@@sampatkalyan3103 Because whenever there's an issue the couple doesn't solve it, their respective families do. The families put out all the fires because ultimately the marriage was meant to appease them and their long standing traditions.
Yes I agree...my parents aren't happy AT ALL they said that when both me and my brother go to college they will not stay in the same house but will not divorce cause it's BaD LuCk
*A summary of Rina's whole argument : "I have friends from America who thinks arrange marriages works and I have white validilation so I'm not wrong. Also these never happened to me so therefore it must not exist. Arrange marriages are best and always works but I am divorced from an arrange marriage. Not to mention I am extremely privilege and my source is "trust me bro"*
Rina's whole argument was based on " ik lot of people , ik lot of friends , my cousins , my nieces etc " like wtf ? Her source was basically"trust me bro"
true and i hate how she seemed to think that just because these concepts might be accepted outside of india, that act somehow, in itself, becomes a proof that she is correct. it’s almost like she has the whole “foreigners are superior” thing going on.
@@itis_whatitis_27 Lol, it's not a foreigners are superior thing. It's how people still choose arranged marriage even though it's a taboo in the US and it works better than prem byah
@@yungman7053 firstly, arranged marriages are not taboo in the states. they are unconventional, yes, but not straight up taboo. also you saying that they work better isn’t backed up by any data or general consensus. and lastly, even if i accept your point as valid, it doesn’t change the fact that bringing examples of cases from a different region is absolutely worthless in an argument revolving around marriage culture and it’s impact in India.
I think If people still want to have an arranged marriage that’s fine, not everyone wants a conventional marriage. It’s just sad when they are forced to do it and get shamed when they want a divorce
Agreed there are cases of arranged cases being successful and there are cases of arranged marriages being a failure too, regardless of a love or an arranged marriage what’s important is the understanding, love and trust between the two people involved in the marriage. You shouldn’t just force anything.
15:01 "why are you narrowing down your relationship to your parents?" Suvir didnt talk much. But he just hit the nail with whatever he said. Absolutely 1000% correct.
You should narrow down your relationship to OnlyFans and dating apps like America does today. You realize that the majority of young adults in Americans are single and lonely and live in their parent's homes? LOL for trying to 'splain how to be failing society.
@@shrutisingh1405 wait why is that annoying? It’s relevant because Desi American youth tend to be pretty liberal when it comes to this stuff so they provide a decent benchmark. Perhaps your inferiority complex towards Desi Americans is driving your perceived annoyance. You invalidating their experiences is a defence mechanism.
@@ComputerTechnic217 I think their point was to say that Rina was using exceptions to validate her point, which is not a proper reflection of most arranged marriages or the demand for them. Also, it didn't seem like Shruti was trying to invalidate anyone else's experiences, so let's not judge too quick. Desi American experiences are just as valid, even if they're different, and this is coming from a Desi American's point of view.
@@ComputerTechnic217 i dont think it has anything to do with where she's from, her first point were : globally divorce rate is 60% and in india its 90%. - it doesn't account the fact that indians stay in loveless marriages (in a lot of cases accept abuse) for sake of society. Just because her 'educated born and brought up in new York folks' discussed and agreed on arrange marriage- it still does not reflect any census ( like aastha in the video pointed out- they are exceptions and come from highly privileged place ) Even on caste/ religion being perpetuated- she keeps bringing her younger friends in America. That's not india. Perhaps in another episode she would fit better- here it was just annoying. In india if arrange marriages did not happen through newspapers then y would it be there. But she wouldn't get it. Umm, i dont put ppl on a pedestal jus coz they're from a certain background. So i got nothing to defend myself from hahaahha. But i thought of pointing these out, coz maybe u missed them in the video.
When that dude from matchmaking said that " arranged marriages do not perpetuate religious and class division " I laughed out loud WATCH YOUR OWN SHOW HONEY.....
@@ogrecooch that's why I did not like the people in this debate. Most of them were quoting there individual experienced rather than talking about the general issue at hand
@@ogrecooch unfortunately they can't bring up people from very diverse backgrounds... There is not an abundance of english speaking *suitable* individuals in all communities over here.
Many women (manly older generations) also lack financial stability to do so. Since men being the breadwinner of the family is so normalized in places such as India, it’s almost impossible for some women to escape these “marriages”
The problem is that the majority of the pro arranged marriage ppl were speaking ONLY from _their_ experience. They don’t take into account what others have had to go through due to arranged marriages.
Yes very true. Some people dont even get the freedom of having enough time to get to know someone , they are rushed into it by just talking for for a few hours. Unlike the people in the show .
Hm Privilege shaming. Would you denounce the institution of marriage itself because of the shitty things other people do in their marriages (infidelity, violence, toxicity etc)? why do expect them to do that? There are no set rules in arranged marriages, some people are horrifyingly regressive in their interpretations others are not. You need to separate the institution from the actions of shitty people. understand that the problem is in misogyny and patriarchy of indian culture rather than the institution of arranged marriage. it actually works for a lot of people.
No kidding, the pro guy basically was like it's to much work to find a wife because that would mean fixing my shitty attitude so I want one female to be given to me so I can have one.
Aastha is honestly the only person worth listening to here, because she seems to be the only one in touch with the modern situation and current reality of the general middle/upper class people of India. The points she raised were so valid, and the concerns she pointed out were those that pretty much every single woman would have.
There’s a lot of anti arrange marriage sentiment based on there idea what arranged marriages are (which is negative) which doesn’t have to be the case as long as the people involved are mature
@@ntiisw looks like you never left your place and have any friends or colleagues or been to the gatherings that normal people have. Basically met never seen any strangers around u. Sucks
The divorce rate in India is low not because arranged marriages work out for people, 1. Its a taboo to get divorced 2. There are still many housewives who rely on their s/o to earn the money and parting ways will be difficult for them 3. Couples think it will leave a trauma on their child if they get divorced but the actual trauma is still continuing a failed marriage
@@tromboner6061 totally agree......... because mostly the girls I see hating on arranged marriages are the ones that would be the first one to reject guys because of their looks and height..........if tomorrow arranged marriages are stopped in india .... literally 70 to 80% dudes would be single and childless lol 🤣🤣........ because most girls would go for the top tier guys regardless of how they themselves look ......and obviously the tier 20 to 30% dudes will have abundance of options so why would they wanna commit to one girl , those guys would use these girls and would just sleep around with them and have fun without giving them any relationship security.
Aastha was the most mature person, calling them out but also trying to be respectful. It was downright mean of Rina to invalidate the newspaper experience. The man on the anti-arranged side had a lot of valid points. Pankhuri definitely tried to understand and represented her side well. It was annoying to watch Rina and Pradhyuman.
@THE ZOLDICS @THE ZOLDICS I've clearly mentioned Pankhuri represented her side well. Having an opinion is one thing, NOT being aware that your opinion comes from a place of privilege and cutting people off while they're talking is another thing. Also, I never asked them to shutup or curtail their "freedom of speech", I'm just excercing my right to "freedom of speech" to point out their mistakes
Aastha is young, too young to be in the discussion, I would have excluded her because she hasn't had experience in all this. She saw some personal experiences and decided how things should be. Life is much more complicated than that.
@Kamaboko Gonpachiro force my views through UA-cam comments? Not at all. I am trying to derive logic from comments that don't make sense. I didn't watch that guy before so I have no prejudice against him.
@H V I have no doubt it is what she is use to. I see it in her face. I recognized it because I was raised in a similar fashion. I grew up being dictated to all the facets of my life with very few having a interest in my own wishes or desires. I was expressing my disappointment that even in the discussion she was unable to express herself the way she would have liked to, because I understand that type of frustration. I certainly meant no cultural aimed offense and apologize if that was the direction my comment appeared to travel. It's a hard then to have no voice.
@H V I literally had to yell at my parents and basically tell them to fu ck off and stop telling me what to do. They never listened to me if I did anything else.
Basically what pradyumn said is that real relationships take too much effort to build so I'll just depend on mumma papa to select a girl for me, minus the effort and risk
It’s about investment dear men like to invest their time and money only if there’s a return coming back if not no man would want to waste his emotions or time on someone
Rina knows exactly why there is less divorce rate(Social Stigma) She's not here to find a middle ground. She just wants everyone to know that she has friends in US and she knows polo. Her defense was always that "I have friends who love Arranged marriages".
And you are here to deceive people into thinking that divorce rates are only low due to social stigma. As if arranged marriages can’t work or never have even though almost all arranged marriages work our very well
@@tdoggg8796 divorce rates in any country isn’t a number of how many people are in a loving relationship. So why are you trying to say that divorce rates being extremely low, aren’t taking in account loving relationships? My relationship is fine, but I’m not using my relationship to discount those who have needed to divorce. (Divorce is less stigmatized where I live since the ‘60s are so.)
lets be real, any marriage can fail - love or arranged. so what really needs to be done is normalise divorce instead of making it a taboo, so that we can all get a 2nd chance if needed
@@swatisaini6447When people divorce they've either made a bad partner choice in the first place or they are giving up too early on their marriage...increasing no. of people are having a forever-lovey-dovey-fairytale idea of relationships nowadays which ultimately leads to resentment.
@@aquaticfishiepompom yes my mom and dad is 10 years apart and i always see them fighting soo i don't need to to arrange marriage if they put me in arrange marriage I would not to any work sleep all day look in the phone jot mind anyone
This isnt a fair debate, the pro arranged marriage people aren't anyone I witnessed in my family or society. They are more privileged than average indian people who get into arranged marriages even by choice.
That's exactly what I found odd here. And also these people mostly based their point around their personal experiences, which obviously can't be generalized. Infact, their idea of arrange marriage is not even what arrange marriages look like in general context. It's almost like dating but you find your partner through your family. That's a completely different thing.
The fact that Rina brought up the 1% divorce rate in the beginning shows how privilege and unaware she is? Like sis the absolute last reason it’s that low is people being happy in their marriage lmao. Also love how the pro arranged marriage people were mainly single and divorced no shade tho ✋🏻
you're absolutely right. the pro arranged marriage guy also seemed to put himself on a high pedestal for thinking that the girl/woman is obligated to talk to him. that's quite unfair and i would walk out immediately had i been put in such a situation. it's sad that india still have such views on marriage and women do not always get a say in such matters. the misogyny is clear as day with it
She doesn't seem to understand that ppl get emotionally and physically abused in some of these. It's not easy to get out of from a psychological instance as well as financial or even familial when it comes to children.
You realize that 63% of men under 30 in USA are single?!? 63! And 34% of women under 30 are single as well. Very few young people getting into relationships in USA, let alone getting married. They are lonely and miserable, and evidence shows that both men and women in America now have the highest rates of depression ever. America's "relationships" are a failure, and you think that India should be more like them??!?
As an Indian I would just like to point out that even though arranged marriages in India have a very low divorce rate it's not necessarily a good thing. Domestic abuse in India is horrifyingly high and as divorce is still stigmatized a LOT in Indian society many find it hard to leave. Domestic abuse is still normalised by many people so many victims think they're obliged to tolerate some of it. Also a lot of women might be financially completely dependent on their husbands so it makes leaving a marriage very hard. Lower divorce rates =/= happy marriages
@@sampatkalyan3103 I think people who are emotionally manipulated and face domestic violence would have a harder time speaking up, for example in villages domestic violence is very common and is considered "normal" and not a reason to divorce. I literally have heard my house keeper stay this stuff
it annoyed me that they didn't even bring up the topic of abuse and non consensual marriages, because all of those marriages are arranged AND forced. it's the majority of married peoples lives in india, not the privileged people here who were able to divorce without facing daunting stigma or loss of their financials.
This Pradhyuman guy lacks a stand point, he dosen't even know what he's talking about. Says he's pro-arranged marriage and then goes, "You sit down and explain I really love her, really want to be with her..." Boy, thats love marriage you're takling about, not arranged marriage, duh!
Exactly!!! I was thinking the same thing the whole time. He is soo confused...he doesn't have a clue of what he is saying, and who's side he is taking...???
Nahhh...I think she was trying to be more argumentative and not trying to understand the other opinions...she was clearly annoyed and couldn't accept another opinion different from her own...the fact that she mentioned privilege says it all!
Advantage of arrange marriage:- If it fails you can blame your parents. Advantage of love marriage:-If it fails parents can blame you . But how far we can go to blame each other, instead of taking responsibilities ?
Everbody has different way of handling their emotions,things can feel worse specially after a bad day,depressive episode,anxious build up stuff then it would feel on an average day. But eventually its gonna come back to its usual state.Yeah getting rejected sucks ass but it happens. Sometimes it hurts sometimes it don't u get better at accepting rejection as u age I guess...it's part of life u kno. Not to sound too lectureyy hwahahah just speaking from experience thas all.
Rina and pradhyuman are the biggest examples of being urban ignorant and not realizing everyone aren’t as privileged as they are! they don’t understand how arranged marriages works in so many other rural or even middle class cases, that arranged marriages are soo deep rooted and is a catalyst for so many other social issues!
I think Aastha realised real quick that the others views were coming from a place of privilege and that they wouldn’t except or understand a balanced argument because of their experiences
Yah the pro marriage side was really snooty and stuck up. They needed more social diversity for sure. Everyone there was just stuck in a privilage bubble.
@@arrow2589 especially the make up artist woman. She constantly talked about how her marriage worked out because her parents were liberal(just like her husband's) but she failed to understand that her situation was a total exception. She cant use her own exceptional marriage as evidence against the negatives of arranged marriage when in reality, the negatives are far more normalized for a majority of Indians. She may have been blessed with open minded parents and family, but not a lot of indians are. It's like arguing metals are liquid and using the one exception, mercury, as your prime example.
@@moon.937 yes exactly, she seemed convinced that because her one case worked out the way she liked that everyone's life would be the same. Like I am not Indiana but even I know how terrible some of those situations are. It honestly seems like cognitive dissonance. Or like the your love will grow part is just so rapey
When someone gives me the argument that arranges marriage had a low divorce rate well yeah because you did not enter the marriage with your full choice then how the hell can you get out by your free will
Yep, as if that’s somehow proof that arranged marriage is better? If anything it shows there is little free will and lots of pressure to conform to social mores.
honestly i feel like her friends probably said they couldn’t find a nice guy and they wish one would just come to them and she turned that into they want an arranged marriage
11:50 THANK YOU FOR CALLING OUT THEIR PRIVILEGE. This girl is on fire. Wish I could learn to talk like that. I had be less apologetic about my behavior with a lot of self entitled pricks every day.
