I suspect it's also because FAs are so good at making the other person feel seen and heard and empathized with--things that most DAs severely lacked in their childhoods.
As a fearful avoidant dating a dismissive avoidant, I can 100% attest to this. I’ve thought he would leave so many times because he gets triggered when he lets me in. Every time he comes back. I have a hard time not letting him back. I think there is some safety between us. He knows I’ll let him. I know he will come back. It allows us each time to really consider IF we want to continue towards deeper commitment each time we have space. Because each time he comes back and I let him, we get even closer and the commitment is stronger. Or we are just getting that dopamine hit.
@@alphascholar2001 yep. The FA gets angry and aggressive and pulls away. I know all too well because I’m working on becoming secure. It’s hard not to get triggered with that anger and getting aggressive. This sounds more like the anxious preoccupied to me. With a DA I usually get angry and aggressive after being dismissed and pull away.
Was about to watch this video, and I decided I’m over it. I don’t care to know any of this. Not because I don’t want to learn and be accountable for my role, but because I’m tired of dealing with DA partners. I want peace and will be alone at this point. Good luck everyone ✌🏻
Agreed. I'm so tired of always doing best to improve, only to meet people who don't give a fk about self development and seem to be living just fine.... Thank you for this comment, it stopped my rumination 💙
Lol such perfect timing! My DA (whatever we are) and I FA/SA attempted our 4th or 5th round recently and you're right. I'm starting to get the "this is pointless" vibe. He definitely holds me up on a pedestal which is funny because that's exactly the place where he used to be. I can't take this seriously anymore because he wants to stay in this perpetual monogamous situationship. Neither of us can relax in this because I keep myself at a distance for protection and he keeps himself at a distance because he doesn't want to trigger me so I leave. I come back because he's as close to what I'm looking for as I've ever had and he understands my busy life and never holds it against me like others have. We don't fight, we're comfortable when we're together and we don't judge each other for our faults. We are open about how much we love each other too. I just feel like I can't give him all of me because he's not giving all of him. It's actually kind of sad because he's my best friend, but I refuse to have another discussion about it. I hold myself 100% accountable for continuing to go back fyi. We make our own choices in life and I'm not going to fault him when I could just say this isn't for me and end it indefinitely. It's hard when you find so much comfort in someone and also feel the need to keep them at an emotional distance.
@@smaimer4974 I understand. We communicate, but when it comes to the label he gets anxiety at the thought of a relationship because in his words, he has a hard enough time dealing with his own emotions nevermind somebody else's. We did have a relationship at one point, but he doesn't know how to resolve conflict and shuts down. So basically he can only handle a relationship when it's going smoothly. That I can't do much with.
@@SK-no2pp I don't believe in marriage and luckily neither does he. We both have kids from prior relationships so neither of us want more. We both essentially want the same thing, which is to have one person to love while also having space and freedom to live our own lives. The disconnect is like I said in the comment above. He can't emotionally handle conflict or any type of situation that is anything but happy and calm. I get that completely, but life isn't like always perfect and making it through the other side of conflict can actually bring people closer. But we have made it all the way to the power struggle phase every time and that's what we can't get past. PDS has helped me on my end, but I don't feel like there's much I can do on his side. He has to want to grow for himself on his own.
@@Fresh_Baked_Bread_Is_Life Conflict presents an acute risk to the safety of relationships with avoidants. Avoidants need to stay in control and, however unconsciously, giving ground for them would upset the balance of power, which can be too torturous a position. They find it very hard to think like a team as they innately view this as dangerously giving up part of themselves. While they may believe they want relationships in theory, in practice they experience regular aversion to their partner - no stronger than when inevitably faced with issues or forced to confront emotions, which means they are much more at risk of walking away. Partners often sense this, which creates a problematic power imbalance in conflict, when both are not showing up with equal desire to move towards resolutions and to make the relationship work as a team. In relationships, withdrawing from conflict is also a subconscious distancing strategy. Conflicts are often left unresolved because the resolution itself often brings a couple closer together - a scenario that, however unconsciously, the avoidant person wants to avoid. Failure to negotiate is a strategy to block intimacy.
