Yes. I’m making myself agoraphobic. Avoiding driving, avoiding walking the dog. I’m not living life anymore. What if you feel like you’ll have a panic attack?
If you feel like your going to have a panic attack, find something in the room to focus on. When you have a panic attack remember to take deep breaths and focus on that object. Eventually, find an image in your mind that makes you feel comfortable...At peace & when you have a panic attack you will be able to focus on that image. This is a long process, but I have found it helpful. I wish you healing and pray you get your life back.❤
Hi! I do have two videos on panic attacks coming out next week, so stay tuned. And panic attacks, avoidance and anticipatory anxiety are all connected. In the meantime, grounding exercises are super helpful. There are a number of videos on this on YT. Here's one of mine: ua-cam.com/video/5r_79JSHvoQ/v-deo.html
@mday3821 I agree focusing on objects in the room can be helpful! Thank you for sharing. I often suggest to find three things that are blue, then three things that are red... (or whichever colors you decide, but I'd decide ahead of time!). Other grounding techniques can also be helpful. All the best!
I love the late Dr Claire Weekes idea of practicing FLOATING through the anxiety or panic rather than FIGHTING through it. Fighting only adds more tension, whereas floating through it (letting it be there, and letting time pass) takes the terror out of it.
I just found your channel today and I’ve been missing out. You’re hitting the nail on the head for everything. Avoidance makes it so much worse for me. I end up spiraling and beat myself up for not doing things. For example,the other day I knew I had to go grocery shopping. I worked myself up,sat around for about an hour trying to decide if I REALLY needed to go shopping. I ended up not going and became very upset with myself,crying,I felt stupid and pathetic. The next day I didn’t have anything to eat because I didn’t go shopping and it was horrible,it ruined my day because I should have just went the day before. You’d think I would learn after avoiding once to not do it again,but I’m a work in progress. One day at a time. Thank you so much,I was really meant to find your channel today.
I finally faced my fear of flying this Saturday just passed, 1 hour each way back and forth, terrified on the first takeoff that I felt like I was gonna have a panic attack, wanted nothing more than to get off a plane which I have no escape from, but I let go and coming back was sooo much better, now looking back it was worth the stress and extreme discomfort to be able to face a fear and come out the other side
I avoid things a lot because usually I’m going to have to talk to someone and “bother” them and I’ve already prethought how the whole conversation will go becoming more and more uncomfortable so the YAY moment happens when I don’t do it. BUT later on, the tiny fingers of even more worry creep in about avoiding whatever, so then sadness comes. I’ve pushed myself thru and felt such gratitude that I didn’t avoid it and the feeling like wow that wasn’t that bad, but it doesn’t seem to make my avoidance stop in future!?! I completely understand and could be a hermit. I like watching your videos about narcissism because I have been with one for 35 years and life is worse every year. So keep telling people to LEAVE NOW OR YOUR LIFE IS OVER. Your kids will not be ok. LEAVE !
I’ve had anxiety at varying levels my entire life - I would say from toddlerhood onward! The explanation of the rewarded puppy is such a clear and easy way to understand that that temporary avoidance relief really isn’t what it appears to be and we unwittingly make the situation worse. Thank you for verbalizing that so well. Found your channel a couple days ago and will be gladly exploring all it has to offer.
Barbara you videos are marvelous and informative easy to understand by common folk.barbara you teach complicated things in a simple way.barbara you are helping the humanity by your expertise and knowledge of human psyche and behaviours thanks Barbara.
This has explained my type of anxiety in such a clear and effective way!! Thank you so much for this invaluable resource! 🥰 and especially the steps to begin to take! you are most appreciated
I take you to the bathroom with me and for the first time in four years i was able to go to the bathroom and come out without being in full blown panic,thank you,i want this gone so badly please show me how to rewire my brain
For 27 after 2cpanic attacks at home .I avoid 100% driving or walking over bridges.motorways over passes multi story car parks mountain roads hills cliffs anything higher than a first floor building even though I dont fear the them well heights or the fear of falling and the anxiety sensations I even flew once .life ruined should I face the fear head on and say fk you anxiety and just feel the sensations so my brain rewires and relises I'm not in danger anymore so stop panicking 🤞27 years like this now iv had enough time to fight back
Just wanted to let you know that your videos are a great source of inspiration to me. I am halv way through my studies to becoming a cbt-therapist and listening to you really deepens my understanding. Thank you so much for sharing. Best regards from Sweden 🦦💚🦦
I love the way you explain things so clearly and in simple language that anyone can understand. So helpful. Thanks for doing this. I have frequent anxiety about death. I’m in good health but getting on in years. Thoughts about death are becoming more frequent and worrying. Knowing that when I die I will cease to exist triggers my anxiety and depresses me as well. There’s no escaping it.
