Lack of accountability, and when questioned about their behavior, in my experience, I have been ignored and made to feel like I am the problem or how dare I even question their authority. As the members of their church, they are called to help them not abuse them. This is not to lift them up or exalt their so called superiority. Leaders need reminding that they are there to serve and help heal the wounds of the body. I am glad I came across your video.. Those that are toxic seem to think that they're untouchable and what right do we have to make them accountable.. smh.
I agree with you. They act as if they are untouchable! I knew I will not get a fair chance if I go to the pastors and I went to God. My prayers were answered and I will never forget the moment God dried my tears and in a split second, my broken heart was healed.
The leaders refuse to acknowledge their errors, refuse to acknowledge the person/ persons who were correct, and refuse to apologise to those they abused . So many traumatised by these people. I guess they believe they won't have to give an account to the Good Shepherd as to their treatment of HIS sheep.
Sounds like these toxic pastors are also have the great disease of our age, high levels of narcissism. Pretending to focus on God, they instead focus on themselves.
Wow! WOW!!! My husband and I have struggled silently for a few years over much of this. It’s shocking that they get by with so much immaturity… and that everyone pretends “all is well”… and that no one holds them accountable. There are some prideful “pastors” who should not be in a position to “shepherd” other people. Thank you for this. T.&D.Rioux in the Deep South.
Glad you found my channel. Yes, too many people stand back and assume they are wrong in their observations and allow toxic leadership to exist. That's why I produce these videos and my book, to help people see the toxicity and do something about it, even if it only means to leave. Thanks for taking time to comment!
It would be wonderful "if" we could all just walk away, but i pray for those who are called by God, to confront those in error and share the truth in love, and then pray that they will receive the correction they need so they can change and stop infecting others by "transferring spirits." Correction is our "vaccine" so un-clean spirits are not passed around, infecting the whole body of Christ. Remember; "If one suffers, all the members suffer with it; or if one member is honored, all the members rejoice with it." (1 Cor 12:26 NKJV) Thanks for sharing...
WOW! I grew up in this. I think the worst part is that he is still the same all these years later. The hundreds of families that have left were the problem. All the articles and blogs are wrong and those hurt are just backsliding. Yep, that makes sense.
@@FRemyD Yes...all the way back to the garden by the serpent....thousands of years this has been going on....sadly it is increasing. And i agree....we must warn others of the deception happening all around us...thanks for your comment.
Thank you for sharing I personally have gone through another of abuse from pastors and glory to God I have run away always but never I will stay put andwill overcome the abuse in Jesus name amen.
AMEN............it's tough because %95 of the people love the pastor more than the truth and they can Easly be turned against you in a split second ..So its just as much the peoples fault as the "pastor"
yup..thats true... u see stuff that are wrong but are not alowed to talk about it...if u see something wrong about anyone else u are right but if it is a pastor- u are being rebelious and u have no one to talk to
@@FRemyD hi sir , I’m using my moms phone .. I’m name is Pedro I was a transalator for s Military army chaplain during hurricane Maria … long story short he used the lies of speaking in toungues as a control method as to say if i dint speak in toungues that I don’t have the Holy Spirit … later in hidden moment when I decided not to continue it’s him any more in McDonald’s he called me a coward !!! He was also a racist … he comes from the abundant life Pentecostal Church in Kentucky … please talk to these people …
@@carmenburgos1616 I'm sorry to hear you had to go through that. I to went to a Pentecostal church for way to long. It took a while but I found out the pastor is a real crooked man and a present day dictator. His rules apply to the congregation but not his family. I experienced that on several occasions. Man's a solid crook using the Bible to get what he wants. He would preach that it ain't y'all business what I do with the money (non profit organization). Then over time he bought several high dollar luxury cars (non profit organization) and a 5000sqft home ( non profit organization). Wow that's not to bad for a so called non profit organization. Definitely looks like a for profit organizatio to me. I also found out he bought his son a quarter of a million dollar house plus his other children houses all from the people's hard earned money (non profit organization). Must be nice to have others pay for your bills and other desires of life. Then get to arrogantly fuss about it telling them it ain't none of their business what he does with the money. On several occasions he talked down on my wife as if she was stupid, downed my kids, berated my 17 year old son because he did not have his own house yet. Called my son and daughter slow because they did not go to his church school. He did not welcome any questions and would retaliate if you asked any. Use bible scripture to promote his own agenda. Plus had my wife my children and myself really stressed out almost to the breaking point. I heard him on several occasions tell wife's to leave their husband if he stopped going to his church and husbands do the same if the wife stopped going. A lot of the congregation talk among themselves but don't dare tell him anything or else there will be retaliation. My only regret is that I should have left earlier better yet I should never have visited. Brain washing is a real thing.
I have been the victim of a toxic leader. Sign #1: check. Sign #2-8: Check check check... Thanks for your video, I am going to use it to address the problem.
Sorry to hear that you've been the victim of abuse, Dirk. I'm glad you found this series helpful. FYI, I offer coaching on at readingremy.com to help people take the right steps to find healing and/or confronting a toxic situation.
I think that people also have good reputations and because they are well known they are tolerated by others. I am dealing with this right now in a seminary of all places. However, the wisdom of the Bible is telling me that it is not wise to call out a leader but to just leave altogether and my church is backing me up on it. I am glad to have a supportive church.
Sorry to hear this. Yes, people don't want to rock the boat, especially in an institution like a seminary. I think you are wise to walk. But I wonder if there isn't a board of some kind where you could at least write your concerns. Thanks for commenting.
