As an introvert, this works wonders, I have made all my friends using this exact method, I ask them about a particular question, throwing in a clarifying question in between and giving only short descriptions for my experiences and opinions. People *want* to talk to me now, because I'm such a good listener. It really helps with my insecurities.
@@gradientO a majority likes talking about themselves which is the reason behind my statement, and yeah the things fluctuate but it's just a median of expectations
1. Removing any distractions, especially phones 2. Trying not to interrupt, asking open ended questions when in break 3. Focusing on the present moment, asking the other if you miss the details 4. Don’t be afraid of silence, both can use those moments to think a more thoughtful conversation.
I especially vibe with the point about "not just waiting for your turn to talk." There's definitely a difference between a person who is engaging with your words and a person who is giving you space but not engaging you. I'm working on this with my students a lot.
In a sense this is very true, in another the "This was important and I have something to add/rebuttal" is a basis for a good conversation; Good listening is somewhat dependent on good talking, and it actually is sometimes unfair to say someone is a bad listener, just because someone spills a novels-worth of stuff, without letting anyone else get to speak. Especially in discussions it can be quite annoying, because some people will make several obviously edgy statements, just to finish with a big one, so you either have to unzip some minutes of talk or let it stand as if you did not disagree with it.
Fear #1: “I don’t know what to talk about.” Fact: People remember less of what you say but more of how you make them feel. You can take control of your fear by developing your skill at listening, being genuinely interested in what others have to say. To think about: What kind of friend do you prefer-a chatterbox who always has something to say or someone who is a good listener? Fear #2: “People will think I’m boring.” Fact: People will form opinions about you whether you are shy or not. You can take control of your fear-and help people form a better opinion of you-if you let them see you for who you are. To think about: If you think everyone is judging you negatively, could you be judging them unfairly by assuming the worst?
"The power of deeply listening to another person, with full attention, and without judgment or an agenda, is one of the most profoundly healing acts a person can gift to another." - Jennifer Brandel
Talking to someone who has no judgement or agenda would be the same as talking to a cat or a wall. And even that is untrue, because cats clearly have agenda. I don't want to sound anti, but even doing deep listening just for the sake of another human is already an agenda. A good one, but yet it is what it is.
@@brightrrs1740 Agenda-free and judgement-free conversations do exist. Clearly the listener must be aware of his or her listening role in the dialogue, or he/she cannot take pride for it. The pride of supporting another human being is the reward you get as a listener.
@@tatianaquercia4555 Doing stuff for a reward or for taking pride in it already IS an agenda. And it is impossible to be non-judgmental in a fundamental way, because most of our judgements happen subconsciously and are not under our conscious control. Maybe one can control his judgment or keep it to himself, but one cannot listen without it.
Interestingly as a doctor, during medical school we were taught all these things in our courses of how to take a good history from a patient complaining of most symptoms. It's fascinating to see that we were just taught how to be good listeners, and goes to show that being heard solves half the problems even in the medical care sector.
I’m in my first year of med school and we have a course called Communication Skills in Healthcare, we literally learned these exact same things just now and I had felt that they helped me become a good listener in my daily life too :))
Being a listener all my life, people only like to talk about their stuff rather than listening to someone's. I always pay upmost attention when somebody is talking to me about their things. It's strange to have found out that when I talk to them about me no one really cares. So I decided not to talk about myself and just listen to them whatever they say. Sometimes, a listener needs a listener too.
I tend to journal. It doesn't try to change my mind, tell me I'm wrong, or switch the conversation to itself. I've been told I'm a good listener, but I also haven't found anyone who compassionately listens to me without trying to "fix" things.
As a good listener, I sometimes find myself in this situation, too! My desire to share and talk about myself is not reciprocated after I spent hours listening to the other party. It feels quite draining and I feel uncared for, unseen.
It's very important to determine if someone is looking for advice vs emotional support. People constantly seeking validation can be off-putting to a critical thinker looking to actually help and vice versa.
“Help” is subjective to what the other person needs. Often times deep listening helps so much more than advices and suggestions from ppl who are too eager to give them.
@@wancheng89 That sounds like emotional support. Echo chambers can provide emotional support, but that doesn't mean they're helpful. Someone can be objectively wrong and also seek help to validate it. Helping them could result in you hurting the other party.
It's absolutely correct that ability to listen well to somebody is a very important skill to have. I also love the fact how the characters in the video are elephants. Because you know, they have big ears and pay attention to everything that happens around them...
I have severe ADHD and interrupt people a lot, because of either enthusiasm or just because my brain works like that. What helped me and others a lot is indeed summarising the last sentences someone said. To let them know i was listening and my brain sometimes just takes over.
Same reason why autistic people are increasing, vaccines. Just kidding! No it's actually because awareness and diagnostic tools are getting better. The people in the past who had autism, adhd, or depression were simply perceived as creepy, weird, annoying, hyper, or weak. Now we know that their brains just work differently, you can even see small differences in brain structures. I've also done my own research and found out that adhd not only has a strong genetic component, but there's also strong correlations between adhd and environmental factors when in the womb. There's something like a 60% increased chance of adhd if a mother smoked during pregnancy, but it's hard to figure out whether it's because the smoking caused adhd or adhd caused smoking and was simply passed down to the child (adhd is strongly tied to addictions and substance abuse). But researchers have been able to pinpoint groups of specific genes that seem tied to adhd and even specific groups of mutations that can lead to adhd, though those are rare. Anyway there's a wide variety of physical ailments associated with the disorders (including allergies, asthma, and epilepsy, if you can believe it!), which lends it legitimacy in my eyes. So yeah, it really boils down to if you want to label a group of people with similar genes and brain structures as weird/creepy/etc or as people with autism/adhd/depression/etc.
i have adhd too and do interrupt others. i talked my friends about it and they understood that it was a result of me being really engaged in their story! i am still doing and they seem to really love it. just make sure some of them are questions since they love it. i hope it helps
One strategy for making a silence less awkward is to repeat back what they said in summary in a ponderous tone like "I can't believe they would...." Or you can simply say "that sounds like a lot to think about." Both are subtle hints that you are listening and are formulating a good and thoughtful response. A good response that allows you to share your thoughts without making it seem like you're trying to change someone's mind is asking a hypothetical like "what would you think if ____ had happened instead?" This way you allow them to form their own opinion which could help them understand what you're thinking.