This is the most challenging connection I've ever experienced, but I am trying to turn it into learning about myself and grow as a person. Hard though!
It's like dating a child. Or a teenager even when they are 40+ hot and cold, disapears, take everything asa critism, are mean and cold, ignoring you, doesnt take you into consideration, leaves you, talk to other girls like nothing, acts like nothing. I mean im sorry, us anxious have alot to work on. But we dont treat people like shit and destroy their self esteem or self worth with acts that are so disrespected.
thanks for always stressing this is NOT to manipulate! 💜 as an FA with a DA (most of my close relationships, romantic & platonic, have been with DAs) i absolutely agree with how this dynamic was described here's an old text from a DA who was essentially describing the same thing from their perspective when i was being pretty "hot & cold" I crave you, you're like a drug. I have a strong connection with you that I can actually be myself with you & be vulnerable, when that's absent for a prolonged period of time it feels like what I imagine withdrawals would feel like.
I am an FA and have been working on becoming earned secure, I have noticed some DA's feel drawn and even possesive of FA's (due to anxious being overwhelming and other DA's not really engaging enough to have two of them together) and it is charming at first but draining over time if they are not willing to become earned secure. I think FA's need to become earned secure themselves and get together with a born or earned secure partner to truly be happy and for their partner to be happy. Before doing self work I did not know what attachments were or even understand how I operated in my own mind, now I do and see the value of becoming secure.
I am a FA who is “friends?” with a DA and all this makes so much sense. I want a romantic relationship with him desperately and he is reluctant (mostly.) I always thought it was fear and now I know it is cause he can’t/won’t let our “friendship” go. He is so fearful of going further or letting go. It is painful/frustrating for both of us. I don’t want to cause him pain but can clearly see he would be happier in a relationship because he would get more of what he wants/needs. So would I. I can give people space if I trust them. He seems to equate a relationship with stress and lack of peace.I want to tell him he is going to love being dead. All the freedom from stress anyone could want. Sigh…. Life is so complicated.
100% I am FA and my boyfriend is DA and we are in the middle of the Power Struggle phase. He has told me that he CAN'T lose me. I as a FA immediately think about ending the relationship because I get extremely triggered and he senses my withdrawal and suffers from my anger that I express. Nevertheless, he stays and doesn't give me the feeling of wanting to leave at all. He says that there is no other person he feels so close to. FAs understand the avoidant tendencies so far and don't overwhelm DAs with too many emotions and can get really deep into them. I realize that I have reached him emotionally to some extent.
pds has been super helpful for my ability to better understand ways my DA shows i've reached them emotionally ☺️ as an FA though i'm actually often quite worried about overwhelming them with my emotions but definitely agree i can also understand their avoidant tendencies thanks for sharing your experience & best wishes to you 💜
Yeah I think this tracks. I’m a FA, and tend to bond with other FAs who are either the same or higher level of “A” in the “FA” that I am. But, well. They just make more sense to me than PAs or DAs do. I Get It with not wanting to feel trapped or less than capable or just really, really suspicious (while needing to cover it with Nice.) I get it with this deep seeded “but I can’t trust myself either” and feeling absolutely defective and tug of wanting to cling but prying my fingers open instead, or wanting to shove others away and scream “WHY” at them but biting my tongue through instead. That makes sense to me. So while the Avoidance hurts and the Fearful feels utterly confusing with “why do you even want me around/what can I do to show I’m trustworthy” …it’s also something I deeply understand. And, well. It’s somewhat easier to heal that way. Because I have to heal to trust someone else, and to show I can be trusted as well. Although admitting I trust someone is terrifying (and I have to fight myself on snatching it immediately back or causing issues anxiously troubleshooting it instead of letting it lie.)
