Things Women Need To Know About Men
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- Опубліковано 23 кві 2024
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Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let her go i did all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring her back
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her/him?
Her name is Shelly renee white , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
Be careful of people who make promises they themselves can't execute. Your ex is the only one that can decide if she wants back in the relationship. Sounds like you are ruminating on the good times while ignoring the bad. It could be the reason the relationship ended. Work on you, figure out what went wrong so you don't make the same mistake, look at what you want your life to look like with our without your ex, and eventually things will work out.
Men want to know they are appreciated. Compliments are something that men don't hear as much as women. Men treasure the women they are with, and if they get validation and feedback that they are making a woman feel safe, secure, and treasured, the man knows he is doing the right thing.
Every guy has that one compliment he hears and holds into for a year or longer.
yep appreciated and respected
@@mgancarzjr Nah. I can't remember a compliment.
@@kristianniss5201 let me fix my comment: guys get compliments so infrequently that, if they do get one, they hold onto it for a long time due to its rarity
nicely summerized, sir. all definitely true imo
I wouldn't introduce a woman as my girlfriend unless she actually IS my girlfriend.
This makes sense to me 😂👏🏼
The word 'partner' makes me dry heave...
@@JohnM... 👆👆👆👆👆👆👆
An awkward situation would be if you like the woman more than just as a friend (but also like being friends with her at least so you want to keep her as a part of your life), but she only likes you AS A FRIEND, and you think she might be attracted to one of your friends; which would probably make you feel not so good if they began dating if you just introduce her as just a friend. Which yeah sounds selfish, but why do we always have to worry/care about everyone else's feelings, or best interest, but it's okay for no one to worry/care about ours? If we do we're being selfish; but if they do it, they're just looking out for what's best for themselves.
Then if you don't introduce her, you'll probably be accused of being ashamed of her or something.
Either way you're the jerk, A-hole, whatever.
Every time I have introduced my older brother as my "girlfriend" it has just made it awkward for everyone.
My take....first off, if you're in a relationship and still acting like youre single, just stay fricken single. Its not that hard!
Secondly, this having a boner for a luxury lifestyle is BS "oh i can't date you cause you're not making 6 figures" those people need to know their role and shut their mouths!
Third, people need to stop overly complicating dating! It's a mindset! It's nuances! Stop figuring it out like trying to put cheat codes in a video game!
Four, if you have trouble communicating, take yourself out of the dating pool and work on it, so you don't waste people's time!
Thanks for coming to my TED talk!
Well said! 👏🫡
🫡
Exactly. Quit trying to find perfection, or make every single little aspect or nuance of your life, relationships, people in your life, etc "perfect". Honestly that would make life BORING AS F*CK!! Life should not be scripted
*claps*
What if you have social anxiety but have the best of intentions when it comes to dating?
TV has taught us that "we need to talk" means that what's coming next is a breakup.
As this day on we males:
Drizzle . . . Drizzle
Not necessarily break up but "major problem." But, yeah, break up. When she says, "we need to talk," just walk out. When she says, "we need to talk," she already has a new boyfriend.
I discovered Courtney’s channel when she had less than 70k subscribers. Now, her channel is going to hit 1M. Hard work does pay off.
Wow! Thank you so much for sticking around 🥹 and for being so kind!
0 men have gotten a gf from watching these videos during that time. These videos are just for dating circlejerking
Hard work and being such a kind and wonderful person. I don't agree with all she says, but she is clearly kind and sweet, and wanting to help improve lives... love her so much.
Too many people conflate "standards" with "wishes." It's like they are saying you need to have a lambo instead of saying you need to have a safe, reliable, comfortable car. Yes you need to be attracted to your partner, feel safe, feel respected. You don't need someone who spoils you and treats you like a princess so you don't have to lift a finger.
Once women get a hold of these terms in social media trends, they rapidly move away from the original definition
I mean gift giving and acts of service is a love language, if you don’t value that in partner don’t look for a girl who those are her top two love languages lol???
@@user-xs4uj5qb9mWay to miss the point. Narcissistic entitlement is what he is alluding to. The woman in the video is bordering on it. She's annoying.
@@user-xs4uj5qb9m yep!
@@user-xs4uj5qb9m if thats their top two they just want free shit. i feel love when a friend or someone gives me a gift but the expectation isnt that it needs to be a constant thing.
>Asked out a girl i thought was cute
>she tells me I’m broke
>accept the plain-face fact that I don’t earn enough to benefit her
>been avoiding girls for 2 years now
>doubled my income thru merit based raises and part-time work
>40K to 80K, still have a long way to go
Initially the goal was to prove this chick wrong, but along the way its become supporting a family i can be proud of
Here is one: All we want is some kindness and we will do anything you want.
As a woman, I WISH it was that easy! Most of the men I've dated push for sex WAY too soon--& accuse me of "playing games" when i'm not ready for that. It's all so confusing. And btw, I'm NOT inrtersted i ANY kind of "luxury lifestyle"(disgusting!) , I actually try to (mostly) "go Dutch" so money ISN'T an issue!
@@user-cz5lj2vx1f I understand where you are coming from but women are ruthless in the dating game.
@@user-cz5lj2vx1fthat's a tough one. Each person obviously has a preference for when they want to be intimate be that sex or emotional intimacy.
