Gretchen Rubin On How Money Can Buy Happiness And Embracing Your Tendency
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- Опубліковано 1 жов 2024
- We’re so excited to welcome writer, podcaster, and happiness expert Gretchen Rubin to The Financial Confessions! On this episode, Gretchen discusses her trademark Four Tendencies and discusses how you can use personal finance as a tool to improve your overall wellness, sense of purpose, and self-actualization. Not to mention, she also knows where to get to best cookies in New York City.
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When she said "I started out as a lawyer because my dad was a happy lawyer... and I figured I could always change my mind later" phew. Out of touch is an understatement. She went to Pembrook where pre-kindergarten tuition starts at 14k. For someone with an astounding level of privilege, she gives 100% credit to herself. Chelsea handled this extremely well. I think after the 15th interruption I would have snapped.
I got to 20 minutes in and I had to come check out the comments. I'm glad they all reflect what I was noticing too.
Bringing up ballet as a career full of happy, fulfilled, respected people who don't need money THE SECOND TIME brought me to the comments at that same 20 minute mark.
She sure seems to have a very specific perspective.
I'm in exactly the same boat. At 20:36 I needed a reprieve.
I was listening to the podcast on Spotify and was starting to get frustrated and came to the UA-cam comments to see if anyone felt the same way. It was also at exactly the 20 minute mark I left to check comments 😂
I made it to 16:50 and had to come check
I literally got irritated around minute 20 and then read this comment wow. Also when she said "fin-ANce" i nearly died
Kudos to Chelsea for asking poignant questions, Rubin seems pretty out of touch with the regular person below 40. I live in New York and enjoy respect in my creative field and I think it's destructive to romanticize the idea of the struggling artist/ballet dancer/writer. It's demeaning to say a ballet dancer should be content with the oohs and aahs from a rich person on the Upper East Side if they can't pay their rent/student loan/health care costs.
Exactly, so out of touch.
OK, I"m glad I'm not the only one. She seemed very out of touch with a lot of people's struggles.
I totally agree! But I didn't know whether to downvote the episode because of this guest or upvote because the series is great and Chelsea is amazing.
Edit: this is not asking for any opinions on whether to upvote or downvote the video. Literally this is a comment expressing my displeasure in the video.
@@midnightsummerdream7797
Upvote the video, comment your displeasure.
@@midnightsummerdream7797 same.
I’d like to see a guest who makes like....$30k a year (which would be more relatable for me, lol)
Jaci Jamison Yes ! Agreed.
I would love to see someone who makes $50k-$75k !!!
Same!
I make 40. Kill me.
@@1MegArbo Hey me too! Drowning buddies!
Yes please!!!!
Was I the only one who thought Grethen gave the most stereotypical “Rich Person” answers????
Take a shot every time Gretchen talks over Chelsea. I dare you.
Marisa Ayers You trynna get alcohol poisoning in 30 minutes time?
How to get alcohol poisoning in an hour, probably less.
I've read her book, and it's pretty good, but god, in person that woman is vile. Who interrupts someone so incessantly like that? She obviously has no manners. Even in an interview, there should be cordial give and take. Chelsea is amazing to hold her ground for so long.
@@GildedFashion Exactly! If anything this is a testiment to how classy Chelsea is.
Grates on my nerves so badly, omg. Perfect example of how a convo should not be
Money doesn’t buy happiness. It lessens burdens.
Exactly. I like the phrase "You can't pull yourself up by your bootstraps if you can't even afford boots."
Allie Conzola That only applies if you didn’t spend your boot money on make-up and overpriced tuition.
@@donwald3436 Wow
I'm sorry I cannot freaking stand this woman. I read the Happiness Project in high school and could not believe how out of touch and un-relatable this woman was. Nothing has changed clearly. If you live on the Upper East Side and can't stop talking about the ballet, what are the 99% going to learn from you? "The richest people are the ones that work the most" say that to the single mothers living in poverty across the country working 3 minimum wage jobs to make ends meet. C'mon man.
and we all know that the richest people get richer simply by having their money sit and grow in bank accounts without any effort needed.
12:22 Economics student here: "Diminishing returns" does not mean that you are less happy after every dollar over 75,000 $. It simply means that every additional dollar that you earn after 75,000 $ does make you happier, but less so as you earn more and more. What she said about the returns being very high at the bottom is true. However, they are still *positive* after 75,000 $ and beyond. This is basic economics, it would have been nice if she tried to actually understand the studies' results.
I think that the point she tried to make was that How much it sinks is very individual and for some it might even sink at a way lower point than 75 000 .
Cristina Somcutean same. I think chelsea tried to clarify at one point but Gretchen *spoke over* her/wasn’t listening properly and derailed the convo again
Literally could have explained this with my IB econ knowledge, Rubin was stressing me out!!!
Chelsea: *breathes*
Gretchen: *No, I don't agree with that statement.*
🤣🤣🤣
HONESTLY
I can feel the collateral cringe and regret through the internet. Don't know if I can finish the video...
Is there a rich person equivalent to mansplaining? Cuz I think we're looking at it.
Wow. Chelsea, you were fabulous!!! But hot damn, Gretchen is so rude! She talks over you and is completely out of touch with the generation below her. I love your style and your approach to tackling big discussion points. Always love watching you Chelsea! ❤
I really respect Chelsea for resisting the urge to say "OK, Boomer" to every single thing Gretchen said.
