All my life I have been desperate for everyone's approval because any time someone looked down on me or judged me or didn't like me it triggered a feeling of being worthless. I'm starting to break the spell now.
Thank you Barbara. I love to listen to you. At times I suffer from toxic shame, that hunts me about events from the past. I am my own worse judge. I want to get rid of it and self help myself and forgive myself.
Many thanks Barbara, I stumbled across some of your videos earlier this evening bc I was looking for self limiting beliefs. Your above video is so informative. I will take the info to my therapist next week. I think I have two negative core beliefs that are seriously hindering my professional & personal life. I so want to heal them so I can succeed ❤ Many thanks again ❤
Thank you Ms. B, as always I feel you say the things that I need to hear directly to me. You help me to make this journey more magical, interesting and worth living!
i think you have opened up my thoughts about what to look for to help get a better understanding of why i feel the way i do . Empath is what im am and some selfishness also. so thank you for that and explaining in a better way than i thought.
Thank you for helping me identifying the root cause of my problems uncovering my negative core beliefs. It now makes sense why I have been stuck in the same mode of thinking for over 20 years. Thank you Barbara. Much appreciated
Very interesting! Thank you. I was married to a narcissist whose siblings were borderline personalities. I was dissappointed of myself because I learned that I could not be a saint because I felt like I wanted to reject them. I was raised in the Catholic Church and I thought I had to suffer with patience and love all their abuses. I learned better later. Rejected them and divorced my ex. Thank God!
Thank you, that's extremely helpful. If it always a fear that starts the chain of question? Or could it be that someone said this and that to me, and going downwards from there?
Dear Ms. Barbara, Thank you for such an awesome video. This is exactly what I was looking for. You have explained the technique in a beautiful way with quite relatable examples. The common most dysfunctional core beliefs that clients often come with and how to get around to that root are indeed put together brilliantly. Thank you again :)
Hello, Barbara. It's been a while since I last wandered around here and to be honest I've missed your videos! Well, I'm gonna try to be bravely vulnerable saying what's to come because it's not the easiest thing to openly share but I hope it will help people who may share my experience somehow. I've been working on my core negative beliefs for a long time now and now I'm actually faced with one of the hardest of them to alter: the belief that mistakes should be punished (whether mine or others'!). I know it's a dangerous, scary belief to have (even if subconsciously) but I’m honest with myself because I do want to get rid of it because logically I know it's wrong and that it's not my place to pass judgement on others' behaviors as "mistakes" nor is it my place to excute punishment (and by punishment I mean psychological punishment like through blame or shaming etc). SO! My question is could you please make a video to shed some light on this: how to heal the core negative belief that mistakes (yours and others') deserve punishment? ... it's so destructive to my relationships and to many aspects of my life cause the minute I perseve someone's behavior as hurtful to me (or even as a threat to hurt me) whether they're acting this way intentionally or unintentionally, I get defensive and start the manipulative punishment as a way of intimidating them into staying away and not hurting me. Please, I really need your help on this and I think it will help lots of people suffering from the same issue if you generously decide to do a video on the topic. Thank you so much ❤
As always, super smart and compassionate. But it raises a problem I have with CBT in general: why do we assume core beliefs are accessible to this rational process. What about the preverbal or traumatic memory? Will having "better thoughts" repair the structures of feeling that drive so much maladaptive behavior?
Yes, the PDF I offer (link in notes under video) goes through three options for rewiring your negative core belief. I also have a couple of videos that address this, including this one : ua-cam.com/video/G9_InVHe4sc/v-deo.html. And I offer a free webinar on "Rewiring Your Brain" which talks about healing these beliefs!
When you’re beaten, yelled at, told how ugly stupid and worthless you are, and have rumors spread about you to ruin every friendship relationship and goal you pursue.. and this happens on a daily basis from age 0 to 18.. is it possible to ever recover?