@@user-cz5lj2vx1f Why do you date men that push for sex way too soon?
@@user-cz5lj2vx1f If a dude has no sexual discipline and demands sex early, then he just weeded himself out. I’m a dude who has done the deed on a first meetup with one gf and after a month with a different gf. The one where we waited a month was astronomically better and more fulfilling, so it’s a boundary of mine now to really get to know a girl first. Sex without connection straight up feels wrong to me, idk. But I’d still establish exclusivity early cus I’m either her only guy in that connection time or I’m out.
Another entitled Tiktoker: it gets me whenever modern women on one hand say they don't need no men, and then on the other also say men are supposed to provide for them. The one and only woman on earth that I feel obliged to provide for is my elderly mom.
Things women need to know about men....
1) It's not always about getting some "trim."
2) Guys have feelings too, and do care about more than sex.
3) Shouldn't necessarily be defined by what he has or what he can provide for her.
The list goes on.....
The list definitely goes on but those 3 are some things I dealt with enough times and it costs what could otherwise be a good relationship. Especially 1 & 2 I’ve started a conversation and I get told “sure we can talk until you ask to see my boobs cause I know that’s what you want”. Smh I stopped even explaining myself and drop them immediately the same way I can’t blame every woman for what others have done to me.
Best way to attract women is to just do you.
Focus on self love and self development.
In fact focus on your spirituality. Women are emotional creatures, as a man you need to tap into your own sense of spirituality. Discover your purpose in this life, get to the core of who you truly are, this will enable you to manifest your desires more easily because you are tapping into the cosmic or divine nature of the universe. Women are in tune with this all the time hence Mother Nature, motherly love, empathy, affection, etc. Once you prioritise yourself, you will begin to notice a change in your reality.
The outer world is a reflection of your inner world. Remember women always put themselves first, men must adopt a similar mindset. I’m not saying be antisocial or impersonal or misogynistic, no just don’t bother indulging or pursing these silly little Sexualistic constructs that society puts us in. All this information and emphasis on dating, relationships, sex it’s all nonsense and too distracting. Cut out all that noise just focus on you and see how the results unfold. You have to connect with your core, your soul if you are to succeed with anything in life. What man can believe and conceive, he can achieve. Remember men are natural born leaders. Boys chase women but a man ATTRACTS women.
Good luck.
Women don't care about what men think or feel. As a man, just decide how much of their sh!t you are willing to put up with. If you happen upon a woman who's sh!t aligns well with your sh!t, then consider marrying her after 10-15 years. All I can say is "good f'ing luck, get a dog (oh, and "rent a wife" as needed)."
Most woman can't take what we men say seriously. When we say something, we literally mean it. There's no metaphor, or games, and idea behind what we're saying.
"if your dog's not barking; it means he's being fed by someone else" where 'barking' means asking/begging for physical intimacy; why does he need to be the one asking and/or begging for this? By this same logic, the guy who is "not barking"; could be assuming that she has somebody else on the side.
"Hey. We need to talk"
It does make Men defensive.
Women tend to take "things going well" for granted and really generally never go out of their way to praise or call attention to good behavior.
Men are supposed to be "good"!
So yeah. "We need to talk" means "somethings broken and I need you to fix it" to a man.
So when
Yeah, "we need to talk" means a major problem. Major problem means impending break up. Most likely means "I'm already seeing your replacement." Never forget that, unless you are Chad, she has a couple of dudes waiting in the wings.
OMG #10! She is so spot on! I don't know how many times the woman expected me to be a mind reader.
Think on this: Women are emotional creatures. They change their minds all the time. Consistency can be out the window when they take on different angles and perspectives of the same subject matter based on their mood.
How is a man expected to keep up with this without communication?
Emotional creatures that don't understand their emotions, can't handle them, ending up lead towards failure by them, yet use buzzwords like emotional intelligence. If emotional intelligence existed, women wouldn't recognize it nor have it.
Yes, they are terrible communicators but it goes back to their vulnerabilities, insecurities, and reputation protection game so it's best to expect condescending games and pisspoor communication. I've dealt with women for so many years that I know what they're trying to say, even if they don't open their mouths
As a guy with an anxiety problem, NEVER start a conversation with "we need to talk." I will assume the worst every time, probably anticipate a break-up.
I second this, and it's every time that phrase comes up. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
LOL at her "I want to hang out see where things go" criticism. Women do the ambiguous, plausibly-deniable thing all the time with their intentions but when a guy gives it back to them they hate it 🤣
yeah the stupid victim mentality. It's getting old.
I’ll just put it this way:
If I’m not providing for my spouse, I feel useless. I want to meet the challenge of providing for those I care about. It gives me my sense of utility and direction. If I am not able to provide, I feel like I’m letting the people around me down. I’m certain most men feel the same way.
Some do. Some feel RESENTFUL about it. Some REFUSE to be economically responsible--even for themselves.
You are literally explaining evolutionary psychology. All men are born with this proclivity. It has little to nothing to do with society.
Do you feel like your partner naturally fulfills her roles and duties as well? Or do you have to tell her?
As a man the first one is BS lol if you really love someone you’re not gonna cheat on them.
I don't feel insecure because of my low salary. If a woman judges me for it, that's on her, not me.
As a man, I do feel pressure to be a financial provider in a relationship. I understand the difference between being able to pay bills every month and being able to pay for luxury items at will.
