💯 some were forced into marriage becuase they had a kid with someone they aren’t married to, completely wiping away their chances of finding someone they actually like. And some of them tend not to fancy the kid they come out of that situation
Mine experience too, my childhood ended the day I landed in the UK at 12, I said to myself thank god I have a childhood before coming, I would have been screwed!
My grandpa is like this, which is just sickening! They’re the childish and immature one meanwhile they’ll project that onto you to make themselves feel better not to even talk about the fact that you can’t reason with them!
I feel so embarrassed for all the times I judged and encouraged my friends to mend relationships with their horrible mothers. I’ll never minimize others’ experiences of the people they know best.
I used to do that when I did not experience it, I used to tell them "She's your mother", unable to even understand what they were going through. Karma hit me, and I am experiencing worse things with my parents now. I will never do that again.
Thank you for acknowledging and stating this. It's really insensitive and annoying when people say those things without understanding what it's like to be in your shoes. I can't tell you how many times I have been told the same thing by family members and friends who have no concept whatsoever of the things that my mother has put me through and the damage that she has caused. . . damage that I am STILL working on repairing well into my adulthood!
Going trough this myself. My brother threats my mother like crap but that’s her golden child that can do no wrong . Me on the other side I’m seen as the enemy , anything I achieve in life is a reason for her to be sad. For me was so hard to accept that reality . Even my body she would compare it to hers 😢 Now is no contact forever , gave her to many chances and every time she did worst than before . Do a part 2 , this conversation needs to be had in the black community
Hey I have posted part to already ua-cam.com/video/_pxWTG2L-DU/v-deo.htmlsi=IYC6rCXxZWvl_DCr I experience the same thing. One thing I realised it they prefer the golden child because they’re just like them. They think and act like them so they get along, you on the other hand wants what’s best for yourself and others, which they hate so you will be hated for it. Meanwhile when they need someone to take care of them, they call their daughters🤦🏾♀️
Wow! Thank you guys for sharing something so personal as this❤, this heals many heart that are hurting. Something very touching you guys repeat is "I couldn't understand why" I think that's because that's the mother's insecurity and inner struggles she is projecting on the child than it's about the child, the problem is when the child internalize that as if that's their problem!
I have an Asian mother. Same way. I couldnt understand it either. No one understands if they dont also go through this. So i cant even freely talk about it to just anyone
This happens in every culture. Some females are lucky to have good mothers and then there is us the unfortunate ones. I’m Jamaican and most Jamaican mothers love their daughters and I remember always seeing how they treated their daughters when they had pta meetings and I was always so jealous because I never had parents but I had my grandmother and she treated me just like they treated their daughters but it wasn’t the same because she wasn’t my actual mother. That’s why when I met my mother finally got the first time and I was greeted with the mother from 🔥 I was in disbelief. It was nothing like what I saw from the other girls and their mothers. They’d dress them up in the nicest things whenever there was events at school and just did the most but my mother was far from that. It made me realize how much I love my grandmother and was grateful she raised me back then instead of her because she has issues she refuses to address. Funny thing is I have a daughter and I don’t see her as competition, like how do you even get to that headspace? The way my mother treated me I don’t see myself ever doing that to my daughter or any of my kids.
I understand that this is a phenomenon that can be experienced by people of all cultures. However, our experiences as Africans is just that...ours. Dealing with an African mother or father has absolutely nothing to do someone having an Asian parent. It is not the same. While it's natural to show engagement, it's rude to seek attention by drawing the focus to your experiences with a non-African mother when the flow of conversation is about African mothers. A lot of members of our African diaspora have been socially conditioned to disregard our own feelings while prioritizing or going out of our way to be inclusive in conversations about our own shared lived experiences. You're unaware that interjecting your experiences about a non-African mother in conversations about African mothers is quite disrespectful. The eagerness to share your thoughts overrides your need to make space for others. I understand that sharing your personal story related to the topic at hand is a way to demonstrate a connection or highlight your own perspective. But that is where the problem lies. Our experiences as Africans with our African parents are not socially, culturally, linguistically, or genetically connected to an individual's experiences with a non-African parent. Our African diaspora deserves to have our stories heard without interruption.
@@deamorebeaute2412heyyyyy I get there are differences, but emotional coldness is emotional coldness…. I agree that there’s probably different spaces for Asian moms, but I see nothing wrong for checking out similar expeirences in other cultures 🤷🏽♀️ human experience is universal
@pumpkinpie7864 I agree. why shouldn't this person be allowed to share their experience - we are all people and although there are differences in our experiences, there is also so much similarity. Acknowledging those similarities can actually be very helpful. @guinevre1517 you are free to share your experience
@@deamorebeaute2412 She was relating. No one is trying to drown out her voice or experience. She said African mother because she is in fact African. I'm Jamaican and everything she is saying could have come out of my mouth, word for word. I respect my African sisters, the diaspora also benefits deeply from this conversation, sharing and possibility of healing. Any woman goi g through this can probably relate. If the OP doesn't wish anyo e else to share or finds it as denying her , her own voice I would like to hear from her.
My mother was so cruel to me I was convinced I was adopted because I couldn’t understand A lot of women are insecure and see women as competition even their own daughter
I have been no contact for over 18 years now with mine. The day I had my awaken was the day she said to me that her friend was asking her won't she be jealous if I do better than her. I looked at her that day and asked her what kind of conversation was she having with her friend about her own daughter to bring about such talk? The shocked look on her face was epic, she didn't expect me to ask her that. The hatred this woman had for me, the way she talk about me you won't know she birth me.
When you have so many capabilities you are prone to the jealousy.... Myself too I thought everyone wished me well until I realised they were hating on me actually
She always told me people kept saying nasty things about me to her(lies!) Even before I knew it was all lies all I could think of is you must be encouraging that type or talk because who is bold enough to unprovokenly keep talking down on someone else's child to the child's own mother repeatedly?
@Q.T-T that's what I said too!! Why are they comfortable talking trash about your child to you!! What type of conversation were you having with them? Just horrible.
White female from Ireland .. Same thing for me ..from both mum and dad ..still got PTSD ..have went low contact ..The hole they left in me was a magnet for narcissist users / takers .. because I tried to earn and buy love from my parents. . never again am done chasing ..They can chase me now am going to heal ❤
I feel your pain so much dear. You articulated it so well. I experienced the same. Continue to be strong and thank you for exposing the taboo of toxic African mothers. Our society does not like to talk about this topic.
Thank you so much, it’s a taboo because African mothers are viewed as saint and if you dare call them out, you’ve reduced your life on earth or you won’t live long, you won’t get blessings, etc and they’re just allowed to be toxic!??? And childish?? All these I think are fear and manipulation tactics as well as an excuse for their behaviour, having children does not grant you immunity
@@GoddessSignature I am crying tears 😢 first I am so sorry to admit that I am not African but Turkish, I read a comment that a person don't wanted to hear stories outside of African race. But .. the pain is unbearable to have no family anymore. When I hear that others are going through the same is relieving. I have heard similar sentences in my culture. That I will be cursed if I don't let my parents treat me the way they want. That I am their property. My mother is the most cold person in the world has none of an empathy. It took me 39 years. I never had a loving relationship and it looks like never have children. So they were right i AM cursed with PTSD. I don't know how to live like this. Every single day in deepest pain and deepest loneliness.
You are the one who will and are breaking generational curses. It's so sad my mother treated me similar...their jealousy stems from their own failed accomplishments.
I always gave my parents the benefit of the doubt because of family and culture but the last time I went to visit them in their country and their home, they sent someone to kill me. I survived and they both looked so disappointed. I returned to my place abroad and have slowly accepted the truth about them. It's taken me a year to accept and break ties. It's not easy not to have family but better be safe than sorry.
Wooow i ve been thinking about visiting my distant relatives but reading this comment just changed my mind because of how much my distant relatives are attacking me from there and showing hatred. Trip cancelled.
Girl, I truly admire your strength of character and self-awareness in addressing such a sensitive topic, especially considering the African background where discussions like this are often taboo. This took real courage, and you've just earned my subscription! From Denmark.
I feel so bad for BW who have horrible relationships with their mothers. My mom was my best friend and I learned that everyone wasn’t so blessed to have that. I pray that you and your mom can heal and get on good terms with each other.❤
I subbed as soon as you said you are from Ghana 🇬🇭 🇬🇭 🇬🇭. I’m so proud of you for speaking up. I also experienced the same with both of my parents back home in Ghana. But as you know in our culture we are NOT supposed to talk about this, we are supposed to let it go and move on. I’m still traumatized and I’ve left you think I’m the crazy one.