The problem with these posts imo is that you have to play mind games with your DA too get them to see you, but once they feel vulnerable they’ll find a reason to crawl back in there little whole. DA’s need to go to therapy to work on themselves to be a whole person. Cuz about time they come around the other person is so exhausted they won’t even care
As an FA, I’ve had limerance over DAs before, but I noticed that they always sneak back into my life when they feel like they have lost their grip or hold on me…. I feel like in general having any feelings towards a DA is painful, and I feel like giving up on them every time because it’s simply not worth the heart ache. Thanks Thais for this video, I saw one you made previously on the same topic and it’s nice to hear it again 😊 I have worked hard to understand about DAs as I always seem to encounter them in my life
I am a moth to a flame for DAs but I know how it ends, me in tears and tired from chasing! And the limerence can get strong because DA WANT that fantasy life, they is where THEY feel safe, but in the end its too much drain on our energy to pull them out.
So true. Met someone who was (at that point) probably FA, last summer. It was on and off for three months and after it was over for good, it took me (DA) longer to recover than we had been seeing each other.
FA in a LDR with a DA who also feels this is on target 💜 fwiw, i think the distance has kind of helped us both be able to deepen our understanding as well as attachment to one another ~ hopefully y'all have a similar experience!
the phrase "dealing with" likely reveals partly why many DAs & APs struggle more - as an FA with a DA i think another reason we work so well is our shared understanding of similar traits each of us have so there's often less judgement which we both can be sensitive to
@@r_and_athis video is about how FAs and DAs clash and trigger one another, and you’ve somehow used it as a way to lambast DA-AP relationships-which generally outlast DA-FA relationships and are less volatile (mostly due to APs self abandoning, enmeshing, and people pleasing).
From what I’ve been told by my therapist the 2 avoidant types don’t work out. They pretty much just avoid each other and don’t have a relationship. The DA dismisses the FA and the FA gets angry and tells the FA to F off with harsh comments etc. and 2 FA’s just get angry and volatile with each other and trigger each others fears causing them to avoid each other also.
@@777-h6n pretty much. As an FA I can tell you me and other avoidants don’t get along. It doesn’t take long before we just avoid each other all together. Most the time the relationship just ends and we stop talking to each other.
I miss my DA, but we want very different things. I’m still struggling to find someone I feel as safe with and connected to, and also wants the commitment and family I long for.
DA struggle with conflict but I can feel they also subconsciously love it as it helps them to keep emotional distance. My ex told me, she never argued with anyone so much, but I really don't want to and I always fix it. She never reached out first to make peace. If they hate conflict, why they spend so much time in disconnection phase?
My ex and my mother are DA’s. Whenever me and my mom has had a fight I am the one who need to reach out and fix it. Same with my ex. And sometimes if I have not visited my mom for a long time, or called her. She will tell me to come pick up a cup that is mine, or take something that is mine from her basement. And she acts all frustrated about it. Now just waiting for when my da ex will ask me to pick something up as well. He borrowed some small things for his camping trip before we broke up. I know if he wants to meet, he will reach out for something else then to reconnect. My mom never visits, calls or cook or anything for me or helps me when I really need it. And when I help her, she never asked for it, and when I do help her she is always happy, but it is always me calling to ask if she needs help. And when I do help her it is like she falls into pieces, because she is actually exhausted trying to not rely on anybody. And she ends up leaving everything up to me. As when she was moving last time, I did more then 80% of the work. I wish she could admit that she is not this self suffiscient super human as she likes to portray😂
Im a FA and im dating a DA.. We have broken up about 15 times in 18 months.. We know we are probably not good for each other, but we can't get enough of each other. We things are good, then we are amazing. When things get bad. It gets really bad.. We just cant find a healthy balance 😢
what happens if the FA then begins more secure over time or they both work on themselves over time? After a long period of intermittent reinforcement over a long window of time - do they have a hard time leaving after finally vulnerable with each other etc?
is it possible to have different attachment styles in different relationships? i think im typically pretty anxiously attached, but in my current relationship with a DA i seem to be relating way more the FA.
if you find yourself having to clarify that the point is not to teach people how to manipulate others, maybe it's time to take a step back and rethinking your "Kryptonite", "Achilles Heel" framing
same could be said of *all* attachment styles, seems the point of pds is to better understand the "games" we & others "play" in order to increase the chances of success & secure attachment for all
My da's ex was with borderline disorder. But she is ex, because it was to much for him. I'm ap, I'm totally not hot and cold and i don't know, if he really needs me or just plays games, until he finds new hot and cold, lol
It's not manipulation if it works. It's a legitimate method when acted on brings results with Dismissive Avoidants. It can be the starting blocks that transform to longer term solutions.
