Rebel, Upholder, Questioner, Obliger: which one are you? | Gretchen Rubin
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- Опубліковано 24 лют 2019
- How do you get people - including yourself - to do what you want?! Meeting expectations or changing habits is hard - whether it’s New Year’s resolutions or deadlines at work. But, as bestselling author Gretchen Rubin explains, it’s a lot easier if you know which of four main ‘tendencies’ you have. Once you know your tendency (or that of those you manage or co-habit with!) it’s much easier to make change possible.
Take the quiz (quiz.gretchenrubin.com/), and watch the full RSA talk with Gretchen Rubin here: • The Four Tendencies | ...
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Speaker: Gretchen Rubin
Animation: Jac Clinch
Intro and outro sting: Cabeza Patata
RSA Producer: Abi Stephenson
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As a questioner Ive never been appreciated by anyone else in a position of authority
I am a questioner and that’s why I became an entrepreneur
This helped me solve one of the biggest riddles of my personality. As a Rebel, I've had big ambitions for years now that I've tried hard to accomplish, but every time I get started, I resist. Even though it's what I want! I realized that I make rules just to break them, because that's what I do -- I subvert expectations. Once I stopped fighting my tendency and started working with it, I've found it easier to get back into my writing and to stick to my goals. When I prepare to sit down and work, I come up with these little procedures for myself and I say "you MUST do this. You WILL do this." And then I deliberately break them. I get this boost of satisfaction, which I leverage into whatever task I'm doing, and before I know it, the job is done. No fuss. Now that I understand why I do what I do, I can finally work towards building the kind of life that I want. I feel so lucky for stumbling onto this! Thank you!
What motivated you to complete this post? I wonder if there was an emotion there that you harnessed to get it done....maybe another tool you could use.
Wait, do u mind sharing how you did this? I have trouble visualizing how you make rules, break them, but then become productive?
I should probably go back and explain this better, but I've found that though it works well every now and again for short bursts of energy, it doesn't help you run the marathon. It works best after you do the same damn thing for so long and you need something new, so you bend (or break) the rule and shake things up a bit. So you do the habit a different way, or at a different time, or a different number of times, etc. It's that novelty-seeking that I guess is important to our type. So for example, I want to write consistently (and I do), but I both crave and loathe consistency -- I need structure, but in the right amount and in my own way. So if I write for several days in a row, things start to get stale, so I change the rules. Instead of writing here, like I usually do, I'll write over there. I'll change how much I write, when I write, how I write. These changes are small, but they're enough. I get my novelty, my rush, and I power through the slog. As I said, it doesn't work well if you do it too much. Everyday, and you have no foundation to establish the habit, so it never sticks. Wait too long, you'll burn out and quit the habit. But a little bit of rule bending helps keep me on track. I've written more than I ever have now that I know how and why I form habits.
They are tendencies, not types. As such, you will likely have a main one but may well have one or more secondary tendencies that kick in under certain circumstances. Also it may be easier to recognize your own tendencies as you get older because often there isn't as much defensiveness about who you are. At some point you see that you are who you are and that's the dealio.
This should be shown at weekly company meetings or some type of group effort meeting this is great way to learn how to work with other people and your self
Please make more RSA Short Animations! They are really inspiring and yet are underrated. They make me want to think deeper and be better. The animations are fun and beautiful.
Nice animation.
I sit somewhere between upholder and rebel.. the extremes if both, but as I grow older, leaning towards upholder.
i love how they animatef the stutters so cute
My son is a rebel and is Grandma is worried. I’ve been trying to tell her exactly this. It takes all kinds and we just take it personal that the less acceptable Rebel is our boy. Listen, we don’t have to live that way, we just have to be accepting of him being that way.
You’re an awesome mom for not only trying to understand him more but giving him the leeway to build his own path. Rock on!
The animation is soooo sooo funn!
also this channel is such a treasue loveyaaa
I think I’m a mix between an upholder and a questioner.
Very very good animation RSA! Well done!