@@FRemyD I just appreciate you confirming a lot of what I feel is spiritual abuse as well. I don’t think leaders should have to manipulate people into doing things they want people to do. Especially with somebody who’s already gone through spiritual abuse, and the first time I didn’t walk away, and it hurt me even further. This time I’m gonna walk away from it before it gets worse and everyone is telling me to go to a different seminary at this point.
Jesus said he gave us his Spirit to teach us all things. But leaders often fail to trust the person to hear or the Spirit to speak. They trust more in their "wisdom." I don't. I'm glad I could be of some encouragement to you.
@@FRemyD I just don’t know what my Pastor is going to say about me wanting to switch to a non-denominational Seminary. Unfortunately, in the denomination that I’m in I see a very similar pattern with a lot of leadership. I think people get so used to where they are that they forget their under the authority of God’s Word but I have learned from this experience to trust the Bible more than my leadership.
I was in leadership of my Church for 7 years. I can identify most of these items with our new pastor. I recently attended the last board meeting where I spoke about several issues with our new pastor. ( Specifically personal attacks on previous elders, Secrecy, Idolatry , Manipulation, Abuse from alter to congregation) I was told after I left the meeting the An Elder , Pastor and Decon said I spoke half truths and double speak. Completely ignored the. issues long time members shared with me to bring to the Church. It's been heartbreaking watching these brothers and sisters in Christ treat the Lords gifts with such Pride. One Decon who's a lovely person blindly ignore any of the claims and " We need to attack these issues". . The leadership needs to speak to the congregation, and deal with the issues. Instead the Pastor asks the Board to have secret votes on paper. during meetings. For a season I intend to stay far away so not to continue to spread discord.
Sadly, your comment reflects what is happening in so many churchs. I found this video excellent. My "test" of a quality leader is, "do they react to being questioned"? If a challenging question creates an instant negative reaction then you've just received a huge red flag.
I'm glad you liked the video. Thanks. And, Yes, that is a simple test of leadership. Toxic leaders can't stand to be questioned. They have all kinds of defense mechanisms that they will throw at you to shut you down and try to maintain their control over you.
My former Pastor was also my cousin. I was raised Apostolic Pentecostal U.P.CI. I Am disabled, there were alot of toxic issues taking place. Being ignored and not being used, basically being treated non-existent. I Love the Lord, but I cannot go back....the "whole" Prodigal Son thing, I have trouble believing it. I told this pastor I was diagnosed with colon cancer...a generic praying 🙏 on text. No,,"Hey would You like me to come and Pray for You?" "No card, hey, the church I'd Praying, -God is Able!!!". Honestly was treated like a ghost. I keep asking God what I did wrong. I have to keep Praying against having a bitter spirit. I do Pray that I move away from this area soon.
Thanks for sharing some of your story. I'm sorry to hear about how you were treated. No one likes to feel invisible. It's good to hear that you haven't lost your faith. It doesn't sound like you've done anything wrong but you might want to look for a healthier, more supportive church. And I hope you won't let bitterness taint you. God will help you to rise above this if you let him.
This is affecting every church that exists to some degree. Though not an occasion to abandon our faith. I broke out of 7th day adventism which is a true cult through and through, I wandered in Protestant denominations browsing for a Christianity that fit my expectations, I became Catholic and ended up leaving for the Eastern Orthodox Church because I had become so traditional Christian that I became a schismatic and ended up in probably THE WORST low key HIGH LEVEL cult group within Orthodoxy. In short, I prayed and God helped me break myself and my family free of some of the worst toxic environments we had ever been in. Instantly we were all so happy and God was so much more tangible. I was wrong about my estimation of Roman Catholicism, but I was utterly careless by submitting myself to the abuse of Orthodoxy. May God bless you all and may He indeed keep us far away from toxic people and cults. 🙏🏻
I've been "looking" for a church to become involved in after some bad experiences. The first thing I do is email the church to let them know I'm interested. I've emailed FOUR churches so far and NOT ONE response back. The only thing I can figure is they want dumb sheep who just "attend" and take whatever behavior they dish out and not anyone with enough thinking ability to email them first. What a racket. I thank God for Christian radio - I don't know where I'd be today if it hadn't been for that even though I have disagreements with what I hear from time to time.
@@FRemyD ....... One that I previously HAD gotten involved in would not even talk to me about personal problems either. All they wanted was to TAKE FROM ME and wanted to hear nothing I had to say at all. Come to think of it that was the SECOND one to do this to me. They want our money ....................... just like people have always said they do.
Sorry to hear this. It's extra hard when you've poured so much of your life into a church and you realize that you were investing in something that is actually toxic to others. I hope you can find a healthy community of faith.
What about all the abusive in churches? What about all the pastors leaving ministry heartbroken, betrayed, burnt out, or loss of health due to all the stress?
Well, that's a different story. This video is aimed at people who have been hurt by a pastor. But pastors are often hurt by their experience as well. Maybe that's a theme I should address in the future.
True there are abusive leaders, Many pastors also suffered in line of duty from abusive elders, directors, members. Consumerist mindset, corporate politics causes the whole church to suffer too. Its not always the fault of pastors. With thousands of pastors resigning or quitting every month it is always their fault? Why dont we hear what leaders have to say too to avoid biased contents.
True. The flip side to this topic is the toxic people who are abusive to their pastors and leaders. I've written about toxic church people on my blog. Check it out on readingremy.com... "Seven Steps to Confronting Toxic Church People."
I would say the average person has no duty to confront these people, just get away from them, flee. Some who are strong should confront them, but be sure nothing will change by doing so, and you will be demonized.
Sadly, I agree. In most cases the best plan of action is to leave. I hope people got that from these videos as well as practical steps for the bold and the brave.
