Thank You Divorce! | Shawn Bradford | TEDxSouthMountainCommunityLibrary

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  • Опубліковано 6 лют 2019
  • How divorce opened my eyes to my unhealthy relationship patterns and ultimately led to a reunion with my ex and a deeper connection with myself. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

КОМЕНТАРІ • 452

  • @ScaryToRemarry
    @ScaryToRemarry 4 роки тому +284

    Most people can’t fathom spending a season of life alone, just to know yourself better. While separated from my ex wife, I spent time working on me. Exercising, reading, and going to the movies by myself.

    • @robertmcguckin2713
      @robertmcguckin2713 4 роки тому +2

      Alex Haneman Whats so dangerous about that?

    • @Boatwax
      @Boatwax 4 роки тому +8

      I've been single for over 20 years and have become use to it so much that I'm sure that I'll struggle getting back into a serious relationship. I've tried in the past and found that I run as soon as things become difficult.

    • @kristenlabarbera1630
      @kristenlabarbera1630 4 роки тому +7

      I think for some people it just feels like life is a waste without someone to experience with. You can enjoy alone time but this would be more fun with other people

    • @johnd7034
      @johnd7034 4 роки тому +14

      Spending life with a suitable companion is my preference. But my fear of being alone has made me put up with treatment I shouldn't have. Taking however many seasons necessary to find happiness within myself is my goal, so I am not afraid to speak up for myself in the future.

    • @threeicys
      @threeicys 3 роки тому +2

      @Alex Haneman cool beans

  • @jondeshaw
    @jondeshaw Рік тому +17

    While it really is great that she 'found herself', the fact she probably destroyed her husband's life for years in the meantime and potentially messed up her kids shouldn't be discounted. Her husband is a saint for taking her back.

    • @Pyrrhic537
      @Pyrrhic537 2 місяці тому

      At least she probably brought some new techniques to the table that she learnt with her dates.

  • @candace4016
    @candace4016 4 роки тому +128

    When she said, “Regardless if he said yes or no at getting back together...she would be okay”, I truly felt that. The pain from my separation, divorce pending, gets smaller everyday and and less frequent. This season of singleness is what I need to better myself. God knows exactly what he is doing.

    • @sarantuyaavirmed8326
      @sarantuyaavirmed8326 2 роки тому +2

      When I said: we are done. I felt great not sad at all that I scared myself.

    • @jennabryan1658
      @jennabryan1658 Рік тому

      Hi Candace! How are you?! Im about to be 1 year out from my divorce

    • @angievivien
      @angievivien Рік тому +4

      I'm struggling with separation with 2 kids.... I want to see the light. Pain is so big 😢

    • @user-ld6wt5gy3c
      @user-ld6wt5gy3c 10 місяців тому +1

      @@angievivienI’m going through separation right now and I’m also in a lot of pain, but I know that we will be okay. It is going to hurt for sometime, but if we truly focus on ourselves and learn how to be happy with just ourselves we will be healed. We will go through it and become stronger, wiser, and happier. Sending hugs to you, know that you are not alone and we will be happy again one day. ❤

    • @demondhammonds1876
      @demondhammonds1876 9 місяців тому +1

      @@user-ld6wt5gy3cIt’s very important to let your feelings happen (it will fade) and not to find something to cope with to get your mind off of it

  • @alexandrusteimle
    @alexandrusteimle Рік тому +21

    This is what I needed. Going through a divorce right now. Thank you.

  • @ScaryToRemarry
    @ScaryToRemarry 4 роки тому +95

    I’ve been through a divorce. During my time of separation, I took the time to work on myself.
    I remarried & got therapy because I didn’t want to repeat what happened in my first marriage.

    • @candace4016
      @candace4016 4 роки тому +7

      May I ask if during the period between your marriages, what did you do to work on yourself? How did you get back out and start dating again?

    • @ScaryToRemarry
      @ScaryToRemarry 4 роки тому +11

      Candace I read a lot of books on marriage & boundaries. Then I got a therapist. I didn’t date, just focused on working and raising my daughter.
      How I began to date again? I met my wife on Instagram (slid in the DM). 6 months later we married.

    • @availanila
      @availanila 3 роки тому +1

      @@ScaryToRemarry well good on you.

    • @Shikshika980
      @Shikshika980 2 роки тому

      Does Second marriage success?

  • @wildhorses6817
    @wildhorses6817 4 роки тому +60

    You were NOT married to a Narcissist !
    Many people are or were. It is Heartbreaking
    You believe their promises but they do it all over again. It takes years to recover if that is ever possible.

    • @Uncle-Smart-Alec
      @Uncle-Smart-Alec 3 роки тому +2

      No her husband was!

    • @sfranken2228
      @sfranken2228 3 роки тому +5

      You might like Dr. Ramami's UA-cam videos on narcissism.

    • @wildhorses6817
      @wildhorses6817 3 роки тому +3

      @@sfranken2228 Exceptional

    • @evenshine9515
      @evenshine9515 3 роки тому +7

      Reason we dont want another relationship! The anguish was so overwhelming, we just don't have the energy to try at it again. Single and alone is better.

    • @richardmcguinn732
      @richardmcguinn732 Рік тому +2

      @@evenshine9515 Even I know it can be very scary to remarry again due to our past experiences. It’s okay to spend and live a happy alone but having that special and trust worthy partner to share everything with feels totally different.

