Deleted all social media over a year ago. I feel like 70% of the stuff Courtney talks about wouldn't even need to be addressed if social media never existed.
Exactly. Think of it this way - would that same woman “shit test” the CEO of her company by belittling him during a meeting to see if he’s a competent CEO? Of course not. Because she fears the consequence. If a woman is shit testing you, it’s because she doesn’t see you as the kind of guy who has the balls to stand up for himself. If you “pass her test” you’re just confirming to her that you have no backbone and that she can bully you
@@tomk2926 By your reaction to her passing a small, or possibly crucial kind of test, you're doing her a huge favour and she's dodging a big old bullet when you cop your crap attitude about it and walk away. You're not her CEO. Making that kind of comparison shows you're going to try to be though. You don't deserve immediate respect, you have to earn that. it goes both ways. A small test is not disrespect, it's trying to get to know you. You're not showing backbone, you're showing attitude and that you'll be super quick to slam her into her rightful place, underneath and never beside you. You red pill freaks really are something else.
I hate that dating has become a game. I wish it was like it use to be when two people like each other, they both make it known to each other and make the effort to establish a relationship.
@@CourtneyRyan lies. You too? No. You in fact as a female love the fact that dating is a game where women use and test men, and where men get nothing in return.
I agree, I guess there's room for some level of inquisitiveness, but so much of the testing you see on videos (not Courtneys) just feel toxic. It often feels like you are trying to set up the other part to fail.
One time I went out on a blind date with a girl at work' We were talking on the phone as she was a supplier for my Company. We got along so well on the phone, that I asked her out. We met at a restaurant and sat down and began to talk before we ordered. She said, I thought you would be taller. I responded, I thought you would be prettier. We never saw each other again. What a shame, two honest people.
I just recently quit talking to this lady. She seemed real interesting, had a good sense of humor, very funny, great at conversating. But after a while she would excessively talk about her ex's and how horrible they treated her and how she never did anything wrong. To me that was a major red flag. I've had bad experiences and I've learned a lot from them based on MY mistakes.
Women lack accountability. That is, in fact, their kryptonite. It’s never her fault, it’s always the man who make the mistakes even if the woman is the one erroring.
@@ChrisPTY507 what if they talk about bad their treated them but also said alot of the problem was her too. I'm going through this with one right now. She acts like she likes me but keeps making excuses when I ask her out, main one being she's scared to get hurt again.
@@claytoncoker6489 Spin Plates and move on, you don’t want to date a girl with such high levels of insecurity. I have dated girls like that in the past and the moment you decide to move on is the moment they suddenly want to date and go out with you. She might be doing one of those silly tests to pretend not want to date you because of fear of being hurt while in reality she’s just putting you on hold because she’s dating other dudes and she wants you to be her orbiter, etc. The juice is not worth the squeeze.
A sense of humor is essential for a happy marriage, it's the best stress reliever (other than sex) there is, helps you keep a perspective and stop taking yourself too seriously.
Tests belong in schools, not in potential relationships. Be up front with your expectations and if it works, it works. If it doesn't, keep it moving amicably
I find it childish when a woman tests you, life is tiresome enough without someone consistently annoying you about the little things that don't matter.
@@53Strat Older women don't usually do it as much. It's literally the hallmark of youngirl stuff. Girls that are inexperienced and do not know what they want, and who are clumsy and think they're being clever by trying to push your buttons. It's also a surefire sign she's disrespecting you, and that alone is grounds for backing off. Like I get it if you can't help that, or have reservations, trust issues, hot/cold behavior, there's reasons for that, but if you are consciously doing weird shit like ordering yourself drinks from "some guy at the bar" just to test a man, you have LITERALLY tested YOURSELF and failed it. Out of all the things I see women do that makes me want to back off immediately, testing is perhaps the top. And the reason for that being a test in and of itself, is because it's a pattern of behaviour which emerges in really insecure, really childish, and/or really selfish people who clearly don't have what it takes to run a mature relationship properly at all. I have never seen a woman do it who wasn't a disaster to be with.
Its strange how social media is the thing that is meant to connect us together more easily but is actually making it more difficult to make connections and is driving us apart as a society.
Antisocial media. It's designed to separate us through jealousy and deception, whilst heightening and praising narcissistic and toxic behaviour. I predict that in 20 years time everyone will be single and natural reproduction will be illegal. All future humans will be created in a lab. And we will only be created to work and obey. There will be no space to live only work. Your living space will be a small pod.
As a vet with a lot of interrogator friends I always saw the tests coming, especially compliance tests. When I was interested in a lady who did those immature things I usually called them out, literally explain what they are doing. I then state my bar (standards) might be too high for them, indicating that those tests are substandard behaviors. I’m currently married to a beautiful, loving woman who has the same high standards as I, never shit testing each other. We communicate efficiently.
If a woman says jokingly to me, "You don't seem like my type!," I'm gonna to think, I guess you aren't my type either. If a man said that jokingly, he wouldn't be getting a woman that night. I guess, this is why so many women who are in their thirties and forties haven't gotten married yet and if they were stuck in a relationship, it was toxic. Toxicity breeds toxicity.
to be honest these women are the the shames of hook up culture... I would respond, thanks, thanks for helping me keep my generosity, i usually go for younger women...
Good point. In some ways society spoils women which comes with women not understanding how much value men truly bring to society. Yet there are some lazy men who just play video games or are criminals, etc. They don't deserve such admiration from women. Strong men keep many essential parts of our society together, which is invisible to some women. Many women also add value to society.
@@duncanmcauley7932 I’m not saying I disagree, but, why would people take advice from someone who’s never used these apps? By definition that person doesn’t know what they’re talking about :p
@@danko4009 I realize it’s a bit of a hot take but it’s just my advice based other’s experiences I’ve read about and articles about research into unhealthy psychological effects of social media. I personally don’t have a very positive view of mainstream social media as a result, though admittedly I do use Snapchat and Quora, and I am here, too. To each their own.
I have been watching videos like this because my wife had been rapidly progressing down this slope of flirting with other men in front of me while in Italy on vacation… for my birthday or all occasions, and kept taking advantage of my religious convictions when it comes to marriage (I am a Catholic); so these videos have been super helpful in getting myself out of the continued gaslighting I’ve been subjected to for 17 years. Thanks to channels like this I’m more aware now, and took my top 4% earned income, business owner ass someplace else where I’ll be appreciated more. Thank you!
As a person with aspergers, I never really had a sense of humor as I took things literal. I didn't really understand that I was being tested. I would really go off when girls would say things about my hobbies and interests. But because I have a history of being made fun of for them - and those people were serious, I didn't get the joke. So I guess I often cheated myself out of a good relationship. But thanks to you Courtney, I think I now understand. Where were you all my life?
I’m married for 25 years and found this channel. Appreciate the insights. Much of the content is very useful in marriage as much as the dating game. Principles of relationship remain the same and applicable over time. Many of the topics you cover can get lost over the years. This is a good place to go to touch up the sharpness and focus of any relationship, so you don’t take each other for granted.
Yes, married for 27 years this year. You can never stop gaming your wife, you just have to internalize it. Understanding how to stay in your frame, spike her attraction, not let her get too comfortable and ultimately still be a challenge are crucial for long term success.
The Idea of "testing" someone puts two people on two different levels (testing and being tested) Wich is the opposite of what a healthy relationship should be, because there is no "right or wrong" answer to any of those test. We should only aim to know each other better, and enjoy the trip if we like it the best we can
A child thinks "ok I'll test if he's "a man" A woman thinks "I'll get to actually know this guy for who he is and see if we're compatible" See the difference? Even if he IS a man, doesn't mean he's fit for her. If he IS compatible, then no shit it's no brainer he's a good fit for her long term.
What I have learned over time. Is that the more heart broken a woman has been in her life through past relationships the more she will do these tests. It's a red flag. She comes with a lot of emotional baggage
Bro that's the fact. They are emotionally damaged............. Testing on what will suit her and not what will suit her partner. Confused folks that can never be trusted.
@@romans52345-cy3tq if you should watch well they are the most folk with a lot of red flags. Bro the worst mistake you can do as a man in your life is trying to please a woman....
I have only been in one true relationship for 2 1/2 years. My experience and exposure to certain situations in relationships was quite limited. I went to a work fun event (by myself to the event) and a co-worker said to me, "Oh, you got a kitchen pass?" I said what's that? He said I got permission from my lady friend to go to this event. I cringed and my blood pressure went up by 10 points.
depending on situation if you are in a bar or something and she has her friends with her you could simply reply with "perfect, your friend is more of my type is she single?"
Tests seems like she's paranoid about commitment issues. Of course I would understand if she's trying to look out for red flags, but it should all come organically. You shouldn't try to confuse men or make them do a mistake and be the deciding factor. Besides, most people don't show their true personality to someone they like on the first meetup. That stuff develops over time. You won't need to do tests if you're naturally learning them through social interactions and actions.
So here is a test I had to endure on a few occasions. The woman I was trying to date would constantly try to get me to be late for things to prioritise her. For example, I would be on the phone to her and tell her I was playing badminton at say 8pm, I would be on the phone to her around 7pm... Well I would need to leave around 7:45 and usually around 7:43 she would bring up a heavy subject... "It has been a tough day, and I am really struggling...". She made me late a few times before I realised what was going on. I started to predict her doing it, and was right each time. I would be at my work, and messaging each other. I would start by saying I only had 30mins break.. and 27 mins later, she would choose then to tell me about a bereavement she was reminded of that hit her hard... So I was like "yeah that sucks. Gotta go". She eventually broke it off citing that I wasn't "emotionally supportive enough". lol. In my experience, splitting up with someone is tougher than being split up with. Both are horrible, but watching someone cry because they want to be with you... and you don't want to be with them is a worse feeling in my opinion. So when I realised what she was doing, I was delighted when she split up with me. It kinda felt like the trash was taking itself out. I pretended to be a little disappointed, but it was a good day! I didn't miss her one bit.
It does seem like you were not there for her emotionally. This is coming from a good brother who has long conversations with my sister and my girlfriend. Yet she probably didn't handle it right.
@@precisiont5188 I had to keep my posted comment fairly brief since nobody comes to YT to read novels. However, there are a lot of details I left out. I can confidently say that I made myself available plenty to support her emotionally, but it was never enough. She didn't like being alone, and would do whatever she could to keep people around to the point where she would deliberately interfere with their other obligations i.e. making them late for work. There is only so many times that someone can raise subjects which are clearly bait in order to keep you around, especially timed when that person knows you need to leave. It was manipulative behaviour 100%. Having been in several relationships, and in another relationship now.. that particular criticism isn't one I have had thrown my way before. My best friend is also my ex (ammicable mutual agreed split), and I confided a lot in her at the time - she concluded fairly quickly that the woman in question was just an attention seeker, and advised me to be on the lookout for red flags. I personally think she wanted a partner that she could walk over and utterly dominate, and I simply wasn't that guy. She wasn't necessarily a bad person. I mean, she wasn't doing anything malicious and was otherwise a caring an empathetic person. I wish her all the best, but equally I am delighted I got free and clear of her.
My wife started doing this a couple years ago when my work schedule changed. About 15 mins before I have to go on nights she brings up something heavy and I have a horrible drive in... it's only nights and it's pretty consistent. I believe deep down she's trying to Sabatoge my good job (that feeds us all) in order to get me off nights. My only option is to cold shoulder and leave. I'm all ears
I don’t like when people watch video encouraging them to use these type of toxic behaviors and “tests”. The rest of us have to suffer through it 🤦🏽♂️. Just be yourself and establish boundaries. You’d be surprised how fast you get to know someone when you are yourself and set boundaries.
MEN SHOULD TRY A FEW TEstS ON GIRLS: 1) Ask her "If I make you pay for your own share of expenses such as meals and tickets, what would you say to that?" 2) "Are you easily jealous?" 3) What do you think the role of women is in relationship? 4) What do you bring to this relationship? What's your contribution? Put her through these hoops, let her start racking her brains
The best test I've ever known is this......for a first date go for lunch, nothing fancy, just soup and a sandwich. Then when the check comes suggest to split it. If there's any hesitation on her part, game over. If she seems annoyed, game over. If she pretends that fine but holds a grudge, game over. If she splits the bill and later suggests a second date then this is the keeper. She's the keeper because she's humble and that'd what this test exposes: whether she's entitled or humble. You have to tests for entitlement because if you don't you're buying yourself a whole heap of trouble. But if she's humble you've won the lottery. Humble women are rare, they're the woman as described in proverbs 31. Test for humility.