Do one thing: honestly and truly have a desire to understand the person who is talking. Everything else will come naturally to you if you do this. This is not something you can fake. This is a mentality and mindset you can put yourself into with practice. You will not understand everything a person is saying at all times; this will give you the chance to ask them clarifying questions as they naturally come up.
I agree. Indeed, we can learn any of those tips, but, without changing our mindset, we can be seen as a "fake" person, even if we thinking that faking it is also a part of learning to become a true good listener soon. A right mindset truly helps.
I feel like my whole life, I have been in the position of a listener. What I have learned is that people absolutely love talking about themselves. You ask them a minor question, and they can go for hours talking about it. Being a good listener has helped me observe people to the point where I can make assumptions of what their response to my next question will be and most of the time they turn out right.
I am a good listener as well but I have a friend who takes advantage of that lol. Every time I meet her she will talk for hours only about herself, and it’s usually the same stuff she’s told me before. When she attempts to listen, I can sense that she’s not actually engaged as much as when she gets to turn the conversation about herself again. Unless the topic is about something that interests her. And then she wonders why I don’t tell her much about me 🤦🏻♀
I work as a hospital chaplain where I basically practice non-judgmental, compassionate listening for a living. This video’s advice is spot on with what I was trained to do!
Tip 1: remove distractions and try not to interrupt and if you do so wait for natural poses and ask open ended questions Tip 2: summarize what you just heard Tip 3: try to stay present and ask for clarification Tip 4: don't be afraid of silence
I was always really worried that I'm a terrible listener, but I literally do everything that was mentioned in the video. I hope that others also perceive my listerning as good and I'm not indeed a terrible listener.
When you talk you are just repeating what you already know but when you listen you learn something new which adds to your mental well being or even understanding human emotions...
@@Gibdo88 Not really, I think they were just trying to complement the animators's job. However, you assumed they assumed the animators we'rent being payed enough. So who's assuming now?
Ooo this seems to employ various principles of Rogerian's counselling approach of (1) open-ended questions, (2) reflecting meaning, (3) reflecting feelings, (4) purposeful silence. The additional tip on preparing the environment was insightful, thank you!
Third one definitely doesn't work everytime. It depends on the subject and the personality of your interlocutor, but confirmational bias is very hard to bypass.
@@MedicAles-q9t Asking "what evidence would change your mind?" after giving examples of what would change my mind would sus out whether to disengage. The closed minded aren't worth listening to.
One more thing i learned was when are you supposed apply these tips. I always remind myself that its okay, i don't need to be excellent listener 100% of the time. I also deserved to be listened!
I sometimes use all this 4 tips in direct conversation, and it really works! It helps me to understand their perspectives and personalities even more and helps me to give the appropriate respones and feedbacks. These 4 tips also sometimes encourage my partners to do the same, so we can have a thoughtful, open-minded conversation in respectful manner with highly positive outcomes (both in solutions or emotionally). Thanks Ted-Ed for highlighting these 4 wise acts!
As a neurodivergent, thank you for this. Being enthusiastic but genuinely having a disabled ability to fulfil that desire is so complicated. Ex, I actually listen BETTER when I'm fiddling with a mindless game on my phone but of course, it comes off really rude if they aren't familiar with how much difficulty I have or my struggle to address it.
This is essentially the reverse of genuinely listening to someone. Just like how smiling into the mirror has a habit of making one genuinely happy, trying to look as if you're listening happens to lead to genuinely listening, not just acting like it. Even putting aside the fact that asking questions requires one to have an understanding of what is being said, the act of putting aside distractions, paying attention to the conversation instead of your own response, and leaving space to think and breathe before speaking, all adds up to making you genuinely listen. In other words, if you do genuinely listen, then these things come naturally, and if you do these things, then listening comes as a result.
Ted-Ed - wonderful and concise video. Just this one crucial skill could change our divided political discourse, save relationships, and end wars. This channel is really making such a positive contribution to our world.
Becoming interested in someone else's interest is the first step to befriending them. A really good book that talks about how being a good conversationalist (and listener) is "How to win friends and influence them" by Dale Carnegie.
Awesome edutainment, thank you, Ted-Ed 🙏🏼 I made sure to take notes on this 1. Listening is a very important skill which has benefited me tremendously 🗒 One of my fav sayings is: "My favourite resource is PAYING attention" 😄
I’m easily distracted and my brain likes to wander, and often I’ll be with a friend and realize I’ve drifted off only to crash back to reality. Stopping them, apologizing, and asking them to start over is so helpful and I’d like to think demonstrates your intention that you genuinely want to listen
best advice to listening is like the video said, get rid of all distractions...sometimes it's best to go for a walk or laying down so you're not sitting or staring them in the face but he missed a crucial point... when listening always keep in mind the 4 "W's" who, what, when, where plus how
This video made me happy. I noticed that I already do almost every tips while listening! I will continue to learn more about listening. I do not know if the creators' will read my comment but thank you for this great informations 💖
Knowing how to listen with sincerity is a rare quality... Before interrupting someone or making any judgment, it is sometimes better to know more about the situation to understand the other person's point of view.
I really like knowing how others think and not only sticking to my opinions and I like exchanging opinions and discussing it with others but when I tried to be a good listeners others didn't listen to my opinion at all and kept on changing the topics after giving their opinions and didn't listen to mine and even interrupted me
I started the video, then started doing stuff on my phone, only after 2 minutes realising the sound of the video was off... I think that answers the question for me
I am a good listener. The tips are all very familiar to me. But sometimes i am the one who needs a supportive conversation. And than i come to the sad realisation that most people just can't listen! I try to open my heart to someone and they completely trow it away with there own bullsh`t!
