A narcissist is humiliated rather than ashamed. And, narcissists don’t feel bad about themselves, they feel bad for themselves. You will NEVER qualify in their life and minds, except for feeding them energy. What you mean to a narcissist is not the same as what people mean to you. Simple test: If something they say or do makes your stomach or chest hurt, your body is telling you a line has been crossed. Listen to it and grow away from them.
All the research confirms that narcissists are not shame based personality disordered people and their personality is not product of upbringing or nurture . They do have meritless high self esteem and they do believe that no one is higher than them. Shame, regret, feeling bad for their actions none of that ever affects them. They do not have any system of attachment so they enter relationships for their own gain and not for love, support and safety.
You need Jesus Christ. You dont even need to listen to him. Dont fall for the trap of trying to fix it yourselves and revolving your whole life around narcissists and the pain they helped to create in your life. Seek God and everything else will be given to you❤🎉
It’s complicated because it affects you in ways you don’t realize, until you’re out of it and by then it’s hard to separate from the damage. It bleeds into being open to any future bonds.
If you're a good person, you'll always suffer from some kind of abuse whether it's within your family, circle of friends, place of work or church. Evil is ever-present and seeks to destroy anyone who is good (morally or otherwise). It's really that tragic.
Wow 🤯. You're right. This is much more profound than at first glance. "If you're a good person, you'll always..." - yeah. It's really that tragic and _simple_ I guess.
32:40 "The will to survive and will to thrive is damaged" That quote hit so close to home it's unbelievable. I completely lost all faith in myself, faith in humanity, I lost all will to live and to do anything with my life. I'm very fortunate to have broken my isolation and mostly moved past my learned agoraphobia. It's been over 10 years since I even saw the abuser in question, but the wounds felt eternal. But, healing IS possible. And it's necessary! You are worth it! Anyway, that's my two cents.
Yep summed up in one line. Richard hit the mark with that line. Fighting back from it is a long process and it is just that I think, a fight, a long , slow painful one. We need to remember though, that we are strong . We were confident , peaceful, whatever it was about us that they envied because there is no pleasure in talking someone down who isn't confident or full of life, or whatever , that would take the fun out of it for the narcissist. We were their replacement for their lack of security in themselves. We are better than that crap and we know it deep down. Keep well !
When I’m out around people now, I can identify them mainly for these reasons. Firstly, they make me feel a degree of fear (probably because I recognise traits). They are insecure (easily hurt) yet respond to that with strong defensiveness, twisting narrative, lack of accountability and talk a lot about ‘who they are’ (personality traits that do not always ring true). You start to feel like you are treading on egg-shells and can’t say or do certain things, because it leads to various kinds of punishment. They also need to feel special, noticed and have a sense of entitlement to special treatment. As time goes on, you see they gain pleasure from other’s pain or misfortune, but they hide that very well.
I relate to what you say. I keep telling myself no when i ask, if maybe these focused forward moving people who devastate others' lives and seem undeterred, such hungry insatiable ghosts, are they....of another world? What are they? You do know that deriving pleasure, gaining fuel from hurting someone is an element of psychopathy. How many 'humans' like that are around, or are they demons. I meet the occasional really good person, and the tragedies that happen to them are mind boggling. Is it possible that people of Source, people who have LIGHT are targeted.
@ I feel I am a person of light. I saw an angel when I was young, or something similar. I was with a text-book narcissist for a few years, and in the end he seemed dead inside. No personality/identity. I’m not sure about demons or other beings, but they shut down parts of themselves and their capacity to experience at some point (maybe for self-protection). They feel detached from the world, lacking emotion. He would watch how others felt things he did not feel…compassion, joy, empathy…they don’t really feel it. You see them study people who really ‘care’. They envy it. He would do extreme sports/risky behaviour just to feel something.
@@BlueSky-ff4oy I really think you're onto something, at least in regards to high spectrum narcs. My (thankfully) ex housemate was malignant narc, Sociopath. His latest conviction was trying to strangle his GF who was going through chemo at the time. Last summer I mildly asked him not to leave meat out in the shared kitchen. He was a grotesque slob. His face went from "normal" to demon like you see in horror flicks, square mouth, eyes went black and soulless. His hands went into B-movie strangle mode. Bizarro! He even had the "demon voice" "I can do whatever I WANT! YOU can't tell me what to DO!!!" I calmly reminded him I'm not a 90 lb female cancer patient, and that he might wanna back off. There are definitely demons among us, and they're all narcs by nature. Weak, amoral people are the ideal vessels.
You reminded me of something when you said about how the narc has different levels of standards for themselves versus others. I once (naively) tried to use his bad behaviour on him (thinking he would realise how rude he was to me!), with the teasing and 'jokes' about being an idiot/bad driver etc, and just blowing him off when he questioned me. The very least of the behaviours that he would do to me on a daily basis. I have never to this day seen that man so angry, with his purple face 👿 having steam come out of it. To think he openly calls me stupid and this is okay, and for me to even insinuate once that he isn't God.... is an absolute travesty of gargantuan proportions and he needs to punish me like never before. Its crazy to process all of this stuff thats happened!
Emotional safety & Psychological safety. Two vital elements of “good enough” love. However if our childhood never presented in such a manner, then the “self” is repressed. Along with needs, desires & a true experiential view of “real” love. This leaves a lot of us, primed to feel at home in “exciting” shared fantasies (hormone based lust) disguised as attachment, but in reality it’s not. During the relationship, the “fantasy” of idealisation has blinded the senses. Most likely because we never experienced primary narcissism in the first place. Idealised and devalued by parents. This is an unseating of us from our central/ideal ego position. Now we’re oscillating between our paranoid schizoid/depressive positions. Tied into a silent contract, manipulated by speech patterns, projective identification, our own introjections due to our own internal belief systems & psyche. The only thing holding it all together, is the intermittent reinforcement. Managing our now in chaos, internal biochemical working structures. In essence this is CPTSD. When it all goes tits up, we fully regress back to our earliest infancy. Deep, deep into our paranoid schizoid position, hence why we are in fear of everything around us. Every foundation of trust we leant upon, internally has just been removed. Our bodies now go into utter chaos, cortisol & adrenaline goes into overdrive. An injury on our CNS. This crude, rigid, emotionally based amygdala driven position. Is very damaging & very, very difficult to get out of. We have been regressed to our inner childhood wounds, during the relationship. It was always about that. Re-traumatisation is the route they use for supply, power and control. Due to their own infantile emotional capacities. Which is the essence of narcissistic personality disorder. When it ends, we psychologically regress further. In fear, through worry, doubt, anxiety and shame. This abuse awakens our already in place hardwired neural pathways to shame and anxiety. The “fire and wire” principle. We need to look at our position(s) our reoccurring patterns & how to bring that to our consciousness. Understand this our right brain, under severe stress. Possibly collapsing and in need of an attuned other, psychobiologically aware and capable of meeting your trauma, with the ability to co-regulate. Reclaiming your beginnings, is the start of rebuilding who we want to be. Staying in it, is the continuation of our Echoism within Narcissistic structures. Lovely video, really enjoyed it. ClusterBombed Mark.
When we become a frickin' Sherlock of "the Other", to understand the "Why(s)" of their behaviour, it's the beginning of the End of that "shared fantasy"... When we're becoming a Sherlock of our own pshyche and understand the "Why(s)" of our inner Reality, THAT is the "beginning of a b i u t i f u l Friendship" - with our Authentic Self 🎉 Thank you, Richard, for your Brave Heart! ❤🎉❤
Yes. Exactly! People often confuse this concept as victim blaming unfortunately. For example if somebody is ranting about their narc ex online and someone rather innocently but correctly suggest to look inward for reasons as to why they ended up with a narc/bpd person in the first place.....well that is "victim blaming" lol Anyways you comment was so good that I took a screen shot and I am going to share it with my girlfriend. Thanks!
@alexleggett6270 it is important to follow up and reply to their reaction that you certainly don't blame them for what the abuser did, but you hope they can boldly examine what made them vulnerable to it, because survivors can be gaslit on a regular basis by flying monkeys and even by their own support system who can't wrap their head around why someone is still fighting for custody or even for a protective order. Why not move on? as if the survivors were holding onto something unreasonable to fight for protection. Make a succinct and gentle extra effort, as many, those who are letting go with all their might, will hear or read that and receive it differently. It's worth the effort when it helps a person so in need of just human willingness. Being an abuse survivors feels a lot like having cooties on the playground--people are quite afraid of being touched by the mess that is Abuse, and will run from the survivors to avoid it.
"I know you better than you know yourself" was a phrase I heard a thousand times. He dictated to me how I felt and why I felt it. It was his favorite way to feel grandiose (covert/fragile NPD/BPD). Richard, your courses have helped me more than I can express.
This shit has sent me into a downward trajectory it’s still really fresh like two days where I caught him and some chick that’s been around apparently our entire relationship . I asked god to show me what I needed to see and pulled up to place a food order and there they were sitting in the car eating I had literally called him less than a minute of me deciding to get food . I still haven’t been able to cry . I’m in the midst of packing up and breaking my lease . He had the nerve to send me a concert ticket yesterday as an early birthday gift . Everything you explain is 100% on point
@@KoriJami It’s been 6 years and I can still hear my exes therapist say to me, “don’t try and find anything else that he lied about because you will definitely find more. “
well stop enabling abusers then might be a good start, women will never learn. I will no longer help women because they are emotional thinkers and most never make it out. Put all your efforts into helping men as men have the ability to listen and learn.
@@kelleyfI get saying don't go looking if it's about helping you stop obsessing and ruminating. But, for me at least, the more lies I uncover the easier it becomes. It just makes it all so much clearer and helps me believe the man I thought I knew - the one I can't quite let go of - really never existed.
You nailed it again. I’ve encountered 2 narcs in an intimate relationship and they were both soul thieves. 11 months into my healing journey/ no contact and I’ve finally landed both feet on the ground.
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really loved him so much I can’t stop thinking about him, I’ve tried my very best to get him back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of him, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss him and just can’t stop thinking about him
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let him go i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back.
