Same here. However there is always a double edged sword in self isolating. It causes us to become even more socially awkward when we are around people. I barely know how to even talk to people anymore and what comes out of my mouth makes me feel even more self conscieous and embarrassed.
@@reesedaniel5835 well take it from a former wannabe casa nova,, I found that i couldnt talk either,,, stage frieght from NEED to be liked and failure scared the crap outta me. Thats no longer a problem now,, I learned that I am MY BEST FRIEND and never needed the ones I caught cause in reality,,, they really didnt need me either. They and I found it awkward in a crowed BECAUSE we thought we were supposed too be with someone to be,,,, "NORMAL?"
Same. My favourite saying of late is: People are dangerous (I mean emotionally). The older I get, the more sensitive to other people I have become. Their moods affect me and I find myself becoming quite overwhelmed. I also find it hard not to assume that things aren't my fault, like perhaps my co-worker is in a mood because I've done something wrong - and I know that sounds mad. My small home is my sanctuary - but it's also lonely 😞
I have been alone most of my life. Every time I got involved with other people they took advantage of me and betrayed me. I stopped being around people in 2008 and I'm completely happy and content. I live simply and always with animals. I go out about 1 time per month to pick up supplies. I have most things delivered. I am at peace.
To me, isolating myself doesn't mean I'm depressed. I paint, read interesting books, play sudoku and watch whatever interests me on UA-cam. I realized that I don't want to force myself into socializing after which I feel worse than before. I am 57 years old and my mood is more and more precious to me.
@Caroline Hudson Sudoku is literally the easiest game to learn. You have a 9x9 square, and you must fill it with numbers from one to nine in each horizontal and vertical line, and in each of the nine smaller 3x3 squares, but no repeated numbers are allowed.
I feel the same way, but I wonder if I can change my perspective about the other people. I don't want them to affect me so much that I want to be away from them because as much as we think we're self-sufficient, people do need people.
@@TimeIdle this past jan i fell and crushed my shoulder and i had to have major surgery! i was in the hospital for 4 days and they said i couldnt go home alone! i said watch me! WELL the next day after the surgery i said there is no way i can do this alone by myself at home! LOL well my daughter and her husband let me stay with them for 2 weeks! i never thought i would need anyone like that because i have taken care of myself since i was 16 years old! never needed anyone! TILL NOW thank god they were there for me
I guess there are a ton of us who have been so terrorized that we now live so in fear of violence that we’d rather die alone. Very sad state of society.
Because of childhood trauma; I isolate most of the time. Recently I was at my son's destination wedding. For 3 days it was happy people talking, laughing, dancing, drinking, and dining...and all I ever wanted to do was get back to my room. I felt so alone and lonely in a group of 90 people. I prefer a party of one; but pets are always welcome!😍
Disability causes a huge need to isolate. I was born with a deformed eye; mother unwitingly exposed herself to german measels when p.g. with me. That was not her fault. What WAS her fault was her refusal to engage a discussion with me about it. A sister told me the truth. But for 39 years of my life, my mother made sure I paid for that. My happiest place in life was living alone in my own apartment in NY. Mother found a way to destroy all of that. I was glad when she finally died. No contact with any of them. As for pets it's DOGS THAT HAVE KEPT ME ALIVE. Dobermans, Manchester terriers and a beautiful little rescue chihuahua.
I had to go to a family reunion for my husband's siblings and their families. I quit drinking alcohol 20 years ago and that's all anybody was interested in doing. I was happiest floating around the pool not talking at all. After we got home my sister-in-law asked me about my "resting SAD face". I basically said it has to do with my broken teeth and didn't tell her I was uncomfortable and wanted to be at home instead. I can definitely relate to your comment.
Two gifts have kept me alive: 1. My dogs and 2. Yeshua, Son of God. I invite you to meet Him. He loves you and He's waiting for you. With Him you need noone else.
My biggest struggle with this is society insisting that it's bad to be alone. Honestly, I've never felt more comfortable in my life. I live with 4 cats and a dog. We are full. ❤️
I'm isolating because I'm trying to heal in peace. No judgement, no expectations, no wasting energy. I can't deal with anyone at all, I need to channel all my energy into trying to recover from decades of abuse.
Best thing to do! Wish I would of isolated decades ago! I'm loving it ❤️ Its impossible to fully heal while being around people. Most are abusers in some way.
@@nick8252 omg yes. Sadly, I know you're right when you say most are abusers in some way. The worst ones are the ones that pretend to be your friend while they talk about you behind your back.
I'm 63 years old. I tire easily these days. I also like to read. Being alone with my cats is amazing for me. When people do come by, I find myself making excuses to lie down and I usher my guests to the door. I work with mentally ill adults Mon-Fri. and I have to tone down right after work. I love my job but I love my books more. I love my cats more than that. I feel better with myself alone. I dig helping others, but I definitely have avoidance behaviors. My childhood was horrific.
@@USMC6976 How true! Fortunately for me I do not care about your feelings nor anyone else's. Including mine. I am only interested in truth, direction and goals accomplished for the children I have born. I work best for them as a Ninja. No offense to you whatsoever. I hope whatever good goals you are working on will come true.
It is so different and sad it’s come to this but I say hello to you all ..I worked long hours I was living with people I loved but they ignored me I was around people and alone .. things were missing personal items and money and identity documents I was so agitated I would buy can openers towels kitchen items they would disappear …. It’s just such a bad ten years now I can say isolation love from god and etc I am better off some people are just unkind I love reading writing etc too love my pogo games tv etc
God did bless me with a wonderful wife. She doesn't like other people around either. We have no kids just cat. I have a sister that is extremely jealous of me and destroyed my reputation with the rest of the family. My wife doesn't talk to her family either. We have our own little utopia. I do like meeting people when I'm abroad. Foreigners are much more compassionate and understanding than Americans.
I'm 56, never married. After being hurt so many times in relationships with boyfriends, friends, and family... I really enjoy the peace & comfort of isolation. It feels more stable & safe. I'm still a social butterfly at times, but only in short spurts with people I trust.
We definitely should I’ve been alone for six years now - just me and eight dogs. I got too traumatised by other people and that is why I live in isolation.
I'm been going through this for the last 12 months. It will be a lifetime scar, I'm slowly getting stronger, its been really difficult I'm praying to come out better on the other side, I know God's there for me and I need to keep being faithful.
Gotta fight this guys It's totally fine to lay low for a weekend, but everyone needs social connection, some laughs, and just human bonding. Maybe your presence in someone else's world helps them Take time for yourself when you need it, but help others too!
I love to be alone with nothing but my animals. Or out in nature with my animals. The peace that comes from that is better than anything another person can do or say ❤
I'm 53 and have learned this. If you need to isolate then isolate. Do what you need to do for yourself, not what society says you should. Life is short. Respect and listen to what your body and mind are telling you. ❤
You don't get it. Sometimes what your brain is telling you is not always true or correct. Your brain gets stuck on self preservation, when it's not needed. I'm glad that works for you, but why are you showing up here, on a professional's page, and profess that you know what others should do?
@@badeugenecops4741 Perhaps you don't get it. I'm telling people my perspective and opinion. I'm not saying stay in bed for 6 months. The DSM manual changes every year and this isn't a professional forum. It's UA-cam and comments section is for comments. Exhale, Dr Eugene.
I self isolate deliberately because I'm tired of being stabbed in the back over 40 years! I gave up entirely at 49! Almost 8 years later, I have NO regrets. Yes, some days are lonely, but I cannot take any more abuse in any of it's forms.
After being with toxic narcissistic people my whole life, I’d rather be by myself. I was always alone as a child because my narcissistic mother neglected me. I’ve been abandoned by so many loved ones. I’m protecting myself now and my inner child
I used to say “we choose” to be screwed up until I got very screwed up by narcissists myself and dropped in a pit of isolation! Not sure I am really choosing my trauma but working hard to dig out of it one day at a time! We got this 💪🏻
Same - although I do feel sad about that at times because I am choosing to not live my life fully. 67 also. Was bit more social before retiring but way to happy to have a cozy home, pets, adult children that live in town and an empty calendar.
100% I'm 65, have home Business and have a small farm. I've carried my pain so close to my heart for so many years, there's no fixing it. Isolating on My farm brings me peace. Bless you Sister!
When you have pets, you're not alone or don't feel alone. I feel like it makes up for lack of social contact. I work full time and always get burnt out from rude people or too much social contact. Being alone can be healing to the mind. Gives you time to process and wind down
I can’t imagine life without my pups. They’re quite actually the last living creatures I have in my life. I am lonely, and while I’m used to being alone, I don’t like it. However, I’ve made it a bit difficult - I don’t require many friends and don’t like crowded venues with people I only have a superficial relationship with. I really want just a single friend I can invest my energy on - I know this may sound selfish or I have an entitlement or superiority complex; I assure you, the opposite is more accurate. But it is extraordinarily hard to find that single person, even more so because I’m alone most of the time. Ergo, my pups. I pour my heart and soul into them, I love them so much. And even though they’re mainly jonesin’ for treats, they also give a lot of love back.
@@ronjon7942 this one has a dog. it had two before its wife left, but the other was hers to begin with. its dog has a pretty good life, and others look after him when it can't.
One thing I have noticed is that most people interact loudly and rudely with one another in total indifference to those of us who get sensory overload all around. It's obvious that they don't care to consider and/or they do it purposely! It took me forever to not hold it against them but we are all simply different from one another.
as a combat veteran self isolation after the war was incredibly important for me. My family kept trying to force me out and "get me help" but it only forced our relationships apart permanently. Never try to control someones healing process, thats not Love.
They don't understand. Just a loud sound or someone dropping a briefcase onto a desk will make you jump into survival mode. It's best to work it out alone. Every night brings the memories, sweats and nightmares. Take care and do what is best for you.
@@510Redneck its not fair to say that because someone put in effort we didn't ask for isnt love, love is just being there during all stages, and understanding that healing is not linear, and putting expectations on us when we're at a stage of flight or fight makes it feel like you cant accept us as we are right now, and we need to be pushed somewhere we dont even correlate to yet naturally to be the only way we're actually accepted. i rather be alone
Yeah, I’m getting the same right now. I’ve got my family and mental health workers trying to force me out of the house. Doesn’t matter that I’m not feeling up to leaving the house, as they’ll just turn up at my door and lecture me on how it’s “not health to lock yourself away.” It’s not healthy for me to be out of the house just now, because I can get really aggressive over nothing, due to my condition.
It is possible to find peace in isolation. I no longer feel the tug-of-war of wanting relationships and wanting to flee that I once did. I enjoy my own time and my pursue my own interests and are feeling complete in myself. I write this so that others out there suffering may see light at the end of the tunnel. Ok, perhaps it's not the ideal ending of a longlasting relationship with a loving partner. I just want you to know that happiness can be found in being alone.
@@RG-iw7pynot necessarily people to heal us but folks that can teach us strategies of literal survival in this crazy world. That’s just as simple as that, any strong relationship takes a test of time to develop, consistent positive scores of those relationships. Many are living in abusive relationship with Complex PTSD and they don’t even know it that they have CPTSD.
I was assaulted 7 years ago and after 5 years of recovery I prefer to be alone. I don't have anyone traumatizing me on a daily basis and I am safe with my dog. I don't have much, but peace of mind is all that matters. Be well everyone
Yes. A agree. You don’t go back to same place or same people or same job. That has shown you disrespect or abuse. You walk away. To find a better path. And it be a better fit. I find the words. Less is more.
I have been isolating for about 6 years. I am below 220 pounds for the first time in 7 years. My aches and pains are gone. My fitness, mental wellness and eating habits are vastly improved. I have put all of my focus into me. Needless to say my former lover, Ronald McDonald and my side piece The Burger King are pissed. I am serious about my self love and improvement and I am going to keep this going. 🌹A rose for you for such a great video.
Same here. I am constantly in fight and defense mode, even more so since I married a man who has his own emotional problems with PTSD and a narcissistic mother. He's getting help but it's not on the level he really needs (he's on meds but not really discussing his past traumas dealing with his parents-he's kind of in denial of how severe his abuse was) and he constantly relies on me to be his shoulder to lean on so I have to find a way to handle my needs and it's being in these modes in order to function. I don't have an issue with it-in fact I prefer to be a few steps ahead of what's to come because it prepares me for all possible outcomes.
I thought I was the only one who self isolates. This episode describes me perfectly. Thank you to everyone else out there. I dont feel so alone anymore! ❤
@@luckystone2293 Have you tried body scan? It's a decent grounding technique that in combination with diaphragmatic breathing has helped me a lot. I find that lying down with hands clasped above my head really allows me to breath more easily during the exercises that I derived from research into jhanas.
I used to be a social butterfly. When I quit drinking everything changed. Found out I actually can’t stand being around people. I now live in the middle of the woods in Alaska-my husband is usually gone working. The anxiety I get when I have to be around people is so intense..especially when I make plans w someone. Even if it’s something fun-the stress from having to follow through w the plans will keep me up the night before. Usually I’ll actually have a good time,but it doesn’t matter..I’ll do it all over again next time plans get made. Long story short sorry, I feel best when alone.
Yes I don’t make any plans because if I do I can’t sleep like you. Even if it’s something “enjoyable” like going out with friends at the weekend. And holidays are an absolute no go. If I live an isolated lifestyle, don’t make plans and keep social interaction to a minimum I sleep fine. If I don’t I literally go crazy. I always thought I was just weird but this is likely part of CPTSD in my instance at least
I've been sober from alcohol 2 and a half years. I coped with drinking it MADE me a social butterfly but that's a liquid drug. It is not who we are. It is self medicating :/. Got sober, found God! Thank you Jesus I've healed a ton but as humans we still have the effects of the sin nature and struggles. You described me to a T. That's why I commented. Uncanny. Word for word. Me. I stopped drinking. Now had to deal with my severe anxiety. I get triggered just when people try tot walk to me but then I force myself wnd end up enjoying it just to turn around stay up all night trying to amp myself up to socialize. It is a process. The Devil is a liar. We will heal in Jesus name. We just got to keep at it. Recharge when we need. Isolate when necessary. Be kind to ourselves and always pray. Jesus has not forgotten you.
I enjoy my time alone now that I am retired. I lived in a big urban area until I moved back at age 60 to my old family homestead where I have lived alone since 2015. I took care of so many other people in my life! Some were great and some were jerks. But I wore out and, after recovering from my own life threatening illnesses, decided I wanted to live alone. I go out to an activity or shopping every week or two and visit with my wonderful children and grandchildren once or twice a year. They live in another state. But mostly I'm alone with my 3 cats and the wildlife that surrounds me. 👍😚
I went out yesterday (Nov 18) for the 1st time since July and the best thing I saw ,amongst the throngs of people bustling everywhere,was the beautiful Autumn tree colours lining the roads. Everything(/one) else was just an annoyance tbh.