I am currently looking for a new home and a new job. At the moment I do not feel qualified to pursue a romantic relationship due to my current uncertain financial situation.
Completely understand bro. I'm a broke college student right now, and because of the reasons you mentioned and also alluded to in the video, I don't feel "qualified" to enter the dating scene... Not yet.
@@marigengelbrecht7627Hit the gym and build yourself up.
i never identify a girl as "Friend" I always just say her name "this is Kelly". Until the relationship has been defined, then its "this is mt girlfriend Kelly"
When i say "Let's hangout" I just wanna see if I vibe with them or not. I feel you don't really get to know someone. Until you spend time with them in person
But it does mean you want to get in their pants. Women just say it in a derogatory way, like he "just" wants to get in your pants, but you're actually looking for a relationship.
Don't ever sprinkle important subjects into an easy going conversation and expect us to listen intently and remember every little detail. Some men are good at that, a lot aren't. If it's something important, speak directly to us. Don't beat around the bush or try to add nuance, tell us exactly what the issue is. We'll recognize the gravity of something if you do it this way, and then do whatever needs to be done.
For real
This cannot be over-emphasized.
Best way to attract women is to just do you.
Focus on self love and self development.
In fact focus on your spirituality. Women are emotional creatures, as a man you need to tap into your own sense of spirituality. Discover your purpose in this life, get to the core of who you truly are, this will enable you to manifest your desires more easily because you are tapping into the cosmic or divine nature of the universe. Women are in tune with this all the time hence Mother Nature, motherly love, empathy, affection, etc. Once you prioritise yourself, you will begin to notice a change in your reality.
The outer world is a reflection of your inner world. Remember women always put themselves first, men must adopt a similar mindset. I’m not saying be antisocial or impersonal or misogynistic, no just don’t bother indulging or pursing these silly little Sexualistic constructs that society puts us in. All this information and emphasis on dating, relationships, sex it’s all nonsense and too distracting. Cut out all that noise just focus on you and see how the results unfold. You have to connect with your core, your soul if you are to succeed with anything in life. What man can believe and conceive, he can achieve. Remember men are natural born leaders. Boys chase women but a man ATTRACTS women.
Good luck.
@@master-of-mind5881 Uh huh.... man, your fingers most be sore from all that typing.
The men who ARE good at picking up these subtleties are players. That is their greatest skill. That is how they constantly get laid. "Oh, he understands me! He actually HEARD me! What? Oh, and, uh, yeah, I let him bang me."
1] Don't play mind games all the time. Keep it simple as much as possible.
2] I am usually laid back and easy going. That is NOT an invitation for dominance or emotional manipulation.
3] Men and women are wired differently. But, that does not mean that we deserve to tolerate women who have emotional baggage (most do) from their previous experiences.
4] One of the most sought after, but rare traits that us men look for in women : Understated (key word) confidence and most importantly..... Humility.
Id switch the confidence with trust humility and patience. A man with a purpose will get things done no matter what
1) You are not always blame-free if your partner cheats. That depends on someone's history and relationship dynamic. I know a father who stayed in the relationship for his son but eventually cheated on her girl-boss wife. I am not endorsing cheating, but I understand why that might happen if I take the daily interaction with her wife into account.
2) The tone of "We need to talk" reminds me of my mother. The moment that I am in trouble(at least she thinks I am), it is probably a one-way conversation coming up.
I wouldn't want an intervention-like conversation that is one-sided.
Some of the others are really spot on too.
I certainly want women to know that men are not intimidated by them and they need to quit using that word. Just like people need to quit misusing the word empathy in the place of sympathy. I will say that only men that have never talked to women outside of their immediate family are intimidated by women, the rest of us are either not impressed, annoyed or disgusted.
Humility is such a lost virtue
11:15 the word is sympathy. Empathy only exists for people that have experienced the same thing and can understand. If it's something that somebody's going through that you don't understand, listening is not being empathetic, it's being sympathetic. The media has been on a surge that's confusing these words and that includes social media because empathy is now a buzzword and it is being misused. For example, I've never broken my leg before but if somebody comes to me and crutches and I asked them what happened and they tell me they broke their leg, I can only be sympathetic....
I feel that there is also another perspective of women who make more money in a relationship. Which is some women need to learn humility when it comes to being the breadwinner, not shaming or belittling men for making less money.
"I'm intimidated by a puddle on the road, I'd just rather no get my shoes wet." is a pretty good summation of it :)
@@tinyjamaicanmy mom is the breadwinner in my family not once she treated my dad awfully for making less. He did his best and always helped around the house. Both shared responsibilities. Minor arguments but nothing huge.
@@christianrodriguez5346 your mom is one of the wiser ones.
This entire video is basically women assuming that we communicate like they do. Lost is a turbulent sea of emotions and alphabet soup, desperately trying find words that don't bring up negative emotions because they can't deal with difficult conversations. Instead of just taking what we say as what we mean, they have to run it through the filter of their emotions and complicate the ever living shit out of simple communications.
lmao my man went off😂
take a loooong break from em. Perspective is good
That womens language about wanting him to change to meet her expectations, thats a big red flag right there.
