Thanks for the help, I remember when I was young I had a lot of friends, basically friends with everyone, but slowly I got distant from everyone, basically lonely, finally someone became friends with me and stayed as my friend. Once I grew up I constantly hung out with her, but I got older and older and know we are separated because we don’t go to the same school. When I’m angry or sad I think of her, she also tells me that she thinks of me, it gives me happiness that my bestie, even when far apart, still loves me. That’s how you know when the person, you’re friend, always loves you, shows that they’re a true friend! I’m glad I have her in my life ❤️❤️❤️
How to Form good Relationships after both Had Trauma. I still Love this Soul, even though WE went through ugly Karma. 10/10 Karma Cleanse. Joy, Love, Abundance now. Amen. 🙏🏻🌟🫂💫💚♾️🌏🎏 Learningove Languages and heartwarming communication. How to Listen to your Feelings and strengthen unconditional Love for self and Every Being, even though U went through Shit Times. Staying vulnurable, honest, gently Bold, courageous, comitted and Compassionate. Greets. ☯️💚✡️
I have a friend who had two back to back really hard breakups. When I first met him he was in great shape and super social and active. Now I can’t get him out of his house. He just sits on his couch drinking beer and watching UA-cam. He lives two blocks from the beach and all of the bars and restaurants where he could meet new friends. My heart goes out to him. I know it’s not my job or responsibility to fix him but it still breaks my heart.
Being a good friend isn't 'fixing" someone. Your friend has suffered trauma. He doesn't need to be "fixed". Offering to listen without judgement, simply checking in to say hello is good. Not asking him to do or talk about anything he doesn't want to is also good. Letting him know you there if he ever wants company is being a good friend.
I just had two back to back my heart and spirt is broken I do the same now just sit on my couch drinking beer n cocaine when I’m not doing that I’m working shit hurts
I understand him. Videogames and solo activities at the house are a lot more appealing than having your heart ripped out again. My ex-wife cheated with a friend of mine. Ex-girlfriend was abusive. Ex-fiancee stole from me to buy pills and when she couldn't get them tried to hang herself. I don't go out very much anymore.
I can relate I rarely leave my apartment just play Xbox and prepare myself for when I do need to go out anywhere. But just being there is sometimes all someone needs. I'm at a point in life as a single mother aswell I value amazing friendship over romantic relationships. I do hope he finds his own happiness though
1. i worry a lot more than most people, but that was before i knew what he did 2. i get a bit mad, but it takes a few seconds to move on 3. i am way too trusting, even more so now 4. me hating myself i completely irrelevant to what he did 5. i’m a bit jumpy, but i think it’s related to another thing that happened to me 6. i tried as hard as i could to lead him down a better path, but there’s nothing more i could’ve done
For me, it wasn't just one person; there are many people who betrayed my trust. Some were love interests, some within my immediate family. It gets to the point where whenever someone new enters my life, I subconsciously expect the betrayal (even to this day).
Trust is something I find myself fundamentally incapable of, I only trust people to only care for themselves, usually to my detrement. Any deviation from that norm I don't like or understand.
And the worst part about all of that is, most of the time your suspicion and distrust of these new people is most often warranted. I've tried to open back up to people even after I've known them for years, only for them to seriously betray my trust. I just stopped trying.
I have been suffering from this for YEARS and just got to know now thanks to your video. Over the years, I've been let down by so many friends who I thought would've had my back. The last just happened around one year ago and I'm still stuck in a betrayal trauma from it. No wonder I just dissociated and stopped getting emotionally attached to people at one point. The very THOUGHT of trying to form an emotional connection with someone now is enough to send me running for the hills or completely ruin my mood. I'd *much* rather be alone now than having everyone trample over me again and again - there's only so much pain a person can take before they break. I thought that I'd probably just lost the ability to make emotional connections anymore, but this video describes whatever is happening with me down to a T. Thank you for bringing to light what I didn't realize myself. Your channel is a blessing ❤
I feel the same. I've been let down and disappointed by friends over the years and now can't trust anyone. It's hard to meet new people as I feel they will only use me and move on. The walls I built up over the years are never coming down. I'd rather be distant than get hurt again.
I only found out last year that what I was experiencing was betrayal trauma, I hadn't even known that what I was going through had a name! It is such an isolating experience and often dismissed by the people who harm us. It's also EXHAUSTING.
I have a mate who's got an x who dogged on her they were getting engaged n he married someone else but kept her in the dark she never knew n he bragged to everyone how he'd done what he'd done thinking he was so clever I wonder what he really got in the end I mean was his wife that much better, lol, stunning than my friend was like he bragged about
Wow, this whole time I thought I was just being dramatic about what happened.. but after seeing this I realize that everything I feel is completely justified.. it’s been so hard, especially since the one who did this to me is in my class and I have to see her every day… and my friend is still friends with her..it frustrates me to no end when I see her talking to her..everything has just been so hard and painful
As @DCrane925 said, you're not being dramatic. I think your feelings and experiences are valid. No person should ever feel betrayed or feel like they're being dramatic because of how you feel. Do you have any other friends that you can talk to about this?
@@Psych2go I do. I have my boyfriend as well as a counselor and psychiatrist. Usually I don't get into all the nitty gritty dirt with my boyfriend. He already knows all about my trauma and my past but he's great. sometimes I'll have total meltdowns crying and screaming like a bear but I gotta get it out. It doesn't scare him away. He says and I quote I'm gonna love you I gotta love all of you. The good the bad the ugly the damaged. He's great. I've also had the same counselor for over 7 yrs. She still works remotely so we speak on the phone about 4 days a week actually. Anywhere between 15 minutes to an hour maybe more. The reason we have on the phone sessions so often is cuz she's from a substance abuse program. When they were open normal like 3 yrs ago or more I'd have groups 3-4 days a week and only see her once a week. All the counselors try to stay in more contact with the people on their case loads being that there's no face to face or groups. I also speak with the psychiatrist every 2 weeks
People suck. Parents, institutions, friends and relationships. It has been a continuous theme of my life. But now I just stay alone. No drama except for television where it belongs. It doesn't affect my life and I can turn it off when done. ✌️
(Warning this is gonna be a long text so buckle up!) That's so true.. 😔, heck.. my own brother is certainly the type to betray someone he's proven that after stealing money from my debit card, Though to be frank I myself am guilty of stealing in the past, and I'm still learning an recovering from my past decisions and coming to terms with🥲. But I don't want my siblings to do the same mistakes I did even though I know it was there decision not mine, I still feel like I influenced my brother of turning out like this, I just only hope thing's will change for the better though it's my brother's decision if he want's to change an make better choices in life. Phew.. needed to get all that off my chest, sorry for the long story 😅.
I‘ve been cheated on by ALL my long term relationships after 6-7 years. Accepting and continuing to trust is really tough. Thank you for bringing it up. ❤
Trusting again may be difficult after such a betrayal , but it's not impossible right?May your path be filled with moments of restoration and genuine connections.❤❤
I am learning to give myself what I need, and trust myself. When I approach others, it is from the place of not needing them. This is helping me a lot. If anyone lets me down again, I've got my back, I'm OK to just walk away.
Its just pretty hard to trust someone ever again, if you were betrayed by someone in all that groups…That includes family, friends, best friends and your partner.😞
I just don't trust anybody anymore. It's a hell of a lot easier to expect that people are selfish narcissistic assholes and find out they're not quite that, than the other way around.
I’m so used to betrayal at this point that if i get betrayed i do not feel anything I’m like ‘ok I’m not surprised that happened’. It’s as if I was subconsciously prepared for betrayal so when it happens it doesn’t hurt me as much!
@alceusrydan6237 That's so sad but relatable... I think it's along the same lines of "if you're expecting the worst, nothing can hurt you." But I also think it can be potentially very pessimistic because expecting to be betrayed makes us see the world in a very negative light. :(
It's not just one person, it's just the unfortunate repeating patterns. You realize your role in the relationships, you initiate, ask the questions, make the drive to and from, think of what activities to do. But when you stop calling,texting and doing the initiating it becomes apparent to me that they were content with just letting you do things as is, and no effort is needed on their part. So you think back to the good times, and see the bad ones and why they were the way they were. Weeks become months, months I to years. And next thing you know, when you finally do the reaching out, when you catch up, they have a new bestfriend like hey, I guess I wasn't enough for you then or now. Instead fixing what was broken, they took the easy route again and just found a new person. Thats the part that hurts, you were the reason there was a relationship and also the only reason. "People just keep leaving me, and I can't trust that easy" because I don't see the effort on their part..life goes on, people change. I don't expect anyone to stay in my life anymore, but I'm devastated to hear all the grandmas that loved me like their own,passing away and hearing about it later on. Life right?
Yes this is Exactly what I experienced. To find out that the relationship was really me, the whole time. I found out that after all the years it was really only me that actually cared. It was always me, the funny thing is her step mother told me that years ago n i really didnt see it then. I see it now after being left to die by all of them. It almost destroyed me. Led me thru addiction. Homelessness for 7 yrs. I finally had an awaking after one of my homeless friends died in my arms. I saw the truth after intense suffering that I had been thru. That was 3 yrs ago, my life has turned 180°. I'm livin my best life, financially secure, living on a beautiful lake. Got everything I needed n more. I'm still alone almost 10 yrs now but finally figured out how to show myself the live I was looking for. I became my own bestfriend n life has never been better
This is something I’ve been suffering from for years, and have been working on in therapy for about a year now. The video mentioned the feelings of guilt and insecurity of “what could I have done differently?” but there was also a _lot_ of “how did I not see this coming?”
Yes! It’s a lot of beating yourself up for not seeing the signs. Or not having all the information you need to mentally process. Or endlessly scanning the information you DO have. It’s consuming.
@@TeachTheGirl2024 This. I've finally stopped most of this, thankfully. The relationship I'm in currently is complicated, and I had horrible thoughts of not being good enough or worthy enough or deserving enough, and would overthink EVERYTHING that could go wrong with the little information I had. He recently shared a lot of information about our situation, and his situation with someone else, which took away nearly all of that self hatred I was feeling. Open communication and trust feels AMAZING, and really helps to get rid of a lot of anxiety and fear. It's a shame a lot of people don't communicate together properly
I’ve learned in therapy that processing emotions constructively and taking away realistic, productive insight from experiences has helped me immensely to let go and focus on the now and what will be rather than what was and what I cannot change. I started with small less trivial things and with time, it’s become normal to just process, acknowledge learn and move on. I still slip sometimes but the fall is now just that a slip and not a Fall and the end of the world like it used to be
I didn't expect to tear up at "You're not crazy"... and pretty much every word that followed. Thanks for giving me words to put to the pain and illuminating paths to healing.
Psilocybin saved my life. I was addicted to heroin for 15 years and after Psilocybin treatment I will be 3 years clean in November. I have zero cravings. This is something that truly needs to be more broadly used in addiction treatment.
Psychedelic’s definitely have potential to deal with mental health symptoms like anxiety and depression, I would like to try them again again but it’s just so hard to source out of there.
@@JamesTaylor-ff4dpI was having this constant, unbearable anxiety because of my mom I lost. Not until I came across bergwilly11_, a very intelligent mycologist.He saved my life honestly
The Trips I've been having have really helped me a lot,I finally feel in control of my emotions and my future and things that used to be mundane to me now seem incredible and full of nuance on top of that I'm way less driven by my ego and I have alot more empathy as well
This video was MADE for me! I show every one of these signs and it hurts. I have been betrayed by so many different people. My father, my old bosses, some other relatives, friends, etc. HOWEVER, I am changing my life for the better! I finally opened up about my problems and I am getting help. I am cutting ties with those who used & abused me (including my dad) and I am not looking back. I feel a lot better and I am considering going to therapy when I get the chance. I am done being whiny 19-year-old. My complaints are valid, yes, but I need to move forward and stop sitting in the rain.
I definitely have this. My mother is an extremely toxic, evil person who has betrayed me over and over all my life. An office where I worked for 5 years (and thought I'd be there forever) suddenly began bullying me horribly until I resigned. Found out later the office manager wanted to hire one of her friends for my position. My dad is remarried to a woman only 9 years older than me who has deep down hated me for decades and on one of the lowest nights of my life took me aside and berated me. I never told my dad nor have I ever shown what I really think of this woman. As a result of all these things, I suffer from horrendous anxiety and depression and literally cannot handle life.
Yes many parents selfishly pick bad partners after divorce . As adults they can make choices & protect themselves better than children so they need to prioritize them stay single try not to divorce...the children are not generally "ok" and won't "get over it" as feminists say
Ugh. That all sounds totally awful. So sorry you went through it and are still going through the repercussions of it. I hope that things get better for you! Sending virtual hugs and sunshine 🧡☀️
I hope you've gotten away from that family member. I've been betrayed by a family member too and I feel better now that I no longer have to see or interact with them
@@KleinBibi Same. I hope that feeling, thats still hurting me , will end some day and i also hope to move on. He was very close when i was young, but then he just let go of me.. He is sick (addicted to stuff) and is still hurting me, but i still love him.... The sad thing is, that he will never recover .........
