Healing and Self Love | Men's Round Table | A Black Love Series
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- Опубліковано 4 кві 2021
- The men sit down this week and discuss how black men need to start loving themself more, but also recognizing the hurt they have been through and reconciling it so they can heal. Men's Round Table, hosted by Brandon Bryant @Wallstreetpaper, features black men of differing ages and relationship status weighing in on everything love and relationships, from dating apps to commitment and marriage.
Filmed Pre-covid
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Therapy therapy therapy is what the black community need to begin breaking generational curses & trauma bonds. Peace & light
Yep
Yes indeed!!!
Trauma can fly below the radar. It lives in the self conscious mind. The mind we rarely are aware of but controls 90% of what we do, it us our programming. It takes a determined person to seek the root cause of their problems. Accountability is actually freedom. It's the first step to healthy self love.
Well said sis!!
@@luvthyself6446 Thanks Sis!
Agreed!
Tell em queen
This is very true! Well put. Also, I believe u meant "sub" conscious but if there's a better definition in "self" conscious, lmk!
As a 26 year old black man that has made mistakes and excuses in my life I’m glad to have found this channel. I look forward to healing , growing and challenging myself
Love that for you brother. Peace and light on your journey
Good for you wanting to change! May God bring healing, peace and success to you brother. ❤️
*Most people enter relationships knowing that they aren't healed yet,* there's so many spirits out there latching on to others almost like a parasite. I've seen good men & women get corrupted by torched souls, there's nothing to do to stop this but, if you are not in a good mental state this is not the time to date.
Absolutely.
Agreed!! Very well said!! 👏🏾👏🏾
Facts!! I wish I would have known that earlier in my life!
Agreed
Hmm. I agree somewhat.
Great conversation...in addition to recognition and accountability, I'd like to add boundaries. Personally I've found that setting boundaries so that we have room for ourselves is huge. Sometimes we have to say "no" to others and choose ourselves, not in a self centered manner, but more in an emotionally healthy manner. 😊
Yes, HEALING is imperative for a healthy functioning life let alone relationship. Brokenness creates bad character, low self-esteem, bad attitudes, etc. which creates dysfunction (and perhaps failure) in our professional lives, personal lives, spiritual lives... romantic lives...
These guys do a terrific job with sharing and challenging each other respectfully. They all had something enlightening to say. Brandon does an excellent job facilitating the group conversation and ensuring everyone has an opportunity to speak. I wish the female version ran this smoothly. Great job!
Saying YES to yourself when you would normally say NO is the best advice... say yes enough so your cup run it over all the no...
I love listening to your testimonies. I am a black woman whom missed a lot of steps in raising my black children. They are grown now, but I’m glad we are now keeping the lines of communication open to do better.
No doubt that accountability is important for growth, however if you can't recognize your trauma because it's your normal, then how can you hold yourself accountable for what's beyond your vision?
Well said. One must become self-aware before they can become self-accountable.
That's what therapy uncovers.
THANK YOU!
Yes!
Interesting topic. All of their responses contain truths. Everybody's path is different, but when it comes to healing and self love, there is an order: becoming aware of the problem, recognizing the problem/pattern (in different situations), confronting the problem/pattern and facing the fears, understanding your own accountability in all of this and taking accountability... Only in the last stages true healing and self love will start to take place. In which case I believe it depends on 'in which stage you are' that determines how close to healing and self love you are.
Oh I forgot a big one... Before taking accountability: Forgiveness of yourself and others 💗
It is easy to make excuses but hard to change. People focus on what is important to them. At some point you have to hold yourself accountable to do better.
Excellent points... thank goodness so this is where the healthy, kind, loving, intelligent men are glad I found this space. 🌷
I think Abraham will make someone a wonderful husband one day. I pray that his character perceived on these videos is really who he is and that his growth will continually progress and not whither.... Thank you Black Love for giving us such great content. Content that is not only enjoyable but also provides knowledge and wisdom.
These round table discussions are always so good and informative. 👌🏽
The difference between strong minded people and those that are not. We have the ability to change the narrative, no matter what the background or history of a person or a culture is. People choose to be who they want to be. Self love is everything and will determine one’s path. As within so without.