Good question indeed. I feel like there could have been more things to bring into this conversation. I also would have liked if they brought Middle Easterns to this because it’s different there
I got a casting call for this but then got covid so I couldn't obviously be a part of this. And damn I feel there was a serious lack of representation. Almost everyone is upper middle class or fairly rich here
@@Teniolafajuke ?? Jubilee's American videos ALL have racial diversity. Have you even watched their videos? It is not all white people. I'm a leftist and Jubilee does a pretty good job of having a diverse panel.
Pankhuri is the embodiment of a conditioned Indian woman. All of her experiences about arranged marriage are extremely unpleasant yet she “believes” that arranged marriage is the way go.
@@pragnan8112 No, they meant extremely UNpleasant. Being judged for her weight, class and more whilst in the arranged marriage crap, and also almost getting divorced cause her relationship was so bad after the first 3 years, but STILL supporting arranged marriage. It was unpleasant, which she even said herself, and its sad how she still things arranged marriage is good.
@@yulana990 you get judged for you physical attributes on dating apps as well? Physical attraction is the first thing humans notice and men kind of over value it. So how’s that anything new in arranged marriages? It happens everywhere lol
@@siddhant... On dating apps if people judge you for your physical attributes they don't do it in front of you or say it to you. If they don't like you, they don't swipe on you, and you never know what they thought about you or who they are so you don't feel sad.
As a European, this video was fascinating to watch. I’ve never met anyone who is/was in an arranged marriage. In my country arranged marriages stopped being a thing over a century ago so it was really fascinating to see how modern people grapple with it, and how their society is affected by its continuation. Also, props to Aasta! She seems so intelligent!
@@noelrodrigues8179 Oh, don’t get me wrong, I still think arranged marriages are a horrible idea! I just meant it was interesting to see different perspectives.
I am a 20 yr old Indian guy and honestly I don't want an arranged marriage in future. In fact I don't even wanna marry an Indian. I wanna date and marry an American or Canadian or European girl in future because it's my preference. I hate the concept of arranged marriage and I find it outdated. Most Indian parents don't like it when their son or daughter dates anyone. Even relatives and neighbor aunties and uncles will judge us. Kissing and hugging in public here in India is frowned upon and we can't do it in private too as most of us live with parents and also due to such dense population of India. I also wanna give my girl a piggyback ride on beach or park which wouldn't be possible in India as most people would give stares because many aren't open minded here. So I decided not to even try dating in India as I can't imagine a dating life with so many problems like these. Hopefully I will go to US or Canada or UK after 2 or 3 years for higher studies and get settled there and date a nice girl there and give her all my love. I wouldn't even care if my family members says no to the marriage with her because it's my life.
In Europe (West Europe at least) "marriage issues" are homosexual marriage (which is more accepted day by day) or the fact that maybe we don't need to marry to be happy in this life... I wonder what these people will think about that...
@@manosijthehero3686 Why just American/European/Canadian? Indian women don't all look or act the same, and in a country with 1b people, you'd think you'd more than a few that are attractive. I think you're just idolizing European beauty standards. And this is coming from an American woman. You can like whatever you like, but when you narrow your search based on nationality like that, I can almost guarantee you that you're excluding lots of beautiful women.
It’s the one lady saying that arranged marriage is about “growing together” after saying that she got a divorce because her and her partner “grew apart”for meeeee sis
@@liggmabawls5634 At least they get divorced rather than being in a abusive relationship. And the cases of Domestic Violence is much higher in India "numbers don't lie"
@@fusososososo3507 Not because they disagreed with her but because at how absurd the reasoning that backs up their stand - like the guy; "girls are obligated to talk to me, but they reject me in this dating app and since I don't want to put effort in finding a real working relationship, I'll have mommy and daddy arrange a girl for me." It's ridiculous~ or how the other girl was "I know people in America, they said arranged marriage is great, so I say it's great, even though I'm a product of failed arranged marriage, I can't be wrong because the people in America says so" any one with a functioning brain could see the absurdity of these reasoning.
Rina literally blamed akansha for choosing a newspaper boy , but that’s the entire point . Those ads exist because people DO marry like that . And THATS the point , lots of people DO fall for it
That's the poor attempt at Arrange marriage, her father should have been more aware. In Love marriage there are far more Scam. That point was so poor in the conversation, it was her experience. That point is invalid because Good things can be done poorly . You can't Blame Process for that,
@@piyushchaudhari5508 Um yes you li can blame the process for that the whole problem is the process of arranged marriages Is that it's rooted in sexism and the caste system. It takes advantages of family who have women and benefits the men.
@@arrow2589 no, originally it was not. People are exploiting it that's the problem. Anyways I was talking about her father innocence/stupidity . Far bigger Scams can be seen in love marriages too. This point of her imo added nothing to the debate.
@@arrow2589 also, now things are changing, most of the time girls are given choice . There is time given between 2 people meeting and wedding for example 6 months to let them know compatibility and etc. . And now if you see more power is in favour of girls in arrange marriages, they also get to choose the boys (Cannot say for all but in higher class and middle class mostly which constitute the majority). I had be fool if I said the process was perfect for this time that we live in or is carried out properly. But Change is happening and will improve more with time. If process isn't carried out properly and changes can make it better. I see no problem with Arrange marriages. Also, there is this false notion that most of the arrange marriages couple are unhappy which is false (or at least there is no proof to it) . Yes there are cases but I don't think it's enough to equate the to most
without arranged marriage he would be a virgin for ever . he probably has trouble picking up girls on his own so he wants his mommy to pick up girls for him
Okay I don’t think we should pick on him for no reason tbh. That just says more about us than him. That’s just my opinion so pls don’t attack me for it lol
lmao pradhyuman is just scared of rejection and rina is just like "trust me I know this cousin in America I know this close friend" ho gya bro admit you're privileged
@@kirtipalve1772 I was literally waiting the whole time for the pro arranged marriage folks to talk about something, *ANYTHING* that isn't just personal anecdotes. The whole time it was basically just _"Yeah we all know arranged marriages are kinda fucked up, but here's how I personally chose to see the bright side of it!"_ If they actually addressed how taboo divorce is, how most people are raised without a choice, how so many people are brainwashed into thinking of something as unrestricted and free as love as an arrangement for other people's convenience, there would be no argument. This is one of those occasions where there is a right and a wrong opinion.
@@peace5417 yeah, but her statistics don't tell the full story. Divorce rate in India is low, not because everyone there is so madly in love with their partner, but because arranged marriages are so strictly regimented and getting a divorce in India is literally taboo.
Just because your arranged marriage worked, doesn't generalise every other arrange marriage. Just because your love marriage is happy, doesn't generalise every love marriage end happily.
They were like our parents our up for intercaste marriages and people you come from a place of overprivileged rich Delhiites.... They won't understand anything else coz they are in maybe liek the top 1%
@Logical Rationalist it's not fascination, it's self respect. If someone is bad for you, love yourself enough to leave. Don't be so short sighted and ignore the truth.
@Logical Rationalist absolutely not. It's not about the divorce rate. I'm saying any marrige, be it love or arranged, you should leave if the other person is toxic. I was trying to point out that u claiming that someone should get one as they are "fascinated" by it, is absolutely ridiculous. The person Said it in one context. Your making it another one. Don't be so short sighted. Also, not all arranged marriges are toxic. The concept of control behind it is. The concept of forced marriges and elderly approval is abysmal. I've seen ways in which both go wrong. I'm pointing out that your comment here was irrelevant. Learn to read please, thanks.
The dude pradhyuman said it right "in arranged marriages people are obliged to talk". What he doesn't know is that marriage should be with somebody who wants to talk to you, not someone who is obliged to talk to you.
Dude really said he's tired of rejection and wanted someone who couldn't say no. Dating apps not only expose you to the harshness of a wider dating pool but to the knowledge of your own type, turn-offs etc. There are many reasons why people ghost, but all in all if dating apps aren't for you, there are a thousand other means of dating and courting for like-minded people, not limited to arranged marriage.
Dating apps are skewed in a woman's favor, I can see why he could be frustrated. The men who get the most attention have to be in the upper echelon of favorability (i.e. high paying career, tall, good looking etc.). Women on the other hand don't have to be in the upper echelon to get the same or even more attention. I do agree if what you are doing isn't working, then cursing the system isn't going to change the situation. You have to just try different avenues and put yourself out there. It's just the reality of the dating market.
I feel like this is a little bit of a dishonest straw-man representation of Pradhyuman's argument. Sure, it may be accurate that he has thrown the baby out with the bathwater (so-to-speak) in rejecting modern dating in favor of arrangements because of his personal struggles. However, trying to paint him as someone who now wants to force women into "couldn't say no" kind of arrangements is extremely far of a leap of extrapolation and sounds really unfair and mean to me. I think he was partially alluding to a real and well-known phenomenon, which is that people can have more difficulty finding satisfaction when they are bombarded with so much options, especially on apps designed for maximizing engagement. There's psychology phrase called "The Paradox of Choice" that kind of addresses this issue. Compound on top of that ghosting and it can get tough. I'm not saying he's right -- I don't agree with his conclusions. But I don't support your characterization of him either. As others have already pointed out, dating apps can be especially difficult and discouraging for men because of gender dynamics: men overwhelm women with too many messages, so women don't respond as much, and women's non-response causes men to send even more messages, which makes women even more unresponsive -- it's a vicious circle.
Yes lol..He sounded so desperate at one point. He said that he couldn't maintain the burden of continuing the conversation with someone without somehow doing something wrong (i.e trying to impress her). XD And just wanted someone who is obliged to stay with him lol so he could comfortably expose his layers (unimpressive layers xD)
Suvir is such a good listener. He was always saying yes, true to other person and made it feel more like a conversation rather debate. And man I liked how he snapped to the women who was interrupting everyone.
If not getting a divorce is a Perimeter for a successful marriage then arrange marriages on average are more successful then love marriages. Ps. I support love marriages
@@TarunSingh-cg3wp This is marriage, not a plant ☘️ that you want for growing. Marriage is for having a life partner to rely on when things go bad. Finding that right partner should be your choice and you should face the consequences of that action. It's about sticking together till the end.
Rina's views are so based on "gora" validation. everytime she comes up with the America thingy or about her family, which seems to be very progressive and privileged. She's so privileged that she's couldn't differentiate between caste difference and regional difference and changed the whole conversation to people marrying from different states and not castes. I like Aastha's pov.
I full heartedly agree. There's 1.3 billion people in India! Plus surrounding countries if possible, that's so many voices!! And if they get in top of this subtitle game, then non English videos would be amazing too. The opportunity for representation is just beautiful!!
@@assassin9763 can't say. Love marriages are still frowned upon and the girl/boy is treated like an outcast if they choose to go down that path in most places even today.
as a gen z Indian i am gonna say suvir sir you have my utmost respect (singling him out because he is 47 year old and his perspective is very fresh....)
@@sandrameesala6804 if he cannot be bothered to get to know you regardless of how he is introduced, why would you want to be stuck with him the rest of your life
@@RebeccaEvans Exactly, he is lazy and puts zero effort into properly courting a woman. His lack of effort was probably why he got ghosted so much 😬. If a guy is flakey and keeps cancelling dates or putting all the effort of planning dates on me, I would probably ghost and move on to someone who seems more interested and has respect for my time🤷♀️
@@serenawill128 The current dating paradigm has women putting in zero effort other than showing up. Women don't do the asking, planning, follow-up, but expect that of the men. Literary the “low effort” women complain about are those men doing the exact same thing as the women.
Different people are different. Everyone does not need to date. Serendipity and chance have been such huge contributing factors to genuine love. Not wanting to look for someone and leaving it to someone else and then deciding on the person you meet is completely fine. People don't need to fit into moulds, people are different from your narrow mindset. Not dating is completely fine.
Rina and Pradyuman are the highly privileged people of Indian society on whom reality of the common man is completely lost. They have their little wells and everything is based off of their vision and their personal experiences. They're the wrong people to be on this platform
But bcoz they are rich they get to see the world and differences way before than middle class ppl like us. hence will always be one step ahead of us.. And that's what rina is trying to tell the middle-class ppl to not follow them blindly as that path is tried and tested..
The people who are most affected by arranged marriage are the ones who can’t speak out about it on debates like this. I don’t think Rina and Pradhu are saying arranged marriage should be forced, but they are saying that it shouldn’t be abolished. The show is called middle ground and that is what needs to be sought after. Not banning arranged marriages and not forcing them either. Free will is something that is a luxury to only the privileged and that is what needs to change.
@@rohanmudumba2545 YES. I feel like they should've put a little more diversity into this debate like the LGBTQ community and muslims and other minorities since these people are often oppressed and dont get a chance to share their opinions on bigger platforms
But Rina is a narcissist & bigot ..what do you guys think about that? They should have gotten someone who has really faced hardships (ex: domestic violence) as a result of an arranged marriage. They picked the affluent ones. Noone was level headed on the Pro arranged marriage side.
There should have been LGBTQAI+ representation. There would have been very different perspective. For example 13:00 For this question I would have said no, parental support is not important to me because my family and India as a whole is very homophobic. It is a privilege to have parental support not a necessity.
The pro arranged marriage people here are 1. Already divorced from a arranged marriage 2. About to divorce 3. Lazy to put effort so mumma papa will chose for me
I feel like they didn’t choose the pro arranged marriage people well. They should’ve chosen people who genuinely believed in it and were successful in it, be it pro or anti.
Im indian and my parents got an arranged marriage. Even though they both cheat on each other, do not love each other, dont want to be together, they wont get divorced because my dad needs someone to take care of the kids and house, and my mom needs the finical support. theres a low divorce rate in indian couples out of necessity to be together and cultural upstanding, not because they love each other and want to be together.
