an icky feeling that is ugly and sometimes useful but also pointless -- Help me keep making stuff!! / domfera Twitter - @DominicFear Instagram - @DomJohnFera
3 years too late but always remember that Julius Caesar bawled his eyes out on some steps because he turned 33 and realized he didn't accomplish nearly as much as Alexander the Great did.
I think comparison is totally natural and healthy but we also have to remember that comparing apples to oranges isn't going to provide an accurate measure of how we're doing. Comparing yourself to Steven Spielberg when he was your age and directing Jaws makes no sense bc this guy was born in the 1940s and starting directing films in the 1970s when the market for filmmakers was much smaller, which is how he was given these insane opportunities and was able to pioneer the blockbuster. Nowadays, there are so many people going to film school and wanting to work in the industry - it's not even remotely the same competition. I think acknowledging those differences are important, otherwise, we sometimes find ourselves beating ourselves up for "not working hard enough" or "not being given the right opportunity" when we are in fact just living in different times/circumstances.
I try to take my jealousy of my peers' talent, and turn it into motivation. I struggle with periods of not thinking I can draw, and when I hit a period where I think I can, I quickly believe I'm kidding myself. This all leads to me drawing more, which is good for the current context I find myself in, but could also become dangerous down the line.
It's those plateaus, I struggle with that every week. Drawing every single day helps, but is also exhausting. XD But keep your head high! Art is difficult altogether.
Dom Fera, I've been subscribed to you since before Lazer Collection 2. I've closely followed your channel for almost half my life. I've watched nearly every video, skit, and film you've made. Your art has helped me through the darkest of times and inspired me as a writer and hopeful voice actor. I know things haven't quite gone as planned in recent years, but I just wanna let you know, I have faith in your abilities as a writer and director, and your ability to entertain. I long for the day I see your name on the silver screen.
“Feeling like your brain is unattractive” - THAT IS THE FEELING EXACTLY. I am jealous of other people’s...selves. Their loveable minds and hearts. (I hope that makes sense.) But I know that I only see the best of them and that’s part of it.
i like these type of videos, it's relieving to know i'm not the only one who feels these weird feelings i feel. this is like film therapy. i agree that it is weird to talk about having these perceived negative emotions, but i'm glad you're out here doing it.
“I’m trying to chase the times when I’m feeling positive and not smoosh down the times when I’m feeling negative.” That’s actually really good advice. The more we focus on changing the bad, the less energy we give to doing good.
My 24th birthday was two months ago and I want to tell you I feel exactly the same. I'm living in a different bubble than you but I struggle constantly with comparing myself to the people around me. I've felt like I've been stagnant for the last 4 years and only just realized that I don't have to deny the jealousy I feel, because firstly it's real and it also doesn't make me a better person to pretend like I'm immune to that trait. I'm a jealous person and sometimes I have ugly feelings about the achievements of other people, even and sometimes especially the people closest to me who I love most. I feel like the decade of one's twenties has become one that comes with a kind of impossible level of expectation lately. You have to be established, you have to know what you want and be in a grind to achieve it if you haven't already and I just think it's unrealistic. It took me a long time and I still haven't fully internalized it but I realize now that I don't have to be like that nor can I be. Relating back to you, Dom, even you are a source of someone's jealousy because you at least have a dream and have taken some big strides towards it! As someone without one myself, I hope that the simple existence of your dreams can comfort you when you feel the icky feelings and thoughts seeping in.
I have been dealing with something for a long time which pushed me into this jealousy loop. I was so ashamed of wanting and being jealous and envious of another person that it only made it harder to get over. I had to examine really what I was feeling in the moment and why, and by understanding that, I was able to accept it. Seeing this perspective has shown me I am on the right course and made it a bit easier to be more accepting. Thanks!
This is exactly how I’ve been feeling. I’m a musician in my 20’s and I see these teens or people my age who are just blowing up. Even my friends and while I’m happy for them and proud of them it really sucks to not have that sense of accomplishment. To be honest I haven’t been dealing with it in any positive or constructive ways. I don’t know what to do
Also this video is so on point Jealousy is really weird and complex. I rarely think about it tho. When i feel jealous of someone's place, i immediately start to reflect on my life and what i need to change, so i don't even notice the jealous feeling. Thank you for doing our job and thinking about jealousy for us.
Hey Dom! Just discovered your channel and music a bit ago, and I wanted to let you know you 100% accomplished more than most other 27 year olds, I jam to your songs all the time! As a 20-something year old, myself I completely get your feeling of jealousy and appreciate you made a video about it explaining it perfectly. I hope you recognize how much you've done!
I just finished my my senior year as an animation major, so everyone was working on their thesis films. There were so many people that would sleepover in the school's computer lab days at a time, or stay until the early AM. I could've but didn't, and it made me feel like I wasn't putting in the dedication and work that they were. There were so many days I couldn't even get out of bed to work, actually most weekends I didn't work on it at all. I still finished it on time and professors and classmates love it, but I still kept wondering how much better it could've been if I actually worked on it instead of wasting those days. It was only a few days ago that I accepted that I just didn't, and it turned out just fine anyways. I was comparing myself too much to all the other students who stayed pulled all nighters and slept at school days at a time, but I did just fine without doing that. Everyone has their own ways of being successful.
That bit starting at 5:10 is especially IT. Like how comparing myself and my accomplishments to others can be anything from being motivated and inspired to feeling disappointed in "where i should've been by now" and am not, to thinking about how all our lives are set up differently and it just might not have been my time or whatever yet but then wHy. When IS my time, when is it my turn? And I've always thought about stuff like this. Like I first went to buffer festival when i was 14 to bertie's screening, and he was literally 17. And when i turned 17 i kept thinking "at this point this guy had made MULTIPLE really interesting short films and had his own screening for them across the ocean from where he lived, what have i been DOING?" But I think it's always just a bit of an awful feedback loop where im unmotivated or discouraged or just scared of failing before i even start anything, so i dont, and so i have nothing under my belt and then i feel bad about that. Intense internal turmoil lel. A lot of nothing and worrying about nothing. I just gotta let me live ahh. I'll get where i need to be in time, i just gotta trust in the universe i guess
Whenever I feel jealous of other people's success, I like to remember that they didn't get what they have for free. Many masters of their craft do it for 10 hours a day every day. You always see the results of people's hard work without seeing what they had to do to get there.
I definitely get this way when I look at other Animator's work... I'm primarily a Cartoonist/Voice-Actor, and when I see other people do a better job than me I tend to avoid that Cartoonists work at all possible... Or watching a Cartoonist whose animation's are either on the same par as me or lower, but get way more views and subs then me because they post more often than I do... And I only get this way because I notice each and every one of my flaws and instantly think that other people don't have it as bad as me, which is totally not true, but I can't help but think it from time to time... Not saying my work is bad or anything, I get plenty of comments that say other wise, but you can't help but compare your work to professionals.
I've always felt a similar way about you. Always been jealous of your ability to finish things completely and just follow through with ideas. That's something that I always struggle with and as much as I enjoy watching your work, I'm always filled with this feeling before and after like "damn, he's been making stuff the same time I have but he's made way more with significantly better quality." I know what I have to do but I just can't ever put aside my other problems to do it.
