AAAAAAHHHHH!!!! PAAAAAIIIINNNN!!!!!! I broke my hand yesterday because of the hate comments I get on my amazing videos. I was so angry that I punched a hole in my computer. Please don't comment anything mean on my wonderful videos, dear vais
Same here. It is a constant battle of wanting a relationship and having all the firsts, but the next minute, i am saying typical man, jerk, of course he cheated (women do it too), etc. also being treated as a booty call and getting hit on bu creeps all the time does not help me aspire to a relationship.
The narrative of “finding your missing puzzle piece” is problematic and misleading. You cannot depend on an SO to make you feel complete, because they can crack under such pressure, and if they leave, you’re left incomplete again. You need to be complete in yourself and share that completeness with another. That isn’t to say you can’t enter a relationship until you’re fully “complete;” indeed, sometimes your partner can be a helpful resource or support in your journey to self-completion. But if you do, you need to be honest with your partner, ensure you continue to work on yourself, and if they have problems, encourage them to continue striving to get better.
For some romance addicts, you question whether or not they're drama addicts ie Carrie Bradshaw. Carrie had an ideal partner in Aidan (he was loyal to a fault at times, sincere, devoted etc) yet Carrie was deeply unsatisfied because there wasn't sufficient drama.
I concur, Carrie seemed to be more attracted to drama than Aidan. Although he was a stable, nice guy, he was too stable and easy going for her liking. Maybe that's why she got on with Big better, because he ALWAYS brought along extra drama. 🎭
Aiden was not the ideal partner for her. He had issues. They had so little in common and Aiden was just as guilty as she was of wanting drama. He got back with her a second time after she cheated and then when she invited Big up to his cabin he just allowed it to happen and just accepted them being friends. Not to mention he was pressuring her to elope because he didn’t trust her. He also kissed her in the second movie despite being married with three kids and knowing she was married to the man she cheated with. That is toxic and unhealthy. Aiden had very low self esteem. I don’t understand why people bash Carrie Bradshaw for her problematic ways and every other character on this show gets a pass for there clearly toxic behaviors.
she and her friends exept Miranda where all toxic and narcissistic. Narcissistic women like Carrie can never feel satisfied with a normal life and men. She is always looking for " ideal love". She is just a imature 16 year old in the body of a 30+ years old woman. Shallow and addicted to short term gratification.
I think people should stop glamurazing both, being single or being in a relationship. One is not better than the other, they are just different things.
Yes! I love that I have someone to come home to everyday, to share in the best and worst moments of our lives but being single was also great because I had more time to work on myself and become who I am.
I can get what your saying. But I actually think both should be glamorized. There is nothing terrible about either singleness or a relationship if a healthy minded person wants it. I think they should actually stop be demoralized ,tbh. Ppl being able to enjoy a side of life without trying to bash another side would be pretty refreshing.
I remember reading a comic where the female lead is asked by her partner's parents why she wants to marry their son and she says, "I could live my life without him but rather not do so." Just reading that as someone romance obsessed made me want to aspire for a love that adds to my life, not take away from it. I rather have a love that is steady like a tree than an all consuming fire.
That reminds me of watching that movie with Jennifer aniston and mark Ruffalo, that one based on the graduate; well the point is, at the end she goes to her boyfriend (mark Ruffalo) and says something along the lines of: I'm not going to say I can't live without you, because I can but I don't want to. Always made sense to me and found it super sweet and more romantic than a lot of "more romantic" lines
It's a good mindset, but as someone who has done that, there is also a lot of guilt and shame at times that you feel like you are settling for "less than fireworks". Also, young Mark Ruffalo was my obsession around 2007. He was such a cute nerd.
This was actually the first time I’ve seen a TV critic series integrate a black-centric show like Insecure with a variety of mainstream sitcoms. Usually they get analyzed separately as a black niche or ignored all together. These people are awesome because they incorporate A WIDE VARIETY OF SHOWS, even Master of None
'They're more scared of choosing wrong than they are of putting off choosing at all' - damn! Most of 'the collector' type doesn't resonate with me personally, but that line really does
it's funny that a lot of the romance addicts' issues with love like impossible standards and obsession can even be traced back to a fear of intimacy and commitment. even if you desperately chase monogamy and relationships, you can still be terrified of vulnerability and a lot of it can stem from trauma or insecurity. i learned that the hard way (and also that it was compulsory heterosexuality), and it took a long time to unlearn some stuff i saw in this video. i'm a lot happier now though :) always love these videos, they give me some good thinking and movie fun.
Taking the pandemic to be single was the best thing I have ever done. It was hard and awful at times, but I’m finally ok with myself and my life. Choose yourself. You will always have to deal with you.
Good for you, queen! When my fiance and I split in 2017, I had this epiphany: not everyone is MEANT to be married and have "that life". It was the single most liberating feeling EVER! I have worked on myself, deepening my faith and pursuing my passions. It makes me so happy to see another lady taking care of and loving herself. Cheers to you, and may you find all the happiness- in whatever form you wish.💖
Yes! I took all of 2018 as a dating, romance, and sex hiatus and I'm SO glad I did. I understood myself better and became more secure. I shook off some bad habits and addressed some trauma and unhelpful internal scripts. Such a good experience.
Love is great but I really feel like you need to be comfortable and happy on your own. Love should be something that makes you happier, not what MAKES YOU HAPPY
If you really were happy on your own then you wouldn't want a relationship. I hate the attitude that only those who don't want a relationship should be in one.
@@lemsip207 "I hate the attitude that only those who don't want a relationship should be in one" I think people STILL complain whine moan and bitch when THAT happens too kinda of like with Tiana:(from Disney's 2009 Princess and the Frog): and with Cinderella:(specifically the Disney's 1950 animated one):
Hate to say it but my older brother is a romance addict. He has had many girlfriends and once he meets a girl he puts on what I call The Rom Com Filter. He wants life to be all about those grand gestures and he has the idyllic image in his head of the perfect family life. He has the habit of rushing. He wants marriage and kids and the house and a dog and the holidays and days out. But he wants it all now. He never takes the time to be present and enjoy getting to know the person and stuff. We are children of divorce and I tend to find that children of divorce go one of two ways when it comes to approaching relationships. You have the cynical realist which is me and the romance addict who desires the perfect fairytale. That's my brother. Maybe both our viewpoints are bad but we are not perfect.
I'm waiting for the romance addict that wants to be single because of the fear of giving your heart to someone Sorry for the typo and thanks for the likes and comments. It's just for me the romance genre was an escape for a childhood full of toxic love that I thought was normal also I'm asexual so I was the kid that was always confused about some stuff
I agree, most of us can probably relate to that fear, but sometimes love will happen when you least expect it to, or that person will have been closer than you ever thought. 😉
I’ve been watching rom coms since I was eight. I was in love with love for so long that it made me miserable until I realized that the love that I want is really dramatized and in most cases, just doesn’t exist in real life. And even when I wanted a simple love, not a dramatized one, I didn’t realize that I just can’t control when it’ll happen. Now, I’m 15 and I’ve only now realized that I can’t search for love- it’ll simply come to me. Since I realized how great it is that in my young teenage years, I am single and have time to develop myself and my opinions and find out who I am (despite the fact that the media projects some crazy idea that 16 year olds have the lives of 25 year olds -love, relationships, sex and the looks), I’ve been much happier.
Kite-Man in the Harley Quinn cartoon is the textbook definition of a scripter, he literally planned his entire life with Ivy, thankfully he was emotionally mature enough to break up with her upon the realization things couldn't be that way.
Kite-Man's scripted view of their relationship and future was painful to watch, him cutting it off with Ivy in the way he did was cathartic to watch. I love Ivy, but I hope they dig deeper into her intamacy and trust issues as they develop her romantic relationship with Harley.
@@moonie3866 Kite-Man is simple but not a fool (this channel made me realize he's also a himbo), he was able to leave the relationship more mature than he was, and he was already the most emotionally mature character in the show.
Back in elementary and middle school, I got bullied a lot (mostly by guys) for how I looked. They used to tell me I would never get married because I was too ugly for anyone to love me. This took a toll on my mental health and in an effort to prove them wrong, I got myself tangled up in a lot of toxic relationships and dangerous situations. It took me a long time to realize I need to love myself first and think of myself as beautiful before seeking out a serious relationship because I can't expect someone else to do it for me. I'm in a happy, healthy relationship now, however I love myself and know that I am worthy of loving myself.
@@shanouboubou Agreed. Taking time to learn and enjoy what works for you is best. Romance shouldn’t be chased. It should come naturally. And I know that’s hard to hear for some romance idealists like myself but you’ll have more inner peace prioritizing yourself.
