In my direct experience my body is moving on it own, my thoughts are moving on it's own, my emotions are moving on their own. I feel no sense of control. But the sticking point is something in me feels like there HAS to be a me in here. I feellike I keep getting caught up in being affected by certain thoughts and emotions. If there is no control, but I feel as though all these thoughts and emotions corelate with my direct experience as this body that i feel moving through life and the direct experiences that happen within it, where am I that experiences this. I feel like a slave to this body and mind. But where is the slave? I feel as though the real sticking point is trusting. Letting go. Something in here doesn't understand how or what is letting go. I just realized that a concept I hold is that awakening "must" feel like a sort of detachment. A state where "i" am unaffected by this body mind. This is where I keep looking for this unfindable I.
@@beezusmahoney I heard Adyashanti talk about this before and it struck me deeply. The point where it is clear that we are not in control of this, so it's disempowering in a way, but there is a great release in the letting go that comes in to support us in falling off the path 😂 For me it feels like a relaxation/unburdening that goes on infinitely into this moment. Simplicity and immediacy with the support of the entire universe ❤️
Thank you. There was a part of me that knew that just by typing all that out I would get help in some way pretty immediately (which is so often the case). I found your guided inquiry that you posted yesterday right after i commented and listened to it. It was pointing right to the heart of my comment. I will spend some time on this inquiry. ❤
Hi David Thank you so much for your pointing! I am more and more clear what I am, this, immediate noticing of thoughts & sensation, attentiveness, self-aware nature in all objects etc. all of these words are an attempt to pointing to the unknowable 'I am'. I feel like the victim mindset is still fully intact, as I keep slipping into thoughts about unfairness and feeling this nagging emotion. realising and feeling fully who is this one in the thoughts and feelings. clearly it is not found. I know I am not it, why do I still believe in the stories? so hopeless. I am soaping into this very disappointing and dissatisfied feelings, knowing they are fully present, appearing as me. but I am not it. obviously this feels suffering even though it is only feelings. not fighting against it, it lasts till it does. despite how bad i feel, I am grateful for your pointing. your pointing is not meant to make the subjective me feel better as it is not actually here or there. Thank you.
@@jadecrump5573 Sounds very self aware/clear 🙂 I notice the more I "touch into" or connect with, Nondual nature in immediacy, the more the magnetic force of illusory views loses its power. The habit force runs out of steam ❤️
@@difficult_to_describe This was truly the experiencing to see that your pointing or listening to your videos does not change how suffering I feel; as there is absolutely no such individual inside the feeling capable of changing feeling. it's not about feeling better. it is to see how empty the feeling is when it feels heavy and real and convincing. Thank you so much!
@@jadecrump5573 Yeah! It seems that when we are open to what is, not resisting the feeling that is here now, there can be peace. It's the resistance to what is that creates the suffering. An exam being when I used to box, usually something that would be awful (getting punched in the face) was enjoyable 😂 because I wanted to box and I was all in 🙂
@@difficult_to_describe I can hear this sound in the air, it has no fixed location. when I tune into it or soap in it, I feel peace, but it's very boring peace. my body responds to it. the body feels lighter. I can hear it even when I am talking and speaking. it could be just white noise. but I don't know what it is. Thank you.
@@christied425 Me too :( But apparently UA-cam isn't designed for vertical phone videos so it glitches out in a few different ways making some of the features unavailable 😢
Everything bores me to the point that I feel the need to go off on my own and stop playing the game. There is a lot of understanding , enough of . Being silent and seeing thoughts coming and then boredom, all seen as a play or whatever. Thanks this is helpful. :))
@@dmaria-gf6pn Yeah I got that too. The boredom fades away with the subject and is replaced by the direct senses. It takes a while to readjust to the subtle but when it does, the senses are most fascinating and enjoyable. It helps to just sit with the feeling 🙂
One you understand quantum consciousness dua!ity becomes obsolete. Language is irrelevant to the person. Actions matter. In other words, Do unto others as you would have done unto you. Should I judge your speech or you judge mine? Who wins?