Please! 🙏 If you're an FA (in recovery ~ growing & healing) and think you're with a DA? with covertly Narc tendency?? let them go. Don't be fooled and trapped. You deserve so much better.. 🥲
@@AliValentine143 I know. 😓 I'm an FA (discovered PDS 4 year's ago) and I've spent 21 year's married to a DA - we have three children, and I won't leave them. Thais has been part of my healing and recovery, and I know there has to be a "revolution", but I'm hyper sensitive with all the knowledge and I'm done with dating and relationships. There's only partnership in future. Who knows? if they become secure - that's great! - but if not, I'll be there for me and friends, family I'm close to. Always choose you. 💛
I suspect it's also because FAs are so good at making the other person feel seen and heard and empathized with--things that most DAs severely lacked in their childhoods.
@@lauraschleifer4721 super agree with this!! That support aspect that Thais hits on
As a fearful avoidant dating a dismissive avoidant, I can 100% attest to this. I’ve thought he would leave so many times because he gets triggered when he lets me in. Every time he comes back. I have a hard time not letting him back. I think there is some safety between us. He knows I’ll let him. I know he will come back. It allows us each time to really consider IF we want to continue towards deeper commitment each time we have space. Because each time he comes back and I let him, we get even closer and the commitment is stronger. Or we are just getting that dopamine hit.
The FA will almost certainly tire and leave the relationship.
@@alphascholar2001 yep. The FA gets angry and aggressive and pulls away. I know all too well because I’m working on becoming secure. It’s hard not to get triggered with that anger and getting aggressive. This sounds more like the anxious preoccupied to me. With a DA I usually get angry and aggressive after being dismissed and pull away.
Was about to watch this video, and I decided I’m over it. I don’t care to know any of this. Not because I don’t want to learn and be accountable for my role, but because I’m tired of dealing with DA partners. I want peace and will be alone at this point. Good luck everyone ✌🏻
Ok
@@NovaSky333 that is awesome do what's best for you
Agreed. I'm so tired of always doing best to improve, only to meet people who don't give a fk about self development and seem to be living just fine....
Thank you for this comment, it stopped my rumination 💙
You will find peace and the perfect mate!
@@thepuzzlemaker3012People are only ready when they are ready…
Lol such perfect timing! My DA (whatever we are) and I FA/SA attempted our 4th or 5th round recently and you're right. I'm starting to get the "this is pointless" vibe. He definitely holds me up on a pedestal which is funny because that's exactly the place where he used to be. I can't take this seriously anymore because he wants to stay in this perpetual monogamous situationship. Neither of us can relax in this because I keep myself at a distance for protection and he keeps himself at a distance because he doesn't want to trigger me so I leave. I come back because he's as close to what I'm looking for as I've ever had and he understands my busy life and never holds it against me like others have. We don't fight, we're comfortable when we're together and we don't judge each other for our faults. We are open about how much we love each other too. I just feel like I can't give him all of me because he's not giving all of him. It's actually kind of sad because he's my best friend, but I refuse to have another discussion about it.
I hold myself 100% accountable for continuing to go back fyi. We make our own choices in life and I'm not going to fault him when I could just say this isn't for me and end it indefinitely. It's hard when you find so much comfort in someone and also feel the need to keep them at an emotional distance.
Don’t refuse to talk again. Communicating is the decisive and most important thing
Do you want to get married?
@@smaimer4974 I understand. We communicate, but when it comes to the label he gets anxiety at the thought of a relationship because in his words, he has a hard enough time dealing with his own emotions nevermind somebody else's. We did have a relationship at one point, but he doesn't know how to resolve conflict and shuts down. So basically he can only handle a relationship when it's going smoothly. That I can't do much with.