Yes, I legit witnessed her trying to me, walk like me, do the things am doing, copy me, etc even try to talk or laugh like me, weird! Have your own personality!!
You’d think a mother would want better for their child than they had… hyping their child up. It’s so sad that someone could do this to their poor child.
I feel sorry for the little child in my mother, whose wound was getting bigger and bigger. From this wound I was born. I feel your pain, the emptiness and the questioning very much. You are loved! Don't forget that.
It takes courage to share your heart and your traumatic experience on UA-cam. I salute you for this. I could never! First of all, I believe every single word. I didn’t have this experience with my Ghanaian mother. My parents were just cold, authoritarian and strict. Your experience is identical to one of my friends who relocated from Ghana to Germany. She’s as beautiful and softly spoken as you and her mother (who is neither) used her as a maid. Her stepfather was spineless and witnessed the daily abuse. She’s now in the UK and thriving in her independent life. Your mother sounds extremely emotionally stunted. I’m pretty sure that by anyone’s standards, competing with your 12 year old, abusing her, body shaming & insulting her is *nobody’s idea of raising a daughter* Her own experiences are no excuse for the terrible way she treated you. I’m so glad that you’ve reclaimed your life and empowered yourself by standing up & speaking your truth. I wish you complete healing and a future full of favour, blessings, prosperity and abundant love.
I'm soo sorry you went through this. I wish I could give you a huge hug so you'll have to accept my virtual hug. My experience with my mum is similar but at the same time different. It was after giving birth to my first born that things clicked for me that my mother does not like me. I am about to complete my first year of low contact and it's been liberating!
Its the same for nordafricans mothers. I’ve always thought she was jealous of me, but I used to believe I was the one in the wrong for thinking that way. Now that I’m 21, I’ve realized she really was. She used to hit me, insult me, throw away my stuff, and every time I tried to look pretty, she’d give me dirty looks and never told me I looked beautiful-even though everyone else did, except her. When I got my first jobs, she manipulated me and took my paychecks. I have two other siblings, and I always noticed how she was harsher with me. Now, when I bring it up, she starts crying, acts offended, and stops talking to me, saying it’s my fault she behaved that way. (But I was the most well-behaved kid and teenager ever-I didn’t cause any problems, I was calm and quiet.) I’m trying to forgive her so I don’t carry hatred in my heart, but I still feel broken inside for never having felt a mother’s love. My mother was my first enemy.
Everything you need is within you my sister. Forgiving means to let go of their transgressions towards you so you can free yourself from that bondage and this bond. Cut ties if you need to and live your life! You deserved it and your spirit craves it. Live your life! Xxx Yasmina
Unfortunately it is a real phenomenon. Many people don’t want to belive this can happen as it’s a taboo topic and most African mothers are fantastic at playing victim . I am a victim of this also and it has ultimately made my relationship with my mother quite strained and awkward . Now as a grown girl in my 20s I feel like it’s not all good news I can even share with her as I don’t want her to feel intimidated or be met with negative and demeaning comments . Don’t even get me started with the aunties and older female cousins . A lot of mothers are miserable and feel they failed at life or didn’t get what they want so they see there daughters as collateral competition and don’t necessarily want you to outshine them as this will highlight there own failures . I am so happy these conversations are finally being had on the internet as more of us can relate than you imagine . Becareful and stay prayed up these people will sabotage you if you give them the chance .
Wow. May God continue to bless you, keep you, and may His face shine upon you always, young lady. I am 27 years your senior and everything you said, sadly I am floored by the fact that I too, experienced almost identically, everything you have said in this phenomenal video. It's so sad that even you, born almost thirty years after my generation, our parents haven't changed for the better. They have not sought help, nor have they embarked on a healing journey, so as to not continue that barbaric cycle of abuse to their children. What strikes me is that my mother is also Ghanaian and I too, spent time in Ghana with my grandparents before settling here in England (I was born in England) with my mother and it's like our mothers read the same script for how to treat their own daughters. It's sickening and demonic. You are an amazing inspiration for your generation and you are a wonderful credit to our heavenly Father. Thank you for speaking out. Thank you for highlighting so beautifully, how you managed to escape from that horrific household and upbringing with such clarity, dignity and integrity. Keep on shining, keep on teaching, stay happy and above all, know that God is protecting and guiding your footsteps and life journey, every step of the way. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your honesty. By God's divine grace and intervention, justice was served to my mother in 2021, following years of abuse in my childhood. With God's help, I am free, I am alive and I am so grateful and thankful to Him for looking out for me, for you and for soooo many of our fellow brothers and sisters. Those who tragically didn't survive, are in the loving and peaceful arms of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, our Father and the Holy Spirit. Thank you so much little sister. You are helping so many people who are facing the same challenges you did. Thank you so much! God bless you always!
Thank you so much for you words. Indeed it is rather unfortunate that most of our parent/grandparents haven’t rendered for help with their attitudes because they 💯 believe there is nothing wrong with them but everything wrong with you! They need you to be a person whom can be abused for their entertainment when you aren’t like that you tagged as selfish, there is supposedly something wrong with you or you’re cursed. They know nothing but abuse and how to abuse others, classifying it as love. They’re never gonna seek that help and will die being that way!
I’m North African and I grew up with a mean hating mother that hurt me so bad and damaged me for life. She was always attacking me physically, verbally and mentally/emotionally.
Girl, I feel your story. I grew up thinking it was a ghanaian parenting thing. It's taken 30yr to heal from the emotional abuse and trauma. You're better off in a UK surrounded by a community of friends you chose to build. Thanks for sharing. Xx
I started watching your channel a month ago, I knew my experience (almost the exact same as yours) was 4buse but I was in denial. Thanks for shedding light on the issue of African parents using and putting down their children. I’m 20 and still stuck with them, going to wash the dishes as I watch this unfortunately. They convinced me to stay home for uni (my dad threatened to throw me out and disown me) and I’m looking to get support from my uni to move out, insha’Allah it goes well
Omg am so sorry to hear this, my father tried to manipulate to live at home as well, but it someone didn’t end that way and I was able to go away for uni, I hope you find a way out eventually so you can have some peace, also work and save some money, never tell them how much money you have saved, they might try to take it for their selfish needs to keep you poor so you can’t leave. Wishing you the best!
@ Thank you! When term restarts I will ask for advice from the counsellor to either live in halls or find a place nearby. I have money saved up (old job dad told me to quit bc of late hours) but no job atm, I need to start applying again. Your videos have been very inspiring
@ You’re mostly welcome. if you’re in the UK, you. Can apply for student in which you’ll unfortunately need your parents to approve of before you get the money. You can speak to your counsellor as well if there other options and also to help you with bursary
@@GoddessSignature I can try and fill out the student finance form on mum’s behalf (she made me create the account), and I get my unis bursary already. Thanks for the reply
It’s not even your mother like there is a lot of people like this and it’s crazy. It’s absolutely diabolical of them to target us because we have something they don’t have. They forget that their character is the reason why they will never have what we have. So it’s fine. Dw. X
The only thing you can do is not be jealous of your daughter and if you see it to other young girls, reach out to them with love ❤️ and let them know they are not alone and you care about them
This gives me insight into what my mother experienced with her stepmother. She's told me bits and pieces, but she opened up about her stepmother calling her derogoratory names, making up rumors about her, treating her like a maid, and making it difficult for her to attend school.
Girl, most likely you were able to pick up on this toxicity because you are the generational curse breaker in your family. You are the one who is meant to change things and the way things are done in the family. Ghanaian families are something else. I have my own experiences with my family and now at age 38 I'm just realizing that the reason I got so much hate from my family is because I'm the generational curse breaker. Advice I can give you is get really close to God because you will go through alot of trials but nothing will ever be able to destroy you. You are heavily protected by God because he sent you with this task. Stay strong❤
as much as I agree as someone who reconnected with their older sister it’s because often they take the brunt of the abuse from the parents and unfortunately they take out the frustration on us
That is true, but it is often the parents that set the precedent for that behavior early on. So I don't hold them accountable when the demonstrate that behavior as children, however, when you become an adult, you are able to assess things properly and make your own choices and decisions.
my beautiful cousin on my mum's side was raped by her stepfather at 12. My mum protected the stepfather when it came out. How can you victim-blame a child for their own sexual abuse. That's when I knew how evil my mother was. She hates other women, she hates me, she has tried to sabotage my life so many times, I am beautiful and talented, and she can't stand me. She even joined forces with her sister (my aunt/cousin's mum) to bully me when I was still dependent on her as a teenager. Same story as you, I had just moved from Zimbabwe to UK and I heard my mum say she brought me to the UK to receive child benefit (govt welfare for those in the US). Imagine, I was just a paycheck to her.