Gretchen is a Gen-Xʻer not a Boomer.
Donna W She is literally on the cusp of where Boomer meets Gen X.
alecforshort well, if you want to call from one to five years after the end of the baby boomer generation (depending on your source, it ended sometime between 1960 and 1964) the cusp.
Donna W Boomers were born between 1946 and 1964. She was born in ‘65.
Gosh, ageist much?
Money doesn’t buy you happiness but poverty doesn’t buy you anything.
AAAAAMENNNNM
Poverty can give you scarcity mindset which can help to motivate you to get out and never come back to poverty.
@@pri.sci.lla. It's a figure of speech - and poverty doesn't buy that mindset, it motivates it.
👏👏👏👏
This was a stark difference from the Ingrid interview. Nuff said.
When she said people only look & compare themselves to the people around them... ummm.. props to Chelsea for being seamless in providing the Instagram example
Whoa she was tone-deaf AND incredibly out of touch class-wise. Those rich people on Park? They probably have staff to clean their homes and help raise their kids. You think those people they employ-who aren't living in that neighborhood and likely never will thanks to structural inequalities the U.S. keeps in place-aren't comparing themselves to their employers? Those employees don't see the vast amount of resources their employers can afford to spend on their kids and then go home to a working-class borough and worry they can't provide enough for their kids? C'mon. This was so infuriating.
I love Gretchen Rubin’s podcast, I didn’t realize how much she rambles on! I am almost 60 and could not relate to a lot she said. It saddened me that she was out of touch with others outside of her bubble. Good on Chelsea for being a professional.
A "bunch of undergraduates", as she so kindly put it, could teach her a thing or two about statistics and how the 75k number was found to be a reputable benchmark sampling it to be reliable for a wider population (which is kind of the point of stats).
Plus, by actually reading the study, not a random online headline, there would most likely be more context about what social context was used for the study population, what decade it references, whether $75k was estimated to account for inflation, currency conversions, cost of life at time of study and so on, and a valid critique can then be made if someone were to disagree with the study results.
Saying "75k doesn't make sense because, in my few tangible anectodal examples, it doesn't stand to reason" is akin to saying "I can't see the curvature of the earth with my own eyes, so it stands to reason that the earth is flat".
Ok, boomer
Tea Mene yes, the study also has it broken out by regional differences if she’d actually read the happiness study as a so called happiness expert
There is a newer study from Purdue using data from Gallup (1.7million sample size) -164 countries, where COL varies, and they found "Ideal income for an individual for emotional well being is 60-75K per year, with 95K income for life satisfaction. " again that's for one individual not a family.
I was trying to recall the older studies numbers and found this more depressing one. 😂
Honestly as a female in healthcare field, the idea of ever making 75K before I'm 50 seems incredibly unattainable. I do live in the Midwest with lower COL. The starting wage for my role with a four year degree is a pittance for the emotional toll and critical thinking required but it's a female dominated field so wages are low across the board even with experience.
But I do think personally, I'm learning the skills I need to tell my money where to go (bless YNAB- free year for anyone w an .edu email address btw aka students), and the freedom to spend money on my own priorities is how finances tie into happiness and life satisfaction for me. I think that looks different for everyone once you get beyond survival level of food, shelter, etc. Example, a friend of mine is a new vet making 79,000 per year which is above 75K starting but they have about 110,000 in loans to pay back (undergrad plus vet school), their spouse is a teacher and makes 39,000. They live in an apartment. My friend works 50+ hour weeks as a vet. She's having her first baby in the spring. Once I wrote this out I realized their double income adds up to a significant amount however she isn't taking home the full 79K bc she is paying back the loans!
I listen to her podcast and she comes across much better in her own episodes. I've seen her live as well and she was fairly personable then.
Well said - I didn’t even make it to the 20 minute mark, this was so uncomfortable and bizarre. I studied some of the research mentioned as a postgrad, and I was quite surprised she dismissed peer reviewed research so easily. I thought she understood what research is and she misses the whole point of what that research was showing. I was very disappointed - Gretchen came across as a rich person rationalising needing lots of money to be happy. If we all need more than 75k, then most of the world will be very unhappy forever.
@@kaitlinalexandra6273 I’m a teacher with a grad degree who started teaching in Vegas and I remember seeing the salary scale topped out at 70K, and thinking as an arrogant 22-year-old “Won’t be retiring here!”
Now, many years later, the scale has increased to a max of 130K and I miss the quality of life I could afford there. I work overseas and would encourage your partner to do it, as foreign teachers are being compensated insanely now (I’m in China, but there are other options, too). I’ve just reached that 75K point and it is great, but as I prepare to move back to the US next year, I don’t even know where to start!
I suppose all of this is to say maybe there will be growth in your area eventually, but also, that quality of living matters a lot. And maybe don’t be afraid to look abroad (see Our Rich Journey for more options, or teachaway.com for your partner). I don’t know 😂. Just ... hang in there? Maybe things will improve? 😅
Chelsea did a great job with this interview. However, I'm genuinely surprised at how insufferable Gretchen Rubin is. Rubin is tone deaf, argumentative, and completely out of touch with the rest of us plebians.😒
I personally wasn’t as put off by Gretchen’s opinions as many other commenters, but I will say they are really just opinions. I think part of the issue with how she came across is that for many things, she takes her examples and anecdotal experiences to be broader, universal truths rather than simply speaking for herself, a wealthy, white NYC woman.
lmao....
