Note: Do not confuse love-bombers with people whose love language is gifts/acts of service. My former roommate started giving me small gifts shortly after we moved together. At first I thought that she was trying something, but then I realised that she does this to everyone she even remotely likes. 😅❤❤
Exactly that I was trying to say. Love Bombing is not romantic gestures, gifts, etc. It’s when someone is to intense I feel like with gaslighting and toxic the word is starting to get mis used
Very true. My partner and I dote on each other all the time, and we've been together over 2 years now. The key is reciprocation and consistency, and you should not have to feel smothered to feel loved.
I first heard of the expression when it is used in religious cults and high control churches. It often stops abruptly when you start to get treated like a piece of the furniture or worse a stranger and wonder what you did wrong. You did nothing wrong because there was another newcomer they could move onto. I once checked out a New Frontiers church and they were so cold towards people they didn't even love bomb visitors and newcomers. They laughed with derision at anyone they didn't agree with, or were envious of and even very young children fluffing up their lines on stage. No doubt they would have been even colder towards newcomers further down the line. I had a former friend who who was raped by someone in that church or was connected with it and not only did they refuse to believe her but they treated her like she was the seducer and expelled her from the church.
Yeeeep. Had a love-bomber friend irl and another online. I only recognized it because I'd already once dated a narcissist (using that term medically/clinically, not pejoratively). The less I engaged with their emotional upset, whether it was against me or someone/thing else, the harder they tried to get a reaction from me. On the other hand, they'd drop compliments on me like snow in Alaska, practically burying me in them -- but laden with hooks for personal information they could potentially use against me. . One drifted away when it became clear they weren't going to get their fix from me. The other I had to friendship-break up with, being firm about going no contact but also as politely and vaguely-about-details as possible, so as to avoid triggering their wrath reflex. . Only once I realized how relieved I was about them not being in my life anymore did I see how much stress they'd brought into it in the short amount of time we'd even known each other.
Yep. Had this dynamic with my brother. He projected his idea of being a successful career person, ultra intelligence, and basically a total in control person on me. I have become all these things but I also felt forced most of the time. As a grown adult, I look back and see that my older brother made me. I'm just a girl living his professional and personal life fantasies.
I thought I wasn’t getting love-bombed because there were no dates or extravagant gifts. But it comes in other ways, saying “I love you” too soon or “I’ll never anyone like this again” or “you feel like the first time I’ve really been in love”. Then boom, they try to control you.
Big long post, so be warned 😅 I once had a guy friend treat me like I was his perfect girl, and he used to do all sorts of stuff like shower me with gifts---- none of them I asked for---- as well as spending a lot of time with me and having conversations that were insightful and yet still fun. Basically, he was one of my very best friends. But the problem was that I wasnt attracted to him, so it was a 'no' from me. I tried to let him down easy, because I did love him so much as a friend, but his reaction was---- and Im not exaggerating here---- terrifying. I found out from mutual friends that a lot of the things he claimed to enjoy same as me, he actually would mock and complain about with them (here, I need to point out that they werent hiding his behavior from me.... they just didnt know that he claimed with me to love that stuff). He also wrote a kid's book (still unpublished, thank God) about how a bear (my nickname for him) and a fox (my favorite animal) were inseperable, but one day the fox left and the bear was heartbroken but will 'always wait' for the fox (he also gave me a copy of it to give to my niece to read at bedtime. Yeah.... she never recieved that f**kin' thing). And when I entered into a new relationship, one that made me happy and excited ---- but also felt like a relationship of equals, not one where I felt shoved onto a pedastal with a spotlight on it ---- he not only wasnt happy, he actually showed hostility at people even mentioning my bf's name, let alone his existence. The final act in this horror show is the sh*t he told other people about me. A lot of our mutual friends would talk to me as if I was the one who dropped him, like I had cut him off completely, and more or less threw his love back in his face and laughed about it. And tbh, he is a loveable guy.... hell, he was one of my best friends once! So its no surprise to me that he has made a lot of people side with him, or at the very least, has portrayed me in a terrible light to them. But I suppose thats what manipulators do, isnt it? Make themselves into victims when they are actually the perpetrators, dare I say the predators.... My point is that love bombers are not only abusive and manipulative when you are in a relationship with them, whether romantic or plutonic; they make you SUFFER when you turn them down. PS, said love bomber is no longer in my life, and the relationship that I entered into (which he so hated) has become a loving, healthy marriage 💖 be safe, everyone!
Exact same thing happened to me in high school! We’d just talk and hang out a lot, so for Xmas we gave each other gifts. I gave him a drawing I made myself and he friggin gave me an expansive gift. I felt embarrassed and hesitated to take it but I didn’t want to disappoint him. At the time, I just thought the guy didn’t know much about love and dating so I didn’t take things personally when he tried to declare (through a mutual friend). But when I said I wasn’t interested he managed to make me into the villain and turned our mutual friends on me. Because of that I felt even more shitty because he actually managed to make me feel guilty for not wanting him back, even though in reality I never encouraged him…
Every Hallmark movie where the heroine from the big city leaves her long term boyfriend to visit back home and hooks up with an old school friend who has become a hunk. The ex boyfriend isn't at all abusive but has become more a friend and companion than an exciting lover and has to work long hours just to be able to afford where they live in the big city.
Also Ross. When Rachel starts to work. He wants “to feel like he has a girlfriend”. All the gifts… And no, Lily does calls out Ted’s behaviour. Especially at the beginning. Even Marshal… And Ted learns. He doesn’t seem to love bomb Tracy. I think he doesn’t know better. And eventually learns. The whole is about Ted not being ready to actually be in a relationship… that’s what his relationship with Jeannette illustrates. Even Mike Tyson said something about Jeannette being crazy because Ted is…
THANK YOU. It's normal to not agree with every plot point especially if the show is a bit older; but TEd is supposed to mess things up, to make mistakes and learn from them. F. e. when Tracy tells him she isn't ready, if I recall correctly, he accepts that and walks away, but she actually calls him back, shocasing he learned his lesson.