I had to learn this the hard way. It took an abusive relationship for 6 years to finally work on that self love thing. This was the best thing that I ever worked for.
@Akshay 004 yeah pretty much, always has been, how old are you to call it disgusting? People all over the world do it and there's nothing wrong with it In fact, if people did it more than sex, half the problems people have wouldn't be an issue, they wouldn't rush into sex and treat it like it's a game to be won, they'd learn to actually value it for connection
I’m a hopeless romantic who is also deeply insecure. Which means instead of jumping from relationship to relationship, I spend all my time hoping and longing after people and never actually going for it
When you realize that you don't need people to fill in the holes in your soul and start working on yourself, that's when you'll get good, healthy relationships that will help you grow instead of tearing you down.
I'm a dreamer, and I dated a dreamer. We had lots of movie-esque romantic moments like going to fancy restaurants, ice skating in the moonlight, making s'mores on the beach. But we weren't actually a good match, and our relationship fell flat most other places
Yeah, that's because love isn't really about those kind of moments. Love is when the dog throws up in the middle of the night, but he willingly gets up to take care of it because he knows you've been dealing with a migraine all day, and you need your sleep more than he does. Problem is that it's hard to make a blockbuster movie or TV show out of moments like that. ;)
@@alenciaga21 It can be, but it often isn't. Most people don't understand the difference between "performing" love (i.e. taking part in a societal script like fancy restaurants and walks on the beach), and actual love. One is fragile and prone to shatter when it has to face reality, but the other is resilient and only gets stronger.
@@alenciaga21 Well, good luck with that and I hope you find what you're looking for. As for me, I'm not a sentimental person, and so that's a part of the performative nature of romance that I can do without. I don't need flowers and chocolate and pretty gestures, but I absolutely need consideration, respect, and a resilient love that's grounded in reality. (Fortunately I have all that already -- my husband and I have been happily married for over a decade.) :)
@@alenciaga21 Thanks to you as well for your kind wishes! :) I think the biggest factor is to never take your partner for granted, and to find ways to honour who they are. The loving heart is the most courageous.
Romance addicts also seem to be outright *triggered* by heartbreak. Being perfectionists of the heart, heartbreak equals failure, thus leading to self-destructive behaviors. Rebecca Bunch is a good example because she spirals whenever things don’t work out (but that’s also due to BPD). Same with Ross Geller, Molly, and Ted Ross. It’s very sad.
That's true. I loved how "Crazy Ex Girlfriend" officially diagnosed Rebecca with Borderline Personality Disorder ", which explains MANY of her self destructive actions and her obsession with guys.
@@ninjanibba4259 Saddness is normal but obsessive behavior such as stalking your ex, refusing to accept reality that the relationship is over or taking every rejection personally is harmful to the Individual. I should know...
"Love at first sight has long been considered romantic, but it also leaves plenty of room for the hero to show just how fickle his affection can be. Switching between romantic fixation so quickly signals that on some level they see their romantic interests as interchangeable." That's perfect.
That was such a revelation to me, the only difference is that I’ve never been in a relationship bc I am so picky I don’t even give guys a chance. I have the perfect future planned out and won’t settle for anything less.
The Take made me realize that I’m a mixture of different tropes. I use to be a hopeless romantic well until I experienced reality in college. I’m also a nerd, the smart girl, and tomboy. Also I’m in a relationship and it’s my family now who is obsessed with love and me getting married. I had to tell them that if we broke up I’ll be just fine because I’m a human being with my own dreams and my own goals.
I was a romance addict until I got into an actual and long-term relationship that ended up traumatizing me in the end (it was toxic and they treated me like crap). Now I've become more realistic about romance and I learned that I don't need it to live. I'm also content with being single and I actually prefer it. It sucks that my idea of romance changed because someone I was with treated me bad but I'm happy that I can finally find fulfillment in being single. I'm still in love with love but I don't chase after it like I used to and instead leave it for the books I read or daydreams I have, and I think my unrealistic expectations for romance should stay there. I still have to work on being addicted to romance by tackling other traits that stem from it, but I've gotten better in seeing it as more than just a fantasy full of expectations.
“I liked it. I craved it. I wanted more and I took it. I took it like I needed it, like my life had a limit and if I didn't get as much of it as I could, I'd quit breathing the next instant.” ― Kristen Ashley, Until the Sun Falls from the Sky
I thought I wasn’t gonna relate to this trope until ‘the collector’ part. I feel so unsatisfied in relationships because I have this fear that there is someone better for me out there. The idea of a spending the rest of my life with the wrong person is terrifying.
I think it’s more about being unrealistic with the pickiness. Like with Ted, he wanted a pretty college educated girl who was happy to have multiple children, but decided to continue his list throughout the series with expectations like she has to play bass, her favorite food is lasagna, likes to play tennis etc. Striving for someone who is a good match in the important stuff is great, but trying to control a love life to the point of discounting someone because of their shoe size is unrealistic and not going to bode well in the search for romance. I think that’s what the take was trying to imply with the pickiness of these hopeless romantics.
Could have included Raj from the The big bang theory in this.. he's definitely a dreamer. In fact could you do a take on TBBT, especially Raj's treatment on the show? Also how Leonard & Penny's relationship evolved over time?
Damn, this video came for me, HARD! I didn't even consider myself romantic and clicked just to judge the romantic people and feel better about myself, but instead I realized i have fear of commitment and intimacy...🥲
Yeah I’m this weird mix where I’ve written out a romance, marriage and family from my life yet I enjoy daydreaming and read and watch romantic fiction.
This video is quire therapeutic. I am a romance addict and by 34 I’d spent 90% of my adult life being single. Everyone was not right for me. Ofc someone was indeed abusive or toxic but generally I’m left alone for fear of making a lifelong mistake. But this video just gave it a name and also gave an advice on how to act. Thanks.
I absolutely have been a hopeless romantic my whole life.. searching for the love I saw on tv or what love songs portrayed love to be... I can say that my boyfriend of 5 years really brought me back down to earth and showed me love in ways that were more intimate than any love song or poem ive ever written.. loved this take!
This gives me a lot to think about and keep in mind. I'm a hopeless romantic and virgin, but I've never realized that I can relate to some of the tropes, namely refusing to settle for anything, beginning to feel uneasy about reaching an age when I'm too old for love or having a family of my own and being worried about ending up with the wrong person, at least until I got older. I still want to be happily married with a family of my own, but I also understand that even if I end up single with no children, it's not the worst thing in the world. ❤ Self Love and Self Respect is very important. ❤ If you can be happy on your own, you can be happy with someone else. 😊 As my daddy would say "You can do good or bad on your own." That said, I don't think relationship status should be judged in any way. Some people want to be happily married or happily taken and that's fine. 😊 Some people want to be happily single and that's fine too. 😊 Everyone's different. 🌈 And in the end, love is worth it and it comes in many forms. 💖
This is why I don't like dating apps. Most of the guys using them seem to just want to have a girlfriend to check off a box. Like they don't care about getting to know me as a person, they just want whoever they can have a relationship with.
OHHHHH! not with a dating sited per se but I went on a date with a guy who I felt was like this. I definitely felt he just wanted a gf, I didnt feel like he wanted to get to know me. Another guy I was dealing with for a bit told me he loved me after a week and we were just getting to know each other but with him I also felt he just wanted a gf. Didnt matter who or what, just wanted one and I happend to be there. Which is why I am not with both of them lol. But I am also very lovable so I guess I understand why he loved me🤣🤣
@@msgirly6827 This happened to me before as well! The first time I hung out with a guy, he wanted me to be his girlfriend. We only talked and hung out for a few hours. I found it kind of desperate and weird. I don't understand how some guys want someone to be their girlfriend when they've known them for less than 24 hours! 🤣
No way! Most guys on dating apps are notorious for just wanting to smash. They pretend like they are looking for love but really picky and playing games with the women they do not want a relationship with.
Oh my god. This is me. I have never related so intensely to one of these “tropes”. My mom has a friend who always wanted children, but was divorced, and by the time she found someone and remarried, she was already in her late 40’s and couldn’t have children of her own. She is retired and happily married with no children, but it’s always scares me that this would be me. I’m 31, have been divorced and am remarried, with no children. I still have a while, but I think I need to really think about what not having children could mean to me. I don’t feel ready yet, but I do want children. I think.
I’m in the same boat, but I’m 30 and not married. I want a significant other early enough to have children, but only just in case I want any. I’m also not sure. I also think of my sister, who is pregnant with her first baby and almost 40. My own mom was 34 when she had me, her first child. I know I have time, but I also don’t know if I’ll ever find anyone who will see me as “worthy.” I’m fine by myself, I’ve been living on my own for over a year, but I’m also lonely af, and quarantine didn’t help one bit. I think it’s perfectly fine if you don’t want kids and I support you. 👍🏼👍🏼 I have friends with an adult daughter who adopted 2 younger children after she left the nest. I think they’re in their early 50’s. You don’t have to give birth to be a valid parent, and you shouldn’t force yourself if you don’t want to go do either.
