Diane Spencer: A British Married Handjob
Вставка
- Опубліковано 18 лют 2019
- Part of my 2018 comedy special "Noob" where I do standup about paranoia, bad handjobs, failing to buy drugs, online gaming and meeting new family at Christmas. Not suitable for under 16s.
Link to my channel where you can watch more of my comedy: / dianespencercomedian
Website: www.dianespencer.tv/
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Twitter: / dianespencerfun
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I am a stand-up comedian, I post a full standup show about once a year, I'll post short jokes from that show and the occasional vlog so please subscribe so you don't miss anything.
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Filmed at the Museum of Comedy.
Filmed by Dan and Rob who were great.
Interview at the end by Kevin Shepherd. - Комедії
Glad this came up - the entire time I was like "this is a lass who has truly been down to the morning camp and pull up the flowers so that the nectar may flow freely. Thank you for your service! lol"
The nectar!! 🤣🤣🤣 Ah how have I missed that all these years! You are a poet
"Gathering the flowers " is a new one for me.
“He’s heard all my stories and it wasn’t time for poetry” 😂
Thank you
When she says go deeper but you’ve run out of poems :)
As a northerner, I always find it delightfully amusing to hear a southerner imitating a northern accent - absolutely nailed it, too :D
This happened in a pub called the Blessington Carriage in Derby and the lady in question... I laughed so much, my face hurt as I left.
@@DianeSpencercomedian I can well imagine - I think I'd have died of embarrassment, personally, but it's good you could see the funny side x'D
Same thing in the States, but then there's the lobotomy scar too. That's a bit tougher
Northern accent? She was only in Derby, certainly not Northern, that's still the Midlands tbh.
@@Wickerrman South Midlanders would say that Derby is dangerously close to the border with the north though...😊
early 40's married guy here, & the "2 types" bit is spot on!
I'm 32 and I can't believe how fun life can be if you just laugh at the shit everyone goes through, no kid would ever think this is what adults do😂
That's the spirit!! I love this - just laugh at stuff
Yes they would and they do. That's why they leave home. Because (A) they've caught their parents at it and (B) they're looking for someone not related to do it to and /or with them.
"He's heard all my stories, and it wasn't the time for poetry." Haha I swear, Brits make the best sarcastic replies.
Thank you
Yeah they do!!!
I come back to this video from time to time, when I want a reminder of a perfect bit. Truly, seven minutes of sublime comedy.
You're so kind. It's better live if you get the chance!
@@DianeSpencercomedian I’m sure that’s so! I’m American and promise to line up my next visit with tour dates of yours. I can’t wait.
@@DianeSpencercomedian maybe you can help me out diane...
@@DianeSpencercomedian You sound very posh.
Rrrrrrrrrrrrr.
Loved the war medic and the kids in the cave lines, quality writing.
My wife and I are dying laughing at this. Spot on. Spot on.
It's great when UA-cam recommendations turn out well, she was funny and pretty damn cute as a bonus.
Cheers
Very cool, thanks regards Ronald.
The part about getting the children out of the cave -- brilliant!
Thanks Larry, I'm so topical lol!
I've never heard of "gathering flowers" or "sanding the chair leg" 😂🤣
"Gathering the flowers" has to become global... it will make it seems so much more elegant and appealing to the ladies.
You have now😀
I'm glad you like my words :)
@@DianeSpencercomedian I will NEVER forget "sanding the chair leg!" I am saving that for the hereafter when I can share it with my late wife. Thank you.
@@DianeSpencercomedian .
Married 26 yrs .. I vaguely remember this
Yes, and it's hard to see the funny side, for me anyway.
You got something to remember?
Omg.... Rolled the comforter and forskin together... I laughed out loud and scared a cat with that comment!
It was definitely a bedroom "incident"! I can't really classify it as anything else XD
Gathering the flowers... Excellent!
LOL, thanks Gilly
I lost it at the kids in a cave line.
Great delivery . When you can’t help but laugh during telling you own jokes, I laugh even more with you.
Thanks Dawn. I love watching the audience and when they giggle, I giggle.
@@DianeSpencercomedian Funny stuff. Take it from me, a man has to do something with EVERY erection If a man doesn't take care of them they will get upset and not return.
@@DianeSpencercomedian Of course, of course. The only thing better than a great joke is seeing someone else enjoy it!