Am so sorry this hear this. I don’t know why and how they can protect a predator and someone who violated your own child. The child is often blamed for this situation and the adult involved somehow is innocent? I don’t even know how that works??? They are so make centred and think low of themselves that’s why maid of them ends up with abusive partners who does nothing but takes up space and ruins the household whiles the women in the house turns a blind eye cause their so desperate for a man and dust they will defend him in whatever he does to keep him. Meanwhile the entire time he don’t even like her! I hope your cousin finds healing if not already and forgive herself because it’s not her fault! I wish you and her all the best!
Im so glad this came on my feed. I have been seeing this message ovrr n over. I have been ignoring it. Recently, i have been finding out the extent of my moms sabotage through my life and currently. Literally trying to ruin my life. I didn't realize how competitive and mean girl like she was. Im going to heal this mother wound.
Thank you for speaking up about this dynamic. It exists and nobody wants to acknowledge, speak about it or confront it head on. Not even the church. These deep wounds are very real and can stay with one for a lifetime. Very, VERY damaging. So brave of you to express it the way you have.
This is my story , thank you for sharing this generational curse. I can relate I’m gonna be turning 40 soon and this hits home, it’s heartbreaking to come to this realization that your mom is jealous of u and how they cast spells on us by making us hate ourselves, and we learn to believe it but it shows up in our choices, the people we attract, the abuse we seek, repeating self sabotaging choices to confirm what we think about ourselves in our subconscious.
This was very real and raw, as a Somali woman my family members are exactly the same. My mum not so much although sometimes she can be judgy too, however my aunty wow is obsessed with every woman on this planet, she cusses and judges everyone mind you she’s 60 and jealous of 20/30/40 year olds
Mine too, she even goes as far as judging people in TV and those across the street/we’ve walked past. I’ve always found that weird and unsettling. What has people way of live got to do with you!? Always talking about I will never wear those earrings, too, shoes, hair, come to find out she’s saying those things out of jealousy and secretly want it be like them. But because she can’t achieve those things right now she’s hating. Because what has someone’s earrings got to do with your life?
Well done for speaking out. I am 50 and l still cannot have that relationship l yearn for with my mother. Unfortunately a lot of African mothers are not maternal. They have children as future investments who will look after them and it’s usually the children who are not their favourites who suffer a lot.
Thank you for telling your story. I am first gen Liberian American. For me, I don't think my mother is jealous of me, but I know my mother subconsciously hates me. I know that people like to play blameless victims when telling their side story, but today, I tell you that I have been actively trying to avoid my mother since I was 13. I have not done anything wrong to her. I think she has some kind of PTSD because she creates scenarios in her head and I find myself being the villain every time. Wild allegations from I'm trying to steal her house or something stupid like I'm trying to poison her. I have to actively make female friends because I have never had a positive female relationship
Girl I am Liberian too. And I feel your pain. Mines is my stepmother. It's so sad that they see you as their enemy. I also feel like I am a villain in her eyes. I think this problem is such a West African issue. They hate their daughters but love their sons.
It took me 40 years to accept that woman always hated me. But when your conditioned from birth that’s what mothers love looks like , so it was a hard pill to swallow that she was my biggest hater all along 😢
So sorry for your experience. Sadly many experience this with narcissistic mothers or borderline / other personality disorders. No empathy. The Bible prophesied that in the LAST days that this type of behaviour with no natural affection would be prevalent and this is what we are increasingly seeing. We need to ensure we have mature friends and adults we can talk to also seek help for the traumatic experiences. Thankfully very soon our loving creator Jehovah will take action to remove alllll wickedness permanently. All bad memories will be erased. Isaiah 65:17, Revelation 21:3,4 ❤❤❤🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
Nah. This behaviour probably used to be much worse. And it’s always been an issue especially in cultures where sons have been historically preferred which is quite a few
This story spoke directly to my heart. I can feel your honesty in the way you recount of the experiences with your mother. I stopped half way, right before you detail of your time in the UK for the first time. I feel your pain.. (I’ll go back and watch the rest later). I have experienced this too. This is healing for me honestly.. to know I am not alone. You’re not alone. It’s hurtful and painful to live with this understanding and choose to be different and not become them. It’s easy to be bitter, resentful, and envious when you’ve been hurt deeply. It takes strength to choose the light, goodness, kindness, and love. You are so wise sister, God has given you the wisdom to become and be different from the hate you experienced. Keep healing, keep growing, stay prayed up, stay pure hearted, and keep God close♥️
@4:23❤❤❤❤you are amazing!! Not only did you find out the root cause you are taking responsibility for your current behaviors for growth ...thats very brave of you and where you are breaking the cycle!
I think the “they don’t know better” is a BAD excuse and easy cop out, because can this sentiment extend to racist people? People who grew up watching their dad’s domestically assault their mothers, and subsequently do the same to their wives? “They didn’t know better” either, right? The thing is, those mothers DO realise that they’re in the wrong however, they have TOO MUCH pride to ever change and admit to it. It takes a lot of willpower to change and bite your tongue, so to speak. Which is something they did not want to do. They would rather release dopamine by staying angry, bitter and lashing out, because when they release dopamine they feel good/better, as opposed to biting their tongues in the heat of the moment and becoming a better person. It really is THAT simple. Also, their behaviour is enabled by their family and peers. They’re not ostracised for their behaviours. People underestimate how much pride and ego plays a part in how we interact with others. How many times have we done something wrong, but have too much pride to apologise to the person we have wronged? WE KNOW what we did was wrong but we prefer to stay petty and not apologise - everyone has done it, to a certain extent. It’s the same for these mothers but WORSE - it’s pride and ego built up over years and years, with the support of religion and family members telling them they are right in everything they do no matter what.
I grew up without parents but God has always watched out for me and i noticed my African aunts very jealous of me. They are jealous because I am the motherless child thriving while their kids with mothers are struggling.
The thing is, I feel like sometimes we over spiritualise things. You can’t really tell her not to describe her experience as hate. She is the only one that knows her experience and she’s bravely decided to share it with us. This mentality, adds to the problems that we have in our community. Constantly describing toxic behaviour as spiritual issues makes people not take accountability for their poor actions.
Thank you for having the courage to share your story, i too had a very similar experience with my mother . You are so beautiful inside and out, i pray you have peace in your life ❤
I know this all to well and I had to get away from mine before she destroys me completely. She wanted me to focus on her and live her life through me. She is not someone I want to come near me or talk to me. She tried to sabotage me in every way
You are so beautiful and well spoken...education, self development and being extremely and I mean extremely cautious about what I share with my family helped me get through the confusion and contradicting behaviours so prevalent in my family...and reading the work of Dr Ramani helped me to understand the behaviours in my family and leaning into reading and educating in my faith....you are a Courageous and with much potential...God bless you sweetheart
Thank you for your story. You will be ok. It’s great you’re on your healing journey at such a young age. I’m twice your age and it’s only a few years ago i started healing. My story is almost exactly the same as yours!! You are not alone. You have a light within you and God will use that to bring healing to many others.
I think that what you´ve experienced is being the daughter of a narcissist mother, this not just a regular case of generational trauma, or hatred coming from your mom, she might be a narcissist, and she acts this way not only because she envies you for being you but because that´s a mental personality estructure
Am so sorry to hear this🥺. I was a maid as well to the extend that people around the house didn’t know I was their child so they asked me if I was my parents maid, I was shocked and just stood there till they left
I am a son and face this same thing. And I am 45 years old. This is as a result of girls getting kids early in life. They throw their bitterness to their firstborn as you are seen as the reason for their failures and rejection. They view you as that demon who came into their lives and everything changed. So u get all the hate
@@elvisejo5885. Agreed. That was my first thought too (it’s women that feel like their kids stopped them from achieving their dreams in some way.) Even so, it’s still the fault of the mothers. They didn’t have to have the kid. That’s why it’s soo important to know yourself, know the life that you want and to go for it. Women now, are having kids much later and AFTER they’ve completed their goals and it’s a good thing.
I'm from the DRC, and I grew up with my uncle and his wife from the age of 12. I have experienced these a lot. Body shaming, bullying, making up stories, and intimidation that if I stand against them, I will never prosper in this country. The whole Congolese community was turned against me. I left home and refused to listen to what outsiders had to say because I knew what was happening, not them. You have to cut them off from your life; otherwise, you won't make it. In the beginning, it was hard because people would call me, telling me what they were saying. But now I have peace of mind. The African homes are extremely toxic, and it surprises me every time I see them in churches pretending to be who they are not.