Isolation brings me a sense of peace and allows me to think clearly. As a result, isolation helps me make better life decisions when I don't have distractions and energy leeches sucking me dry.
Being alone is the only way to be calm. I had an abusive childhood and never learned how to trust, so staying home alone is my “me time” where I can decompress from work and relax.
But we need people. In most stressful time ashwagandha helped me, popular ayurvedic herb, starts working after 1-2 weeks. Maybe can help you as well. It's toning nervous system, makes everything calmer for me without making sleepy like melissa.
I find this aswell. Also another thing that effects my sleep is having something planned like going out with friends at the weekend or a holiday or whatever. As a result I never make plans
I'm 64 yrs. old. Cried when I saw this. Described me to a T. Called the suicide hot line twice last month... told to leave a message. Called a brother, a neighbor and a pseudo friend and cried my eyes out to them... never got a call back... called a psychologist last week for an appt. never called back. How many times does a person have to reach out??????? Don't see this ending well.....
I hear you. Try journaling , going into a church to talk to someone a priest or check out groups you can join. You need to express your story and talk and be heard. Don't stop you got this!
I am a loner, by nature. I've had some trauma in life, and handled it as best I could. I am proud of myself for overcoming. No one knows exactly how another feels, nor what they have been through. I work with clients, out of my home. The best compliments I have received is when these clients step into my home and feel that it is a safe place and comment how peaceful it is. It makes my heart swell knowing that others feel that peace. It hasn't been easy, the worst is behind me. I am 73 years old, now. Life is good, it is a simple life.
I have been very sensitive all my life. My feelings get hurt because I'm very respectful to others. If they chose to be snooty, arrogant I won't play along. I don't gossip or try to hurt anyone. My isolation is my time to be with God and I love it✝️🙏❤️
I am so so similar to you! I always say people can't surprise me anymore with how awful they can be to one another. But every time I socialize or go out into the world.....boom they surprise me! I never can understand how humans can disregard one another so easily the way they do?!
This really describes me. As a child and even in adulthood I learned, “something bad happens every day, protect yourself “. For me animals, both pets and animals in the wild, are my friends and even protectors. I’m sad to read the comments here and know that so many have suffered. Many blessings to you and thank you.
So glad to know well don't know if glad is the right word their are many like me people want to change you get out there met people do this do that can't they just see you are normal but just like to be in very small groups or with our pets we don't want to be with loads of people
@@michelemarch2562So true! My pets are currently the only breathing things on this Earth that actually love me. There's not a single human being that knows me who even cares if I live or die
This is totally me. It's like, if your brain is developing in an environment where your caretaker can't be relied upon and is abusive and neglectful, you're always going to be viewing the world through this lense. It just feels more safe to isolate myself away from people who could hurt me. And all to often that fear does become a reality. I've been betrayed very deeply by people i thought i could really trust.
As a therapist with CPTSD who is also an introvert, I find that some of the points you've shared resonate with me, and at the same time, I do often feel that in these conversations around CPTSD, there is a subtext that displays a bias towards extroverts, where "isolation" gets pathologized, which means it falls on those with CPTSD, who may often spend time alone because they feel disconnected from others, to explain themselves. Sometimes it leads to the belief that they are deficient or not enough, or that they need to do "more work" on themselves. It builds in this market for people with CPTSD feeling that they have to engage in more services, buy into talks and workshops, to "get better." I've often found that people with CPTSD can be incredible at relationship building, they have a tremendous ability to connect and empathize with others - but they just feel a very real and concrete lack of reciprocity from others in their life that isn't rooted in a sense of unworthiness at all. As someone who has grown to be more dissatisfied with most of my friendships in my 40's, and who has had honest conversations with people yet found that things rarely change, along with the knowledge that certain people simply don't have the capacity to be more engaged, what I've found is that there is a sociocultural and political privileging of the traits of "extroverts" (even non-extroverts have these traits) that can make it very difficult to have honest conversations about how we feel in relationship with each other. I have found this over and over and over again in my life, and have been often demonized for being quiet, reflective, and thoughtful, because those with extroversion believe they have a right to my thoughts, which in itself creates a sense of unsafety. Again, personality types aren't as binary as this, I understand that - but I've found that my relationships have most often been one-way with people who skew toward extroversion. It's only recently that I've come into a genuine awareness of it - mostly because I had a year of grief where few showed up for me in a significant way, few could bear to have a conversation about my life, and I'm tired. I think that this lack of reciprocity is informed by many things no social media therapists ever really want to talk about - perceived privilege or lack thereof, perceived status, class, sexuality/reproduction, marriage, chronic illness, attractiveness, ability, political perspective, etc. Particularly in the South Asian community that I come from, those identities absolutely matter in terms of how friends might relate to you, but it takes time to pinpoint and understand it, because generally no one will ever admit to these biases. I do know that because I'm a therapist, single, not dating, not interested in reproduction, coping with chronic mental health challenges, and not wealthy, that people do think less of me because I don't hold much transactional value or power for them, except to talk about their problems. I've actively seen the ways in which certain friends treat more wealthy or powerful or attractive people with much more attention, even if the dynamics of it are sometimes subtle. It is easy for people to do this because society doesn't value the work that I do, and the mental health field is often stigmatized, although this is also changing. I've recently noticed the absolute inability of my more extroverted friends to even ask a few questions in a row of me (or anyone else), but will freely dump about their lives, fully believing in their hearts that this is a beneficial dialogue to me, and take off. It gets exhausting to be the person to have to constantly field these issues with others, and for others to be so unresponsive to my life. Because of the superstructures of how our economies operate (not only capitalist/financial structures, but economies of thought and feeling), I'm not convinced that many people carry an awareness that they could or even should be aware of these things - certainly this isn't really valued in a significant way in a capitalist society. I think it would do wonders for so many people if mental health providers normalized that there may be long periods of your life where you are on your own because you enjoy the safety of your own company, and also because people genuinely show that they don't prioritize or care for you, and that you should not ignore that or find work-arounds, but instead, honor yourself and your own needs. Mental health providers need to serve clients better by not running on assumptions about how a life should be lived, and instead, find transformative and healing ways to navigate these periods where you might be going the distance on your own. This is increasingly the case in this country. There are many people who do try to communicate with others and are even more disappointed - conversation and direct communication are absolutely NOT always healing, but they do form exchanges that provide information on how to maintain your own peace and sanctity, and who to create some healthy distance with.
The most true and sensible evaluation, its like therapists have a blueprint of how we OUGHT to be, that is to be extrovert with lots of friends and activities and distractions, constantly throwing ourselvelves into what we find most stressful. l am in one of those quiet periods, can't get myself out of it, so have resolved to go with the flow and trust myself to know what l need.
Gosh I'm so glad to hear that isolation is a response to CPTSD. All my life "friends" have talked negatively about my need to be alone. I'm tired of being judged as something is wrong with me just because I prefer peace and solitude. Thank you, thank you, thank you for bringing CPTSD into the light. I sure hope society doesn't make it into the mental health challenge of the month. It's real, it's extremely difficult and should not be taken lightly.
@@user-zr6pl6nb6zsure, but what kinds of friends are those if they can't even respect how she wants to live her life when her preferences are not even hurting anyone? Those are fake friends. Having no friends is better than having fake friends IMO.
My wall is huge and tall. I don't allow people anymore to get close to me. It's to protect myself from dangerous situations, abuse and being hurt. I don't have to try and please everyone else anymore. I'm learning to set boundaries and also learning that it's alright to say No.
Look up ☝️☝️that handle, he’s got the best tips and helps. I’ve microdosed shrooms for about 6 months now and it has really helped my CPTSD, anxiety and depression and I’ll recommend it for anyone🙏
I had a girlfriend who went through a traumatic childhood, and she mentioned that she had CPTSD. I didn't know what it meant at that time, but after you made all of the points in this video, it really hit home to me how she acted was a response to the early trauma she endured. I wish I had the ability to go back and teach my younger self what to say to her, because I feel that my lack of knowledge of the subject she was dealing with is what lead to us no longer being together. I still wish her the best, but it has been a long and hard road to follow getting over not having her in my life anymore. She meant a lot to me, and I hope she knows that I understand why she did some of the things she did, and I hold no judgement toward her. Blessings, love and peace to everyone out there. Cherish those around you, and keep an open door for those who have a harder time with life and the many curveballs it throws at us.
Seeing this would probably mean a lot to her. Good on you for seeking this out & educating yourself, that makes a good partner 💜 much love & respect for doing so. To everyone here - I hope you are experiencing peace & joy. (The joy part can be hard, I know) hang in there. ❤
We shouldn't feel bad for what we didn't know. But it's wonderful when we learn and gain understanding. I wish I knew too, but I know now and so we go from here. The Most High brings the healing, but first He brings understanding.❤
I pray that God sends you your wife in due time ❤I pray he gives you the mindset and heart to except your blessings and to love yourself and to give love and peace .much love and respect.I act just like this ..I never want the man to love me it makes me mad.but I'ma seek help so i can receive love.. because i can give it but can't receive it
I'm grateful that I found this video. I've joked about my isolating, call myself hibernating. 😏 but now spring is here, and I feel so awkward, watching people enjoy the sunshine from behind my windows...I'm in my 60s, and all my adult life has been an exercise in healing. It's been a good life, because once I broke free from my abusive, sadistic "family" I began to live...I stumbled...I fell...I cried and I tried. And I'm still here. They say the best revenge is success. My definition of success is the ability to love and be loved. Love is everything. And if you can learn to love, even yourself, then you've overcome your pain. It doesn't go away, but you will have conquered it. Best wishes for all of you who were drawn to this video, all who are isolating, not from fear, but from wisdom. 🌹
I make myself take short drives, even just to the dollar store, then take an new route home. Minimal people contact but it puts me out in the world and nature again for a bit, and I get my small pkg of nutter butter cookies. It shakes me from repeating thoughts and memories, and then I'm good watching off my balcony or out my window again.
Miapdx503 ♥️👏Loved your last sentiment. Isolation as a response to wisdom ......not reacting to fear. When you isolate for a while, you become aware of the nonsense to which you have been indoctrinated😄😄
Isolation is the best time of my life. After 70 years of living with myself I am my best friend and my safe space. I recognized this about myself very early in life. My trauma didn't stop me from having a hapoy marriage, a good job, and an outside life on my terms. I can volunteer in my community for a few hours a week, have like-minded friends over to socialize, and work with troubled youth. But I'm always counting down the minutes until I can be safely alone to recharge. My husband and I have our own childhood traumas and we understand each other. So we can give each other space to just be, in peace. No nagging or fixing or judgment. Don't put up with anything less!
Being by myself is the only way I’ve found to insure I don’t experience more damage from other people. It took me about 2 years, but I finally found my peace when I’m alone. I’ve reduced my friends to a very small handful of people, and I generally only leave the house for work. I am quick and stern in reacting to others when I’m around others, I don’t like being like that, so I just limit any time around others. People are generally selfish at heart, they just are what they are, I having nothing left to give others and I’m out of heartbreaks.
@Play Google you do realise you didn't need to say that, right? They said they didn't like that about themselves. They know it's not good for them. Pointing out things like that when people have already made it clear that they know that they have a certain flaw is exactly what the old saying "rubbing salt on the wound" is about. Try to avoid doing that.
Barry, I understand how you feel hun. Im glad you found a community that understands. If you can find peace and joy alone then do it, no shame in that.
As you heal you will begin to be more resilient around others. The isolation is restful and healing but one day you will be ready to take more enjoyment in the company of others. You don't need a lot of people in your life A few good ones will do😊❤
Wow, I think I FINALLY have a sense of understanding why I self isolate so much and why I keep people at a distance, even though I’m dying to have a true genuine connection 😣
I can relate! Every now and then I dip my toe on dating sites only to realize again, that people are phoney. Right away with the ingenious lines, UGG! I would like to have a deep friendship for conversations and express experiences. But, alas I'm too old for the bullshit😕
Me too, 49. Even church is not a safe place. I like to go to the park or mall where everyone is anonymous, no one has your information for retaliation.
Every person i have ever trusted has severely let me down & hurt me, so i'm glad to not have to bother with so-called 'friends' anymore. Not having people around also means i have more space to progress with my own healing from childhood trauma, abuse, & cptsd. I find great solace in nature, esp trees, & animals, & also my craftwork. I no longer need to complicate my life with people & their crap - afterall, i have enough of my own to deal with.
I got diagnosed with cptsd since my teenage, spent my whole life fighting cptsd. I suffered severe depression and mental disorder. Not until my wife recommended me to psilocybin mushrooms treatment. Psilocybin treatment saved my life honestly. 8 years totally clean. Never thought I would be saying this about mushrooms.
YES very sure of Dr.benfungi. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I was horrifically depressed since childhood. It was relentless. I assumed it would ultimately end me somehow. About twelve years ago I randomly accepted the offer from a friend of a few doses of mushrooms. I did them two consecutive nights alone. First night was pretty mild. The second night? Wow. I saw my depression from every angle, realized much. Next day: depression totally gone. Never came back, never coming back. It's like it's a forest far away I can remember, and could probably find again with enough effort, but it has zero impact on anything in my life or mind. They honestly saved my life and improved it immensely. I never did them again, either. I wish there was a good, organized way to administer them to people who would benefit from them.
You pin it 100%. I'm 70 years old and only starting to learn now what's been going with me through my entire life. Thank you Dr Sage. I love being alone and could never understand why .
Yep....@ 70 just becoming aware of my filter on relationships....based on my childhood & parents marriage... I unconsciously viewed marriage as a trap, dangerous & painful. While longing for a life partner, I found myself sabotaging relationships with potential & attracted to damaged men, who i would never marry. Who knew? Maybe its not too late to learn...and look at men & partnership differently. That would be fun & exciting. ✌️🙏💓
Someone a while back told me that the need to isolate--is not only a way we protect ourselves from a very toxic world--where criticism greatly out numbers compliments--but where isolation also conserves our energy--most especially if depression rears its ugly little head.
