Wow, dealing with someone who 'does not love you enough to fight for you' really hit me. That type of rejection really HURTS, I'm trying to get past that now. It's heart wrenching
Isabel girl!!!! Honestly you'll be just fine. I'm looking back to where I was then compared to where I am now and the difference is astounding. No more tears, no more sleepless nights, no more being a hermit that wants to reside in the dark. A book called 'It's a Breakup because it's broken' really helped me! You will be good soon! Sending you love & light 💫
i just feel sometimes leaving tge realtionship but im scared of tge pain ill go tgrough and scared to do it on my own and wuth my daughter and go through all that pain on my own besides that im almost 18 yrs old...
is it okay if you could send me some of the pages of the book that could help me? My boyfriend just decided to end it and I could see that he's really happy now. I tried to save the relationship and I even put the extra effort for it to work. It's just sad how he doesnt even seem to care
Katrina Se I'm so sorry about that ): you'll get through it though. you'll find someone who sees and appreciates your efforts. don't worry. (: for now just focus on how you can better yourself and how you can move forward.
"It's really difficult to deal with... Loving someone so much when they don't love you enough to fight for you. It really, it makes you question your own self-worth."
ixfxlxg Uggh, that got me the feels. I've been working through exactly this feeling. I'm finally learning to be okay with it. He just isn't the one for me. That's not my fault or his.
All failed relationships hurt, but losing someone who dosent appreciate and respect u is actually a gain, not a loss. Edit: Old account, you probably won't see this but I'm glad to see this comment helped some of you.
“In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.” That last one. So hard to do.
@@danielarodriguez9701 It's almost impossible to see it now because you're in panic mode and heartbroken. Your brain chemistry is not letting you see clearly so it's very normal to feel the way you're feeling. You will heal and when you do, you'll see the positive. Take this time to focus on yourself and grow. If you ever need someone to reach out to, you're welcome to DM me.
This speech encapsulated everything I've been through. Truly, thank you for being vulnerable and reminding me how much potential life gives us when we're not distracted by bad relationships.
you helped me Emma going through my divorce . I was lying to myself too . I watched your video over and over every day I felt that is me speaking about my relationship .
Jack Penny Seriously? Do you really think it's appropriate to write that way to anyone, just because you're on your keyboard? Or are you also talking that way to women you even don't know? If so, you're just disgusting and a disturbed man that really needs to consult a mental health specialist to get some help to learn to behave properly in society. Otherwise, just get lost...
This quote got to me: "It's really difficult to deal with... Loving someone so much when they don't love you enough to fight for you" You can be right (in your own mind) or you could be happy. The world truly DOES need more people to be more honest with themselves.
just because he didn't cheat or lie doesn't classify it as being the all time worst heart break. you can still hear the pain in her voice, you can hear how much she suffered from it. when you love someone so much it doesn't matter what they did to end it, it ended, and you're broken. I know the feeling. I went into a deep dark depression, been in a hospital twice, still struggling. this all happened after my heart break. my life started falling apart. I learned he didn't love me enough to fight for me. he did lie to me a lot, when he saw me slipping away he came back into my life and then disappeared again. he treated me so terribly after the relationship I don't know if I'll ever be in another relationship with full trust again... she said even after 2 years of not speaking she fell right back into him. obviously she truly cared for this guy, if she was willing to drop everything for him. I know the feeling. it fucking HURTS when they don't appreciate everything you do for them.
what do i do if iam on the other side...what shud the guy in emma's case shouldve done...the love wasnt mutual...at some point it has to cause the heartache...the earlier the better...how does one minimise the pain (talking fro the guy's perspective)?
im male. being left 7 month ago after the 3 yrs relation, Ive put all my effords in. currently drowning down in depression and health slipping away. did U recover in the end?
I completely understand you. It hurts, not abstractly but it really hurts. :'( Chest pain... always looking down... crying quite often, hard to eat... I was thin like a Spaghetti after my break up. But is went away... slowly, but it did... trust me. Thanks to that break up I met my current boyfriend and can feel the real feeling of love powerful again! What did I learn? That my happiness shouldn't depend on a person, but that I am responsible of my life and my smile. And you know what? You don't want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with you, right? Actually, if you really loved that person you should be happy she can move on freely and seek happiness and that you're not an impediment for it. Love is not to be looked for, but to be given to others. If it comes to you it is a wonderful gift, and it is so precious because it is rare! If you're blessed with it again in the future don't take it for granted, cause it is just a wonderful "extra gift" in your life, if it goes you have to know you don't need it. This will ease your pain and actually realize you were lucky to have experiences it at least for a little while. You'll be fine. Life is short and you're the protagonist of your existence, so don't give up ;)
I'm also feeling same....I was loyal for her... I put lots of efforts I did whatever I could but she went with some another guy.... It was 2 years relationship and she is not regret for whatever she did.... M really depressed.... I don't know what to do now....
He and I do not want the same things. One person cannot be the whole relationship. It takes two. Since he does not love me, that is my proof that he is not the one meant for me. I cut the spiritual ropes that bind us. I free him to fulfill his dreams. I free myself to fulfill my own. I release him with love. I shall love again.
the same thing happened to me. i fell in love so deeply with someone who didn't love me enough to fight for me. when everything fell apart it was like a huge slap in the face. it is painful to have to go through a heartbreak like this, but at the same time I'd like to look at it as a blessing. it pushes me forward and i am so very grateful for it and i know that in a way i was saved from giving myself away too much to someone who won't do the same. it is a blessing in disguise. put yourself first. i discover self love and nothing or no one can take that away from me
You are responsible for your own happiness. Things that don't work out give you better opportunities. Don't be stuck with someone... find your own happiness.
It's like a jolt back to my heartbreak when I hear her describe how the person you loved does not make the effort to fight for you makes you feel essentially worthless.
Especially the kind of guys of get into a serious relationship with you and when it comes to commitment/marriage - they play the, " my parents won't approve because of your religion/race/community card".
The cruel irony is that you must throw yourself fully into a relationship in order for it to thrive, but this leaves you completely vulnerable. It's devastating when it ends after many years together, and it's easy to question why you are so unlovable. Why you gave your all, and it still wasn't enough?! In my experience, it's different for girls than guys, as guys don't like to talk about it..
+Jane S You are so right. Its horrible to see so many women, myself included, come to this conclusion and know that I should have made better choices and put myself first. Emma is so brave to say this to the world.
Jane why do you say its different for girls than guys? I've just broken up with a girl for the second time, both times she did the breaking up,I did so much for her and gave so much of myself, and got so little back
+ocriodain hmm i heard something good "nothing good together ever breaks apart". the way i see it, if both people are equally willing and if both are equally emotionally available then it would work out in most circumstances. but if they're not theyre gonna break up or settle for being unfulfilled together. the outcome is always the same. its a lot of ifs.. so thats as much as i understand it atm. but society makes it harder for women to truly determine if their partner is compatible. so we often settle for mr. around at the right time rather than mr.right for me. and our tendancy to fix it makes us internalize it and ask why we can't fix it no matter how hard you try and change to accommodate
we are not unlovable tho. we just think that as a result of loving incompatible partners and taking on the responsibility of fixing someone else's emotional state... which is not possible.. or something that we should be doing.. creates an imbalance of power and effort
Yes you are right she broke with me the first time even when I was the one making the effort and being emotionally available mistaking ly I agreed to go back the second time thinking she would make a better effort she didn't I did and then yesterday told me she didn't have enough headspace for a relationship right now,I was willing she wasn't period I'm sure it works in reverse also
I remember watching this video on 2015 when my boyfriend and I broke up. It was an awful breakup. We were living together and the process of moving out was excruciating. I had never experienced that much pain in my life. I was 100% convinced that he was the one. But there I was, letting him go because unfortunately I didn't seem to be his "the one". I remember watching this video and sobbing when this girl broke down, right when she said "It's really difficult to deal with... Loving someone so much when they don't love you enough to fight for you" because it really hit home. So I started moving on even though I just knew that I could never love someone as much as I loved him... Fast forward 5 months and I ran into him again, we started talking, we started hanging out and we got back together. I didn't want to go back to what our relationship was in the past so we went to therapy. We got engaged, shortly after we eloped in Vegas. I'm now planning our big wedding abroad (this October) where we can get to celebrate our love with our loved ones. I was right all along, he was, is and will always be THE one. I just had to come back to this video and tell my story. Just because something doesn't seem to go right, doesn't mean you can't fix it. Sometimes taking a step back is all you need to really figure things out. Therapy really helped us, we have never been so happy. We are now trying to bring a baby into this world (wish us luck!). I came across this video after my breakup, I'm sure most people on here are going thru the same thing. Take a step back, take a deep breath and keep fighting for what you want. xoxox!
This is beautiful; thank you for sharing this. Sometimes people are right for each other, but the timing is not right for them. Taking a break or a step back to connect with yourself and see things from a more objective point of view can help you realize what you truly want. I'm so happy life brought you back together and things worked out better, as you both went to therapy as a team and can now build your lives together. Much love.