I don’t have a daughter myself but I do see this amongst people I know, a mother-daughter thing. It’s so sad when there are mothers who truly bond with their daughters .
Trust me I understand where you’re coming from. It’s crazy to even think that your mom could be but it’s very much real. I had a mom who never ever complimented me but always found a way to insult me. I noticed I resembled her little sister that she was always in completion in leading her to create that dynamic with my sisters and I. It’s all generational trauma! But God forbid will my daughter experience this.
Thank you for sharing and articulating so clearly. A cautionary, true tale for all mothers. You sound healed and healthy and you are a beautiful soul. Thank you so much. Subscribed!
I realized this with crystal clarity this year. Its transgenerational. They're haters coz their moms haters. Best thing to do is detach and live your best life. Low vibrational people in general will drag you down to hell with them if you allow it.
I went through this except it was my father. He hated me for being female. From a very young age I felt bad vibes around him. Without his help and rather alot of neglect i managed to put myself through school, got married and bought a house with my husband and now have my own children. The success I gained in my life really allowed him to show his true colours especially in the way I parent my kids. I am.now very low contact. The amount of emotional blackmail,gaslighting and verbal abuse that man threw my way growing up should have never come my way. I was a very good child who caused no disruption. I tried to include him in my life despite his behaviour, but eventually I had to cut him off when he essentially told me and my family can all get lost including his grand kids...a**hole.!
My dear i feel you, though a Nigerian but i experienced same, she even compares me to my other siblings created rift between us so they can see me as the bad child, i really suffered, but then i became stronger and fought her, shes scared of me now because i ghosted her and tell her to her face i despise her, she wants to mend the relationship but have zoned out, i dont trust her one bit, what she did to me still hunts me, when your mum is quite old and all the people she loved would fail her she would remember you because you would be more successful than everyother person around her, she would wonder how you got to that level and try to get along with you but keep your boundaries, never give her a chance,you cant find healing from those who hurt you, the journey is lonely and you have to be strong, with time you would meet women of your soul tribe, they will love, appreciate and nurture you, you dont need the love of your mother to thrive, you dont need her validation , chose God, seek his ways and he would lead you right.
Older woman here,You are not wrong I witnessed this and it is disgusting we Older woman are supposed to uplift our beautiful girls, I always tell my 2 daughters you are it baby your a beauty every chance I get😅
Good, am their self concept and image is really strong. Mine didn’t want that for me and was scared of other people uplifting me so they told me not to listen to other people because apparently outsiders won’t tell you the truth only your parents will. Meanwhile I have experience kindness and basic human respect from outsiders not them!
@GoddessSignature My mom was the same as you described your mother ,this is why I will always tell my children you are beautiful I was never even told this by my mother ,Let alone get a hug
Thank you Jesus that this cup passed from me. My mother is everyone’s mother. She’s my cousin’s go to mother and my friends go to mother too. I inherited her heart and unfortunately it’s not always the best thing. It allows other people to move mad coz we’re so called “soft”. I’ve struggled creating boundaries coz I just wanna love people even when they don’t deserve it. I’m sorry y’all have been in the trenches and I pray God creates a miracle for you all ❤❤❤❤
Wow! Thank you guys for sharing something so personal as this❤, this heals many heart that are hurting. Something very touching you guys repeat is "I couldn't understand why" I think that's because that's the mother's insecurity and inner struggles she is projecting on the child than it's about the child, the problem is when the child internalize that as if that's their problem!
Exactly if you and your parents don’t have a great relationship it’s 💯 their fault. They’re the adult how come they don’t know how to build relationships with their own children and then people expect the child to mend the relationship??? No child gets up one day and decide to do this, am sure they tried amending the situation multiple times but as we all might experienced already, it just gets worse and worse each time! But only the child gets the blame because African parents are saints.
Your content is so healing to me. I’m sorry you had to go through such unfair things ❤😔 I too recently discovered that it’s not normal that my mother used me as her personal therapist my entire life, acted like a victim and made me hate my father, yet would never make real plans to leave because she’s too good for a job and enjoys dads funding. I was robbed of a carefree childhood, always overly responsible for the well-being of lazy entitled leeches. Naturally, I allowed friends and boyfriends into my life who acted the exact same. I’m so rageful.
Am so sorry you went through that, I have a video coming addressing this soon. What you can start doing is to get rid of anyone who reminds/act like her. Learn to stop those behaviour/ people to prevent you from something you might need healing from later on. It’s okay to feel the range, allow yourself to feel it to get it all out. It will be fine. Limit interactions as much as you can with her and hope for the best for yourself!
I wonder why they act like that at there big age too but I understand it’s cause they literally grew up miserable we are better than them n they r jealous the men they had to settle for the life they have
I would love to do a collaboration on this!! This is so prevalent and it’s incredible how many older African women are now confessing their abuse and disrespect from their mothers!! Let’s speak!!
Same here babe. Some of our mothers never wanted to be mothers, culture and circumstances forced them. I wish healing to all of us.
They don’t want kids but breed like rabbits then expect the eldest daughter to be the house slave….my experience
Patriarchy has forced so much on them, that's why they never made a free choice on their own.
@@Barbieflygerianit’s crazy and sad, I was forced to grow up at a young age and young age, I can’t even say I had a childhood
💯 some were forced into marriage becuase they had a kid with someone they aren’t married to, completely wiping away their chances of finding someone they actually like. And some of them tend not to fancy the kid they come out of that situation
Mine experience too, my childhood ended the day I landed in the UK at 12, I said to myself thank god I have a childhood before coming, I would have been screwed!
Emotional intelligence doesn’t have an age. There are people who are 70+ but still don’t have emotional intelligence
My grandpa is like this, which is just sickening! They’re the childish and immature one meanwhile they’ll project that onto you to make themselves feel better not to even talk about the fact that you can’t reason with them!
Emotional intelligence doesn't have an age. If I allow you to come around me, I will need to teach you, even if you are 80+.
It’s unfortunate that our mums are our first bullies. Such a shame
I feel so embarrassed for all the times I judged and encouraged my friends to mend relationships with their horrible mothers. I’ll never minimize others’ experiences of the people they know best.
Thank you for the empathy on behalf of all the African women who will be blessed to have your friendship.
@@omowhanre I used to do that too. I read this book called “I’m glad my mom died” and it opened my eyes to other people’s experiences
I used to do that when I did not experience it, I used to tell them "She's your mother", unable to even understand what they were going through. Karma hit me, and I am experiencing worse things with my parents now. I will never do that again.
Thank you for acknowledging and stating this. It's really insensitive and annoying when people say those things without understanding what it's like to be in your shoes. I can't tell you how many times I have been told the same thing by family members and friends who have no concept whatsoever of the things that my mother has put me through and the damage that she has caused. . . damage that I am STILL working on repairing well into my adulthood!
@July-ola OH wow! Sounds like an interesting book to read.
Story of my life. I'm 48 and still dealing with PTSD 😢
I'm estranged to her.
Get rid of the PTSD and know that you have only this one life.
One life
Good choice 👍🏾 don’t ever go back
I was adopted so it’s extra hard for me but I’m also estranged to her and my family.
Going trough this myself. My brother threats my mother like crap but that’s her golden child that can do no wrong . Me on the other side I’m seen as the enemy , anything I achieve in life is a reason for her to be sad. For me was so hard to accept that reality . Even my body she would compare it to hers 😢
Now is no contact forever , gave her to many chances and every time she did worst than before .
Do a part 2 , this conversation needs to be had in the black community
Mine too you’re not alone mine tried to destroy me she was so jealous of me and blames me for her life choices
Same for me
Apt!!! We need a part 2.
We need this conversation.
Hey I have posted part to already
ua-cam.com/video/_pxWTG2L-DU/v-deo.htmlsi=IYC6rCXxZWvl_DCr
I experience the same thing. One thing I realised it they prefer the golden child because they’re just like them. They think and act like them so they get along, you on the other hand wants what’s best for yourself and others, which they hate so you will be hated for it. Meanwhile when they need someone to take care of them, they call their daughters🤦🏾♀️
Wow! Thank you guys for sharing something so personal as this❤, this heals many heart that are hurting.
Something very touching you guys repeat is "I couldn't understand why" I think that's because that's the mother's insecurity and inner struggles she is projecting on the child than it's about the child, the problem is when the child internalize that as if that's their problem!