@@SK-no2pp I don't believe in marriage and luckily neither does he. We both have kids from prior relationships so neither of us want more. We both essentially want the same thing, which is to have one person to love while also having space and freedom to live our own lives. The disconnect is like I said in the comment above. He can't emotionally handle conflict or any type of situation that is anything but happy and calm. I get that completely, but life isn't like always perfect and making it through the other side of conflict can actually bring people closer. But we have made it all the way to the power struggle phase every time and that's what we can't get past. PDS has helped me on my end, but I don't feel like there's much I can do on his side. He has to want to grow for himself on his own.
@@Fresh_Baked_Bread_Is_Life Conflict presents an acute risk to the safety of relationships with avoidants. Avoidants need to stay in control and, however unconsciously, giving ground for them would upset the balance of power, which can be too torturous a position. They find it very hard to think like a team as they innately view this as dangerously giving up part of themselves. While they may believe they want relationships in theory, in practice they experience regular aversion to their partner - no stronger than when inevitably faced with issues or forced to confront emotions, which means they are much more at risk of walking away. Partners often sense this, which creates a problematic power imbalance in conflict, when both are not showing up with equal desire to move towards resolutions and to make the relationship work as a team.
In relationships, withdrawing from conflict is also a subconscious distancing strategy. Conflicts are often left unresolved because the resolution itself often brings a couple closer together - a scenario that, however unconsciously, the avoidant person wants to avoid. Failure to negotiate is a strategy to block intimacy.
This is the most challenging connection I've ever experienced, but I am trying to turn it into learning about myself and grow as a person. Hard though!
It's like dating a child. Or a teenager even when they are 40+ hot and cold, disapears, take everything asa critism, are mean and cold, ignoring you, doesnt take you into consideration, leaves you, talk to other girls like nothing, acts like nothing. I mean im sorry, us anxious have alot to work on. But we dont treat people like shit and destroy their self esteem or self worth with acts that are so disrespected.
thanks for always stressing this is NOT to manipulate! 💜
as an FA with a DA (most of my close relationships, romantic & platonic, have been with DAs) i absolutely agree with how this dynamic was described
here's an old text from a DA who was essentially describing the same thing from their perspective when i was being pretty "hot & cold"
I crave you, you're like a drug. I have a strong connection with you that I can actually be myself with you & be vulnerable, when that's absent for a prolonged period of time it feels like what I imagine withdrawals would feel like.
I am an FA and have been working on becoming earned secure, I have noticed some DA's feel drawn and even possesive of FA's (due to anxious being overwhelming and other DA's not really engaging enough to have two of them together) and it is charming at first but draining over time if they are not willing to become earned secure. I think FA's need to become earned secure themselves and get together with a born or earned secure partner to truly be happy and for their partner to be happy. Before doing self work I did not know what attachments were or even understand how I operated in my own mind, now I do and see the value of becoming secure.
I am a FA who is “friends?” with a DA and all this makes so much sense. I want a romantic relationship with him desperately and he is reluctant (mostly.) I always thought it was fear and now I know it is cause he can’t/won’t let our “friendship” go. He is so fearful of going further or letting go. It is painful/frustrating for both of us. I don’t want to cause him pain but can clearly see he would be happier in a relationship because he would get more of what he wants/needs. So would I. I can give people space if I trust them. He seems to equate a relationship with stress and lack of peace.I want to tell him he is going to love being dead. All the freedom from stress anyone could want. Sigh…. Life is so complicated.
100% I am FA and my boyfriend is DA and we are in the middle of the Power Struggle phase. He has told me that he CAN'T lose me. I as a FA immediately think about ending the relationship because I get extremely triggered and he senses my withdrawal and suffers from my anger that I express. Nevertheless, he stays and doesn't give me the feeling of wanting to leave at all. He says that there is no other person he feels so close to. FAs understand the avoidant tendencies so far and don't overwhelm DAs with too many emotions and can get really deep into them. I realize that I have reached him emotionally to some extent.
pds has been super helpful for my ability to better understand ways my DA shows i've reached them emotionally ☺️ as an FA though i'm actually often quite worried about overwhelming them with my emotions but definitely agree i can also understand their avoidant tendencies
thanks for sharing your experience & best wishes to you 💜
Yeah I think this tracks. I’m a FA, and tend to bond with other FAs who are either the same or higher level of “A” in the “FA” that I am.
