Signs you’re healing from narcissistic relationships
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- Опубліковано 27 тра 2023
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
I hope dr Ramani knows just how impactful her work has been for thousands of absolutely miserable people
Hear hear!
Amen!
So true ..lost people like us got the path finally to see themselves
I am so thankful.
Her voice is calming as hell to me! I have to listen to her before bed every night I don’t even always know what she’s taking about because I get so relaxed and space out but I love her ❤
My signs of healing are:
1: Getting back to do the things i like to do
2: Indifferent to triggers
3: control over rumination
4: I'm comfortable staying alone with my thoughts and living alone
5: no more self-criticism and more self-compassion
6: Making myself laugh again
7: being grateful for the life valuable lesson
8: I interact with people like i used to but I learned to not drop my guard quickly this time.
9: What does not kill me makes me strong 😊
Thank you @otabano 😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢
@@anneiconex1473 you are welcome 🙏
Super, very sophisticated
they are great ... hope I will be in your state soon. 👍🙏👏👏👏
Agreed.
I heard about a new book called, “Been There, Got Out. I’m not sure if I will get divorced, but definitely am no longer controlled.
I’m so thankful that Dr. Romani made this video.
It explains why I tell my husband , “I don’t care”.
He goes into a narcissistic rage over the least little thing, and I just say, “I don’t care“.
Now I know from watching this video that I have overcome codependency and I’m not controlled by his narcissism anymore.
Praise God!!!!
It feels like you've been in prison for all those years but didn't commit any crime. It feels like a terrible loss of precious time in your life. It feels very sad.
This. Exactly^ you woke up one day and realized all of your freedoms have been handed over and you don’t even understand how it could have happened, then comes the heartache. The anger. The self hatred of being so weak to “allow” this to happen… (news flash, you aren’t weak, it’s misdirected anger)
@@YAHheistheWEH777 the self hatred hit me hard.
✝️EXACTLY 💯👏🙌👌
@@n.b.0212 It’s a beautiful thing when you come out of it, though.. all of the self hatred coming to the surface, and you giving YOURSELF, not anyone else, the time, space, patience you need.. maybe in a way you didn’t do so much before. Looking at the positive, Narcs break us in such a way that it’s so powerful when we come out.. we love ourselves deeper, protect ourselves more fiercely, and understand our own shadow much more, accepting, appreciating and loving all of it. ♥️
Key 🗝️ stay calm ,, keep trying it on while going bk forth into a frenzy way of life for survivors.. move at slow rate take deep breaths.. take day by day as time passes an your moving forward.. little by little I did wk plan reach out have someone check in on you as did on me .. helps therapy n empowerment groups did rest of it !🎉🎉🎉
Learn to be done with people. Not mad. Not bothered. Just done.
That's exactly right. A move on
Perfectly said… That’s when you know you’re done. When have that whatever and, get use to it😝💕#personalty
If you don't leave your past in the past, it will destroy your future.
Live for what today has to offer, not for what the narcissist took away yesterday.
Yes!🎉🎉🎉
I like the way you put that!
Yes, but some of us live with it, so it's not yet in the past but we're progressing in the process.
It takes effort to catch yourself thinking about the past; I do it too but I’m not staying there and dwelling on it when it creeps in. I now force a picture of a compelling future for my daughter and myself.
But learn from it.
You know you're healing. When looking back at your past, doesn't interest you anymore.
You're doing something right!
And it s a glorious feeling that is! 😃
Praying so hard to reach this point🥺
@@Tebogo11 You will ❤
Exactly
Oh God, I am diligently working on this as you are correct but told all I do is feel sorry for myself. This is an arduous journey for me, including writing, reading, listening, observing, forcing myself out of my comfort zone, meditation, prayer, forgiveness, reflection, affirmations and attempting to open my heart to love while releasing the pain and conflict. I am most grateful to you Dr. Ramani. Thank you, with gratitude and love.
“Making healing not about them.” Brilliant
Its about you its your journey your light
Its for yourself
My Signs of healing:
1. No longer taking projections personally
2. No longer questioning my self worth if someone doesn't see my value
3. Setting strong boundaries and walking away from anyone not respecting it
4. No longer trying to fix anyone that 'needs fixing'. I tell myself they need to work on themselves
5. Capable of strong open communication and being vulnerable, not worrying too much about someone using it against me (self-worth is through the roof)
6. Less rumination, however I allow negative emotions to surface when it needs to as part of releasing old trauma and pains
7. Being comfortable with negative emotions and have strong emotional regulations without needing anyone
8. Not interested in external validations or approvals from anyone
9. No longer feeling guilt for someone's struggle, although I offer compassion and empathy but not sticking around to fix them.
Ps: I've had both anxious and avoidant attachment, I worked through my patterns and behaviours and now I lean more securely attached. With healing, I no longer find these unhealthy behaviours attractive which makes me want to stay around.
yea its crazy sometimes you realize your healing after the fact - covert narcissist cunningly devalue and its can happen without you realizing it - just notice your confidence is off.
I am so proud of you for this! These are some really big issues and your dedication to healing is admirable. Congratulations and best of luck on your continued journey ❤
@@JessyA86 thank you 🙏 it’s been a long and painfully difficult path, but the outcome is so liberating
Gee looks like almost perfect! Are you doing any working with others that want help, or just enjoying you years of hard work? 😊
@@littleiodine9480 definitely planning on getting it out there with an intention to help others who are committed to their healing journey. These things really aren’t easy and I never got any one these info during my talk therapy. Might make a video soon 😁
My first sign of healing was noticing my self-confidence was coming back after being totally destroyed. Thank you, Dr. Ramani!
How long did it take?
@@ambersinclair6402for me it’s still a work in progress, my husband cheated 4 years ago and I’m still fighting to regain my self confidence… but I am way better than 4 years ago. Still fighting everyday
*I'm living this video. It is liberating. I am thriving 9 years after college with no contact with my covert narcissistic mother. I don't even acknowledge her flying monkeys. I don't care about the peripheral people who try to guilt me for going no contact. They are lost, ignorant and ill-informed.* 💗
I am so happy for you 💗
Keep it up. You got this
Wow 😮 how do you do that w/your mom? My mom was like a living nightmare all my life, and made intrigues, and trouble amongst the family. But, now that she has Alzheimer’s, I am taking care of her in my home. Although it’s not been easy, and the biggest flying monkey narcissistic brother calls 20x a week to coercively control me, I’m still taking care of my mom, as a cathartic healing for me, giving her the love she never gave us.
Yes yes yes. 10 years NC with my mother. Yay for freedom
I used to get phone calls from family members angry with me because I refused to go out for a few drinks with my mother when she needed someone/ needed a friend because she didn't have any
My love goes out to everyone that is stuck in a narcissistic relationship right now ❤
Me too
Indifference is where you want to be regarding the pathological narcissist/s in your life. Like Dr. Ramani says, you don't care about the good, you don't care about the bad, you just don't care anymore. It's a beautiful place to be.
When indifference outweighed the hurt and anger, that's when I knew I'm healing. The best revenge is complete indifference!
Why want revenge? Do they not suffer enough being them? I'd rather not allow them to take away my compassion, they've taken too much already. I feel angry also, the two aren't mutually exclusive. Allowing ourselves to feel angry is love for ourselves.
Exactly, and I also call it detachment. One trap we can fall into is the idea that we should feel sorry for those who’ve tried to destroy us. No, don’t feel sorry , just get away from that which repeatedly tries to harm me.