Searched up a Laser Collection Video (cause it just randomly popped in my mind while feeling nostalgic) and then I decided to see what the creator behind it was up to. Saw that this was your latest video so I clicked. Hearing this coming from you kinda resonates with me because I think it's a feeling that many of us face. Despite how dirty it makes us feel, it's a highly human feeling. I think in some way we all want to FEEL accomplished, even if we aren't successful. However, our idea of accomplishment is often tied to how successful we are. Despite receving praise from our family, friends and followers, we'll STILL often look at others who carry a larger influence as a standard. Our satisfaction is replaced by doubt. Making us more prone to feeling jealous. You begin to doubt that wholesome and genuine passion you had for your work. Eventually, you'll just become envious of people who are just passionate for what they do to begin with. For those that aren't concerned about their reach and just love what they do. ( Just like you stated in your video) Then you're like... "Dam sun, I wish i wuz a hapii yeehaw lik this fella 😔😔😔..." Which leads to you feelin like a piece of SHIIIEEEEET. Scummy scoundrel. However, those emotions are also natural. They suck... but they're important to some degree I feel. Keeps us on our toes. To bring things to a lighter note, it's good that you're still making movies, skits and music videos. You're clearly passionate about it! :> Sometimes all we need is a refresher of why we do what it is that we do. If our reason is strong enough to keep us going. We will faulter, that's part of the process. Being a self aware can lead to more self deprecation, but it also allows us to be realistic too. I'm glad I watched this on my birthday. (turning 19!) Seeing that this issue persists with people of any age, makes my feelings feel less "evil". Hopefully, people can sympathise AND possibly empathize with your view too. Have a great day and BEST OF LUCK! DONT LET YOUR AGE DICTATE YOUR FEATS. I need to work that too...
My dude, I don't usually say this in channel comments because it kinda sounds tacky sometimes, but you're one of my inspirations. I feel so much better watching your videos and listening to your voice telling me that it's OK to not be "fine."
Well fucking hell, this just popped up in my sub feed, havent watched your vids since 2010 with that vampire skit and other classics, weve both grown up a lot since then maaaaaaadness
This was a great video! Dom is great with his words & his voice is very comforting. I think he is doing well for himself talent wise and hope he feels the same. I wish he mentioned that people make their Instagrams to hi-lite the good things in life and leave out the bad things. Plus, not many people on social media talk about their true feelings/ insecurities. It is hard to find genuine things on the internet but Dom really does speak from the heart. ♥️
Thank you for this video, Dom! I agree that removing yourself from social media isn't going to magically fix everything. But for me, it enabled me to _start_ fixing things. I couldn't find a healthy way of focusing on my own life until I removed the biggest distraction/source of jealousy and comparison. It has been wonderful. Not only the comparison part, but the constant flow of information. I haven't felt this calm and present in so many years. Would recommend 10/10
Comparisons can be a great motivator, as you said - most of the things I've done are because I saw someone else do something and I went "huh! I could do THAT" and then have a go. However, there are times where I start to feel jealous, I look at the amount of work those people put into their creations, and if I'm not prepared to commit that level, then it wasn't something I would've done anyway, and move on.
Felt a lot of this, great to hear somebody else accurately articulate something you've felt but could never describe. I think smushing the bad feelings creates even more problems, to an extent we have to accept that a large part of our being is not part of our conscious self, we can't hold ourselves accountable for every thought we have. A large amount of jealousy comes from admiration for an individual, I always try my best to express that admiration directly, rather than containing it and letting it turn to seething envy and self deprication. Keep on keeping on Dom, thanks for the great content as always, and consider those who definitely are jealous of you in all the same ways you discuss here
I am 21 and this is the biggest feeling in my life right now. I can feel the ickiness oozing out of this video and relate to it so much, and the way that you can try and explain it away (I too have often tried to tell myself it is all because of social media, but now that youtube is the only social media I use that feels increasingly unlikely) but really you just end up going round in circles. Interestingly, the argument you make about comparing yourself being something productive is something I just heard leena norms (justkissmyfrog) say in her video on advice for surviving your 20s, and I didn't feel convinced when she said it or when you said it now (sorry). I sort of think there's got to be something bigger than all this. And speaking of people talking about this stuff a bajillion years ago, here is an extract from Ursula Le Guin's version of the Tao Te Ching that I actually just came across yesterday, and which I think is helpful: Easy by nature True goodness is like water. Water's good for everything. It doesn't compete. It goes right to the low loathsome places and so finds the way. For a house, the good thing is level ground. In thinking depth is good. The good of giving is magnanimity; of speaking, honesty; of government, order. The good of work is skill and of action, timing. No competition, so no blame. Thank you for making this video. I hope you find a way like water, and if it's any consolation, I am jealous every time you upload a video.
let jealously fuel your ambition. instead of being envious of what others have done, or what others are doing, let that envy become your passion and become better than what you’re envious of. there is no point in sitting around being jealous of people when there are things you know you can do to improve. do what you need to do to get to where others are. also there are 7 billion people in the world.. there’s always gonna be someone that’s better than you, at anything you attempt to accomplish. its just a matter of looking past that fact and being the best that you can, at any endeavor you tackle. pay no attention to others, work hard, and stay confident. been following since the beginning of your channel. peace and love to you and your friends and family
This is exactly how I feel every single day of my life... I feel so unfulfilled in almost everything I've done now-days and having depression really weighs me down more making me feel that I will never accomplish anything. When I see people, friends, friends of friends all accomplish things or have fun together without me, I just feel awful for a long period of time with that thought in my mind. It's always been hard to put into words but you've explained it pretty good Dom. Hopefully we can all get through these tough times. I just wish I knew how. Love you Dom
"It's not that I like their shoe, it's that they are happy with their shoe." Dude you hit the nail on the head there. Feels like a ridiculous number (either implicitly or explicitly) of people don't realize that accomplishments mean nothing without feeling accomplished about them. In this early age of social media where we're being told "how to be happy" more aggressively than ever before, we start to forget that just because it made this person happy, no matter how happy they seem to be, may not be the solution to whatever empty feeling one might have to watch them on the other side of the black mirror, as it were. At least that's what I got out of this.
i really like that idea of chasing the good stuff. i know i've gotten caught up in the bad, going over and over in my head about how to fix a problem that i've solved countless times before. i realize that doesn't make much sense. anyway, i think the idea can also lead to productivity - whether it be motivation to do something or the willpower to follow a plan. i always feel like i'm lacking one of the two.
Not so long ago I dwelled exactly on these feelings of envy, thinking how envious I get of so many people and such. I do agree social media has its part while referring to comparisons. For me, I just remember what kind of a child I was, I was in a dance group, written from a young age, been up on stages as an dancer, actor, speaker, but when adulthood came along all of these were taken away. I miss those stuff, but the chances are way harder. I see people creating and sharing, and I'm feeling sad nobody told me I should try and make whatever hobbies I want, while being told I should focus on studying hard and looking for a "real career" (by which I mean science, maths, those kinds of things) so my creativity and imagination started to fail. Anyway I totally agree with you, Dom, these are the same things I had in mind as well, and letting yourself feeling it, (but not sinking) is helpful for growth, even though it's freaking hard not to stray that way.
Something drew me to this video, I don't know what, but I'm glad it did. I haven't watched your videos for years but everything you touched on hit home really hard and helped me put a fresh pair of eyes on a lot of issues I'm dealing with. It's a weird time to be growing up and trying to find yourself right now. Thanks for putting this out there, this is gonna help a lot of people. Btw, holy shit you seem like a fun person to have a beer with. That smile is INTOXICATING
It's really nice to hear these thoughts explained. I feel like envy is generally one of my biggest motivators, as I'll get a boost of creativity or drive to work when I'm jealous of someone else's success. Yet at the same time I feel like it also tends to make me lose pride in my work and second-guess myself, so I think I need to find a more positive balance. Great video :)
Perfect sentiments. Its hard not to compare yourself to others, especially since people your age, doing the same thing as you, some even being your friends, have gotten bigger and more successful than you and you just sit there any wonder how they did that and not me. Its an unproductive mindset though. What I find is that people I look to as successful don't see that in themselves but look at someone else who's more successful than they are. So the feeling is there in every level of "success". Everyone is trying to up their game. It helps to look in both directions though. Like how many people haven't even picked up a camera or made a UA-cam video but want to? How many people never got more than 10 subscribers and moved on to something else? I feel like simply recording something and shitting it out already puts you ahead of most people. There will be people impressed that you got even 1,000 views, and you shouldn't minimize that success even if it's nothing compared to the largest creators. You achieved something new. You broke personal records. You're making new experiences. Be proud of yourself for simply growing.