@@norfolkyeti 😂 that made me laugh. Yeah it's something being added in thought. When you inquire, you're there. There is something that comes in that seems to complexity and nullify the experience as "not it". It's a thought activity that's happening through habit. If you keep inquiring it will clarify ongoingly without the urgency and need for conclusion that comes with thought. It's like a stopping, coming to a standstill. Then what is here is revealed to its self for what it always has been. Wide awake and self aware without the need for objective confirmation from a subjective position :)
@@difficult_to_describe feels without thought though, like the mind is sitting back going "told you so, nothing there" but not in a manner I'd assumed to be thought! This discussion feels so complex, like the polar opposite to the silence, stillness, spaciousness I naturally find in meditation.....that's a, paradoxical sentence too I know 🙂
@@norfolkyeti Yeah go with that simplicity if meditation can calm the waves. I Definetely talk too much 😂 it's a real simple looking, back towards the sense of the "me* who is on this path :)
Whenever I ask "what is the next thought?" its almost like a vacuum sort of opens up and is immediately filled with the sensation of the senses (which are then commented on by thought lol). I've noticed whatever thought I pay attention to seems to evaporate like a mirage.
Hi again David! As you were going through the thought exercise in the end, I was following along whilst eating at a canteen. What I "think" is a space of no thoughts, where I "think" Im not applying any labels on things, such as a chair, fork etc., it kinda feels to be at ease, but a little forced. There is a definate difference when a thought pops in and then again when it "releases" or is gone and I'm back at ease. But then again, it feels like my attention is efforted here, if that makes any sense. This is perhaps the "gap" that is so often talked about? However, I'm having difficulties feeling into or getting how a thought is a part of this "gap", how it is a part of the whole, do you know what I mean? It just feels like Im missing some basic point here.....
Much appreciation from the US
In my direct experience my body is moving on it own, my thoughts are moving on it's own, my emotions are moving on their own. I feel no sense of control. But the sticking point is something in me feels like there HAS to be a me in here. I feellike I keep getting caught up in being affected by certain thoughts and emotions. If there is no control, but I feel as though all these thoughts and emotions corelate with my direct experience as this body that i feel moving through life and the direct experiences that happen within it, where am I that experiences this. I feel like a slave to this body and mind. But where is the slave? I feel as though the real sticking point is trusting. Letting go. Something in here doesn't understand how or what is letting go.
I just realized that a concept I hold is that awakening "must" feel like a sort of detachment. A state where "i" am unaffected by this body mind. This is where I keep looking for this unfindable I.
@@beezusmahoney I heard Adyashanti talk about this before and it struck me deeply. The point where it is clear that we are not in control of this, so it's disempowering in a way, but there is a great release in the letting go that comes in to support us in falling off the path 😂
For me it feels like a relaxation/unburdening that goes on infinitely into this moment. Simplicity and immediacy with the support of the entire universe ❤️
Thank you. There was a part of me that knew that just by typing all that out I would get help in some way pretty immediately (which is so often the case). I found your guided inquiry that you posted yesterday right after i commented and listened to it. It was pointing right to the heart of my comment. I will spend some time on this inquiry. ❤
Hi David Thank you so much for your pointing! I am more and more clear what I am, this, immediate noticing of thoughts & sensation, attentiveness, self-aware nature in all objects etc. all of these words are an attempt to pointing to the unknowable 'I am'. I feel like the victim mindset is still fully intact, as I keep slipping into thoughts about unfairness and feeling this nagging emotion. realising and feeling fully who is this one in the thoughts and feelings. clearly it is not found. I know I am not it, why do I still believe in the stories? so hopeless. I am soaping into this very disappointing and dissatisfied feelings, knowing they are fully present, appearing as me. but I am not it. obviously this feels suffering even though it is only feelings. not fighting against it, it lasts till it does. despite how bad i feel, I am grateful for your pointing. your pointing is not meant to make the subjective me feel better as it is not actually here or there. Thank you.
@@jadecrump5573 Sounds very self aware/clear 🙂 I notice the more I "touch into" or connect with, Nondual nature in immediacy, the more the magnetic force of illusory views loses its power. The habit force runs out of steam ❤️
@@difficult_to_describe This was truly the experiencing to see that your pointing or listening to your videos does not change how suffering I feel; as there is absolutely no such individual inside the feeling capable of changing feeling. it's not about feeling better. it is to see how empty the feeling is when it feels heavy and real and convincing. Thank you so much!
