I'd love really love to see you do an in-depth video on self-advocacy. I feel like 1 and 2 don't come without that. It's foundational for everyone but most people only know foundationless love.
Highly insightful, I think the three traits you describe are also a function of healthy self-esteem and likely why we find those behaviors so appealing
PEOPLE pleasers don't know how to receive. that's right. 1. because don't want to be burdensome, don't want to be too dependent on a partner's generosity, generosity has come at a cost and are suspicious. So remaining in a giving position keeps us in control but thoroughly unavailable.
@@rosiebauer553 It’s a trauma response. That leads to a disorganized attachment style. We think we’re being so loving but we’re actually over caregiving to protect self out of fear. True emotional attunement a.k.a. availability is when there is give and take. It’s a hard thing but we have to learn the part of it where were submissive. You have to get to know a partner and build safety and then let go. Not let go of them, let go of our fears.
Why are you simply quoting word for word something that has been said in the actual video? I'm curious as I notice a lot of people doing this, and it doesn't make much sense. Is it a way of helping the video gain recognition through google analytics?
@@roberttruman8444I think of it as people sharing “notes” or just quoting a part of the video they found particularly impactful. Commenting also helps boost engagement which helps the video enter more people’s feeds through the algorithm, which can increase viewership (not that, that has to be why someone is quoting)
It's all of those things. They all leave. Cheers! Btw not everyone loves their jobs, has found self-discovery/self-actualization, or confidence overnight. That's a lifelong search...that doesn't mean they don't deserve someone.
That's not what she meant," that they don't deserve someone." Its just people who have yet to find joy, are always complaining and have no concept of self are almost unable to give what they have received. And
More great information. I think you are a genius at identifying the problem, and then simplifying the answers so other people can grasp it easily. So glad I found you!
I find these videos very helpful, though they give me a knot in my stomach, with a part bitter, part acidic aftertaste, when I recognize the ways that my preoccupied attachment style sabotaged my last relationship.
Just wow. I'm going to have to watch this over and over because I struggle with all three of those! Recently left my 20 year long emotionally abusive marriage to a covert narcissist and trying to unearth the real me. Helpful to know there is hope...some day.
"Show me your tank lets go diving together" 😄 Love it! Thank you again Briana, always a pleasure listening to you and your passionate motivational messages.
I’ve been wanting to enter your coaching program for a while, as I’m often distracting myself from work with relationships & other habits so I’ve been in a cycle of just getting by financially. It feels like a catch-22 because I know this program would help heal much of what’s holding me back from pursuing my passions full-force yet because of the cycle I’ve been in, I haven’t had available resources to pay & therefore haven’t booked a call... I feel it’s time to book one anyway to gain clarity on all aspects
@@brianamacwilliam.attachment I would like to know can we be both at the same time ? Can we experience behing an anxious and avoidand at the job ? thanks
Great video! I like the metaphor you use of trying to share the same oxygen tank diving versus each having our own. Maybe you raised it in another video, but it would be interesting if you talked about the challenges of dating if you were abused (primarily emotionally) in one or more previous relationship and also dating others who have experienced abuse in relationships. Right now I have the sense that I'm dating a wonderful woman, but she has these very high walls up because of abuse in a relationship, including having a partner who cheated on her over several years. Thanks!
i guess what im going to firm up there is - when i feel that pressure in my chest of anxiety due to a non supportive person or enviroment, i will remember i will still be whole after this conversation(touch my chest to remind of container) regardless of how it goes because personally regardless of what the person says or hears or thinks they hear, i can change my answer if i wish any time. I will then state: when you wish to stop playing games and actually be open to my needs im happy to continue this conversation. because if they are not willing to hear my needs, then im not going to get anything out of it. and if i dont say this i likley will just be hurt - so better to state that need than otherwise.
I feel the the same way, I think we need to be more clear with our boundaries and as you said when we feel uncomfortable then it’s our boundaries being crossed and we need to step up for ourselves.
Hmmm.... I am totally passionate about what I do and my love interest and I are both lit up about about similar fields and pursuits; however, unfortunately, my love interest still chose "the person who hates their day job, always looks on the dark side of life, has been depressed [for years], and wants to make him into their only source of happiness..." Sigh... In any case, totally loving your Work, Briana! So much wisdom, intelligence and insight in these videos. Much gratitude to you.