This truly helped me so much, I’m terrified of losing the person I love but I have trust in the universe that if it’s meant to be well find each other again
My ex bf didn't fight for me and that still hurts like fuck. It hurts your self worth, even when you know it says more about them than it does about you. Loved this :)
I’m going through a divorce, and this is something I really needed to hear. I am done lying to myself that it was a loving relationship. I’m done lying that it was true love, bc it really wasn’t. No love is perfect, but I want a genuine imperfect love rather than false love. Thank you 🙏 it is my turn!
Being heartbroken was the hardest part of my life, there were sleepless nights and endless tears coming from my eyes without even noticing it. But I'm still lucky because that pain made me become a completely different person. Time is really an absolute healer because I was able to gather the broken pieces of my life and come back stronger than ever.
The people who are whining about her personal heartbreak story is missing the point. It didn't have to be about her boyfriend; it could have been any kind of relationship (parent/friend/etc). It took being battered to your core via questions of self-worth when someone who is 'supposed' to love you doesn't, resulting in feeling naked, vulnerable, and not in control of your emotions anymore... in order to find the real meaning of self-awareness and humility. But from there, it's finally possible to discover who you are and what actually makes you feel fulfilled in life. Thanks for this Emma.
People are relating to her story with what resonates with them. It's not them "missing" anything. People interpret it with whatever is relatable to them, it's neither right nor wrong.
Sarah Schaefer Don't hide your feelings from them. It is good for them to know you hurt too and they will understand the situation better. Don't show them all the pain, but do it in a way they can process it. Please, don't hide it completely. I talk from the kid's perspective. Hugs for you and I really wish you feel like yourself again soon
Sarah Schaefer Rivilla wow I read your response and it really hit me. I’m a single Father raising my 8 yr old and it’s so hard to hide the pain I’m going thru. My daughters Autistic(extremely perceptive) and I never saw myself raising her alone but she’s become my top priority. I have a whole new profound respect for single Mothers. 🙂
Julio Torres Thank you for a guys appreciation of singke mothers. life is tough. People judge. Most of my friends are married. There are some kind people in the community who understand and make you laugh. Holidays are something to look forward to
The timing to watching this video couldn't have been more right. Just reconnected with a past relationship after no contact for 2 years. Realizing that I was in denial throughout all these years of closing that chapter in my life and putting it in a box and moving on like it never happened. When it re-opened all these old emotions came back with it but finally this time around, closure was also included. Thank you for re-affirming that the one person I needed to be honest with was myself. Onwards and upwards to greater things.
Having to break up with someone you love is terrible. I left everything for my ex. I left my country, my family, my job and my friends, to go live with him after a (almost) 3 years relationship. After 3 months living together, and the last weeks crying almost every day, I realized I deserved better. I discovered a completely different person. Imagine how shook I was and how lost I was feeling, realizing that after almost 3 years I still didn't know that person. I was so so SO disappointed. At him, and at myself. I kept asking myself "how didn't you notice how he really is?" and I realized I just kept ignoring the "red flags". I kept forgiving every little thing that I didn't like because I loved him unconditionally and I wanted to make him forget his past, make him live a better life, and help him becoming a better person. He told me that I deserve better, that he knows he's not good enough for me, that he never loved anyone like he loves me, that I'm the perfect woman... But I guess I wasn't as perfect as he said, because he didn't fight for me. I broke up with him last week and I came back to my country, and he didn't do anything but say sorry. How can you say that someone is the love of your life, but push her to leave? I would've done everything for him (just as I did for 3 years), but I now know that he couldn't do the same. It made me question my self-worth sometimes... But I want to think he did it for me, that he let me go because I deserved better... It's so hard to let go someone you love so much and someone you idealized. I had so many dreams and I couldn't see my future without him. I'm so sad and so disappointed. But even if I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel right now, I know I will feel better, I will be happy again, I will trust again, and I will find someone that will give me the love I keep trying to give everyone else.
Carine MB - CarineWithC this is literally me right now. I was happy to leave my country and marry him but he just completely changed as a person. It’s really sad but people change. I am still in denial and so in love with the person he WAS. But sadly that person doesn’t exist anymore. And sometimes it has NOTHING to do with us. For him, it’s his job. But I’m kind of glad I haven’t actually moved yet bc I’m seeing the red flags now already.
@@dbsk06 I know how you feel... It's so hard to leave the man you love because he's not the man you fell in love with no more. If you already see the red flags, it's not a good thing. You're the only one that knows what to do, but love should make you happy. If you doubt, there is a problem. "Trust the vibes you get. Energy doesn't lie". Good luck babe. Whatever you do, it will be a good choice. Think about yourself and your happiness.
Carine MB - CarineWithC thanks sister! Best of luck to you too! Also on the bright side, at least we didn’t have a child with them or we had nowhere to go back to in our home country. Things could always be worse (it sounds not so positive but life is really unpredictable). We always have something to be grateful for :)
@@dbsk06 RIGHT!! I'm so lucky to have a family like mine, they helped me so much and made things easier for me to come back. You know what? The day I came back to my country I was so tired as I had to take a few flights, I almost didn't sleep that night and I was feeling exhausted because I spent that night crying. When I arrived at the airport and the doors opened, I immediately saw my parents and my sister smiling at me, waiting for me with their arms open. And I just thought "look at that, I have people here that REALLY love me, waiting for me, and I left them for someone that didn't appreciate what he had". I'm so grateful because all the months I spent crying made me realize what's really important and what I have home. I feel so much better now, just two weeks after everything. Every time I feel sad, I think about all the nights I felt asleep crying and all the things he told me that made me wanna leave. I now realize AAAALL the red flags I kept ignoring. But the most important thing is that I know HE was the problem, not me. I feel good, because I know what I deserve. I know I will be happy again and I know I have people that love me :)
@@dbsk06 By the way, you should watch "Select the right relationship" by Alexandra Redcay. It's another TED Talk. It's so interesting and she talks about red flags and all that stuff! :)
when she says" I thought if I tried hard enough to make things work, they would." I can relate to that on so many levels. I have really been hung up on that belief for the last few days, I keep thinking but I tried so hard, nobody can say I haven't tried, I tried my best, I tried and failed...I shouldn't have tried. Not to say that you don't have to try to make it work occasionally in a good relationship, but the one that just ended for me, wasn't good. I painted a picture of what I was trying to achieve in that relationship, I had a goal, a plan, and I was hyper focused on the end result, I took red flags and turned them into head bands, and scarfs and table napkins and handkerchiefs anything other than what they actually were. I guess I just thought with enough effort on my part, he would start to care about me as much as I had him. Love is a gift. You cant earn it. I know that now.
Twice I’ve rearranged my entire life and moved for a guy (one boyfriend, one husband). Both times it blew up in my face. My advice for anyone would be to treat partners like they’re a part of your life, never your whole life - it’s just not healthy and you’re left with a whole lot of nothing when it ends. Hollywood would have us believe you have to be ‘all in’ but that should not include giving up jobs and homes, etc, if you know deep down you don’t want to give those things up, don’t.
I started listening to this video without actually watching it, and as she described her life before... I imagined her; unhappy, messy hair, depressing clothing etc. (It all depends on how you picture it) And then I looked at the video, and I was truly amazed. I look at her and you can't really tell she's been through so much. I've been through something similar as her, and I bet most women have, and it gives me hope. That someday I'll see myself and think, "it was worth it."
I got closer to my friends. To my family. Focused on my goals. I'm going to therapy. She did something I could never do which was leave for good. I am free. She is free. It will get better
As soon as she said the part of others not willing to fight for you and how it really makes you question your own self worth...as soon as she said that I just started crying...it hurts alot..
THAT FEELING…..when u think you are in a relationship equal in love and passion and a desire to be together…..and then are hit by a nuclear blast of it not being reality. When the person you were ready to give your EVERYTHING to, does not see u as worth doing the same….it is too much. It is not recoverable. But it def would have been much worse to have found that out AFTER being with that person longer. So, it is the lesser of two soul poisoning options.
Wow I loved this video. I just broke up with my now ex, and this put a smile on my face and my mind at ease. I was totally lying to myself. I felt like I was screaming inside of myself at times... I'll never ignore my intuition again.
Those comments bagging Emma cos her heartbreak wasn't bad enough seen to have missed how objectively she dealt with her personnel learning from the event. Here's a gold medal to pin on your chest for having a winning heartbreak! Here's one for Emma actually learning from it, unlike those who think it's some sort of competition.. Thanks Emma!
I’m completely heartbroken. I did so much for her. I fought battles for her, I was there for her whenever she needed me. I supported her in everything she needed support in. I sacrificed so much for her. I called her beautiful everyday, I said she looked amazing everyday. I was 110 percent committed to her. And she wasn’t. I completely lost myself I’m in so much pain. Hopefully one day I can be like Emma and achieve my goals.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. This...wow. I needed to hear this. I went through a terrrrrrrrrrible heartbreak last year, but now my life has taken a beautiful new direction. However, it only started going that way once I realized that my heart had moved on, and my head was the only thing holding me in mopeyland. I feel so good, awesome, and authentic now that I've started being honest with myself, even though at first it was incredibly painful. Push through the bullsh!t ladies!