I believe that abusive leaders like this forget what a shepherd is like… We are shepherds, serving the Great Shepherd, and a shepherd guides, corrects, loves, leads, and always points to the chief Shepherd, Jesus Christ
Yes. You've got it right. Some pastors get confused and think that they are the source of light and life. Our job as pastors is to lead people to Jesus and the leading of his Spirit.
i confronted this ahab and jezebel pastor husband and wife. well i only confronted ahab, but you get the idea. ahab got mad bro. he first tried to convince me that times have changed. i instantly replied to him that God and his word do not change for nothing and no-one. he then tried to convince me by saying: well tons of women have prphecied and evangelised! yes they did, but did they ever do that in church? nope. he then told me: well people used to dress up modestly, you dont see them doing that anymore. i then told him: can you show me ONE woman in the bible that preached in church? just 1. thats all im asking. his demeanor went from friendly to aggrevated, the demon inside of him was manifesting in his facial expressions. and he then told me i should find another church because he was not gonna change his ways. i agreed, and told him: you are indeed gonna run this church YOUR way, and not the way of the Lord. i been to that church 3 times, and some people been going there for 20 years. this guy was new as a pastor, i also asked other church going members if the previous pastor let his wife preach, they all said no. they also agreed with the bible stating women should not preach in church. but who was the person confronting the pastor? me. they didnt even have to talk, all they had to do was go with me when i went to confront him. but they refused. sad dude really. people are scared to speak truth nowadays because of the backlash they will receive. i really dont care, im here for Jesus Christ. not for ahab and jezebel. i will make a video later on about this, and other subjects. this week i will release my video testimony on how i came to Christ. and what he did for me. God bless you all, please stay safe. and if you can not find a proper church, just worship at home. the Lord knows your heart. that's all you have to know really.
Thanks for taking the time to comment, but calling the pastor and wife, "Ahab and Jezebel" are part of the toxic faith system I address in my book and videos. And I disagree with your take on women. Just saying. But again, thanks for watching and sharing your thoughts.
@@FRemyD i will ask you the exact same thing i asked him can you mention ONE woman in the bible that preached in church? just one my guy. thats all im asking. if you cant, you know that i am right. and its not even me that is right, but the BIBLE itself. not me, but the word of the Lord. so please, mention one woman that preached in church in the entire bible? i will patiently await your answer.
@@FRemyD again, cna you show me one woman that preached in the bible? if the church is doing something against the word of god, we have to confront whoever is doing that. bible states so. you're just playing neutral at this point, making you lukewarm. saddening to be honest. women are not allowed to preach in church when men are in the audience, fact. this is not up for debate, considering it says so in the bible, which is God's word. it's really this hard for you huh?
@APR4JC paul was a man of his times. As great as his writings are, the one true shining light on the issue of the status of woman in society and the church is/are the gospel(s) showing us how radically different JESUS perceived them in contrast to society's norms at that time and treated them in every way equal! More gospel, my friend! JESUS showed us the way. ❤
My Associate Pastors’ wife has led at least 25 parishioners to leave our church body because of her manipulative and narcissistic behavior. She even got a kid expelled from the school affiliated with the church because of personal quarrels. Our Senior Pastor has even fallen for her manipulation a few times, but he is currently rectifying the damage done and will hopefully discipline her and the Associate Pastor. Pray for us. Please.
I keep making videos on this. I’m so traumatized and so depressed that I can’t even go to church without these demons running it and they are everywhere ruining everything.
Yes. When they support toxic leaders, you have nowhere to turn. And then there are the toxic church people within a healthy church with healthy leaders. They go around and poison what is good. I have a blog post on that at readingremy.com. www.readingremy.com/blog/2015/02/12/seven-steps-confronting-toxic-church-people
Really? I'm aware of Chris Hodge but I don't know much about his ministry. The things I've heard are from ARC folks and they are positive. Thanks for the heads up.
@@FRemyD I heard an interesting statistic recently. It was the three most toxic church cultures. #1 was Hillsong, #2 was Highlands and #3 was Elevation. Do you know where I heard that stat? David Hodges, Chris Hodges' son. Very sad. The staff are told to never contradict or disagree with anything he says. That's disturbing on multiple levels beyond toxicity.
That kind of leader does not have the basic quality of making disciples and raising up leaders. They do not delegate responsibility and authority. What amazes me is how many are not very discerning and believe the toxic leader. There are some who will stand up for the the toxic leader which enables that kind of leader to do more damage.
Thanks for your reply/question. It's too complicated to address here. Please see my blog posts at readingremy.com and my book, "Broken Trust," for answers to this question. Also, I'm launching a new website with coaching services. Subscribe here: eepurl.com/hV4vJH
You need secular counseling and also therapy … the Church will NEVER HELP YOU ,ITS SICK AND DEMENTED TWISTING STUFF ..!! And sadly , even Christian counseling won’t be affective … Secular will be your best route
If it's too much there may be an option to leave him. No church/leader, in fact no one can legally tell you not to, or legally stop you, especially if it's affecting your health seriously enough to stop you from functioning properly.
My father was a mighty minister of God, he told us at a very young age visiting other churches or any church, since we knew the word and were raised in the word If the message didn't line up biblically, throw it in the trash. always take your trash can with you to church
Not good. Sorry to hear this. I'm glad to read that he was your "former" pastor! I'm guessing that he won't be getting a call from you any time soon : ) Thanks for sharing here.
Yes! The Word of Faith movement is so horrible and has affected many churches. If you tell them they’re entering into this heretical movement, they will find ways to personally attack and manipulate you. Never give these churches money, especially when they don’t teach the Bible.
How about the Pastor himself told the members to go find another church because he said he cannot handle hard headed member while the problem is the pastor is so manipulative and hard to be with because of his attitude. And curse members if they don't pay attention to what he said they will die ad a reminder of God?