With all due respect to her, I would like to point out (being a GenZ myself), that GenZ is the worst generation😂. Limited attention span, high ego issues 😂
@@aditya.lakhani I'm also a genz , I'm quite opposite, genz are open minded, genz know what is depression and anxiety is, genz know different sexuality exist, genz is best generation.... 💛
@@professor.mcgonagall.sugar2310 hard disagree. You have to measure it via any terms. Gen Z, is by far, the worst in society. Attached to technological aspects of life, too deep into media. I would not say we are bad, but we are rather "toxic." Society has boomed with traditional ideology for decades on end, and now, everyone can agree, humanity in the west is reaching its demise (having been to other countries, they are totally different to us. In many different areas, sexuality or whatever remains the same traditionally, gender norms are that of traditional views, lgbt members not being accepted, etc.) But thats a different topic in itself. The west is the only place as such that you described. U.S. in particular. There are many aspects. Such as, ones the working class pre-gen z workers are gone, there will be little to no one available to work jobs to help sustain our economy. Short attention spans means that more people have to take on jobs to accomodate their ability to focus. The Blue Collar market is going down, while STEM fields boom. Maybe for open-minded-ness, gen z is the best, but as in ideology, societal stand points, economical stand points, relationships, media attachment, media prevelance, hell even logically, we are the laughing stock of the world. (The west is, since what you describe is really only prevelant in the west.)
These people are not the demographic most affected by arrange marriage. The poorer younger helpless girls who got sold by their family to older men are. I want to see they talk about that.
The girl in black was speaking FACTS have her back on the show- only person here young enough with a mindset in the REAL world and not from a place of priviledge. Loved her take @11:48
Died at 12:00. Aastha literally just told that them their personal experiences aren't close to the reality in India and the lady proceeds to tell her about her family.
What Rina said, Divorce is reaaaaaaly frowned upon in India. Even if marriages don’t work out, people don’t get a divorce because of what society thinks and all. so divorce rate is not high but a lot are not in loving and understanding marriages.
I was wondering about this when she said that. My first thought was "Is the divorce rate low because the marriages are successful or because there is a stigma around divorce so no one does it?" I don't know a whole lot about Indian culture though. It's the same in the US though. A lot of older couples are praised for how long they've been together but the reality is, a lot those people stayed together because divorce was so taboo for so long. And women here couldn't even get a bank account without their husband's name on it until the 70s.
@Phunsuc Gates Where are you getting these averages from, exactly? Do you have any actual statistics to back your claim up? Also, what's wrong with changing boyfriends throughout your lifetime? How is that "weirder"?
I was waiting for someone to point this out. It's especially sad that there's a high rate of domestic abuse in India but instead of leaving their partners many people tolerate it because it's normalised so much
They r just two people living together under one roof And also in India women don't have basic financial freedom ,where will she go, just rot in that toxic marriage
The whole "love grows" argument is ridiculous. So many people end up in unhappy, or abusive, marriages because you don't know who the person really is until it's already happened.
The institution of marriage is failing in the west because women initiate divorce 85% of the time and advocate for laws which reward them for doing so - and expect men to enforce those laws. That's an unsustainable system. Basically it's women wanting men to provide for them after they've actually chose to leave the men - absurd entitlement. Marriage only works if it's based of the idea of building a lasting life and growing relationship together. Not if it's something to leave once the feels are gone like teenage girls in high school.
@@poocrayon4588 I don't think that's it at all, at least in the west. Most western women provide for themselves; they are educated and have their own jobs and can pay for themselves. People who marry and then divorce for money are gross disgusting excuses of human beings, but I highly doubt that's why most marriages end. Most likely it's because a lot of people grow out of each other as their lives change and then they fall out of love with each other. Why continue to stay married if there's no longer any love? (Also your figure of 85% is probably wrong, most studies I've seen show that the rate of women initiating divorce is about 70%, which is still an interestingly high figure, but the reason you claim to be behind it is just wrong). As for why women are more likely to initiate divorce than men, when two people fall out of love with each other, they lose that strong emotional connection to each other. On average, women tend to value having that emotional connection more than men (this is not always true its just a broad generalization). Once two people fall out of love, women are more likely to feel distressed due to a lack of communication and emotional connection, whereas men generally don't value this quite as much and thus are less likely to be bothered by it. Because that lack of connection tends to bother women more than men (on average), women are more likely to want a divorce and be free to either take care of their own emotional needs by themselves, or to develop a new deep emotional connection with someone else. Lack of emotional connection is probably the biggest reason why women are more likely to want a divorce, but there are probably also some other reasons: women generally tend to feel more held back than men do in marriage, women tend to take on more of an emotional burden in marriages than men (so once there is no love and emotional connection left they feel emotionally exhausted), society still somewhat pressures women to do all or most of the housework so some women who have these pressures placed on them get fed up, etc. (Of course these are all broad generalizations, at the end of the day each person is different and you can't just categorize each person into a group and tell them how they will act and feel). TLDR women tend to value having a deep emotional connection to their partner more than men do, thus men are generally more likely to put up with a bad marriage than women are. Also I think society pressures men to "man up" and "just deal with it" and stay in relationships even when they aren't happy because society tends to tell men to ignore their own emotional needs. Which is really sad, nobody, including men, should ever feel like they have to put up with being in an unloving marriage if they aren't happy. All in all, I believe that if both parties are happy in an arranged marriage and it is consensual, then that is awesome! But I believe that it should never be forced on anyone, people should just be allowed to do whatever makes them happy as long as they aren't harming anyone else.
@@claireelizabeth9431 Thankyou I appreciate your well considered response. Even tho I have some problems with your comment, I will give you kudos for your reasoning behind why women are leaving marriages so much more than men. Many people (especially women) are triggered by this and say the different rate of initiation is because women are being abused or cheated on etc. - or else they just want to ignore it. In this regard your thoughts about "emotional connection" (and I would add loss of attraction and satisfaction with the "idea" of their relationship) are pretty close to the truth I feel. So well done as far as your understanding of it goes, tho your appreciation of it as a problem logically and morally is lacking imo - which is to be expected given you see it from the female viewpoint (that's not an insult, what I mean is we are better able to appreciate problems which are problems for us, especially over problems we cause others simply by being us and expecting them to understand, the same I'm sure is true of me) As I say I agree with you on womens reason for leaving. However it's not "people growing out of each other other and falling out of love" - on the whole it's women feeling they have grown out of their relationship and fallen out of love. Women often describe it as mutual as you did, but be honest - that isn't really the truth. What you described as men "putting up with a bad marriage" - is often a situation which men don't see as bad at all. Further I will say even tho men can be very selfish or just naturally inclined to expect women to take care of them (and this is of course unfair) - I don't actually think it's a large factor in women initiating divorce. Very few women who are already doing this in marriages divorce for this reason - tho they may be more aware of and annoyed it after they fall out of love/lose connection/lose attraction or purpose. However when attraction and connection is there many women enter into this situation of being the one doing the domestic and "emotional labour" (lol) knowingly and it doesn't have a great impact. You say "why continue to stay married if they are no longer in love" - and you have a point - the problem for men is "why get married and have kids together if your woman will fall out of love" and then the problem for society is men and boys will think "if your woman will inevitably fall out of "love", why enforce laws that let her take the children to raise with another man, or keep any assets, or the house etc, when she falls out of "love"? (and she will)" and then the problem is all womens. This also goes to the heart of the way the sexes see love in the context of a marriage - if women are only (or can only) seeing love as an emotional connection or a feeling and not a long term philosophy and action then there is a problem. Personally for me and many men - if you consider and agree to raise kids with someone or build a life with someone, and then you go back on that then you are incapable of understanding what love actually means for most men anyway. And tbh those that believe otherwise have a school girl conception of love to me - and it's worthless in my life and the lives of most men to be loved that way by a woman. Totally worthless. To clarify my original comment - I wasn't implying that women leave the marriages to force the men to provide for them away from the marriage, or that they all marry for money - the point I was making was that the laws (which women wanted) that come into play when couples divorce (which is done the majority of the time by the initiation of the woman) are no fault and as such at least split assets and even more importantly child custody. And these laws dont somehow just happen - they're enforced by force and the threat of punishment thru law (which again is enforced by force) This is what makes people follow them when they don't want to. What I meant by this being an unsustainable system if women want to divorce when they're "no longer in love" and women are "no longer in love" at such a greater rate than men is that it's virtually unthinkable that men would enforce such laws with such a net negative result for themselves far into the future. After all men aren't going to go into child raising and marriage gladly expecting their wives to leave them and alter that situation to their cost - especially if they grow up expecting it as boys. It's an impossibility. And men are very much needed to keep the system in place. And as of right now it is (to put it bluntly) - a system which enforces womens wishes violently onto men thru the violence of men (law being the threat of imprisonment) Now if women were to agree to a fault based system (when assigning assets and custody) say less custody (not the primary parent) and less percentage of joint assets upon divorce (perhaps women should even start saving for this reason during marriage and expect none) perhaps that would be workable into the long term. But I dont really see women on the whole (as they feel and think about these things today)agreeing to that, do you? I do see a few inevitable out comes of all this perhaps you havent considered which I wont get into here. But it's very much a pandoras box situation and I'm not sure you or any women (or even many men) have a full appreciation of the consequences and possibilities which could arise from it. The fact is It's simply not good enough to tell men (and raise boys) to expect to be left by their wives and upon this expect to see their children half the time (at best) and have them possibly raised by another man and also to hand over a percentage of what they have worked toward (asset and finance wise) Why would they take part in this expecting this outcome? (oh btw even tho I appreciated your comment in your last paragraph you made a "point" about society telling men to "man up" and ignore their emotions etc. which you described as really sad. This sounds like something feminists repeat to each other as tho it's true and so they (being mostly women) assume it must be and assume men have a problem with it. Actually most men don't feel they are being made to man up - it's simply the way they are and it's actually insulting of you to say this thinking you understand how they feel. Even tho I disagreed with some of it, your comment was intelligent and well thought out aside from this one thing. You don't need to repeat simple minded feminist crap like this to make your point and doing so will only lessen whatever you say if your talking to men, especially if your talking to men about men. Consider that for the future, or don't and keep on doing it, whatever, just know how it looks to the people your actually talking about)
@@poocrayon4588 I have a genuine question, you mentioned men don’t mind being asked to man up as that’s how they are build, but I have seen so many men’s rights activists saying this is a huge problem for them? how they can’t express emotions and how their mental health is ignored?
On low divorce rates: 1. Divorcees are shunned from society especially if they aren'r privileged (unlike Rina). 2. Women are dependent on their husbands for financial support, because of not being allowed to work or not having opportunities (unlike Rina). 3. Getting a divorce is expensive so it is not an option for most people (unlike Rina). In conclusion, Rina is blinded by her privilege and is unable to see the pain of so many people in unhappy marriages because she has never had to deal with that or face the harsh reality.
Pradhyuman: “an arranged marriage is simply getting two known people together whom you can vouch for” Also Pradhyuman: Enters a matchmaking reality show and let’s some random Indian aunty named Seema to scour the country and find him a random match. And Rina’s source in this whole debate was : “trust me bro” I know. I got second hand embarrassment for both of them. Sheeesshhh! And the fact that Astha respectfully called both of them out on their privilege! Lmao Power Move!
And they both didn't reply on that call about them being exceptions and their experiences can't be generalized for the whole cultural system of the country.
Why arrnage marriage in India is problematic : 1) you are expected to marry at a very early age . 2) Its often that the family decides who is your suitable match 3) you are expected to fall in love after marriage . 4) Caste diffrentiations. 5) "loog kya kahengey " Etcetera......... (this is just the tip of the iceberg "
They need to come out of their super deluxe luxury homes and visit my village then they'll get to know how many ppl actually never wanted to marry (including my cousin brother) but were forced to cuz of FAMILY BLACKMAIL
I know right? People should be thinking about WHY that is. For example, stigmatisation and societal pressures scaring people away from even considering divorce.
The lady in the white kurti and high heels rubs me the wrong way. the hypocrisy is just unbelievable. How are you going to give examples from your personal life to defend your stance, but then criticise others when they do the same????
not to mention isnt she lying... she said she have nieces friends etc who succeeded in arrange marriages but then say she’s the only one who got arranged for marriage. like she’s so ridiculous
See, this is why education and being able to understand all sides is important. She was educated enough to make sense while talking but she was also a person who can UNDERSTAND and take different perspectives which the America women and pro guy couldn't. They were only talking abt THEIR perspective, not from other ppl's perspective. Or that's what the show wants?
Every time I say I dont want to get married because of the mess that is of divorce (plus weddings cost too much), people tell me I shouldn't be together with my future lover. I'm just being realistic here. People dont need to get married to say they're together.
the fact that our parents want us to spend the rest of our lives with someone we have only known for months just because they are from a good family is just so mind-boggling to me
Srsly, it goes to the caste system and how rich u are will make u into the upper part of the caste system and society will respect u. That's what they have in mind. Not the child's happiness, and I disagree SO MUCH WITH IT! Also, that's why women are more likely. Many ppl prefer boys over girls cuz it's expected for the boy to work and the girl to be a house wife so if they get arranged married, the girl can't divorce the guy cuz she isn't financially stable cuz she wasn't given proper education for a financially stable job!
when you put it like that it’s genuinely shocking and infuriating that some parents think they have that type of authority over their kids. like marriage is a big deal !!
@@MrALenCar321 did I say Indian population? I said " arranged marrige cultures" .... there are other ethnic groups that believe in arranged marriage..like Muslims for example.
Why is the arranged marriage gang so cut off from ground reality? Are they not aware of the way, the vast majority of arranged marriages work in rural conservative India. Also, thank you jubilee for doing an Indian-centric episode. Hope ya'll continue these!
Well there's no proof the love marriages work better to be honest. I misplaced the link of a forbes 2019 article on Indian marriages but it said almost 48% of love marriages end in seperation or divorce. The research was done in 6 tier one cities in India. So to be honest there's no guarantee whether it's love or arranged that you'll end up being together for life.
@@Rudi_Mentary723 does it matter? Is it that important for people to stay together... Or is it better that people should be happy for the while they were together.... Or lesser chances of domestic violence.... A marriage which aligns with human rights.
@@Rudi_Mentary723 Unfortunately, divorce isnt even an option in most of the arranged marriages, because its considered taboo in a lot of cultures. Maybe thats why fewer arranged marriages end up in a divorce.
