love language for them. Not getting that form of love could be seen as the love fading or not being loved at all.
I'm married, but my husband and I don't make love. My love language is spending quality time with him, kissing, and so on.
I can't fully relate to straight couples, but OP feeling like he's just there for breeding when sex only came up for pregnancy, makes sense to me. He feels used and I don't blame him. Something hinky was going on with the wife.
Story 1: NTA Is she seeing someone else on the side, but wanting you to be the baby daddy so that DNA testing will not prove that she is having an @ffair? Get the to a clinic and get tested for every single communicable infection, NOW.
Wedding vows often include "with my body I thee worship" or words to that effect. That means sex.
thanks LG. you're the best
Story 1: My money is on an affair and pregnant by the AP - hence the sudden "let's try to have a baby" and her last ditch lingerie moves.
Story one - The comments are so right she is trying to trap him! She knows what OP wants but ignores him till SHE wants something from sex like a baby! Having a kid would have only made it worse because he would get what he wants for as long as it took to get her pregnant but then he would be handing her a "reason" to not have sex! I bet if he had stayed to conceive a baby with her he would have gotten all the sex he wanted but only long enough to do the job then she would shut him out again because she is pregnant and doesn't want to "hurt the baby"... He told her multiple times that this was a problem for him and she ignored his feelings till it was too late! She could have saved the marriage but got complacent and didn't believe he would actually leave...
I think she was cheating, got knocked up by her AP and needs to get OP into bed so she can pass the AP's kid off as OP's.
Story 01: OP handled is well. 😊
Story one: She didn't put any effort into their marriage...untill OP pulled the plug. Then she "Saw The Light". Yeah,nope. I wonder if OP is getting a call in a couple of weeks from her telling him he is going to be a dad......which isn't his kid ofc If you have a box full of tous,cross play costumes,lingery and the like i have an incredible hard time believing OPs stbx wife didn't got her kicks from someone else. He did the only right thing. Without intimacy,there is no relationship. Only room mates at best
I wish more people got that. "Without intimacy, there is no relationship."
story 2: oh that poor girl i can relate. its almost exactly what happened to me in my first relationship. it really messes you up when its your first relationship
STORY 2
TELL MAX
THAT AS FAR
AS U R
CONCERNED
HE CAN GO
+GET
CASTRATED,
U CAN TELL
BELLA THAT
U CAN'T CARE
LESS IF SHE
HAS A STILL
BORN IF SHE
GETS PREGNANT.
SO THAT THEY KNOW
YOUR OPINION ON THEM.
It's a damn shame that it takes something drastic as ending a marriage to for someone to change a constant issue in the marriage
People like to talk about owe. If he stops paying bills and says that he doesn't owe her, that would be a problem, though.
He stops paying the bills he stops living well too and his credit score is hurt so that's a dumb comparison
S1, she wanted to have a roommate not a husband.
Story 1. I bet you if she's not getting it from OP, she's getting it somewhere else.
They don't even have kids yet? Bro, get outta there.
Story 2: No one is bringing up the fact a 30-year-old woman is having sex with a guy eleven years younger than her? That's not the least bit sketchy to anyone else?
(Don't at me with the fact he's a legal adult. That doesn't change the fact he's still a teenager, very much still a kid, and is in a completely different place in life than someone in their 30s).
It's not a man having sex with a woman 11 years younger than him... so it's only a minority that care.
I definitely understand what you mean, I seen a few mention it, but I say it's more or the less the double standard, if this was a 30-year-old dude with a 19 years girl....whew...
30 years old, Divorced and having a secret fling with someone barely out of high school, nah this aint it ma'am.
like you said, legal, yes, but still looks sketchy as all hell, and I'm 5 years older than her, anyone 25 and under from my pov is practically a kid when it comes to that aspect smh.
She was trying to baby trap you lmao😭😭😭😭
In the last one, I like that going to HR meant that HR could say why so much didn't get done when Ronnie inevitably tried to throw OP under the bus.
Your spouse does owe each other sexual intimacy because it’s marriage . In my religion u can divorce ur spouse if they not wanting to be intimate while being healthy with no medical issues that hinder intimacy .. divorce is very much permitted . Infertility and no sex are two legitimate reasons to issue divorce ..
We know why and probably we see that update at some point. She was pushing for a kid hard as a bandaid. She was getting sexual again as soon as he file for divorce. That is clearly manipulation 101, but if you ask why she was insistent with having a kid, and how they had this situation is clearly what is the problem.
All points to her having an affair too, since the mood swing, the pushing hard for a kid, using sex as a bargain tool an she is desperate for keep him. That is indications that she is pregnant from an affair and probably can't use the "I'm pregnant" card on him out of the blue because if she does, she will get caught since they didn't had intimacy for a long time. If she show signs of pregnancy during the divorce she can't spin it around.
Sex isn’t important until it isn’t there.
Story 1. She’s obviously getting it somewhere else and you are her ATM
She doesn't owe him intimacy? True. And he doesn't owe it to her to pay the bills. Just end it already.