I had to check your name again to see if you were a member of the church I attend. Turns out, you’re not, and that there are horrible pastors in other churches besides mine. What a shame! I will be free from this tomorrow!!
Good to know. Thanks for the feedback. I have another video that's ready to release. I can't change the audio on that but I'll tone it down in the future.
I have a few questions? What about if God places you under harsh leaders or bosses and it says to obey the harsh and cruel? I winded up hurt for confronting it because the church backed them not me. Also the same on that job you confront it then it’s worse so that’s when I had read the scripture to lobey even harsh and cruel? Not saying they don’t need to ever be confronted but I seriously was bullied by Church leadership in my music ministry and even by someone they put in charge. You ever hear of bullying? Well I was and there was nothing I could do about it either accept leave. Unfortunately I confronted it and winded up more hurt because they sided with them because they ran the music so I was treated like a dog. 1 Peter 2:18 New International Version Slaves, in reverent fear of God submit yourselves to your masters, not only to those who are good and considerate, but also to those who are harsh.
You have to be careful in how you apply that verse. I don't think you should automatically transfer Paul’s words to your situation unless you feel strongly called, like Jesus was called to the cross. As I said in my other comment, feel free to schedule a call with me on readingremy.com. This is too complex to answer here. Thanks for asking. Good question.
Yes, good question. I assume you've been hurt in a church. I'm sorry you went through that. But your question could be asked of all suffering. We live in a world of broken people who inflict their brokenness on one another. God is there to show us the way out and heal us from our wounds. But he doesn't place us in a bubble of protection. I hope you will find his healing and wisdom as you move on from the abuse. Maybe you will be able to help others who have suffered the same. Thanks for your question.
Proverbs 6:19 A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren. Matthew 7:15 Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves. Romans 16:17 Now I beseech you, brethren, mark them which cause divisions and offences contrary to the doctrine which ye have learned; and avoid them.
A lot of talk with not one use of scripture… this is what’s happened to so called churches today… a lot of talking with no scripture support… very unwise to heed advice without scripture support and by the mouth of 2-3 witnesses. Leadership needs biblical accountability… and that’s what lacks; no leader is perfect but being perfected… accountability makes this a reality. If a church is structured biblical these issues cant live. Personally, I think a videos Like this are very toxic to the name of Jesus Christ. When the church returns to biblical Christianity instead of culture Christianity God deals with His leaders…
Lack of accountability, and when questioned about their behavior, in my experience, I have been ignored and made to feel like I am the problem or how dare I even question their authority. As the members of their church, they are called to help them not abuse them. This is not to lift them up or exalt their so called superiority. Leaders need reminding that they are there to serve and help heal the wounds of the body. I am glad I came across your video.. Those that are toxic seem to think that they're untouchable and what right do we have to make them accountable.. smh.
Thanks for watching and your comment. Yes, Jesus said that he came to serve and not be served. So these toxic leaders have it backwards. Remy
Glad you made it out. Been there myself glad to be free!
👍 How I ? Anything.
Just like politicians
I agree with you. They act as if they are untouchable! I knew I will not get a fair chance if I go to the pastors and I went to God. My prayers were answered and I will never forget the moment God dried my tears and in a split second, my broken heart was healed.
Omg. There is a community that is aware of this toxicity and wants to interfere against it. Wow I’m so grateful for this video.
Thanks for letting me know. I'm glad you found it helpful.
The leaders refuse to acknowledge their errors, refuse to acknowledge the person/ persons who were correct, and refuse to apologise to those they abused .
So many traumatised by these people. I guess they believe they won't have to give an account to the Good Shepherd as to their treatment of HIS sheep.
Yes, they forget whose sheep they are and their role with them.
Sounds like these toxic pastors are also have the great disease of our age, high levels of narcissism. Pretending to focus on God, they instead focus on themselves.
Wow! WOW!!!
My husband and I have struggled silently for a few years over much of this. It’s shocking that they get by with so much immaturity… and that everyone pretends “all is well”… and that no one holds them accountable. There are some prideful “pastors” who should not be in a position to “shepherd” other people. Thank you for this.
T.&D.Rioux in the Deep South.
Glad you found my channel. Yes, too many people stand back and assume they are wrong in their observations and allow toxic leadership to exist. That's why I produce these videos and my book, to help people see the toxicity and do something about it, even if it only means to leave. Thanks for taking time to comment!
@@FRemyD
Thank you for your courage and wisdom.
Truth! God will judge them, we gotta pray, forgive and ask the Holy Spirit for direction
Thanks for taking the time to comment!
JUST WALK AWAY FROM THAT CHURCH, I DID!
Nine times out of ten that's the right move. People want to rescue the church but it's beyond their ability. They'll just waste more of their life.
It would be wonderful "if" we could all just walk away, but i pray for those who are called by God, to confront those in error and share the truth in love, and then pray that they will receive the correction they need so they can change and stop infecting others by "transferring spirits." Correction is our "vaccine" so un-clean spirits are not passed around, infecting the whole body of Christ. Remember; "If one suffers, all the members suffer with it; or if one member is honored, all the members rejoice with it." (1 Cor 12:26 NKJV) Thanks for sharing...
WOW! I grew up in this. I think the worst part is that he is still the same all these years later. The hundreds of families that have left were the problem. All the articles and blogs are wrong and those hurt are just backsliding. Yep, that makes sense.
And the really sad thing is that he is one of hundreds. Thanks for watching and commenting.
Sir, you hit the NAIL ON THE HEAD!!!
Thanks for letting me know! Glad you liked it.
It is sad that this has to be shared......that there are toxic leaders.
