How to Communicate Assertively 4 Tips
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- Опубліковано 18 чер 2024
- Here are 4 Tips for How to Communicate Assertively. We'll compare and contrast assertive communication with some other types of communication, we'll give examples, and tips so you can be at your best. Free Download pdf Essential Communication Skills for Professionals: www.alexanderlyon.com/
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The video look as the following:
- Passive communication
- Aggressive communication
- Assertive communication
- Passive-aggressive communication
And, it gives four key tips to communicate more assertively.
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00:00 Introduction
00:25 Assertive Comm vs Others Types
04:06 Assertive Comm Tips
Free Download pdf Essential Communication Skills for Professionals: www.alexanderlyon.com/free-resources
I need the file please
Good advice. Thank you.
I searched out videos out of sheer desperation tonight. Yours is the best I’ve heard so I subscribed.
All my life, I’ve been quiet,, partly out of lack of speaking skills , partly ( and mostly) out of fear of others reactions. My Dad was explosive , and we were scared to death of his outburst. My beautiful Mom, was submissive and frightened. I’m now JUST LIKE MY Mom. I’m 71, and finding life harder than ever, and ppl run all over me. Nothing I say or do is respected or “ heard”. So I’m approaching this prayerfully but determined to change. It’s so overwhelming now it’s affecting my health.
I'm glad you found the channel. Thank you for sharing.
Here’s my conundrum. While I have gotten a lot better at arguing, in the past it has been SO easy to shut me down if I tried to assert anything. I’ve noticed people throughout my life who didn’t have any trouble with asserting their needs are good communicators. They also seem to be able to come up with things that would never cross my mind no matter how hard I thought about something. You get beat down all your life or are at a loss for words when it’s most needed just makes it hard to be assertive.
Today, I employed assertive communication because it was the deadline, yet the individual seemed overwhelmed. I attempted to communicate without singling anyone out, but this occurred before I watched a particular video. It's worth noting that without consciously employing communication skills and simply expressing myself candidly, I managed to capture their attention within 30 seconds. This illustrates why the commander need not worry about the tone of communication, from start to finish
I recognize that sometimes I try to speak through others. I'm going to really try to defeat that instinct and attempt to focus more on being assertive, no matter how painful it is.
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
I am a Muslim and while I was watching the video, I realized how beautifully Islam teaches and encourages us to talk assertively. I also realized that I am an assertive speaker by nature :) Your representation was very helpful and clear. I hope to learn much more. Thanks for your hard work!
Good video. I would add the following critical points.
1. Try to agree and find some common ground with your opponent. If you disagree with everything said others will hate you.
2. Debate the points and rather than destroy the credibility of your opponent. The only exception is if someone claims to be an expert witness.
3. Try to smile and be pleasant. Have strong data to support your points.
4. Get small admissions from your opponent to lead them to a point when they can no longer refute your point. Like a chess master, think of your points many moves out.
5. If not supportive to your position, rather than directly answering your opponents questions instead make statements to weaken your opponents claims or strengthen yours.
I recently realized I am passive/aggressive with people who are very emotionally reactive. I grew up in a emotionally volatile home….so I tend to avoid conflict with those types of people.
That phrase will help me. Thank you!!
Thank you for this. 🙏 I am passive. I would explode with anger and resentment often. I knew I had a communication issue to work on. That really hit home.
I'm a naturally assertive communicator 👍
These tips are my natural style and I agree:
It's best to listen patiently, be direct without being aggressive and communicate your interests.
Wow
Love your point about good listening and the connection between aggressive communication and control.
It’s a eye opener for me. Thanks for clearly eliciting most overlooked mistakes we make (I make 😊) when having conversations at work or in personal life.
This was was more helpful than I expected, especially your point about giving someone "two jobs" by using an unhelpful style. I noticed I used to be very passive aggressive, but in the last few years my confidence shot up and it's like I overshot the mark into more aggressive (at least initially if emotions are higher). It seemed positive and not aggressive mostly because I had been so used to the other extreme. Good points here, thanks!
I think I m quite assertive but I sometimes have been told I am emotional or frustrated.. something for me to work on ..love the insightful video
I will be falling into the passive aggresive category. I have a long way to go before becoming a good assertive communicator. This video will definitely help me in that path.