My cold-hearted mother did a real number on me. For decades, since very young, I have been spun in circles with gaslighting, infantilization, manipulation, betrayal, pathological lying. Its no wonder we have developed a mistrust of people and their intentions. I have endeavored to retain my openness, to keep my cynicism in check, to nurture my relational tendencies, to try to meet each new person as they are without broad-stroking all people as bad, but my intuitive radar has been so skewed by trauma and repeated negative experience, as a result I have a kind of neurosis. Im aware of this, but it also has valid foundations, which is confusing to go out into the world with. I do meet good people who I can tell are genuine, but even then I find it difficult to be genuine myself, because of the chameleon tendency, how I learned to adapt myself to the changing moods in the house as a child, we learn to compromise our identity, to fawn, to grovel and submit to fit the vibe of the narcissist, the approval / disapproval cues that we received. This leaves us wondering what our genuine self is, who are we in reality, if we arent constantly adapting ourselves to suit our environment and to please a domineering personality. This is what I am interested to discover and to nurture, to allow myself to be who I really am without fear of judgement or rejection / abandonment. I feel you cant even begin to get in touch with this if you are still in contact with your abusers, which means it is usually family you need to cut out. It is not just parents, but siblings are also brainwashed by the narcissist to treat you as the scapegoat.
How terrible for you😞I feel for you,my mom sent me away to a mental hospital for thirteen months,just to get away from me. I was shy and gawky and she just couldn't stand me. I pray that you find healing in your time by yourself ❤️
@@kathyyore309 Yes, my mother tried to send me to a boarding school, Im sure for the same reason. I resisted. The school has been in the news in the last few years, it was full of pedophilic teachers who are now facing historic sexual abuse charges.
It took me a long time to realize that I needed the alone time to recharge, I have friends and family that I enjoy but after a few hours I can't breathe, I need to get away and regroup and just have solitude. I wish it wasn't so taboo still to want to be alone, it's more rude for others to keep asking the why.
A unknown person is 💯 strong one you can’t destroy the unknown And she will stand out from the crowd..unknown but be notices because she remains alone unknown to them.. that’s her uniqueness.. being alone is her quiet strength of contentment…
How selfish to comment like this. Removing yourself to have a ‘simple life’ is a CHOICE. Removing yourself as an extreme trauma response is not ‘a choice’ Most people with CPTSD actually prefer to have a normal life where they can easily mix with people. So by all means take all the CPTSD trauma responses and heap them to yourself. I don’t want mine. You’re welcome to it so you can live isolated and ‘happy’. SMH
It is okay to be yourself. If you like to isolate, then isolate. Stop allowing society to dictate how everyone should be. People are not made from cookie cutters. Just because someone isolates themselves, it does not mean that something is wrong with them any more than others. There are also things wrong with social butterflies! 😊Society is FILLED with messages that repeatedly assert: "You are not okay being yourself. Something is wrong with you. You need to change something about yourself in order to be..." It is absolutely ridiculous!
I couldn’t agree more, Tonya Reed - I learned the following from a wonderful yoga teacher: “we are not meant to conform to the pose; the pose is meant to conform to us.” I am a practicing psychotherapist and I frequently quote this with clients. Too many who seek therapy suffer with cultural “shoulds”- it is indeed an absurd and very unfortunate consequence of advertising and mainstream “stepford” conditioning. I am so pleased to see the many comments here advocating their “inconvenient truths” about the self care and gratifying rewards of solitude. Another favorite lyric from a song by Sting in the 90’s became my guiding light as I entered training to become a therapist: “men go crazy in congregation, we only get better one by one… One by One by One”
M job was alone, 25 years in a glass box, 4x4x6’…. I like me, mostly. Graderman. Every relationship has abused my love. It sees anyways. I just want to love and be loved. UNCONDITIONALLY.
Amen sista! I feel it’s all in the language too...”isolate” has negative connotations, while “solitude” sounds more empowering...IMO. I guess it all depends on the underlying reasons 🤔
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, dr.sporesss. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I wish they were readily available in my place. Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac. He's constantly talking about killing someone. He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
Chronic illness has contributed to my self isolation. I was hyper social, life of the party & had boundless energy for 27 years. The next 22 have been learning to adjust to a quieter, more serene chronically ill life. I don’t have the energy for people, going out or being over stimulated. I still enjoy a nice night with family & close friends from time to time, but I am most at peace relaxing my mind & body.
Wow! I can’t believe someone else described my situation exactly! Thank you! I’ve continued to fight and waste precious energy trying to still be outgoing and maintain the social life I had before. But it’s exhausting! Thank you so much for helping me see clearly that I don’t have to do that. I thoroughly enjoy my alone time to do solitary things. I’ve had a hard time convincing myself that it’s okay. Thank you!
Yes same. Chronic illness and chronic pain will definitely change your life. You must choose yourself and your own well being. Being alone is so comforting most of the time.
Same here. I learned many hard lessons during the years I was becoming ill. I've been perm disabled since my mid-40's. A few years earlier, my best friend, my mom, died suddenly. Most former "friends" left when I was going through a time I never imagined. Now I'm in my 60's and I've returned to God, as I realized that without Him, I wouldn't be here and I pray for those suffering around the world. God doesn't want that for us, and whether we believe in Him or not, it's plain to see the evil that's around us and why so many find peace in solitude. I try to make the most of every day and still have two dear friends from jr. high that I've never lost touch with who are also Christian and always there for me, calling to just talk, see if I need anything. My life is quiet, and I really like it that way. God bless you all.
This format of shorter, targeted content is great. I was able to stay focused and consume all of the content without mentally checking out due to being overwhelmed.
I find it helps me focus if I watch videos at increased speed (I use the top X2speed) ...but I also turn on the captions...reading the captions helps while listening to the speeded up narrative really helps me to focus captions at t
@@CorePathway So true. Or the hour and a half videos. The T and D of CPTSD make it a heavy topic that most people cannot binge for 1 1/2 hours to get a basic idea or a practical coping tip.
This is me! I was raised as an only child and was physically and emotionally abused so I learned to be alone and isolate and learned to love my own company because I couldn’t trust others.
With all due respect, if you’re really messed-up emotionally/mentally, psychedelics can be dangerous. I’ve seen it, personally - how they can nearly lead some people to tragedy. I understand trying anything to survive beyond the pain. However, if you listen to people who KNOW things about the spirit realm, they’ll warn about certain doors being opened that shouldn’t be opened. If it weren’t for God’s grace through my Savior, Jesus Christ, I don’t know how I’d still be here. I have seen how he brought me through so many harrowing experiences… It was God. There’s no other explanation. If anyone’s interested, check out “de la fe testimonies.” Just some input. Please, ignore if you don’t agree.
It meant a lot to hear you say 'we relied upon our childhood selves and learned no-one was to be trusted' When I realised what a caring woman was (gentle teachers, kind nurses...) I was teased horribly by my mother. I have spent a lifetime so confused. Thanks for your help.
I'm sorry for your pain. I understand and feel that. I hope you heal, and know your self worth. Don't let the actions and words of other (including family) change the way you perceive yourself. Know that a lot of those negative words and actions someone does to you is really a direct corrorlation on how they feel about themselves, or repeating the cycle of abuse, doing to others what was done to them. It's way easier said than done, expecially for someone who had those thoughts and feelings programmed into their brain during childhood, it gets embedded into your subconscious. But it is possible to pull it out
@The Bravadours Thanks, I''m glad this knowledge is made available. There's nothing much to be sorry about, I was simply sharing my experience, it doesn't define who I am now the sting has been taken out of it. Hugs to you for being moved to respond.
@@debbiemckenna5 Wrong. That's Oprah crap. And it's VERY offensive. I've been hurt and I don't hurt people. And there's LOT'S of other hurt people that don't hurt people.
I've been extremely hurt, abused, taken advantage of, and gaslit, to name a few, by many people that I trusted (including my parents). I've suffered from abuse and neglect most of my life, and I'm 49. I isolate to protect myself. I'm in therapy and on medication to try to heal. I am an introvert.
I am introverted now as well, and recently confronted my father about his abuse towards me and my siblings, and especially my mom. Unfortunately, he’s clueless about what his behavior was and is responsible for. I’m just glad I learned to identify it, and will be able to handle it in therapy. I haven’t had many negative experiences with people hurting me, though, besides the above. Mostly, due to my self sabotage and especially my alcoholism, I did a complete job at destroying all my close relationships and especially the one with my best, and really only, friend. I know I should, and could, put myself ‘out there’ to socialize and especially to get over the psychological torment and damage of being alone. But after getting use to being alone, it is now very difficult to invest and commit to friendships, and that anxiety that comes up that moves me to retreat back to myself is very, very difficult to overcome.
I've been isolated for 20 years. I was continually attacked by people out of nowhere starting with my parents/family, then getting bullied mercilessly in school, then friends. Then I found myself being nasty in response. I didn't like myself that way. During my isolation I healed all of it but it took 18 of those 20 years. Now every time I try to put people back in my life they either reject me because I put the truth in their face, or they have no ability to have understanding or compassion, or they're full blown narcissists. I can't be with anyone who isn't as loving and spiritual as I am and so far I only find those people online.
@SheilaLS I'm 60 too. I have always dealt with rage due to being afraid to express my true feelings in the moment and mean people still catch me off guard to this day. My rage comes after the fact or if I'm dealing with some stupid technical glitch. I have zero patience for stupid stuff. But people who are nasty with no reason just stun me into silence. My spirituality is what has pulled me through.
@Farren Rohana my spirituality is what has pulled me through, too. I'm not 60 but I may as well be. I'm so sick of this too. I feel the same about only finding my kind of people online. It's like they're my soul families. And I don't have the energy to be nasty either so I too, have been losing everyone due to their lack of reciprocating understanding and compassion, or being narcissists. I now question myself being a narcissist because of how I don't want to help anyone who doesn't want to help me in kind because of how much I've been taken advantage of to the point where I've nothing left to give and when the time came that I needed help I was left out in the cold. It's left me with such a bitter taste in my mouth. The term, no good deed goes unpunished comes to mind at the thought of helping anyone now. I've been dealing with people who are at least closer to being about as loving (still not as much) and definitely not as spiritual so there is always something lacking. I find that people I don't even know online are more loving & spiritual even if it's just with their understanding & compassionate words, thoughts, or sending love & prayers my way. Other than healing, I don't know what to do anymore and I feel so stuck.
Oh my god I can totally relate to you! All of the judgments and attacks… then I tell people the truth and they don’t like it.. what is wrong with people? Why can’t anyone be genuine!
This is me. After high school I no longer tried to make friends. I knew I was somehow “different” by how I had been bullied or rejected in other friendships (that turned out to actually be “frenemies”). I remember isolating as early as 7th grade & becoming more of a loner. Not by choice but because I knew others didn’t like me. Now at 53 I have no close friendships. Not even a friend. More just neighbors & acquaintances. I was married once but my husband lied to me & cheated. When I divorced I found myself utterly alone... except for a narcissistic antisocial boyfriend or two. My family, as you can imagine, also let me down. My mother left my life when I was a year old and my dad (who was an abuser) had custody of me. I then went on to have 2 highly abusive and controlling stepmothers who hated me.
God bless you for what you've been through, seek faith, if you can, and friendships with the unconditional love of animals. Nature was truly sent to help us cope with humans. Good luck.
I am very sorry for what you have been through. Sometimes a dog can save your life when things becomes too much to bear. I wish you peace. I think thats about the best we can hope for in this confusing world.
I wish I had learned to isolate after high school. I've always wanted to know how I was different, but i wouldn't learn that I was different until it hit 50. And by that time, the damage was already done. I'm trying at the stage, where I'm just trying to accept who I am.
This is the first time a mental health practitioner understands why self-isolation naturally occurs for those with c-PTSD. Being pushed to connect with people and to go out there is like saying to stop having c-PTSD. So glad to have found your channel, thank you from this happy and flying solo kind of human.
Most people are hurting - even the ones who appear to have their stuff together. With that, people can’t be depended upon to be reliable in relationships. So, we all end up being lonely and disconnected so we learn to adapt and make the best of it by quieting ourselves often at home. My faith and prayer helps too.
I've been a recluse my whole life, especially the last ten years. Unfortunately, I've been experiencing quite a bit of negative self-talk. Waking up, thinking I'm useless and worthless because I'm not out in the world doing the "normal" things that other people are doing. I know in my heart, there is nothing wrong with isolating myself from the world, but these thoughts have been very intrusive. Blessings to all my brothers and sisters of Source.
I hear and understand everything your saying. I and I think we all probably have these intrusive thoughts. Isn't it just funny that All of these issues more than like stem from our upbringing. I watch other people, the fun and joy they have doing this and doing that ~ its so wonderful but I couldn't be in their shoes. Stay strong friend Your not Alone.
Also a recluse. I don't leave my small flat unless I have to. I just spend all day on the computer. I feel guilty because I'm fine with what I'm doing. I don't really want to change, but know that the way I live is not normal, and part of me says I should feel bad about that. But I don't. I haven't seen my friends in over a year (apart from one I've seen a couple of times). I haven't contacted them and they haven't contacted me, so obviously I'm out of sight, out of mind. An older guy downstairs from me died a few months ago and nobody noticed until the smell became a problem. That will be me.
@@Pushing_Pixels I've said the same about myself - won't be found until I smell. But as the late Norm MacDonald humorously said "We all die alone. The most we can hope for is someone holding our hand watching us die." Lol.
i love isolating. it’s ended a lot of relationships that really matter to me, but nothing has been harder than coming back from the pandemic and wanting to keep isolating and realizing that other people don’t want to isolate as much
I isolate at every opportunity. I’m happily married but most of the time we are in separate rooms. We spend time with each other but I require a TON of time alone to be happy, comfortable and at peace.
I'm with you there... Got to have a minimum block of 48 hours solitude a week in order to function properly. Even back when I was working, I could only do part time.
I was deeply hurt in my 30 yr marriage so now I isolate. I was also sexually & physically hurt in my childhood so feeling in control of my Safty is a must for me! Nobody can tell what I’m going through bcz I don’t let it show. I go out when I’m in the mood to be someone else.
1000% in agreement to your assessment. Some of us were thrown to the wolves at a very early age and rather stay as far as possible away from humans and not because of a victim mentally but because we are as adults capable of hurting back.
This short video hit home on so much. I am a strong introvert and enjoy my time alone. I have not been able to trust in anyone without being betrayed, so it is easier to just stay to myself. This is true for relationships and friendships. I can play the part of being social, laugh, visit, and no one knows inside I am only wishing I was home alone in the comfort of the private peace I have created. The worse part is, others think there there is something wrong with me because I am not a social person... I feel something is wrong with them because they have no idea how to enjoy being alone. :)
Exactly. People need to learn to enjoy their own company. It's good to be alone with one's own thoughts and not be influenced by other people's opinions. And being alone is infinitely healthier than being in a toxic/abusive relationship. As a social worker I'm far more concerned about people in toxic relationships than people trying to make the most of being alone.