@@palakgarg9940 Chill out !! What I'm saying is that the whole institution of marriage is a sham and there's NO guarantee that your love marriages in India are going work better than your arranged ones, so don't put all the blame only on arranged marriages. Also less chances of domestic abuse in love marriages ?! Give me proof. Not anecdotal evidence or what you 'feel.' What you feel is of no value whatsoever.
I am a Fulani from West Africa, and I can relate a lot with the issues being discussed in here. The divorce rate in my ethnic group is extremely low too,and most marriages are arranged...But almost 90% of those marriages are miserable,and there is this fear of divorce, because for women, it will be extremely difficult for them to remarry and men that are in unhappy marriages can always cheat and if caught they either marry a second, third or fourth wife. But I am very happy now that a lot of the new generation are going in for love marriages, and even if it fails at the long run, you've at least lived with someone you actually loved!
Exactly! That's the whole point pro arranged people missed. I'd say love marriages are also risky no doubt but still better than arrange marriages with no choice of leaving it cuz of society.
@akshay bhat Abuse and unhappiness isn't a small reason. When my parents divorced the family got wayyyyyy more peaceful. In fact I wish they separated years ago so their fights wouldnt have escalated so much.
@akshay as a person whose parents marriage was arranged and let me tell you … i wish divorce would be an option for my parents but it’s unfortunately not
Yeah they kept talking about how they're in India and stuff too but they're from New Dehli which is sooooooo much different from the majority of rural Indian communities (where most arranged marriages happen)
I wanted to really slap her bec of how she brings up New York friends and her friends, like girl you are the privilege class all the while, how can you talk about everybody in general with that privileged ass mouth???
The youngest was the wisest. The most balanced. And the most matured. Aastha, if you are reading this, you were a star!!! Loved how patiently you heard everyone and put your reasoned out arguments with such clarity and conviction. Glad to see such bright young people have such refined progressive thoughts. You actually reminded me of my niece.
@@mxoh you don't always need experience to understand something. She has seen other people who are close to her suffer and that's enough. I am her age and I am against arrange marriages coz I have seen my parents suffer but don't get divorced Coz of what will society says and my mom believes she should treat her husband like God and do whatever he says and I think that's enough to understand
@@shreyahc8124 it's really hard to get context when you are an outsider. Also, what appears on the outside doesn't match how it looks a lot of the times. Experience matters a lot. If you have graduated from college, you would know more about how things are college than someone who hasn't been. If your parents had an amazing marriage, you would have had a positive outlook on arranged marriage. I am not really a supporter of arrange marriages but I see why people do it.
@@anchess2517 that "high quality man" doesn't want an equal for him? That a woman's ability to be able to express her beliefs threaten him? Then HE doesn't deserve that woman.
@@anchess2517 who says that? I'm a woman, and I DON'T want a superior authority, I want a life partner. I don't want a hierarchy, no woman wants a heirarchy in her relationships. And your views sound like it came out of a 1950s outdated newspaper column. We are in 2021, for goodness sake. Neither a man should want a heirarchy in relationships nor a woman. And an argumentative "nagging" woman is a woman who realises her potential. And if a "high quality" man doesn't want that, looks like he's not that much of a high quality.
I started the video supporting pro-arranged but this really changed my mind. Most pro points hold only when in a position of privilege. And even then, it is a gamble.
This isn‘t only relevant to this video but in general: Jubilee, PLEASE add subtitels. You are a pretty big channel with important messages and very interesting content. But it is not accessable to all. Not to people who are deaf or hard of hearing and not to people who‘s mothertongue isn‘t english and who still want to watch these videos and understand everything. It would be very nice if you could do that. Love your videos and thanks
Yeah debates should be translated to different languages for other people to understand the message of the participants....Im really glad I can speak fluently even though im asian but not all can do what i can do or maybe they just like to watch the subtitles in their own mother's tounge
English is barely my second language and i found very difficult to watch some video (not just this one because of the strict accent. I have an accent too, it's not a problem, but i would have loved to have the subtitles, to catch every of their thoughts)
I wouldn't mind if my family found someone/people they thought I would like and brought us together, I just don't want them to force a relationship on me instead of letting one bloom naturally (edit: admittedly, I didn't know there was a difference between an arranged marriage and a forced marriage)
Chill out, what ya yellin' for? Lay back, it's all been done before. And if you could only let it be, you will see that I am the funniest YouT*ber of all time. Admit it, my dear follow*r glen
I mean .... i wouldn't do with arrange marriage since my parents think i am a good boi and they'll bring a good girl for me and then boom actually i am some kind of asshole and then girl would be shocked later in her life so i won't marry just to break her heart and whole life since after getting divorced in India , people don't like you for some reasons
Aastha here spitting facts like no ones business!! And loved how being the youngest of the group she still shared points that are more hollistic and universal rather than the narrow perspective these 10 12 years of her senior hold.
Divorce rate in india isn't low because arranged marriages work, it's because divorce is considered a taboo in India
I don't think like that arranged marriages are generally successful
@@samsingh43 no they're not.
@@samsingh43 the People are way more likely to be unhappy
@@samsingh43 nah they are successful.
@@sampatkalyan3103 Because whenever there's an issue the couple doesn't solve it, their respective families do. The families put out all the fires because ultimately the marriage was meant to appease them and their long standing traditions.
The very sentence "I would get a divorce if I'm unhappy in my marriage" would be a luxury to a lot of people in this country.
Yes I agree...my parents aren't happy AT ALL they said that when both me and my brother go to college they will not stay in the same house but will not divorce cause it's BaD LuCk
@@Justsomeonerandom200 same😭
@@Justsomeonerandom200 Cool
@@Justsomeonerandom200 even separating and living in different houses is quite rare.
@@RMatt2016 yes I agree
The bottomline - In India, the difference between being able to choose between arranged marriage and love marriage is PRIVILEGE.
Couldn't agree more!
Wow!
On point👍🏼👍🏼
Facts
Again. True
I was glad when Aastha asked the question about privilege.
*A summary of Rina's whole argument : "I have friends from America who thinks arrange marriages works and I have white validilation so I'm not wrong. Also these never happened to me so therefore it must not exist. Arrange marriages are best and always works but I am divorced from an arrange marriage. Not to mention I am extremely privilege and my source is "trust me bro"*
I think she's living in denial.
Lol 🤣!! So accurate!
@DJ Pauly D people in india treat white people like gods . That is white worshipping , that is white validation
Her first argument was that arranged marriages in India have 1% divorce rates. while in US, it's about 40%.
Right?! Lol I also love your duck avatar. It makes me happy!
Rina's whole personality trait is " It never happened to me so therefore it must not exist".
Yep, she reeks of privilege
Similar energy as:
I'm a man and I think period cramps are a myth
@@ylia281 But its true tho,period cramps doesn't exist its a myth,it never happened to me.
Yes,I am joking
Lol
Straight up facts.
Rina's whole argument was based on " ik lot of people , ik lot of friends , my cousins , my nieces etc " like wtf ? Her source was basically"trust me bro"
frr and her lack of awareness of her privilege is also just infuriating
@@neophantomm exactly!! Like how _????
true and i hate how she seemed to think that just because these concepts might be accepted outside of india, that act somehow, in itself, becomes a proof that she is correct. it’s almost like she has the whole “foreigners are superior” thing going on.
@@itis_whatitis_27 Lol, it's not a foreigners are superior thing. It's how people still choose arranged marriage even though it's a taboo in the US and it works better than prem byah
@@yungman7053 firstly, arranged marriages are not taboo in the states. they are unconventional, yes, but not straight up taboo. also you saying that they work better isn’t backed up by any data or general consensus. and lastly, even if i accept your point as valid, it doesn’t change the fact that bringing examples of cases from a different region is absolutely worthless in an argument revolving around marriage culture and it’s impact in India.
I think If people still want to have an arranged marriage that’s fine, not everyone wants a conventional marriage. It’s just sad when they are forced to do it and get shamed when they want a divorce
Let people do what they want
@@DyslexicMitochondria exactly
Agreed there are cases of arranged cases being successful and there are cases of arranged marriages being a failure too, regardless of a love or an arranged marriage what’s important is the understanding, love and trust between the two people involved in the marriage. You shouldn’t just force anything.
Yes! You hit the nail on the head
Yep
15:01 "why are you narrowing down your relationship to your parents?" Suvir didnt talk much. But he just hit the nail with whatever he said. Absolutely 1000% correct.
EXACTLY. RESPECT.
Agreed
You should narrow down your relationship to OnlyFans and dating apps like America does today. You realize that the majority of young adults in Americans are single and lonely and live in their parent's homes? LOL for trying to 'splain how to be failing society.
Suvir not giving Rina a chance to cut him off was a win for all of us
She was so annoying, talking about her US young friends whatever
@@shrutisingh1405 wait why is that annoying? It’s relevant because Desi American youth tend to be pretty liberal when it comes to this stuff so they provide a decent benchmark.
Perhaps your inferiority complex towards Desi Americans is driving your perceived annoyance. You invalidating their experiences is a defence mechanism.
@@ComputerTechnic217 I think their point was to say that Rina was using exceptions to validate her point, which is not a proper reflection of most arranged marriages or the demand for them. Also, it didn't seem like Shruti was trying to invalidate anyone else's experiences, so let's not judge too quick. Desi American experiences are just as valid, even if they're different, and this is coming from a Desi American's point of view.
@@ComputerTechnic217 i dont think it has anything to do with where she's from,
her first point were : globally divorce rate is 60% and in india its 90%. - it doesn't account the fact that indians stay in loveless marriages (in a lot of cases accept abuse) for sake of society.
Just because her 'educated born and brought up in new York folks' discussed and agreed on arrange marriage- it still does not reflect any census ( like aastha in the video pointed out- they are exceptions and come from highly privileged place )
Even on caste/ religion being perpetuated- she keeps bringing her younger friends in America. That's not india. Perhaps in another episode she would fit better- here it was just annoying.
In india if arrange marriages did not happen through newspapers then y would it be there. But she wouldn't get it.
Umm, i dont put ppl on a pedestal jus coz they're from a certain background. So i got nothing to defend myself from hahaahha.
But i thought of pointing these out, coz maybe u missed them in the video.
@@Rainyraina thankyou buddy! ^_^
When that dude from matchmaking said that " arranged marriages do not perpetuate religious and class division " I laughed out loud
WATCH YOUR OWN SHOW HONEY.....
I know right and he’s from a rich family so the why he experienced arrange marriage is completely different like check your privilege dude
@@ogrecooch that's why I did not like the people in this debate. Most of them were quoting there individual experienced rather than talking about the general issue at hand
@@ShirinHossain04 yea and the lack of representation in this video is astounding.
@@ShirinHossain04 yea but u can't generalise Marraige it's a personal thing
@@ogrecooch unfortunately they can't bring up people from very diverse backgrounds... There is not an abundance of english speaking *suitable* individuals in all communities over here.
Low divorce rates are more a reflection of cultural or societal pressure to stay married than they are of a happy marriage 🤷♀️
Exactly. There are not a sign of happy, healthy, fulfilling relationships, where women are valued and respected.
100% so many people are together just bc of their reputation. Also bc many women are dependent on their husband its a sad reality.
Yea true my parents want a divorce but can't get it cause "society".
@@sherwood9917 just to play devil's advocate, who defines those things?
Many women (manly older generations) also lack financial stability to do so. Since men being the breadwinner of the family is so normalized in places such as India, it’s almost impossible for some women to escape these “marriages”
"You know us girls are more fascinated by the idea of the wedding rather than marriage." Says a lot..
The problem is that the majority of the pro arranged marriage ppl were speaking ONLY from _their_ experience. They don’t take into account what others have had to go through due to arranged marriages.
Yes very true. Some people dont even get the freedom of having enough time to get to know someone , they are rushed into it by just talking for for a few hours. Unlike the people in the show .
@Shreya Gautam So true!
most arrange marriages are successful
@@jayd4ever yea those are the lucky ones. Its a gamble .
Hm Privilege shaming. Would you denounce the institution of marriage itself because of the shitty things other people do in their marriages (infidelity, violence, toxicity etc)? why do expect them to do that? There are no set rules in arranged marriages, some people are horrifyingly regressive in their interpretations others are not. You need to separate the institution from the actions of shitty people. understand that the problem is in misogyny and patriarchy of indian culture rather than the institution of arranged marriage. it actually works for a lot of people.
Pradhyuman earlier embarrassed himself in front of only the Indian audience. Now, he's on to do it in front of a global one. That's personal growth.
💀💀💀
HAHAHAHA
AHAHAHAHA- YESSS
Kuch toh gadbad hai
He didnt grow through his lines like he still whines cause he dont invest time and effort in dating and want everything to plate
“we think arranged marriages are good because it’s hard for us to find a partner” that’s all you had to say
It was just so funny 😂😂😂
lmao fr
No kidding, the pro guy basically was like it's to much work to find a wife because that would mean fixing my shitty attitude so I want one female to be given to me so I can have one.
@@arrow2589 and so that she is now obliged to talk to me cause her parents will force her
@THE ZOLDICS sorry, not sure what you are saying
Aastha is honestly the only person worth listening to here, because she seems to be the only one in touch with the modern situation and current reality of the general middle/upper class people of India. The points she raised were so valid, and the concerns she pointed out were those that pretty much every single woman would have.
You are just anti-arrange marriage.
I think the wiser individual is between
@@nr1NPC exactly
There’s a lot of anti arrange marriage sentiment based on there idea what arranged marriages are (which is negative) which doesn’t have to be the case as long as the people involved are mature
They talk as though dating apps or arranged marriages are the only two ways to meet a partner
@@ntiisw looks like you never left your place and have any friends or colleagues or been to the gatherings that normal people have. Basically met never seen any strangers around u. Sucks
Off topic but you look so beautiful
@@aloowalia2849 what is it is not Her photo lol
@@kamberine9566 😁😁
@@aloowalia2849 I commented the same thing on another video to an other person. And some guy called me an Incel.
The divorce rate in India is low not because arranged marriages work out for people,
1. Its a taboo to get divorced
2. There are still many housewives who rely on their s/o to earn the money and parting ways will be difficult for them
3. Couples think it will leave a trauma on their child if they get divorced but the actual trauma is still continuing a failed marriage
Perfect.
Exactly. You see all of this in the Mormon religion too and they don’t have arranged marriages.