@@user-bt7er6vl4c They usually don't even know they're doing something wrong 😢My dad was a great dad when before my parents divorced... Then he neglected me in every way possible... He still thinks our relationship is great. I hope I can cut ties soon. It's so toxic :( But I'm sure we can get over it step by step and with a little help! Sending some hugs :)
I fell in love with someone. I told her about my betrayal trauma and trust issues. I told her I was too scared to get close and just wanted to end things so neither of us would get hurt. But she begged me to stay. Called me her soulmate. So I stayed. It was the best two months of my life. A more perfect person couldn't exist for me on this whole planet. And then one day she just discarded me anyway. All because my mask slipped and I couldn't hide my sadness or anxiety anymore. I feel so stupid for thinking I could ever trust anyone again. And I don't *have* any family or friends to turn to. She *was* my support network.
Betrayal trauma is a huge hill to get past. It’s actually relatively a new term and isn’t really touched on as much as it should be. Realizing i went through this, i had to go through some deep spiritual healing to be able to get past it. Still til this day, I do have to tame the anxiety I feel
@@Psych2go I’ve had a few therapists, while they understood how I felt, I don’t think they understood the volume of it and how it affected me overall, to things y’all pinpointed out in this video such as trust issues, anxiety, withdrawal, rumination, and negative intrusive thoughts. A couple (2-3) of my closest friends have been such an fantastic outlet, while we’ve been able to come to understanding the toll betrayal trauma has taken on me
@@gurnblanston5000 that’s a good question, I’d bet it probably does. But i haven’t had a male Dr Psychologist. I’ve had a male counselor, and he kinda was mildly belittling lol
This is one of the CLEAREST explanation of complex trauma I've seen in a long while. This is a great video to explain this to my circle. Everyone share this with someone, it's time we all heal.
I felt terrible for months about this. What helped me was to start loving myself more. I lost weight, started to study more and got back into some old hobbies that I had fun doing before. I also bought myself some new things. When the negative thoughts came to mind, I started being able to cut them off and think about something else. You can get over it over time. Remember you are important and you deserve to be happy 😊
Same, and thank you. Time. Yes, and definitely self love. Self healing, such a process. Can't rush. I'm 5 years from my last, love betrayal......some days it's still very hard, but nothing like the beginning. Take care, and again, thank you.
Thank you, I'm really struggling. Happened 25 years ago, found out 7 years ago. Can not leave her. Financial reasons. She is still good to me, bit I really suffer.
For months after I was betrayed by someone I loved dearly, I was always shaking and trembling whenever I talked about him to anyone, I couldn't stop the physical reaction 💀
Oh... This is exactly what I have been suffering for years. I have been betrayed so many times by friends and family in the past to the point that all these signs resonates with me today. Still slowly trying to open it up with my therapist. It is a long battle.
I’ve been in therapy since I was 17, but the trauma started way before that. I’m 50 now and, despite all these years of therapy, I still have trust issues and get triggered by certain things… There are a few other things on this list I do as well. But it’s not just one person’s betrayal, it’s been many people over many years. Despite all this, I did actually manage to get married and have a family. I’ve often told my husband he’s very lucky because of all the people in the world, he’s the one I trust most and I still don’t trust him completely. He takes it as a compliment as he knows what my life has been. My kids have known as well, so they understood why mom was a little off. At least I can rely on them.
The trust issues and the finding the why part hit me differently. An event that happened years ago (not comfortable disclosing) gave me trust issues in general. All the negative thoughts are stuck in my head and I just simply can’t open up to people (emotionally) as I feel they will just backstab me again… the worst part is I overshare and most of them don’t know what I feel inside, and I just want to keep it that way, keep the mask on, a facade if you will (like dream, as he was hated for taking it off, although i strongly believe he didn’t deserve the hate at all…) and I stay in my room most of the time, but I still respond to friends and family, I’m just more comfortable in my room. It’s where all the thinking happens, my domain if you may. I end up listening and helping others more than myself to hide all the negative, it’s all bottled up and that’s what scares me; when it breaks down or explodes, it’s all going to come like a flood, wave of tears… and I always want to know the why behind everything, “why did xxx do this?” “Why am I doing this?” “Is this right?” are just a few of the questions Thank you for making all these videos and keep doing what you’re doing!
This is so relatable, The why? I swear it’s just our minds trying to understand or”justify” the things that happened so that they won’t happen again. Probably an instinct but I don’t know.
Wait, literal "dissociation?" Not just "I'm not feeling myself lately," but the out of body experience kind? That's powerful and it explains something I experienced.
She was my person, I saw myself in her, when we were together it felt like the air changed, as if I could feel something and without uttering a word she'd know that feeling. I had never felt so heard, so understood to that personal level before. There wasn't anything I wouldn't do for her, and I'm a very very rational person with literally none that close or intimate. We were both straight girls, so it wasn't even romantic. But then it happened, the unthinkable, the betrayal, that I didn't believe for years that she could do to me, it was such a stark contradiction to the idea of her in my mind, I denied my own feelings to justify her. Even when I couldn't trust her anymore I tried to believe she didn't betray me it was just me being dramatic. I understand now. And I can't ever imagine forming anything close to the bond we had with anyone anymore. I have this bland politically correct personality with zero depth with everyone now and I can't dare to change it.
I found an Adult Children of Alcoholics/Dysfunctional Family meeting and found fellow life travelers who shared similar traumas. It has been life changing for me and I urge anyone reading this and suffering to find a meeting and attend.
One of the best psychology videos I've seen. (And I've seen many!) What about the phenomenon of someone who is REPEATEDLY betrayed in crushing,. devastating ways, resulting in a feeling on personal torment, damnation, being singled out, tested, punished and leading to a general sense of distrust for essentially the entire Human Race. I know I CAN'T be the ONLY one that feels this way. I would ask Peter Steele, but he's not taking my calls right now.
I was betrayed heavily by friends/colegues once and though I have moved past it now, I understand better that some of the things I did at the time was a symptom of the trauma. Especially withdrawal, I was certain after the whole ordeal I didn't even go out of my house for a whole year. It was too much, and the world felt like such a scary place in the moment.
I wish I could tell my story but no one would believe me! Maybe one day I can put it in words! I will continue, on my quest, for self love, and not feeling guilty for saying the word “NO” when necessary and rest without feeling the need to ask for it! With this freedom, we can recharge and be a better version of ourselves and help others! We can find out where we fit in the world again, with this new found knowledge of healing!🙏❤️🕊
I went through a serious betrayal from my wife and I too feel no one would believe me I'd like to hear your story, please share of you like. All the best x
This actually explains a lot of what's happening with me right now. I thought I was just being dramatic, but this makes me feel a lot better knowing that it's not just me. This can happen to others. Thank you.
Having a support group is super important, but not everyone has family as a support group. This needs to be said. Support groups can also be friends, neighbors, or licensed psychologists. It's something that looks different for different people and all are valid. What helps you and is the healthiest option might mean excluding abusers. Setting healthy boundaries with people who respect those boundaries is key.
This resonated strongly. Like to add that betrayal can reach a point of having happened too much. I'd go get help to recover from it but always met with radio silence.
I never knew betrayal trauma was a thing until today. Ive always thought it was my cPTSD from being raised and abused by a narcissistic personality disorder mother. I not only ran to the hill... I ran to the mountains in the Scottish Highlands. Ive been here for over 20 years. Ive spents until 5 weeks ago in lockdown. I loved lockdown and was completely overwhelmed the first time i went to town to find it full of tourists. Full blown panic attack that literally floored me. Last year a neighbours family situation drastically altered and we've become good friends and allies. 😊. This gave me the confidence to give people another chance to have been volunteering in with the food bank/kitchen. I was loving it. Until yday. i found out someone in the group had not only betrayed a confidence ( the told me to my face) but that rhe same person attends a wellbeing group ive attended twice so im now stressing that what i was told was a confidential group and allowed my self to release personal information about myself is now doing the rounds around town. Betrayal... Yup im well triggered to the point where i just feel done trying to have any kind of relationship with people. And to just focus on my home bird sanctuary 😥 once trust is gone for me. Theres no getting it back. I simply csnt be around thst person. Not because theyve hurt me... But because i want to really hurt them 😡 the shame im feeling is crippling.
I've been suffering from this since childhood. I'm 41 now, and I still suffer from the effects of betrayal and childhood trauma. Somedays, I'll burst into tears, wondering why I was betrayed when I was nothing but good to those who screwed me over and talked bad about me. Because of this, I have anxiety, extreme trust issues, trouble controlling my anger and depression.
Ugh, video is so hard to watch because of how accurate it is. Why do people do evil things. I'm stuck in that "Why" question mode. I want to get out of it, but my brain is so wired for that mode.
Yep me too....starting at birth then on and on abs ON until my ex husband tried to kill me...he's in prison ...I'm in a wheelchair (he ran me over 3x) and been happily single 14yrs now....soooo wish I'd decentered men YEARS before I did. I'm 52 Btw. But trust has to be GROWN it's not instant 🙄 I barely talk to anyone and just want to move on from the earth plane ....
@@6Haunted-DaysSo so sorry you went through all of that I'm 64 and I don't think I have much time left on earth I'm so beat up in every room from a lifetime abus r by everyone there's nothing left of me
This video came into my life perfectly. Recently, a friend i thought I was safe with, betrayed me and it has been really difficult to process it. My head is always thinking "I should have done it differently, I should have said this and not that". He is friend with my friends, so I have to see him and hear about him often. I didn't understand why I was so angry whenever he appeared as a topic, but now I think I get it! I'm not bad, I was hurt and that makes me feel bad! Now I understand it, and I think I can improve. I've been following this channel since long time now, and I'm glad I did subscribe! Thank you so much!
This is exactly what I needed to hear. I am still processing a betrayal trauma that happened over 20 years ago. This video clarified a lot of things. I will be discussing this new found knowledge with my therapist tomorrow ! Thank you !
20yrs, me too, it feels like a prison sentence, but now I'm free but institutionalize from it. It's no different than an inmate walking out on the streets after 20 years and dont know anything different but the prison, and having to deal with the new world
I've been betrayed many times, to the point where when I have to rely on someone else, I get extremely stressed and upset. I also don't trust anyone, except my husband. I've lost complete faith in humanity. We are such an awful species.
My support system turned on me randomly lately then cut themselves out of my life and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. Thank you for putting a name to it.
This video is on point for me except the part where it says friends and family help. For me there is absolutely nobody to turn to because family and friends have been the people who have betrayed me. Over and over
I had betrayal happen in my key developmental years and as a result of that I grew up keeping most things to myself. I made everything I did a secret even if it didn't need to be up until recently
Same. My parents betrayed me by neglecting me and never treating me like I was good enough. Friends in early years of school would turn against me. People I dated would seek to harm me instead of love me. So I learned to lie and keep every emotion in, until it all finally exploded in rage. The man I'm with now, though, I hide very little from. The only things I hide are silly things that I think are embarrassing, but nothing important. I've finally given full communication to someone the first time in my life, and it feels so good. It's like all of my past just doesn't matter anymore because I have someone to open up to. It was hard, though. Still is. But I ignore the self hate and need to be secretive, and this helps me stay open
Yes this should have been the focus of the video, so many no longer get what they need from their mothers before the age of 5 . Very common in our modern individualistic culture. Having a good bond with your mother early & to FEEL that she is always there gives better emotional protection later with a good internal sense of self that you were loved and supported unconditionally. Psychology is dominated by women & feminism that do not like to point to the origin of many adults problems which are the mothers particularly when very young...
A girl I was talking to put me in a bad spot that I specifically warned her not to. It was a miracle I kept my composure that night, and didn’t get myself in serious trouble. Ruminating is the main thing I experience. I wondered what I did to deserve what happened to me, and I still wonder why she did it. I asked, and I told her how I felt, and I tried to talk about it when I finally calmed down months later, but I never got much of an answer from her. What I already know tells me that she wanted to hurt me, and it may have gotten out of her control. I’ll probably never actually hear her side of the story, and though we’ve mended things somewhat, I don’t imagine I’ll ever trust her again if that doesn’t change.
Not only have, I suffered from betrayal trauma, but I have also suffered from trauma experiences I have nightmares every night I go to sleep, and I still try to see a therapist once a week, but it’s hard to recover from that. I will do everything in my power to recover.