@@MyheartofthematterThat's their choice if they want revenge. A lot of negative feelings go through our minds. So, to me, the best revenge, is to kick these people to the curb, and to be done with them
@@kurthanke5788 ..therein lies a major problem in these times, the focus on rights to be how we like and not enough on consideration for the effects and outcomes. Just because we can doesn't mean we should. There's no such thing as a negative feeling, just negative consequences when feelings are denied, suppressed or repressed.
@@Myheartofthematter You have some good thoughts typed out.
Thank you for addressing rumination, not just here, but consistently over the years. When I was discarded suddenly after a 22 year marriage I thought I was completely losing my mind. It took YEARS for me to stop ruminating. Every waking moment I was trying to understand what had happened. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't read or concentrate on work. I thought I would lose my job and my mind. You are the only person I've seen address rumination seriously and really talk about how crazy-making and disruptive it is. Just knowing that it's normal after narcissistic relationships was such a huge relief for me. These videos were a lifeline for me. Thank you.
The hours and hours and hours I spent trying to figure out why the narcissist was doing what they were doing. And eventually, coming up with no answers, I turned inward and found it was all my fault. But it wasn't.
I have been ruminating since I learned I was with someone who could not communicate. No sense only word salad. I wonder and wonder what they are thinking , no way to know!
Laugh
@melissaearley8999 32 years. Now 9 1/2 yrs later l think of him every waking minute. I loved him even though he was a narc, he was a covert narc so he was not impossible to live with. However l can love almost anybody. So tired of grieving. 😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢
I'm glad you're doing better. Sorry for what you went through
One change I’ve noticed is the return of my sense of humor!
"Food's too good and life's too short" HALLE-FREAKIN'-LLUJAH :)
Taking a minute to assess what happened is not something a narc does. They just move along indifferent to the bloody trail behind them.
Whole society is like that now a days - just hit and run mentality! Keep on going forward.
Thank you. I was not a good person while with the narc. I was, with no uncertainties, a demon.
However, I've taken the time to fix myself. It's insulting to see her blame me for everything when she's still doing the same stuff that helped keep me so sick.
I was no good to her healthy and strong and independent, so I was kept addicted and depressed to the best of her ability.
Unfortunately, when I realized she was keeping me sick, I became angry and resentful for the assisted destruction of my well-being, and instead of leaving I took it out on her because we have children together.
The second she left, I quit and I've not looked back.
Maybe that’s why he’s at 5 failed marriages
@@scottmatznick3140 Narcissists bring out the worst in everyone. My dad probably wasn't a great husband honestly, but frankly my mom was a terrible wife and mother, so she has no room to talk. All she ever did was blame her problems on other people (her husband and her own children) and try to drag everyone in my family down to her level. (all while playing the victim and acting like she did nothing wrong) I had a poor relationship with my dad, but a lot of that was because of her taking advantage of my insecurities and manipulating and abusing me. She turned us against each other. He and I both made a lot of mistakes. It was only after we both got away from my mother that our relationship started to improve. Narcissists never admit their faults, and they never change. They are the real "demons".
Exactly...
The irony and the rage I feel is when they falsely and hypocritically acknowledge that they understand their false or weak behavior as if they just broke a glass and not someone's heart
My Signs Of Healing From A Narcissistic Relationship
1) Not Caring Why The Narcissist Isn’t Speaking To Me
2) No Longer Chasing Wanting His Acceptance
3) You Feel Lighter
4) Chronic Physical Symptoms Began To Alleviate.
5 ) You Feel A Sense Of Relief.
very very true
@@donna6980
It REALLY IS
Yes, the relief part was surprising. I had fun on my Anniversary even though my parents tried to use my brother to hoover me in. I said NO. You have not done anything for me for years. No.y husband and I had a wonderful time together! Don't need the narcissists.
@@elizabethhoeppner8881
You Are absolutely right Thank you for sharing this 💓
Less fear. More love
I don't remember when I learned about narcissistic abuse. I lost my children to their father and I spent years within myself trying to defend myself, hoping they would ask me for my side of the "story". Many years of painful recrimination and guilt. Then one day I woke up and realized that I could no longer live that way. I made a conscious decision to accept my situation as it was and move on. Since then, I've been listening to videos about the abuse that I lived and healing from all the information. Thank you for your help.
same story
Same story here as well. How did you crawl out of the crippling guilt?
They never ask for our side of the story and even if they do it will be twisted and we become a problem
Sending you love ❤❤
🌹
A while after he died, when I was still processing things, I woke up and his daughter had posted a picture of him on social media for his birthday. Seeing his face and his name and all the good things people were saying about him... I was wrecked for the day. So angry and viscerally still scared. I could barely think of anything else. He'd cost me so much and here are all these people saying what a great, amazing, "godly" man he was. It hurt so much.
A couple of years later, almost the same thing happened. Out of nowhere. She posted a picture of him, missing him. And all these people commenting about him being such a great man, "man of God," their fond memories of him.
And... I was fine. Kind of glad time allows her to remember him that way, even. I had some feelings, sorrow for that time in my life, but also gratitude for the things I built up afterwards. And I went on with my day. Just a passing thought of a sad memory.
My first sign of healing was laughing again. I lost the ability to laugh during the marriage and it was the first part of me to return.
In fact, I texted something funny to my daughter one day and she responded, "Mom!!!!! You NEVER joke!" She was absolutely shocked
Laughter is great medicine. ❤
For me it was being able to listen to music and enjoy it.
🎉🎉🎉
Super proud of you!! Mine was crying. If I cried he yelled at me and called me names. It took me about a year after leaving him to be able to cry again!
Love your daughter's reaction. I was in same boat. Glad you're doing better
Dr. Ramani has saved my life with the impactful information she has shared. I remember laying in bed at night sobbing my eyes out over a terrible abusive relationship I was stuck in. Listening to her UA-cam videos was the only thing that would let me fall asleep. I was so manic and becoming Sick. I lost so much weight. Her calm healing words finally made sense. Everything clicked. I changed my whole life around. I got out and stayed away. I’ve been healing slowly. Thank you Dr. Ramani. My ex would have ended my life if I didn’t find your videos. I am here today because of this woman
😭😭😭❤️
Wow...your testimony just brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing ❤️❤️🙏🏿
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Congratulations on your survival! ❤ right there with you!!
Also, the part about, "They're never going to notice you" is brilliant. I had given up trying to change the narcissist a long time ago, but I hadn't realized that piece. Stop trying to please them or seek their attention. It will never work. And even if you succeed or do get their attention, it will only make matters worse as they'll try to destroy or undermine you due to their petty jealousy and insecurity. Go grey rock, low/no contact, minimal sharing and interaction, and build yourself and your life up. Fill it with wonderful beautiful people that love you for who you are and discard those nasty narcissists!!
Thank you for posting that. I still fall for their honeytraps. They act all empathetic and compassionate until I let my guard down then BAM! The crushing of me as a person is exponentially increased when I am coping with health issues and am worn down.
Usually I can go without interaction with them, but when I need support it is easier to fall for their tricks.
I am np longer listening to you every day now for over a year. I learned so much from you, I have been away from my narc for three years after a 23 year marriage. I am no longer ruminating or thinking about him or the horrible life I was living in. I go days with out thinking about the past. I am starting to feel like my old self, and I am not on edge like I was for so long, sleeping better and taking care of me again. Thank you for all of your videos because you have helped me and so many others. You are an Angel and I am so happy I found your videos.