This is an eye opening for me. Learned a lot how people communicate & why it doesn't work. It all make sense now. It's funny how I thought people would understand me without saying what I truly mean. Lol. Thank you for this valuable information.
Thank you for the video. None of this matters when you are dealing with people who have variations of narcissism. It seems in my experience this is a good start for holding your ground but in most scenarios I find to not engage is the best solution.
It took until this year that I had to learn how communicate better and set my boundaries. I am passive aggressive and Impulsive at times which I release that it destroys a lot of my relationship and how to communicate with others. So at this age I’m practicing in on how to learn on becoming a better communicating and better person. 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
Thank you for sharing, Falisha.
It took untill this year I have learn communicated better
Same with me :((
@@manikunde2332 Seems little a demonic response.
I'm passive or passive agressive,but I was lucky to watch this video tonight.I also need to improve my listening.
Thank you for those tips.
I'm definitely an assertive communicator! It works for me, always.
I used to be passive aggressive communicator without awareness, I intended to avoid and minimise the conflicts. However as I learned from this lesson, if one doesn't let their expression out in an assertive way, the true feeling underneath the behaviour will hardly be seen. I also learned the importance of using "I" language which needs not only lots of self-awareness but practice! Thanks for this precious lesson, it surely helps out people who want to have a communication skill, the most importantly, with the clear and geniune conversation, it helps the world become a more peaceful world.
Thank you for all this great information on Communication Skills. It’s so very helpful and and am going to start implementing these tools within all of my relationships. You’re a great role model, Alex. Many thanks again for your excellent content.
If I'm leaving without appreciating this content then I have not changed. Thank you for this video n positive change started within me.
Passive aggresive. I always admire people who can pause and think before stating their opinions without being too controlling or pushy
Thank you very much and really appreciate this super useful video.
I am passive communicator especially some of my workmate use very aggressive communication way to communicate. Assertive way is most hard to master it. The root is good self esteem for us to speak out confidently.
Passive aggressive is often times the way I speak. Thank you for helping me recognize that.
Thank you this was excellent information for personal and professional development. I am a passive aggressive communicator and this will definitely help me work on improving my communication skills
Alex, thank you, this is excellent instruction. You were clear and concise, and gave some excellent pointers and examples.
Well, thank you, Alex. After I watch your video, I hope I can do assertive Communicators. Your explanatory is very clear and make sense also easy to apply.
This is so insightful. Thanks for sharing Alex! Gonna keep these tips in mind to be an even more assertive communicator 🤓
Thank you Alex, I am a mix of passive and assertive. Passive to avoid conflict but when I am passionate and knowledgeable about something I become more assertive. Thanks for the tips. I will definitely use them.
good point i feel the same sometimes it depend on how much we care about what we do or talk about makes us more involved and not being avoidant
how do we be more assertive when we don't care as much or know as much about a topic?@@mernafam353
Alex, this is GOLD. Thank you. The bit about "patiently listening" hit home with me. While I do try to wait and let others finish before I speak again, that urge to "jump in and react" is very real, especially in times of conflict or heated debate. I would rate myself as Assertive, but in the past, I would've definitely communicated in a passive-aggressive way, as I used to struggle with putting my true thoughts and feelings into words that had sticking power. God Bless, brother!
Thanks for sharing, brother. God bless you too!
@@alexanderlyon I'd love to collab with you on this topic, if you're interested. My thoughts are bringing in things like: mental filters, cognitive bias, experienced-based and environment-based learned behaviors, and the perceptive of self vs. other people - into the mix.
I realize that your niche is geared toward communication and leadership coaching. And communication is a primary means that people use to evaluate what type of person they "think" they're dealing with, while also letting it help determine how they'll interact, etc. Perception. Interpretation. While mine is Christian counseling and teaching, I see a lot of overlap where we could combine our niches into broader applications. 🙂
Interesting topics. I'll have to give that some thought.
@@alphamegaradio If it's welcome, on UA-cam, there's a 3-part conversation between Jiddu Krishnamurti, David Bohm, Rupert Sheldrake, and a therapist whose name I forgot. The video title is "The nature of the mind" and it delves deep into how we think, and what we think. How we tell ourselves what reality is about and how we communicate our views.