This is so true and I'm an example. I was a sensitive introverted child who had an emotionally unavailable mother who was neglectful. I'm working through my self isolation with a therapist now and will be diving into more of your videos on this topic.
:) Especially for you comment from this vid on people thinking you feel superior because you keep isolating yourself: 'Liz Dennett 3 weeks ago I call this the "don't hate me because I'm beautiful"':)
I feel the same. I feel obligated to do things i dont want to do to have friends. I dont like restaurants, bars, parties, shopping, or large groups. I am creative and never bored.
I don’t think I’ve heard anyone describe the “Hyper Vigilance” concept. That really describes a part of my experience growing up that I’ve never been able to describe. Thank you!
Look at crappy childhood fairy she looks at how neglect and abuse causes brain stress without support in early childhood makes us stay i hyper vigilance
You’ll find it mentioned again and again as you delve into cptsd. Hyper vigilance is a hallmark of traumatic childhoods. Believe me you’re not alone in that one 🙂
@@DrKimSage Yes, but knowing all this doest stop my negative thoughts inside. I am aware of all symthomps but how can we stop suffering if I dont find a good therapists or all those good ones are so expensive I cannot afford?
To all of us out there with CPTSD symptoms (not identity). You are love Just like the light from above You are smart You survived right from the start You are kind Not the person to be a bind You are trust So care for yourself, it’s a must You are a beautiful soul Even through the pain, console You are power Don’t let the narcs turn you sour You are true I believe in the best for you 😢❤ Just wrote this, gonna make sure I save this for myself.
I also don’t hate people but I get bored to tears with most people and their games. I also love being alone it’s the best time I ever have. I go out and do what I do and can’t wait to get back home so I can be comfortable and be exactly how and who I want to be.
My new motto.....never expect anything from anyone, and you are never disappointed. 😊 I don't think being alone is a bad thing.....just sometimes needed . Nothing wrong with that......especially if you are more of an introvert. If your happy...be happy! only you know your real needs. I like my own company myself but we all need to still engage with others once in a while too Just as nature is good for the soul too... Just balancing what you need at the time. 😊.
A lot of people who have made the biggest contributions in the world are introverts. Because it takes a lot of time alone thinking/problem solving/creating to achieve big things.
I recently, within the last two weeks, discovered I have had CPTSD and I am now 71. I was abused at 5 years old but blocked it from my mind until I took a two year counselling course and it slowly brought back the memories. That was 10 years ago and I have been working through my lack of self worth, shame and guilt and am now in a better frame of mind. I still wonder why no one ever noticed I was mentally ill all my life but I was never close enough to anyone. My parents may have known about the abuse or may not but it was never discussed. No relationship ever worked out well. I am much happier now and looking forward to my new life and making new friends
I had agoraphobia @ the age of 5. I was unable 2 leave the house or go 2 school. Of course, back then, I had no idea wat it was called. I'm 58 now, n it has recently creeped back up again. It takes courage n necessity 4 me 2 leave the house which is rare. Once I'm on my way, I'm fine, but am always looking 4ward 2 coming home. Luckily I enjoy my own company n staying home. I'm never bored
Right on target. I am an extrovert but have endured repeated trauma since childhood (CPTSD). I am a classic example of exactly what you explained. I am in a constant state of hypervigilance, but I've been working very hard the last 8 years to heal. After 50 years of reoccurring abuse, it is proving to be the challenge of my life. I was surprised you mentioned fawning. I told my therapist about that. I have used it many times to pacify anyone I feel threatened by. It helps me keep the peace until I can escape. I would like to say one thing. Even though I know why I don't trust people, I am constantly reminded why I need to stay somewhat alert. I am very friendly and meet very unhealthy people in my community, at work and even at church. Alcoholics, bitter/angry people, Vets with PTSD, sexually perverted people, drug users, etc. I try to come out of my shell but with the quality of people I meet, it is hard to find a balance. PS. I live in the burbs and a waterfront town, so it isn't exactly the slums out here. Many are educated and wealthy. Something is wrong with society. Anyway, thanks for the post, I look forward to seeing more of your videos.
Perhaps it's time to change your type if work,or a better church,or join groups online or un person that are specific to what tour looking for.Meditatiin,women's healing circles Aquafit,hiking or walking group,book reading,etc.❤
Yes exactly we are told to let down our guard but I truly tried that and boy, did it bite me back. The hurt, pain and judgement is alive and well today. New life philosophy: never tell anyone anything.
I’ve isolated to the point that my family resents me thinking that I think I’m better than them But in reality I just stay in my room away from everyone
I often isolate in public. I like being alone in a coffee shop, people watching. It's enough for me. I can get my people fix without the burden of dealing with many personalities. I have a handful of friends that I see 3 times a year.
Dude! Me to a T! I feel you, Man. It’s not me who is afraid of being hurt… it’s the other way around so I tend to distance myself so much… because, sadly, I know I will end up hurting them. I’m sorry you suffer from the same issue I have. It’s horrible but all we can do is try everyday to try and get better. It’s tortuous but I believe it CAN be done.. hopefully. Prayers to you, man
I isolate a lot and the older I get, the more horrible experiences I get, then I isolate even more. These days one can barely go outside without someone crazy person shouting at you. One of often alone with no friends so just being alone means you are a target.
@@barphh I think, being on a ptsd/mental health Channel and without any political rhetoric attached, that they meant it in the literal sense of feeling suffocated in a mask. I can relate. I stopped going anywhere during the mask mandate because I can't stand anything over my nose/mouth. It gives me extreme anxiety and fighter flight symptoms. And I have been screamed at by strangers for not having one while pumping gas that i paid for at the pump so thatni could avoid going inside. That terrified me.
I am an introvert and have always thought this is my natural disposition, I am content spending the vast majority of my time alone so it's not pathological. But the concept of Outer Critic really resonated with me. I often feel about other people "you're not good enough," even if I don't think it in those exact words. I often find other people's company annoying, and interacting with them for more than a brief exchange to be a nuisance. Upon reflection I do believe this is related to the abuse and neglect inflicted upon me as a child.
Oh but it could be a result of your childhood if you were raised by narcissists and/or you became one. It’s not something you can shake off. But I get that people don’t measure up at all to our standards! I often hate women in groups and clubs the way they act! Clicks and childish gossip and being crazy judgements. I prefer none of that! One good mate though changes my whole outlook if ai could stop isolating from emotional pain!
This is comforting. I self isolate due to pain and sadness although I deeply care about others. It's hurtful that others can see me as a bad friend for struggling to interact, but this video helps me be more understanding to myself. Thank you.
"Do you hate people?” “I don't hate them...I just feel better when they're not around." - Charles Bukowski
RIP Hank Chinaski xo
Funny you should post this here. I've been thinking of this quote a lot lately.
"I try very hard to not hate people. I prefer them at a certain distance so that I can love them properly".
Erin Nelson
“I love humanity, it’s people I can’t stand.”
- Woody Allen (I think)
Almost the same question I was asked at work, by boss, when I was not going to any of work parties - why I don't love people? 😁
I’ve been terribly hurt during my life and being alone is comforting to me. I love being alone.
That's exactly my experience, too.
Same here. However there is always a double edged sword in self isolating. It causes us to become even more socially awkward when we are around people. I barely know how to even talk to people anymore and what comes out of my mouth makes me feel even more self conscieous and embarrassed.
Ya gotta get hurt to find you really love yourself most! Everyone does. Your not diffrent.
@@reesedaniel5835 well take it from a former wannabe casa nova,, I found that i couldnt talk either,,, stage frieght from NEED to be liked and failure scared the crap outta me.
Thats no longer a problem now,, I learned that I am MY BEST FRIEND and never needed the ones I caught cause in reality,,, they really didnt need me either. They and I found it awkward in a crowed BECAUSE we thought we were supposed too be with someone to be,,,, "NORMAL?"
@@reesedaniel5835 who cares I dont want to be around people I’m not self conscious at all !
To me, isolating myself is necessary. Isolation means safety to me!
AMEN❤️
It’s the ptsd part - when my dad raged I went to my room and closed the door for safety, I still do it
Same. My favourite saying of late is: People are dangerous (I mean emotionally). The older I get, the more sensitive to other people I have become. Their moods affect me and I find myself becoming quite overwhelmed. I also find it hard not to assume that things aren't my fault, like perhaps my co-worker is in a mood because I've done something wrong - and I know that sounds mad. My small home is my sanctuary - but it's also lonely 😞
Isolating is a form of spending more time with yourself and knowing thyself.
100 percent feel you 😢sending love ❤
I have been alone most of my life. Every time I got involved with other people they took advantage of me and betrayed me. I stopped being around people in 2008 and I'm completely happy and content. I live simply and always with animals. I go out about 1 time per month to pick up supplies. I have most things delivered. I am at peace.
❤
I even got rid of my animals no pets🎉
I can't depend or trust anyone. But my dog Sammy. Who I know loves me. And that's good enough
It as if they know we ARE BROKEN AND Weak but MY KINDNESS IS NOT WEAKNESS
Me to
To me, isolating myself doesn't mean I'm depressed. I paint, read interesting books, play sudoku and watch whatever interests me on UA-cam. I realized that I don't want to force myself into socializing after which I feel worse than before. I am 57 years old and my mood is more and more precious to me.
@Caroline Hudson Sudoku is literally the easiest game to learn. You have a 9x9 square, and you must fill it with numbers from one to nine in each horizontal and vertical line, and in each of the nine smaller 3x3 squares, but no repeated numbers are allowed.
I feel the same way, but I wonder if I can change my perspective about the other people. I don't want them to affect me so much that I want to be away from them because as much as we think we're self-sufficient, people do need people.
same with me
@@TimeIdle this past jan i fell and crushed my shoulder and i had to have major surgery! i was in the hospital for 4 days and they said i couldnt go home alone! i said watch me! WELL the next day after the surgery i said there is no way i can do this alone by myself at home! LOL well my daughter and her husband let me stay with them for 2 weeks! i never thought i would need anyone like that because i have taken care of myself since i was 16 years old! never needed anyone! TILL NOW thank god they were there for me
absoloutely!
Living alone is the greatest gift I gave myself, I am at peace, I get to do whatever I want, and I am safe ❤
Same!!!!
It's so wonderful to feel safe alone at home. 💜
I guess there are a ton of us who have been so terrorized that we now live so in fear of violence that we’d rather die alone. Very sad state of society.
same! not dating women save me so much money, i love being safe and alone
Same here and I love it 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽 I can hear more without all the distractions I use to have Around me!!!
Because of childhood trauma; I isolate most of the time. Recently I was at my son's destination wedding. For 3 days it was happy people talking, laughing, dancing, drinking, and dining...and all I ever wanted to do was get back to my room. I felt so alone and lonely in a group of 90 people. I prefer a party of one; but pets are always welcome!😍
Disability causes a huge need to isolate. I was born with a deformed eye; mother unwitingly exposed herself to german measels when p.g. with me. That was not her fault. What WAS her fault was her refusal to engage a discussion with me about it. A sister told me the truth. But for 39 years of my life, my mother made sure I paid for that. My happiest place in life was living alone in my own apartment in NY. Mother found a way to destroy all of that. I was glad when she finally died. No contact with any of them. As for pets it's DOGS THAT HAVE KEPT ME ALIVE. Dobermans, Manchester terriers and a beautiful little rescue chihuahua.
You sound like me , my son got married yesterday 😢
I had to go to a family reunion for my husband's siblings and their families. I quit drinking alcohol 20 years ago and that's all anybody was interested in doing. I was happiest floating around the pool not talking at all. After we got home my sister-in-law asked me about my "resting SAD face". I basically said it has to do with my broken teeth and didn't tell her I was uncomfortable and wanted to be at home instead.
I can definitely relate to your comment.
Two gifts have kept me alive: 1. My dogs and
2. Yeshua, Son of God. I invite you to meet Him. He loves you and He's waiting for you. With Him you need noone else.
Anyone here ever have a full blown PANIC ATTACKS?? Constantly?? I know it’s a different situation, but trust me.. I’d do anything to make them stop.✌️
I love my solitude; I’m finally in good company
My biggest struggle with this is society insisting that it's bad to be alone. Honestly, I've never felt more comfortable in my life. I live with 4 cats and a dog. We are full. ❤️
Society is wrong about a lot of things.
Beautifully said! 😊
❤❤❤❤❤
I love that.
SAME! Why is it that we are we expected to cohabitat w anyone else?
I love being alone. The world is exhausting. People are hurtful and untrustworthy.
I don't boring
I agree completely.
It can be very therapeutic.
Me too
I hope you are well and safe! Sending you love and blessings! Jeff
I'm isolating because I'm trying to heal in peace. No judgement, no expectations, no wasting energy. I can't deal with anyone at all, I need to channel all my energy into trying to recover from decades of abuse.
You took the words out of my mouth ❤
Me too
Best thing to do! Wish I would of isolated decades ago! I'm loving it ❤️
Its impossible to fully heal while being around people. Most are abusers in some way.
@@nick8252 omg yes. Sadly, I know you're right when you say most are abusers in some way. The worst ones are the ones that pretend to be your friend while they talk about you behind your back.
Same
I'm 63 years old. I tire easily these days. I also like to read. Being alone with my cats is amazing for me. When people do come by, I find myself making excuses to lie down and I usher my guests to the door. I work with mentally ill adults Mon-Fri. and I have to tone down right after work. I love my job but I love my books more. I love my cats more than that. I feel better with myself alone. I dig helping others, but I definitely have avoidance behaviors. My childhood was horrific.
Reading thru the comments, wow I didn’t realize so many other people feel the way I do - comfort, peace & safety in isolation, and it’s a necessity!
How would you know? If we are isolating (avoiding others) then how would you know?
Ahhhhh Greg. You are exactly the reason why we isolate 😂
@@JeanneGuarnieri-vs7zn No, but the fact your analytical skills are lacking may be why you need to isolate.
Your feelings do not make something true.
@@USMC6976 How true! Fortunately for me I do not care about your feelings nor anyone else's. Including mine. I am only interested in truth, direction and goals accomplished for the children I have born. I work best for them as a Ninja. No offense to you whatsoever. I hope whatever good goals you are working on will come true.