It’s amazing how some people actually needs these videos when sometimes for others it just comes natural, I hope it helped a lot of people because socializing is very important nowadays 💘💘💘💌
This video is so amazing! Ted ed gives such an in-depth insights yet in a simple way and the style of design, animation and ideation is breathtaking. I'm quite happy I that we have channels like Ted
I've been told I'm a good listener and for a long time I didn't really know what I was doing to get those core memory compliments. I think the most important part of what Ted-Ed is saying in this, is that you have to SHOW it. That doesn't mean you have to be bubbly supportive no matter what. I means you take in the information and genuinely think about it. It was always kinda just auto pilot for me, but when I heard them say it, I realized. Its not smiling and nodding. Its hearing the emotion and understanding when somebody is upset, angry, frustrated and then trying to harness those emotions to let them see their faults, or to let them see their clarity. Being a "good listener" is honestly something I don't think everybody should become, or want to become. Its taxing, and it has led to me having some flourishing 15 year friendships, but it has also led to some heartbreak and self loathing that I don't feel qualified to tell anybody because I'm the anchor for so many.
Yes the "how did it make you feel?" sounded like something off a therapists script, it's so cliche that you know they are actually thinking about what to order for dinner. Checking off lines from their script. Asking that question in other wording might sound more natural and sincere.
@@lestranged it sounds cliché but it actually helps a lot by asking that question it may not be worded exactly that way but a lot of the times putting emotions into words can help it’s all about trying to go deeper with a person and creating a safe space.
being a good listener is necessary, because good listening skills are very necessary to build true, meaningful relationships with other people, without good listening skills it will be difficult for you to make real friends
I think just being interested in what the person has to say will elicit these types of responses naturally. If you’re uninterested, try and find one thing that the person is saying that interests you, then you’ll have a flowing conversation.
The choice of elephants for this animation is a fantastic choice. I had a sudden flashback of warm feelings from my childhood reading "Babar and his family"
My friend isnt that good of a listener. Whenever i try telling her my problems or talk to her about something important, she would always get distracted or purposely try not to listen like avoiding eye contact and moving onto a different subject right away. Even if i were to finish talking she would just nod and not say anything after to comfort me etc. Im truely glad that she was able to listen in some instances but i want that support from a friend if you know. Every time she talks, i would listen and give her my full attention and i really want to receive the same from her as well. I dont know if im being sensitive or ungrateful so please do correct me if i am :)
Atleast you showed that you care about her. People not listening to you can be frustrating tho; you could find a time to discuss about this. My friend told me that she doesn’t like “serious talks” but more “joke talking”, which I then understand. She’s a chatterbox but I can’t find things to say back or think of one in time. But I do listen to her. Your friend’s behavior is her part of system, everyone has their way to going through social time and phases. What I can say is that there is nothing wrong about you sooo yeah.
At the root of it, being a good listener simply means you actually listen, and not just trying to chime in to snatch the mic from the speaker. That's the difference between hearing and listening. You are not only listening to their story, you're also trying to see it through their eyes, understanding how it affects their personality. When you listen, it will automatically show without you having to think about it, because listening is actually quite energy-consuming. The little nods, the occasional "Hm" are sufficient.
The video is good and valid, yet we have to address the fact that a good listener needs a good speaker; Expecting someone to "endure" just because good listening is morally obligating not the goal. 1. Waiting "for your turn" may be bad listening, but it also may be someone dragging out something to an extent where you feel like you don't actually talk to someone, but have to listen to a speech and nod/support in the end. 2. Close to 1: In discussions, some people actively abuse a good listener to make a shitload of claims, so that he has no chance to add or say something without interrupting. 3. People sometimes need someone to just listen: All right. But sometimes people tell you about the same problems over and over, where you just get frustrated because you can't just shove their minds into the sometimes obvious problems and solutions. Yes, I will lend a shoulder and listen to your problems. Yes, I will give unasked advice, if I have to be the sponge for the third time you made the same bad decision with the same bad outcome.
Genuinely listening has many layers of complexity. If it is genuine, it is also a very selfless act. Like many here have said, the great majority of people don't care about you (the listener). Once you accept this and keep offering a listening ear, that's when you start becoming a good listener, in my estimation.
I find the animation rather cute, especially that part at 4:40 when the elephant offers cake to the insect and shows that someone is listening to what the insect is saying.
It’s said that listener is the judge. And through listening deeply it is more easy n convenient for me in grasping the knowledge from religion to universe.However,listening attentively is a difficult trait to imbibe in one’s personality, and for that to adopt it one has to keep himself awake while awake.
00:07 Good listening is crucial for improving relationships and changing minds 00:47 High-quality listening requires attentiveness, understanding, and positive intent. 01:17 Effective communication involves attentive body language 01:56 Phone presence reduces intimacy in conversations 02:30 Active listening involves summarizing and avoiding planning responses. 03:02 Tips for effective communication 03:35 Active listening improves satisfaction in relationships and reduces burnout in the workplace. 04:13 Good listening leads to open-mindedness and fosters healthy conversations.
I have ADD. I have always been called out for not listening but have heard every word. Once Mother Superior made fun of me in class for not listening. I was so scared, but I suddenly stood my whole little self up and repeated every word she said including the part where she made fun of me. I got detention. If you have a medical problem that people don't except, what can you do?
Proud of little you for showing them you did hear what they had to say - its a shame if they didn't accept you did past that. I have ADHD, and my partner does too, what we do when its important that the other person knows we're listening is that state we are AND we remark out loud that while our hands & eyes are busy with (thing, like knitting or a game) we are only doing so to satisfy that busy hands need. We've found this to relieve a lot of anxiety about being heard - even with both of us having ADHD, we are still socially conditioned to take fidgeting as preoccupation/not listening. A little "I'll be (working on this cross stitch) to keep my hands busy, but please tell me what you have to say" can go a long way!