After finding out that my brother’s wife had been cheating on him for years, people don’t seem to realize how traumatizing betrayal can be. At best I want her to get professional help and feel remorse. At worse I want her to experience karma in the most painful way, and that me being pg.
the way you described rumination is exactly what I'm going through. asking myself WHY she did something and spiraling over it. thinking off seeing her again, thinking of if she never betrayed me, thinking of all our good times. it's exhausting. it is torture. I often have dreams in which I ask her why or just talk to her.
after my whole life of 21 years so far i finally found one of my main mental problems i have finally found this video thank you for help bringing this to light and helps me give something to talk about next when i see my therapist and this might be one of the reasons why there are so many things i have a hard time with after just knowing betrayal. thank you so much for doing these videos it's really helpful to sort through all the confusing bits of googling stuff
My last partner kinda went insane and started abusing (neglecting) the pets and when I spoke up about it she psychologically and emotionally abused me too. After the break-up, the pets that survived moved in with me and we love each other. That was how my 2023 started and though I am much more stable now (I'm even considering dating again) there is still a lot of betrayal trauma there. Desire to move on coupled opposingly with rumination about how and why things went so horrible so quickly as well as trying to salvage what friendship can be gleaned from the remains of the relationship. This person seemed so good for so many years and then suddenly did all that; I definitely won't be trusting anyone again very easily. Me and the animals, we're our own little family and I'm glad I at least have them.
I've felt betrayed by a church I used to be in. I've said I have an "allergy" to it. Spending time around people still in the religion makes me disassociate (like my family).
THANK YOU for this video, I CANNOT express how much this is EXACTLY what I’ve been going through for the past 12 years, especially. I had already been betrayed and abandoned by so many people I thought were my best friends, but being betrayed by the person I thought was my soulmate for almost 7 years really changed something in me, and I lost any ability to trust in others or feel true connections. Despite not seeing them for 12 years, they are virtually the ONLY thing I think about, because they were the last time I felt truly happy. Now I always feel like I’m on the outside, looking in through a window, just waiting to get left behind. No matter how often people assure you they’ll always “be there”, you know the truth, and you know how it ends, so everything just feels like a lie, like you’re always anticipating abandonment and betrayal, so much so that you feel numb to it, you almost welcome it, just so you can say to yourself “I knew it”.
Well at least your not alone. And it has a name. I'm 20 years into this and just yesterday learned this about me.i feel like maybe I can live a little again because theres hope. Healing begins at understanding, and I'm getting my life back from all those years taken from me from one person.
Trust nobody. Not completely. Idc what this says. Pain, more trauma, betrayal, arrogance, people thinking themselves clever and more is inevitable. Everybody plz save yourselves the pain and suffering. Get a cat. People and partners are overrated. Cats are better.
I believe most people with CPTSD have this by default, considering most victims boils down to children with a history of abuse made by their parents, a relationship made by "confidence".
I can’t believe the timing of this video describes everything so clearly I suffer betrayal trauma some one I loved and trusted for years abandoned me family betrayed my trust and yes it does make you question who is there left to trust painful but thankyou 😊💕
This video hit way too close to home! I know people who suffer from severe trauma and I never thought my trauma counted. Thank you for showing me that it does! When I was younger I had a toxic friend group. I am autistic and have ADHD and suffer from generalized anxiety disorder and OCD as well as a few other learning disabilities. I was always known as the weird kid that nobody wanted to hang out with or even be associated with. I was the socially awkward outcast in almost every grade. The worst part was I was an incredibly sweet almost too empathetic person who just wanted to have people care about me and even respect me in the slightest. My parents are really sweet and have always respected me but some of my teachers, and a lot of my peers were pretty rude to me. My Two closest best friends who I let too close to my heart betrayed me. One of them was never really a friend, she was almost more of a toxic manipulator in elementary school. The second one in middle school had a lot in common with me and I shared almost everything personal with her and then she abandoned me when she got popular and I have a lot of trouble trusting people since. Things have gotten a little better for me now. I now go to a school where everybody is neurodivergent and quirky and we had all been bullied in the past and everyone is there true self and really sweet! I actually have friends who care about me now and a really loving girlfriend! It’s thanks to the good people in my life that I actually can start to heal and build confidence.
Thank you so much for this channel, the way mental health information is presented is so warm, empathetic and non-judgmental and the vibe of the videos is always so calm, relaxing and grounding. All of this, combined with the information given, is so helpful, especially when there's still so much stigma and such a huge lack of understanding when it comes to mental health. The team behind this channel is doing a great job and as a trauma survivor I can't thank you enough. ❤️
I needed this in so many ways. It's been months seen i've been betrayed by a close friend and roomate of mine. The first 2 months i had many severe panic attacks a day. Now i'm just dealing with triggers and rumination and also a lot of anger (im not an angry person so this is frustrating). This all happened at the same time my depression and anxiety got bad, so this whole cocktail messed me up a lot. I've been basically only in bed these past few months, it's so frustrating, i still hate myself and feel a lot of shame. Some friends are still good friends with that person and it hurts. I thought this was all shock and depression and anxiety mixed together, i had no idea this was a real thing, i thought i was going crazy because i felt like i was losing my sanity with that amount of anxiety. This is a real thing, good to know im not insane. It sucks to think tho that someone "ruined" my life for some time while they're happy living their best life. So unfair.
I don’t know how many times I’ve felt betrayed, but I can feel how it keeps hurting me like my mental health progress was hit by a blue shell in Mario Kart, and I’m almost back to square one, fighting the despair inside of me… which feels like would be a eternal war I must fight, until I die.
I cannot express enough how important this channel is for me! In these trying times, therapy can be very pricey for people who desperately need an outlet so it's really nice having a way to self diagnose and break down ourselves. Some years back I experienced this with my friend group, boyfriend, and parent on a heavy level all at the same time which socially handicapped me. If it wasn't for my goals gripping me tight I don't know where I'd be today. Either way I'm forever grateful for this channel. Thank you
A lot of these signs are very very similar to what I've felt recently after someone I wanted to consider a friend again had a really bad fight. I'm sad that not everything worked out with us but to me it wasn't about finding a truth or anything. Yes it was about closure for me but it was also about mending something that I wish was recuperable. It wasn't a quest to uncover lies, it was a quest to find happiness with the other person but the last message they sent me was the biggest reality check. I want to move on but it'll be hard.
Recently I trusted my psychologist with my emotional scars, after one hour describing the parental abuse I went through, she answered "we can't change the past, but we can change how we look at it" and I felt the trust I put in her was betrayed, after that I wanted help from my sister, which was always suportive with this and helped me go through everything, but her answer was that she agreed with my psychologist, that I should "go on and leave the past behind", and that made me lose all trust in people with this, because I realised, since they haven't gone through even a bit of this, they'll never understand, and they'll even hurt me even more like they have done, so I went back to the starting point of keeping it all to myself
1. If you're going to burn in subtitles, please proofread them first. 2. I have experienced betrayal trauma in my past. My best friend in 6th and 7th grade turned on me and said I annoyed him every single day. I internalized that all throughout high school and college and was afraid to talk to anyone one on one. I stayed in groups to "Spread my influence" over multiple people so I wasn't concentrating my annoying personality on one person and could stay quiet while others did the talking. It's only now, decades later, that I realized why I acted that way and that I am wanted.
This is exactly what I'm looking for and I don't know what to do rn. After being backstabbed multiple times I chose to stay with my "Friends", eventually I've gone alone, seeking answers to why they'd do that, questioning myself if I did something wrong or I didn't try hard enough. After 2 years of no talk to my bestfriend, when we finally had a conversation, he told me he could barely recognize me and I've change so much, I've gotten worse, and I'm no longer the guy he used to know and respect, the guy who's always helpful and trustworthy. I want to change but I don't know where to start.
Thank you for this! I am suffering from this kind of Trauma. I’m totally blind, and I was in a car accident in 2019. which is in major part of my PTSD. Shortly after the accident I met someone who knew my wife growing up, and we thought that this was a wonderful person we could be friends with. But last year things changed and I think we both gave ourselves betrayal trauma. I got it worse than anything. It's been an agonizing year. I’m still struggling.
My first betrayal came when I was 3 years old, and has continued in most of my relationships since. I don't let people close to me much, I have friends, some that I have known for 30 years or more. I do keep to myself. I have learned a lot along the way, like with the last man I loved. He died, but I learned so much from him. He betrayed me in a complicated way, not infidelity, more of in his identity and asked for my forgiveness. I learned what true trust was. True trust isn't that people will never fail you or betray you, we are human and fallible. It is the trust in our bond and love that no matter what, we will work it out. We did, and we planned to get married, but he died before we could. I am not yet ready to find anyone else. I may never be, or I might. I am just taking one day at a time. Love people where they are. We are not perfect, none of us.
I was abandoned and betrayed by everyone for my entire life. My parents never thought I was good enough, so they neglected me often. "Friends" I'd make in school turned against me. Anyone I would date would end up trying to force me into situations I was not ready for, then leave me when I wouldn't do what they wanted. My first long term relationship of 5 years was full of abuse and manipulation, and after I finally ended it I knew I would never love or trust anyone again. Until I met him. The moment I met him, I instantly trusted him. And I hated it. I hated it because I knew he would hurt me like everyone else. I knew he would abandon and betray me like everyone else. I knew I wasn't good enough for him, wasn't pretty enough, wasn't womanly enough. Except I was wrong. It's only been 6 months, but he's the first person in my life who's truly loved me, the first who doesn't react angrily to my existence, the first who doesn't physically or emotionally harm me. He compliments me daily, with words that no one has ever said to me, and words I thought I would never hear. All of my trauma, pain, and self hatred nearly disappears when I'm with him. I'm slowly becoming a better person, because I have someone worth being better for, someone I know who won't be like everyone else. It's terrifying, because it's so new and different and I still fear I'll end up alone again, but finally having someone to trust helps me get through it
I'm happy you found someone like that (although I've found the sweetest honey makes the stickiest traps). Although it is good they help you be a better person, make certain to use this to lift yourself up without them as well. Use how much they strengthen you to strengthen yourself just as much. I sincerely hope that your relationship works out and you are both happy, for your sakes. Have a good day today.
Be careful trusting too easy in kindness, it can quickly change in the blink of an eye and was a all a trick , a sick sick trick . Hopefully it turns out I’m wrong but just be cautious, Narcs love to say sweet things in the beginning then they turn on you like you are the enemy
Being exposed for 5+ years to this changes how you view any type of relationship. And to add to that as well: people have to prove their worth of our trust. When proven, the 'relationship' can persevere for a lifetime.
I feel seen, I had a situation where I was outed by a group that I trusted and I felt anxious and I self isolated to try to not feel as bad and I had to move out of the dorm so thank you for showing that these responses are normal to things like this.
1 second ago This couldn’t have come at a better time. You see, I used to have a lot of friends who enjoyed being around me but all of the sudden, around half of them decided to stop talking to me including the person I had asked out. I fell into a deep state of depression for a good month. My depression eventually turned into anger at the person I thought was behind it. I don’t like being angry because anger is never the way. This video helped me notice that these feelings are justified. I had been asking, ‘What did I do wrong?’ I don’t have to anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I want to understand what I did wrong but won’t take days or weeks at a time trying to ask. All I want is forgiveness, to be a good friend again. Thank you for this video. I will take it to heart and share it with others who have experienced similar events. Be at peace.
It helps to be reminded that not all people are untrustworthy. My ex-girlfriend-the only person I’ve ever been in an intimate relationship with-was a compulsive liar and cheated on me multiple times. I realized I’ve held onto the feeling that, if I get into another relationship, I’m going to be treated the same way, and have to live through that all over again. It doesn’t make any sense to feel that way, though.
Definitely have this. Although I believe my brain protected me for a while by repressing the memories, I definitely got hit with them around 9th/10th grade when I thought of several people in my life. Saw one of them at work years later and I asked to go on break bc I felt panic & anguish, and I cried on the phone to my parents about it. Even though I had more real than fake/bullying friendships, they were enough to make me withhold my interests, creations, and true self from the real ones. Ever since, I've been trying to cope and process, painful as it is. But because I now know my worth and remember who are all on my side, it could have been MUCH harder and taken me A LOT longer to begin trusting others again. Grateful that I never completely isolated myself, and that I have a great support system, but it was hard trying to open up again in any friendships. I almost NEVER bring up what I create or what my special interests are anymore because they've been ridiculed and laughed at too much. But I'm working towards it. Take heart, friends. Healing is painful, but needed and worth it. You got this 💕
I have betrayal trauma from friendships. It’s hurtful to find out that your closest friend is actually secretly hateful, judgmental and envious towards you. 😕
You just described the last year of my life. Turns out my so called best friend was also a huge narcissist... Fortunately ending the relationship made me realize how you should value people you can be vulnerable with
Honestly, I feel like my life peaked at the age of 5. My parents still pretended to be a part of my life, my best friends still pretended to or maybe they even did like me then, and I still believed in people and the greater good of mankind. I’ve been isolating lately because I just can’t trust people with my true emotions. The two people I trust in the world are my grandpa and a friend I don’t expect to stay around by the next 6 years. How do I trust anyone when literally everyone betrays me eventually? I feel like maybe it’s me, but I go over everything I do all day every day to find my faults, but nothing I did could warrant such behavior from others. It’s not me right? Heck, it probably is and I’m just playing the victim card. Idk. I love your videos, thanks for posting videos that make me feel seen.