As a blue ray starseed I had to push though years of Narcissistic military people in my family, after I got some of them in check, I married a severe BPD, my current wife, after twenty years of abuse I got her in check, another eight years abuse by narcissistic petty tyrant bosses in relatavely high level corporate world, got them in check. Now I’m chilling waiting for a new adventure, for whatever reason I’m looking for friction with the global subconscious, not getting scared and am getting a kick out of it. Again not sure what’s next but I might be done with the abusers in my life, bosses, colonel parents, wife, all in check, they all saw what they have done. The key was to have them empathize to your emotional trauma. Narcissists communicate via internal archetypes of people in their head, very inflexible. For example Matt is clumsy, Beth is stupid, etc. they create internal archetypes of people , when they talk to you they actually refer to their twisted representation of you in their head. It’s incredibly rigid, my advice, have them understand that they hurt you, at some point when they see it they can’t unsee it, it’s just gonna take twenty years of everyday work and abuse.I never left anyone of my abusive relationships because I have a calling for this shit. Upside is that if you are in the 1% and push through, I recommend people actually leave this relationship, for most the fight is not worth it, the recovered BPD will have mad respect for you, after all is done they will see you for what you are and realize they abused you and the dirty games the played and they will be deeply sorry, make them say sorry verbally multiple times over the years, at first they won’t say it, than they will say it but not believe it, and when they see it, that’s the best feeling in the world, their eye sight changes, they don’t have the reptile abusive stare no more. Last advise and prolly most important, absolutely make sure that you both agree that they are abusers. It’s not easy to have a narcissist agree to that, but when they do, start bringing it up, they will explode and hate that you call them abusers, than you revert to previous agreement remind them that you were hurt and they are the abusers, drive them crazy with this point until tenor motherboard can’t take it.Thousand repetitions of this ringer the point across.
Yes there must be safety to build intimacy, and there was none of that from the start. No amount of apologies and love bombing can make up for that. I will never make that mistake again.
Exactly. They are so sick. I am breaking free of this.. Been separated, by the grace of God, from two years. I had a flashback of this face the other day... I just said.. "he is so evil.. " 😢
Non of any low vibes is ours after contact. That's the only reason they need people, serving them as a garbage bin for their psychotic energy. thanks god we can recognize it now, remove ourselves and heal. I wonder how high they are going to fly when all people are educated and healed.
thankyou so much for your help Richard you have gave me the power to leave my marriage and gave me the best understanding of this demonic behaviour eternally greatfull
I’m still dealing with the shadow of him! I can see it out of the corner of my eye and sometimes it’s terrifying! In the house, in the car, at the store.. I don’t know why this is happening to my psyche .. last thing he said was”you don’t even own a gun and you can’t protect yourself” so now PTSD has risen inside and I can’t function properly.. I go places and have to go home as I’m terrified in an unhealthy way.. I have been traumatized by him mentally ..
It is good to continue working on mental and psychological healing, but that doesn't mean you have to ignore or abandon all practical steps. There are people you can reach out to who can teach you how to properly protect yourself. If you are a biological female you most likely should have some sort of force equalizer.
My cPTSD made me an ideal candidate for a relationship with a covert narcissist. The total lack of empathy for me and the fact that only her needs and her victim needs were valid in our relationship caused pain and confusion and loneliness in me. Also, many times when I tried to explain what I was feeling she disagreed and accused me of just feeling anger, which was frustrating and confusing. She organised gangs of flying monkeys, usually a number of men, against me three times and the last time arrived including with the man she was replacing me with invaded our house (we’re married) who packed her clothes and stuff and she ran an effective smear campaign against me. Gaslighting and constant undermining of my abilities and of me plus the silent treatment was relentless. It often felt as if she was talking about someone else when talking to me given that her descriptions of me didn’t match up with whom I thought I was. And on and on, relentlessly. I’m still in much pain about it but finally having recognised the dynamic gives me hope and although very painful made it clear how damaging and dangerous it was for me and that for my own survival I have to avoid close relationships with a narcissist. When I said that I wanted us to do couple counselling and described some of her tactics to her that in my view was that of a covert narcissist, all hell broke loose with her final showdown with her flying monkeys that was extremely painful and left me very close to suicide. Your videos may just have saved my life. I’m not perfect at all and I can be very critical of myself, but do believe in owning my own defects, and continuing to work on becoming a better man.
Agreed I just married a covert narcissist after spending a long time with a overt narcissist , this woman couldn't care about any of my struggles . Narcissists basically all gather at the finish line and they just wait for the winners of who's going to be the best Supply. The best way is to recognize it and just go gray rock on them, and then pull away with no contact. So you need to be sort of as cold as they are chasing them down is exactly what they want. They will Hoover you and attempt you to start chasing them again and then they pull back from you. I've fallen for this way too many times. After a while the shock and all from it you just kind of short your shoulders and just go oh well another a****** has entered my life. Really to be honest with you I think the first sign of bulshit you need to stick your head up and just move along and get rid of them.
Your videos have helped me SO much Richard. Thankyou SO MUCH for the time and effort that you take making these videos. I've been watching you for years and it has helped my process so much. 😢
5:25 When you realize that you don’t need to have a reason to get rid of someone who clearly does not care about you, you win. Their reasons are their own, but expectations got you into this mess. Be well, and much love. Please send prayers, as I am on this journey with you! ❤
It started out as what I thought was a friendship. After we slept together he basically turned me into an object. A side chick you call over. And I was in such a hurt place I started thinking that’s all I was worth. It wasn’t even something that reached serious relationship level and it hurt me so bad because I tried to talk about it and it was word salad. I was blamed and at the end called unhinged. All because I had wanted more than being a sex object. I’ve never had anyone do that to me, not in that way. Words can’t explain it. It changed me. When someone can’t just be nice and say I’m sorry I hurt you I didn’t want anything serious and just make you feel like you’re an overreacting crazy emotional mess for wanting to talk… it just did something to me. And no I didn’t sleep with him right away and we are older so I think I just expected maturity. Boy was I wrong, the master manipulator.
I'm so thankful for Your language and in depth (lived) research on the subject of NPD. "Those who walk with you, know your face". Many of your followers have experienced the (like you say) INSANITY of being in a relationship w someone with NPD. You are correct in your analysis and there is a reason you have the followers you do. You are also an example of how lived experience is more valuable than acronyms in front of one's name. Your work is helping a lot of people. Thank you.
I believe my ex has NPD and borderline psychopathy. He was elated when he discovered his 2nd ex-wife before me is now toothless and homeless and actually told me that I was next. This was on the day I was leaving which followed death threats to me, our pets, and property. I feel so disgusted with myself that I allowed it to continue for so long and to that degree. I have completely lost who I am and it’s taking 6 months to get into a therapist. Now the question is how will I know this therapist is capable to help with my situation/recovery. I’ve been to therapists in the past that caused more harm for other issues, and I feel this situation is even more delicate/fragile and important to handle properly.
One of the most profound and useful things you have said for me to break the npd introject was in one of your past videos - you said "I'm just a bloke"... I didn't ask for all this - I just wanted a normal relationship... Helped me get on with my blokey stuff and let the rest of it go... I'm fallible, have my problems but I also didn't ask for a nutter screwing with my thoughts and morals... Get on with it and forgive yourself... One day you'll be able to laugh about it...
I'm so sorry.i was ALSO 3 years no contact,and I felt the love of our Creator God. He made us all for a purpose.i pray 🙏 ur healed an know ur loved ,ur APPRECIATED, 🙏💪💜
The hardest part with narcissism is that there really isn't a one-size-fits-all approach. Like if someone is a killer, you can pinpoint it and say 'they kill people' and immediately everyone understands 'ok danger'. When you say someone is a narcissist and you say they lack empathy, a lot of people can't really connect the dots as to what that actually means in action.
I wasn't looking to find out if a friend was NPD, but was looking up what she said and did to me. Wondering if it was that bad, or if I was just overreacting to stuff. Suddenly, YT started to put lots of NPD videos in my suggested feeds. Thanks for just saying that if you don't feel comfortable, it's ok to just leave. I feel less silly now, leaving behind someone who was always bragging, putting everyone else down, and one upping all. And always having Horrible Problems, too. It was all very draining, and I could never get a word in edgewise, when she went on about herself for several hours every week.
I think a person that insists that they need to know if it's NPD really needs external validation. Not in the way a narcissist does, but in the fact that they cannot trust their own experience (probably because they were extremely invalidated in childhood) so they seek validation of their own experiences in objective facts. I still really struggle with this and I know it's childish, but it's highly related to childhood trauma.
I really was clueless and marrying one was the only way I could learn. Narcissism is just a degree of selfishness..inconsiderate. I married a man who wanted someone different from me and I spent 32 years feeling unloved and trying to please this man. I Lost myself. BUT I chose him! Nobody responsible but me. But..I have learned..It is Over 😊❤
@kathleenwharton2139 yes we all make choices in life I married one tok but thats because he was selling a product that wasn't real so I've spent 5 years trying to understand that the man I love and miss isn't real.
@@joannamcintyre1492 Yes! I understand. After my husband divorced me..I was with four more narcissists. I still didn’t know! I am 80 and wondering? What the Hell Happened? Just Now..figuring it out. Loved another one for 22 more years. I was a Narcissist magnet 🧲
Thank you Richard. This was so helpful. Now I know I was with the wrong therapist. He discounted me several times. Last time he said, after a hard discard 5 mos ago, "if you were still together it wasn't love bombing!" Wow! Yes it would've been kind Sir! And I do feel that the interjection is playing a hugh part in my recovery. And fixing the parts of me that have been deeply effected. That was never talked about. I can't afford a new therapist..so just trying to glean what I can from you and Ramini. I hope I completely recover. Soon. 😢 I truly dislike that my heart still hurts. Thanks for the trauma bond Vince the narc.
Richard, your explanation of toxic relationships, and NPD was excellent. Thank you, I am certain now that I was married to a highly narcissistic man. Whether he developed this in his childhood or inherited from his mother? Thank you for the clarity, I so appreciate all the wisdom you have offered me. God Bless you in your endeavors to educate the public. Living Free now! Wellness in body and spirit.❤
Thats crazy. I was litterally thinking whats is up with that good ol' richie grannon, like "deeply" thought about you yesterday, and trust me i ve not been even remembering you for months. Here is see you ve uploaded something. Fun indeed. 😂🙌🙏 Keep it up dude that dont even know who the heck i am 😅
I found this very insightful. I found myself relating to everything Richard said about isolating. And pretty much going through most of what he identified. Which actually is really upsetting because it's been almost 15 years since the divorce!