  • @SharonKenny
    @SharonKenny 3 роки тому +66

    I went through the same, from forcing intimacy to trying a second time. He wanted me and the 3 kids but I couldn't get the trust back, even when we did try again after 3 years. Funny I'm a matchmaker and landed up fixing others. I was ok at it, 50% success rate, but it wasn't till I fixed me till I found love again. It's like the air mask on the airplane, look after yourself first if you want to help others. Now I'm fab at it. Love starts with you. Remember when you point a finger one is pointing away and 3 pointing back. After 10 years I live next door to him. He's with someone else and I'm happy for him. I'll always love him but I'm not in love with him. Thank you Divorce. You gave me ....me back. :)

    • @yanglers6219
      @yanglers6219 2 роки тому +2

      This is exactly how my wife feels about me, I'm trying to fix it but am afraid that 5-10 years down the road she'll still have that thought in the back her head telling her "you need to love yourself first." She told me, which absolutely broke my heart, "It's not that I dont love you, it's just that I'm not in love with you anymore." Never hurted so much in my life before until hearing that. If you can give me some advice on what he could've possibly done to save the marriage or rekindle the flame, that'll be really great. She says she wants nothing to do with me anymore, but I'm hanging on to this marriage by a thread and will do what it takes to make it work out again.

    • @blueseptember2174
      @blueseptember2174 Рік тому

      @@yanglers6219 was there cheating involved because that would be a different way to move?

    • @movizdar8818
      @movizdar8818 Рік тому

    • @3y3asemmusicgh63
      @3y3asemmusicgh63 3 місяці тому

      I hope Everything is fine now

  • @quechvermont1279
    @quechvermont1279 Рік тому +12

    Most people who initiate divorce while the other does not want it never look back...because they have planned way in advance how to get out of the situation with as much of the benefits from the work of the marriage...financial or otherwise ....and do not care about the other person. They have moved on.

  • @starlingswallow
    @starlingswallow 4 роки тому +58

    Other people can't complete you or make you happy. You must complete yourself and THEN you are able to offer so much in a relationship. That's a lot of pressure to put on another human, to make you happy.....

    • @PNdebt-hc2tg
      @PNdebt-hc2tg 2 роки тому +1

      My soon to be ex would say "You have to make me happy" repeatedly.. Man have I tried.. But I also did my own work in therapy and she fought me every step of the way.
      Now it over after 40 years. I have done all I can. I will be ok.

  • @bajajpooja85
    @bajajpooja85 4 роки тому +50

    Self exploration- the most essential tool to keep oneself happy

  • @Melaann
    @Melaann Рік тому +11

    This is a great talk. Unfortunately my ex left for another women even tho I wanted to work it out, it wasn't in the cards. The betrayal was too deep and I'll never trust him or anyone else again. I like my time to myself now with out the abuse I endured and my validation isn't needed from a man. The talk about a relationship with thyself is sooooo true tho. I'm working on this now.

    • @pricewood1284
      @pricewood1284 9 місяців тому

      Hello. Dear friend. I'm truly sorry to hear about the painful experience you've been through. Discovering that your ex-partner left for another person can be incredibly hurtful and can shatter the trust you once had. It's understandable that such betrayal has left you feeling deeply wounded and hesitant to trust again. It's important to acknowledge and honor your emotions during this difficult time. Betrayal can cause immense pain, and it takes time to heal from such wounds. It's okay to feel anger, sadness, and even a sense of disbelief. Give yourself permission to grieve the loss of the relationship and the trust that was broken. I'm glad to hear that you're focusing on yourself now and taking the time to heal and rebuild. Prioritizing your well-being and finding solace in your own company is a powerful step towards self-empowerment. You deserve to be treated with respect, kindness, and love, and it's important to set boundaries to protect yourself from any form of abuse. Rebuilding a relationship with yourself is indeed crucial. It allows you to reconnect with your own desires, needs, and values. Take this time to rediscover your passions, invest in self-care, and nurture your personal growth. Surround yourself with positive influences and supportive friends who uplift and encourage you on this journey. While it's understandable that you may feel hesitant to trust again, it's important to remember that not everyone will betray your trust. As you continue to heal, you may find that there are people who genuinely care about your well-being and can be trusted. However, it's essential to take things at your own pace and only open yourself up to new relationships when you feel ready. Remember, healing is not a linear process, and it's okay to have good days and bad days. Be patient and compassionate with yourself as you navigate this journey of self-discovery and healing. If you ever need someone to talk to or lend an ear, please know that I'm here for you. Wishing you strength, resilience, and a renewed sense of self as you continue to work on rebuilding your life. Looking forward to hearing from you soon ❤❤❤ 0:01

    • @KelvinWilliams67
      @KelvinWilliams67 9 місяців тому

      Oh really my wife died 3years ago

  • @slartybartfarst9737
    @slartybartfarst9737 4 роки тому +29

    The saying goes......
    You cant love anyone else unless you learn to love yourself.
    the worlds wisdom is canned in one liners.

  • @ottybb
    @ottybb 2 роки тому +27

    I’m so related to your history.
    Thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing your history.
    I’m going though this process after 12 years marriage.
    So Bless to have an opportunity to start a New Life, to discover myself and enjoy this journey.