Gretchen: “You have enough money to fly private.”
Chelsea: “Wow...”
Gretchen: “It’s going to make you quite a bit happier.”
Chelsea: “Well, I have an ethical boundary ther-”
Gretchen: “IT’S GOING TO MAKE YOU HAPPIER”
Lmao! That sums up the interview and Gretchen’s views on the world, what an insufferable rich white woman.
OMG yes this was so damn cringe. Like wtf lady not everyone finds happiness by destroying the environment for their own person comfort.
Time stamp?
@@devlinfae Around 14:55
@@devlinfae 14:40
I suffered through this episode because Chelsea was fantastic, Gretchen came across as condescending and tone deaf. It’s like she just had to disagree with everything Chelsea said.
Also I think it’s hilarious that she’s willing to accept the research that tells us who we compare ourselves to financially but not the 75k happiness study.
This wasn't my favorite interview. I love Chelsea and I am basically suffering through this woman's out of touch perception in order to hear Chelsea's little nuggets of wisdom. Looking forward to more interviews with hopefully more insightful guests.
I was on-board for the first 15 minutes until we got to the point that people who work for more money do it because it's fun. Student loan debt, retirement, savings, concerns over keeping a job, the pressure to not have gaps in your resume, fears over scarcity of work, or inflation diminishing the value of the savings--I would wager a bet that any one of these things affects more people than just "wanting to work" because it's more "fun" to work in higher level work. Not even getting into the status/power elements.
And no, just because you, personally, don't "get" instagram, doesn't mean it's not a common issue. Social media in general has reshaped how our "social ladders" are shaped and perceived. We don't have clear cut indicators of who is or isn't adjacent to us anymore--our "neighbors" are able to post the most curated images of their lives possible, and there is no clear-cut easy way to know who is or isn't our figurative socioeconomic "neighbor."
Agreed. I am beside myself watching this. It scares me to think of how much this influence this woman may have.
I think for a lot of people, working more to make more money is "fun" (at least for them). I personally do not understand that, but I have noticed it is a very common mentality here in the states. Being from Europe, I would much rather work less, have money, and enjoy my time, but I have coworkers who literally work non-stop and they have no debt, no financial obligations, barely any social lives, but they "love" to work and "love" it even more when they get more money. Super confusing for me. I would love to know more of why some find it so much "fun".
@@lelucheking7420 I completely agree, it is a very real thing--I enjoy my work, and would continue to do it even if I had the funds not to. But I don't know how far I would generalize this.
@@lelucheking7420 Its connected to their self worth
Viewing work as “fun” is a privilege. But I think (and am surprised she didn’t acknowledge) also at that high earning level, work actually becomes a compulsion akin to addiction
Chelsea is just absolutely incredible, the fact that she is able to react so poised and with such thoughtful & intelligent questions throughout the entire conversation. Also, I love when Ryan jumps in, he did it a lot less this episode, but when he did it was also added so much value. Extremely inspired by this series already!
Astrid Florence I think Ryan popped in less, because Gretchen was difficult to talk through.
I was so exasperated watching Gretchen talk over Chelsea. She evidently has a mean streak of narcissism.
She really missed the point of the $75k/ happiness study. We get it, you are rich and can’t relate to regular folk.🙄 to think a private plane which costs millions of millions of dollars isnt the perfect example of diminishing returns is hilarious.
Marie Fernande Augustin I think you missed the point. I’ve gone from poor student, through unemployment to today with fairly low income yet way high than I’ve ever had...
And I’ve allready felt diminished worth/happiness of earning a little more.
Sure, a huge bump up from where I am now might give a bigger impression but if that becomes my average then again I might feel way less inpressed of a bump.
Her point was the number and that it can be highly individual at what income you get less impressed by more.
MissVasques you don’t understand the concept of diminishing returns either.
Chelsea pointed to the famous happiness study that gave an AVERAGE ( averages by definition imply it’s more for some but less for others) income after which more money produces “diminishing returns” on happiness.
Diminishing returns doesn’t mean you are diminished in happiness. It means it takes more dollars to make you as happy past a certain point. This is obviously common sense. What makes a middle class person a 7 out of 10 happy is very different than what makes a Kardashian a 7 out of 10 happy. It doesn’t mean the Kardashians can’t be 7 out of 10 happy. It means, I’m at a 7with a new Accord, they are at a 7 with a new Range Rover.... that is diminishing returns because the Range Rover cost three times the Accord, but for a Kardashian doesnt make them a 21 out of 10 happy on the scale. It won’t make them three times happier. Even if it made them 10 out of 10 happier , it still isn’t three times happier, hence diminishing returns.
@@mariefernandeaugustin1392 Thank you! I think people need a refresher on the economical concept of diminishing returns!
Wow, the way she talks about people comparing themselves to others on Instagram is pretty condescending. I don't think you can just declare yourself as being unaffected by social comparison. It's a part of the human experience to be aware of what others are doing around you and compare that to your own life. I mean, that's why we are here watching these interviews.
