WHY Does An Avoidant Get COLD?
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- Опубліковано 22 лип 2024
- WHY Does The Avoidant Get COLD? If you are in a relationship with an avoidant partner, you may have noticed them pulling away and becoming distant. In this video, we will explore the reasons behind why avoidant individuals become cold and distant in relationships. Understanding this behavior can help you navigate your relationship and communicate effectively with your avoidant partner.
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If the avoidant is scared to be rejected, does this mean that it will not be likely to come back during no contact?
DAs have issues trusting people while at the same time engaging in untrustworthy behavior. Let them walk away from you. Let them learn the hard way just how special you were to them. If you dont, you'll be the one hurting in the end.
Well said!
Agreed. That's what I 'm doing.
The most disappointing and saddest lesson I've learned is that you shouldn't stay with someone hoping they'll change. Most of the time, they won't. If you're with someone who exhibits several of the traits discussed in this video yet you treat them well, you deserve better. Unless they're proactively working on self-improvement, you're beating a dead horse.
Are YOU proactively focused on self improvement?
@@CoachCraigKenneth Yes! I actually found your channel a year ago when my fearful avoidant ex-girlfriend blocked me. I discovered I had anxiety issues. After she returned, she mistreated me for several months. As your work helped me overcome my anxiety, I lost attraction for her and eventually broke things off!
Respect ❤
Yeah, they only get to treat me once and I’m gone for good and they end up looking for me and crawling back to me and I do t take them back because I know who they are and they gonna be the same. They don’t deserve 2nd chance. I just move on with another guy
8 months later and Coach remembered almost 100% my story from the last time we spoke. He really does care about people so much that he retained an almost perfect reiteration of what I went through so long ago.
I am even colder than my ex now. I noticed subtle signs shes trying to get back in contact with me but I got a girl who treats me the way she never could, not even while on her best behavior. I truly cannot even think about my ex anymore, I barely even have memories with her in my head now. All I do know is she is out there getting hurt and she missed out big time cause I never hurt her, in fact I hurt myself being with her. Oh well. Shes gone. Im glad she is. Did me a favor. If she leaves-youre good, be grateful, she never deserved you in the first place
I do the self reflect. It does help. Puts things in a different perspective. I get down on myself a bit when I do this.
You hit the nail on the head. Growing up was really tough. I'm the Middle child, the forgotten one. I can remember when I was 8 or 9 years old, I was walking down the hallway to my mother's room and I could sense she no longer loved me. I think by the second day I knew it was true. Her love for me was gone. I felt cold and empty. How did I know? Intuition, her mood and attitude changed. It was never the same.
Now my avoidant gf has been hot & cold. I can't deal with it. I told her I don't want to be around her anymore. She's too moody. I told her I loved her but can't take this ignoring stuff. It's been 2 days. Whatever. I'm getting real busy, taking care of myself. It helps. Thank you Craig & Victoria. I listen to you all the time.
Can you make more videos like this one? This one is really fantastic! Incredibly helpful to understanding avoidants.
I have TONS of videos like this in my Understanding Attachment Styles playlist. I’ve been talking about attachment issues since I launched the channel
Listen to this. When my avoidant gf back away I back away too and stay because I'm tired of pursuing her when she does this to me. So after lets say 1 1/2 weeks of neither of us talking, she suddenly texts me on day and asks me where I've been. I just her I'm right here and that I never left. She's real attentive for a day or two the the process starts all over again. I've confronted her about this many times but she never responds to me about it.
I've met somebody else, rather someone else met me. She seem very nice and is eager to become romantic. I want to visit her just for some female friendship. But at the same time I'm feeling a bit guilty because I love my gf.
I don't like this situation at all. But I'm going to meet this new girl just to take my mind of my gf and her avoidance. This whole damn thing hurts like hell. I hate this ambiguity and hot & cold cycle. I'm losing my mind. I don't drink, smoke nor do drugs. I'm quite sober and real. 😐
This is the exact question I Googled when I was in a relationship with a narcissist. The word narcissist popped up and I didn't even know what one was, but he was a poster child for it in the long run. I stayed in it longer than I should have because I was in denial. Some of the things that narcissists will do are way more extreme than your typical avoidant. Change is not possible for a narcissist. I firmly believe they are born this way to some degree. Studies have shown they are born with less gray matter in the brain and that is where empathy begins to form in most children around the age of five. As my dad always said, ,"You can't get blood from a turnip."
Im still processing my experience 7 months after my last discard. The kicker is I learned about my own avoidant behaviors in previous years. It was cause and effect, also known as karmic law that I experienced, to experience what I did to others. We have the capacity to heal and balance ourselves out. Change is indeed possible.