I tell people that my girlfriend is either my partner or my girlfriend depending on the social situation l am currently in. Real relationships are supposed to be exclusive if you are actually looking for a real, healthy, and long lasting relationship with someone. You should make sure that your values are in line with eachothers by having honest and open communication with one another.
The arrogance of the women acting like she knows everything while putting on makeup like she's going to a movie premier speaks volumes about her. Not sure how anyone would want to take any advice from her at all.
Yeah, she speaks in a way that doesn't bring her much sympathy.
"It doesn't matter if he's rich or poor, so he may as well be rich."
"Being in survivor mode", that one hit spot on. Been like that for the past 7 years for me, because I didn't know how things would work out for me after school, with job and a place to live. But luckily I landed a job pretty soon after school and I've been looking for a place of my own since then. Everything here is just so expensive, taking care of anyone but myself hasn't even been a consideration, so I haven't been dating at all.
But I'm going to a viewing of an apartment soon, so I still got my hopes up. I just want to be my best version before I put myself out there.
"We need to talk" is code for, I am about to tell you something that is really going to make you mad, like she already cheated on you or she wants to break up with you. Never start a conversation with that phrase unless you want it to go badly.
2:37 - As a man with a disability that has prevented me from having a career, I definitely have no problems with a woman making more money than I do. The only thing that would make me feel emasculated is if she rejected me for not earning enough, which seems to be a common attitude in women.
Dont let these chronically online narcissists on tiktok project their own experiences to you and yours. You know if a man is good or bad after the first few dates its not hard to figure people out. After that point if you decide to carry on with a guy whos a pos thats on you
1:20 I agree that it depends on what kind of a man he is when it comes to cheating. My ex-wife who ironically cheated on me would basically brag that I could be in a room surrounded by nude women who were all receptive and into me, and I wouldn't stray. She was right, though, seeing how our marriage ended, it seems really cruel of her, but I digress.
Men are not all cheaters. Monogamy is on a scale, and some of us pin the needle. There are faithful men, and there are unfaithful men. However, I would say that while yes, this doesn't mean he doesn't love you, it's still a character fault, and you shouldn't tolerate it.
Cheating is ingrained, but it's also a choice. Being with a cheater is always going to bring someone who is monogamous pain and you shouldn't tolerate it, no matter how much they love you.
So funny that there are people who think that men have things they don't want women to know ...we don't "hide" anything honestly
My biggest personal struggle has been my career/income. It definitely affects my self-esteem and my ability to date. Why would I date someone knowing that I cannot provide for them in the future? It's tough.
I've always been a hard worker, but not a big wage earner. I often feel that's why I've always been passed up, because of the Benjamin's 💵💶
There's a saying, most people quit before even starting. What ever is going on in your head and on social media is not reality.
Love this video overall because you do a great job of trying to make sure there's room for nuance with a Tiktok video of someone who is super specific.
Many of the problems in relationships could be solved with good communication. Even just being direct with what you want and regularly letting your partner know they're loved and appreciated goes a long way.
Re: Men being the bread winner. I know many men feel this way. Can't speak for other men, but it has never bothered me that my wife drew down a great paycheck alongside me (sometimes more than me). I was always like, "You go, Babe!" Re: Men showing emotion/being a robot. Again, l can't speak for other men, but not showing your emotions [in a safe way] is NOT healthy - emotionally, physically, or spiritually. Not saying men should be a sobbing mess. However, they should feel safe to express their emotions (yes, including crying) with their lady.
“I don’t have a girlfriend, I just know a girl who would get really mad if she heard me say that.” ~Mitch Hedberg
Man, I got to see him live a year before he passed away. He was amazing....
Contrary to how much people believe there is such a biological tie with a man and his penis, not all men are "wired" for the pursuit of sex. For me, I actually like to put off sex in search of a meaningful connection with a woman, because sex complicates things. Once you pass that gate, the relationship changes along with the expectations. Also, since it's mostly on the man to be functional to perform, comfort goes a long way, and waiting for the right time makes the act more pleasurable and powerful.
Exactly well said. I am the same preferred long, fulfilling moments that are worthwhile.
Big agree. Sex on a first date is like hitting the baseball and walking straight to third base. The team at bat(the brain in your pants) is ecstatic, but everyone else(your emotions) is just confused.
@@Totsy30 Wow, love this baseball reference! This isn't one I've heard before.
Sex is only good if your woman wants it as much (or more) than you do. I don't get the point otherwise. I want her to want me, full stop. I want to make her crazy. Hold off until it is really fun for both of you!
Your videos are the best I ever see on UA-cam. You are so well spoken and you clearly take the time needed to put together your message. It comes across so well articulated and easy to understand. Thank you for all the great advice! Keep it up!!
I don't base my worth on an income. I really think women care about how charismatic a guy is and how he makes her feel.
This is good to hear! Thanks for sharing!
Definitely true.
but they still want a guy who is somewhat financially stable
Yeah as a friend only I understand beauty is men survival check box some is needed but more values can be added.
Charisma can help you make money and that's a big part in why women find it attractive. Ultimately women need a provider if they want to have children. It's biologically programmed over millions of years.
Never cheated, but when I did consider it was with someone who I wasn't getting the physical intimacy I needed and was having no success communicating with them about it. Eventually I had to tell them that I wanted it to be with them but if it wasn't them it would be with someone else.