This has happened all my life. My parents are emotionally immature, so growing up I never had a voice. I would have dreams where I would try and stand up for myself but no words would come out. I had a best friend of 13 years steal money from me, use me as a puppet and try and control every aspect of my life until I woke up to her bullshit and ended the friendship only to be given death threats in return. I never fit into any friendship groups when I was a teenager because getting drunk and taking drugs was the norm every weekend, I chose not to do it so I was an outcast. Imagine being outcasted for wanting to stay healthy. Yet my nervous system was destroyed because of isolation and loneliness and attracting emotionally immature people. You can’t win anyway. People are becoming more avoidant,I’m worried about our future generation because the cost of living is rising so parents are working harder and children aren’t receiving the full support they need due to burnout hence developing a insecure attachment. The world is fucked. People are also driven my jealousy a lot as well, I notice my friendships prevail this quality. It’s honestly horrible
Thank you for posting this! 🙏🏻 I was never invited to party because I didn't want to drink either...and like you, I suffered from isolation, solitude. It's almost like life has to be hard, whatever the path you're choosing. Unfortunately, we still need to interact with people to have a healthy life but I don't see anyone worthy of my time and energy. At this point, I feel like you have to be a "good soldier" to live on this rock. Nothing makes sense but you still have to get up every morning.
I go thru this over and over and over with my mom and sisters. I call them out on it and i tell them some friend you are. Should i share YOUR secrets? They must like it cuz they keep doing it. I told them they have a disorder. I found out that yes i am disliked. They dont like my light. I shine bright and too many dark people see it and dont like it. They are everywhere. I feel better after researching that..really its more than just my family. I am my own best friend. Good luck everyone!
Yes indeed, many betrayal traumas begin from parental betrayals that the parent never acknowledge, accept and take responsibility in assist in healing. If anyone, including family do not respect and accept your wishes, boundaries, and requests for keeping information private, these people clearly do not respect you or take you seriously. This is not uncommon, I've seen this type of behavior in many families and "friendships". We all need to clear to these people on our boundaries and wishes. If they refuse to accept your "informal" terms, it may be best to begin distancing yourself from people who disrespect your wishes, they may get "the hint" and begin "behaving". However, if they continue to refuse to "play nice", you may want keep certain instigators at arms length to create peace in your life. 🙏 Best wishes.
@@loanokaharbor8303 thank you! I agree. I hold my mom at arms length well more than that. My sister is at arms length. Sad to have to do that but it is what it is! My sister told my long time male friend that I was constipated a couple days ago. I think she's jealous of me. Everything is degrading. Hmm but yet she copy's everything about me. Dislikes my hair color but dyed her hair the same color as mine. Ridicules.
Ykw, I'm 15 now, and my life.. has gotten alot better. I've been watching you guys for 3 years now, since I was 13, and every time I see a video posted about something that I know I might need help with, I immediately click it, and I'm always right! Ever since I became a subscriber, my life has changed so much for the better, and it's all thanks to you guys that I am who I am now. It's honestly emotional, I'm literally shedding tears while making this comment. I just really wanna say.. Thank you so much Psych2Go for coming into my life, I appreciate every effort you make into making our world a better place one video at a time. Hell, even this video helped me because I've been through all of these. You've helped me and many people alot, so again, thank you thank you thank you so much! Please keep in mind that we all love you guys so much for everything you do, and always will for as long as we live.. Keep up the amazing work, and continue to strive in making Planet Earth better again 😊💕
Almost every friend I’ve ever had, I’ve been betrayed by them. It’s this reason I have trust issues and keep people at arms length. I’m sociable and friendly, but I get this existential feeling of imposter syndrome and don’t want any part of it. I have no doubt I have lingering trauma from my experiences.
One of my closest friends just stopped talking to me out of the blue it really hurts because she was one of the few people who I really enjoyed talking to and loved hanging out with I just feel very lonely now
Watched "The banshees of Inisherin" and really liked the movie, then a few months later something similar happened to me, a coleague friend that i used to work with just stopped talking back, and that feeling of why it happened that will never be answered i suppose
To all those you relate - sorry for the pain you're experiencing It may take years, but one day i hope you get to the point of realizing that they are entitled to treat people the way they wish and you are entitled to be treated to a better standard that will attract the right people. It's ok if you're quick to assume the worst and read into things too much in the meantime. It takes time to learn who accepts your boundaries and is accountable for their actions and who needs to have the upper hand on you. People who love you, care about how they make you feel. People who don't care will continually burn bridges and suffer their own consequences on a longer timeline. Treat and wish people well, even the worst ones. They need it the most. That isn't an excuse to accept nonsense or open the door to abuse but being mean is on them. Being awesome regardless of their behaviour is totally in your control. People do change and i hope those who betrayed you do too. Forgive them but don't trust them.
i couldn't watch this entire video. i have two narcissists as my adoptive parents. and as if that wasn't bad enough, i've been diagnosed with autism late in life. evil truly does exist and for anyone who doesn't believe that, try walking in my shoes for a couple miles...
Strategy for coping with garden variety life shattering betrayal: Move 30 minutes away, far enough to avoid random encounters. Live by yourself for a while and only interact with people you choose. Hang out with new people, have new relationships, move on with your life. If direct interactions are unavoidable: Keep it short and shallow then forget about it. Make the whole thing as dull as possible. Don’t acknowledge the events of the past or even the existence of a past relationship. Don’t provide personal details about your current life. Follow this procedure every time until the interactions are no longer unavoidable.
Rumination all but literally crippled me for an entire year, almost all of 2017. And it was for exactly the same reasons Psych2Go brought up here, needing to know why, self-deprecating doubt and blame, wanting closure. And it consumed my literal every waking moment. And it was all over a broken heart of a friendship that got too close and shattered before we were ever officially "together". The kind of partner you pedestalize and damn near idolize because they were everything you thought youd been looking for. I will never forget that year or the fallout/recovery of the years that followed. A reconciliation DID eventually come, along with closure, but ironically, it wasnt because of them. It all occurred with personal revelation and insight. Basically, by the time I had the strength and maturity to face them (and a little unforeseen happenstance from the universe), I already had the catharsis or realization that the closure never required any of *their* effort or input. It was rather anticlimactic and mundane when I found out that, for all my pining, weeping, ruminating, and depression, they were not (and never were) worthy of my time or respect.
@katthefantastic It is something that no one person can TELL you. I heard the thesis of my "revelation" told to me so many times by so many friends and concerned parties. None of it ever actually sank in or brought me any closer to acceptance. It was something that just needed time to grow in my mind (too long if you ask me). When we finally DID meet up again, like 4 years later, the thing that dawned on me came when we tentatively tried to be friends again, and I realized that, for this to work, I had to throw away ANY hope of developing romantically. And snap, just like, I'm suddenly looking at someone pretty unremarkable, narcissistic, and untrustworthy. All the glamor of their personality was from my own rose-tinted goggles. It seemed so obvious when it finally hit me, but NO one could have told me that.
@@Atamastra I see that. 5 years here. And I've done good to baby step into another brighter future with someone else. Who I do trust, but do I trust seeing the ex and not freaking!?! Oh no way! I can't even really talk about the ex. (My partner knows everything about the ex, I am very honest) I don't feel I could ever even see them, or hear that voice, it's still, it sucks!!!! But. I am happy that it isn't as bad as it once was. And yes, I know that I can one day at least not think of them at all. Because I'm still not there. You are brave, I respect that. 👊
@katthefantastic Well thank you for the comment. I do have to let slip a little more candor: the frequency at which I think of this person has certainly waned by a significant margin... but they've never actually gone away. I still get flashes and flares. None that take to the ground or even draw a ruminating tear, but I do embarrassingly have moments where I talk out loud an imaginary final encounter of telling them off for good (because I never actually told them, we just unceremoniously drifted apart). It's just yet another pining for closure, and I know now that there is no "end" to this connection. It's etched too deep. The best I can do is avoid letting myself slip into the whirlpool. There are no more revelations, no more epiphanies, no need for closure. It's really very much like an addiction that I finally kicked, but at the cost of being ever vigilant to never take the drug again. I do hope you find some measure of peace and acceptance in your situation, though, because it is a profound relief when the burden finally fucks off long enough to let you gain some emotional distance.
Would you like more content similar to this one? We have some on betrayal bonding as well: ua-cam.com/video/46lEDkU8QDM/v-deo.htmlsi=OBwxV3UooYEPUSqC
Thanks for the help, I remember when I was young I had a lot of friends, basically friends with everyone, but slowly I got distant from everyone, basically lonely, finally someone became friends with me and stayed as my friend. Once I grew up I constantly hung out with her, but I got older and older and know we are separated because we don’t go to the same school. When I’m angry or sad I think of her, she also tells me that she thinks of me, it gives me happiness that my bestie, even when far apart, still loves me. That’s how you know when the person, you’re friend, always loves you, shows that they’re a true friend! I’m glad I have her in my life ❤️❤️❤️
@@CheeseTheHuman i’m so happy for you💗💗i’m glad ur doing better it’s great have someone like that
the best person to ever trust is God, he never left me and i know he wouldn’t leave you guys either❤️
How to Form good Relationships after both Had Trauma. I still Love this Soul, even though WE went through ugly Karma. 10/10 Karma Cleanse. Joy, Love, Abundance now. Amen. 🙏🏻🌟🫂💫💚♾️🌏🎏 Learningove Languages and heartwarming communication. How to Listen to your Feelings and strengthen unconditional Love for self and Every Being, even though U went through Shit Times. Staying vulnurable, honest, gently Bold, courageous, comitted and Compassionate. Greets. ☯️💚✡️
@@CheeseTheHumanThat's nice. 👍
The worst part is everybody thinks it's you because you can't bring yourself to tell your story knowing how many people would be devastated.
I have a friend who had two back to back really hard breakups. When I first met him he was in great shape and super social and active. Now I can’t get him out of his house. He just sits on his couch drinking beer and watching UA-cam. He lives two blocks from the beach and all of the bars and restaurants where he could meet new friends. My heart goes out to him. I know it’s not my job or responsibility to fix him but it still breaks my heart.
Being a good friend isn't 'fixing" someone. Your friend has suffered trauma. He doesn't need to be "fixed". Offering to listen without judgement, simply checking in to say hello is good. Not asking him to do or talk about anything he doesn't want to is also good. Letting him know you there if he ever wants company is being a good friend.
I just had two back to back my heart and spirt is broken I do the same now just sit on my couch drinking beer n cocaine when I’m not doing that I’m working shit hurts
I understand him. Videogames and solo activities at the house are a lot more appealing than having your heart ripped out again. My ex-wife cheated with a friend of mine. Ex-girlfriend was abusive. Ex-fiancee stole from me to buy pills and when she couldn't get them tried to hang herself. I don't go out very much anymore.
I can relate I rarely leave my apartment just play Xbox and prepare myself for when I do need to go out anywhere. But just being there is sometimes all someone needs. I'm at a point in life as a single mother aswell I value amazing friendship over romantic relationships. I do hope he finds his own happiness though
You have a good heart 🫶🏿
1: Anxiety - 1:08
2: Avoidance - 2:14
3: Trust Issues - 3:16
4: Negative intrusive thoughts - 4:03
5: Withdrawal - 5:09
6: Rumination - 6:13
Thanks 🙏🏻🥰
Thank you :)
1. i worry a lot more than most people, but that was before i knew what he did
2. i get a bit mad, but it takes a few seconds to move on
3. i am way too trusting, even more so now
4. me hating myself i completely irrelevant to what he did
5. i’m a bit jumpy, but i think it’s related to another thing that happened to me
6. i tried as hard as i could to lead him down a better path, but there’s nothing more i could’ve done
@@mrblakeboy1420 Thank U much for Sharing your thoughts and Feelings. 🙏🏻🫂
Reminds me of my mother...
For me, it wasn't just one person; there are many people who betrayed my trust. Some were love interests, some within my immediate family. It gets to the point where whenever someone new enters my life, I subconsciously expect the betrayal (even to this day).
Trust is something I find myself fundamentally incapable of, I only trust people to only care for themselves, usually to my detrement. Any deviation from that norm I don't like or understand.