+Mallory Akiko Nora Miller Hi Mallory, I am there now, going through a breakup. He broke up with me and I am searching my heart to finally be honest with myself about how I feel and what I want and need, I cry every day, I think this is releasing a lot of pain - not just with him but for a lot of my life. So grateful to Emma for telling her experience to us.
+Nancy Camm I'm so sorry for your pain. I wouldn't wish heartbreak on my worst enemy (I'm still grieving despite being currently very much in love with my amazing fiancé-he gets me so it's all good).
I love my ex. She dumped me for an old boyfriend who threatened me. She didn't fight for our relationship. Really sucks. Now I have to rebuild, even through my tears.
This just happened to me. She used to repeat "I will always fight for you" and when the ex came into her life suddenly she was like "meh, maybe not". Trying to make light of it but I was really wrecked. Only starting to get over it now.
you know, one of my best friends and I actually became so close because of our terrible break-ups. It's like there was mutual understanding, so we just kept talking and sharing until we both felt better. Now we are both happy, healthy individuals leading fulfilling lives. So a big thanks to both of our exes: we would not have met or become best friends if y'all hadn't made us so miserable first.
I watched this 3 years ago while experiencing my 1st heartbreak. rewatching this today, and while still hurting, i realize how long I've come. thank you, emma, for opening your heart to us. hugs from the states. how i wish to have a coffee and give you a big 'thank you' hug. i wish you much joy in your journey.
No one can give you the love that parents and partners couldn't except you! Learning to love yourself the way you would love a child in pain, or a newborn or a puppy. Daily practise of self love is the only solution
This man was amazing enough to make a girl like this, a girl who is intelligent, incredibly beautiful, extremely motivated fall head over heals for him? He must be a very good looking successful guy himself! He probably didn't fight for her because he was probably seeing another girl she didn't know about or he had options other than her and he knew it. To him he was probably thinking " Why go through all this trouble when I can see someone local?" This guy didn't care because girls were probably always throwing themselves at him and he had no motivation to pursue her and only her. From her perspective she was thinking " I've found the perfect man I'm going to be with forever!" To him it was just another relationship. To him all she was, was an experience and now a memory he'll add to the list of ex girlfriends. To her he was apart of her life.
James Banner I've seen that too. And I wonder why can't they just see that as it is, instead of asking so many irrelevant questions. Maybe for someone like her, it is hard to entertain the idea of a guy just thinking that she is just another girl in his life, like one of those girls he has slept with, and not THE girl who could make him do everything for her.
Such a great talk. When people that are supposed to love you don't even fight for you, it's a clear sign that they just don't love you enough. That means it's not your fault - the relationship was always going to fail because there was not a mutual investment. Realising this is so helpful. I can finally get the closure I need concerning certain relationships. Thank you!
I have never related to anything more in my life. YES, it's not just the person leaving, it's how our SELF-WORTH comes into play. THAT is what's absolutely crushing. And YES, it's about lying to OURSELVES more than the failed relationship. How we can lie to ourselves for YEARS and endure horrible hardships along the way, desperately sticking a band-aid on everything that is broken. It's the fact that we're CAPABLE of such self-deceit. Who am I if I'm willing to make a fool out of myself only to accept something that is not good enough, that doesn't honour who I am, that does me harm? These thoughts are plaguing my mind as my ex has found new love, not long after our breakup. And I LOVED her to pieces. I would've done anything to be with her, if only she had been as invested as me. All this time she swore I was the love of her life and still believes she won't love anybody this way again, BUT she has some real issues with dealing with long-distance. So I don't really know. I'm sick to my stomach thinking I won't be the one with her AND that I lied to myself all this time. I ignored all the signs. I tried to fix by myself what could only be fixed by two people. It didn't work. It wasn't there. I question my self-worth every day. I don't feel like enough. Like I will never be enough for anyone. It's not in me.
So much of this resonated with me. Such comfort in knowing heartbreak is inevitable in life and the immeasurable strength that is gained from things that initially make us feel so incredibly helpless. Thank you Emma.
I keep this quote handy when ever heartbreak happens: you have so many extraordinary gifts; how can you expect to lead an ordinary life? - Little Women It's just a reminder that we are all complicated and special; and meant for greater things. When we hurt it is a signal to us that we have not reached our potential; rather are in the process of obtaining it. I loved this lecture. It really hit home and I was fascinated that someone else could express what I have felt so deeply and personal. There was a strange sort of comfort to have my pain be reflected back in such a safe way so I could gain perspective. Thank you Emma.
One day you'll realize that romantic heartbreaks aren't the worst heartbreaks after all. Romantic heartbreaks are related to one's ego more than anything, unless of course this was your true soulmate. It's nice that you got to tell your story, and clearly you're still hurting but honestly you can't fill the holes in your heart with merit badges.
He didn’t fight for me after being together 8 years. He moved on with new romance before he could break up with me. Blindsided. A pain I never knew existed has taken over me. I needed to see this. Thank you.
I watched this because my boyfriend broke up with me yesterday. I am trying to eat and get out of bed, but the pain is unbearable. I can't stop crying and overthinking. It is hard indeed just like you said, when you love someone that doesn't love you back and doesnt want to fight for the love. Eventhough he hurt me so badly, I still want him back. It's just, everything comes with an ending and so will my heartbreak. But it's hard to believe that's true. Because now it feels like it will never end.
lysette2381 your respond is so sweet thank you. I have been doing so much better! It was weird to read back my comment. I cannot really relate anymore. I still think about him though, but the pain is not the same
lysette2381 Oh no. I am so sad to hear that. I hope time will heal your pain. Distractions are very important. Try to go out with friends and family. Try to have fun. And someday somehow you will caught yourself on smiling, without him/her :)
When did it get better for you? I am still in a fair amount of pain two months after a sudden-not really explained-text message breakup. I started to function again but...it’s all still very painful.
I can relate so much, my hearbreak it's been so hard and painful, but I've never felt so empowered and true to myself as right now. The breakup gave me the power that I've lost in all my projects, job and spiritual growth, it made me want to heal myself for real and stop lying to myself. It's giving me the opportunitie to love myself like I never did before and trought the pain it feels so amazing. Can't wait for what is next!
After I went through a heartbreak, I firmly believed that we should only do something for a person to a limit that'll not come back to haunt us when they're gone. Because as she said, "It's really difficult to deal with... Loving someone so much when they don't love you enough to fight for you", this confirmed it. Thank you for motivating me even more, Emma.
Thank you for the honest courageous talk. It resonates with me as I went through the exact experience: feeling so free and good when I’m supposed to be devastated after the breakup. Instead, the only thing I’m disappointed about was ignoring my own voice and judgment. You are amazing and brave for fighting for your plans and for sticking with who you are.
this works both way of course. its a horrid feeling, no matter how actually handsome, intelligent and kind you are,you question yourself. its that feeling of loneliness and worthlessness that really bites at me. neither does it help that many stunning women are so self-obsessed and attention seeking it becomes almost impossible to connect yet for some bizzare reason you still chase her. great video and good to hear things like this.
Just want to say that I just had a very similar breakup, long distance. My first love didn't want to fight for me and bounced. I also watched Lord Of the Rings right after the breakup, you're not alone Emma! The most beautiful things come out of the toughest moments in our lives, go show your swag and your character, you're a kickass girl!
hi, I am going through the same thing... I understand your comment was made 3 years ago but I am interested in how you're doing now? When push came to shove after 4 years of long distance my first love couldn't move countries for me after promising it to me, planning it together and romanticising our future (engagement, wedding, travelling together - everything). I would love to chat with you further. Sending love.
Damn she spoke from her heart 😊 it's painfull when the other half don't correspond to your effort or does not even show signs to try work the realationship ! Good hope you are at a better place Emma Gibbs 💓
4 years ago I watched this ted talk while at work the day after my breakup and sobbed to the whole thing especially when she said "It's really difficult to deal with... Loving someone so much when they don't love you enough to fight for you." Now I am happier than I ever was with a person who did fight for me. The best thing that happened after my breakup was I realized I am worth so much and now I am moving up in my life and career. That office I cried in is now someone else's office because I have moved on to better things and will continue to do so.
the conflict between head and heart fades when you no longer feel for them as only once has anyone made me so cold towards them due to the realisation that someone doesn't care enough to make time for me when they only live 20 minutes away! I feel like this is a harsher version of what i'm going through.
I cannot even begin to explain how much I relate to this and give you thanks for making this video possible. Ms. Gibbs, this is truly moving and I aspire to hopefully one day break out of this shell that “that person who didn’t love me enough” locked me. I know I can do it, as did you but man it’s so hard. Fully dedicating yourself to someone to help them in every way possible and willing to give them all they need right at the palm of their finger tips hurts so much. Thank you.