But, well. They just make more sense to me than PAs or DAs do. I Get It with not wanting to feel trapped or less than capable or just really, really suspicious (while needing to cover it with Nice.) I get it with this deep seeded “but I can’t trust myself either” and feeling absolutely defective and tug of wanting to cling but prying my fingers open instead, or wanting to shove others away and scream “WHY” at them but biting my tongue through instead.
That makes sense to me. So while the Avoidance hurts and the Fearful feels utterly confusing with “why do you even want me around/what can I do to show I’m trustworthy” …it’s also something I deeply understand.
And, well. It’s somewhat easier to heal that way. Because I have to heal to trust someone else, and to show I can be trusted as well. Although admitting I trust someone is terrifying (and I have to fight myself on snatching it immediately back or causing issues anxiously troubleshooting it instead of letting it lie.)
The problem with these posts imo is that you have to play mind games with your DA too get them to see you, but once they feel vulnerable they’ll find a reason to crawl back in there little whole. DA’s need to go to therapy to work on themselves to be a whole person. Cuz about time they come around the other person is so exhausted they won’t even care
I can't do the "hot" and "cold" behaviors and find it very difficult to be in these types of relationships.
As an FA, I’ve had limerance over DAs before, but I noticed that they always sneak back into my life when they feel like they have lost their grip or hold on me….
I feel like in general having any feelings towards a DA is painful, and I feel like giving up on them every time because it’s simply not worth the heart ache.
Thanks Thais for this video, I saw one you made previously on the same topic and it’s nice to hear it again 😊
I have worked hard to understand about DAs as I always seem to encounter them in my life
I am a moth to a flame for DAs but I know how it ends, me in tears and tired from chasing! And the limerence can get strong because DA WANT that fantasy life, they is where THEY feel safe, but in the end its too much drain on our energy to pull them out.
@@StefaniaCzech yeah I hear you girl!
I had no idea what I was dealing with. Wow😂
So true. Met someone who was (at that point) probably FA, last summer. It was on and off for three months and after it was over for good, it took me (DA) longer to recover than we had been seeing each other.
Thank you so much! My soon SO and I will probably be knocking on your door if we become in need. Seems she is already on top of this. ❤
Thank you, this explains a lot! ❤
Currently in this 2.5year cycle and we’re long distance to boot. This is so on target
FA in a LDR with a DA who also feels this is on target 💜 fwiw, i think the distance has kind of helped us both be able to deepen our understanding as well as attachment to one another ~ hopefully y'all have a similar experience!
All the APs who are dealing with DAs, punching the air right now😂
😂😂😂
the phrase "dealing with" likely reveals partly why many DAs & APs struggle more - as an FA with a DA i think another reason we work so well is our shared understanding of similar traits each of us have so there's often less judgement which we both can be sensitive to
I’m weeeeeeakkkk 😂😂😂
@@r_and_a This
@@r_and_athis video is about how FAs and DAs clash and trigger one another, and you’ve somehow used it as a way to lambast DA-AP relationships-which generally outlast DA-FA relationships and are less volatile (mostly due to APs self abandoning, enmeshing, and people pleasing).
Can confirm,
UNFORTUNATELY
😱🤬😂
From what I’ve been told by my therapist the 2 avoidant types don’t work out. They pretty much just avoid each other and don’t have a relationship. The DA dismisses the FA and the FA gets angry and tells the FA to F off with harsh comments etc. and 2 FA’s just get angry and volatile with each other and trigger each others fears causing them to avoid each other also.
@@coltenkelso5764 close, but not quite
In a relationship but avoid each other. It’s wild😂
@@777-h6n pretty much. As an FA I can tell you me and other avoidants don’t get along. It doesn’t take long before we just avoid each other all together. Most the time the relationship just ends and we stop talking to each other.
You’re so spot on!
I miss my DA, but we want very different things. I’m still struggling to find someone I feel as safe with and connected to, and also wants the commitment and family I long for.
I’ve definitely seen this
Me too 😊
This is the exact situation I'm in right now.... (as DA)
DA struggle with conflict but I can feel they also subconsciously love it as it helps them to keep emotional distance. My ex told me, she never argued with anyone so much, but I really don't want to and I always fix it. She never reached out first to make peace. If they hate conflict, why they spend so much time in disconnection phase?