I’m not defending her but I think it has to do with her maybe not being as into social media such as Instagram. I don’t want to be agist in saying that she isn’t “hip” with the younger generation or know how really use Instagram to the fullest extent (for example). But I did sense a bit of lack of realist information regarding social media and it’s addiction & effects on the people in their teens to adulthood. I wouldn’t specially use the word “condescending” though.
I think it is probably her age group and personality. Social comparison does affect a lot of people but I think it is fine for her to say it doesn’t affect her. I’m rarely affected by it either but I probably would have been when I was younger. She also said she doesn’t like to buy things and isn’t adventurous so that doesn’t leave much to covet from an Instagram feed.
I do agree about unfollowing people that make you feel bad though.
I kind of feel bad for Chelsea and the TFD team for this interview. They were so psyched to talk to Gretchen and she was sort of rude and very tone deaf. Of course I don't know how TFD felt about it, maybe they loved talking to her! But I really don't think Gretchen had much valuable input for the TFD audience. She just doesn't seem to understand the financial or social climate of millennials.
Maybe try listening again, there are several highly valuable points GR made.
@@dominicteoh9475 I watched the whole interview, would you mind telling me those points? (No disrespect, I just wanting to know what you took from this interview).
@@futoijosei I actually don't remember ha ha. Quite some time ago that I watched it, but I'll give it another go and see what comes to mind this time.
@@dominicteoh9475 Thank you.
I think the fact that Gretchen admits she doesn’t know her ROI or anything about her business finances further proves how out of touch she is with the reality most people experience daily. I’d love to have the luxury to have so much money there isn’t a need to track my finances. 🙄 Great job though Chelsea with the challenging questions, keep at it.
I thought Chelsea might cry when she said that.
Well I´m not sure in America but actually most people in my country that have business with small teams (she says only has an assistant and everything else per project) normally have no idea about business finances and it´s the reason why in 5-10 years end up out of business.
I don't think I found this episode quite as difficult to listen to as everyone else, but that's probably in large part because I was busy admiring Chelsea's interview style and poise. She asked great questions and didn't seem intimidated. Definitely agree with others that the whole "they work cause it makes them happy" comment ignores the social and political systems at play. I think one thing Gretchen misses, at least in this interview, is that money isn't just security, opportunity, etc. It's also power.
Also, wish she'd said how much she made haha! Ingrid set the bar high for me for these.
Yeah I agree with you in that a lot of people on that level are probably working for power but I think Gretchen had a total bias and was thinking of people like Warren Buffet who lives pretty frugally for the amount of money he has so clearly doesn´t need to keep working but does it because he loves it even though he is over 80 years old
I can't even finish watching. This woman is so out of touch and rude.
Chelsea did a great job with this interview, however I didn’t enjoy this as much as the previous video as Gretchen did come across quite out of touch and her points were confusing and often flawed, which made it hard to follow.
Sarah Ford I agree completely! But that’s probably what this series is about, varied opinions and views on finances
No one:
Chelsea: I'm a big fan of your apartment
Love how hard she tried to skirt around the topic of whether we as a society shouldn't allow people to amass billions of dollars of wealth. Careful, your boomer is showing lol
I’m far from a Boomer & don’t think “society” has ANY business deciding a cap on how much a producer should make. 🤷♀️
Nicole Williams so if the top 1% owns 99% of the worlds wealth, that would be acceptable since you’re saying that there shouldn’t be a cap on how much can be earned?
xy z - Zero cap, at all, ever. I’m an accountant by trade & come from a family of entrepreneurs.
But if you note that my picture is taken with former US House Rep from TX Dr. Ron Paul you might suspect I’m a fan of Austrian economics, & you’d be right. I don’t believe in any constraint other than pure market forces, ever. What we have now is corporatism, not capitalism. There’s a huge difference in capitalism vs what we have now.
And I don’t believe anyone ever has a right to anything the market doesn’t bear, or that you can force someone else to provide you with services for perceived rights. It’s why I changed from a pre-med chem major to accounting 20+ years ago. 🤷♀️
Nicole Williams Uhh so I’m assuming that you agree with my previous question..? If so, then why? Because your response is basically saying there shouldn’t be a cap on wealth just because you don’t want it to be.
The reason why I think there should be a cap is because many avoid paying taxes and also most of the time the money is not distributed fairly enough in terms of work and value. I understand that if someone was to start up an enterprise that greatly benefited the community that they should be granted an adequate amount of money to reimburse their time, effort and positive influence. However once people start to earn hundreds of millions dollars to billions of dollars, it starts to become a bit ridiculous as they just have so much money it is almost useless as they’ve already hit a ceiling when it comes to purchasing things that can enrich their own individualistic life. It gets even more absurd when a huge tech company such as Apple can earn 265.6 billion USD in 2018 while they have child slaves sourcing metals and only making at most $9 a day for risking their lives.
And as a Gen Z speaking, you do come a little bit off as a boomer with the following statement. Talking about how people shouldn’t be ‘forced to provide others for services for perceived rights’ sounds like a fancy way of saying taxes shouldn’t be paid for as it is generally used to fund public services that benefits the majority.
Feel free to respond as I am interested in your insight and opinions :)
xy z - Wealth is not static, nor is it finite. I don’t come from a scarcity mindset even though I’ve personally experienced divorce, foreclosure, & bankruptcy due to where I was in the market w/ my then-husband’s business during the real estate crash in 2008-2009.