I too was married 23 years to a narc but I am only 5 months free. I look forward to feeling how you are feeling now. I have a long way to go but have also come a long way in a short time. I especially look forward to not feeling fear of him showing back up in my life. I rehearse over and over how I will react, but the huge lump in my stomach indicates that I have much work to do.
I can relate to this in so many ways. It breaks my heart for my poor younger self who was just trying to be loved, seen, heard, acknowledged, validated and supported and didn’t know how awesome she already was. Thankfully I’ve learnt so much I can catch myself now when I slip into those approval seeking patterns again, and let it go to keep making healthy choices for myself regardless of ‘them’. Thank you Dr Ramani❤
Amen!❤
Same here! Awesome, glad for you!
Bless you, that was so beautifully articulated. I wrote it down in my diary to remind myself I can do this too.
So much gratitude to you 💙🙏💙
Me too, God help us 💜
Love this!
Please don’t leave, Dr. Ramani. In just two months you’ve brought me more awareness than I’ve had my whole lifetime.
At some point YOU will leave yhis channel, when you don't need it any more❤ I've bingewatched all her videos in the past, now I'm healed so far, that I forget to check them😊 Healing is possible!!
Thanks for making me feel that I'm the one whose normal and all my family members are not.thanks a lot Dr Ramani.Thanks for saving me.Pls take care.GOD bless you.
When he came to get his stuff, he hugged me. I almost threw up. It was very bizarre to have such a visceral reaction having only been away from this man for 3 days. Very eye opening
Been there!!
When you finally hit your limit, you see them as the pathetic loser abusers they are.
Buhbye!
Your body knows
When he first moved out, I almost started vomiting, but I told myself if I started vomiting I wouldn't be able to stop. This happened again the following week. Then I had nightmares, walking in my sleep and struggling for four months with anxiety induced vertigo. Yes, what he did was awful in using passive aggressive behavior so I would leave him because he wanted everything and didn't care what happened to me. With my leaving, then he would have sympathy as a victim of being left. Those seven months began with light passive aggressive behavior and then the behavior became more severe and after 41 years of marriage i didn't have a clue what was going on.
When I went through my divorce I reached an "AHA" moment. On the last day when our divorce was finally FINAL , I experienced a moment of real hurt and anger. I wanted VENGEANCE ! At that moment I prayed, " God, I want VENGEANCE. You BLESS him so much that it's coming out of his ears, and You get him into HEAVEN, I will call that PAYBACK!! " A HUGE WEIGHT lifted off my shoulders and my heart, soul, mind, and body became as clear as a crystal. I knew that was the answer, the resolution, the catharsis I needed to GO ON! I walked out of that room with a heart as light as a feather. I felt wonderful!!
You did well. You realized that carrying that heavy brick in your purse was no longer worth it. Well done. Don't judge his new life as a defeat. I say that because a narcissist will NEVER be happy no matter how great we see their life going. Remember when we were with them people on the outside looking in did not know we were living in hades. Believe me their new source of energy will find out soon enough. Also remember the Bible says " you reap what youvsay". Do you and enjoy yourself.
"What you sow"!!!
I have been listening to your videos for almost 5 years now. I was in a relationship with a narcissist for 38 years, married for 35 of those years. I just want to say that yes there is healing and recovery and yes even joy and peace. I wasn't sure there was ever going to be a life after. listening to this last video it occurred to me that I am about 95% healed. what you said about indifference (in regard to the narcissistic) is very accurate. I don't hate, worry or obsess about this person any more. I have really worked on forgiveness not for his sake, but for me. God is good ! There is a future !!! Thank You Dr. Ramani for what you do ! you have brought hope and healing to a lot of people
I’m going through this right now and 30 years with a covert narcissist. I hope one day I will be like you.❤
Hang in there. Healing from coverts is tough; but it can be done. Took me 6 hrs but I’m blissfully indifferent, have practiced lots of forgiveness which opened the door to true & rapid healing at the end.
Wow, how do you do it in 6 hours? @@sbirch9570
I am still married, 30 yrs . By the time my divorce is over, it will be past the 31 yr mark. The thing is, I never realized he was a narcissist. I’ve been sick for 9 yrs. I totally relied on him for everything. The emotional abuse never stopped, even though he physically took care of me. I am commenting bc of your extremely long relationship. I’ve barely kicked him out within the past cpl of yrs and had him sign over our mobile home to me yesterday.
I’m so happy to hear you are doing good and feeling very healed . You give me hope. Thank you
@@ezra4518, me too. Married 30 yrs and going through a divorce. I hope one day to heal too.
The only way to take control from a narcissist is to get yourself from their domain first. You wont be able to figure out anything until and unless you are out of the hellish world. I will tell you one of my favourite stories. Once a King was too disturbed by everything that was happening around him. He felt as if no one was loyal to him and he was always afraid of his kingdom being attacked by perpetrators. He lost his sleep and his life had become hell. So he thought of taking a brief sojourn in the countryside. He passed through lush green fields and picturesque landscapes. The silent breeze that brushed through his hair filled his heart with joy. That is when he saw a farmer who was putting fence around his farmland. But his farmland had weeds all over and they hardly had any crops. This intrigued the King. He asked the farmer as to why was he putting a fence around the farm when the farm itself was covered with weeds. To this the farmer said that the farm was his own so he could get rid of the weeds whenever he liked. But he cant stop the stray dogs from running over his fields and destroying them. That is why he was putting the fence. To stop the stray dogs from venturing into the field. Once he was very assured about the security of his fields he can work on clearing the weeds and planting crops. On hearing this the King somewhat got the answer which he had been searching for. The human mind is also like the field. You cant control assholes from fiddling with your mind or saying bullshit. But you can definitely put a fence ( figuratively) so that these assholes cant influence you. And until and unless you dont put a fence you can never work on yourself. Once you have distanced yourself from toxic people then you can work on the healing process. Same is the case with narcs. Narcs are these stray dogs who suck your energy emotionally. They play mind games for fun because their mind wants melodrama. They hurt the very people who love them. So total isolation from these narcs is absolutely essential for the well being of your Mind. Once you are out of their mind games you can take decisions rationally. Narcs try to drain you emotionally. So everytime you respond to their low vibrations you tend to come to their level. But when you react confidently without panicking and without responding to their negative vibrations that is when you Win. When someone realises that you arent being influenced or being manipulated by their actions they will get tired of it. And after cutting them off completely from your lives you should work on your healing process. Work on clearing your mental clutter and keep yourself preoccupied. Read books and most importantly try to find your Purpose in life. When you find your Purpose you will be able to bear any pain in this World. Most importantly help others in need. When you find someone else who is stuck with a narc help them to get out of that. I feel this is the way to take control from a narcissist. P.S: I hardly find people around me who know about emotional abuse. But I think everyone should read and know about it. In today’s mean world you will find a lot of people who try to influence you or demoralise you using the sweetest of words. Its about identifying these covert manipulators and distancing yourself from them. I have immense respect for people who have survived narcissistic partners. They happen to be the most strongheaded and emotionally stable people you can come across. I learn a lot of things from them. Truly the broken will always be the most beautiful. Additionally, Here's a clue for anyone of you that think your spouse might be cheating, but you think they are just too clever to be caught, your feelings of being cheated on are not facts and your intuitions are bullshit unless you find out for sure. So before you bring your sickness and blame into the relationship get some fucking proof and some mental help consult a private investigator today Metaspyhub@gmail. com for the purpose know where you stand in your relationship...
