👀" You didn't get played because you poured into someone, you got played because you poured into the WRONG person"... 💯 "When someone shows themselves unworthy of you pouring into them, you REMOVE them, but don't stop being who you are"...💯 "I'm gonna bring my best, either you're gonna respect that, or I'm gonna walk away"... 💯 PREACH!!! 🗣️🎯🎯🎯🎯 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥👍🏾
I went on a date with a guy I was totally into. We did a bunch of stuff and he paid for everything. At the end of the night I asked him what he was looking for and he was like “I don’t know.” I straight up asked him “so you just like wasting your hard earned money on these extravagant dates? Cus I’m not hooking up with you.” He immediately started showing contempt in his face. He thought he could buy my sex. If he just wanted to hook up, he should’ve said that from the beginning so I could sent him off his merry way and saved his money. I don’t want to waste time or anyone’s money! Especially in this economy.
I'm a guy and i can totally relate the girl walked to me 1st said she was looking for a relationship we went on a few dates and we talked lil more about the relationship views than she gone say she wasn't looking for anything serious at the moment lol so childish I told her why didn't you just say that from the jump and I would've never taken it this far
Why though? If you had received with gratitude you would have done your part. You didn’t owe him sex but you didn’t have to talk to him like that. You could have smiled and said thank you and stayed feminine. I’ve had lots of men treat me to nice dates and I didn’t have sex with them. I didn’t end up going on second dates with a lot of them bc we weren’t a good fit but none of them showed contempt. Stay safe and have boundaries and keep accepting dates otherwise how will you get to know men. Your time and energy are worth something. A meal at the very least.
It's crazy how this popped up on my home page on yt . I'm 17 but the way I was taught was that there is a right person out there for you but still handle your business and don't lose focus . It's a good thing that I listened to this today because I was just in a situation where toxicity and manipulation was happening and I didn't understand how to handle it thank you 💯 taught me a wise lesson today ! Have a blessed day!
You're so lucky to hear this when you're young. I wish I had. Not having good parents, I had to learn these lessons the hard way and still need Stephan's encouraging words.. Happy for you!
@@cynthiamiller6373 awe thank you so much for the kind words 💯❤️ I am grateful this popped up on my home page today it was a lesson I learned most definitely and will carry on with me not sayin I'll be perfect in it all but I will keep this a staple in my life as I get older . Much blessings to you 🤍
Gurl, you smarter than I was at 19...shit you could have surpassed me at 31 now. Either way, I love you and I want you to create and sustain a great love
I think the key is to go into potential relationships with a pure heart, good intentions and a sound mind. If we are deceived by someone, that is on them, because their motives were not pure. God knows the heart, and He will reveal the truth to us. It is up to us to forgive quickly and move on from the users and takers. Pray for discernment, good judgement, good intuition. Great vid. Thank you, Stephan, for your awesome teachings. God bless you!
I put my college guy friend as a pal. He did stuff with me, hiking - homework, tacos. After 6 months one day I started to realize how cute he was & how we got along…..we started DATING & I MARRIED HIM !!!
This is how my high-school boyfriend started dating me. It was so sweet. IDK why men need to make sure they are getting their ROI. It kills things. But I get it too some women are totally users.
I always thought I was wrong for being genuine and honest, as I tend to speak from the heart. I was told I must change and games are a must in relationships. Thank you for letting me know I am okay and "I can love with my eyes wide open". Really appreciate your videos!
Games only work with players....and may not work fully in the way you want it to...to change his player ways. But if you want a good genuine man...no need to play games. An equally yoked honest man will Most Definitely Appreciate your genuineness and honesty. FR
Me too but I refuse to play games and remain genuine. We need to spread a little more love. We need to break these toxic cycles and show others there’s a better way. Doing so with boundaries.
100% spot on...the chemistry is crazy hot!! I love him so very much...we can hardly keep our hands off each other...we are so compatible on all levels, and sometimes it scares me😔... he has been a surprising blessing for the last 11 months, I never thought it could be this good
Everything in life is a risk, Love being the biggest. Either take the risk whole heartedly or Don’t do it at all. I’m not playing games with anyone. I am also being intentional about not bringing past issues into new situations.
Doing the inner work to heal has definitely been a life changer for me, not just in dating but all aspects of my life. After having done the work to be clear on who I am, what my values are, and what type of man I want in my life, the Universe delivered! Thank you for this powerful and important message 🙏🏻
I had a coworker that went on a dating site just to have a free meal every night and go out. She was trying to say I should do the same. I don’t have and never have had time to waste on someone I’m not genuinely interested in.
I agree with @El Sol. When I go on dates I always make sure I have enough funds to go out incase he uses his money against me. It’s happened to me too. When my date realized he wasn’t gonna get any… he said verbatim “ then pay for your own meal”. I looked at him called the waitress over, paid for my meal and drinks then got an Uber home. Problem solved 🤷🏽♀️
It has always amazed me that a man thinks a meal buys him sex. Find out what the going rates are for sex work is in your area, and weigh that against what he spent on the meal. Then factor in that he's going to use your home like a hotel YOU pay for. We aren't sex workers, and if we were, we would ask for cash and spend it how we like. Oh, and factor in the time you spent conversing with him over that meal. Plus kissing him. Those last two things are usually only performed by verrrrry expensive sex workers. So he thinks that for his average $50, he's owed at least $300 of services!
So ugly that women are treated like hookers,sex workers.İ am so disgusted by the dating world.İt is not like we need them to buy us a meal.İ can afford meals and everything i need.
I met a guy over a month ago, the things he said to me and how he showed me attention he let me know he was interested in me. But, just in conversation I felt we was totally the opposite. And he agreed but, he still wanted to try to get to know me. So I said we can be friends he agreed. But this man when I working he shows up smiling and let me know how much he like me. So just one day I enter the break room and his face was the only one I seen I immediately sat next to him. Now we’re eating together sharing our food. The women on my job sees his eyes is only me. I was off one day and a lady who I speaks to asked him where is his girl he told her I was off that day. Every time we talk, text, or see each other he’s telling me how he feels about me. He says I’m not special but, I unique. He sees beautiful women on the job but, he want to get to know me. And I loving every moment of it. Ya’ll keep me In y’all prayers 😂😂😂😅
How many times do we listen to Stephan finish the video and keep on doing what we were doing before, no change. This definitely is a time to be doers and not just listeners. 😊
Heck no ladies. Get your ex out of your life. Even if the break was amicable. Make room for the new man in your life. Ex’s are ex’s for a reason and that was a hard lesson I had to learn.
#2 is a huge one. Women feel a lot of pressure to be married or have a boyfriend by a certain age for the sake of conforming to social expectations where I live. Often times they pick guys like myself who have good careers/emotionally stable/comparatively wealthy even if they aren't actually physically attracted to us. It's devastating and makes us question ourselves and feel unwanted or unattracted. I've moved much faster precisely because of the reason you outlined; I need to know if this woman is actually authentically interested in intimacy or just "he has a good resume and it'll look good when I introduce him to my friends/mom and dad".
Same happens with us non IG model girls too. Had a guy who i knew was out of my league and i was def not his usual type aka IG fitness model. But he knew i had a great career no kids and was have a super nurturing personality. I knew deep down that he only wanted the benefits of being with me and didnt truly want me. He was even still talking to exes and other women. Eventually I had to have some self respect and leave that relationship.
I had to eye roll the free meal.. omg i can take myself out to dinner.. wouldn’t even care to share a meal with someone I wasn’t into. Pretty sad that some women look for a free meal.
Abby Kendrick Unfortunately, many highly narcissistic women do use men and expect a LOT more than a free meal, as you'd know. The last man I got caught up with moved from place to place and didn't have a home, or a steady job, so I couldn't be accused of that. Lol. I used to say that I'm not working, hence why I didn't expect potential partners to be either. There are often good reasons why people aren't able to work as well, which includes me. It depends on what the person is like though and the one I mentioned ended up causing immense harm. ❤
When I started looking into the content on male behavior in dating on UA-cam I was disgusted. I'm still chased by men from 20-60 and their behavior is beyond my rational mind's comprehension. I've been single for 12 years now and the only men I've met from dating are guys interested in hookups, FWB, players, nothing serious. Interpersonal relationships or lack thereof are becoming a social epidemic... more like a social pandemic.