You can say that the top 1% owns 99% of the world’s wealth, but that top 1% changes. Businesses are started to create wealth for the owner & provide services to the market - if the market doesn’t see the value in the business, the business doesn’t survive (unless it’s artificially supported by subsidies, which I’m also against).
Our difference appears to lie in what you & I think “is fair” a business or owner (stockholders if a public company) should “be allowed” to earn. You say adequate, I say no cap. Adequate is subjective - where would your cap be, & why? Would it be different if the business catered to something of which you approved? Would it be a strict across the board dollar amount?
Being raised in an entrepreneurial family & having experiences the highs & lows of family business I’ve seen the price to pay for “potential” financial reward. I don’t believe “society” or worse “government” owes anyone anything, nor is anyone owed anything from those two (except for strictly outlined & VERY limited services from the latter).
However, I’ve personally seen my family & multiple other business owners offer their services to those who couldn’t afford them (ex. My dad’s veterinary services, medical services from doctors in our churches, home health / care-taking services, etc). The privately- held company for which I currently work makes a number of donations & the owners are involved in many volunteer efforts that benefit the community. One of those is renting an office a medical clinic that offers services to low-income folks who couldn’t otherwise afford it. But, they’re able to do that because they’ve run their business in such a way as to be profitable enough so they can help groups to which they feel compelled / called / whatever you choose to call it, to help.
In my perfect world there would be NO taxes - there would be fee-based services for which the payers could switch if those services were inadequate. Can we do that now? Not easily. Think of how difficult it would be to make DMVs or public schools more efficient. It’s a very clunky processes involving electeds & government workers, many of whom are content with the status quo. No thanks.
For our services that you might consider for the good of society, there are ALWAYS groups who will help specific groups in need. And with freed-up former tax money now available & bureaucrats NOT in charge of the plans you can have more localized services that connect PEOPLE to each other & building relationships that lead to connection & growth (teaching a man to fish then continuing to be fishing buddies), not employees of some governmental group performing services who don’t necessarily have a vested interest in those folks. We see the difference all the time in our different ministries - refugee, battered women / men, homeless, reading mentors, etc - vs someone who does the job just because they get a paycheck (& sadly you see this in our retirement facilities a lot 😢).
I see zero wrong with enriching one’s own life based on something you built. Perhaps I’ve just been fortunate to get to know amazing people who’ve used their skills at running businesses that turned a profit to help others, but I think that’s more common among business owners than many may realize.
A true free market & voluntary association would fix a ton of what’s wrong in our very broken system, & capping the ability of business to make a profit is exactly what stops that from happening. It would be a mistake to assume that because we don’t agree on the means to the end here doesn’t mean we don’t agree that society as a whole can & should be served by those in a position to do so. 😊
Someone who dismisses scientific research out of hand because she "doesn't agree with it" has no business developing or administering a personality questionnaire. Personality psychology is a science. Quacks need to step off.
Geez, some of Gretchen's opinions are outdated. "Most people just compare themselves to their immediate peers and not to wealthy strangers". That is clearly said by someone who hasn't grown up with social media where you get very intimate glimpses into the lives of friends, celebrities, strangers etc. Anyone who grew up with that kinda automatically compares themself to everyone else because how can you not? Especially when we have influencers who are our age making bank and flaunting it on social media.
I had never heard of this woman before this interview. I am 20 minutes in. I do not like her at all, and I see nothing to admire. Not only that, but her perspective did not add new knowledge to my life. It told me something that I've long suspected: rich people suck.
ETA: Also, can I say that trying to define humanity into groups by which you can accurately see into their mind is the most boomer goddamn thing I've ever heard.
Chelsea, WHERE is that dress from? It's delightful, and you look stunning in it!
If there were ever a time to say "Ok boomer" now would be the time
I hope someone gave Chelsea a hug after this. Or at least a drink. 🤦🏻♀️ I must say though, probably for the first time in my life it was a pleasure to read the comments. What a great community here!
This was an interesting interview but I also feel Gretchen is out of touch with the realities of the average person. Her point about the $75k, specifically, was not well researched. In the study 75 is the magic number because it is high enough that you can have necessities and freedom, but low enough that you do not feel tied down to work or pressure to keep up with the joneses. Of course circumstances change, but 75 keeps you comfortable but living in your means.
I am enjoying reading these comments because it shows how big of a divide money can cause between people and how much animosity many of us have towards those who at least are perceived to have money (even when we - and I include myself - don’t usually consciously admit that). I think it is important for TFD to interview people from all different backgrounds, money situations, careers and generations, because we learn more from the diversity - about how to be and how not to be - than by listening to a single demographic.
Funnily enough GR made some really good points about money that are highly relevant and useful to the listeners, but seems many in the comments have overlooked that.
This was incredibly uncomfortable to watch. Well done to Chelsea for sticking with it, I’m not sure how long I could last having a conversation with a brick wall.
Actually that’s an insult to brick walls, brick walls don’t interrupt you mid sentence.
Katie yesssss same
Wow this makes me not like Gretchen Rubin
She is such an upper scale New Yorker! I can say that, I am a New Yorker. I know the vibe!
Did she drink before this interview?
1:02:42 "this has really provoked so many thoughts for me" is an extremely tactful thing to say.