I have an Asian mother. Same way. I couldnt understand it either. No one understands if they dont also go through this. So i cant even freely talk about it to just anyone
This happens in every culture. Some females are lucky to have good mothers and then there is us the unfortunate ones. I’m Jamaican and most Jamaican mothers love their daughters and I remember always seeing how they treated their daughters when they had pta meetings and I was always so jealous because I never had parents but I had my grandmother and she treated me just like they treated their daughters but it wasn’t the same because she wasn’t my actual mother. That’s why when I met my mother finally got the first time and I was greeted with the mother from 🔥 I was in disbelief. It was nothing like what I saw from the other girls and their mothers. They’d dress them up in the nicest things whenever there was events at school and just did the most but my mother was far from that. It made me realize how much I love my grandmother and was grateful she raised me back then instead of her because she has issues she refuses to address. Funny thing is I have a daughter and I don’t see her as competition, like how do you even get to that headspace? The way my mother treated me I don’t see myself ever doing that to my daughter or any of my kids.
I understand that this is a phenomenon that can be experienced by people of all cultures. However, our experiences as Africans is just that...ours. Dealing with an African mother or father has absolutely nothing to do someone having an Asian parent. It is not the same.
While it's natural to show engagement, it's rude to seek attention by drawing the focus to your experiences with a non-African mother when the flow of conversation is about African mothers. A lot of members of our African diaspora have been socially conditioned to disregard our own feelings while prioritizing or going out of our way to be inclusive in conversations about our own shared lived experiences.
You're unaware that interjecting your experiences about a non-African mother in conversations about African mothers is quite disrespectful. The eagerness to share your thoughts overrides your need to make space for others.
I understand that sharing your personal story related to the topic at hand is a way to demonstrate a connection or highlight your own perspective. But that is where the problem lies. Our experiences as Africans with our African parents are not socially, culturally, linguistically, or genetically connected to an individual's experiences with a non-African parent. Our African diaspora deserves to have our stories heard without interruption.
@@deamorebeaute2412heyyyyy I get there are differences, but emotional coldness is emotional coldness…. I agree that there’s probably different spaces for Asian moms, but I see nothing wrong for checking out similar expeirences in other cultures 🤷🏽♀️ human experience is universal
@pumpkinpie7864 I agree. why shouldn't this person be allowed to share their experience - we are all people and although there are differences in our experiences, there is also so much similarity. Acknowledging those similarities can actually be very helpful. @guinevre1517 you are free to share your experience
@@deamorebeaute2412 She was relating. No one is trying to drown out her voice or experience. She said African mother because she is in fact African. I'm Jamaican and everything she is saying could have come out of my mouth, word for word. I respect my African sisters, the diaspora also benefits deeply from this conversation, sharing and possibility of healing. Any woman goi g through this can probably relate. If the OP doesn't wish anyo e else to share or finds it as denying her , her own voice I would like to hear from her.
My mother was so cruel to me I was convinced I was adopted because I couldn’t understand
A lot of women are insecure and see women as competition even their own daughter
Me too! It's only last year that I finally got confirmation that I'm her biological daughter ... I'm 45.
I have been no contact for over 18 years now with mine. The day I had my awaken was the day she said to me that her friend was asking her won't she be jealous if I do better than her. I looked at her that day and asked her what kind of conversation was she having with her friend about her own daughter to bring about such talk? The shocked look on her face was epic, she didn't expect me to ask her that.
The hatred this woman had for me, the way she talk about me you won't know she birth me.
When you have so many capabilities you are prone to the jealousy.... Myself too I thought everyone wished me well until I realised they were hating on me actually
She always told me people kept saying nasty things about me to her(lies!) Even before I knew it was all lies all I could think of is you must be encouraging that type or talk because who is bold enough to unprovokenly keep talking down on someone else's child to the child's own mother repeatedly?
@Q.T-T that's what I said too!! Why are they comfortable talking trash about your child to you!! What type of conversation were you having with them? Just horrible.
White female from Ireland ..
Same thing for me ..from both mum and dad ..still got PTSD ..have went low contact ..The hole they left in me was a magnet for narcissist users / takers .. because I tried to earn and buy love from my parents. . never again am done chasing ..They can chase me now am going to heal ❤
I feel your pain so much dear. You articulated it so well. I experienced the same. Continue to be strong and thank you for exposing the taboo of toxic African mothers. Our society does not like to talk about this topic.
Thank you so much, it’s a taboo because African mothers are viewed as saint and if you dare call them out, you’ve reduced your life on earth or you won’t live long, you won’t get blessings, etc and they’re just allowed to be toxic!??? And childish?? All these I think are fear and manipulation tactics as well as an excuse for their behaviour, having children does not grant you immunity
@@GoddessSignature I am crying tears 😢 first I am so sorry to admit that I am not African but Turkish, I read a comment that a person don't wanted to hear stories outside of African race. But .. the pain is unbearable to have no family anymore. When I hear that others are going through the same is relieving. I have heard similar sentences in my culture. That I will be cursed if I don't let my parents treat me the way they want. That I am their property. My mother is the most cold person in the world has none of an empathy. It took me 39 years. I never had a loving relationship and it looks like never have children. So they were right i AM cursed with PTSD. I don't know how to live like this. Every single day in deepest pain and deepest loneliness.
@@GoddessSignaturethank U for sharing this. I thought I was alone and felt it's a taboo. I thought I was mentality ill
@@GoddessSignaturewell said! 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
You are the one who will and are breaking generational curses. It's so sad my mother treated me similar...their jealousy stems from their own failed accomplishments.
You’re so pretty, so self aware, so emotionally intelligent. Please don’t ever let anybody discourage you. ❤❤❤
Thank you so much I won’t 🥹
I always gave my parents the benefit of the doubt because of family and culture but the last time I went to visit them in their country and their home, they sent someone to kill me. I survived and they both looked so disappointed. I returned to my place abroad and have slowly accepted the truth about them. It's taken me a year to accept and break ties. It's not easy not to have family but better be safe than sorry.
Omg I'm sorry to hear this happened, Hope everything works out for you.
Wooow i ve been thinking about visiting my distant relatives but reading this comment just changed my mind because of how much my distant relatives are attacking me from there and showing hatred. Trip cancelled.
Explain what happened with the someone & also explain how you found out that they're the ones who sent someone to kill you
@glowshun protect yourself at all cost you don't need that energy
@@glowshunYou read her message at the right time. Better safe than sorry. Please protect yourself! 🙏
Girl, I truly admire your strength of character and self-awareness in addressing such a sensitive topic, especially considering the African background where discussions like this are often taboo. This took real courage, and you've just earned my subscription! From Denmark.
When the daughter is getting a better reputation and better accolades than them, they are not happy for her
Hmmmmmmmmmmmm Yehowaaaaah hmmmmmmmmm hmmmmmmmmm…… the competition becomes intense.
My mothers a narcissist, manipulator and a liar. Cut her off two years ago and have not looked back
I feel so bad for BW who have horrible relationships with their mothers. My mom was my best friend and I learned that everyone wasn’t so blessed to have that. I pray that you and your mom can heal and get on good terms with each other.❤
Lucky, mine was my first bully!
Don't let any woman insecurities and need for competition make you feel less than.. Put everybody in their right place.. Happy New Year.
I subbed as soon as you said you are from Ghana 🇬🇭 🇬🇭 🇬🇭. I’m so proud of you for speaking up. I also experienced the same with both of my parents back home in Ghana. But as you know in our culture we are NOT supposed to talk about this, we are supposed to let it go and move on. I’m still traumatized and I’ve left you think I’m the crazy one.
@17:03 - that's why she was jealous of you. She could never be you and she mistreated you deliberately for you to lose yourself, qualities and traits.
Yes, I legit witnessed her trying to me, walk like me, do the things am doing, copy me, etc even try to talk or laugh like me, weird! Have your own personality!!
You’d think a mother would want better for their child than they had… hyping their child up. It’s so sad that someone could do this to their poor child.
Lucky you, you realise this at 22.
I realised this in my thirties
Yes I’ve been so lucky I’ve been realising it right from birth.
I feel sorry for the little child in my mother, whose wound was getting bigger and bigger. From this wound I was born. I feel your pain, the emptiness and the questioning very much. You are loved! Don't forget that.
This is so deep ❤
Wow I hope you find healing to the wound so you don’t pass it on, sending you loads of love and hugs 🥺🤗🤗❤️
It takes courage to share your heart and your traumatic experience on UA-cam. I salute you for this. I could never!