I love it how you not only subdivide this trope into three catagories to easier differentiate them, but that you also acknowledge the underlying anxiety that comes with the romance addict and offer solutions to that. That turns this video into a writer lesson.
Nah ah. All these examples used are people who got it pretty good in life( spoiled people who have time to fuss about dating or being single). I think the hopeless romantic usually has to deal with other aspects of life ( like society, being poor, being gay, family obligations etc etc) yet still having hope in finding true love.
A lot of hopeless romantics are in relationships, and aren't looking, but love the idea of chasing romance in the lives they have, candlelit dinners with your partner(s), reading love poems, etc. Romance addicts chase relationships.
@@Author.Noelle.Alexandria I agree with this comparison. The HR searches for romance within each relationship they’re in, whereas the RA searches for the idea of romance like in the movies. The problem is that romance movies only work with a conflict, so the solution seems even better/ greater. Therefore, RA deliberately cause drama, because they expect it to be necessary.
Wow, this was me to a T when I was really young. I think it’s part of what made me so vulnerable to narcissists-I had such a narrow ideal for my future, and they pretended to be exactly what I was looking for. It only took the first few awkward and confusing experiences with dating to totally shatter the illusion of idealized love in my head.
Not sure if you already did this one. I’d like to see the trope of the hyper-masculine alpha male type that shoots first and asks questions later. Usually a military leader and someone that always makes the situation worse and abuses their power. The hero usually comes to blows with this person and then has to skirt the rules in order to save the day which usually involves also beating this character. Like a colonel quaritch from avatar type character.
Being single after an abusive relationship was the best thing ever. I just dated around for 3 years. It was really good because I saw every guy just the way he was. Without any expectations. Just having fun and living your own life is amazing.
This reminds me of a Tinder (maybe Hinge?) date I went on a while back...we're in a restaurant waiting for food, I ask him what his hobbies are, and he responds, "I want to be married again." I was like, interesting hobby, is that a league or something? *note: we did NOT go on a second date...
I've been "The Dreamer" so I totally get this. But here's a crazy true story: I actually had the opportunity to be on a date with a early 90's actress that I romantized in my early 20's And had a huge crush on.Not saying her name, but we had Tea and it was The MOST BORING DATE ,and it was nothing like I thought it would be in my mind.
Idk this trope is so relatable and unrelatable to me. Relatable bc I believe there is that special one that I'll love the most and that will love me the most, unrelatable bc I'm not into that cheesy stuff lmaoo
This has been one of my favorite essays so far! I’d love to see a video on the “serial monogamist” that is always on a long term relationship, you mentioned it at some point in this video 😊
@Hopeless Fangirl I live in New Zealand. There’s only a foster system so you can’t adopt, and international adoption is really hard and expensive. Plus I don’t want to get artificial insemination. What creep donates their sperm for a kid they’re never going to know? I don’t want his baby!?
Lol I am a romance addict and my biggest wish is to find that special someone, except that I don’t cross this obsessive line as Ted does. I think there is no shame in wanting to really find love, just like for someone being successful is the biggest aspiration. It is the approaches you take towards fulfilling that goal. It is hard and frustrating but you shouldn’t stop wishing and hoping (like Charlotte), and I think those who dream of something, can see more of obstacles coming in their way than those who don’t (for example those who want to achieve a higher job post can see more of their failures and think people around them have it easier than those whose making a career is not everything in the world)
For the most part this was totally me and because of that I’ve pretty much wasted the majority of my youth looking for at the very least the right guy or even to just be in a relationship because of whatever reason I felt even believed that once that happened everything would fall into place and you know what it didn’t. The only thing that would happen was disappointment after another & it would stemmed from myself because truthfully I was the one that would set me up to failure, always thinking it’s going one way when it’s going nowhere. The reality is the love & relationships aren’t these rose tented thing that’s so easy, it actually takes a lot of effort, consideration & respect to be in a relationship, it really is a 50 50 two way street where you gotta meet them halfway otherwise it’s just not going to work. Once I started focusing on myself & became more selfish & actually enjoyed my singlehood things started looking up for me, more guys noticed me, an acquaintance expressed interest in me & an ex wanted me back in his life. The moral of my story that I’ve learned was to not get so caught up in wanting to be in a relationship just so you don’t feel like you’re a failure in front of others & just enjoy dating yourself. There’s nothing wrong with being single.
I'm a romantic who definitely believes long-lasting true love can and does exist. But at the same time, I'm one of those people who finds the idea of someone knowing me/my heart enough to fall in love with them scary as hell. As a kid, my family moved a lot due to my dad's job as a professional soccer player. Most of the friendships I had barely got past the ice-breaking phase before we'd have to pack up the boxes again and being both a shy bookworm and a kid with a disability (visual impairment) didn't help me much, either. So finding romance, while it sounds wonderful, also is terrifying to me because in the back of my mind, there's still my inner child going, "The minute you become comfortable with a friend, something beyond your control is going to take him away." Hope I'm not alone in this. I find it hilarious to both believe in love and have it scare the shit out of me. XD
Love how this video and your Problematic Rom-Com Movie Lessons video are intertwined. Between Disney’s princess fairytale love films, Katherine Heigl rom-coms, Sex and the City and Grey’s Anatomy Meredith-Derek-Addison saga, I thought love came in the form of instant connection, toxicity, and lots of drama to obtain an happy ending. Now in my late 20s, I know love comes first within yourself which is a lifelong process. If you can’t love yourself, how can you love someone and sustain a healthy relationship? Honestly the way love is portrayed in mainstream media is intentional. Romance sells (novels, how to get engaged in 6 months books and conferences/how to get a man seminars). It’s very capitalistic (Valentine’s Day jewelry, cards, candy, dinner specials, wine specials, etc.) Toxic romance media continues to sell because there’s billions of dollars to be made from it despite its harmful messaging.
If it wasn't for Disney, rom coms, the romantic films that proceeded the rom coms and Mills and Boon novels there would be fewer hopeless romantics. They have ruined relationships or the idea of what relationships sould look like. Like we're meant to swoon over Sandy's and Danny's on-off toxic relationship in Grease when Frenchy was in a much healthier relationship with one of Danny's friends but that's considered boring. Sandy was forced to change to fit in with the Pink Ladies and then to fit in with the T-Birds just as Danny had changed to fit in with the T-Birds. She only joined the Pink Ladies as they were dating the friends of Danny so she thought that would get her closer to Danny.
As common as this trope is this synthesis is very eye-opening! I'm checking myself on how I have done this, especially the magical thinking. I never thought of myself as these "wanting a guy with a boombox outside my window" type but there are ways that I've subscribed to an idealized view of how things 'should be.'
The other thing I've noticed is that romance addicts are more concerned about being in a relationship rather than really caring about the other person. Real people are affected by this and stay in awful relationships because it's better they stay in an unhealthy relationship than be single. I had a friend in secondary school like this. The whole school hated her for no good reason, she was miserable and this guy who treated her like shit took advantage of that. When I became friends with her and she was crying over their relationship, she didn't know what to do thinking if they broke up she was worthless and she'd never find "the one". She was only 16. If you want to find love you can't force it, you just have to meet someone you actually like and likes you back. If you don't that's ok.
I thoroughly enjoyed this video and your take on things in general. I'm a straight male, I suppose I'm not your intended audience but I genuinely enjoy how you breakdown these observations. I love film and TV and I see a lot of myself in some of your talking points, especially the bad boy, the hopeless romantic, the girl next door, the nice guy, the ladies man and hipster just to name a few. These videos have really helped me be more introspective and be more respectful to others, especially women. Watching these videos has shown me how I have been a dick in the past so thank you for creating something that has changed my perspective on how to treat people, I'm not saying that I was a sociopath before or anything, I just wasn't aware of my behaviour so much. It's wonderful to see because I've genuinely thought about a lot of these things like you have delivered them. I particularly like your take on what sex and the city got wrong too! I think I've watched nearly all of what you have made and I've introduced your videos to my friends and they appreciate them as much as I do and find them just as insightful. Keep up the great work ladies, I look forward to seeing more of what you do. Lots of love, your biggest fan from across the pond. X 😁
Oof. This one was a punch in the gut for me. I am the Dreamer and a touch of the Collector trope. Less the collector because I usually end relationships once I take off the rose-coloured glasses and see the real red flags. I DO understand the different types of love and value them (and myself) a lot more now than when I was staying in an emotionally & mentally abusive relationship. But it's still hard not to idealize the concept of romance and love, and to not fear the missing out on life plans (however broad) that we may have had. This take has at least given me something to think about.
little something from Franken Fran, "Cultural development complicates romance, more developed countries face a declining birthrate and a greater aging population, the more you value love, the fewer children you will have. I believe love may function as a means of suppressing population explosions" correlation is entirely coincidental, "but perhaps love is, a self-cleaning program to reduce human population"
This was so spot on for me...and man, am I grateful to be 3 years into working on myself and I feel truly freed from my bondage of idealized romance. I have a much healthier understanding of love, partnership, and commitment.
