Best Chuck Norris Jokes
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- Опубліковано 3 тра 2024
- Said to have begun in 2005 on the SomethingAwful forums and inspired by late-night television host Conan O'Brien's run of "Walker Texas Ranger" jokes, Chuck Norris jokes are best said deadpan and quickly, rather like the actor delivers warnings in his movies.
Here, for use at your own risk (there's got to be a Chuck Norris joke in there somewhere), are 20 of the best Chuck Norris jokes.
Music: Fingerprint - Mini Vandals (UA-cam Library)
Know a really funny joke? Write it in the comments section! At the end of each month, we’ll be making a video with the Top 5 most voted jokes from our subscribers!
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When Chuck Norris makes a joke about Jada Pinkett Smith, Will Smith slaps himself.
You win! 🤣🤣🤣 This is the best one so Far! 👏👏👏
well played
Just remember to keep your Hancock out of his wife's mouth
Will slaps Jada
@@TonyMontana-os7kg , if he did smack Jada,
He might just get someone else's Hancock juice on himself .
Chuck Norris once went to a feminist protest. He came back with a sandwich and his shirt ironed.
And herpes
@@ammarali2928herpes got chuck norris.
Is that a true story?
@@sharkz401 possibly
@@jackryderproductions1030 definitely
Chuck Norris was born on May 6th, 1945. The nazis surrendered on May 7th, 1945. Coincidence? I think not.
If only that were true. He was born March 10, 1940. The Japanese tried attacking the US because they wanted to get rid of Chuck Norris before it was too late.
Chick Norris never had a father. He went back in time and conceived himself
@@artempozdniakov2850, Chuck Norris died 10 years ago. The grim reaper is just too scared to tell him.
Chuck was born March of 1940
@@captainskipper4858, Chuck Norris once uppercut a horse that was aggravating him. We now have giraffes because of that.
When Chuck Norris left home he told his dad “ You’re the man of the house now”.
When chuck Norris turned 18, his parents moved out
Chuck Norris built the hospital he was born in.
@@aeopmusic LMAO!!!!!!! The is heeeeLARIOUS LOL!!!!
That's what Zlatan Ibrahimovic did (according to himself)
@@cavemanjoe79Then he told his parents to stop crying, bought them lunch and drove them home from the hospital.
Many people don’t realise Chuck Norris was in Star Wars, he played the Force.
😂😂😂 underrated
"may chuck norris be with you"
Imagine the dark side of Chuck Norris then
good one
*Delta
Sometimes u need to add something..mathematics or something else..i dont know 😊
Chuck Norris once heard nothing can kill him so he tracked down nothing and killed it
😆😆😆😆😆 priceless
😂😂😂😂
Lmao
Yo!!!!!!!😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
this one is actually funny
Chuck Norris actually told this one. “ I was in a cage with a tiger, petting it. The tiger started to growl and get mad. So the handler leaned in and whispered, back away very slowly to not anger him. So the tiger backed away slowly as instructed”.
🙀
That comment brought me here
Chuck Noris doesn't flush the commode. He simply looks down and scares the shit out of it.
🤣😂
Wow that’s good, can’t believe I’ve never heard it!
🤣🤣🤣
Chuck Norris doesn't have to jump over fences the fence jumps over him, too get out of his way.
😂🤣🤣👍🏿
Chuck Norris never ever retreats. He just starts attacking the other way.
Chuck Norris has a diary: it’s called The Guinness Book Of World Records.
Chuck Norris is the only person who can divide by zero.
So good...
Chuck Norris has counted to infinity...
Twice!
🤣
As a retired teacher, this one is my favorite.
In his spare time, Chuck Norris teaches sharks how to swim
Chuck Norris can kill 2 stones with one bird
Chuck Norris can kill five birds with half a stone. Now I know what you're thinking, "There's no such thing as half a stone." Well, tell that to the birds.
He can kill 2 stone with his "little bird"
Giraffes never existed until Chuck Norris upper cutted a horse
Chuck Norris has a panic room in his house so the burglars have somewhere to hide from him.
When asked how many pushups he can do...Chuck Norris simply replied
" All of them"
Chuck Norris knows Victoria’s secret.
Best 1 !!!!