Barbara, I absolutely know this is true! I avoid noises. If there is a certain noise near my home, I will work out what time of the day it is most likely and schedule my day to avoiding the noise. Even though the noise is not in any way dangerous to me..... it triggers my anxiety and I don't like that anxious feeling.
Hi! I can be sensitive to noise as well... I did work with someone once who had misophonia, and we recorded some of the noises she avoided and then used them while we did EMDR. It took awhile, but it helped her a lot! I wonder what would happen if you decided not to avoid it - or even to consiously decide that every time you hear the noise you will smile or give yourself a self-hug... or jump up and down... (!)
4:10 So can patience. I have many ways in which I'd love to be able to retrain my brain to not automatically, sight unseen expect horrific pain to avoid. My rational mind knows, my conditioned mind overrides. I've been noticing this for months but have no idea how to move from the awareness of this to fixing it.
Yes, this takes time, but it can be overcome! I have a whole series of videos on anxiety and how to help. These two in particular might be helpful: ua-cam.com/video/RFuYcIy6Vxc/v-deo.html ua-cam.com/video/PC9CVO7bY_M/v-deo.html And, of course, sometimes psychotherapy is needed. I wish you health and healing! Barbara
I het light-headed with anxiety. No wonder it's too hard to get into traffic for me. I'm ok in my suburb of low traffic and no traffic lights. I'm not confident I can overcome it...been 20 years now. Also before the panic attack at traffic lights, I had actually fainted from low Iron due to coeliac disease.
Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom in such an easy to understand way. To the point and relatable. You condensed and distilled my churning suspicions. Now if I can only get my son to listen to it.
Thank you,i am agoaphobic i cant go to my bthroom or shower because im trying to avoid having a panic attack in both going out or sleeping in my bedroom or using my bathroom,ive been living in hell in my kitchen for over four years,im seeing a very good therapist,but im having so many problems real and because of the anxiety and panic im on oxygen 24/7so its an ordeal to go anywhere.I so need help all i can get,i only see my thrspist one hour a week she is very good and i know this is going to take time,work and commitment on my part,im so ready for this to go away or at least get tolerable .I just took you with me to the bthroom becuse like you sid i even think about hving to use the bathroom and the pnicked feelings start now from you ive learned that im bringing them on and making them worse by thinking about hving an attack and it stats before i even head that wway,so thank you for teaching me more about how this affliction works,i now have hope that between my thrapist and watching and trying wht i lern from you and othes that i can get my life back.
Barbra, i just found you and am so thankful. Ive been suffering from agoraphobia for the past 3 years. Im really struggling but trying to do mini exposure therapy. Are you currently taking new clients? Thank you ❤
Where/what is the line between avoidance, and doing it for safety? For example, I'm a truck driver and fell into a deep anxiety, depression, and ptsd cycle. I used to be able to drive anywhere and everywhere, but now I struggle just running a consistent route that is actually easier because of the panic and being extremely oversensitized. My struggle has been knowing when facing this is unsafe, but also I'm afraid if avoiding too much or quitting this career will be avoidance to my brain and only revalidate the issue.
I wish I had the confidence and fortitude to take the steps necessary to address this. It feels like i am in an avoidance prison and there really is no way out.
The only way out of that cycle I think, is facing it head on. I'm on the stage of facing it (not fighting) and accepting uncertainty. It's really hard I tell you, I still get this paralyzing feeling of my son getting sick, or anticipating the worse if he gets sick. The past trauma of losing my father and grandparents to cancer really took me to bits. I drown myself on Social Media, taking really long walks and day dreaming but they kept things worse. I'm starting small by rethinking a goal in life, making a routine and schedule (and sticking to it). These traits are very unlikely of me but I've got to at least try and get my shit straight. I'm tired of running away. Uncertainty is scary, but getting out of my comfort zone if the only way out of this anxious mess.
@@exgeeinteractive THanks. I am there too. I feel like the explorer who has all the fancy gear, safety equipment, headlamps etc but I just cant take the first step into the cave.