Sometimes someone putting themselves out there in a video can really connect with me. Dom is a real cool dude (you look great too). It sucks to fall into depressive pitfalls, never being able to unravel the mind maze youve made for yourself. Hearing somebody else talk about these sorts of subjects is comforting.
Dom, thank you for talking about this. I am struggling so much with this at the moment as I approach my college graduation. As far as how I'm trying to process it and work through it, I try to look at the good things the people around me are doing and (1) practice feeling proud of those people for what they're accomplishing and cheering them on in what they're passionate about, (2) reminding me that my own passions are set by my own pace, and there's nothing wrong with my pace being with what it's at. It's definitely much easier to say than to do, but it's what I've been trying to do. Seriously though, thank you. This is exactly what I needed to hear today.
that's the stuff to aim at!! And yeah I agree easier said than done. But like I try not to get down on myself for feeling the "right" feeling and the "wrong" one at the same time. Our brains are dumb strong, and yelling at myself to feel one thing at a time can end up making the wrong feeling feel even worse
@@Dom-Fera That's definitely another thing I'm trying to learn to accept. It's hard to understand sometimes how both things can be true at once, but just because its difficult to comprehend doesn't make either emotion any less valid or true. I appreciate you saying so!
Thanks for putting out this vid. I’ve been feeling this same feeling for a while now. I do art stuff and I found myself looking at social media comparing my work and my progress to that of other people, and I would spend more time looking instead of actually making. I think taking a break is healthy and learning to really focus on yourself is important. A little jealousy is good for realizing your own goals but it can be dangerous and consuming as well. Another great video though. Keep up the amazing work :)
This was a fantastic video Dom. It's interesting, because I'm 25 and have been following you since the lazer collection and Deck'd and have had the exact thoughts you talk about towards you. Being close in age and seeing your successes has made me feel like I'm not doing enough myself. Hearing you talk about this means a lot because it helps to show that honestly, everyone feels this way, regardless of their perceived success and I think that it's great to know that at the end of the day, we're all just flawed organisms with similar hangups doing what we can to make it through the day.
Super intelligent and riveting conversation with yourself, I felt like I was discussing this topic with a bunch of friends. I relate to you brother, as do many others! I'm inspired now to actually finish editing that video thats been sitting on my computer for months, because, yes, I'm jealous of you! And that's alright, it's motivated me to create.
There was a point in my art career where I saw another Artist and started comparing myself to him and getting mad that I wasn't as far along as him, We were close in age, and chasing a similar path, but he was far more successful, had a style I wanted and was sought after while people could barely remember my name. I realized though that I wasn't him. he had a very different experience than I did, I'd spent my hours experimenting with my art and learning different elements while he had a laser focus. So where we seemed to be very similar, we really weren't when you examined it closely. I learned to stop beating myself up for not being him and learn to be a little more like him in the ways that I felt my improve my situation, tings like being more professional, focusing on a set style for a period and then I realized I didn't have to follow his path, I could cut my own. He might still be more successful than me today, but at least I feel fulfilled in my choices.
It's definitely not a bad thing to be jealous. You're a super talented dude. Every person who has ever had success was either in the right place at the right time and had extreme talent, or was in the right place and the right time with not much talent and they didn't have long-lived success. They don't really deserve it. The way we deal with feeling like this isn't to want what others have, but to realize there might even be a chance that you have something they want as well. Someone once told me, "Be content with a little." Because there can literally ALWAYS be more to have and that can drive a man insane. You're spot on that Social Media has made it terribly convenient to always be seeing what others have, and it's literally designed to make you want more. Now, I'm not necessarily talking about your specific case; but it could be pertinent given your presence on the different platforms. It's also a good thing to see what others had to give up in order to achieve their success. A lot of times people give up things they can never get back and it can drive you mad as well. Keep it up my dawg. You got a lot more coming to you than you know. Can't wait to see what's next.
Honestly I found trying to compare myself to myself from 2-5 years ago is useful. It helps me see my progression and understand that I’m not stagnating. I don’t think YOU could create in the same way as anyone else. You have a specific self, and your creative process will always be different to others- so really refining and being confident in your own creative process, then proceeding to refine it to a uniquely best version of you is how success is born. None of the biggest directors are known for being anything but their unique selves in how they direct and what their approach is. Jealousy is damaging because it can lead to emulation- rather than discovering and growing your own unique style. I think introspection like what you do is incredibly healthy and helpful- but I don’t think social media changed anything other than accessibility. You can just see more, I think these problems have always existed and perhaps only highlighted by social media because of just how prolific it has become. Great vid m8
I don't know, Dom. I am a extremely envious person. And to me, it has come to a point where it is absolutely unhealthy. Where I would feel it tear me apart from within. Where it would physically hurt, if I could not be where some other people are. And it has cost me friendships before. I've been figuratively running through brick walls and endured every kind of resistance I've got, when I wanted to achieve my goals. Goals that didn't have to be mine to begin with. I just had to, because other people did. And while it made me feel successful for a short time, the amount of pain I had to go through to get there, feels like it was just not worth it. And after I've made it to where I wanted to be, I lost interest in it. I believe there's a healthy kind of envy. One that keeps you on a steady progress. Though I know that my envy is far from healthy.
I can relate to the feeling of envying someone's pride/satisfaction in their achivements. I feel like nothing I have done so far is worth anything and there is still so much to be done. It's honestly draining.
I needed to hear this I recently quit my job and applying for new ones are a paid and I feel as someone who’s 25 and not having a career yet has made me envious of others who are doing so much and feeling inadequate because I’m not as far as they are...
The way I think about it, scrooge from a christmas story worried a bunch about how he spends his money, even though he has a bunch of it. He wouldn't worry about it to such a fine degree if money was an uncontrollable thing. So I'd say that worrying about productivity would suggest that how productive you are is or at least feels controllable, so that's good.
I'm honestly so bad at dealing with jealousy, and I totally agree that putting the phone away or whatever is not a permanent solution. Often, my jealousy is of social situations, or like seeing old friends from where I used to live having a good time without me. I can't stop thinking about these hypothetical situations, and obsess over the people with such good friends. Sometimes it's useful in that it pushes me to like reach out and reconnect with old friends, which can turn out to be super good and amazing, but sometimes there literally is nothing I can do. Recently, it's kinda stupid but I was playing D&D with an old friend of mine and her friends through discord, and I loved it, but their second meetup is in person and I live thousands of miles away. I'm so jealous of my friend for having such good friends that actually live near her. I have no idea how to get the same level of connection where I am now, in a school I absolutely hate.
Thank you dom. Your words really resonated with me and help put some past problems of mine in a different, but positive perspective. Know that you are an inspiration to many people. Again, thank you.
Hey Dom. I've been a huge fan of you for as long as I can remember. I remember watching your videos with my older brother when I was still at a single digit age. Even though I'm subscribed, i had forgotten to turn on notifications, and finally after so long, UA-cam has put one of your vids into my recommended! It's so nice seeing you make these kinds of videos, and I think you should keep doing this sort of thing! I'm at the end of my first year in college, and I actually wrote a short paper about what you're talking about right now! And it really interested me to see another person's outlook on it. Don't wanna make this comment a fat paragraph, so i'll end it here. Keep up the amazing work, Dom
I checked upstairs and I found a panel in the wall that I'd never seen before. I opened it and found myself staring down a hallway that simply couldn't have been there. Yet it was.