Imagine if Friends was a show about Emily and her friend group. Ross love bombed her, guilted her into moving to America, coerced her into marrying him, said the wrong name at the altar, was gonna go on THEIR honeymoon with the woman whose name he said, then refused to stay away from said woman.
I was looking for this! It’s dangerous to jump to conclusions and call everything love bombing and everyone a narcissist. People won’t believe real victims or will think it’s not that big of a deal when we compare these serious issues to these weak examples like Ted
Ted Mosby would do that not only with his girlfriends but also with his friends and people he appreciates, Marshall himself admitted it. We're talking about someone who sold his car or his friend lost his job (well actually Marshall stupidly left it)
my first thought was how when carrie got with aiden and she panicked because she was used to the toxic up and down of big but was in a happy relationship
The therapist's diagram of a love-bombing relationship is actually patterned off the Cycle of Violence diagram that domestic violence organizations use to describe abusive relationships.
True, Ross is the original Ted: the way he lovebombs his ideal women just to feel betrayed and angry with them when they dare step out of the fantasies he had of them is just the same in Ted as it is in Ross
The thing is, as with ted mosby or ross from friends, it can be unaware/unintentionally done but its still about controll and infectuation with an idea instead of genuine care. Its hard ti stand up to those people cause they thibk they are genuine, you know they do not mean any harm by it, bit that does not make it any less toxic and they need to be called out! What is a clear sign is if the gesture is for an idea of something that looks like a great gesture for you, but actually compleatly ignores what you actually want. Like expensiv gifts, that are not to your taste, things that gonagainst your bounderies, when you told them you did not want it and they did it anyway tjinking they know better cause its "romantic' or whatever. Lovebombing often coinsides with delusions to some extend, therefor saing it has to be clinically with intention comoleatly misses a mayor point of the whole thing
The problem is that many people are not attracted to people who are constantly even tempered and reliable. That is not romantic to them. The longest lasting relationships are the ones where both do not expect grand gestures nor frills but are comfortable with the silence and the ebbs and flows.
My future husband at the time thought I was brainwashed. I gwve him some gifts and gave him all this affection and attention. He got scared at first. So we put the brakes a few times till we found our pace. And I revealed my flaws and he revealed his flaws. Just glad ours ended happy.
Love is in the air! What a timely topic for the love month as we know it! It is a good thing indeed to finally realise what's been going on since forever and get the right distance from it! No more love-bombing for me, please! Thank you for bringing this to our awareness! Happy February, everyone!)))))
There was not a moment in "You" where Joe's voice overs didn't make my skin crawl. He is an absolutely fascinating character, but sooo disturbing!!! Kudos to the actor for playing part so well!
Yeah I kind of don't understand how Marshall can be friends with someone like Ted. But also Ted is a total dumbass. Who tells the story all their sexual conquests to their children?? Ted mosby, well maybe not a killer, is an absolute disgusting human being of a character!
I think a lot of manipulations might be subconscious, like people are not 100% evil. But it doesn’t cancel the fact that it brings harm to another person and it’s right to let them go.
I have been guilty of this behaviour i realised after therapy and self work. It came from intense insecurity due to emotionally unavailable parents one whose mother said when i was a teenager to go out with a man i didnt like at 17 because to quote her "hes better than nothing". I am celibate now and on a self growth journey to sit in my lonliness and silence.
Been married for eight years and together with my husband for ten. We still occasionally surprise each other with special gifts and/or experiences. When we took a trip to Las Vegas, it was around our birthdays and my present to him was a couples' massage and then a horseback trail ride through Red Rock Desert with a barbecue dinner afterward. And my husband thanked me sincerely for the experience, saying that he would have never thought of something like that for himself. And he surprised me by taking me out to see Hamilton for our seventh anniversary. I love being swept off my feet from time to time and being surprised by something that I wasn't expecting, but end up enjoying and doing the same in return.
I think I was always suspicious of love bombing because I always wondered how he could sustain it. If he is already doing all this now, what can be left for the rest of the relationship? Or is he not planning on being with me long term? What exactly is he trying to accomplish, and what is his endgame? Why is he pursuing me so hard and what is he trying to hide ( I asked myself this because it felt almost like a sleight of hand; keep me looking at his gifts and kind actions so I can't look into his eyes and see the demons he is trying desperately to suppress or think too much about outbursts that were "out of character"). It was always too good to be true in my eyes, especially coming from a man. Something is off.
There's a conflict of interests. Having a normal person in love with another normal person (both with resonable faults that persist or aren't neatly resolved by the end of the season) without the over the top drama, love demonstrations, cliff hangers, twists, turns, insane highjinks, etc... is realistic, but not engaging TV. On the other hand you can have a show with all of that, but also have behaviors that, in a real life context, are dangerous, damaging and destructive to yourself and/or others. The problem is that since shows (specially rom-coms) portray characters in a context very similar to real life, the line between what is expectable/desirable for real life and what is just an exageration to make the show work gets blurred. Apart from Joe in You, none of the characters are portrayed as villains and their behavior is framed as weird but explainable with in the show's universe. That's the main problem, I think, but since having a uncritical view of the world and offering escapism is the main goal of these show (again excluding You) I can't really imagine an episode where the gang tries to question Ted why he's so hung up on finding "the one" and does he really love each of his love interests or just the idea of them? Or an episode in GG where the characters try to talk it out calmly without being the emotional, impulsive teens/ young adults they are.