Thank you. First date for me is bowling, shooting pool, walking in the park. Sounds crazy but basketball court. Simple easy way to get to know someone.
There are plenty of things you can do together that don't cost anything or much money. Going on a picnic to a park, hiking, listening to music at a festival, etc. Some women think dates like that, lunch, or a cup of coffee are not good dates. I don't care what we do,I just want quality time together. I don't care that he doesn't have much money, that doesn't matter. He is trying to better himself and works. Everyone goes through bad times in life, I know, no matter how hard I tried over the years, there were times when I struggled. It's tough when you get laid off 3x an cut to part time 2x in a 5 yr period. Also having car problems. Fortunately when I got the job with Chick FiLA, things have gotten better, and I'm there 11 yrs now
3 days ago I broke up with my new love because he wanted to friend zone me after 3 1/2 month into the relationship ,,, I simply told him that I cannot talk with him as a friend and I blocked him.
"You're not getting played because you poured yourself into someone, you got played, or got hurt because you were pouring into the wrong person. The selection process was off." 🎯 so simple, but so profound 🙏 And in my experience it's always the dudes who don't have money that are worried they'll be used for their money. Also,a good way to find out if they will be a good provider 🤷🏼♀️
Funny thing. I got out of an abusive relationship and went right into another relationship during the end of the previous one. The new guy begged me to leave my ex and be with him.. After multiple arguments and such, I told this new guy I needed to be alone and heal, because I never got the chance to do so. A few toxic events later, we are now broken up and one of the last things he said to me was: "now you get to be alone like you always wanted." Lol.... yes sir now I get to heal like I always wanted. Now I get to become a better person with less baggage. I assume he thinks I just didn't want to be with him but I said it over and over that I needed to heal.
I was in almost that very same situation! Was married to an abusive man and never healed. Jumped into a relationship with someone that I thought was a great guy not even six months after my divorce. I soon realized that guy wasn’t what I needed at all and he turned out to not be good for me, but rather toxic. Knowing I needed to heal and what I didn’t want to deal with again, I broke up with him. Of course he made it seem like I broke up for no reason and that I’m the worse person in the world. My mistake was in not taking the time to heal. If I was healed, that guy certainly wouldn’t have even been in my life honestly. You did the right thing and that’s good that you don’t feel bad about it!
I agree that you should go into a relationship with your guards down. I agree that you should go into any relationship without fear, especially if there is a genuine interest. Just keep it honest and open. No games are necessary if there is a genuine good healthy interest. Just keep it REAL!!!
You just opened my eyes to something, if I never liked a guy I’ll ask for a lot of stuff. If I liked him I’ll be embarrassed if I didn’t have it, it’ll make me go harder like at a job or cut my expenses. You’re absolutely right. One thing I do know if a man likes you you wouldn’t have to ask they will offer. Thanks for opening back up my eyes again man I been slipping listening to that your getting older and your chances are getting slim to find true love
Stephen, thank you for pointing out a women's attraction to a man so many people mainly other women in relationships focus on things that the guy has or can do for the female rather than ask the female if she finds the guy attractive OR hound the woman for not considering the guy because he is NOT her type.
Coming through Mr Labossiere perfectly! Always on point with these topics and I'm sure a lot of men and women are equally being helped right now. Its always informative, edifying, and very well balanced. What more can one ask for?
Thank you so much for the information and insight. I feel that when we have healed we as a man or a woman though, if we have truly accepted our authentic self, then we will allow our authentic self too develop. It’s not about games but we must be willing to take a certain amount of risk. Real talk it shouldn’t even be about risk it should be about finding and keeping our own true happiness. All said in your video. We just have to put the bat down and be who we truly are no matter if he is there or not. If he is not then move on! Thx again Stephan. Always appreciated of what you do for me and others! Keep doing what ya doing in Gods grace and mercy! ❤️🙏🏽💪🏽💯
6:43 I agree! I have heard over and over on videos how the man is tired of a woman wanting him for money, but then the man proceeds to describe an elaborate, expensive date he did to impress the woman. If you don‘t want a gold-digger, STOP leading with your money!!!! Ask her on a picnic…that way you can control exactly how much you spend! Simple is good! Just do something that doesn’t involve money! If she is a gold-digger, she will not accept another date. If she expresses she had a good time, pick another inexpensive idea, like a art gallery opening or museum… My husband was so broke when we met, I didn’t want him to spend money like that! I constantly offered to cook because it is cheaper and I paid for it then. He could let me pay for groceries but he never would have let me pay the check at dinner.
I was literally talking to a friend yesterday about the money situation! This after watching a video of a young woman throwing a fit because her current boyfriend would not pay for a birthday meal for her and 18 of her friends. The video could have been completely bogus, but I'll be honest I was completely flabbergasted!😣 She seemed genuinely upset that he would not fork over what could potentially be, thousands of dollars for a single meal. The entire situation (if real), is ludicrous! I don't know.😓 I have never once considered asking a dude to pay my bills.
Can you do a video about the friend zone and mixed signals. Because I have been sincere to men that I met and expressed interest in the friend zone day one, I limited how much time we would spend together to make sure it wasn’t becoming a routine or a questionable dating situation, and I still felt the need to terminate the friendship because it often felt like he thought it was more and it wasn’t.
1. Woman just wants a free meal only- creates fear that woman is just using man 2. Are you genuinely and sexually attracted to him- not using the man as an emotional whore...must have affection with boundaries 3. If I show her too much interest she will use hers..men fearful in doing too much..solve this by healing...walk in my truth, be the best me 4. Is she just after my money? 5. I hope she does not friend zone me- put in box of your just my friend. 6. How he compares to your ex. partner. I must make sure I am healed. If ex is for me I should not be in the situation. 7. Being insecure about being insecure- men battling demons and try to suppress them...As we stand as examples of healing more people heal. Behaviors stem from what we have not healed from.
The person I’m dating is a gentleman, he always pay. I invited him for breakfast to celebrate his birthday. We couldn’t celebrate on his birth date because we were both working,he said to me, I’m not used to have anyone to pay. I said to him, let me pamper you today, you deserve it, is ok once in a while if I pay .
I acknowledge that on one occasion I took a free date from a guy. It was the third date. He made it absolutely clear he had zero good intentions. My friends talked me into using him for dinner. I still felt sorry for him and never did it again.
this is so true,,, especially no. 3 .. I'm in a relationship with a guy who is hard to open up but i know he cares about me and gives me undivided attention. its annoying and confusing at times but I just show him my love , loyalty and vunerability letting my walls down so that he knows how i feel and i observe he become more at peace with that and more sweet. But i know in myself once I show all of that and he still ignores and disrespects me. I wont have second thoughts to walk away coz I already did my part. hahaha. thanks stephan.😄
So Stephan once again that was a good video I like some of the pointers you gave which were to give the man compliments ,which I think anyone should receive compliments and it shouldn't be an issue. Don't lead the man on and with all do respect friend zoning for our own comfort zone can be confusing for anyone that we place there so we want to be mindful of that and yes there are women who want emotional and financial comfort without being vulnerable or having the actual relationship cuz it makes them feel empowered or in control of the relationship when in reality they're not cuz they're operating from their lower self. You were absolutely right to say women use men for meals and bills because they do and then have the nerve to feel some way when somebody do them that way none of it's right. I don't do the users thing nor do I tolerate that behavior because it's hurtful to all. Sorry about my run on sentences lol I had to get it out. Let me add that a truly healed person knows how to handle an another loved one with real compassion dignity respect and love. I believe the past is the past let it RIP in the past. I love the gems and nuggets you give. I also love watching a handsome man speak with such wisdom.❤🔥💯
When I was dating my 1st dates would always be coffee. If I aint feeling him the date goes by quickly and I aint gotta sit through a whole dinner. If I considered him for a 2nd date then I do dinner.
Great points! # 1 is really sad though. Poor guys - go on an ice-cream date or walk on the beach! The point about attraction is interesting - however it's really frustrating. I've always thought that men who want sex too early are either just looking for sex. Or think that's all they can offer.
I love walks. The simple things. But most guys won't ask you. They rather take you to something fancy. Spend so much and you don't really care about the money cos this isn't what you wanted in the first place. So when I get to these restaurants, I hardly place an order.
Please stop ignoring the red flags. There are things that we notice that we don't want to acknowledge because we are attracted to that person and we really hope that they aren't that way. But the reality is they really are accepted and either move on or deal with it.