@@richardwilsonavena I've made the first step into the cave and let me tell you that it feels dreadful 🤣. Anxiety is still lingering in my mind and it's coming from all directions but I think I've accepted the fact that it's better than escape. I'd like to say that I've stepped into the light but it's more like getting out of a quicksand. It's a struggle alright but that's the only way to get out.
So, Barbara. I have PNES. My psychologist told me to have "escape routs " so the overwhelming stress response doesn't cause a seizure. Would you call this avoiding situations or a good method to avoid accidents to myself?
Hello Barbara. I did write on one of your CPTSD videos, but this explains what I went through quite good. So I had a boss who were a very unpleasant man who did not treat his workers well. One day he attacked me varbaly as soon as I stepped in the door and my body went into freeze respons and couldn't do anything or stand up for myself (because of past trauma) This got worse and worse... Is this what you call CPTSD? from one prolonged event? or is this "simply" anxiaty. Please reach out because I need to know what I should work on thanx
Some things or situations are necessary to avoid, while other things or situations may be necessary to pursue or attend, even though you or one may not want to, you go or attend, because that's the mature thing to do.
It makes me anxious to think about seeing my husband after 8 months of separation after he abused me. Should I work through this feeling or continue to avoid him?
Yes. I’m making myself agoraphobic. Avoiding driving, avoiding walking the dog. I’m not living life anymore. What if you feel like you’ll have a panic attack?
If you feel like your going to have a panic attack, find something in the room to focus on. When you have a panic attack remember to take deep breaths and focus on that object. Eventually, find an image in your mind that makes you feel comfortable...At peace & when you have a panic attack you will be able to focus on that image. This is a long process, but I have found it helpful.
I wish you healing and pray you get your life back.❤
@@mday3821thank you for your advice & insight. I’ll try that. I need to do something, my life is getting narrower & narrower by the day.
Hi! I do have two videos on panic attacks coming out next week, so stay tuned. And panic attacks, avoidance and anticipatory anxiety are all connected. In the meantime, grounding exercises are super helpful. There are a number of videos on this on YT. Here's one of mine: ua-cam.com/video/5r_79JSHvoQ/v-deo.html
@mday3821 I agree focusing on objects in the room can be helpful! Thank you for sharing. I often suggest to find three things that are blue, then three things that are red... (or whichever colors you decide, but I'd decide ahead of time!). Other grounding techniques can also be helpful. All the best!
@@BarbaraHeffernanthank you for sharing & I’ll look out for those videos. I appreciate everything you do.
I love the late Dr Claire Weekes idea of practicing FLOATING through the anxiety or panic rather than FIGHTING through it. Fighting only adds more tension, whereas floating through it (letting it be there, and letting time pass) takes the terror out of it.
Ive got her book. I couldnt agree more. I think it's the best solution. Tried many things and this is the only thing that really works for me.
I just found your channel today and I’ve been missing out. You’re hitting the nail on the head for everything. Avoidance makes it so much worse for me. I end up spiraling and beat myself up for not doing things. For example,the other day I knew I had to go grocery shopping. I worked myself up,sat around for about an hour trying to decide if I REALLY needed to go shopping. I ended up not going and became very upset with myself,crying,I felt stupid and pathetic. The next day I didn’t have anything to eat because I didn’t go shopping and it was horrible,it ruined my day because I should have just went the day before. You’d think I would learn after avoiding once to not do it again,but I’m a work in progress. One day at a time. Thank you so much,I was really meant to find your channel today.
Okay, someone has to say it: I'm glad you didn't title this "Avoiding Anxiety Avoidance."
I finally faced my fear of flying this Saturday just passed, 1 hour each way back and forth, terrified on the first takeoff that I felt like I was gonna have a panic attack, wanted nothing more than to get off a plane which I have no escape from, but I let go and coming back was sooo much better, now looking back it was worth the stress and extreme discomfort to be able to face a fear and come out the other side
I avoid things a lot because usually I’m going to have to talk to someone and “bother” them and I’ve already prethought how the whole conversation will go becoming more and more uncomfortable so the YAY moment happens when I don’t do it. BUT later on, the tiny fingers of even more worry creep in about avoiding whatever, so then sadness comes. I’ve pushed myself thru and felt such gratitude that I didn’t avoid it and the feeling like wow that wasn’t that bad, but it doesn’t seem to make my avoidance stop in future!?! I completely understand and could be a hermit. I like watching your videos about narcissism because I have been with one for 35 years and life is worse every year. So keep telling people to LEAVE NOW OR YOUR LIFE IS OVER. Your kids will not be ok. LEAVE !