I really like these trope analysis and this is such an important topic! I hoped you would mention amatanormativity and the aromantic experience, because they tie in really well to these themes--Maybe that could be a good future video topic! :)
as if romantic love and familial love:(as in 2 people fall in love and have a kid or 2 or more):/platonic love:(budding romance):are somehow completely "unrelated" lol
I feel like Joan Holloway when she told Bob Benson "I want love, and I'd rather die waiting for that to happen than to make some arrangement" Lois Foutley saying: "Being in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship is just plain crazy" We need a Working Single Mom trope. Yes Bridget, you are a catch (even in all your Becky-ness) Smug Marrieds are Karen's, but with their own circle of peers.
I have seen so many of my friends that were and still are like this. I've never been happier that I have been hesitant in jumping into serious relationships and scrutinizing a future and wanting to enjoy myself in life while I date casually.
Great video! The best advice I can give to hopeless romantics is to spend as much time getting to know yourself through therapy and self-reflection and to not look to movies and TV shows for relationship advice. If you want to have healthy love, take advice from real couples that you trust and aspire to be like.
I swear this channel is the gift that just keeps giving. I always learn something new or get a new perspective from every video. I wish I could intern for you guys, I just love it so much.
Would love it if you did a full video series on crazy ex girlfriend, there’s so many characters deserving of a video aswell as plenty of central themes that could be expired. Examples being toxic relationships, mental illness, family, growing up etc
Trying to script your real love life like a rom-com never, ever works, though it can lead to some interesting discoveries about yourself. When I was younger I tried to research everything necessary for having a successful romantic relationship, only to eventually realize I was aromantic. Lol.
The end message is what I always told my friends, growing up as an Asexual person. I loved everyone because love was cool but I also loved myself, loved my family and friends and the world around me and was realistic. I did fall originally as a middle schooler for what society said that you needed to be in a relationship, but once I came to terms with my sexual identity and my disabilities and the fact I never wanted kids but did want a marriage and career, things just flowed easily. I was prepared to be single or in a relationship regardless of what fate had in store for me, but I lucked out and met my husband of 16 years. He is Asexual like me, didn't want kids (just dogs like I did) and respected my disabilities and the fact my family was everything to me. We've been going strong since but always tell our friends who are dating that communication is key... yet sadly that seems to be an important factor most people like to ignore due to being scared of being alone. They'd rather change who they are and sacrifice things than be alone.
Well i could see some resemblance. Fantasizing a moment with someone who just met or getting a wrong call and being oh my gosh this could be him. Imagine the beautiful story we’ll have of finding each other. I’ve been doing that most of my life and I’m only 20. I appreciate this video. It has really opened my eyes. Thank you.
Okay you guys have been using clips of Rebecca Bunch for a lot of your videos so I'm going to need you to make a take on crazy ex girlfriend already! Its such a great show and there is so much to talk about!
I'm surprised Raj from Big Bang Theory wasn't mentioned in this. That guy is so delusional about romance and thinks it's the most important thing ever.
I came to learn about tropes and archetypes but just learned about myself
This channel is a slippery slope 😂 good though!
Makes me wonder weather we form our behaviour from movies we absorbed before or they are realistic copy of real personalities
@@jelenar.3235 art imitates life.
@@ShizukaRose and the other way around. Personally I say "life imitates art. " way more often
@@ShizukaRose art imitates life, and life imitates art
Somedays I am a hopeless romantic the others a bitter realist.
AAAAAAHHHHH!!!! PAAAAAIIIINNNN!!!!!!
I broke my hand yesterday because of the hate comments I get on my amazing videos. I was so angry that I punched a hole in my computer. Please don't comment anything mean on my wonderful videos, dear vais
I'm a bitter romantic
i'm a jaded romantic
Same here. It is a constant battle of wanting a relationship and having all the firsts, but the next minute, i am saying typical man, jerk, of course he cheated (women do it too), etc. also being treated as a booty call and getting hit on bu creeps all the time does not help me aspire to a relationship.
Same
If you are the person who doesn't enjoy his own company then you will always have a hard time in relationships.
Truth bombs🙏🙏🙏
Exactly. You have to work on yourself and learn to be your own best friend first.
You have to love yourself before you can have a healthy relationship loving someone else
The narrative of “finding your missing puzzle piece” is problematic and misleading. You cannot depend on an SO to make you feel complete, because they can crack under such pressure, and if they leave, you’re left incomplete again. You need to be complete in yourself and share that completeness with another. That isn’t to say you can’t enter a relationship until you’re fully “complete;” indeed, sometimes your partner can be a helpful resource or support in your journey to self-completion. But if you do, you need to be honest with your partner, ensure you continue to work on yourself, and if they have problems, encourage them to continue striving to get better.
🎯
For some romance addicts, you question whether or not they're drama addicts ie Carrie Bradshaw. Carrie had an ideal partner in Aidan (he was loyal to a fault at times, sincere, devoted etc) yet Carrie was deeply unsatisfied because there wasn't sufficient drama.
I concur, Carrie seemed to be more attracted to drama than Aidan. Although he was a stable, nice guy, he was too stable and easy going for her liking. Maybe that's why she got on with Big better, because he ALWAYS brought along extra drama. 🎭
Aiden was not the ideal partner for her. He had issues. They had so little in common and Aiden was just as guilty as she was of wanting drama. He got back with her a second time after she cheated and then when she invited Big up to his cabin he just allowed it to happen and just accepted them being friends. Not to mention he was pressuring her to elope because he didn’t trust her. He also kissed her in the second movie despite being married with three kids and knowing she was married to the man she cheated with. That is toxic and unhealthy. Aiden had very low self esteem.
I don’t understand why people bash Carrie Bradshaw for her problematic ways and every other character on this show gets a pass for there clearly toxic behaviors.
I think Carrie’s ideal partner was The Russian
she and her friends exept Miranda where all toxic and narcissistic. Narcissistic women like Carrie can never feel satisfied with a normal life and men. She is always looking for " ideal love". She is just a imature 16 year old in the body of a 30+ years old woman. Shallow and addicted to short term gratification.
aidan was a great partner, but not for carrie bc she wasn't in love with him
I think people should stop glamurazing both, being single or being in a relationship. One is not better than the other, they are just different things.
Exactly!
Exactly. Or people should stop making the relationship status such a big thing.
THANK YOU. Finally someone who doesn't pick one side.
Yes! I love that I have someone to come home to everyday, to share in the best and worst moments of our lives but being single was also great because I had more time to work on myself and become who I am.
I can get what your saying. But I actually think both should be glamorized. There is nothing terrible about either singleness or a relationship if a healthy minded person wants it. I think they should actually stop be demoralized ,tbh. Ppl being able to enjoy a side of life without trying to bash another side would be pretty refreshing.
I remember reading a comic where the female lead is asked by her partner's parents why she wants to marry their son and she says, "I could live my life without him but rather not do so." Just reading that as someone romance obsessed made me want to aspire for a love that adds to my life, not take away from it. I rather have a love that is steady like a tree than an all consuming fire.
That reminds me of watching that movie with Jennifer aniston and mark Ruffalo, that one based on the graduate; well the point is, at the end she goes to her boyfriend (mark Ruffalo) and says something along the lines of: I'm not going to say I can't live without you, because I can but I don't want to. Always made sense to me and found it super sweet and more romantic than a lot of "more romantic" lines
@@SMoya-bc6tw How I recently watched the movie. It was good. And I never knew Mark Ruffalo was so cute when he was younger.
It's a good mindset, but as someone who has done that, there is also a lot of guilt and shame at times that you feel like you are settling for "less than fireworks".
Also, young Mark Ruffalo was my obsession around 2007. He was such a cute nerd.
Wait comic book???...which comic book is that....it just stated my motto...😁
@@ericdinesh63 Miss Abbot and the Doctor
This was actually the first time I’ve seen a TV critic series integrate a black-centric show like Insecure with a variety of mainstream sitcoms. Usually they get analyzed separately as a black niche or ignored all together. These people are awesome because they incorporate A WIDE VARIETY OF SHOWS, even Master of None
True! I love the show Insecure!