Time to make that positive change Anita?? Stop isolating friend and get out there! You've done a heroic thing, you got out! Now go live friend. Love and courage from the UK.
As a therapist, the first signs to me that someone is being abused are that they are confused, anxious and full of self doubt. Healthy relationships do not do that.
I have a good identifier for retro pattern recognition. You will notice a huge spike in odd events. You will notice that you have a large amount of odd anecdotes for this person. This will not apply within normal relationships. Scan back. If you find such a blip, start matching behaviours or incidents from there.
When you feel that you need video/audio recordings for your sanity and safety, it is time to go. This is true for any type of relationship; workplace, home, school, romantic partners, friendships, sports clubs, etc.
My Nex is a narcissistic psychopath, but as l told her and her therapist, l don't care what you call it, l am focused on the patterns of behavior. The rest is irrelevant. Richard, you are a prince of a man in my opinion. Your 30 day challenge broke the spell, and greatly reduced the emotional flashbacks. Much respect! 🙏
Spot on . The recovery is almost trying to re wire your brain to the old roots but it’s almost impossible. My brain has been re moulded . The devistation my body has gone through is immeasurable my body was broken my hair is still falling out my body was covered with cortisol hives even months after i escaped. I’m so happy that I can breathe again but I’m still not able to take a deep breathe anymore my body is so full of anxiety it’s tight but I’m recovering and how lucky that is is all I keep thinking . To any other person suffering from psychotic narcissism abuse please please reach out to someone, believe and realise you can escape ❤ I send you love and strength ❤
Jasmin, let me tell you that physical exercise: treadmill, weights etc really, really help with reducing the anxiety/stress/adrenaline build up in the body making you feel tight. At the same time physical activity activate those feel-good hormones. Thank you for your kind wishes to all of us. Love and strength back to you. This journey to recovery is beyond any other difficulty that we can imagine, but.................gradually, with due diligence, study, determination and dedication, we get there. Just one baby step at a time. And remember when we're climbing Mount Everest we don't focus on the peak, we focus only on the step immediately in front of us. For me, I knew I couldn't let go of the belief that things would get better. I call it "keeping the faith" although I'm not particularly religious, but do believe there's a higher power, possibly the universe (which I think helps). So folks have faith in yourself, have faith in a better future. Love n light to all from the UK
I'm a bartender so I get to hear it all. Just gave a lady Richard's info tonight to help her sort things out. Richard helped me more than anyone else in this lifetime so far & he's easy on the eyes❤love you Richard
Just putting this out there. Narcissists exist on a spectrum. There’s no single set of behaviors, emotions, moods, or modes that they display. I have experienced several versions of Narcissism. The only common threads that I see are that they are childish, irritable, manipulative, mentally abusive, and they lack empathy. They’re not all loud, grand, seemingly brilliant, exuberant, etc. My Narc is generally quiet, and sulky, but only rages at certain things. At the same time, us victims aren’t all the same. So, there’s no single solution for therapy or resolution.
The therapy is developing your sense of identity and piecing together the blueprint of what happened so you, the victim, can take accountability and come out the other side a healthier, wiser, stronger version of yourself. (Narc abuse therapist here 😊)
This makes alot of sense❤ Richard I imagine that in its own way you becoming a leader in all of this showing people the way out. Has in turn empowered you
Great video!!!...& gives us some grounding for understanding the reality of a situation (even for those of us who- like me - who have trawled UA-cam on 'what' is wrong with them. Like you said it doesn't matter - it's toxic. Period. 👏👏👏👏
One of the most beautiful things I heard is “Mom, if you’ve gone through this someone in his life has gone through this too and it’s only a matter of time you would rescue each other in God’s time.” ❤There’s hope still after learning this lesson.
Narcissism to me means a lack of self-respect and a lot of self-doubt. If you know who you are and you've set your boundaries then narcissism won't work because they themselves have broken all of their boundaries and feel disgusted by it and they want to prove that you are just like all of the other males out there, by breaking yours. Often this will be done with things in the bedroom to bring out things within yourself that you never previously thought of doing. You go along with it thinking that is what she wants, it isn't. That is her luring you into destruction because once you've done that thing you've proven to them you are no better than other filthy men. I asked her and said, you're not really enjoying this are you, so I stopped. Then, when I was on the verge of leaving her she started offering more and more to the point that it felt like she wanted to find reasons to see me like she does all other men but it didn't work and backfired on her because I would literally do anything for her. Yet, I got no appreciation. Everything is transactional. In my eyes she lost a good man for what? Her selfishness, insecurities, and appalling behaviour. Multiple personalities is what we have to deal with. How did I overcome it? Delete all social media, they use that as a tool for jealousy. They will have a new guy within a week even though you've been together for 5 years. This happened in 2 relationships so I talk from experience. Listen to the audiobook the game of life and how to play it. Write own what applies to you and now you should start seeking your value with the universe. No matter how much I did for her, nothing was ever good enough and I kept trying and trying to please her. Which was impossible. However, if you have a relationship with the universe and look back at all the good you are doing and have done, and you will feel more satisfied. It works. Then start taking longer to date females. Their aim is 4 months to get you hooked before they start winding down on their affection and turn on you. Look at dating for a year first and make it known, that way they will know they don't have a chance to manipulate you and now you are saying to them you want a whole year to figure things out. They will quickly move on. Sometimes being rejected by a woman isn't just about them not wanting us because we aren't good enough, some of us you can't easily control and that to them is boring, so they reject you. Don't take it personal. That's my advice anyways. Don't let their bedroom favours get the better of you, they do this so you can't move on because once become used to it you would like to do things with other women that isn't very appealing to most. Anyhow, I'm sure you know exactly what I mean. Take care
It's hard to trust your own judgment after an experience with one of these people. I love your message about self-care. It's a matter of life and death
Open with a therapist? Ahahaha. I've tried four therapists and only one was open enough to deal with me being open. Three of them couldn't put their ego aside to listen.
My relationship was like solving a Rubik’s cube, while riding a unicycle, on a high wire, over a minefield. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what is “was”. I kept thinking if I knew 100% for sure he was a narcissist, I could leave and be ok. It wasn’t until I gave up the idea and caring about what his pathology was and just realized our ideas of love were not compatible. Then I was able to leave. It wasn’t easy. He didn’t make it easy. I had a lot of anxiety. And still at times do but now just about a year post relationship, much of the relationship feels almost like a fever dream. I have some shame about the relationship. Things I tolerated and things I did but therapy is helping. I also know in my bones he’s a psychopath. I’m so glad to be out.
These individuals can be in an empty room by themselves, bare naked and they still find someone or something else to blame. I am fed up with this style and refuse to engage in any form in any contact.
Started with red flags, the things I couldn’t put my finger on, the sex was mechanical, he wouldn’t hold my hand, he walked in front of me, found I couldn’t take the bait, so I kept the peace a lot, he would tell jokes I found offensive and then he would double down. He witheld sex even when I was looking my best. He didn’t hug me, caress me, pick me up. He said a lot of misogynistic things. He was neglected by his mother, he had unsuccessful relationships in college. He married the same person twice to a woman he hates. They never had a wedding either time. They had a child whom he says she can’t take care of that’s why they didn’t have a second child or not even a pet because she couldn’t take care of it, he shoved his philosophies down my throat I wasn’t allowed to have my own opinion, he doesn’t like it when I strike up conversations with other people. There were a lot of things that were missing that should’ve been there, and there were a lot of things that were there that should’ve been missing. He was not my safe person, I felt that he was not settled within himself. He is a CEO of a company, but he has no EQ whatsoever, he ghosted me here and there. He had rages that were sort of silent. He tried to send me home on another plane when he wouldn’t back down from something offensive, he said, which made me cry. I think there was a lot of lying by omission. He was always mysterious. He didn’t call me on a regular basis to check in. I think he’s FaceTime me maybe five times in two years. I had some major things happen to me in my life and it seems like he had forgotten those. His mother died a horrible death in which he had to identify her with DNA. He walked away from that by throwing $1000 at a lawyer to not have to take responsibility for any of her estate. And he left her with such detachment. It scared me. One night in a hotel room I saw him acting like a six-year-old and that I couldn’t unsee. Then I knew there was something seriously wrong. So then I took a deep dive into researching. there are many times where I felt my nervous system made me very ill. I was triggered at certain things. There have been days and months of ghosting. And Richard, I remember that in college he wrote me a letter that said, “you’re the type of girl who would speed read Herman Hess by candlelight”. I felt that so bizarre. He also asked me if he could “borrow me” for five days around xmas time, like a rented car! He married the same person twice. He regretted he blames everything on his wife, (separated) they don’t travel together because he says she’s always unorganized and late, etc., etc.. Crazy!!! he has memory problems, and so there’s no way to build a life on that. I was recently in a mall where there was a shooting thank God it wasn’t worse. But I saw a bunch of people running in one direction and I told the manager of the store to lock the front door immediately. And then I hid behind some furniture. The first person I texted was him. I think he’s forgotten this. Thank your RG for helping so many people through the insanity!❤
Mine just sat me down and told me flat out the things he expects me to do to feed his needs. All the stuff that I do is wrong , but he is willing to give me another chance to fix him. And how much he could love me if only I could prove how much I'm willing to care for him. And all this with a straight face , even a sweet angelic smile . Evil , just pure evil. How do I get away?
most women never do they just dont have the maturity and lack any real identity or intelligence, most just keep thinking emotionally and enabling all kinds of abuse, they will even destroy their own children chasing abuse. Its quite clear now why women were never given the freedoms they have today in the past because as soon as they could make choices they have birthed and raised a plague of narcs. Women never learn
Plan, organise, be very very clever and don't share with anyone, just get yourself out friend, but very, very, very safely. The further away the better with absolutely no contact. I wish you love, light and courage friend, from the UK
And here we all are telling others how to live what to do because we know better than others,turns out were all narcissistic in some shape or form,peace,love and happiness to everyone,no conditions❤❤
Sadly, that is true for many of us. Blood is NOT thicker than water. Family life isn't as advertised in films and on TV. Sometimes families are just a pack of abusers. Hard to accept, but true sadly.
