This is fantastic. This fits me perfectly and my gf is avoidant. So makes it very hard on me, but this information helps. I look forward to the video of how to heal anxiousattachment
I just stumbled upon your channel and spent the whole day watching every one of your videos. I love the way you unpack topics, and your manner of speaking is so calming. It makes me feel like we are not alone in this. I was wondering if you could recommend any self-help books related to anxious attachment. Thank you!
Working on a relationship is great and often necessary for it to continue and thrive. It's a question of how someone goes about it that makes it an indicator for possible anxious attachment or not. Attempts at working on a relationship coming from an insecure place are often ineffective, like when it's generalized criticism or when someone's being overly controlling...
@@DrMaikaSteinborn thanks for that clarification and the advice!, I have been learning and healing a lot of thanks to your content , got into therapy a couple years back and still am, and finding your channel has been a great complement and blessing on this journey
Divorced and feeling lost for two years. Read a lot of books and seen tons of videos. Something that has always confused me. The take away for me is in order to be happy and healthy you have to not need anyone. But if I don’t need anyone what is the point of a romantic relationship. I always felt you were suppose to need each other to complete each other. To be able to lean on each other. To help each other thru the hard stuff. I mean isn’t that how it used to be ? Hundreds of romantic poems, books and movies from the time people first started recording stories spoke of this. Now all the therapist are saying I’m broken because I want to need someone and I want them to need me. Sorry for rambling
It's a question of balance. Connection is a core emotional need and we need other people in our lives. At the same time, it can turn into codependency/enmeshment, if we rely too much on others and lose our ability to be autonomous or authentic.
Damn, having read about attachment styles for years, and I’m just about to start my clin psych training, I just realised I’m anxiously attached to a tee 😅 Time to do some work on it. Thank you for your amazing videos, they have really been helpful over a bit of a tough time recently.
I am anxiously attached. I believe my partner is avoidant. I am working on myself (for my own health and happiness). I have no expectations of her to change (which is fine, I love her for who she is). I DO see how the mismatch complicates our relationship. I would like to know how to provide support and love to an avoidant partner since her needs are so counterintuitive in relation to mine.
Same here! I want to be able to love an avoidant properly and let them be heard. I do want to learn how to be securely attached because I’m pretty anxiously attached
I know I've got anxious attachments issue, I was in a relationship with a girl with avoidance attachments issue and she just broke up with me, and I still don't get why... 😔
@@Laulkyrie I don't even understand how people can walk out of relationship where the other is there for you beside every shenanigans you keep on throwing up at them whatsoever... I mean do you believe you're goin to find someone else who care this much about you???? 😪 Sorry for you loss bro. Gotta keep on living.
I've got this one for people coming from the avoidant side: ua-cam.com/video/IpsxpuXg64E/v-deo.html and another one coming on changing from anxious attachment this week.
@@DrMaikaSteinborn Ty I sound more as having anxious attachment so I'll need to watch that video & your previous vids as Im new to this channel. I didn't know there are different kinds of attachment. I get attached in seconds: 😟& underestimated the sufferings that attachment can lead to. The Buddhist videos on attachment hasn't helped me to learn How to not become Emotionally attached & How to De-tach yet so here I am.
In Buddhism and other eastern philosophies the term "attachment" is used in a different way, though, different from how the term is used in psychology...
@@DrMaikaSteinborn Someone recommended I read up on Buddhism because I have no peace in my life 🤐That ism emphasizes that attachment is the root of all suffering but I could not find Solutions other than praying/meditation/breathing exercises/yoga etc which did not help me detach or find peace (as I'm Really needing those who've hurt me to be Open to Discussing the problems which they are not) 😮💨 Do you have a video on how to Compartmentalize? (so I can stop the emotional pain from consuming my life) Ty
@@onyxsafira2813 maybe this video could help in which I explain the cognitive defusion technique: ua-cam.com/video/FG6xb1PBIdA/v-deo.html It's about letting go of unhelpful thoughts and feelings. This technique is actually inspired by eastern philosophical traditions.
I think probably most people have had instances or can relate to feeling like 9 and 10 at times, the desperation is higher for someone with an anxious attachment style, though.
is it even possible to change an Anxious attachment? I feel like such a loser...giving, giving and giving... used and discarded by robotic Avoidants. How do we become more avoidant (cold, unfeeling, not needing others)? please make a video on that 🙏🏻
I’m sorry to hear you’ve had these painful experiences. At the same time - if you’d actually become cold and unfeeling, you’d limit your capacity to experience connection, love, joy, and other positive emotions. As painful as it can be, mental health and contentment require vulnerability ❤️ (with healthy boundaries of functional protection of course).
AFAIK: Your attachment style can shift over time. A combination of both anxious and avoidant is also known as fearful or disorganized attachment style.