Years ago I lived in Chicago and did a lot of online dating when I truly had no idea how to date or form a relationship. During those years I looked to bad advice that told women to date the troll who likes you because you have to give him a chance, he has to love you more than you love him, he will treat you well, feelings need time to grow etc. the advice made me feel very guilty turning a man down even if I was not attracted to him. The result was getting free meals and then having to fight a man who I didn’t like off of me for a gross kiss at the end of the night. I can assure you- had I had access to better advice at the time I wouldn’t have wasted anyone’s time or money on a meal. No meal is worth having some man who I don’t like try to kiss me at the end of the night. 💋🤢🤮
Yeah exactly, that "dont show him too much interest or vulnerability" thing has been a negative blockage in my marriage because i was fearful of him being prideful and his efforts and vulnerability or love and interest being reciprocated. And he's right. If he's not reciprocating, he's the wrong man. If he loves it and is responsive to it, then he really has love and/or emotional connection towards me and is serious about me and all that stuff ♥️👌
I just want to say that I clicked on your videos a few times over the last year (now that I’ve actively started dating) and honestly was scared to take your advice because a lot of dating advice from men has been soooo toxic lately online. I thought you might be just another red pill type channel. I’m so glad I continued watching your videos. You have helped me so much I can’t express how thankful I am for your Channel. I was so lost on so many things when it came to dating with no real good advice out there. Your advice resonates with me and I can tell it’s coming from a place of experience and genuinely wanting to help people find love and the right one for them. I cannot thank you enough 🙏🏽
Great info, some keys I was not aware of. Currently there is an older gent (we’re both in our 60’s) whom doesn’t want to be ‘just friends’; he’s a Ph.D and feels we have a great deal in common. Now I can see where he may be confused. As a RN, my calling and compassion is in improving the quality of health challenges from newborns to adults. On one occasion, he mentioned a few health concerns to which I offered some things he might want to look into based upon my knowledge in functional medicine and nutrition to which he received favorable outcomes. He may well be interpreting my health suggestions as meaning something quite opposite of my intentions despite my verbal reiterating ‘we’re just friends, there can be nothing more!’ It is a blessing he lives in another state and we have not been in each other’s physical company nor face time. I will be moving much differently going forward.
Preach! Yes - the selection, or what I call, the Vetting process, is key! Love the non-dinner first date, especially for the 1st date off the internet. A lot of what you talk about is related to the book The Rules (and Rules for Internet Dating). I do agree is boils down to treating someone on their own merit, coming from a place of positivity and good energy! Be you and enjoy! Thanks for reinforcing my mindset in this and your other videos. I'll continue to watch and share.
Thanks for sharing this advice! I will definitely keep these points in mind. The first point definitely made me think of some family members who have done this 😊😊! I can honestly say that I’m not like this if I go out with a guy my intentions are to genuinely get to know him. I don’t like being used and I wouldn’t want to use someone else, especially for free food. Always treat others how you would want to be treated. That’s my motto, even if it doesn’t work out at least I know that I kept my moral values in check.
Hey, Stephen since you are counseling both men and women. You should setup a dating conference for register followers and that way your tools can really be put into practice. I believe in face to face interaction.
OMG! I thought the exact same thing. Can U make a Stephan L. Dating Site or something ??? U could make tests and see people with positive energie and test can confirm they are healed and those who are ready to meet someone. Less people won't be damage and disapointed (sorry I'm a Disney fan. Fantaisies are my things, but I believe something like that can be happen. Well, I hope...for safety of humans mental health...😢)
Clicked on this video to only realize I’m not dating right now and do not wish to anytime soon. With that being said I will not be watching this video until I’m ready ✌🏻 I think it’s a sign from god tbh ❤️much love!
I've been dating this guy for 5 years now he flips the bill I tried to pay the tip he's very generous in that way he hasn't let me in in 5 years himself found me friends it's a book here's one for you and all the dates we've gone on he says the receipts and says I owe him how about that I've never had that brought to me before I never gave him a reason to feel like I've used to he doesn't pay my bills he crumbs me but I am very humble to what I received I'm in a very confusing situation and I really know what I need to do but nevertheless that was brought to my attention about dating and it totally blew my mind thank you for the lessons that I am learning
Hi Stephan I really enjoy your video's and I learn alot from you with each video that you post. But this video really surprise me because I really didnt know that dating has become so difficult. And it make me glad that Im not dating anymore. So thank you for keeping me informed I cant wait for your next video.
#1 If men fear this they need to pay for sex workers. A meal does not owe a man to anything physical. If a man can’t afford to date he’s better off having transactional relationships pay for play. The matter of the fact is that dating costs and just because he takes you out to dinner that doesn’t mean you owe him anything. I have news for you women are judging men in the courting phase. If a man isn’t trying to impress a woman in the beginning with lavish dates then how is he going to afford a wife and kids?
I don't think a first date has to be lavish. Depending on how they met and the amount of communication they've had prior to the date, he may not know if he even likes the woman. Why spend a lot of money on someone you might not even like?
I’m 29 years old , and this is 100% true when we are younger it’s hard to realize the truth because we have to live and learn. But whes basically saying don’t follow society constructs . Don’t do anything that’s in healthy
The point that you made about men being fearful to show interest because they're afraid of the woman losing interest in them, i have experienced this a LOT, and i have had this false believe in my own mind when it comes to the relationship with my husband who i have been trying to reconcile with for a long time. And Stephan's videos have helped me to start tearing down those walls of old unhelpful & unhealthy beliefs and behaviors.
The man I'm dating told me that he feels like I am trying to control him. I honestly don't think I have done anything to control him. I think he's falling in love with me and it scares him. What do you think? We are purposely not sleeping together because we really want to get to know each other first and don't want that distraction.
Money is not an issue for me. I believe sharing is caring. As long as each person is during their part and not taking the advantage, if one individual may have more than the other. I believe that if you are investing your time and energy to build a good healthy relationship money should not be an issue. My Ex is my X. No measuring up here. I am done. I am very secure in my skin!!! No baggage here!!! I am GOOD!!!
All the men exhibiting these insecurities need to heal. Why are they dating? They're doing nothing but continuing the cycle of hurt. The amount of manipulation that's going on in the dating world is astronomical. I've learned the hard way that being genuine while dating you have to know what you want and establish unbreakable boundaries ladies.
I will be more mindful of men and their insecurities. I suppose I've keep things one sided for quite some time. I just wish men would open up more or LOVE to communicate. It's rare! Where are there more men like Stephan?
thank you, Stephan 💜 for recommending me, to watch the video. it was so so powerful and true words. I can relate to high maintenance ☺️ and I like the way, you said it's no shame to be high maintenance ☺️ I liked the way, you said it Stephan 💜 also the friend zone is relatable and especially, breaking the cycle of things we was taught and been threw, stephan you is so good 👍🏼 I appreciate, your time and sincere truth 😘 you is very, love 💞🤗💜😘
I don't think I have any dating insecurities...but I will see what you're talking about. But I do like my attention to be reciprocated. When I see that its not...I presume the lady is either playing games...or not interested enough...so it makes me shut down and lose interest. Like I met this super fine lady over the weekend. I had a feeling I met my future wife. FR. I saw her social media like man...I Love her spirit. But based on our communication...she's either playing stupid text games...or just not interested enough. I think not interested enough...based on certain things she didn't ask me and things she didn't do. So now I'm like Ok...Whatever. I'm gonna move on. Next!!!
I just ended a 7 1/2 month long distance relationship with a young man that I thought was outstanding. Even though throughout the relationship I saw that he had an issue with me being the one supplying things, traveling to see him, purchasing, giving and lavishing him with things that I wanted to do for him. He finally told me that he had the old-school upbringing that it was a man’s job and responsibility to take care, supply and furnish things for a woman and not for a woman to do the things that I was doing for him. Therefore he told me that I could no longer do anything for him anymore. Well, being the person that I am I felt that being with him would cause me not to be able to be my authentic self and that would cause me to suppress who I truly am. Therefore, I took some time and thought about it and I came to the realization that it would be best that I should end this relationship between us because I could not be my true self and not do the things that I desire to do in love because that’s how I show my love towards anyone I love and it’s not received. If I was wrong by ending this relationship then I was wrong. But I do not believe that I was. I do wish him the best in his life with that upbringing because it is honorable and I told him that. However, in todays time women are able to lavish a man if he is deserving in their eyes and heart and he was in mine. But our ship have past.