Wow.. I’m starting to understand. I’m currently doing the isolation thing and have been for a while…the shock, the stunning realization that there are people out there that want to harm and destroy you has led me to want only to be left alone, mostly to think and absorb what happened. Also horrified to realize all I allowed, blind, naive, so hopeful- so hopeful that I almost killed myself trying to please what I now see is a demon. Also recognizing these types seem to be all around me and most horrifying- attracted to me. Why? I have no idea, but it has to be something I’m doing. Until I figure that out being left alone is the safest way. I feel very few therapists really understand these types and the destruction they bring to another person. So hard to trust again now that I don’t trust myself. I’ll get there, at this point all I can do safely is go to work, rest my overloaded nervous system that doesn’t seem to know how to sleep properly and take care of myself. Everything else truly feels overwhelming.. also I’m very very angry at this point, anger that almost makes me uncomfortable. That needs to be reconciled. Thank you for the insight and education. If I hear just “go no contact” and carry on with life I think I’ll scream. I wish it were that easy..🤭
Imagine the worsess The Dark Triad's Misinterpretation of Enlightenment (A Psychological Definition of A Chosen One in Spiritual terms) Introduction This hypothetical exploration delves into the potential consequences of a profound misunderstanding. We examine a scenario where a fully identified individual with Dark Triad personality traits misinterprets the Buddhist concept of enlightenment. The individual's intent is to attain power, which fundamentally clashes with the Buddhist emphasis on humility and selflessness. The Paradoxical Statement The catalyst for this misunderstanding is a statement made by an enlightened Buddhist master: "You cannot be yourself to be enlightened, and although you would still try, it is in doubt which you survive." This statement, intended to encourage introspection and detachment from the ego, is instead perceived by the Dark Triad individual as a challenge and a pathway to power. The Dark Triad Personality The Dark Triad refers to a cluster of three personality traits: narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy. Individuals with these traits often exhibit manipulative behavior, a lack of empathy, and a grandiose sense of self-importance. Narcissism: An inflated sense of self-importance and a deep need for admiration. Machiavellianism: A tendency to manipulate and exploit others for personal gain. Psychopathy: A lack of empathy and remorse, often accompanied by impulsivity and aggression. Misinterpretation and the Pursuit of Power The Dark Triad individual, driven by their inherent desire for power, is likely to misinterpret the Buddhist teachings. The concept of "not being oneself" could be perceived as a strategy for manipulation and control. The individual might see enlightenment as a state of ultimate power, where they can transcend the limitations of their ego to achieve their goals. The Conundrum of Self-Annihilation The statement's suggestion of a potential struggle for survival between the ego and the enlightened self could be misinterpreted as a call for self-annihilation. The Dark Triad individual, accustomed to using their ego as a tool for manipulation, might view this as a necessary sacrifice for achieving ultimate power. Enlightenment as a Notion of Power The Dark Triad individual's understanding of enlightenment is likely to be distorted. Instead of seeing it as a state of humility and compassion, they might perceive it as a means to achieve dominance and control. This misinterpretation could lead to dangerous consequences, as the individual's actions would be driven by their egoistic desires rather than genuine spiritual growth. Conclusion This hypothetical scenario highlights the potential dangers of misinterpreting spiritual teachings. The Dark Triad individual's pursuit of power, fueled by their misinterpretation of enlightenment, could lead to harmful actions. This underscores the importance of proper guidance and understanding in spiritual pursuits. It also serves as a reminder that spiritual teachings can be easily distorted to serve personal agendas, highlighting the need for critical thinking and self-awareness.
This was such a great breakdown. I wanted to do more superego work when I first tackled this years back, so I’m looking forward to doing the course! Maybe I didn’t do the job well enough the first time… And the social anxiety course too lol definitely. Richard’s courses never disappoint!
I have dealt with grandiose narcissists, male and female, throughout my professional career; and those are easy to identify and dismantle (i.e. gain more knowledge than them, and destroy their imaginary castle). However, I got romantically involved with a female covert narcissist (or BPD-Petulant, hard to tell), who caused a lot of havoc in my life; and even wrote a novel about the ordeal. Mr. Grannon's videos have helped me quite significantly in understanding what these people are all about, and how to counter them. I am in my road to recovery, thank you!
Thank you Richard, it is so relieving, to listen to, what is the main things in a longterm relationship, whether its a friendship or not. I have been in a real bad time in my life, where I since a long time wondered, whats what. Since a the first time, a question inside of me started to come up (20yrs ago) in a course were I felt some dudes, hitting on me/or other women in it, and I asked the question what is: Attraction. And I saw, some guys wanted a "mother, other ones, the opposite". It got so clear, what we have been indoctrinated into, from so much. Had both good and bad relations. But the toxic, was worst. Thank you, this is a Clear Wise, and Sound message 5.30 in forward Great healing stuff! Thats the feelings, were I/We, have to Feel Safe first, and then maybee, we can Open up, not onesided, both. Never want a fast and furious, manipulative lovebombing friend or partner, ever again. Who get crazy mad, when I do not fit in to their games. Life is better, Love is so much more than the shortlived manipulative kind of flies ;)
Richard, what % of your viewers are either; In a relationship, wondering if they’re with a narcissist? Or, In turmoil beyond the relationship & in the midst of utter chaos? I’d argue the latter to be honest. Interested to know.
My spouse has criticized me for not being confident enough. And then recently as my confidence has started to grow and I'm able to converse with people better my spouse lost her mind over something seemingly minor. The criticism picked up. I know her fear is that I'll leave. That fear is well warranted. 10 years of double standards, feeling like I'm under constant surveillance, the massive outbursts, coercion, unspoken threats (if that makes sense). I've had enough. I've had many people say I'm lucky to have such a great support system in my wife. It certainly appears that way in public and I don't fault people for thinking that. If they only knew the monster I'm dealing with. Not all of us can get out. But if you're not married and you don't have children seriously consider if you want to spend the next 50 years or so of your life walking on egg shells.
Under those circumstances I'd say get out whether married or not, with kids or not. This type of relationship damages the kids, so far better to get them out of it. Marriage isn't supposed to feel like this, that's not what we sign up for. Love and light to your friend from the UK.
Gosh Richard this was so great. Spot on, of course. He was so jealous that I could easily start converstions with people. He’d give me a sort of “side eye”. Grumpy and cold. I thought it was bizarre. Overtime I have also realized that he never really works as a team player other than as CEO with the people he works with which are few. I would have more respect for him if he was on a bowling team because that would have made him vulnerable if he ever guttered a ball. Haha he would consider that a public humiliation so he’ll never be on a bowling team and I find that sad.
Looking at yourself is key,blaming others learning ways to control,manipulate the narcissist so you achive your desires just makes you the narcissist 😢
My ex was seeing other women behind my back. He manipulated me and gas lit me and lied so much. The red flags were there at the start. Blaming all his exes for failed relationships and very much acted like a victim. He was disconnected from his family and did not attend his mums funeral. The lies were out of this world but I believed him. When I started to challenge him he became very defensive. I was with him 5 years and ended it 3 months ago. He blamed me saying if you had give me more sex it would not of happened. 2 weeks after we split He moved in with another women. He has eroded my trust in any other man. I'm told I'm attractive petite but it was not enough. I'm left with one foot in the past trying to work this out and one foot in the future. I live with a war in my head it's awfull. I think it's fair to say he is a narcasit would you agree Richard?
💔 I really do feel like he wants me to off myself. I feel so used. Thank you. I believe in goodness. Happiness comes from goodness. If I allow him to treat me bad in search of happiness, I won't ever get there. This is my 10th.
some of us have terribly abuse childhoods: hateful parents etc, friend but we don't all become Narcs. Sadly a lot of us become people pleased fawners who attract Narcs.
Just forgive yourself for not knowing any better at the time.
View it more as a major life lesson, and focus on yourself.
Good advice
Yes we didn’t know. We couldn’t have good boundaries if we didn’t….let go of self recrimination. 🥰
A narcissist is humiliated rather than ashamed. And, narcissists don’t feel bad about themselves, they feel bad for themselves. You will NEVER qualify in their life and minds, except for feeding them energy. What you mean to a narcissist is not the same as what people mean to you. Simple test: If something they say or do makes your stomach or chest hurt, your body is telling you a line has been crossed. Listen to it and grow away from them.
My kidneys
💯
Wow.
Very good comment.
All the research confirms that narcissists are not shame based personality disordered people and their personality is not product of upbringing or nurture . They do have meritless high self esteem and they do believe that no one is higher than them. Shame, regret, feeling bad for their actions none of that ever affects them. They do not have any system of attachment so they enter relationships for their own gain and not for love, support and safety.
You need Jesus Christ. You dont even need to listen to him. Dont fall for the trap of trying to fix it yourselves and revolving your whole life around narcissists and the pain they helped to create in your life. Seek God and everything else will be given to you❤🎉
It’s complicated because it affects you in ways you don’t realize, until you’re out of it and by then it’s hard to separate from the damage. It bleeds into being open to any future bonds.
If you're a good person, you'll always suffer from some kind of abuse whether it's within your family, circle of friends, place of work or church. Evil is ever-present and seeks to destroy anyone who is good (morally or otherwise). It's really that tragic.
Yes and it is part of life part of our "cleaning" process.
What would mean joy without sadness ?
Bliss without despair ?
I agree. I maneuver as best I can. That's all we can do.
Sometimes I do wonder :)
Wow 🤯. You're right. This is much more profound than at first glance. "If you're a good person, you'll always..." - yeah. It's really that tragic and _simple_ I guess.
You have very articulately hit the nail on the head and pierced the wood. You are so right. Thank you.
32:40
"The will to survive and will to thrive is damaged"
That quote hit so close to home it's unbelievable. I completely lost all faith in myself, faith in humanity, I lost all will to live and to do anything with my life. I'm very fortunate to have broken my isolation and mostly moved past my learned agoraphobia. It's been over 10 years since I even saw the abuser in question, but the wounds felt eternal. But, healing IS possible. And it's necessary! You are worth it!
Anyway, that's my two cents.
Yes, I hear you and can relate.
Thank you for sharing 🙏
Yep summed up in one line. Richard hit the mark with that line. Fighting back from it is a long process and it is just that I think, a fight, a long , slow painful one. We need to remember though, that we are strong . We were confident , peaceful, whatever it was about us that they envied because there is no pleasure in talking someone down who isn't confident or full of life, or whatever , that would take the fun out of it for the narcissist. We were their replacement for their lack of security in themselves. We are better than that crap and we know it deep down. Keep well !