@@Kirealta You're the kind of person that kicks someone because their trying-their-best isn't your version. May you step on a LEGO until you mend your ways 💩
A lot of this is found in Bohm Dialogue as well. Coherence, vs content. There is the potential to feel “coherence” in the presence of disagreement-as well as the curious experience of NOT feeling coherence, even if one agrees! Choosing not to formulate one’s response while the other is speaking is also a central point of Bohm Dialogue. Staying in the moment and focusing on presence and receiving. Using this form of communication can be revelatory in personal conflicts, and daily life-but yah, also knowing there are positive aspects to reactive and off the cuff responses. Much like NVC, Bohm Dialogue, if not practiced with consent and respect, can also be used as an abusive power dynamic. Sometimes people want to emotionally connect in messy ways, and insisting on structure all the time is unsustainable after a while, or is inappropriate. Some thoughts and contexts :)
I’m from HK studying the UK, I am mad pissed by people in here constantly interrupt a conversation and not likely to listen to anyone and just keep talking regardless. That’s a really important value however, that everyone should cherish.
removing all distractions, not interrupting, throwing open questions during pauses, focus and do not thinking about making question while listening, asking for repetition if necessary, taking time to formulate question if they need it
Being a great listener is like putting on their shoes, what it feels like to understand more on their situation rather being sympathetic to their feelings.
Rather than following any tips or guidelines try to truly listen to people. You will be amazed how much of difference it makes on someone's attitude towards you. If you are awkward try to keep on conversation rolling by asking them something from their previous information. i.e. "I went to doctors yesterday" - "Ohh!! How did it go? Are you alright?" You will be amazed how much of difference it makes to people when they truly feel heard.
Know. Broca's area, or the Broca area is a region in the frontal lobe of the dominant hemisphere, usually the left, of the brain with functions linked to speech production. 2/8/2021 and I lived again. Broca's aphasia (non-fluent aphasia) Mike Caputo, Year 1 Stroke Recovery, Up Up Up - Aphasia with attitude, Broca's Aphasia, Right-side Weakness, Mark's 22 years-old Stroke: Broca's Aphasia.
I’m autistic and pretty much have no interest in listening to what others have to say if it doesn’t cover a topic I’m interested in (ex. I like talking about cartoons because of my hyper fixation, while the person I’m talking to likes outdoor mountain biking). To trick my brain into listening/engaging in these kinds of conversations, I’ve been told by others to look at it like this: you don’t listen because you are interested in the topic. You listen because you care about the other person. Most of the time I couldn’t care less about my friend blabbing on about their most recent hiking adventure, but I listen and engage with them because they are my friend, and I love and care about them as an individual.
Your ability to reflect is a great trait to have. All friends do not have to have all interests in common, it is easy to forget that we are a part of others circle and vice versa. However making your part of the circle meaningful to the other makes us more valuable as individuals. Thank you for sharing you input.
Thank you for this. I recently feel not heard by this so-called "master" and I was annoyed how interrupting and misunderstood he was on me. Anyways, times have past, I have decided to not talk much to him and think about what lesson I may learn from it, whether I am a good listener or not.
I was lucky enough to be taught how to listen by an expert. My friend Dr. Dallas Demmitt wrote a book called "can you hear me now?" That is an excellent manual on how to do what he calls Discovery listening. Highly recommended for anyone who wants to dive deeper into this subject.
1. full attention to speakers words + ask questions but not out of curiosity + body language 2. summary in case you missed and ask too 3. don't think what you have to say next but listen to others point carefully then after some silence think and reply
Listening to others with sincere interest rather than talking about yourself actually makes them like you a lot more.
And in my personal experience, it also works the other way around.
As an introvert, this works wonders, I have made all my friends using this exact method, I ask them about a particular question, throwing in a clarifying question in between and giving only short descriptions for my experiences and opinions. People *want* to talk to me now, because I'm such a good listener. It really helps with my insecurities.
Well, someone gotta speak about themselves so that you which you can listen to it. Both can't listen lol
@@gradientO a majority likes talking about themselves which is the reason behind my statement, and yeah the things fluctuate but it's just a median of expectations
yep, people love talking about themselves
1. Removing any distractions, especially phones
2. Trying not to interrupt, asking open ended questions when in break
3. Focusing on the present moment, asking the other if you miss the details
4. Don’t be afraid of silence, both can use those moments to think a more thoughtful conversation.
Thank you!
Thanks, I wasn't listening
@@brightrrs1740 😂
@@brightrrs1740 Ironically, I'm not sure OP was either. They heard everything, but I don't know if they listened.
You seem to have been listening
I especially vibe with the point about "not just waiting for your turn to talk." There's definitely a difference between a person who is engaging with your words and a person who is giving you space but not engaging you. I'm working on this with my students a lot.
In a sense this is very true, in another the "This was important and I have something to add/rebuttal" is a basis for a good conversation; Good listening is somewhat dependent on good talking, and it actually is sometimes unfair to say someone is a bad listener, just because someone spills a novels-worth of stuff, without letting anyone else get to speak. Especially in discussions it can be quite annoying, because some people will make several obviously edgy statements, just to finish with a big one, so you either have to unzip some minutes of talk or let it stand as if you did not disagree with it.
😊
Fear #1: “I don’t know what to talk about.”
Fact: People remember less of what you say but more of how you make them feel. You can take control of your fear by developing your skill at listening, being genuinely interested in what others have to say.
To think about: What kind of friend do you prefer-a chatterbox who always has something to say or someone who is a good listener?
Fear #2: “People will think I’m boring.”
Fact: People will form opinions about you whether you are shy or not. You can take control of your fear-and help people form a better opinion of you-if you let them see you for who you are.
To think about: If you think everyone is judging you negatively, could you be judging them unfairly by assuming the worst?
"The power of deeply listening to another person, with full attention, and without judgment or an agenda, is one of the most profoundly healing acts a person can gift to another." - Jennifer Brandel
Talking to someone who has no judgement or agenda would be the same as talking to a cat or a wall. And even that is untrue, because cats clearly have agenda.
I don't want to sound anti, but even doing deep listening just for the sake of another human is already an agenda. A good one, but yet it is what it is.
How can power be an act?
@@Atulack And if you gift it to someone, does that mean you lose the power?
@@brightrrs1740 Agenda-free and judgement-free conversations do exist. Clearly the listener must be aware of his or her listening role in the dialogue, or he/she cannot take pride for it. The pride of supporting another human being is the reward you get as a listener.