That is so true. You can feel the difference, as if it's something tangible. But clearly present or not. Truly amazing.
I have experienced some of these behaviors with my ex. My question is, if their core wound is being rejected, dismissed or ignored why would No Contact work on them? Wouldn't that be a form of rejection? Wouldn't they perceive that as a response for they rejecting you?
Her and I did talk about our attachment styles but I didn't have a clue as I do now. I do wish I would have known more and was more empathetic.
Thank you Coaches for another awesome video. I was ghosted by an avoidant. He was hot and cold during the time we dated, I thought it was in his 2 failed marriages, but other things he told me about the past has led me to possibly his parents and the fact that his 3 siblings needed a lot of attention. Anyway thanks again. I hope he does come back but I really doubt it. Think he will always be swimming on the surface.
You guys hit it! I witnessed the unhealthy behavior between him and his male family members. No wonder my ex DA was always shaming his cousin over showing emotion and sharing feelings. I had so much resentment for his family member that he lives with. Parents and brother lives in another country.
As I’m working through my childhood trauma, and there’s a lot it, I’m pulling out so many repressed memories and emotions and I’m understanding why I’ve been so anxious. I feel like I’ve worked through some of it, but dating an avoidant makes me realize how much is still there.
Thank you so much ❤
I seen a guy who had a crush on me when we was seniors n high school and bought me flowers I did not have one on him not really but I injoyed the flowers and I still cared n care
Lol it's wintertime lol Victoria is the comedian today
Good morning coaches!
All relationships come to a point of failure..people do 1 of 3 things- end it, endure or work on their issues and the relationship...thats where the real love starts.....and death ends a life, not a relationship.
13:28 word for word that is what she said to me. This is after her and I discussed what we were both looking for, agreeing to try something long term. She did however say she felt overwhelmed too. I was a bit anxious and I recognize it much more now and want to work on it. I think I kind of smothered her by accident, but if given another opportunity going forward I feel that I can handle myself. I can do better.
We never started dating officialy but we fell in love and had a contact for about 6 months... I couldn't take his insecurites and mixed signals... I didn't even know he was an avoidant. Never heard of it before... I stopped texting him one day cause he didn't reply to me for days... It's been about 4 weeeks of NC now. Should I contact him? He keeps looking at my social media... Now I understand kinda better that he is not doing it on purpose. He doesn't know how to react when someone express feelings and he doesn't know to reply.... he gets anxious... should I contact him saying that I understand him a bit bettee now and that I'm not mad... or still wait for him to reach out?
I have a sleeping bag and when I'm camping when I get inside of it I look like a worm and so I scurm around like I'm a worm and I can tell you ladies. He is still going to love you when you're a warm
Squirm around
My fearful avoidant broke up with me after dating for 7 months. He blocked me and unfollowed me on social media. I’m an anxious attachment person and I picked small fights and he said he is tired of this and left. I begged for 2 days and finally accepted it and wished him the best. He has never got back with his exes in the past. And he said he will not give another chance and lost hope in this relationship. Will he come back?
Nothing is certain but go for no contact. Try to move on and work on yourself in the meantime. It won't be easy but they chose this. After maybe a few months, they might reach out, if they dont reach out by 3-4 months, try to reach out and have simple talks, like you're meeting this person for the first time, don't bring up relationship stuff. Try to set up hangouts as well if you're into them at this point. But even if they don't reply, or don't want you, know that they chose this. They chose not to have you in their life, that says a lot about them. All you can do is try to work towards your goals and moving to a secure attachment style but that is it.
Well, he pulled back, but wanted hugs, however I need emotinal conections to make body contact aka hugs... so I was triggered and tried to build an emotinal connections but it was impossible....and than I went crazy (I am more anxious type now I know)... and somehow I mirrored his behaviour and all of the sudden he finished relationship all of the sudden....
And his reasons really have been minor what really shocked me...actually they really hurt me.
Well, he didnt want to learn eventhough I asked for couple therapy... he prefered to leave and even to ghost his child.
The last time we spoke was feb 7 she said "It never was about anyone else toh I was actually very insecure the entire time knowing you could be with someone much better. And I wanted us to still learn about each other. It just seems like everything happened and ended so fast"
My response was "Good girl, there's nothing wrong with how you feel to be fair you don't know enough about me it takes time to trust yk, what? I'm sure we can talk in the near future you let me hear you and Be quite for me ml"
I've been expecting a response bc I'm good at reading people and gaging my patience in letting go of outcome. Today she hit me with
"Did ur messages disappear or I'm tripping" Ik she has some avoidant/anxious attachment style tendencies so this is likely an indirect direct text should I respond or should l let her say something more significant and with more effort or should I reply
I would wait for direct communication. If she is unable, consider that you may need to let the connection go. It's too nerve-wracking and life is to be enjoyed as much as possible. Many people are years behind in their emotional development..