I know this episode was primarily on self-Love, but as the conversation of African-Americans having so many children out of wedlock was addressed, this is where we need to educate ourselves. But not just African-Americans, but all other people groups, so we can all understand and heal as a world, and help African-Americans to heal. Because African-Americans ancestors went thru 400 years of enslavement, give or take, under oppression, these ills became curses, and when there is no healing, these curses became generational curses. The curses that aren't healed in a generation, reinvent themselves into the next generation. Have we ever stopped to think why primarily only the African-American community has the problem of bearing several children out of wedlock? It's because it's now a curse from slavery when our ancestor women were raped by massa, by overseers, and also they had children by their husband. Many of the women enslaved, had children by several different men. Slave master, overseer, husband, and would at times, many enslaved women would be shipped to another plantation where it would happen all over again. If there's no healing from this curse, as there was none, then it reinvents itself into the next generation. This is why the African-American community is inundated by this problem. Yes, there is accountability, as we can't blame it all on the curse. However, if there is no healing, then the curse is likely to reinvent itself. It's spiritual. It's like with Paul, as he states in the bible, "oh wretched man am I as I do what I don't want to do," it's because it's spiritual. We cannot overcome Spirit with flesh as we're "all" under the curse of the fall of man. We've sinned from that curse, doing often what we don't want to do, as we're operating under the flesh against spiritual evils. And although we have the law to correct us, we still fall under sin, and the very sin we didn't want to do because we're flesh and the curse is spiritual in nature. The only way to not bow down to the flesh and sin when under a curse, is thru Spirit, which is why Christ came and left behind His Spirit. He did so to help us overcome the curse, sin, so we would not do what we don't want to do and or shouldn't do. This is how we defeat the curse of sin, thru Spirit. Christ can heal us, and thru His Spirit, the curse can be destroyed from over us so that we don't fall under the curse(s). And more importantly, we can be set FREE from the curse(s), sin, bondage of the enemy. This is for personal and corporate curses. The African man that spoke, he doesn't have this curse within his bloodline because he grew up in Africa or elsewhere, but majority of African-Americans have to battle this curse in our bloodline because of slavery. And because there has been no healing, generational interruption to end the curse(s), they continue. And until there is a generational interruption, the curse(s) will continue. Just review what takes place in the African-American community, that doesn't happen in any other community, and it can be traced back to slavery. To "know" our HIS-story, we must first "know" CHRIST, and He will reveal Truth, He is Truth. "My people perish because of the lack of knowledge." We don't need more theological or human-opinion on life and how it occurs, we need the "One" who gave us life, the Man Christ Jesus, who created the Universe, and He'll tell us "all" we need and want to know according to His will so that we don't stay broken, under bondage, and or perish. Amen....
The dude on the left...doesn't get it....obviously he has had a different experience than most black men or people. I agree that there are things that destroy us that are so deep we don't even know are there...
I understand your point but maybe his cultural background is different? The African American experience is not THE only Black experience. Most Black people do not live in the West and some will live having direct contact with other Africans only.
@@jayc5756 The comment was that his experience was different to 'most' Black people - but 'most' Black people are not from America. So his experience might only be in the minority...in America.
Love love love the comments on accountability. There is definitely enough information to do better and make better decisions
Absolutely loved this!
Self love is saying yes to yourself for small things. How can you say yes to everything else and no to you. That hit for me cause I'm always denying myself even when I have the means.
Interesting dialogue with different perspectives. I love to see connection like this because their differences are what make them strong together.
This is powerful! Thanks for all of your videos.
Loved this! ❤️
I agree with him. There is a lot of things that I don't know. You do have to be open and willing to learn! I agree with them. You do have to love yourself first. He is so true! You can say yes to everyone else but continuously say No to yourself! That is crazy but so true! So true!
I love this!!! This was great!!!
Thank you so much for the honest discussion and the words of wisdom! God bless you
This is a good one!
Accountablity is what are community has to start doing to really heal. The brother in the light blue is correct!
Great points, realistic outlook, and all around motivating conversation 👍🏾
LOVE THIS!!
Wow, I was a sceptic but this is the most powerful conversation I have seen
Learning that we are human is a big thing.
Great conversation....
Sometimes life is a process of learning balance. Not all people have balance consistently in their homes or see it in their immediate community & network. Balance may also imply dealing with what is inside of you, including elements you may not be consciously aware of or even know how to deal with. So sometimes life has trial & error and we are to course correct ourselves as we hit the extremes
You can discern the Black "American" Man experience v. The Black "African" Man (or other 3rd World) experience clashing. Black "American" and Black "African" are two different worlds, "some" similarities but MANY differences. Skin color is not and never will be a concrete basis for comparisons.
Exactly. There is no 1 'Black' experience and sometimes people apply the African American experience as all-representing - it is unique. We should open ears, hearts and mind to learn from each other.
Yup as a Nigerian i can see exaclty what ur saying ..