@@tatianaquercia4555 Doing stuff for a reward or for taking pride in it already IS an agenda. And it is impossible to be non-judgmental in a fundamental way, because most of our judgements happen subconsciously and are not under our conscious control. Maybe one can control his judgment or keep it to himself, but one cannot listen without it.
Interestingly as a doctor, during medical school we were taught all these things in our courses of how to take a good history from a patient complaining of most symptoms. It's fascinating to see that we were just taught how to be good listeners, and goes to show that being heard solves half the problems even in the medical care sector.
I’m in my first year of med school and we have a course called Communication Skills in Healthcare, we literally learned these exact same things just now and I had felt that they helped me become a good listener in my daily life too :))
I want to be taught that too
Exactly!
As a clinician, we were taught that 50% of your diagnoses are formed just by listening to your patient’s problem during history taking.
@@pimsywimsy❤
Being a listener all my life, people only like to talk about their stuff rather than listening to someone's. I always pay upmost attention when somebody is talking to me about their things. It's strange to have found out that when I talk to them about me no one really cares. So I decided not to talk about myself and just listen to them whatever they say. Sometimes, a listener needs a listener too.
Perhaps grab a stranger and pour out your heart. It really helps!
I tend to journal. It doesn't try to change my mind, tell me I'm wrong, or switch the conversation to itself.
I've been told I'm a good listener, but I also haven't found anyone who compassionately listens to me without trying to "fix" things.
@@ruthevans1490 i volunteer in case you want to take this up!
@@jinorism Thanks Lamp! You are very kind!
As a good listener, I sometimes find myself in this situation, too! My desire to share and talk about myself is not reciprocated after I spent hours listening to the other party. It feels quite draining and I feel uncared for, unseen.
We need to appreciate Ted ed teams animation. You are doing a great job.
Thank you for your nice comment about animation, we really enjoyed the creation process❤
Yes.. It's a great note. 🌈
It's very important to determine if someone is looking for advice vs emotional support. People constantly seeking validation can be off-putting to a critical thinker looking to actually help and vice versa.
I've struggled with people like that before! What helps me is to simply ask if they just want me to listen or if they're open to advice
Everyone needs to be aware of this skill. Simply being a witness is a powerful thing.
“Help” is subjective to what the other person needs. Often times deep listening helps so much more than advices and suggestions from ppl who are too eager to give them.
@@wancheng89 That sounds like emotional support. Echo chambers can provide emotional support, but that doesn't mean they're helpful. Someone can be objectively wrong and also seek help to validate it. Helping them could result in you hurting the other party.
I feel like its typical for men to do that aswell
It's absolutely correct that ability to listen well to somebody is a very important skill to have.
I also love the fact how the characters in the video are elephants. Because you know, they have big ears and pay attention to everything that happens around them...
I have severe ADHD and interrupt people a lot, because of either enthusiasm or just because my brain works like that. What helped me and others a lot is indeed summarising the last sentences someone said. To let them know i was listening and my brain sometimes just takes over.
Wonder why you people are increasing
Same reason why autistic people are increasing, vaccines. Just kidding! No it's actually because awareness and diagnostic tools are getting better. The people in the past who had autism, adhd, or depression were simply perceived as creepy, weird, annoying, hyper, or weak. Now we know that their brains just work differently, you can even see small differences in brain structures. I've also done my own research and found out that adhd not only has a strong genetic component, but there's also strong correlations between adhd and environmental factors when in the womb. There's something like a 60% increased chance of adhd if a mother smoked during pregnancy, but it's hard to figure out whether it's because the smoking caused adhd or adhd caused smoking and was simply passed down to the child (adhd is strongly tied to addictions and substance abuse). But researchers have been able to pinpoint groups of specific genes that seem tied to adhd and even specific groups of mutations that can lead to adhd, though those are rare. Anyway there's a wide variety of physical ailments associated with the disorders (including allergies, asthma, and epilepsy, if you can believe it!), which lends it legitimacy in my eyes.
So yeah, it really boils down to if you want to label a group of people with similar genes and brain structures as weird/creepy/etc or as people with autism/adhd/depression/etc.
I do that as well and I try to not do that and relax as much as I can. I don't know if I have ADHD tho.
@@kimjongun2637 Wonder why there’s always one of you “everybody has ADHD these days” people that nag under every comment about ADHD
i have adhd too and do interrupt others. i talked my friends about it and they understood that it was a result of me being really engaged in their story! i am still doing and they seem to really love it. just make sure some of them are questions since they love it. i hope it helps
One strategy for making a silence less awkward is to repeat back what they said in summary in a ponderous tone like "I can't believe they would...." Or you can simply say "that sounds like a lot to think about."
Both are subtle hints that you are listening and are formulating a good and thoughtful response.
A good response that allows you to share your thoughts without making it seem like you're trying to change someone's mind is asking a hypothetical like "what would you think if ____ had happened instead?" This way you allow them to form their own opinion which could help them understand what you're thinking.
Do one thing: honestly and truly have a desire to understand the person who is talking. Everything else will come naturally to you if you do this. This is not something you can fake. This is a mentality and mindset you can put yourself into with practice. You will not understand everything a person is saying at all times; this will give you the chance to ask them clarifying questions as they naturally come up.
Well said 👍🏽
I agree. Indeed, we can learn any of those tips, but, without changing our mindset, we can be seen as a "fake" person, even if we thinking that faking it is also a part of learning to become a true good listener soon. A right mindset truly helps.
this is the one i struggle with the most. i cant be bothered to listen to gossip or drama.
The sheer joy i see peoples’ faces radiate, while i listen to them attentively and show interest, brings me all the happiness in the world.
i'm still amazed that this type of content is available for free.
I feel like my whole life, I have been in the position of a listener. What I have learned is that people absolutely love talking about themselves. You ask them a minor question, and they can go for hours talking about it. Being a good listener has helped me observe people to the point where I can make assumptions of what their response to my next question will be and most of the time they turn out right.