You gotta set up boundaries. No disrespect but you were doing toooo much for a man that’s not even your husband. It comes across as desperate. That’s how you end up used.
When I truly care about someone I enjoy buying things for her. Nothing extravagant. Flip flops, t-shirt, candy etc etc. It’s one way of expressing my appreciation. I definitely do not want that suppressed. If you’re the only one supplying…that’s a potential problem. You made the right choice to move on. There’s someone out there who will appreciate who you are, hopefully closer to home.
He wasn’t entirely wrong, you were acting masculine and he felt emasculated. Men want to feel needed and you put him in a feminine position. You can be yourself but pull back on the lavish gifts men are simple anyway and rather accept things that are practical and useful.
I would prefer to Keep the relationship and give away to charities that you trust, children of your family, setting up some college fund for a fatherless or motherless child you know, or giving yourself gifts… you are the one who likes to give to show love, does the receiver matters? share your blessings around and keep a good man.🙏🏿
Well #3 is True unfortunately. I really wish it wasn't. But yes, it is unhealthy. I wish we would all be real with each other...and stop with those game playing. And yes, women do it a lot. Don't work on good men...but they may get some where with the players...cause they play those same games too. So they end up keep playing with each other. But us real men...we just move on. It turns us off. But the reason why it may work with women more is because of how their attraction is set up. Us guys, most of our attraction is in the physical...so all we need to be attracted to her is for her to be our physical type. With women, the physical type isn't the biggest thing. Their attraction is mental mainly. So I'm not suggesting playing games with them...but yes, you may have to do things to spark that attraction bro. IJS I do...but I can definitely do without the game playing. Like when I met shorty...I wanted to tease to get her #. I was sooo speechless...cause I was sooo drawn to her...so I just said here take my #. She gave me her IG. I hit her up. Then later I teased a lil....the same thing I wanted to say to get her #. She laughed...then gave me her #. 😎 But after, I was asking her a few questions...she didn't ask me any back. I'm looking at the texts, I'm texting a lil more. She's taking long responding to each text...cool, ppl can get busy. But if you're doing it intentionally, then I'm Not Interested. So now I'm just looking at everything like she's either playing games or not interested enough. Yes, I can do things to manipulate it where she gets more interested and chased me....but I don't want that At All. I just want it to be genuine. So yeah, unfortunately this is the modern women nowadays Steph. I didn't give her Any sign that I was a player or I warrant Any Game Playing...so idk why she would start with me. But Whatever. I'm already turned off. So idk what to do now. Cause I just met her...but I was really really feeling her at 1st. Meeting her, feeling out her spirit...seeing shorty on social media and feeling her spirit...like she's thee exact type that I've been looking for...physically and everything...but idk now. I don't think I will hit her up again now. Unless God tells me otherwise. So we will see.
@@nikclo9907 I said I'm not interested in that. I called her earlier to get clarity. I just don't think she was that interested. So despite my high attraction and high interest in her....I decided to not put her in that category of potential mate. So I know I won't waste my time...and I can give that time and attention to other potential mates that's not playing games and is serious about finding the right mate with someone real.
I’ve met men for coffee and they are dressed like they just rolled out of bed and grab something off the floor. This is after we have had several conversations over the phone. First impressions count and those men I just pass and they know it because even though impolite during coffee, it’s hard to hide my disdain for him. Play stupid games win stupid prizes, first impressions count.
Thank you! I would love to hear you talk more about how to feel empowered in who you are, when you are a high maintenance woman. That would be extremely helpful. And I will note that high maintenance applies to so many more categories than money, all of which are valid.
❤ Get my bestselling books, one on one coaching, tickets to my live events, and more here 👉 www.stephanspeaksshop.com
😪
Hey. 💛 I emailed you back. Would love to have a one on one with you. Blessings.
👀" You didn't get played because you poured into someone, you got played because you poured into the WRONG person"... 💯
"When someone shows themselves unworthy of you pouring into them, you REMOVE them, but don't stop being who you are"...💯
"I'm gonna bring my best, either you're gonna respect that, or I'm gonna walk away"... 💯
PREACH!!! 🗣️🎯🎯🎯🎯
🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥👍🏾
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate that ❤️
Ty so much, yall. Ily 🙏🫂🌞
It was this point for me!!! 🔥🔥🎯
I love this 😀 ❤️
THIS‼️‼️‼️ 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
I went on a date with a guy I was totally into. We did a bunch of stuff and he paid for everything. At the end of the night I asked him what he was looking for and he was like “I don’t know.” I straight up asked him “so you just like wasting your hard earned money on these extravagant dates? Cus I’m not hooking up with you.” He immediately started showing contempt in his face. He thought he could buy my sex. If he just wanted to hook up, he should’ve said that from the beginning so I could sent him off his merry way and saved his money. I don’t want to waste time or anyone’s money! Especially in this economy.
Thank you for sharing your experience! Hopefully, it will help others learn from it. I appreciate that ❤️
Well said! 😀
Why did you go out with him ? Wtf
I'm a guy and i can totally relate the girl walked to me 1st said she was looking for a relationship we went on a few dates and we talked lil more about the relationship views than she gone say she wasn't looking for anything serious at the moment lol so childish I told her why didn't you just say that from the jump and I would've never taken it this far
Why though? If you had received with gratitude you would have done your part. You didn’t owe him sex but you didn’t have to talk to him like that. You could have smiled and said thank you and stayed feminine. I’ve had lots of men treat me to nice dates and I didn’t have sex with them. I didn’t end up going on second dates with a lot of them bc we weren’t a good fit but none of them showed contempt. Stay safe and have boundaries and keep accepting dates otherwise how will you get to know men. Your time and energy are worth something. A meal at the very least.
It's crazy how this popped up on my home page on yt . I'm 17 but the way I was taught was that there is a right person out there for you but still handle your business and don't lose focus . It's a good thing that I listened to this today because I was just in a situation where toxicity and manipulation was happening and I didn't understand how to handle it thank you 💯 taught me a wise lesson today ! Have a blessed day!
I'm happy this has been helpful to you, don't forget to share so that others can receive love and healing ❤ 🙏
@@MeetStephanSpeaks will most definitely my friends would love your channel so I will share as much as possible.💯
You're so lucky to hear this when you're young. I wish I had. Not having good parents, I had to learn these lessons the hard way and still need Stephan's encouraging words.. Happy for you!
@@cynthiamiller6373 awe thank you so much for the kind words 💯❤️ I am grateful this popped up on my home page today it was a lesson I learned most definitely and will carry on with me not sayin I'll be perfect in it all but I will keep this a staple in my life as I get older . Much blessings to you 🤍
Gurl, you smarter than I was at 19...shit you could have surpassed me at 31 now. Either way, I love you and I want you to create and sustain a great love
I think the key is to go into potential relationships with a pure heart, good intentions and a sound mind. If we are deceived by someone, that is on them, because their motives were not pure. God knows the heart, and He will reveal the truth to us. It is up to us to forgive quickly and move on from the users and takers. Pray for discernment, good judgement, good intuition.
Great vid. Thank you, Stephan, for your awesome teachings. God bless you!
❤️ 🙂 Thank you for watching, I appreciate your feedback and may God bless you as well!
Totally agree
Sis, your comment is on Point!!!🙌, AMEN!!!
I put my college guy friend as a pal. He did stuff with me, hiking - homework, tacos. After 6 months one day I started to realize how cute he was & how we got along…..we started DATING & I MARRIED HIM !!!
Did he like you instantly? 🤔
Thank you for sharing your experience! Hopefully, it will help others learn from it. I appreciate that ❤️
This is how my high-school boyfriend started dating me. It was so sweet. IDK why men need to make sure they are getting their ROI. It kills things. But I get it too some women are totally users.
I always thought I was wrong for being genuine and honest, as I tend to speak from the heart. I was told I must change and games are a must in relationships. Thank you for letting me know I am okay and "I can love with my eyes wide open". Really appreciate your videos!
Games only work with players....and may not work fully in the way you want it to...to change his player ways.
But if you want a good genuine man...no need to play games. An equally yoked honest man will Most Definitely Appreciate your genuineness and honesty. FR
@@jayc5756 Thank you so much!