Brilliant
Victoria's secret is that she's really a man
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Chuck Norris is the reason behind the Beyond of Bed, Bath, and Beyond
When the boogieman goes to sleep, he checks under his bed for Chuck Norris..😂🤣
When Chuck Norris sets up an account the terms and conditions agree with him.
When chuck norris tells a joke the punch line knocks you out cold.
With a rounhouse kick.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle
Chuck Norris has calculated Pi to the final decimal . . .
My son came up with a good one last night. Chuck Norris once drank a bud light....and he is still straight.
Chuck Norris is the only person who has counted to infinity, twice 😭😂
The emoji ruins the joke
Has anyone ever did the 'Google Search for Chuck Norris'?
The FIRST search literally says 'Even Google knows you don't find Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris finds you'. Its pretty epic, do it!
😂😂😂😂
Chuck Norris won a staring contest against Medusa.
Chucks roundhouse kick is the reason earth rotates :D
The only time chuck Norris ever failed at anything was when he started a toilet paper company. Problem was, his product wouldn't take shit from nobody.
chuck norris looked at the sun.. the sun went blind
Chuck Norris does not mow the lawn, he dares the grass to grow.
One of the proudest moments of Chuck Norris's life was when he conceived his parents.
nice
Wait a minute
When Chuck Norris was seen not clapping after Joseph Stalin's speech, Joseph Stalin apologized to Chuck Norris and promised to improve his speech
Chuck Norris is the only man that can dribble a bowling ball.
Chuck norris can make a paraplegic run for his life!
😂😂😂😂
When chuck norris went to court he gave the judge a slap on the wrist.
Chuck Norris has a bearskin rug. The bears not dead, it's just afraid to move.
My personal favorite.
Yesterday Chuck Norris died - today he is already better 😅
He actually died 10 years ago...the grim reaper is just too scared to tell him.
@@eman-pu5kkChuck Norris died 30 times he now has 900 lives left
Jesus Christ may walk on water.
But Chuck Norris swims through land.
Chuck Norris can kill Goliath by launching a paper clip using a rubber band
I came up with a Chuck Norris joke years ago..... Here it is; Did you know that Chuck Norris doesn't fart? Because nothing can escape Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can literally see all of us right now! He’s literally always watching. 👁️
Chuck Norris is so tough he can answer a missed call ☎️
Chuck Morris can rub 2 fires together and make a stick...
Joke is: Chuck Norris can make fire by rubbing two ice cubes
When Chuck Norris looks at a map he doesn't see just cities and roads, he sees people waving at him
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books, he stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
When Chuck Norris goes to sleep, he keeps his nightmares awake night.
If you have $5 and Chuck Norris has $5, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
Superman wears a Chuck Norris costume for Halloween...
Chuck Norris was in the running for the world record for doing pushups but was disqualified when the judges realized he was doing world downs.
Haha world downs 🤣
Chuck Norris disqualified the judges
Chuck Norris once won the Tour de France with a stationary bicycle.....
When Chuck Norris' parents were scared they'd ask him if they could sleep in his bedroom 😁
😂😂😂😂
That’s a good one
sharks get in cages to swim with chuck norris
Chuck shaves with a chainsaw... it breaks down everytime, so he still has a beard
Chuck norris taught sun tzu the art of war
Chuck Norris doesnt sleep, he waits.
Chuck Norris doesn't run to the finish line, the finish line runs to him.
Chuck Norris once lost both of his legs in a motorcycle accident. By the time the ambulance arrived, he'd already gotten up and walked it off.
Chuck Norris doesnt eat honey, he chews on bee's.
Chuck Norris once shot down an airplane by pointing with finger and saying, "Bang!"
Chuck Norris can destroy two stones with one bird.
Sergeant Cordell Walker was so excited when he landed the roll of Chuck Norris. 😄
Chuck Norris can pee his name into concrete.
Chuck Norris doesn't walk on the floor, the floor walks for him.
Borglum tried to put Chuck Norris's face on Mount Rushmore, but failed because the granit wasn't hard enough for his beard.
You know they say Chuck Norris is so tough there’s no chin under his beard. There is only another fist
If Chuck Norris was to punch Clint Eastwood, we would finally know what would happen when an unstoppable force met an immovable object.
Always have to admire martial arts champions who become actors and never need stunt doubles to stand in for them.
Chuck Norris spilled some of his DNA on a semi-truck. Now that truck is known as Optimus Prime.