When I’m out around people now, I can identify them mainly for these reasons. Firstly, they make me feel a degree of fear (probably because I recognise traits). They are insecure (easily hurt) yet respond to that with strong defensiveness, twisting narrative, lack of accountability and talk a lot about ‘who they are’ (personality traits that do not always ring true). You start to feel like you are treading on egg-shells and can’t say or do certain things, because it leads to various kinds of punishment. They also need to feel special, noticed and have a sense of entitlement to special treatment. As time goes on, you see they gain pleasure from other’s pain or misfortune, but they hide that very well.
Spot on
I seen this too. I’ve now isolated from people because those kind lurk everywhere.
I relate to what you say. I keep telling myself no when i ask, if maybe these focused forward moving people who devastate others' lives and seem undeterred, such hungry insatiable ghosts, are they....of another world? What are they? You do know that deriving pleasure, gaining fuel from hurting someone is an element of psychopathy. How many 'humans' like that are around, or are they demons. I meet the occasional really good person, and the tragedies that happen to them are mind boggling. Is it possible that people of Source, people who have LIGHT are targeted.
@ I feel I am a person of light. I saw an angel when I was young, or something similar. I was with a text-book narcissist for a few years, and in the end he seemed dead inside. No personality/identity. I’m not sure about demons or other beings, but they shut down parts of themselves and their capacity to experience at some point (maybe for self-protection). They feel detached from the world, lacking emotion. He would watch how others felt things he did not feel…compassion, joy, empathy…they don’t really feel it. You see them study people who really ‘care’. They envy it. He would do extreme sports/risky behaviour just to feel something.
@@BlueSky-ff4oy
I really think you're onto something, at least in regards to high spectrum narcs.
My (thankfully) ex housemate was malignant narc, Sociopath. His latest conviction was trying to strangle his GF who was going through chemo at the time.
Last summer I mildly asked him not to leave meat out in the shared kitchen. He was a grotesque slob.
His face went from "normal" to demon like you see in horror flicks, square mouth, eyes went black and soulless. His hands went into B-movie strangle mode. Bizarro!
He even had the "demon voice" "I can do whatever I WANT! YOU can't tell me what to DO!!!"
I calmly reminded him I'm not a 90 lb female cancer patient, and that he might wanna back off.
There are definitely demons among us, and they're all narcs by nature. Weak, amoral people are the ideal vessels.
You reminded me of something when you said about how the narc has different levels of standards for themselves versus others.
I once (naively) tried to use his bad behaviour on him (thinking he would realise how rude he was to me!), with the teasing and 'jokes' about being an idiot/bad driver etc, and just blowing him off when he questioned me. The very least of the behaviours that he would do to me on a daily basis.
I have never to this day seen that man so angry, with his purple face 👿 having steam come out of it. To think he openly calls me stupid and this is okay, and for me to even insinuate once that he isn't God.... is an absolute travesty of gargantuan proportions and he needs to punish me like never before.
Its crazy to process all of this stuff thats happened!
FUCKING FOR REAL
Richard has truly developed over the years. I find his intellect, philosophical depth, and even his appearance very attractive. Body, mind, and soul.
Relax
I agree
I love his nature. What a human being, what a man. We are lucky to have such a good friend, even via the Internet
As Sam Vaknin said:” it’s too good to be true and too true to be good”
Emotional safety & Psychological safety. Two vital elements of “good enough” love. However if our childhood never presented in such a manner, then the “self” is repressed. Along with needs, desires & a true experiential view of “real” love. This leaves a lot of us, primed to feel at home in “exciting” shared fantasies (hormone based lust) disguised as attachment, but in reality it’s not. During the relationship, the “fantasy” of idealisation has blinded the senses. Most likely because we never experienced primary narcissism in the first place. Idealised and devalued by parents. This is an unseating of us from our central/ideal ego position. Now we’re oscillating between our paranoid schizoid/depressive positions. Tied into a silent contract, manipulated by speech patterns, projective identification, our own introjections due to our own internal belief systems & psyche. The only thing holding it all together, is the intermittent reinforcement. Managing our now in chaos, internal biochemical working structures.
In essence this is CPTSD.
When it all goes tits up, we fully regress back to our earliest infancy. Deep, deep into our paranoid schizoid position, hence why we are in fear of everything around us. Every foundation of trust we leant upon, internally has just been removed. Our bodies now go into utter chaos, cortisol & adrenaline goes into overdrive. An injury on our CNS.
This crude, rigid, emotionally based amygdala driven position. Is very damaging & very, very difficult to get out of.
We have been regressed to our inner childhood wounds, during the relationship. It was always about that. Re-traumatisation is the route they use for supply, power and control. Due to their own infantile emotional capacities. Which is the essence of narcissistic personality disorder.
When it ends, we psychologically regress further. In fear, through worry, doubt, anxiety and shame. This abuse awakens our already in place hardwired neural pathways to shame and anxiety. The “fire and wire” principle.
We need to look at our position(s) our reoccurring patterns & how to bring that to our consciousness. Understand this our right brain, under severe stress. Possibly collapsing and in need of an attuned other, psychobiologically aware and capable of meeting your trauma, with the ability to co-regulate.
Reclaiming your beginnings, is the start of rebuilding who we want to be.
Staying in it, is the continuation of our Echoism within Narcissistic structures.
Lovely video, really enjoyed it.
ClusterBombed
Mark.
Wtf. Well Said. 😳
When we become a frickin' Sherlock of "the Other", to understand the "Why(s)" of their behaviour, it's the beginning of the End of that "shared fantasy"... When we're becoming a Sherlock of our own pshyche and understand the "Why(s)" of our inner Reality, THAT is the "beginning of a b i u t i f u l Friendship" - with our Authentic Self 🎉
Thank you, Richard, for your Brave Heart! ❤🎉❤
This!
That was really well said ❤
Yes. Exactly! People often confuse this concept as victim blaming unfortunately. For example if somebody is ranting about their narc ex online and someone rather innocently but correctly suggest to look inward for reasons as to why they ended up with a narc/bpd person in the first place.....well that is "victim blaming" lol
Anyways you comment was so good that I took a screen shot and I am going to share it with my girlfriend.
Thanks!
@alexleggett6270 it is important to follow up and reply to their reaction that you certainly don't blame them for what the abuser did, but you hope they can boldly examine what made them vulnerable to it, because survivors can be gaslit on a regular basis by flying monkeys and even by their own support system who can't wrap their head around why someone is still fighting for custody or even for a protective order. Why not move on? as if the survivors were holding onto something unreasonable to fight for protection. Make a succinct and gentle extra effort, as many, those who are letting go with all their might, will hear or read that and receive it differently. It's worth the effort when it helps a person so in need of just human willingness. Being an abuse survivors feels a lot like having cooties on the playground--people are quite afraid of being touched by the mess that is Abuse, and will run from the survivors to avoid it.
"I know you better than you know yourself" was a phrase I heard a thousand times. He dictated to me how I felt and why I felt it. It was his favorite way to feel grandiose (covert/fragile NPD/BPD). Richard, your courses have helped me more than I can express.
From his course it started unravel away. Something was already in me heading that direction, and this course just made this last golden kick.
Emotional immaturity is a curse.
This shit has sent me into a downward trajectory it’s still really fresh like two days where I caught him and some chick that’s been around apparently our entire relationship . I asked god to show me what I needed to see and pulled up to place a food order and there they were sitting in the car eating I had literally called him less than a minute of me deciding to get food . I still haven’t been able to cry . I’m in the midst of packing up and breaking my lease . He had the nerve to send me a concert ticket yesterday as an early birthday gift . Everything you explain is 100% on point
Sorry to hear that happened to you. xx
💔 What a horrible shock that must have been for you. I'm so sorry that happened. Take very good care of yourself xx
@@KoriJami It’s been 6 years and I can still hear my exes therapist say to me, “don’t try and find anything else that he lied about because you will definitely find more. “
well stop enabling abusers then might be a good start, women will never learn. I will no longer help women because they are emotional thinkers and most never make it out. Put all your efforts into helping men as men have the ability to listen and learn.
@@kelleyfI get saying don't go looking if it's about helping you stop obsessing and ruminating. But, for me at least, the more lies I uncover the easier it becomes. It just makes it all so much clearer and helps me believe the man I thought I knew - the one I can't quite let go of - really never existed.
You nailed it again. I’ve encountered 2 narcs in an intimate relationship and they were both soul thieves. 11 months into my healing journey/ no contact and I’ve finally landed both feet on the ground.
It makes no sense but it makes perfect sense. Soul thieves. Yes. S o u l r a p i s. Ts.
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really loved him so much I can’t stop thinking about him, I’ve tried my very best to get him back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of him, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss him and just can’t stop thinking about him
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let him go i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back.
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach him?
His name is Father Obah Eze, and he is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
he is father obah eze, he has great powers, he can help you.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked him up now online. impressive
I put everyone I meet thru a narcissistic filter 😮
Me too, but I keep getting hits. At least traits. It's Baader Meinhof syndrome.
me too friend
As a blue ray starseed I had to push though years of Narcissistic military people in my family, after I got some of them in check, I married a severe BPD, my current wife, after twenty years of abuse I got her in check, another eight years abuse by narcissistic petty tyrant bosses in relatavely high level corporate world, got them in check.
Now I’m chilling waiting for a new adventure, for whatever reason I’m looking for friction with the global subconscious, not getting scared and am getting a kick out of it.
Again not sure what’s next but I might be done with the abusers in my life, bosses, colonel parents, wife, all in check, they all saw what they have done.
The key was to have them empathize to your emotional trauma. Narcissists communicate via internal archetypes of people in their head, very inflexible. For example Matt is clumsy, Beth is stupid, etc. they create internal archetypes of people , when they talk to you they actually refer to their twisted representation of you in their head. It’s incredibly rigid, my advice, have them understand that they hurt you, at some point when they see it they can’t unsee it, it’s just gonna take twenty years of everyday work and abuse.I never left anyone of my abusive relationships because I have a calling for this shit.