    • @pricewood1284
      @pricewood1284 9 місяців тому

      Hello dear friend . Thank you for sharing your heartfelt message and for expressing your connection to my story. I appreciate your kind words and support. It's comforting to know that we can find solace in each other's experiences during challenging times. I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a similar process after 12 years of marriage. It can be a daunting and emotional journey, but it's also an opportunity for growth and self-discovery. Embracing this new chapter in your life can lead to amazing possibilities and a chance to rediscover yourself. Starting a new life may feel overwhelming at first, but remember that you have the strength within you to navigate this path. Take this time to reflect on your desires, dreams, and aspirations. Explore new interests, hobbies, or activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Surround yourself with a support system of loved ones who can provide encouragement and understanding throughout this journey. Self-discovery is a beautiful process that allows us to understand ourselves on a deeper level. Embrace the opportunity to reconnect with your passions, values, and personal growth. This journey may have its ups and downs, but it can also lead to a stronger and more authentic version of yourself. Remember to be patient and kind to yourself during this time of transition. Allow yourself to grieve the loss of your previous relationship while also embracing the excitement of new beginnings. Seek support from friends, family, or professionals who can provide guidance and a listening ear when needed. I admire your courage and optimism as you embark on this journey. May you find joy, fulfillment, and a renewed sense of self along the way. If you ever need someone to talk to or share your experiences with, please know that I'm here for you. Wishing you strength, resilience, and happiness as you navigate this new chapter in your life. Warm regards. I’m looking forward to hearing from you soon ❤❤❤ 0:01 0:01

    • @KelvinWilliams67
      @KelvinWilliams67 9 місяців тому

      Yeah I'm with you

    • @3y3asemmusicgh63
      @3y3asemmusicgh63 3 місяці тому

      How are you doing

  • @raquelsaez3393
    @raquelsaez3393 3 роки тому +27

    Divorce can be a blessing.

  • @claudychiron2432
    @claudychiron2432 Рік тому +4

    Three minutes in and tears come to my face as that was my reality with 4 kids all under 8, while being married "go to the bank, since you have the kids, you can use the fast lane" 😔

  • @ercieberwick1513
    @ercieberwick1513 Рік тому +4

    When my husband died after a nine-year battle with dementia, we had been married 66 1/2 years. Our marriage was complicated; like trying to mix oil and water. There is a great deal to be said for remaining single.

    • @pricewood1284
      @pricewood1284 9 місяців тому

      Hello. Dear friend. I'm truly sorry to hear about the passing of your husband after his long battle with dementia. Losing a loved one, especially after such a lengthy marriage, can be an incredibly challenging and emotional experience. My deepest condolences go out to you during this difficult time. It sounds like your marriage had its complexities, and you describe it as trying to mix oil and water. Relationships can be intricate, and each one has its own unique dynamics. It's understandable that you may have faced challenges and difficulties throughout your journey together. It's interesting that you mention the value of staying single. Being single can offer a sense of independence, freedom, and self-discovery. It allows you to focus on your own needs, desires, and personal growth without the compromises and complexities that can come with a partnership. There can be great fulfillment in embracing a single life and finding joy in your own company. However, it's important to remember that everyone's experiences and preferences are different. Some individuals find immense happiness and fulfillment in committed relationships, while others thrive in their independence. It's about finding what works best for you and what brings you the most contentment and peace. During this time of grieving and adjustment, it may be helpful to surround yourself with a supportive network of friends and family who can provide comfort and understanding. Sharing your feelings and memories with loved ones can be a healing process and a way to honor the life and legacy of your late husband. Please know that I'm here for you if you ever need someone to talk to or simply lend an ear. Grief can be a complex and individual journey, and it's important to give yourself the time and space to process your emotions at your own pace. Sending you love, strength, and support as you navigate this new chapter of your life. Looking forward to hearing from you soon❤❤ 0:01

    • @KelvinWilliams67
      @KelvinWilliams67 9 місяців тому

      Hello 👋

  • @Panwere36
    @Panwere36 4 роки тому +79

    Thank you! Yes, Divorce can be a blessing (and yes.. this is a Christian man saying this...), and not just for one gender. However, many times, divorce is the blessing from the other side. Sometimes.. the person who wants the divorce most is the person who was the real problem or needing to grow up.

    • @ignacioveiga2539
      @ignacioveiga2539 3 роки тому +4

      Wow! Thanks for sharing this insight. Eye opening indeed.

    • @Panwere36
      @Panwere36 3 роки тому +8

      @@ignacioveiga2539 , that perhaps is sarcasm on your part, but these days, far too many people still need to hear it. The sad thing is far too often it is most true when it is the woman demanding the divorce. After a generation span that concluded with the five years of the most delusional pandering to feminism ever, it needs to be said that more often than is accepted, the woman was the real problem, be it with unrealistic expectations, seeing her worth too much in the marriage, or even being the overbearing, manipulative, and downright abusive one. Also, as I left a relationship where the woman was the gas lighter, I have first hand knowledge this is more the case than many believe.

    • @ignacioveiga2539
      @ignacioveiga2539 3 роки тому +6

      David Welsh it isn't sarcasm. I was genuinely thanking you. Let's leave it there. Bye

    • @Panwere36
      @Panwere36 3 роки тому +3

      @@ignacioveiga2539 , nods. My apologies then.

    • @ignacioveiga2539
      @ignacioveiga2539 3 роки тому +3

      David Welsh in fact it looks as though you were describing my own experience. It's been one year since my divorce and just now starting to see a thread of hope. I wish you happiness and peace of mind, and may you not perceive any kind gesture as sarcasm in the future. Blessings to you.

  • @daylinnparker7711
    @daylinnparker7711 8 місяців тому +1

    I am going through a divorce now and although I don’t want him back, I sure am learning a lot about myself!

  • @reillybab1
    @reillybab1 4 роки тому +2

    Wow 💕this was so beautiful and amazing 💕I am so thankful I listened to this . Thank you.💕

  • @noelafflick9945
    @noelafflick9945 4 роки тому +9

    The most important thing for any child is consistency thus why shared parenting is so important. It's also helps by giving everyone involved an outlet esp the mother with care. You just have to understand and be rigid in what your emotions are as it is the children that will suffer the most confused thinking in the process. Consistency also works by having a solid and consistent force throughout the children's life regardless of separated parents individual And potentially changing relationship statuses over a any period of time.