First of all, I believe every single word. I didn’t have this experience with my Ghanaian mother. My parents were just cold, authoritarian and strict. Your experience is identical to one of my friends who relocated from Ghana to Germany. She’s as beautiful and softly spoken as you and her mother (who is neither) used her as a maid. Her stepfather was spineless and witnessed the daily abuse. She’s now in the UK and thriving in her independent life.
Your mother sounds extremely emotionally stunted. I’m pretty sure that by anyone’s standards, competing with your 12 year old, abusing her, body shaming & insulting her is *nobody’s idea of raising a daughter*
Her own experiences are no excuse for the terrible way she treated you. I’m so glad that you’ve reclaimed your life and empowered yourself by standing up & speaking your truth. I wish you complete healing and a future full of favour, blessings, prosperity and abundant love.
This happens to girls in the Caribbean too. Speak your truth. ❤
I'm soo sorry you went through this. I wish I could give you a huge hug so you'll have to accept my virtual hug.
My experience with my mum is similar but at the same time different. It was after giving birth to my first born that things clicked for me that my mother does not like me. I am about to complete my first year of low contact and it's been liberating!
Its the same for nordafricans mothers. I’ve always thought she was jealous of me, but I used to believe I was the one in the wrong for thinking that way. Now that I’m 21, I’ve realized she really was. She used to hit me, insult me, throw away my stuff, and every time I tried to look pretty, she’d give me dirty looks and never told me I looked beautiful-even though everyone else did, except her. When I got my first jobs, she manipulated me and took my paychecks.
I have two other siblings, and I always noticed how she was harsher with me. Now, when I bring it up, she starts crying, acts offended, and stops talking to me, saying it’s my fault she behaved that way. (But I was the most well-behaved kid and teenager ever-I didn’t cause any problems, I was calm and quiet.)
I’m trying to forgive her so I don’t carry hatred in my heart, but I still feel broken inside for never having felt a mother’s love. My mother was my first enemy.
Everything you need is within you my sister. Forgiving means to let go of their transgressions towards you so you can free yourself from that bondage and this bond. Cut ties if you need to and live your life! You deserved it and your spirit craves it. Live your life! Xxx Yasmina
@@Yas-k7w thank you my sister ❤❤
I completely resonate . At least we are not alone ❤️
Unfortunately it is a real phenomenon. Many people don’t want to belive this can happen as it’s a taboo topic and most African mothers are fantastic at playing victim . I am a victim of this also and it has ultimately made my relationship with my mother quite strained and awkward . Now as a grown girl in my 20s I feel like it’s not all good news I can even share with her as I don’t want her to feel intimidated or be met with negative and demeaning comments . Don’t even get me started with the aunties and older female cousins . A lot of mothers are miserable and feel they failed at life or didn’t get what they want so they see there daughters as collateral competition and don’t necessarily want you to outshine them as this will highlight there own failures . I am so happy these conversations are finally being had on the internet as more of us can relate than you imagine . Becareful and stay prayed up these people will sabotage you if you give them the chance .
Wow. May God continue to bless you, keep you, and may His face shine upon you always, young lady. I am 27 years your senior and everything you said, sadly I am floored by the fact that I too, experienced almost identically, everything you have said in this phenomenal video. It's so sad that even you, born almost thirty years after my generation, our parents haven't changed for the better. They have not sought help, nor have they embarked on a healing journey, so as to not continue that barbaric cycle of abuse to their children. What strikes me is that my mother is also Ghanaian and I too, spent time in Ghana with my grandparents before settling here in England (I was born in England) with my mother and it's like our mothers read the same script for how to treat their own daughters. It's sickening and demonic. You are an amazing inspiration for your generation and you are a wonderful credit to our heavenly Father. Thank you for speaking out. Thank you for highlighting so beautifully, how you managed to escape from that horrific household and upbringing with such clarity, dignity and integrity. Keep on shining, keep on teaching, stay happy and above all, know that God is protecting and guiding your footsteps and life journey, every step of the way. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your honesty. By God's divine grace and intervention, justice was served to my mother in 2021, following years of abuse in my childhood. With God's help, I am free, I am alive and I am so grateful and thankful to Him for looking out for me, for you and for soooo many of our fellow brothers and sisters. Those who tragically didn't survive, are in the loving and peaceful arms of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, our Father and the Holy Spirit. Thank you so much little sister. You are helping so many people who are facing the same challenges you did. Thank you so much! God bless you always!
Thank you so much for you words. Indeed it is rather unfortunate that most of our parent/grandparents haven’t rendered for help with their attitudes because they 💯 believe there is nothing wrong with them but everything wrong with you! They need you to be a person whom can be abused for their entertainment when you aren’t like that you tagged as selfish, there is supposedly something wrong with you or you’re cursed. They know nothing but abuse and how to abuse others, classifying it as love. They’re never gonna seek that help and will die being that way!
I’m North African and I grew up with a mean hating mother that hurt me so bad and damaged me for life. She was always attacking me physically, verbally and mentally/emotionally.
Girl, I feel your story. I grew up thinking it was a ghanaian parenting thing. It's taken 30yr to heal from the emotional abuse and trauma. You're better off in a UK surrounded by a community of friends you chose to build. Thanks for sharing. Xx
I started watching your channel a month ago, I knew my experience (almost the exact same as yours) was 4buse but I was in denial. Thanks for shedding light on the issue of African parents using and putting down their children. I’m 20 and still stuck with them, going to wash the dishes as I watch this unfortunately. They convinced me to stay home for uni (my dad threatened to throw me out and disown me) and I’m looking to get support from my uni to move out, insha’Allah it goes well
Omg am so sorry to hear this, my father tried to manipulate to live at home as well, but it someone didn’t end that way and I was able to go away for uni, I hope you find a way out eventually so you can have some peace, also work and save some money, never tell them how much money you have saved, they might try to take it for their selfish needs to keep you poor so you can’t leave. Wishing you the best!
@ Thank you! When term restarts I will ask for advice from the counsellor to either live in halls or find a place nearby. I have money saved up (old job dad told me to quit bc of late hours) but no job atm, I need to start applying again. Your videos have been very inspiring
@ You’re mostly welcome. if you’re in the UK, you. Can apply for student in which you’ll unfortunately need your parents to approve of before you get the money. You can speak to your counsellor as well if there other options and also to help you with bursary
@@GoddessSignature I can try and fill out the student finance form on mum’s behalf (she made me create the account), and I get my unis bursary already. Thanks for the reply
i have a jealous caribbean mom so i felt all of this
It’s not even your mother like there is a lot of people like this and it’s crazy. It’s absolutely diabolical of them to target us because we have something they don’t have. They forget that their character is the reason why they will never have what we have. So it’s fine. Dw. X
Honestly I didn’t know it was possible for a mother to be jealous of her own child. Wish you healing.
The only thing you can do is not be jealous of your daughter and if you see it to other young girls, reach out to them with love ❤️ and let them know they are not alone and you care about them
So true, I’ve been doing this!🥹
@@GoddessSignature 💗💗
Thank you for saying this, I experienced the same way of life. I’m 61 years old now. Bless you beautiful young woman ❤
Thank you! You too!
Why is this such a universal experience 😢? Thanks for speaking on this. Sending you and everyone who’s been through this pain love and healing.❤❤❤❤
This gives me insight into what my mother experienced with her stepmother. She's told me bits and pieces, but she opened up about her stepmother calling her derogoratory names, making up rumors about her, treating her like a maid, and making it difficult for her to attend school.
It is the same in the African Diaspora with jealous mothers... Thank you for the video, sis. Peace and blessings to you.
Girl, most likely you were able to pick up on this toxicity because you are the generational curse breaker in your family. You are the one who is meant to change things and the way things are done in the family. Ghanaian families are something else. I have my own experiences with my family and now at age 38 I'm just realizing that the reason I got so much hate from my family is because I'm the generational curse breaker. Advice I can give you is get really close to God because you will go through alot of trials but nothing will ever be able to destroy you. You are heavily protected by God because he sent you with this task. Stay strong❤
Sisters can be like this too. Especially older sisters...
yup.
Exactly
as much as I agree as someone who reconnected with their older sister it’s because often they take the brunt of the abuse from the parents and unfortunately they take out the frustration on us
That is true, but it is often the parents that set the precedent for that behavior early on. So I don't hold them accountable when the demonstrate that behavior as children, however, when you become an adult, you are able to assess things properly and make your own choices and decisions.
my beautiful cousin on my mum's side was raped by her stepfather at 12. My mum protected the stepfather when it came out. How can you victim-blame a child for their own sexual abuse. That's when I knew how evil my mother was. She hates other women, she hates me, she has tried to sabotage my life so many times, I am beautiful and talented, and she can't stand me. She even joined forces with her sister (my aunt/cousin's mum) to bully me when I was still dependent on her as a teenager. Same story as you, I had just moved from Zimbabwe to UK and I heard my mum say she brought me to the UK to receive child benefit (govt welfare for those in the US). Imagine, I was just a paycheck to her.