Thank u Barbara 💓 I can relate so much to ur content. I am from South Asia and taking CBT therapy but usually fails in completing the tasks my therapist assign me. I would really appreciate if u can plz suggest the best way to watch ur videos. I mean the sequence of watching ur content. Stay blessed
@@BarbaraHeffernan Sure. Many thanks. Yesterday I watched ur vlog 'finding core beliefs through downward arrow technique' as my first self help session. Today I will watch 'transforming ur negative core beliefs'. I am hopeful it will work. Let me thank u again for the valuable contribution. ❤️
Thanks for your video! If you get to your core belief or beliefs with this exercise but you’re still having a hard time and experiencing anxiety stuck in the fight or flight, are there any video recommendations? I’ll definitely mention this to my counselor but I’m curious if you had any other videos on that?
Yes, absolutely. Usually if we drill down into the negative ones, the ones that keep us stuck, there will usually be 2 or 3 overarching themes - that is what I call the "core." But we all have multiple beliefs, some positive, some neutral...
My negative core belief: as a queer darker hue black woman, I won't be taken as seriously by certain networks if I don't achieve the credentials required for my expertise to be honored as merit. Especially, for promotional opportunities that have strong expectations for professional performance to be observed and considered. So I have to work twice as hard, to be seen as valuable in the career field for even an eyebrow raise of piqued interest and not overlooked
Hi Barbara, I’ve been enjoying your videos for a few months and using many of the techniques you teach. You mentioned sublimating on a video and I am unclear what that actually means in psychology terms. Can you define for me?
Hi Cindy: Sublimating is when an emotion is denied and pushed down, and it often comes out sideways.... I don't actually remember which video I mentioned that in, so can't really provide context unless you let me know. All the best! And so glad the videos are helpful!
Barbara, thank you for your incredibly helpful videos. My wife and I have been going through your pdf on Transform Your Negative Core Beliefs" and it is very helpful. I have two questions: In Part One, Step 5, I think there's a typo in the fill-in part. Maybe better as "How True it Feels"? On Part Two, Step One, should not the second sentence end with "do this for each Negative Cognition?
So, I feel worthless because I think everybody thinks I'm worthless. What now? How do I reprogram myself, deal with the brainwashing and the bullying and the abuse during my formative years that made a big chunk of who I am? My computer knows it's garbage, my human kind of gets it but he's constantly being hit over the head by my angry chimp.
Don’t fear your core!!! Facing the core is freeing!! Barb- you rock beyond words!!!!!!
😀🤗 Thanks so much for your kind words (you made my evening!) . So pleased it was helpful!
All my life I have been desperate for everyone's approval because any time someone looked down on me or judged me or didn't like me it triggered a feeling of being worthless. I'm starting to break the spell now.
Thank you Barbara. I love to listen to you. At times I suffer from toxic shame, that hunts me about events from the past. I am my own worse judge. I want to get rid of it and self help myself and forgive myself.
Many thanks Barbara, I stumbled across some of your videos earlier this evening bc I was looking for self limiting beliefs. Your above video is so informative. I will take the info to my therapist next week. I think I have two negative core beliefs that are seriously hindering my professional & personal life. I so want to heal them so I can succeed ❤
Many thanks again ❤
What a great technique. Thank you for sharing, Barbara!
You are so welcome!
Congratulations, you are now my online therapy!
Awesome video. So easy to apply and so incredibly revealing. Thanks again Barbara, you are an amazing therapist.
Thank you, Graham!
Thank you Ms. B, as always I feel you say the things that I need to hear directly to me. You help me to make this journey more magical, interesting and worth living!
that is so wonderful to hear! All the best, Barbara
Brilliant made me think about the way I retract in certain situations
I have quite a few negative core beliefs. Thanks for this video.
You're very welcome. I hope it is helpful!
Thank you for this wonderful video!!!!
i think you have opened up my thoughts about what to look for to help get a better understanding of why i feel the way i do .
Empath is what im am and some selfishness also. so thank you for that and explaining in a better way than i thought.
Very helpful. Thank you. 👍👍👍
You're welcome!
youre the best! Im actually learning more psicology techniques from you rather than from my psicology degree
😄 So glad to hear you are gathering techniques and info that you can use to benefit others!
Amazing technique beautifully explained in a sincere genuine approach to better humanity
thanks! I take that to heart :)
Great information ℹ️
You are amazing, thank you so much
This is going to help me become a better person overall
Wonderful!