  • @TG-to3dv
    @TG-to3dv Рік тому +6

    Ugh. Nothing in my heart that feels good about divorce. We are there and honestly it needs to happen and I need to let go. Just don’t want to deal with this at all.

    • @esencialnizdravi8608
      @esencialnizdravi8608 Рік тому

      yes… I know😞….

    • @funshinebear4822
      @funshinebear4822 Рік тому

      So sorry. Everything has its time and even bad life events come to a close eventually. Stay strong. Praying for you.

    • @scottbradford5986
      @scottbradford5986 Рік тому

      That’s my EX …
      It takes time …
      Bitterness is a terrible quality

  • @clerrysam1
    @clerrysam1 29 днів тому

    Incredible. An amazing turn-around.

  • @jeffayya
    @jeffayya 2 роки тому +3

    I love how honest she is to herself and to people around her. You can see vulnerability without conditions. There’s no wonder why she has deeper relationships with people now. That’s what I call freedom!
    I think the best thing that ever happened to her is the gift of self-acceptance. The humility to put down pride and accept “I have these good about myself… but also I have these bad issues about my self. Coz the moment you can accept who you are who has issues, insecurities, weakness and flaws and all is the moment you can now choose to bring it out to the light to get healed, be loved, and be with real people. People who believes that there are no perfect humans out there and that we are all flawed, even the Bible tells us so. The comfort in that truth is the freedom to see yourself in contrast to an empty background. That their is no need to be ashame coz everybody is the same, that we all need help and hiding would just make you stick out from all humans who are all navigating life in their brokenness and imperfections. You can now focus on unpacking all your bagages on the table and sort things out, focus on healing yourself and see all your flaws before you can even point fingers on anybody else. Coz the reality is, this world will make you compare yourself to one another, and you don’t want to get caught in that trap. It’s a very sad life to live in the darkness believing those traps. You don’t want to live tip toeing on this earth. You wanna to be free no matter what you’ve done or imperfect you are. I only found my freedom when i got to know Jesus Christ and the God whom good gifts come from. I couldn’t see my issues until I decided to let God be part of my life.

    • @jondeshaw
      @jondeshaw Рік тому

      It is great that she found herself, never mind the fact she probably destroyed her husband's life and potentially messed up her kids.

  • @demondhammonds1876
    @demondhammonds1876 9 місяців тому +1

    Taking time to reinvent yourself is a MUST!!!

  • @angelad.williams6298
    @angelad.williams6298 5 місяців тому +1

    Glad you worked it out, there is no getting back together with an abusive alcoholic but at least now I have figured out why I got with him in the first place and I am working through learning how to live a life I can be proud of on my own without looking for external validation to fulfill me.

  • @Fly_Navy
    @Fly_Navy 3 роки тому +33

    I served my parents, my country, my ex wife and my kids. Never myself. Wife moved to another state but wanted to remain married. I spent enough time away from my wife and family after the Military and current airline career. She loved my choice of employment. We divorced after 28 years. I picked up the pieces and when through a 3.5 year family court battle. I ended up with the love and respect of all my kids. I traded $ for family.
    I started slowly caring of myself. I had two short relationships. I gave up dating and enjoy the peace and quiet. When I need noise in my life, I invite my 6 year old grandson to stay for a few days. I know its possible that one woman out there is my match, but the risks are too large. In my opinion, Its always what they need or want over everyone else's. Including their own children. I'm not bitter and I explained to our children. American women have been sold for two generations they can have everything with no regrets or personal responsibility. If something doesn't work out, its never their fault. We cannot as a society hold people accountable after we condoned it for decades. Each person must hold themselves to a higher standard. Fire away.

    • @SharonKenny
      @SharonKenny 3 роки тому +1

      When your ready love will come your way. Keep an open heart and mind, now that you're loving youself.

    • @Fly_Navy
      @Fly_Navy 3 роки тому +2

      @@SharonKenny plus a closed wallet and refused to marry. If they fly like the last two women, it was not love!!

    • @scottbradford5986
      @scottbradford5986 5 місяців тому

      Thank you for your service …

  • @moonlight0665
    @moonlight0665 5 років тому +51

    Oh My God!!! I needed to hear this... thank you so much

    • @msshawnbradford2731
      @msshawnbradford2731 5 років тому +5

      Thank you for watching! So happy it resonated with you!

    • @msshawnbradford2731
      @msshawnbradford2731 4 роки тому +1

      Thank you so much. I am so happy you enjoyed it. Thank you for watching! :)

  • @user-wg1hl5ih9u
    @user-wg1hl5ih9u 7 місяців тому

    My husband wanted a separation after we caught ourselves cheating. We loved each other so much and we couldn’t let go just like that, I seek help online and I’m so glad I did, Because my husband and I settled our differences and we are now back together as ONE.

  • @user-ek9ty9eu6f
    @user-ek9ty9eu6f 2 місяці тому

    This is the BEST example of "Too thy own self be TRUE and as night follows day you can be false to NO MAN" :) Thank YOU :))

  • @sidecar7714
    @sidecar7714 3 роки тому +5

    Dumpster fire gives Tedx talk.