(Folks, when she says it's better live than at home in a recliner watching UA-cam on your laptops... that's the reason why. Comedy is grand in general, but even better as a group activity!)
'My Granny had hands like that.'
You just won the day.
Lol! Wooooo!
Don’t give up soldier!!😂😂
Oh ma ma ma gawwd!! Did I get a heart from ma crush?? 😍😍 your sense of humor makes you unbelievably attractive ❤️❤️
“Hang on kids, we’re gonna get you out of the cave” 😂
"Gathering the Flowers" LMAO
I tell you what, your actions and great delivery made the story much more funnier. Really good material
Thanks
@@DianeSpencercomedian No problem, if you ever tour Australia i'll be more then happy to but a ticket to your show
I would love to come back to Australia - lovely country, both Kev and I really like it, but we've never been together.
@@DianeSpencercomedian Once covid-19 passes hopefully you both can. Have a blessed day
I showed this clip to my spouse and she LOVED it! 🤣
🤣🤣🤣 wonderful - it is the handjob giver that connects the most to this bit I feel
The elderly couple at the end is #goals😅
Changing hands without missing a stroke is advanced hand jobbery.
You are so kind
@@DianeSpencercomedian HAHAHA.. you're hilarious and that made my day, thank you.
Handcareery
So much brilliant hilarity packed into just six and a half minutes! But "Granny had hands like that" and "wasn't the time for poetry" almost done me in, LOL. And a redhead, too!
Ah thank you so much the Real Joseph Turner! I'm very happy you enjoyed this :)
Redhead sanding a chair leg is still better than others picking flowers! ♥️
LOL! Always look on the bright side :)
@@DianeSpencercomedian Is there another way to look at it? I happen to have my esthetic preferences at a very, very small percentage of the total females of the world. And beggars cannot be choosers.... 😭
That's a genuine funny lady! Love how she cracked herself up! Lol
"Guilty as charged" just cracked me up
“it wasn’t the time for poetry” 😂 😂 😂
Didn't quite understand that phrase. Can you please explain.
I thought she said he's heard all her stories and it's no time for perjury!
Diane you are the absolute greatest. Pure and simple.
You are just so awesome. Can't stop binge watching your channel. Keep it up.
Thank you so much Sridhar!
Came for the thumbnail (wow ...) stayed for the fun stories, win-win!
Wonderful! I'm glad you like my stories. I have more on my channel!
Okay, that was such a funny set that I had to like and subscribe to your channel. 64yo yank from Montana married to a 35yo woman who also has to switch hands. Brilliantly funny material.
LOL!!! Oh My... thoughts and prayers to your dear wife's wrist
Not seen this lass before, fabulous routine, soooo funny. I'll have to check out more, can't believe this is new to me, I've obviously been missing a treat. (gawd bless you sir.....brilliant)
LOL, glad you liked it
The phrase, "gathering the flowers"
"HANG IN THERE KIDS" 😂😂
Brilliant! My wife and I have always thoroughly enjoyed your routines, but especially this one. Cheers!
The only comic who's specials i'll watch 3 times and still not get bored.
She's damn funny!!! I'm wondering why I've never heard of her before...but better late than never!
Welcome :) Glad you like my jokes
This was super hilarious. Thanks for one of my best laughs in 2020!
So glad you enjoyed it
Shame the Audience didn't think so, she ain't funny.
@@alanjeffs-ep8lqthe audience seemed well entertained to me. Perhaps because the audio focused more on the performance for the video it might have sounded flat to you. I can enjoy comedy on its own merit without waiting for the crowd to cue me when to laugh.
Excellent set! "...nice to know I can still roll socks!" I died.
Lol :)
With that accent, hair and face, my flowers would be in the vase in under a minute
Hahahahhahahaha!!!
Diane Spencer Stand-up Comedian. Hi, Diane. I’ve worked and dated a Brit for several years. Ive always loved Brit humor! Do you bring your show to America? Connecticut specifically.
@@jaym3064 hi Jay, going to the States is a plan, but it's probably still a way in the future. With more people supporting me it becomes more of a realistic opportunity 😊 thanks for writing, Di
Diane Spencer Stand-up Comedian terrific!! I’ll be the guy holding a vase with flowers in his lap 😂😂. Cheers!