@@tifftiff6617 💕
Me too but I refuse to play games and remain genuine. We need to spread a little more love. We need to break these toxic cycles and show others there’s a better way. Doing so with boundaries.
@@stacyrensburgoliver True
100% spot on...the chemistry is crazy hot!! I love him so very much...we can hardly keep our hands off each other...we are so compatible on all levels, and sometimes it scares me😔... he has been a surprising blessing for the last 11 months, I never thought it could be this good
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate that ❤️
Are you still together ´till this day ?
Everything in life is a risk, Love being the biggest. Either take the risk whole heartedly or Don’t do it at all. I’m not playing games with anyone. I am also being intentional about not bringing past issues into new situations.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, I appreciate hearing from you ❤
My spiritual big brother said this exact thing to me last night
Doing the inner work to heal has definitely been a life changer for me, not just in dating but all aspects of my life. After having done the work to be clear on who I am, what my values are, and what type of man I want in my life, the Universe delivered! Thank you for this powerful and important message 🙏🏻
Thanks for sharing, healing is definitely key 🙏
I had a coworker that went on a dating site just to have a free meal every night and go out. She was trying to say I should do the same. I don’t have and never have had time to waste on someone I’m not genuinely interested in.
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate that ❤ 🙏
Wow. Interesting.
That’s because you’re a high quality women!
Wooow that's ridiculous!!!
I would never do that - cannot eat with strangers - would rather eat my own nice salad at home :).
I agree with @El Sol. When I go on dates I always make sure I have enough funds to go out incase he uses his money against me. It’s happened to me too. When my date realized he wasn’t gonna get any… he said verbatim “ then pay for your own meal”. I looked at him called the waitress over, paid for my meal and drinks then got an Uber home. Problem solved 🤷🏽♀️
Thank you for sharing your experience! Hopefully, it will help others learn from it. I appreciate that ❤️
It has always amazed me that a man thinks a meal buys him sex. Find out what the going rates are for sex work is in your area, and weigh that against what he spent on the meal. Then factor in that he's going to use your home like a hotel YOU pay for. We aren't sex workers, and if we were, we would ask for cash and spend it how we like. Oh, and factor in the time you spent conversing with him over that meal. Plus kissing him. Those last two things are usually only performed by verrrrry expensive sex workers. So he thinks that for his average $50, he's owed at least $300 of services!
@@bl7817wow you really thought that thru
So ugly that women are treated like hookers,sex workers.İ am so disgusted by the dating world.İt is not like we need them to buy us a meal.İ can afford meals and everything i need.
I met a guy over a month ago, the things he said to me and how he showed me attention he let me know he was interested in me. But, just in conversation I felt we was totally the opposite. And he agreed but, he still wanted to try to get to know me. So I said we can be friends he agreed. But this man when I working he shows up smiling and let me know how much he like me. So just one day I enter the break room and his face was the only one I seen I immediately sat next to him. Now we’re eating together sharing our food. The women on my job sees his eyes is only me. I was off one day and a lady who I speaks to asked him where is his girl he told her I was off that day. Every time we talk, text, or see each other he’s telling me how he feels about me. He says I’m not special but, I unique. He sees beautiful women on the job but, he want to get to know me. And I loving every moment of it. Ya’ll keep me In y’all prayers 😂😂😂😅
How many times do we listen to Stephan finish the video and keep on doing what we were doing before, no change. This definitely is a time to be doers and not just listeners. 😊
Indeed, it really helps when we embrace that ❤
Heck no ladies. Get your ex out of your life. Even if the break was amicable. Make room for the new man in your life. Ex’s are ex’s for a reason and that was a hard lesson I had to learn.
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate that ❤️
You’re so right! I’m learning that the hard way now.
I have a STBX and I will remember this comment!! 👍🏽
#2 is a huge one. Women feel a lot of pressure to be married or have a boyfriend by a certain age for the sake of conforming to social expectations where I live. Often times they pick guys like myself who have good careers/emotionally stable/comparatively wealthy even if they aren't actually physically attracted to us. It's devastating and makes us question ourselves and feel unwanted or unattracted. I've moved much faster precisely because of the reason you outlined; I need to know if this woman is actually authentically interested in intimacy or just "he has a good resume and it'll look good when I introduce him to my friends/mom and dad".
Same happens with us non IG model girls too. Had a guy who i knew was out of my league and i was def not his usual type aka IG fitness model. But he knew i had a great career no kids and was have a super nurturing personality. I knew deep down that he only wanted the benefits of being with me and didnt truly want me. He was even still talking to exes and other women. Eventually I had to have some self respect and leave that relationship.
I had to eye roll the free meal.. omg i can take myself out to dinner.. wouldn’t even care to share a meal with someone I wasn’t into. Pretty sad that some women look for a free meal.
Thank you for your feedback, I appreciate hearing from you ❤
I don’t. That shit awkward af.
Abby Kendrick Unfortunately, many highly narcissistic women do use men and expect a LOT more than a free meal, as you'd know.
The last man I got caught up with moved from place to place and didn't have a home, or a steady job, so I couldn't be accused of that. Lol.
I used to say that I'm not working, hence why I didn't expect potential partners to be either. There are often good reasons why people aren't able to work as well, which includes me.
It depends on what the person is like though and the one I mentioned ended up causing immense harm. ❤
Very powerful, it's draining when you give in your best and some1 doesn't care or see it.
I feel you, it isn't an easy situation, but the focus should be on doing what is truly best 🙏
FR. SMH!
When I started looking into the content on male behavior in dating on UA-cam I was disgusted. I'm still chased by men from 20-60 and their behavior is beyond my rational mind's comprehension. I've been single for 12 years now and the only men I've met from dating are guys interested in hookups, FWB, players, nothing serious. Interpersonal relationships or lack thereof are becoming a social epidemic... more like a social pandemic.
Exactly the reality !
I feel you, it definitely isn't an easy situation, but the focus needs to be on doing what is truly best 🙏
Gotta get off the apps
So true
You're not lying. What if you weren't looking lol and shit happens
Thank you. First date for me is bowling, shooting pool, walking in the park. Sounds crazy but basketball court. Simple easy way to get to know someone.
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate your feedback.
Today I had such a wonderful experience. I felt like I was precious to someone, but was afraid to show how their kindness was appreciated.
Thank you for sharing your experience! I appreciate that ❤️
A man with no money is one thing....a man just being cheap is another thing...a woman can detect a cheap man right away....
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate your feedback.
True
There are plenty of things you can do together that don't cost anything or much money. Going on a picnic to a park, hiking, listening to music at a festival, etc. Some women think dates like that, lunch, or a cup of coffee are not good dates. I don't care what we do,I just want quality time together. I don't care that he doesn't have much money, that doesn't matter. He is trying to better himself and works. Everyone goes through bad times in life, I know, no matter how hard I tried over the years, there were times when I struggled. It's tough when you get laid off 3x an cut to part time 2x in a 5 yr period. Also having car problems. Fortunately when I got the job with Chick FiLA, things have gotten better, and I'm there 11 yrs now
Facts
3 days ago I broke up with my new love because he wanted to friend zone me after 3 1/2 month into the relationship ,,, I simply told him that I cannot talk with him as a friend and I blocked him.
I'm sorry to hear about that, I pray that you heal from all that you have been through and be able to keep moving in faith 🙏 ❤️
"You're not getting played because you poured yourself into someone, you got played, or got hurt because you were pouring into the wrong person. The selection process was off." 🎯 so simple, but so profound 🙏
And in my experience it's always the dudes who don't have money that are worried they'll be used for their money. Also,a good way to find out if they will be a good provider 🤷🏼♀️
Thank you for sharing your thoughts I appreciate your feedback!
I love the way you say "we get rid of him". Like uncle Stephan is holding my hand while I'm finding my way through the dark relationship forest😄❤
Come On Stephan!!!..."Eyes Wide Open"," Walk In your Truth". Absolutely.
💯 yes!
Funny thing. I got out of an abusive relationship and went right into another relationship during the end of the previous one. The new guy begged me to leave my ex and be with him.. After multiple arguments and such, I told this new guy I needed to be alone and heal, because I never got the chance to do so. A few toxic events later, we are now broken up and one of the last things he said to me was: "now you get to be alone like you always wanted." Lol.... yes sir now I get to heal like I always wanted. Now I get to become a better person with less baggage. I assume he thinks I just didn't want to be with him but I said it over and over that I needed to heal.