You said it ALL !!!
I dated one of those assholes for 10 months!! He has so many people fooled. You’re story and advice are a blessing to all !!!
Yes, they always accuse the victim of the trash that they are actually out in the streets doing themselves. Nut Jobs 🤮🤮🤮
Wow. Thank you for the farmer story!! I feel so lucky to have seen this when I did. You have no idea the moment of peace it brought me just to read it. I will pass it along ❤
For anyone reading this, absolutely do NOT contact the email in the original comment. It is a scam designed to take advantage of miserable people looking for answers.
@@jonahshriver3358I would never contact any links emails on UA-cam or any social media. Story was goes though.
My malignant narcissistic mother disowned me 24 years ago, because she was not happy with my choice of a husband! It destroyed me for years, not speaking with my father, or sister either. Yup, my narcissistic mom made them chose between her or me! I'm finally in trauma therapy to let this go and you, Dr. Romani have been such an amazing, encouraging person in my life! Making me believe it is possible to get past my trauma bond and narcissistic abuse!
My narcissist mother, how terrible is to say my mother wanted to kill me, she hated that I was there as a baby in need of care, crying, and screaming for help. She didn’t kill me, she told me later, because of my father. He was other victim in her hands. But she told me that few times she grabbed an axe 🪓 to kill me while I was trying to start walking, then for some reason she didn’t and throw the axe way. I certainly believe that was my guardian angel protecting me from her. But, if she couldn’t kill me that way, she was leaving without the necessary care and I got sick to death. I have a picture that was taken as a memory because the doctor said I was dying with 2 years old. But, miraculously I didn’t, but I been in hell growing up with this sick mother. She denied me in everything, serious physical, emotional, mental, spiritual abused. Can’t number the situations I have been struggling for life, for help. Just a girl growing up, and she always pushing my father against me and leading to a physical abuse frequently.
Sorry, I need to talk about with you. Thank you for reading. Things got so worse during the years of my life, getting many times in wrong relationships with the same signs of abuse and violence. With 68 years old, only now having therapy and treating the bleeding wounds open in my heart and soul.
@nizcaetano5692 I truly apologize for just responding to your message!!! I didn't know I had a message! I'd like to speak with you as well!
@@nizcaetano5692 can we give out email addresses?
I think the hardest truth I've ever learned is that there are people in this world who couldn't care less about you.
As someone who cannot afford hiring a therapist but will never let the Narc win over me, I'd like to say THANK YOU DR. RAMANI for helping me throughout this journey! I'm slowly getting my power back.
I can assure you, no therapist could help you more than Dr. Ramani.
Dr.Ramani is the best when it comes to learning about NPD 😙
I listen to her at work so I'm getting paid and I feel like I'm getting some money back from all the therapy bills and book bills lol!! xo
When I used to come home from work on fridays, I was always full of anxiety bc of my ex. When he became my ex, I was still anxious about my “new” life that had been thrust upon me. One day around the 6 month point, I came home on a Friday, and a few blocks from home I felt “normal” again,if that makes any sense. It’s a normal Friday for me, I’ll do my normal things, and it’s ok. How strange it was to feel “normal” again after so many abnormalities! Good but strange. In a few days it will be 7 months. Today I listened to music I first discovered at the beginning of all of this mess. I didn’t want to avoid the music I loved. I took back my music. 😊 a small victory for me today!
@Maryann that sounds so great 👏🙌 🥇❣️
Always tune into music, best therapy!🎶
I did the exact same thing on my way home from work
Good for you! Yes we must celebrate our victories 🙏🏼😇💖
And, more victories to come ❣️☀️🙏
Yes! She is a covert narcissist. "You dumped me!" she said once. This morning I woke up for the first time, in years, free from the pain of the Narcissistic wife's voice. Realizing she's moved on and I saw it for what it truly is. Thanks
After listening to so many calm, measured speakers on this subject, Dr. Ramani is a breath of fresh air! Her insight, her perspective, her warmth, her passion...it is so nice to have someone encouraging me to build myself up as fiercely as I was torn down.
Thank you for the work you do, Dr. Ramani. Much love to you ❤
My narc is also, unfortunately, my co-parent. He knows that harmoniously raising our child meant everything to me and would weaponize that. Two months before a major event in our now adult son’s life, narc emailed me to say he never wanted to speak to me again and not to contact him. Horrified he would ruin a happy occasion, I was terribly upset. For about 10 minutes. Then I blocked him on all channels (he’s NOT calling the shots this time and this stops him from reaching out with all kinds of manipulation when he got tired of this game). I explained to our son that I was very sorry, but we would not be able to have a joint celebration this time. And I washed my hands of him. After 11 years of struggling to heal, to stop beating myself up, to stop asking myself what I did to upset him yet again…I feel free.
You are an angel Dr Ramani. For years I drank alcoholically trying to shut my brain off. I am 18 years sober, and now you are helping me move forward with a full and healthy heart. So much gratitude for your channel. ❤️
I wish l could drink every night. The problem is it doesn't help, it makes me fat, gives me a headache. So what to do? I have two older lady friends who smoke weed! I have no interest in that. Don't want antidepressants. Can't afford the Dr visits. Tried sex with anyone and everyone and got STD's. So that had to stop. Don't want AIDS. My dog even died. @paulinekiely8990
Listen to classical music 🎵 until your mind is clear
I'm drinking right now...hold on to hope. Thanks for sharing 🙏🏿❤️
I am finally on my sober journey after years of struggle. My narcissistic partner used it to abuse me. No more. I feel a great weight has been lifted. I am dancing on. 💃🎉
Hi Dr Ramani
I'm in the early stages of breaking free
I do have my days of being on a up and down and even brain fog, sometimes emotionally confused
I just read my Bible on my ph and at times feel like the lord is speaking to me through the verses.
Even after the narc parent died I still subconciously tried to achieve things as some sort of way of getting their attention, impress them or even compete with them. The mind can work in mestyrious ways. It felt so liberating when I finally I achieved things because I enjoyed it and felt good about it!😊
I have started no contact now 10 days. Blocked him. Still struggle with letting go of trauma bond with him. Still hear his voice turning everything on me and I took this on. I am so vulnerable and would agree with him that it was my fault, say sorry and go back. Did this for 7 years. So damaged and working on moving on and healing. I listen to Dr Raman everyday to keep me sane and strong. ❤
i see this was 4 months ago , is there an update? ive been in relationship with the devil for almost 7 years hes in prison now, im alone im broken but i just want free from him i had a heart attack 4 months ago and i know i will die if i stay i put him in prison. i will never be the same person i just want to feel again. i dont know what to do with myself ive looked in to it and ive come to the conclusion that i am serverly trauma bonded severly. well i hope all turned out good for you. id like to hear. thanks
SIGNS YOU’RE RECOVERING:
1. You no longer post on social media hoping that they’ll see it 24:46
2. You ruminate less 25:54
3. You have fewer nightmares and dreams about them 27:00
4. You hear about them or their name and you DON’T feel that nervous system reaction (fight flight freeze or fawn) 28:08
5. You slowly start getting to “indifference.” 29:48
6. You’re beginning to learn from it (regret turns to acceptance) 30:26
7. You start to allow yourself to move forward 31:49
8. You start distancing yourself from other information sources (people) around that person 32:45
9. Stop concerning yourself with the narcissist’s failures or losses 34:17
Thank you for taking notes.