Hello Courtney: This wasn't really a "test", however, it's something which happened to me a number of years ago. I arranged to go to a movie with a lady and she stood me up. As an excuse she said that her boyfriend didn't want her to spend time with another a guy. My reaction was "What, you already have a boyfriend. This changes everything. It this is what you are like then I don't want to know about you."
I dated a girl in college ("Tan") I really liked. We went on a few dates and I thought it went fairly well. My female friends also seemed to think that we were a good couple. We were officially together for about a month when the "crap tests" (CT) started. We dated unofficially for three weeks or so before making it official. Keep in mind this was in the late 1980's (no cell phones) and I had no idea what a "crap test" was. I wish I had known then what I know now... Anyway, things went well for a month. We were not sexually intimate (I'm one of those guys who wants to make sure this is going to work out first; I don't do the 'one night' or 'FWB' thing) yet and I was wondering how serious she was. This was fine with her because she made it clear she is not a "third date girl" and she did not want to get physical until we were sure we were going to be in a long-term relationship. I picked her up for a nice date I planned and we went out of town (only an hour drive) to a nice restaurant and then to hear a band we both liked. The drive to the restaurant was fine (joking around, conversation, usual stuff I expected from her; she had a magical laugh and a very quick wit). During dinner she seemed fine but she began to withdraw. It was kind of like watching a large bank of clouds cover up a sunny day until all that was left was a steel-gray sky, and you realize how it crept up on you. For the last part of dinner, Tan was increasingly distant and almost cold to me (she'd respond when she realized I was cool with just being quiet; I was used to talking with her about anything and I loved that about her). I asked her the usual "is everything okay" and "did something happen" type of questions, and she blew them off with the "I'm fine" and other conversation ending answers. She was quiet on the way back after dinner and the show, and an hour in the car with icy silence is rough. I'd turn on the radio and she'd ask me to turn it down or off; that was all the communication I got from her. I dropped her off at her place and when I stopped, she got out without waiting for me to get her door (something she said she liked, so I did it) and when I got out, she was already unlocking her apartment door. I walked up to her and she smiled sweetly at me, said "goodnight," and closed the door before I got there. I stood there, surprised and not sure how I felt about that, and then went and got back in my car. I was digging around for a tape (late 1980's, remember?) in the console when I looked up and saw her peeking at me through her window. She quickly disappeared behind the curtains when she saw me looking. I drove back to my apartment and told my roommate that the night was a bust. We ran in overlapping circles and I am convinced that Tan was not cheating on me at the time; if so, I would have heard about it. She usually called me in the evenings and we'd talk about whatever for an hour. She never called that night. I tried to call her the next day and she let it go to her machine (before voicemail...late 1980's) even though it was a time of day when I knew she was almost always home. After that, I stopped trying. She called me three days later and my roomie took the message because I had picked up a few extra shifts at work between semesters. He said she wanted me to call her back "quickly" and she "sounded upset." I decided not to call; she knew where I lived. I got word from a friend that she was "pissed off" at me for something and I told him she can "scratch her mad spot" (a phrase I got from a woman I later dated and married; we were just acquaintances at the time). And that was pretty much that. To this day I still have no idea what caused the change over dinner (or if it was some part of some plan of hers). I had no real contact with her but I was cordial when I saw her around campus or town ("hey, what's up?" kind of thing while passing by). I ran into her a year later working at a video store of all places and she had a ring on her left hand. I checked out (she was the only clerk) and I was polite but distant. I saw the ring and said "congratulations" with a friendly smile. She barely responded sufficiently to complete the transaction. I have not seen her since and I learned a lot about (what I now know to be) the crap test from her. I don't recommend that young men put up with crap tests; I think they should just smile and walk away.
Damn dude. Bravo. I would never tolerate childish behavior like hers. It's not your job to figure her out. She was supposed to come forward to you and communicate her feelings. Her thinking this was a good test, actually made her into a burden. I'm glad you found a better woman after
@@spikeboy101, Thanks, brother. The one I married (the acquaintance at the time I was "dating" Tan) is 180 degrees different. We've been together for over 32 years, married for almost 30, and we have two great kids and a good life. What you said is true; don't settle, don't put up with the childish crap, find someone who relates to you for real, wants the same things you do, and wants to build a future with you. "Tan," as you said, not only turned herself into a burden but I lost all trust in her. That is something women don't think about when they decide to "crap test" men. When a good man loses trust in a woman, she could be the hottest woman in the world but to him, she's just another object in the environment. Peace to you, brother, and peace to all who read this.
@@DrSigma24-7 Nothing but cheers and high fives to you brother hahaha. Your story actually helped get some hope about my recent disaster with a date. I'm eventually going to find a good person who fits me and likes me for who I am and I can't wait to spend my time with her and have beautiful moments together
@@spikeboy101 , Thank you for the positive feedback! If a disaster in my past can encourage another man for the future, more power to you! Don't settle, don't second guess yourself, and remember; do not take criticism or condemnation from someone you would not go to for advice. Strong men like you need to lift up other men and they become strong in return. Lift up good women and praise them for their positivity and their shared view of a solid future. What about "Tan" and all of the others out there who cause problems? Well, leave them be without a thought. Shake the dust of them from your feet. Let Chad have them. When they are 40 or 50 or so, they'll figure out where they screwed up. But that's okay; someone has to take care of all those available cats....😊
Makes me wonder if it might have been something you said during dinner, maybe intended as a joke, but something that she was sensitive to, that might have been a deal-breaker. I've done this myself a bunch, of course, I'm a goblin, so who am I to judge anyway- but, maybe something to contemplate for the future.
You know what creates far better connection? Love. I think “testing a guy/girl” is also playing games, it doesn’t have anything to do with love. And it’s love that is needed in a relationship. Love is free and he and she should just love the other, especially the person they like. And nobody should pass tests to get love. If you don’t love me, then go away. If you love me, I can love you. Nobody should use the lack of love to punish the other (testing, thinking about how to pass tests etc.). I think you are right: you have to be authentic. If someone tests you, it’s a signal that that person already thinks you are not authentic. And maybe that person picks up something of you that is actually not authentic. So talk about that, bond over this or end it, because it’s no match. If you date, you don’t want to say no because it takes so much time, energy and money to date a woman. If she rejects you because you are “too nice” or for “not saying no to her”, she was a complete waste of time and doesn’t understand what’s so difficult for men concerning dating. A woman with rules like “be yourself”, “be honest” , “be someone that gives me some resistance” and “stand your ground and say what you do and do what you say”, is per definition a woman that hasn’t those traits herself. That is definitely a huge red flag for guys. And “women are the gatekeepers of sex” is such a narrow minded idea. Sex is not that special. And I think in our society “sex” is made far too important. Most women and men are bad in bed and just like beer, it’s nice but it’s not that great as tv-shows make you believe it is. Sex should be fun, full of love, easy and on a regular basis. Not something were men should be figure out what the game and barrier is that women set up for them. Then she is really not worth it. And the same holds up for guys that do that to women with commitment. It’s just awful. For men: if you want sex? Be ready to give her commitment. For women: do you want commitment/someone that is serious about you? Sleep with him. It’s not that complicated at all. The modern world made us all believe that it is. Both sex and commitment means nothing if both people don’t love each other in the first place. First love, then the relationship. Not first the relationship and then love. That’s just the wrong order.
Had a waitress that was hitting on me at a restaurant I used to go to about 2 years ago when travelling for work. She always was the first to come up to me and serve my table, would talk a lot asking about my job, etc.. Then one day she texted her boyfriend to come over to the bar and French kissed him while making eye contact with me. That... doesn't even get under my skin actually. It's so far off the spectrum that I immediately realised I'm dealing with someone fit for clinical treatment and its nothing personal. Because I initially assumed this was a shit test to make me jealous. And I just lost attraction, instantly. I'm not into all that polyamory, voyeurism, exhibitionism, experimental sex, and other narcissistic bullshit. I even lost my appetite as well because of it. I couldn't swallow my food for a few seconds. Its not personal for me either. It just disgusts me on a visceral level. Probably a similar reaction to your average person if they had witnessed bestiality. It's a reflex you can't really help. I didn't go back there again. Even though there was another waitress that seemed kind of nice but always got pushed out of the way by this other one so never served my table. I prefer to eat my food in peace. It's what I went there for in the first place.
@@nerifterafrnam4682 Still weird, when she always go to the same person in the restaurant, but I agree with you . It´s their job to look good and taking orders ( with the hope to earn some decent tips) . Nevertheless this French kiss move had a manipulative nature in this case , well yeah.. some women deserve a good treatment in asylum , like her.Peace out.
fellas if a girl is giving you all these tests, focus on yourself homie. You can find out if you're compatible by literally just talking and not giving people tests
well sometimes people lie, so we really do need to see how they actually behave and what they do, actions speak louder than words, their actions must be congruent with their words, just talking is not enough.
I agree, problem is there is deceivers & women claim they want to avoid them yet women who do tests are in a sense showing that same deceit, would they do that to others? it shows her weak insecurity in the relationship, if One tested girls or ask for a 2nd wife w/o them knowing which is allowed how they react?
Countney, it's been two weeks since I found your channel, but to tell you the truth I'm completely bewildered by your personality. You're a girl with a really high character. Congratulations, I wouldn't believe such a woman existed.
Agreed but us getting that wrong didn’t come from an evolutionary last where that was a potential death sentence like it was for them. Which is why women evolved to just naturally run these tests. Men have to consciously be aware of it and do it too and thankfully we are starting to adapt
The congruency test is even more important for men because of how each gender lies. Men lie women, but women lie to themselves. You can confront a man about his lies because they’re usually obvious and tangible. It’s hard to confront a woman because she has probably convinced herself she hasn’t done anything wrong.
@@beautifulspirit7420 Not any more. That was once true, but now, women have their own money, they are Liberated and Educated, and contraception is reliable, safe and free. The old excuses no longer apply. Nice try, but no cigar.
When it comes to testing your relationships and testing your potential mates, word of advice don't do it. If you do, you are sabotaging any potential relationship you might have or currently in. Plus it can come across, that you are a passive aggressive communicator to the other person. Just have a honest conversation with the other person, and if your not attracted to them after that then move on. If you are, invite them out at a later date. Any relationship is going to get tested threw natural conflict. Testing your relationship or a potential one with someone is bringing unnecessary conflict into it, damaging it in the long run. One other thing, let your relationships develop naturally and don't rush in to them. It will be disastrous for both parties involved.
Thanks for your honest approach to relationships...finally a realistic, respectful voice of reason in the Jungle! Manipulation has no place in the affairs of the Heart....
How to win every test they throw at you? On a personal level, can't vouch for others (there is not one truth), five letters MGTOW, I walked away from it all and focused on developing myself for no one else but myself. And as a result of that the last three years of my life have been the best yet. Physical, financial, emotional. Turning my back towards relationships, dating, meeting up, honestly has been the best decision I made in my life. Not saying it will work for you, just telling what worked for me.
My mom taught me how to be a simp... because it's gentlemanly... but the truth is that she wanted to train me so that she can use me and command me as she sees fit. Guys... remember, even your own mother will train you for her own benefit. Treat women like people... with decency... and no special treatment.
All mothers do that to certain degrees. But look at it this way, she's essentially training you how to handle and live with a potential girlfriend/wife. Your potential girlfriend/wife and your mother may exhibit some of the same exact tendencies and say the same exact things. It's been told to women for years and even my own mother has said this to me: how a man treats his mother is an indication of how he'd treat you. Or in a guy's case, how you treat your mother is how you'll treat your girlfriend/wife.
On the surface I understand it seems harsh for a women to test but that’s really the only way for a women to see who you are to weed out the insecure, emotionally unstable,thirsty guys and find the best suited man for her.
I am so guilty of number 1. When I first met this woman (online) before I developed any romantic feelings for her (which I did after we got to know each other; but before I even saw her); we would flirt, banter, tease, argue/debate (nicely of course), etc. But as soon as I developed feelings for her, my demeanor, or approach completely changed. I put her on a pedestal, would always agree with her, became a "cheerleader' (her words - which ticked her off to no end; or she would tell me things like, "I DON'T WANT a girlfriend!", "I loved how we used to talk.", etc). But for some unknown reason I became a SIMP. Even though when we first met we got along great, talked about a lot of things, and not just "general, everyday" topics. I had confidence, there was definitely chemistry, etc. I don't know if it's a built in sabotage gene that some men have where once you develop feelings for someone you think you need to become Mr. Boy Scout.