  • @engimports
    @engimports 4 роки тому +36

    So here is the summary.
    1. Confused woman blames everything on her husband.
    2. Divorced him cause he didn't do enough.
    3. Dates and screws everyone as many as she can to feel better about herself
    5.. Ends up being totally lost, and then tried to help others.
    6. was gonna be a life coach but realized she's a total mess.
    7. meets her ex husband one day at the park and realized she's a total mess up and he wasn't so bad after all.
    8. asks him wanna get married again? despite banging the entire tinder town.
    9. gets back with the husband, poor husband.
    10. now she's on Ted x to brag about it.
    what a life coach
    The end

    • @markganus1085
      @markganus1085 4 роки тому +6

      she can do so because she's "empowered"

    • @brownpunk1794
      @brownpunk1794 4 роки тому +3

      God forbid if a man did this..he would be crucified..dont u love equality?😉

    • @goodfella427
      @goodfella427 4 роки тому

      I would say that's about right..you called it

    • @melis6294
      @melis6294 3 роки тому +2

      What an expensive lesson. The man had to pay for everything while she was doing some soul searching.
      For many men that would be bad enough to not even think about getting back with that kind of woman.

    • @mmommo10
      @mmommo10 Рік тому

      wow thank you....

  • @richcountyratrodsjrod2329
    @richcountyratrodsjrod2329 4 роки тому +18

    So beautiful and powerful. My favorite Ted talk of all time.

  • @MrLukeTMK
    @MrLukeTMK 2 роки тому +1

    Thank you for the amazing and touching talk.

  • @jorod5816
    @jorod5816 2 роки тому

    I so look forward to finding and loving myself, so I can build better relationships with the ones I love most who I’ve distance myself because of my own insecurities 💚

  • @teegholston964
    @teegholston964 4 роки тому +2

    Thank you for that message of transparency

  • @monicamisra1392
    @monicamisra1392 2 роки тому

    Excellent Ted Talk Shawn. So besutiful and powerful. It's very inspiring speech.

  • @larasmith490
    @larasmith490 3 роки тому +3

    🦋be thankful for your scars & rise above all the problems & love without end because life is hard

  • @kevinerbe6297
    @kevinerbe6297 4 роки тому +28

    I am glad her life came full circle. This, however, is a common and tragic theme. She was unhappy with herself, but her husband got blamed and was held responsible. Her actions may have helped her, but I suspect that her husband and the kids were forever scarred.

    • @melis6294
      @melis6294 3 роки тому +2

      Exactly, she was the narcissistic toxic one in that relationship.

    • @mikeycapone2578
      @mikeycapone2578 Рік тому +4

      @@melis6294 Hi Meli, I disagree. Narcissistic personalities never take responsibility and always blame the other. She is not a narcissist.

    • @mmommo10
      @mmommo10 Рік тому

      @@mikeycapone2578 thank you Mikey....seems like it would be a no-brainer but I guess not.

    • @easymathstutor
      @easymathstutor Рік тому

      No they were not scarred at all.

    • @stephenpertesis3204
      @stephenpertesis3204 Рік тому

      @@mikeycapone2578 ok, then BPD 👍🏼

  • @robertomendez187
    @robertomendez187 4 роки тому +14

    Well done🙌🏼 Thanks for sharing an awesome story

  • @Benny.13
    @Benny.13 2 роки тому +9

    To parent biological children together as a loving married couple and be a family Is the best feeling in life and well worth multiple attempts.

    • @joshallen7169
      @joshallen7169 Рік тому +1

      Wish my wife didn’t give up so easily.

    • @mariqua5507
      @mariqua5507 Рік тому

      @@joshallen7169 I'm sorry your wife gave up. I'm trying not to give up on my own marriage.

  • @sarina5352
    @sarina5352 2 роки тому +12

    Though I agree with everything she mentioned, however in abusive relationships its totally different story. That been said, thank you for your courage and being open about yourself, it takes huge courage to do it. ❤️❤️❤️

    • @scottbradford5986
      @scottbradford5986 5 місяців тому

      What did she say about an abusive relationship ?

    • @angelad.williams6298
      @angelad.williams6298 5 місяців тому

      Agree, there's no getting back together in an abusive relationship, it's hard enough to get out in the first place

  • @mayratorres9098
    @mayratorres9098 Рік тому +1

    OMG Love everything that you said all this time I thought the problem was my marriage and listening to you made me realize that it’s me that needs to change thank you so much much really needed to hear this😮😮😮😊😊

  • @catielehman1625
    @catielehman1625 Рік тому +1

    Wow super relatable and honest. Thank you 🙏🏼

    • @pricewood1284
      @pricewood1284 9 місяців тому

      You’re welcome, hope you enjoy watching this video as well too❤❤. Looking forward to hearing from you soon 0:01

  • @erinc
    @erinc 3 роки тому +1

    that was excellent. thank you very much

  • @kathycole1
    @kathycole1 2 роки тому +2

    The message truly inspired me to to stay true to who I am and keep growing.

  • @ayliea3974
    @ayliea3974 4 роки тому +4

    Many of us have walked this path. Very few of us are given audience.

    • @pricewood1284
      @pricewood1284 9 місяців тому +1

      Yeah, you’re right, you’ve a very good idea. Hope you enjoy watching the video as well too. Looking forward to hear from you soon ❤❤ 0:01

    • @pricewood1284
      @pricewood1284 9 місяців тому

      Hope I can hear from you soon?

  • @egchristenson
    @egchristenson 4 роки тому +5

    This was wonderful!

  • @steffanyadams8310
    @steffanyadams8310 4 роки тому +10

    People are so quick to just get up and walk away. They don’t want to actually work through things or talk things out or try and figure out different ways to make it work and keep going. They just call it quits and walk out like it’s nothing. It’s sad. Honestly no situation is too awkward or uncomfortable to walk out. If you realize you can work out anything together no matter what it’ll be okay.