Wow... I love this animation... I'm starting to knowledge me as an obligator... and we will be better... But in our own way! :D
The last line was philosophical.
Where we all want to go ? Nowhere. 😂
This was a really excellent talk.
Guys, stop getting so fussy and pointing out that "people don't fall into rigid types". We know, and the author knows. The implication is that these are ways of thinking, not zodiac signs, and people can be a complex mixture of several. They're meant to get you to consider things from a new perspective, and offer advice for how to deal with these behaviors.
I know I'm a hybrid of Questioner and Rebel. Also can see plenty of people fit in more than one category.
But liked the book when I read it.
or does the rebel use questions as a means to not respond; or do the others just assume a questioner is actually rebelling?
is the book rigid about these 4 or contemplates the mix?
I thought I was a questioner, but I'm definitely an obliger.
i thought i was an obliger but am probably the questioner
great illustration💯
I think I’m somewhere in between obliger and rebel.
fantastic... :)
She literally did not say what the upside to being a rebel was. I think I smell an authoritarian. :)
Rebels are definitely leaders. They say/do whatever they want and are the last person to take any abuse from authority. Everyone else will just sit there and take it until the Rebel decides enough is enough and everyone else follows
Hmmm maybe it got cut off or they didn't think to include it? She definitely covers it in the book. It can be a difficult tendency but they all have ups and downs. As an upholder it's hard for me to find + in my exact opposite. But they can definitely break out of the status quo and lead us in the right direction by example (instead of by asking questions). They can teach us to get out of our comfort zones and live a little. To be a little more selfish (for those obligers). Plus a tendency isn't your entire being or personality. A rebel can bring so much to the table
@@jocer613 My comment was probably misunderstood but I appreciate what you say in yours. This particularly, "As an upholder it's hard for me to find + in my exact opposite."
After a year of covid and extremes of action and inaction (perhaps reflection), I've learned that the + in my exact opposite is recognizing that my exact opposite is that part of myself that I repress for various reasons. As I am to them.
@@artemismoonbow2475 that makes sense. I found that I have leaned into my tendency as an anxiety response to covid. Especially seeing so many people not follow rules and regulations for a deadly virus! But sometimes I definitely need to let go and relax. Not every rule is inherently right or necessary. That's what the questioner/rebel chapters taught me. Like I said, all tendencies have +/-s and that's how we function as a society, with all the tendencies
@@jocer613 Well said!
I don't know if I fall neatly into just one category... I don't really like lectures where they try to divide everyone into a few "types", categories, or personalities.
I think that's underestimating the complexity of our brains.
For example, I feel like my personality and behavior can change a bit depending on the environment and people around me, as well as the expectations around me.
Or, as another example, your personality and behavior might change over time and I believe it's possible to change it willingly.
I think our brain is a lot more flexible and adaptable than we give it credit (epigenetic studies for example, suggest it's even possible to change the ways a person's genes are expressed in different ways, even through changes in nutrition etc).
But nice video anyway, loved the animation.
Way to come here and ruin everybody's fun by being all nuanced and reasonable and-the-like.
Go read a horoscope.
:)
Yes, I'm sure you're an unprecedented unicorn existence that can't be pigeonholed. We're all blessed by your uniqueness, as illustrated by you entirely subjective example. Thanks for being so special.
That's such a questioner thing to say.
@@jonprince3237 Since you didn't take the time to read my comment properly and did not understand it, I'm not taking the time to dignify it with a serious reply.
@@kimberlymorales5675 Yes, I suppose. But can't those tendencies change as well?
I'm a questioner. My wife is an obliger. My son is a rebel. Our family dynamics are interesting.
Reminds me of Midnight gospel
I might be obliger and questioner cause I don't like disappointing other and meet there expectations but everyone also complains that I ask I lot of questions and I will start work after my questions are answered.
I would say you're just a compassionate questioner. Questioners don't question to be annoying or rude, they are trying to make it make sense. But you may realize it can get annoying. That's just self reflection and being in tune with others around you. Nothing wrong with that!