Nice🌱
I am a good listener as well but I have a friend who takes advantage of that lol. Every time I meet her she will talk for hours only about herself, and it’s usually the same stuff she’s told me before. When she attempts to listen, I can sense that she’s not actually engaged as much as when she gets to turn the conversation about herself again. Unless the topic is about something that interests her. And then she wonders why I don’t tell her much about me 🤦🏻♀
I work as a hospital chaplain where I basically practice non-judgmental, compassionate listening for a living. This video’s advice is spot on with what I was trained to do!
Tip 1: remove distractions and try not to interrupt and if you do so wait for natural poses and ask open ended questions
Tip 2: summarize what you just heard
Tip 3: try to stay present and ask for clarification
Tip 4: don't be afraid of silence
you summarized what you just heard
I was always really worried that I'm a terrible listener, but I literally do everything that was mentioned in the video. I hope that others also perceive my listerning as good and I'm not indeed a terrible listener.
As long as you try, it would be impossible to be a _terrible_ listener 😆👍🏼
When you talk you are just repeating what you already know but when you listen you learn something new which adds to your mental well being or even understanding human emotions...
Brilliant animation! The animators deserve a huge raise indeed
@@Gibdo88 Not really, I think they were just trying to complement the animators's job. However, you assumed they assumed the animators we'rent being payed enough. So who's assuming now?
Ooo this seems to employ various principles of Rogerian's counselling approach of (1) open-ended questions, (2) reflecting meaning, (3) reflecting feelings, (4) purposeful silence. The additional tip on preparing the environment was insightful, thank you!
Had to rewatch this video because I got distracted
1. Respond w/ empathy
2. Check for understanding
3. Counter bias w/ evidence
Third one definitely doesn't work everytime. It depends on the subject and the personality of your interlocutor, but confirmational bias is very hard to bypass.
@@MedicAles-q9t Asking "what evidence would change your mind?" after giving examples of what would change my mind would sus out whether to disengage.
The closed minded aren't worth listening to.
One more thing i learned was when are you supposed apply these tips. I always remind myself that its okay, i don't need to be excellent listener 100% of the time. I also deserved to be listened!
I sometimes use all this 4 tips in direct conversation, and it really works! It helps me to understand their perspectives and personalities even more and helps me to give the appropriate respones and feedbacks. These 4 tips also sometimes encourage my partners to do the same, so we can have a thoughtful, open-minded conversation in respectful manner with highly positive outcomes (both in solutions or emotionally). Thanks Ted-Ed for highlighting these 4 wise acts!
As a neurodivergent, thank you for this. Being enthusiastic but genuinely having a disabled ability to fulfil that desire is so complicated. Ex, I actually listen BETTER when I'm fiddling with a mindless game on my phone but of course, it comes off really rude if they aren't familiar with how much difficulty I have or my struggle to address it.
The designs are so cute!! I love the little detail that the narrator is a fly that is buzzing around the subject.
2:26
-Knock Knock
+Who's there
-Thoughts *Me*
+What thoughts
-Intrusive
This is essentially the reverse of genuinely listening to someone. Just like how smiling into the mirror has a habit of making one genuinely happy, trying to look as if you're listening happens to lead to genuinely listening, not just acting like it. Even putting aside the fact that asking questions requires one to have an understanding of what is being said, the act of putting aside distractions, paying attention to the conversation instead of your own response, and leaving space to think and breathe before speaking, all adds up to making you genuinely listen.
In other words, if you do genuinely listen, then these things come naturally, and if you do these things, then listening comes as a result.
This channel has fantastic listening resources! The variety of topics makes it easy and fun to learn every day.
The best listening advice I ever got: you don't need to show you're interested when you are genuinely interested about something
Ted-Ed - wonderful and concise video. Just this one crucial skill could change our divided political discourse, save relationships, and end wars. This channel is really making such a positive contribution to our world.
Yes.. It's possible.
Important Note
Becoming interested in someone else's interest is the first step to befriending them. A really good book that talks about how being a good conversationalist (and listener) is "How to win friends and influence them" by Dale Carnegie.
Being a good listener is so important!!
Awesome edutainment, thank you, Ted-Ed 🙏🏼 I made sure to take notes on this 1. Listening is a very important skill which has benefited me tremendously 🗒 One of my fav sayings is: "My favourite resource is PAYING attention" 😄
Empathy and sympathy are also huge. Find common ground with anyone about anything, and you'll form a bond. Be genuine.
I’m easily distracted and my brain likes to wander, and often I’ll be with a friend and realize I’ve drifted off only to crash back to reality. Stopping them, apologizing, and asking them to start over is so helpful and I’d like to think demonstrates your intention that you genuinely want to listen
best advice to listening is like the video said, get rid of all distractions...sometimes it's best to go for a walk or laying down so you're not sitting or staring them in the face
but he missed a crucial point... when listening always keep in mind the 4 "W's" who, what, when, where plus how
This video made me happy. I noticed that I already do almost every tips while listening! I will continue to learn more about listening. I do not know if the creators' will read my comment but thank you for this great informations 💖
Knowing how to listen with sincerity is a rare quality... Before interrupting someone or making any judgment, it is sometimes better to know more about the situation to understand the other person's point of view.
I really like knowing how others think and not only sticking to my opinions and I like exchanging opinions and discussing it with others but when I tried to be a good listeners others didn't listen to my opinion at all and kept on changing the topics after giving their opinions and didn't listen to mine and even interrupted me
First of all...i loved the animation☺️...it was really cute
Second....i understood what i was doing right and what was wrong...
So thank you💙
00:33 We finally can put a face on this famous voice-over we hear since years. I didnt imagine he looks like this 😅
This has to be one of my favourite animations thus far. props to everyone involved in the production as always 🫶🏽
Same, I know TED varies the style for each video but I do hope we see more of these elephants.
Thank you for your nice comment about animation, we really enjoyed the creation process❤
I started the video, then started doing stuff on my phone, only after 2 minutes realising the sound of the video was off... I think that answers the question for me
I always grateful for listeners that don’t just me it’s a power skill we can do it
I am a good listener. The tips are all very familiar to me. But sometimes i am the one who needs a supportive conversation. And than i come to the sad realisation that most people just can't listen! I try to open my heart to someone and they completely trow it away with there own bullsh`t!