K Dramas next
'They're more scared of choosing wrong than they are of putting off choosing at all' - damn! Most of 'the collector' type doesn't resonate with me personally, but that line really does
Because choosing the wrong person is often worse than being single. This has been found to be true throughout history and evolution
I wish people would stop looking at singlehood as a disease and more like a luxury
Amen!
Sis preach 😌🙏🏻
It is
@Me We well that sucks for you
Yes! it is important to learn how to enjoy ones’s company
it's funny that a lot of the romance addicts' issues with love like impossible standards and obsession can even be traced back to a fear of intimacy and commitment. even if you desperately chase monogamy and relationships, you can still be terrified of vulnerability and a lot of it can stem from trauma or insecurity. i learned that the hard way (and also that it was compulsory heterosexuality), and it took a long time to unlearn some stuff i saw in this video. i'm a lot happier now though :)
always love these videos, they give me some good thinking and movie fun.
Damn you uh... got any tips on how to stop that 😳 asking for a friend
can you explain this further
Taking the pandemic to be single was the best thing I have ever done. It was hard and awful at times, but I’m finally ok with myself and my life. Choose yourself. You will always have to deal with you.
Good for you, queen! When my fiance and I split in 2017, I had this epiphany: not everyone is MEANT to be married and have "that life". It was the single most liberating feeling EVER! I have worked on myself, deepening my faith and pursuing my passions. It makes me so happy to see another lady taking care of and loving herself. Cheers to you, and may you find all the happiness- in whatever form you wish.💖
Good for both of you 🥰👏🏻👏🏻
Yes! I took all of 2018 as a dating, romance, and sex hiatus and I'm SO glad I did. I understood myself better and became more secure. I shook off some bad habits and addressed some trauma and unhelpful internal scripts. Such a good experience.
@@whateverlolawants 🤲🤲🤲🤲🤲
Love is great but I really feel like you need to be comfortable and happy on your own. Love should be something that makes you happier, not what MAKES YOU HAPPY
Yes. Become the person you would wanna date
👏🏻
If you really were happy on your own then you wouldn't want a relationship. I hate the attitude that only those who don't want a relationship should be in one.
@@lemsip207 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
@@lemsip207 "I hate the attitude that only those who don't want a relationship should be in one" I think people STILL complain whine moan and bitch when THAT happens too kinda of like with Tiana:(from Disney's 2009 Princess and the Frog): and with
Cinderella:(specifically the Disney's 1950 animated one):
Molly's therapist on Insecure has helped a lot of us.
If only Molly will let her therapist help her 😂
@@BellesView Girl....
@@BellesView girl you ain’t never lied 😂
Hate to say it but my older brother is a romance addict. He has had many girlfriends and once he meets a girl he puts on what I call The Rom Com Filter. He wants life to be all about those grand gestures and he has the idyllic image in his head of the perfect family life. He has the habit of rushing. He wants marriage and kids and the house and a dog and the holidays and days out. But he wants it all now. He never takes the time to be present and enjoy getting to know the person and stuff. We are children of divorce and I tend to find that children of divorce go one of two ways when it comes to approaching relationships. You have the cynical realist which is me and the romance addict who desires the perfect fairytale. That's my brother. Maybe both our viewpoints are bad but we are not perfect.
insecure attachment
@@seabreeze4559 explanation please
I'm like that too, ig it's not a bad thing, just a different perspective
@@randomgirl566 like what? The cynic or the romance addict?
My Dad always told me: “if you’re not happy single, you won’t be happy married” 💕 learn to be happy, then you can add to someone else’s happiness
Wise words!
That's something I would expect my daddy to say. 😊 In fact, he said something similar "You can do bad in your own. And you can do good on your own."
Ted and Ross sabotage their own love lives.
It’s cause they were both brats and when the women in their lives had brains and lives outside of the relationship they panicked
And the women they liked (Rachel and Robin) were treated like a trophy in the end
@@naomilee3726 man, if I had the authority to, I would give you an award for saying this.
@@taiyabazaheer9492 thanks 👍🏾
@@taiyabazaheer9492 trophy emojis exist
I think Dawson from “Dawson’s Creek” would fit in here perfectly. He fits the nice guy trope and the hopeless romantic trope.
He's unbearable. He's so idealistic, there's one thing thats unexpected for him and off he goes the tracks.
I'm waiting for the romance addict that wants to be single because of the fear of giving your heart to someone
Sorry for the typo and thanks for the likes and comments. It's just for me the romance genre was an escape for a childhood full of toxic love that I thought was normal also I'm asexual so I was the kid that was always confused about some stuff
You just described me lol
I agree, most of us can probably relate to that fear, but sometimes love will happen when you least expect it to, or that person will have been closer than you ever thought. 😉
That’s real lol
That's me
That was Lara Jean in the start of the first movie of “To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before” and she deals with that anxiety in the movie.
I’ve been watching rom coms since I was eight. I was in love with love for so long that it made me miserable until I realized that the love that I want is really dramatized and in most cases, just doesn’t exist in real life. And even when I wanted a simple love, not a dramatized one, I didn’t realize that I just can’t control when it’ll happen. Now, I’m 15 and I’ve only now realized that I can’t search for love- it’ll simply come to me. Since I realized how great it is that in my young teenage years, I am single and have time to develop myself and my opinions and find out who I am (despite the fact that the media projects some crazy idea that 16 year olds have the lives of 25 year olds -love, relationships, sex and the looks), I’ve been much happier.
Keep doing you 😊 That’s awesome you realized that at an early age. Most people don’t until their adult years.
I’m 34 and I’m happy you’ve come this realization so soon. All the best to you!
So very mature of you....it took ages for us to realise that...good luck kiddo. 👍
You plenty of time for love and romance. Enjoy your youth!
Big praise for being able to evolve your ethos
Damn, The Take calling me out on my bullshit again. Fantastic video, ladies.
Kite-Man in the Harley Quinn cartoon is the textbook definition of a scripter, he literally planned his entire life with Ivy, thankfully he was emotionally mature enough to break up with her upon the realization things couldn't be that way.
Kite-Man's scripted view of their relationship and future was painful to watch, him cutting it off with Ivy in the way he did was cathartic to watch. I love Ivy, but I hope they dig deeper into her intamacy and trust issues as they develop her romantic relationship with Harley.
@@moonie3866 Kite-Man is simple but not a fool (this channel made me realize he's also a himbo), he was able to leave the relationship more mature than he was, and he was already the most emotionally mature character in the show.
@Erwin Lii The fact Kite-Man was the only one of the two able recognize that gives a lot of depth to the character.
I love Kite-Man so much
@@kevinfrank8164 Hell yeah.
Back in elementary and middle school, I got bullied a lot (mostly by guys) for how I looked. They used to tell me I would never get married because I was too ugly for anyone to love me. This took a toll on my mental health and in an effort to prove them wrong, I got myself tangled up in a lot of toxic relationships and dangerous situations. It took me a long time to realize I need to love myself first and think of myself as beautiful before seeking out a serious relationship because I can't expect someone else to do it for me. I'm in a happy, healthy relationship now, however I love myself and know that I am worthy of loving myself.
Please make a video with all the toxic traits in “The Notebook”
They have a series called "Toxic Takeways" where they focus on a specific movie. Maybe they will do it on there.
I don't understand why it's even regarded as romantic.
Haven't you learned anything from this channel? Everything is toxic, sexist and misogynistic.
@@UntakenNick For real!! Lmaooo
@@RosieSquall because that's what romance is about: drama, exageration, big romantic acts. Romance does not equal love
The most important relationship you can have in your life is not with another person, but with yourself.
People agree with this in a conversation, but so rarely apply it in real life and yet this is pure fact.
@@shanouboubou Agreed. Taking time to learn and enjoy what works for you is best. Romance shouldn’t be chased. It should come naturally. And I know that’s hard to hear for some romance idealists like myself but you’ll have more inner peace prioritizing yourself.
I had to learn this the hard way. It took an abusive relationship for 6 years to finally work on that self love thing. This was the best thing that I ever worked for.
@Akshay 004 nope not always, that’s what your hands are for
And these days, it’s very warranted
@Akshay 004 yeah pretty much, always has been, how old are you to call it disgusting? People all over the world do it and there's nothing wrong with it
In fact, if people did it more than sex, half the problems people have wouldn't be an issue, they wouldn't rush into sex and treat it like it's a game to be won, they'd learn to actually value it for connection
I’m a hopeless romantic who is also deeply insecure. Which means instead of jumping from relationship to relationship, I spend all my time hoping and longing after people and never actually going for it
Anxious Preoccupied attachment style is another name for this.