This was so difficult to watch. So contrarian! I'm giving up watching 40% through.
Love you, Chelsea. Absolutely love everything you all do at TFD. But Gretchen is out of touch, delusional about why people make money and the status/peer pressure associated with making money, and also not helpful/interesting. Only watched this for you. ❤
I’m 20 minutes in, and Chelsea has already demonstrated amazing interview skills, composure, and knowledge.
Keep being amazing.
When she said the part of work being fun it reminded me of this article in the Atlantic where they talked about jobs and that it seems work is the new church and they said something like people obsess over their jobs and throw themselves into it because it's the closest they can get to having FUN. That was the saddest thing ever. If I go to work because it's the only thing that gives me a shadow of fun I think I'd die.
Jessica Fajardo I am between jobs right now and I have discovered how much of my social life was tied to my job. It makes me very sad that I relied so heavily on it for my self-worth and entertainment, not just my livelihood and health care.
Reading lots of comments saying “I hated it & I stopped watching half way through”
The second half goes much more smoothly than the first half.
I agree a lot of Gretchen points come off as a bit tone deaf & privileged. But as someone who’s followed a lot of her stuff I think there is a bit more context.
1. Her point about the $75,000 not meaning happiness.
A huge amount of her books is about how people are different and need different things to be happy. She’s very quick to defend people who are the exception not the rule.
So the fact that she would push back on a “one size fits all” income so much on this makes sense to me.
I actually don’t agree with her on this, because I think the researchers who discuss this are careful to say “This is a rough figure, you adjust it for where you live, how many kids you have etc”. But that’s often not repeated, so I think that’s why she pushed back.
2. A lot of the questions Chelsea was asking (in the beginning) were venturing into the political / social realm.
Gretchen pretty much never discusses that. I followed her videos in 2016 and you wouldn’t know an election was happening. Her focus is always on the small, the personal, what is in our daily control.
That doesn’t mean they are bad questions, I agree with everything Chelsea was getting at, but Gretchen is not someone who is best placed to answer them.
I would encourage anyone to watch more of Gretchen’s videos, she really does come across as a nice person.
I have read the Happiness Project and all I could see was her Privilege. She lives from her perspective and has no understanding of other peoples lives.
Out of risk of incurring the ire of my fellow TFD'ers, I actually understand where Gretchen is coming from even if I don't relate to everything she's about. I, too, am introverted and though still in my twenties I was never big into social media. I am not envious of other people's lives (much less "influencers") and I have a strong enough sense of self to know and embrace my own way of living. In some ways Gretchen for me is goals at 50+: utterly unbothered by the opinions of others, getting paid doing what I love, not worrying about finances, and yet still being in awe of the world around me.
Generally, I love these interviews, but now I had to give up after 20 minutes. Highly unrelatable.
Erika Sinkovics I truly found Gretchen Rubin insufferable/delusional lol
the conversation felt forced, the opposite of the easy flow of the interview with Ingrid. Gretchen looks uncomfortable. Chelsea looks poised but also uncomfortable. Gretchen sounds like a boomer but I think she’s a Gen Xer. Gretchen sounding argumentative is her lawyer coming through. I’m glad Chelsea asked the questions and was totally professional with someone so rich she’s out of touch with reality.
Judi FM - On point! I don’t like Gretchen after this interview. She seems so full of herself and out of touch and honestly in her own bubble!
Wow, I will never again take Gretchen and her advice seriously. She is privileged to a degree where she lives in a completely different world.
Cheers Chelsea, this was great - and not because I liked this lady- I truly DISLIKED this lady - I liked this because it shows how ignorant some wealthy people are to actual reality.
She is SO OUT OF TOUCH, wow ! She has no clue about what it’s like for our generation. You really held your own and asked great questions. I can’t wait for more of these episodes. Chelsea you ROCK! You’re such a great voice for our generation. Honestly ! 🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍
I would love for you to talk to Amy Landino!
Amy is such a huge fun of Gretchen, she is obsessed with her, and I feel like Amy will be also somewhat unrelatable.
There is so much we can learn from people with higher incomes and the lessons they have learned over the years. This was not it. Felt like she was selling/justifying her lifestyle, well done Chelsea for holding your own and asking insightful questions!!!!
This was painful to listen to and watch. Kudos to Chelsea for keeping her composure.
Found this video unrelatable as heck and deeply uninteresting. I watched in 2min spurts and took breaks between. Stopped at 22mins. "Friend of mine's husband just won a Nobel prize." Yup. Totally unrelatable experience. Not saying she shouldn't have said it. But what was the point of sharing that?
After reading her book and following a few of her talks, I'm finding Rubin's take on things to come from a place of extreme privilege. Even in her book, she came off as oblivious to other people's experiences. A lot of her tips fall flat for anyone not with Harvard Education, Upper East-side living life-experience.
A lot of her tips would be a privilege to those who fight to survive among a lower and middle class. I accept that her book and talks' audience is not the average person. It is the privileged person.
I haven't seen this shameless a display of apathy in an interview in a long time. She could not even entertain ideas that weren't hers or didn't apply to her. For one, Instagram has a HUGE affect on the way people view their own status. Ever heard of influencer culture?? She reminds me of the real housewives of New York. Talking with her was like talking to your grandparents who lived through the booming economic age and think everyone should be able to buy a house by 23.