Very sad. But there have been toxic leaders since the beginning of time. We have to call them out so people aren't deceived by them.
@@FRemyD Yes...all the way back to the garden by the serpent....thousands of years this has been going on....sadly it is increasing. And i agree....we must warn others of the deception happening all around us...thanks for your comment.
Spot on description
Thanks. I glad you think so.
Thank you for sharing I personally have gone through another of abuse from pastors and glory to God I have run away always but never I will stay put andwill overcome the abuse in Jesus name amen.
AMEN............it's tough because %95 of the people love the pastor more than the truth and they can Easly be turned against you in a split second ..So its just as much the peoples fault as the "pastor"
Glad you liked it. Thanks for the feedback. I always like hearing from viewers.
I agree Dennis...too many people are loyal to their Pastor, and not loyal enough to the Lord, "to whom we must give an account..." (Romans 14:12)
yup..thats true... u see stuff that are wrong but are not alowed to talk about it...if u see something wrong about anyone else u are right but if it is a pastor- u are being rebelious and u have no one to talk to
Thanks for commenting. Check out my new video on Gossip. Maybe you can relate.
Thank you for speaking truth and helping those abused in religious institutions. Your contribution is priceless!
You bet. I'm glad you found it helpful. Please share it.
@@FRemyD Preachers are the most toxic humans. They are the corruption that will make you fall. A poison thats is spread from inside "Hatred".
@@FRemyD Also Nice video bro keep it up.
@@FRemyD hi sir , I’m using my moms phone .. I’m name is Pedro I was a transalator for s Military army chaplain during hurricane Maria … long story short he used the lies of speaking in toungues as a control method as to say if i dint speak in toungues that I don’t have the Holy Spirit … later in hidden moment when I decided not to continue it’s him any more in McDonald’s he called me a coward !!! He was also a racist … he comes from the abundant life Pentecostal Church in Kentucky … please talk to these people …
@@carmenburgos1616 I'm sorry to hear you had to go through that. I to went to a Pentecostal church for way to long. It took a while but I found out the pastor is a real crooked man and a present day dictator. His rules apply to the congregation but not his family. I experienced that on several occasions. Man's a solid crook using the Bible to get what he wants. He would preach that it ain't y'all business what I do with the money (non profit organization). Then over time he bought several high dollar luxury cars (non profit organization) and a 5000sqft home ( non profit organization). Wow that's not to bad for a so called non profit organization. Definitely looks like a for profit organizatio to me. I also found out he bought his son a quarter of a million dollar house plus his other children houses all from the people's hard earned money (non profit organization). Must be nice to have others pay for your bills and other desires of life. Then get to arrogantly fuss about it telling them it ain't none of their business what he does with the money. On several occasions he talked down on my wife as if she was stupid, downed my kids, berated my 17 year old son because he did not have his own house yet. Called my son and daughter slow because they did not go to his church school. He did not welcome any questions and would retaliate if you asked any. Use bible scripture to promote his own agenda. Plus had my wife my children and myself really stressed out almost to the breaking point. I heard him on several occasions tell wife's to leave their husband if he stopped going to his church and husbands do the same if the wife stopped going. A lot of the congregation talk among themselves but don't dare tell him anything or else there will be retaliation. My only regret is that I should have left earlier better yet I should never have visited. Brain washing is a real thing.
I have been the victim of a toxic leader. Sign #1: check. Sign #2-8: Check check check... Thanks for your video, I am going to use it to address the problem.
Sorry to hear that you've been the victim of abuse, Dirk. I'm glad you found this series helpful. FYI, I offer coaching on at readingremy.com to help people take the right steps to find healing and/or confronting a toxic situation.
I think that people also have good reputations and because they are well known they are tolerated by others. I am dealing with this right now in a seminary of all places.
However, the wisdom of the Bible is telling me that it is not wise to call out a leader but to just leave altogether and my church is backing me up on it. I am glad to have a supportive church.
Sorry to hear this. Yes, people don't want to rock the boat, especially in an institution like a seminary. I think you are wise to walk. But I wonder if there isn't a board of some kind where you could at least write your concerns. Thanks for commenting.
@@FRemyD I just appreciate you confirming a lot of what I feel is spiritual abuse as well. I don’t think leaders should have to manipulate people into doing things they want people to do. Especially with somebody who’s already gone through spiritual abuse, and the first time I didn’t walk away, and it hurt me even further. This time I’m gonna walk away from it before it gets worse and everyone is telling me to go to a different seminary at this point.
Jesus said he gave us his Spirit to teach us all things. But leaders often fail to trust the person to hear or the Spirit to speak. They trust more in their "wisdom." I don't. I'm glad I could be of some encouragement to you.
@@FRemyD I just don’t know what my Pastor is going to say about me wanting to switch to a non-denominational Seminary. Unfortunately, in the denomination that I’m in I see a very similar pattern with a lot of leadership. I think people get so used to where they are that they forget their under the authority of God’s Word but I have learned from this experience to trust the Bible more than my leadership.
This is so true thanks for this video
I was in leadership of my Church for 7 years. I can identify most of these items with our new pastor. I recently attended the last board meeting where I spoke about several issues with our new pastor. ( Specifically personal attacks on previous elders, Secrecy, Idolatry , Manipulation, Abuse from alter to congregation) I was told after I left the meeting the An Elder , Pastor and Decon said I spoke half truths and double speak. Completely ignored the. issues long time members shared with me to bring to the Church. It's been heartbreaking watching these brothers and sisters in Christ treat the Lords gifts with such Pride. One Decon who's a lovely person blindly ignore any of the claims and " We need to attack these issues". . The leadership needs to speak to the congregation, and deal with the issues. Instead the Pastor asks the Board to have secret votes on paper. during meetings. For a season I intend to stay far away so not to continue to spread discord.