I had this true life analogy that was pretty impactful before I started this career of TV Film. When I was probably 20 I went to the gym one night. As I was driving I see a guy in a nice car in front of me and sure enough I basically followed him all the way to the same gym! We even shared a machine! He had a year model BMW I had a 20 year old car at the time. We both reached our goal he just had a nicer car, so I basically took that as... Stay in your lane, it's cool to look left and right but stay in yours. You'll get to where you want to be but just focus on your lane, you can get discouraged or maybe even motivated when looking at other circumstances. The most important factor is to trail blaze your own path in your own lane and others could follow :)
As a cosplayer I often find myself looking at Instagram and feel incredibly disappointed with my level. But then I just have to remind myself that they came from a stage where they made serious mistakes and their cosplays looked terrible too! I'm also currently struggling with jealousy because I have a crush on one of my friends but he hangs out with another one of my friends a lot.
I think it's one of the reason I deleted my Facebook. I know it wouldn't repair my self-worth, but once in a while it's nice feeling fairly comfortable about yourself. In the end, I just think time is relative. I walk my own path, and how the time is ticking there it's only for myself - nobody could change that. If I arrived "late" at my goal, whatever it is, it's nobody business but mine. Even if sometimes I stopped and stumbled, as long as I don't burn the path, it's fine.
I started watching your video when I was a guy in high school. Im watching this as a trans woman going through envy. You are not alone in terms of seeing what others do and feel lacking because of it.
Right there with you dude. It's only recently that I actually feel accomplished with all I've done. But even then it's just a tiny drop in the bucket of things to come... I hope. XD
it may be different for me because I'm not nearly as exposed to other people's successes in life, so I don't get envious or jealous often, because I mainly use my social media to follow art accounts. And so when I see someone who's more skilled than me I tend to think like "wow if I practice enough, maybe one day I can be that good!" and if it's someone who's my age or younger than me who's more skilled than me, I just feel excited for their future. Like "you're gonna go far kid, I can't wait to see the things you'll create!" my envy really only comes up when I see old classmates having their life together when I don't (which is also rare because I don't actively keep in contact with them), but it motivates me more to work on getting things done rather than just sitting there feeling bad about myself. I do that enough anyway without comparing myself to others. maybe I'm just too depressed to feel jealousy/envy lmfao
Jealousy sucks and is made even worse when you someone else who has better luck and circumstances achieves what you’ve been wanting to achieve for a much longer time. It’s important to realise it’s not always you or the other person but the way things were meant to happen. It’s also important to remind yourself of how far you’ve come on your journey to achieve your dreams and know that everyone has a different time scale, be confident in knowing your time will come ❤️
If it makes you feel better, I was blown away by your success in highschool days, as a fan, when I discovered you're a few months younger than me. With all of them Ray William Johnsons who are a couple of years older, seeing one of who I considered to be a staple youtuber with his lazer collections and hilarious comedy skits being YOUNGER was a real blow. Not that it made me resent you. It made me admire you, and later I just forgot about it, and you returned to being a guy whose content I enjoy. Different people have different opportunities in life. Holding a grudge against someone who had a different set of opportunities decades ago, in what could just as well be a different world, is... meh.
Surely that's envy, not jealousy? But otherwise, you got this man. If you're doing your own thing, enjoying it, with an audience to enjoy it, you've already made it. You're absolutely right when you say it's a waste of time to compare yourself to others, but using them as a frame of reference and such is a sign of self improvement 👍 and neeeever stop self improving.
This whole video - in particular at about 6:12 - seems to be describing "acceptance and commitment theory" (ACT). I'm not sure if you're aware of that Dom, or if it's just a coincidence, but I think it's really cool that you're practicing and talking about that sort of coping strategy. If anyone wants to learn more about this sort of approach, I would highly recommend looking into ACT.
Social media is like a beer-googles magnifying glass for the expression of "me." We think we're getting this close look at each other, but it's really just a blurry M.C. Escher painting. We know self reflection is imperative for growth, but where does the standard for that reflection come from? If we have these desires and ideas about who we'd like to be, where did we get them? Seems obvious: we look upwards, whether that means a higher power or people we perceive to be greater, better than ourselves. The problem social media creates is a grotesque, ubiquitous Adonis facade. Jealousy is as ancient as the human condition, but it certainly hasn't become easier to parse when we're scrolling through a feed of curated perfection. Consider the exodus of people lately on social media--published articles and stories of "instagram models" and "influencers" who grew to hate themselves amidst a sea of online love. It seems better to bear our ugliness to the few who would embrace it than don a pretty mask for the multitudes. I like what you said about feeling the damn feeling. I've echoed something similar lately to my family, friends, and wife. "Your feelings are valid. Let's talk through them." And as a wise Ogre once said, "Better out than in."
Everything you said was so true! Another thing you didn't touch on which is also a point that helps me is thinking about the people who may look at you and your accomplishments and think about you in a longing way, wishing they had achieved what you have or if they looked the way you look, or if they're just good at that thing you're really good at. Thinking that everyone feels this way about one another makes me feel more grateful for what I have achieved and patient with my own growth because not everyone can direct an iconic movie by the age of 27 for example. ^-^ I look at Billie Eilish a lot because her ego and physical appearance as well as her vocal talent are extremely developed and she is only 17 or 18. Same with Aurora Aksnes, she is only a year older than me and has accomplished so much more. But that's not the point of life x3 Everyone is vastly different and it should be celebrated
I was like woah...27! Damn!....wait im 26. I looked up at you since your cloverfield spoof. You've done a lot more than most people our age. I've been trying to make music for 12 years now and even back then I tried to "make it big" like my heros did in their early 20s. It's never too late, we will be okay but yeah...that feeling fucking sucks
I'm a cartoonist and I love to create superhero comics. I just turned 52. Stan Lee had created Spider-man, the Fantastic Four, and The Avengers when he was in his forties. The envious comparison is real, man.
Dom, you’ve accomplished way more than most 27 year olds
Done more than me for sure!
Really really good comments here my pals. Seriously thanks for letting me know when this stuff connects, i love hearing your thoughts
3 years too late but always remember that Julius Caesar bawled his eyes out on some steps because he turned 33 and realized he didn't accomplish nearly as much as Alexander the Great did.
Welcome back to another installment of “creative therapy” with your favorite internet boy.
You can come into my pyramid and share my shoe anytime
I think comparison is totally natural and healthy but we also have to remember that comparing apples to oranges isn't going to provide an accurate measure of how we're doing. Comparing yourself to Steven Spielberg when he was your age and directing Jaws makes no sense bc this guy was born in the 1940s and starting directing films in the 1970s when the market for filmmakers was much smaller, which is how he was given these insane opportunities and was able to pioneer the blockbuster. Nowadays, there are so many people going to film school and wanting to work in the industry - it's not even remotely the same competition. I think acknowledging those differences are important, otherwise, we sometimes find ourselves beating ourselves up for "not working hard enough" or "not being given the right opportunity" when we are in fact just living in different times/circumstances.
Juliette Lin a great point!!
I try to take my jealousy of my peers' talent, and turn it into motivation. I struggle with periods of not thinking I can draw, and when I hit a period where I think I can, I quickly believe I'm kidding myself. This all leads to me drawing more, which is good for the current context I find myself in, but could also become dangerous down the line.
It's those plateaus, I struggle with that every week. Drawing every single day helps, but is also exhausting. XD But keep your head high! Art is difficult altogether.
I checked upstairs and I found nothing but an attic that wasn’t there before
Dom Fera, I've been subscribed to you since before Lazer Collection 2. I've closely followed your channel for almost half my life. I've watched nearly every video, skit, and film you've made.