Do you know how does one get over that?
@vienna watch Thais Gibson's youtube videos
@@ashesforsunshine Thanks, I'll try that out! :)
@@mermaidmoon2254 extensive therapy and developing tools for trust and self reflection.
If you find it challenging to be single, than you shouldn’t be in a relationship, you need to love being by yourself.
I'd say I've already nailed that like ages ago even tho I currently have essentially like zero strong interest in dating/getting married
When you realize that you don't need people to fill in the holes in your soul and start working on yourself, that's when you'll get good, healthy relationships that will help you grow instead of tearing you down.
YES. 100% this.
You're absolutely right.
I feel like once a romance addict watches 500 days of summer, their heart will be broken and set back to reality 😅
Why you calling me out..
True but you have to watch at least once a year for that regular check 🤣
And la la land
Not really. Watched it first many years ago, didn’t help :(
@@BiancaC1 omg, why is this so true haha I’m gonna watch it again today cause it’s Valentine’s Day 😂😂🙈
... this is a very embarrassing look in the mirror...😔
I agree, sometimes I wonder if "The Take" can actually read my mind! 😅
@Lila Evangelia Thanks so much, yes, I'm officially a "Take" Addict, love this channel immensely! 💞
Don’t be. It’s not your fault. Reprogramming the romance ideals mainstream media sells is a process.
fr
@@BellesView thank you
I'm a dreamer, and I dated a dreamer. We had lots of movie-esque romantic moments like going to fancy restaurants, ice skating in the moonlight, making s'mores on the beach.
But we weren't actually a good match, and our relationship fell flat most other places
Yeah, that's because love isn't really about those kind of moments. Love is when the dog throws up in the middle of the night, but he willingly gets up to take care of it because he knows you've been dealing with a migraine all day, and you need your sleep more than he does. Problem is that it's hard to make a blockbuster movie or TV show out of moments like that. ;)
@@alenciaga21 It can be, but it often isn't. Most people don't understand the difference between "performing" love (i.e. taking part in a societal script like fancy restaurants and walks on the beach), and actual love. One is fragile and prone to shatter when it has to face reality, but the other is resilient and only gets stronger.
@@alenciaga21 Well, good luck with that and I hope you find what you're looking for. As for me, I'm not a sentimental person, and so that's a part of the performative nature of romance that I can do without. I don't need flowers and chocolate and pretty gestures, but I absolutely need consideration, respect, and a resilient love that's grounded in reality. (Fortunately I have all that already -- my husband and I have been happily married for over a decade.) :)
@@alenciaga21 Thanks to you as well for your kind wishes! :) I think the biggest factor is to never take your partner for granted, and to find ways to honour who they are. The loving heart is the most courageous.
Romance addicts also seem to be outright *triggered* by heartbreak. Being perfectionists of the heart, heartbreak equals failure, thus leading to self-destructive behaviors.
Rebecca Bunch is a good example because she spirals whenever things don’t work out (but that’s also due to BPD). Same with Ross Geller, Molly, and Ted Ross. It’s very sad.
That's true. I loved how "Crazy Ex Girlfriend" officially diagnosed Rebecca with Borderline Personality Disorder ", which explains MANY of her self destructive actions and her obsession with guys.
We sure are. I snap and become self destructive when heart broken.
Wow you're so right about the correlation between heartbreak and failure!
Ok but people allowed to be sad after a heartbreak, it’s not a category
@@ninjanibba4259 Saddness is normal but obsessive behavior such as stalking your ex, refusing to accept reality that the relationship is over or taking every rejection personally is harmful to the Individual. I should know...
"Love at first sight has long been considered romantic, but it also leaves plenty of room for the hero to show just how fickle his affection can be. Switching between romantic fixation so quickly signals that on some level they see their romantic interests as interchangeable."
That's perfect.
That was such a revelation to me, the only difference is that I’ve never been in a relationship bc I am so picky I don’t even give guys a chance. I have the perfect future planned out and won’t settle for anything less.
The Take made me realize that I’m a mixture of different tropes. I use to be a hopeless romantic well until I experienced reality in college. I’m also a nerd, the smart girl, and tomboy. Also I’m in a relationship and it’s my family now who is obsessed with love and me getting married. I had to tell them that if we broke up I’ll be just fine because I’m a human being with my own dreams and my own goals.
@Osamudiamen Blessing samee lol
@Osamudiamen Blessing fr she must have multiple accounts or something 🤯
I was a romance addict until I got into an actual and long-term relationship that ended up traumatizing me in the end (it was toxic and they treated me like crap). Now I've become more realistic about romance and I learned that I don't need it to live. I'm also content with being single and I actually prefer it. It sucks that my idea of romance changed because someone I was with treated me bad but I'm happy that I can finally find fulfillment in being single. I'm still in love with love but I don't chase after it like I used to and instead leave it for the books I read or daydreams I have, and I think my unrealistic expectations for romance should stay there. I still have to work on being addicted to romance by tackling other traits that stem from it, but I've gotten better in seeing it as more than just a fantasy full of expectations.
Love the inclusion of insecure. A lot of what they portray needs more attention and unpacking
Molly as romance addict is suuuch an interesting read!
“I liked it. I craved it. I wanted more and I took it. I took it like I needed it, like my life had a limit and if I didn't get as much of it as I could, I'd quit breathing the next instant.”
― Kristen Ashley, Until the Sun Falls from the Sky
Love this, it sums up how addictive love can really be, and how you can be more in love with love ITSELF. 💞
@@trinaq I agree
and this was posted right before valentine's day lol
I thought I wasn’t gonna relate to this trope until ‘the collector’ part. I feel so unsatisfied in relationships because I have this fear that there is someone better for me out there. The idea of a spending the rest of my life with the wrong person is terrifying.
Joan Clayton from Girlfriends perfectly fits this trope in my opinion!
A very underrated show
Yeah they should have mentioned her too.
Yes😂
Be picky doesn't mean you are hopeless romantic. You just don't want idiots in your life
I think it’s more about being unrealistic with the pickiness. Like with Ted, he wanted a pretty college educated girl who was happy to have multiple children, but decided to continue his list throughout the series with expectations like she has to play bass, her favorite food is lasagna, likes to play tennis etc. Striving for someone who is a good match in the important stuff is great, but trying to control a love life to the point of discounting someone because of their shoe size is unrealistic and not going to bode well in the search for romance. I think that’s what the take was trying to imply with the pickiness of these hopeless romantics.
@@pootoobaby738 Yes you right. Because many People are picky but that doesn't mean marriage is the only thing they want.
Right? It's like have you been around people?
@@birdiewolf3497 what do you mean ?
Why so defensive?
Ok I didn't expect to be attacked like that 👀
This video is a whole ass diagnosis
Can we get a “You Know it’s a Guillermo Del Toro Film If” video?
I’d love to see your take on his work
Could have included Raj from the The big bang theory in this.. he's definitely a dreamer.
In fact could you do a take on TBBT, especially Raj's treatment on the show? Also how Leonard & Penny's relationship evolved over time?
As long as they stay far away from Howard getting a happy ending! What was that all about lol. Don't give perverts hope!
The treatment of Raj on the show was pretty racist and nobody calls out BBT on it. Disgusting.
Raj just wants to get laid. lol
Guys I don’t think they’re ever going to finish the ATLA personalities series
I'm disappointed
Noooooooo
Please finish!!
Damn, this video came for me, HARD!
I didn't even consider myself romantic and clicked just to judge the romantic people and feel better about myself, but instead I realized i have fear of commitment and intimacy...🥲
I feel called out just by the title of the video
upd. Nope, nevermind, this ain't me, because I avoid real life romance at every cost
That’s just the other side of the same coin
Yeah I’m this weird mix where I’ve written out a romance, marriage and family from my life yet I enjoy daydreaming and read and watch romantic fiction.
@@lolablake9196 That's pretty much me, haha.
This video is quire therapeutic. I am a romance addict and by 34 I’d spent 90% of my adult life being single. Everyone was not right for me. Ofc someone was indeed abusive or toxic but generally I’m left alone for fear of making a lifelong mistake. But this video just gave it a name and also gave an advice on how to act. Thanks.
Charlotte York is the epitome of the hopeless romantic
Omg yes!
Yeah. I would argue the same for Bridget Jones.
I absolutely have been a hopeless romantic my whole life.. searching for the love I saw on tv or what love songs portrayed love to be... I can say that my boyfriend of 5 years really brought me back down to earth and showed me love in ways that were more intimate than any love song or poem ive ever written.. loved this take!
Limerence in movies: guaranteed success.
Limericence in real life: guaranteed DISASTER.