Wow! When someone can speak from the heart from an experience like Ms. Gibbs describes and be thankful for her misfortune, it really helps me to have hope that I can get through my own heartache and be grateful for the experience. Healing takes time and patience and I feel so sad, but it's talk and wisdom like this that will aid me in getting through another day.
mrs emma gibbs. words cannot express my sympathy. how brave of you to discuss your personal life. i watched it 4 times. i learn from you. to lie to myself is the worst kind of vice. you are a star in face of the sky.
Heartbreak was the best thing that ever happened to me as well. I learn that I cannot deal or handle a relationship, so I have never gotten into or will get into a relationship anymore. I cannot deal with the emotional baggage after its over. Heartbreak sucks, and I realize I don't need it. I don't need to be a father, I have my niece and nephew that fulfills my heart, that I don't need to have children because I have them. I don't need to be a husband, or boyfriend, fiancee' because I cannot deal with the secrets, truths, and lies we all tell each other, and the ever comprimisng bullshit that follows. I may not be happy, or the way happy is suppose to be. But I no longer have Heartbreak, or Heartache. I have learned that I don't need it, I believe I did. But I don't.
CavemanJesus4Life Totally agree. I have not been in a relationship for years and it's great. Too much garbage to deal with in relationships. Don't know why people have to lie and cheat, being truthful and honest is so much easier and less stressful.
dont seek a relationship then. Simply seek best friends.. that are girls and not just guys. its a very do-able thing. Being with your best friend in a loving loyal relationship there is no secrets or lies. we are human beings, we all have feelings. Find a girl you can communicate with and she communicates with you. There is only one life here, there is someone that will spend theirs with you. even if she takes patience to wait for.
I could totally relate to her speech. I have been heartbroken and rejected for way too many times to a point that I started to question my selfworth. But from there you actually start to face the most primitive feelings in you and walk out from the traumatic experiences and build a better version of yourself. Relationships are hard, and for some moments I still feel heartbroken because the relationship didnt turn out to be what I expectated, but I switched the mindset of devaluing myself but to see the failure of the relationship on a more equal basis. It is not your fault that he dumps you (okay not always but hey), it is just the different expectations that you two have in the relationship, and it is completely normal to be different. If the guy doesnt love you enough to fight for you, it is just the way it is, it has nothing to deal with how awesome you are. From all these heartbreaks I learnt to accept the things the way they are, if they match with you, perfect, if no, let go. I failed for so many times and cried over guys who refused to fight for me while holding my selfworth in me, I met this guy who is willing to team up with me and combat the challenges ahead of us. Yes, we are long distance from two completely different culture, but we have that faith in each other and us, to make it work, while being aware that things may fall apart but we will still at least give it a shot with no regret.
You have to work towards your confession my dear friend i can recommend you to a great relationship restorer from the US that can help you manifest your ex back without any delay in less than 24 hours 😊
He just helped me restore my relationship of 2years with law of attraction manifestation last week and everything is going well between us and I pray the universe grant you your heart desires through the relationship restorer ✅✅💕💕😄
Thank you for this. My husband ended our relationship 3 weeks ago. He didn't love me enough to stay in it & make things work. He told me he couldn't push himself to lie anymore. I was completely stunned and felt like I was punched in the stomach. The devastation and heartbreak are overwhelming at times. There is a lot you said here that resonates with what I am living right now. I am grateful for your vulnerability and honesty. Wishing you all the best 💗🙏🏻
my last real heartbreak litterally nearly killed my. the downfall created an emotional black hole and the strength i grew from pulling away from it made me not need anyone which has caused another problem. now i push people away.
Just watched this again almost a year after 1st watching it. Now I understand exactly what Emma means. What a powerful and extremely thought provoking piece of work. Thankyou Emma for doing this piece. Truly inspiring and so very helpful. I'm a 62 yr old guy, a Brit, who came out of 18 yrs of trying to make a plan work that I knew I didn't want, and 2 yrs of abuse from a woman with NPD where I again chased a plan I knew a. olden;t work, and b. didn't want it to yet chased it anyway. Tks Emma.
This hits home, my fiancé broke up with me and started dating her friend who she swore was just her friend. The pain is immense. I feel like I've been in an alternate fog for 3 months. I know it will be okay but damn, it hurts so bad!
This story reminds so much of me, how I felt after my breakup with my ex.. I opted for a quicker method, but you know what... after all it's all about knowing your limits. What are you willing to take? How much integrity do you have with yourself? Thanks for sharing.
When you truly love someone with your whole heart you start to expect same amount of love and care from them but once they don't do much for you this also causes heartbreak. But in the last what is yours will find you 🌻💛
Wow, dealing with someone who 'does not love you enough to fight for you' really hit me. That type of rejection really HURTS, I'm trying to get past that now. It's heart wrenching
Taiwo Bali , im going through that right now..
Isabel girl!!!! Honestly you'll be just fine. I'm looking back to where I was then compared to where I am now and the difference is astounding. No more tears, no more sleepless nights, no more being a hermit that wants to reside in the dark. A book called 'It's a Breakup because it's broken' really helped me! You will be good soon! Sending you love & light 💫
i just feel sometimes leaving tge realtionship but im scared of tge pain ill go tgrough and scared to do it on my own and wuth my daughter and go through all that pain on my own besides that im almost 18 yrs old...
is it okay if you could send me some of the pages of the book that could help me? My boyfriend just decided to end it and I could see that he's really happy now. I tried to save the relationship and I even put the extra effort for it to work. It's just sad how he doesnt even seem to care
Katrina Se I'm so sorry about that ): you'll get through it though. you'll find someone who sees and appreciates your efforts. don't worry. (: for now just focus on how you can better yourself and how you can move forward.
"It's really difficult to deal with... Loving someone so much when they don't love you enough to fight for you. It really, it makes you question your own self-worth."
Makes me wonder about who I've let down
ixfxlxg Uggh, that got me the feels. I've been working through exactly this feeling. I'm finally learning to be okay with it. He just isn't the one for me. That's not my fault or his.
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It's so real, I hate it.
Ph ok
All failed relationships hurt, but losing someone who dosent appreciate and respect u is actually a gain, not a loss.
Edit: Old account, you probably won't see this but I'm glad to see this comment helped some of you.
Thank you for this comment.
With time and perspective you begin to realize this, but not to start.
Lois Palcu yjjz.
Mlplnmnsr bghhyyawwtueiiiiy
Sondre ... Very true
Thanks a lot.
“In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.”
That last one. So hard to do.
I definitely agree with. that is wisdom right. Thank you, MrsNunya!
I definitely agree with you. that is wisdom right there. Thank you, MrsNunya!
I'm going through that right now. It's horrible.
I agree with this
Leelz247 You got this!
"When they don't even love you enough to fight for you."
killed me.
same. 💔😔
SGKeiana same 💔
Sums up my current heartbreak. It's a hard pill to swallow.
I'm very sorry you, or anyone is going through that right now, hang in there! :(
Same
Being in a breakup is one of the best things that can ever happen to someone. It gives you a moment to reflect on yourself.
69th like as I’m currently shattered with heartbreak. Nice
I'm so heartbroken right now, hurting so much. I want to believe this is true
@@danielarodriguez9701 It's almost impossible to see it now because you're in panic mode and heartbroken. Your brain chemistry is not letting you see clearly so it's very normal to feel the way you're feeling. You will heal and when you do, you'll see the positive. Take this time to focus on yourself and grow. If you ever need someone to reach out to, you're welcome to DM me.
And on the relationship itself without the other person trying to rewrite the narrative all the time.
@@antg4403 How do you feel now?
Thank you everyone for being so kind and supportive. I am truly touched!
This speech encapsulated everything I've been through. Truly, thank you for being vulnerable and reminding me how much potential life gives us when we're not distracted by bad relationships.
You're so sensitive and emotional
you helped me Emma going through my divorce . I was lying to myself too . I watched your video over and over every day I felt that is me speaking about my relationship .
Jack Penny Seriously? Do you really think it's appropriate to write that way to anyone, just because you're on your keyboard? Or are you also talking that way to women you even don't know? If so, you're just disgusting and a disturbed man that really needs to consult a mental health specialist to get some help to learn to behave properly in society. Otherwise, just get lost...
Jack Penny You seem to be a very nice and educated person deep down... I mean, really really deep down! LOL
Heartbreak is the symptom that you have a soul
Itsiwhatitsi so true. It’s a tragedy that it’s often portrayed as weakness
This quote got to me: "It's really difficult to deal with... Loving someone so much when they don't love you enough to fight for you"
You can be right (in your own mind) or you could be happy. The world truly DOES need more people to be more honest with themselves.
Felt really touched by that part too!!! #tears
+AdjrianNickelodeon Thats amazing, one of my favorite motovloggers watches the same Ted Talks as me, awesome!