    • @camiestockhausen2070
      @camiestockhausen2070 4 роки тому +4

      Wow, please educate yourself about narcissistic abuse before you throw everyone who really tried everything and shattered her heart before she finally left. You just cannot know everything. Peace to you.

    • @nicolemurphy2629
      @nicolemurphy2629 3 роки тому +2

      Disagree if I had left at first signs of abuse I would not be here 37 years later

    • @richardmcguinn732
      @richardmcguinn732 Рік тому

      @@nicolemurphy2629 You know at times some relationships needs much time to workout if the both parties can hold on.

    • @mikeycapone2578
      @mikeycapone2578 Рік тому

      @@richardmcguinn732 Hi Richard, with all due respect, if you chose the wrong partner or chose poorly, nothing can help.

    • @richardmcguinn732
      @richardmcguinn732 Рік тому

      @@mikeycapone2578 That’s why we’ve to be careful the kind of people we allow into our lives at the very beginning. But there’s nothing that can’t be fixed if we still got time to do so.

  • @ashleyking751
    @ashleyking751 3 роки тому +11

    Thank you for your vulnerability and openness Shawn. This is hard to share in front of the world. I appreciate it.

  • @oanhhoang-yn7te
    @oanhhoang-yn7te 2 роки тому +1

    She has an inspiring speech. I love her body language when when she presented Her life experience related to divorce. Thanks for her speech and I can learn a lot From her experience.

  • @radiantmandi86
    @radiantmandi86 4 роки тому +20

    07:50 that’s good stuff! Get to know yourself before you attempt to get to know anyone else. Self exploration is a scary thing!! I just started learning about attachment wounds and the disorder it produces. I was these kinds of tools were introduced in grade school!!

    • @msshawnbradford2731
      @msshawnbradford2731 4 роки тому +2

      I wish so as well, but we can do our part by talking about it and teaching it to the kids in our lives. Thank you so much for sharing!

    • @patrickhunsaker4678
      @patrickhunsaker4678 4 роки тому

      Hello there

    • @ScaryToRemarry
      @ScaryToRemarry 4 роки тому +1

      Mandi H so much truth in your statement. After I remarried, I got a therapist to help me work on my brokenness. Therapy is a great investment!

    • @ScaryToRemarry
      @ScaryToRemarry 4 роки тому

      Ms Shawn Bradford I agree!

    • @kitana3977
      @kitana3977 4 роки тому +1

      RC Blakes has some good advise on his Queenology series. Bless you

  • @Uncle-Smart-Alec
    @Uncle-Smart-Alec 4 роки тому +13

    Hearing you talk again confirms my decision to never get married.I really dodged a bullet!

  • @Naan795
    @Naan795 3 роки тому +6

    Divorce is not the reason why you are better. You are better because you decided to be after marriage not on it, staying, fighting, learning and transforming it. Thousands of stories of transformed marriages after tough times, but the world will advice you to divorce, that’s the easy path.

    • @mamasworldview
      @mamasworldview 3 роки тому

      I think you missed the point. Divorce was only a part of her story that helped give her the insight she needed to change herself. Without the divorce she may have just stayed miserable in her marriage and devolving as a human instead of reuniting as a healthier, more whole self with the wisdom to now help others get more in touch with their inner selves.

    • @mikeycapone2578
      @mikeycapone2578 Рік тому

      No. She took her marriage for granted and didn't see it until after the divorce.

  • @helloworld188
    @helloworld188 2 роки тому

    such a wonderful speech thank you!

  • @mRuKjoe
    @mRuKjoe 4 роки тому +8

    Good for you. Your 3 kids are better off now

  • @jimwertel6599
    @jimwertel6599 5 років тому +12

    Great talk, thank you.

  • @m.l.5284
    @m.l.5284 3 роки тому +9

    I guess, I just got a better understanding of why my wife decided to restore our marriage, after four months of separation and being with another guy. We have five kids. Most likely she went through a similar thought process.

    • @davidallen6170
      @davidallen6170 2 роки тому

      Maybe he just dumped her and she had nowhere else to go.

    • @m.l.5284
      @m.l.5284 2 роки тому

      @@davidallen6170 Do you really think, a woman would stay with a man, just because she has nowhere else to go?
      I believe, many woman, especially with little children, totally underestimate the contribution of their male partner / childs father. They only find it out, once he is not around. It happens so many times, including my case.

    • @davidallen6170
      @davidallen6170 2 роки тому +1

      @@m.l.5284 I don't doubt that she underestimated your contribution to the family but that is not the reason why she left you in the first place.
      She is probably seeking the BBD, bigger better deal, and quickly learned that her boyfriend was not willing to play along.
      Don't take it personally when she leaves you again for another Chad or Tyrone.
      Cheaters cheat and nobody cheats once.

    • @m.l.5284
      @m.l.5284 2 роки тому

      @@davidallen6170 Yes, this is what she did. Seeking the BBD. Then she found out, the grass isn't greener on the other side, especially when it comes to being a single mom. So she came back. 100% the story of the video.

    • @davidallen6170
      @davidallen6170 2 роки тому +1

      @@m.l.5284 Best of luck to you M.L. Your children will remember that you were the one who stayed behind to care for them.

  • @5thdimensionliving727
    @5thdimensionliving727 3 роки тому +6

    Excellent Ted Talk Shawn! Thank you 🙏. What an amazing journey you have been on. Great news that you have reunited with your ex-husband. You are so right - it takes great bravery and courage to go within. I wish I had those insights myself years ago but I’m making sure my kids are fully in touch with who they are and accept themselves first and get to know themselves. For me, divorce was both my breakdown and breakthrough moment in my life and I would not have it any other way..because I’m so happy 😀 with myself that I can be happy anywhere 🙏🙏

  • @matavinaina7113
    @matavinaina7113 4 роки тому +4

    Wow...you're much inspired to those who going through a divorce already..m soo blessed to hear this..thank you🙏🙏

    • @msshawnbradford2731
      @msshawnbradford2731 4 роки тому

      Mata, thank you for your kind comment. I wish you the very best. Sending you lots of good vibes right now!