Thank you brothers
You have to constantly improve yourself from within an uplifting yourself to people that are wiser than you consciously
Some men follow in their father's footsteps...emulating their father without thinking. Thankfully my father broke the cycle...raised by a strong mother and grandmother. The man I was married to continued the cycle of his father. Thankfully my sons did not continue.
Hmmm...I see both sides of this. I grew up in not the best circumstances but do not use that as an excuse to not educate, grow and become a better version of myself. I understand that we are bombarded negative images and we are conditioned/nurtured to be that way, but I have seen sooo many successful people beat the odds because they take responsibility to intentionally not live in a mind that is perpetuated upon us and break the cycle instead.
Thank you.
What i realised its not about whether they are older and wiser. People have wisdom to share
Guy in purple shirt is speaking Faxxxxx. Only.
And they barely let him speak 🙄
Awesome
I’m not sure if he’s African but I’m glad the guy from another country is there to share his perspective with the other guys.
Appreciate the meaningful content - healthy self-love needs to be prioritized currently! I go deep into self-love in a video series a few months ago on my channel too . I hope videos like ours inspire people to manifest self-love. Just subscribed to your channel also - UA-camrs like yourself should be highlighted more
Good episode
It wasn't until recently that I understood just how broken some black men are. My dad was proud, strong , and there.I unfortunately met the opposite when I began dating. To the point of the brothers know your history but, don't repeat the crappie parts.
When you say Black men, do you mean those in your community or vicinity? Most Black men are just fine and flourishing - look at these beautiful men on the panel, this is the norm.
@@drf695 Yes I am referring to those I know of and yes I have had the good fortune to know men just like these here on the video. Thanks for your question because I don't want my comment to be taken out of context or like I'm throwing shade on black men. Have a great week.
@@songs4thesoul I understand - plus these videos are great at addressing stereotypes and false narratives too. You have a lovely week too 🌺
@@drf695 absolutely I'm thrilled that black people have found a platform to voice their experiences and ways to help one another. Thank you 😊
Mindfulness, wholistic spiritual & self awareness I vital to healing
Wow this was so good ! Lmao how do I get on this show LOL
@kirkwood just made sense from be beginning, if we are aware then we should do something about it.. History sucks yeah, but let's give ourselves a chance to not let it define us..
Powerful
I like that!
Wow. Idk know why (i am not black) but i feel like part of your brotherhood
Opposite sex rejection and self love hit that topic. Men always hit on women and get rejected so we all at least once can relate to this. That would been a good be topic.
Love
This convo is lacking the context of the systematic obstacles to Black healing. Accountability + Self love doesn’t eradicate systematic racism. To use the food/fitness analogy, if you have access to the healthiest food and the best gyms, and I do not, I have to work a lot harder to be healthy and fit. I can be accountable and take charge of my journey, but I’ll always have to work harder than you towards my healing. Please consider this context when asking Black folks to be more accountable.
Maybe the guy on the left sees things differebtly because he is from/ has another culture that is non-American. The African American experience does not represnt all Black experiences globally. Maybe this is where he is coming from? An interesting video.
This is something that a lot of black people forget about... especially after they have the illusion that they are receiving the approval of the white male gaze
Say yes to yourself 😎😏
I’m not black but I did grow up in a POC household with similarities of struggles. As kind as i am, my issues are not resolved
As a mental health professional, it’s a well known fact that people self medicate their trauma w not just drugs but also reckless sex (and many other self destructive habits) while not being fully aware that this is what they’re doing. And unfortunately the children born from these unions suffer and the cycle continues. To talk ‘personal responsibility’ in this context sounds great but isn’t very realistic and is gross over simplification of a much larger & complex psychological issue. It’s easy to judge a group of ppl when you’ve never lived their experience.
Interesting points. However do you think that African Americans tar all Black experiences with the same brush? The brother on the panel from a different culture has a different, non-American culture too - there is no monolith.
@@drf695 The Black American experience is unique, as are many other subcultures' experiences in other countries. People of African descent, in general, receive some of the worst treatment and judgement of all races/ethnicities. The difference in how that maltreatment is handled among us all directly depends on the people group's particular cultural experience. In America, "Black" is not merely a skin color, "race", or signifier of ancestral origin. Being Black (Black American) is referencing the cultural experience of healing from generational trauma caused by being descendants of hated African American slaves, especially the stripping of our heritage and fighting the forces that are continuously trying to keep us held back in some form of bondage (whether mental, financial, physical, or spiritual).