My ex and my mother are DA’s. Whenever me and my mom has had a fight I am the one who need to reach out and fix it. Same with my ex. And sometimes if I have not visited my mom for a long time, or called her. She will tell me to come pick up a cup that is mine, or take something that is mine from her basement. And she acts all frustrated about it. Now just waiting for when my da ex will ask me to pick something up as well. He borrowed some small things for his camping trip before we broke up. I know if he wants to meet, he will reach out for something else then to reconnect. My mom never visits, calls or cook or anything for me or helps me when I really need it. And when I help her, she never asked for it, and when I do help her she is always happy, but it is always me calling to ask if she needs help. And when I do help her it is like she falls into pieces, because she is actually exhausted trying to not rely on anybody. And she ends up leaving everything up to me. As when she was moving last time, I did more then 80% of the work. I wish she could admit that she is not this self suffiscient super human as she likes to portray😂
Wow... interesting breakdown and topic. It all makes sense now...
Im a FA and im dating a DA.. We have broken up about 15 times in 18 months.. We know we are probably not good for each other, but we can't get enough of each other. We things are good, then we are amazing. When things get bad. It gets really bad.. We just cant find a healthy balance
😢
what happens if the FA then begins more secure over time or they both work on themselves over time? After a long period of intermittent reinforcement over a long window of time - do they have a hard time leaving after finally vulnerable with each other etc?
is it possible to have different attachment styles in different relationships? i think im typically pretty anxiously attached, but in my current relationship with a DA i seem to be relating way more the FA.
U could be fa
if you find yourself having to clarify that the point is not to teach people how to manipulate others, maybe it's time to take a step back and rethinking your "Kryptonite", "Achilles Heel" framing
I agree!
There is no kryptonite for this attachment style. It's whoever can come in and play the games of the DA, usually Anxious Preoccupied or FA.
same could be said of *all* attachment styles, seems the point of pds is to better understand the "games" we & others "play" in order to increase the chances of success & secure attachment for all
Thais, I think you never did (or uploaded) the AP version of this!
I’m curious to know theirs too.
I can totally confirm this
Love three doors down. Great idea! I’m doing it! Rest of the day!
In this explanation, Is kryptonite good or bad? Kryptonite emits a poisonous radiation that weakens Kryptonians
My da's ex was with borderline disorder. But she is ex, because it was to much for him. I'm ap, I'm totally not hot and cold and i don't know, if he really needs me or just plays games, until he finds new hot and cold, lol
Came to the comments to see how many APs sprained their ankles running to the video and the comments😂❤
@@namaste348 yall funnyyyyyyyy 😂😂😂😂
😂😂
@@ccbowden19😂
Mind games? Oh your mean bread crumbing
💯
It's not manipulation if it works. It's a legitimate method when acted on brings results with Dismissive Avoidants.
It can be the starting blocks that transform to longer term solutions.
What did you do to your eyebrows? It looks weird.
This lady never stays on topic. I appreciate the videos, but they would be much better if she learned better public speaking technique.
Why don’t you make a channel
I like her a lot I find all of what she say useful my favorite UA-camr who speaks of attachment styles
I love her and understand everything
I don't agree at all. She has so much insight and is able to articulate it in a way that is understandable and succinct.
@@OliviaJordanFan maybe find a new channel? Cuz her results say otherwise
Please! 🙏 If you're an FA (in recovery ~ growing & healing) and think you're with a DA? with covertly Narc tendency?? let them go. Don't be fooled and trapped. You deserve so much better.. 🥲
@infinitybassuk I know you're right but it sure aches.
@@AliValentine143 I know. 😓 I'm an FA (discovered PDS 4 year's ago) and I've spent 21 year's married to a DA - we have three children, and I won't leave them. Thais has been part of my healing and recovery, and I know there has to be a "revolution", but I'm hyper sensitive with all the knowledge and I'm done with dating and relationships. There's only partnership in future. Who knows? if they become secure - that's great! - but if not, I'll be there for me and friends, family I'm close to. Always choose you. 💛