This helps a lot! Thank you. 😊
My current place. I even started walking my dogs again instead of letting them just run around the yard because I was too angry or too down and feeling bad about me. At one point, I thought about giving them away. One is over 18 plus and was her deathbed - he planned to use her death in his discard (I figured that out). She recovered and is just fine. Last night, one could not stop licking me lol. These were the dogs he planned to harm when I returned to the US. I am still overseas and life for the 5 of us ( one human and four furries) is going great. Just got an offer for a position in Guam. I really don''t have that anger anymore not I am not down. I keep moving forward and enjoying traveling again (just got back from Vietnam). I live in Korea). I started exercising again, and I plan to get back to my writing of strange stories. Life is good! The experience taught me to love and appreciate my life, my talents, and the good people in my life. I wake up happy with my life. Oh, and revenge? No, I don't want revenge anymore. I am in MY happy place. He does not matter, and he is totally irrelevant in my spirit.
It's the catlysis yhat gets you off your ass! Had a great laugh!
I'm definitely on my way...
Thank you, for giving me permission to say, "I don't care."
I finally decided to go no contact with the entire family.
I set goals for myself. I am doing things for other people, who appreciate.
When people ask me how I am, I say, "I'm wonderful and so are you."
There are so many wonderful people in the world, and they like being told so.
That's Nice 🙂 Sounds very free.
I had to cut my whole family as well so I completely understand also your comment made me smile and gave me hope thank you so much :)
Dr. Ramani, you reiterated and validated my emotional tug of war: my rage mixed with pitiful compassion.
My sign of healing: not feeling guilty for walking away from the relationship. I’ll be gracious to them but they’re no longer in my close circle anymore. It costs too much: 6 months into our friendship. Therapy has helped tremendously. I couldnt recognize red flags 12 years ago!💚
Dr. Ramani, my journey has been made easier because of you. BUT, I still come and listen most days. Even when I think I’m doing ok, it’s necessary to hear my own story reflected in the experiences of other people. It makes me feel saner somehow. Thank you. Thank you.❤
I totally do the same thing, and I feel like it also keeps me alert and aware of new information on NPD & cluster B and/or things I may have forgotten as time goes on.
Me too, more sane and Self assured I am unique, fearfully and wonderfully made, purposefully given my ways that are interesting and beneficial. Dr. Romani sharing personal experience has encouraged me by 1,000 fold! Thank you so very much!
Me too. Listening to other survivor helps me alot.
We may heal from our primary narcissist but there will always be other narcissists in our lives. I don't think there will ever be a point where I can't learn and benefit from Dr. Ramani. And sharing this information and insight with others is vital.
Yesterday, my sister and mother (both narcisists) tryed to manipulate me furiously, they throwed me everything they had. Thanks to people like You, yesterday (for the first time) I remain calmed and barely smiling, completly in peace, no anger, no anguish, no expectations about them, just tranquillity.
I confess that I had a moment of joy when they just felt the gentile frozen breeze of my indiference, in spite of their fake tears and techniques of manipulation.
For the first time, I felt completely free o theri internal hell.
It was like a very difficult exam with an excellent grade.
Thank you
I'm happy for you.
I've been there. It's liberating.😌🧘♀️
I love you for your service. I’m not sure I would be where I am now without your partnership in my learning, understanding, acceptance, and healing. Thank you.
the steps that helped me start ACTUALLY healing were (and still are because im still in the process):
-watching videos that validate my experience with the narcissist and educating myself
-improving myself not to look better to the narcissist but to look better for myself even if it doesnt please other people
-doing active steps towards putting myself more out there without feeling ashamed(this is still def the hardest step)
-going little by little and not giving up if i take a step back at one point
-thinking only about myself and setting boundaries while being respectful and not agressive with other people that i realize are narcissist
-spending as much time alone doing things i love and not feeling guilty about it
-nurturing friendships while also trying not to completely depend on them to survive
-LAUGHING AND FEELING HAPPY WITHOUT FEELING GUILTY ABOUT IT!!
THANK YOU DOCTOR YOU HAVE HELPED ME LIVE MY LIFE FINALLY!!!
"I'm not indifferent to their future victims, but it's not my job to rescue them." 🙌 21:29
I wish. I have my 2 year old daughter to save.
THis. I pray for protection, wisdom and safe ,loving spaces for both of you. Soon too@@ThePestilentDefiler
@@ThePestilentDefiler I prayed for you and your daughter.
My spouse is currently in therapy, dealing with a lifetime of narcissistic abuse from his mother. He's a great person, but I can definitely see the destruction that she caused in his life. It wasn't until a few years into our relationship, that he actually started to learn that his mother is definitely a narcissist. I think that realization peaked when his father was diagnosed with cancer and she had a meltdown like a toddler, all because he was "getting more attention". It was quite disgusting to see. I'm glad to know that people can and do heal from this.
Wow! My mother acted exactly the same when my father was diagnosed with cancer. It was all about how it affected her. My poor father was more concerned with how she was than himself! So messed up
I discovered that with my mom as well a few years ago. The level of shame and guilt I could finally understand and not stay in confusion. What a crazy journey...glad I'm not the only one ( though I also wish I was the only one who went through a lifetime nightmare)
My mother acted like that when my father died. Not even worried about how his sons felt. Was only about her.
That is so awesome you are so supportive of your hubby. I have suffered greatly from 40 years of abuse from my narcissistic Mother. I am 58, so all of my adult life, although I believe she was narcissistic when I was young, I just didn’t see it as much. She ruined all my relationships including the one with my only child whom is 28. She turned him against me at an early age. She also made a mockery of my personal life and humiliated me to friends and family. She is a a covert narc which in some ways is the worst. Nobody realized what she was doing except me. The wounds go so unbelievably deep you wonder if you will ever heal or recover. The abuse and stress caused me to have CFS/ME/Fibro and the stress has kept me sick for 23 years to where I am now disabled. In Feb 2023 I collapsed and was in near adrenal failure due to a PTSD breakdown of all the years of abuse and constant stress from her drama. I realized I had to cut her out of my life. My son took her side and so did my aunt and uncle. My son is also a narcissist and very abusive since age 15. I have no family left except my hubby and friends but that’s ok. I knew I had to cut my Mom out or I would be dead. I am now healing physically and mentally with the help from my Chronic Fatigue doctor. Part of his therapy is healing stress and trauma, by meditating every day for 20 minutes. I use “beach walk” meditation videos here on UA-cam. Also, grounding in nature. I sit outside with headphones on for 30 min with bare feet in grass. Scented Candle therapy. I burn a different candle every night (I stay up late) while hubby sleeps in the next room due to our health issues. I sing too (Vagus stimulation). And these videos from Dr Ramani have helped immensely. Therapy did not help me as I couldn’t find a therapist knowledgeable in narcissistic abuse. Hope this is helpful for your hubby.
They drove me to indifference. I tried absolutely everything to make the relationship work. All the narcissistic abuse finally accumulated to a point that my heart turned off & closed off to them to protect myself. I’m still working my way through it all but beginning to see the light and healing from this experience. I have compassion for their suffering but with strong personal boundaries now. I still have much healing to do but finally have the personal space to do the inner work I need to create positive changes for myself, grow & free myself from their manipulation. I wish no ill will on them. I just want to take care of myself and grow into new beginnings. The pain is REAL but I know how to HEAL!