The best thing to do is to communicate rather than throwing these tests. Crap tests are a double edge sword. To me personally I rather know a little bit about her and her knowing a little bit of me before throwing the crap tests.
With all these tests and efforts going around (when it comes to current relationships), I wonder if it remains anything to enjoy after all this. These cringey games will be the end of everything.
People are more concerned with not getting played than enjoying themselves. That’s the truth. Getting played for these people means the end of their life
It's not enjoyable - not anymore. It's always a test, some buIIsh!t test, or a competition, or a way to find a weakness and take advantage of it. Today's Western woman does not want a relationship to make a life with someone; They want a talking point and bragging rights in front of their friends; they don't want to feel "left out". And when they get bored with you, they will drag your ass through court and take everything they can from you. Why? Because they want talking points and bragging rights in front of their friends; They don't want to feel "left out".
@@johnarmenta2199 I think a lot of that stems from their initial heartbreak. All this stuff they do is a very unhealthy way to cope but it’s how they do
All the red pill and similar stuff has always felt like taking a few sound concepts rooted in psychology and then adding on a whole bunch of crazy and weird to stand out and get attention for more views or to sell a product/program. Hence why there's a lot of stuff you can see where these guys are coming from mixed with a lot of "What did I just read/hear?" A lot of guys, especially more anxious and/or introverted ones, would love to have some sort of foolproof set of instructions to win over women and spare them the pain of rejection so there's a big audience for this stuff. In reality, a lot of these aren't women a reasonable guy would want to win over.
A lot of what keeps a girl around (interested in you) is innately counter intuitive. As any male with logical thinking, it doesn't make sense to continue to want someone if they have just rejected her or stood his ground after trying to "play" with his emotions (shit test) So explaining to men, woman's behaviour to increase their dating chances appears bizarre.
I dont test, I don't think anybody should either; I trust my instincts, you can tell after a little while if someone is inconsiderate or not. It's sad we live in a world where people are so connected and yet still so lonely that they will accept bad behavior or let themselves be taken advantage of. A friend told me once, "there is no silver bullet", meaning, there is no quick fix or formula. Anything worth having is worth working for. Thanks Courtney, your content is first rate!
9:39 "Being a guy who can take a freaking joke" Yeah, and then, on the opposite side, girls be mad if you make a joke yourself. We must be the one who make them laugh but then they can't take it and start calling you a jerk, sexist, or feel so attacked that they take out the whole "Indipendent, strong woman" thing. Let the jokes be jokes
@@CourtneyRyan basically finding out if your sense of humor is compatible is essential. If you don't find each other funny, entertaining and interesting any potential is dead in the water.
I feel all women (and men) should receive education about female psychology, so they would better understand themselves. They would also become more aware of their illogical behavior and adjust accordingly. Or at a minimum men would be better prepared to engage with a creature so different from themselves.
These “sh*t tests” are less formal than how I would go about figuring out my compatibility with people. I prefer asking questions just like an interview. I’ll ask my questions which correlate to my values as that’s how I’m more comfortable instead of setting up a series of tests.
why? have you seen what kind of guys are out there? i think some tests are needed, like testing your humor/sensibility and you should take it as a sign that the girl doesnt want to waste time on the wrong person, just like you.
Great video as always, Courtney. Here's my two cents: Honestly, I resent the whole concept of "tests". If it's one-sided, it implies that the person testing you is higher than you in some hierarchy. The way it is with teachers, employers, higher-ups. And if it's two-sided, it turns the whole relationship into a game of Among Us for two. Personally I believe relationships should have mutual respect as one of their core tenets and secretly or not so secretly testing partners undermines that respect. Why even be in a relationship if you're going to need to test them from the get-go? It's one thing to be wary, but to make your partner jump through hoops to prove themselves to you - I'm sorry, who are you that I have to prove myself to you? I've been lucky to find a partner with whom the process of determining how compatible we are doesn't need any shit tests. We're just honest and open with each other about what we want and what we're ready to give. And we have at least some basic level of trust in both each other and one's own ability to select a partner. There's something I remember from school - there are teachers who grade from (converted to US system) A to F (have high expectations) and there are those who grade from F to A (have terrible expectations at first). Now, the former group of teachers tended to be more relaxed and while not everyone would get a straight A easily, people were more motivated to get good grades. The more critical teachers rarely had a kid in heir class raising above a C or B and just brought down the mood with their "F until proven otherwise" attitude. And while at school you shouldn't expect to pass with zero effort, I find such an attitude (of the ever suspicious teacher, I mean) in relationships disrespectful. Like, of course you shouldn't tolerate bad or lacking behavior from a partner, but don't start with the expectation that it is already pre-determined to happen and you're just laying traps and conducting tests to catch them in the act.
Well initially there usually is a hierarchy and women are above men - we want them to start dating us, start having sex with us so we have to win their approval. It's only when we either increase our value or date someone lower than ours that we as men are higher than or equal to them. It pains me to say this, but women have intrinsic value and men have to prove themselves. Testing can be fun if it's feisty and playful and you've got some quick witted comebacks & jokes. But if it's serious manipulation and power plays, it's probaly not worth the effort.
@@mjkittredge Naw...The intrinsic value of a Woman in this regard is only in how Society views it. Women have innate value to a Society because they can produce Children. Men don't, but Men used to be valued for all the aspects that we bring to the table. Society is built to help Women survive. Men by and large can survive just fine. There's a balanced trade off. Nowadays, that's not being respected.
With the compliance thing…I was recently having breakfast in a hotel (where she was staying, I’d just joined her for breakfast) with a Russian girl I was interested in, and we’d both finished. She asked me to go and get her a croissant (they were free). My first thought was “get it yourself”, because I don’t think that’s the kind of thing a woman (or man) would ask in the West, when she could get it herself just as easily. But I thought maybe there’s a cultural difference there, and I didn’t want to rock the boat over something minor, so I grabbed her the croissant while getting myself a drink, so I didn’t seem like I was just fetching and carrying for her (good thinking, Batman!) I later spoke to a Russian friend who said that that kind of thing, ie men fetching and carrying for women, does go on in Russia, especially amongst more old fashioned people. So I think I probably made the right choice.
Good point about the cultural aspects. Sometimes women instinctively want to know if the man can or is willing to provide for her, like when she is pregnant and vulnerable.
Really? You were about to be mad over her asking you to bring her a croissant, but didn't because you thought it was a Russian cultural thing? It's a gender role thing, to show a willingness to protect & provide as man, not to mention it's a matter of romance. Why wouldn't you wanna do simple tasks for her? I'm sure glad my boyfriend brings me things, carries my bags, does simple tasks for me, buys me little things, and does so with a smile on his face, love in his eyes, and a pep in his step, which is one of the many reasons why I love him with all my heart. 🥰♥️
I actually don't know what the idiom "run for the hills" means, but the way she says it each time in this video, i just love it and instantly get the image of me going to the himalayas.
My favourite test was the "What am I thinking about?" I would always tell them what I wanted to do to them in a sexual way, or if they perform certain sexual acts, or what they looked naked. They asked and I told them...truthfully. They stopped asking.
Lots of respect to you for addressing this, a lot of women would actually deny that this even happens 🙌 Idk about the fitness test though.. shouldn't it be deemed unattractive if a woman openly says "you're too short" etc when you go up to her? Why would a guy want to put up with that? Even if it is a joke, is it even cool to joke about something like that?
@@kamalsmusic -one thing I learned is if a girl tests u like that she may be seeing if being short would affect you and if it doesn`t u pass. To be fair if a girl just outright disrespects you is one thing but if she teases you with anything don`t let it affect you. She is just seeing how okay you are with things. If you're short, bald or whatever just own it. When she sees your okay with those things her attraction usually grows.
Yea it’s so strange bc men often joke with women and it hurts their feelings and somehow when the roles are like this, its not ok but when a woman does it, the man must never react ?
Courtney, I'm impressed simply by the number of comment replies you've made. Holy moly. You're putting in the work to build your channel by fostering connections and that's the greatest sign, next to delivering valued content, that your channel will thrive.
@@CourtneyRyan Well done Amiga, that's how you do it. 👍 Many friends require at times a little clarification and always appreciate your direct feedback.
The thing is if you have suffered narcissistic abuse and say they are joking but really mean to harm you and your self esteem. That's why it's hard for some to accept that you say it's a joke when jokes in the past emotionally compromised. But I guess everything changes with time and i guess it's all about context.
One of the main things I do is just ask for women about how many long term relationships they’ve been in and how long they’ve lasted. A girl that has always been in a long term relationship normally is psychologically a lot more healthy than someone who jumps from partner to partner.
Courtney seems so sweet and reasonable. I love that she's against the manipulation techniques. Combine that with being physically attractive and her cute voice, where can I find a woman like that? Some of these test questions, whether he passes or not, will long be remembered by the man I don't think any form of verbal manipulation or testing is required.
Thank you so much for your videos. I must say, lately, you are much more comfortable talking on camera which I really like and it takes away a lot of unnecessary disruption and helps the concentration while watching.
I really appreciate the way you've been in that video Courtney. You seem to have a deep understanding of the male and female psyche. That's great. And you are a gentle, sensitive and very special lady.
Being able to take a joke is literally the biggest thing I feel like, after all you are suppose to have fun! Goofing around with someone you like is really awesome.
I’ve tried this and it doesn’t work. They just call you a “hypocrite” and somehow don’t realize it’s an attempt to mirror their own behavior so they can see for themselves how toxic it is. They’ll either pretend to not see it as a counter example or just say “it’s not the same”.
It might be subconsciously done by a lot of women, but a good female friend of mine that I briefly dated years ago told me that she and many women she knows (personally and in a FB group) actually DO consciously test men on dates by, among other things, "offering" to help out with the bill on a first date and then give the guy a fail if he takes her up on her offer, even if they otherwise liked him! I told her I'd rather have a date where, if the girl actually likes me, she simply says "Thank you" and doesn't offer to help out with the bill if it's an insincere "offer" like that, simply meant as a litmus test. If I've asked someone out, I expect to pay for the date and only want her to offer to help out if she isn't into me.
Really appreciate a humble person helping us out, but this is all too conscious for me. Dating wasn't this complicated when I met my ex in 2013. Single now and looking for someone to add to my life for the long-term, and it's too much. Feeling doomed to singledom. So, I'm just going to be myself. I know I have what it takes and why my previous relationships failed. Key is not to be pushy, be kind, don't be a pushover and know what you want. Good luck, all. Keep trying.
Courtney, I think it's only a matter of time before you have millions of subscribers. You are so classy, sensible, honest....the list goes on. Brilliant video! I always just be myself, don't play games, be honest, etc, but the reality is lots of people (women and men) will play foolish games. It's only smart, classy women like you who don't play games.
As an 18 yr old male I am afraid I will have a hard time getting a women because it's not them who will test me but it will be they who will be flinged out of option on basis of my standards of a prestine feminine women when I am accomplished enough. Courtney it's nice of you to encourage women to be good humans and practice their true beautiful nature.
At least for me, I am not someone who wants a "perfect" woman. For me, I want Misses Right. I want someone who is not afraid of getting dirty in the garden. I want someone who can put on a nice bikini, rock it, and still be tough enough to go skiing up in the mountains some time. Toughness is a quality I look for in women.
11:52 when a female says "i don't date bald/short/etc etc" guys... and its meant to be a challenge... its the start of a mind game .... its not respect because he won't respect your preferences/choices.... then will he respect your body??? its the start of a negative rabbit hole. if women don't want "to be played"... STOP INITIATING THE GAMES. if a guy asks if your open to "short guys/bald etc guys" you can say " maybe" or "i don't know"... IF you want a guy to show more interest... its always BEST to SHOW that YOU are interested in him... or that he has a chance.
Really appreciate your take, Courtney. I think people test because they don't feel safe being straight forward. In the environment I grew up in (asian american family from Taiwan/China), you were straight forward with your words and intentions or you demonstrated to the person in front of you were a coward and had no principles; we only loosened up after we got to know each other over time.