You right sir
so heart breaking honestly...
Yes me too I'm crying..hope I can feel better soon..I'm struggling
just because he didn't cheat or lie doesn't classify it as being the all time worst heart break. you can still hear the pain in her voice, you can hear how much she suffered from it. when you love someone so much it doesn't matter what they did to end it, it ended, and you're broken. I know the feeling. I went into a deep dark depression, been in a hospital twice, still struggling. this all happened after my heart break. my life started falling apart. I learned he didn't love me enough to fight for me. he did lie to me a lot, when he saw me slipping away he came back into my life and then disappeared again. he treated me so terribly after the relationship I don't know if I'll ever be in another relationship with full trust again... she said even after 2 years of not speaking she fell right back into him. obviously she truly cared for this guy, if she was willing to drop everything for him. I know the feeling. it fucking HURTS when they don't appreciate everything you do for them.
what do i do if iam on the other side...what shud the guy in emma's case shouldve done...the love wasnt mutual...at some point it has to cause the heartache...the earlier the better...how does one minimise the pain (talking fro the guy's perspective)?
One can not minimize the pain :( He did the right thing: to be honest.
Only through his honesty she could be free from his spell.
im male. being left 7 month ago after the 3 yrs relation, Ive put all my effords in.
currently drowning down in depression and health slipping away.
did U recover in the end?
I completely understand you. It hurts, not abstractly but it really hurts. :'( Chest pain... always looking down... crying quite often, hard to eat... I was thin like a Spaghetti after my break up.
But is went away... slowly, but it did... trust me.
Thanks to that break up I met my current boyfriend and can feel the real feeling of love powerful again!
What did I learn? That my happiness shouldn't depend on a person, but that I am responsible of my life and my smile. And you know what? You don't want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with you, right? Actually, if you really loved that person you should be happy she can move on freely and seek happiness and that you're not an impediment for it. Love is not to be looked for, but to be given to others. If it comes to you it is a wonderful gift, and it is so precious because it is rare!
If you're blessed with it again in the future don't take it for granted, cause it is just a wonderful "extra gift" in your life, if it goes you have to know you don't need it. This will ease your pain and actually realize you were lucky to have experiences it at least for a little while.
You'll be fine. Life is short and you're the protagonist of your existence, so don't give up ;)
I'm also feeling same....I was loyal for her... I put lots of efforts I did whatever I could but she went with some another guy....
It was 2 years relationship and she is not regret for whatever she did....
M really depressed.... I don't know what to do now....
He and I do not want the same things.
One person cannot be the whole relationship. It takes two.
Since he does not love me, that is my proof that he is not the one meant for me.
I cut the spiritual ropes that bind us.
I free him to fulfill his dreams. I free myself to fulfill my own.
I release him with love.
I shall love again.
Omg this is beautiful.
where is this from?
the last four lines really touched me
I so needed this today!
Beautiful!
the same thing happened to me. i fell in love so deeply with someone who didn't love me enough to fight for me. when everything fell apart it was like a huge slap in the face. it is painful to have to go through a heartbreak like this, but at the same time I'd like to look at it as a blessing. it pushes me forward and i am so very grateful for it and i know that in a way i was saved from giving myself away too much to someone who won't do the same. it is a blessing in disguise. put yourself first. i discover self love and nothing or no one can take that away from me
Lily Louise thanks for this😊😊
boo hoo
i wish i can reach that realization
@@alisamakedonskaya1794 goin threw this now. Thank u
If a person has "self love", will the breakup hurt less? I don't get it.
You are responsible for your own happiness. Things that don't work out give you better opportunities. Don't be stuck with someone... find your own happiness.
It's like a jolt back to my heartbreak when I hear her describe how the person you loved does not make the effort to fight for you makes you feel essentially worthless.
Helps to know that it's pretty much a common thing that happens to everyone, doesn't it?
I know what you mean, but I like to think everything happens for a reason
Especially the kind of guys of get into a serious relationship with you and when it comes to commitment/marriage - they play the, " my parents won't approve because of your religion/race/community card".
@@ila326 oh how trueeeee
Going through it right now guys, all stages. Disbelief, sadness, anger(the scariest), hopelessness.
Jon Ram you’re not alone buddy, you’re not alone 💔
Try that at the same time as being diagnosed with a major illness
Jon Ram you’ll come out of it.. be strong
going through these stages is really raw pain.tough
@James Bond way better. I’m happy with myself. Only need myself and family! :)
"Loving someone so much when they don't love you enough to fight for you. It really, it makes you question your own self-worth."
The cruel irony is that you must throw yourself fully into a relationship in order for it to thrive, but this leaves you completely vulnerable. It's devastating when it ends after many years together, and it's easy to question why you are so unlovable. Why you gave your all, and it still wasn't enough?! In my experience, it's different for girls than guys, as guys don't like to talk about it..
+Jane S You are so right. Its horrible to see so many women, myself included, come to this conclusion and know that I should have made better choices and put myself first. Emma is so brave to say this to the world.
Jane why do you say its different for girls than guys? I've just broken up with a girl for the second time, both times she did the breaking up,I did so much for her and gave so much of myself, and got so little back
+ocriodain hmm i heard something good "nothing good together ever breaks apart". the way i see it, if both people are equally willing and if both are equally emotionally available then it would work out in most circumstances. but if they're not theyre gonna break up or settle for being unfulfilled together. the outcome is always the same. its a lot of ifs.. so thats as much as i understand it atm. but society makes it harder for women to truly determine if their partner is compatible. so we often settle for mr. around at the right time rather than mr.right for me. and our tendancy to fix it makes us internalize it and ask why we can't fix it no matter how hard you try and change to accommodate
we are not unlovable tho. we just think that as a result of loving incompatible partners and taking on the responsibility of fixing someone else's emotional state... which is not possible.. or something that we should be doing.. creates an imbalance of power and effort
Yes you are right she broke with me the first time even when I was the one making the effort and being emotionally available mistaking ly I agreed to go back the second time thinking she would make a better effort she didn't I did and then yesterday told me she didn't have enough headspace for a relationship right now,I was willing she wasn't period I'm sure it works in reverse also
I’m happy i decided to choose myself over the toxic and empty relationship.he kept saying he loves me but his actions were saying something else!!
When they don't love you enough to fight for you, it tears at your self-esteem. So true!
yep!
Being heartbroken is no joke
I remember watching this video on 2015 when my boyfriend and I broke up. It was an awful breakup. We were living together and the process of moving out was excruciating. I had never experienced that much pain in my life. I was 100% convinced that he was the one. But there I was, letting him go because unfortunately I didn't seem to be his "the one". I remember watching this video and sobbing when this girl broke down, right when she said "It's really difficult to deal with... Loving someone so much when they don't love you enough to fight for you" because it really hit home. So I started moving on even though I just knew that I could never love someone as much as I loved him... Fast forward 5 months and I ran into him again, we started talking, we started hanging out and we got back together. I didn't want to go back to what our relationship was in the past so we went to therapy. We got engaged, shortly after we eloped in Vegas. I'm now planning our big wedding abroad (this October) where we can get to celebrate our love with our loved ones. I was right all along, he was, is and will always be THE one. I just had to come back to this video and tell my story. Just because something doesn't seem to go right, doesn't mean you can't fix it. Sometimes taking a step back is all you need to really figure things out. Therapy really helped us, we have never been so happy. We are now trying to bring a baby into this world (wish us luck!). I came across this video after my breakup, I'm sure most people on here are going thru the same thing. Take a step back, take a deep breath and keep fighting for what you want. xoxox!
This is beautiful; thank you for sharing this. Sometimes people are right for each other, but the timing is not right for them. Taking a break or a step back to connect with yourself and see things from a more objective point of view can help you realize what you truly want. I'm so happy life brought you back together and things worked out better, as you both went to therapy as a team and can now build your lives together. Much love.
Thank you so much.
Happy for you!!
This truly helped me so much, I’m terrified of losing the person I love but I have trust in the universe that if it’s meant to be well find each other again
MsMakeUpLova O M G ❤ So soooo happy for you!
My ex bf didn't fight for me and that still hurts like fuck. It hurts your self worth, even when you know it says more about them than it does about you. Loved this :)
No one will put up with being tested, you arn't worth it sorry.
Yes it does
“When we lie to ourselves, we also lie to everyone else, including those that we love and care about the most”
I’m going through a divorce, and this is something I really needed to hear. I am done lying to myself that it was a loving relationship. I’m done lying that it was true love, bc it really wasn’t. No love is perfect, but I want a genuine imperfect love rather than false love. Thank you 🙏 it is my turn!
I hope you are feeling better now.
Can will date?
Can will date?
Am in Libya and single cause i got no family
Yesss!!! This gives me hope because I really needed to read your post 🙌🏼💚
Being heartbroken was the hardest part of my life, there were sleepless nights and endless tears coming from my eyes without even noticing it. But I'm still lucky because that pain made me become a completely different person. Time is really an absolute healer because I was able to gather the broken pieces of my life and come back stronger than ever.