Healing is definitely key 🙏
@@MeetStephanSpeaks thank you so much for the videos and guidance you share 🙏🏽
He's a 🤡 FR
I was in almost that very same situation! Was married to an abusive man and never healed. Jumped into a relationship with someone that I thought was a great guy not even six months after my divorce. I soon realized that guy wasn’t what I needed at all and he turned out to not be good for me, but rather toxic. Knowing I needed to heal and what I didn’t want to deal with again, I broke up with him. Of course he made it seem like I broke up for no reason and that I’m the worse person in the world. My mistake was in not taking the time to heal. If I was healed, that guy certainly wouldn’t have even been in my life honestly. You did the right thing and that’s good that you don’t feel bad about it!
@@ShatarraRosshelle
AM
I agree that you should go into a relationship with your guards down. I agree that you should go into any relationship without fear, especially if there is a genuine interest. Just keep it honest and open. No games are necessary if there is a genuine good healthy interest. Just keep it REAL!!!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts I appreciate hearing from you 🙏
You are very much welcome. I plan to purchase a few of your books. Thank you for speaking truth.
You just opened my eyes to something, if I never liked a guy I’ll ask for a lot of stuff. If I liked him I’ll be embarrassed if I didn’t have it, it’ll make me go harder like at a job or cut my expenses. You’re absolutely right. One thing I do know if a man likes you you wouldn’t have to ask they will offer. Thanks for opening back up my eyes again man I been slipping listening to that your getting older and your chances are getting slim to find true love
Stephen, thank you for pointing out a women's attraction to a man so many people mainly other women in relationships focus on things that the guy has or can do for the female rather than ask the female if she finds the guy attractive OR hound the woman for not considering the guy because he is NOT her type.
Thank you for your feedback, I appreciate hearing from you ❤️
8:20 is a very real and rock solid point. It’s the absolute worst position a guy can put himself in on the dating market.
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate that ❤️
Coming through Mr Labossiere perfectly! Always on point with these topics and I'm sure a lot of men and women are equally being helped right now. Its always informative, edifying, and very well balanced. What more can one ask for?
🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌💯💯💯💯💯
Thank you so much for the information and insight. I feel that when we have healed we as a man or a woman though, if we have truly accepted our authentic self, then we will allow our authentic self too develop. It’s not about games but we must be willing to take a certain amount of risk. Real talk it shouldn’t even be about risk it should be about finding and keeping our own true happiness. All said in your video. We just have to put the bat down and be who we truly are no matter if he is there or not. If he is not then move on! Thx again Stephan. Always appreciated of what you do for me and others! Keep doing what ya doing in Gods grace and mercy! ❤️🙏🏽💪🏽💯
❤️ 🙂 Thank you for watching, i appreciate your feedback!
@@MeetStephanSpeaks URW ❤️
6:43 I agree! I have heard over and over on videos how the man is tired of a woman wanting him for money, but then the man proceeds to describe an elaborate, expensive date he did to impress the woman.
If you don‘t want a gold-digger, STOP leading with your money!!!! Ask her on a picnic…that way you can control exactly how much you spend! Simple is good!
Just do something that doesn’t involve money! If she is a gold-digger, she will not accept another date. If she expresses she had a good time, pick another inexpensive idea, like a art gallery opening or museum…
My husband was so broke when we met, I didn’t want him to spend money like that! I constantly offered to cook because it is cheaper and I paid for it then. He could let me pay for groceries but he never would have let me pay the check at dinner.
I hear you. Energy is contagious. Light it up! Blessing to you and thanks for sharing with us.❣
My pleasure ❤️
I was literally talking to a friend yesterday about the money situation! This after watching a video of a young woman throwing a fit because her current boyfriend would not pay for a birthday meal for her and 18 of her friends. The video could have been completely bogus, but I'll be honest I was completely flabbergasted!😣 She seemed genuinely upset that he would not fork over what could potentially be, thousands of dollars for a single meal. The entire situation (if real), is ludicrous! I don't know.😓 I have never once considered asking a dude to pay my bills.
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate that ❤️
Paying for dinner isn't equivalent to paying your BILLS, even if it is a birthday dinner including other people. That's TOTALLY different.
Can you do a video about the friend zone and mixed signals. Because I have been sincere to men that I met and expressed interest in the friend zone day one, I limited how much time we would spend together to make sure it wasn’t becoming a routine or a questionable dating situation, and I still felt the need to terminate the friendship because it often felt like he thought it was more and it wasn’t.
Great suggestion, I will add it to my list to get it done!
@@MeetStephanSpeaksSir did you Make the Video ?
YES! SO RIGHT ON POINT! "Walk in your truth!"
❤️ 🙂 Thank you!
1. Woman just wants a free meal only- creates fear that woman is just using man
2. Are you genuinely and sexually attracted to him- not using the man as an emotional whore...must have affection with boundaries
3. If I show her too much interest she will use hers..men fearful in doing too much..solve this by healing...walk in my truth, be the best me
4. Is she just after my money?
5. I hope she does not friend zone me- put in box of your just my friend.
6. How he compares to your ex. partner. I must make sure I am healed. If ex is for me I should not be in the situation.
7. Being insecure about being insecure- men battling demons and try to suppress them...As we stand as examples of healing more people heal. Behaviors stem from what we have not healed from.
Thank you!!
The person I’m dating is a gentleman, he always pay. I invited him for breakfast to celebrate his birthday. We couldn’t celebrate on his birth date because we were both working,he said to me, I’m not used to have anyone to pay. I said to him, let me pamper you today, you deserve it, is ok once in a while if I pay .
Thank you for sharing your experience! Hopefully, it will help others learn from it. I appreciate that ❤️
I acknowledge that on one occasion I took a free date from a guy. It was the third date. He made it absolutely clear he had zero good intentions. My friends talked me into using him for dinner. I still felt sorry for him and never did it again.
this is so true,,, especially no. 3 .. I'm in a relationship with a guy who is hard to open up but i know he cares about me and gives me undivided attention. its annoying and confusing at times but I just show him my love , loyalty and vunerability letting my walls down so that he knows how i feel and i observe he become more at peace with that and more sweet. But i know in myself once I show all of that and he still ignores and disrespects me. I wont have second thoughts to walk away coz I already did my part. hahaha. thanks stephan.😄
Glad to hear that, thank you for your response!
Wow! The last one was the most real! Great video Stephan, nobody explains things so clear than you do.. 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
I appreciate that 🙏
So Stephan once again that was a good video I like some of the pointers you gave which were to give the man compliments ,which I think anyone should receive compliments and it shouldn't be an issue. Don't lead the man on and with all do respect friend zoning for our own comfort zone can be confusing for anyone that we place there so we want to be mindful of that and yes there are women who want emotional and financial comfort without being vulnerable or having the actual relationship cuz it makes them feel empowered or in control of the relationship when in reality they're not cuz they're operating from their lower self. You were absolutely right to say women use men for meals and bills because they do and then have the nerve to feel some way when somebody do them that way none of it's right. I don't do the users thing nor do I tolerate that behavior because it's hurtful to all. Sorry about my run on sentences lol I had to get it out. Let me add that a truly healed person knows how to handle an another loved one with real compassion dignity respect and love. I believe the past is the past let it RIP in the past. I love the gems and nuggets you give. I also love watching a handsome man speak with such wisdom.❤🔥💯
❤️ 🙂 Thank you for watching, I appreciate your feedback!
When I was dating my 1st dates would always be coffee. If I aint feeling him the date goes by quickly and I aint gotta sit through a whole dinner. If I considered him for a 2nd date then I do dinner.
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate your feedback.
Great points!
# 1 is really sad though. Poor guys - go on an ice-cream date or walk on the beach!
The point about attraction is interesting - however it's really frustrating. I've always thought that men who want sex too early are either just looking for sex. Or think that's all they can offer.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts I appreciate your feedback!
I love walks. The simple things. But most guys won't ask you. They rather take you to something fancy. Spend so much and you don't really care about the money cos this isn't what you wanted in the first place. So when I get to these restaurants, I hardly place an order.
Please stop ignoring the red flags. There are things that we notice that we don't want to acknowledge because we are attracted to that person and we really hope that they aren't that way. But the reality is they really are accepted and either move on or deal with it.