Honestly while I get the ted hate and it’s to a point deserved, Barney is way way way worse! And I feel like he represents the toxicity of the early 2000 much better
This channel has an unlimited hatred towards Ted, his behavior does not go beyond being annoying, Barney's behavior no matter how much we laugh, it becomes very sinister
@@jesusjavierondo6774 I totally agree. It’s honestly just more shocking to say you don’t like the clear „but I’m a nice guy“ protagonist of a show than the funny side character that „no one takes seriously anyway, his misogyny is all in good fun, no?“
I think maybe its because barney in the show is portrayed as a sleazebag and womaniser. Its pretty apparent he's in it for sex and personal gain and you aren't supposed to think of him as a role model (though a lot of people still do)
@@smilingbuffo but a sleaze with a heart, and the way he ‘got’ robin wasn’t strictly speaking kosher while still being portrayed as super romantic. This whole show while quite funny at times was just so problematic and a really good example of why the early 2000s were worse for women than the 90s
Maybe a part of the problem, is the idea, that a real friend challenges you& that it makes you a better person for it(at least now a lot of people know that criticism can actually make things worse), let alone something that I've only been seeing as a small rise in manga lately, of portraying negging as a form of kindness. Including that, what has probably kept love bombing around, is when it comes to how emotionally(and that they can feel repressed) starved people are, that a love bomber just makes them feel anything,
When people would gush about their SO doing some romantic gesture on Facebook, it was a little red flag to me. It just made me feel like this is the only nice thing they'd done in a while, otherwise it wouldn't have been worthy of a post. A big gesture every once and a while is no substitute for small, daily acts of love. I'm not saying everyone who makes those posts are in bad relationships, but a good chunk of the ones I was flagging happened not that long before the divorces...
I was in a love bombing situation 2 years ago, and it’s still hard to trust people. I thought I met my perfect match. He said and did all the right things, talked about a future… then, out of the blue he goes “I’m not ready for a relationship”. After some arguing, I he revealed that he feels like we moved too fast and wasn’t being himself. He then gaslit me when I wasn’t over it in 2 days and treated me like I was being crazy, which pushed me to actually act crazy. It’s hard because I truly had zero indication he would do that, for the first time in my life I genuinely didn’t feel fear about a developing relationship.
Can you do Cousins in media? Especially American media? Arnie and Hey Arnold, The Patty Duke Show and the 60s twin cousins, the Kissing Cousin trope, Steve Urkel and his cousins, Cousin Oliver, Kamala and Devi. Luanne Platter and Bobby Hill
This is a good video. But I have to point out that Beck cheats with her therapist after Joe murders her best friend, unbeknownst to Beck of course because Joe made it look like a suicide. After the fact and that affair is over Joe confronts her about it and then decides to forgive her. The rekindled "love" seems perfect and back on track when one morning she finds Joe'a box of trophies-- which also includes dirty tampons, and Benji's TEETH-- is when he knocks her unconscious and puts her in the cage, and ultimately unalives her (in the book it is so graphic there is no way they could possibly have filmed it) The order of these events is incredibly important! You have them backwards in your video. Just wanted to make that correction because it's important to the story.
I just recently learned what love bombing when a friends ex seemed to be having this pattern with his newer girlfriends since breaking up with my friend. Ted has his flaws but he’s not a love bomber he was in love with Robin and they only broke up cause of different things. Ross was not hot and cold with Rachel they broke cause of different things. Personally I feel love bombing is when a guy is to intense to soon but then leaves abruptly
ross did nto love bomb emily, he said rachel name so he sent her a lot of flower that it, that not love bombing that I F up and i hoping you forgive me.
@@stevemyopinion423 I agree I don’t think Ross love bombed Emily. Monica was the one who told him to say I love you to her to fast. It was a fast paced realationship but Ross did really try to make things work with Emily. He was going to stop seeing Rachel and see his friends less move to a new apartment with new furniture. He messed up by saying the wrong but he was not cold with Emily
I just realised Ted and Robin are literally Diane and Mr Peanutbutter from Bojack Horseman. Except Diane is actually able to stand up for herself and PB’s love bombing and they ultimately break up.
This is why HIMYM did the alternate ending I think. They knew by then that Ted and Robin just didn't work anymore. I'm not saying that her and Barney were better but at least she wasn't with Ted in it.
As I’ve gotten older one of the major lessons I’ve learned is that nothing is free. No matter the relationship from lovers, friends, co-workers, etc. And I genuinely mean *nothing* because deep down very few people do nice things not expecting an exchange of some sort. Including you reading this. I don’t care whether if it’s for attention, praise, and a “Thank you.” How many of you still secretly hold a grudge because you bought something or helped someone, but for whatever reason you’re pissed off they aren’t doing something for you in return? I know this is a nuanced issue, but if you outright proclaim that whatever product or service is _free_ and that there’s no need for reimbursement, then expect nothing in return. Seriously, some of you are secretly playing sociopathic games. Free ain’t free.
Chuck and Blair worked out in the end because they stopped playing stupid games with eachother. When she needed to be successful on her own rather than just being 'Chuck bass's girlfriend' he let her and vice versa.
Hos did they fail Robin she got what she always wanted and the man she many time wanted. People forget robin said she loved Ted many times. She got back with him in her 50s. After she got her dream.
I had a guy try lovebombing me recently. He was some delivery guy at the bodega down the street from my house. I accidentally got there before it opened, so I decided to wait a few minutes and chat cause the dude seemed normal, and it was past opening hours. Then he started giving me all of this free food after I told him I didn't want it and asked me for my number. I gave him my old cell number, and gave the free food to my neighbors.
Is there any on screen portrayal of love bombing in which perpetrator was a woman? I don’t feel like I’ve ever come across that whether it be fiction or real life anecdotes
No it's usually just reserved for men. Take Legally Blonde for instance, it's a comedy with some romance thrown in, but if Elle was a man who moved across the country to attend the same university as his ex girlfriend after she dumped him to try to win her back, people would say, "Wow that dude is clearly a stalker and probably a potential serial killer."
Maybe from the show "Crazy Ex-girlfriend". The main character, Rebecca, does a lot of weird stuff to try to get her crush's affection. The whole premise of the show starts with her moving across the country to be closer to him.
I have seen this in real life. I think it’s more rare but it happens. I’ve seen it with two women - once with a friend of mine and once with a woman I met at a gay bar.