Chuck Norris can play the piano with a violin.
The funny thing is the jokes in the comments section are funnier than anything in the vid
I do not always click like in comment section but when I do , I click on you
The makers of Magic: The Gathering made a Chuck Norris card. It was quickly banned because nobody plays Chuck Norris and lives to tell about it.
The Golden Gate bridge was originally called the Chuck Norris bridge, but it never got used. You dont cross Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris won a shooting competition. He got 11 out of 10 bulls-eyes.... with only 9 bullets.
Chuck Norris's keyboards dont have an escape key. There is no escaping Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris won a staring competition against a muppet.
Some people can do a stunt where they drive a car on two wheels, but Chuck Norris can drive a motorcycle on zero wheels.
Throughout his film and TV career, Chuck Norris diversified from his regular endeavors. He is a noted writer, having penned books on martial arts, exercise, philosophy, politics, Christianity, Western fiction, and biography
Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.
Scientists and engineers collect Chuck Norris’ bath water. It was used as nuclear fuel
In 2005, Chuck Norris found new fame on the Internet when Chuck Norris facts became an Internet meme documenting humorous, fictional, and often absurd feats of strength and endurance. Although Norris himself did not produce the "facts", he was hired to endorse many products that incorporated Chuck Norris facts in advertising. The phenomenon resulted in six books (two of them New York Times bestsellers), two video games, and several appearances on talk shows, such as Late Night with Conan O'Brien, where he read the facts or participated in sketches
"Every year to his Birthday Chuck Norris chooses one lucky child and throws it into the sun." I have heard this once and it is still my favorite joke
I was last year’s child, I’m so lucky
At the birth of Chuck Norris, and a break from the norm, it was Chuck that smacked the doctor's bottom and made him cry!
After serving in the United States Air Force, Chuck Norris won many martial arts championships and later founded his own discipline, Chun Kuk Do
If Chuck Norris had been in a certain, highly successful show about the zombie apocalypse. Would he respond every time someone yelled "Walker!"?
Rumor has it that Chuck Norris once lost a fight with a pirate. Chuck started the rumor himself because he wanted to fight more pirates.
Chuck Norris CAN divide by zero.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books -- he stares them down until they give him the information he wants.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. The words assemble themselves on the page out of fear.
Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. Now they're just called the Islands.
How many push ups can Chuck Norris do?
All of them.
Chuck Norris can empty a swimming pool with a fork.......... While it's raining..
As a grown man i still laugh at this. Looking back i think that it’s hilarious that I thought chuck norris was an actual GOD as a kid
You mean to suggest he isn't??????
@@Andreschannel_SA Yeah, I was a bit confused by his comment as well.
Walker Texas Ranger sure made him look invincible.
Of course Chuck Norris isnt God. Chuck Norris is more powerful and beyond any god
@pioneernut7487 not funny bro…
When Chuck Norris got interrogated by CIA, they told him everything.
Chuck Norris once took a number 1 on the side of a truck for fun.
That truck became Optimus Prime.
Chuck Norris was born with a third testicle. He had it surgically removed sometime during the late '70s, and donated it to the Walt Disney Company.
Today, it can be seen serving as the centerpiece of Walt Disney World's EPCOT.
Chuck Norris once struck lightning...
Chuck Norris blows bubbles with beef jerky.
Chuck norris was born in a hospital he built with his own hands
If Chuck Norris is riding an airplane and it has engine trouble mid-flight, he'll get out and push.
This is where Superman learned how to do it.
Chuck went to the Virginia islands now they just call them the islands
Virgin Islands.
i’m probably the 20th One to tell you, but you fucked that up
Chuck Norris once took down a stealth jet with nothing but a knife.
Why does chuck Norris fight behind enemy lines?
Because it’s the only way he can stay ahead of me. 😂
When Chuck Norris goes deep to see Titanic, the ocean experienced sheer pressure and implodes
The Titanic only hit the iceberg because it was running away from Chuck Norris.
Chick Norris is actually already dead, but Death is to scared to tell him.
Chuck Norris invented hamburgers by throwing a cow at a chain link fence
The Devil sold his soul to Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once stepped on a piece of Lego at night and it didn't bother him that much
Chuck Norris doesn't get kidney stones. He creates and passes Infinity Stones.