Would you all consider doing a video on,
“How does an avoidant wake up?”
So much of the time, they seem unconscious of their patterns. In your experience, when avoidants do come to awareness, how does that happen?
I came to awareness only after experiencing my own traumatic and abusive situations. I had to do a life review. I ended up having an ego death, and every experience of having harmed someone over the years came flashing back. I grieved for myself and for them because I wasn't aware. showed severe avoidance and narcissistic traits. Hurt many people. I would not want to revisit those relationships, but I was able to apologize to a few people I dated. They were receptive. A person has to get a taste of their own actions to learn, called karma. That's why it's important to move on with your life. You have no power in their change. Each of us is responsible for ourselves.
Should i reach out to them or wait until they reach out to me? Just a question out of curiosity, because really I'm good doing what I'm doing! She done this to me before she went for about 2 months without texting me or anything. She actually told me she was blocking me as of this date and this time, then she reached back out to me too months later. We were then talking about buying a house together and well here we go again! It's been 2 months this time.
I thank you for your videos they are great and work well! I have been working on myself, so would that been said really I am good. I am only asking because I was going to reach out to her just to say hello as a friend, but at this point really I don't feel like I should even do that because the ball is in her court! What do you think do you think?
Ball should be in your court. Take your power back
@@Scott-ej7bc That's right I 100% agree so you're saying the same thing I'm thinking do not reach out! Let her feel it and come back to me, correct?
@@user-of2rv9tu2q I took my avoidant back after 2 months. She didn’t change and I didn’t do the work so after 4 months together she broke it off again. I was the best thing that happened to her. Just give it TIME. Either you’ll get better or she’ll recognize the loss. Win win no matter what. I’m going on 4 months since second break up, still hurts but it gets better. Start pumping iron, reading, working your dick off and you’ll start to feel like yourself again
🤣😂 my ex couldn't find something legitimate to complain about.. so he would nit-pick about my eyebrows or that I would shorthand cause as cuz in texts 😂🤣
Hopefully yall can give me advice on my ex. She blocked me everywhere she is a DA few nights ago she unblocked me on my cell and started talking. Then broke off so left it at that next day I said hi nothing so next day I said hey was hoping we would start talking again here when ever u wanna talk. After I sent that I got a long message "I have got my stuff together and I am no longer kind. If I wanna be with u I will but I dnt . If u start asking about getting back together I'll block you . I am enjoying being single.. " I replied that she missed understood that I just meant having conversations not begging to get back together. Is this a defensive thing with her?
I think she just misinterpreted what you were saying. Just tell her straight up that you weren’t trying to get back with her.
@@threewiishes6425 I did cause I don't wanna rush her . But just how she spoke just seems it's hopeless :(
I suspect you do in fact want to get back with her (given you are on this channel). I think it would be wise to step back until such time as she decides to get in contact with you.
@@camellia8625 I do but I also want to take my time not rush it cause her being a Da I know if u rush it would end badly
Is holding hands and hugging and texting and meeting up and Calling person behind your boyfriend back is it two timing or cheating what type of cheating without having no sex 🤔
Yes it is cheating IMHO
that’s cheating
I know I offended him, in a way not fair and reasonable. He lacks full ability to communicate (LD). I became ill over the Holidays, (stress) and had to take care of myself, told him, but got little communication new year. He saw something this week I put on his SM, no bad, went to delete it, and he beat me to it for he was triggered, to punish or end things. I happened I reached back to him as we had been, and he leaves me on read. He is so black and white, all my good, I am suddenly bad?? I still care, but I am afraid to post another kind message for the last still on read. Have mixed feelings about waiting out someone, risking their hurt or bad feelings can harden, and they will never respond later having decided they can't trust you, even though they are not rational, it is just their past trauma. Also, he was active on his FB, now to his followers, radio silent, no posts, timed exactly to me. What message is he sending, stopping all posts? Telling me to go away, even though I never post on his FB anyway?
What type of affair would be texting and meeting up and holding hands and kissing and hugging and watching films without no no no sex? what type of affair would it be?
1 emotional and physical without having no no no no no sex
2 friendship.
3 romantic friendship.
1
High school girls some are scared as high school girls
*Promo sm*
Would you still love me if I was a worm?
I would give my own life for Shai-Hulud!