@@drf695 Great question. To answer that I would say that, one's individual experience as an African American in this country is just that- individual. For instance, within my own African American family, my siblings and I each had unique experiences living in this country as a person of color (I went to a large all white university while some of my sibs did not, etc) and those experiences shape my outlook. So there is no quick answer/explanation that would explain why or how blacks in this country conceptualize their experiences. The common thread however seems to be that people who have not experienced what one particular group of people have, will suggest these lofty and over simplified platitudes when really, the issues are far more complex. America often expects African Americans to be able to 'pull themselves up by their own bootstraps just as whites and other ethnic groups have been able to do when they come to the US" while not recognizing that these opportunities were only there due to laws/stipends, etc that favored those groups but not African Americans. And not correcting the segregation and systemic racism (unequal access to a quality early education, many blacks living in crime riddled, dangerous and under-resourced neighborhoods, food deserts, etc). Yes African Americans can be successful, but they have to work twice as hard due to the intergenerational traumatic impact of slavery, among other things, and this is what is not being recognized or addressed. America expects very little of African Americans which is why no one's rushing to provide their communities with more resources, and unfortunately, African Americans are living up to this expectation.
CHURCH!!
U cant only educate yourself only when you're aware . As crazy as it sounds, i only became aware that my dad was suppose to have a dad . it sound crazy but i only just realised cos since i was born he never talked about his dad and he planted fear in house i went through so much trauma in Nigeria i lost my mum when i was 12 it felt like some part of my brain was shut down . it was when i stole my British passport and i came to the UK was when i started asking questions . That was when it done on me 25 years later after my father's death.
It's so annoying when people outside of the Black American community try to under mind our experience and trauma especially when we're processing and healing. It's easy to speak on something when it's not your experience.
🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿
The guy in the dark blue shirt is correct, the guy that isnt from this country does not get it and that is why the ADOS experience is unique to any other black person’s experience. There is trauma that most black americans are dealing with that they dont even know they are dealing with
I guess the black man struggle is universal 😅 cause Ey these are the same issues affecting Africans.
SELF care is very important, Man like I'm thinking now of spoiling more of myself.
Be on my happiest you know so I don't have to seek outside happiness, we wind up a lot of time trying to impress people, now that I'm thinking of it, I should restructure my plans , involve Traveling yea
The black family’s experience is deeply engrained and similar to the business of animal husbandry. To disconnect from this brutal experience which lasted for over 400 years is going to demand serious re-education in ALL areas of life.
As men if we could speak to each of our eight year old selves who struggles in his life as a lost young boy; what if you would will it, say to help him?
All that eight year old boy knows is what has been done to him, and what he has done in return to the world.
As a man today understand that the eight year old YOU that gave his best to the world in order to survive his circumstances; could never had made better choices for himself given his habitat making his hard imprinted habits...
LOOK IN HIS EYES as you speak what he needs to hear from any adult man who cares, and wants to invest in his well being.
To set his future on good course.
Would you really blame him for his actions saying something ignorant like "you stupid punk; you always make mistakes, and never make the right choices!"?
Fitness and uncovering core trauma beliefs are not the same.
Your audio is too low. I had to put on headphones just to hear this video.
MEN TEACH
Kirkwood (on the left in the blue shirt) won’t understand because he didn’t grow up in America and that is not his history.
We are all paradigms of our environment and that lays a form foundation, good or bad.
It takes a lot of determination and dedication to unlearn our norms to relearn. It also means sitting with our past, maybe pain and/or even trauma and working through it. That’s not easy.
Kirkwood would have been better off saying her doesn’t understand because it’s not his reality.
Not to create division but I find it interesting the man that did not grow up in America is not understanding or connecting at all with this topic, accountability is always true we know this but..there’s years of a certain mindset and honestly systemic issues that were created to cripple black people
We know what the solution is..but it will take some people years to come to this conclusion just based off their life and environments they grew up in
I'm not trying to be negative, but it is so hard to get the message from this because of the man from our mother land.. He was making some very excellent points, but our African brothers and Sisters have no clue what we've been through and they only see us through the colonizers lenses. Even if they how they treat us, they seem to always have this notion that we wouldn't have the issues we do if we just "acted right"; for lack of better words😞
The gentleman on the far left does not understand the impact of the generational trauma inherent in the African American experience. I find this is a challenge for a lot of immigrants from West Africa (I’m assuming based on his comments and appearance he is) who come to America often as teens or adults. They are from a racially homogeneous society based on classism and ethnicity and don’t completely understand the American brand of racism based on skin colour, hair texture and features and the psychological impact it has had on them. They often almost side with white supremist attitudes that African Americans are just lazy or unwilling. It’s like moving into a house (America ) filled with mold (racism) that has been painted over (false narrative of an equal society) and having a hard time understanding why the people that had been living there for generations (Blacks) are sick and complaining about mold. What mold they wonder? The “why don’t they just...” narrative removes the African American experience from its historical context. The consequences of trauma are deep seeded core wounds that take a lot to unpack. I believe one of the greatest things the American government can do to provide reparation to the African American people is offering them free therapy with a counsellor of their choice. It’s because of African Americans who survived slavery, Jim Crow, the civil rights etc that Africans are able to even come to the country and find any kind of social mobility. You can’t talk about accountability before someone has healed from their past trauma. It’s important that all our African brothers and sisters understand this in order to become true allies.