@@devonseamoor I will check that out, Devon. Thanks for the recommendation. Have a blessed day!
This is incredibly helpful and to the point! Much appreciated
I discovered my self to be a passive aggressive from your video.
Thanks for the great approach.
Such great points. I went into a recent work conversation expecting to get emotional because I'm very conflict-avoidant, and in previous jobs I had encountered superiors who didn't want to hear what I had to say, after which I got choked up. I think that feeling of being dismissed and powerless led to those stereotypically "female" emotions (ugh) coming out, which always felt like self-sabotage in these kinds of conversations. But, in my recent situation I shared my concerns in writing beforehand, using "I" language and being as respectful and understanding of the background situation as I could (thanks to years of prior communications and conflict-resolution training). My manager read my concerns and immediately set up a meeting to discuss in person. This is where I expected the tears to come pouring out involuntarily as they had in the past, but -- No! It went very well. They said I had made some very good points and they wanted me to be satisfied with my role because of the value I bring to the organization, and they laid out some steps to resolve the underlying situation. No tears, only smiles and candid discussion. Having a good manager / good listener on the other side seems to be as important as the way you frame your concerns.
Thank you for sharing, Darla. I'm glad it ended up being a positive experience.
Just brilliant. So clear and concise. Thanks a lot for this short lecture.
Glad it was helpful. Thanks for your positive feedback.
I'm here because I woke regretting not speaking up for myself, over and over...
Thank you for this video!!
I've been both passive/aggressive, passive, and assertive...
It seems the situation - and who is the other person does make a difference.
I have always feared conflict.. and the aggressor - being singled out and made a fool of.
I've learned alot of confidence in the past few years.
But I do find some of my old habits show up now and then.
Thank you for sharing!
i generally speak in an assertive manner, especially if a discussion is held online; what i struggle with is for example situations in a workplace. i used to work as a waitress, and some of my coworkers werent as hardworking as me, so to say, to the point even my managers told me that i shouldnt let others use me. i tend to not want to cause conflicts, and i always think "well, i guess i can do this myself". several situations happened when there were things to be done, yet these specific coworkers would stand around and chat with each other or do anything else than doing what actually needs to be done. this is where i struggle - its hard for me to ask someone to do this, and it will keep taking a toll on me, ill silently start to get annoyed at this person instead of being confident and talking to them directly about the problem. but the biggest issue isnt even organizing what i want to say, its starting the conversation and actually going through with it, i dont want to sound rude or make a problem, even if i know its only logical if i address that kind of behaviour, or all the "what if they disagree with me", i just always give up on what i believe in when the social situations actually happen, and i hate it, i want to be better at controlling it instead of getting nervous and agreeing to everything the other person says anyways.
i just found your channel but i will look into more videos of yours as they sound really helpful:)
Eek. I can see myself in all 3 of the more negative ways of communicating. I found this series while trying to help my oldest son learn how to be a better communicator but in reality, I also need alot of work in both how i communicate and listening skills too; both of which I’ve always considered myself good at but now am realizing i have alot to work on too. Thanks so much for these videos!!
I give you credit for wanting to work on yourself. That's the key step.
Thank you for these great tips. I learned a lot.
Alex I want to thank you for the videos. I have used some of them for my students. I am a Communication professor like yourself. I appreciate all the hard work that you put into these. I am currently working on a persuasion OER book as well as designing an interpersonal and persuasion course for fall. I also want to mention that I am originally from Buffalo. Anyway keep up the good work.
Hi, David. Great to meet you. Always nice to meet a fellow professor.
Wow just watching this video and love it!! Passive 😌
Love it. Keep it coming. And actually, more on this topic or this being brought into situational things would be very helpful. Thanks!
Thank your for great tips. I need to practice more on assertive communication style and I think assertive communication will need good emotional intelligence.
I'm watching this hoping I'm assertive but no, I'm passive aggressive 😂 thank you for this assertively presented information 🙂 will be working on my communication!
I recognize now that I've been doing quite a bit of passive-aggressive communication! But those tips on assertive communication are waow! I'll have to listen several times more and practice consistently to replace the old. Many thanks Alex and kudos for a really great video!
Hi, Kene. I'm glad the tips are helpful. It takes practice but I'm sure you'll improve if you commit.