So grateful I found your channel
I’ve had anxiety at varying levels my entire life - I would say from toddlerhood onward! The explanation of the rewarded puppy is such a clear and easy way to understand that that temporary avoidance relief really isn’t what it appears to be and we unwittingly make the situation worse. Thank you for verbalizing that so well.
Found your channel a couple days ago and will be gladly exploring all it has to offer.
I'm so pleased that analogy resonated for you! Welcome to my channel and I truly hope it is helpful for you!
Barbara you videos are marvelous and informative easy to understand by common folk.barbara you teach complicated things in a simple way.barbara you are helping the humanity by your expertise and knowledge of human psyche and behaviours thanks Barbara.
Wow, thank you! Happy to help.
Thank you so much for this video Barbara god bless you 🙏
Thanks! I love the way you present.
This has explained my type of anxiety in such a clear and effective way!! Thank you so much for this invaluable resource! 🥰 and especially the steps to begin to take! you are most appreciated
You are very welcome, and thank you for letting me know it was helpful! Wishing you health and healing!
I take you to the bathroom with me and for the first time in four years i was able to go to the bathroom and come out without being in full blown panic,thank you,i want this gone so badly please show me how to rewire my brain
For 27 after 2cpanic attacks at home .I avoid 100% driving or walking over bridges.motorways over passes multi story car parks mountain roads hills cliffs anything higher than a first floor building even though I dont fear the them well heights or the fear of falling and the anxiety sensations I even flew once .life ruined should I face the fear head on and say fk you anxiety and just feel the sensations so my brain rewires and relises I'm not in danger anymore so stop panicking 🤞27 years like this now iv had enough time to fight back
Thanks for another great video Barbara!
You are so welcome!
Just wanted to let you know that your videos are a great source of inspiration to me. I am halv way through my studies to becoming a cbt-therapist and listening to you really deepens my understanding. Thank you so much for sharing. Best regards from Sweden 🦦💚🦦
Very nice ! Thank you so much, Great modeling behavior/dialogue . . . we can all use this !
Glad it was helpful! Thank you for letting me know! 😀
This was really helpful, thank you
I love the way you explain things so clearly and in simple language that anyone can understand. So helpful. Thanks for doing this. I have frequent anxiety about death. I’m in good health but getting on in years. Thoughts about death are becoming more frequent and worrying. Knowing that when I die I will cease to exist triggers my anxiety and depresses me as well. There’s no escaping it.
Love your channel,and and the way you deliver the most important info.😊
❤
How nicely put! Your communication skills are amazing.
My question is whether the same avoidance cycle explains procrastination. Or even addictions?
Barbara, I absolutely know this is true! I avoid noises. If there is a certain noise near my home, I will work out what time of the day it is most likely and schedule my day to avoiding the noise. Even though the noise is not in any way dangerous to me..... it triggers my anxiety and I don't like that anxious feeling.
Hi! I can be sensitive to noise as well... I did work with someone once who had misophonia, and we recorded some of the noises she avoided and then used them while we did EMDR. It took awhile, but it helped her a lot! I wonder what would happen if you decided not to avoid it - or even to consiously decide that every time you hear the noise you will smile or give yourself a self-hug... or jump up and down... (!)
Excellent thank you again. So helpful. Makes sense to go over it in your mind first, which can help better when you actually go.
4:10 So can patience. I have many ways in which I'd love to be able to retrain my brain to not automatically, sight unseen expect horrific pain to avoid. My rational mind knows, my conditioned mind overrides. I've been noticing this for months but have no idea how to move from the awareness of this to fixing it.
Yes, this takes time, but it can be overcome! I have a whole series of videos on anxiety and how to help. These two in particular might be helpful:
ua-cam.com/video/RFuYcIy6Vxc/v-deo.html
ua-cam.com/video/PC9CVO7bY_M/v-deo.html
And, of course, sometimes psychotherapy is needed.
I wish you health and healing! Barbara
Thank you, Barbara!🙂
You are so welcome!