Sarah, I think you escaped a bullet. It seems they wanted to be a controller/rescuer in their relationship. Would you be happy for long in that condition?
Surrogate therapist. Bc I spend so much time watching these (amazing) bloody videos lol I needed to hear that though. I often can’t help but spill the knowledge I gain from such vids over, though I’m conscious of it now. But most of us don’t learn these profound yet fundamental things, unless we reach real lows, and many of us may never come to learn and may even spend whole lifetimes bearing the repercussions! I find that rather troubling. But it’s so critical to check yourself and remember you’re not responsible for the healing of someone else. Least of all when you’ve got a lifetime of work to be getting on with in your self and you’re compromising or outright disengaging with that....... Nah b
I saw self-advocate and went, "oof". It's really hard for me to self-advocate. For one, I'm autistic, and it's harder for me to phrase things the way I want to phrase them partially because of my autism. I'm also very much a people-pleaser and an open heart, so I think if I'm standing up for myself then I am going to hurt someone. And I have hurt people by trying to self-advocate, or at least what I thought was self-advocacy at the time. Still very much something I need to work on!
I allow myself to receive any positive news and profiles on Facebook trying to figure if I’m ok, thank you NB. I’m setting up a personal boundary that my heart feels like it needs to wait for this one man. Even though I don’t know fully why. I’ll probably not write anymore on match. And I advocate that I am going to be nice to everyone even if they are mean to me. And advocate for kindness to show that people with my condition can be loved.
Every time I hear of Marianne Williamson I immediately think of you, then say: -oh yes, I love Brianna MacWilliam’s work. -oh, no. I don’t know who that is. I said Marianne. She’s running for president. You should check her out. -Well it would benefit you to check out Brianna MacWilliam’s work too...probably have more of a beneficial impact than supporting a political candidate, as that’s giving up power to others vs learning to take power into your own hands ;)
Tammie Berven Thank you for commenting! That’s funny because I am a huge fan of hers and actually quoted her in a livestream recently. Love it. Thanks for the shout out!
Question, I have a friend (same gender) who I really care about. However, I dont feel like they are feeling the same way when I text them? I rarely get any response but whenever we meet, we could have good conversations and I do feel at home. I always feel like I want to meet him but we could rarely meet. Maybe like once in 10 days? Im confused if im avoidant or too anxious because when Im with my other friends, I feel like im have a secure relationships with them? 😅😅 thank u
*The ability to let go and expect anything and be absolutely nothing and nobody!!* *I am, therefore I am not!* *I AM VOID, THUS I SURRENDER TO THE INFINITE OPPOSE TO MY EGO AND SELF!*
Why is he your "ex" then? apparently having those traits didn't work either, even for you... The traits you speak about are fundamental for being healthy and independent but that doesn't necessarily make you "irresistible". Because such a thing doesn't exist! By giving the term "irresistible lover" you are firing the insecurity of people with anxious attachment style... because they are constantly trying to change in order to find and keep the love, and you know that. You are creating a fake image such as "irresistible lover" and you tell people if you have those traits you will be irresistible. which is a myth, it's a lie. Mental health practitioners should focus on the facts. Such as, you don't have to act differently than you are, because if people are attracted to you they will do it effortlessly.
Devrim ÇELİK Thank you for watching and for commenting. It’s quite a detailed comment so I imagine you must have found some resonance with what I described here. Your approach to the comment however, is a bit disrespectful and unkind. Which makes me think it’s less about what I have said, since you are attacking me personally.If you’ve been watching my channel for a while then you know I don’t define “Success“ by marriage or long-term relationship. I describe it as being OK with being in process and being able to move with the ebbs and flows of life and relationships which is the same as being in AND out of relationship. And being able to move through both of those dates of being with a sense of inner FELT security. Security is not defined by finding one partner and staying with them forever. I also don’t define “irresistible “as being in a state of perfection. Which is what you are suggesting. There is no A to B equation. I also don’t set myself up as an expert. I set myself up as an explorer who is on the same journey. And if you have also been paying attention, you know that in the telling of my story I have been through a lot of things that I explore on my channel, and so he is my “ex” because he is part of my journey; and you would also know that I still consider my ex to be one of my lifelong partners, Regardless of legal status. I encourage individuals to sink into themselves, not to “heal” or to “better” themselves. And the processes that I am describing here are processes they can allow us to release our ego attachment and fear-based beliefs (like “if I am not married I have failed”) which drive most of our behaviors. And I do believe if we can reframe those beliefs and behaviors then we can actually be MORE fully ourselves. It’s not changing who you are, it is unfolding into who you have always been on a soul level. What you describe sounds like a rationalization for avoiding taking responsibility for yourself. In my humble opinion.