Curious to know how it is like today for you? I m sure life is better
The people who are whining about her personal heartbreak story is missing the point. It didn't have to be about her boyfriend; it could have been any kind of relationship (parent/friend/etc). It took being battered to your core via questions of self-worth when someone who is 'supposed' to love you doesn't, resulting in feeling naked, vulnerable, and not in control of your emotions anymore... in order to find the real meaning of self-awareness and humility. But from there, it's finally possible to discover who you are and what actually makes you feel fulfilled in life. Thanks for this Emma.
Do you feel naked?
gastronommy. i like what you write. wise.
Beautifully said
People are relating to her story with what resonates with them. It's not them "missing" anything. People interpret it with whatever is relatable to them, it's neither right nor wrong.
Extra heartbreaking when you're a mother & need to hide your hurt from you kid/s whilst still trying to move on & do all the things she mentions.
Sarah Schaefer Don't hide your feelings from them. It is good for them to know you hurt too and they will understand the situation better. Don't show them all the pain, but do it in a way they can process it. Please, don't hide it completely. I talk from the kid's perspective. Hugs for you and I really wish you feel like yourself again soon
YES. 😞💔
Sarah Schaefer Rivilla yes it never goes away. But one day we will find love again ❤
Sarah Schaefer Rivilla wow I read your response and it really hit me. I’m a single Father raising my 8 yr old and it’s so hard to hide the pain I’m going thru. My daughters Autistic(extremely perceptive) and I never saw myself raising her alone but she’s become my top priority. I have a whole new profound respect for single Mothers. 🙂
Julio Torres
Thank you for a guys appreciation of singke mothers.
life is tough. People judge.
Most of my friends are married.
There are some kind people in the community who understand and make you laugh. Holidays are something to look forward to
"When they don't love you enough to fight for you" hit's me hard right now
Loving someone so much when they don't love you enough to fight for you! Amazing
The timing to watching this video couldn't have been more right. Just reconnected with a past relationship after no contact for 2 years. Realizing that I was in denial throughout all these years of closing that chapter in my life and putting it in a box and moving on like it never happened. When it re-opened all these old emotions came back with it but finally this time around, closure was also included. Thank you for re-affirming that the one person I needed to be honest with was myself. Onwards and upwards to greater things.
Christine Mangubat I believe the key idea here is closure... some are fortunate to reunite and get that.. others not really....
Good for you sis!
7 years in a relationship, and she didn’t want to fight for me when i was fighting for us
Having to break up with someone you love is terrible.
I left everything for my ex. I left my country, my family, my job and my friends, to go live with him after a (almost) 3 years relationship. After 3 months living together, and the last weeks crying almost every day, I realized I deserved better. I discovered a completely different person. Imagine how shook I was and how lost I was feeling, realizing that after almost 3 years I still didn't know that person. I was so so SO disappointed. At him, and at myself. I kept asking myself "how didn't you notice how he really is?" and I realized I just kept ignoring the "red flags". I kept forgiving every little thing that I didn't like because I loved him unconditionally and I wanted to make him forget his past, make him live a better life, and help him becoming a better person.
He told me that I deserve better, that he knows he's not good enough for me, that he never loved anyone like he loves me, that I'm the perfect woman... But I guess I wasn't as perfect as he said, because he didn't fight for me.
I broke up with him last week and I came back to my country, and he didn't do anything but say sorry. How can you say that someone is the love of your life, but push her to leave? I would've done everything for him (just as I did for 3 years), but I now know that he couldn't do the same.
It made me question my self-worth sometimes... But I want to think he did it for me, that he let me go because I deserved better...
It's so hard to let go someone you love so much and someone you idealized. I had so many dreams and I couldn't see my future without him. I'm so sad and so disappointed. But even if I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel right now, I know I will feel better, I will be happy again, I will trust again, and I will find someone that will give me the love I keep trying to give everyone else.
Carine MB - CarineWithC this is literally me right now. I was happy to leave my country and marry him but he just completely changed as a person. It’s really sad but people change. I am still in denial and so in love with the person he WAS. But sadly that person doesn’t exist anymore. And sometimes it has NOTHING to do with us. For him, it’s his job. But I’m kind of glad I haven’t actually moved yet bc I’m seeing the red flags now already.
@@dbsk06 I know how you feel... It's so hard to leave the man you love because he's not the man you fell in love with no more.
If you already see the red flags, it's not a good thing. You're the only one that knows what to do, but love should make you happy. If you doubt, there is a problem. "Trust the vibes you get. Energy doesn't lie". Good luck babe. Whatever you do, it will be a good choice. Think about yourself and your happiness.
Carine MB - CarineWithC thanks sister! Best of luck to you too! Also on the bright side, at least we didn’t have a child with them or we had nowhere to go back to in our home country. Things could always be worse (it sounds not so positive but life is really unpredictable). We always have something to be grateful for :)
@@dbsk06 RIGHT!! I'm so lucky to have a family like mine, they helped me so much and made things easier for me to come back. You know what? The day I came back to my country I was so tired as I had to take a few flights, I almost didn't sleep that night and I was feeling exhausted because I spent that night crying. When I arrived at the airport and the doors opened, I immediately saw my parents and my sister smiling at me, waiting for me with their arms open. And I just thought "look at that, I have people here that REALLY love me, waiting for me, and I left them for someone that didn't appreciate what he had". I'm so grateful because all the months I spent crying made me realize what's really important and what I have home. I feel so much better now, just two weeks after everything. Every time I feel sad, I think about all the nights I felt asleep crying and all the things he told me that made me wanna leave. I now realize AAAALL the red flags I kept ignoring. But the most important thing is that I know HE was the problem, not me. I feel good, because I know what I deserve. I know I will be happy again and I know I have people that love me :)
@@dbsk06 By the way, you should watch "Select the right relationship" by Alexandra Redcay. It's another TED Talk. It's so interesting and she talks about red flags and all that stuff! :)
This audio is terrible :( please upload a better version TEDx!!!
And I thought, that was only on my device
It gets the job done
when she says" I thought if I tried hard enough to make things work, they would."
I can relate to that on so many levels. I have really been hung up on that belief for the last few days, I keep thinking but I tried so hard, nobody can say I haven't tried, I tried my best, I tried and failed...I shouldn't have tried.
Not to say that you don't have to try to make it work occasionally in a good relationship, but the one that just ended for me, wasn't good.
I painted a picture of what I was trying to achieve in that relationship, I had a goal, a plan, and I was hyper focused on the end result, I took red flags and turned them into head bands, and scarfs and table napkins and handkerchiefs anything other than what they actually were. I guess I just thought with enough effort on my part, he would start to care about me as much as I had him.
Love is a gift. You cant earn it. I know that now.
It's works our for me
I got my ex lover back within 48 hours
I can help you out
whatspp me to know how
I recommend you to a man who can help you manifest whatever and who ever you want to manifest within two-days ❤❤❤
He was the person who helped me manifest back my ex three days ago with out delay 💯 💯💯
Whtsaap him"**
+ 2 3 4 8 1 4 0 7 9 9 3 2 3
what helps me is music,i soak myself in good music and rejuvenate
Twice I’ve rearranged my entire life and moved for a guy (one boyfriend, one husband). Both times it blew up in my face. My advice for anyone would be to treat partners like they’re a part of your life, never your whole life - it’s just not healthy and you’re left with a whole lot of nothing when it ends. Hollywood would have us believe you have to be ‘all in’ but that should not include giving up jobs and homes, etc, if you know deep down you don’t want to give those things up, don’t.
I started listening to this video without actually watching it, and as she described her life before... I imagined her; unhappy, messy hair, depressing clothing etc. (It all depends on how you picture it) And then I looked at the video, and I was truly amazed. I look at her and you can't really tell she's been through so much.
I've been through something similar as her, and I bet most women have, and it gives me hope. That someday I'll see myself and think, "it was worth it."
I like her style, you'll be surprised how many people look tidy, clean put together etc yet they end up commitimg suicide.
Challenges (like "I don't want to fight to have you in my life") are blessings in disguise: you've been spared. Nothing to be sad about.
I got closer to my friends. To my family. Focused on my goals. I'm going to therapy. She did something I could never do which was leave for good. I am free. She is free. It will get better
As soon as she said the part of others not willing to fight for you and how it really makes you question your own self worth...as soon as she said that I just started crying...it hurts alot..
THAT FEELING…..when u think you are in a relationship equal in love and passion and a desire to be together…..and then are hit by a nuclear blast of it not being reality. When the person you were ready to give your EVERYTHING to, does not see u as worth doing the same….it is too much. It is not recoverable. But it def would have been much worse to have found that out AFTER being with that person longer. So, it is the lesser of two soul poisoning options.
“It’s really hard, loving someone so much when they don’t love you enough to fight for you. It makes you question your own self-worth.” 😔❤️
Wow I loved this video. I just broke up with my now ex, and this put a smile on my face and my mind at ease. I was totally lying to myself. I felt like I was screaming inside of myself at times... I'll never ignore my intuition again.