@@tromboner6061 agree w you
@@tromboner6061 are you the Messiah?
@@tromboner6061 totally agree......... because mostly the girls I see hating on arranged marriages are the ones that would be the first one to reject guys because of their looks and height..........if tomorrow arranged marriages are stopped in india .... literally 70 to 80% dudes would be single and childless lol 🤣🤣........ because most girls would go for the top tier guys regardless of how they themselves look ......and obviously the tier 20 to 30% dudes will have abundance of options so why would they wanna commit to one girl , those guys would use these girls and would just sleep around with them and have fun without giving them any relationship security.
Aastha was the most mature person, calling them out but also trying to be respectful. It was downright mean of Rina to invalidate the newspaper experience. The man on the anti-arranged side had a lot of valid points. Pankhuri definitely tried to understand and represented her side well. It was annoying to watch Rina and Pradhyuman.
Yah Rina seems like just a nasty person and Pradhyuman is so stuck up.
@THE ZOLDICS @THE ZOLDICS I've clearly mentioned Pankhuri represented her side well. Having an opinion is one thing, NOT being aware that your opinion comes from a place of privilege and cutting people off while they're talking is another thing.
Also, I never asked them to shutup or curtail their "freedom of speech", I'm just excercing my right to "freedom of speech" to point out their mistakes
Aastha is young, too young to be in the discussion, I would have excluded her because she hasn't had experience in all this. She saw some personal experiences and decided how things should be. Life is much more complicated than that.
@Kamaboko Gonpachiro force my views through UA-cam comments? Not at all. I am trying to derive logic from comments that don't make sense. I didn't watch that guy before so I have no prejudice against him.
@Kamaboko Gonpachiro ok
Pradhyuman basically said "Arranged marriages are great bc the other person is obliged to listen to me" ..
I feel the youngest lady was openly disrespected, spoken over, and dismissed during the conversations and I think that made her point very clearly.
@H V I have no doubt it is what she is use to. I see it in her face. I recognized it because I was raised in a similar fashion. I grew up being dictated to all the facets of my life with very few having a interest in my own wishes or desires. I was expressing my disappointment that even in the discussion she was unable to express herself the way she would have liked to, because I understand that type of frustration. I certainly meant no cultural aimed offense and apologize if that was the direction my comment appeared to travel. It's a hard then to have no voice.
despite the fact that she made the most sense
it's a cultural thing in Asia
always respect the elders,because they always know what's the best for you :)
@@pallavi6013 not all elders.
@H V I literally had to yell at my parents and basically tell them to fu ck off and stop telling me what to do. They never listened to me if I did anything else.
Basically what pradyumn said is that real relationships take too much effort to build so I'll just depend on mumma papa to select a girl for me, minus the effort and risk
Oh my god 🤣🤣
😂🤣🤣🤣🤣 lmao
pretty much. also his fear of rejection
Yeah, 100 % true
It’s about investment dear men like to invest their time and money only if there’s a return coming back if not no man would want to waste his emotions or time on someone
Rina knows exactly why there is less divorce rate(Social Stigma) She's not here to find a middle ground. She just wants everyone to know that she has friends in US and she knows polo. Her defense was always that "I have friends who love Arranged marriages".
Exactly 😂
well she also told you that she herself had an arranged marriage...
😂😂😂💯💯
And you are here to deceive people into thinking that divorce rates are only low due to social stigma. As if arranged marriages can’t work or never have even though almost all arranged marriages work our very well
@@tdoggg8796 divorce rates in any country isn’t a number of how many people are in a loving relationship. So why are you trying to say that divorce rates being extremely low, aren’t taking in account loving relationships?
My relationship is fine, but I’m not using my relationship to discount those who have needed to divorce. (Divorce is less stigmatized where I live since the ‘60s are so.)
lets be real, any marriage can fail - love or arranged. so what really needs to be done is normalise divorce instead of making it a taboo, so that we can all get a 2nd chance if needed
There is a long way to go for divorce to be destigmatied
I think the most important thing is the relationship. Whether the person you love and you are willing to spend the rest of your life together.
@@swatisaini6447When people divorce they've either made a bad partner choice in the first place or they are giving up too early on their marriage...increasing no. of people are having a forever-lovey-dovey-fairytale idea of relationships nowadays which ultimately leads to resentment.
@@adityabhattacharyya8727 you are a b*tch
If I was in you place I would have your dismantled your dad into another dimension
No it shouldn't be normalised because then we're gonna end up like America where every other child has a step father or mother
Aastha rolling her eyes at Pradhyuman is such a mood
Can u post the timestamp please? I couldn't find it and I don't want to watch the video all over again
@@hazybaffler5797 12:23
@@judy5810 thanks mate!
😁
The biggest mood ! I enjoyed her soo much !
Parents be telling you not to talk to strangers but won't mind getting you married to one (:
And many little girls get married to old people who are like 10-15 years older than them
@@aquaticfishiepompom yes my mom and dad is 10 years apart and i always see them fighting soo i don't need to to arrange marriage if they put me in arrange marriage I would not to any work sleep all day look in the phone jot mind anyone
@@aquaticfishiepompom I am first gen Indian-American, and my mom got married to my dad when she was 17 and he was 27. So yeah...
I'ma write that down.
parents be weird af
This isnt a fair debate, the pro arranged marriage people aren't anyone I witnessed in my family or society. They are more privileged than average indian people who get into arranged marriages even by choice.
Exactly!
So true
That's exactly what I found odd here. And also these people mostly based their point around their personal experiences, which obviously can't be generalized.
Infact, their idea of arrange marriage is not even what arrange marriages look like in general context. It's almost like dating but you find your partner through your family. That's a completely different thing.
YES EXACTLY
So trueee they're talking about situations once in a blue moon
The fact that Rina brought up the 1% divorce rate in the beginning shows how privilege and unaware she is? Like sis the absolute last reason it’s that low is people being happy in their marriage lmao.
Also love how the pro arranged marriage people were mainly single and divorced no shade tho ✋🏻
you're absolutely right. the pro arranged marriage guy also seemed to put himself on a high pedestal for thinking that the girl/woman is obligated to talk to him. that's quite unfair and i would walk out immediately had i been put in such a situation. it's sad that india still have such views on marriage and women do not always get a say in such matters. the misogyny is clear as day with it
She doesn't seem to understand that ppl get emotionally and physically abused in some of these. It's not easy to get out of from a psychological instance as well as financial or even familial when it comes to children.
Seems like using the word privilege has become new fashion for wanna be Americans
she expects people who don't have a choice in marriage to have a choice in divorce
You realize that 63% of men under 30 in USA are single?!? 63! And 34% of women under 30 are single as well. Very few young people getting into relationships in USA, let alone getting married. They are lonely and miserable, and evidence shows that both men and women in America now have the highest rates of depression ever. America's "relationships" are a failure, and you think that India should be more like them??!?
As an Indian I would just like to point out that even though arranged marriages in India have a very low divorce rate it's not necessarily a good thing. Domestic abuse in India is horrifyingly high and as divorce is still stigmatized a LOT in Indian society many find it hard to leave. Domestic abuse is still normalised by many people so many victims think they're obliged to tolerate some of it. Also a lot of women might be financially completely dependent on their husbands so it makes leaving a marriage very hard. Lower divorce rates =/= happy marriages
Not really this just a biased guess.
@@sampatkalyan3103 I think people who are emotionally manipulated and face domestic violence would have a harder time speaking up, for example in villages domestic violence is very common and is considered "normal" and not a reason to divorce. I literally have heard my house keeper stay this stuff
I totally agree this is just what I was thinking! plus divorce has more stigma and blame for women which is why it might be harder to leave
it annoyed me that they didn't even bring up the topic of abuse and non consensual marriages, because all of those marriages are arranged AND forced. it's the majority of married peoples lives in india, not the privileged people here who were able to divorce without facing daunting stigma or loss of their financials.
@@xoz-- agreed!
This Pradhyuman guy lacks a stand point, he dosen't even know what he's talking about. Says he's pro-arranged marriage and then goes, "You sit down and explain I really love her, really want to be with her..."
Boy, thats love marriage you're takling about, not arranged marriage, duh!
He is that boy jisse koi pati nahi simple
@@mitakshrabhargav9530 lol
Exactly!!! I was thinking the same thing the whole time. He is soo confused...he doesn't have a clue of what he is saying, and who's side he is taking...???
@@mitakshrabhargav9530 he is a mEcHaNiCaL eNgIneRr
Yes!
I feel that Aastha had soo much more to say but doesn't wanna waste her energy or doesn't want to offend anyone
Yea cos all the others were like 30+ ,and she probably felt uncomfortable voicing her opinions I guess. I mean 22 is still very young.
Yah, it's a shame they treated her opinions as less valid just because they think age=intelligence
@@arrow2589 Yeah. That's just sad. I agreed with her all the time
Nahhh...I think she was trying to be more argumentative and not trying to understand the other opinions...she was clearly annoyed and couldn't accept another opinion different from her own...the fact that she mentioned privilege says it all!
@@arrow2589 when tho
Advantage of arrange marriage:- If it fails you can blame your parents.
Advantage of love marriage:-If it fails parents can blame you .
But how far we can go to blame each other, instead of taking responsibilities ?
very true!
Valid point
if you're heartbroken over a failed match on a dating app then you have a bigger underlying issues with understanding your self worth.
Like it happens 🙄
@@boxeswithfoxes huh?
Everbody has different way of handling their emotions,things can feel worse specially after a bad day,depressive episode,anxious build up stuff then it would feel on an average day. But eventually its gonna come back to its usual state.Yeah getting rejected sucks ass but it happens. Sometimes it hurts sometimes it don't u get better at accepting rejection as u age I guess...it's part of life u kno. Not to sound too lectureyy hwahahah just speaking from experience thas all.
Rina and pradhyuman are the biggest examples of being urban ignorant and not realizing everyone aren’t as privileged as they are! they don’t understand how arranged marriages works in so many other rural or even middle class cases, that arranged marriages are soo deep rooted and is a catalyst for so many other social issues!
Exactly!!
Lol, then you marry a beggar from the streets or a gangster from UP if you are so worried about class division
Facts on facts on facts on facts
@@yungman7053 don’t be so arrogant. You know exactly what she’s tryna say smart ass 🤦🏽♂️
@@KP-05 🤦♂️Maybe you are having problems to comprehend properly
I think Aastha realised real quick that the others views were coming from a place of privilege and that they wouldn’t except or understand a balanced argument because of their experiences
It’s funny but as I was reading your comment Astha mentioned the exact same thing! 😄
Yah the pro marriage side was really snooty and stuck up. They needed more social diversity for sure. Everyone there was just stuck in a privilage bubble.
@@arrow2589 especially the make up artist woman. She constantly talked about how her marriage worked out because her parents were liberal(just like her husband's) but she failed to understand that her situation was a total exception. She cant use her own exceptional marriage as evidence against the negatives of arranged marriage when in reality, the negatives are far more normalized for a majority of Indians. She may have been blessed with open minded parents and family, but not a lot of indians are. It's like arguing metals are liquid and using the one exception, mercury, as your prime example.
@@moon.937 yes exactly, she seemed convinced that because her one case worked out the way she liked that everyone's life would be the same. Like I am not Indiana but even I know how terrible some of those situations are.
It honestly seems like cognitive dissonance.
Or like the your love will grow part is just so rapey
@@moon.937 great example 👌🏼
When someone gives me the argument that arranges marriage had a low divorce rate well yeah because you did not enter the marriage with your full choice then how the hell can you get out by your free will
True
Yep, as if that’s somehow proof that arranged marriage is better? If anything it shows there is little free will and lots of pressure to conform to social mores.
FACTS
Arrange marriage against my will destroyed my life, no one should be forced to choose their life partner n that happens a lot in India where I live
So for your free will you will destroy life of children involved in it and the relationships between two families. That's why the shame is necessary.
Pradhyuman the type of dude to cancel his doctor's appointment because he's sick
🤣🤣🤣🤣
Just snorted seeing this XD !!! Lol of lols
AHAHAHA this is perfect
LMAO HELP
Lmao ikr? I wanted to slap him so bad
Rina's ideology revolves around the fact that if her American friends got into arranged marriage, it must be a good thing.
Yeah it's like gore krre h toh it's cool 🥴🥴🥴
Ikr, its like she wants gora people's validation for everything
Lmaoo she is so ignorant
Agree
@@ramkapoor3630
Gora people 😭💀 lmao
I honestly think that when rina was in New York she was talking to people who read too much Watpad stories
I can't agree more 💀
Lmao , why did you come so hard at me 😁😁
honestly i feel like her friends probably said they couldn’t find a nice guy and they wish one would just come to them and she turned that into they want an arranged marriage
@@Angelitaxx yeah this happens a lot
💯💯💯
11:50 THANK YOU FOR CALLING OUT THEIR PRIVILEGE. This girl is on fire. Wish I could learn to talk like that. I had be less apologetic about my behavior with a lot of self entitled pricks every day.
Does anyone ever feel like they could've contributed so much to the conversation if they were there??
Who?
Good question indeed. I feel like there could have been more things to bring into this conversation. I also would have liked if they brought Middle Easterns to this because it’s different there
Me in all the middleground episodes though
yess, i feel that in every episode
I got a casting call for this but then got covid so I couldn't obviously be a part of this. And damn I feel there was a serious lack of representation. Almost everyone is upper middle class or fairly rich here
I'm, not Indian but dam I gotta rate this. Jubilee doing projects out of America and doing something significant to the culture is cool.
They need to come to the uk next
@@Teniolafajuke not the colonisers uh huh no
@@sp3ctralbrid384 It’s hard to believe there are people like you...
@@sp3ctralbrid384 I don’t mean just the actual white people like everyone literally the same videos they make in America just the uk version 😂😂😂
@@Teniolafajuke ?? Jubilee's American videos ALL have racial diversity. Have you even watched their videos? It is not all white people.
I'm a leftist and Jubilee does a pretty good job of having a diverse panel.
Pankhuri is the embodiment of a conditioned Indian woman. All of her experiences about arranged marriage are extremely unpleasant yet she “believes” that arranged marriage is the way go.
u mean pleasant?