Love you Dr. Ramani! I am healed. When I go about my business and reflect… wow, i have not thought about him all day, all week, etc… I am glad we had no children together! I had that deep righteous anger. Rumination thru the roof. I feel sorry for the new supply. Your videos have helped to understand NPD, the process of ‘whys’ and ‘how’s’. Thank you! ❤️❤️❤️ And don’t take this personally, I don’t feel the need to watch NARC you-tubes much anymore. Once in a while, like today, is just a kind of ‘benchmark’ to see my reactions to the video. Happy day! ❤️❤️
That is GREAT!!🎉🎉🎉
yes be glad you didnt have children, I have 2 narc kids who definitely fell in the footsteps of their Dad, it has been very painful. Yes I do feel for the wife he got after me. I am ruminating less thank goodness. Yes, cant take it personal, it is who they are.
Yes I am glad that I did not have children with him as well ❤
A big part of my recovery from the scapegoat role was realising my family are strangers to me. If you’re not emotionally connected to them, then the pain starts to fall away. Narcissist families have no emotional connections formed from the start, so when you leave, that grieving is easier. Thanks Dr Ramani 🙏
This is so sad. I am so sorry. No child should ever experience growing up in a narcissistic household. However, congrats for breaking free ♥️
@@thelovelylife7451 thank you 🌟
You're telling the story I see in my family. Glad you are able to heal and see your value. I've seen the same with mine and those who haven't are the ones who are miserable and angry. I pray for their children and maybe having a chance to talk with them again one day. There is sadness for what used to be but not much emotional attachment now, just a lot of indifference. Sadness for the relationships I can't have now and hope to in the future.
So true lulu. I was only a useful prop to my narc "parent" when she was able to use me, benefit from me in some way, manipulate me, etc., etc. When I began to differentiate + set healthy boundaries, I began to experience the rejection from her. I didn't really tune into that at the time. But reflecting back now, I can see ... that's when the rejection began.
@@michelleduncan9965 So glad you're healing. There will always be good and bad days, but it's just important to know that we are not the problem. It's them. Take care 🌞
Having a narcissistic Mother I thought I had no choice but to put up with these types of people. I married 2 just like her. I am alone, I’ve let all that baggage go. Thank you Dr Ramani for helping me heal.
Understand you very well. I have narcissistic mother too and absynt father. Im completely lonely in my 2 relations. Even my teenage child play on my emotions.its sucks but I am trying not to lose hope.
🎉🎉🎉how freeing for you💚can you stop smiling?
Thank you for sharing. I too recently learned my mother is a narc and it's been such a blow. I'm so thankful for these guiding resources and knowing I'm not alone
I'm early in my recovery stage from the abuse I endured from my Nmom and enabling dad and brother (started the process in August last year) and here's how I'm doing so far:
✅ Blocked them
❌ No longer revenge posting
❌ Less rumination
✅ Fewer nightmares and dreams about them
❌ Not triggered when I hear their names
❌ Becoming indifferent about them
❌ Getting lessons/meaning from what happened
✅ Allowing myself to move forward
✅ Distancing myself from enablers
✅ Not concerning myself with their failures and losses
I have learnt being indifferent to a narc is the best thing one can do to save oneself from all the abuse and start to live life and not try to survive it anymore .Truly liberated and free
As an adult child of a narcissist father, your videos have been soul nourishing. He was a nasty and cruel role model. So a marker of recovery for me: Treating everyone, including myself better.
Me as well. Finally learning what was happening my whole life at 48 years old. Thank you for making me aware I am not alone living in the twighlight zone! That in itself is huge!
And the most important part YOU ❤
Aware 100 of toxic vampires
I’m not a victim I’m a Survivor ❤❤❤❤ 49:31
Same. Have a narc father and only understood after 58 years! It's so hard to walk away from a parent.
What you do is so crucial for the collective humanity. Most of us have grown up with a narcissistic family member. That ripples to other relationships. I noticed how the narcissistic person takes away our identity because we don’t live for ourselves. The biggest indicator of my healing was stop trying to be someone else and start doing the things I like. Going back to who I am. It feels peaceful. It’s like going back home.
It is!
🙏🏽
Took me 60 years to reach that point to get rid of parents and brothers, for good. Sure, I had to educate myself a lot. My toxic mother was key to play the last, and quite perverse strategy, to put my brothers against me with elaborated lies or the unsurprising negative campaign... They probably thought I would submit, but I saw my last door to freedom, and I took it. Then I turned to no contact. Since the scapegoat won't be around... Any criticisms, blame games, accusations, long etc, if any, will be on themselves. Thanks, Dr. Ramani ❤
My parents were narcissistic so for the first 20 or so years of freedom, I was attracting others like them. Healing ensued but each piece of the puzzle came slowly. Counseling didn't help much, but the final narcissist (from whom I broke up after only 4-6 weeks after dating) was so much like my parents, it brought on massive healing. It was like withdrawing from a drug. Now, 9 years later, I have my own life and if I occasionally feel that old feeling in my gut (I used to call that love), it's a heads up to "run like hell". Thanks for your affirming videos!
Dr. Ramani, you’ve helped me to get this point so I thank you so much. Nearly 4 years ago I ended a romantic relationship and I was in my late 50’s. I then went no contact with many more. The no contact and or no concern for family, life long frenemies and more. I live life at my own terms. I gave up the hope fantasy and I’m cured. Glad you were part of my journey.
My situation is similar to yours, Newfoundjoy. Leaving toxic family members and long term frenemies behind has been the saving of me. Best wishes to both of us going forward.
sounds like my life ...I'm with you guys
I'm so happy for you!😃
I'm heading in that direction, as well. Dr. Ramani has helped me so much, giving me so much power and confidence.💪🏻
I'm around the same age as you. Continued happiness for you!🙏🏻🤍✨️🤍✨️
We are only "shame storage" to them. Oof that part really hit me hard. Eloquent as ever, Dr. Ramani❤ seriously, the way you go about describing these things really helps people understand what they're going through; getting that full picture is so painful and necessary
I 'm long healed from my narc ex ,but I love listening to your videos still dear Dr.Ramani...you are like the kind & benevolent mother figure to me that I never had & I still benefit from your wise & selfless advice..thank you for all you do..love from Germany 🇩🇪👍🏾🖤❤️
I cut my mum off for 20 years but she deserves my forgiveness. She didn't stand a chance of being a good parent given her own childhood, the same as my childhood has affected every single relationship I've had including being a parent myself. Narcs aren't a breed of evil people, they are damaged so much they don't know how to love and, they are empty and I do pity them. They are all victims as well.
But they don't have the right to do the same to their children They should learn
@@Ann-eb8dp I didn't realise that I lived in survivor mode, I just thought it was the way I was. It's not as simple. Watch the videos
‘You were the storage for their shame, which kept you in a subjugated space forever controlled by them’ Wow 😯 This sums up my relationship with my parents and abusive boyfriends. Super messed up. Taking myself back. Loving and accepting myself. ❤ Living my life for me with or without their approval. Thank you Dr Ramani. ❤
Thats Soooooooo Good! Lived this as well, so done, over it! The process of healing is to keep moving forward ❤
That hit hard. When you realize your ability to read people so well was because you had to anticipate your family members moods as a child. I always saw this as a strength not realizing it was a survival skill.