Like you're just waiting for the day that they prove you right. Or you hold them at arm's length so they can never be close enough to hurt you.
Of course. When, like me, you've had nothing but betrayals (or a constant stream of them), it'd be insane NOT to expect it.
And the worst part about all of that is, most of the time your suspicion and distrust of these new people is most often warranted. I've tried to open back up to people even after I've known them for years, only for them to seriously betray my trust. I just stopped trying.
Same
I have been suffering from this for YEARS and just got to know now thanks to your video. Over the years, I've been let down by so many friends who I thought would've had my back. The last just happened around one year ago and I'm still stuck in a betrayal trauma from it. No wonder I just dissociated and stopped getting emotionally attached to people at one point. The very THOUGHT of trying to form an emotional connection with someone now is enough to send me running for the hills or completely ruin my mood. I'd *much* rather be alone now than having everyone trample over me again and again - there's only so much pain a person can take before they break. I thought that I'd probably just lost the ability to make emotional connections anymore, but this video describes whatever is happening with me down to a T. Thank you for bringing to light what I didn't realize myself. Your channel is a blessing ❤
I feel the same. I've been let down and disappointed by friends over the years and now can't trust anyone. It's hard to meet new people as I feel they will only use me and move on. The walls I built up over the years are never coming down. I'd rather be distant than get hurt again.
@@macdaddyjill Frr, you get it... It sucks.
Same, makes me sad 😢
It takes a lot of time to heal from this! Take your time, I’ve been going through the same thing and I feel bad almost every day
But I want to heal 😢
@@ChocoParfaitFra ❤️
I only found out last year that what I was experiencing was betrayal trauma, I hadn't even known that what I was going through had a name! It is such an isolating experience and often dismissed by the people who harm us. It's also EXHAUSTING.
It’s crazy that I’ve been living through this for the past 4 years and just thought I was crazy lmao
I have a mate who's got an x who dogged on her they were getting engaged n he married someone else but kept her in the dark she never knew n he bragged to everyone how he'd done what he'd done thinking he was so clever I wonder what he really got in the end I mean was his wife that much better, lol, stunning than my friend was like he bragged about
"Dismissed by the people who harm us."
Well said!
❤️🩹
Wow, this whole time I thought I was just being dramatic about what happened.. but after seeing this I realize that everything I feel is completely justified.. it’s been so hard, especially since the one who did this to me is in my class and I have to see her every day… and my friend is still friends with her..it frustrates me to no end when I see her talking to her..everything has just been so hard and painful
I would cut my losses and separate myself from those people if I were you.
I hate when people tell me I'm being dramatic or over reacting to similar situations. You're experience and feelings are 💯 valid 👍 .
@@sissysovereign1294
👍💯
As @DCrane925 said, you're not being dramatic. I think your feelings and experiences are valid. No person should ever feel betrayed or feel like they're being dramatic because of how you feel. Do you have any other friends that you can talk to about this?
@@Psych2go
I do. I have my boyfriend as well as a counselor and psychiatrist. Usually I don't get into all the nitty gritty dirt with my boyfriend. He already knows all about my trauma and my past but he's great. sometimes I'll have total meltdowns crying and screaming like a bear but I gotta get it out. It doesn't scare him away. He says and I quote I'm gonna love you I gotta love all of you. The good the bad the ugly the damaged. He's great. I've also had the same counselor for over 7 yrs. She still works remotely so we speak on the phone about 4 days a week actually. Anywhere between 15 minutes to an hour maybe more. The reason we have on the phone sessions so often is cuz she's from a substance abuse program. When they were open normal like 3 yrs ago or more I'd have groups 3-4 days a week and only see her once a week. All the counselors try to stay in more contact with the people on their case loads being that there's no face to face or groups. I also speak with the psychiatrist every 2 weeks
People suck. Parents, institutions, friends and relationships. It has been a continuous theme of my life. But now I just stay alone. No drama except for television where it belongs. It doesn't affect my life and I can turn it off when done. ✌️
Good point
I said the same thing!🤌🏼
This is where I officially am now.
Betrayal always comes from those we trust the most..
Fr😢
(Warning this is gonna be a long text so buckle up!)
That's so true.. 😔, heck.. my own brother is certainly the type to betray someone he's proven that after stealing money from my debit card,
Though to be frank I myself am guilty of stealing in the past, and I'm still learning an recovering from my past decisions and coming to terms with🥲.
But I don't want my siblings to do the same mistakes I did even though I know it was there decision not mine, I still feel like I influenced my brother of turning out like this, I just only hope thing's will change for the better though it's my brother's decision if he want's to change an make better choices in life.
Phew.. needed to get all that off my chest, sorry for the long story 😅.
@@legosi2736 you’re fine it’s not that long
The only ones who can stab you in the back are the ones who you thought would have your back
@@nickbullinger141 You speaking facts.
I‘ve been cheated on by ALL my long term relationships after 6-7 years. Accepting and continuing to trust is really tough. Thank you for bringing it up. ❤
Ditto..I don’t even have faith in others anymore
Trusting again may be difficult after such a betrayal , but it's not impossible right?May your path be filled with moments of restoration and genuine connections.❤❤
Same here
Yep my last relationship and the one I’m currently in 😅
Have you considered the common denominator in this cycle?
For all these reasons, I have no interest in dating or making new friends anymore. Because I can’t trust anybody in this world.
Same. People just use me and then throw me away. I don't trust anyone anymore
Tbh we don’t even need people, not forever anyways
You can trust some people some time's just don't give a back stabber another chance.
I am learning to give myself what I need, and trust myself. When I approach others, it is from the place of not needing them. This is helping me a lot. If anyone lets me down again, I've got my back, I'm OK to just walk away.
You only need to trust one person ,the rest can be npc
Its just pretty hard to trust someone ever again, if you were betrayed by someone in all that groups…That includes family, friends, best friends and your partner.😞
Yep I have every box checked on the list! Probably why I'm an INFJ. 🤷💔
I'm sorry for you too! 💔😔
Lol, you are an INFJ too?😂👍
I am sorry for you as well.😕
I just don't trust anybody anymore. It's a hell of a lot easier to expect that people are selfish narcissistic assholes and find out they're not quite that, than the other way around.
I got a dog.
Best decision Ive made in years
@@Fyrpylit I got TWO! I lost the best dog I ever had. I thought I could keep going without him. I couldn't.
I’m so used to betrayal at this point that if i get betrayed i do not feel anything I’m like ‘ok I’m not surprised that happened’. It’s as if I was subconsciously prepared for betrayal so when it happens it doesn’t hurt me as much!
the whole reason why I do trust people
I agree 💯
I don't trust anyone but my husband, if not for him I would have unalived myself a long time ago.
@alceusrydan6237 That's so sad but relatable... I think it's along the same lines of "if you're expecting the worst, nothing can hurt you." But I also think it can be potentially very pessimistic because expecting to be betrayed makes us see the world in a very negative light. :(
@@pixieanna2058 same here
my boyfriend and vise versa. I guess we kinda saved each other
It's not just one person, it's just the unfortunate repeating patterns.
You realize your role in the relationships, you initiate, ask the questions, make the drive to and from, think of what activities to do.
But when you stop calling,texting and doing the initiating it becomes apparent to me that they were content with just letting you do things as is, and no effort is needed on their part.
So you think back to the good times, and see the bad ones and why they were the way they were.
Weeks become months, months I to years.
And next thing you know, when you finally do the reaching out, when you catch up, they have a new bestfriend like hey, I guess I wasn't enough for you then or now.
Instead fixing what was broken, they took the easy route again and just found a new person.
Thats the part that hurts, you were the reason there was a relationship and also the only reason.
"People just keep leaving me, and I can't trust that easy" because I don't see the effort on their part..life goes on, people change.
I don't expect anyone to stay in my life anymore, but I'm devastated to hear all the grandmas that loved me like their own,passing away and hearing about it later on.
Life right?
THIS. One person betraying or abandoning you hurts, but when a lot of people do it you stop even trying to get over it. You learn to just expect it.
Yes. Its the complicity of the others you trust that make it worse.
I haven't stopped trusting in general, but I left all of them behind. ❤
Yes this is Exactly what I experienced. To find out that the relationship was really me, the whole time. I found out that after all the years it was really only me that actually cared. It was always me, the funny thing is her step mother told me that years ago n i really didnt see it then. I see it now after being left to die by all of them. It almost destroyed me. Led me thru addiction. Homelessness for 7 yrs. I finally had an awaking after one of my homeless friends died in my arms. I saw the truth after intense suffering that I had been thru. That was 3 yrs ago, my life has turned 180°. I'm livin my best life, financially secure, living on a beautiful lake. Got everything I needed n more. I'm still alone almost 10 yrs now but finally figured out how to show myself the live I was looking for. I became my own bestfriend n life has never been better
@@briandonovan5687 I'm here for you in solidarity.
1:07 Anxiety
2:14 Avoidance
3:16 Trust issues
4:01 Negative intrusive thoughts
5:09 Withdrawal
6:12 Rumination
wait i have all of those-
@@pd_heart me too, sending hugs your way 😢
Thank you for the time stamps!
Freyd or Fray?
@@Psych2go you're welcome 🤗
This is something I’ve been suffering from for years, and have been working on in therapy for about a year now. The video mentioned the feelings of guilt and insecurity of “what could I have done differently?” but there was also a _lot_ of “how did I not see this coming?”
Yes! It’s a lot of beating yourself up for not seeing the signs. Or not having all the information you need to mentally process. Or endlessly scanning the information you DO have. It’s consuming.
@@TeachTheGirl2024 This. I've finally stopped most of this, thankfully. The relationship I'm in currently is complicated, and I had horrible thoughts of not being good enough or worthy enough or deserving enough, and would overthink EVERYTHING that could go wrong with the little information I had. He recently shared a lot of information about our situation, and his situation with someone else, which took away nearly all of that self hatred I was feeling. Open communication and trust feels AMAZING, and really helps to get rid of a lot of anxiety and fear. It's a shame a lot of people don't communicate together properly
I’ve learned in therapy that processing emotions constructively and taking away realistic, productive insight from experiences has helped me immensely to let go and focus on the now and what will be rather than what was and what I cannot change. I started with small less trivial things and with time, it’s become normal to just process, acknowledge learn and move on. I still slip sometimes but the fall is now just that a slip and not a
Fall and the end of the world like it used to be
I didn't expect to tear up at "You're not crazy"... and pretty much every word that followed. Thanks for giving me words to put to the pain and illuminating paths to healing.
Psilocybin saved my life. I was addicted to heroin for 15 years and after Psilocybin treatment I will be 3 years clean in November. I have zero cravings.
This is something that truly needs to be more broadly used in addiction treatment.
Psychedelic’s definitely have potential to deal with mental health symptoms like anxiety and depression, I would like to try them again again but it’s just so hard to source out of there.
@@JamesTaylor-ff4dpI was having this constant, unbearable anxiety because of my mom I lost. Not until I came across bergwilly11_, a very intelligent mycologist.He saved my life honestly
The Trips I've been having have really helped me a lot,I finally feel in control of my emotions and my future and things that used to be mundane to me now seem incredible and full of nuance on top of that I'm way less driven by my ego and I have alot more empathy as well
@@zarkos2313Is he on instagram?
depression and anxiety is like the worst disease you can get
This video was MADE for me! I show every one of these signs and it hurts. I have been betrayed by so many different people. My father, my old bosses, some other relatives, friends, etc.
HOWEVER, I am changing my life for the better! I finally opened up about my problems and I am getting help. I am cutting ties with those who used & abused me (including my dad) and I am not looking back. I feel a lot better and I am considering going to therapy when I get the chance. I am done being whiny 19-year-old. My complaints are valid, yes, but I need to move forward and stop sitting in the rain.
Im so happy for you moving on! I'm trying to move on from things myself but I feel stuck, any advice to help move on?
viewing videos of Sadhguru here on YT helped me get inspired tbh@@silentlion_zer0562
If I were you I would not trust anyone ever again
❤ God bless you ease and blessings from His endless treasures ! Ameen. Prayers ❤
Literally been there-much older than u-so kudos-good for u- very insightful of u at such an early age 👏
I definitely have this. My mother is an extremely toxic, evil person who has betrayed me over and over all my life.
An office where I worked for 5 years (and thought I'd be there forever) suddenly began bullying me horribly until I resigned. Found out later the office manager wanted to hire one of her friends for my position. My dad is remarried to a woman only 9 years older than me who has deep down hated me for decades and on one of the lowest nights of my life took me aside and berated me. I never told my dad nor have I ever shown what I really think of this woman. As a result of all these things, I suffer from horrendous anxiety and depression and literally cannot handle life.