Your art has helped me through the darkest of times and inspired me as a writer and hopeful voice actor.
I know things haven't quite gone as planned in recent years, but I just wanna let you know, I have faith in your abilities as a writer and director, and your ability to entertain.
I long for the day I see your name on the silver screen.
Realising you're not jealous of the object but the perceived happiness of owning it. That's an important distinction. Thanks!
“Feeling like your brain is unattractive” - THAT IS THE FEELING EXACTLY. I am jealous of other people’s...selves. Their loveable minds and hearts. (I hope that makes sense.) But I know that I only see the best of them and that’s part of it.
i like these type of videos, it's relieving to know i'm not the only one who feels these weird feelings i feel. this is like film therapy. i agree that it is weird to talk about having these perceived negative emotions, but i'm glad you're out here doing it.
2 weeks ago? FUCKING SORCERY!
Also, thanks for sharing dom.
Thank you Dom its nice to hear people talk about this
According to the good book...
...the chamber of secrets
😂😂😂
“I’m trying to chase the times when I’m feeling positive and not smoosh down the times when I’m feeling negative.” That’s actually really good advice. The more we focus on changing the bad, the less energy we give to doing good.
My 24th birthday was two months ago and I want to tell you I feel exactly the same. I'm living in a different bubble than you but I struggle constantly with comparing myself to the people around me. I've felt like I've been stagnant for the last 4 years and only just realized that I don't have to deny the jealousy I feel, because firstly it's real and it also doesn't make me a better person to pretend like I'm immune to that trait. I'm a jealous person and sometimes I have ugly feelings about the achievements of other people, even and sometimes especially the people closest to me who I love most. I feel like the decade of one's twenties has become one that comes with a kind of impossible level of expectation lately. You have to be established, you have to know what you want and be in a grind to achieve it if you haven't already and I just think it's unrealistic. It took me a long time and I still haven't fully internalized it but I realize now that I don't have to be like that nor can I be. Relating back to you, Dom, even you are a source of someone's jealousy because you at least have a dream and have taken some big strides towards it! As someone without one myself, I hope that the simple existence of your dreams can comfort you when you feel the icky feelings and thoughts seeping in.
I have been dealing with something for a long time which pushed me into this jealousy loop. I was so ashamed of wanting and being jealous and envious of another person that it only made it harder to get over. I had to examine really what I was feeling in the moment and why, and by understanding that, I was able to accept it. Seeing this perspective has shown me I am on the right course and made it a bit easier to be more accepting. Thanks!
This is exactly how I’ve been feeling. I’m a musician in my 20’s and I see these teens or people my age who are just blowing up. Even my friends and while I’m happy for them and proud of them it really sucks to not have that sense of accomplishment. To be honest I haven’t been dealing with it in any positive or constructive ways. I don’t know what to do
Also this video is so on point
Jealousy is really weird and complex. I rarely think about it tho. When i feel jealous of someone's place, i immediately start to reflect on my life and what i need to change, so i don't even notice the jealous feeling.
Thank you for doing our job and thinking about jealousy for us.
YOU'RE 27?? So that means you made Lazer Collection when you were 16/17?? Insane.
PlayingInTraffic facts
Hey Dom! Just discovered your channel and music a bit ago, and I wanted to let you know you 100% accomplished more than most other 27 year olds, I jam to your songs all the time! As a 20-something year old, myself I completely get your feeling of jealousy and appreciate you made a video about it explaining it perfectly. I hope you recognize how much you've done!
I just finished my my senior year as an animation major, so everyone was working on their thesis films. There were so many people that would sleepover in the school's computer lab days at a time, or stay until the early AM. I could've but didn't, and it made me feel like I wasn't putting in the dedication and work that they were. There were so many days I couldn't even get out of bed to work, actually most weekends I didn't work on it at all. I still finished it on time and professors and classmates love it, but I still kept wondering how much better it could've been if I actually worked on it instead of wasting those days. It was only a few days ago that I accepted that I just didn't, and it turned out just fine anyways. I was comparing myself too much to all the other students who stayed pulled all nighters and slept at school days at a time, but I did just fine without doing that. Everyone has their own ways of being successful.
That bit starting at 5:10 is especially IT. Like how comparing myself and my accomplishments to others can be anything from being motivated and inspired to feeling disappointed in "where i should've been by now" and am not, to thinking about how all our lives are set up differently and it just might not have been my time or whatever yet but then wHy. When IS my time, when is it my turn? And I've always thought about stuff like this.
Like I first went to buffer festival when i was 14 to bertie's screening, and he was literally 17. And when i turned 17 i kept thinking "at this point this guy had made MULTIPLE really interesting short films and had his own screening for them across the ocean from where he lived, what have i been DOING?"
But I think it's always just a bit of an awful feedback loop where im unmotivated or discouraged or just scared of failing before i even start anything, so i dont, and so i have nothing under my belt and then i feel bad about that. Intense internal turmoil lel. A lot of nothing and worrying about nothing. I just gotta let me live ahh. I'll get where i need to be in time, i just gotta trust in the universe i guess
Whenever I feel jealous of other people's success, I like to remember that they didn't get what they have for free. Many masters of their craft do it for 10 hours a day every day. You always see the results of people's hard work without seeing what they had to do to get there.
I definitely get this way when I look at other Animator's work... I'm primarily a Cartoonist/Voice-Actor, and when I see other people do a better job than me I tend to avoid that Cartoonists work at all possible... Or watching a Cartoonist whose animation's are either on the same par as me or lower, but get way more views and subs then me because they post more often than I do... And I only get this way because I notice each and every one of my flaws and instantly think that other people don't have it as bad as me, which is totally not true, but I can't help but think it from time to time... Not saying my work is bad or anything, I get plenty of comments that say other wise, but you can't help but compare your work to professionals.
I've always felt a similar way about you. Always been jealous of your ability to finish things completely and just follow through with ideas. That's something that I always struggle with and as much as I enjoy watching your work, I'm always filled with this feeling before and after like "damn, he's been making stuff the same time I have but he's made way more with significantly better quality." I know what I have to do but I just can't ever put aside my other problems to do it.
I checked upstairs and all I found was Doctor OctagonapOHMYGAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!
Searched up a Laser Collection Video (cause it just randomly popped in my mind while feeling nostalgic) and then I decided to see what the creator behind it was up to.
Saw that this was your latest video so I clicked.
Hearing this coming from you kinda resonates with me because I think it's a feeling that many of us face. Despite how dirty it makes us feel, it's a highly human feeling.
I think in some way we all want to FEEL accomplished, even if we aren't successful. However, our idea of accomplishment is often tied to how successful we are. Despite receving praise from our family, friends and followers, we'll STILL often look at others who carry a larger influence as a standard. Our satisfaction is replaced by doubt. Making us more prone to feeling jealous. You begin to doubt that wholesome and genuine passion you had for your work. Eventually, you'll just become envious of people who are just passionate for what they do to begin with. For those that aren't concerned about their reach and just love what they do. ( Just like you stated in your video) Then you're like...
"Dam sun, I wish i wuz a hapii yeehaw lik this fella 😔😔😔..."
Which leads to you feelin like a piece of SHIIIEEEEET. Scummy scoundrel. However, those emotions are also natural. They suck... but they're important to some degree I feel. Keeps us on our toes.
To bring things to a lighter note, it's good that you're still making movies, skits and music videos. You're clearly passionate about it! :> Sometimes all we need is a refresher of why we do what it is that we do. If our reason is strong enough to keep us going. We will faulter, that's part of the process. Being a self aware can lead to more self deprecation, but it also allows us to be realistic too.
I'm glad I watched this on my birthday. (turning 19!) Seeing that this issue persists with people of any age, makes my feelings feel less "evil". Hopefully, people can sympathise AND possibly empathize with your view too.