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate your feedback.
Thankyou for sharing such a balance of information for men and women. You are appreciated!
Years ago I lived in Chicago and did a lot of online dating when I truly had no idea how to date or form a relationship. During those years I looked to bad advice that told women to date the troll who likes you because you have to give him a chance, he has to love you more than you love him, he will treat you well, feelings need time to grow etc. the advice made me feel very guilty turning a man down even if I was not attracted to him. The result was getting free meals and then having to fight a man who I didn’t like off of me for a gross kiss at the end of the night. I can assure you- had I had access to better advice at the time I wouldn’t have wasted anyone’s time or money on a meal. No meal is worth having some man who I don’t like try to kiss me at the end of the night. 💋🤢🤮
This is so well spoken this and one of the few times that prompts people to pause and come back and watch it before commenting
I'm happy this has been helpful to you and I pray that you heal all you have been through 🙏
Yeah exactly, that "dont show him too much interest or vulnerability" thing has been a negative blockage in my marriage because i was fearful of him being prideful and his efforts and vulnerability or love and interest being reciprocated. And he's right. If he's not reciprocating, he's the wrong man. If he loves it and is responsive to it, then he really has love and/or emotional connection towards me and is serious about me and all that stuff ♥️👌
I just want to say that I clicked on your videos a few times over the last year (now that I’ve actively started dating) and honestly was scared to take your advice because a lot of dating advice from men has been soooo toxic lately online. I thought you might be just another red pill type channel. I’m so glad I continued watching your videos. You have helped me so much I can’t express how thankful I am for your Channel. I was so lost on so many things when it came to dating with no real good advice out there. Your advice resonates with me and I can tell it’s coming from a place of experience and genuinely wanting to help people find love and the right one for them. I cannot thank you enough 🙏🏽
People just don't care anymore both males and females
It definitely isn't an easy situation, but the focus needs to be on doing what is truly best 🙏
That's so true hang in there🙏🏾
Very, very insightful. I like the length of these videos, not too long and not too short. Just long enough to explain things to us.
Glad to hear that, thank you for your response!
You are such a God sent. God bless you Stephan💗😇💕
❤️ 🙂 thank you!
I agree extravagant first date are so unnecessary .
Most definitely!
Uh , number 3 is big one. Same for both sides. Back in dating after 30 years is confused. Totally agree with you. Love and light
I agree!! I'm for having a happy and healthy relationship!!
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate your feedback.
Great info, some keys I was not aware of. Currently there is an older gent (we’re both in our 60’s) whom doesn’t want to be ‘just friends’; he’s a Ph.D and feels we have a great deal in common. Now I can see where he may be confused.
As a RN, my calling and compassion is in improving the quality of health challenges from newborns to adults. On one occasion, he mentioned a few health concerns to which I offered some things he might want to look into based upon my knowledge in functional medicine and nutrition to which he received favorable outcomes. He may well be interpreting my health suggestions as meaning something quite opposite of my intentions despite my verbal reiterating ‘we’re just friends, there can be nothing more!’
It is a blessing he lives in another state and we have not been in each other’s physical company nor face time. I will be moving much differently going forward.
Preach! Yes - the selection, or what I call, the Vetting process, is key! Love the non-dinner first date, especially for the 1st date off the internet. A lot of what you talk about is related to the book The Rules (and Rules for Internet Dating). I do agree is boils down to treating someone on their own merit, coming from a place of positivity and good energy! Be you and enjoy! Thanks for reinforcing my mindset in this and your other videos. I'll continue to watch and share.
Thanks for sharing this advice! I will definitely keep these points in mind. The first point definitely made me think of some family members who have done this 😊😊! I can honestly say that I’m not like this if I go out with a guy my intentions are to genuinely get to know him. I don’t like being used and I wouldn’t want to use someone else, especially for free food. Always treat others how you would want to be treated. That’s my motto, even if it doesn’t work out at least I know that I kept my moral values in check.
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate that ❤️
Exactly! Thank You Renee!
Amazing video! Especially the end! Love it!❤
❤️ 🙂 Thank you!
Hey, Stephen since you are counseling both men and women. You should setup a dating conference for register followers and that way your tools can really be put into practice. I believe in face to face interaction.
OMG! I thought the exact same thing. Can U make a Stephan L. Dating Site or something ??? U could make tests and see people with positive energie and test can confirm they are healed and those who are ready to meet someone. Less people won't be damage and disapointed (sorry I'm a Disney fan. Fantaisies are my things, but I believe something like that can be happen. Well, I hope...for safety of humans mental health...😢)
Clicked on this video to only realize I’m not dating right now and do not wish to anytime soon. With that being said I will not be watching this video until I’m ready ✌🏻 I think it’s a sign from god tbh ❤️much love!
Thank you for your feedback, I appreciate hearing from you ❤️
I've been dating this guy for 5 years now he flips the bill I tried to pay the tip he's very generous in that way he hasn't let me in in 5 years himself found me friends it's a book here's one for you and all the dates we've gone on he says the receipts and says I owe him how about that I've never had that brought to me before I never gave him a reason to feel like I've used to he doesn't pay my bills he crumbs me but I am very humble to what I received I'm in a very confusing situation and I really know what I need to do but nevertheless that was brought to my attention about dating and it totally blew my mind thank you for the lessons that I am learning
I'm happy this has been helpful to you and I pray that you heal all you have been through 🙏
Hi Stephan I really enjoy your video's and I learn alot from you with each video that you post. But this video really surprise me because I really didnt know that dating has become so difficult. And it make me glad that Im not dating anymore. So thank you for keeping me informed I cant wait for your next video.
❤️ 🙂 Thank you for watching, I appreciate your feedback 🙏
#1 If men fear this they need to pay for sex workers. A meal does not owe a man to anything physical. If a man can’t afford to date he’s better off having transactional relationships pay for play. The matter of the fact is that dating costs and just because he takes you out to dinner that doesn’t mean you owe him anything. I have news for you women are judging men in the courting phase. If a man isn’t trying to impress a woman in the beginning with lavish dates then how is he going to afford a wife and kids?
I don't think a first date has to be lavish. Depending on how they met and the amount of communication they've had prior to the date, he may not know if he even likes the woman. Why spend a lot of money on someone you might not even like?
I’m 29 years old , and this is 100% true when we are younger it’s hard to realize the truth because we have to live and learn. But whes basically saying don’t follow society constructs . Don’t do anything that’s in healthy
Thank you for sharing. I appreciate your feedback ❤️ 🙏
TEACH STEPHAN!! AWESOME VIDEO. Glad I don’t have any EX issues. Thank God.
That end part really hit! Love these videos. Thank u!
My pleasure ❤️
The point that you made about men being fearful to show interest because they're afraid of the woman losing interest in them, i have experienced this a LOT, and i have had this false believe in my own mind when it comes to the relationship with my husband who i have been trying to reconcile with for a long time. And Stephan's videos have helped me to start tearing down those walls of old unhelpful & unhealthy beliefs and behaviors.
The man I'm dating told me that he feels like I am trying to control him. I honestly don't think I have done anything to control him. I think he's falling in love with me and it scares him. What do you think? We are purposely not sleeping together because we really want to get to know each other first and don't want that distraction.
What indicators do you have that he’s falling in love if he’s saying he feels like you’re trying to control him?
@@mirsumm8431 He keeps bringing up marriage and including me in his plans for the future.
Did you ask him to explain why he feels this way? Who suggested the waiting? If you set the boundary maybe he is looking at it as control? Idk
Thank you for this great advice on relationship, exactly what I really needed to hear, you're God sent Stephan Speaks.
Glad I could help 🙏
This video is SO on time Stephan, I love your channel ❤
Thank you very much 🙏
Thank you, I'm so relieved from all those tricks and games
Thank you for being brave enough to explain these things ❤
Money is not an issue for me. I believe sharing is caring. As long as each person is during their part and not taking the advantage, if one individual may have more than the other. I believe that if you are investing your time and energy to build a good healthy relationship money should not be an issue.
My Ex is my X. No measuring up here. I am done. I am very secure in my skin!!! No baggage here!!! I am GOOD!!!
Thank you for sharing. I appreciate your feedback ❤️ 🙏
Great video thanks Stephan for sharing appreciate your videos sending Love and Positive Vibes to you and all the beautiful souls out there ❤️💥💜💥🧡💥
❤️ 🙂 Thank you!