Yes many parents selfishly pick bad partners after divorce . As adults they can make choices & protect themselves better than children so they need to prioritize them stay single try not to divorce...the children are not generally "ok" and won't "get over it" as feminists say
@@non_ideological_transexual7414feminists are the reason lgbtqia have rights now but okay bud
Maybe you can find the right time and situation to share your feelings and experiences with your father
Ugh. That all sounds totally awful. So sorry you went through it and are still going through the repercussions of it. I hope that things get better for you! Sending virtual hugs and sunshine 🧡☀️
❤sending hugs❤
Recently, I was betrayed by a family member, it has been so difficult. This video has been helpful, what I have been feeling is valid.
I hope you've gotten away from that family member. I've been betrayed by a family member too and I feel better now that I no longer have to see or interact with them
I feel u hope u can forgive them and feel better❤
I feel you
@@KleinBibi Same. I hope that feeling, thats still hurting me , will end some day and i also hope to move on. He was very close when i was young, but then he just let go of me.. He is sick (addicted to stuff) and is still hurting me, but i still love him.... The sad thing is, that he will never recover .........
@@user-bt7er6vl4c They usually don't even know they're doing something wrong 😢My dad was a great dad when before my parents divorced... Then he neglected me in every way possible... He still thinks our relationship is great. I hope I can cut ties soon. It's so toxic :( But I'm sure we can get over it step by step and with a little help! Sending some hugs :)
I fell in love with someone.
I told her about my betrayal trauma and trust issues.
I told her I was too scared to get close and just wanted to end things so neither of us would get hurt.
But she begged me to stay. Called me her soulmate. So I stayed.
It was the best two months of my life.
A more perfect person couldn't exist for me on this whole planet.
And then one day she just discarded me anyway.
All because my mask slipped and I couldn't hide my sadness or anxiety anymore.
I feel so stupid for thinking I could ever trust anyone again.
And I don't *have* any family or friends to turn to. She *was* my support network.
Betrayal trauma is a huge hill to get past. It’s actually relatively a new term and isn’t really touched on as much as it should be. Realizing i went through this, i had to go through some deep spiritual healing to be able to get past it. Still til this day, I do have to tame the anxiety I feel
I think betrayal trauma can potentially create trust issues. Have you had a chance to speak to someone about the betrayal trauma you have?
@@Psych2go I’ve had a few therapists, while they understood how I felt, I don’t think they understood the volume of it and how it affected me overall, to things y’all pinpointed out in this video such as trust issues, anxiety, withdrawal, rumination, and negative intrusive thoughts.
A couple (2-3) of my closest friends have been such an fantastic outlet, while we’ve been able to come to understanding the toll betrayal trauma has taken on me
@@Psych2go It usually does, unfortunately.
@@willbanks2085Does helps if male patients have male Dr's?
@@gurnblanston5000 that’s a good question, I’d bet it probably does. But i haven’t had a male Dr Psychologist. I’ve had a male counselor, and he kinda was mildly belittling lol
This is one of the CLEAREST explanation of complex trauma I've seen in a long while. This is a great video to explain this to my circle. Everyone share this with someone, it's time we all heal.
True.
So many agents/charlatans/amateurs all over the place.
This was pretty accurate and doesn’t victim blame.
Have a good day fam!
🙏.
I felt terrible for months about this.
What helped me was to start loving myself more.
I lost weight, started to study more and got back into some old hobbies that I had fun doing before. I also bought myself some new things.
When the negative thoughts came to mind, I started being able to cut them off and think about something else.
You can get over it over time.
Remember you are important and you deserve to be happy 😊
Same, and thank you.
Time. Yes, and definitely self love. Self healing, such a process. Can't rush. I'm 5 years from my last, love betrayal......some days it's still very hard, but nothing like the beginning. Take care, and again, thank you.
Thank you, I'm really struggling. Happened 25 years ago, found out 7 years ago. Can not leave her. Financial reasons. She is still good to me, bit I really suffer.
😢❤
For months after I was betrayed by someone I loved dearly, I was always shaking and trembling whenever I talked about him to anyone, I couldn't stop the physical reaction 💀
Oh... This is exactly what I have been suffering for years. I have been betrayed so many times by friends and family in the past to the point that all these signs resonates with me today.
Still slowly trying to open it up with my therapist. It is a long battle.
Taking it step by step with your therapist is a brave choice, I wish you moments of peace and healing.
I’ve been in therapy since I was 17, but the trauma started way before that. I’m 50 now and, despite all these years of therapy, I still have trust issues and get triggered by certain things… There are a few other things on this list I do as well. But it’s not just one person’s betrayal, it’s been many people over many years. Despite all this, I did actually manage to get married and have a family. I’ve often told my husband he’s very lucky because of all the people in the world, he’s the one I trust most and I still don’t trust him completely. He takes it as a compliment as he knows what my life has been. My kids have known as well, so they understood why mom was a little off. At least I can rely on them.
The trust issues and the finding the why part hit me differently. An event that happened years ago (not comfortable disclosing) gave me trust issues in general. All the negative thoughts are stuck in my head and I just simply can’t open up to people (emotionally) as I feel they will just backstab me again… the worst part is I overshare and most of them don’t know what I feel inside, and I just want to keep it that way, keep the mask on, a facade if you will (like dream, as he was hated for taking it off, although i strongly believe he didn’t deserve the hate at all…) and I stay in my room most of the time, but I still respond to friends and family, I’m just more comfortable in my room. It’s where all the thinking happens, my domain if you may. I end up listening and helping others more than myself to hide all the negative, it’s all bottled up and that’s what scares me; when it breaks down or explodes, it’s all going to come like a flood, wave of tears… and I always want to know the why behind everything, “why did xxx do this?” “Why am I doing this?” “Is this right?” are just a few of the questions
Thank you for making all these videos and keep doing what you’re doing!
This is so relatable, The why? I swear it’s just our minds trying to understand or”justify” the things that happened so that they won’t happen again. Probably an instinct but I don’t know.
Wait, literal "dissociation?" Not just "I'm not feeling myself lately," but the out of body experience kind? That's powerful and it explains something I experienced.
She was my person, I saw myself in her, when we were together it felt like the air changed, as if I could feel something and without uttering a word she'd know that feeling. I had never felt so heard, so understood to that personal level before. There wasn't anything I wouldn't do for her, and I'm a very very rational person with literally none that close or intimate. We were both straight girls, so it wasn't even romantic.
But then it happened, the unthinkable, the betrayal, that I didn't believe for years that she could do to me, it was such a stark contradiction to the idea of her in my mind, I denied my own feelings to justify her. Even when I couldn't trust her anymore I tried to believe she didn't betray me it was just me being dramatic.
I understand now. And I can't ever imagine forming anything close to the bond we had with anyone anymore. I have this bland politically correct personality with zero depth with everyone now and I can't dare to change it.
I found an Adult Children of Alcoholics/Dysfunctional Family meeting and found fellow life travelers who shared similar traumas. It has been life changing for me and I urge anyone reading this and suffering to find a meeting and attend.
I've been struggling with negative intrusive thoughts since the pandemic began. Appreciate your videos as always!
Oof.. that sounds rough.. Are you doing better now? What kind of intrusive thoughts were you struggling with?
One of the best psychology videos I've seen.
(And I've seen many!)
What about the phenomenon of someone who is REPEATEDLY betrayed in crushing,. devastating ways, resulting in a feeling on personal torment, damnation, being singled out, tested, punished and leading to a general sense of distrust for essentially the entire Human Race.
I know I CAN'T be the ONLY one that feels this way.
I would ask Peter Steele, but he's not taking my calls right now.
That's exactly how I am. Literally. I'm not able to fully anymore.
That's me too.
I was betrayed heavily by friends/colegues once and though I have moved past it now, I understand better that some of the things I did at the time was a symptom of the trauma. Especially withdrawal, I was certain after the whole ordeal I didn't even go out of my house for a whole year. It was too much, and the world felt like such a scary place in the moment.
I wish I could tell my story but no one would believe me! Maybe one day I can put it in words!
I will continue, on my quest, for self love, and not feeling guilty for saying the word “NO” when necessary and rest without feeling the need to ask for it!
With this freedom, we can recharge and be a better version of ourselves and help others!
We can find out where we fit in the world again, with this new found knowledge of healing!🙏❤️🕊
I went through a serious betrayal from my wife and I too feel no one would believe me
I'd like to hear your story, please share of you like. All the best x
This actually explains a lot of what's happening with me right now. I thought I was just being dramatic, but this makes me feel a lot better knowing that it's not just me. This can happen to others. Thank you.
Having a support group is super important, but not everyone has family as a support group. This needs to be said. Support groups can also be friends, neighbors, or licensed psychologists. It's something that looks different for different people and all are valid. What helps you and is the healthiest option might mean excluding abusers. Setting healthy boundaries with people who respect those boundaries is key.
This resonated strongly. Like to add that betrayal can reach a point of having happened too much. I'd go get help to recover from it but always met with radio silence.
What do you mean by "going to get help to recover but met with radio silence"? If you don't mind, could you elaborate?
@@Psych2go Tried everything I could to reach out for help but hear nothing back from therapists.
I never knew betrayal trauma was a thing until today. Ive always thought it was my cPTSD from being raised and abused by a narcissistic personality disorder mother. I not only ran to the hill... I ran to the mountains in the Scottish Highlands. Ive been here for over 20 years. Ive spents until 5 weeks ago in lockdown. I loved lockdown and was completely overwhelmed the first time i went to town to find it full of tourists. Full blown panic attack that literally floored me. Last year a neighbours family situation drastically altered and we've become good friends and allies. 😊. This gave me the confidence to give people another chance to have been volunteering in with the food bank/kitchen. I was loving it. Until yday. i found out someone in the group had not only betrayed a confidence ( the told me to my face) but that rhe same person attends a wellbeing group ive attended twice so im now stressing that what i was told was a confidential group and allowed my self to release personal information about myself is now doing the rounds around town. Betrayal... Yup im well triggered to the point where i just feel done trying to have any kind of relationship with people. And to just focus on my home bird sanctuary 😥 once trust is gone for me. Theres no getting it back. I simply csnt be around thst person. Not because theyve hurt me... But because i want to really hurt them 😡 the shame im feeling is crippling.
I've been suffering from this since childhood. I'm 41 now, and I still suffer from the effects of betrayal and childhood trauma. Somedays, I'll burst into tears, wondering why I was betrayed when I was nothing but good to those who screwed me over and talked bad about me. Because of this, I have anxiety, extreme trust issues, trouble controlling my anger and depression.
Ugh, video is so hard to watch because of how accurate it is. Why do people do evil things. I'm stuck in that "Why" question mode. I want to get out of it, but my brain is so wired for that mode.
I have layers of betrayal trauma. I dont trust anyone
I feel you, but we have to find a way to live.
Yep me too....starting at birth then on and on abs ON until my ex husband tried to kill me...he's in prison ...I'm in a wheelchair (he ran me over 3x) and been happily single 14yrs now....soooo wish I'd decentered men YEARS before I did. I'm 52 Btw.
But trust has to be GROWN it's not instant 🙄 I barely talk to anyone and just want to move on from the earth plane ....
Me too. In fact everyone I knew betrayed and traumatized me
@@6Haunted-DaysSo so sorry you went through all of that
I'm 64 and I don't think I have much time left on earth
I'm so beat up in every room from a lifetime abus r by everyone there's nothing left of me
In every way
This video came into my life perfectly.
Recently, a friend i thought I was safe with, betrayed me and it has been really difficult to process it. My head is always thinking "I should have done it differently, I should have said this and not that". He is friend with my friends, so I have to see him and hear about him often. I didn't understand why I was so angry whenever he appeared as a topic, but now I think I get it! I'm not bad, I was hurt and that makes me feel bad!
Now I understand it, and I think I can improve. I've been following this channel since long time now, and I'm glad I did subscribe! Thank you so much!
This is exactly what I needed to hear. I am still processing a betrayal trauma that happened over 20 years ago. This video clarified a lot of things. I will be discussing this new found knowledge with my therapist tomorrow ! Thank you !
I wish you the absolute best! You deserve to heal! ❤
20yrs, me too, it feels like a prison sentence, but now I'm free but institutionalize from it. It's no different than an inmate walking out on the streets after 20 years and dont know anything different but the prison, and having to deal with the new world
I've been betrayed many times, to the point where when I have to rely on someone else, I get extremely stressed and upset. I also don't trust anyone, except my husband. I've lost complete faith in humanity. We are such an awful species.
My support system turned on me randomly lately then cut themselves out of my life and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. Thank you for putting a name to it.