I admit that the one thing I lacked in my previous relationship was communication and my ex would always tell me, especially in the bedroom, that she wasn’t a mind reader. I just thought she would know what I wanted whenever I took off my pants and underwear and sat down on the bed.
Great content, one to watch again for us men to know what we need to work on and improve for our next relationship or current relationship.
One thing I'd like women to know if men aren't a utility to be exploited. And they aren't "less of a man" just cause they don't have a 100k yearly salary like I've heard my sister and other women I worked with say.
Saying hey we need to talk reminds me of my parents getting ready to ream me for sumn. Definitely triggers some anxiety. I think its mostly due to phrasing. Saying we need to talk is very different from coming right out and saying hey i was thinking… or hey what do you think about… so on and so forth
Can we talk about how unfair it is to shame a man for watching pornography or masturbating when he isn't allowed to have sex with a woman?
Imagine being forbidden service at a restaurant and then being told you're a piece of garbage for trying to make your own food.
So starve?
That's crazy, even if you're in a relationship it's understandable if the woman isn't in the mood or has other kinds of problem that makes her not want to have sex, but going further and prohibiting someone from watching porn is another level. I don't think a lot of women are even aware that there are guys out there whose balls start to hurt if they don't "alleviate" themselves from time to time.
@@strimlul1135 Here's what's indisputable:
Women can get sex whenever they want.
Therefore they don't appreciate the difficulty involved in securing a sexual encounter.
But if a man cannot have sex because no woman wants to have sex with him, he's a pervert, he's unhealthy for relying on pornography.
Oh yes. And he's "undisciplined".
No woman has any right to talk about sexual discipline because even an ugly woman has an easier time getting laid than most average men.
One thing to know, is that things in this world are not absolute. Great tip Courtney! Yea, things are definitely not mutually exclusive, things are often corelated, but does not mean causation. But I guess things don't mean that these patterns are meaningless. Be careful when going down the road of investigating more, but I think alot of times people are treating boy vs girl dating as if its the other side's fault, when its often both; both being bad because of assumptions that the other side is worse.
If we are not BF/GF yet, then I just introduce them by their name with no labels attached. I would not introduce girls as friends either just because I do not play the friend zone crap.
3:04 yes... unfortunately so. I feel so much pressure to have everything solved. I will sit there an listen trying not to solve it but i still get this pressure from her. I can feel accused of not doing enough to show i care when i dont offer to solve it.
1. Disagree - people cheat for all kinds of reasons. I don't think its ever permissible/justified, but I do think there's a reason why it happens and it's typically not "just because they can", but due to some issue in the relationship or something missing altogether.
2. Agree - there are loads of reasons why this is, but the biggest is societal expectations placed on us throughout our lives. Being a robo-ATM, as you said, is not a desirable station to hold and that expectation causes many men to turn and walk away from pursuing women altogether. I'd say to those who want to do something about this - examine your own expectations and requests you place on the men in your lives currently and in your past. Is it fair for them to perfectly meet them, as flawed, fragile human beings like any others? If no, try to modify your thinking and how you act towards them. You can rest assured that men do want to take care of the people in their life - so try to begin with gratitude instead of ceaseless expectations.
3. Depends - I don't think I would describe a woman I was interested in as a friend to others, but like you said, I might if she seemed avoidant or like she could spook easy by describing her as "my girl". I'd have a conversation with her first about exclusivity before calling her that to my friends, but I probably wouldn't call her a friend either. I'd just introduce her as her name (ex: this is Isa, meet ___). If he does introduce you as a friend after talking exclusivity - yikes. I'd recommend moving on.
4. Disagree - She's flat out wrong. I've said that to women with the exclusive purpose of not spooking them. I've met quite a few avoidant women in the past couple of years and I've learned you have to be really careful about sending a message of commitment too soon. There's no way to know exactly what sends this message to each individual woman, so it's better to play it safe. Some guys may very well only want to sleep with you - but that should be clear in a myriad of ways. Saying you want to take it slow and get to know someone is perfectly fine, and at least in my case, I meant exactly what I said. Side note: I've found pursuing avoidant women to be totally not worth it. Not even interested anymore. Get your stuff together, please.
5. Agree - no one wants to be talked to like this. It's parental, foreboding and comes off as an ultimatum. Just change the wording - "Hey, can we talk?" Pick the moment strategically. Don't ask this before he's going out to hang out with his friends or in the middle of the work day. Pick a time when you both have a little bit of bandwidth for the conversation. Both men and women should do it this way.
6. Disagree - Good God. What's up with all the cheating assumptions here? It certainly could be that way, but it's not a hard and fast rule. If it's a concern in your mind, communicate. If you aren't being intimate, why? Are you pursuing intimacy? If not, why? Because It is extremely important to most men to have it in a relationship.
I think you nailed the remaining four so no need to add anything. Also this video and my response took a lot longer than I expected lol so I'm ready to stop here. It sounds like this girl dates fuckboys and then makes general assumptions about all men on tiktok to vent. Yawn. You are the common denominator in every situation you find yourself in. Look for men elsewhere, improve your own life and view of yourself and things will change. Stay the same and things almost assuredly won't.
I personally don't care about a man providing for me as long as he can provide for himself. If we're not dating dont introduce me as your girlfriend! To me that's not respecting my boundaries. I'd love to see more videos like this.
Starting out in a relationship ease into conversations. After time it should be expected and understood.