“Do you want to be a human doing or a human being?” You will always be a human doing with a narcissist. :-/
It is a fantastic metaphor. I have come so far. And I am almost done with all of them.
Love that for you ! Good luck , conjuring the same for myself.
As a person who has come out on the other side after many years of hard work, I can confirm that finding the balance between being indifferent and caring is a total game changer. Nothing better than learning to master your emotions and no longer allow yourself to be controlled by others.
I'm really glad that I was only 2 years into the relationship. It was so hard to walk away from after that amount of time. I'm grateful for my support network too. Without their healing words, I may have struggled a lot more.
Dr. Ramani is a rock star. Huge thanks to her for her work that we all benefit from in a huge way. Thanks, Dr. Ramani! 🙏❤️☮️
By saying to myself: “enough is enough!” “I can take care of my wounded child” “I am taking care of my inner child” “I am not alone”
@@HereForToday42I had a narcissistic mother and then religion taught me to set others above myself, so my inner child has never been validated. Now that I’m surrounded by more narcissists I feel I am invisible
@serizer9 I learned to give myself what I was missing... to stop looking for it from them. Aaaannnd, realizing that there were a few others that wanted to, but I was not aware of them because I was soooo focused on the wrong folks. Sending you much love. You are worthy of it all ❤❤❤
I had a sign on mirror ( inside of the closet):
" Let go of the wish for it to be different "
Few years have passed by, I finally moved from my narc mom s house and yet sometimes I have to pick up that old paper , inside my wallet, and meditate ...
Let go , breathe , live your life
smile.
Let go.
Thank you Doc, May the Lord protect you and guide you in your life and work ♡
yes wishing it was different doesnt make it different, you got what you got and yes it sucks!
Realizing that I can't fix my child and that , everything is not my fault and that as an adult my child is responsible for herself! Wow what a realization as to why the past was so hurtful and confusing and now knowing why! Feel so free!❤
Dr Ramani, there are no words to tell you how helpful you are. I'm not "completely" healed yet, from the damage my ex-narc caused. Almost 2 years discarded, but I'm getting there. But I think that even when I'm healed, I will still listen to you and watch your videos. You are so inspirational, and most importantly, you validate us! You are a blessing to us all. I am so thankful for you. 💕
All my life I knew something was sick but I just didn't have a name for it. I had been in therapy for years and this never came up. Dr. Ramani helped me put all the pieces together and I can honestly say I have been set me free!! You will never know how grateful I am 😊
Same with me ... Dr ramani u are life saver for me... I am on my summit stage... Listening ur videos since last six months... Thank u doctor..
Thank you, Dr. Ramani for confirming I am healing. I am at the point where I don’t even want to hear about narcissism anymore…and that’s a good thing.
It’s one of the places these sick individuals go to take over your phone. GAMES ON YOUR PHONES.
Watching this video today, 24 years after my breakup with my ex-husband, is so helpful. I realized that I still picture myself in ballet class. Dancing beautifully. As I did when I was young. My narcissistic ex and his parents are watching me and impressed by my talent, as opposed to the reality, which was my ex's indifference to what brought me joy.
one of my signs was recognising the narcissistic behaviour earlier. So, when I was younger, I didn't recognise it, I was simply drained all the time. Later I started recognising the narcissistic behaviour a couple of days or weeks afterwards. Then I started recognising it a couple of hours afterwards. Then when it was happening, and now I prepare for it, I know when it might be coming. This process has run paralel to my healing proces.
Being with a narcissist can be very educational. Four things I’ve learned from one of them : Never say you’re sorry. Never say thank you. Never admit you’re wrong, and feel free to change history whoever it serves you. 😁
Kathryn, I think this thing you're saying is a bit toxic... sometimes you have to say sorry if you're wrong, in order to forgive others and to forgive YOU! And "thank you" it's wonderful to be grateful and appreciate others, and also create a strong healthy bond. Maybe you're just referring to narcissists. And last one, "feel free to change history", I completely agree!
@@joanaborrellsanchez9225 as the topic here is narc and they said "from being with a narc/learned from a narc" what she meant was: o narcs, they make you apologize for things not your fault and want to be praised for silly things. with any other person i will but with them they are twisted and only care about them.
@@joanaborrellsanchez9225 Clearly she's being facetious!
@@SnacckyChanT oooh okay, thank you for your explanation! Sometimes I take things too literally and you said it really well 😃😄
YEAH....WE Do Learn OFF Each Others! Sometimes I Go Thru The Comments And IT Can BE ONE WORD I NEED.
For the last chapter: I am seeing the world in a different way literally. I experience colors differently. Light, day, nights, stars, cold breezes, smells. It's like I have been inside a fog. All the fog and the noise is gone. I can see, smell, hear and feel clearly now.
And yes, I had encounters when people complained about how I have changed. I took it as a praise. :)
High 5 brother...🖐
As well you should! 👏
the video on "word salad" was helpful too😅
Thank you, you just put words on something I went through without understanding it as healing. Hope you're doing OK on your journey, you definitely helped on mine :)
@@blackhime_cm I appreciate your words. I'm having the best time of my life. Thank you.
I only exist when it is useful to them. This is so true! I have 2 narc adult kids who followed in the footsteps of their narc Dad and my Narc parents. They just care about themselves. Accepting this is painful but healing. Now off to enjoy and be grateful for good in my life. Holidays are a trigger to me but doing better.
My healing is taking care of myself, finding my dreams, knowing me, defining my space and enjoying it. Freedom! It’s a work in progress…
When I saw the narcissist that rule my life for seven years for the first time after healing, I didn’t feel anything that’s how I knew that I was in a really good space. no heart palpitations and I didn’t realize it until later, but it was a great feeling.
I got out of narcissistic abuse after 8 months and i can't even imagine what years of that kind of abuse ( which I'm reading in comments) can do to a person. I'm so GLAD I'm finally healing. My signs of healing are that i do not want to unblock that person at all and those creeping self doubts as to whether the bond wasn't that bad ykwim, those are gone 💜
I'm starting to not distrust the entire concept of love and am gradually becoming hopeful of good things in life 🌸💜
I think the word is detachment, not indifference.
I've totally detached from my family of origin and other people that were abusive. It wasn't easy, but it was a necessary step in allowing myself the space to delve deeply into and heal my own dynamics.
I'm actually grateful for the narcissists who have been in my life because they showed me how willing I was to take on the role of constantly trying to help them. By being too caring (which arose out of my own insecurities around not being good enough), I was actually robbing these people of the opportunity to find their own pathway to healing.
Ultimately, I'm a stronger, happier person because of the things I've learned from dealing with narcs. On a spiritual level, I believe I incarnated to end my multi-generational family history of violence and narcissism. By healing that, I'm making a difference on the planet.
Dr. Ramani, you too are making a difference on the planet. Thank you and bless you for what you do.
I was going through the comments to see if someone else had suggested detachment. Otherwise, I would have had to do it. ❤
That's me doctor. I do not care anymore, what the narcs think or what people think. My health is more important, as well as my happiness
Thank you soo much Dr. Armani, Im divorcing my very very toxic marriage after 30 years yeah! Its over, he filed, kicked me out of our home and its still amazing. It saved my life. I went through reestablishing my relationship with Jesus, therapy, crying, hiking, mediation, journaling , breathing , you tube videos, 4 divorce lawyers, reading self help books, Dr. Ramani videos, R.C Blakes You tube videos. Im sooooo much better. Im getting to other side!