I'm African and l 💯 agree with you. We need to educate ourselves on the history of African Americans. The gentleman in blue should have just been quiet.
@@chitwak4568 What about vice versa? People talk from what they know and their culture. People have different experiences and that's fine and natural.
@@drf695 That’s the whole point of what’s being said here. Many west African immigrants have a different experience coming from Africa than someone whose ancestors made the middle passage and endured generations of slavery and oppression in America. Often those west Africans pass judgement on African Americans without understanding their experience. That’s not a matter of perspective that’s just wrong and ignorant. Especially when it’s because of what African Americans who have been able to overcome through activism and resilience a tremendous amount of oppression, that immigrants are able to come from Africa and gain opportunities in America. I hope you can understand that.
@@wendyannruns Greetings, I do understand your view and actually both sides but, I have noticed that sometimes the AA experience is experienced as THE definitive 'Black' experience. Maybe I should watch it back but I did not find his view dismissive or disrespectful just - different. There are many people in these comments dismissing the space to even disagree with the consensus view. Context is key - maybe this is just a space for AA Black Love? If it is then fine, if it is not then let's try to understand that not everyone has the same experience of direct racism. We must listen with open ears and minds to understand other cultures - the Black voice is not a monolith. Peace to you.
@@wendyannruns and you make a very good point about mutual respect. And the point of AA paving the way for the rights of immigrants and migrants of all backgrounds to live more equally.
It’s called programming
I’m a proponent for accountability. The gentleman who wasn’t born in America doesn’t understand the mental and emotional conditioning that people who were born here have endured.
He’s only talking about the 18% of Black men who are having children with 70%+ single mothers! 56% of black men between 18 to 45 are single and childless in 2022!
Someone sounded a bit judgemental. I'd like to know where he grew up.
Who?
Very
The man on the far left in making soooooo much sense. When he is talking accountability the other men seem to be making excuses. Basically, their saying that they won't discipline themselves to do better.
Discipline, like healing, is a process. When looking at extended generational trauma, self accountability is one of the later steps. One can't overcome step 5 before they have conquered steps 1 - 4.
@@ToEnlightInLove Exactly my point. The reward is in the distance, but you have to start the journey.
@@tatianadaniel3569 Absolutely. Affordable counseling/therapy would definitely help the efforts.
@@ToEnlightInLove Yep! A lot of people really do want the help.
@@tatianadaniel3569 Agreed! I think everyone's defense of the accountability part is the difference between acknowledging that people want the help but can't get it versus assuming that people aren't trying to get help due to laziness or contentment.
The brother was spot on with the accountability point. The other men were focused on excuses but at some point, Black ppl need to take accountability for their actions.
All people need to take accountability for their actions.
I feel all of them were right, its just a matter of where they are on their path and life journey. The other guys weren't really excusing responsibility, they were saying they were recognising its wrong but stuff is ingrained in their lifestyle and its very difficult to break free. But the 1st step is recognition, I believe they're taking the right steps as much as they can to start doing right. Like the other guy said, he didn't grow up in the U.S. so maybe its easier 4 him. He grew up in a different narrative.
Spot on from his perspective. Accountability is only a PART of the solution. Going to therapy isn't an absence of accountabilty. it's recognition of an underlying issue, finding healing, AND being accountable to maintain that peace while continuing to grow.
You are absolutely, accountability is the key and we need to break out of the generational excuses. Why continue to live in a past where the present paints a bigger picture to be better....Excuses, excuses and more excuses....no one is taking away anyones experience but people needs to move!
*absolutely right
A lot of excuses were made
All these damn excuses not to have any act right
Really…
Starts with race 🤦♂️
The African dude is super annoying.
I feel like my “healing” will get me divorced and estranged from my kids bc I “left” them..Seen too many ex of hood intentioned men get chewed up and I’m terrified to go down the same path tryna find “peace” can I reach peace and still be alone away from my kids.
Ohhh sorbet please thank u! Enlightening, thank u gentlemen!