Brilliant i laughed till i cried as i can relate to that 😂😂😂
Thanks Wallace!
Diane Spencer Stand-up Comedian you so welcome I watch all your shows and I love someone who can say it like it is and just hit them with it. Love it. ❤️
from now on when i "close my eyes" i'll be seeing Diane Spencer!........for the next while anyway
😂
I know, a sassy redhead with a glint in her eye and a sense of humour, talking about bashing the bishop, ooops there we go!!!!
This was so so much funnier than I thought it would be
I'm delighted I surprised you! Thank you for writing
Had me in tears I was laughing so hard, best bit I've heard in long while
Thank you!
You must be easily amused.
Wow comedy gets you going like that!
Haha! Just proves lots of women just can't give handies. With rhythm and consistency, 3-4 minutes tops.
"God bless you sir, do u like that ?" Ahhh hahahahahah XDXD I can't !!!
Eliza Doolittle fluffing after she left 'enry 'iggins 'ouse XD
This popped up in my recommended for some reason - laughed my ass off! Why have I never heard of you before now?
Not sure, but happy you're here :)
A girl with hair like that would have no delay here
Redhead fan! I did some compering for RedHead UK day once - a sea of redheaded people and a few others, so I opened with "Hello Redheads and Redhead perverts!" XD
@@DianeSpencercomedian oh yes I identify as "redhead pervert"
Guilty as charged. That was super !
Very glad you like it :)
Funny and beautiful, wonderful👍. If Diane was beside me I keep my eyes wide open🤣
It's all in the wrist, keep the arm still. Thanks for the skit, brilliant.
LOL!! Kevin laughed at this too :D
splashbunny
"It's all in the wrist". Only if he has a little dick.
Still laughing a year later, absolutely brilliant.
Awesome! She is great, so funny..😂😂😂
Thank you Mikael!!
100% one of the best segments in standup :)
Thank you ever so much, it's more raucous live!
I recently discovered your channel and have spent a good deal of time catching up. I appreciate your candor and am quite impressed with your delivery. You have a new sub, bells and all.
Wonderful! Thank you Ragnar, welcome to the group!
One of the funniest damn things I’ve heard in a while. I’m deceased
Thanks Jeremey :)
Really? You can't have listened to much comedy. Further proof....as if it were needed.
You are now my favorite stand up.
How wonderful
You had my wife almost shitting herself in laughter! I gotta check out more of your stuff.
Nice
Most piss themselves. My condolences on your wife’s IBS.
You gotta appreciate her dedication to the task.
Thank you so much, cos I did really try.
Jajajajajajajajaajajaja..
"Guilty as charged"
👍
I am a recent subscriber to your channel and have become enchanted by your amazing humor. I just keep watching your videos and laughing. Thank you for posting and ease keep them coming! (No pun intended. LOL)
LOL - cheers Steve :)
That posh accent was amazing. And my abdomen clenched itself when you turned into a battlefield medic. Lmao.
LOL!! Glad I make you laugh :)
When sanding the table leg ..
Always apply a lil moisture
Omg!!! She is so funny 😂😂😂
Every time I watch this I almost fall off my chair and want to share it with someone without other family members seeing it so I don't get into trouble.
Trouble
Trouble?
"Gathering the flowers" progressed to "Sanding the furniture". SAVAGE but hilarious!
Thank you :)
@@DianeSpencercomedian You're Welcome!
Relatable comedy, great stuff
Awesome :> and great that you have your own channel. less lurking for pieces of stand up gigs, more concentrated enjoyment of the comedy itself *thumbs up*
Thank you - I like having a channel too. I can be my own gatekeeper instead of waiting for permission.
Always enjoy watching Diane
Brilliant 🤣
whiping his nose on your leg, yes i missed you too :D
:)
I'm honestly amazed Taylor Thomlinson hadn't already thought of that because she's the only other one who could come out with a line that good.
I just about died when you said "guilty as charged"
:D
you are hilarious and delightful. thanks for the laughs!
You are most welcome Mike G :)
This was great, hilarious.
Glad you liked it :)
lmao, she is really funny!
great to see, because lately i have seen so many comedians that just are not funny at all.
I'm glad you liked it
Thank you, Dianne.
Thanks Anzan :)
That was absolutely hysterical.