It is so different and sad it’s come to this but I say hello to you all ..I worked long hours I was living with people I loved but they ignored me I was around people and alone .. things were missing personal items and money and identity documents I was so agitated I would buy can openers towels kitchen items they would disappear …. It’s just such a bad ten years now I can say isolation love from god and etc I am better off some people are just unkind I love reading writing etc too love my pogo games tv etc
The biggest thing that resonated with me is ( I’m paraphrasing), “If you can’t trust your parents, who can you trust?!!”
Exactly!
OR YOU OWN CHILD!!!!!!!!! UNBELIEVABLE!!!!😪
God did bless me with a wonderful wife. She doesn't like other people around either. We have no kids just cat. I have a sister that is extremely jealous of me and destroyed my reputation with the rest of the family. My wife doesn't talk to her family either. We have our own little utopia. I do like meeting people when I'm abroad. Foreigners are much more compassionate and understanding than Americans.
@@michaelmckenna9022 I’m sorry to hear your sister tried to spoil your life but so glad you remained strong 💪
Exactly 💯
I'm 56, never married. After being hurt so many times in relationships with boyfriends, friends, and family... I really enjoy the peace & comfort of isolation. It feels more stable & safe. I'm still a social butterfly at times, but only in short spurts with people I trust.
Me too!!
I feel the same way!
63 and feel exactly the same way, if marriage works out I don't doubt it's great, but the truth is there are much, much worse things than being alone
Exactly me too . !!!!!
Hugs your way.
OMG, I finally found the group of people, who enjoy isolation as much as I do! We should have a social media group of our own!
We definitely should I’ve been alone for six years now - just me and eight dogs. I got too traumatised by other people and that is why I live in isolation.
It’s not too late for each of us to be supportive & a strong force for others living similar lifestyles.
Having a social group goes contrary to wanting to isolate from others
@@DJ-nk4dq But you would never actually meet the other group members. That is why I would like it.
Yes, let's isolate together 😂❤
Being let down by those you love/trust truly wreck us for the long haul
Going thru that now
I'm been going through this for the last 12 months. It will be a lifetime scar, I'm slowly getting stronger, its been really difficult I'm praying to come out better on the other side, I know God's there for me and I need to keep being faithful.
I was manipulated after my husband died. By his demon bro and his wife.
For 22 years I've lived this. I want to die.
Gotta fight this guys
It's totally fine to lay low for a weekend, but everyone needs social connection, some laughs, and just human bonding.
Maybe your presence in someone else's world helps them
Take time for yourself when you need it, but help others too!
I love to be alone with nothing but my animals. Or out in nature with my animals. The peace that comes from that is better than anything another person can do or say ❤
Absolutely!!
Hell yes!
I agree, people for me are dangerous and erratic. My trust is too fragile in trust.
But then I probably expect them to be untrustworthy.
I wholeheartedly agree
Totally agree.
I'm 53 and have learned this. If you need to isolate then isolate. Do what you need to do for yourself, not what society says you should. Life is short.
Respect and listen to what your body and mind are telling you. ❤
I agree
You don't get it. Sometimes what your brain is telling you is not always true or correct.
Your brain gets stuck on self preservation, when it's not needed.
I'm glad that works for you, but why are you showing up here, on a professional's page, and profess that you know what others should do?
@@badeugenecops4741
Perhaps you don't get it.
I'm telling people my perspective and opinion. I'm not saying stay in bed for 6 months. The DSM manual changes every year and this isn't a professional forum.
It's UA-cam and comments section is for comments.
Exhale, Dr Eugene.
At 60 I concur.
I can’t imagine noticing to please society, that must be horrible , society is why I want to be alone they are idiots for the most part !
I self isolate deliberately because I'm tired of being stabbed in the back over 40 years! I gave up entirely at 49! Almost 8 years later, I have NO regrets. Yes, some days are lonely, but I cannot take any more abuse in any of it's forms.
Thanks!
Agree😊
I am close to staying in the house FOREVER.
It’s much safer ~ thanks 😘
Me too man had lost sincerity to his fellow man!
I understand you
After being with toxic narcissistic people my whole life, I’d rather be by myself. I was always alone as a child because my narcissistic mother neglected me. I’ve been abandoned by so many loved ones. I’m protecting myself now and my inner child
Same here
I feel you KA but at 43 I feel now this is reallt not healthy anymore. I need friends and it's like everyone left. I am fed up being on my own..
@@jillmariaplatteaux6083 Same here
@@diogofarias1822 glad I am not alone. Any advice 😅
I can relate, community matters when its available, looks like we still have a long way to go with mental heatlh still.
Nothing more traumatizing then a nightmare childhood, I know from experience, it leaves you alone even in a world full of people.
I feel this so much 😢
It doesn't have to stay that way. Try counseling. Find your interests and pursue them. Hope things get better for you.
@@justmejenny7986 Thank you.
I know that feeling hopefully things get better!
I used to say “we choose” to be screwed up until I got very screwed up by narcissists myself and dropped in a pit of isolation! Not sure I am really choosing my trauma but working hard to dig out of it one day at a time!
We got this 💪🏻
I am safe. That’s all I need to be in this life. That means being alone almost 24/7. I am 67. No more trauma for me.
45 and feel exactly the same.
Exactly, I am 67 also
I’m 26 and I am with u.
Same - although I do feel sad about that at times because I am choosing to not live my life fully. 67 also. Was bit more social before retiring but way to happy to have a cozy home, pets, adult children that live in town and an empty calendar.
100% I'm 65, have home Business and have a small farm. I've carried my pain so close to my heart for so many years, there's no fixing it. Isolating on My farm brings me peace. Bless you Sister!
When you have pets, you're not alone or don't feel alone. I feel like it makes up for lack of social contact. I work full time and always get burnt out from rude people or too much social contact. Being alone can be healing to the mind. Gives you time to process and wind down
I can’t imagine life without my pups. They’re quite actually the last living creatures I have in my life. I am lonely, and while I’m used to being alone, I don’t like it. However, I’ve made it a bit difficult - I don’t require many friends and don’t like crowded venues with people I only have a superficial relationship with. I really want just a single friend I can invest my energy on - I know this may sound selfish or I have an entitlement or superiority complex; I assure you, the opposite is more accurate.
But it is extraordinarily hard to find that single person, even more so because I’m alone most of the time. Ergo, my pups. I pour my heart and soul into them, I love them so much. And even though they’re mainly jonesin’ for treats, they also give a lot of love back.
@@ronjon7942 this one has a dog. it had two before its wife left, but the other was hers to begin with. its dog has a pretty good life, and others look after him when it can't.
EXACTLY. I live on an island and work from home, so I'm only around humans for a few hours a week ....but I'm with my cats 24/7. I never feel lonely.
One thing I have noticed is that most people interact loudly and rudely with one another in total indifference to those of us who get sensory overload all around. It's obvious that they don't care to consider and/or they do it purposely! It took me forever to not hold it against them but we are all simply different from one another.
as a combat veteran self isolation after the war was incredibly important for me. My family kept trying to force me out and "get me help" but it only forced our relationships apart permanently. Never try to control someones healing process, thats not Love.
They don't understand. Just a loud sound or someone dropping a briefcase onto a desk will make you jump into survival mode. It's best to work it out alone. Every night brings the memories, sweats and nightmares. Take care and do what is best for you.
Exactly (Ret USAF)
Yep my story too I'm sixty now and I still crave solitude and my dog people piss me off fast.
@@510Redneck its not fair to say that because someone put in effort we didn't ask for isnt love, love is just being there during all stages, and understanding that healing is not linear, and putting expectations on us when we're at a stage of flight or fight makes it feel like you cant accept us as we are right now, and we need to be pushed somewhere we dont even correlate to yet naturally to be the only way we're actually accepted. i rather be alone
Yeah, I’m getting the same right now.
I’ve got my family and mental health workers trying to force me out of the house.
Doesn’t matter that I’m not feeling up to leaving the house, as they’ll just turn up at my door and lecture me on how it’s “not health to lock yourself away.”
It’s not healthy for me to be out of the house just now, because I can get really aggressive over nothing, due to my condition.
Being alone for me means being free and safe ❤
It is possible to find peace in isolation. I no longer feel the tug-of-war of wanting relationships and wanting to flee that I once did. I enjoy my own time and my pursue my own interests and are feeling complete in myself. I write this so that others out there suffering may see light at the end of the tunnel. Ok, perhaps it's not the ideal ending of a longlasting relationship with a loving partner. I just want you to know that happiness can be found in being alone.
It's possible, can be enjoyable but is it the ultimate healing? Lady from Crappy Childhood Fairy channel said we need people to get healed.
@@RG-iw7py I am not a fan of the lady from crappy childhood - she's not a therapist - she's not my type to listen to
@@RG-iw7pynot necessarily people to heal us but folks that can teach us strategies of literal survival in this crazy world. That’s just as simple as that, any strong relationship takes a test of time to develop, consistent positive scores of those relationships.
Many are living in abusive relationship with Complex PTSD and they don’t even know it that they have CPTSD.
That’s awesome, I would love to achieve that. what would you say was the most pivotal thing that changed the need?
@@cathychase663 same
When you have been bullied and hurt throughout your life it’s natural to avoid those unsafe situations, as you described.
We have to.
I was assaulted 7 years ago and after 5 years of recovery I prefer to be alone. I don't have anyone traumatizing me on a daily basis and I am safe with my dog. I don't have much, but peace of mind is all that matters. Be well everyone
Yes. A agree. You don’t go back to same place or same people or same job. That has shown you disrespect or abuse. You walk away. To find a better path. And it be a better fit. I find the words. Less is more.
Wishing you peace and comfort.
ua-cam.com/video/l4amPFSalp0/v-deo.htmlsi=c1M9mj_C7aBeirid
"there ain't nothing in this world worth a solitary dime, but old dogs and children, and watermelon wine." Tom T. Hall
Bless your soul.
I have been isolating for about 6 years. I am below 220 pounds for the first time in 7 years. My aches and pains are gone. My fitness, mental wellness and eating habits are vastly improved. I have put all of my focus into me. Needless to say my former lover, Ronald McDonald and my side piece The Burger King are pissed. I am serious about my self love and improvement and I am going to keep this going. 🌹A rose for you for such a great video.
Good for you! Well done! 👏 👏 👏 👏
🎉❤
I love this. Your former lover Ronald McDonald I get it 😂
I lost about 40 lbs or so.. so I hear you! Congrats!
Down 40 myself. Alone seems the way of it.
I was just diagnosed with CPTSD. I am so hyper-vigilant that it’s scary. I’ve been in fight mode my entire life.
I’m glad you were able to get diagnosed fairly young. I’ve had it my entire life but didn’t find out until 45.
@@sethhood3492 I’m almost 37. That’s not young for a diagnosis. Thank you.
Same here. I am constantly in fight and defense mode, even more so since I married a man who has his own emotional problems with PTSD and a narcissistic mother. He's getting help but it's not on the level he really needs (he's on meds but not really discussing his past traumas dealing with his parents-he's kind of in denial of how severe his abuse was) and he constantly relies on me to be his shoulder to lean on so I have to find a way to handle my needs and it's being in these modes in order to function. I don't have an issue with it-in fact I prefer to be a few steps ahead of what's to come because it prepares me for all possible outcomes.
your luck, men with CPTSD get told "get gud or die in gutter"
also hav eto become a millionaire, or date one
@@XeLUA-cam Good for you.
I thought I was the only one who self isolates. This episode describes me perfectly. Thank you to everyone else out there. I dont feel so alone anymore! ❤
This is me. I’m 62. All this time. Fight or flight as a baseline. I can read a room in a heartbeat and accurately.
Yes! I'm a human scanner
Me too, I just wish I could stop scanning and get to experience real peace. Will I ever feel safe enough? Ehh
@@luckystone2293 Have you tried body scan? It's a decent grounding technique that in combination with diaphragmatic breathing has helped me a lot. I find that lying down with hands clasped above my head really allows me to breath more easily during the exercises that I derived from research into jhanas.
I used to be a social butterfly. When I quit drinking everything changed. Found out I actually can’t stand being around people. I now live in the middle of the woods in Alaska-my husband is usually gone working. The anxiety I get when I have to be around people is so intense..especially when I make plans w someone. Even if it’s something fun-the stress from having to follow through w the plans will keep me up the night before. Usually I’ll actually have a good time,but it doesn’t matter..I’ll do it all over again next time plans get made. Long story short sorry, I feel best when alone.
Yes I don’t make any plans because if I do I can’t sleep like you. Even if it’s something “enjoyable” like going out with friends at the weekend. And holidays are an absolute no go. If I live an isolated lifestyle, don’t make plans and keep social interaction to a minimum I sleep fine. If I don’t I literally go crazy. I always thought I was just weird but this is likely part of CPTSD in my instance at least
@@andybrown3016 You’re not alone friend.
This is me, too.
I've been sober from alcohol 2 and a half years. I coped with drinking it MADE me a social butterfly but that's a liquid drug. It is not who we are. It is self medicating :/. Got sober, found God! Thank you Jesus I've healed a ton but as humans we still have the effects of the sin nature and struggles. You described me to a T. That's why I commented. Uncanny. Word for word. Me. I stopped drinking. Now had to deal with my severe anxiety. I get triggered just when people try tot walk to me but then I force myself wnd end up enjoying it just to turn around stay up all night trying to amp myself up to socialize. It is a process. The Devil is a liar. We will heal in Jesus name. We just got to keep at it. Recharge when we need. Isolate when necessary. Be kind to ourselves and always pray. Jesus has not forgotten you.
@@audrey6928 Amen sister. By the blood of Christ we are redeemed and saved. See you on the other side friend 🙏
Your 100% right. This is why I live in the woods. When I go to town I'm actually happy to see other people. Once a month is plenty 🎉
Lol I’m the same
I enjoy my time alone now that I am retired. I lived in a big urban area until I moved back at age 60 to my old family homestead where I have lived alone since 2015. I took care of so many other people in my life! Some were great and some were jerks. But I wore out and, after recovering from my own life threatening illnesses, decided I wanted to live alone. I go out to an activity or shopping every week or two and visit with my wonderful children and grandchildren once or twice a year. They live in another state. But mostly I'm alone with my 3 cats and the wildlife that surrounds me. 👍😚
I went out yesterday (Nov 18) for the 1st time since July and the best thing I saw ,amongst the throngs of people bustling everywhere,was the beautiful Autumn tree colours lining the roads.
Everything(/one) else was just an annoyance tbh.
Me to I live way out surrounded by forest its serenity to me nature animals its me
That is amazing, how do you earn money then? I also want that lifestyle.