Those comments bagging Emma cos her heartbreak wasn't bad enough seen to have missed how objectively she dealt with her personnel learning from the event. Here's a gold medal to pin on your chest for having a winning heartbreak! Here's one for Emma actually learning from it, unlike those who think it's some sort of competition.. Thanks Emma!
I’m completely heartbroken. I did so much for her. I fought battles for her, I was there for her whenever she needed me. I supported her in everything she needed support in. I sacrificed so much for her. I called her beautiful everyday, I said she looked amazing everyday. I was 110 percent committed to her. And she wasn’t. I completely lost myself
I’m in so much pain. Hopefully one day I can be like Emma and achieve my goals.
he helped me go get back myEx in just 72 hours
Me to 3 years later still hurt why i dont know in a bad place oh well x
How are u now?
Yes u will .of course love is never wasted
I love what she says about intuition... I always listen to my intuition and it never failed me.
Man, its hard fighting for someone sometimes. One finds himself wondering if he'd fight for himself.
this 🙌🏼
Thank you, thank you, thank you. This...wow. I needed to hear this. I went through a terrrrrrrrrrible heartbreak last year, but now my life has taken a beautiful new direction. However, it only started going that way once I realized that my heart had moved on, and my head was the only thing holding me in mopeyland. I feel so good, awesome, and authentic now that I've started being honest with myself, even though at first it was incredibly painful. Push through the bullsh!t ladies!
+Mallory Akiko Nora Miller Hi Mallory, I am there now, going through a breakup.
He broke up with me and I am searching my heart to finally be honest with myself about how I feel and what I want and need, I cry every day, I think this is releasing a lot of pain - not just with him but for a lot of my life. So grateful to Emma for telling her experience to us.
+Nancy Camm I'm so sorry for your pain. I wouldn't wish heartbreak on my worst enemy (I'm still grieving despite being currently very much in love with my amazing fiancé-he gets me so it's all good).
I am dealing with it right now...getting divorce
I love my ex. She dumped me for an old boyfriend who threatened me. She didn't fight for our relationship. Really sucks. Now I have to rebuild, even through my tears.
Good luck to you man. I hear your pain.
Raheem Gaines I'm going through the exact same thing man, everything will be better!
This just happened to me. She used to repeat "I will always fight for you" and when the ex came into her life suddenly she was like "meh, maybe not". Trying to make light of it but I was really wrecked. Only starting to get over it now.
I'm w you Paul..this is the worst I have ever felt..cannot believe how much this hurts..
Raheem Gaines mine just left me for somebody else after 4 years together, life sucks right now :(
you know, one of my best friends and I actually became so close because of our terrible break-ups. It's like there was mutual understanding, so we just kept talking and sharing until we both felt better. Now we are both happy, healthy individuals leading fulfilling lives. So a big thanks to both of our exes: we would not have met or become best friends if y'all hadn't made us so miserable first.
I watched this 3 years ago while experiencing my 1st heartbreak. rewatching this today, and while still hurting, i realize how long I've come. thank you, emma, for opening your heart to us. hugs from the states. how i wish to have a coffee and give you a big 'thank you' hug. i wish you much joy in your journey.
She's such an intelligent and honest individual and her speech is really inspiring
No one can give you the love that parents and partners couldn't except you! Learning to love yourself the way you would love a child in pain, or a newborn or a puppy. Daily practise of self love is the only solution
This man was amazing enough to make a girl like this, a girl who is intelligent, incredibly beautiful, extremely motivated fall head over heals for him? He must be a very good looking successful guy himself! He probably didn't fight for her because he was probably seeing another girl she didn't know about or he had options other than her and he knew it. To him he was probably thinking " Why go through all this trouble when I can see someone local?" This guy didn't care because girls were probably always throwing themselves at him and he had no motivation to pursue her and only her. From her perspective she was thinking " I've found the perfect man I'm going to be with forever!" To him it was just another relationship. To him all she was, was an experience and now a memory he'll add to the list of ex girlfriends. To her he was apart of her life.
Oh well, i think that is the case, or more like the probable explanation why. Tsk.
***** I've seen this situation play out in real life. It's sad, but it happens.
James Banner I've seen that too. And I wonder why can't they just see that as it is, instead of asking so many irrelevant questions. Maybe for someone like her, it is hard to entertain the idea of a guy just thinking that she is just another girl in his life, like one of those girls he has slept with, and not THE girl who could make him do everything for her.
+James Banner Yes ,that man was , for sure, an amazing jerk
Ann M Call him a jerk, but you girls always fall victim to those types.
Wow. This is my life.....exactly where I am in this moment. Ty for speaking so honestly.
dude love can be really painful lol
Such a great talk. When people that are supposed to love you don't even fight for you, it's a clear sign that they just don't love you enough. That means it's not your fault - the relationship was always going to fail because there was not a mutual investment. Realising this is so helpful. I can finally get the closure I need concerning certain relationships. Thank you!
Does anyone feel that the sound is breaking up?
Yes.
i'm getting a headache from it
Maybe it’s a metaphor.. haha jk
I have never related to anything more in my life.
YES, it's not just the person leaving, it's how our SELF-WORTH comes into play. THAT is what's absolutely crushing.
And YES, it's about lying to OURSELVES more than the failed relationship. How we can lie to ourselves for YEARS and endure horrible hardships along the way, desperately sticking a band-aid on everything that is broken.
It's the fact that we're CAPABLE of such self-deceit. Who am I if I'm willing to make a fool out of myself only to accept something that is not good enough, that doesn't honour who I am, that does me harm?
These thoughts are plaguing my mind as my ex has found new love, not long after our breakup. And I LOVED her to pieces. I would've done anything to be with her, if only she had been as invested as me. All this time she swore I was the love of her life and still believes she won't love anybody this way again, BUT she has some real issues with dealing with long-distance. So I don't really know.
I'm sick to my stomach thinking I won't be the one with her AND that I lied to myself all this time. I ignored all the signs. I tried to fix by myself what could only be fixed by two people. It didn't work. It wasn't there.
I question my self-worth every day. I don't feel like enough. Like I will never be enough for anyone. It's not in me.
It's been 2 years so I hope you're onto better things. I relate 100% to your story right now as the girl.
I'm going through exactly the same situation.
“As soon as I saw him I knew I was in real trouble” DANG I FELT THAT
So much of this resonated with me. Such comfort in knowing heartbreak is inevitable in life and the immeasurable strength that is gained from things that initially make us feel so incredibly helpless. Thank you Emma.
I keep this quote handy when ever heartbreak happens: you have so many extraordinary gifts; how can you expect to lead an ordinary life? - Little Women
It's just a reminder that we are all complicated and special; and meant for greater things. When we hurt it is a signal to us that we have not reached our potential; rather are in the process of obtaining it.
I loved this lecture. It really hit home and I was fascinated that someone else could express what I have felt so deeply and personal. There was a strange sort of comfort to have my pain be reflected back in such a safe way so I could gain perspective. Thank you Emma.
I watched this 3 years ago and this was the video that helped me kickstart my growth
She choke up not because of him, but herself. Relieving the pain she went through. I know the feeling.
One day you'll realize that romantic heartbreaks aren't the worst heartbreaks after all. Romantic heartbreaks are related to one's ego more than anything, unless of course this was your true soulmate. It's nice that you got to tell your story, and clearly you're still hurting but honestly you can't fill the holes in your heart with merit badges.
He didn’t fight for me after being together 8 years. He moved on with new romance before he could break up with me. Blindsided. A pain I never knew existed has taken over me. I needed to see this. Thank you.
I know of a man who could help you restore back your relationship either your ex or soulmate
He was the one who helped me in restoring back my ex partner three days ago without delay
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I watched this because my boyfriend broke up with me yesterday. I am trying to eat and get out of bed, but the pain is unbearable. I can't stop crying and overthinking. It is hard indeed just like you said, when you love someone that doesn't love you back and doesnt want to fight for the love. Eventhough he hurt me so badly, I still want him back. It's just, everything comes with an ending and so will my heartbreak. But it's hard to believe that's true. Because now it feels like it will never end.
Rabia'sChannel heartbreak sucks!!! Sending you positive energy. Hope you're doing better
lysette2381 your respond is so sweet thank you. I have been doing so much better! It was weird to read back my comment. I cannot really relate anymore. I still think about him though, but the pain is not the same
I understand and relate so much. I'm going through heartbreak myself. It just takes time. I'm glad you're doing so much better!
lysette2381 Oh no. I am so sad to hear that. I hope time will heal your pain. Distractions are very important. Try to go out with friends and family. Try to have fun. And someday somehow you will caught yourself on smiling, without him/her :)
When did it get better for you? I am still in a fair amount of pain two months after a sudden-not really explained-text message breakup. I started to function again but...it’s all still very painful.