@@pragnan8112 No, they meant extremely UNpleasant. Being judged for her weight, class and more whilst in the arranged marriage crap, and also almost getting divorced cause her relationship was so bad after the first 3 years, but STILL supporting arranged marriage. It was unpleasant, which she even said herself, and its sad how she still things arranged marriage is good.
@@yulana990 yeah,I also thought that was weird
@@yulana990 you get judged for you physical attributes on dating apps as well? Physical attraction is the first thing humans notice and men kind of over value it.
So how’s that anything new in arranged marriages? It happens everywhere lol
@@siddhant... On dating apps if people judge you for your physical attributes they don't do it in front of you or say it to you. If they don't like you, they don't swipe on you, and you never know what they thought about you or who they are so you don't feel sad.
As a European, this video was fascinating to watch. I’ve never met anyone who is/was in an arranged marriage. In my country arranged marriages stopped being a thing over a century ago so it was really fascinating to see how modern people grapple with it, and how their society is affected by its continuation. Also, props to Aasta! She seems so intelligent!
@@noelrodrigues8179 Oh, don’t get me wrong, I still think arranged marriages are a horrible idea! I just meant it was interesting to see different perspectives.
I am a 20 yr old Indian guy and honestly I don't want an arranged marriage in future. In fact I don't even wanna marry an Indian. I wanna date and marry an American or Canadian or European girl in future because it's my preference. I hate the concept of arranged marriage and I find it outdated. Most Indian parents don't like it when their son or daughter dates anyone. Even relatives and neighbor aunties and uncles will judge us. Kissing and hugging in public here in India is frowned upon and we can't do it in private too as most of us live with parents and also due to such dense population of India. I also wanna give my girl a piggyback ride on beach or park which wouldn't be possible in India as most people would give stares because many aren't open minded here. So I decided not to even try dating in India as I can't imagine a dating life with so many problems like these. Hopefully I will go to US or Canada or UK after 2 or 3 years for higher studies and get settled there and date a nice girl there and give her all my love. I wouldn't even care if my family members says no to the marriage with her because it's my life.
In Europe (West Europe at least) "marriage issues" are homosexual marriage (which is more accepted day by day) or the fact that maybe we don't need to marry to be happy in this life... I wonder what these people will think about that...
Wish I could live in Europe. Arranged marriages are poison to the society.
@@manosijthehero3686 Why just American/European/Canadian?
Indian women don't all look or act the same, and in a country with 1b people, you'd think you'd more than a few that are attractive.
I think you're just idolizing European beauty standards. And this is coming from an American woman.
You can like whatever you like, but when you narrow your search based on nationality like that, I can almost guarantee you that you're excluding lots of beautiful women.
It’s the one lady saying that arranged marriage is about “growing together” after saying that she got a divorce because her and her partner “grew apart”for meeeee sis
The hypocrisy!!!! Is he speaks from a position of privilege and it shows!
🤣🌧️🌧️🌧️🌧️🌧️🌧️🌩️⛈️🌀
the architect also "grew apart" from his love marriage
lol you act like people who marry for "love" dont get divorced. The numbers dont lie
@@liggmabawls5634 At least they get divorced rather than being in a abusive relationship. And the cases of Domestic Violence is much higher in India "numbers don't lie"
I love how astha was lowkey getting irritated by them and judging them with her eyes. Love her.
You love how she was irritated by people just because they disagree with her?
@@fusososososo3507 Not because they disagreed with her but because at how absurd the reasoning that backs up their stand - like the guy; "girls are obligated to talk to me, but they reject me in this dating app and since I don't want to put effort in finding a real working relationship, I'll have mommy and daddy arrange a girl for me." It's ridiculous~ or how the other girl was "I know people in America, they said arranged marriage is great, so I say it's great, even though I'm a product of failed arranged marriage, I can't be wrong because the people in America says so" any one with a functioning brain could see the absurdity of these reasoning.
@@fusososososo3507 well, she did try to question them and they simply dodged her probes
@@axisboise and they were shutting her off probably because of age
Rina in a nutshell:
"Arranged marriage is hip in America y'all."
"I've younger friends"
"I've been to New York"
Lmaooo the accuracy
“I play polo and I’m a DJ.” LOL
i know right 😭😭 like okay? your point?
@@r3fv774 she’s talking through that superiority complex. I get classist vibes tbh.
@@akon9162 no wonder she’s pro arranged marriage. It’s all about class and external appearance
In India, it’s not love that holds two unhappy people together. It’s fear of being alone that keeps two unhappy people together
It's actually the fear of society
@@avdhutjoshi676that too. “What will people say” - I never understood this to be frank. Who cares what others think… YOLO
Rina literally blamed akansha for choosing a newspaper boy , but that’s the entire point . Those ads exist because people DO marry like that . And THATS the point , lots of people DO fall for it
Yah, that lady is not nice at all. She is the coworker no one likes
That's the poor attempt at Arrange marriage, her father should have been more aware. In Love marriage there are far more Scam. That point was so poor in the conversation, it was her experience. That point is invalid because Good things can be done poorly . You can't Blame Process for that,
@@piyushchaudhari5508 Um yes you li can blame the process for that the whole problem is the process of arranged marriages Is that it's rooted in sexism and the caste system. It takes advantages of family who have women and benefits the men.
@@arrow2589 no, originally it was not. People are exploiting it that's the problem. Anyways I was talking about her father innocence/stupidity . Far bigger Scams can be seen in love marriages too. This point of her imo added nothing to the debate.
@@arrow2589 also, now things are changing, most of the time girls are given choice . There is time given between 2 people meeting and wedding for example 6 months to let them know compatibility and etc. . And now if you see more power is in favour of girls in arrange marriages, they also get to choose the boys (Cannot say for all but in higher class and middle class mostly which constitute the majority). I had be fool if I said the process was perfect for this time that we live in or is carried out properly. But Change is happening and will improve more with time. If process isn't carried out properly and changes can make it better. I see no problem with Arrange marriages. Also, there is this false notion that most of the arrange marriages couple are unhappy which is false (or at least there is no proof to it) . Yes there are cases but I don't think it's enough to equate the to most
My guy is pro arranged marriages cause that way he can't be ghosted.. 🙄
😂😂😂
Putting any effort in is too much so he just makes his parents do it
without arranged marriage he would be a virgin for ever . he probably has trouble picking up girls on his own so he wants his mommy to pick up girls for him
Okay I don’t think we should pick on him for no reason tbh. That just says more about us than him. That’s just my opinion so pls don’t attack me for it lol
@@tanyabarbie895 it’s still funny tho lmao
lmao pradhyuman is just scared of rejection and rina is just like "trust me I know this cousin in America I know this close friend" ho gya bro admit you're privileged
I don’t get how people think it’s sensible to put forth personal experiences over statistics as a valid point of argument
@@kirtipalve1772 I was literally waiting the whole time for the pro arranged marriage folks to talk about something, *ANYTHING* that isn't just personal anecdotes.
The whole time it was basically just _"Yeah we all know arranged marriages are kinda fucked up, but here's how I personally chose to see the bright side of it!"_
If they actually addressed how taboo divorce is, how most people are raised without a choice, how so many people are brainwashed into thinking of something as unrestricted and free as love as an arrangement for other people's convenience, there would be no argument. This is one of those occasions where there is a right and a wrong opinion.
@@kirtipalve1772 Didn't Rina start the conversation with literal statistics?
@@peace5417 yeah, but her statistics don't tell the full story. Divorce rate in India is low, not because everyone there is so madly in love with their partner, but because arranged marriages are so strictly regimented and getting a divorce in India is literally taboo.
That Indian Karen gave me a headache
Just because your arranged marriage worked, doesn't generalise every other arrange marriage.
Just because your love marriage is happy, doesn't generalise every love marriage end happily.
I felt that most of the points put forward by Rina and Pradhyuman actually made no sense. They really were speaking from a place of privilege.
Ikr!!
true....
They were like our parents our up for intercaste marriages and people you come from a place of overprivileged rich Delhiites.... They won't understand anything else coz they are in maybe liek the top 1%
Lol divorce rates in india are low because “log kya kahenge”
And same goes for the love marriage.
Indian parents be like "padosi kya kahenge"
@tannya haha I’m smart enough not to marry to a stranger and actually get to know that person first Thankyou though lol 😂
Yup
@Logical Rationalist it's not fascination, it's self respect. If someone is bad for you, love yourself enough to leave. Don't be so short sighted and ignore the truth.
@Logical Rationalist absolutely not. It's not about the divorce rate. I'm saying any marrige, be it love or arranged, you should leave if the other person is toxic. I was trying to point out that u claiming that someone should get one as they are "fascinated" by it, is absolutely ridiculous. The person Said it in one context. Your making it another one. Don't be so short sighted. Also, not all arranged marriges are toxic. The concept of control behind it is. The concept of forced marriges and elderly approval is abysmal. I've seen ways in which both go wrong. I'm pointing out that your comment here was irrelevant. Learn to read please, thanks.
The youngest one in this group is the most level headed..
Agree!
Agree !!!!
AND a law student. Generation z (and alpha) truly is the future.
@@f.t.6764 indeed!
Westernised
The dude pradhyuman said it right "in arranged marriages people are obliged to talk". What he doesn't know is that marriage should be with somebody who wants to talk to you, not someone who is obliged to talk to you.
Dude really said he's tired of rejection and wanted someone who couldn't say no. Dating apps not only expose you to the harshness of a wider dating pool but to the knowledge of your own type, turn-offs etc. There are many reasons why people ghost, but all in all if dating apps aren't for you, there are a thousand other means of dating and courting for like-minded people, not limited to arranged marriage.
Dating apps are skewed in a woman's favor, I can see why he could be frustrated. The men who get the most attention have to be in the upper echelon of favorability (i.e. high paying career, tall, good looking etc.). Women on the other hand don't have to be in the upper echelon to get the same or even more attention. I do agree if what you are doing isn't working, then cursing the system isn't going to change the situation. You have to just try different avenues and put yourself out there. It's just the reality of the dating market.
@@0doublezero0 Agree. Men are already put to a higher standard by society. Dating apps make it even more difficult.
I feel like this is a little bit of a dishonest straw-man representation of Pradhyuman's argument. Sure, it may be accurate that he has thrown the baby out with the bathwater (so-to-speak) in rejecting modern dating in favor of arrangements because of his personal struggles. However, trying to paint him as someone who now wants to force women into "couldn't say no" kind of arrangements is extremely far of a leap of extrapolation and sounds really unfair and mean to me.
I think he was partially alluding to a real and well-known phenomenon, which is that people can have more difficulty finding satisfaction when they are bombarded with so much options, especially on apps designed for maximizing engagement. There's psychology phrase called "The Paradox of Choice" that kind of addresses this issue. Compound on top of that ghosting and it can get tough.
I'm not saying he's right -- I don't agree with his conclusions. But I don't support your characterization of him either. As others have already pointed out, dating apps can be especially difficult and discouraging for men because of gender dynamics: men overwhelm women with too many messages, so women don't respond as much, and women's non-response causes men to send even more messages, which makes women even more unresponsive -- it's a vicious circle.
Yes lol..He sounded so desperate at one point. He said that he couldn't maintain the burden of continuing the conversation with someone without somehow doing something wrong (i.e trying to impress her). XD And just wanted someone who is obliged to stay with him lol so he could comfortably expose his layers (unimpressive layers xD)
@@0doublezero0 so true. Its fact
Suvir is such a good listener. He was always saying yes, true to other person and made it feel more like a conversation rather debate. And man I liked how he snapped to the women who was interrupting everyone.
Yup Suvir Chacha brought them back to reality
@@Roody_Patootie lmao
Rina: arranged marriage is the best, I recommend it for everyone and it worked excellently for me and it will for you too
Also Rina: I am divorced
If not getting a divorce is a Perimeter for a successful marriage then arrange marriages on average are more successful then love marriages.
Ps. I support love marriages
Rina's Ex-husband laughing **insidiously**😂😂
@@TarunSingh-cg3wp ye, I second that.
Totally!
@@TarunSingh-cg3wp This is marriage, not a plant ☘️ that you want for growing.
Marriage is for having a life partner to rely on when things go bad.
Finding that right partner should be your choice and you should face the consequences of that action.
It's about sticking together till the end.
Rina's views are so based on "gora" validation. everytime she comes up with the America thingy or about her family, which seems to be very progressive and privileged.
She's so privileged that she's couldn't differentiate between caste difference and regional difference and changed the whole conversation to people marrying from different states and not castes.
I like Aastha's pov.
Does gora mean white people?
@@noceboaffect3187 yes
Irony coming from liberandu 😂😂❤😂
Really glad Jubilee is expanding to India and not just from an American point of view
I full heartedly agree. There's 1.3 billion people in India! Plus surrounding countries if possible, that's so many voices!! And if they get in top of this subtitle game, then non English videos would be amazing too. The opportunity for representation is just beautiful!!
It makes sense because arranged marriage isnt really common in America at least not from my knowledge
They’ve done other countries before. I remember they did one on Israelites and Palestinians.
@@mandalove3408 Exactly.
@@mandalove3408 i think it's illegal here (if it's forced), but of course the concept would still work if the parents were matchmaking or something
Arranged marriages are sorta like gambling.. you don't know if you'll be the luckiest person ever or you'll regret it forever
Isnt that the same with love marriages?
its not a forced marriage ffs...
This is why you meet with the other and talk a lot
I agree the possibility is high in arrange marriage but this it’s the same in love marriages too
@@assassin9763 can't say. Love marriages are still frowned upon and the girl/boy is treated like an outcast if they choose to go down that path in most places even today.
as a gen z Indian i am gonna say suvir sir you have my utmost respect (singling him out because he is 47 year old and his perspective is very fresh....)
Good point!!
Yess
u didn't close ur brackets and it annoys me
@@Whenthesuncomesdown i closed them lol sorryyy my intention were never to hurt you (its a joke
@@shauryapandey7808 bruhhhh
Pankhuri: stands pro-arranged marriage.
Also Pankhuri: sounds more like she's anti-arranged marriage
That DJ woman's logic: *I never saw a dolphin, so they don't exist*
Agreed
Yup , she is weird .
She was just sharing her experience. What's wrong in that. She seemed weird in how she used her words though.