My Ex-fiance used to put me through some of these "tests". Finally had enough and dumped her narcissistic ass. Ghosted her for about 8-9 months and would not take her calls. I was considered a "nice" guy back then, but even I can only take so much of these stupid games. Married to my current wife for 25 years now. She's been nothing but respectful to me from the beginning. I don't play games with her, she does not play games with me.
I feel like there's a little bit of gaslighting going on here or perhaps a slight lack of understanding of the term. The whole point of a shit test is that it's a qualifier/ disqualifier and considering how they're applied in a covert, manipulative way I don't consider them to be anything but malicious towards the man that they're directed at. These are hoops men have to jump through or avoid in order to pass to the next stage. Furthermore, since the point of such a test is to gauge a response from a guy they are rarely subconscious but rather actively done. They're also not meant to be regular questions asked as a means of finding out how compatible two people might be. Instead they're to determine if the guy even gets to the question asking round or stays there.
I really like Mss. Courtney. She brings a light of maturity and common sense to UA-cam. The social media in creating a childish generation. Playful and manipulative people are really toxic. A natural gentleman is the new rebel.
"we don't have time for these games" 😂 that's pretty much the summary of this channel in the best way. As long as you're considerate, you don't need to worry. Always be growing, yes, but people being crazy is on them, not you.
I agree, problem is there is deceivers & women claim they want to avoid them yet women who test are showing that same deceit, would they do it to others - Big Q & why? it shows her weak insecurity in the relationship, if One tested girls or ask for a 2nd wife w/o them knowing which is allowed how they react?
Courtney, your channel has helped me grow a lot. My last relationship damaged my trust in all women. She cheated on me while I was deployed and that happened to over half my unit. Your videos have helped me become open again and less cynical. Thank you.
I asked a girl out recently and she said yes but then when I texted her about our plans she said that she cant anymore. I said "no problem, does next week sound better? " and she hasn't replied , what should I do? Its frustrating when the person seemed interested and then she put an excuse later on
Things I've learned in life, and this doesn't just apply to relationships. This applies to everyone you come in contact with. I understand that we should be able to take a joke, but at the same time.. what we tolerate teaches people how to respect us. I've had friendships in the past that I've ended where the basis of that friendship was always being the butt of that person's joke. Same goes with relationships, where I was with someone who always presented me... talked about me with her friends as if I'm nothing more than a joke. So, I don't tolerate a lot of jokes about me anymore. It's not cute. I'd rather have people walk on eggshells around me than be the laughing stock of the group.
The dominance test is an interesting one. It actually is a great trait, to have from a guy's standpoint. From what I have seen, a lot of women fall for the, "Badass", or the, "Player", because of this trait. They show they are flattering, but in control. The difference with the good guy in respect to the dominance test is he is just being masculine, making wise decisions, and giving a clear direction with everything going on amongst you and the lady, in decisions, etc, whereas, the Badass and player, over time, reveal that their true colors are just to use this trait to control you.
I feel that modern dating can no longer work for the long term as I will eventually fail whatever test she is putting me through. I make no excuses for when I fail I just learn why I failed and continue on path and purpose to become as high value as possible by my standards.
Once I was asked what I think about threesomes. REALLY caught me off guard. I threw it back and said “I wouldn’t know I’ve never had one.” Definitely was a head case.
That was her trying to get you to "open" the relationship so that she could then get with whoever she wanted to and it would've been _your_ doing. See how that works?
The last test is widely recommended by other advisors, but here I see for the first time an intelligent woman who has quite a healthy view of this topic.
I have no idea how I got here, I left UA-cam on auto play while charging my phone in the other room. As someone who is experienced with healthy relationships, I cringed at most of these "tests" I heard. This UA-cam is correct by saying that other than the first few, most of these tests sound toxic, controlling, and/or manipulative. The whole premise of making your partner pass tests is juvenile at best and not conducive to forming a lasting relationship. In a serious relationship partners don't take turns secretly testing each other, but rather through spending time together and getting to know each other. Along the way there will be challenges and tests that present themselves, and how you both go about handling them will tell your partner more about you. Overcoming obstacles is how you grow together as a couple, and letting life set up these tests ensures that they are fair and transparent. Just pay close attention to what the other person does and if their reaction isn't satisfactory for you then you should tell your partner and work on a solution. One of the worst things you can do in a relationship is not tell your partner about things that bothers you, because overtime it will irritate you more and more until a day comes when you can't take it any more and you go off on them for it. It's okay if you don't want to say something the very first time if it is very early in the relationship, but once you are comfortable with each other you need to bring it up for the sake of both of you. Last piece of advice - men you should double down on what she said about carrying a woman's purse. Anytime she looks like she needs a hand offer to take it and then wear that thing like a man. Then you can help her carry more stuff in one hand and then walk holding her hand with your remaining free hand. Bonus points if the bag is an animal or some cute character: they often have a 2nd strap so they can be worn like a backpack. I used to strut around in all black, rocking my Slayer tshirts while wearing my girlfriends' cute Brown Bear, Alpaca and Panda purses that turned into backpacks. One time a girlfriend's mom saw me and was so amused by how small the bag looked in between my large shoulder blades.
When she says don't worry about him were just friends and then found them together in bed. Testing my reaction to that isn't a good impression for me or anybody. Such a turnoff.
Can you make a video regarding like having traditional values and gender roles in world that usually requires 2 working adults in a relationship? I think it can feel odd for men to be the leader of a household if his girl is making more money than him etc. My mom would do all the cleaning/laundry and my dad would do all the cooking. Both of them worked full time. I’m just curious if you have advice for how maybe you and your boyfriend break these things up or how modern relationships can still have masculine men roles and feminine women roles when we tend to do a lot of the same things now.
A lot of women will 'joke' in very disrespectful way, and then accuse the guy of being 'insecure'. It's a passive aggressive action. If she doesn't show respect you as a person, kick her to the curb. Tests are bullshit.
The only question my now wife of 41 years asked when we were dating was if I needed her. My response was "I don't need you because I can take care of myself, but I want you in my life". We knew each other for less than 3 months before marrying.
I agree with a lot of what Courtney said. I don’t like people playing games but I also think we naturally want to find out what kind of person we are talking to when we’re deciding if we want a relationship with them. I disagree on this point: toxic masculinity is real, it is a thing, and we shouldn’t dismiss it. There are so many men who mistreat and abuse women, who solve all their problems with their anger, and who won’t admit when they’re wrong. They even shame the men around them for not being “man enough.” We need to distinguish between healthy masculinity and unhealthy masculinity.
Just have self-respect, integrity, and confidence, and the rest takes care of itself. One can sense what is reasonable, and what isn't. Usually women *won't* even do any of these silly things if you do, because *she* doesn't want to lose *you.*
Good thought. It takes some cultivation to have enough going on that you’re not living in social scarcity. Extroverts can tackle that full life in non dating situations so they project abundance with a relationship prospect.
Really apprciate you just cutting through all the crap with this one Courtney. Great video for men and women to pay attention to with the message be a mature adult rather than a child playing games.
@@CourtneyRyan hey courtney i think you are suitable to answer this question cause you are somewhat different fr other dating coaches. Question - DO you think its acceptable for a guy to tell you some of his problems? In the early stage of dating 2nd are you the type who is okay for a more deeper and logical conversation or are you the type that wants to talk about ilogical fun most of the time? This is also during 1st or 2nd date by the way. Thanks.
I got that famous "sorry... I've been busy" line after 3 days of no text, no answer calls. But almost every bullet point Courtney laid out had led up to this famous line. Glad I saw it for what it was, just wish I would have seen it sooner.
The context of the joke makes a huge difference, tone of voice and body language. They could just be a bad person and come out with, "oh, I'm just joking". All these tests are just to cover up insecurities and their own fears.
Deleted all social media over a year ago. I feel like 70% of the stuff Courtney talks about wouldn't even need to be addressed if social media never existed.
Yes Sir Correct.
Preach.
I agree. :)
Absolutely.
SMH you right bro 🤔
If a woman I just met insults me, I just smile and walk away. If she thinks that behavior is OK, I want nothing to do with her.
I’ll say something positive back like “peace and blessings to you” then walk off. I did that and she came back and apologized
You did right. Keep your masculine frame and walk away.
Exactly. Think of it this way - would that same woman “shit test” the CEO of her company by belittling him during a meeting to see if he’s a competent CEO? Of course not. Because she fears the consequence.
If a woman is shit testing you, it’s because she doesn’t see you as the kind of guy who has the balls to stand up for himself.
If you “pass her test” you’re just confirming to her that you have no backbone and that she can bully you
@@tomk2926 By your reaction to her passing a small, or possibly crucial kind of test, you're doing her a huge favour and she's dodging a big old bullet when you cop your crap attitude about it and walk away. You're not her CEO. Making that kind of comparison shows you're going to try to be though. You don't deserve immediate respect, you have to earn that. it goes both ways. A small test is not disrespect, it's trying to get to know you. You're not showing backbone, you're showing attitude and that you'll be super quick to slam her into her rightful place, underneath and never beside you. You red pill freaks really are something else.
Most women lose me with their tests... their test turn into my criteria test
I hate that dating has become a game. I wish it was like it use to be when two people like each other, they both make it known to each other and make the effort to establish a relationship.
Me too lol
@@CourtneyRyan lies. You too? No. You in fact as a female love the fact that dating is a game where women use and test men, and where men get nothing in return.
@@Mogamishu Cool how you know what she's thinking.. can you teach me?
I agree, I guess there's room for some level of inquisitiveness, but so much of the testing you see on videos (not Courtneys) just feel toxic. It often feels like you are trying to set up the other part to fail.
Options and the privilege that comes with that just make people power hungry
One time I went out on a blind date with a girl at work' We were talking on the phone as she was a supplier for my Company. We got along
so well on the phone, that I asked her out. We met at a restaurant and sat down and began to talk before we ordered. She said, I thought you
would be taller. I responded, I thought you would be prettier. We never saw each other again. What a shame, two honest people.
Some things are best kept unspoken
savage af hahahahhahaha
Absolute correct response
XD
😅😅😅🤣🤣🤣😂😂 I am wondering if that was quick wit or just the truth that you blurted out. In any case it was perfect and funny as hell
I just recently quit talking to this lady. She seemed real interesting, had a good sense of humor, very funny, great at conversating. But after a while she would excessively talk about her ex's and how horrible they treated her and how she never did anything wrong. To me that was a major red flag. I've had bad experiences and I've learned a lot from them based on MY mistakes.
Bullet dodged, brother.
Women lack accountability. That is, in fact, their kryptonite.
It’s never her fault, it’s always the man who make the mistakes even if the woman is the one erroring.
@@ChrisPTY507 what if they talk about bad their treated them but also said alot of the problem was her too. I'm going through this with one right now. She acts like she likes me but keeps making excuses when I ask her out, main one being she's scared to get hurt again.
@@claytoncoker6489 Spin Plates and move on, you don’t want to date a girl with such high levels of insecurity.
I have dated girls like that in the past and the moment you decide to move on is the moment they suddenly want to date and go out with you. She might be doing one of those silly tests to pretend not want to date you because of fear of being hurt while in reality she’s just putting you on hold because she’s dating other dudes and she wants you to be her orbiter, etc.
The juice is not worth the squeeze.
Good. I learned the same thing. When I was younger I used to believe the sob stories.
if a woman tests you, never get rattled, always remain calm and confident or even better crack a joke
👏🏼
Yes, crack a joke always make things easier to deal with
Stay the course,🚢 rough seas 🌊 are what make a sailor!
A sense of humor is essential for a happy marriage, it's the best stress reliever (other than sex) there is, helps you keep a perspective and stop taking yourself too seriously.
When your life is a joke simply breathing around them is an icebreaker
Tests belong in schools, not in potential relationships. Be up front with your expectations and if it works, it works. If it doesn't, keep it moving amicably
Exactly I agree
Yup, I totally agree. The voice of common sense and maturity.
Yeah for sure 💪
Exactly
Relationships are for learning and growth
My ex wife of 20 years continously flirted with other men in front of me then just said she was being nice. She's my ex for a reason.
You a stupido mojoń.20 years...didn't get the pictura?
are you saying 20 years old or 20 years as in 20 years in a relationship? Cause 20 years is a long time for not being able to notice the red flags.
@@bijanadhikari7928 yeah he was married to her for 20 years either he's blind or dumb or both
Beta
You should have checked her aaa
I find it childish when a woman tests you, life is tiresome enough without someone consistently annoying you about the little things that don't matter.