7:01 - 7:15 .. I felt the pain in her throat. I felt those words so deep. I felt that so much. It hurts so much..
I can relate so much, my hearbreak it's been so hard and painful, but I've never felt so empowered and true to myself as right now. The breakup gave me the power that I've lost in all my projects, job and spiritual growth, it made me want to heal myself for real and stop lying to myself. It's giving me the opportunitie to love myself like I never did before and trought the pain it feels so amazing. Can't wait for what is next!
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watching this 9 years later, I hope she's happy now.
I couldn't agree more ! I felt so good after my heartbreak, I felt like I finally found the real me. Amazing talk !
After I went through a heartbreak, I firmly believed that we should only do something for a person to a limit that'll not come back to haunt us when they're gone.
Because as she said, "It's really difficult to deal with... Loving someone so much when they don't love you enough to fight for you", this confirmed it. Thank you for motivating me even more, Emma.
This video is what helped me get through my breakup! Love this and a year later I still watch it every now and then :)
Thank you for the honest courageous talk.
It resonates with me as I went through the exact experience: feeling so free and good when I’m supposed to be devastated after the breakup. Instead, the only thing I’m disappointed about was ignoring my own voice and judgment.
You are amazing and brave for fighting for your plans and for sticking with who you are.
this works both way of course. its a horrid feeling, no matter how actually handsome, intelligent and kind you are,you question yourself. its that feeling of loneliness and worthlessness that really bites at me. neither does it help that many stunning women are so self-obsessed and attention seeking it becomes almost impossible to connect yet for some bizzare reason you still chase her.
great video and good to hear things like this.
Just want to say that I just had a very similar breakup, long distance. My first love didn't want to fight for me and bounced. I also watched Lord Of the Rings right after the breakup, you're not alone Emma! The most beautiful things come out of the toughest moments in our lives, go show your swag and your character, you're a kickass girl!
hi, I am going through the same thing... I understand your comment was made 3 years ago but I am interested in how you're doing now? When push came to shove after 4 years of long distance my first love couldn't move countries for me after promising it to me, planning it together and romanticising our future (engagement, wedding, travelling together - everything). I would love to chat with you further. Sending love.
Damn she spoke from her heart 😊 it's painfull when the other half don't correspond to your effort or does not even show signs to try work the realationship ! Good hope you are at a better place Emma Gibbs 💓
4 years ago I watched this ted talk while at work the day after my breakup and sobbed to the whole thing especially when she said "It's really difficult to deal with... Loving someone so much when they don't love you enough to fight for you." Now I am happier than I ever was with a person who did fight for me. The best thing that happened after my breakup was I realized I am worth so much and now I am moving up in my life and career. That office I cried in is now someone else's office because I have moved on to better things and will continue to do so.
I recommend you to a man who can help you manifest whatever and who ever you want to manifest within two-days ❤❤❤
He was the person who helped me manifest back my ex three days ago with out delay 💯 💯💯
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Totally feeling that you love too much and the other one doesn't love the same
Life is better in relationship is a misconception .. Life is better after breakup is a reality ...
the conflict between head and heart fades when you no longer feel for them as only once has anyone made me so cold towards them due to the realisation that someone doesn't care enough to make time for me when they only live 20 minutes away! I feel like this is a harsher version of what i'm going through.
I've never felt more relieved to hear something.
Thank you Emma Gibbs.
Emma Gibbs is wonderful. Great speaker! Thanks!
I cannot even begin to explain how much I relate to this and give you thanks for making this video possible. Ms. Gibbs, this is truly moving and I aspire to hopefully one day break out of this shell that “that person who didn’t love me enough” locked me. I know I can do it, as did you but man it’s so hard. Fully dedicating yourself to someone to help them in every way possible and willing to give them all they need right at the palm of their finger tips hurts so much.
Thank you.
Hey how are you doing now? I am going through a breakup myself. 😢
I’m here in 2017 4 days out of a 7 year relationship and it has been an emotional roller coaster!
Wow! When someone can speak from the heart from an experience like Ms. Gibbs describes and be thankful for her misfortune, it really helps me to have hope that I can get through my own heartache and be grateful for the experience. Healing takes time and patience and I feel so sad, but it's talk and wisdom like this that will aid me in getting through another day.
I cried throughout all of this!
This helped me put my life in a different perspective.
For those experiencing jumpy audio, knock the video quality down a notch and see if that helps.
Great work, Emma. So proud of you!
:'( 7:08 made me cry when I heard what she said with a shaky voice
mrs emma gibbs. words cannot express my sympathy. how brave of you to discuss your personal life. i watched it 4 times. i learn from you. to lie to myself is the worst kind of vice. you are a star in face of the sky.
Heartbreak was the best thing that ever happened to me as well. I learn that I cannot deal or handle a relationship, so I have never gotten into or will get into a relationship anymore. I cannot deal with the emotional baggage after its over.
Heartbreak sucks, and I realize I don't need it.
I don't need to be a father, I have my niece and nephew that fulfills my heart, that I don't need to have children because I have them.
I don't need to be a husband, or boyfriend, fiancee' because I cannot deal with the secrets, truths, and lies we all tell each other, and the ever comprimisng bullshit that follows.
I may not be happy, or the way happy is suppose to be. But I no longer have Heartbreak, or Heartache. I have learned that I don't need it, I believe I did. But I don't.
You're right
CavemanJesus4Life Totally agree. I have not been in a relationship for years and it's great. Too much garbage to deal with in relationships. Don't know why people have to lie and cheat, being truthful and honest is so much easier and less stressful.
Thanks for your reply
dont seek a relationship then. Simply seek best friends.. that are girls and not just guys. its a very do-able thing. Being with your best friend in a loving loyal relationship there is no secrets or lies. we are human beings, we all have feelings. Find a girl you can communicate with and she communicates with you. There is only one life here, there is someone that will spend theirs with you. even if she takes patience to wait for.
CavemanJesus4Life what do you think about your comment now that's a year later? has anything changed?
I could totally relate to her speech. I have been heartbroken and rejected for way too many times to a point that I started to question my selfworth. But from there you actually start to face the most primitive feelings in you and walk out from the traumatic experiences and build a better version of yourself. Relationships are hard, and for some moments I still feel heartbroken because the relationship didnt turn out to be what I expectated, but I switched the mindset of devaluing myself but to see the failure of the relationship on a more equal basis. It is not your fault that he dumps you (okay not always but hey), it is just the different expectations that you two have in the relationship, and it is completely normal to be different. If the guy doesnt love you enough to fight for you, it is just the way it is, it has nothing to deal with how awesome you are. From all these heartbreaks I learnt to accept the things the way they are, if they match with you, perfect, if no, let go. I failed for so many times and cried over guys who refused to fight for me while holding my selfworth in me, I met this guy who is willing to team up with me and combat the challenges ahead of us. Yes, we are long distance from two completely different culture, but we have that faith in each other and us, to make it work, while being aware that things may fall apart but we will still at least give it a shot with no regret.
Sometimes losing people makes you find yourself😌
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Thank you for this.
My husband ended our relationship 3 weeks ago. He didn't love me enough to stay in it & make things work. He told me he couldn't push himself to lie anymore. I was completely stunned and felt like I was punched in the stomach. The devastation and heartbreak are
overwhelming at times.
There is a lot you said here that resonates with what I am living right now.
I am grateful for your vulnerability and honesty.
Wishing you all the best 💗🙏🏻
my last real heartbreak litterally nearly killed my. the downfall created an emotional black hole and the strength i grew from pulling away from it made me not need anyone which has caused another problem. now i push people away.
Just watched this again almost a year after 1st watching it. Now I understand exactly what Emma means. What a powerful and extremely thought provoking piece of work. Thankyou Emma for doing this piece. Truly inspiring and so very helpful. I'm a 62 yr old guy, a Brit, who came out of 18 yrs of trying to make a plan work that I knew I didn't want, and 2 yrs of abuse from a woman with NPD where I again chased a plan I knew a. olden;t work, and b. didn't want it to yet chased it anyway. Tks Emma.
It is so hard being broken heart most when your ex is cuddling with another new one while u are crying in the bed
Living the life she’s always dreamed about. Just not with the partner she still loves, and not the life with him she once hoped for.
This hits home, my fiancé broke up with me and started dating her friend who she swore was just her friend. The pain is immense. I feel like I've been in an alternate fog for 3 months. I know it will be okay but damn, it hurts so bad!
This story reminds so much of me, how I felt after my breakup with my ex.. I opted for a quicker method, but you know what... after all it's all about knowing your limits. What are you willing to take? How much integrity do you have with yourself? Thanks for sharing.
When you truly love someone with your whole heart you start to expect same amount of love and care from them but once they don't do much for you this also causes heartbreak.
But in the last what is yours will find you 🌻💛
I recommend you to a man who can help you manifest whatever and whoever you want to manifest within two-day ♥️♥️♥️
He was the person who helped me manifest back my ex three days ago with out delay 💯 💯💯
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