Sorry to hear this. I hope you can find a healthy church. Thanks for sharing.
Sadly, your comment reflects what is happening in so many churchs. I found this video excellent. My "test" of a quality leader is, "do they react to being questioned"? If a challenging question creates an instant negative reaction then you've just received a huge red flag.
I'm glad you liked the video. Thanks. And, Yes, that is a simple test of leadership. Toxic leaders can't stand to be questioned. They have all kinds of defense mechanisms that they will throw at you to shut you down and try to maintain their control over you.
My former Pastor was also my cousin. I was raised Apostolic Pentecostal U.P.CI. I Am disabled, there were alot of toxic issues taking place. Being ignored and not being used, basically being treated non-existent. I Love the Lord, but I cannot go back....the "whole" Prodigal Son thing, I have trouble believing it. I told this pastor I was diagnosed with colon cancer...a generic praying 🙏 on text. No,,"Hey would You like me to come and Pray for You?" "No card, hey, the church I'd Praying, -God is Able!!!". Honestly was treated like a ghost. I keep asking God what I did wrong. I have to keep Praying against having a bitter spirit. I do Pray that I move away from this area soon.
Thanks for sharing some of your story. I'm sorry to hear about how you were treated. No one likes to feel invisible. It's good to hear that you haven't lost your faith. It doesn't sound like you've done anything wrong but you might want to look for a healthier, more supportive church. And I hope you won't let bitterness taint you. God will help you to rise above this if you let him.
This is affecting every church that exists to some degree.
Though not an occasion to abandon our faith.
I broke out of 7th day adventism which is a true cult through and through, I wandered in Protestant denominations browsing for a Christianity that fit my expectations, I became Catholic and ended up leaving for the Eastern Orthodox Church because I had become so traditional Christian that I became a schismatic and ended up in probably THE WORST low key HIGH LEVEL cult group within Orthodoxy.
In short, I prayed and God helped me break myself and my family free of some of the worst toxic environments we had ever been in.
Instantly we were all so happy and God was so much more tangible.
I was wrong about my estimation of Roman Catholicism, but I was utterly careless by submitting myself to the abuse of Orthodoxy.
May God bless you all and may He indeed keep us far away from toxic people and cults.
🙏🏻
Thanks for sharing a bit of your story. I'm glad you found freedom and kept your faith.
I've been "looking" for a church to become involved in after some bad experiences.
The first thing I do is email the church to let them know I'm interested.
I've emailed FOUR churches so far and NOT ONE response back.
The only thing I can figure is they want dumb sheep who just "attend" and take whatever behavior they dish out and not anyone with enough thinking ability to email them first.
What a racket.
I thank God for Christian radio - I don't know where I'd be today if it hadn't been for that even though I have disagreements with what I hear from time to time.
Ugh. I don't know why churches bother to have a website if they don't check their inquiries and reply promptly. Sorry to hear this.
@@FRemyD ....... One that I previously HAD gotten involved in would not even talk to me about personal problems either.
All they wanted was to TAKE FROM ME and wanted to hear nothing I had to say at all.
Come to think of it that was the SECOND one to do this to me.
They want our money ....................... just like people have always said they do.
I leave when that happens. Sadly, it's the only option available to me. I refuse to give them my money or time, nor even personal power.
Leaving is tough when there are no other options. But you are right, you can't stay and support what they are doing. Thanks.
Wow brother …help I’m in uk and had enough of church toxic leadership all I’ve done served and loved the church 😢❤
Sorry to hear this. It's extra hard when you've poured so much of your life into a church and you realize that you were investing in something that is actually toxic to others. I hope you can find a healthy community of faith.
Don’t even confront cause they will deny and won’t care. Get away from them
Most often this is the best path to take. Thanks.
That's exactly what I did. Why even bother to confront them why??
Well said. Great.
Thanks for taking time to comment. Much appreciated!
What about all the abusive in churches? What about all the pastors leaving ministry heartbroken, betrayed, burnt out, or loss of health due to all the stress?
Well, that's a different story. This video is aimed at people who have been hurt by a pastor. But pastors are often hurt by their experience as well. Maybe that's a theme I should address in the future.
True there are abusive leaders, Many pastors also suffered in line of duty from abusive elders, directors, members. Consumerist mindset, corporate politics causes the whole church to suffer too. Its not always the fault of pastors. With thousands of pastors resigning or quitting every month it is always their fault? Why dont we hear what leaders have to say too to avoid biased contents.
True. The flip side to this topic is the toxic people who are abusive to their pastors and leaders. I've written about toxic church people on my blog. Check it out on readingremy.com... "Seven Steps to Confronting Toxic Church People."
This is so true.
Glad you found it helpful.
I would say the average person has no duty to confront these people, just get away from them, flee. Some who are strong should confront them, but be sure nothing will change by doing so, and you will be demonized.
Sadly, I agree. In most cases the best plan of action is to leave. I hope people got that from these videos as well as practical steps for the bold and the brave.
If you confront them,they will tell you that you are demonised
2 Timothy 3:1-5.
This is a big problem. Pray for those churches . especially these "Born again churches" who mostly are founded by one Man or Women .
I agree. Whenever I see one person leading a church and dictating their will, it's time to walk away.