My real tangible sign of progress was actually today. I laughed. A full heart felt belly laugh till i cried. But not sad tears. Joyful happy ones.
After seeing him and enduring a week of heavy rumination, I was driving and this euphoric feeling came over me that I loved my life!! I am so grateful to be heading forward.
First time listener, and my trauma is fresh. My fog is clearing, I've already blocked him, but the anger and the constantly thinking about him is very real. The dreams are already a real thing. Thankfully, I have a strong support system he wasn't able to touch, and that has been more valuable then I could have ever hoped for.
My words for indifference are, “not giving a sh#% anymore and moving on” Great video, Dr Ramani 🙏
very hard with narc adult kids but necessary, they walked into their Dad's footprints.
The three stages of my recovery have been Victim, Survivor, and Thriver. The paradigm shift from survivor to thriver changes the center from the narcissist to yourself. I’m here because I will always need to learn, and I will comment because it’s a way of giving back. It’s not a straight line and it’s never free of frustration, but if you look at the comments here, you will see it’s filled with encouragement and gratitude.
Goes to show how strong we are.❤
Dr. You must be a prayer come true for me. Your advice on your light and your guidance have helped me i was so much shattered broken into pieces by this beast. There was a point where i could not understand where i was going wrong. With your guidance im able to become a grey rock imposing my firewalls. Im able to stop caring. I have tears in my eyes writing this. Thank you so much. May God always bless you for helping victims like me.
Something that I noticed in myself with healing was not feeling guilty for using grey rocking. It's been a challenge with co-parenting and not getting sucked into non parenting conversations, but it has helped me get back a sense of self control by keeping the conversation brief, focused only on the kids, and setting rigid boundaries.
I always struggled with the inverse. Still do. Being terrified of succeeding in any way whatsoever becaue that’s always been used against me as “proof” that nothing j survived was “that bad.” Not rape, not domestic violence, not horrific professional sabotage, not betrayal, not abandonment….. nothing could be “that bad” bc as narcissists point out, I still look good or “you can’t have been through that! You’re so smart!” Or “see? I was t that bad! You turned out fine!”
This is where indifference is so powerful I think. When you can let yourself succeed, because you don’t give a f* what “they” think. And you can have fun with comebacks, even if you only tell them to yourself like “Yeah, you were that bad. I’m just stronger!”
Besides, no narcissist is going to reflect, “oh gee, look how broken she is… I must have been a monster. “ They’ll just twist it to show how “overly sensitive” you are or “how weak” you are, and look how victimized they were by that.
You can never win with a person determined that you lose. So live your life because of you. You have nothing to prove in one direction or another. And everything to gain by being your beautiful self and letting you be happy ❤
@@demian_SilentNoMore I don’t think you understand. I dont care AT ALL what people THINK. I care about what they do.
Tons of narcissists love to wallow In how “monstrous” they are. So I don’t know why you said that. You can’t actually believe that there aren’t malignant narcissists that get off on how badly they hurt people.
But even more common are those that will punish and punish and harm and harm and harm more and more and more the “stronger” you seem.
“You were that bad… BUT I’M STRONGER teehee” is cute in a kids’ movie or something.
Not when they keep coming back to physically harm you. Not when lawyers and judges and juries keep exonerating people that permanently disable you bc “you’re doing fine! You must be exaggerating.”
It makes even “Allies,” support groups, friends all rally around whomever looks the “weakest” and totally fail to help you when you’re begging for it….. bc you seem “too strong.”
Even your comment seems to suggest you think I’m some weak person who cares about what others think. I assure you, I don’t have that privilege.
Some of us are DESTROYED physically and financially and medically by abuse…
And if we’re not lying immobile in the gutter somehow no one can empathize with how bad it is.
You’re saying to “live your life”…. Hello?!?? That’s my point. If you do…. And are good at things, no one will have any empathy for why you survived. They will not allow you to “live your life.” They will stalk and chase and harm and maim you.
Obviously right? We’re not experiencing narcissistic abuse if everyone is just letting us “live our life.”
That’s my point. The better we do, the worse everyone is.
People are not supportive to those they see as a threat. I’m not saying anything revolutionary.
“Let yourself succeed???” I’m talking about how THEY ASSAULT AND DESTROY YOU when you succeed.
I am not an insecure narcissist! I’m not the one not LETTING MYSELF succeed.
That minimization is incredibly traumatic
I think part of our job may be to acknowledge the tremendous achievement of getting past those betrayals and abandonments *to ourselves* ... and, like Dr. Ramani, not giving a hang what they think or even mentioning it to those narcissistic others who have hurt us so badly
This is where you get to rise like the warrior Badass you are and win win win DESPITE
the shit you went through, TO BE
AN INSPIRATION
for all the many others who are going through it.
Tell those f*cknuts that
”The iron that’s in the fire the longest, is the strongest.”
They MADE YOU the hero of your own life! Now all we need to do is
STEP INTO IT!
(I’m right there with you, sister, we can do this!) 💪🏼💪🏼💪🏼
@@rocky1raquel I felt the power in your words. It's 😱But nothing has been written about cowards! Thank you!🙇🏻♀️🙏❤👏
Dr. Ramani is personable, relatable and sincere. Always feels like a pleasant, impromptu chat in her parlor (and that's a significant therapeutic skill). Love her style and the detailed information she relays and explains in such usable terms.
What I love about you, doc, is you are so real. And in my(our) world with so much deception, it is a beacon of light. Sincerly, thank you. 🧡🙏🏼
I was with a narcissist for almost 7 years and had a baby with him and it’s taken such a toll on me mentally and emotionally. It’s been almost 2 years and I’m still healing. It gets easier everyday. Thank you so much for your videos! I’ve learned so much and educated myself! It wasn’t until I started watching your videos that I realized what he was and I was able to LEAVE and never look back! Also, trying to coparent with a narc is almost IMPOSSIBLE. 😭 I’m so grateful for my son but it sucks feeling like I have to protect him from his own dad….
I’m in the same boat. I’m not sure he’s a narcissist because he has the ability to contemplate on his past decisions and behaviors… however, he has a lot of narcissistic traits. I have two children with him and I’m constantly worried about the kids
"Foods to good and life's too short!" Love it!🙌
Thank God I'm healed! At this point, it's a case study of evil behavior and being a support to those who are hurting!
super inspiring first 10 min, wow. exactly what i needed to hear at this stage in my therapy/healing journey. make the success about you, NOT about proving them wrong, etc. It's all about the attention-seeking for so many of us that have endured narcissistic abuse. That little voice, ingrained from a young age, is perpetually there. Even when we're apparently flouting our abusers, we're still dancing in that narcissistic world, bound by their framework of shame and guilt and negativity. Make your success about YOU and the people in your life who support, love, and care. Embrace the positive people and just try to forget and ignore the pathetic narcissists that try to continually control, shame, disrupt, dominate, and bring you down to their level. Nobody needs that nonsense. Start doing you today. I'm going to try it myself. That's for sure.
Dr Ramani, you have absolutely crushed it in this life.
By not only growing your strength, intelligence, compassion, and kindness to survive narcissistic abuse, but by selflessly and tirelessly committing yourself to helping us do the same.
Forever grateful and much love ❤️ to you and everyone you care about.