I think there's a thin line between what can be considered stalking and what's "making things happen". I do agree that Ted does love bombing because he craves to be with someone, but I wouldn't say that some of his moves were stalking. An example: if you like someone and you missed the opportunity to talk to them (because maybe you are shy or whatever), you might want to come across with them again without coming too strong and/or find your way. Then you can "make things happen", like going again to that cafeteria or some other places where they can be found; you can catch some attention with something you've seen they like (for instance, if you see they read a certain book), etc. We have reached a point where everything is considered stalking, and it's critical since we live the era of the loneliest and most disconnected generations. There's also two more huge problems to deal with, which are: number one, taking things to extremes (there's not only white or black; there are many shades). Number two, we are becoming more and more sensitive with everything in life.
This remains me of "H" at "tres metros sobre el cielo". I guess that was me... I know that it's messed up, but I was that girl. I was Blair Waldorf and my ex was my Chuck Bass. I have good memories of it.
(So where exactly did, love as a status symbol originate?)and truthful scholars can back you up, that the only people that could attempt the flashy gestures, rich people(granted it probably harkens back to how it was mostly political marriages, that families would show off their wealth, like it was tax deductible)
You guys messed up the plot of you…she finds everything at the very end after they’ve gotten back together. Finding Peach and Benji’s phone is more shocking than dirty underwear don’t you think? And they don’t break up. He traps her in his cage and kills her. Also You was clearly intended to be a parody of the nice guy trope. In that sense it’s far removed from himym or gossip girl.
They definitely missed the entire point. That he was always creepy, that we were supposed to be rooting for her to get away. Like it was made clear in the first scene. He was always framed as the creep.
So, can we for once not act like Chuck from Gossip girl's worst quality was being a rapist???? Dude tried to rape Jenny, I don't understand how he got an arc as a love interest after that at all.
you wrong about ted, first for robin SHE did not agree to go otu with him, she suprised him, he had no idea, and she love him. me buying you stufff to get you to love me is wrong, if you allrady love me but do nice thing for you that different
Women may tend to exhibit friendship bombing more than love bombing. That’s when a woman sets her sights on befriending another woman just to project onto her, like a punching bag. I don’t think it is necessarily a conscious choice to manipulate someone, but I do believe people know they want something and will do whatever it takes to try to quickly fill that void.
*cough, cough* maybe "nice guys" are just not so nice? Incells are also not so nice... As a woman I really do not trust MEN (nice or not so much) AT ALL. To be a meme queen: Rather meet up with a bear in the woods than meeting up with a man in a café...
agreed. He does employ some lovebombing tactics, but to place him in the same group as Chuck the rapist who sells Blair and Joe the serial killer is a bit much.
....Do you not understand a trope is a storytelling device, many of which have been around for centuries? This isn't unique to one UA-cam channel, It's a big part of theatre, writing & literary analysis.
Honestly while I get the ted hate and it’s to a point deserved, Barney is way way way worse! And I feel like he represents the toxicity of the early 2000 much better
Barney is a living cartoon. Plus even he would agree that he's toxic. He's just putting on a character that he thinks people want him to be and he slowly learns to be his real self instead.
@@jordanloux3883 well I remember many guys in the early 2000s idolising Barney, buying the playbook (which btw was huge marketing thing for the show) and very much wanting to be like him. So I don’t know what to tell you, the fact that his friends laughed at his antics didn’t make the situation better…
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You going to post this on spotify?
We need to stop using the term love bombing until people start to learn to not misuse them.
Note: Do not confuse love-bombers with people whose love language is gifts/acts of service. My former roommate started giving me small gifts shortly after we moved together. At first I thought that she was trying something, but then I realised that she does this to everyone she even remotely likes. 😅❤❤
Aww that's so sweet ❤
I questioned myself too much if I am a love bomber when I first read about it too. 😂
Exactly that I was trying to say. Love Bombing is not romantic gestures, gifts, etc. It’s when someone is to intense I feel like with gaslighting and toxic the word is starting to get mis used
Very true. My partner and I dote on each other all the time, and we've been together over 2 years now. The key is reciprocation and consistency, and you should not have to feel smothered to feel loved.
Growing up, both media and life normalised love bombing. It was all about not letting go and the opposite of chillax.
Friendly reminder/warning that love-bombing can happen in platonic relationships too!
Exactly. In friendships just as well as in relationships.
I first heard of the expression when it is used in religious cults and high control churches. It often stops abruptly when you start to get treated like a piece of the furniture or worse a stranger and wonder what you did wrong. You did nothing wrong because there was another newcomer they could move onto.
I once checked out a New Frontiers church and they were so cold towards people they didn't even love bomb visitors and newcomers. They laughed with derision at anyone they didn't agree with, or were envious of and even very young children fluffing up their lines on stage. No doubt they would have been even colder towards newcomers further down the line. I had a former friend who who was raped by someone in that church or was connected with it and not only did they refuse to believe her but they treated her like she was the seducer and expelled her from the church.
Oh yes! Been there.
Yeeeep. Had a love-bomber friend irl and another online. I only recognized it because I'd already once dated a narcissist (using that term medically/clinically, not pejoratively). The less I engaged with their emotional upset, whether it was against me or someone/thing else, the harder they tried to get a reaction from me. On the other hand, they'd drop compliments on me like snow in Alaska, practically burying me in them -- but laden with hooks for personal information they could potentially use against me.
.
One drifted away when it became clear they weren't going to get their fix from me. The other I had to friendship-break up with, being firm about going no contact but also as politely and vaguely-about-details as possible, so as to avoid triggering their wrath reflex.
.
Only once I realized how relieved I was about them not being in my life anymore did I see how much stress they'd brought into it in the short amount of time we'd even known each other.
Yep. Had this dynamic with my brother. He projected his idea of being a successful career person, ultra intelligence, and basically a total in control person on me. I have become all these things but I also felt forced most of the time. As a grown adult, I look back and see that my older brother made me. I'm just a girl living his professional and personal life fantasies.
I thought I wasn’t getting love-bombed because there were no dates or extravagant gifts. But it comes in other ways, saying “I love you” too soon or “I’ll never anyone like this again” or “you feel like the first time I’ve really been in love”. Then boom, they try to control you.