This video is on point for me except the part where it says friends and family help. For me there is absolutely nobody to turn to because family and friends have been the people who have betrayed me. Over and over
I had betrayal happen in my key developmental years and as a result of that I grew up keeping most things to myself. I made everything I did a secret even if it didn't need to be up until recently
Same. My parents betrayed me by neglecting me and never treating me like I was good enough. Friends in early years of school would turn against me. People I dated would seek to harm me instead of love me. So I learned to lie and keep every emotion in, until it all finally exploded in rage. The man I'm with now, though, I hide very little from. The only things I hide are silly things that I think are embarrassing, but nothing important. I've finally given full communication to someone the first time in my life, and it feels so good. It's like all of my past just doesn't matter anymore because I have someone to open up to. It was hard, though. Still is. But I ignore the self hate and need to be secretive, and this helps me stay open
Yes this should have been the focus of the video, so many no longer get what they need from their mothers before the age of 5 . Very common in our modern individualistic culture. Having a good bond with your mother early & to FEEL that she is always there gives better emotional protection later with a good internal sense of self that you were loved and supported unconditionally. Psychology is dominated by women & feminism that do not like to point to the origin of many adults problems which are the mothers particularly when very young...
@@non_ideological_transexual7414 not feminism’s fault!
A girl I was talking to put me in a bad spot that I specifically warned her not to. It was a miracle I kept my composure that night, and didn’t get myself in serious trouble. Ruminating is the main thing I experience. I wondered what I did to deserve what happened to me, and I still wonder why she did it. I asked, and I told her how I felt, and I tried to talk about it when I finally calmed down months later, but I never got much of an answer from her. What I already know tells me that she wanted to hurt me, and it may have gotten out of her control. I’ll probably never actually hear her side of the story, and though we’ve mended things somewhat, I don’t imagine I’ll ever trust her again if that doesn’t change.
Not only have, I suffered from betrayal trauma, but I have also suffered from trauma experiences I have nightmares every night I go to sleep, and I still try to see a therapist once a week, but it’s hard to recover from that. I will do everything in my power to recover.
You are not alone. I used to wake up the whole house with night terrors. I am recovering.
After finding out that my brother’s wife had been cheating on him for years, people don’t seem to realize how traumatizing betrayal can be. At best I want her to get professional help and feel remorse. At worse I want her to experience karma in the most painful way, and that me being pg.
the way you described rumination is exactly what I'm going through. asking myself WHY she did something and spiraling over it. thinking off seeing her again, thinking of if she never betrayed me, thinking of all our good times. it's exhausting. it is torture. I often have dreams in which I ask her why or just talk to her.
Getting into a relationship means putting yourself into a position of rejection. I don't want to hurt anyone or get hurt by anyone. I'm tired.
after my whole life of 21 years so far i finally found one of my main mental problems i have finally found this video thank you for help bringing this to light and helps me give something to talk about next when i see my therapist and this might be one of the reasons why there are so many things i have a hard time with after just knowing betrayal. thank you so much for doing these videos it's really helpful to sort through all the confusing bits of googling stuff
My last partner kinda went insane and started abusing (neglecting) the pets and when I spoke up about it she psychologically and emotionally abused me too. After the break-up, the pets that survived moved in with me and we love each other.
That was how my 2023 started and though I am much more stable now (I'm even considering dating again) there is still a lot of betrayal trauma there. Desire to move on coupled opposingly with rumination about how and why things went so horrible so quickly as well as trying to salvage what friendship can be gleaned from the remains of the relationship. This person seemed so good for so many years and then suddenly did all that; I definitely won't be trusting anyone again very easily.
Me and the animals, we're our own little family and I'm glad I at least have them.
This video has really helped me , as my husband off 35yrs was cheating on me for 7 yrs. .. with a much younger women . I was devastated
I've felt betrayed by a church I used to be in. I've said I have an "allergy" to it. Spending time around people still in the religion makes me disassociate (like my family).
Same here. Religious trauma is a thing, too
THANK YOU for this video, I CANNOT express how much this is EXACTLY what I’ve been going through for the past 12 years, especially. I had already been betrayed and abandoned by so many people I thought were my best friends, but being betrayed by the person I thought was my soulmate for almost 7 years really changed something in me, and I lost any ability to trust in others or feel true connections. Despite not seeing them for 12 years, they are virtually the ONLY thing I think about, because they were the last time I felt truly happy. Now I always feel like I’m on the outside, looking in through a window, just waiting to get left behind. No matter how often people assure you they’ll always “be there”, you know the truth, and you know how it ends, so everything just feels like a lie, like you’re always anticipating abandonment and betrayal, so much so that you feel numb to it, you almost welcome it, just so you can say to yourself “I knew it”.
Well at least your not alone. And it has a name. I'm 20 years into this and just yesterday learned this about me.i feel like maybe I can live a little again because theres hope. Healing begins at understanding, and I'm getting my life back from all those years taken from me from one person.
Trust nobody. Not completely. Idc what this says. Pain, more trauma, betrayal, arrogance, people thinking themselves clever and more is inevitable. Everybody plz save yourselves the pain and suffering. Get a cat. People and partners are overrated. Cats are better.
I believe most people with CPTSD have this by default, considering most victims boils down to children with a history of abuse made by their parents, a relationship made by "confidence".
I can’t believe the timing of this video describes everything so clearly I suffer betrayal trauma some one I loved and trusted for years abandoned me family betrayed my trust and yes it does make you question who is there left to trust painful but thankyou 😊💕
This video hit way too close to home! I know people who suffer from severe trauma and I never thought my trauma counted. Thank you for showing me that it does! When I was younger I had a toxic friend group. I am autistic and have ADHD and suffer from generalized anxiety disorder and OCD as well as a few other learning disabilities. I was always known as the weird kid that nobody wanted to hang out with or even be associated with. I was the socially awkward outcast in almost every grade. The worst part was I was an incredibly sweet almost too empathetic person who just wanted to have people care about me and even respect me in the slightest. My parents are really sweet and have always respected me but some of my teachers, and a lot of my peers were pretty rude to me. My Two closest best friends who I let too close to my heart betrayed me. One of them was never really a friend, she was almost more of a toxic manipulator in elementary school. The second one in middle school had a lot in common with me and I shared almost everything personal with her and then she abandoned me when she got popular and I have a lot of trouble trusting people since. Things have gotten a little better for me now. I now go to a school where everybody is neurodivergent and quirky and we had all been bullied in the past and everyone is there true self and really sweet! I actually have friends who care about me now and a really loving girlfriend! It’s thanks to the good people in my life that I actually can start to heal and build confidence.
Thank you so much for this channel, the way mental health information is presented is so warm, empathetic and non-judgmental and the vibe of the videos is always so calm, relaxing and grounding. All of this, combined with the information given, is so helpful, especially when there's still so much stigma and such a huge lack of understanding when it comes to mental health. The team behind this channel is doing a great job and as a trauma survivor I can't thank you enough. ❤️
"someone you loved"... yup
"out of the blue"... yup
"significantly violate"... yup
Relatable !
Truth is trust is a treasure that you should share with very few deserving people
I needed this in so many ways. It's been months seen i've been betrayed by a close friend and roomate of mine. The first 2 months i had many severe panic attacks a day. Now i'm just dealing with triggers and rumination and also a lot of anger (im not an angry person so this is frustrating). This all happened at the same time my depression and anxiety got bad, so this whole cocktail messed me up a lot. I've been basically only in bed these past few months, it's so frustrating, i still hate myself and feel a lot of shame. Some friends are still good friends with that person and it hurts. I thought this was all shock and depression and anxiety mixed together, i had no idea this was a real thing, i thought i was going crazy because i felt like i was losing my sanity with that amount of anxiety. This is a real thing, good to know im not insane. It sucks to think tho that someone "ruined" my life for some time while they're happy living their best life. So unfair.
I don’t know how many times I’ve felt betrayed, but I can feel how it keeps hurting me like my mental health progress was hit by a blue shell in Mario Kart, and I’m almost back to square one, fighting the despair inside of me… which feels like would be a eternal war I must fight, until I die.
I cannot express enough how important this channel is for me! In these trying times, therapy can be very pricey for people who desperately need an outlet so it's really nice having a way to self diagnose and break down ourselves. Some years back I experienced this with my friend group, boyfriend, and parent on a heavy level all at the same time which socially handicapped me. If it wasn't for my goals gripping me tight I don't know where I'd be today. Either way I'm forever grateful for this channel. Thank you
A lot of these signs are very very similar to what I've felt recently after someone I wanted to consider a friend again had a really bad fight. I'm sad that not everything worked out with us but to me it wasn't about finding a truth or anything. Yes it was about closure for me but it was also about mending something that I wish was recuperable. It wasn't a quest to uncover lies, it was a quest to find happiness with the other person but the last message they sent me was the biggest reality check. I want to move on but it'll be hard.
Recently I trusted my psychologist with my emotional scars, after one hour describing the parental abuse I went through, she answered "we can't change the past, but we can change how we look at it" and I felt the trust I put in her was betrayed, after that I wanted help from my sister, which was always suportive with this and helped me go through everything, but her answer was that she agreed with my psychologist, that I should "go on and leave the past behind", and that made me lose all trust in people with this, because I realised, since they haven't gone through even a bit of this, they'll never understand, and they'll even hurt me even more like they have done, so I went back to the starting point of keeping it all to myself
1. If you're going to burn in subtitles, please proofread them first.
2. I have experienced betrayal trauma in my past. My best friend in 6th and 7th grade turned on me and said I annoyed him every single day. I internalized that all throughout high school and college and was afraid to talk to anyone one on one. I stayed in groups to "Spread my influence" over multiple people so I wasn't concentrating my annoying personality on one person and could stay quiet while others did the talking. It's only now, decades later, that I realized why I acted that way and that I am wanted.
This is exactly what I'm looking for and I don't know what to do rn. After being backstabbed multiple times I chose to stay with my "Friends", eventually I've gone alone, seeking answers to why they'd do that, questioning myself if I did something wrong or I didn't try hard enough.
After 2 years of no talk to my bestfriend, when we finally had a conversation, he told me he could barely recognize me and I've change so much, I've gotten worse, and I'm no longer the guy he used to know and respect, the guy who's always helpful and trustworthy.
I want to change but I don't know where to start.
this video was scarily on time for me 😭
Thank you for this!
I am suffering from this kind of Trauma.
I’m totally blind, and I was in a car accident in 2019.
which is in major part of my PTSD.
Shortly after the accident I met someone who knew my wife growing up, and we thought that this was a wonderful person we could be friends with.
But last year things changed and I think we both gave ourselves betrayal trauma.
I got it worse than anything.
It's been an agonizing year.
I’m still struggling.
My first betrayal came when I was 3 years old, and has continued in most of my relationships since. I don't let people close to me much, I have friends, some that I have known for 30 years or more. I do keep to myself. I have learned a lot along the way, like with the last man I loved. He died, but I learned so much from him. He betrayed me in a complicated way, not infidelity, more of in his identity and asked for my forgiveness. I learned what true trust was. True trust isn't that people will never fail you or betray you, we are human and fallible. It is the trust in our bond and love that no matter what, we will work it out. We did, and we planned to get married, but he died before we could. I am not yet ready to find anyone else. I may never be, or I might. I am just taking one day at a time. Love people where they are. We are not perfect, none of us.
I was abandoned and betrayed by everyone for my entire life. My parents never thought I was good enough, so they neglected me often. "Friends" I'd make in school turned against me. Anyone I would date would end up trying to force me into situations I was not ready for, then leave me when I wouldn't do what they wanted. My first long term relationship of 5 years was full of abuse and manipulation, and after I finally ended it I knew I would never love or trust anyone again. Until I met him. The moment I met him, I instantly trusted him. And I hated it. I hated it because I knew he would hurt me like everyone else. I knew he would abandon and betray me like everyone else. I knew I wasn't good enough for him, wasn't pretty enough, wasn't womanly enough. Except I was wrong. It's only been 6 months, but he's the first person in my life who's truly loved me, the first who doesn't react angrily to my existence, the first who doesn't physically or emotionally harm me. He compliments me daily, with words that no one has ever said to me, and words I thought I would never hear. All of my trauma, pain, and self hatred nearly disappears when I'm with him. I'm slowly becoming a better person, because I have someone worth being better for, someone I know who won't be like everyone else. It's terrifying, because it's so new and different and I still fear I'll end up alone again, but finally having someone to trust helps me get through it
I'm happy you found someone like that (although I've found the sweetest honey makes the stickiest traps). Although it is good they help you be a better person, make certain to use this to lift yourself up without them as well. Use how much they strengthen you to strengthen yourself just as much. I sincerely hope that your relationship works out and you are both happy, for your sakes. Have a good day today.