Man you are like the perfect friend you want to discuss movies and stuff with in detail and just overthink
I feel like Joe from You is this trope in its most extreme dark side
This gives me a lot to think about and keep in mind. I'm a hopeless romantic and virgin, but I've never realized that I can relate to some of the tropes, namely refusing to settle for anything, beginning to feel uneasy about reaching an age when I'm too old for love or having a family of my own and being worried about ending up with the wrong person, at least until I got older. I still want to be happily married with a family of my own, but I also understand that even if I end up single with no children, it's not the worst thing in the world. ❤ Self Love and Self Respect is very important. ❤ If you can be happy on your own, you can be happy with someone else. 😊 As my daddy would say "You can do good or bad on your own." That said, I don't think relationship status should be judged in any way. Some people want to be happily married or happily taken and that's fine. 😊 Some people want to be happily single and that's fine too. 😊 Everyone's different. 🌈 And in the end, love is worth it and it comes in many forms. 💖
This is why I don't like dating apps. Most of the guys using them seem to just want to have a girlfriend to check off a box. Like they don't care about getting to know me as a person, they just want whoever they can have a relationship with.
Because online dating is often a last resort and full of desperation
meat market, men want body then mind and women mind then body
OHHHHH! not with a dating sited per se but I went on a date with a guy who I felt was like this. I definitely felt he just wanted a gf, I didnt feel like he wanted to get to know me. Another guy I was dealing with for a bit told me he loved me after a week and we were just getting to know each other but with him I also felt he just wanted a gf. Didnt matter who or what, just wanted one and I happend to be there. Which is why I am not with both of them lol. But I am also very lovable so I guess I understand why he loved me🤣🤣
@@msgirly6827 This happened to me before as well! The first time I hung out with a guy, he wanted me to be his girlfriend. We only talked and hung out for a few hours. I found it kind of desperate and weird. I don't understand how some guys want someone to be their girlfriend when they've known them for less than 24 hours! 🤣
No way! Most guys on dating apps are notorious for just wanting to smash. They pretend like they are looking for love but really picky and playing games with the women they do not want a relationship with.
Oh my god. This is me. I have never related so intensely to one of these “tropes”. My mom has a friend who always wanted children, but was divorced, and by the time she found someone and remarried, she was already in her late 40’s and couldn’t have children of her own. She is retired and happily married with no children, but it’s always scares me that this would be me. I’m 31, have been divorced and am remarried, with no children. I still have a while, but I think I need to really think about what not having children could mean to me. I don’t feel ready yet, but I do want children. I think.
I’m in the same boat, but I’m 30 and not married. I want a significant other early enough to have children, but only just in case I want any. I’m also not sure. I also think of my sister, who is pregnant with her first baby and almost 40. My own mom was 34 when she had me, her first child. I know I have time, but I also don’t know if I’ll ever find anyone who will see me as “worthy.” I’m fine by myself, I’ve been living on my own for over a year, but I’m also lonely af, and quarantine didn’t help one bit.
I think it’s perfectly fine if you don’t want kids and I support you. 👍🏼👍🏼 I have friends with an adult daughter who adopted 2 younger children after she left the nest. I think they’re in their early 50’s. You don’t have to give birth to be a valid parent, and you shouldn’t force yourself if you don’t want to go do either.
I'd much rather be single than married to just somebody. I've made my peace with being picky. Never settle or give up. 💯
This could also be titled, "The anxious attachment style, explained"
I feel so called out with that title 🤣
I love it how you not only subdivide this trope into three catagories to easier differentiate them, but that you also acknowledge the underlying anxiety that comes with the romance addict and offer solutions to that.
That turns this video into a writer lesson.
Isn't the romance addict just the hopeless romantic?
I think the last one is less intense.
Nah ah. All these examples used are people who got it pretty good in life( spoiled people who have time to fuss about dating or being single).
I think the hopeless romantic usually has to deal with other aspects of life ( like society, being poor, being gay, family obligations etc etc) yet still having hope in finding true love.
A lot of hopeless romantics are in relationships, and aren't looking, but love the idea of chasing romance in the lives they have, candlelit dinners with your partner(s), reading love poems, etc. Romance addicts chase relationships.
@@Author.Noelle.Alexandria I agree with this comparison. The HR searches for romance within each relationship they’re in, whereas the RA searches for the idea of romance like in the movies. The problem is that romance movies only work with a conflict, so the solution seems even better/ greater. Therefore, RA deliberately cause drama, because they expect it to be necessary.
No, there is a fine line, but no. The hopeless romantic has standards, romance addicts don't have standards.
Wow, this was me to a T when I was really young. I think it’s part of what made me so vulnerable to narcissists-I had such a narrow ideal for my future, and they pretended to be exactly what I was looking for. It only took the first few awkward and confusing experiences with dating to totally shatter the illusion of idealized love in my head.
16:44 fully agree to this one, I'm a guy who's never been in a relationship (and feel lonely sometimes) but I'm well aware it could be way worse
Not sure if you already did this one. I’d like to see the trope of the hyper-masculine alpha male type that shoots first and asks questions later. Usually a military leader and someone that always makes the situation worse and abuses their power. The hero usually comes to blows with this person and then has to skirt the rules in order to save the day which usually involves also beating this character. Like a colonel quaritch from avatar type character.
You can see this in the conflict between Admiral Holdo and Po in The Last Jedi
Being single after an abusive relationship was the best thing ever. I just dated around for 3 years. It was really good because I saw every guy just the way he was. Without any expectations. Just having fun and living your own life is amazing.
This reminds me of a Tinder (maybe Hinge?) date I went on a while back...we're in a restaurant waiting for food, I ask him what his hobbies are, and he responds, "I want to be married again." I was like, interesting hobby, is that a league or something?
*note: we did NOT go on a second date...
I've been "The Dreamer" so I totally get this. But here's a crazy true story: I actually had the opportunity to be on a date with a early 90's actress that I romantized in my early 20's And had a huge crush on.Not saying her name, but we had Tea and it was The MOST BORING DATE ,and it was nothing like I thought it would be in my mind.
Thanks for sharing this
Idk this trope is so relatable and unrelatable to me. Relatable bc I believe there is that special one that I'll love the most and that will love me the most, unrelatable bc I'm not into that cheesy stuff lmaoo
Same here, most of my crushes tend to start off as close friendships, mainly because I'm scared of taking the plunge, terrified of rejection. 😢
@@Chris-rg6nm oh so it kinda of IS a trope and you've basically exposed how YOU'VE got an immature af "understanding" of relationships
This is an excellent psychological film analysis of insecure attachment and is well routed in science
This has been one of my favorite essays so far! I’d love to see a video on the “serial monogamist” that is always on a long term relationship, you mentioned it at some point in this video 😊
I'm a romantic and I always end up heartbroken 😂 at least we have Nora Roberts right 😌
Oh she was responsible for my unreasonable expectations..😂
@@Svengali764 she's so addicting though you want believe it's all true 😂 my favourite is Chesapeake Bay which are yours?
Indeed! Roarke in the "In death" series litteraly raised my expectations to an unatainable level😂😂😅
@@rolddysurpris3862 it's not our fault it's the romance novels 😂😂
@@lunav.1428 oh Cameron Quinn is my fav. I love genuine lies, public secrets, carnal innocence series. Also pagan stone series.
I’m more a motherhood addict. Whenever I go somewhere nice, like the park, or a food festival, I imagine taking my kids there.
@Hopeless Fangirl I live in New Zealand. There’s only a foster system so you can’t adopt, and international adoption is really hard and expensive. Plus I don’t want to get artificial insemination. What creep donates their sperm for a kid they’re never going to know? I don’t want his baby!?
Lol I am a romance addict and my biggest wish is to find that special someone, except that I don’t cross this obsessive line as Ted does. I think there is no shame in wanting to really find love, just like for someone being successful is the biggest aspiration. It is the approaches you take towards fulfilling that goal. It is hard and frustrating but you shouldn’t stop wishing and hoping (like Charlotte), and I think those who dream of something, can see more of obstacles coming in their way than those who don’t (for example those who want to achieve a higher job post can see more of their failures and think people around them have it easier than those whose making a career is not everything in the world)
For the most part this was totally me and because of that I’ve pretty much wasted the majority of my youth looking for at the very least the right guy or even to just be in a relationship because of whatever reason I felt even believed that once that happened everything would fall into place and you know what it didn’t. The only thing that would happen was disappointment after another & it would stemmed from myself because truthfully I was the one that would set me up to failure, always thinking it’s going one way when it’s going nowhere. The reality is the love & relationships aren’t these rose tented thing that’s so easy, it actually takes a lot of effort, consideration & respect to be in a relationship, it really is a 50 50 two way street where you gotta meet them halfway otherwise it’s just not going to work. Once I started focusing on myself & became more selfish & actually enjoyed my singlehood things started looking up for me, more guys noticed me, an acquaintance expressed interest in me & an ex wanted me back in his life. The moral of my story that I’ve learned was to not get so caught up in wanting to be in a relationship just so you don’t feel like you’re a failure in front of others & just enjoy dating yourself. There’s nothing wrong with being single.