  • @arlenecollier2011
    @arlenecollier2011 4 роки тому +23

    Excellent! A life lesson for every type of relationship.

    • @iniubongnkanga9390
      @iniubongnkanga9390 4 роки тому +2

      Smartness is essential in any relationship, my worst experience was discovering my 6 years wife cheating through the help of an hacker who helped cloned her cell and i got access to all her text messages, Whatsapp, Facebook, snapchat, Instagram, Twitter both deleted and incoming ones without touching it. I’m here in Australia and able to access his phone while she was away cheating in UK and see all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned . Contact this Genius-Tracker via Gmail (geniustracker701) or Via WhatsApp him +1 (724) 330-3252. Thank me later...

    • @msshawnbradford2731
      @msshawnbradford2731 4 роки тому +2

      Thank you for sharing your kind words. Much appreciated! :)

    • @richardmcguinn732
      @richardmcguinn732 Рік тому

      @@msshawnbradford2731 it’s indeed a life lesson for every type of relationship to be honest.

  • @adelina7
    @adelina7 3 роки тому +2

    I love this thank you so much

  • @noelafflick9945
    @noelafflick9945 4 роки тому +4

    Kids can be an emotional rock but your still the parent to them not them to you. Lower age is more risky where older age comes with more fixed personality traits. They can be resistant which is why it of vital importance to know who takes the lead and who takes the more submissive role in the parental equation.

  • @petecheng1
    @petecheng1 3 роки тому +8

    lower expectations is the key to long and happy marriages. When you don't expect anything from your spouse, you will be amazed how good it gets.

    • @regularmoe3817
      @regularmoe3817 3 роки тому +4

      I understand what you’re trying to say. But it also sounds like settling? I think you should have high expectations if you are giving that person your all.

  • @mennahm1627
    @mennahm1627 5 років тому +6

    wow great talk , thank you divorce for bringing problems to the light

    • @msshawnbradford2731
      @msshawnbradford2731 4 роки тому +1

      Yes, loved the way you worded that. We have to bring what we are trying to hide into the light for examination.

  • @nathanrykers7588
    @nathanrykers7588 Рік тому +2

    My wife left me in 2015, I’m still lost I don’t think I’ll ever recover.

    • @rwhernan
      @rwhernan Рік тому

      Hi Nathan, how are you feeling now? How is life?

  • @Jdinrbfidndifofkdndjoflfndjdk
    @Jdinrbfidndifofkdndjoflfndjdk 6 місяців тому

    Glad you guys were able to mend.

  • @elpli9
    @elpli9 4 роки тому +13

    This one was awesome...

    • @teymyneytor
      @teymyneytor 4 роки тому +1

      here's a few tips for saving your partnership
      Try to discuss more
      Cooperate with each other more
      Try to give and take more
      (I discovered these and the reasons they work on Pavs partner pundit site )

    • @msshawnbradford2731
      @msshawnbradford2731 4 роки тому

      Thank you! I appreciate that!

  • @adamgaunt186
    @adamgaunt186 10 місяців тому +1

    Thanks for this video great info

  • @rumble5557
    @rumble5557 2 роки тому +6

    Amazing story. Love it, but also wondering if the husband said ok fine I'll get back together with you but you better do a TED talking about how you dun f'd up 😂😂

  • @mw1606
    @mw1606 4 роки тому +2

    It's better in the end than the start...stay with it, it's pretty decent.

  • @blackquazar1374
    @blackquazar1374 Рік тому +2

    Long story short, I realized I was the problem and because I was keeping my ex-husband in the financial hole and his kids away from him he decided to get back together with me

    • @scottbradford5986
      @scottbradford5986 Рік тому

      Not really… There was never any financial problems ….

    • @scottbradford5986
      @scottbradford5986 Рік тому

      I think she was just trying to say that bitterness is a terrible quality…

    • @scottbradford5986
      @scottbradford5986 Рік тому

      I’m the guy she was talking about

  • @geot4647
    @geot4647 3 роки тому +4

    You can tell she's fairly demanding, which is going to burn out a lot of guys who look past looks.

  • @alina3390
    @alina3390 2 місяці тому

    Amazing. God bless you

  • @withstandthestorms9976
    @withstandthestorms9976 4 місяці тому

    You healed me

  • @emilygomez949
    @emilygomez949 3 роки тому +8

    So many hard and lonely moments. My first "out of milk" incident was a cockroach climbing on the ceiling while I held my sleeping daughter. I swear it almost broke me lol.

    • @ChristianaSenibo
      @ChristianaSenibo 2 роки тому +1

      Hope you are better now. If not ready, find a supportive community. It makes the weight lighter ♥️

    • @Shayla8319
      @Shayla8319 Рік тому

      This was me!!!! I wanted to call him so bad, but I couldn’t 😢😢😢😢

  • @dagimyemane1967
    @dagimyemane1967 3 роки тому +6

    I know you split 50/50 you got the inside of the house he got the out side

  • @cffmailbox
    @cffmailbox Рік тому

    I’m so happy she struggled. I hope my wife struggles but she probably won’t because despite my premarital agreement to protect me from her taking my fortune, she will will live on child support for the next 16 yrs.

  • @davidepittiglio8579
    @davidepittiglio8579 4 роки тому +3

    What a smart woman!!!