Amen!
word.
Its natural, if I really find a girl interesting besides sex it just happens. You have to find out somehow early.
They have to test. Women don't want a weak man they only wanna have sex with strong confident men especially when they got many options
@@53Strat Older women don't usually do it as much. It's literally the hallmark of youngirl stuff. Girls that are inexperienced and do not know what they want, and who are clumsy and think they're being clever by trying to push your buttons. It's also a surefire sign she's disrespecting you, and that alone is grounds for backing off. Like I get it if you can't help that, or have reservations, trust issues, hot/cold behavior, there's reasons for that, but if you are consciously doing weird shit like ordering yourself drinks from "some guy at the bar" just to test a man, you have LITERALLY tested YOURSELF and failed it. Out of all the things I see women do that makes me want to back off immediately, testing is perhaps the top. And the reason for that being a test in and of itself, is because it's a pattern of behaviour which emerges in really insecure, really childish, and/or really selfish people who clearly don't have what it takes to run a mature relationship properly at all. I have never seen a woman do it who wasn't a disaster to be with.
Its strange how social media is the thing that is meant to connect us together more easily but is actually making it more difficult to make connections and is driving us apart as a society.
Antisocial media.
It's designed to separate us through jealousy and deception, whilst heightening and praising narcissistic and toxic behaviour. I predict that in 20 years time everyone will be single and natural reproduction will be illegal. All future humans will be created in a lab. And we will only be created to work and obey. There will be no space to live only work. Your living space will be a small pod.
That what social media was created for - a substitute for live relationships.
it's a synthetic connection, nothing real about it
it connects 80% of women to 20% of men, it's just basically already by height we are all being swiped left.
Reason why I started just referring to it as anti social media. Maybe if I mentioned it enough it would catch on
As a vet with a lot of interrogator friends I always saw the tests coming, especially compliance tests. When I was interested in a lady who did those immature things I usually called them out, literally explain what they are doing. I then state my bar (standards) might be too high for them, indicating that those tests are substandard behaviors.
I’m currently married to a beautiful, loving woman who has the same high standards as I, never shit testing each other. We communicate efficiently.
Glad to hear you’re happily married now. Thanks for the advice though to call it out, have a good one
Very well said, sir! I'm really glad that you found a Real Grown Ass Woman who doesn't play these Games.
you're the goat
Testing men is not immature, it's women's nature, you and your mindset and your character is immature. Women test us, deal with it.
@@UnexpectedWonder Grow up kid, women must test us. If you don't like it become gay.
If a woman says jokingly to me, "You don't seem like my type!," I'm gonna to think, I guess you aren't my type either. If a man said that jokingly, he wouldn't be getting a woman that night. I guess, this is why so many women who are in their thirties and forties haven't gotten married yet and if they were stuck in a relationship, it was toxic. Toxicity breeds toxicity.
to be honest these women are the the shames of hook up culture... I would respond, thanks, thanks for helping me keep my generosity, i usually go for younger women...
Exactly!!! 👏👏👏 Very well said, sir.
@lloyd99984 Indeed.
Just work on yourself in a non-toxic way and your life will be good bro
Good point. In some ways society spoils women which comes with women not understanding how much value men truly bring to society. Yet there are some lazy men who just play video games or are criminals, etc. They don't deserve such admiration from women. Strong men keep many essential parts of our society together, which is invisible to some women. Many women also add value to society.
"Toxic and narrow-minded" can easily describe social media in general, not just the manosphere.
For sure haha
Makes me proud that I never had Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram. To those that do, my advice is to delete them
@@duncanmcauley7932 I’m not saying I disagree, but, why would people take advice from someone who’s never used these apps? By definition that person doesn’t know what they’re talking about :p
@@danko4009 I realize it’s a bit of a hot take but it’s just my advice based other’s experiences I’ve read about and articles about research into unhealthy psychological effects of social media. I personally don’t have a very positive view of mainstream social media as a result, though admittedly I do use Snapchat and Quora, and I am here, too. To each their own.
@@danko4009 Although sometimes you don't need to have stuck your hand in a Shark Tank to know it's probably not going to work out great for you.
I have been watching videos like this because my wife had been rapidly progressing down this slope of flirting with other men in front of me while in Italy on vacation… for my birthday or all occasions, and kept taking advantage of my religious convictions when it comes to marriage (I am a Catholic); so these videos have been super helpful in getting myself out of the continued gaslighting I’ve been subjected to for 17 years.
Thanks to channels like this I’m more aware now, and took my top 4% earned income, business owner ass someplace else where I’ll be appreciated more. Thank you!
As a person with aspergers, I never really had a sense of humor as I took things literal. I didn't really understand that I was being tested. I would really go off when girls would say things about my hobbies and interests. But because I have a history of being made fun of for them - and those people were serious, I didn't get the joke. So I guess I often cheated myself out of a good relationship. But thanks to you Courtney, I think I now understand. Where were you all my life?
When a woman test you, she's looking for reasons to leave you not to stay with you.
So true. A woman in love would never ever have the reason to "test".
@Carmen Only ones that don't want to be with you.
@Carmen If a girl is testing you there's a 99.9% Chance she has another dude lined up ready to go.
@@Carmen... it does. They are looking for excuses to not be with men. either that or their personality sucks
It makes sense
I’m married for 25 years and found this channel. Appreciate the insights. Much of the content is very useful in marriage as much as the dating game. Principles of relationship remain the same and applicable over time. Many of the topics you cover can get lost over the years. This is a good place to go to touch up the sharpness and focus of any relationship, so you don’t take each other for granted.
Yes, married for 27 years this year. You can never stop gaming your wife, you just have to internalize it. Understanding how to stay in your frame, spike her attraction, not let her get too comfortable and ultimately still be a challenge are crucial for long term success.
I do the same thing!
Indeed, sir. Thanks for the Advice. 🙏🙏
The Idea of "testing" someone puts two people on two different levels (testing and being tested) Wich is the opposite of what a healthy relationship should be, because there is no "right or wrong" answer to any of those test. We should only aim to know each other better, and enjoy the trip if we like it the best we can
You got the point. A same answer to a same test, it may be a pass to one girl but a fail to another
A child thinks "ok I'll test if he's "a man" A woman thinks "I'll get to actually know this guy for who he is and see if we're compatible" See the difference? Even if he IS a man, doesn't mean he's fit for her. If he IS compatible, then no shit it's no brainer he's a good fit for her long term.
Either way that won’t change the fact that women shit test tho
No there are definitely wrong answer lol.
What I have learned over time. Is that the more heart broken a woman has been in her life through past relationships the more she will do these tests. It's a red flag. She comes with a lot of emotional baggage
Women tend to use words like "Red Flag" and "Boundaries" alot
Bro that's is just the fact. Traumatized and toxic woman will always do the shit test.
Run 🏃
Bro that's the fact. They are emotionally damaged............. Testing on what will suit her and not what will suit her partner. Confused folks that can never be trusted.
@@romans52345-cy3tq if you should watch well they are the most folk with a lot of red flags. Bro the worst mistake you can do as a man in your life is trying to please a woman....
This channel has convinced me that I just need to stay single. Dating and being in a relationship is just too much trouble.
Yeah, marry hand bruh.
@@MeeJunksEavylmao
I know the feeling at times . people today just seem so guarded .
Right?
I have only been in one true relationship for 2 1/2 years. My experience and exposure to certain situations in relationships was quite limited. I went to a work fun event (by myself to the event) and a co-worker said to me, "Oh, you got a kitchen pass?" I said what's that? He said I got permission from my lady friend to go to this event. I cringed and my blood pressure went up by 10 points.
If a woman told me I wasn’t her type then I would just say, “Okay, have a nice day.” 😂
Exactly, I don't see how could that be playful. Shooting your shot after her saying that will just prove to her you have no backbone.
@@ozza4496 yes! Exactly!
depending on situation if you are in a bar or something and she has her friends with her you could simply reply with "perfect, your friend is more of my type is she single?"
@@johnsmith-kt7ef haha that’s actually a really good comeback 😆👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Somehow women think that is logical! Lol 😂
'Tests' = playing games = goodbye. When you find the 'right person' no tests are needed.
yes. Thank you.
Agree Totally. When they test you, there's doubts.
agreed
Absolutely agree 👍🏽
Tests seems like she's paranoid about commitment issues. Of course I would understand if she's trying to look out for red flags, but it should all come organically. You shouldn't try to confuse men or make them do a mistake and be the deciding factor. Besides, most people don't show their true personality to someone they like on the first meetup. That stuff develops over time. You won't need to do tests if you're naturally learning them through social interactions and actions.
So here is a test I had to endure on a few occasions. The woman I was trying to date would constantly try to get me to be late for things to prioritise her. For example, I would be on the phone to her and tell her I was playing badminton at say 8pm, I would be on the phone to her around 7pm... Well I would need to leave around 7:45 and usually around 7:43 she would bring up a heavy subject... "It has been a tough day, and I am really struggling...". She made me late a few times before I realised what was going on. I started to predict her doing it, and was right each time. I would be at my work, and messaging each other. I would start by saying I only had 30mins break.. and 27 mins later, she would choose then to tell me about a bereavement she was reminded of that hit her hard... So I was like "yeah that sucks. Gotta go". She eventually broke it off citing that I wasn't "emotionally supportive enough". lol.
In my experience, splitting up with someone is tougher than being split up with. Both are horrible, but watching someone cry because they want to be with you... and you don't want to be with them is a worse feeling in my opinion. So when I realised what she was doing, I was delighted when she split up with me. It kinda felt like the trash was taking itself out. I pretended to be a little disappointed, but it was a good day! I didn't miss her one bit.
Fantastic 🤩🙏
It does seem like you were not there for her emotionally. This is coming from a good brother who has long conversations with my sister and my girlfriend. Yet she probably didn't handle it right.
@@precisiont5188 I had to keep my posted comment fairly brief since nobody comes to YT to read novels. However, there are a lot of details I left out. I can confidently say that I made myself available plenty to support her emotionally, but it was never enough. She didn't like being alone, and would do whatever she could to keep people around to the point where she would deliberately interfere with their other obligations i.e. making them late for work. There is only so many times that someone can raise subjects which are clearly bait in order to keep you around, especially timed when that person knows you need to leave. It was manipulative behaviour 100%.
Having been in several relationships, and in another relationship now.. that particular criticism isn't one I have had thrown my way before. My best friend is also my ex (ammicable mutual agreed split), and I confided a lot in her at the time - she concluded fairly quickly that the woman in question was just an attention seeker, and advised me to be on the lookout for red flags. I personally think she wanted a partner that she could walk over and utterly dominate, and I simply wasn't that guy.
She wasn't necessarily a bad person. I mean, she wasn't doing anything malicious and was otherwise a caring an empathetic person. I wish her all the best, but equally I am delighted I got free and clear of her.
My wife started doing this a couple years ago when my work schedule changed. About 15 mins before I have to go on nights she brings up something heavy and I have a horrible drive in... it's only nights and it's pretty consistent. I believe deep down she's trying to Sabatoge my good job (that feeds us all) in order to get me off nights. My only option is to cold shoulder and leave. I'm all ears
Lucky escape, you had a brush with a narcissist!
I don’t like when people watch video encouraging them to use these type of toxic behaviors and “tests”. The rest of us have to suffer through it 🤦🏽♂️. Just be yourself and establish boundaries. You’d be surprised how fast you get to know someone when you are yourself and set boundaries.
Alpha: 👶
People who try to become the best version of themselves: 👨
MEN SHOULD TRY A FEW TEstS ON GIRLS:
1) Ask her "If I make you pay for your own share of expenses such as meals and tickets, what would you say to that?"
2) "Are you easily jealous?"
3) What do you think the role of women is in relationship?
4) What do you bring to this relationship? What's your contribution?
Put her through these hoops, let her start racking her brains
Women can easily reply to these questions. But I said Women, not Girls.
Based
3 is gold
Lol as soon as you will ask this, they will be so triggered
The best test I've ever known is this......for a first date go for lunch, nothing fancy, just soup and a sandwich. Then when the check comes suggest to split it. If there's any hesitation on her part, game over. If she seems annoyed, game over. If she pretends that fine but holds a grudge, game over. If she splits the bill and later suggests a second date then this is the keeper. She's the keeper because she's humble and that'd what this test exposes: whether she's entitled or humble. You have to tests for entitlement because if you don't you're buying yourself a whole heap of trouble. But if she's humble you've won the lottery. Humble women are rare, they're the woman as described in proverbs 31. Test for humility.