@3:55 Thank you! Yes, it is. Being reduced to money printing machines I like to call it.
Hey Courtney! Do you think you could make a video for people who are planning to re-enter the dating scene? I would like to hear your input and advice on this topic.
6:23 she's wrong. She's just wrong. Men are not a monolith and everyone is different. If I say I just want to see where things go, it's because I am on the fence and not entirely sure about her.
Or mayube, you just DON'T KNOW HER WELL ENOUGH to know if she's someone you culd be with seriously. That's REASONABLE!!! For men & women
The financial pressure on men is felt in one of two ways:
1) You are greatly appreciated by others you provide for and it motivates you to do your best. Superman.
2) You feel defeated, unappreciated, not good enough, a failure, behind compared to other guys, like there is something inherently wrong with your character. I think this is just one aspect of why men avoid relationships until they feel "ready," because the emotional weight of feeling not good enough sticks with your for days, weeks, or months at a time if you aren't checking your mindset. Focusing on myself has helped me improve my finances and overall wellbeing without being worried of someone leaving me.
Just my two cents 🤷🏻♂
Men will only chase so much. If a man doesn't show intimacy, think about how much attention you are giving him instead of giving to you. It doesn't necessarily mean he is cheating. If you are using the dog "barking" analogy, maybe the dog is just tired of barking with no reaction on the dog owner's part.
I provided for my wife, she didn’t need to work but it would have been helpful to have a little bit coming in. She left saying it wasn’t enough. What really got to me was that in the end she said that I hadn’t done a single thing for her and that she could do it better and if that’s the case what the hell does she need me for.
Needless to say, that was one of the most painful things to hear especially after pouring so much effort trying to provide.
I think that point about not bringing up the future to your girl is fairly spot on but I do think there are a lot of guys that don’t know what they want for their own future and live very day-to-day. My ex brought up the future often and I was hesitant to provide a real answer because I hand no clue what I really wanted for myself but also because subconsciously I wasn’t sure if we were going to be with each other forever. I loved her a lot but there was just something that felt off that I couldn’t explain. I was afraid to be honest because I thought she would leave me but that ended up happening anyway. So, it was a mix of insecurity and being unsure of our long term relationship. Girls should make their guy think about that kind of thing and if he never provides you with an answer then you need to express your displeasure, give them a little bit of time, and then move on if they still don’t give you any real feedback.
I’m a very young 70 year old returning to dating. What “rules” also apply to seniors when it comes to women’s tests, games, and friend zones? I’m just a traditional gentleman looking for that one special lady for a long term relationship. I don’t play hard to get and have never been a player. I like to think that boy meets girl is just that. Is dating really that different today? Thank you.
Oh my God, out of all the people on TikTok and out of all the TikTok videos that you reacted to this one was beyond accurate. She is actually right spot on on everything. It’s really scary. It’s like she read my mind.
You are so wonderful Courtney!
Love your channel!
I was treated like a walking ATM by two women. I'm done with that
I'm a woman who wishes we could negotiate new norms of dating. #1 Go Dutch. Each erso pays for themselves!!!! (Especially early on!!!)
Good Video , Mrs. Ryan.... Stay True..
@CourtneyRyan Since you requested our perspective about pressure to be the financial provider/breadwinner, I can definitely say that yes, there is a significant societal pressure for men to be able to be the breadwinner today despite so many societal changes in gender roles, etc. Which rubs me the wrong way when that woman says that “Men put a lot of pressure and value on how much money they make and how much they can provide for you.” While yes, men play a part in that, she makes it sound as though it is PURELY men when it is society as a whole, including women. I’m not saying all women, but generally speaking, women do put that pressure on as well, whether it’s through pursuing men who are on their financial level or above it and ignoring the men below them socio-economically speaking, or there being plenty of instances of them emasculating their partner for not providing as much in the relationship, it needs to be said that women also play a part in this issue as well. Not all women, by any means, but in general.
Most of my friends if they have a girl they're interested in (myself included,): My boys already know. They've also been made aware that I would greatly prefer if they didn't try to make any moves on this person. Anyone who violates this law isn't a homie, but they're also not in my circle anymore.
She is right we need to talk it depends on how it’s said. It could be something good, something bad , something we did or said. His mind is going to be racing and he curious to what we need to talk about.
My ex, who when I met was actually going through a never-ending divorce, would frequently give me a hard time because I didn't talk about marriage. This puzzled me, knowing this when it was brought up.
After only a year, this began. This made her doubt my commitment to her when nothing else I did would have made her feel that way. If someone isn't ready, they aren't ready. This didn't mean I didn't love her and didn't see myself in her future. For me, I enjoy taking smaller steps whereas the world now makes us feel like we have to walk on everyone elses timeline.
I know now it was actually her negative self-talk that made her feel this way.
I do agree with talking about goals and dreams. Not only does it help you bond, but it just shows you care about their dreams and allows you ways to aid and support them in their venture, building your love.
I think a lot of this is from inexperience and the will to want to relearn from the old ways.
Make these mistakes and learn. Or fail and continue to fail. It's all up to you.
1. When they cheat its not because they don't love you / depends on the man.
1a. Usually the men with issues from the past or "bad boys". A good man only has eyes for one.