I believe that abusive leaders like this forget what a shepherd is like… We are shepherds, serving the Great Shepherd, and a shepherd guides, corrects, loves, leads, and always points to the chief Shepherd, Jesus Christ
Yes. You've got it right. Some pastors get confused and think that they are the source of light and life. Our job as pastors is to lead people to Jesus and the leading of his Spirit.
i confronted this ahab and jezebel pastor husband and wife. well i only confronted ahab, but you get the idea. ahab got mad bro. he first tried to convince me that times have changed. i instantly replied to him that God and his word do not change for nothing and no-one. he then tried to convince me by saying: well tons of women have prphecied and evangelised! yes they did, but did they ever do that in church? nope. he then told me: well people used to dress up modestly, you dont see them doing that anymore. i then told him: can you show me ONE woman in the bible that preached in church? just 1. thats all im asking. his demeanor went from friendly to aggrevated, the demon inside of him was manifesting in his facial expressions. and he then told me i should find another church because he was not gonna change his ways.
i agreed, and told him: you are indeed gonna run this church YOUR way, and not the way of the Lord. i been to that church 3 times, and some people been going there for 20 years. this guy was new as a pastor, i also asked other church going members if the previous pastor let his wife preach, they all said no. they also agreed with the bible stating women should not preach in church. but who was the person confronting the pastor? me. they didnt even have to talk, all they had to do was go with me when i went to confront him. but they refused. sad dude really. people are scared to speak truth nowadays because of the backlash they will receive. i really dont care, im here for Jesus Christ. not for ahab and jezebel.
i will make a video later on about this, and other subjects. this week i will release my video testimony on how i came to Christ. and what he did for me. God bless you all, please stay safe. and if you can not find a proper church, just worship at home. the Lord knows your heart. that's all you have to know really.
Thanks for taking the time to comment, but calling the pastor and wife, "Ahab and Jezebel" are part of the toxic faith system I address in my book and videos. And I disagree with your take on women. Just saying. But again, thanks for watching and sharing your thoughts.
@@FRemyD i will ask you the exact same thing i asked him
can you mention ONE woman in the bible that preached in church? just one my guy. thats all im asking. if you cant, you know that i am right. and its not even me that is right, but the BIBLE itself. not me, but the word of the Lord.
so please, mention one woman that preached in church in the entire bible? i will patiently await your answer.
@@APR4JC Sorry, this isn't a forum for debate. "Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace." Ephesians 4:3
@@FRemyD again, cna you show me one woman that preached in the bible? if the church is doing something against the word of god, we have to confront whoever is doing that. bible states so. you're just playing neutral at this point, making you lukewarm. saddening to be honest. women are not allowed to preach in church when men are in the audience, fact. this is not up for debate, considering it says so in the bible, which is God's word. it's really this hard for you huh?
@APR4JC paul was a man of his times. As great as his writings are, the one true shining light on the issue of the status of woman in society and the church is/are the gospel(s) showing us how radically different JESUS perceived them in contrast to society's norms at that time and treated them in every way equal! More gospel, my friend! JESUS showed us the way. ❤
My Associate Pastors’ wife has led at least 25 parishioners to leave our church body because of her manipulative and narcissistic behavior. She even got a kid expelled from the school affiliated with the church because of personal quarrels. Our Senior Pastor has even fallen for her manipulation a few times, but he is currently rectifying the damage done and will hopefully discipline her and the Associate Pastor. Pray for us. Please.
I'm sorry to hear this. I hope your pastor follows through. I'm praying for you now.
They wanted to exercise my dyslexia. What I have witnessed anything but deliverance
That's not good. Maybe it's time to find a healthy church.
@@FRemyD I never known a healthy church reality is they treat people with disabilities different
♌☀️🌻🐯😎 THANK YOU AMEN 🙏
You're welcome. Thanks for commenting.
I keep making videos on this. I’m so traumatized and so depressed that I can’t even go to church without these demons running it and they are everywhere ruining everything.
You might want to take a break from church for a season and get some counseling to deal with the trauma and depression.
I’m just as worried about toxic church people
Yes. When they support toxic leaders, you have nowhere to turn. And then there are the toxic church people within a healthy church with healthy leaders. They go around and poison what is good. I have a blog post on that at readingremy.com. www.readingremy.com/blog/2015/02/12/seven-steps-confronting-toxic-church-people
Holy cow. This is Chris Hodges (Church of the Highlands - Birmingham, AL) ALL DAY LONG..and five times on Sunday.
Really? I'm aware of Chris Hodge but I don't know much about his ministry. The things I've heard are from ARC folks and they are positive. Thanks for the heads up.
@@FRemyD I heard an interesting statistic recently. It was the three most toxic church cultures. #1 was Hillsong, #2 was Highlands and #3 was Elevation. Do you know where I heard that stat? David Hodges, Chris Hodges' son. Very sad. The staff are told to never contradict or disagree with anything he says. That's disturbing on multiple levels beyond toxicity.
I'm sorry to hear this. I had no idea.@@stewram
That kind of leader does not have the basic quality of making disciples and raising up leaders. They do not delegate responsibility and authority. What amazes me is how many are not very discerning and believe the toxic leader. There are some who will stand up for the the toxic leader which enables that kind of leader to do more damage.
True, and that's because it's all about them. To raise up others takes the focus off of them and could prove to be people who challenge them.
I counted 10 out of 10, for the mess I just walked away from
I'm glad to hear that you walked away!
Sorry to hear this. But glad that you walked away.
What does one do when a husband is spiritually abusive?
Thanks for your reply/question. It's too complicated to address here. Please see my blog posts at readingremy.com and my book, "Broken Trust," for answers to this question. Also, I'm launching a new website with coaching services. Subscribe here: eepurl.com/hV4vJH
You need secular counseling and also therapy … the Church will NEVER HELP YOU ,ITS SICK AND DEMENTED TWISTING STUFF ..!! And sadly , even Christian counseling won’t be affective … Secular will be your best route
I say, seek council, and leave separate! No one should just sit and let anyone abuse them spiritually or physically!