Let's not assume he pays the bills ( if it says it in the story, I'm sorry that I missed it)
Wouldn't saying something like he doesn't owe her a relationship or being treated badly, be a bit better? Why are you bringing money into this? (Genuine question, not attacking)
@@Ecofriendlyant youre saying not to assume things but youre assuming that he doesnt pay the bills based off a small story from reddit about two strangers
I'm telling people not to assume who pays bills in general, nothing in my statement said he didn't pay. You know what I responded to and, you know the context, you're not stupid and know why I said that, do not try to turn this on me. Purposeful incompetence, isn't a good look 😊😊@@reaperofsouls1306
@@Ecofriendlyant The assumption is that he is helping pay the bills. If he isn't then her intimacy perspective is the least of their concerns and she'd be better off breaking up with him.
@@needmoney666I'm asking why you're assuming that in general the story has nothing to do with bills or money, so bringing it up and just feels odd imo. Does that make sense? ( I agree with everything else you said just a bit confused)
Story 1: Divorce is the best option giving they have tried. Story 2: Text them both "You know what you did. Bye." Block them, and move on.
Story 1: Who wants to bet the wife has been having a long-term affair, got pregnant, and now wants sex so she can try to pass the baby off as OP’s?
either that or she thought he'd do the stay together for the kid thing and it wouldn't matter what she did if they conceived
Yeah, the OP doesn't think she's cheating coz he has no proof but I say have a look at her phone, that'll confirm it.
She doesn't owe you sex, but neither do you owe her commitment. Physical intimacy and commitment walk hand in hand. You remove one you lose the other.
Sex isnt everything in a relationship but I think it's part of the glue in a relationship. You're supposed to be able to be intimate, loving, fun, silly and just all around yourself in a relationship and sex.
I have to wonder if with the uptick on posts of women not wanting sex in marriages is some kind of strike or test. Either isnt goo because communicate is the best way to figure things out. Not screaming, not threats, not accusations... communication
I’m thinking it’s the usual wave of a few real posts but mostly fake posts being focused on one topic. This time the topic seems to be wives not wanting to sleep with their partners
@@thatonearoaceI have to agree, but a part me has to wonder
It sounded like it was just the s3x, but she wasn't doing other things as well (cuddling, holding hands, kissing on the cheek, etc.)
@@Sparky0627 I agree. I am of the mind the "intimacy" is that as well. Simple kisses, hand holding, "I love yous", even doing something nice like a note or getting flowers or making something the other likes.
Story 1 - Im wondering what her side of the story is. But fair dues to op for a) refusing to have a kid and b) knowing what he wants (divorce) and going for it. The world would be a bit better if everyone moved with such purpose.
She's cheating. If she's not getting it from him she's getting it somewhere else, which explains the complete end of all other intimacy. She wants to go bareback on the other guy so she suggested trying to have a baby so she can hide the fact she's intending on getting knocked up or has already been knocked up by someone else.
Or she just lost a sex drive people can lose sex drive as they get older
@@baseupp12 But that doesn't explain no kisses, hugs, cuddles, hand holding.
@@johnowen9349 all those things can be considered sexual to some people and they start to hate doing it
@@baseupp12 Then they need therapy, after the divorce.
Story 2: Is nobody seeing how OPs ex-bestfriend probably groomed Max?
He's 19 and they used ti be coworkers.
OPs ex-bestfriend just used OP and their relationship as a cover-up for her grooming a minor!
She's cheating.
Story 1: she could also simply be asexual. Lots of asexuals try deny it and pretend be sexual. And being asexual doesn't mean no babies
Her coming to op when he was packing wouldn't also be out of question for asexual.
OP did the right thing by leaving, it would go back to old after few weeks and he'd be miserable.
Story 2: ex-friend is a creep. 30 yr old going after teen. Disgusting
I could never stay in a sexless relationship. It’s especially messed up that this issue popped up after the marriage. It’s not like he signed up for this. Sure, she doesn’t owe him sex but he shouldn’t stay. I wouldn’t want to even have sex with someone anymore if they didn’t want to have sex with me. Relationship ending situation.
He has every right to walk away from the marriage. He made efforts and tried to figure out what the issue was. There's nothing wrong with wanting a healthy sexual relationship with your spouse. He was smart not to take the bait and try for a kid. That doesn't make sense to me, and I'm a woman. Why would you stop having sex with your husband and then ask for kids out of the blue? Why go buy lingerie and toys AFTER you were served divorced papers? That was a last desperate attempt to manipulate OP in my opinion.
Story 2: I agree with exactly the way you handled this. You are far more mature than Max and Bella. I also agree with your final comment to those who used the excuse that Max cheated because he was not getting it from you. You were not ready, plain and simple. If s3x meant so much to Max, he should have left you first, not che@ted on you. Good Luck, OP.
In 10 years Max is 29 and Bella is 40, that relationship is doomed
Here we go. You're either attracted to your partner, or you aren't. She clearly isn't, but still wants all the fringe benefits OP provides. She doesn't owe him intimacy, but he doesn't owe her a marriage or children either.
Update is so predictable! Soon as OP showed he meant business, suddenly she was throwing herself at him feet first! LOL glad he rebuffed her. Hope he learns in the future to not let his SO make all the rules, and to take action when talk fails.
The fact that she only started getting sexual when OP decided to leave is the biggest slap to the face for him. I'm glad he stayed strong despite the temptation.
Story 3 - I know I shouldn't be, but I'm always surprised at the number of managers who aren't educated about relevant employment laws that apply to them.