Isolation brings me a sense of peace and allows me to think clearly. As a result, isolation helps me make better life decisions when I don't have distractions and energy leeches sucking me dry.
Being alone is the only way to be calm. I had an abusive childhood and never learned how to trust, so staying home alone is my “me time” where I can decompress from work and relax.
I figured out that the less I socialize the better i sleep so I chose a better sleep than a social life
But we need people. In most stressful time ashwagandha helped me, popular ayurvedic herb, starts working after 1-2 weeks. Maybe can help you as well. It's toning nervous system, makes everything calmer for me without making sleepy like melissa.
Exactly! If hypervigilance saved our lives thus far then it’s working 😂
I find this aswell. Also another thing that effects my sleep is having something planned like going out with friends at the weekend or a holiday or whatever. As a result I never make plans
I'm 64 yrs. old. Cried when I saw this. Described me to a T. Called the suicide hot line twice last month... told to leave a message. Called a brother, a neighbor and a pseudo friend and cried my eyes out to them... never got a call back... called a psychologist last week for an appt. never called back. How many times does a person have to reach out??????? Don't see this ending well.....
I am so sorry to hear that, Mark. Keep trying if you can.
God is always listening to you. He wants you to have a beautiful life. If you go back to Him you'll safe and loved. ❤️
💪
I hear you. Try journaling , going into a church to talk to someone a priest or check out groups you can join. You need to express your story and talk and be heard. Don't stop you got this!
Yes a church is somewhere you’ll always be accepted. Please update us and let us know if you got support ❤
I am a loner, by nature. I've had some trauma in life, and handled it as best I could. I am proud of myself for overcoming. No one knows exactly how another feels, nor what they have been through. I work with clients, out of my home. The best compliments I have received is when these clients step into my home and feel that it is a safe place and comment how peaceful it is. It makes my heart swell knowing that others feel that peace. It hasn't been easy, the worst is behind me. I am 73 years old, now. Life is good, it is a simple life.
I have been very sensitive all my life. My feelings get hurt because I'm very respectful to others. If they chose to be snooty, arrogant I won't play along. I don't gossip or try to hurt anyone. My isolation is my time to be with God and I love it✝️🙏❤️
I am so so similar to you! I always say people can't surprise me anymore with how awful they can be to one another. But every time I socialize or go out into the world.....boom they surprise me! I never can understand how humans can disregard one another so easily the way they do?!
❤💜💙☮
Amen!!!
I prefer solitude. The world is evil.
@@Pauline-rh2km exactly 💯.
This really describes me. As a child and even in adulthood I learned, “something bad happens every day, protect yourself “. For me animals, both pets and animals in the wild, are my friends and even protectors. I’m sad to read the comments here and know that so many have suffered. Many blessings to you and thank you.
So glad to know well don't know if glad is the right word their are many like me people want to change you get out there met people do this do that can't they just see you are normal but just like to be in very small groups or with our pets we don't want to be with loads of people
Animals Never deny love!
I also enjoy my pets...and outside, wildlife approaches me. I feel great in my outdoor area.
My wish is - ' I wish I wasn't 'out there' so much'.
@@michelemarch2562So true! My pets are currently the only breathing things on this Earth that actually love me. There's not a single human being that knows me who even cares if I live or die
This is totally me. It's like, if your brain is developing in an environment where your caretaker can't be relied upon and is abusive and neglectful, you're always going to be viewing the world through this lense. It just feels more safe to isolate myself away from people who could hurt me. And all to often that fear does become a reality. I've been betrayed very deeply by people i thought i could really trust.
If you need a friend, God is sufficient
Master Nursi
ME TOO! Even my daughter!!!😮💨
@@michellethelightworker5271 sad
The ability to be alone is a blessing. The social butterfly will admire you
As a therapist with CPTSD who is also an introvert, I find that some of the points you've shared resonate with me, and at the same time, I do often feel that in these conversations around CPTSD, there is a subtext that displays a bias towards extroverts, where "isolation" gets pathologized, which means it falls on those with CPTSD, who may often spend time alone because they feel disconnected from others, to explain themselves. Sometimes it leads to the belief that they are deficient or not enough, or that they need to do "more work" on themselves. It builds in this market for people with CPTSD feeling that they have to engage in more services, buy into talks and workshops, to "get better." I've often found that people with CPTSD can be incredible at relationship building, they have a tremendous ability to connect and empathize with others - but they just feel a very real and concrete lack of reciprocity from others in their life that isn't rooted in a sense of unworthiness at all. As someone who has grown to be more dissatisfied with most of my friendships in my 40's, and who has had honest conversations with people yet found that things rarely change, along with the knowledge that certain people simply don't have the capacity to be more engaged, what I've found is that there is a sociocultural and political privileging of the traits of "extroverts" (even non-extroverts have these traits) that can make it very difficult to have honest conversations about how we feel in relationship with each other. I have found this over and over and over again in my life, and have been often demonized for being quiet, reflective, and thoughtful, because those with extroversion believe they have a right to my thoughts, which in itself creates a sense of unsafety. Again, personality types aren't as binary as this, I understand that - but I've found that my relationships have most often been one-way with people who skew toward extroversion. It's only recently that I've come into a genuine awareness of it - mostly because I had a year of grief where few showed up for me in a significant way, few could bear to have a conversation about my life, and I'm tired. I think that this lack of reciprocity is informed by many things no social media therapists ever really want to talk about - perceived privilege or lack thereof, perceived status, class, sexuality/reproduction, marriage, chronic illness, attractiveness, ability, political perspective, etc. Particularly in the South Asian community that I come from, those identities absolutely matter in terms of how friends might relate to you, but it takes time to pinpoint and understand it, because generally no one will ever admit to these biases. I do know that because I'm a therapist, single, not dating, not interested in reproduction, coping with chronic mental health challenges, and not wealthy, that people do think less of me because I don't hold much transactional value or power for them, except to talk about their problems. I've actively seen the ways in which certain friends treat more wealthy or powerful or attractive people with much more attention, even if the dynamics of it are sometimes subtle. It is easy for people to do this because society doesn't value the work that I do, and the mental health field is often stigmatized, although this is also changing. I've recently noticed the absolute inability of my more extroverted friends to even ask a few questions in a row of me (or anyone else), but will freely dump about their lives, fully believing in their hearts that this is a beneficial dialogue to me, and take off. It gets exhausting to be the person to have to constantly field these issues with others, and for others to be so unresponsive to my life. Because of the superstructures of how our economies operate (not only capitalist/financial structures, but economies of thought and feeling), I'm not convinced that many people carry an awareness that they could or even should be aware of these things - certainly this isn't really valued in a significant way in a capitalist society. I think it would do wonders for so many people if mental health providers normalized that there may be long periods of your life where you are on your own because you enjoy the safety of your own company, and also because people genuinely show that they don't prioritize or care for you, and that you should not ignore that or find work-arounds, but instead, honor yourself and your own needs. Mental health providers need to serve clients better by not running on assumptions about how a life should be lived, and instead, find transformative and healing ways to navigate these periods where you might be going the distance on your own. This is increasingly the case in this country. There are many people who do try to communicate with others and are even more disappointed - conversation and direct communication are absolutely NOT always healing, but they do form exchanges that provide information on how to maintain your own peace and sanctity, and who to create some healthy distance with.
thank you for sharing
❤
Keep shining your light. I value your selfless work. Don't ever give up.
The most true and sensible evaluation, its like therapists have a blueprint of how we OUGHT to be, that is to be extrovert with lots of friends and activities and distractions, constantly throwing ourselvelves into what we find most stressful. l am in one of those quiet periods, can't get myself out of it, so have resolved to go with the flow and trust myself to know what l need.
❤
Gosh I'm so glad to hear that isolation is a response to CPTSD. All my life "friends" have talked negatively about my need to be alone. I'm tired of being judged as something is wrong with me just because I prefer peace and solitude. Thank you, thank you, thank you for bringing CPTSD into the light. I sure hope society doesn't make it into the mental health challenge of the month. It's real, it's extremely difficult and should not be taken lightly.
Well at least you have friends. I'm to the point where I trust no one.
@@user-zr6pl6nb6zsure, but what kinds of friends are those if they can't even respect how she wants to live her life when her preferences are not even hurting anyone? Those are fake friends. Having no friends is better than having fake friends IMO.
@@trophyscene5015 True.
Wow! I didn’t realize there were so many others like me out there. More power to us!
Feeling less alone 🥲
👍🌹❤️❤️
Thank you. This explains so much . I really needed this. I have no friends or family. Can’t trust anyone. The world is not safe.
Trust yourself, you made it this far!
My wall is huge and tall. I don't allow people anymore to get close to me. It's to protect myself from dangerous situations, abuse and being hurt. I don't have to try and please everyone else anymore. I'm learning to set boundaries and also learning that it's alright to say No.
Look up ☝️☝️that handle, he’s got the best tips and helps. I’ve microdosed shrooms for about 6 months now and it has really helped my CPTSD, anxiety and depression and I’ll recommend it for anyone🙏
❤
I feel this way daily, it’s comforting and yet I wish didn’t have to. But at a point where can’t trust anyone
One must be 10ft tall and bulletproof to get thru. Nobody else sticks around.
🖤
I had a girlfriend who went through a traumatic childhood, and she mentioned that she had CPTSD. I didn't know what it meant at that time, but after you made all of the points in this video, it really hit home to me how she acted was a response to the early trauma she endured. I wish I had the ability to go back and teach my younger self what to say to her, because I feel that my lack of knowledge of the subject she was dealing with is what lead to us no longer being together. I still wish her the best, but it has been a long and hard road to follow getting over not having her in my life anymore. She meant a lot to me, and I hope she knows that I understand why she did some of the things she did, and I hold no judgement toward her. Blessings, love and peace to everyone out there. Cherish those around you, and keep an open door for those who have a harder time with life and the many curveballs it throws at us.
Wow.. I love the way you wish you had the knowledge to know & do better. Me, too.
Seeing this would probably mean a lot to her. Good on you for seeking this out & educating yourself, that makes a good partner 💜 much love & respect for doing so. To everyone here - I hope you are experiencing peace & joy. (The joy part can be hard, I know) hang in there. ❤
We shouldn't feel bad for what we didn't know. But it's wonderful when we learn and gain understanding. I wish I knew too, but I know now and so we go from here. The Most High brings the healing, but first He brings understanding.❤
Perhaps you'll have a chance to reconnect, and you can let her know what you've learned. All the best 🙏
I pray that God sends you your wife in due time ❤I pray he gives you the mindset and heart to except your blessings and to love yourself and to give love and peace .much love and respect.I act just like this ..I never want the man to love me it makes me mad.but I'ma seek help so i can receive love.. because i can give it but can't receive it
I'm grateful that I found this video. I've joked about my isolating, call myself hibernating. 😏 but now spring is here, and I feel so awkward, watching people enjoy the sunshine from behind my windows...I'm in my 60s, and all my adult life has been an exercise in healing. It's been a good life, because once I broke free from my abusive, sadistic "family" I began to live...I stumbled...I fell...I cried and I tried. And I'm still here. They say the best revenge is success. My definition of success is the ability to love and be loved. Love is everything. And if you can learn to love, even yourself, then you've overcome your pain. It doesn't go away, but you will have conquered it. Best wishes for all of you who were drawn to this video, all who are isolating, not from fear, but from wisdom. 🌹
I make myself take short drives, even just to the dollar store, then take an new route home. Minimal people contact but it puts me out in the world and nature again for a bit, and I get my small pkg of nutter butter cookies. It shakes me from repeating thoughts and memories, and then I'm good watching off my balcony or out my window again.
Beautifully said. Stay blessed.❤
i know what you are talking about.
And, I feel you are down there:)
Ditto
Miapdx503 ♥️👏Loved your last sentiment. Isolation as a response to wisdom ......not reacting to fear. When you isolate for a while, you become aware of the nonsense to which you have been indoctrinated😄😄
Isolation is the best time of my life. After 70 years of living with myself I am my best friend and my safe space. I recognized this about myself very early in life. My trauma didn't stop me from having a hapoy marriage, a good job, and an outside life on my terms.
I can volunteer in my community for a few hours a week, have like-minded friends over to socialize, and work with troubled youth. But I'm always counting down the minutes until I can be safely alone to recharge. My husband and I have our own childhood traumas and we understand each other. So we can give each other space to just be, in peace. No nagging or fixing or judgment. Don't put up with anything less!
Being by myself is the only way I’ve found to insure I don’t experience more damage from other people. It took me about 2 years, but I finally found my peace when I’m alone. I’ve reduced my friends to a very small handful of people, and I generally only leave the house for work. I am quick and stern in reacting to others when I’m around others, I don’t like being like that, so I just limit any time around others. People are generally selfish at heart, they just are what they are, I having nothing left to give others and I’m out of heartbreaks.
@Play Google you do realise you didn't need to say that, right? They said they didn't like that about themselves. They know it's not good for them. Pointing out things like that when people have already made it clear that they know that they have a certain flaw is exactly what the old saying "rubbing salt on the wound" is about. Try to avoid doing that.
@@salemsaberhagan well said.
Thank you! Exactly what I was thinking.
Barry, I understand how you feel hun. Im glad you found a community that understands. If you can find peace and joy alone then do it, no shame in that.
As you heal you will begin to be more resilient around others. The isolation is restful and healing but one day you will be ready to take more enjoyment in the company of others. You don't need a lot of people in your life A few good ones will do😊❤
Wow, I think I FINALLY have a sense of understanding why I self isolate so much and why I keep people at a distance, even though I’m dying to have a true genuine connection 😣
I can relate! Every now and then I dip my toe on dating sites only to realize again, that people are phoney. Right away with the ingenious lines, UGG! I would like to have a deep friendship for conversations and express experiences. But, alas I'm too old for the bullshit😕
Me too 😔 and im 47
Amen. I feel you.
Me too, 49. Even church is not a safe place. I like to go to the park or mall where everyone is anonymous, no one has your information for retaliation.
@@realtorvivianChurch definitely not Safe
Every person i have ever trusted has severely let me down & hurt me, so i'm glad to not have to bother with so-called 'friends' anymore. Not having people around also means i have more space to progress with my own healing from childhood trauma, abuse, & cptsd. I find great solace in nature, esp trees, & animals, & also my craftwork. I no longer need to complicate my life with people & their crap - afterall, i have enough of my own to deal with.
