How to Use Attachment Styles to Your Advantage | Amir Levine
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- Опубліковано 8 чер 2024
- What are attachment styles, and how can we understand them to find and keep love? "Attached" author Amir Levine is here to share what the science has to say!
Full Show Notes Here:
jordanharbinger.com/960
What We Discuss with Amir Levine:
00:00 - Intro
00:42 - Attachment theory in parents vs. romance
02:57 - How childhood affects your attachment style
09:34 - Breaking down the four attachment styles
23:46 - Nature vs. nurture in attachment style
27:04 - Using attachment to predict your partner's behavior
39:00 - Jordan on attachment in his own marriage
49:55 - Why independence requires dependance
58:35 - How a mother's PTSD can affect her child
Get the BEST highlights from each episode on our clips channel!
/ @jordanharbingerclips
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Welcome to The Jordan Harbinger Show, a video podcast where each week you get to join a conversation with some of the world’s highest performers and incredible personalities. I’ll ask them the tough questions to tease out their top tips so that you can reach levels of personal growth and mastery that you never imagined possible.
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#podcast #jhs #psychology #attachment #romance #love
If only the therapists I saw had talked about attachment in a non-trendy way. Instead they pegged me as anxiously attached and told me I had to stop wanting any specific individuals around. They said just be fine with whoever happens to be around.
So now I don’t feel close to anyone. There are people I see on a regular basis, but I’m terrified of really going to know them.
My basic needs are met because I work (shelter, liquids, food, transport) but that’s it. I’m terrified of being seen as needy, so I only do things with others when they invite me. I do a lot of stuff alone for pleasure, but I don’t really enjoy doing stuff alone.
When all of my close relationships ended, I noticed that cuts and scrapes stopped healing as fast as they used to heal.
I wish I was dead.
A "newer" field of study for attachment should be elder attachment. Opportunities to form new and continue lifelong attachments gradually disappear for many people as they age. It's pretty awful and can lead to a lot of anguish and depression, speaking as a 76 y.o. woman. Yes, there are a some opportunities for organized socialization, but they are often inaccessible (e.g. transportation) and/or rather superficial. Having long-distance peope who love you helps if they keep in touch, but many elders don't have even that.
🎯 Key Takeaways for quick navigation:
00:28 *🌌 Attachment is fundamental to both suffering and healing in relationships, extending beyond romantic ones to friends, family, and the workplace.*
01:39 *📘 Attachment styles play a significant role in various aspects of life, and understanding them can lead to becoming more secure.*
03:37 *🔄 Attachment styles can change throughout life, and childhood attachment doesn't necessarily determine adult attachment.*
05:15 *🏡 The roots of emotional safety lie in social relationships, not material possessions, as our emotional brains evolved in a social context.*
07:18 *🚨 Attachment styles involve sensitivity to potential danger and comfort with intimacy; secure individuals have a balance of both.*
09:48 *🌱 Attachment styles are not pathologies; they focus on effectiveness rather than health, with secure, anxious, and avoidant being prevalent in the population.*
13:26 *🔍 Anxious attachment individuals have a sensitive radar for potential danger, sometimes leading to self-fulfilling prophecies; simple actions can pacify their concerns.*
17:20 *🔄 Attachment styles are malleable, influenced by life experiences, and can change based on the environment, allowing for adaptability over time.*
20:31 *🔄 Avoidant attachment style: Not comfortable with too much closeness or intimacy, emphasizes self-reliance and independence.*
21:43 *🛡️ Avoidants prefer dealing with problems on their own, avoiding sharing and closeness, creating distance to feel comfortable.*
23:59 *🔄 Attachment styles development: Initial relationships with parents influence, but adolescence provides opportunities to shift attachment styles based on new relationships and experiences.*
25:21 *💡 Attachment styles partially genetic: Hypervigilance and comfort with intimacy can be influenced by genetic factors.*
27:20 *💑 Understanding attachment styles aids in predicting behaviors in relationships, allowing individuals to recognize patterns and make informed decisions.*
29:51 *🤯 Personal revelation: Discovering adult attachment theory helped Dr. Amir Levine understand and navigate his own breakup, leading to a more secure relationship.*
33:50 *🔄 Fearful avoidance: Combining anxious and avoidant traits, craving closeness but retreating due to fear and discomfort, often stemming from past trauma.*
36:19 *💡 Attachment responsibility: Secure attachment involves a mutual responsibility for each other's well-being, creating a sense of safety and balance in the relationship.*
38:58 *🧒 Observing attachment styles in children can provide insights into their emotional needs and behavior.*
41:29 *🔄 Hypervigilance can develop in individuals who experience repeated changes in their partner's behavior, leading to trust issues.*
43:50 *🧠 Secure individuals tend to have more relationship satisfaction, experiencing less drama and effort.*
46:09 *🤱 Attachment styles were discovered by Mary Ainsworth, observing toddlers in the Strange Situation Test, highlighting the connection between exploratory drive and attachment.*
47:48 *🤗 Seeking a securely attached person can serve as a powerful emotional regulator, impacting physical well-being positively.*
51:43 *🔄 Dependency is not a flaw but a physiological need, and finding the right person is essential for achieving independence.*
54:17 *🏥 Attachment influences both suffering and healing, with a secure attachment positively impacting physical health and well-being.*
55:50 *🔄 Attachment is not about being healthy or unhealthy; it's about effectiveness-what works for individuals in their relationships.*
57:09 *🤔 The importance of recognizing that attachment needs are natural and not something to be ashamed of; if it's working for you and your relationship is healthy, that's what matters.*
58:19 *🔄 Instead of blaming dependency, focus on understanding and addressing the factors causing feelings of unsafety in the relationship.*
59:54 *💔 Break the cycle early by addressing the impact of trauma or abuse on attachment styles, both in childhood and adult relationships.*
01:01:32 *🔄 Therapy is a powerful tool to reshape attachment styles in adults and improve relationship dynamics.*
01:02:41 *🤝 Attachment is a basic need, just as important as food and water; challenging societal notions that one must love oneself before loving others.*
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I can’t stop thanking you *Dr Riaria* with the help you rendered to me, save my relationship with my wife after she left me for a third party but with your spells she came back and started begging me for forgiveness.
My security comes from God, True Parents and Divine Principle. Through my life experience since 20yrs old; this security of identity and purpose has blessed me with a confidence in truly happy universal relationship responsibility. This has been a holisitic contextual journey in all sorts of situations. Definitely not a materialistic individualistic view. Thank you for this episode.
God doesn't exist. Therefore, your security comes from something else. Possibly the paciblo of God gives you a false sense of security.
@@themacocko6311All you kiding me?.
Delete Now!