@@jocer613 No one ever wrote a paragraph praising me that's so sweet of you thanks.
Questioner to 10th degree 😂
Life
Cool animation.
Does not cover the crazy person I was given to work with. I suppose you could call her a "questioner" but it's more than that. She's a resistor, can't do anything without complaining about it to all sorts of people first, always thinks she knows better when she actually doesn't. The list goes on.
rebel in questioner's clothing?
Information
Consequences
Choice
Why am I in all the category 😂😂
Because you are human. We are all in each to a degree, but we all gravitate at different times in our lives to different "categories." If we favor one, it may help to see if there are circumstances that are causing the favoritism. Is the favoritism disordered? At what point does finding balance become desirable or necessary?
obliger
if you don't give me info i will ask questions for ever i always have been a questioner. If you give me enough for outline for me not to ask questions well done. I love specfics
The character that seems to be missing is the one who focusses on attaining their inner requirements who could be considered selfish. Adam Grant would cause these individuals takers.
Probably upholders because they can choose to meet inner expectations instead of outer ones
We don't talk about those, we don't want those in our institutions and companies
I identify with "obliger".
Do you get screwed-over frequently too. I've became a loner; I got sick of it.
@@karlziehl6664 I'm really suffering from being passive (obliger) and I can't seem to find the balance of desires (mine vs other people's).. so I'm just going to do the "extreme" and always put my desires first.
I've never met an obliger/passive person in my life that was happy and not exploited.
Forget what this video says and work on it, I'm sure we can change.
A very good presentation. Yet the author gives no credit to True Colors and all the other like programs preceding this for 40+ years. As an academic who appreciates material being referenced and credit given to previous research I'm disappointed. This material is not new except for picking 4 new labels to what is already in the literature (its not my research I just speak for science)...when I pointed this out I heard no response... transparency, honestly, and humility are important leadership traits...when the origins of the four tendencies are said "came from years of studying happiness and habits" seems empty.
Cut the shty out and enjoy the video
Why it only has 10k views
Most people enjoy wasting time on garbage
What's funny about this is everyone thinks their opinion matters. They don't ......... Rebel!!!!
Please, enable closed captions! :)
Dante S. González you turn it on, not them.
@@klynnpier6759 I mean enable permission for users to contribute with captions in different languages.
I feel like there's plenty of upsides about all the other tendencies... I feel like rebels never had any positives. Am I missing something?
nice animation though
Why is the Questioner a sloth and the only one of the four that is not a primate?
It's an orangutan. Not a sloth
@@wizzydq1 Ohhh!!! Well that makes more sense! ty
Perhaps this nugget of information do not justify why this model is comparable to Transaction Analysis.Am I missing something?
What do you do if your a rebel questioner cuz I think I’m fucked
Everything and nothing
We do not fit into rigid types. There are sooooo many models that all do the same thing: superimpose a grid onto personality type and describe each grid's contents as if it were a discrete type. It's a mistake. We are continua. Goes without saying that the more categories we choose, the more useful the exercise, but the basis of much of the theory is not scientifically robust (Jung, anyone? - 16pf etc... Bolby ... etc.). To reduce people into 4 is entertaining and can help in adapting to some others' behaviour, but to say we fit into one of them without seeping over all other borders to some extent is simply not true.
Its the same situation in macroeconomics. In order to understand how our society works it is necessary to divide it into separate categories, yet each of us have more than one and possibly all of the separate characteristics. So I like this comment.
“Trusted authorities”?!! *rotflmao*
Expectations suck. Go lower
Trust in god and believe in your own capabilities. Humans have proven to be untrustworthy
In a way you are teaching manipulation a bit .
But you can use these to manipulate yourself in many ways. I found my self with all the types except the gorilla . I am a questioner when it comes to my inner conversations , a obliger with social life and a rebel for the rest of the world
Very helpful information, however it would be nicer to watch without all that vocal fry
This seems like over-thought garbage.