Have a great day and BEST OF LUCK! DONT LET YOUR AGE DICTATE YOUR FEATS. I need to work that too...
My dude, I don't usually say this in channel comments because it kinda sounds tacky sometimes, but you're one of my inspirations. I feel so much better watching your videos and listening to your voice telling me that it's OK to not be "fine."
i love that! when my friends leave social media for reasons that are ultimately reflective of their own personalities, it's a little exasperating
Well fucking hell, this just popped up in my sub feed, havent watched your vids since 2010 with that vampire skit and other classics, weve both grown up a lot since then maaaaaaadness
This was a great video! Dom is great with his words & his voice is very comforting. I think he is doing well for himself talent wise and hope he feels the same. I wish he mentioned that people make their Instagrams to hi-lite the good things in life and leave out the bad things. Plus, not many people on social media talk about their true feelings/ insecurities. It is hard to find genuine things on the internet but Dom really does speak from the heart. ♥️
I looked upstairs and all I saw was the ghost from the anybody else music video
Accidentally found this while looking at music vids and I just wanna say thanks for making it cause I've struggled with this a lot recently
Thank you for this video, Dom! I agree that removing yourself from social media isn't going to magically fix everything. But for me, it enabled me to _start_ fixing things. I couldn't find a healthy way of focusing on my own life until I removed the biggest distraction/source of jealousy and comparison. It has been wonderful. Not only the comparison part, but the constant flow of information. I haven't felt this calm and present in so many years. Would recommend 10/10
Comparisons can be a great motivator, as you said - most of the things I've done are because I saw someone else do something and I went "huh! I could do THAT" and then have a go. However, there are times where I start to feel jealous, I look at the amount of work those people put into their creations, and if I'm not prepared to commit that level, then it wasn't something I would've done anyway, and move on.
Felt a lot of this, great to hear somebody else accurately articulate something you've felt but could never describe. I think smushing the bad feelings creates even more problems, to an extent we have to accept that a large part of our being is not part of our conscious self, we can't hold ourselves accountable for every thought we have. A large amount of jealousy comes from admiration for an individual, I always try my best to express that admiration directly, rather than containing it and letting it turn to seething envy and self deprication. Keep on keeping on Dom, thanks for the great content as always, and consider those who definitely are jealous of you in all the same ways you discuss here
I am 21 and this is the biggest feeling in my life right now. I can feel the ickiness oozing out of this video and relate to it so much, and the way that you can try and explain it away (I too have often tried to tell myself it is all because of social media, but now that youtube is the only social media I use that feels increasingly unlikely) but really you just end up going round in circles. Interestingly, the argument you make about comparing yourself being something productive is something I just heard leena norms (justkissmyfrog) say in her video on advice for surviving your 20s, and I didn't feel convinced when she said it or when you said it now (sorry). I sort of think there's got to be something bigger than all this. And speaking of people talking about this stuff a bajillion years ago, here is an extract from Ursula Le Guin's version of the Tao Te Ching that I actually just came across yesterday, and which I think is helpful:
Easy by nature
True goodness
is like water.
Water's good
for everything.
It doesn't compete.
It goes right
to the low loathsome places
and so finds the way.
For a house,
the good thing is level ground.
In thinking
depth is good.
The good of giving is magnanimity;
of speaking, honesty;
of government, order.
The good of work is skill
and of action, timing.
No competition,
so no blame.
Thank you for making this video. I hope you find a way like water, and if it's any consolation, I am jealous every time you upload a video.
let jealously fuel your ambition. instead of being envious of what others have done, or what others are doing, let that envy become your passion and become better than what you’re envious of. there is no point in sitting around being jealous of people when there are things you know you can do to improve. do what you need to do to get to where others are.
also there are 7 billion people in the world.. there’s always gonna be someone that’s better than you, at anything you attempt to accomplish. its just a matter of looking past that fact and being the best that you can, at any endeavor you tackle. pay no attention to others, work hard, and stay confident.
been following since the beginning of your channel. peace and love to you and your friends and family
This is exactly how I feel every single day of my life... I feel so unfulfilled in almost everything I've done now-days and having depression really weighs me down more making me feel that I will never accomplish anything. When I see people, friends, friends of friends all accomplish things or have fun together without me, I just feel awful for a long period of time with that thought in my mind. It's always been hard to put into words but you've explained it pretty good Dom. Hopefully we can all get through these tough times. I just wish I knew how. Love you Dom
"It's not that I like their shoe, it's that they are happy with their shoe."
Dude you hit the nail on the head there. Feels like a ridiculous number (either implicitly or explicitly) of people don't realize that accomplishments mean nothing without feeling accomplished about them. In this early age of social media where we're being told "how to be happy" more aggressively than ever before, we start to forget that just because it made this person happy, no matter how happy they seem to be, may not be the solution to whatever empty feeling one might have to watch them on the other side of the black mirror, as it were.
At least that's what I got out of this.
i really like that idea of chasing the good stuff. i know i've gotten caught up in the bad, going over and over in my head about how to fix a problem that i've solved countless times before. i realize that doesn't make much sense. anyway, i think the idea can also lead to productivity - whether it be motivation to do something or the willpower to follow a plan. i always feel like i'm lacking one of the two.
Not so long ago I dwelled exactly on these feelings of envy, thinking how envious I get of so many people and such. I do agree social media has its part while referring to comparisons. For me, I just remember what kind of a child I was, I was in a dance group, written from a young age, been up on stages as an dancer, actor, speaker, but when adulthood came along all of these were taken away. I miss those stuff, but the chances are way harder.
I see people creating and sharing, and I'm feeling sad nobody told me I should try and make whatever hobbies I want, while being told I should focus on studying hard and looking for a "real career" (by which I mean science, maths, those kinds of things) so my creativity and imagination started to fail.
Anyway I totally agree with you, Dom, these are the same things I had in mind as well, and letting yourself feeling it, (but not sinking) is helpful for growth, even though it's freaking hard not to stray that way.
Something drew me to this video, I don't know what, but I'm glad it did. I haven't watched your videos for years but everything you touched on hit home really hard and helped me put a fresh pair of eyes on a lot of issues I'm dealing with. It's a weird time to be growing up and trying to find yourself right now. Thanks for putting this out there, this is gonna help a lot of people.
Btw, holy shit you seem like a fun person to have a beer with. That smile is INTOXICATING
It's really nice to hear these thoughts explained. I feel like envy is generally one of my biggest motivators, as I'll get a boost of creativity or drive to work when I'm jealous of someone else's success. Yet at the same time I feel like it also tends to make me lose pride in my work and second-guess myself, so I think I need to find a more positive balance. Great video :)
Yo I went upstairs and discovered that my parents finally cleaned their room.
Perfect sentiments. Its hard not to compare yourself to others, especially since people your age, doing the same thing as you, some even being your friends, have gotten bigger and more successful than you and you just sit there any wonder how they did that and not me. Its an unproductive mindset though. What I find is that people I look to as successful don't see that in themselves but look at someone else who's more successful than they are. So the feeling is there in every level of "success". Everyone is trying to up their game.
It helps to look in both directions though. Like how many people haven't even picked up a camera or made a UA-cam video but want to? How many people never got more than 10 subscribers and moved on to something else? I feel like simply recording something and shitting it out already puts you ahead of most people. There will be people impressed that you got even 1,000 views, and you shouldn't minimize that success even if it's nothing compared to the largest creators. You achieved something new. You broke personal records. You're making new experiences. Be proud of yourself for simply growing.
I just turned 27 a couple of weeks ago too. At least you’re pursuing your dreams, I don’t even know what my dreams are
this is the wholesome content i’m here for
I try to employ pessimism in productive ways, like “I probably wouldn’t really feel better if I had [blank].”