You are always so insightful. Thank you for taking the time 😊🙏❤
My pleasure ❤️
I just came across this an looking ret now I’m so hurt an going through this right now I’m feel horrible
I'm sorry to hear about that, I pray that you heal from all that you have been through 🙏 ❤️
All the men exhibiting these insecurities need to heal. Why are they dating? They're doing nothing but continuing the cycle of hurt. The amount of manipulation that's going on in the dating world is astronomical. I've learned the hard way that being genuine while dating you have to know what you want and establish unbreakable boundaries ladies.
Thank you for sharing, healing is definitely key ❤
Waou ! So teachable thank you so much for this and be blessed 💯🙏
Yessssss healing ourselves will heal others! 👏🏽 We overcome by the Power of Our Testimony! 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate your feedback.
It's your closing remarks for me. Spot on.
❤️ 🙂 Thank you for watching, I appreciate your feedback!
I will be more mindful of men and their insecurities. I suppose I've keep things one sided for quite some time. I just wish men would open up more or LOVE to communicate. It's rare! Where are there more men like Stephan?
Yes I was pouring into wrong person cheater ,lier and manipulator. In future I will Love with my eyes wide open ,and being true to my self .🌷
I'm sorry to hear about that. I pray that you heal from all that you have been through and be able to keep moving in faith 🙏 ❤️
thank you, Stephan 💜 for recommending me, to watch the video. it was so so powerful and true words. I can relate to high maintenance ☺️ and I like the way, you said it's no shame to be high maintenance ☺️ I liked the way, you said it Stephan 💜 also the friend zone is relatable and especially, breaking the cycle of things we was taught and been threw, stephan you is so good 👍🏼 I appreciate, your time and sincere truth 😘 you is very, love 💞🤗💜😘
Glad to hear that, thank you for your response ❤ 🙏
@@MeetStephanSpeaks any time and no problem 👒 🙏🏼
A healed heart is the most beautiful and lovingly healing of all ❤
You're absolutely right! Healing is definitely key!
Healing is key.
I don't think I have any dating insecurities...but I will see what you're talking about.
But I do like my attention to be reciprocated. When I see that its not...I presume the lady is either playing games...or not interested enough...so it makes me shut down and lose interest.
Like I met this super fine lady over the weekend. I had a feeling I met my future wife. FR. I saw her social media like man...I Love her spirit. But based on our communication...she's either playing stupid text games...or just not interested enough. I think not interested enough...based on certain things she didn't ask me and things she didn't do. So now I'm like Ok...Whatever. I'm gonna move on. Next!!!
Thank you for sharing your experience! Hopefully, it will help others learn from it. I appreciate that ❤️
Thanks for this information. Your hair and your beard is glistening today 🥰
❤️ 🙂 Thank you!
I just ended a 7 1/2 month long distance relationship with a young man that I thought was outstanding. Even though throughout the relationship I saw that he had an issue with me being the one supplying things, traveling to see him, purchasing, giving and lavishing him with things that I wanted to do for him. He finally told me that he had the old-school upbringing that it was a man’s job and responsibility to take care, supply and furnish things for a woman and not for a woman to do the things that I was doing for him. Therefore he told me that I could no longer do anything for him anymore. Well, being the person that I am I felt that being with him would cause me not to be able to be my authentic self and that would cause me to suppress who I truly am. Therefore, I took some time and thought about it and I came to the realization that it would be best that I should end this relationship between us because I could not be my true self and not do the things that I desire to do in love because that’s how I show my love towards anyone I love and it’s not received. If I was wrong by ending this relationship then I was wrong. But I do not believe that I was. I do wish him the best in his life with that upbringing because it is honorable and I told him that. However, in todays time women are able to lavish a man if he is deserving in their eyes and heart and he was in mine. But our ship have past.
You gotta set up boundaries. No disrespect but you were doing toooo much for a man that’s not even your husband. It comes across as desperate. That’s how you end up used.
Thank you for sharing your experience! Hopefully, it will help others learn from it. I appreciate that ❤️
When I truly care about someone I enjoy buying things for her. Nothing extravagant. Flip flops, t-shirt, candy etc etc. It’s one way of expressing my appreciation. I definitely do not want that suppressed. If you’re the only one supplying…that’s a potential problem. You made the right choice to move on. There’s someone out there who will appreciate who you are, hopefully closer to home.
He wasn’t entirely wrong, you were acting masculine and he felt emasculated. Men want to feel needed and you put him in a feminine position. You can be yourself but pull back on the lavish gifts men are simple anyway and rather accept things that are practical and useful.
I would prefer to Keep the relationship and give away to charities that you trust, children of your family, setting up some college fund for a fatherless or motherless child you know, or giving yourself gifts… you are the one who likes to give to show love, does the receiver matters? share your blessings around and keep a good man.🙏🏿
Staphan you nailed it keep up the good work
❤️ 🙂 Thank you!
“She don’t want you to get in the way of that chicken dinner…”. Lol
Well #3 is True unfortunately. I really wish it wasn't. But yes, it is unhealthy.
I wish we would all be real with each other...and stop with those game playing.
And yes, women do it a lot. Don't work on good men...but they may get some where with the players...cause they play those same games too. So they end up keep playing with each other.
But us real men...we just move on. It turns us off.
But the reason why it may work with women more is because of how their attraction is set up.
Us guys, most of our attraction is in the physical...so all we need to be attracted to her is for her to be our physical type. With women, the physical type isn't the biggest thing. Their attraction is mental mainly. So I'm not suggesting playing games with them...but yes, you may have to do things to spark that attraction bro. IJS
I do...but I can definitely do without the game playing.
Like when I met shorty...I wanted to tease to get her #. I was sooo speechless...cause I was sooo drawn to her...so I just said here take my #. She gave me her IG. I hit her up. Then later I teased a lil....the same thing I wanted to say to get her #. She laughed...then gave me her #. 😎
But after, I was asking her a few questions...she didn't ask me any back. I'm looking at the texts, I'm texting a lil more. She's taking long responding to each text...cool, ppl can get busy. But if you're doing it intentionally, then I'm Not Interested.
So now I'm just looking at everything like she's either playing games or not interested enough. Yes, I can do things to manipulate it where she gets more interested and chased me....but I don't want that At All. I just want it to be genuine.
So yeah, unfortunately this is the modern women nowadays Steph. I didn't give her Any sign that I was a player or I warrant Any Game Playing...so idk why she would start with me. But Whatever. I'm already turned off. So idk what to do now. Cause I just met her...but I was really really feeling her at 1st. Meeting her, feeling out her spirit...seeing shorty on social media and feeling her spirit...like she's thee exact type that I've been looking for...physically and everything...but idk now. I don't think I will hit her up again now. Unless God tells me otherwise. So we will see.
🙏 I hope he reaches the point of truly doing what is best.
@@MeetStephanSpeaks He??
Are you sure you trully want a girl who plays these stupid games?
Is it really your type?
@@nikclo9907 I said I'm not interested in that.
I called her earlier to get clarity. I just don't think she was that interested. So despite my high attraction and high interest in her....I decided to not put her in that category of potential mate. So I know I won't waste my time...and I can give that time and attention to other potential mates that's not playing games and is serious about finding the right mate with someone real.
You asked for her number, and she gave you her IG. She didn't like you like that from jump. You just didn't see it.
12:16 I give such hugs to someone I have genuine interest in
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate that ❤️
Thank You For Sharing Important Issues. I'm healing physically, mentally, spiritual 😇💜🌹❤
I pray that you heal from all that you have been through 🙏
I’ve met men for coffee and they are dressed like they just rolled out of bed and grab something off the floor. This is after we have had several conversations over the phone. First impressions count and those men I just pass and they know it because even though impolite during coffee, it’s hard to hide my disdain for him. Play stupid games win stupid prizes, first impressions count.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts I appreciate hearing from you ❤
Thank you! I would love to hear you talk more about how to feel empowered in who you are, when you are a high maintenance woman. That would be extremely helpful.
And I will note that high maintenance applies to so many more categories than money, all of which are valid.
Great suggestion, I will add it to my list to get it done!
@@MeetStephanSpeaks thank you! I love how responsive you are. Looking forward to it :)
Great advice, thank you!
My pleasure ❤️