Upside is that if you are in the 1% and push through, I recommend people actually leave this relationship, for most the fight is not worth it, the recovered BPD will have mad respect for you, after all is done they will see you for what you are and realize they abused you and the dirty games the played and they will be deeply sorry, make them say sorry verbally multiple times over the years, at first they won’t say it, than they will say it but not believe it, and when they see it, that’s the best feeling in the world, their eye sight changes, they don’t have the reptile abusive stare no more.
Last advise and prolly most important, absolutely make sure that you both agree that they are abusers. It’s not easy to have a narcissist agree to that, but when they do, start bringing it up, they will explode and hate that you call them abusers, than you revert to previous agreement remind them that you were hurt and they are the abusers, drive them crazy with this point until tenor motherboard can’t take it.Thousand repetitions of this ringer the point across.
Yes there must be safety to build intimacy, and there was none of that from the start. No amount of apologies and love bombing can make up for that. I will never make that mistake again.
His anxiety became mine
Exactly. They are so sick. I am breaking free of this.. Been separated, by the grace of God, from two years. I had a flashback of this face the other day... I just said.. "he is so evil..
" 😢
Non of any low vibes is ours after contact. That's the only reason they need people, serving them as a garbage bin for their psychotic energy.
thanks god we can recognize it now, remove ourselves and heal.
I wonder how high they are going to fly when all people are educated and healed.
Her anxiety became mine .
It's called projective identification.
thankyou so much for your help Richard you have gave me the power to leave my marriage and gave me the best understanding of this demonic behaviour eternally greatfull
I’m still dealing with the shadow of him! I can see it out of the corner of my eye and sometimes it’s terrifying! In the house, in the car, at the store.. I don’t know why this is happening to my psyche .. last thing he said was”you don’t even own a gun and you can’t protect yourself” so now PTSD has risen inside and I can’t function properly.. I go places and have to go home as I’m terrified in an unhealthy way.. I have been traumatized by him mentally ..
well if you have abusers in your bed and enable them what other result do you expect??
It is good to continue working on mental and psychological healing, but that doesn't mean you have to ignore or abandon all practical steps. There are people you can reach out to who can teach you how to properly protect yourself. If you are a biological female you most likely should have some sort of force equalizer.
@@shrimpeyes4662 been no contact for 3 months
My cPTSD made me an ideal candidate for a relationship with a covert narcissist. The total lack of empathy for me and the fact that only her needs and her victim needs were valid in our relationship caused pain and confusion and loneliness in me. Also, many times when I tried to explain what I was feeling she disagreed and accused me of just feeling anger, which was frustrating and confusing. She organised gangs of flying monkeys, usually a number of men, against me three times and the last time arrived including with the man she was replacing me with invaded our house (we’re married) who packed her clothes and stuff and she ran an effective smear campaign against me. Gaslighting and constant undermining of my abilities and of me plus the silent treatment was relentless. It often felt as if she was talking about someone else when talking to me given that her descriptions of me didn’t match up with whom I thought I was. And on and on, relentlessly. I’m still in much pain about it but finally having recognised the dynamic gives me hope and although very painful made it clear how damaging and dangerous it was for me and that for my own survival I have to avoid close relationships with a narcissist. When I said that I wanted us to do couple counselling and described some of her tactics to her that in my view was that of a covert narcissist, all hell broke loose with her final showdown with her flying monkeys that was extremely painful and left me very close to suicide. Your videos may just have saved my life. I’m not perfect at all and I can be very critical of myself, but do believe in owning my own defects, and continuing to work on becoming a better man.
Agreed I just married a covert narcissist after spending a long time with a overt narcissist , this woman couldn't care about any of my struggles . Narcissists basically all gather at the finish line and they just wait for the winners of who's going to be the best Supply. The best way is to recognize it and just go gray rock on them, and then pull away with no contact. So you need to be sort of as cold as they are chasing them down is exactly what they want. They will Hoover you and attempt you to start chasing them again and then they pull back from you. I've fallen for this way too many times. After a while the shock and all from it you just kind of short your shoulders and just go oh well another a****** has entered my life. Really to be honest with you I think the first sign of bulshit you need to stick your head up and just move along and get rid of them.
My most valued quality of a relationship is vulnerability. To feel safe to be vulnerable. Funny how rare that turned out to be
Your “criteria” for NPD is absolutely dead on!!! Just perfect- thank you Richard!
Your videos have helped me SO much Richard. Thankyou SO MUCH for the time and effort that you take making these videos. I've been watching you for years and it has helped my process so much. 😢
I agree thank you richard
5:25
When you realize that you don’t need to have a reason to get rid of someone who clearly does not care about you, you win. Their reasons are their own, but expectations got you into this mess. Be well, and much love. Please send prayers, as I am on this journey with you! ❤
🙏🙏🙏♥️
"I can read you like a book" was a common phrase and if I disagreed with anything "you know where the door is!"
We hold firm boundaries from the beginning We refuse the delusion We do not lend our cars we do not give them money We do not feel sorry for them!
Stop, stop, stand up say No.
It started out as what I thought was a friendship. After we slept together he basically turned me into an object. A side chick you call over. And I was in such a hurt place I started thinking that’s all I was worth. It wasn’t even something that reached serious relationship level and it hurt me so bad because I tried to talk about it and it was word salad. I was blamed and at the end called unhinged. All because I had wanted more than being a sex object. I’ve never had anyone do that to me, not in that way. Words can’t explain it. It changed me. When someone can’t just be nice and say I’m sorry I hurt you I didn’t want anything serious and just make you feel like you’re an overreacting crazy emotional mess for wanting to talk… it just did something to me. And no I didn’t sleep with him right away and we are older so I think I just expected maturity. Boy was I wrong, the master manipulator.
You are not alone.
I'm so thankful for Your language and in depth (lived) research on the subject of NPD. "Those who walk with you, know your face". Many of your followers have experienced the (like you say) INSANITY of being in a relationship w someone with NPD. You are correct in your analysis and there is a reason you have the followers you do. You are also an example of how
lived experience is more valuable than acronyms in front of one's name. Your work is helping a lot of people. Thank you.
I believe my ex has NPD and borderline psychopathy. He was elated when he discovered his 2nd ex-wife before me is now toothless and homeless and actually told me that I was next. This was on the day I was leaving which followed death threats to me, our pets, and property. I feel so disgusted with myself that I allowed it to continue for so long and to that degree. I have completely lost who I am and it’s taking 6 months to get into a therapist. Now the question is how will I know this therapist is capable to help with my situation/recovery. I’ve been to therapists in the past that caused more harm for other issues, and I feel this situation is even more delicate/fragile and important to handle properly.
One of the most profound and useful things you have said for me to break the npd introject was in one of your past videos - you said "I'm just a bloke"...
I didn't ask for all this - I just wanted a normal relationship...
Helped me get on with my blokey stuff and let the rest of it go...
I'm fallible, have my problems but I also didn't ask for a nutter screwing with my thoughts and morals...
Get on with it and forgive yourself...
One day you'll be able to laugh about it...
all of your videos click with the things I've been reading in the book 'Magnetic Aura', warm recommendation to everyone
Thank You
Can’t find the book… Who’s the author? Thank you!
Richard, I grew in as the scapegoat of a unbelievably abusive family
I'm so sorry.i was ALSO 3 years no contact,and I felt the love of our Creator God. He made us all for a purpose.i pray 🙏 ur healed an know ur loved ,ur APPRECIATED, 🙏💪💜
Clear, concise, and straight to the root of the issue!
The hardest part with narcissism is that there really isn't a one-size-fits-all approach. Like if someone is a killer, you can pinpoint it and say 'they kill people' and immediately everyone understands 'ok danger'. When you say someone is a narcissist and you say they lack empathy, a lot of people can't really connect the dots as to what that actually means in action.
I wasn't looking to find out if a friend was NPD, but was looking up what she said and did to me. Wondering if it was that bad, or if I was just overreacting to stuff. Suddenly, YT started to put lots of NPD videos in my suggested feeds. Thanks for just saying that if you don't feel comfortable, it's ok to just leave. I feel less silly now, leaving behind someone who was always bragging, putting everyone else down, and one upping all. And always having Horrible Problems, too. It was all very draining, and I could never get a word in edgewise, when she went on about herself for several hours every week.
The camera production looks super high level! Good job!
I think a person that insists that they need to know if it's NPD really needs external validation. Not in the way a narcissist does, but in the fact that they cannot trust their own experience (probably because they were extremely invalidated in childhood) so they seek validation of their own experiences in objective facts. I still really struggle with this and I know it's childish, but it's highly related to childhood trauma.
I really was clueless and marrying one was the only way I could learn. Narcissism is just a degree of selfishness..inconsiderate. I married a man who wanted someone different from me and I spent 32 years feeling unloved and trying to please this man. I Lost myself. BUT I chose him! Nobody responsible but me. But..I have learned..It is Over 😊❤
Ni kidding!! That's the way I guess
It is your responsibility to fix it. But you were manipulated- because you didn’t know or understand how they were doing it.
@@michaelgarrow3239
God Fixed it. I gave up went into peace mode..he got bored..divorced me..married the woman he wanted..I Was Free!
@kathleenwharton2139 yes we all make choices in life I married one tok but thats because he was selling a product that wasn't real so I've spent 5 years trying to understand that the man I love and miss isn't real.
@@joannamcintyre1492
Yes! I understand. After my husband divorced me..I was with four more narcissists. I still didn’t know! I am 80 and wondering? What the Hell Happened? Just Now..figuring it out. Loved another one for 22 more years. I was a Narcissist magnet 🧲
Thank you Richard. This was so helpful. Now I know I was with the wrong therapist. He discounted me several times. Last time he said, after a hard discard 5 mos ago, "if you were still together it wasn't love bombing!" Wow! Yes it would've been kind Sir! And I do feel that the interjection is playing a hugh part in my recovery. And fixing the parts of me that have been deeply effected. That was never talked about. I can't afford a new therapist..so just trying to glean what I can from you and Ramini. I hope I completely recover. Soon. 😢 I truly dislike that my heart still hurts. Thanks for the trauma bond Vince the narc.
Richard, your explanation of toxic relationships, and NPD was excellent. Thank you, I am certain now that I was married to a highly narcissistic man. Whether he developed this in his childhood or inherited from his mother? Thank you for the clarity, I so appreciate all the wisdom you have offered me. God Bless you in your endeavors to educate the public.