Hello Courtney: This wasn't really a "test", however, it's something which happened to me a number of years ago. I arranged to go to a movie with a lady and she stood me up. As an excuse she said that her boyfriend didn't want her to spend time with another a guy. My reaction was "What, you already have a boyfriend. This changes everything. It this is what you are like then I don't want to know about you."
I dated a girl in college ("Tan") I really liked. We went on a few dates and I thought it went fairly well. My female friends also seemed to think that we were a good couple. We were officially together for about a month when the "crap tests" (CT) started. We dated unofficially for three weeks or so before making it official. Keep in mind this was in the late 1980's (no cell phones) and I had no idea what a "crap test" was. I wish I had known then what I know now... Anyway, things went well for a month. We were not sexually intimate (I'm one of those guys who wants to make sure this is going to work out first; I don't do the 'one night' or 'FWB' thing) yet and I was wondering how serious she was. This was fine with her because she made it clear she is not a "third date girl" and she did not want to get physical until we were sure we were going to be in a long-term relationship. I picked her up for a nice date I planned and we went out of town (only an hour drive) to a nice restaurant and then to hear a band we both liked. The drive to the restaurant was fine (joking around, conversation, usual stuff I expected from her; she had a magical laugh and a very quick wit). During dinner she seemed fine but she began to withdraw. It was kind of like watching a large bank of clouds cover up a sunny day until all that was left was a steel-gray sky, and you realize how it crept up on you. For the last part of dinner, Tan was increasingly distant and almost cold to me (she'd respond when she realized I was cool with just being quiet; I was used to talking with her about anything and I loved that about her). I asked her the usual "is everything okay" and "did something happen" type of questions, and she blew them off with the "I'm fine" and other conversation ending answers. She was quiet on the way back after dinner and the show, and an hour in the car with icy silence is rough. I'd turn on the radio and she'd ask me to turn it down or off; that was all the communication I got from her. I dropped her off at her place and when I stopped, she got out without waiting for me to get her door (something she said she liked, so I did it) and when I got out, she was already unlocking her apartment door. I walked up to her and she smiled sweetly at me, said "goodnight," and closed the door before I got there. I stood there, surprised and not sure how I felt about that, and then went and got back in my car. I was digging around for a tape (late 1980's, remember?) in the console when I looked up and saw her peeking at me through her window. She quickly disappeared behind the curtains when she saw me looking. I drove back to my apartment and told my roommate that the night was a bust. We ran in overlapping circles and I am convinced that Tan was not cheating on me at the time; if so, I would have heard about it. She usually called me in the evenings and we'd talk about whatever for an hour. She never called that night. I tried to call her the next day and she let it go to her machine (before voicemail...late 1980's) even though it was a time of day when I knew she was almost always home. After that, I stopped trying. She called me three days later and my roomie took the message because I had picked up a few extra shifts at work between semesters. He said she wanted me to call her back "quickly" and she "sounded upset." I decided not to call; she knew where I lived. I got word from a friend that she was "pissed off" at me for something and I told him she can "scratch her mad spot" (a phrase I got from a woman I later dated and married; we were just acquaintances at the time). And that was pretty much that. To this day I still have no idea what caused the change over dinner (or if it was some part of some plan of hers). I had no real contact with her but I was cordial when I saw her around campus or town ("hey, what's up?" kind of thing while passing by). I ran into her a year later working at a video store of all places and she had a ring on her left hand. I checked out (she was the only clerk) and I was polite but distant. I saw the ring and said "congratulations" with a friendly smile. She barely responded sufficiently to complete the transaction. I have not seen her since and I learned a lot about (what I now know to be) the crap test from her. I don't recommend that young men put up with crap tests; I think they should just smile and walk away.
Damn dude. Bravo. I would never tolerate childish behavior like hers. It's not your job to figure her out. She was supposed to come forward to you and communicate her feelings. Her thinking this was a good test, actually made her into a burden. I'm glad you found a better woman after
@@spikeboy101, Thanks, brother. The one I married (the acquaintance at the time I was "dating" Tan) is 180 degrees different. We've been together for over 32 years, married for almost 30, and we have two great kids and a good life. What you said is true; don't settle, don't put up with the childish crap, find someone who relates to you for real, wants the same things you do, and wants to build a future with you. "Tan," as you said, not only turned herself into a burden but I lost all trust in her. That is something women don't think about when they decide to "crap test" men. When a good man loses trust in a woman, she could be the hottest woman in the world but to him, she's just another object in the environment. Peace to you, brother, and peace to all who read this.
@@DrSigma24-7 Nothing but cheers and high fives to you brother hahaha. Your story actually helped get some hope about my recent disaster with a date. I'm eventually going to find a good person who fits me and likes me for who I am and I can't wait to spend my time with her and have beautiful moments together
@@spikeboy101 , Thank you for the positive feedback! If a disaster in my past can encourage another man for the future, more power to you! Don't settle, don't second guess yourself, and remember; do not take criticism or condemnation from someone you would not go to for advice. Strong men like you need to lift up other men and they become strong in return. Lift up good women and praise them for their positivity and their shared view of a solid future. What about "Tan" and all of the others out there who cause problems? Well, leave them be without a thought. Shake the dust of them from your feet. Let Chad have them. When they are 40 or 50 or so, they'll figure out where they screwed up. But that's okay; someone has to take care of all those available cats....😊
Makes me wonder if it might have been something you said during dinner, maybe intended as a joke, but something that she was sensitive to, that might have been a deal-breaker. I've done this myself a bunch, of course, I'm a goblin, so who am I to judge anyway- but, maybe something to contemplate for the future.
I will always appreciate how Courtney takes these really toxic discussions and transforms them into sensible, wholesome and applicable advice :)
*waters them down to a feminine level wherein they lose all weight.
Lol😂
You know what creates far better connection? Love. I think “testing a guy/girl” is also playing games, it doesn’t have anything to do with love. And it’s love that is needed in a relationship. Love is free and he and she should just love the other, especially the person they like. And nobody should pass tests to get love. If you don’t love me, then go away. If you love me, I can love you. Nobody should use the lack of love to punish the other (testing, thinking about how to pass tests etc.).
I think you are right: you have to be authentic. If someone tests you, it’s a signal that that person already thinks you are not authentic. And maybe that person picks up something of you that is actually not authentic. So talk about that, bond over this or end it, because it’s no match.
If you date, you don’t want to say no because it takes so much time, energy and money to date a woman. If she rejects you because you are “too nice” or for “not saying no to her”, she was a complete waste of time and doesn’t understand what’s so difficult for men concerning dating. A woman with rules like “be yourself”, “be honest” , “be someone that gives me some resistance” and “stand your ground and say what you do and do what you say”, is per definition a woman that hasn’t those traits herself. That is definitely a huge red flag for guys.
And “women are the gatekeepers of sex” is such a narrow minded idea. Sex is not that special. And I think in our society “sex” is made far too important. Most women and men are bad in bed and just like beer, it’s nice but it’s not that great as tv-shows make you believe it is. Sex should be fun, full of love, easy and on a regular basis. Not something were men should be figure out what the game and barrier is that women set up for them. Then she is really not worth it. And the same holds up for guys that do that to women with commitment. It’s just awful.
For men: if you want sex? Be ready to give her commitment.
For women: do you want commitment/someone that is serious about you? Sleep with him.
It’s not that complicated at all. The modern world made us all believe that it is. Both sex and commitment means nothing if both people don’t love each other in the first place. First love, then the relationship. Not first the relationship and then love. That’s just the wrong order.
Had a waitress that was hitting on me at a restaurant I used to go to about 2 years ago when travelling for work. She always was the first to come up to me and serve my table, would talk a lot asking about my job, etc.. Then one day she texted her boyfriend to come over to the bar and French kissed him while making eye contact with me.
That... doesn't even get under my skin actually. It's so far off the spectrum that I immediately realised I'm dealing with someone fit for clinical treatment and its nothing personal. Because I initially assumed this was a shit test to make me jealous.
And I just lost attraction, instantly. I'm not into all that polyamory, voyeurism, exhibitionism, experimental sex, and other narcissistic bullshit. I even lost my appetite as well because of it. I couldn't swallow my food for a few seconds. Its not personal for me either. It just disgusts me on a visceral level. Probably a similar reaction to your average person if they had witnessed bestiality. It's a reflex you can't really help.
I didn't go back there again. Even though there was another waitress that seemed kind of nice but always got pushed out of the way by this other one so never served my table. I prefer to eat my food in peace. It's what I went there for in the first place.
Ever occured to you maybe she wasn´t hitting on you in the first place ? Just being nice, as in its her job, part of the tip is being nice.
@@nerifterafrnam4682 Still weird, when she always go to the same person in the restaurant, but I agree with you . It´s their job to look good and taking orders ( with the hope to earn some decent tips) . Nevertheless this French kiss move had a manipulative nature in this case , well yeah.. some women deserve a good treatment in asylum , like her.Peace out.
fellas if a girl is giving you all these tests, focus on yourself homie. You can find out if you're compatible by literally just talking and not giving people tests
Exactly lol
That's a cute theory but in reality females don't think like that.
Women come in 2 different wrappings... either she was spoiled by her daddy or damaged. And sometimes it can be a mix
well sometimes people lie, so we really do need to see how they actually behave and what they do, actions speak louder than words, their actions must be congruent with their words, just talking is not enough.
I agree, problem is there is deceivers & women claim they want to avoid them yet women who do tests are in a sense showing that same deceit, would they do that to others? it shows her weak insecurity in the relationship, if One tested girls or ask for a 2nd wife w/o them knowing which is allowed how they react?
Countney, it's been two weeks since I found your channel, but to tell you the truth I'm completely bewildered by your personality. You're a girl with a really high character. Congratulations, I wouldn't believe such a woman existed.
Courtney always gives big hearts when you praise her! Go girl!
You know her personally or what
The "congruency test" is one we should be doing in the other way too...
Is like pay attention to the actions and not what they say
Agreed but us getting that wrong didn’t come from an evolutionary last where that was a potential death sentence like it was for them.
Which is why women evolved to just naturally run these tests. Men have to consciously be aware of it and do it too and thankfully we are starting to adapt
@@lordofgingers right. It's much more dangerous for women if the guy turns out be untrustworthy or unsafe.
The congruency test is even more important for men because of how each gender lies. Men lie women, but women lie to themselves. You can confront a man about his lies because they’re usually obvious and tangible. It’s hard to confront a woman because she has probably convinced herself she hasn’t done anything wrong.
@@strategic1710 🎯
@@beautifulspirit7420 Not any more. That was once true, but now, women have their own money, they are Liberated and Educated, and contraception is reliable, safe and free. The old excuses no longer apply. Nice try, but no cigar.
When it comes to testing your relationships and testing your potential mates, word of advice don't do it. If you do, you are sabotaging any potential relationship you might have or currently in. Plus it can come across, that you are a passive aggressive communicator to the other person. Just have a honest conversation with the other person, and if your not attracted to them after that then move on. If you are, invite them out at a later date. Any relationship is going to get tested threw natural conflict. Testing your relationship or a potential one with someone is bringing unnecessary conflict into it, damaging it in the long run.
One other thing, let your relationships develop naturally and don't rush in to them. It will be disastrous for both parties involved.
Thanks for your honest approach to relationships...finally a realistic, respectful voice of reason in the Jungle! Manipulation has no place in the affairs of the Heart....
How to win every test they throw at you? On a personal level, can't vouch for others (there is not one truth), five letters MGTOW, I walked away from it all and focused on developing myself for no one else but myself.
And as a result of that the last three years of my life have been the best yet. Physical, financial, emotional.
Turning my back towards relationships, dating, meeting up, honestly has been the best decision I made in my life.
Not saying it will work for you, just telling what worked for me.
My mom taught me how to be a simp... because it's gentlemanly... but the truth is that she wanted to train me so that she can use me and command me as she sees fit. Guys... remember, even your own mother will train you for her own benefit. Treat women like people... with decency... and no special treatment.
"she wanted to train me so she can USE me and COMMAND me as she sees fit"?
Good luck in your dating future
@@ilai7893 Good luck with yours.... YOU must be a SIMP... hope you find yourself...