I am currently trying to become a better listener, so this video comes just in time :)
It’s amazing how some people actually needs these videos when sometimes for others it just comes natural, I hope it helped a lot of people because socializing is very important nowadays 💘💘💘💌
Dear TED-Ed team, thank you for amazing cooperation on this project! We enjoyed it a loooot ❤❤❤❤
This video is so amazing! Ted ed gives such an in-depth insights yet in a simple way
and the style of design, animation and ideation is breathtaking.
I'm quite happy I that we have channels like Ted
I've been told I'm a good listener and for a long time I didn't really know what I was doing to get those core memory compliments. I think the most important part of what Ted-Ed is saying in this, is that you have to SHOW it. That doesn't mean you have to be bubbly supportive no matter what. I means you take in the information and genuinely think about it. It was always kinda just auto pilot for me, but when I heard them say it, I realized. Its not smiling and nodding. Its hearing the emotion and understanding when somebody is upset, angry, frustrated and then trying to harness those emotions to let them see their faults, or to let them see their clarity. Being a "good listener" is honestly something I don't think everybody should become, or want to become. Its taxing, and it has led to me having some flourishing 15 year friendships, but it has also led to some heartbreak and self loathing that I don't feel qualified to tell anybody because I'm the anchor for so many.
"being heard is enough to start a deep conversation".Factos!!!
These are all the basic counseling skills and is the foundation for any good session! Can be easily applied to any relationship though.
Yes the "how did it make you feel?" sounded like something off a therapists script, it's so cliche that you know they are actually thinking about what to order for dinner. Checking off lines from their script. Asking that question in other wording might sound more natural and sincere.
@@lestranged it sounds cliché but it actually helps a lot by asking that question it may not be worded exactly that way but a lot of the times putting emotions into words can help it’s all about trying to go deeper with a person and creating a safe space.
This is BRILLIANT! Please can you do a children and young people version of this! 😊
You don't always need to be a good listener... Sometimes you must choose not to listen what is none of your concern.
Agreed, sometimes your own problems are the best place to be selfish at.
Sounds more like eavesdropping
Can't agree more
ofcouse a dude with anime profile would say something like this
being a good listener is necessary, because good listening skills are very necessary to build true, meaningful relationships with other people, without good listening skills it will be difficult for you to make real friends
Woooh. I wanted to improve my listening skills! Thanks for this. ❤
I think just being interested in what the person has to say will elicit these types of responses naturally. If you’re uninterested, try and find one thing that the person is saying that interests you, then you’ll have a flowing conversation.
The choice of elephants for this animation is a fantastic choice. I had a sudden flashback of warm feelings from my childhood reading "Babar and his family"
My friend isnt that good of a listener. Whenever i try telling her my problems or talk to her about something important, she would always get distracted or purposely try not to listen like avoiding eye contact and moving onto a different subject right away. Even if i were to finish talking she would just nod and not say anything after to comfort me etc. Im truely glad that she was able to listen in some instances but i want that support from a friend if you know. Every time she talks, i would listen and give her my full attention and i really want to receive the same from her as well. I dont know if im being sensitive or ungrateful so please do correct me if i am :)
Atleast you showed that you care about her. People not listening to you can be frustrating tho; you could find a time to discuss about this. My friend told me that she doesn’t like “serious talks” but more “joke talking”, which I then understand.
She’s a chatterbox but I can’t find things to say back or think of one in time. But I do listen to her.
Your friend’s behavior is her part of system, everyone has their way to going through social time and phases. What I can say is that there is nothing wrong about you sooo yeah.
@@nekopop8159 I understand a lot now.. thankyouu 😊😊
At the root of it, being a good listener simply means you actually listen, and not just trying to chime in to snatch the mic from the speaker. That's the difference between hearing and listening. You are not only listening to their story, you're also trying to see it through their eyes, understanding how it affects their personality. When you listen, it will automatically show without you having to think about it, because listening is actually quite energy-consuming. The little nods, the occasional "Hm" are sufficient.
The video is good and valid, yet we have to address the fact that a good listener needs a good speaker; Expecting someone to "endure" just because good listening is morally obligating not the goal.
1. Waiting "for your turn" may be bad listening, but it also may be someone dragging out something to an extent where you feel like you don't actually talk to someone, but have to listen to a speech and nod/support in the end.
2. Close to 1: In discussions, some people actively abuse a good listener to make a shitload of claims, so that he has no chance to add or say something without interrupting.
3. People sometimes need someone to just listen: All right. But sometimes people tell you about the same problems over and over, where you just get frustrated because you can't just shove their minds into the sometimes obvious problems and solutions. Yes, I will lend a shoulder and listen to your problems. Yes, I will give unasked advice, if I have to be the sponge for the third time you made the same bad decision with the same bad outcome.
Taking a moment to form a response sounds really nice. Too bad nobody ever allows that to happen. Everyone always feels the need to fill the silence
Genuinely listening has many layers of complexity. If it is genuine, it is also a very selfless act. Like many here have said, the great majority of people don't care about you (the listener). Once you accept this and keep offering a listening ear, that's when you start becoming a good listener, in my estimation.
Visual storytelling via animation is so beautiful TED-Ed.
We appreciate your kind words regarding the animation; we had a great time making it.❤
One the best presentations and one of the best animations.......and that too on an interesting psychological hack.
Thank you for your nice comment about animation, we really enjoyed the creation process❤
I find the animation rather cute, especially that part at 4:40 when the elephant offers cake to the insect and shows that someone is listening to what the insect is saying.
We appreciate your kind words regarding the animation; we had a great time making it.❤
The animation is really good and adorable. The female elephant looks very cute. 😻
It’s said that listener is the judge. And through listening deeply it is more easy n convenient for me in grasping the knowledge from religion to universe.However,listening attentively is a difficult trait to imbibe in one’s personality, and for that to adopt it one has to keep himself awake while awake.