Living Free now! Wellness in body and spirit.❤
Thats crazy.
I was litterally thinking whats is up with that good ol' richie grannon, like "deeply" thought about you yesterday, and trust me i ve not been even remembering you for months.
Here is see you ve uploaded something.
Fun indeed. 😂🙌🙏
Keep it up dude that dont even know who the heck i am 😅
I found this very insightful. I found myself relating to everything Richard said about isolating. And pretty much going through most of what he identified. Which actually is really upsetting because it's been almost 15 years since the divorce!
Time to make that positive change Anita?? Stop isolating friend and get out there! You've done a heroic thing, you got out! Now go live friend. Love and courage from the UK.
As a therapist, the first signs to me that someone is being abused are that they are confused, anxious and full of self doubt. Healthy relationships do not do that.
His behaviour towards me through the divorce was utterly undeserved . I wasn't confused I was shocked ...
A narcs punishment is always greater than the perceived crime. ! This is a standard for them !
I have a good identifier for retro pattern recognition. You will notice a huge spike in odd events. You will notice that you have a large amount of odd anecdotes for this person. This will not apply within normal relationships. Scan back. If you find such a blip, start matching behaviours or incidents from there.
When you feel that you need video/audio recordings for your sanity and safety, it is time to go. This is true for any type of relationship; workplace, home, school, romantic partners, friendships, sports clubs, etc.
@@bewarefalsenonprofits. lol…love the name. Let’s get you a job at the IRS if you will investigate foundations too.
My Nex is a narcissistic psychopath, but as l told her and her therapist, l don't care what you call it, l am focused on the patterns of behavior. The rest is irrelevant.
Richard, you are a prince of a man in my opinion. Your 30 day challenge broke the spell, and greatly reduced the emotional flashbacks.
Much respect! 🙏
When did you do the challenge?
@BlueSky-ff4oy at the beginning of covid lockdowns. 2020 l believe.
I never knew that i had to be a detective as well as a shop assistant!! ...we all have two blxxdy jobs!!! ...
Spot on . The recovery is almost trying to re wire your brain to the old roots but it’s almost impossible. My brain has been re moulded .
The devistation my body has gone through is immeasurable my body was broken my hair is still falling out my body was covered with cortisol hives even months after i escaped.
I’m so happy that I can breathe again but I’m still not able to take a deep breathe anymore my body is so full of anxiety it’s tight but I’m recovering and how lucky that is is all I keep thinking .
To any other person suffering from psychotic narcissism abuse please please reach out to someone, believe and realise you can escape ❤ I send you love and strength ❤
Jasmin, let me tell you that physical exercise: treadmill, weights etc really, really help with reducing the anxiety/stress/adrenaline build up in the body making you feel tight. At the same time physical activity activate those feel-good hormones. Thank you for your kind wishes to all of us. Love and strength back to you.
This journey to recovery is beyond any other difficulty that we can imagine, but.................gradually, with due diligence, study, determination and dedication, we get there. Just one baby step at a time. And remember when we're climbing Mount Everest we don't focus on the peak, we focus only on the step immediately in front of us.
For me, I knew I couldn't let go of the belief that things would get better. I call it "keeping the faith" although I'm not particularly religious, but do believe there's a higher power, possibly the universe (which I think helps).
So folks have faith in yourself, have faith in a better future.
Love n light to all from the UK
I'm a bartender so I get to hear it all. Just gave a lady Richard's info tonight to help her sort things out. Richard helped me more than anyone else in this lifetime so far & he's easy on the eyes❤love you Richard
22 years of abuse and i feel brain damage
Super useful stuff Richard. Keep up the good work.
Just putting this out there. Narcissists exist on a spectrum. There’s no single set of behaviors, emotions, moods, or modes that they display. I have experienced several versions of Narcissism. The only common threads that I see are that they are childish, irritable, manipulative, mentally abusive, and they lack empathy. They’re not all loud, grand, seemingly brilliant, exuberant, etc. My Narc is generally quiet, and sulky, but only rages at certain things. At the same time, us victims aren’t all the same. So, there’s no single solution for therapy or resolution.
The therapy is developing your sense of identity and piecing together the blueprint of what happened so you, the victim, can take accountability and come out the other side a healthier, wiser, stronger version of yourself. (Narc abuse therapist here 😊)
This makes alot of sense❤ Richard I imagine that in its own way you becoming a leader in all of this showing people the way out. Has in turn empowered you
Great video!!!...& gives us some grounding for understanding the reality of a situation (even for those of us who- like me - who have trawled UA-cam on 'what' is wrong with them. Like you said it doesn't matter - it's toxic. Period. 👏👏👏👏
One of the most beautiful things I heard is “Mom, if you’ve gone through this someone in his life has gone through this too and it’s only a matter of time you would rescue each other in God’s time.” ❤There’s hope still after learning this lesson.
6:38 I couldn't quite put it into words, but you just simplified it. Thank you, Richard.
Narcissism to me means a lack of self-respect and a lot of self-doubt. If you know who you are and you've set your boundaries then narcissism won't work because they themselves have broken all of their boundaries and feel disgusted by it and they want to prove that you are just like all of the other males out there, by breaking yours. Often this will be done with things in the bedroom to bring out things within yourself that you never previously thought of doing. You go along with it thinking that is what she wants, it isn't. That is her luring you into destruction because once you've done that thing you've proven to them you are no better than other filthy men.
I asked her and said, you're not really enjoying this are you, so I stopped. Then, when I was on the verge of leaving her she started offering more and more to the point that it felt like she wanted to find reasons to see me like she does all other men but it didn't work and backfired on her because I would literally do anything for her. Yet, I got no appreciation. Everything is transactional. In my eyes she lost a good man for what? Her selfishness, insecurities, and appalling behaviour. Multiple personalities is what we have to deal with.
How did I overcome it? Delete all social media, they use that as a tool for jealousy. They will have a new guy within a week even though you've been together for 5 years. This happened in 2 relationships so I talk from experience. Listen to the audiobook the game of life and how to play it. Write own what applies to you and now you should start seeking your value with the universe.
No matter how much I did for her, nothing was ever good enough and I kept trying and trying to please her. Which was impossible. However, if you have a relationship with the universe and look back at all the good you are doing and have done, and you will feel more satisfied. It works. Then start taking longer to date females. Their aim is 4 months to get you hooked before they start winding down on their affection and turn on you. Look at dating for a year first and make it known, that way they will know they don't have a chance to manipulate you and now you are saying to them you want a whole year to figure things out. They will quickly move on.
Sometimes being rejected by a woman isn't just about them not wanting us because we aren't good enough, some of us you can't easily control and that to them is boring, so they reject you. Don't take it personal. That's my advice anyways. Don't let their bedroom favours get the better of you, they do this so you can't move on because once become used to it you would like to do things with other women that isn't very appealing to most. Anyhow, I'm sure you know exactly what I mean. Take care
Thank you Richard 🙏🏼
So good these videos. You are so gifted. You help so many. Thank you and stay safe and happy, Sir.❤
It's hard to trust your own judgment after an experience with one of these people. I love your message about self-care. It's a matter of life and death
Open with a therapist? Ahahaha. I've tried four therapists and only one was open enough to deal with me being open. Three of them couldn't put their ego aside to listen.
My relationship was like solving a Rubik’s cube, while riding a unicycle, on a high wire, over a minefield. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what is “was”. I kept thinking if I knew 100% for sure he was a narcissist, I could leave and be ok. It wasn’t until I gave up the idea and caring about what his pathology was and just realized our ideas of love were not compatible. Then I was able to leave. It wasn’t easy. He didn’t make it easy. I had a lot of anxiety. And still at times do but now just about a year post relationship, much of the relationship feels almost like a fever dream. I have some shame about the relationship. Things I tolerated and things I did but therapy is helping. I also know in my bones he’s a psychopath. I’m so glad to be out.
Very well explained Richard ! We are no longer the filler /distraction for their own insecurity and demons. Keep well all.
These individuals can be in an empty room by themselves, bare naked and they still find someone or something else to blame. I am fed up with this style and refuse to engage in any form in any contact.
This is freaking brilliant, Richard explains things so well, the mechanics are spot on! Thank-you !!!
Started with red flags, the things I couldn’t put my finger on, the sex was mechanical, he wouldn’t hold my hand, he walked in front of me, found I couldn’t take the bait, so I kept the peace a lot, he would tell jokes I found offensive and then he would double down. He witheld sex even when I was looking my best. He didn’t hug me, caress me, pick me up. He said a lot of misogynistic things. He was neglected by his mother, he had unsuccessful relationships in college. He married the same person twice to a woman he hates. They never had a wedding either time. They had a child whom he says she can’t take care of that’s why they didn’t have a second child or not even a pet because she couldn’t take care of it, he shoved his philosophies down my throat I wasn’t allowed to have my own opinion, he doesn’t like it when I strike up conversations with other people. There were a lot of things that were missing that should’ve been there, and there were a lot of things that were there that should’ve been missing. He was not my safe person, I felt that he was not settled within himself. He is a CEO of a company, but he has no EQ whatsoever, he ghosted me here and there. He had rages that were sort of silent. He tried to send me home on another plane when he wouldn’t back down from something offensive, he said, which made me cry. I think there was a lot of lying by omission. He was always mysterious. He didn’t call me on a regular basis to check in. I think he’s FaceTime me maybe five times in two years. I had some major things happen to me in my life and it seems like he had forgotten those. His mother died a horrible death in which he had to identify her with DNA. He walked away from that by throwing $1000 at a lawyer to not have to take responsibility for any of her estate. And he left her with such detachment. It scared me. One night in a hotel room I saw him acting like a six-year-old and that I couldn’t unsee. Then I knew there was something seriously wrong. So then I took a deep dive into researching. there are many times where I felt my nervous system made me very ill. I was triggered at certain things. There have been days and months of ghosting. And Richard, I remember that in college he wrote me a letter that said, “you’re the type of girl who would speed read Herman Hess by candlelight”. I felt that so bizarre. He also asked me if he could “borrow me” for five days around xmas time, like a rented car! He married the same person twice. He regretted he blames everything on his wife, (separated) they don’t travel together because he says she’s always unorganized and late, etc., etc..