Chelsea, you're a queen. This interview seemed like an arguement, but you handled it so gracefully. Gretchen appears really out of touch. Ingrid last week was a breath of fresh air. Maybe a generational thing? Who knows.
You can have a REALLY BAD TIME for free so it makes sense that money would ACTUALLY buy happiness.. or at least relief from this tragedy we call the American economic system.
Gretchen's critique of the 75k rule misses the point. If you hold that number a bit loosely, and understand that it's a metric representing when basic financial needs are met, then there's still something really valuable to be learned there.
I'm not convinced that the person flying on a private jet is actually any happier, on average, than the one flying coach, and I think the research bears that out. Researchers have found that the luxuries of life don't really increase happiness, and in some cases, can detract from it, if a person neglects friends and family in pursuit of more and more money and luxury.
But if the money means the difference between stable housing and homelessness, or between medical treatment and none, then more money does indeed buy happiness at that point.
Watched this again to get the name of that book Primates of Park Avenue...glad to see ppl had the same thoughts as me. Rubin is the product of her bubble. I hope she read these comments and is aware but I doubt it, she didn't seen to understand what TFD even is. The issue isn't that She disagreed on almost every point it's how she did it, and her examples are painfully out if touch and do not make sense, and she talked over Chelsea so much..too many cringey issues to flesh out here... Chelsea, you handled it beautifully!
Wow Chelsea is so good and I know this because this was soooo bad. Such a contrast from Ingrid Nilsen, who is lovely and amazing. I feel like they thanked Ingrid for not being like this lady and now I get exactly why she was so excited when talking to Ingrid.
Thank you chelsea Fagan and all the financial diet fraternity for helping me save 542 usd in three months .I live in the caribbean and i just had to repent of my flagrant spending.I now have an emergency fund and its a step in the right direction .A good start therefore i am working to give myself options .It has not been without incident but these are the sacrifices you have to make and especially learning to be transparent with myself about money.Financial diet forever.
That sounds awesome, hope you're doing well with it now too! Good luck!
I’d love to see an interview with a young, ultra rich UA-camr to see how they’re growing into their financial management. Or perhaps a beauty guru to see how independent and collaborated business work in that sphere.
There was been one. An Asian-looking girl but I don't remember her name.
Yikes, how is Gretchen Rubin allowed to talk about money? She doesn't even get what diminishing returns means. She's so incredibly rude too... Clicking away. Back next time TFD.
It's not a political question. YES there is a point when an individual earns too much money and does insanely less for the communities on which they build their wealth, compared to what an entire community can do for common good. Can you imagine it, Gretchen? Like, at all?
I loved Chelsea’s question about how does Gretchen think other people perceive living in the Upper East Side to be and then everyone is commenting about how “out of touch” Gretchen is. I think many people believe that people in the Upper East Side are out of touch and well....This didn’t help 😂👀. I would like to add that the generational difference in the interview is very interesting and adds various different perspectives though (I wholly agree with Chelsea 😂)
I was very excited to see Gretchen Rubin as a guest but disappointed with how out of touch see appeared. I am hoping to continue to see guests in their 20s, 30s, 40s, and beyond!
I can't believe she/they think(s) that the richest people work the most, that's the most absurd thing anyone's ever said on this channel.
Pia Gruber it was ridiculous. This lady was incredibly out of touch and privileged.
I'd love to see Chelsea ask what they see as the dividing line between rich and wealthy. I suspect that for Gretchen, it's a bigger number than most people (judging by some of her examples). Wealthy people might work long hours for fun, but they're never going to worry about medical bills or long term disability breaking them. While people who are "just" rich still have to worry about stage four cancer bankrupting their family before killing them.
... I'm neither, for the record. I could hear the troops sharpening their knives. 🤣
This was on the last video too but please have youtuber bestdressed (Ashley) on the podcast she is so wonderful and has in the past been very open about money think she would make an awesome guest!! And I know she also goes to random open houses to admire architecture too ;)
I absolutely love TFD but can’t believe how tone deaf Gretchen Rubin is. Kudos to Chelsea for maintaining her composure throughout this.
Gretchen: Writers don’t make very much money (her net worth is listed as between 1-5 million and often these estimates are extremely low)
Chelsea: (looks at camera...smiles..) Sure Jan
Can’t wait for more episodes with less rude guests. Ingrid was amazing.
Nicole Giles 100% agree !! I think everyone felt the same about this interview !
Well she was stating that writers don't make much money in relation to those in the finance industry, and her statement is true. A few million could easily just be a year end bonus in finance.
I agree with Gretchen. I am a morning person, waking up at 5 in the morning, writing my book and doing an hour workout before I start my full-time job. Some people think I’m putting myself to a burnout or thinking I’d be an uptight and stressed person. It’s opposite, though-I feel free and incredibly happy.
"The richest people work the most/the hardest." and talking over chelsea. wow i have to click off. Chelsea sounds so refined and well spoken. Gretchen contradicts herself. "money buys time and that makes rich people happy....but rich people also work hard because 'its fun'"
'Money buys time' and then the type of rich people GR is referring to 'invest the time they bought back into their business because they enjoy the work and/or the rewards'. Or in other words, they outsource low value work so they can focus on high value work. Creates a positive feedback cycle, more money -> more time to work -> more money...