Be careful trusting too easy in kindness, it can quickly change in the blink of an eye and was a all a trick , a sick sick trick . Hopefully it turns out I’m wrong but just be cautious, Narcs love to say sweet things in the beginning then they turn on you like you are the enemy
Being exposed for 5+ years to this changes how you view any type of relationship. And to add to that as well: people have to prove their worth of our trust. When proven, the 'relationship' can persevere for a lifetime.
detach yourself from everyone and you can HEAL on your own.
I feel seen, I had a situation where I was outed by a group that I trusted and I felt anxious and I self isolated to try to not feel as bad and I had to move out of the dorm so thank you for showing that these responses are normal to things like this.
Got through it once and found the love of my life.... Then she broke my trust and now I spiraled right back
You mentioned a support network a few times, what about when it is your "support" network that betrays you? What if there's no one left afterwards?
1 second ago
This couldn’t have come at a better time. You see, I used to have a lot of friends who enjoyed being around me but all of the sudden, around half of them decided to stop talking to me including the person I had asked out. I fell into a deep state of depression for a good month. My depression eventually turned into anger at the person I thought was behind it. I don’t like being angry because anger is never the way. This video helped me notice that these feelings are justified. I had been asking, ‘What did I do wrong?’ I don’t have to anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I want to understand what I did wrong but won’t take days or weeks at a time trying to ask. All I want is forgiveness, to be a good friend again. Thank you for this video. I will take it to heart and share it with others who have experienced similar events. Be at peace.
Timestamps
1). Anxiety 1:07
2). Avoidance 2:13
3). Trust issues 3:16
4). Negative intrusive thoughts 4:01
5). Withdrawal 5:09
6). Rumination 6:12
Hope this helps you out. Hope you have a nice day. 💙💙💙💙💙💙
here before the first edit
@@exist_Etrue
here after the first edit
Here after the third edit
Two & three for me.
It helps to be reminded that not all people are untrustworthy. My ex-girlfriend-the only person I’ve ever been in an intimate relationship with-was a compulsive liar and cheated on me multiple times. I realized I’ve held onto the feeling that, if I get into another relationship, I’m going to be treated the same way, and have to live through that all over again. It doesn’t make any sense to feel that way, though.
Definitely have this. Although I believe my brain protected me for a while by repressing the memories, I definitely got hit with them around 9th/10th grade when I thought of several people in my life. Saw one of them at work years later and I asked to go on break bc I felt panic & anguish, and I cried on the phone to my parents about it. Even though I had more real than fake/bullying friendships, they were enough to make me withhold my interests, creations, and true self from the real ones. Ever since, I've been trying to cope and process, painful as it is. But because I now know my worth and remember who are all on my side, it could have been MUCH harder and taken me A LOT longer to begin trusting others again. Grateful that I never completely isolated myself, and that I have a great support system, but it was hard trying to open up again in any friendships. I almost NEVER bring up what I create or what my special interests are anymore because they've been ridiculed and laughed at too much. But I'm working towards it. Take heart, friends. Healing is painful, but needed and worth it. You got this 💕
I have betrayal trauma from friendships. It’s hurtful to find out that your closest friend is actually secretly hateful, judgmental and envious towards you. 😕
You just described the last year of my life. Turns out my so called best friend was also a huge narcissist... Fortunately ending the relationship made me realize how you should value people you can be vulnerable with
Honestly, I feel like my life peaked at the age of 5. My parents still pretended to be a part of my life, my best friends still pretended to or maybe they even did like me then, and I still believed in people and the greater good of mankind. I’ve been isolating lately because I just can’t trust people with my true emotions. The two people I trust in the world are my grandpa and a friend I don’t expect to stay around by the next 6 years. How do I trust anyone when literally everyone betrays me eventually? I feel like maybe it’s me, but I go over everything I do all day every day to find my faults, but nothing I did could warrant such behavior from others. It’s not me right? Heck, it probably is and I’m just playing the victim card. Idk. I love your videos, thanks for posting videos that make me feel seen.
This has happened all my life.
My parents are emotionally immature, so growing up I never had a voice. I would have dreams where I would try and stand up for myself but no words would come out.
I had a best friend of 13 years steal money from me, use me as a puppet and try and control every aspect of my life until I woke up to her bullshit and ended the friendship only to be given death threats in return.
I never fit into any friendship groups when I was a teenager because getting drunk and taking drugs was the norm every weekend, I chose not to do it so I was an outcast. Imagine being outcasted for wanting to stay healthy. Yet my nervous system was destroyed because of isolation and loneliness and attracting emotionally immature people. You can’t win anyway.
People are becoming more avoidant,I’m worried about our future generation because the cost of living is rising so parents are working harder and children aren’t receiving the full support they need due to burnout hence developing a insecure attachment. The world is fucked. People are also driven my jealousy a lot as well, I notice my friendships prevail this quality. It’s honestly horrible
Thank you for posting this! 🙏🏻 I was never invited to party because I didn't want to drink either...and like you, I suffered from isolation, solitude. It's almost like life has to be hard, whatever the path you're choosing. Unfortunately, we still need to interact with people to have a healthy life but I don't see anyone worthy of my time and energy. At this point, I feel like you have to be a "good soldier" to live on this rock. Nothing makes sense but you still have to get up every morning.
I go thru this over and over and over with my mom and sisters.
I call them out on it and i tell them some friend you are. Should i share YOUR secrets? They must like it cuz they keep doing it. I told them they have a disorder. I found out that yes i am disliked. They dont like my light. I shine bright and too many dark people see it and dont like it.
They are everywhere.
I feel better after researching that..really its more than just my family.
I am my own best friend.
Good luck everyone!
Yes indeed, many betrayal traumas begin from parental betrayals that the parent never acknowledge, accept and take responsibility in assist in healing. If anyone, including family do not respect and accept your wishes, boundaries, and requests for keeping information private, these people clearly do not respect you or take you seriously. This is not uncommon, I've seen this type of behavior in many families and "friendships". We all need to clear to these people on our boundaries and wishes. If they refuse to accept your "informal" terms, it may be best to begin distancing yourself from people who disrespect your wishes, they may get "the hint" and begin "behaving". However, if they continue to refuse to "play nice", you may want keep certain instigators at arms length to create peace in your life. 🙏 Best wishes.
@@loanokaharbor8303 thank you! I agree.
I hold my mom at arms length well more than that.
My sister is at arms length. Sad to have to do that but it is what it is!
My sister told my long time male friend that I was constipated a couple days ago. I think she's jealous of me. Everything is degrading. Hmm but yet she copy's everything about me. Dislikes my hair color but dyed her hair the same color as mine. Ridicules.
Ykw, I'm 15 now, and my life.. has gotten alot better. I've been watching you guys for 3 years now, since I was 13, and every time I see a video posted about something that I know I might need help with, I immediately click it, and I'm always right! Ever since I became a subscriber, my life has changed so much for the better, and it's all thanks to you guys that I am who I am now. It's honestly emotional, I'm literally shedding tears while making this comment. I just really wanna say.. Thank you so much Psych2Go for coming into my life, I appreciate every effort you make into making our world a better place one video at a time. Hell, even this video helped me because I've been through all of these. You've helped me and many people alot, so again, thank you thank you thank you so much! Please keep in mind that we all love you guys so much for everything you do, and always will for as long as we live.. Keep up the amazing work, and continue to strive in making Planet Earth better again 😊💕
Almost every friend I’ve ever had, I’ve been betrayed by them. It’s this reason I have trust issues and keep people at arms length. I’m sociable and friendly, but I get this existential feeling of imposter syndrome and don’t want any part of it. I have no doubt I have lingering trauma from my experiences.
One of my closest friends just stopped talking to me out of the blue it really hurts because she was one of the few people who I really enjoyed talking to and loved hanging out with I just feel very lonely now
Same thing happened to me. What sucks the most is not knowing why.
Watched "The banshees of Inisherin" and really liked the movie, then a few months later something similar happened to me, a coleague friend that i used to work with just stopped talking back, and that feeling of why it happened that will never be answered i suppose
To all those you relate - sorry for the pain you're experiencing
It may take years, but one day i hope you get to the point of realizing that they are entitled to treat people the way they wish and you are entitled to be treated to a better standard that will attract the right people.
It's ok if you're quick to assume the worst and read into things too much in the meantime. It takes time to learn who accepts your boundaries and is accountable for their actions and who needs to have the upper hand on you. People who love you, care about how they make you feel. People who don't care will continually burn bridges and suffer their own consequences on a longer timeline.
Treat and wish people well, even the worst ones. They need it the most. That isn't an excuse to accept nonsense or open the door to abuse but being mean is on them. Being awesome regardless of their behaviour is totally in your control.
People do change and i hope those who betrayed you do too. Forgive them but don't trust them.
i couldn't watch this entire video. i have two narcissists as my adoptive parents. and as if that wasn't bad enough, i've been diagnosed with autism late in life. evil truly does exist and for anyone who doesn't believe that, try walking in my shoes for a couple miles...
Narcissistic parents are the worst, you get betrayed again and again....
😢
Same with mine😪😓
Emotional manipulation,
Gaslighting,
@@akanksha7028I'm sorry that you've gone through that...I too have narcisstic father...but hey can we be friends?
@@dharshansenthilkumar9492
Ya
Strategy for coping with garden variety life shattering betrayal:
Move 30 minutes away, far enough to avoid random encounters.
Live by yourself for a while and only interact with people you choose.
Hang out with new people, have new relationships, move on with your life.
If direct interactions are unavoidable:
Keep it short and shallow then forget about it. Make the whole thing as dull as possible.
Don’t acknowledge the events of the past or even the existence of a past relationship. Don’t provide personal details about your current life. Follow this procedure every time until the interactions are no longer unavoidable.
Thanks I needed this! You really help me ❤️❤️❤️
I'm so glad! :)
Rumination all but literally crippled me for an entire year, almost all of 2017. And it was for exactly the same reasons Psych2Go brought up here, needing to know why, self-deprecating doubt and blame, wanting closure. And it consumed my literal every waking moment. And it was all over a broken heart of a friendship that got too close and shattered before we were ever officially "together". The kind of partner you pedestalize and damn near idolize because they were everything you thought youd been looking for. I will never forget that year or the fallout/recovery of the years that followed.
A reconciliation DID eventually come, along with closure, but ironically, it wasnt because of them. It all occurred with personal revelation and insight. Basically, by the time I had the strength and maturity to face them (and a little unforeseen happenstance from the universe), I already had the catharsis or realization that the closure never required any of *their* effort or input.
It was rather anticlimactic and mundane when I found out that, for all my pining, weeping, ruminating, and depression, they were not (and never were) worthy of my time or respect.
Wow! I hope if I ever face mine, I will have courage to know this of myself as well. 🫶
@katthefantastic It is something that no one person can TELL you. I heard the thesis of my "revelation" told to me so many times by so many friends and concerned parties. None of it ever actually sank in or brought me any closer to acceptance. It was something that just needed time to grow in my mind (too long if you ask me).
When we finally DID meet up again, like 4 years later, the thing that dawned on me came when we tentatively tried to be friends again, and I realized that, for this to work, I had to throw away ANY hope of developing romantically. And snap, just like, I'm suddenly looking at someone pretty unremarkable, narcissistic, and untrustworthy. All the glamor of their personality was from my own rose-tinted goggles. It seemed so obvious when it finally hit me, but NO one could have told me that.
@@Atamastra I see that. 5 years here. And I've done good to baby step into another brighter future with someone else. Who I do trust, but do I trust seeing the ex and not freaking!?! Oh no way! I can't even really talk about the ex. (My partner knows everything about the ex, I am very honest)
I don't feel I could ever even see them, or hear that voice, it's still, it sucks!!!! But. I am happy that it isn't as bad as it once was. And yes, I know that I can one day at least not think of them at all. Because I'm still not there. You are brave, I respect that. 👊
@katthefantastic Well thank you for the comment. I do have to let slip a little more candor: the frequency at which I think of this person has certainly waned by a significant margin... but they've never actually gone away. I still get flashes and flares. None that take to the ground or even draw a ruminating tear, but I do embarrassingly have moments where I talk out loud an imaginary final encounter of telling them off for good (because I never actually told them, we just unceremoniously drifted apart). It's just yet another pining for closure, and I know now that there is no "end" to this connection. It's etched too deep. The best I can do is avoid letting myself slip into the whirlpool. There are no more revelations, no more epiphanies, no need for closure. It's really very much like an addiction that I finally kicked, but at the cost of being ever vigilant to never take the drug again.
I do hope you find some measure of peace and acceptance in your situation, though, because it is a profound relief when the burden finally fucks off long enough to let you gain some emotional distance.
@@Atamastra yes, not getting closure is extra harsh. I too verbally lash out, it is good to get it out. Thank you, and blessings. 🫶🎃