All mothers do that to certain degrees. But look at it this way, she's essentially training you how to handle and live with a potential girlfriend/wife. Your potential girlfriend/wife and your mother may exhibit some of the same exact tendencies and say the same exact things. It's been told to women for years and even my own mother has said this to me: how a man treats his mother is an indication of how he'd treat you. Or in a guy's case, how you treat your mother is how you'll treat your girlfriend/wife.
If she needs to test you, that shows insecurity, dishonesty and lack of understanding on her part.
On the surface I understand it seems harsh for a women to test but that’s really the only way for a women to see who you are to weed out the insecure, emotionally unstable,thirsty guys and find the best suited man for her.
I am so guilty of number 1. When I first met this woman (online) before I developed any romantic feelings for her (which I did after we got to know each other; but before I even saw her); we would flirt, banter, tease, argue/debate (nicely of course), etc. But as soon as I developed feelings for her, my demeanor, or approach completely changed. I put her on a pedestal, would always agree with her, became a "cheerleader' (her words - which ticked her off to no end; or she would tell me things like, "I DON'T WANT a girlfriend!", "I loved how we used to talk.", etc). But for some unknown reason I became a SIMP. Even though when we first met we got along great, talked about a lot of things, and not just "general, everyday" topics. I had confidence, there was definitely chemistry, etc.
I don't know if it's a built in sabotage gene that some men have where once you develop feelings for someone you think you need to become Mr. Boy Scout.
The best thing to do is to communicate rather than throwing these tests. Crap tests are a double edge sword. To me personally I rather know a little bit about her and her knowing a little bit of me before throwing the crap tests.
With all these tests and efforts going around (when it comes to current relationships), I wonder if it remains anything to enjoy after all this. These cringey games will be the end of everything.
Drrr-aaaaa-maaaaa~!!!
MGTOW - Sandman.... your welcome
People are more concerned with not getting played than enjoying themselves. That’s the truth.
Getting played for these people means the end of their life
It's not enjoyable - not anymore. It's always a test, some buIIsh!t test, or a competition, or a way to find a weakness and take advantage of it. Today's Western woman does not want a relationship to make a life with someone; They want a talking point and bragging rights in front of their friends; they don't want to feel "left out". And when they get bored with you, they will drag your ass through court and take everything they can from you. Why? Because they want talking points and bragging rights in front of their friends; They don't want to feel "left out".
@@johnarmenta2199 I think a lot of that stems from their initial heartbreak. All this stuff they do is a very unhealthy way to cope but it’s how they do
Being a person of integrity may not be complex, but it's not easy either.
All the red pill and similar stuff has always felt like taking a few sound concepts rooted in psychology and then adding on a whole bunch of crazy and weird to stand out and get attention for more views or to sell a product/program. Hence why there's a lot of stuff you can see where these guys are coming from mixed with a lot of "What did I just read/hear?" A lot of guys, especially more anxious and/or introverted ones, would love to have some sort of foolproof set of instructions to win over women and spare them the pain of rejection so there's a big audience for this stuff. In reality, a lot of these aren't women a reasonable guy would want to win over.
A lot of what keeps a girl around (interested in you) is innately counter intuitive.
As any male with logical thinking, it doesn't make sense to continue to want someone if they have just rejected her or stood his ground after trying to "play" with his emotions (shit test)
So explaining to men, woman's behaviour to increase their dating chances appears bizarre.
I dont test, I don't think anybody should either; I trust my instincts, you can tell after a little while if someone is inconsiderate or not. It's sad we live in a world where people are so connected and yet still so lonely that they will accept bad behavior or let themselves be taken advantage of. A friend told me once, "there is no silver bullet", meaning, there is no quick fix or formula. Anything worth having is worth working for. Thanks Courtney, your content is first rate!
9:39 "Being a guy who can take a freaking joke"
Yeah, and then, on the opposite side, girls be mad if you make a joke yourself. We must be the one who make them laugh but then they can't take it and start calling you a jerk, sexist, or feel so attacked that they take out the whole "Indipendent, strong woman" thing.
Let the jokes be jokes
And any joke an unattractive man will tell will automatically be seen as not funny and offensive
@@johnnythekid4601 do not expect Courtney "SIMP for me" Ryan to respond to that. She can not handle the ugly truth.
I think a lot of this advice always goes both ways lol I know a lot of women are guilty of that as well
@@CourtneyRyan basically finding out if your sense of humor is compatible is essential. If you don't find each other funny, entertaining and interesting any potential is dead in the water.
Not all women are offended at jokes. Some of them have a great sense of humor.
I feel all women (and men) should receive education about female psychology, so they would better understand themselves. They would also become more aware of their illogical behavior and adjust accordingly. Or at a minimum men would be better prepared to engage with a creature so different from themselves.
These “sh*t tests” are less formal than how I would go about figuring out my compatibility with people. I prefer asking questions just like an interview. I’ll ask my questions which correlate to my values as that’s how I’m more comfortable instead of setting up a series of tests.
*Women’s tests are often just ways to see if a guy can stay grounded and steady. Passing these tests builds real respect and connection over time.*
11:32
- "I don't know, you don't seem like my type."
- "Aw, well, maybe we can change that."
GETS BLOCKED
If she tests. She's gone. No time in my life for people like that.
why? have you seen what kind of guys are out there? i think some tests are needed, like testing your humor/sensibility and you should take it as a sign that the girl doesnt want to waste time on the wrong person, just like you.
@@bullet3602 facts
@@bullet3602 That is funny because no girl I tried has ever passed a humor shit test. They are all "crazy" as the video describes :)
@@longssa838 what's the humor shit test?
Amen to that
Great video as always, Courtney. Here's my two cents:
Honestly, I resent the whole concept of "tests". If it's one-sided, it implies that the person testing you is higher than you in some hierarchy. The way it is with teachers, employers, higher-ups. And if it's two-sided, it turns the whole relationship into a game of Among Us for two.
Personally I believe relationships should have mutual respect as one of their core tenets and secretly or not so secretly testing partners undermines that respect. Why even be in a relationship if you're going to need to test them from the get-go? It's one thing to be wary, but to make your partner jump through hoops to prove themselves to you - I'm sorry, who are you that I have to prove myself to you?
I've been lucky to find a partner with whom the process of determining how compatible we are doesn't need any shit tests. We're just honest and open with each other about what we want and what we're ready to give. And we have at least some basic level of trust in both each other and one's own ability to select a partner.
There's something I remember from school - there are teachers who grade from (converted to US system) A to F (have high expectations) and there are those who grade from F to A (have terrible expectations at first). Now, the former group of teachers tended to be more relaxed and while not everyone would get a straight A easily, people were more motivated to get good grades. The more critical teachers rarely had a kid in heir class raising above a C or B and just brought down the mood with their "F until proven otherwise" attitude. And while at school you shouldn't expect to pass with zero effort, I find such an attitude (of the ever suspicious teacher, I mean) in relationships disrespectful. Like, of course you shouldn't tolerate bad or lacking behavior from a partner, but don't start with the expectation that it is already pre-determined to happen and you're just laying traps and conducting tests to catch them in the act.
Very well said. 👊👊👏👏👏
Well initially there usually is a hierarchy and women are above men - we want them to start dating us, start having sex with us so we have to win their approval. It's only when we either increase our value or date someone lower than ours that we as men are higher than or equal to them. It pains me to say this, but women have intrinsic value and men have to prove themselves.
Testing can be fun if it's feisty and playful and you've got some quick witted comebacks & jokes. But if it's serious manipulation and power plays, it's probaly not worth the effort.
@@mjkittredge Naw...The intrinsic value of a Woman in this regard is only in how Society views it. Women have innate value to a Society because they can produce Children. Men don't, but Men used to be valued for all the aspects that we bring to the table. Society is built to help Women survive. Men by and large can survive just fine. There's a balanced trade off. Nowadays, that's not being respected.
With the compliance thing…I was recently having breakfast in a hotel (where she was staying, I’d just joined her for breakfast) with a Russian girl I was interested in, and we’d both finished. She asked me to go and get her a croissant (they were free). My first thought was “get it yourself”, because I don’t think that’s the kind of thing a woman (or man) would ask in the West, when she could get it herself just as easily.
But I thought maybe there’s a cultural difference there, and I didn’t want to rock the boat over something minor, so I grabbed her the croissant while getting myself a drink, so I didn’t seem like I was just fetching and carrying for her (good thinking, Batman!)
I later spoke to a Russian friend who said that that kind of thing, ie men fetching and carrying for women, does go on in Russia, especially amongst more old fashioned people. So I think I probably made the right choice.
Lesss goo
Good point about the cultural aspects. Sometimes women instinctively want to know if the man can or is willing to provide for her, like when she is pregnant and vulnerable.
Really? You were about to be mad over her asking you to bring her a croissant, but didn't because you thought it was a Russian cultural thing?
It's a gender role thing, to show a willingness to protect & provide as man, not to mention it's a matter of romance. Why wouldn't you wanna do simple tasks for her?
I'm sure glad my boyfriend brings me things, carries my bags, does simple tasks for me, buys me little things, and does so with a smile on his face, love in his eyes, and a pep in his step, which is one of the many reasons why I love him with all my heart. 🥰♥️
@@MiaRosenbloom +1 💓
I actually don't know what the idiom "run for the hills" means, but the way she says it each time in this video, i just love it and instantly get the image of me going to the himalayas.
My favourite test was the "What am I thinking about?" I would always tell them what I wanted to do to them in a sexual way, or if they perform certain sexual acts, or what they looked naked. They asked and I told them...truthfully. They stopped asking.
I wouldn't like it if you said things like that to me. I'm a nice girl.
@@carolinelynch2823 then don't ask lmfao
Lots of respect to you for addressing this, a lot of women would actually deny that this even happens 🙌
Idk about the fitness test though.. shouldn't it be deemed unattractive if a woman openly says "you're too short" etc when you go up to her? Why would a guy want to put up with that? Even if it is a joke, is it even cool to joke about something like that?
Hell no you walk away
@@kennynopachi8864 Exactly, I feel like Courtney may have advised us poorly on that point even though most of her advice is good
A considerate girl would never joke about shortness with a short guy -- she must have an example in mind of a taller guy than her
@@kamalsmusic -one thing I learned is if a girl tests u like that she may be seeing if being short would affect you and if it doesn`t u pass. To be fair if a girl just outright disrespects you is one thing but if she teases you with anything don`t let it affect you. She is just seeing how okay you are with things. If you're short, bald or whatever just own it. When she sees your okay with those things her attraction usually grows.
Yea it’s so strange bc men often joke with women and it hurts their feelings and somehow when the roles are like this, its not ok but when a woman does it, the man must never react ?
Courtney, I'm impressed simply by the number of comment replies you've made. Holy moly. You're putting in the work to build your channel by fostering connections and that's the greatest sign, next to delivering valued content, that your channel will thrive.
Thank you so much, Javier! I appreciate it 😊
@@CourtneyRyan
Well done Amiga, that's how you do it. 👍
Many friends require at times a little clarification and always appreciate your direct feedback.
Best/healthiest advice/guidance on the internet! Thank you Courtney!
Thank you, my friend! ❤️
The thing is if you have suffered narcissistic abuse and say they are joking but really mean to harm you and your self esteem. That's why it's hard for some to accept that you say it's a joke when jokes in the past emotionally compromised. But I guess everything changes with time and i guess it's all about context.
One of the main things I do is just ask for women about how many long term relationships they’ve been in and how long they’ve lasted. A girl that has always been in a long term relationship normally is psychologically a lot more healthy than someone who jumps from partner to partner.
I love these techniques. They encourage stupid, manipulative people to come together. Then it’s way easier to see who to avoid.
Been manipulated at my job last year, couldn’t believe it!
Courtney seems so sweet and reasonable. I love that she's against the manipulation techniques. Combine that with being physically attractive and her cute voice, where can I find a woman like that? Some of these test questions, whether he passes or not, will long be remembered by the man I don't think any form of verbal manipulation or testing is required.
Thank you so much for your videos. I must say, lately, you are much more comfortable talking on camera which I really like and it takes away a lot of unnecessary disruption and helps the concentration while watching.
I love your novel approach to the TESTS. It’s a much better perspective than the ones in the social media articles. Thank you clarifying this subject.
I really appreciate the way you've been in that video Courtney. You seem to have a deep understanding of the male and female psyche. That's great. And you are a gentle, sensitive and very special lady.