@@jadecrump5573 Yeah! It seems that when we are open to what is, not resisting the feeling that is here now, there can be peace. It's the resistance to what is that creates the suffering. An exam being when I used to box, usually something that would be awful (getting punched in the face) was enjoyable 😂 because I wanted to box and I was all in 🙂
@@difficult_to_describe I can hear this sound in the air, it has no fixed location. when I tune into it or soap in it, I feel peace, but it's very boring peace. my body responds to it. the body feels lighter. I can hear it even when I am talking and speaking. it could be just white noise. but I don't know what it is. Thank you.
@@jadecrump5573 The boredom will go away, it is just a thought. Just stay with it 🙂
I like the vertical orientation better 🙂
@@christied425 Me too :( But apparently UA-cam isn't designed for vertical phone videos so it glitches out in a few different ways making some of the features unavailable 😢
@@difficult_to_describe I see! Thanks for letting me know. I think I remember you mentioning that in one of your videos.
Everything bores me to the point that I feel the need to go off on my own and stop playing the game. There is a lot of understanding , enough of . Being silent and seeing thoughts coming and then boredom, all seen as a play or whatever. Thanks this is helpful. :))
@@dmaria-gf6pn Yeah I got that too. The boredom fades away with the subject and is replaced by the direct senses. It takes a while to readjust to the subtle but when it does, the senses are most fascinating and enjoyable.
It helps to just sit with the feeling 🙂
@@difficult_to_describe Good to hear, thank you :))
❤
One you understand quantum consciousness dua!ity becomes obsolete. Language is irrelevant to the person. Actions matter. In other words, Do unto others as you would have done unto you. Should I judge your speech or you judge mine? Who wins?
I get the space again, self inquiry = waiting for a thought.
@@norfolkyeti What are you that is waiting for the thought? :)
@@difficult_to_describe consciousness waiting for proof that it belongs to a conglomerate.
Something is in the way though isn't it.
@@norfolkyeti 😂 that made me laugh. Yeah it's something being added in thought. When you inquire, you're there. There is something that comes in that seems to complexity and nullify the experience as "not it". It's a thought activity that's happening through habit. If you keep inquiring it will clarify ongoingly without the urgency and need for conclusion that comes with thought. It's like a stopping, coming to a standstill. Then what is here is revealed to its self for what it always has been. Wide awake and self aware without the need for objective confirmation from a subjective position :)
@@difficult_to_describe feels without thought though, like the mind is sitting back going "told you so, nothing there" but not in a manner I'd assumed to be thought!
This discussion feels so complex, like the polar opposite to the silence, stillness, spaciousness I naturally find in meditation.....that's a, paradoxical sentence too I know 🙂
@@norfolkyeti Yeah go with that simplicity if meditation can calm the waves. I Definetely talk too much 😂 it's a real simple looking, back towards the sense of the "me* who is on this path :)
Whenever I ask "what is the next thought?" its almost like a vacuum sort of opens up and is immediately filled with the sensation of the senses (which are then commented on by thought lol). I've noticed whatever thought I pay attention to seems to evaporate like a mirage.
@@Lexor1111 Yes! 😂 And when you look for the thought of "me", it also dissappears 🙂
Hi again David! As you were going through the thought exercise in the end, I was following along whilst eating at a canteen.
What I "think" is a space of no thoughts, where I "think" Im not applying any labels on things, such as a chair, fork etc., it kinda feels to be at ease, but a little forced. There is a definate difference when a thought pops in and then again when it "releases" or is gone and I'm back at ease. But then again, it feels like my attention is efforted here, if that makes any sense. This is perhaps the "gap" that is so often talked about?
However, I'm having difficulties feeling into or getting how a thought is a part of this "gap", how it is a part of the whole, do you know what I mean? It just feels like Im missing some basic point here.....
@@bjarkiella Good question I'll answer in latest video 🙂🙏