This woman has no idea what it's like to actually worry about money. Her dad was a lawyer, she just kind of floated through law school. She believes we all take air conditioning for granted. Like holy shit she was insufferable to listen to. Chelsea tries to keep conversation going and get answers and gretchen just answers back like shes got a deeper question. I sat through this for chelsea but it took 3 sessions to even finish it and I'm not disliking because I love TFD you guys out there helping us real people while gretchen sits here thinking shes more profound than everyone but still somehow cant figure out her OWN FINANCES. Maybe she needs to listen to TFD more and think about something other than herself. Congrats on such an grating level of "confidence" I'm sure it gets her many friends...
Gretchen's books helped me to stick to habits. Especially when I found out I have gluten intolerance and small sugar "addiction" but sometimes I have breaked the rules when felt sad. I get that she's way wealthier than me, but being open minded helps to not judge a person from a single interview 👀
Around the 10 minute mark I started to get annoyed with how much push-back Gretchen was giving and talking over Chelsea. I'm seeing a lot of people saying Gretchen is being a bit tone-deaf, and I kind of agree. The only thing she seemed to get right was that the importance of each dollar diminishes as you get richer. Like sometimes she dismisses research and then says "well actually I disagree because research..."
Thumbnail: Money can't buy happiness (but it helps).
Translation: Money does buy happiness, but it's not everything.
Don't know why, but don't relate well to Rubin.
Gretchen Rubin needs to go back to the drawing board and think about her studies through the lens of someone who is not an White Straight Affluent Woman. There is nothing wrong with being an WSAW, as long as you are in touch with your own privilege. I realize that she wrote several books from this perspective, but it is okay to move toward a more intersectional view of money/happiness. Thank you to Chelsea for TRYING. Rubin is really the perfect example of a tone deaf privileged person that isn't even willing to let other ideas in if the ideas being presented are different than what she already believes. Her examples (horses most especially) show her privilege in a bright light that she completely ignores.
The point at which Chelsea is talking about the Park Avenue documentary and income inequality where Rubin simply states "well that is New York City" is so, very, very much her privilege seeping out. I'm sorry to dwell, but I just cannot understand how someone that is so influential in the self help/personality assessment arena of writing can be so tone deaf to people not 'in her neighbourhood'. I suppose she basically told us with her story about the people around you influencing you, but then she just needs to venture out of her Upper East Side address a little more often to see how other folks live.
I actually appreciated Rubins contribution to this conversation. TFD tends to send the same message over and over and I appreciate hearing different approaches.
Rich people: “I never knew about the dog park.”
"we" take having an air conditioner for granted? 🤨 hm I don't think so. very fascinating to see how the other half lives and thinks 😂.
Withering away on the upper East Side ...
Dang, guess I'm in that 8% male audience
Omg, Chelsea, what are you wearing? I'm loving this funky piece!
(Sorry this sounds like we're friends or something, but well, whoever manages this comment section, just let her know!)
HAVING MONEY'S NOT EVERYTHING, NOT HAVING IT IS. -Kanye West
Mmm I didn’t enjoy this guest. Thank you for your work though. Can’t wait to see who else will be on.
I came to the comments to see if other people also think Gretchen sounds stuffy and out of touch. I am glad we are all in agreement. I mean I guess it makes for an interesting interview just to see how rich people think, but I would really like to see a different type of person with a different income level/life circumstance to be on the show next.
Oh my gosh, Gretchen clearly doesn’t have any real friends. She seems very difficult to talk to. She talks at you, and not to you. Her privilege is seething through the screen. Kudos to Chelsea for her professionalism!
No money buys stability not happiness
wow does gretchen say Anything interesting or insightful in this whole thing? I'm 45 mins in. I mean I do have the typical criticism of her being annoying and out of touch but apart from that ... did she contribute anything? has no one ever told her that her points are dumb and basic, lol?
I actually like that the guest actually questions Chelsea's assumptions and automatic thoughts and impulses. Not saying I agree or disagree, but I like that she has her own oipinions and the nerve to stick by them.
My takeaways from this video: It's all relative. 1) Theory of Dismishing Returns stands true--and still--$75k can have different affects in people's lives, depending on their situation. 2) It's a Privilege to not have to think about money. 3) There is a bell curve of hours people work, to people that earn more money (There are low-income people that work harder than Jeff Bezos that don't make as much, or enough, money). 4) This guest demonstrates ingrained elitism, take their comments with a grain of salt. 5) Growing up poor, I was more influenced by people with Social Capital (equivalent of today's influencers), then by "the people in their neighborhood." Gretchen's perspective is narrow and reflects a specific type of upbringing and lifestyle.
6) People's identity is often tied to their occupation, and level of income. 7) External validations are significant influences in your perception of personal success. 8) We've been conditioned to associate happiness with material acquisition. 9) Money doesn't dictate personal growth, but it can facilitate it (because privilege). 10) Choice (Money) is Power. In my personal life, being able to choose a brand that is more progressive, is power, but it's dependent on my financial wealth. Sales taxes are regressive and oppressive because they but the burden of tax on people that cannot afford to make one-time bulk purchases. Living paycheck to paycheck is punished.
“Missouri or Kansas”? THE most important question! 👏 😂
Camille TRUUUUUU!! Lol
Yea but she didn’t answer the question...