Crazy!!! he has memory problems, and so there’s no way to build a life on that. I was recently in a mall where there was a shooting thank God it wasn’t worse. But I saw a bunch of people running in one direction and I told the manager of the store to lock the front door immediately. And then I hid behind some furniture. The first person I texted was him. I think he’s forgotten this. Thank your RG for helping so many people through the insanity!❤
Mine just sat me down and told me flat out the things he expects me to do to feed his needs. All the stuff that I do is wrong , but he is willing to give me another chance to fix him. And how much he could love me if only I could prove how much I'm willing to care for him. And all this with a straight face , even a sweet angelic smile . Evil , just pure evil. How do I get away?
Run.....👣
most women never do they just dont have the maturity and lack any real identity or intelligence, most just keep thinking emotionally and enabling all kinds of abuse, they will even destroy their own children chasing abuse. Its quite clear now why women were never given the freedoms they have today in the past because as soon as they could make choices they have birthed and raised a plague of narcs. Women never learn
try grey rock method...become so boring/useless to where he leaves you instead, make it think it's their idea
Plan, organise, be very very clever and don't share with anyone, just get yourself out friend, but very, very, very safely. The further away the better with absolutely no contact. I wish you love, light and courage friend, from the UK
If your sense of safety was compromised by a narcissist parent you might be really vulnerable to a narcissistic relationship.
And here we all are telling others how to live what to do because we know better than others,turns out were all narcissistic in some shape or form,peace,love and happiness to everyone,no conditions❤❤
I realize that I will never have a healthy relationship with my family
Sadly, that is true for many of us. Blood is NOT thicker than water. Family life isn't as advertised in films and on TV. Sometimes families are just a pack of abusers. Hard to accept, but true sadly.
if you’re already exhausted, don’t waste any more time just move on
50 Therapy sessions I did. About 90% useless, I regret most of it.
Wow.. I’m starting to understand. I’m currently doing the isolation thing and have been for a while…the shock, the stunning realization that there are people out there that want to harm and destroy you has led me to want only to be left alone, mostly to think and absorb what happened. Also horrified to realize all I allowed, blind, naive, so hopeful- so hopeful that I almost killed myself trying to please what I now see is a demon. Also recognizing these types seem to be all around me and most horrifying- attracted to me. Why? I have no idea, but it has to be something I’m doing. Until I figure that out being left alone is the safest way. I feel very few therapists really understand these types and the destruction they bring to another person. So hard to trust again now that I don’t trust myself. I’ll get there, at this point all I can do safely is go to work, rest my overloaded nervous system that doesn’t seem to know how to sleep properly and take care of myself. Everything else truly feels overwhelming.. also I’m very very angry at this point, anger that almost makes me uncomfortable. That needs to be reconciled.
Thank you for the insight and education. If I hear just “go no contact” and carry on with life I think I’ll scream. I wish it were that easy..🤭
Imagine the worsess
The Dark Triad's Misinterpretation of Enlightenment (A Psychological Definition of A Chosen One in Spiritual terms)
Introduction
This hypothetical exploration delves into the potential consequences of a profound misunderstanding. We examine a scenario where a fully identified individual with Dark Triad personality traits misinterprets the Buddhist concept of enlightenment. The individual's intent is to attain power, which fundamentally clashes with the Buddhist emphasis on humility and selflessness.
The Paradoxical Statement
The catalyst for this misunderstanding is a statement made by an enlightened Buddhist master: "You cannot be yourself to be enlightened, and although you would still try, it is in doubt which you survive." This statement, intended to encourage introspection and detachment from the ego, is instead perceived by the Dark Triad individual as a challenge and a pathway to power.
The Dark Triad Personality
The Dark Triad refers to a cluster of three personality traits: narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy. Individuals with these traits often exhibit manipulative behavior, a lack of empathy, and a grandiose sense of self-importance.
Narcissism: An inflated sense of self-importance and a deep need for admiration.
Machiavellianism: A tendency to manipulate and exploit others for personal gain.
Psychopathy: A lack of empathy and remorse, often accompanied by impulsivity and aggression.
Misinterpretation and the Pursuit of Power
The Dark Triad individual, driven by their inherent desire for power, is likely to misinterpret the Buddhist teachings. The concept of "not being oneself" could be perceived as a strategy for manipulation and control. The individual might see enlightenment as a state of ultimate power, where they can transcend the limitations of their ego to achieve their goals.
The Conundrum of Self-Annihilation
The statement's suggestion of a potential struggle for survival between the ego and the enlightened self could be misinterpreted as a call for self-annihilation. The Dark Triad individual, accustomed to using their ego as a tool for manipulation, might view this as a necessary sacrifice for achieving ultimate power.
Enlightenment as a Notion of Power
The Dark Triad individual's understanding of enlightenment is likely to be distorted. Instead of seeing it as a state of humility and compassion, they might perceive it as a means to achieve dominance and control. This misinterpretation could lead to dangerous consequences, as the individual's actions would be driven by their egoistic desires rather than genuine spiritual growth.
Conclusion
This hypothetical scenario highlights the potential dangers of misinterpreting spiritual teachings. The Dark Triad individual's pursuit of power, fueled by their misinterpretation of enlightenment, could lead to harmful actions. This underscores the importance of proper guidance and understanding in spiritual pursuits. It also serves as a reminder that spiritual teachings can be easily distorted to serve personal agendas, highlighting the need for critical thinking and self-awareness.
This was such a great breakdown. I wanted to do more superego work when I first tackled this years back, so I’m looking forward to doing the course! Maybe I didn’t do the job well enough the first time… And the social anxiety course too lol definitely.
Richard’s courses never disappoint!
✨🕯️.🔨💫✨ reading and listening to your book, thank you. what a wake-up 🤕🫡🏴☠️👴🏻😇🕯️✨
The book is excellent! Great comment
I have dealt with grandiose narcissists, male and female, throughout my professional career; and those are easy to identify and dismantle (i.e. gain more knowledge than them, and destroy their imaginary castle). However, I got romantically involved with a female covert narcissist (or BPD-Petulant, hard to tell), who caused a lot of havoc in my life; and even wrote a novel about the ordeal. Mr. Grannon's videos have helped me quite significantly in understanding what these people are all about, and how to counter them. I am in my road to recovery, thank you!
Best lighting, sound and set so far 🎉
Longing to feel safe.
Thank you Richard, it is so relieving, to listen to, what is the main things in a longterm relationship, whether its a friendship or not. I have been in a real bad time in my life, where I since a long time wondered, whats what. Since a the first time, a question inside of me started to come up (20yrs ago) in a course were I felt some dudes, hitting on me/or other women in it, and I asked the question what is: Attraction. And I saw, some guys wanted a "mother, other ones, the opposite". It got so clear, what we have been indoctrinated into, from so much. Had both good and bad relations. But the toxic, was worst.
Thank you, this is a Clear Wise, and Sound message 5.30 in forward Great healing stuff!
Thats the feelings, were I/We, have to Feel Safe first, and then maybee, we can Open up, not onesided, both.
Never want a fast and furious, manipulative lovebombing friend or partner, ever again. Who get crazy mad, when I do not fit in to their games. Life is better, Love is so much more than the shortlived manipulative kind of flies ;)
One of your best videos, Richard! :-)
Excellent, as always. Thank you.
Thank you for this, Richard.
Richard, what % of your viewers are either;
In a relationship, wondering if they’re with a narcissist?
Or,
In turmoil beyond the relationship & in the midst of utter chaos?
I’d argue the latter to be honest.
Interested to know.
My spouse has criticized me for not being confident enough. And then recently as my confidence has started to grow and I'm able to converse with people better my spouse lost her mind over something seemingly minor. The criticism picked up. I know her fear is that I'll leave. That fear is well warranted. 10 years of double standards, feeling like I'm under constant surveillance, the massive outbursts, coercion, unspoken threats (if that makes sense). I've had enough. I've had many people say I'm lucky to have such a great support system in my wife. It certainly appears that way in public and I don't fault people for thinking that. If they only knew the monster I'm dealing with. Not all of us can get out. But if you're not married and you don't have children seriously consider if you want to spend the next 50 years or so of your life walking on egg shells.
Under those circumstances I'd say get out whether married or not, with kids or not. This type of relationship damages the kids, so far better to get them out of it. Marriage isn't supposed to feel like this, that's not what we sign up for. Love and light to your friend from the UK.
I stood up, for Ourselves ❤
Gosh Richard this was so great. Spot on, of course. He was so jealous that I could easily start converstions with people. He’d give me a sort of “side eye”. Grumpy and cold. I thought it was bizarre. Overtime I have also realized that he never really works as a team player other than as CEO with the people he works with which are few. I would have more respect for him if he was on a bowling team because that would have made him vulnerable if he ever guttered a ball. Haha he would consider that a public humiliation so he’ll never be on a bowling team and I find that sad.
Looking at yourself is key,blaming others learning ways to control,manipulate the narcissist so you achive your desires just makes you the narcissist 😢
Thank you much for your sharing ❤
“Without recrimination and without drama”, Hollow laugh. If only.
Narcissist look at you like they look at a piece of furniture.
That is pretty much where they have put you. You are a
belonging.
My ex was seeing other women behind my back. He manipulated me and gas lit me and lied so much. The red flags were there at the start. Blaming all his exes for failed relationships and very much acted like a victim. He was disconnected from his family and did not attend his mums funeral. The lies were out of this world but I believed him. When I started to challenge him he became very defensive. I was with him 5 years and ended it 3 months ago. He blamed me saying if you had give me more sex it would not of happened. 2 weeks after we split He moved in with another women. He has eroded my trust in any other man. I'm told I'm attractive petite but it was not enough. I'm left with one foot in the past trying to work this out and one foot in the future. I live with a war in my head it's awfull. I think it's fair to say he is a narcasit would you agree Richard?
💔 I really do feel like he wants me to off myself. I feel so used.
Thank you.
I believe in goodness. Happiness comes from goodness. If I allow him to treat me bad in search of happiness, I won't ever get there.
This is my 10th.
The easy way to check before you connect, is to dig into their childhood. Little Princes and Princesses not good and a cold or absent mother - avoid.
some of us have terribly abuse childhoods: hateful parents etc, friend but we don't all become Narcs. Sadly a lot of us become people pleased fawners who attract Narcs.
Richard, Yes!!To All! of Thjs..
Thank you so much!🙏
Good evening 🩵 blessings from Malta 🇲🇹