I always have food at home so world hunger is a myth
I love how the one guy literally admits he doesn't want to invest socially into a relationship so prefers for it to all be arranged XD
Aka he doesn't want to Date. Which is fair. Not even likes dating. It can be exhausting
@@sandrameesala6804 if he cannot be bothered to get to know you regardless of how he is introduced, why would you want to be stuck with him the rest of your life
@@RebeccaEvans Exactly, he is lazy and puts zero effort into properly courting a woman. His lack of effort was probably why he got ghosted so much 😬. If a guy is flakey and keeps cancelling dates or putting all the effort of planning dates on me, I would probably ghost and move on to someone who seems more interested and has respect for my time🤷♀️
@@serenawill128 The current dating paradigm has women putting in zero effort other than showing up. Women don't do the asking, planning, follow-up, but expect that of the men.
Literary the “low effort” women complain about are those men doing the exact same thing as the women.
Different people are different. Everyone does not need to date. Serendipity and chance have been such huge contributing factors to genuine love. Not wanting to look for someone and leaving it to someone else and then deciding on the person you meet is completely fine.
People don't need to fit into moulds, people are different from your narrow mindset. Not dating is completely fine.
Rina and Pradyuman are the highly privileged people of Indian society on whom reality of the common man is completely lost. They have their little wells and everything is based off of their vision and their personal experiences. They're the wrong people to be on this platform
But bcoz they are rich they get to see the world and differences way before than middle class ppl like us. hence will always be one step ahead of us.. And that's what rina is trying to tell the middle-class ppl to not follow them blindly as that path is tried and tested..
The people who are most affected by arranged marriage are the ones who can’t speak out about it on debates like this. I don’t think Rina and Pradhu are saying arranged marriage should be forced, but they are saying that it shouldn’t be abolished. The show is called middle ground and that is what needs to be sought after. Not banning arranged marriages and not forcing them either. Free will is something that is a luxury to only the privileged and that is what needs to change.
@@rohanmudumba2545 YES. I feel like they should've put a little more diversity into this debate like the LGBTQ community and muslims and other minorities since these people are often oppressed and dont get a chance to share their opinions on bigger platforms
As if every non priviledged Indian suffers from Bad relationship. Stop being Woke
But Rina is a narcissist & bigot ..what do you guys think about that? They should have gotten someone who has really faced hardships (ex: domestic violence) as a result of an arranged marriage. They picked the affluent ones. Noone was level headed on the Pro arranged marriage side.
There should have been LGBTQAI+ representation. There would have been very different perspective. For example 13:00 For this question I would have said no, parental support is not important to me because my family and India as a whole is very homophobic. It is a privilege to have parental support not a necessity.
Come on bruh, you know the Indians aren't afraid of the gays. It's the other way around.
India is less homophobic than your western slavemasters. Homophobia here is passive a.k.a. fear of unknown while in west they actively abuse lgbt
Agreed!
@@yahudi7253And that’s why the western slave masters have same-sex marriage and India doesn’t lol.
thiiiiiissss part!
aastha's facial expressions were mirrored by every gen z indian watching this lmaooo
I'm a pakistani gen z and I feel the same way lmaoo
This is so true !
Not for me though😂😂 I agree with Pradyuman here, I literally only focus on my job and I will be happy to have an arranged marriage 😂😂😂
Bruh , these pro arranged marriage People are so cringy ,
the way that the pro arranged marriage ppl were talking from there standpoint view pissed me off so much.
The pro arranged marriage people here are
1. Already divorced from a arranged marriage
2. About to divorce
3. Lazy to put effort so mumma papa will chose for me
Exactly!!
True
agreed
I feel like they didn’t choose the pro arranged marriage people well. They should’ve chosen people who genuinely believed in it and were successful in it, be it pro or anti.
The conclusion.
Suvir putting an end to Rina is a whole ass mood lmaoooo
hi
@@opheliaheng5882 DID YOU JUST
i loved that part what a king
best part of the video
Time stamp?
Im indian and my parents got an arranged marriage. Even though they both cheat on each other, do not love each other, dont want to be together, they wont get divorced because my dad needs someone to take care of the kids and house, and my mom needs the finical support. theres a low divorce rate in indian couples out of necessity to be together and cultural upstanding, not because they love each other and want to be together.
Damn u exposed your family like that that was braved
I think it's much better, but it's best don't get married.
Aastha is the kind of youth we need. So happy that she was here.
She respresented the views and ideologies a ton of us Gen Z Desi's have
I can resonate only with her :))
Remaining all have that outdated concept carrying along and trying to put on next generation as well but failed!! Lol
With all due respect to her, I would like to point out (being a GenZ myself), that GenZ is the worst generation😂. Limited attention span, high ego issues 😂
@@aditya.lakhani I'm also a genz , I'm quite opposite, genz are open minded, genz know what is depression and anxiety is, genz know different sexuality exist, genz is best generation.... 💛
@@professor.mcgonagall.sugar2310 hard disagree. You have to measure it via any terms. Gen Z, is by far, the worst in society. Attached to technological aspects of life, too deep into media. I would not say we are bad, but we are rather "toxic." Society has boomed with traditional ideology for decades on end, and now, everyone can agree, humanity in the west is reaching its demise (having been to other countries, they are totally different to us. In many different areas, sexuality or whatever remains the same traditionally, gender norms are that of traditional views, lgbt members not being accepted, etc.) But thats a different topic in itself. The west is the only place as such that you described. U.S. in particular. There are many aspects. Such as, ones the working class pre-gen z workers are gone, there will be little to no one available to work jobs to help sustain our economy. Short attention spans means that more people have to take on jobs to accomodate their ability to focus. The Blue Collar market is going down, while STEM fields boom. Maybe for open-minded-ness, gen z is the best, but as in ideology, societal stand points, economical stand points, relationships, media attachment, media prevelance, hell even logically, we are the laughing stock of the world. (The west is, since what you describe is really only prevelant in the west.)
These people are not the demographic most affected by arrange marriage. The poorer younger helpless girls who got sold by their family to older men are. I want to see they talk about that.
Yes of course but not just them (by being sold or forced), it could be with a man of any age and a woman who isn’t young could be the victim.
That’s not how it works
People give their daughters off in arranged marriage to men who will take care of them like they did. Not sell them off for money.
@Anti Trans Activist big words coming from anti trans activist, I shouldn’t have expected better 🙄
The poorer younger girls AND boys
Remember boys can suffer too.
The girl in black was speaking FACTS have her back on the show- only person here young enough with a mindset in the REAL world and not from a place of priviledge. Loved her take @11:48
factsd
i fuckin love her!
Yup, she was the only one who was even aware of the privilege bubble they are in
Exactly!! Aastha's remark that the promarriage advocates speak from a place of privilege already finished the argument lol.
Died at 12:00. Aastha literally just told that them their personal experiences aren't close to the reality in India and the lady proceeds to tell her about her family.
Yeah the youngest is apparently the wisest.
As an Indian this needs to shown to every parent in the country, really appreciate Jubilee doing this.
At least see the video first lol,
Video is of 25mins and you commented in 5mins lol
Not just India, every South Asian country.
@@maytia7 actually every Indian is very excited to watch and comment on this video. It's the first video where all participants are Indian.
@@maytia7 regardless of what the video states, it needs to shown to every Indian parent the title itself is self explanatory I suppose
@@maytia7 it still shows opposing viewpoints, and knowing Jubilee’s video standards it will be good
What Rina said, Divorce is reaaaaaaly frowned upon in India. Even if marriages don’t work out, people don’t get a divorce because of what society thinks and all. so divorce rate is not high but a lot are not in loving and understanding marriages.
Kinda hated Rina. She came across as naive despite being old.
I was wondering about this when she said that. My first thought was "Is the divorce rate low because the marriages are successful or because there is a stigma around divorce so no one does it?" I don't know a whole lot about Indian culture though. It's the same in the US though. A lot of older couples are praised for how long they've been together but the reality is, a lot those people stayed together because divorce was so taboo for so long. And women here couldn't even get a bank account without their husband's name on it until the 70s.
@Phunsuc Gates Where are you getting these averages from, exactly? Do you have any actual statistics to back your claim up? Also, what's wrong with changing boyfriends throughout your lifetime? How is that "weirder"?
I was waiting for someone to point this out. It's especially sad that there's a high rate of domestic abuse in India but instead of leaving their partners many people tolerate it because it's normalised so much
They r just two people living together under one roof
And also in India women don't have basic financial freedom ,where will she go, just rot in that toxic marriage
The whole "love grows" argument is ridiculous. So many people end up in unhappy, or abusive, marriages because you don't know who the person really is until it's already happened.
Exactly, when I heard that I had to laugh.
The institution of marriage is failing in the west because women initiate divorce 85% of the time and advocate for laws which reward them for doing so - and expect men to enforce those laws. That's an unsustainable system.
Basically it's women wanting men to provide for them after they've actually chose to leave the men - absurd entitlement.
Marriage only works if it's based of the idea of building a lasting life and growing relationship together. Not if it's something to leave once the feels are gone like teenage girls in high school.
@@poocrayon4588 I don't think that's it at all, at least in the west. Most western women provide for themselves; they are educated and have their own jobs and can pay for themselves. People who marry and then divorce for money are gross disgusting excuses of human beings, but I highly doubt that's why most marriages end. Most likely it's because a lot of people grow out of each other as their lives change and then they fall out of love with each other. Why continue to stay married if there's no longer any love? (Also your figure of 85% is probably wrong, most studies I've seen show that the rate of women initiating divorce is about 70%, which is still an interestingly high figure, but the reason you claim to be behind it is just wrong).
As for why women are more likely to initiate divorce than men, when two people fall out of love with each other, they lose that strong emotional connection to each other. On average, women tend to value having that emotional connection more than men (this is not always true its just a broad generalization). Once two people fall out of love, women are more likely to feel distressed due to a lack of communication and emotional connection, whereas men generally don't value this quite as much and thus are less likely to be bothered by it. Because that lack of connection tends to bother women more than men (on average), women are more likely to want a divorce and be free to either take care of their own emotional needs by themselves, or to develop a new deep emotional connection with someone else. Lack of emotional connection is probably the biggest reason why women are more likely to want a divorce, but there are probably also some other reasons: women generally tend to feel more held back than men do in marriage, women tend to take on more of an emotional burden in marriages than men (so once there is no love and emotional connection left they feel emotionally exhausted), society still somewhat pressures women to do all or most of the housework so some women who have these pressures placed on them get fed up, etc. (Of course these are all broad generalizations, at the end of the day each person is different and you can't just categorize each person into a group and tell them how they will act and feel).
TLDR women tend to value having a deep emotional connection to their partner more than men do, thus men are generally more likely to put up with a bad marriage than women are. Also I think society pressures men to "man up" and "just deal with it" and stay in relationships even when they aren't happy because society tends to tell men to ignore their own emotional needs. Which is really sad, nobody, including men, should ever feel like they have to put up with being in an unloving marriage if they aren't happy.
All in all, I believe that if both parties are happy in an arranged marriage and it is consensual, then that is awesome! But I believe that it should never be forced on anyone, people should just be allowed to do whatever makes them happy as long as they aren't harming anyone else.
@@claireelizabeth9431 Thankyou I appreciate your well considered response. Even tho I have some problems with your comment, I will give you kudos for your reasoning behind why women are leaving marriages so much more than men. Many people (especially women) are triggered by this and say the different rate of initiation is because women are being abused or cheated on etc. - or else they just want to ignore it. In this regard your thoughts about "emotional connection" (and I would add loss of attraction and satisfaction with the "idea" of their relationship) are pretty close to the truth I feel. So well done as far as your understanding of it goes, tho your appreciation of it as a problem logically and morally is lacking imo - which is to be expected given you see it from the female viewpoint (that's not an insult, what I mean is we are better able to appreciate problems which are problems for us, especially over problems we cause others simply by being us and expecting them to understand, the same I'm sure is true of me)
As I say I agree with you on womens reason for leaving. However it's not "people growing out of each other other and falling out of love" - on the whole it's women feeling they have grown out of their relationship and fallen out of love. Women often describe it as mutual as you did, but be honest - that isn't really the truth. What you described as men "putting up with a bad marriage" - is often a situation which men don't see as bad at all.
Further I will say even tho men can be very selfish or just naturally inclined to expect women to take care of them (and this is of course unfair) - I don't actually think it's a large factor in women initiating divorce. Very few women who are already doing this in marriages divorce for this reason - tho they may be more aware of and annoyed it after they fall out of love/lose connection/lose attraction or purpose. However when attraction and connection is there many women enter into this situation of being the one doing the domestic and "emotional labour" (lol) knowingly and it doesn't have a great impact.
You say "why continue to stay married if they are no longer in love" - and you have a point - the problem for men is "why get married and have kids together if your woman will fall out of love" and then the problem for society is men and boys will think "if your woman will inevitably fall out of "love", why enforce laws that let her take the children to raise with another man, or keep any assets, or the house etc, when she falls out of "love"? (and she will)" and then the problem is all womens.
This also goes to the heart of the way the sexes see love in the context of a marriage - if women are only (or can only) seeing love as an emotional connection or a feeling and not a long term philosophy and action then there is a problem.
Personally for me and many men - if you consider and agree to raise kids with someone or build a life with someone, and then you go back on that then you are incapable of understanding what love actually means for most men anyway. And tbh those that believe otherwise have a school girl conception of love to me - and it's worthless in my life and the lives of most men to be loved that way by a woman. Totally worthless.
To clarify my original comment - I wasn't implying that women leave the marriages to force the men to provide for them away from the marriage, or that they all marry for money - the point I was making was that the laws (which women wanted) that come into play when couples divorce (which is done the majority of the time by the initiation of the woman) are no fault and as such at least split assets and even more importantly child custody. And these laws dont somehow just happen - they're enforced by force and the threat of punishment thru law (which again is enforced by force) This is what makes people follow them when they don't want to. What I meant by this being an unsustainable system if women want to divorce when they're "no longer in love" and women are "no longer in love" at such a greater rate than men is that it's virtually unthinkable that men would enforce such laws with such a net negative result for themselves far into the future. After all men aren't going to go into child raising and marriage gladly expecting their wives to leave them and alter that situation to their cost - especially if they grow up expecting it as boys. It's an impossibility. And men are very much needed to keep the system in place. And as of right now it is (to put it bluntly) - a system which enforces womens wishes violently onto men thru the violence of men (law being the threat of imprisonment)
Now if women were to agree to a fault based system (when assigning assets and custody) say less custody (not the primary parent) and less percentage of joint assets upon divorce (perhaps women should even start saving for this reason during marriage and expect none) perhaps that would be workable into the long term. But I dont really see women on the whole (as they feel and think about these things today)agreeing to that, do you?