1. The Ability to Receive
2. Set and Sustain Personal Boundaries
3. The Ability to Self Advocate
I'd love really love to see you do an in-depth video on self-advocacy. I feel like 1 and 2 don't come without that. It's foundational for everyone but most people only know foundationless love.
Highly insightful, I think the three traits you describe are also a function of healthy self-esteem and likely why we find those behaviors so appealing
PEOPLE pleasers don't know how to receive. that's right. 1. because don't want to be burdensome, don't want to be too dependent on a partner's generosity, generosity has come at a cost and are suspicious. So remaining in a giving position keeps us in control but thoroughly unavailable.
Sama Chahine can you explain why we are then unavailable?
@@rosiebauer553 because of being so occupied I guess.. 💭
@@rosiebauer553 It’s a trauma response. That leads to a disorganized attachment style. We think we’re being so loving but we’re actually over caregiving to protect self out of fear. True emotional attunement a.k.a. availability is when there is give and take. It’s a hard thing but we have to learn the part of it where were submissive. You have to get to know a partner and build safety and then let go. Not let go of them, let go of our fears.
Why are you simply quoting word for word something that has been said in the actual video? I'm curious as I notice a lot of people doing this, and it doesn't make much sense. Is it a way of helping the video gain recognition through google analytics?
@@roberttruman8444I think of it as people sharing “notes” or just quoting a part of the video they found particularly impactful. Commenting also helps boost engagement which helps the video enter more people’s feeds through the algorithm, which can increase viewership (not that, that has to be why someone is quoting)
It's all of those things. They all leave. Cheers! Btw not everyone loves their jobs, has found self-discovery/self-actualization, or confidence overnight. That's a lifelong search...that doesn't mean they don't deserve someone.
That's not what she meant," that they don't deserve someone." Its just people who have yet to find joy, are always complaining and have no concept of self are almost unable to give what they have received. And
More great information. I think you are a genius at identifying the problem, and then simplifying the answers so other people can grasp it easily. So glad I found you!
Lynda Lee Abdo Thank you for watching them for commenting. I’m glad you enjoyed the video!
wearing your heart on your sleeve is over abandoing your self - hmm...wow.
I find these videos very helpful, though they give me a knot in my stomach, with a part bitter, part acidic aftertaste, when I recognize the ways that my preoccupied attachment style sabotaged my last relationship.
Just wow. I'm going to have to watch this over and over because I struggle with all three of those! Recently left my 20 year long emotionally abusive marriage to a covert narcissist and trying to unearth the real me. Helpful to know there is hope...some day.
"Show me your tank lets go diving together" 😄 Love it! Thank you again Briana, always a pleasure listening to you and your passionate motivational messages.
Mine was all for me having boundaries, but he straight out told me I better not have any boundaries with him.
It's not about only wearing your heart on your sleeve. Thank you for you help!
I’ve been wanting to enter your coaching program for a while, as I’m often distracting myself from work with relationships & other habits so I’ve been in a cycle of just getting by financially. It feels like a catch-22 because I know this program would help heal much of what’s holding me back from pursuing my passions full-force yet because of the cycle I’ve been in, I haven’t had available resources to pay & therefore haven’t booked a call...
I feel it’s time to book one anyway to gain clarity on all aspects
YOU ARE AWESOME !!!! I APPRECIATE ALL YOUR VIDEOS . WONDERFULLY INFORMATIVE .
Wow, that tank analogy is very helpful.