Don't forget the "if you leave me I will unalive myself"
I've been told that.
Big long post, so be warned 😅
I once had a guy friend treat me like I was his perfect girl, and he used to do all sorts of stuff like shower me with gifts---- none of them I asked for---- as well as spending a lot of time with me and having conversations that were insightful and yet still fun. Basically, he was one of my very best friends. But the problem was that I wasnt attracted to him, so it was a 'no' from me. I tried to let him down easy, because I did love him so much as a friend, but his reaction was---- and Im not exaggerating here---- terrifying.
I found out from mutual friends that a lot of the things he claimed to enjoy same as me, he actually would mock and complain about with them (here, I need to point out that they werent hiding his behavior from me.... they just didnt know that he claimed with me to love that stuff). He also wrote a kid's book (still unpublished, thank God) about how a bear (my nickname for him) and a fox (my favorite animal) were inseperable, but one day the fox left and the bear was heartbroken but will 'always wait' for the fox (he also gave me a copy of it to give to my niece to read at bedtime. Yeah.... she never recieved that f**kin' thing). And when I entered into a new relationship, one that made me happy and excited ---- but also felt like a relationship of equals, not one where I felt shoved onto a pedastal with a spotlight on it ---- he not only wasnt happy, he actually showed hostility at people even mentioning my bf's name, let alone his existence.
The final act in this horror show is the sh*t he told other people about me. A lot of our mutual friends would talk to me as if I was the one who dropped him, like I had cut him off completely, and more or less threw his love back in his face and laughed about it. And tbh, he is a loveable guy.... hell, he was one of my best friends once! So its no surprise to me that he has made a lot of people side with him, or at the very least, has portrayed me in a terrible light to them. But I suppose thats what manipulators do, isnt it? Make themselves into victims when they are actually the perpetrators, dare I say the predators....
My point is that love bombers are not only abusive and manipulative when you are in a relationship with them, whether romantic or plutonic; they make you SUFFER when you turn them down.
PS, said love bomber is no longer in my life, and the relationship that I entered into (which he so hated) has become a loving, healthy marriage 💖 be safe, everyone!
Exact same thing happened to me in high school! We’d just talk and hang out a lot, so for Xmas we gave each other gifts. I gave him a drawing I made myself and he friggin gave me an expansive gift. I felt embarrassed and hesitated to take it but I didn’t want to disappoint him. At the time, I just thought the guy didn’t know much about love and dating so I didn’t take things personally when he tried to declare (through a mutual friend). But when I said I wasn’t interested he managed to make me into the villain and turned our mutual friends on me. Because of that I felt even more shitty because he actually managed to make me feel guilty for not wanting him back, even though in reality I never encouraged him…
I have never moved on from Chuck selling Blair. HE SOLD HER! How did Blair move on from that?!?!?
How people still ship them after that it beyond me?🤦🏾♀
Domestic violence 101
and attempting to rape both Jenny and Serena in the pilot... it's implied he's raped others
She's stupid
Didn’t he attempt to r@pe Jenny?
Every Hallmark movie where the heroine from the big city leaves her long term boyfriend to visit back home and hooks up with an old school friend who has become a hunk. The ex boyfriend isn't at all abusive but has become more a friend and companion than an exciting lover and has to work long hours just to be able to afford where they live in the big city.
Also Ross. When Rachel starts to work. He wants “to feel like he has a girlfriend”. All the gifts…
And no, Lily does calls out Ted’s behaviour. Especially at the beginning. Even Marshal…
And Ted learns. He doesn’t seem to love bomb Tracy. I think he doesn’t know better. And eventually learns. The whole is about Ted not being ready to actually be in a relationship… that’s what his relationship with Jeannette illustrates. Even Mike Tyson said something about Jeannette being crazy because Ted is…
THANK YOU. It's normal to not agree with every plot point especially if the show is a bit older; but TEd is supposed to mess things up, to make mistakes and learn from them. F. e. when Tracy tells him she isn't ready, if I recall correctly, he accepts that and walks away, but she actually calls him back, shocasing he learned his lesson.
@@janus6349 Now that’s the truth!!!
Imagine if Friends was a show about Emily and her friend group. Ross love bombed her, guilted her into moving to America, coerced her into marrying him, said the wrong name at the altar, was gonna go on THEIR honeymoon with the woman whose name he said, then refused to stay away from said woman.
I was looking for this! It’s dangerous to jump to conclusions and call everything love bombing and everyone a narcissist. People won’t believe real victims or will think it’s not that big of a deal when we compare these serious issues to these weak examples like Ted
no rachell was to busy to talk to him for a MOUTH, sorry either her job need to change or her boyfreind need to change, ross was being MORE then fair.
Ted Mosby would do that not only with his girlfriends but also with his friends and people he appreciates, Marshall himself admitted it. We're talking about someone who sold his car or his friend lost his job (well actually Marshall stupidly left it)
my first thought was how when carrie got with aiden and she panicked because she was used to the toxic up and down of big but was in a happy relationship
The therapist's diagram of a love-bombing relationship is actually patterned off the Cycle of Violence diagram that domestic violence organizations use to describe abusive relationships.
I call it the “too much too fast” syndrome. If it alarms you, scares you or makes you uncomfortable, run because your instinct is right
Felt like you missed Ross (Friends) in the video... He was a BIG no-no!
True, Ross is the original Ted: the way he lovebombs his ideal women just to feel betrayed and angry with them when they dare step out of the fantasies he had of them is just the same in Ted as it is in Ross
He was their in clips but not highlighted
"Can't a man send a barbershop quartet to his GIRLFRIEND'S OFFICE ANYMOOOOOOOORE?"
That is not at a!! True about Ross.
The thing is, as with ted mosby or ross from friends, it can be unaware/unintentionally done but its still about controll and infectuation with an idea instead of genuine care. Its hard ti stand up to those people cause they thibk they are genuine, you know they do not mean any harm by it, bit that does not make it any less toxic and they need to be called out! What is a clear sign is if the gesture is for an idea of something that looks like a great gesture for you, but actually compleatly ignores what you actually want. Like expensiv gifts, that are not to your taste, things that gonagainst your bounderies, when you told them you did not want it and they did it anyway tjinking they know better cause its "romantic' or whatever.