Am so sorry this hear this. I don’t know why and how they can protect a predator and someone who violated your own child. The child is often blamed for this situation and the adult involved somehow is innocent? I don’t even know how that works??? They are so make centred and think low of themselves that’s why maid of them ends up with abusive partners who does nothing but takes up space and ruins the household whiles the women in the house turns a blind eye cause their so desperate for a man and dust they will defend him in whatever he does to keep him. Meanwhile the entire time he don’t even like her!
I hope your cousin finds healing if not already and forgive herself because it’s not her fault! I wish you and her all the best!
Im so glad this came on my feed. I have been seeing this message ovrr n over. I have been ignoring it. Recently, i have been finding out the extent of my moms sabotage through my life and currently. Literally trying to ruin my life. I didn't realize how competitive and mean girl like she was. Im going to heal this mother wound.
Thank you for speaking up about this dynamic. It exists and nobody wants to acknowledge, speak about it or confront it head on. Not even the church. These deep wounds are very real and can stay with one for a lifetime. Very, VERY damaging. So brave of you to express it the way you have.
This is my story , thank you for sharing this generational curse. I can relate I’m gonna be turning 40 soon and this hits home, it’s heartbreaking to come to this realization that your mom is jealous of u and how they cast spells on us by making us hate ourselves, and we learn to believe it but it shows up in our choices, the people we attract, the abuse we seek, repeating self sabotaging choices to confirm what we think about ourselves in our subconscious.
Exactly this! I grief for my inner child. To treat your daughter how we have been treated is unforgivable.
This was very real and raw, as a Somali woman my family members are exactly the same. My mum not so much although sometimes she can be judgy too, however my aunty wow is obsessed with every woman on this planet, she cusses and judges everyone mind you she’s 60 and jealous of 20/30/40 year olds
Mine too, she even goes as far as judging people in TV and those across the street/we’ve walked past. I’ve always found that weird and unsettling. What has people way of live got to do with you!? Always talking about I will never wear those earrings, too, shoes, hair, come to find out she’s saying those things out of jealousy and secretly want it be like them. But because she can’t achieve those things right now she’s hating. Because what has someone’s earrings got to do with your life?
Well done for speaking out. I am 50 and l still cannot have that relationship l yearn for with my mother. Unfortunately a lot of African mothers are not maternal. They have children as future investments who will look after them and it’s usually the children who are not their favourites who suffer a lot.
Thank you for telling your story. I am first gen Liberian American. For me, I don't think my mother is jealous of me, but I know my mother subconsciously hates me. I know that people like to play blameless victims when telling their side story, but today, I tell you that I have been actively trying to avoid my mother since I was 13. I have not done anything wrong to her. I think she has some kind of PTSD because she creates scenarios in her head and I find myself being the villain every time. Wild allegations from I'm trying to steal her house or something stupid like I'm trying to poison her.
I have to actively make female friends because I have never had a positive female relationship
Girl I am Liberian too. And I feel your pain. Mines is my stepmother. It's so sad that they see you as their enemy. I also feel like I am a villain in her eyes. I think this problem is such a West African issue. They hate their daughters but love their sons.
It took me 40 years to accept that woman always hated me. But when your conditioned from birth that’s what mothers love looks like , so it was a hard pill to swallow that she was my biggest hater all along 😢
You say "that woman". I can't say mother anymore too. For me she became her first name.
So sorry for your experience. Sadly many experience this with narcissistic mothers or borderline / other personality disorders. No empathy. The Bible prophesied that in the LAST days that this type of behaviour with no natural affection would be prevalent and this is what we are increasingly seeing. We need to ensure we have mature friends and adults we can talk to also seek help for the traumatic experiences. Thankfully very soon our loving creator Jehovah will take action to remove alllll wickedness permanently. All bad memories will be erased. Isaiah 65:17, Revelation 21:3,4 ❤❤❤🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
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I really liked this reply thankyou
Nah. This behaviour probably used to be much worse. And it’s always been an issue especially in cultures where sons have been historically preferred which is quite a few
@ you are so welcome 🙏🏽🩷
This story spoke directly to my heart. I can feel your honesty in the way you recount of the experiences with your mother. I stopped half way, right before you detail of your time in the UK for the first time. I feel your pain.. (I’ll go back and watch the rest later). I have experienced this too. This is healing for me honestly.. to know I am not alone. You’re not alone. It’s hurtful and painful to live with this understanding and choose to be different and not become them. It’s easy to be bitter, resentful, and envious when you’ve been hurt deeply. It takes strength to choose the light, goodness, kindness, and love. You are so wise sister, God has given you the wisdom to become and be different from the hate you experienced. Keep healing, keep growing, stay prayed up, stay pure hearted, and keep God close♥️
Thank you so much for this 🥹
@4:23❤❤❤❤you are amazing!! Not only did you find out the root cause you are taking responsibility for your current behaviors for growth ...thats very brave of you and where you are breaking the cycle!
i am not african i am european but its so true bro like there are so many families like this all around the world is crazy..and it makes me so sad...
I think the “they don’t know better” is a BAD excuse and easy cop out, because can this sentiment extend to racist people? People who grew up watching their dad’s domestically assault their mothers, and subsequently do the same to their wives? “They didn’t know better” either, right?
The thing is, those mothers DO realise that they’re in the wrong however, they have TOO MUCH pride to ever change and admit to it. It takes a lot of willpower to change and bite your tongue, so to speak. Which is something they did not want to do. They would rather release dopamine by staying angry, bitter and lashing out, because when they release dopamine they feel good/better, as opposed to biting their tongues in the heat of the moment and becoming a better person. It really is THAT simple. Also, their behaviour is enabled by their family and peers. They’re not ostracised for their behaviours.
People underestimate how much pride and ego plays a part in how we interact with others. How many times have we done something wrong, but have too much pride to apologise to the person we have wronged? WE KNOW what we did was wrong but we prefer to stay petty and not apologise - everyone has done it, to a certain extent. It’s the same for these mothers but WORSE - it’s pride and ego built up over years and years, with the support of religion and family members telling them they are right in everything they do no matter what.
I concur , my mother said she won't apologize or change so I accept her.stopped talking to her ever since
I grew up without parents but God has always watched out for me and i noticed my African aunts very jealous of me. They are jealous because I am the motherless child thriving while their kids with mothers are struggling.
Not just African mothers, black mothers period. I would say most are like this.
Same here dear 😢. Exactly, the same. Thank you so much for this, it was very validating to my experience too.
Good, cause they try to make you think you’re crazy or gaslight you out of your own experiences!
I think it's an spiritual problem.
Be close with GOD and pray.
Never stay in hate.
I understand you. It's incredible.
The thing is, I feel like sometimes we over spiritualise things. You can’t really tell her not to describe her experience as hate. She is the only one that knows her experience and she’s bravely decided to share it with us. This mentality, adds to the problems that we have in our community. Constantly describing toxic behaviour as spiritual issues makes people not take accountability for their poor actions.
@marlyb176 Perfectly said. Some individuals sprint to " spiritualism for everything" I see at as a excuse not to face reality for grown ass adult.
Thank you for having the courage to share your story, i too had a very similar experience with my mother . You are so beautiful inside and out, i pray you have peace in your life ❤
I know this all to well and I had to get away from mine before she destroys me completely. She wanted me to focus on her and live her life through me. She is not someone I want to come near me or talk to me. She tried to sabotage me in every way
You are so beautiful and well spoken...education, self development and being extremely and I mean extremely cautious about what I share with my family helped me get through the confusion and contradicting behaviours so prevalent in my family...and reading the work of Dr Ramani helped me to understand the behaviours in my family and leaning into reading and educating in my faith....you are a Courageous and with much potential...God bless you sweetheart
This is African American mothers too. My mother is African American and I had a similar upbringing 🥹🥹
😢😢😢 I pray for healing ❤️🩹.
I needed to see this. Currently working up the courage to move out and rent a small room just to escape this.
Keep going you can do it, you will be much at peace and your body and mind will heal!
Thank you for your story. You will be ok. It’s great you’re on your healing journey at such a young age. I’m twice your age and it’s only a few years ago i started healing. My story is almost exactly the same as yours!! You are not alone. You have a light within you and God will use that to bring healing to many others.