Isn't it? I say "cards on the table". If when you put your cards on the table they hid theirs, it's time to leave the table.
This is such a great video. Love the analogy about being underwater and sharing the same air tank.
Authenticity is the key. I love your video they are truly amazing. These video and really good information.
isabelle parise Thank you for watching and for commenting! I’m glad it helps.
@@brianamacwilliam.attachment I would like to know can we be both at the same time ?
Can we experience behing an anxious and avoidand at the job ? thanks
Great video! I like the metaphor you use of trying to share the same oxygen tank diving versus each having our own.
Maybe you raised it in another video, but it would be interesting if you talked about the challenges of dating if you were abused (primarily emotionally) in one or more previous relationship and also dating others who have experienced abuse in relationships.
Right now I have the sense that I'm dating a wonderful woman, but she has these very high walls up because of abuse in a relationship, including having a partner who cheated on her over several years. Thanks!
John Miles Thank you for watching and for commenting. I think you might enjoy this playlist. ua-cam.com/play/PLrMVDDz2c7DO4IJ3mHV6mtlGIPSRzLL47.html
i realized i a bandon my personal boundries when a family member would push against me playing the "just step over the line" game.
i guess what im going to firm up there is - when i feel that pressure in my chest of anxiety due to a non supportive person or enviroment, i will remember i will still be whole after this conversation(touch my chest to remind of container) regardless of how it goes because personally regardless of what the person says or hears or thinks they hear, i can change my answer if i wish any time. I will then state: when you wish to stop playing games and actually be open to my needs im happy to continue this conversation. because if they are not willing to hear my needs, then im not going to get anything out of it.
and if i dont say this i likley will just be hurt - so better to state that need than otherwise.
I feel the the same way, I think we need to be more clear with our boundaries and as you said when we feel uncomfortable then it’s our boundaries being crossed and we need to step up for ourselves.
Hmmm.... I am totally passionate about what I do and my love interest and I are both lit up about about similar fields and pursuits; however, unfortunately, my love interest still chose "the person who hates their day job, always looks on the dark side of life, has been depressed [for years], and wants to make him into their only source of happiness..." Sigh... In any case, totally loving your Work, Briana! So much wisdom, intelligence and insight in these videos. Much gratitude to you.
😅😅😅
Sarah, I think you escaped a bullet. It seems they wanted to be a controller/rescuer in their relationship. Would you be happy for long in that condition?
Just what I needed to hear ! 🙏 Thank you! God Bless
Surrogate therapist. Bc I spend so much time watching these (amazing) bloody videos lol
I needed to hear that though. I often can’t help but spill the knowledge I gain from such vids over, though I’m conscious of it now. But most of us don’t learn these profound yet fundamental things, unless we reach real lows, and many of us may never come to learn and may even spend whole lifetimes bearing the repercussions! I find that rather troubling. But it’s so critical to check yourself and remember you’re not responsible for the healing of someone else. Least of all when you’ve got a lifetime of work to be getting on with in your self and you’re compromising or outright disengaging with that....... Nah b
💯🎯💯
Legit advice. This is much better than i was expecting. Subscribed
Beautifully said and concise.
Thank you for watching and for commenting!
HOLY COW....I referenced the same movie quote wow
I saw self-advocate and went, "oof". It's really hard for me to self-advocate. For one, I'm autistic, and it's harder for me to phrase things the way I want to phrase them partially because of my autism. I'm also very much a people-pleaser and an open heart, so I think if I'm standing up for myself then I am going to hurt someone. And I have hurt people by trying to self-advocate, or at least what I thought was self-advocacy at the time. Still very much something I need to work on!
I allow myself to receive any positive news and profiles on Facebook trying to figure if I’m ok, thank you NB. I’m setting up a personal boundary that my heart feels like it needs to wait for this one man. Even though I don’t know fully why. I’ll probably not write anymore on match. And I advocate that I am going to be nice to everyone even if they are mean to me. And advocate for kindness to show that people with my condition can be loved.
Thanks for sharing your life experiences Briana.
Love this video. Great information
Such a gift
Thank you for watching and for commenting. I am glad the video was helpful!
Open to recieving.
Yes my friend. And receive we shall 🤲
Fabulous, as always.