Lovebombing often coinsides with delusions to some extend, therefor saing it has to be clinically with intention comoleatly misses a mayor point of the whole thing
erotomania? limerence?
BUT it was think they LIKE it was think they WANTED, so you point not true, out sided of the band ross sent, he never buy her stuff she DOES not want.
The problem is that many people are not attracted to people who are constantly even tempered and reliable. That is not romantic to them.
The longest lasting relationships are the ones where both do not expect grand gestures nor frills but are comfortable with the silence and the ebbs and flows.
My future husband at the time thought I was brainwashed. I gwve him some gifts and gave him all this affection and attention. He got scared at first. So we put the brakes a few times till we found our pace. And I revealed my flaws and he revealed his flaws. Just glad ours ended happy.
Love is in the air! What a timely topic for the love month as we know it! It is a good thing indeed to finally realise what's been going on since forever and get the right distance from it! No more love-bombing for me, please! Thank you for bringing this to our awareness! Happy February, everyone!)))))
In my recommended I just saw a video titled: "Gossip Girl - Why Chuck and Blair Deserve Each Other" from the Take, so I guess you changed your minds?
There was not a moment in "You" where Joe's voice overs didn't make my skin crawl. He is an absolutely fascinating character, but sooo disturbing!!! Kudos to the actor for playing part so well!
I knew someone who fell victim to this for up to ten years, I hope they'll able to recover from that.
It’s so funny that Ted is like Joe from You. Marshall is so trusting that he WOULD accidentally be bffs with a serial killer.
Yeah I kind of don't understand how Marshall can be friends with someone like Ted. But also Ted is a total dumbass. Who tells the story all their sexual conquests to their children?? Ted mosby, well maybe not a killer, is an absolute disgusting human being of a character!
I think a lot of manipulations might be subconscious, like people are not 100% evil. But it doesn’t cancel the fact that it brings harm to another person and it’s right to let them go.
The road to hell is paved with good intentions
@@okok-uc8hi exactly
I have been guilty of this behaviour i realised after therapy and self work. It came from intense insecurity due to emotionally unavailable parents one whose mother said when i was a teenager to go out with a man i didnt like at 17 because to quote her "hes better than nothing". I am celibate now and on a self growth journey to sit in my lonliness and silence.
Intermittent reinforcement is a hell of a thing to break out of, it's true!
Been married for eight years and together with my husband for ten. We still occasionally surprise each other with special gifts and/or experiences. When we took a trip to Las Vegas, it was around our birthdays and my present to him was a couples' massage and then a horseback trail ride through Red Rock Desert with a barbecue dinner afterward. And my husband thanked me sincerely for the experience, saying that he would have never thought of something like that for himself. And he surprised me by taking me out to see Hamilton for our seventh anniversary. I love being swept off my feet from time to time and being surprised by something that I wasn't expecting, but end up enjoying and doing the same in return.
I think I was always suspicious of love bombing because I always wondered how he could sustain it. If he is already doing all this now, what can be left for the rest of the relationship? Or is he not planning on being with me long term? What exactly is he trying to accomplish, and what is his endgame? Why is he pursuing me so hard and what is he trying to hide ( I asked myself this because it felt almost like a sleight of hand; keep me looking at his gifts and kind actions so I can't look into his eyes and see the demons he is trying desperately to suppress or think too much about outbursts that were "out of character"). It was always too good to be true in my eyes, especially coming from a man. Something is off.
There's a conflict of interests. Having a normal person in love with another normal person (both with resonable faults that persist or aren't neatly resolved by the end of the season) without the over the top drama, love demonstrations, cliff hangers, twists, turns, insane highjinks, etc... is realistic, but not engaging TV. On the other hand you can have a show with all of that, but also have behaviors that, in a real life context, are dangerous, damaging and destructive to yourself and/or others.
The problem is that since shows (specially rom-coms) portray characters in a context very similar to real life, the line between what is expectable/desirable for real life and what is just an exageration to make the show work gets blurred.
Apart from Joe in You, none of the characters are portrayed as villains and their behavior is framed as weird but explainable with in the show's universe. That's the main problem, I think, but since having a uncritical view of the world and offering escapism is the main goal of these show (again excluding You) I can't really imagine an episode where the gang tries to question Ted why he's so hung up on finding "the one" and does he really love each of his love interests or just the idea of them? Or an episode in GG where the characters try to talk it out calmly without being the emotional, impulsive teens/ young adults they are.
Honestly while I get the ted hate and it’s to a point deserved, Barney is way way way worse! And I feel like he represents the toxicity of the early 2000 much better
This channel has an unlimited hatred towards Ted, his behavior does not go beyond being annoying, Barney's behavior no matter how much we laugh, it becomes very sinister
@@jesusjavierondo6774 I totally agree. It’s honestly just more shocking to say you don’t like the clear „but I’m a nice guy“ protagonist of a show than the funny side character that „no one takes seriously anyway, his misogyny is all in good fun, no?“
I think maybe its because barney in the show is portrayed as a sleazebag and womaniser. Its pretty apparent he's in it for sex and personal gain and you aren't supposed to think of him as a role model (though a lot of people still do)
@@smilingbuffo but a sleaze with a heart, and the way he ‘got’ robin wasn’t strictly speaking kosher while still being portrayed as super romantic. This whole show while quite funny at times was just so problematic and a really good example of why the early 2000s were worse for women than the 90s
No Lily is the worst of the bunch.
Maybe a part of the problem, is the idea, that a real friend challenges you& that it makes you a better person for it(at least now a lot of people know that criticism can actually make things worse), let alone something that I've only been seeing as a small rise in manga lately, of portraying negging as a form of kindness. Including that, what has probably kept love bombing around, is when it comes to how emotionally(and that they can feel repressed) starved people are, that a love bomber just makes them feel anything,
Good point on showing the love bombing in cults.