I feel that. ❤
I got diagnosed with cptsd since my teenage, spent my whole life fighting cptsd. I suffered severe depression and mental disorder. Not until my wife recommended me to psilocybin mushrooms treatment. Psilocybin treatment saved my life honestly. 8 years totally clean. Never thought I would be saying this about mushrooms.
YES very sure of Dr.benfungi. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
How do I reach out to him? Is he on insta
I was horrifically depressed since childhood. It was relentless. I assumed it would ultimately end me somehow. About twelve years ago I randomly accepted the offer from a friend of a few doses of mushrooms. I did them two consecutive nights alone. First night was pretty mild. The second night? Wow. I saw my depression from every angle, realized much. Next day: depression totally gone. Never came back, never coming back. It's like it's a forest far away I can remember, and could probably find again with enough effort, but it has zero impact on anything in my life or mind. They honestly saved my life and improved it immensely. I never did them again, either. I wish there was a good, organized way to administer them to people who would benefit from them.
Yes he ships discreetly got mine shipped here in Norway 🇳🇴
Glad that you found something that works for you. That’s a blessing, I’m sure. Best wishes!
You pin it 100%. I'm 70 years old and only starting to learn now what's been going with me through my entire life. Thank you Dr Sage. I love being alone and could never understand why .
Me too. I’m now 71.
Me too, I’m 67
Me too, I'm 70 and tired of the guilt trips. Happy and whole on my terms allowed.
Yep....@ 70 just becoming aware of my filter on relationships....based on my childhood & parents marriage... I unconsciously viewed marriage as a trap, dangerous & painful. While longing for a life partner, I found myself sabotaging relationships with potential & attracted to damaged men, who i would never marry. Who knew? Maybe its not too late to learn...and look at men & partnership differently. That would be fun & exciting. ✌️🙏💓
Someone a while back told me that the need to isolate--is not only a way we protect ourselves from a very toxic world--where criticism greatly out numbers compliments--but where isolation also conserves our energy--most especially if depression rears its ugly little head.
I get drained easily. I'm an introvert
"where criticism greatly out numbers compliments"... Yes. You get it.
They say that if you are normal in a crazy world, you're the crazy one. I think that keeping ourselves away from the craziness is healthy.
@@georgia-b2d : Oh, brother! I don't remember ANY compliments when I was a child: it was all criticisms.
My cold-hearted mother did a real number on me. For decades, since very young, I have been spun in circles with gaslighting, infantilization, manipulation, betrayal, pathological lying. Its no wonder we have developed a mistrust of people and their intentions. I have endeavored to retain my openness, to keep my cynicism in check, to nurture my relational tendencies, to try to meet each new person as they are without broad-stroking all people as bad, but my intuitive radar has been so skewed by trauma and repeated negative experience, as a result I have a kind of neurosis. Im aware of this, but it also has valid foundations, which is confusing to go out into the world with. I do meet good people who I can tell are genuine, but even then I find it difficult to be genuine myself, because of the chameleon tendency, how I learned to adapt myself to the changing moods in the house as a child, we learn to compromise our identity, to fawn, to grovel and submit to fit the vibe of the narcissist, the approval / disapproval cues that we received. This leaves us wondering what our genuine self is, who are we in reality, if we arent constantly adapting ourselves to suit our environment and to please a domineering personality. This is what I am interested to discover and to nurture, to allow myself to be who I really am without fear of judgement or rejection / abandonment. I feel you cant even begin to get in touch with this if you are still in contact with your abusers, which means it is usually family you need to cut out.
It is not just parents, but siblings are also brainwashed by the narcissist to treat you as the scapegoat.
You need to go to a new place, aka, strangers.
Yes, some of us were surrounded by God awful horrid ppl as a child. As an adult, you can be free of that horrendous circumstance
How terrible for you😞I feel for you,my mom sent me away to a mental hospital for thirteen months,just to get away from me. I was shy and gawky and she just couldn't stand me. I pray that you find healing in your time by yourself ❤️
VERY relateable.. thank you for articulating this so well ❤
@@kathyyore309 Yes, my mother tried to send me to a boarding school, Im sure for the same reason. I resisted. The school has been in the news in the last few years, it was full of pedophilic teachers who are now facing historic sexual abuse charges.
It took me a long time to realize that I needed the alone time to recharge, I have friends and family that I enjoy but after a few hours I can't breathe, I need to get away and regroup and just have solitude. I wish it wasn't so taboo still to want to be alone, it's more rude for others to keep asking the why.
A person doesn't have to have PTSD to want to stay away from people. Life is a lot simpler that way!
Amen
I agree completely!
A unknown person is 💯 strong one you can’t destroy the unknown And she will stand out from the crowd..unknown but be notices because she remains alone unknown to them.. that’s her uniqueness.. being alone is her quiet strength of contentment…
I think if you really isolate to an extreme extent you probably do have some degree of (C)PTSD. Educated guess.
How selfish to comment like this. Removing yourself to have a ‘simple life’ is a CHOICE. Removing yourself as an extreme trauma response is not ‘a choice’
Most people with CPTSD actually prefer to have a normal life where they can easily mix with people. So by all means take all the CPTSD trauma responses and heap them to yourself. I don’t want mine. You’re welcome to it so you can live isolated and ‘happy’. SMH
It is okay to be yourself. If you like to isolate, then isolate. Stop allowing society to dictate how everyone should be. People are not made from cookie cutters. Just because someone isolates themselves, it does not mean that something is wrong with them any more than others. There are also things wrong with social butterflies! 😊Society is FILLED with messages that repeatedly assert: "You are not okay being yourself. Something is wrong with you. You need to change something about yourself in order to be..." It is absolutely ridiculous!
I couldn’t agree more, Tonya Reed - I learned the following from a wonderful yoga teacher: “we are not meant to conform to the pose; the pose is meant to conform to us.” I am a practicing psychotherapist and I frequently quote this with clients. Too many who seek therapy suffer with cultural “shoulds”- it is indeed an absurd and very unfortunate consequence of advertising and mainstream “stepford” conditioning. I am so pleased to see the many comments here advocating their “inconvenient truths” about the self care and gratifying rewards of solitude. Another favorite lyric from a song by Sting in the 90’s became my guiding light as I entered training to become a therapist: “men go crazy in congregation, we only get better one by one… One by One by One”
M job was alone, 25 years in a glass box, 4x4x6’…. I like me, mostly. Graderman. Every relationship has abused my love. It sees anyways. I just want to love and be loved. UNCONDITIONALLY.
Thanks Doc.
Absolutely 💯%
Amen sista!
I feel it’s all in the language too...”isolate” has negative connotations, while “solitude” sounds more empowering...IMO.
I guess it all depends on the underlying reasons 🤔
I found my peace in isolation. I always feared it and it has ultimately freed me.
Exactly! It freed me as well! Journaling and staying away from people. Best thing ever! Wish I would of done it decades ago.
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, dr.sporesss. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I wish they were readily available in my place.
Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac.
He's constantly talking about killing someone.
He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
Is he on instagram?
Yes he is. dr.sporesss
Chronic illness has contributed to my self isolation. I was hyper social, life of the party & had boundless energy for 27 years. The next 22 have been learning to adjust to a quieter, more serene chronically ill life. I don’t have the energy for people, going out or being over stimulated. I still enjoy a nice night with family & close friends from time to time, but I am most at peace relaxing my mind & body.
Wow! I can’t believe someone else described my situation exactly! Thank you! I’ve continued to fight and waste precious energy trying to still be outgoing and maintain the social life I had before. But it’s exhausting! Thank you so much for helping me see clearly that I don’t have to do that. I thoroughly enjoy my alone time to do solitary things. I’ve had a hard time convincing myself that it’s okay. Thank you!
@@pattyjenks2366 glad this resonated with you - wishing you well 💜
Yes same. Chronic illness and chronic pain will definitely change your life. You must choose yourself and your own well being. Being alone is so comforting most of the time.
@@valerieann2751 gentle hugs to you, love 💜
Same here. I learned many hard lessons during the years I was becoming ill. I've been perm disabled since my mid-40's. A few years earlier, my best friend, my mom, died suddenly. Most former "friends" left when I was going through a time I never imagined. Now I'm in my 60's and I've returned to God, as I realized that without Him, I wouldn't be here and I pray for those suffering around the world. God doesn't want that for us, and whether we believe in Him or not, it's plain to see the evil that's around us and why so many find peace in solitude. I try to make the most of every day and still have two dear friends from jr. high that I've never lost touch with who are also Christian and always there for me, calling to just talk, see if I need anything. My life is quiet, and I really like it that way. God bless you all.
This format of shorter, targeted content is great. I was able to stay focused and consume all of the content without mentally checking out due to being overwhelmed.
Great to hear it! Thank you so much for letting me know!🙏🏻🦋
I find it helps me focus if I watch videos at increased speed (I use the top X2speed) ...but I also turn on the captions...reading the captions helps while listening to the speeded up narrative really helps me to focus captions at t
Agreed. I’ve bailed 2 minutes into a video where the presenter is just…talking…without getting to the point.
@@CorePathway So true. Or the hour and a half videos. The T and D of CPTSD make it a heavy topic that most people cannot binge for 1 1/2 hours to get a basic idea or a practical coping tip.
@@DrKimSage m
This is me! I was raised as an only child and was physically and emotionally abused so I learned to be alone and isolate and learned to love my own company because I couldn’t trust others.
I can relate to that, pretty much only go out to exercise my dogs or pick up necessities, if I'm not around people, people can't hurt me.
Psychedelics are just an amazing discovery. It's quite fascinating how effective they are for depression and stress..saved my life.
While tripping make sure to find a good mycologist who teach you the right things you need to know
With all due respect, if you’re really messed-up emotionally/mentally, psychedelics can be dangerous. I’ve seen it, personally - how they can nearly lead some people to tragedy. I understand trying anything to survive beyond the pain. However, if you listen to people who KNOW things about the spirit realm, they’ll warn about certain doors being opened that shouldn’t be opened. If it weren’t for God’s grace through my Savior, Jesus Christ, I don’t know how I’d still be here. I have seen how he brought me through so many harrowing experiences… It was God. There’s no other explanation. If anyone’s interested, check out “de la fe testimonies.” Just some input. Please, ignore if you don’t agree.
Seriously guys... Could you perhaps take your gorram bot marketing elsewhere?! People are trying to heal here.
As I got older I learned to really love and enjoy my solitude.
It meant a lot to hear you say 'we relied upon our childhood selves and learned no-one was to be trusted' When I realised what a caring woman was (gentle teachers, kind nurses...) I was teased horribly by my mother. I have spent a lifetime so confused. Thanks for your help.
I'm sorry for your pain. I understand and feel that. I hope you heal, and know your self worth. Don't let the actions and words of other (including family) change the way you perceive yourself. Know that a lot of those negative words and actions someone does to you is really a direct corrorlation on how they feel about themselves, or repeating the cycle of abuse, doing to others what was done to them.
It's way easier said than done, expecially for someone who had those thoughts and feelings programmed into their brain during childhood, it gets embedded into your subconscious. But it is possible to pull it out
@The Bravadours Thanks, I''m glad this knowledge is made available.
There's nothing much to be sorry about, I was simply sharing my experience, it doesn't define who I am now the sting has been taken out of it.
Hugs to you for being moved to respond.
Hurt people hurt people.
My dad is a Narcissist and was and still is Verbally abusive. These people are SICK!!!
@@debbiemckenna5 Wrong. That's Oprah crap.
And it's VERY offensive.
I've been hurt and I don't hurt people.
And there's LOT'S of other hurt people that don't hurt people.
😢 😔😞😭🙏
You had me at, “Trusting our animals and children.” Laughing but very serious, I feel exposed! WOW. Self regulator, check. Hyper vigilant, check.
I've been extremely hurt, abused, taken advantage of, and gaslit, to name a few, by many people that I trusted (including my parents). I've suffered from abuse and neglect most of my life, and I'm 49. I isolate to protect myself. I'm in therapy and on medication to try to heal. I am an introvert.
The same here.😟
I am introverted now as well, and recently confronted my father about his abuse towards me and my siblings, and especially my mom. Unfortunately, he’s clueless about what his behavior was and is responsible for. I’m just glad I learned to identify it, and will be able to handle it in therapy.
I haven’t had many negative experiences with people hurting me, though, besides the above. Mostly, due to my self sabotage and especially my alcoholism, I did a complete job at destroying all my close relationships and especially the one with my best, and really only, friend.
I know I should, and could, put myself ‘out there’ to socialize and especially to get over the psychological torment and damage of being alone. But after getting use to being alone, it is now very difficult to invest and commit to friendships, and that anxiety that comes up that moves me to retreat back to myself is very, very difficult to overcome.
@@luctuosaluctuosa5360 Same here too.
Me too 😞
It's for the best sometimes and books and movies and cats and dogs are good company 😊
I've been isolated for 20 years. I was continually attacked by people out of nowhere starting with my parents/family, then getting bullied mercilessly in school, then friends. Then I found myself being nasty in response. I didn't like myself that way. During my isolation I healed all of it but it took 18 of those 20 years. Now every time I try to put people back in my life they either reject me because I put the truth in their face, or they have no ability to have understanding or compassion, or they're full blown narcissists. I can't be with anyone who isn't as loving and spiritual as I am and so far I only find those people online.
@SheilaLS I'm 60 too. I have always dealt with rage due to being afraid to express my true feelings in the moment and mean people still catch me off guard to this day. My rage comes after the fact or if I'm dealing with some stupid technical glitch. I have zero patience for stupid stuff. But people who are nasty with no reason just stun me into silence.
My spirituality is what has pulled me through.
@Farren Rohana my spirituality is what has pulled me through, too. I'm not 60 but I may as well be. I'm so sick of this too. I feel the same about only finding my kind of people online. It's like they're my soul families. And I don't have the energy to be nasty either so I too, have been losing everyone due to their lack of reciprocating understanding and compassion, or being narcissists. I now question myself being a narcissist because of how I don't want to help anyone who doesn't want to help me in kind because of how much I've been taken advantage of to the point where I've nothing left to give and when the time came that I needed help I was left out in the cold. It's left me with such a bitter taste in my mouth. The term, no good deed goes unpunished comes to mind at the thought of helping anyone now.
I've been dealing with people who are at least closer to being about as loving (still not as much) and definitely not as spiritual so there is always something lacking. I find that people I don't even know online are more loving & spiritual even if it's just with their understanding & compassionate words, thoughts, or sending love & prayers my way. Other than healing, I don't know what to do anymore and I feel so stuck.