I really hope you’re right Courtney. A lot of us are jaded and super cautious at this point.
Being able to take a joke is literally the biggest thing I feel like, after all you are suppose to have fun! Goofing around with someone you like is really awesome.
Well it depends on if the joke is over the top. If someone makes a joke you don't like, you know you are not a match
I feel like you have to be in a pretty healthy state of mind
When a woman tests me, I use her test on her and see how she reacts. If she doesn't like it, I'll ask her why she did it to me.
I’ve tried this and it doesn’t work. They just call you a “hypocrite” and somehow don’t realize it’s an attempt to mirror their own behavior so they can see for themselves how toxic it is. They’ll either pretend to not see it as a counter example or just say “it’s not the same”.
This channel is a hidden gem for dating advice
It might be subconsciously done by a lot of women, but a good female friend of mine that I briefly dated years ago told me that she and many women she knows (personally and in a FB group) actually DO consciously test men on dates by, among other things, "offering" to help out with the bill on a first date and then give the guy a fail if he takes her up on her offer, even if they otherwise liked him! I told her I'd rather have a date where, if the girl actually likes me, she simply says "Thank you" and doesn't offer to help out with the bill if it's an insincere "offer" like that, simply meant as a litmus test. If I've asked someone out, I expect to pay for the date and only want her to offer to help out if she isn't into me.
Really appreciate a humble person helping us out, but this is all too conscious for me. Dating wasn't this complicated when I met my ex in 2013. Single now and looking for someone to add to my life for the long-term, and it's too much. Feeling doomed to singledom.
So, I'm just going to be myself. I know I have what it takes and why my previous relationships failed. Key is not to be pushy, be kind, don't be a pushover and know what you want.
Good luck, all. Keep trying.
Courtney, I think it's only a matter of time before you have millions of subscribers. You are so classy, sensible, honest....the list goes on. Brilliant video! I always just be myself, don't play games, be honest, etc, but the reality is lots of people (women and men) will play foolish games. It's only smart, classy women like you who don't play games.
Also, hot 😉
@@jeremiahwhite7265 Yeah I agree on that one
As an 18 yr old male I am afraid I will have a hard time getting a women because it's not them who will test me but it will be they who will be flinged out of option on basis of my standards of a prestine feminine women when I am accomplished enough. Courtney it's nice of you to encourage women to be good humans and practice their true beautiful nature.
At least for me, I am not someone who wants a "perfect" woman. For me, I want Misses Right. I want someone who is not afraid of getting dirty in the garden. I want someone who can put on a nice bikini, rock it, and still be tough enough to go skiing up in the mountains some time. Toughness is a quality I look for in women.
At 18 you should have several years of experience already?
11:52 when a female says "i don't date bald/short/etc etc" guys... and its meant to be a challenge... its the start of a mind game .... its not respect because he won't respect your preferences/choices.... then will he respect your body??? its the start of a negative rabbit hole. if women don't want "to be played"... STOP INITIATING THE GAMES. if a guy asks if your open to "short guys/bald etc guys" you can say " maybe" or "i don't know"...
IF you want a guy to show more interest... its always BEST to SHOW that YOU are interested in him... or that he has a chance.
Really appreciate your take, Courtney. I think people test because they don't feel safe being straight forward. In the environment I grew up in (asian american family from Taiwan/China), you were straight forward with your words and intentions or you demonstrated to the person in front of you were a coward and had no principles; we only loosened up after we got to know each other over time.
My Ex-fiance used to put me through some of these "tests". Finally had enough and dumped her narcissistic ass. Ghosted her for about 8-9 months and would not take her calls. I was considered a "nice" guy back then, but even I can only take so much of these stupid games. Married to my current wife for 25 years now. She's been nothing but respectful to me from the beginning. I don't play games with her, she does not play games with me.
Watching this young smart woman has restored my faith in women that there are still good ones out there ! Thanks for the advice !
I can tell you with God as witness there is one core ingredient that absolutely must be in all of this. The master key is indifference.
of course if you actually care what people think about you, then you shouldn't even be trying to date in the modern world.
I feel like there's a little bit of gaslighting going on here or perhaps a slight lack of understanding of the term. The whole point of a shit test is that it's a qualifier/ disqualifier and considering how they're applied in a covert, manipulative way I don't consider them to be anything but malicious towards the man that they're directed at. These are hoops men have to jump through or avoid in order to pass to the next stage. Furthermore, since the point of such a test is to gauge a response from a guy they are rarely subconscious but rather actively done. They're also not meant to be regular questions asked as a means of finding out how compatible two people might be. Instead they're to determine if the guy even gets to the question asking round or stays there.
I really like Mss. Courtney. She brings a light of maturity and common sense to UA-cam. The social media in creating a childish generation. Playful and manipulative people are really toxic. A natural gentleman is the new rebel.
"we don't have time for these games" 😂 that's pretty much the summary of this channel in the best way. As long as you're considerate, you don't need to worry. Always be growing, yes, but people being crazy is on them, not you.
How about instead of them constantly testing us, they actually act like normal humans for once with integrity?
Integrity?Ha!!🙃
How do normal.humans act? I have actually never met one.
haha
I agree, problem is there is deceivers & women claim they want to avoid them yet women who test are showing that same deceit, would they do it to others - Big Q & why? it shows her weak insecurity in the relationship, if One tested girls or ask for a 2nd wife w/o them knowing which is allowed how they react?
Courtney, your channel has helped me grow a lot. My last relationship damaged my trust in all women. She cheated on me while I was deployed and that happened to over half my unit. Your videos have helped me become open again and less cynical. Thank you.
Thank you for your service.
I asked a girl out recently and she said yes but then when I texted her about our plans she said that she cant anymore. I said "no problem, does next week sound better? " and she hasn't replied , what should I do? Its frustrating when the person seemed interested and then she put an excuse later on
Things I've learned in life, and this doesn't just apply to relationships. This applies to everyone you come in contact with.
I understand that we should be able to take a joke, but at the same time.. what we tolerate teaches people how to respect us. I've had friendships in the past that I've ended where the basis of that friendship was always being the butt of that person's joke.
Same goes with relationships, where I was with someone who always presented me... talked about me with her friends as if I'm nothing more than a joke.
So, I don't tolerate a lot of jokes about me anymore. It's not cute. I'd rather have people walk on eggshells around me than be the laughing stock of the group.
The dominance test is an interesting one. It actually is a great trait, to have from a guy's standpoint. From what I have seen, a lot of women fall for the, "Badass", or the, "Player", because of this trait. They show they are flattering, but in control.
The difference with the good guy in respect to the dominance test is he is just being masculine, making wise decisions, and giving a clear direction with everything going on amongst you and the lady, in decisions, etc, whereas, the Badass and player, over time, reveal that their true colors are just to use this trait to control you.
I feel that modern dating can no longer work for the long term as I will eventually fail whatever test she is putting me through. I make no excuses for when I fail I just learn why I failed and continue on path and purpose to become as high value as possible by my standards.
Once I was asked what I think about threesomes. REALLY caught me off guard. I threw it back and said “I wouldn’t know I’ve never had one.” Definitely was a head case.
That was her trying to get you to "open" the relationship so that she could then get with whoever she wanted to and it would've been _your_ doing. See how that works?
Lol I'm dying 🤣
The last test is widely recommended by other advisors, but here I see for the first time an intelligent woman who has quite a healthy view of this topic.
I have no idea how I got here, I left UA-cam on auto play while charging my phone in the other room.
As someone who is experienced with healthy relationships, I cringed at most of these "tests" I heard. This UA-cam is correct by saying that other than the first few, most of these tests sound toxic, controlling, and/or manipulative. The whole premise of making your partner pass tests is juvenile at best and not conducive to forming a lasting relationship.
In a serious relationship partners don't take turns secretly testing each other, but rather through spending time together and getting to know each other. Along the way there will be challenges and tests that present themselves, and how you both go about handling them will tell your partner more about you. Overcoming obstacles is how you grow together as a couple, and letting life set up these tests ensures that they are fair and transparent.
Just pay close attention to what the other person does and if their reaction isn't satisfactory for you then you should tell your partner and work on a solution. One of the worst things you can do in a relationship is not tell your partner about things that bothers you, because overtime it will irritate you more and more until a day comes when you can't take it any more and you go off on them for it. It's okay if you don't want to say something the very first time if it is very early in the relationship, but once you are comfortable with each other you need to bring it up for the sake of both of you.
Last piece of advice - men you should double down on what she said about carrying a woman's purse. Anytime she looks like she needs a hand offer to take it and then wear that thing like a man. Then you can help her carry more stuff in one hand and then walk holding her hand with your remaining free hand. Bonus points if the bag is an animal or some cute character: they often have a 2nd strap so they can be worn like a backpack.
I used to strut around in all black, rocking my Slayer tshirts while wearing my girlfriends' cute Brown Bear, Alpaca and Panda purses that turned into backpacks. One time a girlfriend's mom saw me and was so amused by how small the bag looked in between my large shoulder blades.
When she says don't worry about him were just friends and then found them together in bed. Testing my reaction to that isn't a good impression for me or anybody. Such a turnoff.
Dafuq :))
I'm not sure that was actually a test.
That’s not a test my guy she made you a fool
reaction??? really? Dude.😥
@@Good-Enuff-Garage 😂😂
Can you make a video regarding like having traditional values and gender roles in world that usually requires 2 working adults in a relationship? I think it can feel odd for men to be the leader of a household if his girl is making more money than him etc. My mom would do all the cleaning/laundry and my dad would do all the cooking. Both of them worked full time. I’m just curious if you have advice for how maybe you and your boyfriend break these things up or how modern relationships can still have masculine men roles and feminine women roles when we tend to do a lot of the same things now.
Might be more of a Rebecca Barrett topic, but good point and maybe Courtney could address that
This is a great video topic! Thanks for suggesting!
Women marry up... not down. Ever seen a female doctor married to a male bag boy? Doesn't happen
@@cbrown6848 Ever see a male doctor married to a girl who works at McDonalds?
@@cbrown6848 does this offend you? What are you trying to say even?
A lot of women will 'joke' in very disrespectful way, and then accuse the guy of being 'insecure'.
It's a passive aggressive action.
If she doesn't show respect you as a person, kick her to the curb.
Tests are bullshit.
You are so right! I ran “for the hills!” Now I’m single, and relieved. Happily single. 😎
😂😂
The only question my now wife of 41 years asked when we were dating was if I needed her. My response was "I don't need you because I can take care of myself, but I want you in my life". We knew each other for less than 3 months before marrying.
I agree with a lot of what Courtney said. I don’t like people playing games but I also think we naturally want to find out what kind of person we are talking to when we’re deciding if we want a relationship with them.
I disagree on this point: toxic masculinity is real, it is a thing, and we shouldn’t dismiss it. There are so many men who mistreat and abuse women, who solve all their problems with their anger, and who won’t admit when they’re wrong. They even shame the men around them for not being “man enough.” We need to distinguish between healthy masculinity and unhealthy masculinity.
Just have self-respect, integrity, and confidence, and the rest takes care of itself. One can sense what is reasonable, and what isn't. Usually women *won't* even do any of these silly things if you do, because *she* doesn't want to lose *you.*
Good thought. It takes some cultivation to have enough going on that you’re not living in social scarcity. Extroverts can tackle that full life in non dating situations so they project abundance with a relationship prospect.
Really apprciate you just cutting through all the crap with this one Courtney. Great video for men and women to pay attention to with the message be a mature adult rather than a child playing games.
if she would of delt with some extra detail it could add to perspective though.
This topic’s been on my mind for a minute now, thanks for bringing it up Courtney.
Happy to do it!
@@CourtneyRyan hey courtney i think you are suitable to answer this question cause you are somewhat different fr other dating coaches.
Question - DO you think its acceptable for a guy to tell you some of his problems? In the early stage of dating
2nd are you the type who is okay for a more deeper and logical conversation or are you the type that wants to talk about ilogical fun most of the time? This is also during 1st or 2nd date by the way. Thanks.
I got that famous "sorry... I've been busy" line after 3 days of no text, no answer calls. But almost every bullet point Courtney laid out had led up to this famous line. Glad I saw it for what it was, just wish I would have seen it sooner.
Narcissistic behavior move on quickly
The context of the joke makes a huge difference, tone of voice and body language. They could just be a bad person and come out with, "oh, I'm just joking". All these tests are just to cover up insecurities and their own fears.