00:07 Good listening is crucial for improving relationships and changing minds
00:47 High-quality listening requires attentiveness, understanding, and positive intent.
01:17 Effective communication involves attentive body language
01:56 Phone presence reduces intimacy in conversations
02:30 Active listening involves summarizing and avoiding planning responses.
03:02 Tips for effective communication
03:35 Active listening improves satisfaction in relationships and reduces burnout in the workplace.
04:13 Good listening leads to open-mindedness and fosters healthy conversations.
Never split the difference.........it all comes from that book....Awesome.
i love ted-ed so so much
I have ADD. I have always been called out for not listening but have heard every word. Once Mother Superior made fun of me in class for not listening. I was so scared, but I suddenly stood my whole little self up and repeated every word she said including the part where she made fun of me. I got detention. If you have a medical problem that people don't except, what can you do?
Proud of little you for showing them you did hear what they had to say - its a shame if they didn't accept you did past that. I have ADHD, and my partner does too, what we do when its important that the other person knows we're listening is that state we are AND we remark out loud that while our hands & eyes are busy with (thing, like knitting or a game) we are only doing so to satisfy that busy hands need. We've found this to relieve a lot of anxiety about being heard - even with both of us having ADHD, we are still socially conditioned to take fidgeting as preoccupation/not listening. A little "I'll be (working on this cross stitch) to keep my hands busy, but please tell me what you have to say" can go a long way!
You were not the victim. You were interrupting class.
@@Kirealta No one said they were a victim, they are looking for advice. But I hope you feel better about yourself now.
@@Kirealta
You're the kind of person that kicks someone because their trying-their-best isn't your version.
May you step on a LEGO until you mend your ways 💩
as always, the animation is elegant and lovely
Listening to Ted education helped me a lot in improving my listening skills, thanks
A lot of this is found in Bohm Dialogue as well. Coherence, vs content. There is the potential to feel “coherence” in the presence of disagreement-as well as the curious experience of NOT feeling coherence, even if one agrees!
Choosing not to formulate one’s response while the other is speaking is also a central point of Bohm Dialogue. Staying in the moment and focusing on presence and receiving.
Using this form of communication can be revelatory in personal conflicts, and daily life-but yah, also knowing there are positive aspects to reactive and off the cuff responses.
Much like NVC, Bohm Dialogue, if not practiced with consent and respect, can also be used as an abusive power dynamic. Sometimes people want to emotionally connect in messy ways, and insisting on structure all the time is unsustainable after a while, or is inappropriate.
Some thoughts and contexts :)
I’m from HK studying the UK, I am mad pissed by people in here constantly interrupt a conversation and not likely to listen to anyone and just keep talking regardless. That’s a really important value however, that everyone should cherish.
The twist at the end got me lol
Right??? What is up with that??!!???!?!?
This really helps. I have a language disorder, and keeping up with conversations and saying new sentences can be complicated.
This is so much mean for connection between me and environment.
removing all distractions, not interrupting, throwing open questions during pauses, focus and do not thinking about making question while listening, asking for repetition if necessary, taking time to formulate question if they need it
it is a first video in a listening exercise ❤
i am from Egypt ❤
Listening is not just silence but the conversation that participates in this conversation
Being a great listener is like putting on their shoes, what it feels like to understand more on their situation rather being sympathetic to their feelings.
Rather than following any tips or guidelines try to truly listen to people. You will be amazed how much of difference it makes on someone's attitude towards you.
If you are awkward try to keep on conversation rolling by asking them something from their previous information. i.e. "I went to doctors yesterday" - "Ohh!! How did it go? Are you alright?" You will be amazed how much of difference it makes to people when they truly feel heard.
As communication skills , listening skill should also be considered ✨
Learning how to listen vs. hear is a great skill. It takes time, though. Understanding how to read social and facial cues takes time as well.
Know. Broca's area, or the Broca area is a region in the frontal lobe of the dominant hemisphere, usually the left, of the brain with functions linked to speech production. 2/8/2021 and I lived again. Broca's aphasia (non-fluent aphasia) Mike Caputo, Year 1 Stroke Recovery, Up Up Up - Aphasia with attitude, Broca's Aphasia, Right-side Weakness, Mark's 22 years-old Stroke: Broca's Aphasia.
love the point about asking questions - so important. Great video. Thank you.
"Listen instead of waiting for your turn to speak" - hits hard
Thank you I've learn to have a active listening
I'm glad I've been unknowingly doing this, maybe it's why people always wanna tell me everything...
I’m autistic and pretty much have no interest in listening to what others have to say if it doesn’t cover a topic I’m interested in (ex. I like talking about cartoons because of my hyper fixation, while the person I’m talking to likes outdoor mountain biking). To trick my brain into listening/engaging in these kinds of conversations, I’ve been told by others to look at it like this: you don’t listen because you are interested in the topic. You listen because you care about the other person. Most of the time I couldn’t care less about my friend blabbing on about their most recent hiking adventure, but I listen and engage with them because they are my friend, and I love and care about them as an individual.
Your ability to reflect is a great trait to have. All friends do not have to have all interests in common, it is easy to forget that we are a part of others circle and vice versa. However making your part of the circle meaningful to the other makes us more valuable as individuals. Thank you for sharing you input.
Thank you for this. I recently feel not heard by this so-called "master" and I was annoyed how interrupting and misunderstood he was on me.
Anyways, times have past, I have decided to not talk much to him and think about what lesson I may learn from it, whether I am a good listener or not.
Thank you! I just forwarded this video to my wife.
The last part is what i need to implement
love this content. Keep it up TED-Ed!
I was lucky enough to be taught how to listen by an expert. My friend Dr. Dallas Demmitt wrote a book called "can you hear me now?" That is an excellent manual on how to do what he calls Discovery listening. Highly recommended for anyone who wants to dive deeper into this subject.
This was a really good video and some of these comments are super helpful for my class that I am teaching on Active Listening.
1. full attention to speakers words + ask questions but not out of curiosity + body language
2. summary in case you missed and ask too
3. don't think what you have to say next but listen to others point carefully then after some silence think and reply