Sometimes someone putting themselves out there in a video can really connect with me. Dom is a real cool dude (you look great too). It sucks to fall into depressive pitfalls, never being able to unravel the mind maze youve made for yourself. Hearing somebody else talk about these sorts of subjects is comforting.
Dom, thank you for talking about this. I am struggling so much with this at the moment as I approach my college graduation. As far as how I'm trying to process it and work through it, I try to look at the good things the people around me are doing and (1) practice feeling proud of those people for what they're accomplishing and cheering them on in what they're passionate about, (2) reminding me that my own passions are set by my own pace, and there's nothing wrong with my pace being with what it's at. It's definitely much easier to say than to do, but it's what I've been trying to do. Seriously though, thank you. This is exactly what I needed to hear today.
that's the stuff to aim at!! And yeah I agree easier said than done. But like I try not to get down on myself for feeling the "right" feeling and the "wrong" one at the same time. Our brains are dumb strong, and yelling at myself to feel one thing at a time can end up making the wrong feeling feel even worse
@@Dom-Fera That's definitely another thing I'm trying to learn to accept. It's hard to understand sometimes how both things can be true at once, but just because its difficult to comprehend doesn't make either emotion any less valid or true. I appreciate you saying so!
Thanks for putting out this vid. I’ve been feeling this same feeling for a while now. I do art stuff and I found myself looking at social media comparing my work and my progress to that of other people, and I would spend more time looking instead of actually making. I think taking a break is healthy and learning to really focus on yourself is important. A little jealousy is good for realizing your own goals but it can be dangerous and consuming as well.
Another great video though. Keep up the amazing work :)
Yo! Sometimes I worry I'll get tired of you rambling about something, then you refer to the Good Book as "The Chamber of Secrets"!
World Class sir!
This was a fantastic video Dom. It's interesting, because I'm 25 and have been following you since the lazer collection and Deck'd and have had the exact thoughts you talk about towards you. Being close in age and seeing your successes has made me feel like I'm not doing enough myself. Hearing you talk about this means a lot because it helps to show that honestly, everyone feels this way, regardless of their perceived success and I think that it's great to know that at the end of the day, we're all just flawed organisms with similar hangups doing what we can to make it through the day.
Super intelligent and riveting conversation with yourself, I felt like I was discussing this topic with a bunch of friends. I relate to you brother, as do many others! I'm inspired now to actually finish editing that video thats been sitting on my computer for months, because, yes, I'm jealous of you! And that's alright, it's motivated me to create.
There was a point in my art career where I saw another Artist and started comparing myself to him and getting mad that I wasn't as far along as him, We were close in age, and chasing a similar path, but he was far more successful, had a style I wanted and was sought after while people could barely remember my name. I realized though that I wasn't him. he had a very different experience than I did, I'd spent my hours experimenting with my art and learning different elements while he had a laser focus. So where we seemed to be very similar, we really weren't when you examined it closely. I learned to stop beating myself up for not being him and learn to be a little more like him in the ways that I felt my improve my situation, tings like being more professional, focusing on a set style for a period and then I realized I didn't have to follow his path, I could cut my own. He might still be more successful than me today, but at least I feel fulfilled in my choices.
It's definitely not a bad thing to be jealous. You're a super talented dude. Every person who has ever had success was either in the right place at the right time and had extreme talent, or was in the right place and the right time with not much talent and they didn't have long-lived success. They don't really deserve it. The way we deal with feeling like this isn't to want what others have, but to realize there might even be a chance that you have something they want as well. Someone once told me, "Be content with a little." Because there can literally ALWAYS be more to have and that can drive a man insane. You're spot on that Social Media has made it terribly convenient to always be seeing what others have, and it's literally designed to make you want more. Now, I'm not necessarily talking about your specific case; but it could be pertinent given your presence on the different platforms. It's also a good thing to see what others had to give up in order to achieve their success. A lot of times people give up things they can never get back and it can drive you mad as well.
Keep it up my dawg. You got a lot more coming to you than you know. Can't wait to see what's next.
I love the way you put this, and I love when you do these videos. you usually put my thoughts into words
I'm gonna watch this any time I'm envious. I feel like a failure constantly. I hope I can change that somehow.
Honestly I found trying to compare myself to myself from 2-5 years ago is useful.
It helps me see my progression and understand that I’m not stagnating. I don’t think YOU could create in the same way as anyone else.
You have a specific self, and your creative process will always be different to others- so really refining and being confident in your own creative process, then proceeding to refine it to a uniquely best version of you is how success is born. None of the biggest directors are known for being anything but their unique selves in how they direct and what their approach is. Jealousy is damaging because it can lead to emulation- rather than discovering and growing your own unique style.
I think introspection like what you do is incredibly healthy and helpful- but I don’t think social media changed anything other than accessibility. You can just see more, I think these problems have always existed and perhaps only highlighted by social media because of just how prolific it has become.
Great vid m8
Love your candor on the platform. Also your advice was very helpful for me. Much love man. "just like a lil' speck... on a dot... inside a spot"
I don't know, Dom. I am a extremely envious person. And to me, it has come to a point where it is absolutely unhealthy. Where I would feel it tear me apart from within. Where it would physically hurt, if I could not be where some other people are. And it has cost me friendships before.
I've been figuratively running through brick walls and endured every kind of resistance I've got, when I wanted to achieve my goals. Goals that didn't have to be mine to begin with. I just had to, because other people did. And while it made me feel successful for a short time, the amount of pain I had to go through to get there, feels like it was just not worth it.
And after I've made it to where I wanted to be, I lost interest in it.
I believe there's a healthy kind of envy. One that keeps you on a steady progress. Though I know that my envy is far from healthy.
Hey, ik its been a while, but you're definitely not alone in how you feel. Hope things get better for ya, stranger on the internet!
You speak about such an icky and ugly thing in such a calm and kind of adorable way? That's your skill man; you turn things around.
I can relate to the feeling of envying someone's pride/satisfaction in their achivements. I feel like nothing I have done so far is worth anything and there is still so much to be done. It's honestly draining.
I needed to hear this I recently quit my job and applying for new ones are a paid and I feel as someone who’s 25 and not having a career yet has made me envious of others who are doing so much and feeling inadequate because I’m not as far as they are...
I can here from rewatching the Lazer Collection and I must say it was worth it
I just started watching; I really am interested in what you have to say but first, happy belated birthday!
The way I think about it, scrooge from a christmas story worried a bunch about how he spends his money, even though he has a bunch of it. He wouldn't worry about it to such a fine degree if money was an uncontrollable thing. So I'd say that worrying about productivity would suggest that how productive you are is or at least feels controllable, so that's good.
Woke up and watched this at 3 in the morning and started feeling self conscious about my jealousy or lack of it. Man, I’ll just go back to sleep
This is funny because I'm 20 and I feel this way when I watch your decade-old UA-cam videos :) like damn I wish I could be this cool
I'm honestly so bad at dealing with jealousy, and I totally agree that putting the phone away or whatever is not a permanent solution. Often, my jealousy is of social situations, or like seeing old friends from where I used to live having a good time without me. I can't stop thinking about these hypothetical situations, and obsess over the people with such good friends. Sometimes it's useful in that it pushes me to like reach out and reconnect with old friends, which can turn out to be super good and amazing, but sometimes there literally is nothing I can do. Recently, it's kinda stupid but I was playing D&D with an old friend of mine and her friends through discord, and I loved it, but their second meetup is in person and I live thousands of miles away. I'm so jealous of my friend for having such good friends that actually live near her. I have no idea how to get the same level of connection where I am now, in a school I absolutely hate.