Back then they were called players.
In other words, guys who are on the narcisism spectrum. Love-bombing is but one of many of the tactics the use on their targets.
Hi. I am a big fan of the take.❤
When people would gush about their SO doing some romantic gesture on Facebook, it was a little red flag to me. It just made me feel like this is the only nice thing they'd done in a while, otherwise it wouldn't have been worthy of a post. A big gesture every once and a while is no substitute for small, daily acts of love.
I'm not saying everyone who makes those posts are in bad relationships, but a good chunk of the ones I was flagging happened not that long before the divorces...
I was in a love bombing situation 2 years ago, and it’s still hard to trust people. I thought I met my perfect match. He said and did all the right things, talked about a future… then, out of the blue he goes “I’m not ready for a relationship”. After some arguing, I he revealed that he feels like we moved too fast and wasn’t being himself. He then gaslit me when I wasn’t over it in 2 days and treated me like I was being crazy, which pushed me to actually act crazy. It’s hard because I truly had zero indication he would do that, for the first time in my life I genuinely didn’t feel fear about a developing relationship.
i don't never ship chuck and blair
I've met so many men like Ted Mosby and I'm so over it.
Ted didn’t take Victoria to a wedding he just happened to ran into her during the reception
I really wish they add tvd and the originals to this list
Dan Humphrey should be on this list.
Joe is Dan Humphrey
Facts!!!
I don’t think Dan ever love bombed Serena but I do agree that he is also toxic. All of the GG characters are imo
It's amazing that they still romanticize Chuck
Basically the typical “nice guy” is only nice if he gets his way
Rom-coms and love bombing or essentially stalking the love interest. It's a fantasy that doesn't work in reality.
Can you do Cousins in media? Especially American media? Arnie and Hey Arnold, The Patty Duke Show and the 60s twin cousins, the Kissing Cousin trope, Steve Urkel and his cousins, Cousin Oliver, Kamala and Devi. Luanne Platter and Bobby Hill
What on earth are you talking about
This is a good video. But I have to point out that Beck cheats with her therapist after Joe murders her best friend, unbeknownst to Beck of course because Joe made it look like a suicide. After the fact and that affair is over Joe confronts her about it and then decides to forgive her. The rekindled "love" seems perfect and back on track when one morning she finds Joe'a box of trophies-- which also includes dirty tampons, and Benji's TEETH-- is when he knocks her unconscious and puts her in the cage, and ultimately unalives her (in the book it is so graphic there is no way they could possibly have filmed it) The order of these events is incredibly important! You have them backwards in your video. Just wanted to make that correction because it's important to the story.
Thank you for this!! 💯💯
I just recently learned what love bombing when a friends ex seemed to be having this pattern with his newer girlfriends since breaking up with my friend. Ted has his flaws but he’s not a love bomber he was in love with Robin and they only broke up cause of different things. Ross was not hot and cold with Rachel they broke cause of different things.
Personally I feel love bombing is when a guy is to intense to soon but then leaves abruptly
Ross lovebombed Emily more than he love bombed Rachel. Ted definitely love bombed, but I don't think he's on the level of Chuck/Joe.
ross did nto love bomb emily, he said rachel name so he sent her a lot of flower that it, that not love bombing that I F up and i hoping you forgive me.
@@stevemyopinion423He proposed after like 6 weeks. If that isn't love-bombing, then I don't know what is.
that not love bombing, they were spending all there time togehter becouse SHE had to leave the country
so NO that is not love bombing.
@@stevemyopinion423 I agree I don’t think Ross love bombed Emily. Monica was the one who told him to say I love you to her to fast. It was a fast paced realationship but Ross did really try to make things work with Emily. He was going to stop seeing Rachel and see his friends less move to a new apartment with new furniture. He messed up by saying the wrong but he was not cold with Emily
I just realised Ted and Robin are literally Diane and Mr Peanutbutter from Bojack Horseman. Except Diane is actually able to stand up for herself and PB’s love bombing and they ultimately break up.
robin stand up for her self more then anyone
mr peanutbutter is not a narc though. he comes at it with good intentions, albeit a tad shallow on his end.
This is why HIMYM did the alternate ending I think. They knew by then that Ted and Robin just didn't work anymore. I'm not saying that her and Barney were better but at least she wasn't with Ted in it.
There was no alternative ending were she was not with Ted. Both had her with Ted.
As I’ve gotten older one of the major lessons I’ve learned is that nothing is free. No matter the relationship from lovers, friends, co-workers, etc. And I genuinely mean *nothing* because deep down very few people do nice things not expecting an exchange of some sort. Including you reading this.
I don’t care whether if it’s for attention, praise, and a “Thank you.”
How many of you still secretly hold a grudge because you bought something or helped someone, but for whatever reason you’re pissed off they aren’t doing something for you in return?
I know this is a nuanced issue, but if you outright proclaim that whatever product or service is _free_ and that there’s no need for reimbursement, then expect nothing in return. Seriously, some of you are secretly playing sociopathic games.
Free ain’t free.
Chuck and Blair worked out in the end because they stopped playing stupid games with eachother. When she needed to be successful on her own rather than just being 'Chuck bass's girlfriend' he let her and vice versa.
I never liked Ted in H.M.Y.M
And the Writer failed Robin
Hos did they fail Robin she got what she always wanted and the man she many time wanted.
People forget robin said she loved Ted many times. She got back with him in her 50s. After she got her dream.
Why did I think Ted in the Thumbnail was Detective Columbo?
I Love The Joe Goldberg Character
I had a guy try lovebombing me recently. He was some delivery guy at the bodega down the street from my house. I accidentally got there before it opened, so I decided to wait a few minutes and chat cause the dude seemed normal, and it was past opening hours. Then he started giving me all of this free food after I told him I didn't want it and asked me for my number.
I gave him my old cell number, and gave the free food to my neighbors.