You could call it "insecure attachment" as that's an umbrella term for all mixes... it could be (like the other comentator said) disorganized attachment, or it could mean you're pretty close to secure attachment. When people are close to secure attachment, their insecure attachment is more flexible and combines aspects from both the anxious and avoidant styles.
@@DrMaikaSteinborn Oh thanks for the information, how should I know that I am close to secure? As I did a test and it said you are secure but when I was in a relationship (the other person was avoidant) I felt so anxious and awful which hurt me badly after the break-up. Can you help me with that?
Have you ever been in a relationship with a securely attached person? If yes, did you experience a lot of anxiety then? If not, you might be close to secure. A partner's attachment style and behavior does affect us in relationships and sometimes anxiety can be warranted in the sense that if you love someone who doesn't commit or goes back and forth, it's natural and human for your nervous system to respond with fear of loss...
I'm a hsp and I love it. But being too nice is a prob so I try too hard to stop being too nice. You know it's not good with relationships and people, I have problems bc of it. Should I change or how can I cope with this ? Plz reply
Easily some of the most genuine, compassionate, and well worded mental health content I've ever seen. Really happy to have found this channel.
How is Maika not at a million + followers yet. Her manner of unpacking makes taking the information in very smooth.
🙂🙏
I agree .. just booked a therapy session for tomorrow and feel like cancelling. She Just did wonders for mr
I often feel like I have to work really hard for everything, while for others it just comes natural, especially relationships
This is fantastic. This fits me perfectly and my gf is avoidant. So makes it very hard on me, but this information helps. I look forward to the video of how to heal anxiousattachment
Another great video! Thanks
You describe me completely! Looking forward to your next video with the solutions! Looking forward to be able to create healthy relationships! :)
Your videos are really insightful and I am glad to have found your UA-cam channel!
I was, definitely I was , i can proudly say I WAS! After 7 months of hard work , I csn start to say, I AM NOT ANYMORE.
I just stumbled upon your channel and spent the whole day watching every one of your videos. I love the way you unpack topics, and your manner of speaking is so calming. It makes me feel like we are not alone in this.
I was wondering if you could recommend any self-help books related to anxious attachment. Thank you!
I'm glad my content and stlye resonates with you! Yes - "Secure Love" by Julie Menanno and "Insecure in Love" by Leslie Becker-Phelps
I feel so seen, thank you so much!
Love your videos
Cant wait for the next video!❤
Me all 100%. Never knew about this! Explains alot.
2:55 What is wrong with trying to be better in a relationship and how is that an issue and “anxiously attached”?
Working on a relationship is great and often necessary for it to continue and thrive. It's a question of how someone goes about it that makes it an indicator for possible anxious attachment or not. Attempts at working on a relationship coming from an insecure place are often ineffective, like when it's generalized criticism or when someone's being overly controlling...
@@DrMaikaSteinborn thanks for that clarification and the advice!, I have been learning and healing a lot of thanks to your content , got into therapy a couple years back and still am, and finding your channel has been a great complement and blessing on this journey
Thank you so much for this
Thank you looking forward healing
Divorced and feeling lost for two years. Read a lot of books and seen tons of videos. Something that has always confused me. The take away for me is in order to be happy and healthy you have to not need anyone. But if I don’t need anyone what is the point of a romantic relationship. I always felt you were suppose to need each other to complete each other. To be able to lean on each other. To help each other thru the hard stuff. I mean isn’t that how it used to be ? Hundreds of romantic poems, books and movies from the time people first started recording stories spoke of this. Now all the therapist are saying I’m broken because I want to need someone and I want them to need me.
Sorry for rambling
It's a question of balance. Connection is a core emotional need and we need other people in our lives. At the same time, it can turn into codependency/enmeshment, if we rely too much on others and lose our ability to be autonomous or authentic.
❤ excellent
Damn, having read about attachment styles for years, and I’m just about to start my clin psych training, I just realised I’m anxiously attached to a tee 😅 Time to do some work on it. Thank you for your amazing videos, they have really been helpful over a bit of a tough time recently.
Thank you!
I think I'm an anxiously attached person. How can I change
I‘ll post a video about that next Friday 🪴
Me too
Therapy
Thank you
I am anxiously attached. I believe my partner is avoidant. I am working on myself (for my own health and happiness). I have no expectations of her to change (which is fine, I love her for who she is). I DO see how the mismatch complicates our relationship. I would like to know how to provide support and love to an avoidant partner since her needs are so counterintuitive in relation to mine.