  • @lupinka097
    @lupinka097 2 роки тому

    Wow I needed to hear this so badly

  • @katrina3699
    @katrina3699 9 місяців тому

    Thank you!

  • @noelafflick9945
    @noelafflick9945 4 роки тому +1

    Nobody can make you happy but yourself. And the logical thing to do is amicably to she old the children for the emotional n economic issues. The dating is not the issue it's the expectations. You don't go into it looking for for a dad. Or a mother. You go into it looking for the quality that you will accept around your kids. If that then works the co parenting falls into place. But always use the biological parent as the staple. If there is no danger. The biggest issue dating after a split with kids involved is the risk of attachments that there is a likelihood of being broken. This is why it's a very clear process that needs to considered in the choices made. Child ages are a key factor too.

  • @briansneary7535
    @briansneary7535 3 роки тому +5

    She doesn't mention how much her ex has to pay her.

  • @Dkmeier123
    @Dkmeier123 Рік тому

    i loved this something i needed to hear

  • @robertmalone9389
    @robertmalone9389 4 роки тому +9

    That's why you have so much trouble with relationships because it's all about you nobody else

  • @monicas970
    @monicas970 Рік тому +1

    I was so happy to be getting divorced.

  • @brianawd
    @brianawd 6 місяців тому +1

    This is a common problem. Women believe it’s a man’s job to make them happy. Then they blame the man!! Many more women will watch this and understand that you can make your self happy and not leave a marriage.

  • @AA-lq5pu
    @AA-lq5pu Рік тому +1

    I physically healed after divorce. I never had kids.

    • @3y3asemmusicgh63
      @3y3asemmusicgh63 3 місяці тому

      How are you doing 😊

    • @AA-lq5pu
      @AA-lq5pu 3 місяці тому

      @@3y3asemmusicgh63 Physically I am healed and I no longer ruminate as much but my life is still in limbo. And you?

  • @larrylorimer3065
    @larrylorimer3065 Рік тому +1

    Shawn, that is a very expensive way to find out about yourself!

  • @richardstwart4944
    @richardstwart4944 3 роки тому +2

    Incredible story.....this is something I need to do do for myself, don't know how to start tho....any advice out there to help me? We broke up and had a good woman and I wish to God I could fix it.....I am exactly how she was....I just don't know myself

  • @24keys82
    @24keys82 3 роки тому +5

    I love myself way to much to be married!! It’s not worth it !!! Marriage will destroy men !! She will take everything from him and head over to the next man like nothing happened in life !!!

  • @wechatdivorcebymydivorceso3552
    @wechatdivorcebymydivorceso3552 3 роки тому

    Thank you for sharing!
    @t
    @

  • @MayaLiladiVento
    @MayaLiladiVento 4 роки тому +15

    I would’ve left the sleeping kids in the car for 2 minutes. 😂

    • @JosannaMonik
      @JosannaMonik 4 роки тому +7

      No that's really dangerous, I think I would just make do without the milk!

    • @MayaLiladiVento
      @MayaLiladiVento 4 роки тому +2

      @@JosannaMonik How is that "really dangerous"? It was night time. Sleeping children locked in a car at night for 2 minutes is not dangerous. Locked in a car in the daytime in sunlight, yes.

    • @MayaLiladiVento
      @MayaLiladiVento 3 роки тому +1

      @Jose Diaz What law are you referencing?

    • @camelabryan7928
      @camelabryan7928 3 роки тому

      Most fast food places sell individual milks in the drive thru

    • @mikeycapone2578
      @mikeycapone2578 Рік тому

      @@MayaLiladiVento The children are vulnerable to kidnapping, the car could have been stolen. That's a start.

  • @CassadyTube
    @CassadyTube 4 роки тому +3

    This was a incredible sorry !!! So happy for you 👍🏼

  • @sheekadaDahab
    @sheekadaDahab 3 роки тому

    She is strong 💪🏾

  • @AlexnaderSupertramp
    @AlexnaderSupertramp 4 роки тому +11

    Wish I could have shown this to my soon-to-be ex-wife in 4 days 6 months ago.

    • @josuemartinez65
      @josuemartinez65 4 роки тому +1

      Same, I hope UA-cam's suggestion algorithm gets my soon to be ex-wife to see this

    • @msshawnbradford2731
      @msshawnbradford2731 4 роки тому

      Thank you so much for watching and commenting! :)

    • @katiteroudona2571
      @katiteroudona2571 4 роки тому +10

      Have you looked into what's wrong with you too? Or just your wife should?

  • @shivakumarv301
    @shivakumarv301 3 роки тому

    My wife had been taught that there is nothing wrong to have a relationship with men of my community after giving birth to my kids.

  • @shivakumarv301
    @shivakumarv301 3 роки тому

    He sent his brother in my wife's life. He told that he belonged to my community to my wife.

  • @charubala6307
    @charubala6307 3 роки тому +1

    ❤️❤️👏👏 wonderful

  • @vijays7579
    @vijays7579 2 роки тому +3

    almost 14 minutes of 'Me & Myself' and 'I'.

    • @mmommo10
      @mmommo10 Рік тому

      haha....gonna turn it off now....thanks.

  • @musicalapril23
    @musicalapril23 2 роки тому +1

    Such wise words

    • @pricewood1284
      @pricewood1284 9 місяців тому

      Yeah, it’s such a wise words, I do enjoy watching this video as well, how you enjoy it today❤❤. Looking forward to hear from you soon ❤❤ 0:01

    • @3y3asemmusicgh63
      @3y3asemmusicgh63 3 місяці тому

      How are you