I het light-headed with anxiety. No wonder it's too hard to get into traffic for me. I'm ok in my suburb of low traffic and no traffic lights. I'm not confident I can overcome it...been 20 years now. Also before the panic attack at traffic lights, I had actually fainted from low Iron due to coeliac disease.
Your explanation? NAILED IT!
Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom in such an easy to understand way. To the point and relatable. You condensed and distilled my churning suspicions. Now if I can only get my son to listen to it.
Thank you,i am agoaphobic i cant go to my bthroom or shower because im trying to avoid having a panic attack in both going out or sleeping in my bedroom or using my bathroom,ive been living in hell in my kitchen for over four years,im seeing a very good therapist,but im having so many problems real and because of the anxiety and panic im on oxygen 24/7so its an ordeal to go anywhere.I so need help all i can get,i only see my thrspist one hour a week she is very good and i know this is going to take time,work and commitment on my part,im so ready for this to go away or at least get tolerable .I just took you with me to the bthroom becuse like you sid i even think about hving to use the bathroom and the pnicked feelings start now from you ive learned that im bringing them on and making them worse by thinking about hving an attack and it stats before i even head that wway,so thank you for teaching me more about how this affliction works,i now have hope that between my thrapist and watching and trying wht i lern from you and othes that i can get my life back.
i really appreciated this. i've seen a couple of your videos and they've been helpful and compassionate. thank you.
Very useful exposure to challenging situations do help me avoiding them makes me more anxious.
Barbra, i just found you and am so thankful. Ive been suffering from agoraphobia for the past 3 years. Im really struggling but trying to do mini exposure therapy. Are you currently taking new clients? Thank you ❤
Where/what is the line between avoidance, and doing it for safety?
For example, I'm a truck driver and fell into a deep anxiety, depression, and ptsd cycle. I used to be able to drive anywhere and everywhere, but now I struggle just running a consistent route that is actually easier because of the panic and being extremely oversensitized.
My struggle has been knowing when facing this is unsafe, but also I'm afraid if avoiding too much or quitting this career will be avoidance to my brain and only revalidate the issue.
I wish I had the confidence and fortitude to take the steps necessary to address this. It feels like i am in an avoidance prison and there really is no way out.
The only way out of that cycle I think, is facing it head on. I'm on the stage of facing it (not fighting) and accepting uncertainty. It's really hard I tell you, I still get this paralyzing feeling of my son getting sick, or anticipating the worse if he gets sick. The past trauma of losing my father and grandparents to cancer really took me to bits. I drown myself on Social Media, taking really long walks and day dreaming but they kept things worse.
I'm starting small by rethinking a goal in life, making a routine and schedule (and sticking to it). These traits are very unlikely of me but I've got to at least try and get my shit straight. I'm tired of running away. Uncertainty is scary, but getting out of my comfort zone if the only way out of this anxious mess.
@@exgeeinteractive THanks. I am there too. I feel like the explorer who has all the fancy gear, safety equipment, headlamps etc but I just cant take the first step into the cave.
@@richardwilsonavena I've made the first step into the cave and let me tell you that it feels dreadful 🤣. Anxiety is still lingering in my mind and it's coming from all directions but I think I've accepted the fact that it's better than escape. I'd like to say that I've stepped into the light but it's more like getting out of a quicksand. It's a struggle alright but that's the only way to get out.
So, Barbara. I have PNES. My psychologist told me to have "escape routs " so the overwhelming stress response doesn't cause a seizure. Would you call this avoiding situations or a good method to avoid accidents to myself?
Hello Barbara. I did write on one of your CPTSD videos, but this explains what I went through quite good.
So I had a boss who were a very unpleasant man who did not treat his workers well. One day he attacked me varbaly as soon as I stepped in the door and my body went into freeze respons and couldn't do anything or stand up for myself (because of past trauma)
This got worse and worse... Is this what you call CPTSD? from one prolonged event? or is this "simply" anxiaty. Please reach out because I need to know what I should work on thanx
Some things or situations are necessary to avoid, while other things or situations may be necessary to pursue or attend, even though you or one may not want to, you go or attend, because that's the mature thing to do.
It makes me anxious to think about seeing my husband after 8 months of separation after he abused me. Should I work through this feeling or continue to avoid him?
Avoid I reckon...unless of course he has made a recovery from drugs or alcohol which may have been his issue
Just realised I may be doing self talk wrong. I call myself a stupid 🤬 and tell my brain to shut up. 😬
I can't use my bathroom without having a panic attack