@@_.A7777 this has given me a great deal of peace. We're done. Our job is done. ua-cam.com/video/js5tCbIyz0U/v-deo.html
Oh my god I can totally relate to you! All of the judgments and attacks… then I tell people the truth and they don’t like it.. what is wrong with people? Why can’t anyone be genuine!
Girl I would love to chat some more I’m loving and spiritual! I totally understand where u r coming from!
This is me. After high school I no longer tried to make friends. I knew I was somehow “different” by how I had been bullied or rejected in other friendships (that turned out to actually be “frenemies”). I remember isolating as early as 7th grade & becoming more of a loner. Not by choice but because I knew others didn’t like me. Now at 53 I have no close friendships. Not even a friend. More just neighbors & acquaintances. I was married once but my husband lied to me & cheated. When I divorced I found myself utterly alone... except for a narcissistic antisocial boyfriend or two. My family, as you can imagine, also let me down. My mother left my life when I was a year old and my dad (who was an abuser) had custody of me. I then went on to have 2 highly abusive and controlling stepmothers who hated me.
God bless you for what you've been through, seek faith, if you can, and friendships with the unconditional love of animals. Nature was truly sent to help us cope with humans. Good luck.
😓Me Also..........NO friends...........NO family, parents died. This has been a ROUGH life so far.........57 yrs of bullshit. 💕💞
I am very sorry for what you have been through. Sometimes a dog can save your life when things becomes too much to bear. I wish you peace. I think thats about the best we can hope for in this confusing world.
I wish I had learned to isolate after high school. I've always wanted to know how I was different, but i wouldn't learn that I was different until it hit 50. And by that time, the damage was already done. I'm trying at the stage, where I'm just trying to accept who I am.
This is the first time a mental health practitioner understands why self-isolation naturally occurs for those with c-PTSD. Being pushed to connect with people and to go out there is like saying to stop having c-PTSD. So glad to have found your channel, thank you from this happy and flying solo kind of human.
Well said! Yes being pushed to go out and connect with people is like saying to stop having cptsd. Exactly.
Most people are hurting - even the ones who appear to have their stuff together. With that, people can’t be depended upon to be reliable in relationships. So, we all end up being lonely and disconnected so we learn to adapt and make the best of it by quieting ourselves often at home.
My faith and prayer helps too.
I've been a recluse my whole life, especially the last ten years. Unfortunately, I've been experiencing quite a bit of negative self-talk. Waking up, thinking I'm useless and worthless because I'm not out in the world doing the "normal" things that other people are doing. I know in my heart, there is nothing wrong with isolating myself from the world, but these thoughts have been very intrusive. Blessings to all my brothers and sisters of Source.
& the Light of Heaven to You too !
I hear and understand everything your saying. I and I think we all probably have these intrusive thoughts. Isn't it just funny that All of these issues more than like stem from our upbringing. I watch other people, the fun and joy they have doing this and doing that ~ its so wonderful but I couldn't be in their shoes. Stay strong friend Your not Alone.
Jesus loves you!
Also a recluse. I don't leave my small flat unless I have to. I just spend all day on the computer. I feel guilty because I'm fine with what I'm doing. I don't really want to change, but know that the way I live is not normal, and part of me says I should feel bad about that. But I don't. I haven't seen my friends in over a year (apart from one I've seen a couple of times). I haven't contacted them and they haven't contacted me, so obviously I'm out of sight, out of mind. An older guy downstairs from me died a few months ago and nobody noticed until the smell became a problem. That will be me.
@@Pushing_Pixels I've said the same about myself - won't be found until I smell. But as the late Norm MacDonald humorously said "We all die alone. The most we can hope for is someone holding our hand watching us die." Lol.
i love isolating. it’s ended a lot of relationships that really matter to me, but nothing has been harder than coming back from the pandemic and wanting to keep isolating and realizing that other people don’t want to isolate as much
I had no problems at all re isolating during the pandemic. Loved it!
PLANDEMIC
I isolate at every opportunity. I’m happily married but most of the time we are in separate rooms. We spend time with each other but I require a TON of time alone to be happy, comfortable and at peace.
I'm with you there... Got to have a minimum block of 48 hours solitude a week in order to function properly. Even back when I was working, I could only do part time.
I was deeply hurt in my 30 yr marriage so now I isolate. I was also sexually & physically hurt in my childhood so feeling in control of my Safty is a must for me! Nobody can tell what I’m going through bcz I don’t let it show. I go out when I’m in the mood to be someone else.
1000% in agreement to your assessment. Some of us were thrown to the wolves at a very early age and rather stay as far as possible away from humans and not because of a victim mentally but because we are as adults capable of hurting back.
That's what I came to understand about myself...not a victim, just best left alone.
After dealing with alot of abuse in my life, isolation is the only place I feel safe.
I feel the same.
Totally agree
This short video hit home on so much. I am a strong introvert and enjoy my time alone. I have not been able to trust in anyone without being betrayed, so it is easier to just stay to myself. This is true for relationships and friendships. I can play the part of being social, laugh, visit, and no one knows inside I am only wishing I was home alone in the comfort of the private peace I have created. The worse part is, others think there there is something wrong with me because I am not a social person... I feel something is wrong with them because they have no idea how to enjoy being alone. :)
Exactly. People need to learn to enjoy their own company. It's good to be alone with one's own thoughts and not be influenced by other people's opinions. And being alone is infinitely healthier than being in a toxic/abusive relationship. As a social worker I'm far more concerned about people in toxic relationships than people trying to make the most of being alone.
This is so true and I'm an example. I was a sensitive introverted child who had an emotionally unavailable mother who was neglectful. I'm working through my self isolation with a therapist now and will be diving into more of your videos on this topic.
This is exactly how I feel all the time. I have people who want to be my friend and I completely freeze up.
How about learning more about toxic, narcissistic people to know whom avoid and giving yourself and other person time to know each other? Best of luck
@@RG-iw7py I agree thank you
:) Especially for you comment from this vid on people thinking you feel superior because you keep isolating yourself:
'Liz Dennett 3 weeks ago I call this the "don't hate me because I'm beautiful"':)
I can’t have friends at all.
I feel the same. I feel obligated to do things i dont want to do to have friends. I dont like restaurants, bars, parties, shopping, or large groups. I am creative and never bored.
I don’t think I’ve heard anyone describe the “Hyper Vigilance” concept. That really describes a part of my experience growing up that I’ve never been able to describe. Thank you!
You are so welcome!:). Thank you for being here!
@@DrKimSage absolutely! I'm glad I found your channel. I love the way you break down the symptoms of CPTSD.
Look at crappy childhood fairy she looks at how neglect and abuse causes brain stress without support in early childhood makes us stay i hyper vigilance
You’ll find it mentioned again and again as you delve into cptsd. Hyper vigilance is a hallmark of traumatic childhoods. Believe me you’re not alone in that one 🙂
@@DrKimSage Yes, but knowing all this doest stop my negative thoughts inside. I am aware of all symthomps but how can we stop suffering if I dont find a good therapists or all those good ones are so expensive I cannot afford?
To all of us out there with CPTSD symptoms (not identity).
You are love
Just like the light from above
You are smart
You survived right from the start
You are kind
Not the person to be a bind
You are trust
So care for yourself, it’s a must
You are a beautiful soul
Even through the pain, console
You are power
Don’t let the narcs turn you sour
You are true
I believe in the best for you
😢❤
Just wrote this, gonna make sure I save this for myself.
❤
It’s beautiful I love it
@Generic Name Im just shedding my scales from that phase...I get you
That was nice
@Generic Name proof that some people literally just choose to put their effort into being more miserable
I also don’t hate people but I get bored to tears with most people and their games. I also love being alone it’s the best time I ever have. I go out and do what I do and can’t wait to get back home so I can be comfortable and be exactly how and who I want to be.
My new motto.....never expect anything from anyone, and you are never disappointed. 😊
I don't think being alone is a bad thing.....just sometimes needed .
Nothing wrong with that......especially if you are more of an introvert.
If your happy...be happy!
only you know your real needs.
I like my own company myself but we all need to still engage with others once in a while too
Just as nature is good for the soul too...
Just balancing what you need at the time. 😊.
Expectations are indeed the root of all sorrow. The Buddha said that centuries ago
A lot of people who have made the biggest contributions in the world are introverts. Because it takes a lot of time alone thinking/problem solving/creating to achieve big things.
I recently, within the last two weeks, discovered I have had CPTSD and I am now 71. I was abused at 5 years old but blocked it from my mind until I took a two year counselling course and it slowly brought back the memories. That was 10 years ago and I have been working through my lack of self worth, shame and guilt and am now in a better frame of mind. I still wonder why no one ever noticed I was mentally ill all my life but I was never close enough to anyone. My parents may have known about the abuse or may not but it was never discussed. No relationship ever worked out well. I am much happier now and looking forward to my new life and making new friends
Good for you, girl. Happy healing & happy life.
Wishing you well and happiness in your recovery. 🙏
@@ednaking956 Thanks so much. I hope you are well and happy too. Strange how we always believe the worst about ourselves but not about others
@@jackieflynt995 Thank you. It is such a weight off my mind to discuss this with others "on the sane page" Bless you all
I'm glad you were able to find help. Wish you best of luck!
People who’ve developed Agoraphobia because of this suffer the most! My heart goes out to you all! 💛
A doctor told me long ago if you're clostrephobic, you'll have agoraphobia as well. I don't like it
I was diagnosed with Agoraphobia when I was homeless. To be honest, I mainly hid out in the woods. Now that I have a home, I realize that it’s true.
Yes I have agoraphobia and I get so physically so close when I have to go out. Seems like the world hates me
I had agoraphobia @ the age of 5. I was unable 2 leave the house or go 2 school. Of course, back then, I had no idea wat it was called. I'm 58 now, n it has recently creeped back up again. It takes courage n necessity 4 me 2 leave the house which is rare. Once I'm on my way, I'm fine, but am always looking 4ward 2 coming home. Luckily I enjoy my own company n staying home. I'm never bored
@@ijustrealllylikecats I do the same thing. I order my groceries from wal mart. They deliver.
Being alone allows me to heal, and stop the criticism, abuse
Right on target. I am an extrovert but have endured repeated trauma since childhood (CPTSD). I am a classic example of exactly what you explained. I am in a constant state of hypervigilance, but I've been working very hard the last 8 years to heal. After 50 years of reoccurring abuse, it is proving to be the challenge of my life. I was surprised you mentioned fawning. I told my therapist about that. I have used it many times to pacify anyone I feel threatened by. It helps me keep the peace until I can escape. I would like to say one thing. Even though I know why I don't trust people, I am constantly reminded why I need to stay somewhat alert. I am very friendly and meet very unhealthy people in my community, at work and even at church. Alcoholics, bitter/angry people, Vets with PTSD, sexually perverted people, drug users, etc. I try to come out of my shell but with the quality of people I meet, it is hard to find a balance. PS. I live in the burbs and a waterfront town, so it isn't exactly the slums out here. Many are educated and wealthy. Something is wrong with society. Anyway, thanks for the post, I look forward to seeing more of your videos.
Thank you for describing the silent suffering of SO many who 'appear' otherwise.
I so agree with you!!
Perhaps it's time to change your type if work,or a better church,or join groups online or un person that are specific to what tour looking for.Meditatiin,women's healing circles Aquafit,hiking or walking group,book reading,etc.❤
Yes exactly we are told to let down our guard but I truly tried that and boy, did it bite me back. The hurt, pain and judgement is alive and well today. New life philosophy: never tell anyone anything.
@@MC-vd5kpor at least, everything.
I thoroughly enjoy being alone. Thank you for this video. I trust nobody.
I’ve isolated to the point that my family resents me thinking that I think I’m better than them
But in reality I just stay in my room away from everyone
I have been accused of this too.
Me 2
I call this the "don't hate me because I'm beautiful"
I understand that.
Me too! I'm content as can be!
I often isolate in public. I like being alone in a coffee shop, people watching. It's enough for me. I can get my people fix without the burden of dealing with many personalities. I have a handful of friends that I see 3 times a year.
I'm like this! I read and write at coffee places but rarely socialise 🙂
Coffee shops are great. What do you usually drink?
@@shawnd.8498 if I'm there during the day, Iced Coffee. After work, Hot Chocolate. And you?
The first woman I had a relationship with asked me, "Why don't you let anyone get close to you." My answer, because if you do you get hurt.
We dont fear people getting close, we fear what they'll do once they do get close.
Best way to deal with conflict and chaos is by avoiding it entirely
Dude! Me to a T! I feel you, Man. It’s not me who is afraid of being hurt… it’s the other way around so I tend to distance myself so much… because, sadly, I know I will end up hurting them. I’m sorry you suffer from the same issue I have. It’s horrible but all we can do is try everyday to try and get better. It’s tortuous but I believe it CAN be done.. hopefully. Prayers to you, man
I isolate a lot and the older I get, the more horrible experiences I get, then I isolate even more. These days one can barely go outside without someone crazy person shouting at you. One of often alone with no friends so just being alone means you are a target.
Stand tall, without a suffocation mask!
@@timmywitty1432 not the place for that conversation
@@barphh l can most certainly suggest people quit suffocating themselves, however the brainwashing is quite deep.
@@barphh I think, being on a ptsd/mental health Channel and without any political rhetoric attached, that they meant it in the literal sense of feeling suffocated in a mask. I can relate. I stopped going anywhere during the mask mandate because I can't stand anything over my nose/mouth. It gives me extreme anxiety and fighter flight symptoms. And I have been screamed at by strangers for not having one while pumping gas that i paid for at the pump so thatni could avoid going inside. That terrified me.
Me too- you aren't alone in that
I am an introvert and have always thought this is my natural disposition, I am content spending the vast majority of my time alone so it's not pathological. But the concept of Outer Critic really resonated with me. I often feel about other people "you're not good enough," even if I don't think it in those exact words. I often find other people's company annoying, and interacting with them for more than a brief exchange to be a nuisance. Upon reflection I do believe this is related to the abuse and neglect inflicted upon me as a child.
I c it as a nuisance 2.
Oh but it could be a result of your childhood if you were raised by narcissists and/or you became one. It’s not something you can shake off. But I get that people don’t measure up at all to our standards! I often hate women in groups and clubs the way they act! Clicks and childish gossip and being crazy judgements. I prefer none of that! One good mate though changes my whole outlook if ai could stop isolating from emotional pain!
This is comforting. I self isolate due to pain and sadness although I deeply care about others. It's hurtful that others can see me as a bad friend for struggling to interact, but this video helps me be more understanding to myself. Thank you.