Is there any on screen portrayal of love bombing in which perpetrator was a woman? I
don’t feel like I’ve ever come across that whether it be fiction or real life anecdotes
Is it just something that men do to women?
No it's usually just reserved for men. Take Legally Blonde for instance, it's a comedy with some romance thrown in, but if Elle was a man who moved across the country to attend the same university as his ex girlfriend after she dumped him to try to win her back, people would say, "Wow that dude is clearly a stalker and probably a potential serial killer."
Maybe from the show "Crazy Ex-girlfriend". The main character, Rebecca, does a lot of weird stuff to try to get her crush's affection. The whole premise of the show starts with her moving across the country to be closer to him.
I have seen this in real life. I think it’s more rare but it happens. I’ve seen it with two women - once with a friend of mine and once with a woman I met at a gay bar.
This is called Yandere. It is quite common in anime.
I think there's a thin line between what can be considered stalking and what's "making things happen". I do agree that Ted does love bombing because he craves to be with someone, but I wouldn't say that some of his moves were stalking. An example: if you like someone and you missed the opportunity to talk to them (because maybe you are shy or whatever), you might want to come across with them again without coming too strong and/or find your way. Then you can "make things happen", like going again to that cafeteria or some other places where they can be found; you can catch some attention with something you've seen they like (for instance, if you see they read a certain book), etc. We have reached a point where everything is considered stalking, and it's critical since we live the era of the loneliest and most disconnected generations. There's also two more huge problems to deal with, which are: number one, taking things to extremes (there's not only white or black; there are many shades). Number two, we are becoming more and more sensitive with everything in life.
Joe is my favorite. 🫣🤣
Ted Mosby and Ross Geller are a nightmare
there really not, truth is there great guy 99 percent of the time, hell the women were far more crazy then they were
This remains me of "H" at "tres metros sobre el cielo".
I guess that was me... I know that it's messed up, but I was that girl. I was Blair Waldorf and my ex was my Chuck Bass.
I have good memories of it.
(So where exactly did, love as a status symbol originate?)and truthful scholars can back you up, that the only people that could attempt the flashy gestures, rich people(granted it probably harkens back to how it was mostly political marriages, that families would show off their wealth, like it was tax deductible)
This is practically why I don't watch rom-coms. This unrealistic bullshit is ridiculous at best, and dangerous at worse.
A lot of things are tropes
Literally everything is a trope
You guys messed up the plot of you…she finds everything at the very end after they’ve gotten back together. Finding Peach and Benji’s phone is more shocking than dirty underwear don’t you think? And they don’t break up. He traps her in his cage and kills her. Also You was clearly intended to be a parody of the nice guy trope. In that sense it’s far removed from himym or gossip girl.
They definitely missed the entire point. That he was always creepy, that we were supposed to be rooting for her to get away. Like it was made clear in the first scene. He was always framed as the creep.
@@simonakatsman974I came into the show knowing he was a serial killer. It's the whole premise.
Shepherd's Chapel Network !!!!!!! Do you have the Gift / Spiritual Discernment ???????
Ted was a terrible friend, partner and clearly a terrible father lol
none of that is true but ok,
it's funny that if the love-bombing came from women, men will probably find that creepy
So, can we for once not act like Chuck from Gossip girl's worst quality was being a rapist???? Dude tried to rape Jenny, I don't understand how he got an arc as a love interest after that at all.
Damon Salvatore
Are you going to post this on spotify?
My last relationship aka why I've been single for3 years
you wrong about ted, first for robin SHE did not agree to go otu with him, she suprised him, he had no idea, and she love him. me buying you stufff to get you to love me is wrong, if you allrady love me but do nice thing for you that different
To me this is just a guy think. I don't think I've ever seen women do this
I bet some girls do, must happen but I think it’s far more rare.
Women may tend to exhibit friendship bombing more than love bombing. That’s when a woman sets her sights on befriending another woman just to project onto her, like a punching bag. I don’t think it is necessarily a conscious choice to manipulate someone, but I do believe people know they want something and will do whatever it takes to try to quickly fill that void.
💜💜💜
Penn bagg-ly 😂
*cough, cough* maybe "nice guys" are just not so nice? Incells are also not so nice... As a woman I really do not trust MEN (nice or not so much) AT ALL. To be a meme queen: Rather meet up with a bear in the woods than meeting up with a man in a café...
Lol would Taylor Swift have her career if love bombing didn't exist?
Where r the women who do that? hahahaha
I haven't even watched the whole thing yet but Ted sucked so much OMG
I don’t think Ted is that bad
agreed. He does employ some lovebombing tactics, but to place him in the same group as Chuck the rapist who sells Blair and Joe the serial killer is a bit much.
how come when women do the same thign it ok, hell lily and robin did the same thing and it not bash.
According to y’all everything’s a trope🤦♂️😂
I know the blue eyed girl one got me there are so many other actual tropes they could’ve done instead of making one up from thin air
....Do you not understand a trope is a storytelling device, many of which have been around for centuries? This isn't unique to one UA-cam channel, It's a big part of theatre, writing & literary analysis.
Feeling triggered bro?
Omg will you ever stop shitting all over Ted Mosby? We get it. But some of us actually like that show and are sick of hearing about it.
Nah, crap behavior needs to be held accountable.
@@Uncle_Smidge Then EVERYONE'S crap needs to be held accountable. Not just Ted.
thank you were the barny was a jerk and marshell, how about lily and robin.
they alway have different standards
Honestly while I get the ted hate and it’s to a point deserved, Barney is way way way worse! And I feel like he represents the toxicity of the early 2000 much better
Barney is a living cartoon. Plus even he would agree that he's toxic. He's just putting on a character that he thinks people want him to be and he slowly learns to be his real self instead.
@@jordanloux3883 well I remember many guys in the early 2000s idolising Barney, buying the playbook (which btw was huge marketing thing for the show) and very much wanting to be like him. So I don’t know what to tell you, the fact that his friends laughed at his antics didn’t make the situation better…
Nah... Barney is a much better person than Ted
@@tshidi129 😂
you just crazy to belive that.