I do see a few inevitable out comes of all this perhaps you havent considered which I wont get into here. But it's very much a pandoras box situation and I'm not sure you or any women (or even many men) have a full appreciation of the consequences and possibilities which could arise from it. The fact is It's simply not good enough to tell men (and raise boys) to expect to be left by their wives and upon this expect to see their children half the time (at best) and have them possibly raised by another man and also to hand over a percentage of what they have worked toward (asset and finance wise)
Why would they take part in this expecting this outcome?
(oh btw even tho I appreciated your comment in your last paragraph you made a "point" about society telling men to "man up" and ignore their emotions etc. which you described as really sad. This sounds like something feminists repeat to each other as tho it's true and so they (being mostly women) assume it must be and assume men have a problem with it. Actually most men don't feel they are being made to man up - it's simply the way they are and it's actually insulting of you to say this thinking you understand how they feel.
Even tho I disagreed with some of it, your comment was intelligent and well thought out aside from this one thing. You don't need to repeat simple minded feminist crap like this to make your point and doing so will only lessen whatever you say if your talking to men, especially if your talking to men about men. Consider that for the future, or don't and keep on doing it, whatever, just know how it looks to the people your actually talking about)
@@poocrayon4588 I have a genuine question, you mentioned men don’t mind being asked to man up as that’s how they are build, but I have seen so many men’s rights activists saying this is a huge problem for them? how they can’t express emotions and how their mental health is ignored?
On low divorce rates:
1. Divorcees are shunned from society especially if they aren'r privileged (unlike Rina).
2. Women are dependent on their husbands for financial support, because of not being allowed to work or not having opportunities (unlike Rina).
3. Getting a divorce is expensive so it is not an option for most people (unlike Rina).
In conclusion, Rina is blinded by her privilege and is unable to see the pain of so many people in unhappy marriages because she has never had to deal with that or face the harsh reality.
What a lie what a lie all these wanna be Americans typing about privilege while typing from Iphone
@youalrightboi158 yes but in arranged marriage there's a higher chance of wanting divorce
Pradhyuman: “an arranged marriage is simply getting two known people together whom you can vouch for”
Also Pradhyuman: Enters a matchmaking reality show and let’s some random Indian aunty named Seema to scour the country and find him a random match.
And Rina’s source in this whole debate was : “trust me bro” I know.
I got second hand embarrassment for both of them. Sheeesshhh!
And the fact that Astha respectfully called both of them out on their privilege! Lmao Power Move!
Agree
And they both didn't reply on that call about them being exceptions and their experiences can't be generalized for the whole cultural system of the country.
The best part
OHH he's the same guy? I was wondering where I'd seen him before
This comment is underrated 😂
Why arrnage marriage in India is problematic :
1) you are expected to marry at a very early age .
2) Its often that the family decides who is your suitable match
3) you are expected to fall in love after marriage .
4) Caste diffrentiations.
5) "loog kya kahengey "
Etcetera......... (this is just the tip of the iceberg "
What does the 5th point mean?
I'm Kenyan😊
Not to mention arranged marriages where the parents dont fall in love harm the children so much... the fights, verbal abuse, physical abuse, etc.
5th point is "what will people say"
Oooooof ! That 5th question 🤦🏻♀️
I despise anybody who asks this annoying question 😤
@@AruSenana Thanks 😊
I hate it when someone comes up with "Studies" showing divorce rates are less in arrange marriages . I mean come on how can you be that blind?
They need to come out of their super deluxe luxury homes and visit my village then they'll get to know how many ppl actually never wanted to marry (including my cousin brother) but were forced to cuz of FAMILY BLACKMAIL
@@yabhyag.4377 Right And No divorces because of social pressure.
I know right? People should be thinking about WHY that is. For example, stigmatisation and societal pressures scaring people away from even considering divorce.
she gives "main scientific numbers aur voodoo crap bakungi toh cool lagega and everybody will listen to me" energy
The lady in the white kurti and high heels rubs me the wrong way. the hypocrisy is just unbelievable. How are you going to give examples from your personal life to defend your stance, but then criticise others when they do the same????
not to mention isnt she lying... she said she have nieces friends etc who succeeded in arrange marriages but then say she’s the only one who got arranged for marriage. like she’s so ridiculous
love the way Suvir told Rina to stop talking so he could finish his point, i was so done with her interrupting
rina is like that meme: main, mereko sabh pata hai. the girl in the black is the only one with common sense and someone who's highly educated.
See, this is why education and being able to understand all sides is important. She was educated enough to make sense while talking but she was also a person who can UNDERSTAND and take different perspectives which the America women and pro guy couldn't. They were only talking abt THEIR perspective, not from other ppl's perspective. Or that's what the show wants?
Ohmygod i love your pfp u love kdramas? In yeop oppa? 🥺
@@nayyab_isweird6059 username checks out
Everyone: Debating over arranged marriage or anti-arranged marriage
Me: Anti marriage
Why?? May I ask
Gurlll same
Ayee 🙌
Every time I say I dont want to get married because of the mess that is of divorce (plus weddings cost too much), people tell me I shouldn't be together with my future lover. I'm just being realistic here.
People dont need to get married to say they're together.
We should start a club
Pradyuman was recently accused by his wife of domestic violence,so he really shouldn’t be an ambassador for any kind of marriages.
Oop 😮
the fact that our parents want us to spend the rest of our lives with someone we have only known for months just because they are from a good family is just so mind-boggling to me
Srsly, it goes to the caste system and how rich u are will make u into the upper part of the caste system and society will respect u. That's what they have in mind. Not the child's happiness, and I disagree SO MUCH WITH IT!
Also, that's why women are more likely. Many ppl prefer boys over girls cuz it's expected for the boy to work and the girl to be a house wife so if they get arranged married, the girl can't divorce the guy cuz she isn't financially stable cuz she wasn't given proper education for a financially stable job!
when you put it like that it’s genuinely shocking and infuriating that some parents think they have that type of authority over their kids. like marriage is a big deal !!
Well...Good families have strong true values which they don't break even i worst times.still against arranged marriages.
you can always say no, forced marriages have been illegal in India since before partition
@@debodatta7398 that's so redundant , do you really think everyone has that option?
She brought up the rate of divorce... How about the rate of Honor Killing and Fillicide among the arranged marriage cultures??
She is delusional. Lmao
Bruh your exaggerating it. Honor killing is pretty rare compared to the Indian population.
@@MrALenCar321 did I say Indian population? I said " arranged marrige cultures" .... there are other ethnic groups that believe in arranged marriage..like Muslims for example.
@@MrALenCar321 um check up their rates in haryana sir
@@doeeyes2 yeah dating or love marriage is haram in Islam
Why is the arranged marriage gang so cut off from ground reality? Are they not aware of the way, the vast majority of arranged marriages work in rural conservative India. Also, thank you jubilee for doing an Indian-centric episode. Hope ya'll continue these!
If they weren't cut off would they be sitting on that side?
Well there's no proof the love marriages work better to be honest. I misplaced the link of a forbes 2019 article on Indian marriages but it said almost 48% of love marriages end in seperation or divorce. The research was done in 6 tier one cities in India. So to be honest there's no guarantee whether it's love or arranged that you'll end up being together for life.
@@Rudi_Mentary723 does it matter? Is it that important for people to stay together... Or is it better that people should be happy for the while they were together.... Or lesser chances of domestic violence.... A marriage which aligns with human rights.
@@Rudi_Mentary723 Unfortunately, divorce isnt even an option in most of the arranged marriages, because its considered taboo in a lot of cultures. Maybe thats why fewer arranged marriages end up in a divorce.
@@palakgarg9940 Chill out !! What I'm saying is that the whole institution of marriage is a sham and there's NO guarantee that your love marriages in India are going work better than your arranged ones, so don't put all the blame only on arranged marriages. Also less chances of domestic abuse in love marriages ?! Give me proof. Not anecdotal evidence or what you 'feel.' What you feel is of no value whatsoever.
I am a Fulani from West Africa, and I can relate a lot with the issues being discussed in here. The divorce rate in my ethnic group is extremely low too,and most marriages are arranged...But almost 90% of those marriages are miserable,and there is this fear of divorce, because for women, it will be extremely difficult for them to remarry and men that are in unhappy marriages can always cheat and if caught they either marry a second, third or fourth wife.
But I am very happy now that a lot of the new generation are going in for love marriages, and even if it fails at the long run, you've at least lived with someone you actually loved!
Exactly! That's the whole point pro arranged people missed. I'd say love marriages are also risky no doubt but still better than arrange marriages with no choice of leaving it cuz of society.
@@Purple_soldier because imagine living with someone you don't love...arghhh it gives me the creeps😖
@@RaihannaJallow same here. Bcz if y'all want friends than be friends why gotta marry friends 😭
@akshay bhat Abuse and unhappiness isn't a small reason. When my parents divorced the family got wayyyyyy more peaceful. In fact I wish they separated years ago so their fights wouldnt have escalated so much.
@akshay as a person whose parents marriage was arranged and let me tell you … i wish divorce would be an option for my parents but it’s unfortunately not
rina and pradhyuman were really talking from a point of privilege
They really are and the sad part was that they weren't even accepting of their privilege
@@ariwilliams130 exactly
Yeah they kept talking about how they're in India and stuff too but they're from New Dehli which is sooooooo much different from the majority of rural Indian communities (where most arranged marriages happen)
I wanted to really slap her bec of how she brings up New York friends and her friends, like girl you are the privilege class all the while, how can you talk about everybody in general with that privileged ass mouth???
uk people like these actually represent some portion of our population who are in favour of arranged marriages
The youngest was the wisest. The most balanced. And the most matured. Aastha, if you are reading this, you were a star!!! Loved how patiently you heard everyone and put your reasoned out arguments with such clarity and conviction. Glad to see such bright young people have such refined progressive thoughts. You actually reminded me of my niece.
she hasn't got any experience, how are you deciding that she's the wisest, make it make sense
Wisdom has got nothing to do with age.
@@lokeshdharmani774 I pointed out experience, not age. Usually when you get older you gain experience hence wisdom
@@mxoh you don't always need experience to understand something. She has seen other people who are close to her suffer and that's enough. I am her age and I am against arrange marriages coz I have seen my parents suffer but don't get divorced Coz of what will society says and my mom believes she should treat her husband like God and do whatever he says and I think that's enough to understand
@@shreyahc8124 it's really hard to get context when you are an outsider. Also, what appears on the outside doesn't match how it looks a lot of the times. Experience matters a lot. If you have graduated from college, you would know more about how things are college than someone who hasn't been.
If your parents had an amazing marriage, you would have had a positive outlook on arranged marriage. I am not really a supporter of arrange marriages but I see why people do it.
Aastha is going to excel in her Law career, she spits facts.
And will be living with her 30 cats alone 😂
@@anchess2517 that "high quality man" doesn't want an equal for him? That a woman's ability to be able to express her beliefs threaten him? Then HE doesn't deserve that woman.
@@siddhant... way happier than being stuck with someone you don't want. Plus, cats are hella cute. So it's a win-win situation.
@@bhaktiagarwal5859 yeah in a Disney movie.
@@anchess2517 who says that? I'm a woman, and I DON'T want a superior authority, I want a life partner. I don't want a hierarchy, no woman wants a heirarchy in her relationships. And your views sound like it came out of a 1950s outdated newspaper column. We are in 2021, for goodness sake. Neither a man should want a heirarchy in relationships nor a woman. And an argumentative "nagging" woman is a woman who realises her potential. And if a "high quality" man doesn't want that, looks like he's not that much of a high quality.
I started the video supporting pro-arranged but this really changed my mind. Most pro points hold only when in a position of privilege. And even then, it is a gamble.
This isn‘t only relevant to this video but in general: Jubilee, PLEASE add subtitels. You are a pretty big channel with important messages and very interesting content. But it is not accessable to all. Not to people who are deaf or hard of hearing and not to people who‘s mothertongue isn‘t english and who still want to watch these videos and understand everything. It would be very nice if you could do that. Love your videos and thanks
Yeah debates should be translated to different languages for other people to understand the message of the participants....Im really glad I can speak fluently even though im asian but not all can do what i can do or maybe they just like to watch the subtitles in their own mother's tounge
I never checked to see subtitles, thanks for bringing that to the light😁
tru! i went to check for captions and when i saw they were not available i was shocked
English is barely my second language and i found very difficult to watch some video (not just this one because of the strict accent. I have an accent too, it's not a problem, but i would have loved to have the subtitles, to catch every of their thoughts)
agreed!!
I wouldn't mind if my family found someone/people they thought I would like and brought us together, I just don't want them to force a relationship on me instead of letting one bloom naturally
(edit: admittedly, I didn't know there was a difference between an arranged marriage and a forced marriage)
yes because that wouldnt be an arranged marriage anymore it would be a forced marriage...
Chill out, what ya yellin' for? Lay back, it's all been done before. And if you could only let it be, you will see that I am the funniest YouT*ber of all time. Admit it, my dear follow*r glen
I mean .... i wouldn't do with arrange marriage since my parents think i am a good boi and they'll bring a good girl for me and then boom actually i am some kind of asshole and then girl would be shocked later in her life so i won't marry just to break her heart and whole life since after getting divorced in India , people don't like you for some reasons
@@zuboy4272 Same for me kinda. My parents values are extremely different from mine, so it wouldn't be beneficial for me to be in an arranged marriage.
@@AxxLAfriku lol it took me a moment, such a 'complicated' joke
I have second hand embarassment every time Pradhyuman opens his mouth 😭✋
You are not alone 😔
🤢
Ughhh me too
Aastha here spitting facts like no ones business!! And loved how being the youngest of the group she still shared points that are more hollistic and universal rather than the narrow perspective these 10 12 years of her senior hold.