2. Men put emphasis on their self worth based on how much they make or can provide.
2a. Usually men in higher paying roles or those with more traditional values. Some modern men will go 50/50 or take turns.
3. If a man actually likes you and sees something with you they won't introduce you to their friends as a friend.
3a. I will have told my friends about "her" before they even meet her to avoid this awkward label situation.
4. I want to hang out with you and get to know you to see where this goes.
4a. Some men might mean "get in pants" others speak plainly and really just
want to spend more time with a girl to get a better understanding of how they feel about them.
5. the "We need to talk" statement
5a. I can agree that phrase instantly sets me into "what did I do?" mode or a slight panic of "about what?"
the phrase comes of as serious and not easy going.
6. If he's not asking for it, he's getting it somewhere else.
6a. Or.... hear me out, he's (like a gentleman) patiently waiting for you to bring it up or waiting for a strong signal from you.
7. They will only treat you as good as you treat yourself.
7a. Men are logical, if you don't give them instructions clearly they will make assumptions or ask questions, be patient with men.
A good man will try to help you make improvements.
8. Feels like standards are too high, will move on.
8a. not exactly, more ambitious men will shoot for the stars.
Sometimes really high standards drive men away because men don't want a challenge from women, they don't want difficult women.
9. If hes not asking you about long term goals or future plans he's not into you.
9a. depends on the length of the relationship, short term... he's note sure YET, long term.
Perhaps he's become comfortable with you and just is not thinking about it.
Other/Bad outcome, in this case, yes he's probably distracted by something or someone.
10. Men are not mind readers, hints fly over our heads.
10a. Correct. just tell us what you are thinking/feeling.
We are great listeners! We can follow instructions if they are provided!
The tiktok lady seemed to make a couple of good points, but she seems like someone who would be a huge PIA to have in a relationship.
I am an older guy, average looking, good shape, financially secure. I have noticed it is very easy to be with great, high value women by being honest and speaking openly. So many people are so shallow and rude, when a good woman comes across an honest guy, it is a breath of fresh air for them. So many people have set the bar so low, it is easy for an emotionally good person to do well out there.
This could just be because I meet women closer to my age and they are more confident and don't put up with much BS.
Like your channel Courtney.
19:58 or he knows that no plan survives first contact and your goals as an individual changes when you get into a relationship. People change over time and their goals change over time but their core values don't change so if he's asking about your core values I wouldn't worry about this too much.
I think you're pretty spot on for a lot of things. However, I'd say she's totally right about approaching heavy discussion with "we need to talk" as that phrase is hugely ominous and often "im breaking up with you" kind of language. Wanting to discuss difficult topics itself is not bad, but yeah starting the conversation off like that is threatening.
In my opinion these things are probably true for the guys *_she_* chooses to hang out with. But definitely not for 'men' in general. And #10 is the exception that confirms this comment
I definitely do not feel intimidated by women who earn more/are higher educated. But I do tend to avoid them since many of them seem to look down on me for the reasons stated above. Or they won't even notice/consider you. It's just unpleasent to be around most of these women.
Side note that chick put pounds of make up and thinks its just a casual day? Women who wear that much makeup are incredibly insecure.
In regard to the second point of the video. I can speak from personal experience that men really do determine their worth on how much they can provide. I was working two jobs to support myself and my husband while he worked one job. I never once thought negative about our situation as I knew it would get better and I was working two jobs to support our small family. Well, turns out my husband didn’t see it that way and felt emasculated and he ended up ending our eight year relationship as he thought he needed to better himself on his own. Quite devastated to have him end our marriage over something that won’t mean anything in our old years, but glad it ended while I’m still young enough to find someone else who’ll value what I bring and want to start a family.
8:53 There is something to be said to phrasing but sprinkling it in leads to much passive aggressive style and to many hints that are most likely going to be missed.
the "I want to get to know you and see where things go" does typically originate from sexual interest, however this inevitably leads to them liking you more as a person at the same time. it usually starts with sexual intent at first, blossoming into something more serious if the chemistry is there.
5:08 you're absolutely right. It does depend on the situation. So yeah, you have it right.
The thing about men wanting to provide and if they can't they feel emasculated, the reason why men might feel this way is the expectation that his partner places on him, men know that they are expected to provide we're told this every day of our lives by women, as many women seem to be mainly motivated by the man's ability to make money or to have money. What men really want is to be valued as more than just a ATM, perhaps even to be loved for his other qualities, but this is rare in today's world, sadly. A man will only feel emasculated if he's made to feel that way by his partner, by having his inability to make more money thrown in his face, which seems to be commonplace, once upon a time women used to get with a man and build with him, the man would happily give as much financial support as he could and naturally look for ways to increase that, many women these days just seem to want to wait at the finish line. I'm 64 so, I've seen this change happen, it's a sad situation.
For most of my marriage, my wife made more than me. Now she is retired, I am still working and make more. It really didn’t matter. I am driven to make my carreer, and not compare it to hers. I just wanted to get promoted.
2:47 It's important to us, to support the woman. That being said, I think it's a bigger deal for the women. She doesn't want to support her man, unless he's going to school to become a medical doctor or something. Then, she won't mind. This is not every woman
Guys are team builders. They like sports and being part of groups that challenges the environment or wins a contest. When the choose a GF, they are building a very personal team and they take pride in the success of the team. For them to cheat is for them to say my team is broken, messed up. They are admitting defeat. It’s a big personal loss they really want to avoid. At all costs.