Receiving feels so scary for me.I am scared to ask for some help or time from others.I have to work on this😪
That was dope, thank you!!
Thank you
So well explained
Every time I hear of Marianne Williamson I immediately think of you, then say:
-oh yes, I love Brianna MacWilliam’s work.
-oh, no. I don’t know who that is. I said Marianne. She’s running for president. You should check her out.
-Well it would benefit you to check out Brianna MacWilliam’s work too...probably have more of a beneficial impact than supporting a political candidate, as that’s giving up power to others vs learning to take power into your own hands ;)
Tammie Berven Thank you for commenting! That’s funny because I am a huge fan of hers and actually quoted her in a livestream recently. Love it. Thanks for the shout out!
Great video!
Am I likely to be very very attracted to an attachment style like one of my Parents?
Question, I have a friend (same gender) who I really care about. However, I dont feel like they are feeling the same way when I text them? I rarely get any response but whenever we meet, we could have good conversations and I do feel at home. I always feel like I want to meet him but we could rarely meet. Maybe like once in 10 days? Im confused if im avoidant or too anxious because when Im with my other friends, I feel like im have a secure relationships with them? 😅😅 thank u
Hi
What do you do when your boyfriend is a Psychotic Narcissist ? How do you handle the bad things that happen to you?
You break up with him and find a way to start loving yourself.
Leave asap!!!
Is there a way to determine to what extent someone is dismissive avoidant?
I just watched a video today about different types of dismissive avoidant on Thais Gibson's YT channel. Super insightful! Check it out
I would like to be your lover
I do not do any of these and still ended up on my own you life coaches tlak lot rubbish 🗑 it is not work
*The ability to let go and expect anything and be absolutely nothing and nobody!!*
*I am, therefore I am not!*
*I AM VOID, THUS I SURRENDER TO THE INFINITE OPPOSE TO MY EGO AND SELF!*
😍😘🙏🦋
Why is he your "ex" then? apparently having those traits didn't work either, even for you...
The traits you speak about are fundamental for being healthy and independent but that doesn't necessarily make you "irresistible". Because such a thing doesn't exist! By giving the term "irresistible lover" you are firing the insecurity of people with anxious attachment style... because they are constantly trying to change in order to find and keep the love, and you know that. You are creating a fake image such as "irresistible lover" and you tell people if you have those traits you will be irresistible.
which is a myth, it's a lie. Mental health practitioners should focus on the facts. Such as, you don't have to act differently than you are, because if people are attracted to you they will do it effortlessly.
Devrim ÇELİK Thank you for watching and for commenting. It’s quite a detailed comment so I imagine you must have found some resonance with what I described here. Your approach to the comment however, is a bit disrespectful and unkind. Which makes me think it’s less about what I have said, since you are attacking me personally.If you’ve been watching my channel for a while then you know I don’t define “Success“ by marriage or long-term relationship. I describe it as being OK with being in process and being able to move with the ebbs and flows of life and relationships which is the same as being in AND out of relationship. And being able to move through both of those dates of being with a sense of inner FELT security. Security is not defined by finding one partner and staying with them forever. I also don’t define “irresistible “as being in a state of perfection. Which is what you are suggesting. There is no A to B equation. I also don’t set myself up as an expert. I set myself up as an explorer who is on the same journey. And if you have also been paying attention, you know that in the telling of my story I have been through a lot of things that I explore on my channel, and so he is my “ex” because he is part of my journey; and you would also know that I still consider my ex to be one of my lifelong partners, Regardless of legal status. I encourage individuals to sink into themselves, not to “heal” or to “better” themselves. And the processes that I am describing here are processes they can allow us to release our ego attachment and fear-based beliefs (like “if I am not married I have failed”) which drive most of our behaviors. And I do believe if we can reframe those beliefs and behaviors then we can actually be MORE fully ourselves. It’s not changing who you are, it is unfolding into who you have always been on a soul level. What you describe sounds like a rationalization for avoiding taking responsibility for yourself. In my humble opinion.
@@brianamacwilliam.attachment That's a really good response :)
Brianna, I find your fundamentally healthy traits, such as - but definitely not limited to - independence, irresistible!