I enjoy reading others comments, thats exactly how i feel.
You are amazing coach Alex lyon, Thank you 🌷your vedios have been of a great help to me, I am mimi, 19 years old, working on my soft skills preparing for job opportunities and interviews, I did not completed college yet but decided to go out to the job market and see how it's dynamic works, any advice would you like to give me that would help! I will be thankful if you do
Wow, under this definition, I fear I may fall into the passive-aggressive category far more often than I'd like. I definitely want to become more of the assertive communicator when it comes to difficult situations, and I'm hopeful I'm moving in that direction.
I love what you said about control. A friend of mine whose marriage is struggling said that we shouldn't go into marriage expecting the other to change, to which I wholeheartedly agreed, but then he said that we cannot really change ourselves. I eventually stopped him and clarified that I disagreed on that point because I am the only person I can change, and I can definitely change myself.
There’s a great little book on Amazon entitled, “Hoots and Grunts” that addresses common everyday communication flubs that we make that can push others away from us.
I will change my communication . Thank you so much for the video .
i passive communicator but i need to learn more assertive communicator in the future. thank you so much
Thank you, Alex. It's such great content.
Kind regards,
Subhodh
Thank you so much for this lesson ! I've been searching for assertive communication lessons for myself and this is the best advice ever!! I want to move away from being a Passive-agressive communicator to Assertive communicator !!!
Glad it was helpful, Somi.
I really need to learn the I language. Thanks for the insightful package
Excellent tips. Thank you🙏🏻
Top class Alex. Any speech is an easy way to learn
Tks alex
Hi Dr Lyon. I’m loving your videos, thank for sharing theses valuable skills with us. How can we calmly and assertively respond to verbal attacks ( intentional or unintentional) . I find it difficult to respond in those types of situations, think quickly enough etc. can you recommend a few short phrases that may be helpful as responses when someone is being insulting or critical please? Thanks
Really amazing video, thank you so much 😇☺️👍
Thanks for posting this. I'm gonna have to say though, being passive aggressive is sometimes soooo much fun and some situations require it. LOL! This is going to be quite the learning curve for me.
Maybe... but to the observer, it comes across as childish & weak/ cowardly. You can tell they want to say whatever it is... but for whatever reason they lack the confidence/ courage... so they go the passive aggressive route. It immediately makes me feel like I have the upper hand & makes me not take them seriously. It seems petty and high schoolish. The only situation I think it can be necessary is if dealing w a rude customer at a job where you fear getting in trouble... so you soften it a bit. And in that scenario... they know why you softened it & get the point... but if you have to repeat it to the boss... it doesn't sound so bad. It triggers me in most situations... brings out my aggressive streak. It either seems juvenile, sarcastic or weak & almost always ensures a more negative reaction than had it just been stated in a neutral or assertive way. I know I'm not alone in this and I'm just sharing my view because I think some feel it's less likely to trigger someone or cause conflict when the opposite is often true.
Dear Sir, Excellent.
Mine is the assertive one, thanks for this informative video!
I really enjoyed such concisely assembly cheers🎉
Great lesson. I think I am on the passive side. Will work on this!
You got this!
This hit me home also. Me and (my)-husband, can’t communicate with each other, i paid attention that he’s the one who communicated aggressively, I can’t go through him or never had the chance to express myself. Because I’m the one assertively communicate, but he never listen 👂🏾 when he’s in that kind of ‘mode’. So I’m exhausted and tired. My husband is a ‘drama king’😢
Great show today, thank you! I've learned a lot here and made some improvements in my speaking. I have had many problems being essertive and it used to get me in trouble because by the time I got to being essertive I'd be upset and would start to be overwhelmed and say things that didn't make me look very good. I'm working on this all the time and am making improvements.
Always great to hear from you, Anthony. Thanks for reposting your comment here so others can see it.
@Anthony Maund. I truly mean no offense, but I had to laugh about your excellent, very clear, and sort of "cartoonish" description of how communication flows, or not, in your experiences, and that becoming assertive took you a while so that when you were ready to speak your mind, while upset, overwhelm took over. Our sense of identity with freedom in tow is closely connected to the throat. Words are like boomerangs, it's only when I speak my words that I can hear myself tell the truth or try to cover it up, beating around the bush.