Here is something that happened to me recently. I'd like to know your opinion.
I'm having my birthday party with a group of friends. A woman new to our group of friends has invited herself to my party. 2 months prior to the party.
The day before the party she lets it be known to my best guy friend she is dating a guy 20 yrs her senior!
My friend calls me and says she is planning to bring this person to my party as her date!!! He tells her don't do that! She should talk to me first.
The lady and I are in our 50's we are not teens! I had been on 3, five hour long dates with her and thought she was into me alone.
I found this very immature and strange of her. Am I wrong?
Thanks.
On her first point, she has is a bit clueless regarding her saying that it has nothing to do with the woman. That is false. She is basically saying that even if a woman is a terrible partner and offers no emotional support, that it's not her fault. I take issue with this. Cheating is NEVER the answer to any relationship problems, but this double standard of how when a woman cheats, it's the man's fault for not being there for her, which is a huge problem.
@16:00 mark is my sister with her bf to a t. I had been trying to figure out how that relationship works for a few months and eventually I came to the conclusion based of her behavior patterns, that she has low self esteem. And you confirmed my suspicions there
After the first 3 clips of her, I feel like hazarding a guess that the way she thinks about guys is aligned with the way she acts in her own lives and/or describing the only guys she dated. As in, she thinks of guys as manipulative. The main 2 ways to think of a whole gender as manipulative is a) you're manipulative yourself or b) you've been hurt and now harbor resentment. ...And well, the 4th completely confirms me -- those trust issues she has make her completely unfit for a serious relationship. 🤷 /edit: Oh great, now she also thinks of us as dogs. /edit again: Well credit where credit's due. I agree with her it would be quite strange to not ask about plans for future. It's a good and important question. However, I'm afraid that many women would fail to give a satisfying answer to it. Like I'd imagine most commonly their answer would be "I don't know, figuring out things as I go" or "I want to stop working".
Courtney, I loved the picture of Biscuit falling asleep with its tongue sticking out. Funny s***.
LOL she’s rotten 😂
So a TikToker who spends however long going through that huge make-up routine for a, "casual" look for, "ladies night," is supposed to be able to decode men to her fellow women? Yeah, that's kind of hard to swallow. The TikToker had a few decent points, like men aren't mind readers, but the whole vibe while presenting those points felt very "look at me, look at me, look at me." I much rather prefer Courtney's way of presenting and thinking about things. Trying to explore more and add in the fact that there's rarely black and white. Also that not every man is the same and so one general statement won't apply to every single man.
Direct conversation is better for most men. Hiding it in the conversation is not a good idea.
Choice of words do matter. History also matters. If you regularly start a conversation directly and it typically turns out to be an attack, jumping to defensive state is expected.
Sexual/Regular relationships are contractual! One problem people have is that there is give and take in a healthy relationship. Unconditional love is something you would (ideally/normally) recieve from a parent. People who expect their partner to love them the same and more than their parents are looking for another parent to do everything for them- not a life partner. A simple example would be a traditional relationship. The husband goes to work to provide for the family and in exchange for the security and money he provides the wife takes care of the home.
Idc who makes more money, we are a team , we are doing it together.
I don't understand because on the one hand I hear that I am meant to be strong, manly and the leader,confident ( are you want a supper hero; bit weird and unrealistic.).and other hand I am meant to be vulnerable and not so damn masculine.So trust issues; yep!.
1:00 - She's... usually correct. If you've been being abusive for a long time and/or withholding intimacy, and things like that, then maybe you should be looking at yourself, which is not meant to excuse his behavior.
2:30 - No. But, if you feel that he's less of a man because of that, he will notice. Though, perhaps some men are like that. I'm not. But, I do know that if you start acting like I'm somehow inadequate because of it, I will be very annoyed. And if I feel like I'm simply not needed for anything, that will also be very annoying.
4:30 - If we've started a relationship, absolutely. Though, it's more about feeling happy about her presence in my life and wanting to tell people than it is about being territorial. If we haven't started a relationship, then absolutely not.
6:25 - I mean what I say when I say that. And it probably includes getting in her pants even though I'm not saying that because it isn't socially acceptable at that stage. But it's not JUST about getting in her pants. Just because I'm omitting one detail doesn't mean the rest isn't true. After I've already gotten in her pants... well, after a month or so, I'd likely not be saying that anymore.
9:05 - Saying "we need to talk" does immediately ring alarm bells for me. Though, if she then says "it's not really anything bad" or some other disarming phrase, I will be OK.
12:45 - Yeah, no, mostly not. It's likely because I, for some reason, feel it's not longer worthwhile to do because you've rejected me too many times.
14:45 - No, but if I'm doing something you don't like, and you don't say anything about it, it's possible that I have no clue you don't like it. You should push back on things you don't like, but not because I want to treat you terribly. It's because I don't, and I want you to tell me.
16:40 - Absolutely, because you're likely being extremely entitled. If you have all kinds of demands on what you want me to do for you and are absolutely uninterested in reciprocation (and no, willingness to have sex is not reciprocation) then yeah, I have some self-respect myself, and I don't enjoy being treated like trash.
19:35 - Yeah, I agree.
22:10 - Absolutely 100%. And don't "tell" me. Ask me.