Thank you for helping me identifying the root cause of my problems uncovering my negative core beliefs. It now makes sense why I have been stuck in the same mode of thinking for over 20 years. Thank you Barbara. Much appreciated
This was awesome Barbara. Thank you for sharing this intervention!
You are welcome. Sounds like you might work with others? Yes or no, I hope it is super helpful for you!
I'm a psychologist in the making and this technique would really help me in my placement.
Very interesting! Thank you. I was married to a narcissist whose siblings were borderline personalities. I was dissappointed of myself because I learned that I could not be a saint because I felt like I wanted to reject them. I was raised in the Catholic Church and I thought I had to suffer with patience and love all their abuses. I learned better later. Rejected them and divorced my ex. Thank God!
Yes, we can have compassion for people yet not stay in relationship and suffer abuse. Wishing you the best!
@@BarbaraHeffernan Thank you again! Lots of Blessings!
Thank you so much for this video! I've been following you for a while and you explain CBT techniques very well.
Thank you for letting me know. I'm so pleased you find the channel useful!
I love how you break info down and really bring it home.
I'm so pleased it resonates for you!
Thank you!
Awesome video and thank you Barbara. Love from Bangalore, India.
Thanks! So glad you found the channel!
Very powerful video! I can definitely relate to this in many ways.
Thank you for letting me know!
Very well explained the technique. Looking forward for more videos.
Awesome, thank you!
Wow, awesome technique and examples. So helpful, doable. Ty
SO glad to hear that - thanks for letting me know!
Thank you, that's extremely helpful.
If it always a fear that starts the chain of question? Or could it be that someone said this and that to me, and going downwards from there?
Thank you!! Vey ,very useful.
Glad it was helpful!
Dear Ms. Barbara,
Thank you for such an awesome video. This is exactly what I was looking for. You have explained the technique in a beautiful way with quite relatable examples. The common most dysfunctional core beliefs that clients often come with and how to get around to that root are indeed put together brilliantly. Thank you again :)
You are so welcome!
Very nice and informative video. Thank you for sharing 💛
You are so welcome!
Ma'am do make a video about cognitive disfunctiong.. memory loss... Psychosis
This is super helpful!
I'm so glad!
Great❤
Hello, Barbara. It's been a while since I last wandered around here and to be honest I've missed your videos! Well, I'm gonna try to be bravely vulnerable saying what's to come because it's not the easiest thing to openly share but I hope it will help people who may share my experience somehow. I've been working on my core negative beliefs for a long time now and now I'm actually faced with one of the hardest of them to alter: the belief that mistakes should be punished (whether mine or others'!). I know it's a dangerous, scary belief to have (even if subconsciously) but I’m honest with myself because I do want to get rid of it because logically I know it's wrong and that it's not my place to pass judgement on others' behaviors as "mistakes" nor is it my place to excute punishment (and by punishment I mean psychological punishment like through blame or shaming etc). SO! My question is could you please make a video to shed some light on this: how to heal the core negative belief that mistakes (yours and others') deserve punishment? ... it's so destructive to my relationships and to many aspects of my life cause the minute I perseve someone's behavior as hurtful to me (or even as a threat to hurt me) whether they're acting this way intentionally or unintentionally, I get defensive and start the manipulative punishment as a way of intimidating them into staying away and not hurting me. Please, I really need your help on this and I think it will help lots of people suffering from the same issue if you generously decide to do a video on the topic. Thank you so much ❤
As always, super smart and compassionate. But it raises a problem I have with CBT in general: why do we assume core beliefs are accessible to this rational process. What about the preverbal or traumatic memory? Will having "better thoughts" repair the structures of feeling that drive so much maladaptive behavior?
yes, I understand and agree that CBT is not always enough for preverbal trauma...
I have heard emdr helps... Yet... It s a proccess
Thanks for the video. At 1:00 what is EMDR?
Great technique. But What after identifying your core beliefs?
That is also a thought and you are not you're thoughts you are the one who is watching them,be the watcher
Yes, the PDF I offer (link in notes under video) goes through three options for rewiring your negative core belief. I also have a couple of videos that address this, including this one : ua-cam.com/video/G9_InVHe4sc/v-deo.html. And I offer a free webinar on "Rewiring Your Brain" which talks about healing these beliefs!