If it's too much there may be an option to leave him. No church/leader, in fact no one can legally tell you not to, or legally stop you, especially if it's affecting your health seriously enough to stop you from functioning properly.
My father was a mighty minister of God, he told us at a very young age visiting other churches or any church, since we knew the word and were raised in the word If the message didn't line up biblically, throw it in the trash. always take your trash can with you to church
Ha! Yes, good advice. Thanks for sharing it.
Your dad sounds awesome and very wise 😊
@@katierucker2870Thanks he was.
I was told the devil was using me, that’s when I lost it
I'd guess so. Sorry to hear that.
My former pastor told me to give him a call when I get myself together, after I questioned his turn to prosperity gospel to grift off poor people
Not good. Sorry to hear this. I'm glad to read that he was your "former" pastor! I'm guessing that he won't be getting a call from you any time soon : ) Thanks for sharing here.
Yes! The Word of Faith movement is so horrible and has affected many churches. If you tell them they’re entering into this heretical movement, they will find ways to personally attack and manipulate you. Never give these churches money, especially when they don’t teach the Bible.
praise the only true living LORD and GOD bless you all glory be to the HOLY TRINITY forever and ever amen 💖✝️✝️✝️
I'm finding myself in a difficult position. Thanks for this series.
I'm glad you found it helpful. I have a number of videos on spiritual abuse and articles on readingremy.com. Thanks for commenting.
How about the Pastor himself told the members to go find another church because he said he cannot handle hard headed member while the problem is the pastor is so manipulative and hard to be with because of his attitude. And curse members if they don't pay attention to what he said they will die ad a reminder of God?
Wow, so sorry you had to deal with this.
I had to check your name again to see if you were a member of the church I attend. Turns out, you’re not, and that there are horrible pastors in other churches besides mine. What a shame! I will be free from this tomorrow!!
Where can we find Tom Rainer's (sp?) list about toxic leaders?
I list them out, with commentary, in my book, Broken Trust. But you can find them here: churchanswers.com/blog/fourteen-symptoms-toxic-church-leaders/
@@FRemyD Thank you!
100%.
Thanks, Mark.
It sounds familiar!
I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you find a better place.
The entire ICOC / ICC is completely abusive, they keep going unfortunately
Yes, I've heard many bad things.
Hate thy enemies-the witches atheists and other servants of Satan in the all powerful name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth!!
We have to correct them right? Like the church I went to does not allow bapfism for adult to go fully underwater.
I have to say something.
Maybe first have them explain their reasons.
Would you please turn off the music? It is too distracting while trying to listen to you. Thank you.
Good to know. Thanks for the feedback. I have another video that's ready to release. I can't change the audio on that but I'll tone it down in the future.
These are the traits of a textbook narcissistic pastor.
Indeed. Thanks.
I have a few questions? What about if God places you under harsh leaders or bosses and it says to obey the harsh and cruel? I winded up hurt for confronting it because the church backed them not me. Also the same on that job you confront it then it’s worse so that’s when I had read the scripture to lobey even harsh and cruel? Not saying they don’t need to ever be confronted but I seriously was bullied by Church leadership in my music ministry and even by someone they put in charge. You ever hear of bullying? Well I was and there was nothing I could do about it either accept leave. Unfortunately I confronted it and winded up more hurt because they sided with them because they ran the music so I was treated like a dog.
1 Peter 2:18
New International Version
Slaves, in reverent fear of God submit yourselves to your masters, not only to those who are good and considerate, but also to those who are harsh.
You have to be careful in how you apply that verse. I don't think you should automatically transfer Paul’s words to your situation unless you feel strongly called, like Jesus was called to the cross. As I said in my other comment, feel free to schedule a call with me on readingremy.com. This is too complex to answer here. Thanks for asking. Good question.
Why does God allow us to go through this??
Yes, good question. I assume you've been hurt in a church. I'm sorry you went through that. But your question could be asked of all suffering. We live in a world of broken people who inflict their brokenness on one another. God is there to show us the way out and heal us from our wounds. But he doesn't place us in a bubble of protection. I hope you will find his healing and wisdom as you move on from the abuse. Maybe you will be able to help others who have suffered the same. Thanks for your question.
Sounds familiar 😢
Sadly, right?
Change the video name to "What is a toxic leader", we didnt get any answers to how to confront them in this video.
It's a series of three videos. Keep watching.
Not only in Christianity. This happens as well in Islam and Buddhism.
...and business, and families...
Business has nothing to do with religious. Yes your family can use religion against you.
Proverbs 6:19
A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren.
Matthew 7:15
Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves.
Romans 16:17
Now I beseech you, brethren, mark them which cause divisions and offences contrary to the doctrine which ye have learned; and avoid them.
The exact scriptures I thought of!
++ Mica Miller +A Protestant Pastor’s Wife Who Recently /Committed “Suicide”/ Unfortunate Victim Narcissist Clergy Abusive Husband.
I'm not sure how to comment. Is this a chain of keywords for a search?
Read my mail
I don’t know what this means. Did you email me?
A lot of talk with not one use of scripture… this is what’s happened to so called churches today… a lot of talking with no scripture support… very unwise to heed advice without scripture support and by the mouth of 2-3 witnesses.
Leadership needs biblical accountability… and that’s what lacks; no leader is perfect but being perfected… accountability makes this a reality.
If a church is structured biblical these issues cant live.
Personally, I think a videos Like this are very toxic to the name of Jesus Christ.
When the church returns to biblical Christianity instead of culture Christianity God deals with His leaders…
So, am I reading this right? You think my video is like churches today, talk with no scripture? I want to be clear before I respond.