Thank you so much JohnWeimer :) I appreciate you taking the time to write
Outstanding storytelling. Simply sublime.
Thank you so much for that comment. I really prize storytelling, so yeah - made my day :)
This was all kinds of funny, but the voices just made it perfect.
Thank you Curtis :)
Goodness me, this is absolutely brilliant! 😆
Thank you! It's fun to do in the clubs 😀
Popped up at the top of my page and now I need to watch all of your videos. You killed it. I need to see you live!!!! 😂😂😂😂😂😂
Thanks Eddie :) I'm so glad you enjoyed it! Whereabouts in the world are you?
Diane Spencer Stand-up Comedian I love in Tennessee in the USA. I really enjoy your stand up. Thank you very much for sharing it with the world
This is just brilliant. Cheers from France
Lived in France when I was young Yes its true they are all sex mad😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄
Sooo funny and so true. I almost feel guilty for my poor wife after 23 years of marriage... almost ;-) ... LOL, keep these funny vids coming!
LOL! Show her this video! Then she and I can become friends :D
If you’ve ever cut that little piece of skin under your tongue going down on her, you don’t have to feel bad. You’re even. 😂
@@zenofthemomentshe does so much for me, but I spend one evening on her and that little fold of skin under my tongue is broken and scarred. I can only presume it’s the same for her, but I’m scared to ask. So I just presume it is and thank her massively for every…event.
For some reason I get a vibe that's half Phoebe Buffay and half Rowan Atkinson, consider it a compliment.
NICE. I think this.
This was great! Thank you for sharing this
Glad you enjoyed it!
You're so raw, thank you!
So is my husband... ba dum!!! XD Thank you Mike
@@DianeSpencercomedian Does he do stand up too? If not, he has no bragging rights ... other than you married him ... which is plenty actually ... anyway!... I love HONEST comedy ... when a comedian puts themselves out there ... the audience (WE) connects and that's not common from what I've seen anyways ... you have a gift to be able to do that and unlimited courage!. I sincerely hope you find the success you deserve. You should be up there with the best of them and I wont drop names but I could think of a few who should give you their seat ... lol :-) oh and ummm best wishes on a long and ... successful .... marriage ... :-|
@@DianeSpencercomedian and so ... since I know NOW ... that you're married. ... I just want to apologize for those few ... umm ... dozen times we committed adultery ... IN MY MIND ... and for those few times when you couldn't finish ... I think you were just having a bad day or something ... cause I was my usual pro status .... I felt bad ... but ... wasn't gonna let it ruin my evening... ;-) CHEERS!
Funny, Redhead, British, Beautiful and funny? Your husband is a lucky man and we are grateful for the show!
Well thank you very much Absolute Dynamite! I'm very glad you watched it :)
@@DianeSpencercomedian I have binge watched your videos since the previous post and I cant remember if I fell asleep or have been awake all this time lol, but hands down the funniest material I have heard in a long time. I dont know HOW your videos popped up in the feeds but I am glad they did!
gathering the flowers, lol.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
😂😂😂
Brilliant and so funny. We all need some laughs in life.
What a lovely comment, thank you Steffi, I appreciate you writing that :)
You are great funny, picking the flower's, love it thanks
You're most welcome :) Thanks for watching
Good evening.love your work, as always...... a persistent smile .... Dan
Thanks Dan :)
Gathering the flowers?!?!! Hilarious.
Such a delicate movement required as to not disturb the wildlife.... XD
The algorithm is finally showing me good comedians, loved this bit
Thank you! I perform around the UK :)
@@DianeSpencercomedianperfect as Im UK based. Are you performing before Sep or only in Sep for your 'sweet and sore' show ?
You are so brilliant!
Thank you very much! I'm so glad you enjoyed my work :)
The ad I got for this was "How to turn a hobby into a business."
HA!!! Brilliant!
OMG! I hope I did not wake the neighbors from laughing so hard.
I hope you did... XD
"HANG ON KIDS!! WE'RE GONNA GET YOU OUTTA THAT CAVE!!!"
I am fucking dying!! You.Are.Fucking.Brilliant!
Thank you UA-cam 👌🙏
It's my attempt at topical material LOL!
@@DianeSpencercomedian you deserve way more subscribers!! Killing it 😍👌
Me and the wife just had a great laugh 🤣 your great
How wonderful