Thanks for sharing and that’s a great question, I’m noting it down ✍️
Same here! I want to be able to love an avoidant properly and let them be heard. I do want to learn how to be securely attached because I’m pretty anxiously attached
Hi! The video in response to your question is out now :) ua-cam.com/video/gMWXec6XMdQ/v-deo.html
@@DrMaikaSteinborn thank you so much! I saw it as soon as it was posted I just need to watch it when I’m in a healthy mental space lol
I know I've got anxious attachments issue, I was in a relationship with a girl with avoidance attachments issue and she just broke up with me, and I still don't get why... 😔
After 2 years together and supporting her through her past trauma, she lost feelings for me. 5 months later and I'm still heartbroken. :/
@@Laulkyrie I don't even understand how people can walk out of relationship where the other is there for you beside every shenanigans you keep on throwing up at them whatsoever... I mean do you believe you're goin to find someone else who care this much about you???? 😪 Sorry for you loss bro. Gotta keep on living.
Ty; do you have a video on how to change insecure attachment style to secure attachment? & how to not become Emotionally attached in the first place?
I've got this one for people coming from the avoidant side: ua-cam.com/video/IpsxpuXg64E/v-deo.html and another one coming on changing from anxious attachment this week.
@@DrMaikaSteinborn Ty I sound more as having anxious attachment so I'll need to watch that video & your previous vids as Im new to this channel. I didn't know there are different kinds of attachment. I get attached in seconds: 😟& underestimated the sufferings that attachment can lead to. The Buddhist videos on attachment hasn't helped me to learn How to not become Emotionally attached & How to De-tach yet so here I am.
In Buddhism and other eastern philosophies the term "attachment" is used in a different way, though, different from how the term is used in psychology...
@@DrMaikaSteinborn Someone recommended I read up on Buddhism because I have no peace in my life 🤐That ism emphasizes that attachment is the root of all suffering but I could not find Solutions other than praying/meditation/breathing exercises/yoga etc which did not help me detach or find peace (as I'm Really needing those who've hurt me to be Open to Discussing the problems which they are not) 😮💨 Do you have a video on how to Compartmentalize? (so I can stop the emotional pain from consuming my life) Ty
@@onyxsafira2813 maybe this video could help in which I explain the cognitive defusion technique: ua-cam.com/video/FG6xb1PBIdA/v-deo.html It's about letting go of unhelpful thoughts and feelings. This technique is actually inspired by eastern philosophical traditions.
This is me. My boyfriend is an avoidant. I walked out of it a week ago to do the work and hope he does the work too
Did i do the right thing?
Sounds like it, although of course only you can know ❤️
Oh gawd ...no deal breakers 😂❤
Oh number 9 for everyone surely? And 10 as well!
I think probably most people have had instances or can relate to feeling like 9 and 10 at times, the desperation is higher for someone with an anxious attachment style, though.
is it even possible to change an Anxious attachment?
I feel like such a loser...giving, giving and giving... used and discarded by robotic Avoidants. How do we become more avoidant (cold, unfeeling, not needing others)? please make a video on that 🙏🏻
I’m sorry to hear you’ve had these painful experiences. At the same time - if you’d actually become cold and unfeeling, you’d limit your capacity to experience connection, love, joy, and other positive emotions. As painful as it can be, mental health and contentment require vulnerability ❤️ (with healthy boundaries of functional protection of course).
Oh and yes - it is possible to change any insecure attachment style, also anxious attachment.
I feel like I have both anxious and avoiding attachments style, what do you call that?
AFAIK:
Your attachment style can shift over time.
A combination of both anxious and avoidant is also known as fearful or disorganized attachment style.
You could call it "insecure attachment" as that's an umbrella term for all mixes... it could be (like the other comentator said) disorganized attachment, or it could mean you're pretty close to secure attachment. When people are close to secure attachment, their insecure attachment is more flexible and combines aspects from both the anxious and avoidant styles.
@@DrMaikaSteinborn Oh thanks for the information, how should I know that I am close to secure? As I did a test and it said you are secure but when I was in a relationship (the other person was avoidant) I felt so anxious and awful which hurt me badly after the break-up. Can you help me with that?
@@dbdmbdb Thanks for the information
Have you ever been in a relationship with a securely attached person? If yes, did you experience a lot of anxiety then? If not, you might be close to secure. A partner's attachment style and behavior does affect us in relationships and sometimes anxiety can be warranted in the sense that if you love someone who doesn't commit or goes back and forth, it's natural and human for your nervous system to respond with fear of loss...
I'm a hsp and I love it. But being too nice is a prob so I try too hard to stop being too nice. You know it's not good with relationships and people, I have problems bc of it. Should I change or how can I cope with this ? Plz reply
Hi! You can check out the videos in my "boundaries" playlist to learn more about this topic: ua-cam.com/play/PLzRKYOPcN3c8cAsy94uaCWyY6p1Nro4ZC.html
@@DrMaikaSteinborn thanks 🙂
This is me...i want to heal from this...😢
❤❤❤
maybe you just want normal closeness while your partner wants none.... then you eventually leave
Thank you!