Thank you so much for your kind words, am glad an able to do this as such a young age, it’s truly a blessing!🥹
I think that what you´ve experienced is being the daughter of a narcissist mother, this not just a regular case of generational trauma, or hatred coming from your mom, she might be a narcissist, and she acts this way not only because she envies you for being you but because that´s a mental personality estructure
I was my mothers maid as a child. I did all the cleaning, washing, shopping. Forced to be married at 13 years old and had a son at 14 years old.
Am so sorry to hear this🥺. I was a maid as well to the extend that people around the house didn’t know I was their child so they asked me if I was my parents maid, I was shocked and just stood there till they left
If you were a son she probably wouldn't have acted that way.
I am a son and face this same thing. And I am 45 years old. This is as a result of girls getting kids early in life. They throw their bitterness to their firstborn as you are seen as the reason for their failures and rejection. They view you as that demon who came into their lives and everything changed. So u get all the hate
@elvisejo5885 I hope you're in a better place now
@@elvisejo5885. Agreed. That was my first thought too (it’s women that feel like their kids stopped them from achieving their dreams in some way.) Even so, it’s still the fault of the mothers. They didn’t have to have the kid. That’s why it’s soo important to know yourself, know the life that you want and to go for it. Women now, are having kids much later and AFTER they’ve completed their goals and it’s a good thing.
They are jealous of their sons wives
I went through this as well !! Glad I could see another girl sharing it,.
Thank you for sharing such a vulnerable expression. It would help many to make sense of their own stories and healing journeys.
I'm from the DRC, and I grew up with my uncle and his wife from the age of 12. I have experienced these a lot. Body shaming, bullying, making up stories, and intimidation that if I stand against them, I will never prosper in this country. The whole Congolese community was turned against me. I left home and refused to listen to what outsiders had to say because I knew what was happening, not them. You have to cut them off from your life; otherwise, you won't make it. In the beginning, it was hard because people would call me, telling me what they were saying. But now I have peace of mind. The African homes are extremely toxic, and it surprises me every time I see them in churches pretending to be who they are not.
I don’t have a daughter myself but I do see this amongst people I know, a mother-daughter thing. It’s so sad when there are mothers who truly bond with their daughters .
Trust me I understand where you’re coming from. It’s crazy to even think that your mom could be but it’s very much real. I had a mom who never ever complimented me but always found a way to insult me. I noticed I resembled her little sister that she was always in completion in leading her to create that dynamic with my sisters and I. It’s all generational trauma! But God forbid will my daughter experience this.
Thank you for sharing and articulating so clearly.
A cautionary, true tale for all mothers.
You sound healed and healthy and you are a beautiful soul.
Thank you so much.
Subscribed!
Thank you for subscribing and welcome
Im so proud of you ❤
I realized this with crystal clarity this year. Its transgenerational. They're haters coz their moms haters. Best thing to do is detach and live your best life. Low vibrational people in general will drag you down to hell with them if you allow it.
I went through this except it was my father. He hated me for being female. From a very young age I felt bad vibes around him. Without his help and rather alot of neglect i managed to put myself through school, got married and bought a house with my husband and now have my own children. The success I gained in my life really allowed him to show his true colours especially in the way I parent my kids. I am.now very low contact. The amount of emotional blackmail,gaslighting and verbal abuse that man threw my way growing up should have never come my way. I was a very good child who caused no disruption. I tried to include him in my life despite his behaviour, but eventually I had to cut him off when he essentially told me and my family can all get lost including his grand kids...a**hole.!
I totally understand you my darling stay strong and heal on
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My dear i feel you, though a Nigerian but i experienced same, she even compares me to my other siblings created rift between us so they can see me as the bad child, i really suffered, but then i became stronger and fought her, shes scared of me now because i ghosted her and tell her to her face i despise her, she wants to mend the relationship but have zoned out, i dont trust her one bit, what she did to me still hunts me, when your mum is quite old and all the people she loved would fail her she would remember you because you would be more successful than everyother person around her, she would wonder how you got to that level and try to get along with you but keep your boundaries, never give her a chance,you cant find healing from those who hurt you, the journey is lonely and you have to be strong, with time you would meet women of your soul tribe, they will love, appreciate and nurture you, you dont need the love of your mother to thrive, you dont need her validation , chose God, seek his ways and he would lead you right.
Older woman here,You are not wrong I witnessed this and it is disgusting we Older woman are supposed to uplift our beautiful girls, I always tell my 2 daughters you are it baby your a beauty every chance I get😅
Good, am their self concept and image is really strong. Mine didn’t want that for me and was scared of other people uplifting me so they told me not to listen to other people because apparently outsiders won’t tell you the truth only your parents will. Meanwhile I have experience kindness and basic human respect from outsiders not them!
@GoddessSignature My mom was the same as you described your mother ,this is why I will always tell my children you are beautiful I was never even told this by my mother ,Let alone get a hug
Your a younger, prettier version of your Mother. I was abandoned by my Mother but have 2 amazing, beautiful, loved Daughters. Women need to do better
Thank you Jesus that this cup passed from me. My mother is everyone’s mother. She’s my cousin’s go to mother and my friends go to mother too. I inherited her heart and unfortunately it’s not always the best thing. It allows other people to move mad coz we’re so called “soft”. I’ve struggled creating boundaries coz I just wanna love people even when they don’t deserve it. I’m sorry y’all have been in the trenches and I pray God creates a miracle for you all ❤❤❤❤
i love your storytelling and your voice, it's ironic how you are talking about such truama with such a calming soothing voice
IKR, I don't even know how i turned out to be the way i am!
Wow! Thank you guys for sharing something so personal as this❤, this heals many heart that are hurting.
Something very touching you guys repeat is "I couldn't understand why" I think that's because that's the mother's insecurity and inner struggles she is projecting on the child than it's about the child, the problem is when the child internalize that as if that's their problem!
Thank you !!!!! This is so therapeutic and validating !!!!!!
Thank u for sharing sis ❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥 ur sooo beautiful btw! 🌟✨❤️🔥
Thank you
The worst part is people blaming you (the child) for how the relationship! please make it make sense?!
Exactly if you and your parents don’t have a great relationship it’s 💯 their fault. They’re the adult how come they don’t know how to build relationships with their own children and then people expect the child to mend the relationship??? No child gets up one day and decide to do this, am sure they tried amending the situation multiple times but as we all might experienced already, it just gets worse and worse each time! But only the child gets the blame because African parents are saints.
I am so glad I found this video because I'm constantly confused, thinking I'm crazy....this is definitely what I'm going through.
Relatable, thank you. Just watched her give me the evil eye yesterday.
Your content is so healing to me. I’m sorry you had to go through such unfair things ❤😔 I too recently discovered that it’s not normal that my mother used me as her personal therapist my entire life, acted like a victim and made me hate my father, yet would never make real plans to leave because she’s too good for a job and enjoys dads funding. I was robbed of a carefree childhood, always overly responsible for the well-being of lazy entitled leeches. Naturally, I allowed friends and boyfriends into my life who acted the exact same. I’m so rageful.
Wow I thought it was just me, I’m so rage full as well
Am so sorry you went through that, I have a video coming addressing this soon. What you can start doing is to get rid of anyone who reminds/act like her. Learn to stop those behaviour/ people to prevent you from something you might need healing from later on. It’s okay to feel the range, allow yourself to feel it to get it all out. It will be fine. Limit interactions as much as you can with her and hope for the best for yourself!
My mom and I are black, she’s so jealous she took custody of my children 😢. I don’t have my own home Yet…that’s the only reason why she got it
Am so sorry about your situation , I hope you get your kids back soon, am sure they miss their mum🥺🤗
@desireehaynes9151 I know someone who had this happen to her. I'm so sorry.😢
I wonder why they act like that at there big age too but I understand it’s cause they literally grew up miserable we are better than them n they r jealous the men they had to settle for the life they have
Etc..
Yep because they’re miserable, hate themselves and their lives!
You are very beautiful by the way. You know this, some people don’t like that you know it because they cannot control someone who is self aware.
💯 that’s why they try to break you down for you to think low of yourself so you can be easily controlled!
I feel u 100% I didn’t come to that conclusion until after i went no contact .
No contact is the best way to handle it!
My mother also.....she's Canadian
It took a psychologist at the age of 38 to tell me my mother was jealous of me
I would love to do a collaboration on this!! This is so prevalent and it’s incredible how many older African women are now confessing their abuse and disrespect from their mothers!! Let’s speak!!
waw sis amazing video💕 I can definitely relate to this