I've attended communication training in sync with the use of one's intuitive abilities, and physical awareness. The freezing that occurs during a conversation is often how we hold on to "shutting down" a form of dis-empowerment, as I see it Although it may happen in an unconscious way, in the space where fear is present and attempts to suppress it. Expressed by stuckness in the throat.
Once I offer myself the right to speak up, without the programming others have left, or still imprint in me, those which I allow to affect me, by being empathic, but too open, or co-dependent, I don't have to fall off my standpoint, pun intended.
I hope I'm right, that you've figured out how you brought it on yourself, by the manner in which you shared your comment, with precise detail in what you experienced. That's great. I hope you feel confident more, also due to this helpful video of Alex Lyon. I'm inspired too, learning from Alex's manner of observations.
@@devonseamoor thank you! I am working on it and am thankful for your feedback!
Me too, ad an INFJ and adhd I’m always restructuring how I communicate as it’s absolutely been a life struggle. Thank you.
Finding balance, some people just tune out. 🦉
Very good advice, thank you.
this is so on point and helpful. also very relatable.
You had some great prices! I’m going to Walmart now and I’ll look for those shoes 🙌 love the rare bag you found!!
Please never stop making videos! All great tips
More to come, Emylou. Thanks for your encouragement.
Thank you, very helpful
Very useful. Thanks Alex
Great video. Thank you for these tips!
ok, it's good to have this scientifically identified groups of communicators. Two , three or more. I was taught the one simple thing - you should say what you think and always think honestly about others. One important point here - sometimes it's not so easy live following this rule...
Informative and digestible.
Alex seems such a beautiful man we need people like him as presidents and prime ministers we might have a better world than we do today. Thanks for the content 👏
Thank you! I wouldn't want those jobs but I appreciate your vote of confidence.
WOW! What an amazing video tutorial, keep up the good work!
Thank you Alex 🙏
I notice that at times I use submissive and passive aggressive communication. I'm trying to practice assertive communication by being less impulsive and more refined with my expressions. Your videos are helping me learn. You model clear, concise and confident communication in how you present this information. Thank you
Thanks for sharing, Michele.
Love “God bless” thank you! May His grace bless you, too!
Great topic, thanks, very informative and useful.
Glad it was helpful, vaidas.
I stumbled on this channel and I’m glad I did. You just gained a subscriber.
Welcome aboard!
Brilliantly explained and articulated thank you
Glad it was helpful, Rhett.
Thank you so much ❤️
Thank you so much 😊
The things you expressed for passive communicator is me I didn't know how to handle at that time but I guess sometimes it is just that your emotions are more valuable then what you express so you just keep silence. But I guess for effective communicator it is important to talk and express the ideas when it's asked
Definitely Passive-Agressive!!!
Great video thanks for your tips !
So interesting. I have a problem with that. Tend to have passive communication. Is there an on-line workshop or something like that related to this topic?
Thank's a lot Sir! I learned a lot from this video.
Glad it was helpful, Kang.
GREAT VISUAL, WORDS.. !!
Going to be making use of these communication tips
Thank you for this!
Just finding you this morning. Great initial video / impression.
So, I'm like drinking out of a fire hose. "Emotional noise" all day.
Being psychologically "stuck " and living with cptsd, characterize my life for the last 15 years.
Now I'm moving forward and have committed to fundamental transformation.
I have a new practice and routine I'm going to add your stuff to as i practice what I learn. I spend time in a threshold, a doorway and do role play, gestalt experiments and martial arts training. Literally and metaphorically stepping up and into the threshold to do the deep work.
I'm building a lifestyle brand from the ground up with my lived experience. I won't share the brand name yet.
I'm looking forward to learning more here on your channel and updating you as I make progress, in the threshold.
MW~
Thanks for sharing, Michael.
This video explains everything I should have fixed about myself a long time ago. Thank you so much.
Glad it helped!
@@alexanderlyon it's gonna help me teach my kids good communication so they enter the world better off so I appreciate it very much buddy.
It’s not too late. You’re learning it in time to make positive changes. 🙂
Speak clearly, positively, and respectfully. That's it
Awesome - thank you!!
Thanks…good tips😍
Brilliant stuff!
Thank you, sir .
Love your content!