When you’re beaten, yelled at, told how ugly stupid and worthless you are, and have rumors spread about you to ruin every friendship relationship and goal you pursue.. and this happens on a daily basis from age 0 to 18.. is it possible to ever recover?
Very helpful 🙏
So glad!
I think my deepest and worst core belief that everything always comes back to is that I don't excist.
Hmm, That sounds tough. The techniques to rewire negative core beliefs can still help with this one.
Thank u Barbara 💓 I can relate so much to ur content. I am from South Asia and taking CBT therapy but usually fails in completing the tasks my therapist assign me. I would really appreciate if u can plz suggest the best way to watch ur videos. I mean the sequence of watching ur content. Stay blessed
Hi: I have quite a few playlists - you can find them on my YT page. Choose the one that sounds the most helpful to you!
@@BarbaraHeffernan Sure. Many thanks. Yesterday I watched ur vlog 'finding core beliefs through downward arrow technique' as my first self help session. Today I will watch 'transforming ur negative core beliefs'. I am hopeful it will work. Let me thank u again for the valuable contribution. ❤️
Can you do one for obsessive scary thoughts and how to do exposure with them?
Interesting question. There is a thing called Pure O OCD - I don't have a video on it, but it may be something to look into...
Thanks for your video! If you get to your core belief or beliefs with this exercise but you’re still having a hard time and experiencing anxiety stuck in the fight or flight, are there any video recommendations? I’ll definitely mention this to my counselor but I’m curious if you had any other videos on that?
Thank you for your video. You talk about find your core belief, but don't you think we have multiple beliefs about ourself?
Yes, absolutely. Usually if we drill down into the negative ones, the ones that keep us stuck, there will usually be 2 or 3 overarching themes - that is what I call the "core." But we all have multiple beliefs, some positive, some neutral...
Do you have private practice? I would love to work with you.
Hi: I no longer do psychotherapy. I have a very small 1:1 coaching practice, and some online programs. www.awakenjoy.life for info. Thanks for asking!
What if you cant identity the situations that you need to look for your core value
My negative core belief: as a queer darker hue black woman, I won't be taken as seriously by certain networks if I don't achieve the credentials required for my expertise to be honored as merit. Especially, for promotional opportunities that have strong expectations for professional performance to be observed and considered. So I have to work twice as hard, to be seen as valuable in the career field for even an eyebrow raise of piqued interest and not overlooked
Hi Barbara,
I’ve been enjoying your videos for a few months and using many of the techniques you teach. You mentioned sublimating on a video and I am unclear what that actually means in psychology terms. Can you define for me?
Hi Cindy: Sublimating is when an emotion is denied and pushed down, and it often comes out sideways.... I don't actually remember which video I mentioned that in, so can't really provide context unless you let me know. All the best! And so glad the videos are helpful!
Can I have a core belief that I’m funny looking? I used to get bullied for my appearance for years
Barbara, thank you for your incredibly helpful videos.
My wife and I have been going through your pdf on Transform Your Negative Core Beliefs" and it is very helpful.
I have two questions:
In Part One, Step 5, I think there's a typo in the fill-in part. Maybe better as "How True it Feels"?
On Part Two, Step One, should not the second sentence end with "do this for each Negative Cognition?
Thanks for pointing that out - I will double check it! So glad to hear the pdf is helping !
My dog barks to much and it bugs me . Thats my core belief
I have been hurt the most by my own f-ather n eldest bro . I don't want to die with my f-ather.
🌹🌹🌹 😍
😀
So, I feel worthless because I think everybody thinks I'm worthless. What now? How do I reprogram myself, deal with the brainwashing and the bullying and the abuse during my formative years that made a big chunk of who I am?
My computer knows it's garbage, my human kind of gets it but he's constantly being hit over the head by my angry chimp.
Hi: I do talk about this in my free webinar, link in notes under video!
So.ask.yourself.all.the.questions..who.?.answers.them
EMDR? lol
This sounds a bit too deep. Live well , n that'll heal your woundings. I don't need this. Nope.
Thank you very much for your help😊