Thank you dom. Your words really resonated with me and help put some past problems of mine in a different, but positive perspective. Know that you are an inspiration to many people. Again, thank you.
Hey Dom. I've been a huge fan of you for as long as I can remember. I remember watching your videos with my older brother when I was still at a single digit age. Even though I'm subscribed, i had forgotten to turn on notifications, and finally after so long, UA-cam has put one of your vids into my recommended! It's so nice seeing you make these kinds of videos, and I think you should keep doing this sort of thing! I'm at the end of my first year in college, and I actually wrote a short paper about what you're talking about right now! And it really interested me to see another person's outlook on it. Don't wanna make this comment a fat paragraph, so i'll end it here. Keep up the amazing work, Dom
As an artist I feel this way much more than I want to. It’s something that I really need to evaluate about myself
I checked upstairs and I found a panel in the wall that I'd never seen before. I opened it and found myself staring down a hallway that simply couldn't have been there. Yet it was.
I had this true life analogy that was pretty impactful before I started this career of TV Film. When I was probably 20 I went to the gym one night. As I was driving I see a guy in a nice car in front of me and sure enough I basically followed him all the way to the same gym! We even shared a machine! He had a year model BMW I had a 20 year old car at the time. We both reached our goal he just had a nicer car, so I basically took that as... Stay in your lane, it's cool to look left and right but stay in yours. You'll get to where you want to be but just focus on your lane, you can get discouraged or maybe even motivated when looking at other circumstances. The most important factor is to trail blaze your own path in your own lane and others could follow :)
As a cosplayer I often find myself looking at Instagram and feel incredibly disappointed with my level. But then I just have to remind myself that they came from a stage where they made serious mistakes and their cosplays looked terrible too!
I'm also currently struggling with jealousy because I have a crush on one of my friends but he hangs out with another one of my friends a lot.
Missed ya dom, I remember when some of your first stuff would come up on my subscription feed. I'm 27 now too!
Envy is a sin (chamber of secrets) lol
Mr Octagonapus
BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I'm 30. Still laugh/reference that shit. It shall live forever.
I think it's one of the reason I deleted my Facebook. I know it wouldn't repair my self-worth, but once in a while it's nice feeling fairly comfortable about yourself.
In the end, I just think time is relative. I walk my own path, and how the time is ticking there it's only for myself - nobody could change that. If I arrived "late" at my goal, whatever it is, it's nobody business but mine. Even if sometimes I stopped and stumbled, as long as I don't burn the path, it's fine.
YOU MADE THE LAZER COLLECTION!
BILLYGOAT CALLER!
YOU A UA-cam OG DOM!!
I started watching your video when I was a guy in high school. Im watching this as a trans woman going through envy. You are not alone in terms of seeing what others do and feel lacking because of it.
Dom get the Oscar. You know you can.
I love to hear your thoughts, a podcast would be fantastic! With friends like the Jack and Tim video last month on as guests from time to time
Right there with you dude. It's only recently that I actually feel accomplished with all I've done. But even then it's just a tiny drop in the bucket of things to come... I hope. XD
it may be different for me because I'm not nearly as exposed to other people's successes in life, so I don't get envious or jealous often, because I mainly use my social media to follow art accounts. And so when I see someone who's more skilled than me I tend to think like "wow if I practice enough, maybe one day I can be that good!" and if it's someone who's my age or younger than me who's more skilled than me, I just feel excited for their future. Like "you're gonna go far kid, I can't wait to see the things you'll create!"
my envy really only comes up when I see old classmates having their life together when I don't (which is also rare because I don't actively keep in contact with them), but it motivates me more to work on getting things done rather than just sitting there feeling bad about myself. I do that enough anyway without comparing myself to others. maybe I'm just too depressed to feel jealousy/envy lmfao
Jealousy sucks and is made even worse when you someone else who has better luck and circumstances achieves what you’ve been wanting to achieve for a much longer time. It’s important to realise it’s not always you or the other person but the way things were meant to happen. It’s also important to remind yourself of how far you’ve come on your journey to achieve your dreams and know that everyone has a different time scale, be confident in knowing your time will come ❤️
I went to check upstairs, but i live in a flat. Thank, Dom
If it makes you feel better, I was blown away by your success in highschool days, as a fan, when I discovered you're a few months younger than me. With all of them Ray William Johnsons who are a couple of years older, seeing one of who I considered to be a staple youtuber with his lazer collections and hilarious comedy skits being YOUNGER was a real blow. Not that it made me resent you. It made me admire you, and later I just forgot about it, and you returned to being a guy whose content I enjoy.
Different people have different opportunities in life. Holding a grudge against someone who had a different set of opportunities decades ago, in what could just as well be a different world, is... meh.
Never compare yourself to where other people are today. Compare yourself to where you were yesterday.
Surely that's envy, not jealousy? But otherwise, you got this man. If you're doing your own thing, enjoying it, with an audience to enjoy it, you've already made it. You're absolutely right when you say it's a waste of time to compare yourself to others, but using them as a frame of reference and such is a sign of self improvement 👍 and neeeever stop self improving.
This whole video - in particular at about 6:12 - seems to be describing "acceptance and commitment theory" (ACT). I'm not sure if you're aware of that Dom, or if it's just a coincidence, but I think it's really cool that you're practicing and talking about that sort of coping strategy.
If anyone wants to learn more about this sort of approach, I would highly recommend looking into ACT.
Social media is like a beer-googles magnifying glass for the expression of "me." We think we're getting this close look at each other, but it's really just a blurry M.C. Escher painting.
We know self reflection is imperative for growth, but where does the standard for that reflection come from? If we have these desires and ideas about who we'd like to be, where did we get them? Seems obvious: we look upwards, whether that means a higher power or people we perceive to be greater, better than ourselves. The problem social media creates is a grotesque, ubiquitous Adonis facade. Jealousy is as ancient as the human condition, but it certainly hasn't become easier to parse when we're scrolling through a feed of curated perfection. Consider the exodus of people lately on social media--published articles and stories of "instagram models" and "influencers" who grew to hate themselves amidst a sea of online love. It seems better to bear our ugliness to the few who would embrace it than don a pretty mask for the multitudes.
I like what you said about feeling the damn feeling. I've echoed something similar lately to my family, friends, and wife. "Your feelings are valid. Let's talk through them."
And as a wise Ogre once said, "Better out than in."
Thanks, Dom we're around the same age and I've been thinking and feeling a lot of the same things recently.
I still appreciate this video
Everything you said was so true! Another thing you didn't touch on which is also a point that helps me is thinking about the people who may look at you and your accomplishments and think about you in a longing way, wishing they had achieved what you have or if they looked the way you look, or if they're just good at that thing you're really good at. Thinking that everyone feels this way about one another makes me feel more grateful for what I have achieved and patient with my own growth because not everyone can direct an iconic movie by the age of 27 for example. ^-^ I look at Billie Eilish a lot because her ego and physical appearance as well as her vocal talent are extremely developed and she is only 17 or 18. Same with Aurora Aksnes, she is only a year older than me and has accomplished so much more. But that's not the point of life x3 Everyone is vastly different and it should be celebrated
I was like woah...27! Damn!....wait im 26. I looked up at you since your cloverfield spoof. You've done a lot more than most people our age. I've been trying to make music for 12 years now and even back then I tried to "make it big" like my heros did in their early 20s. It's never too late, we will be okay but yeah...that feeling fucking sucks
I used to really envy you a lot, but I guess I never really stepped back to look at my own laziness and my own situation. Great video!
I'm a cartoonist and I love to create superhero comics. I just turned 52. Stan Lee had created Spider-man, the Fantastic Four, and The Avengers when he was in his forties. The envious comparison is real, man.
Get out of my house I don't even have an upstairs!