I'm a romantic who definitely believes long-lasting true love can and does exist. But at the same time, I'm one of those people who finds the idea of someone knowing me/my heart enough to fall in love with them scary as hell. As a kid, my family moved a lot due to my dad's job as a professional soccer player. Most of the friendships I had barely got past the ice-breaking phase before we'd have to pack up the boxes again and being both a shy bookworm and a kid with a disability (visual impairment) didn't help me much, either. So finding romance, while it sounds wonderful, also is terrifying to me because in the back of my mind, there's still my inner child going, "The minute you become comfortable with a friend, something beyond your control is going to take him away."
Hope I'm not alone in this. I find it hilarious to both believe in love and have it scare the shit out of me. XD
Love how this video and your Problematic Rom-Com Movie Lessons video are intertwined. Between Disney’s princess fairytale love films, Katherine Heigl rom-coms, Sex and the City and Grey’s Anatomy Meredith-Derek-Addison saga, I thought love came in the form of instant connection, toxicity, and lots of drama to obtain an happy ending. Now in my late 20s, I know love comes first within yourself which is a lifelong process. If you can’t love yourself, how can you love someone and sustain a healthy relationship? Honestly the way love is portrayed in mainstream media is intentional. Romance sells (novels, how to get engaged in 6 months books and conferences/how to get a man seminars). It’s very capitalistic (Valentine’s Day jewelry, cards, candy, dinner specials, wine specials, etc.) Toxic romance media continues to sell because there’s billions of dollars to be made from it despite its harmful messaging.
If it wasn't for Disney, rom coms, the romantic films that proceeded the rom coms and Mills and Boon novels there would be fewer hopeless romantics. They have ruined relationships or the idea of what relationships sould look like. Like we're meant to swoon over Sandy's and Danny's on-off toxic relationship in Grease when Frenchy was in a much healthier relationship with one of Danny's friends but that's considered boring. Sandy was forced to change to fit in with the Pink Ladies and then to fit in with the T-Birds just as Danny had changed to fit in with the T-Birds. She only joined the Pink Ladies as they were dating the friends of Danny so she thought that would get her closer to Danny.
@@lemsip207 Good point
As common as this trope is this synthesis is very eye-opening! I'm checking myself on how I have done this, especially the magical thinking. I never thought of myself as these "wanting a guy with a boombox outside my window" type but there are ways that I've subscribed to an idealized view of how things 'should be.'
The other thing I've noticed is that romance addicts are more concerned about being in a relationship rather than really caring about the other person. Real people are affected by this and stay in awful relationships because it's better they stay in an unhealthy relationship than be single. I had a friend in secondary school like this. The whole school hated her for no good reason, she was miserable and this guy who treated her like shit took advantage of that. When I became friends with her and she was crying over their relationship, she didn't know what to do thinking if they broke up she was worthless and she'd never find "the one". She was only 16. If you want to find love you can't force it, you just have to meet someone you actually like and likes you back. If you don't that's ok.
I thoroughly enjoyed this video and your take on things in general. I'm a straight male, I suppose I'm not your intended audience but I genuinely enjoy how you breakdown these observations. I love film and TV and I see a lot of myself in some of your talking points, especially the bad boy, the hopeless romantic, the girl next door, the nice guy, the ladies man and hipster just to name a few. These videos have really helped me be more introspective and be more respectful to others, especially women. Watching these videos has shown me how I have been a dick in the past so thank you for creating something that has changed my perspective on how to treat people, I'm not saying that I was a sociopath before or anything, I just wasn't aware of my behaviour so much. It's wonderful to see because I've genuinely thought about a lot of these things like you have delivered them. I particularly like your take on what sex and the city got wrong too! I think I've watched nearly all of what you have made and I've introduced your videos to my friends and they appreciate them as much as I do and find them just as insightful. Keep up the great work ladies, I look forward to seeing more of what you do. Lots of love, your biggest fan from across the pond. X 😁
Oof. This one was a punch in the gut for me. I am the Dreamer and a touch of the Collector trope. Less the collector because I usually end relationships once I take off the rose-coloured glasses and see the real red flags. I DO understand the different types of love and value them (and myself) a lot more now than when I was staying in an emotionally & mentally abusive relationship. But it's still hard not to idealize the concept of romance and love, and to not fear the missing out on life plans (however broad) that we may have had. This take has at least given me something to think about.
little something from Franken Fran, "Cultural development complicates romance, more developed countries face a declining birthrate and a greater aging population, the more you value love, the fewer children you will have. I believe love may function as a means of suppressing population explosions" correlation is entirely coincidental, "but perhaps love is, a self-cleaning program to reduce human population"
This was so spot on for me...and man, am I grateful to be 3 years into working on myself and I feel truly freed from my bondage of idealized romance. I have a much healthier understanding of love, partnership, and commitment.
I really like these trope analysis and this is such an important topic! I hoped you would mention amatanormativity and the aromantic experience, because they tie in really well to these themes--Maybe that could be a good future video topic! :)
Sounds crazy but this channel always brings so much healing.
Thank you!!
I’ve never been interested in romance and I feel fulfilled by platonic and familial love
as if romantic love and
familial love:(as in 2 people fall in love and have a kid or 2 or more):/platonic love:(budding romance):are somehow completely "unrelated" lol
Wow, when clicked on this video, I did not expect to be read like a book.
I feel like Joan Holloway when she told Bob Benson "I want love, and I'd rather die waiting for that to happen than to make some arrangement"
Lois Foutley saying: "Being in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship is just plain crazy" We need a Working Single Mom trope.
Yes Bridget, you are a catch (even in all your Becky-ness)
Smug Marrieds are Karen's, but with their own circle of peers.
Ok you didn't have to personally call me out like this lmao
I have seen so many of my friends that were and still are like this. I've never been happier that I have been hesitant in jumping into serious relationships and scrutinizing a future and wanting to enjoy myself in life while I date casually.
You guys sure have a way of shining a spotlight on my dysfunctions (smile). First the Cool Girl trope, and now this...
Great video! The best advice I can give to hopeless romantics is to spend as much time getting to know yourself through therapy and self-reflection and to not look to movies and TV shows for relationship advice. If you want to have healthy love, take advice from real couples that you trust and aspire to be like.
I swear this channel is the gift that just keeps giving. I always learn something new or get a new perspective from every video. I wish I could intern for you guys, I just love it so much.
Would love it if you did a full video series on crazy ex girlfriend, there’s so many characters deserving of a video aswell as plenty of central themes that could be expired. Examples being toxic relationships, mental illness, family, growing up etc
Trying to script your real love life like a rom-com never, ever works, though it can lead to some interesting discoveries about yourself. When I was younger I tried to research everything necessary for having a successful romantic relationship, only to eventually realize I was aromantic. Lol.
Perfect in time for valentines day
The end message is what I always told my friends, growing up as an Asexual person. I loved everyone because love was cool but I also loved myself, loved my family and friends and the world around me and was realistic. I did fall originally as a middle schooler for what society said that you needed to be in a relationship, but once I came to terms with my sexual identity and my disabilities and the fact I never wanted kids but did want a marriage and career, things just flowed easily. I was prepared to be single or in a relationship regardless of what fate had in store for me, but I lucked out and met my husband of 16 years. He is Asexual like me, didn't want kids (just dogs like I did) and respected my disabilities and the fact my family was everything to me. We've been going strong since but always tell our friends who are dating that communication is key... yet sadly that seems to be an important factor most people like to ignore due to being scared of being alone. They'd rather change who they are and sacrifice things than be alone.
Well i could see some resemblance. Fantasizing a moment with someone who just met or getting a wrong call and being oh my gosh this could be him. Imagine the beautiful story we’ll have of finding each other. I’ve been doing that most of my life and I’m only 20. I appreciate this video. It has really opened my eyes. Thank you.
You guys should be doing the analysis of Desperate Housewives. They are female archetypes.
Okay you guys have been using clips of Rebecca Bunch for a lot of your videos so I'm going to need you to make a take on crazy ex girlfriend already! Its such a great show and there is so much to talk about!
I know, I’m freaking begging for them to do a CXG analysis!
I'm surprised Raj from Big Bang Theory wasn't mentioned in this. That guy is so delusional about romance and thinks it's the most important thing ever.